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nongoxi · 4 years ago

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Hewwo internet I guess first post on this hellsite for the first time in a long time...? Idk what I’m fully expecting here, I think I want this to be a journal? A safe place to say what I feel without being judged for how I feel about it. Obviously I want professional help, but right now I don’t feel that this is possible, and I feel guilty trying to pay for it.

Background on that; I live with a very nice roommate who lets me live with him for nothing. He doesn’t ask anything of me and usually we try to split house duties about 50/50. Anyway, that’s irrelevant and tbh if I could go get a job, I definitely would.

I do feel guilty for not being able to work well, at least not from what I’ve learned about myself. Every time I try, I get so fucked in the head and end up quitting after a few weeks because I can’t handle it...

I’ve been diagnosed with so many things at this point that idk what to believe. CPTSD, regular PTSD, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, probably some other thing that I’m entirely unaware of. Who knows. I’ve been undiagnosed with DPD and BPD so that’s at least good? Idk, BPD was a large stretch by what seemed like a pill pushing asshole. And DPD came after that with a proper evaluation. Its been over 5 years since then though, and recent therapy sessions have said I more than likely don’t fit that diagnostic criteria anymore. So yay for improvement?

Depression and anxiety make sense, but I honestly think they’re symptoms of cPTSD (which was originally thought to be PTSD or PTSD like symptoms depending who you ask). I feel most hopeless when it’s like... in relation to past trauma and I can usually function well until something triggers me. Then it’s just breakdown after breakdown that could possibly last for two or three hours, maybe longer. I’ve only really had a few strong flashbacks... those were scary, being encompassed by an abuser who still follows me some places online. Yet I still question if I’m the true abuser, even though I really have no ill will towards anyone who’s ever harmed me. I just want peace I guess. Idk, it’s hard to know if I’ve ever been super toxic or abusive myself you know? Like, just trying to control my own life and my own will. Trying to gauge what’s good for me or not and make choices that are for myself idk. I’m not making much sense anymore so I’ll move on I think.

I’ve tried multiple different types of medication, mostly SSRIs and benzos and firstly, benzos are trash don’t get me started on the major addiction I was starting to develop or the emotional want of that high in the first place. Second, SSRIs pretty much always just make me wanna like... not exist. Like in the bad way. I’ve been on a few mood stabilisers and I’m allergic to the most common one, so that was fun dealing with whether or not the rash was gonna spread to my mouth. It didn’t, but you know, it was on my chin so let’s just not think about that anymore. I think the sad thing is, I want to be better, I really do. But with having taken probably over 30 medications with no help so far? I just want to get better without medicine. It feels like I’m always forced to take medications that I don’t want to though. You want therapy? Gotta have a psychiatrist too. Why? Idk, money? Maybe? I feel like therapy would be more productive if I could deal without having to have a medication station looking over my shoulder, ready to shove pills between my lips though. I’m tired of medicine.

Even Wellbutrin makes me feel like I want to self harm or not exist. Using it to stop smoking has been painful and honestly I’m still smoking just as much so? Guess it’s not working anyway. I’ll tell my gp about this at any rate, because she seems like she’s the only doctor who actually listens to me when I say something.

Speaking of which, I need to write a list of what things I’m feeling so I can give it to her. I’m scared, but I think it would benefit me in the end. And maybe she’ll listen to me about the “potential” ED I have. Look, I know I have food problems, I exhibit a lot of fucking symptoms of A, B, and BED but haha I’m fat so no one listens. Look, going through a binge phase for like 4 months straight and feeling uncontrollable urges to eat the whole house? Gaining 20 pounds in that time? 5 pounds a month isn’t that bad but bruh I weigh enough that my daily caloric intake is 2900 without exercise for maintain. Like 3500-4000 cals a day isn’t normal can we just discuss that thanks??? Anyway. No doctor wants to hear it and I always get the “write your calories down” stuff which makes me just... want to control it down to 1200 or less a day and. I try so hard not to do that and I’m stuck now. I don’t know what to do anymore and I need help but lmao wow that’s.. Impossible to get when you’re fat I guess. And it’s not just “I’m 180 pounds I’m so fat”, no I’m around the 275-325 mark (no exact details because I really don’t want people to know who I am or how I may look physically, if anyone ever actually finds this).

Idk where to even go from here. I feel better writing this out. I have no clue what to even remotely say. I wanted to vent and I guess I did so, but I didn’t really vent about what I wanted to, so now I’m just confused. Hell, I barely remember what I wanted to vent about so this is probably better. Imma sign off on this though for now, maybe I’ll be back. Who knows.

Btw, call me Nogi if you wanna use a name. I’m agender, but I’m comfortable with any pronouns (they/she/he/it). I’m 25. I’d prefer minors not interact with me, and that’s about the only reason I bring up age. So if you’re a minor, please leave.

I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to speak about how I feel and vent. Maybe reblog cute things? Or vent things? But mostly I’m here for me. Respect that.

#nogi speaks a lot with harsh words

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go-diane-winchester · 6 years ago

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If you don't like Misha, this post might make you smirk.

I did this post yesterday and then deleted it because the OP made me feel sorry for her. Luckily for me, someone reblogged it and my momentary stupidity is now remedied. This whole scenario makes me smirk.

