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mocha-sim · 4 years ago

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For a while now I’ve wanted to write out a post concerning where I stand on the whole issue with YanSim and its developer (in short: neutral, leaning heavily towards the negative side, but I like the potential of the story and characters). There are a lot of problems and I really want to throw in my two cents

This might not be necessary, but I need to get it off my chest, and hopefully make some people think about other points of view

Warning: long post ahead

1. Six years and still in development

I can really see both sides here

On one hand, six full years without even one rival - the single most important part of the game - and a game still full of placeholder assets, and terrible code on top of that, is pathetic

On the other hand, Yandev is working with only a small team of volunteers and himself, who (no matter what he claims) knows very little about game development (from what i’ve seen, he’s made one before, but it looks like a very small-scale and basic fighting game, unlike YanSim which is much more large-scale and has a lot of features)

Professional game teams do have full, high-quality games made in less than six years, but that time is also a product of game company employees being extremely overworked. Lately I’ve seen a lot more people talking about this issue, which is good, but isn’t it hypocritical to not also apply that logic to Yandev?

Again, though, I’m not sure how much time he spends actually working on the game - to me, it seems like he spends a lot of time on discord, reddit, etc. even if he does only stream for a few hours every night. Maybe the “harassment” that’s “slowing down game development” wouldn’t be such an issue if he didn’t spend so much time online interacting with these people?

2. The writing and characters

I’m not a huge fan of how the game’s story is handled, either

I don’t think it’s 100% fair to cast a final judgement with the game the way it is now - Osana not being out is in no way a good thing, but it also means that there hasn’t really been any opportunity for story or character development yet, especially for the rivals. That being said:

I feel like there’s a lot of wasted potential with characters’ individual stories and with the game’s story as a whole, like the “Aishi curse” - I just can’t think of many good stories with a main character who’s basically an empty husk. If Ayano had emotions from the beginning, and actually had to struggle with them, she could be a much more interesting character. There doesn’t even need to be a magical curse for it to run in the family - the way children are raised has a serious impact on the person they grow into. If Ayano is raised by a crazy, abusive stalker of a mother, she may well turn into the same thing.

Taro, too - he has so many contradicting character traits. He yells at Ayano for “scaring him” when she’s carrying a box cutter or laughing, but has the courage to run right up to a murderer and take off their mask?? He doesn’t care about reputations for Osoro or Oka, but won’t love Ayano if her reputation drops too low?? We’re told that he’s “friendly and respectful”, but we’re never shown that part of his personality. On top of that, we’re not really given a reason to like or pursue him as the goal of the game - when he’s not interacting with Girl of the Week, he doesn’t really do anything except sit by the fountain and read. I feel as though Taro should have a routine that involves interacting with other characters and gives us more of a feel for the personality we’re told he’s supposed to have

Raibaru as a whole makes no sense and feels like a satellite character to Osana. In Osana’s shoes, I would want to have a word with her about personal space. There’s not a lot to say about her aside from that, because... she doesn’t really do anything except follow Osana around all day and shut down the player’s attempts to kill her. She feels more like a soulless obstacle than a character

I think there should be more true pacifist options than just matchmaking - even the befriending elimination route will, in Yandev’s own words, involve someone getting hurt. If we’re supposed to have a choice on whether or not to hurt and kill people, there should be more variety in our options

3. The game’s code sucks/it’s poorly-optimized

Yeah.

I don’t know much about coding but the amount of awkward stretching/bending limbs on corpses, clipping through walls, low fps, etc. makes this obvious. It was definitely a bad move on Yandev’s part to start a project like this without at least taking a coding/game development class or something

I think the best course of action for Yandev would be to get a professional programmer on board after Osana is released and spend a few months fixing the game’s code before he starts work on the next rival

4. The character models are just stolen Unity models

They are just unity models, but not “stolen” at all - YanDev paid for them.

That being said, they’re sort of ugly and inexpressive, and personally i’m hoping they get replaced soon

5. The characters are all minors

They’re not. It’s in flashing red letters on the screen when you open the game. I can’t help but feel like the reason people keep insisting that the characters are minors is so that they can feel like heroes for defending them or something

It doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, but there’s still plenty of time for this to be fixed. I think it was recently confirmed that Akademi is called an “academy” now and won’t be referred to as a high school again

Imo YanDev should just change it to a post-secondary school, since that’s probably the most seamless way for all the characters to be adults

One last thing I want to say on this is that, when it gets brought up, I often see people use the excuse “the age of consent in Japan is 13″. 1: it isn’t - the Japanese government lets each prefecture decide its own age of consent, but 13 is the minimum. As far as I know, no prefecture has set it below 16. 2: even if 13 was the age of consent, that doesn’t mean we should accept and defend it as “part of a different culture”. It’s still pedophilia. 3: Japanese people actively protest against things like this

