#it's become part of my daily routine‚ queueing these posts up every morning

[front-facing-pokemon]

[reeesea]

Something Sweet: Part Four

~sweeter smiles~

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

pairing: minsung, jisung/minho

warning: mild language

words: 3.8k ish

summary: another week passes, and our boys still whipped? yeah. The boys get kicked out their apartment and go check out some busking, meeting up with some familiar faces.

a/n: Oof school kicked my ass and made it hard to post, anyway... here’s chapter 4 

Text: Minho/Jisung

ao3 link

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After spending the majority of the last week curtains drawn, and grinding away on music in their apartment, it seemed that their manager had had enough of their vampiric like tendencies. She had effectively locked them  out of their apartment until they promised to spend the day away from their respective producing/writing stations. Although Sana was a new addition to the trio's life, she had already solidified herself as not just a capable manager but a generally sweet and caring soul.

She made fast friends with Chan, bonding over their similar experiences coming to Korea as foreigners. Changbin had met her when he started at JJP and was glad that she was chosen to manage their group. And so Sana, after maybe too many incidents in the dark tripping over a blanket-wrapped Jisung, would regularly end up checking on more than just how they were doing musically with her visits. Her concern and worry for them as her new friends bleed into their everyday interactions. Whether it was bringing them take out after they had forgotten to eat, waking up Jisung from the floor to go to bed, or just asking how their days were, she always made the boys feel cared for. After years of only relying on each other, they all found it surprising but comforting to have her around.

So as the boys had been lovingly forbidden from working by their manager, they found themselves walking down the popular music-filled streets for busking and tourists.

“Wait what time did you say he was performing?”

“Innie said after one so we should still make it before he starts his set.” Changbin was leading them through the crowds, which was probably not ideal as the inches Bin lacked he made up in speed. Making 2racha’s life slightly harder as they attempted to not lose the shorter boy in the more crowded areas of the walkway. Passing countless acts and performers displaying their talents, reminiscent of how the rap trio had started out when they were still just high school students.

“I didn't think your brother would still be busking after highschool.” Chan mused from the back of the pack.

“I mean he got scouted from busking, so I guess it all paid off in the end.” Changbin mentioned the fact casually, but the proud ‘older brother’ smile on his face revealed his actual excitement. The three were poorly navigating the busy streets to support Changbin’s younger brother who had just been signed with an entertainment company and was on his way to enter their trainee program.

“Nah I get it, there's a different kind of energy performing in this setting. Sometimes I really do be missing busking every weekend.” Jisung had always been the one to only do what made him feel alive, and his first time busking in front of a crowd had him addicted to the feeling. It had given him something to look forward to in high school. And even now, years later he still anticipated the high that the applause from a crowd gives him.

“Oh, we should buy Jeongin a meal to congratulate him. I imagine he'll be training day and night soon.”

By the time they had made it to the area where Jeongin was set up he was already performing a popular ballad for a small crowd. Emotion flowing through the youngest’s voice as it surrounded all that listened. It wasn't a surprise that his passionate voice had been sought after by companies. The boy’s voice, light and dynamic, pulling the attention of all that were within earshot. And by the time the last note was released the three boys clapped and cheered as much as they could without completely making a fool of themselves.

Although 3RACHA weren’t exactly well known personalities to most of the public, the boys had found themselves getting recognized more and more, especially after their last concert. Their following had definitely expanded and those in the area had begun recognizing the rappers on the rare occasions they left their loft.

But even with their masks and hats on to somewhat hide their identities, the young singer still smiled with recognition and slight embarrassment at boys enthusiastic cheers.

---

Minho thinks that overall his week was pretty unextraordinary. Not much had changed, still working his same job, still spending his mornings practicing for their crew’s upcoming performances. Nothing felt specifically special in the way he performed and worked on the routines for their busking performance that weekend. Just following the choreographies he needs to. Going through the motions. This week seemingly identical to the last.

Almost identical. Minho couldn’t overlook how the addition of Han Jisung had improved his daily mood. Even with their respective busy schedules, the banter they were able to exchange lifted the weight of monotony on Minho’s heart. Jisung loved to tell him jokes and stories, in addition to their casual flirty conversations. The lightness of their conversations and the smile that was always lingering on Minho’s face was evidence enough that his encounters with the other had become the highlight of his day.

Even during practice, his roommates had begun to find the older more energetic and enthusiastic. Although the choreo they had been practicing had been the same for the past month, Minho’s movements had become even more fluid and dynamic, as if he was walking on air.

To Minho, dancing always felt like what he was meant to do. He couldn’t imagine living a life standing still or sitting at a desk job. Dancing was as natural as breathing, so natural that he often forgets to tell people that he dances. To him it was just assumed. He was human; he breathed. He was human, so he danced. Obvious right? But with his natural association he had with dance, and his desire to contain the complicated history he had with his dreams, Minho was not one to share his passions easily.

The Saturday morning had begun with the three dancers packed in their bathroom, all attempting to get ready in the closet size space they called a bathroom. Getting ready for their performances in the crowded bathroom had become a dance within itself for the boys, as they position themselves in front of the mirror so each has enough space to carry out their routines. Trading makeup brushes and hair dryers and hairspray cans in a way that, according to Felix, could win them Olympic medals.

“Hyung, will you pass me the hair spray?”

Minho obliged, handing the can to cross-eyed Felix that had been attempting to tame his bangs for the last 15 minutes.

“Damn, do you think there’ll be company scouts out today?” Hyunjin mused while trying to not smudge his eyeliner from his spot on the toilet seat.

“It's always a possibility, there'll be a lot of acts out today, so there is probably going to be some floating around.” Minho knew there were always some scouts in the audiences on busking days, but maybe the years of seemingly no company interest had numbed him to that fact. If anything, he was hoping to pick up a few bucks from the audience, and give their crew some more exposure.

“I guess it is a weekend, the crowds are always bigger these days. Lixie did you send in your tape for Shipstar Ent. that you were working on?”

“Yeah, I’m going to wait for their response before working on the JJP one”

“Those are small companies Lix, you got a strategy you aren’t sharing with us??” Minho nudged his elbow in his ribs, eliciting a giggle from the younger.

“Nothing special hyung, I just thought smaller companies might have smaller audition pools, more chance of landing a spot.” Even though the freckled boy had come to Korea for university, he was hoping to extend his stay as long as he could by landing a career as a dancer.

“You’ve always been the better strategist out of us. Minho-hyung usually only sends in like one tape a year.”

“There’s only one program I actually want to join anyway. But lately money is money, and I may just need to find a gig to pay our water bill.” Minho's smile reaches his eyes, but a part of his heart drops at the mention of his consistent re-submitted audition tapes.

“Are you going to send another tape for the academy this year, hyung? You got to the second round last time.”

Hyunjin asked an innocent question really, but Minho can't help but feel the wave of disappointment all over again. The first round of auditions was always a taped routine sent in by all the applicants, the second was an in person performance. A performance that last year, despite what he thought was a perfect execution of his chosen routine, had been met with a ‘Thank you, but-’ letter a week later.

“It’s a tradition at this point, and who am I to break a tradition.” The sarcasm drips from the statement fueled by Minho's bitterness toward his broken dream. But as always, as if just on queue with Minho’s declining mood, a series of notifications from his phone pulls him out of his thoughts.

[Rich Boy Han Jisung] 11:47 am Hyung guess what SANA LOCKED US OUT And Now were gonna end up getting lost Changbin is leading us somewhere :< His navigation skills are horrible If you dont hear from me, I was led to an untimely death by Seo Changbin Dont cry too much at my funeral :((

Oh no I'll remember you fondly And all the dates we never got to go on

najsdkkgfnadds Hold up you actually want to go on a date …... I will survive for you

Wait then I can't live that grieving widow aesthetic how am i supposed to grieve my not dead not husband now

we'll work something out but I get to take u on that date first not-husband >:)

---

The members of 3RACHA had listened to the rest of Changbin’s brother’s set. The young boy’s audience had grown to include highschool girls fawning over the boys adorable features and melodic voice. As well as older and middle aged women and men that were drawn to the nostalgic tambour of his voice as Jeongin performed trot and other crowd pleasing ballads. His youthful glow and image contrasting the maturity of his sound. After applause and ending statements, much of the crowd had dispersed to other surrounding acts. 3RACHA focused on congratulating and helping the younger tear down.

“You did great as always Innie” Chan awarded him with a pat on the back. Jisung echoed the sentiment with his busy rambling about how emotional the last performance felt.

“Thanks hyungs, I’m glad you were able to make it.”

“Of course! We wouldn't miss it”

“Yeah, it absolutely has nothing to do with our manager locking us out of our apartment.” Jisung earned himself a punch in the shoulder with that one. Jeongin laughed just the same, and looked grateful to have some familiar faces in the crowd.

“Don’t mind the idiot, we’ll always be here for you. If anyone tries to mess with you in training just tell them your older brother will beat them up.”

“But Hyung, you're shorter than me.”

“Doesn’t mean I won't bust some kneecaps for my baby bro though,” said Changbin, brushing off the obvious jab at his height.

“Yeah! No one’s touching our baby bread.” Chan looped his arm over Jeongin's shoulders, hand going for the boy's cheeks only to be swatted away.

“3RACHA aka the Kneecap Destroyers,ROLL OUT!!!” Jisung struck a couple vague superhero poses while making a swinging motion that was probably meant to symbolize some sort of lower leg destruction.