Yesterday's post:

Doll face found @dean-supernatural-akf ranting in the main tags, including the Jensen tag, which is why she forwarded this biased drivel to me. Thanks sweetie. I scrolled though OPs blog, trying to figure this person out, because she ships wincest and destiel, apparently. And she hates the haters. It is convenient and dismissive to label those who don’t agree with you, don’t you think? Label them rather than proving them wrong conclusively, because that would be difficult and you might lose the argument because of a lack of intelligence. So call them names and be done with it. Her rant is in italics, and my rebuttal in bold.

Rude and Missunderstood.

I CAN LIKE MISHA COLLINS AS AN HUMAN AND ACTOR WITHOUT BEING ONE OF HIS MINIONS.

Shocking right?

Here have a seat and lean back.

Very recently i got heavily missunderstood, and i’m making this post so it won’t happen again.

I asked someone if their blog is real . Because it was so full of hate against this actor named Misha Collins.

This guy right here, and I bet when you are one of the anti misha people then you even share the same look on your face right now, congrats.

Listen… I love JENSEN and i love JARED. And yes i love MISHA too.

But i don’t follow him around like a dog, i don’t kiss the ground where hes walking on.

AND i also don’t do this with J2.

Why is it that when there is an entire blog dedicated to hate for Jensen or Jared, there is no bleeding heart rant like this about that blogger? But if you write a blog about all the mean things Misha and his fans do, you are a “horrible human being” with “toxicity and hate in your heart”. No, I would prefer to call it discernment. I wont like someone just because “it SPNFamily darn it, haters don’t belong”. So if Misha gives me consistent reasons to hate him, I am still not allowed to hate him because I will be ejected from SPNFamily? What is this? A communist fanbase? Nobody is allowed to have their own opinions? Everybody must think the same way and feel the same fairytale happy feelings? Which dandelion world did you pop up from?

I fight for all of them, i fight against the hate that all of those three get and Misha gets more hate then J2 and thats a fact.

Misha gets more hate? Really? You mean like death threats? Like people tweeting him directly that they wish he was dead? That kind of hate? Please, show me where the hate is. Bring me your receipts. I want to see all the hate that Misha gets.

And it’s so fucking unfair, i have seen blogs and people that wish that he would die, a man with two children and wife.

This is so sick and it’s so not okay.

Prove it. Screenshot and show me where all these horrible people are. I will put it in a post. I always do. The death threats and death wishes for J2 have been screenshotted and are on my blog. So I have proof for my claims. Bring the proof for your claims. Its called making mature statements. Quantifying your claims. So please, set me straight. Show me all the nastiness poor Misha gets. I would like to see it.

About the Misha minions, MISHA ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH MINIONS.

Shocking again, right ?

From under which rock did you emerge? Misha named his fans minions. Very disrespectful. No other actor has ’‘minions’’. Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t like his fans referring to themselves as Cumberb*tches. I respect him for that. Misha did the opposite. Shocking, right?

The people who only love J2 hate on Misha. And the people who love all of them hate back against the anti Misha people.

That is an incredibly simplistic way of putting it. And it gives me the impression that this rant was written by someone who is young and idealistic in their notion of how the world works. How come you don’t talk about the people who like Jensen and Misha and therefore hate Jared? You cant. You cant because that would be problematic to the narrative you are vomiting right now. Those cockles perverts are the ones that tweet him, telling him that that they cant wait for him to die. Receipts on my blog.

The way you support J2 is the same way that Misha’s people support him.

Actually no, J2 fans don’t get angry when Misha is interviewed for Elle magazine, yelling “where’s J2”. They don’t ask “Whose line is it,anyway?” why they excluded J2. They don’t threaten to burn Misha alive in his house for being anti-destiel and/or making a joke about Jensen. That happened with Jensen. I have the receipts. The same group were discussing kidnapping Jared’s kids. That group was made up of 3500 people. So many haters slipped up your radar? Well, now you know.

Minions and bitchy people are EVERYWHERE.

It is such a useless fight, don’t like someone?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Yeah, take a page out of your own book. If you don’t like the “haters”, as you dismissively call them, then don’t put this incorrect, unsubstantiated, unquantifiable rant in the main tags. In fact, keep your uninformed opinion to yourself.

What you do when you hate someone so badly and make a whole tumblr Blog about it then you are not better as those highschool bullies.

Dealing with the entire subject of hate, in the most abstract manner, without any analysis into your darling actor’s bad behavior and without taking into account the nasty behavior of his fandom, shows that high school is all you know. Hopefully, one day you will grow up and think on broader terms.

Cyberbullying is a serious subject, and thats exactly what you do with Hate Blogs and Hate tweets and Hate comments.

Keep using the word “hate”. It will abrogate all the legitimate anger that the J2 fans have against Misha and his hellerminions. Hellers are the biggest cyberbullies in fandom. They sent hate directly to J2. Some of the things they write will shock a person who has a real disdain to hate, not a daffodil like you who thinks Misha is infallible and doesn’t deserve an anti tag. One said that she couldn’t wait for Jared to die. And she tweeted that directly to Jared, along with a praying emoji. Oh, you don’t know about that? Well, then I guess you are not an authority on who is SPNFamily and who is not, now are you?

You want to be a bully ? You love spreading hate ?

THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME AND DON’T REPLY TO THIS.

Don’t reply to this? Then why put it in the main tags, as well as inappropriate tags, and still hope that nobody disagree with you. Aren’t we childish?