6. The uniforms are middle-school uniforms/don’t look like they belong in a prestigious school

Yeah

However there are multiple uniform options, and it looks like the default uniforms will be completely changed in the final game

7. Panty shots

YanSim is an 18+ game, but there is such a thing as too far

I’ve seen people who tolerate it, but I haven’t seen a single person who actively likes the panty shots and would complain if they were removed. Imo the part that makes this bad is the fact that we, the player, actively have to point our camera up a girl’s skirt and take a photo of her underwear with it being in full view; the whole way this works makes it obvious that the feature was put in there for titillation more than anything else, and it just feels uncomfortable. If it were more like Uekiya’s key-stealing minigame where all we have to do is push a few buttons, the whole gross/uncomfortable aspect could be taken away and a lot of people would probably be fine with it

It would also be better to replace it with an expanded version of the phone-stealing feature: this would let the player get “points” for students of both genders, plus it would still make sense to gain more points for certain students, like the student council or the bullies. Maybe you could even steal teachers’ phones under certain circumstances?

8. YanDev is homophobic

Again not too sure on this one

Iirc, most of the comments people bring up on this are from years ago when he still went by EvaXephon

But speaking as a wlw, I think some of the ways I’ve seen him talk about f/f relationships are pretty creepy. And on top of that, he seems to be considering adding a “female senpai” option to the game, but no male player character? (though i guess i can see the point of view that a male mc would need a lot more new voice lines, animations, etc. while the senpai follows a mostly fixed routine and would only need so many. still, it seems wrong to have one without the other). I hope I’m wrong about this but his support of the LGBT community seems mostly focused on the L and more for his own entertainment than any actual support

9. YanDev is making more money than he should (and handles it poorly)

His Patreon may be dropping, but his YouTube channel is raking in even more money with 2M+ subscribers, and he’s making even more money from things like merch and donations... all while apparently still living with his parents (which i don’t find hard to believe). He’s also apparently bought 2 switches and a sex doll instead of using the money to hire the help he desperately needs with his game

Assuming he really does still live with his parents, I fully support the petition to get his Patreon suspended until he at least finishes Osana. Most game devs don’t make any money off of their games until they’ve finished it completely

10. YanDev wrote rape fanfics

So I did briefly check his old ffn profile some time ago, and as far as I could see everything had the proper ratings and warnings

Tagging/warning/rating is a fanfic author’s only responsibility to you. You make the choice on whether or not to read it. If everything is appropriately tagged and you read it anyway, that’s on you, not the author. If you are mature enough to be on the internet unsupervised, then you are mature enough to curate your own experience.

Fiction is the place to explore controversial themes and topics. It doesn’t mean in any way that a content creator would condone the things they write about in real life

11. YanDev steals art/assets

He does, and still hasn’t apologized for the DLC rivals thing. In fact he made a post defending himself for it, and even compared himself to Andy Warhol in the process (lol)

I’m not sure but I think I heard something recently about him continuing to do this type of thing (the grass, etc.). In which case we should continue to put pressure on him until he credits the creators of whatever art/assets he stole. Art theft is inexcusable

12. The fanbase is mostly kids

This is unfortunately true, and it’s a big problem (i’ve had to deal with it myself on my youtube channel)

However I would personally say that this problem is outside of YanDev’s control. Kids seem to be drawn to edgy/violent things, or things they shouldn’t be allowed to see (just look at Call of Duty). I put the blame for this on the parents who aren’t monitoring their kids’ computer activities. As for YanDev, he’s not a babysitter and it’s not his responsibility to censor his content for kids who shouldn’t be viewing it in the first place

Underage or not though, he should really avoid calling his fans things like “fuck kittens”. Even from the perspective of an adult that’s super creepy to hear

13. The character designs suck

Some are alright, others are absolutely awful

I think that, in a game built on anime tropes, characters should be allowed to have unnaturally-coloured hair. I mean, a lot of characters in anime do have weird hair that you wouldn’t see in real life (seemingly without any dye), and it can add a lot of personality to their designs

But some YanSim characters push that too far. The science club is the worst of the worst imo, despite being otherwise one of my favourite clubs. The neon streaks are ugly, and what’s up with the visors? Why are they allowed to wear those outside of club time? Why do they wear them during club time, as opposed to actual goggles or something? (i have this issue with a lot of club accessories, imo the accessories are unnecessary in the first place)

The bullies and the light music club also take things too far. Their designs are crowded, hard to look at, and out-of-place. Nothing against characters with multi-coloured hair, but there’s a time and a place and a “prestigious” school setting isn’t it

(also, slightly off-topic, but why does almost every “intended couple” look like they could be siblings?)