“Jisung, were not the Transformers please.” Still the smile on Jeongin’s face was worth any of the embarrassment Jisung could’ve felt from his shenanigans. -- A cheer erupted nearby from a large crowd that seemed to have just gathered. Loud upbeat music filled the air and the confident melody of a popular song began. The four boys, overcome with mutual curiosity, made their way to the edge of the crowd. A dance crew populated the middle of the crowd. Confident charisma and perfectly timed movements flowed from each of the dancers, as they pulled off a complicated and synchronized routine. Full of hip thrusts and body rolls, the cheers from the crowd solidified how each of the dancers grasped the attention of on-lookers without warrant.

The whole audience was entranced by the crew of a dozen dancers taking over the street. All of the dancers dressed in variations of a black and white ‘uniform’ full of leather, silk and lace, pulling off a look that was elegant, sexy, and powerful. Dressed to accentuate their body movements and draw in the attention of bypassers.

It was mid-song when Jisung was surprised to spot the familiar brown hair and sharp eyes of his current favorite waiter of Menu 98. Minho being a dancer had never crossed his mind as a possibility, but now that he has seen the older dance, Jisung couldn’t imagine anything more natural. Minho seemed to dance purely with charisma. The goofy and cute side of Minho that he had occasionally witnessed over text, seemed to be non-existent as the man in front of him performed to the crowd with raw charm and confidence.

Minho caught Jisung’s blatant stare, and a flash of recognition and something else appeared on his face, before a smirk overcame his features as he sent a wink the younger’s way. The confidence of the older overwhelming Jisung’s system as usual. Sure, they had been ceaselessly flirting over text for the past week, but as soon as he had to witness Minho’s confidence in person, there was no screen to hide the fact that Jisung was a blushing mess. As the heat of embarrassment rose up his neck, he continued to watch as the dancers ended their routine in a formation that elicited a loud cheer from the audience.

“Wow these guys are really good”

“Have they performed before?”

“Did you see the guy in the middle his shirts practically see through”

“Damn do you think he’d give me his number if I asked”

The voices from the crowd surrounded Jisung but his eyes were locked on his newly discovered dancer, Minho.

“Hey Ji, see something you like?” Changbin’s teasing was left unanswered as he followed Jisung’s gaze.

“Hey hyung, do you know that guy?”

“Yeah, He kinda looks familiar.” Jisung guessed he was familiar. Considering that, even though Chan and Changbin hadn’t recognized him as their waiter, the dancer in front of them had been the subject of his attention for the past week or so. Seeing him in person was nothing short of breathtaking. Being a little dramatic, as he often is, Jisung found him almost speechless. His breath only continued to fail him as Minho made his way over to Jisung and their small group.

“Hey Sungie, long time no see.” a shameless smirk spread across his face. Minho seemed to know exactly how he affected the younger.

Before Jisung could think of a more eloquent greeting he found himself blurting out the first thought that had crossed his mind, “I didn’t know you were- that you did- the- uh dancing.”

Minho laughed freely at the wide eyed expression that Jisung wore. Soft and cute and full of the same awe as a kid seeing his favorite TV character I person for the first time. “Seems I forgot to mention that in our introductions, Not gonna lie I didn’t think you would see me dance already...”

An expression Jisung couldn’t quite read fell over Minho’s face, along with the red tint of embarrassment. “Nononono, don’t worry really. I never asked! But I mean you looke- i mean were amazing, at dancing. Really you’re seriously talented. I can't believe you’ve never mentioned it before.”

The red on Minho’s ears grew to his face. “Oh, I’m sure you say that to all your drunken accidents.” Smirk returns in an attempt by Minho to regain his smug attitude.

“You weren't an accident! I was completely sober at the bar when I told you to hit me up.”

“I’m sorry Jisung what?” Chan seemed to be tired of trying to deduce who exactly the other was.

“Oh right, this is Minho-Hyung, he was the waiter I TIPSY-ily gave my number to that one time. But we both completely forgot about it, and then by some string for fate bullshit I ran into him before last week’s gig and the rest is history!” Some degree of understanding flashes across the other two rappers' faces, while the youngest is just listening intently to Jisung’s entertaining shenanigans.

“Mhm, ‘Ran into’, definitely not saw-and-followed,” said Minho, getting more smug by the minute.

Taking the obvious opportunity to tease the youngest Changbin’s eyes held a mischievous glint. “Hold on a second, is this who you’ve been texting non-stop all week. No wonder you’ve been so happy.”

“Hyung!”

“Yeah, your usual chaotic gay energies have been replaced with giggly soft Jisung, and its honestly been worrying me, but I mean the ballad came out really good so can’t complain” Chan added. The smug faces of the older two, only grew as Jisung groaned loudly, flailing his arms to hopefully silence them. Minho’s grin just met his eyes as he chuckled.

“Glad to hear that I’m inspiring you Sungie. Also, It’s nice to finally meet you, Chan and Changbin-ssi I’m guessing?” Minho bows slightly to them as they all exchange pleasantries. Jeongin adds on, introducing himself as Changbin's brother. Minho seems to recognize him, and is about to praise his earlier performance when a yell erupts nearby.

“Minho-hyung!!! There you are, Lixie was looking for you. Looks like I beat him though.” Realizing he seemed to have interrupted something, Hyunjin bowed to the others shyly. Introducing himself to the others until his eyes laid on Jisung. “Wait, hyung! Isn’t he the cutie you’ve been talking to all week! Jisung-ah~ you remember me rightttt?”

Minho’s face deadpans at record speeds. “Yes Jinnie thank you. Shouldn't you be looking for Felix”

“Nope I’m right here.” Felix, seeming out of nowhere, emerges right behind his eldest roommate. “Hi everyone, I’m Felix.” Freckles out, smile bright, cute little wave, the classic Felix introduction that makes everyone fall for him. No one can resist the boy’s eye-smile-and-freckled-cheek combo.

“Felix!” Hyunjin wrapped himself around his roommate, pointed animatedly to introduce the others, even though he himself had just learned of their names seconds ago. “Hehe, and that’s Jisung! He’s the one who came into Sweet Lotus asking for Min-hyung’s number.”

“Sweet Lotus, huh?” Chan’s eyebrows rose at the name of the notorious bar, glacing at Jisung for an explanation.

“Hyung, what’s that?” Jeongin whispers quietly to his brother, only to be immediately answered by Hyunjin.

“Oh! It’s the host bar/club not too far from here. Nothing special, a normal bar really, just with prettier bartenders and some nice company if you can afford it.” Hyunjin threw a wink at the youngest, earning a glare from his brother.

“Jinnie’s a bartender, can you tell,” Felix giggles along with the others' antics.

"Hehehe. I’m sure you all would love it.” Hyunjin directed his attention to Jisung, “Hey, you should bring your friends next time Jisung-ah. I'd love to be able to have served all the members of 3RACHA. Ya know when you’re famous, I’ll have a story to tell the tourists.” Leaning in to ‘whisper’, “If you do, I'll let you know when Minho-hyung is working~” Jisung went full red at that comment. Hyunjin smirked so hard it looked like it would hurt.

“Jin, you have no shame.” Minho, after glaring at his roommate, turned toward Jisung and the other members of 3RACHA. “I’d apologize that this is how you had to be introduced to my roommates, but they’re like this all the time. Anyway, as he was saying, you guys are always welcomed to the bar, and it's really not as promiscuous as Hyunjin over here is insinuating. He enjoys being a tad over-dramatic.” His eye roll obvious.

Chan laughs, “No worries, Minho-ssi we’re honored by the invitation, truly. And It's nice to finally meet you properly-"

"Or at all. If we hadn't run into you, we probably would never be introduced. You've been Jisung's best kept secret. He's always hiding away his phone whenever we ask him what he's doing. All we hear is him giggling in his little corner and- "

"Okay!! Would you look at the TIME. It appears that 'Embarrass Jisung Time' has officially passed, and we should be on our way." About ready to turn away and hide his face further into his hoodie, Jisung's eyes catch Minho’s. He finds it is hard for him to believe the face on the other side of their conversations could actually be more beautiful than he remembered. Jisung knew that if they had been talking face to face and not over text, he would've had a pretty hard time forming sentences with the way Minho's soft but intense gaze was directed at him.

“Well it was good to see you again, even if it wasn’t planned.” A full blinding smile interrupts the gaze Minho held with Jisung.

“Yeah, likewise. It was nice getting to meet your roommates too.”The sweet gaze between the two is anything but subtle, but if any of their respective friends noticed the shift in atmosphere, it went unacknowledged.

“I’ll text you later okay?”

“Ye-yeah, okay”

They exchange ‘goodbyes’ and Minho attempts to wrangle his roommates away from the others, before they find more ways to embarrass him.

Out of earshot, “Holy shit, Minho-hyung we just met 3RACHA. I’m losing my mind. I hope they think we’re cool. Wait did they see our performance then? Oh my god. They definitely saw our performance.” An embarrassed look flashed across his face.

“Lix chill, your performance was perfect as always. Just try and not embarrass me so much next time”

“Aw hyungie~ did we embarrass you in front of your crush.”

“Hold up NEXT TIME?” ---

“...Well how about we’ll pretend that your heart eyes weren’t painfully obvious, and you pay for chicken?” Jeongin purposes cheekily.

“...mhm deal.” Clearly still in some state of shock still, Chan starts to lead Jisung and the rest of the group toward the nearest restaurant.

“Bro, you're so gone already.” Changbin shakes his head but holds a fond smile for the other. It had been awhile since their youngest trio member had smiled so much, and in turn had been equally inspired. Both of his hyungs had noticed the uptick of Jisung’s productivity, and, if anything, were glad to finally have met the reason for his smile.

-----

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

[wanderingaunt]

Where'd You Go, Robin?