What happened after the post was put up:

She DM's me and says that she has since changed her mind because she did another post about the hate that J2 get, and if I could please remove my post, because she was suffering panic attacks over it. I said I would, but she is going to remove the above misleading post and provide me with proof that Misha gets death threats. Caught between a rock and a hard place, she said that she came across the death threats on two blogs, that had blocked her for some mysterious reason, which is why she couldn't screenshot the evidence. I found what those reasons were, when I went to those blogs:

@castiel-needs-2-go

@destiew-must-go

I searched through their blogs, and found nothing. No death threats. They just point out the truth about Misha. That is it. She accused them for nothing. Of course, that didn't occur to me until today, because I still felt concerned for her because the poor kid was suffering panic attacks. So I deleted the post. Today I find this message from her:

''So i asked like 10 different people Misha stans and Misha haters about those things you said he did. Nobody has ever heard of it, no one. You are telling your lies man, i aint stopping ya. But you are a horrible person if you need to attack a 19 year old on the Internet and 'Call me out' just because it gives you a kick. And just because you disagreed. My post will stay deleted because it wasnt up to Date anymore, but it wont be my last one. People like you need to be stopped, people like you are the reason why this fandom sucks so hard. Bye Bye. You are the sick one here .''

The weird thing is she attached this gif:

I don't know whether she thought it was going to hurt my feelings or something but, it actually helps to show her true identity. She is not a wincest fan. She is a Sam-hating heller in disguise. Who would have thunk it?

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skivvysupreme · 7 years ago

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Skivvysupreme’s Fic Masterpost

hello, lovely readers! here’s the rebloggable version of my fic masterpost! full list is below the read-more (so try clicking the above link if it disappears on the mobile app in reblogs :D). as always, AO3 links are included if you prefer to browse there.

happy reading! xo

Skivvysupreme on AO3

*****

One-Word Prompt Ficlets [read on AO3]

*****

The Wax ‘Verse [read on AO3] - Kurt Hummel is a vampire. Blaine Anderson is a werewolf. This is how they help each other deal with it. The out-of-chronological-order verse thus far: —“Wax/Wane” (3200 words) —“Show Me Your Teeth” (2700 words) —“Blood Drive” (4200 words) —“Share, Part 1” (5500 words), “Share, Part 2” (4300 words), and “Share, Part 3” (4500 words) —“Thriller” (2700 words) and “Heads Will Roll” (4900 words) —“Monster Mash(up)” (2000 words) —“Feast” (2500 words) —“300 Joules” (4400 words) —“Under the Tide” (3000 words) —“Howl” (6200 words) —“Home” (2400 words) —“The Boy Who Cried Wolf” (4300 words) —“Yours and Mine” (3800 words) —“The Kissing Disease” (3800 words) —“Neck” (drabble, 680 words)

All Things Wax Verse!

*****

The Cuffed ‘Verse [read on AO3] - In which Kurt is a Skank, Blaine is a Cheerio, and Puck is a very proactive Klaine shipper. The verse thus far: —“Throw Away The Key” (1800 words) —“Cuffed” (1750 words) —“Chainmail” (1900 words) —“Heavy Metal Lover, Part 1” (2800 words) —“Heavy Metal Lover, Part 2” (2400 words) —“Cage Match” (2200 words) —“Lockdown, Part 1” (1800 words) —“Lockdown, Part 2” (2200 words) —“Crime and Punishment” (1700 words) —“Knockout” (3500 words) —“Divide and Conquer” (4500 words) —“Permanent Record, Part 1” (3800 words) —“Permanent Record, Part 2” (4900 words) —“Wild” (drabble, 600 words)

All Things Cuffed Verse!

*****

"I Saw the Signs" It’s so much scarier than the first (and last) time they discussed this, knowing Kurt has now gone and done it; this is the real test of whether or not Burt’s getting through to him. “You kids -- I mean. You, uh. You and Blaine. You’re being safe?” Features: early!Klaine via post-"The First Time" Hudmel family shenanigans 1400 words | read on AO3

“Heroes Never Die” The New Directions play Overwatch, and Kurt makes a new friend. Features: video game shenanigans 2000 words | read on AO3

“Fly” Blaine, Quinn, Kurt, and the other fairies of Pixie Hollow have a very serious problem on their hands. Features: Disney Fairies AU 1890 words | read on AO3

“That Can Only Mean One Thing” “Have I ever made a move on him? Blaine? As in, Blaine Anderson? My boss? Have I ever made a move on my boss? Is that the question you just asked?” Features: twentysomethings Kurt and Blaine (difference in work positions but not age), Rachel Berry, Adam Crawford, social media mishaps 4300 words | read on AO3

“Shiver” In which Blaine wants to play, Kurt wants to stay in bed, and everyone manages to get what they want. Features: silly/smutty/sappy winter fluff 1770 words | read on AO3

“Halftime” Blaine loves football, Kurt loves scarves. Somewhere in the middle of those interests lies Lady Gaga’s halftime show at Superbowl LI. Features: Hudmel-Anderson family shenanigans, married!Klaine 1500 words | read on AO3

“Show and Tell” It’s Valentine’s Day, and Kurt is so in love with his husband that he can’t even deal with it. Being drunk ought to help, right? Features: drunk!Kurt and lots of fluff 1500 words | read on AO3