This is the first post in my 30-day blog challenge.

Oh look, Robin seems to have disappeared again.

No one actually realizes I’m gone.

Those are the voices I hear in my head as I think through getting back online. My thoughts are very judgmental. I often create fake scenarios and conversations about myself or what I think others are saying about me.

That’s my queue to take a step back.

Honestly, the virtual world was getting to be too much for me. When COVID began to spread throughout the U.S. in March, I found myself feeling pretty grounded and focused. It was the first time in 2 years that I had stopped to slow down. I was in Dallas at my sister’s and learning to adjust to suburban life for a change.

Slow down.

That’s normally not a phrase I say. Yet, the more I learn about my Human Design and how I’m wired, the more I recognize this to be part of who I am. According to my Human Design, I am a 6/2 Manifesting Generator. Manifesting Generators can often be perceived as flighty or non-committal. We like to try things on before we know if it’s going to be a fit for us. The 6/2 identifies the part of me that is a hermit as well as a role model. As I look back at my life over the past 2 years, I can see this pattern unfolding. I am free-spirited and tend to do life at my own pace. Sometimes my pace is consistent and steady, while other times it’s slow as molasses. Sometimes I’m out in the spotlight while other times, I’m going deep within and tuning out everything around me.

While I was settled in Dallas, I found myself adjusting to being in one place. When Stay at Home Orders began, I took it as an invitation to settle in and focus on my work and completing my Retreat Leader certification as part of my yearlong coaching program with Darla LeDoux. I was feeling pretty great and proud of myself for actually focusing and having a routine. As someone who moves around quite a bit, routines are few and far between.

As May approached, I realized that the coursework due date for my certification was fast approaching. In true Robin fashion, I waited until 2 weeks prior to May 2nd to complete 4 months’ worth of assignments. I thrive off of deadlines, yet I don’t always embrace that about myself. I hunkered down and became laser-focused. I completed my work on time and only had a couple of assignments that I needed to redo. I continued to press through and show up fully.

Completing my coaching program became my focus and refuge from the craziness happening with COVID. Yet, my focus was quickly pulled back as hardship came upon my family.

On Mother’s Day, we received a message from my Mom that my Dad was in the hospital with Severe Sepsis. My Mom called an ambulance to take him to the ER earlier that morning. He spent a week in the hospital and came close to death. Thankfully, he survived and has since made a full recovery.

Soon after that, the terrible tragedy with George Floyd happened. I found myself consumed with social media activism—posting and sharing content on my feed, signing petitions, reading, and learning. And then within a week of that, we received the news that my beloved cousin, Clint, had died of cancer at the young age of 44.

My nervous system went into shock.

Another aspect of Human Design is that it shows which channels you have open. I have many open centers and as a result, I’m highly sensitive or in other words, an empath. An empath is someone who is highly aware of the emotions of those around them, to the point of feeling those emotions themselves. Empaths see the world differently than other people; they’re keenly aware of others, their pain points, and what they need emotionally. When I’m not conscious of protecting my energy, I can literally feel the weight of the world. When I go into overwhelm, I retreat into my cocoon (hermit phase).

2020 has been an extremely difficult and unexpected year for the entire world. For me personally, there’s been a lot of change, heartbreak, loss, and regret. As a nomad, I went from the freedom of traveling the world to being confined to one spot; in February, I ended a relationship with a man that I love and have had to deal with the regret and heartbreak from that decision; and then with COVID and all of the anti-racism movements happening, my system was in overload. After my cousin died, it was the final straw for my emotional well-being. I found myself distant from my friends and family and unable to maintain healthy boundaries or communication.

I knew it was time for me to go inward and tune out for a bit.

"I was becoming more and more of a hermit. It's not so much that I was running away from something, I was running into myself."  -- Michael A. Singer, The Surrender Experiment

I rented a car and headed west to Colorado for a personal retreat at the beautiful Six Eagles Haven. It was the first time I had left Dallas in 4 months, and ironically it was the last place I traveled to prior to COVID. When I was nearing my arrival, tears fell upon me, and I began sobbing and yelling uncontrollably.

I was having an emotional breakdown.

The breakdown lasted for at least 30 to 45 minutes. I was near panic mode. I showed up at the retreat center completely exhausted and emotionally drained. I knew I was in the right place to come exactly as I was and that nothing was wrong. I knew I was safe. My coach, Allison, was there to guide and support me through this time.

My emotional breakdown, while painful, was the start of a magical journey for me.

Six Eagles Haven is such a special place and has created many profound experiences for me. Each week there will be a movie night where Randy (Allison’s husband) will select a movie for us to watch. He selected Where’d You Go, Bernadette. I had seen this movie earlier in the year while flying back from Africa, yet this time I felt connected to the main character. The movie is about a former architect named Bernadette played by Cate Blanchett. In the movie you witness Bernadette go through her own life crisis. She’s distant, always starting and not finishing projects, and unable to cope with the real world. Without going into much detail, Bernadette has lost her art and power to create. She gave up creating, which in turn caused her to give up on life.

I found myself relating to Bernadette. I was born to create, and I’ve been resisting that part of me for far too long.

One of the main reasons I went to Colorado was so I could have access to nature and hiking. I got up everyday and lost myself in the woods. I am a explorer at heart and love going off the beaten path. One morning I woke up and decided I was going to climb a mountain. I walked into the kitchen and told Allison that I was going to hike Mount Garfield. Allison looked at me and asked if I was looking for a challenge.

Yes, a challenge is exactly what I need.

Be careful what you wish for. ;) I had looked at the reviews and had read that it was a difficult, hard, and challenging hike. I’ve been on several challenging hikes before, so I figured this wouldn’t be too big of a deal. My ego laughed at me when I thought this.

“What is My Mountain?”

This is the question I contemplated as I was climbing Mount Garfield. This climb caused me to confront how I go about challenging situations and embrace the part of me that wakes up and declares, “Today, I’m going to climb a mountain.” When I made it back to my car, I felt so accomplished and on fire. This was exactly what I needed. I needed to remind myself of how strong and capable I am. I needed to remind myself that I thrive off of challenges and need my own mountain to climb.

The next day as I was taking my daily walk within the labyrinth, I got a download. Every time I enter the labyrinth, I set an intention for my walk and open myself up to signs and answers. This day, I asked Spirit for guidance around the question, “What is my mountain?”.

Spirit: Write 30 blogs in 30 days.

Me: 30…? How about 15?

Spirit: No, 30.

Me: 20?

Spirit: No, you asked for a mountain. 30.

Me: Gulp. Okay, 30…

This is what happens when I try to negotiate after I get a clear message. I’m not as great of a negotiator as I think I am… The call to write has been with me for over a year now. I have dismissed it again and again. I’ve enrolled others in my writing a book, yet, I’ve been in major resistance around actually starting. I’ve come up with every excuse and avoidance tactic. Even though, I keep receiving the call in meditation to write. Even though my oracle cards tell me, “Get thee to thy desk and write!” Even though others ask how my writing is going…I allow time to pass by and wait for tomorrow to come.

So here is my mountain: 30 blog posts in 30 days.

As with most challenges I take on, starting is the hardest part. I sit in resistance for a while and then over-analyze each word and sentence I type. I erase, write again, and repeat. I have no idea where this challenge will take me or what topics and words will be uncovered in the process. I trust the guidance of my higher self and Spirit to guide me. I trust that whatever is meant to be written will be written. I trust that answers to many questions I hold will come to surface.

Where’d You Go, Robin?…You’ll have to read to find out.

I invite you to take some time to sit with the question “What is my mountain?” for yourself. Really sit with it and listen. What shows up for you?

Ways You Can Support the 30 Day Blog Challenge

I would love your support during this challenge. While I am taking on this challenge for myself, I trust that you will identify with my writing and read the posts that you are meant to read.

Subscribe to my newsletter so you receive posts on a daily or weekly basis.

Donate to my work. I’ve been writing this blog for 3 years now and produce all of my content for free. As an artist and creator, writing is my outlet for being fully self-expressed. Your support provides encouragement (and pays the bills) to keep going. <3

Share with your network. If you are inspired by my writing and this challenge, I’d appreciate you sharing it with anyone you feel will benefit.

Comment on the posts that speak to you. I’d love to hear your thoughts and learn which topics you relate to or identify with.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, CHARLIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of DESDEMONA. Admin Rosey: There was a certain shrewdness that seemed to be underlying Delilah’s interview. A certain breath of life was given to her that showed in your writing. It was a little bit more romantic, a little bit more cynical, but still very frank with the voice that you gave her. Like you said, she has a different direction and tone to her that seemed very unique to Delilah. I am honestly so excited to how you will develop her. And I’m even more excited to watch the wreckage of Othello and Desdemona on the dash. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Charlie

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | 5-6/10. I’m a law student with a side job so my rl can be pretty stressful from time to time. In addition, I tend to write a lot and like to take my time with my replies so that I can actually be satisfied with how they turned out. I’ve learned in the past months that I’ve been in DV now that it works best for me to queue my replies so that one will be posted at least every few days so that I’m not struggling to keep up with your activity requirements but also don’t stress myself out too much.

Timezone | CET

Current/Past RP Accounts | may I introduce you to https://ofduvals.tumblr.com/ and https://ofdupont.tumblr.com/

In Character

Character | Delilah Bello aka Desdemona

What drew you to this character? | My interest in Delilah goes way back to a time long before I even applied for Katherine for the first time. I originally felt drawn to her because she’s one of my favorite Shakespearean characters and Othello is kind of my favorite play and the only one I actually knew a whole monologue from cause it was part of the House of Night books lmao. Anyways, a lot has changed since then and somehow I still feel drawn to her. In the beginning, I was a bit skeptical about whether I should really apply for her or not because at first glance she does have some similarities to Celeste. However, the more I thought about it and the longer I wrote this app, the more I came to realize how different they truly are. Whereas Celeste thrives on revenge and ‘hate’ to some extent, Delilah thrives on love. Love for others, but mostly love for herself. She doesn’t feel the need to make anybody pay. Does she want everybody, who’s currently doubting her, to realize that they’re wrong and that she’s never been anything but faithful and loyal? Definitely, but she doesn’t wish them any bad because they can’t see it yet. She’ll just continue proving herself until they’ll have no other choice but to see her for who she really is. I feel like Delilah will make it possible for me to approach the war and the characters from another perspective than Celeste and Katarina allow me to. Both of the characters I’m playing so far have found their place in the mob and life (even if Celeste isn’t necessarily as happy with it as she could be, she still has a place she’s comfortable) whereas Delilah finds herself at the beginning of a new episode in her life. This struggle really intrigues me and, to be honest, I can’t wait to see where she ends up? Not to mention that I’m always a HUGE sucker for characters who are misunderstood. The desperation she feels to finally make them see that betrayal isn’t in her nature is something that makes me so emotional and so eager to delve deeper into that and the overall situation she currently finds herself in. I feel like there are a lot of possible ways her development could go and I really want to be the one leading her through that. Delilah is capable of greatness even if most of Verona doesn’t see it just yet.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | PLOT 01 - Another person might have turned bitter after everything that happened to her. After everything that is still happening to her. And yet, she tries to remain positive and focus on the good things in life. Tries not to accept the blame everybody is trying to put on her, tries to leave his insecurities in his responsibility. It’s not her fault how everything turned out, she’s never done anything to deserve his jealousness and hate, has never been anything but a faithful, loving wife. It’s not always easy, however. As much as she tries to focus on the fact that she was a woman worth loving before him and has to be a woman worth loving after him, it’s hard not to let the mean comments and gossip get to her. I want to delve deeper into that, maybe see her breakdown after one terribly tough day. How does she build herself up again after that? How does she continuously focus on the good things in life, in herself?

PLOT 02 - I want to test and play with her loyalties. Neither Delilah nor her family has ever been involved with neither mob before she met Odin and even nowadays her family does their best to stay out of this war. She’s married into the Capulets and ever since her marriage came to an end they’ve let her feel how little she truly belongs with them on her own. I think it could be really interesting if somebody from the other side of the Adige would take an interest in her and promise her the acceptance and feeling of belonging that she doesn’t get from the Capulets. Right now she wouldn’t even consider turning her back on the Capulets and thus, proving them all right. However, she’s only human, after all, and if everything seems so much better on the Montague side of the Adige, she’ll definitely face a struggle of doing what is right and proving her loyalty and doing what feels easy and good.

PLOT 03 - Delilah is a woman with a big heart and a soft nature. The type of person who puts the well-being of others ahead of her own, somebody who wouldn’t ever dream about hurting another person for real if it’s not in self-defense. A trait that won’t get her far in the mob. I want to explore how she deals with the violence she’s confronted on a daily basis. Does she have a bad conscience because of it? Does she find a way to justify it for herself? And how does she deal with being the attacker and not just a more or less innocent bystander? I feel that would be something worth exploring in flashback threads, but I also think that it has become quite relevant again because now that she doesn’t have Odin’s support anymore, she has to prove herself once more. Maybe more than she ever has before. I’d love to throw her into situations that wouldn’t leave any sensible person unimpressed, that make her struggle with the values she’s grown up with. In short, I want to explore the struggle she certainly has between doing what’s ‘right’ and expected of her and what her conscience tells her. How far is she willing to go to earn her place in the Capulet ranks?

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona? At this question, a sad smile sneaks onto her lips. The only right response to the question is on top of her tongue immediately, she can’t bring herself to say it, though. She can’t risk the memories of her happiest day being questioned and torn to shreds like her loyalty and her whole marry. She won’t risk it. The sad truth is that the Cathedral has been her favorite place for years and still is because it reminds of better days. It reminds her of her wedding day, the day she was the happiest woman in at least all of Verona if not the whole world. Whenever she’s in the Capulet headquarters she’s reminded of that day, some days it gives her strength, some days it makes here melancholic as well as nostalgic, yearning for past days when life seemed easier and better. These are the days she tries to forget about the location completely and tries to focus simply on the reason why she’s there nowadays, for professional reasons only. “I’m afraid I’ll sound rather boring”, she responds finally responds after a moment of thought, forcing the smile to take on a happier note, a slightly more playful one, “but my favorite place in Verona is my flat.” It used to be our flat, it still feels weird to say ‘my’ flat to her, but that’s simply how things are these days. “I mean they always say there’s no place like home, right?” It’s the one place she can truly be herself, where she can block out all the noises and voices doubting her loyalty completely. Even if it still feels off in some ways, simply because he’s still there and not there at the same time, his presence still lurking everywhere even when he’s long gone. She’s started to redesign the flat slowly but surely after work and on the weekends, but still, it still feels like theirs and not hers.

What does your typical day look like? “I’m afraid that once again the answer is going to be rather boring.” Opposed to what one might assume after all the rumors and gossip about her, she wouldn’t exactly describe her daily life as the most exciting one. As big as her thirst for adventure is, ever since he left her, she’s stuck in a rut, trying to figure out how to live on her own again. So she prefers a daily routine. Too much has already changed in the past months so any sort of new stability she can get is calming. “Usually I wake up way before dawn.” She doesn’t sleep as well anymore as she used to be, the bed feels too cold and empty without his warm body next to her. She’s thought about buying a new bed, but she can’t for that would mean accepting that her marriage is well and truly over. And she can’t do that, not yet at least. “I always try to do some yoga first thing in the morning to start the day right.” It’s something she’s started to do in college, but quit doing during her marriage because she always wanted to stay in bed with him for as long as she could, not wanting to leave his side before she had to. “Then I make myself some breakfast. Personally, I think it’s very important to start your day with a solid foundation so I like to take my time with it. Also, what’s really important to me is a no screen rule before I’ve finished breakfast. I neither check my phone nor my emails nor anything else really before I’ve finished breakfast and cleaned the dishes.” This is a fairly new development, she doesn’t want to hear anything about what’s going on in Verona anymore before she’s had some time completely to herself. “I leave for work at 7:30 am sharp. It’s always nice to be the first one in the office and get already started before the rest arrive.” Lips curled up into a soft smile, she shrugs. Her work as a paralegal is one of the few things that have stayed the same in the light of the recent changes. It was always important to her to earn her own income, especially after she’s seen what it had done to her mother to never have worked a day in her life. However, she planned on quitting her job the moment she got pregnant, wanting to stay home to raise and take care of the children. But alas, these children would never see the light of day now. “Another thing that is really important to me is having a freshly cooked dinner each night. It’s something I’ve grown up with and a tradition I’ve always wanted to keep for my own household. There’s nothing quite similar to having some nice, filling dinner with your loved ones sharing stories about the day, wouldn’t you agree?” Only that nowadays there was nobody sitting at the table next to her, it was just her, the food and a glass of wine. Quite depressing really. To be honest, she probably would have started to eat outside as a new tradition if cooking wasn’t something that calmed her down and helped her cope with things.

What has been your biggest mistake thus far? She knows what they want her to say, what they’re expecting to hear. She knows that they want to hear is that marrying Odin is her biggest mistake and it might as well be. They want to hear that she regrets deeply not having listened to her father. That she wished she left him sooner. But she can’t bring herself to say that. She just can’t. Even after everything she’s been through thanks to him, despite everything she’s still going through, she doesn’t hate him. If anybody believed her story, she knows they’d tell her that’s perfectly acceptable to hate him and that’s not what she struggles with. She knows she’s allowed to hate him, she just can’t. How could she hate the person who looks just like the love of her life even if he condemns her and is so much crueler than the man she fell in love with? She knows there’s still that man inside him, she just knows it. Even if it’s buried deep under the facade of the monster that he shows the world nowadays. Hearing the interviewer clear their throat brings her back into reality and a soft redness sneaks into her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I was lost in thought”, a sheepish smile accompanying her words she tugs a silky strand of her hair behind her left ear, “I can’t think of anything right now, however. I’m not going to say I haven’t made mistakes, everybody does it. It’s only human. After all, Seneca already said ‘errare humanum est’.” Having taking Ancient History in college as a class definitely has some advantages. “I just like to think that every mistake gives you the opportunity to learn something. Sure, sometimes it’s more painful than other times, but the tougher it is, the more you can learn? So I’m afraid there is no such thing as ‘the biggest mistake’ to me?”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you? “I guess the hardest thing is to move on when you don’t want to move on but have no other choice but to accept that sometimes things are simply out of your control.” A soft smile follows her words. “Something I still struggle with, to be completely honest.” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what and who she’s talking about. “Another thing that isn’t always easy is unconditional self-love and yet, I don’t think there is anything that is more important?” She shrugs howsoever slightly. “I mean if we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect anybody else to love us? I know, I know, it sounds really cheesy, but the one person who’s always been and always be by your side is yourself. So you can either be your biggest enemy or you can choose to be the one who always has your back, the one who sees the good in you, even if nobody else sees it.” A short pause follows her words as a hint of defiance finds its way into her dark eyes. “And I plan to be that person for myself, even if I’m still working on it.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues? Only with quite some effort, she manages to bite back a dry chuckle. It’s a question she finds herself confronted with on what feels like a daily basis. Everybody seems to question her loyalty to the Capulets, seems to assume that she doesn’t give a shit about them, isn’t as involved and dedicated as they are. They all seem to assume that now that Odin turned is back on her, she’ll turn her back on them at the next best chance she gets. That she’s the snake in their rows patiently waiting to poison them all before she sells them out. The thought alone makes her angry and incredibly sad at the same time. Angry because what has she ever done to earn that suspicion? Even if she did cheat on Odin - which she didn’t, not that anybody gives a damn -, why should that automatically mean she’ll betray the Capulets as well? Has she ever done anything but her best to earn her place with them? Sad because it seems like there’s nothing she can do to make them listen, to make them believe her. It’s like she’s screaming from the top of her lungs, but no words come out. However, she just knows they’ll finally see the truth, eventually. She knows she can make them see that she’s on their side for good. “I think that war is never good, for anybody”, Delilah begins carefully, choosing every word with attentive precision, “however, I think that we should hope for a quick and soon win by the Capulets. A win and thus end of the war can’t come soon enough, I mean we all see what the war is doing to our beloved Verona. And quite frankly, even though some might say that choosing between the mobs is like choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea, I think that the Capulets take care of the city like the Montagues never could.” Maybe it’s stupid to support the Capulets so outspokenly and publicly, yet, she doesn’t feel like she has another choice, to be completely honest. She needs to show her support and loyalty at every chance she gets if she wants them to realize the error of their ways.