“Renovations” Blaine has a very big surprise for his hybrid boyfriend on his birthday. Features: kitty!Kurt and absurd levels of fluff 1300 words | read on AO3

“Morning People” and “Night Owls” Every so often, Kurt wakes up first. Features: (Morning People) snuggles. lots and lots of snuggles, and (Night Owls) sleepy sex 850 words | read on AO3 940 words | read on AO3

“Unzipped” You know that incredible sweater of Kurt’s, the super comfy-looking, charcoal gray one with the wide neckline and zippers that run down the sleeves? Yeah, THAT ONE. Blaine’s a fan of it, too. Features: domestic fluff sex 1400 words | read on AO3

“Public Relations” Everyone has their favorite Warbler. Kurt won’t say which one is his. Features: famous!Blaine, shipping shenanigans, alternate meeting 8000 words | read on AO3

“Jack in the Box” Blaine watches Karofsky’s every move, down to the millimeter, his heart racing. He feels as though his muscles are actually ticking with the anticipation, because he doesn’t know which way this will go but can see that it won’t be good. Features: season 2 Klaine, Karofsky 1500 words | read on AO3

“Half & Half” Puppy!Blaine loves his barista job, and his coworkers and customers love him. He likes to be liked, and he loves feeling appreciated. It’s just… well, there’s only one coworker, in particular, who Blaine wants to notice him… Features: hybrids, coffee shop AU 1700 words | read on AO3

“Rubbing In, Rubbing Out” Kurt determinedly ignores the way his phone keeps vibrating in his pajama shirt’s breast pocket, because he’s about two sexts away from becoming indecent in the front of his loose silk pants. Features: phone sex, and a sleepover with the girls (Mercedes, Unique, and Tina) 1400 words | read on AO3

“Peach” Blaine looks really, really good in his sweatpants. Kurt’s really, really into it. Features: early Klaine, Booty Camp 800 words | read on AO3

“The Big Spoon” Height difference. That’s it, that’s the ficlet. Features: early Klaine 680 words | read on AO3

“Black and Blue” and “Pink and Purple” Nightbird is the hero of New York City, but, more importantly, he is late for dinner. Two days late. (Now followed by a prequel exploring Blaine and Kurt’s discovery of Blaine’s superpowers!) Features: (Black and Blue) superhero!Blaine, angst, anxiety, and (Pink and Purple) roughness of both the accidental and the purposeful sexy kind 2900 words | read on AO3 6000 words | read on AO3

“The Beyonce Suite” A snapshot exploration of the first few years of married life with Kurt and Blaine, inspired by Queen Bey’s self-titled opus Features: future!fic, lots of fluff and angst, self-esteem and body image issues, blowjobs, rimming, orgasm denial, discussion of anxiety and depression, grief, babies 10,000 words | read on AO3

“Catch, Part 1" and Part 2 “You’re staying, too? You’ll be here for the holiday?” “Yeah. I’ll be here.” “This might be a Merry Christmas after all, then.” Features: Harry Potter AU, Christmas, magical fluff 4600 words | read on AO3 3400 words | read on AO3

“Hold On, We’re Going Home” It’s been a few weeks since kitty!Kurt’s last visit, and Kurt is finally starting to think that he won’t be going home with anyone. But it’s fine. Whatever. He doesn’t need anyone, anyway. Features: kitty!Kurt, Samcedes, alternate meeting, and fluffffff 2800 words | read on AO3

“Home Remedies” Kurt was going to deal with his flu quietly and without fuss, but his and Blaine’s four-year-old daughter has other ideas. Features: the littlest Hummel-Anderson and a whole lot of fluff 1800 words | read on AO3

“Return to Sender” Kurt’s shifts at the Spotlight Diner keep turning into complete trainwrecks, and it’s all the hot UPS guy’s fault. Sort of. (Though, in all fairness, Kurt has always had certain weakness for men in uniforms.) Features: alternate meeting, Rachel and Santana being Rachel and Santana, shenanigans 3300 words | Read on AO3

“Drunk History, vol. 206” Kurt gets drunk AF and tells the story of how he and Blaine got together. Features: Elliott and way too much tequila 1800 words | read on AO3

“First Name Basis” “I just oh god I just stepped on your dog’s tail I’m so sorry pls I’m so sORRY“ Features: alternate meeting, rampant fluff, DOGS 1700 words | read on AO3

“Screwed” Blaine and Kurt play a game of “7 Minutes in Heaven” at an illegal-for-like-ten-different-reasons party with the Warblers, because there’s no way that could go wrong. Features: season 2 Klaine and a bit of claustrophobia 2900 words | read on AO3

“Boystown” Kurt and Blaine spend a night out in one of Chicago’s most famous neighborhoods. (Written for the Klaine Road Trip 2015) Features: a little bit of public frottage 3100 words | read on AO3

“Camera Obscura” Inspired by Darren Criss’ photoshoot for Broadway Style Guide Features: famous!Blaine, photographer!Kurt 2700 words | read on AO3

“Kiss You There” Wildling!Kurt knows a thing or two about keeping warm. Blaine Snow knows nothing. Features: oral, Game of Thrones AU, still enjoyable if you don’t watch the show! 2000 words | read on AO3