Extras: A Pinterest Board.

[motherandlawyer]

Lawyer on Lockdown

I actually never thought I would ever have to use the words “Lockdown” or “Social Distancing” in my lifetime. On one hand the idea of people keeping their distance and for me to hang out in the house seems appealing, but I do not like the fact that I can’t just pop out anywhere, grab coffee or lunch with a friend or relative, see family, and last but not least, drop my little angels off in childcare. 

I will never, ever, take for granted the ability to work without first running it by hubby and needing to create a daily schedule, go to the supermarket without having to queue, maintain social distancing rules and worry about whether I have touched my face etc. I am not a rank person, but I have washed my hands a lot. My contact dermatitis has reared it’s ugly head and my psoriasis is having a field day due to my elevated anxiety levels. Of course some people went mad to begin with and stockpiled, leaving the shelves bare. It’s still difficult to get pasta, loo roll and occasionally eggs, flour, nappies, Guinness (!!!), amongst other Brackley essentials. I was starting to get p***ed off about the Guinness shortage, but realised I had to generally keep that thought to myself. Oh well, I tried.

Seriously though, people are dying. The government and medical experts said they were all vulnerable folk, those who were over 70 and/or had an underlying health condition. Then the young statistics with no underlying health conditions started coming in and I could feel my breathing change. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight in the last 12 months, but I could feel the anxiety eating away at me even more. I drink booze, eat chocolate and consume everything with butter in. Granted I do, do the odd intermittent fasting, but I really do eat what I want outside of this. However, since we have commenced lockdown, I have sometimes worked out twice per day and gone on a walk. Who knows, but I have not felt as anxious as I have over the past couple of weeks in a very long time.  My sister and brother-in-law have/had Covid19. He works at a supermarket and both had a persistent cough and high temp. Apparently it absolutely wipes you out for days and my sis seemed to enter phase two, where she was diagnosed with an infection. She seems to be slightly better on the antibiotics, but I have not stopped worrying since. She never gets ill. She is in her early 30s!!!

Thought I would share a typical daily routine of mine with you all during lockdown. My favourite part is drinkies time at the end of the day and I am not ashamed to admit it. I have a 4 year old who is just as stubborn as his father and I and quite possibly the brightest child I have ever known and then my one year old toddler who is like a tornado. Every cupboard turned upside down and if you dare leave a door open for a nano second he will be out of that door or heading up the stairs. He is also quite partial to a snack from our snack cupboard and throwing all said snacks on the floor. I literally do not stop. #whatisrest #alcoholislife

7/8am ish - Breakfast for kids and mummy does a short yoga sequence/back strengthening exercises (my back is f***ed)

9 am Joe Wicks PE/shower/post workout snack

10 am Some form of Learning Activity for W

11 am Creative Time (art/crafts/music/role play, etc)

12 pm Lunchie

1 pm J Naps and one parent usually works (other in morn) - fun learning activity 

2pm Creativity

3:30 Fam walk

4/4:30 Outside or Game time

5pm Tea time  - perhaps a Guinness will be consumed simultaneously - aiming to keep this to later in the week before I become an actual alcoholic

7pm - Bed time/wine consumption commences 

My husband thinks I’m bat s*** crazy. He aint wrong there. I need routine. I also need people to keep their distance even more than ever. Otherwise I will shout at you like I did at that poor man in Lidl. 

[swimintothesound]

A Grand Celebration: Musical Serendipity, Distant Memories, and the Preciousness of Tradition. Words on Sufjan Stevens’ Michigan

There are 48,193 songs in my iTunes library right now. That’s 5,139 albums, 336 gigabytes, and a little over 160 days worth of music. Amongst this staggering (and seemingly-unwieldy) amount of audio lies my most cherished playlist: a 20-hour-long mix creatively titled “December.”

“December” stands alone as a personal treasure, my crown jewel, and the flame that single-handedly ignites my holiday cheer. Grown and cultivated over the course of multiple years, the playlist is a wide-ranging mishmash of various Christmas albums, years-old podcasts, and even some “normal” music that I’ve simply come to associate with the holiday season after multiple years of repeated seasonal listening. My “December” playlist is a testament to curated obsession, self-enforced tradition, and the beauty of the Holiday season. It’s my Christmas spirit encased in a cold, unfeeling .xml file.

The cosmic joke is that, as much as I care for this playlist and the songs contained within it, it’s just that: a collection of random songs. Nobody aside from me would ascribe any particular value to the ordering of these tracks, but I guess that sense of uniqueness is what makes playlists such a sacred musical concept. The other thing that makes playlists so wonderful is their inherent sense of surprise and randomness: the feeling of discovery that comes with stumbling upon a great mix, or the inspiration a single song can carry that inspires you to create one of your own.

Listening to “December” has become a holiday tradition of my own, and as special as the playlist is to me, the entire thing was started by accident. Inspired by a single group of songs and a random iTunes shuffle, this seasonal institution has now ballooned beyond my control and only gotten bigger each year. This is the story of the inception of this playlist, spurred by an album that has severely impacted me and whose sentimentality has become a foundation of my personality.

Discovery

Back in high school music was my escape… not that I had anything to escape from, but music was (and still is) my reality. My one truth. Every morning as I prepared for the day I would let iTunes run through a never-ending shuffle playlist of my music library. They were my last minutes of absorption. My final escape into the realm of sound before venturing out into the world. It was a ceremony that I relished and grew to hold dear over the years.

One cold November morning six years ago, The Shuffle Gods placed a Sufjan Stevens song at the top of the queue. Back then Sufjan was a curiosity; an artist that I’d heard about and always meant to get into, but perpetually found himself on my musical “to-do” list. Thanks to an overly-eager friend, his discography had been sitting on my hard drive, in full, for around a year at that point. In a way, I suppose seeing the full breadth of his work only made diving into his music that much more daunting.

On this fateful day, iTunes DJ (rest in peace) decided that it was finally time for me to hear a Sufjan track and “Oh God, Where Are You Now? (In Pickeral Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)” began playing. It was divine intervention. It was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment, and I became transfixed. “Oh God, Where Are You Now” immediately drew me in and hung in my chest like the first deep inhale of a cold winter morning. I was so floored by the song that I needed to hear what came next. I paused the shuffle playlist and embarked upon a search to find the record that this track called home.

This excavation led me to Sufjan’s 2003 album Greetings from Michigan: The Great Lake State which I promptly queued up and let play out. Turns out “Oh God, Where Are You Now?” was track 13 of 15, so while there were only two other songs that followed, I felt compelled to see this record out to its conclusion.

The two songs that came after (“Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou)” and “Vito's Ordination Song”) ended up forming a trio of incredibly potent and deeply-impactful wintery songs that told one coherent and eerie tale.

If the album and songs titles didn’t give it away, Sufjan is not a man who’s concerned with punctuality. While three songs may not seem like much, this final stretch of tracks that close out Michigan ends up coming out to 19 minutes of music. Back in high school, that gave me just enough time to complete my morning routine and get out the door on time.

I became fixated on these three songs, and for the remainder of that year, they became my morning ritual. The soundtrack for two months of sleepy-eyed morning preparation. A sacred custom that I ended up recreating the next year. And the year after that. And the one after that. In fact, for years these three songs were all that I ever listened to from Sufjan’s wide-ranging discography. This 19-minutes of music came to represent the beginning of the holiday season, a near-daily habit of lovingly embracing three folk tracks from an album I hadn’t even listened to all the way through yet.

Obsession

Several years back I realized how silly it was that these three songs were the only ones I’d listened to from Sufjan in earnest. I repeatedly tried to dip my toes into the rest of his discography, and soon “trying Sufjan” became a yearly tradition as well. Year after year I attempted various entry points: whole albums, popular singles, even the rest of Michigan, but nothing ever grabbed me in the same way that those three tracks did.

Then in 2016, it happened: I became obsessed with Sufjan.

I don’t know how it happened or when it did, but it was as if a switch had been flipped in my head. Suddenly everything clicked all at once, and I found myself devouring his discography whole. I had his 5-hour Christmas catalog on repeat. I read every article with his name in the headline. I purchased enough vinyl to create a makeshift shelter. I couldn’t escape from Sufjan Stevens.

By the end of the year, I had racked up nearly 1,000 Sufjan plays, 82% of which occurred between November and December. Every listen up until that year had been relegated almost entirely to the final three songs off Michigan, but suddenly his entire discography had launched itself into the upper stratosphere of my musical consciousness.

In diving through the rest of his albums last winter I now have a firm understanding of who Sufjan Stevens is as an artist and where he sits on the musical spectrum. It turns out that he’s far from the sad, plucky folk singer that I had initially pegged him as. This year I’ve already exceeded last year’s numbers, and #SufjanSeason has become an official holiday in my house. So not only did 2016 signify a tipping point, it represented the beginning of a beautiful, rabid fandom that has opened the door to a new seasonal tradition and hundreds of hours of beautiful music. At the same time, I feel like I’ve only begun to scratch the surface.

Trinity

Sufjan Stevens has arguably made two near-perfect albums: both 2005’s Illinois and 2015’s Carrie & Lowell are widely considered masterpieces of the indie folk singer-songwriter genre. The former is a multi-instrumental masterpiece that showcases an astonishing array of sounds, topics, and textures. The latter is an instrumentally-bare folk album that finds Stevens meditating on life in the wake of his mother’s death. They’re both impeccable records that are worth diving into and worthy of their status as indie essentials, but neither are what this post is for.

Despite recognizing both Illinois and Carrie as “better albums,” I enjoy Michigan more, and I’m still grappling with what that means. While these later albums either swirl and flutter to life with a flurry of baroque instrumentation, or reserve all musicality behind a single veneer of raw guitar and vocals, Michigan lies somewhere in the middle. Packed with frost-covered horns, intimate acoustic guitars, and tenderly-delivered lyrics, Michigan is a chilly, introverted, and thought-provoking record that gently congeals into a cozy wintery panorama.

Like untamed cresting hills covered by a blanket of snow, the surface of Michigan is calm and uniform; a stark, raw, and silent beauty. However, much like that bed of new-fallen snow, once you begin to dig all sorts of unknowable intricacies begin to reveal themselves. It’s a winter wonderland of crisp sounds, all delivered in a singularly-grand package. It’s an album that’s whimsical and but also grounded in dissolution and the pain of existence. Michigan is what it would sound like if the Charlie Brown Christmas special took place in the 2000’s and the characters were all listless 20-somethings without jobs.

If I were to get someone into Sufjan Stevens, I’d still probably point them to either Illinois or Carrie & Lowell (depending on their taste), yet Michigan stands alone as an understated personal favorite of mine for many reasons. Perhaps it’s just thanks to my personal relationship with the album, but accidentally falling into Michigan’s embrace over the course of multiple years has allowed it to embody every warm holiday memory that I’ve ever experienced. It’s my favorite Sufjan record, a wonderful holiday offering, and one of the best in the entire genre.

The remainder of this post is a profile of Michigan and a (near-track-by-track) breakdown of what makes the album worthy of worship. I also adore this record so much that I took it upon myself to create a bunch of mobile wallpapers, so have at them.

Wonderland

Cartoonishly pitched as the first album in a 50-part project covering every state, Michigan is Sufjan Stevens’ third official LP. Preceded by A Sun Came and the electronic Enjoy Your Rabbit, Michigan was far from Sufjan’s first rodeo, but it marked the first time that he seemed to land on a complete and definitive sound. Especially when compared to later albums, Sufjan’s first two outings are great, but end up coming off like a “first attempt” and a left-field electronic diversion that were merely used as stepping stones to later greatness. The entrees meant to hold us over until this: the main course.

Technically a concept album, Michigan is a love letter from Stevens addressed to the state in which he was born and spent a majority of his childhood. The album is a comprehensive look at The Wolverine State, addressing everything from the common points of reference (The Great Lakes, popular sports teams, and overwhelming poverty) to intimate portrayals of what it’s like to live there. All of these tales are sung from the perspective of someone who has a deep, personal, and profound understanding of the area which makes them feel supremely genuine and heartfelt.

Michigan’s first track “Flint (For the Unemployed & Underpaid)” kicks the album off by tackling the exact issue that the state conjures for most people: joblessness. Beginning with a series of arid, ruminating piano chords, Sufjan soon enters singing from a whispered first-person perspective that depicts a dreary future of sadness and uncertainty. Jobless and homeless, the narrator finds himself “pretending to try” but secretly resigned to dying alone. Halfway through the track, a singular trumpet pairs with the established piano melody as Sufjan repeats his death-defying mantra over and over again until the final line is cut off mid-sentence. Shortly after this abrupt end, a hum of ambient noise consumes the song, and the next track begins.

It’s a haunting piece and a stark way to open a record. Most people don’t want to think about losing their job and dying sad, homeless, and alone on the street, yet on Michigan, these ideas are not only commonplace, they're scene setting. An introduction. The first taste that transports the listener, giving them a sense of place and, hopefully, a similar sense of hopelessness that allows them to empathize with the remainder of the album. This dark opening salvo is contrasted even further by it’s following track “All Good Naysayers, Speak Up! Or Forever Hold Your Peace!” which is a jubilant and bouncy stream-of-consciousness song that explodes with a brassy baroque chamber arrangement.

Here we’re introduced to the “concept” of the album as we realize that every song is sung about the state from different perspectives. This framework allows Stevens to show both the good and bad of Michigan, rapidly shifting from broad sociopolitical issues, then zooming all the way down to hyper-detailed illustrations of interpersonal drama.

Mid-album cuts like “The Upper Peninsula” are down-to-earth groove-centered depictions of rural lower class America. Sufjan finds himself tackling divorce, detachment, and the mundanity of day-to-day life in between Payless Shoes and K-Mart name-drops. Similar sounds are later revisited on songs like “Jacksonville” and “Neighbors” off Illinois but end up focusing on much different song topics.

Even a cursory glance at the album’s credits reveal the shocking amount of instrumentation at play on each of these tracks. Sollum banjo plucks serve as the background on “For the Widows in Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti.” Horns and trumpets emerge at unexpected times but are used so precisely that you probably won’t even notice them upon first listen. Instrumental tracks like “Tahquamenon Falls” are jaw-dropping scenic soundscapes that brim with cascading xylophone notes that dance around your head like snowflakes.

Even “traditional” folk arrangements and piano ballads have never been as poignant, soft-spoken, or heartfelt as “Holland” where single isolated piano notes poke up from a whirling frozen mass of sound. Eventually, a backtracked pair of falsetto vocals emerge to echo the song’s chorus, and it paints a vague picture of a couple singing alone in a house with nothing but a guitar, a piano, and each other nearby.

"Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head! (Rebuild! Restore! Reconsider!)" is the album’s sprawling ornamental 8-minute centerpiece that begins with a single, rapidly-rung bell. Soon a piano enters the mix, then a guitar, then Sufjan himself. The entire track builds around the beat of that bell until dozens of individual instruments all combine into this massive, extravagant, and decadent force of nature.

Things get personal on the banjo-plucked “Romulus” as Sufjan recounts several strained interactions with his mother even though he recognizes that he would do no better in her position. This dynamic would later be revisited and fully-addressed on Carrie & Lowell, but, “Romulus” is still a striking portrayal of a frayed relationship as well as the joys and frustrations that come along with family.

Finally, “Sleeping Bear, Sault Saint Marie” is an epic, swelling biblical track that escalates in delicate crescendos that all climax into one massive, breathtaking wall of sound. Accompanied by Megan Slaboda and Elin Smith, this late-album cut features an awe-inspiring instrumental mixture of organs, cymbals, and warm brass instruments. A careful and measured track that slows down to nothing then explodes to life.

The entire album sounds like a snow-covered log cabin. It feels like a warm cup of hot chocolate on a cold, grey, rainy day. It smells like a freshly-cut noble fir. It tastes like a home-cooked bowl of soup. It’s the warm wool blanket enveloping your body. The cinnamon-sprinkled cookies that just came out of the oven. The glowing lights that dance and twinkle above your head. It’s musical soul food. It’s wholesome and full-bodied music that makes me want to be a better person. It’s absolutely flawless.

Despair and Grace

Circling back to the jumping off point of this post: I still remember hearing “Oh God, Where Are You Now?” for the first time and being struck with a strange sense of deja-vu. The track instantly evoked something deep inside of me. It made me feel everything that I’ve described up until this point and also came with a strange sense of familiarity. It felt like a piece of a past life that I’d lost and now recovered. I carefully studied the album artwork, and it looked like a long-lost Christmas album. The majestic snow-covered pine tree, the elegant deer, the warm red lettering, all captured in Laura Normandin’s beautiful brush strokes over a rich parchment. Everything about Michigan felt picture-perfect.

After 47 minutes of splendor, the most brilliant moment of Michigan comes with its final three-song stretch that winds from “Oh God, Where Are You Now? (In Pickerel Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)" to “Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou)” and “Vito's Ordination Song.” These three songs stand on their own as a singularly-impactful and world-shaping experience that are intertwined with some of the fondest, warmest, and most intimate memories of my entire life.

“Oh God, Where Are You Now?" begins with Stevens addressing God directly. Paired with a barely-distorted guitar line and a gently-played piano, our narrator finds himself questioning his faith as he whispers the title of the track and begs for God to touch him. Sufjan’s voice intertwines with a hushed group of backup singers comprised of Megan Slaboda, John Ringhofer, and Elin Smith as they collectively ask “Would the righteous still remain? / Would my body stay the same?”

Soon all four vocalists combine into one extraordinary force, all singing over a sparse, mounting piano melody and finger-plucked guitar. Midway through the song, after repeating the same set of heaven-bound lines, all of the vocalists break into a makeshift wordless chorus as they sing along to the now-established tune set by the piano.