“The More You Know” Kurt’s got a routine doctor’s appointment and a not-so-routine fear of needles. Luckily, Blaine’s on hand to help distract him in any way he can. Features: fun facts about blood, mention of needles, but nothing too graphic if you have needle issues 1400 words | read on AO3

“Cosplay is for Lovers” Kurt and Blaine are getting ready for Ohio’s Comic-Con, but one of them isn’t so enthused about it. Features: Lord of the Rings!Klaine, sort of 730 words | read on AO3

fluffyfluffyfluffy untitled first time ficlet A short bit of fluff in the afterglow of Kurt and Blaine’s first time. Features: total fluff 520 words | read on AO3

“Fishbowl” Kurt’s a cat. Blaine’s a goldfish. Shhh trust me, just read it Features: alternate meeting, kitty!Kurt (actual cat, not hybrid), goldfish!Blaine, fluffy crack, Samcedes 1700 words | read on AO3

“What Has Been Seen” Sam walks in on Blaine’s date night with Kurt. Mercedes is not here for these shenanigans. Features: light D/s, Samcedes 2100 words | read on AO3

“The Romantics” Civil War AU: Kurt gets to know Blaine when he finds him lying unconscious in front of his house. Features: alternate meeting, angst (happy-ish ending though!), discussion of grief, discussion of character death (both canon and not-canon), PTSD 3700 words | read on AO3

“Compromise” Newlywed Blaine has a thing for “married sex.” Features: shower sex, barebacking 2300 words | read on AO3

“Beeline” Summer pool party shenanigans don’t go quite as expected. Features: early!Klaine, fluff, Blaine’s butt 1400 words | read on AO3

“To The Left” Kurt meets his new neighbor via noise complaint. Features: alternate meeting, h/c 1500 words | read on AO3

“Constantine” Kurt and Blaine meet an owl at the zoo. Features: fun facts about the Eurasian eagle owl because reading is fun-damental 1200 words | read on AO3

“Whoever Wins, Loses” Blaine wakes up in the middle of the night to find Kurt having a nightmare. Features: h/c, panic/anxiety issues, angst, discussion of canon character death 1400 words | read on AO3

“You Can Call Me King B” It’s time for Kurt Hummel, the court painter, to create Prince Blaine’s portrait. Features: royal!Blaine, artist!Kurt, handjobs, ye olde marriage equality problems 2200 words | read on AO3

“Suit and Tie” Blaine really loves listening to Kurt talk about his day. Features: light D/s undertones, oral sex, and a lil’ frottage 1900 words | read on AO3

“Stranded” and “Recovered” College AU: sexiled Blaine meets drunk!Kurt. The next morning, hungover!Kurt meets Blaine. Features: Samtina shenanigans, fluff, h/c, alternate meeting 1300 words | read on AO3 1200 words | read on AO3

“Pins + Needles” and “Levers & Pulleys” pocket!Blaine AU: In “Pins + Needles,” Blaine goes to work with Kurt. In a same-verse follow-up, Blaine and Kurt work on the issue of Blaine’s dependency Features: Klaine being married af, designer!Kurt, Sam 1200 words | read on AO3 3300 words | read on AO3

“It’s Still Happening" With his father in the hospital, Kurt returns to their empty house. Features: “Grilled Cheesus” reaction fic / episode-filler, angst angst angst 2000 words | read on AO3

silly untitled Nightbird ficlet Short, ridiculous fluff about Blaine’s relationship with superheroes and taurine Features: energy drink shenanigans, season 5 NYC!Klaine 800 words | read on AO3

“Friends, Buddies, Pals” “I mean, you’d do that with Rachel and Mercedes, right? Because that’s something you do when you’re just friends?” Features: “I Do” reaction fic / episode-filler, marking/possessive sex, riding, phone sex, Klaine not understanding what the word “platonic” means 3900 words | read on AO3

“Moonlight Becomes You” 1950s AU: It’s 1957 and the New Directions, a struggling young band, can’t catch a break. Enter Scandals, its rich young proprietor, and its star performer. Features: midgame Kurtbastian (but don’t let that put you off if that’s an issue for you, it’s endgame Klaine!), assorted members of the canon New Directions, Elliot, Trent Warbler 2300 words / ?

#let me know if any links don't work #glee fic #klaine fic #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #klaine #skivvysupreme #skivvy writes fic

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squirenonny · 8 years ago

Note

yes hello, I saw in your tags on a piece of Voltron fanart you reblogged it made you imagine a twewy AU for it, and consider this an ask to enable you to talk about it to your heart's content!

Ahhhhh! Thank you! Honestly, TWEWY crossovers are my favorite thing and I’d have written SO MANY TWEWY AUs over the years if (a) I knew more people who’d played TWEWY and (b) I didn’t already have a million fics on my plate. lol

Quick background on The World Ends with You for those who haven’t played it: (I mean, you should play it, but..) TWEWY focuses on the Reapers’ Game, which is more or less a competition for dead people to get a second chance at life. In order to play, you have to give up whatever’s most important to you as an entry fee, and you fight monsters called Noise using psychs (usually activated by pins; not everyone can use every pin). You compete in pairs, completing daily missions issued by the Game Master. A timer on your arm shows the time limit for the mission. If it hits zero before the mission is complete, everyone dies. (Only one team needs to complete the mission each day. Anyone still alive at that point advances to the next day.) If your partner is erased (dies), you have seven minutes to form a new pact, or you get erased, too. Survive seven days and you get to come back to life.