All of the instruments all flicker and shimmer as if being played from a distant memory. The piano is patient and carefully tapped. The guitar gleams and quivers, faint and serene. You can hear ambient noise trickling in between the quiet pauses as if the entire of the studio was breathing and coming to life at that moment.

Near the end of the track, Sufjan’s vocals become more prominent and press up against the backup singers as they all revisit the chorus for a third time. Soon a mighty brush of cymbals erupt. Horns emerge from the corners of the mix and play along with the group's established melody. The piano picks back up, newly energized and boisterous. Soon another pair of horns emerge and add splashes of light to the song’s bigger picture. Every element is working in tandem, taking turns, all adding on to the song’s resounding and soul-affirming chant of “La da da, da da da.”

Then everything quiets to a hum. The horns and cymbals carry the song out with long, colorful streaks. It’s both somber and gorgeous. It’s warm and cozy, a melody that you can slip away into and tuck under yourself like a blanket. A massive tide consuming your soul at a glacial pace. Then, after nine minutes and 24 seconds, it’s gone. Silence.

Picking up exactly where “Oh God” left off, the very next thing the listeners hears are the timbred piano strikes of “Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou).” You can make out the distant wooden creak of a chair or a floorboard, and again, your mind is transported back to a remote snow-covered cabin in the middle of the woods. Far-off vocals echo through the top of the mix like specters haunting the lone pianist. Still, the melody continues, the reflective musician is barreling towards his destination with more confidence and determination than ever before.

In the final seconds, Redford’s piano ceases and the ethereal vocals make their last wail before being claimed by static silence, and then the song ends. “Redford” is a momentary meditation before the album’s final impact. The first part of a one-two punch. A connecting piece that serves as the bridge between the album’s two defining works.

Next, the final track unveils itself. “Vito's Ordination Song” begins with an elongated and heavy organ chord, as if the pianist from the last song had suddenly been brought back to life. It sounds wholesome and church-like, evoking the feeling of both a funeral and a sermon.

Sufjan returns from the instrumental abyss and quietly recalls “I always knew you / In your mother's arms.” Swiftly navigating toward noisy imagery of marriage, happiness, and warmth as the organ continues beneath his deliberate vocals. Then after a three-song absence, a set of drums enter the fray. Booming in comparison to the sense of quiet softness we’ve been basking in over the past 15 minutes, the drum keeps time while making way for a subtle horn arrangement and heart-beat-like organ passage.

The album’s cast of backup vocalists rejoin Sufjan for one final time, duetting and echoing the same sentiments as the song’s first verse but now full and exploding with liveliness. The group of singers land gracefully upon a final chorus that ferries us along for the remaining four minutes of the album: “Rest in my arms / Sleep in my bed / There's a design / To what I did and said.”

It’s soul-crushing, heartbreaking, and beautiful. It evokes such a varied range of emotions in me that it feels truly herculean to into words. It is winter. It is Christmas. It is heavenly. It is transcendental. It is every happy moment that I���ve ever experienced over the past decade. The soundtrack to the warm memories that exist only in my head. It’s the reflection of my entire life.

The same way that you feel when you gather with your family to watch that beloved Christmas movie. The way that you feel in the embrace of a loved one. The feeling you get when leafing through an old photo album of memories now long-past. The people you spent your life with. The recipes you made together. The ones that never got to share them. It is love. It is life. It is loss. It is everything and nothing more.

These songs make me unspeakably thankful for the life that I’ve lived, and the life I’m going to lead. They are truly perfect pieces of art. To completely break the flow, I initially wrote this while listening to Michigan for the first time this year, and teared up as I wrote this... Definitely a first for this blog.

In many ways, this three-song stretch is the reason that I created this website. A location for me to document, wholly and lovingly the things that bring me unimaginable joy. The beautiful thing is, everyone has their own three-song stretch. Some little thing that makes you happy. Maybe it’s something that nobody else knows about. Perhaps it’s so esoteric that it feels silly to share with anyone, even those closest to you. But I encourage you to share it. It’s something that you hold dearer than anything else in life. A genuine treasure. A piece of your soul crystallized externally. For me, that’s Michigan. It’s a work of art, a masterpiece, and my life.

[kristallioness]

Hi, dear followers! Just wanted to share what I've been up to recently...

So, my plans got ruined by a storm last night. I was gonna try to finish shading a Voltron season 3 drawing of Allura's family, then go through my newsfeed on Facebook and Tumblr and watch ATLA Book 1 episodes 10-13 as part of my rewatch, which I started last Sunday.

We ended up unplugging everything in our home at around 8 pm and just sitting in the dark for 2+ hours until I fell asleep for a couple of hours, then woke up at 4 am to go and at least surf through the newsfeeds I wanted to earlier (add new stuff to my queue here) and watch some of my favourite Winx season 6 episodes (the ones where all of the girls gain the Bloomix power) on Nickelodeon in the early morning at 5 am, only to finally fall back asleep at 8 am out of pure exhaustion. I wanted to get my sleep routine back to normal, but the last 2 days have mixed that up, too. Welp, I hope I'll be able to do it in the next couple of days.

I also wanted to watch the London World Championships evening events last night, but we didn't wanna risk turning on the TV and the lightning causing any damage. I was so excited and happy when I read that Janek Õiglane came in 4th place in the men's decathlon. And what a surprise it was when I watched how Usain Bolt and the Jamaican team didn't win the 4 x 100 m relay.

Apparently the storm hit my home county the hardest. Luckily there were no casualties, mostly a lot of fallen trees or electricity posts. I'm 23 years old and I have NEVER seen such a horrible storm with so much lightning in my life, not to mention it lasted for 2+ hours. The longest I remember witnessing lasted a bit more than an hour, that was less than 10 years ago. I know I shouldn't complain since there are far worse storms in other regions of the world, but compared to the regular Estonian weather, these last few years have been quite abnormal. This has also been one of the rainiest summers, we haven't had proper snow during winter in the last few years, it snowed almost every morning throughout April this year (NEVER happened before). Global warming is real - it's affecting the weather, the conditions are becoming more extreme and I can easily tell how everything's changing.

Alright, now I'm gonna surf through the sites I visit daily, maybe try and draw a little, watch ATLA Book 1 episodes 10-15 tonight and then head to bed to get a well-deserved loooong sleep because I'm soooo tired already.

[foursprout-blog]

One Insanely Popular Reason So Many of Us Are Unhappy

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/one-insanely-popular-reason-so-many-of-us-are-unhappy/

One Insanely Popular Reason So Many of Us Are Unhappy

It’s not too late.  You aren’t behind.  You’re exactly where you need to be.  Every step is necessary.  Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking.  We all need our own time to travel our own distance.  Give yourself a little more credit right now, be thankful you made it this far, and take the next tiniest step forward.

Seriously, don’t waste another drop of your time and energy fighting against where you are.  Invest your time and energy into getting to where you want to go.  Do your best to let go of everything from the past that does not serve you, and just admire the fact that it brought you to where you are now…

To this new beginning.

That’s the super-simplified gist of what Marc and I preach on a daily basis to course students, blog commenters, book readers, friends, and just about anyone else who pings us for some general advice on getting unstuck in life.

And it’s pretty good advice for the most part, right?

You might even say it’s common sense.

Yet, so many of us do the exact opposite on a daily basis.

In fact, many of us do nothing productive at all until we get to a catastrophic breaking point.

In other words, we waste all our time and energy waiting for the ideal path to appear.  But it never does.  Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting.  We forget that we shouldn’t feel more confident before we take the next step—that taking the next step is what builds our confidence.  And so, we hesitate, procrastinate, and ultimately succumb to the same old routines that have been making us miserable.

The underlining reason for our errors in judgment?

A Lack of Self-Discipline

Many of us lack the self-discipline skill set required to make consistent, meaningful progress.

Think about the most widespread sources of unhappiness we deal with in our lives—from laziness to lack of exercise to unhealthy vices to procrastination, and so on.

In most cases, problems like these are not caused not by a physical ailment, but by an conditioned weakness of the mind—a weakness that persistently urges us to avoid discomfort.

Too often we dream about the reward without the risk, the shine without the grind.  But we can’t have a destination without a journey.  And a journey always has costs.  At the very least, we have to give up a little time and energy to take a step forward every day.

So, instead of dreaming about what you want right now, first ask yourself:

“What am I willing to give up to get it?”

Or, for those inevitably hard days:

“What is worth sacrificing for?”

Seriously, think about it…

If you want the six-pack abs, you have to also want the sore muscles and the healthy meals.

If you want the successful business, you have to also want the long work days and the possibility of failing twenty times to learn what you need to know to succeed in the long run.

If you want something in life, you have to also want the costs of getting it—you have to be willing to put in consistent effort.  Otherwise, there’s no point in dreaming.  In fact, as long as a meaningful dream is just sitting around in your head it’s doing far more harm than good.  Your subconscious mind knows you’re procrastinating on something that’s important to you.  The necessary work you keep postponing causes unhappiness, anxiety, fear, and usually more procrastination—a vicious cycle that continues to worsen until you interrupt it with ACTION.

Yeah, taking action seems simple enough but, really, it’s not.  Because, again, what we truly need to do is often what we most feel like avoiding.  This is a harsh reality…

Waaaaay too often!  But there’s hope…

Practicing the Skill of Self-Discipline

After consistently honing my self-discipline over the years, I’ve become reasonably proficient at getting things done with minimal distraction and procrastination.