The Game takes place in the Underground (UG), which occupies the same space as the world of the living, the Realground (RG). Players in the UG can see the RG, but the UG is invisible to those in the RG. The Game is run by Reapers (who can freely cross between the UG and RG) and is created and defined by the Composer. It’s watched over by beings from the Higher Plane, called Angels.

[For anyone wondering, this was the fanart that inspired this whole thing.]

Also omg I’m so sorry this is 3500 words of crossover, I have no self control.

The AU:

The ranks of the Reapers and Angels are made up of Alteans and Galra (not strictly divided along species lines.) Alfor is the Composer in this specific game, Zarkon is the Conductor (second ranking Reaper, directly under the Composer, and a kind of liaison between the Composer and the rest of the Reapers. Runs the day-to-day business of the Game, while the Composer only intervenes in emergencies.) Sendak and Haggar are Game Masters. Coran fills the same role as Hanekoma (someone who helps the Players, but only indirectly. If you’ve played TWEWY, you’ll know what I’m getting at.)

Allura and the paladins are Players. [More below the cut]

Entry Fees (Have I mentioned that I love entry fees??)

Pidge’s entry fee is Matt. They died together, in a car crash, but Pidge is playing for both of them.

Shiro thinkshis entry fee is his memories, but that’s actually Keith’s fee; Shiro’s is his autonomy (Reapers can’t directly take control, but certain Noise can, the Composer (Alfor) and Conductor (Zarkon) can, and sometimes his partner has to)

Keith’sentry fee is Shiro’s memories of him.

Lance’s entry fee is his home – even though they’re playing the Game in his neighborhood, he’s barred from going to his house/street and can’t see/hear his family

Hunk’s entry fee is his safety – normally Noise will only attack Players without a partner (or if they’re directed to attack by a Reaper), but all Noise around Hung are aggro

Allura used to be a a Reaper, but she died in the RG and got stuck in the game. Her entry fee is her father. He doesn’t remember her and so can’t help her, and Zarkon even persuades him to turn against her

Psychs

Pidge initially uses a small subset of pins to turn tech into weapons (e.g. self-driving cars, vending machines that launch soda cans at the Noise, power cords strangling and electrocuting Noise). Eventually gets a hold of Noise pins (the kind Reapers use to summon Noise). Pidge can’t summon Noise, but can take control of Noise that already exist.

Shiro had a regular, unremarkable prosthetic arm when he was alive. His psych turns that prosthetic into a weapon (works basically like it does in the show)

Keith is a pin prodigy, like Neku in TWEWY, and can use basically any pin. Especially likes melee pins and fire pins, but rotates as the situation demands.

Lance can only use a few ranged pins and ice pins, but views Keith as his rival and wants to master all pins. Not exactly a pin prodigy, but more skilled than most Players.

Hunk specializes in Velocity Attack/Velocity Crash pins (pins activated by dashing into enemies to knock them down or to toss them in the air. Basically a body slam) [Side note: Hunk is really good at modifying food to give more bonuses]

Allura doesn’t actually use regular pins, though she pretends to. Because she used to be a Reaper, she can summon and control Noise with Noise pins

Partnerships

Pidge and Shiro (Pidge finds Shiro, recognizes him as one of Matt’s friends, figures he’ll help get Matt back, they form a pact, then Pidge realizes Shiro doesn’t remember anything from the last couple years)

Hunk and Lance (they knew each other before the Game, maybe even died together, so they latch onto each other as partners)

Keith and Allura (Allura chooses Keith more or less at random, because he’s the first Player she finds, and Keith reluctantly accepts. Both of them are keeping secrets–Allura that she was a Reaper, Keith that he’s always been able to see the UG (Keith doesn’t know this, but one of his parents was a Player when Keith was a baby, and Keith was their entry fee–which did weird things to baby Keith, like change his perception of the world.) Keith has actually seen Allura in action as a Reaper, so he doesn’t trust her at first, but eventually they come to rely on each other and metagame the shit out of everything.)

The Game (kind of spoilers for TWEWY? Not plot spoilers, exactly, but mechanics of the Reapers’ Game that the characters don’t know from the start)

((Okay, there’s one or two plot-related spoilers, but if you can pick them out of all the rest, then you’d probably have figured them out before the game told you, anyway.))

Week 1

Sendak is GM. Our six heroes are the only Players who survive to Day 7. (Which is,,, SUPER impressive for Lance and Hunk?? Given that they’re being constantly attacked at all times. It actually makes them some of the best fighters in the Game by the end of the week, not that anyone realizes that. It’s not like anyone’s going head to head.)

They’ve all run into each other a couple times (enough that Lance and Keith have struck up a rivalry) but no one trusts the others enough to actively work together. (Especially Keith and Allura, who know that there’s a limited number of people who can actually *win* the Game, even if multiple pairs survive.)

On Day 7, Hunk and Lance are the first pair to figure out the clue to Sendak’s whereabouts, but when they get there it’s a trap.

Lance is erased.

The others arrive right about then, and Allura tells Hunk he has seven minutes to live. Tells him to get to Coran, promising that he can help.

Hunk goes, and Coran introduces him to Shay.

Fun story: Shay and Rax were Players in a previous session. They won, but were denied the right to come back to life. Welllllll okay. The two of them beat the GM of their week and are the only Players to survive. Zarkon comes to them and says, oh, btw, no more than one Player per Game actually gets that second chance, sorry did he forget to mention that? Shay scored higher than Rax.

Rax is presented with three options: die, re-enter the game, or become a Reaper. Rax, angry, convinced Zarkon will just cheat him again, elects to become a Reaper. (At least that way he can still visit Shay in the RG.) He’s immediately promoted to Harrier Reper because Zarkon is a dick.

But, heh. Zarkon never *technically* said Shay won, just that she had the higher score. So she gets the same choice as Rax–except it’s not really a choice at all, is it? She wants to play again, but if she does, Rax will be required to try to erase her.

Shay becomes a Reaper, too (but Support, not Harrier). She regrets it almost immediately.

So when Lance dies and Hunk goes to Coran, and Coran takes Hunk to Shay, Shay agrees to re-enter the Game almost immediately, knowing there’s no way either of them will come out on top. They agree to choose to become Players again next week, and to go from there.

Meanwhile the others have defeated Sendak, and the Game ends. Zarkon comes to them to congratulate them and discuss the matter of rewards.

Keith is declared the winner for killing Sendak (he knows as well as anyone that’s a BS reason, but he doesn’t complain. He and Allura have a Plan.)

Allura is utterly unsurprised when Zarkon calls her an illegal entrant (Reapers don’t really die, so she should have simply ceased to exist, not been entered in the Game. Clearly Alfor was playing favorites, but when Zarkon gives Alfor the chance to intervene, he doesn’t, surprise surprise.) Zarkon, in his great mercy, proposes a compromise: Allura may rejoin the ranks of the Reapers, but she must forfeit her entry fee because she broke the rules.

Allura had always planned to rejoin the Reapers. It’s where she can do the most good. But this was a higher cost than she expected.

She agrees anyway, knowing it means she’s just lost her father in every way that matters. Forever.

Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, and Shay reenter the Game as Players for a second round. Their entry fees are returned, then the entry fees for week 2 are collected:

Pidge once again loses Matt. They had approximately thirty seconds of reunion before he disappeared again. Shiro’s fee (autonomy) also stays the same.

Hunk’s new fee is Lance. This surprises him–isn’t Lance dead? Zarkon just smiles. (It’s not comforting.)

Shay, who never gave up an entry fee for this week, is penalized: she doesn’t get to know what her entry fee for week 2 is.

Week 2

Haggar is GM.

Hunk partners with Shay, Pidge with Shiro. Since Keith won the last Game, Shiro has his memories back.

On Day 2, Haggar pretty much just throws the rules out the window. She takes control of Shiro and tries to make him kill Pidge. Pidge only survives because Hunk and Shay show up.

Shiro is completely MIA for the rest of the week, which means Pidge can’t fight Noise, which is… kind of a problem, considering Haggar is having the Reapers sic Noise on the Players at every turn. Pidge pretty much becomes the third Player on Hunk and Shay’s team. This is when Pidge figures out how to use Reaper pins (courtesy of Allura) to hack Noise, pretty much circumventing half the battles the three of them otherwise would have had to fight.

By Day 3, the Noise are attacking without provocation. Shay had thought her entry fee was Rax, but she saw him among the Reapers on Day 2, and he apologized, which means he still remembers her. Wonders now if her fee is safety, as Hunk’s was last week.

(Meanwhile in the background this whole week, Allura and Keith are devoting every moment of every day to searching for Alfor. As the Composer, he’s the only one who can overrule Zarkon’s decisions.)

Hunk, Shay, and Pidge make it to Day 7, and get their mission: Erase the Game Master. An address is given, which is weird, because usually it’s harder than that.

They find Haggar there with Shiro. Pidge hacks Noise to keep Shiro busy while they fight Haggar. She has a lot of fun with the fight, expecting to beat them easily. She’s surprised when they win, but dies laughing.

Their timers don’t disappear.

That means they haven’t completed the mission.

(Keith and Allura finally manage to break their way into the Composer’s hideout on Day 7, only to find Alfor missing. Coran has only just learned of this, and fills them in on what he knows–which is not nearly enough as far as Alfor is concerned, but points to a very big problem for the Players in this Game. Allura stays to look for clues to her father’s whereabouts with Coran, while Keith goes to the others. Before he goes, Coran gives him two special pins–pins that can be used by anyone, even the living. Keith asks where he got them, but Coran says there’s no time to explain.)

Keith arrives just after the Players defeat Haggar and tells them what Coran just told him:

Haggar abdicated her role as GM for the week.

Shiro is the Game Master now. His run at the Game was ruled a loss, so he forfeited his autonomy, and Zarkon took control. The reason the Noise kept attacking is because Pidge doesn’t have a partner. Hasn’t had a partner since Day 2.

The mission is to erase Shiro. To kill Shiro. If they don’t, Pidge, Hunk, and Shay lose. They die, which means Lance’s and Matt’s lives are forfeit, too, along with whatever Shay sacrificed.

No one moves.

Shiro is a friend. They can’t kill him.

Keith tells them it’s just numbers. One life against five. (No one’s fooled. They know Shiro was Keith’s original entry fee.)

Keith tells them Shiro wouldn’t want them to die for him.

They still can’t kill him.