Today, for example, I wrote a 1200-word newsletter email for blog subscribers, proof-read and cleaned up the last few edits for a brand new book Marc and I just finished co-writing, coached one of our Getting Back to Happy course students, responded to comments and emails from dozens of students and readers, worked on business planning and strategizing for a few active side-projects, spent a quality evening with my family, and of course now I’m writing the article you’re reading now which I’ll queue up for tomorrow morning.

It might seem like a lot, but it happens one step at a time, with presence and focus.

With that said, however, I’ll be the first to admit that Marc and I still struggle with occasional self-discipline breakdowns that sneak up on us and get in the way of our effectiveness (because we’re human).  When this happens to me, first and foremost, I forgive myself for messing up, and then I strive to be mindful about what’s really going on.  Am I procrastinating for some reason?  Am I distracted?  Instead of telling myself that I’m “bad” or “undisciplined,” I try to productively uncover a more specific, solvable problem, and then address it.

In a nutshell, I remind myself that self-discipline is just a skill to be honed.  It’s simply the practice of overcoming distractions and focusing on what matters.  It involves acting according to what you know is right instead of how you feel in the moment (perhaps tired or lazy).  It typically requires sacrificing immediate pleasure and excitement for what matters most in life.  And it’s something that must be revisited, again and again.

But (there’s always a “but”)…

What do you do if your life is in complete disarray, you have hardly any self-discipline or beneficial routines, can’t stick to anything, procrastinate constantly, and feel miserably out of control?

How do you get started with practicing self-discipline when you have so many changes to make?

You start small. Very small.

If you don’t know where to start, let me suggest that you start by simply washing your dishes.  Yes, I mean literally washing your dishes.  It’s just one small step forward: When you eat your oatmeal, wash your bowl and spoon.  When you finish drinking your morning coffee, rinse the coffee pot and your mug.  Don’t leave any dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter for later.  Wash them immediately.

Form this small ritual one dish at a time, one day at a time.  Once you do this consistently for a couple weeks, you can start making sure the sink has been wiped clean too.  Then the counter.  Then put your clothes where they belong when you take them off.  Then start doing a few sit-ups every morning.  Eat a few vegetables for dinner.  And so forth.

Do one of these at a time, and you’ll start to build a healthy ritual of practicing self-discipline, and finally know yourself to be capable of doing what must be done… and finishing what you start.

But, again, for right now, just wash your dishes.  Mindfully, with a smile. (Marc and I build small, life-changing rituals like this with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy course.)

Your turn…

The next step forward is yours for the taking.  Just one step today—like washing your dishes—and then continue focusing on it for a few minutes a day going forward.  The key is making sustainable shifts in your beliefs and behavior.  That means practicing gradually, one step at a time, one day at a time, and letting your progress build over time.  Go from zero to 60 steps over the course of a couple months, not all at once.

Will it be easy?

Not likely.

But it will be worth it.

As you marshal forward in life, adversity is inescapable.  And it’s much like walking into a turbulent windstorm—as you fight to step onward, you not only gain strength, but it tears away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn.  Once you come out of the storm, you see yourself as you really are in raw form, without the baggage that’s been holding you back.

And that makes all the difference—because it frees you to take the next small step, and the next.

So tell me, which part of this article resonated with you the most?  Why does it resonate with you?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Marc and I would love to hear from YOU.  🙂

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

One Insanely Popular Reason So Many of Us Are Unhappy

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/one-insanely-popular-reason-so-many-of-us-are-unhappy/

One Insanely Popular Reason So Many of Us Are Unhappy

It’s not too late.  You aren’t behind.  You’re exactly where you need to be.  Every step is necessary.  Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking.  We all need our own time to travel our own distance.  Give yourself a little more credit right now, be thankful you made it this far, and take the next tiniest step forward.

Seriously, don’t waste another drop of your time and energy fighting against where you are.  Invest your time and energy into getting to where you want to go.  Do your best to let go of everything from the past that does not serve you, and just admire the fact that it brought you to where you are now…

To this new beginning.

That’s the super-simplified gist of what Marc and I preach on a daily basis to course students, blog commenters, book readers, friends, and just about anyone else who pings us for some general advice on getting unstuck in life.

And it’s pretty good advice for the most part, right?

You might even say it’s common sense.

Yet, so many of us do the exact opposite on a daily basis.

In fact, many of us do nothing productive at all until we get to a catastrophic breaking point.

In other words, we waste all our time and energy waiting for the ideal path to appear.  But it never does.  Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting.  We forget that we shouldn’t feel more confident before we take the next step—that taking the next step is what builds our confidence.  And so, we hesitate, procrastinate, and ultimately succumb to the same old routines that have been making us miserable.

The underlining reason for our errors in judgment?

A Lack of Self-Discipline

Many of us lack the self-discipline skill set required to make consistent, meaningful progress.

Think about the most widespread sources of unhappiness we deal with in our lives—from laziness to lack of exercise to unhealthy vices to procrastination, and so on.

In most cases, problems like these are not caused not by a physical ailment, but by an conditioned weakness of the mind—a weakness that persistently urges us to avoid discomfort.

Too often we dream about the reward without the risk, the shine without the grind.  But we can’t have a destination without a journey.  And a journey always has costs.  At the very least, we have to give up a little time and energy to take a step forward every day.

So, instead of dreaming about what you want right now, first ask yourself:

“What am I willing to give up to get it?”

Or, for those inevitably hard days:

“What is worth sacrificing for?”

Seriously, think about it…

If you want the six-pack abs, you have to also want the sore muscles and the healthy meals.

If you want the successful business, you have to also want the long work days and the possibility of failing twenty times to learn what you need to know to succeed in the long run.

If you want something in life, you have to also want the costs of getting it—you have to be willing to put in consistent effort.  Otherwise, there’s no point in dreaming.  In fact, as long as a meaningful dream is just sitting around in your head it’s doing far more harm than good.  Your subconscious mind knows you’re procrastinating on something that’s important to you.  The necessary work you keep postponing causes unhappiness, anxiety, fear, and usually more procrastination—a vicious cycle that continues to worsen until you interrupt it with ACTION.

Yeah, taking action seems simple enough but, really, it’s not.  Because, again, what we truly need to do is often what we most feel like avoiding.  This is a harsh reality…

Waaaaay too often!  But there’s hope…

Practicing the Skill of Self-Discipline

After consistently honing my self-discipline over the years, I’ve become reasonably proficient at getting things done with minimal distraction and procrastination.

Today, for example, I wrote a 1200-word newsletter email for blog subscribers, proof-read and cleaned up the last few edits for a brand new book Marc and I just finished co-writing, coached one of our Getting Back to Happy course students, responded to comments and emails from dozens of students and readers, worked on business planning and strategizing for a few active side-projects, spent a quality evening with my family, and of course now I’m writing the article you’re reading now which I’ll queue up for tomorrow morning.

It might seem like a lot, but it happens one step at a time, with presence and focus.

With that said, however, I’ll be the first to admit that Marc and I still struggle with occasional self-discipline breakdowns that sneak up on us and get in the way of our effectiveness (because we’re human).  When this happens to me, first and foremost, I forgive myself for messing up, and then I strive to be mindful about what’s really going on.  Am I procrastinating for some reason?  Am I distracted?  Instead of telling myself that I’m “bad” or “undisciplined,” I try to productively uncover a more specific, solvable problem, and then address it.

In a nutshell, I remind myself that self-discipline is just a skill to be honed.  It’s simply the practice of overcoming distractions and focusing on what matters.  It involves acting according to what you know is right instead of how you feel in the moment (perhaps tired or lazy).  It typically requires sacrificing immediate pleasure and excitement for what matters most in life.  And it’s something that must be revisited, again and again.

But (there’s always a “but”)…

What do you do if your life is in complete disarray, you have hardly any self-discipline or beneficial routines, can’t stick to anything, procrastinate constantly, and feel miserably out of control?

How do you get started with practicing self-discipline when you have so many changes to make?

You start small. Very small.

If you don’t know where to start, let me suggest that you start by simply washing your dishes.  Yes, I mean literally washing your dishes.  It’s just one small step forward: When you eat your oatmeal, wash your bowl and spoon.  When you finish drinking your morning coffee, rinse the coffee pot and your mug.  Don’t leave any dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter for later.  Wash them immediately.

Form this small ritual one dish at a time, one day at a time.  Once you do this consistently for a couple weeks, you can start making sure the sink has been wiped clean too.  Then the counter.  Then put your clothes where they belong when you take them off.  Then start doing a few sit-ups every morning.  Eat a few vegetables for dinner.  And so forth.

Do one of these at a time, and you’ll start to build a healthy ritual of practicing self-discipline, and finally know yourself to be capable of doing what must be done… and finishing what you start.

But, again, for right now, just wash your dishes.  Mindfully, with a smile. (Marc and I build small, life-changing rituals like this with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy course.)

Your turn…

The next step forward is yours for the taking.  Just one step today—like washing your dishes—and then continue focusing on it for a few minutes a day going forward.  The key is making sustainable shifts in your beliefs and behavior.  That means practicing gradually, one step at a time, one day at a time, and letting your progress build over time.  Go from zero to 60 steps over the course of a couple months, not all at once.

Will it be easy?

Not likely.

But it will be worth it.

As you marshal forward in life, adversity is inescapable.  And it’s much like walking into a turbulent windstorm—as you fight to step onward, you not only gain strength, but it tears away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn.  Once you come out of the storm, you see yourself as you really are in raw form, without the baggage that’s been holding you back.

And that makes all the difference—because it frees you to take the next small step, and the next.

So tell me, which part of this article resonated with you the most?  Why does it resonate with you?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Marc and I would love to hear from YOU.  🙂

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.