Pidge says if Keith’s so damn sure of himself, why doesn’t he kill Shiro? Furious, Keith reminds Pidge that this is a mission. It only counts if one of the Players completes it.

So Keith uses the pins Coran gave him. With one, he takes control of Hunk and Shay and uses them to erase Shiro, which (understandably) makes everyone hate Keith.

Before they can do anything about it, though, the Game ends and Zarkon summons the three surviving Players for the final tally.

This time it’s Hunk who wins–but he doesn’t get to return to life. Turns out that was Shay’s entry fee–the possibility of a second shot at life. This week was essentially pointless, except to entertain Zarkon.

Rax was right, Shay says. The Game is rigged. There’s no way to win, not really.

Zarkon just shrugs and returns their entry fees. Matt reappears, and Pidge stands between him and Zarkon, as if that will stop Matt from being taken as Pidge’s entry fee for a third time. Hunk gets… a pin. A Noise pin, but not one any of them recognize.

“You said my entry fee was Lance!”

Zarkon smiles. “That is Lance.”

Before they can demand more of an explanation, before they can demand a third shot at the Game (because at this point it’s a matter of principle), before Zarkon can claim their new entry fees

the world goes dark.

They all wake up, alone, in the middle of a sea of Noise.

Week 3 (The Final Week)

At this point, all semblance of order is thrown completely by the wayside. There is no Game Master. There are no missions. If there were entry fees, no one can figure out what they were.

Hunk forms a pact with Shay.

Pidge forms a pact with Matt.

They’re not even playing to win at this point, they just want to destroy the whole freaking Game.

They run into Allura, Coran, and Keith on Day 2. Pidge has explained to Matt what happened–how Keith used Hunk and Shay to kill Shiro. So all four of them immediately attack Keith.

They’re stopped by a Noise unlike any they’ve seen before: a lion all in black except for the brilliant purple of its right foreleg. It doesn’t hurt any of them, but it refuses to let them get close to Keith.

It’s Matt, ironically, who figures it out first.

“Shiro?”

The Noise stares him straight in the eye and nods.

There’s a lot of confusion at that, but eventually Coran explains. The seven minute period after one partner is erased is as much a time limit for the victim as for their partner. For seven minutes after erasure, the soul is still near enough to the UG that it can be bound to a Noise pin, which is what Keith did after making Hunk and Shay erase Shiro. It fulfilled the terms of the mission without actually permanently killing Shiro.

It’s also what happened to Lance–though it would seem Zarkon is the one who bound Lance’s soul, probably because he knows Coran well enough to have expected some kind of trick that would let Hunk survive the week. Zarkon figured it would be good to have leverage.

Allura asks to see the Lance pin and summons his Noise. It’s a blue lion cub, half the size of Shiro’s Noise, and immediately jumps into Hunk’s arms to nuzzle his face.

Now that no one is trying to kill anyone else, and everyone knows that no one is 100% dead just yet, they get down to business:

How to fix everything Zarkon’s screwed up about the Game. Allura assures them all that this isn’t how her father intended the Game to go, but Zarkon has manipulated him to the point that Zarkon basically has free reign.

The only answer is to find Alfor and convince him that he needs to step in. If they can do that, he can basically snap his fingers and fix everything, up to and including bringing everyone back to life–Lance and Shiro included.

But Zarkon, it turns out, is also searching for Alfor, fully intent on killing him to take his place as Composer. Then he really would be in control of everything, and. Well, suffice it to say the last two weeks will look like a nice tropical vacation compared to what comes after.

The final week only actually lasts about three days before the Players (and their allies) find Alfor.

Zarkon has been watching them, and shows up about five seconds after they do, a literal army of Reapers behind him.

There’s a big melee, everyone fighting. Zarkon disappears into the chaos, but so do Allura and Coran.

Coran isn’t technically supposed to interfere in the Game directly. (But then, he’s not even sure this counts as a Game anymore, and Zarkon is so grossly out of line that Coran doesn’t care either way.) He distracts Zarkon long enough for Allura to go to her father.

But of course Alfor doesn’t know Allura, and Zarkon is, as far as Alfor knows, his only friend and ally. Alfor won’t listen to Allura, and Coran can’t hold Zarkon off forever.

Allura knows there’s only one option.

She kills her father, and so takes his place as Composer.

One week later, she comes to see her friends in the RG. She set everything right, of course. Shiro and Lance regained their human forms. All the Players returned to their ordinary lives in the RG, all entry fees returned to them. The Reapers who had been Players themselves were given the same option, though many of them declined. Too much time had passed, and they’d built a life for themselves as Reapers, coexisting in both realms at once. Rax takes Allura up on her offer, though, and Shay introduces him to her new friends.

Coran later asks Allura whether she regrets what she did.

“It had to be done,” she says.

“That wasn’t my question.”

Allura laughs. “The Reapers’ Game is all about sacrifice. Every Player must give up that which they hold most dear, and they forfeit it if they lose. In a way, I suppose, my father is still my entry fee. Maybe when someone else takes my place as Composer, if I have played well enough, I will see him again.”

#kadethedoublefacedmuse #voltron #twewy #twewy au #vld #crossover #seriously i love twewy so much twewy aus are so great for character development and also it's just a really good world???#with a really good story and characters???????#*screaming*#thank you for giving me a chance to spill my guts i am content

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