I could probably make a whole separate post on the character designs in YS, but I’ll save that for another day. (i’m just very passionate about character design)

14. YanDev has collaborated with porn games 3 times now

Once I could overlook (after all, the characters are 18+ and YS is already not for kids) but a third time? Seriously? And so soon after the last one?

Not only do I have mixed feelings about Yandev doing crossovers when his game isn’t even in the demo stage yet, isn’t this game supposed to be taken seriously as a horror game? I can’t think of a single other horror game that has willingly put its characters in porn.

Also I can’t help noticing that he advertises the porn game crossovers a lot more than he did with that one Dark Deception crossover. Did he ever even mention that one? I only ever saw it on the Dark Deception Twitter

15. YanDev is rude to his fans

I don’t have a lot to say against this one. As far as I’ve seen, he is, and he doesn’t take criticism well at all (just look at the subreddit - yes, a lot of the things that were removed deserved it (unfunny cum chalice jokes, etc.) but there have also been completely innocent questions, fanarts, jokes, and fanfics that have been removed. Not to mention mods going through peoples’ post history and banning them for being active in r/Osana. Both he and his mod team seem insanely paranoid)

I think he’s going to have to grow a thicker skin and stop censoring critiques if he wants to get anywhere with this game. Not just fans who bring up tiny details that might need changing, but also big, glaring issues like the code and character designs and such. He also doesn’t seem that professional for a game developer who wants to be taken seriously

That being said, if you’re the type to spam the discord server/subreddit/fan communities who have nothing to do with Yandev like the amino, you deserved that ban

16. YanDev defends pedophiles/the “sex license” thing

“No adult ever has any excuse to do anything sexual with a child. As soon as you touch a kid, you have crossed the line from being someone with a mental disorder to being the worst scum imaginable. Having a mental illness is involuntary, but touching a kid is a choice. If you have a mental illness, I feel bad for you. If you violate a child, I feel disgust and contempt for you, and I think you deserve the death penalty.” -From YanDev himself on this page

The sex license thing is also debunked on the same page: the whole conversation was taken out of context and the hypothetical “license” was supposed to be something that only an adult could meet the requirements for

17. “Corona-chan”

This was a really insensitive move to make in the middle of a pandemic, and I agree that the design was racist

However, YanDev listened to the fans’ complaints and removed the easter egg a day later, plus gave an apology. I think that this was the best thing he could do in that scenario and idk what else people are expecting him to do about it

18. YanDev’s general portrayal of high schoolers

Honestly, it’s not 100% realistic (especially in some of the dialogue. you know what i’m talking about)

I’m surprised that more students don’t seem to have friends outside of their clubs. It seems like all the students mostly stick within their club/group - walking to school together, spending their breaks together, etc. A lot of the ways the characters behave are very robotic, like walking in a perfectly straight line everywhere they go

That being said, a lot of the things i’ve seen criticized in regards to this are not part of the problem. By the time you’re in high school, you’ve probably hit puberty. It doesn’t make a character automatically sexualized if they have bigger breasts (though some designs in the game are over-sexualized, like a few certain staff members)

19. Muja, Mida, and Hanako

Let’s start with Hanako: Yandev has already said that she’s not romantically interested in her brother, she’s just insanely clingy and doesn’t want him to get a girlfriend out of fear that he’ll forget about her. If you still insist that she’s in love with Taro, then that’s on you

Muja and Mida I have mixed feelings on.

If every student is 18 or older, meaning that the first-years are 18, that makes Taro, a third-year, 20-21 years old. If Mida and Muja are in their early 20s as Yandev has said, that means that the age gap isn’t an issue. However, it’s still wrong for a teacher or a nurse to pursue their student/patient

I don’t think Yandev should need to spell out “hey, Mida and Muja are not good people” in flashing neon signs. The game is rated M and anyone who’s old enough to play it should be able to understand that without it being said. If you need morality in fiction spoon-fed to you, you probably shouldn’t be watching/reading/playing anything rated above PG

On the other hand, YanDev has a nasty habit of making these things into a joke, which is really insensitive and creepy. Like saying that Mida’s favourite food is “the spit of a younger man” (yikes), that she’s tried to seduce her own students 69 times (haha 69 so funney right guys XD), or that whole confession scene mess. It’s less of a problem with Muja, but it’s still there. As much as the audience shouldn’t need everything served to them on a silver platter, issues like these should still be treated with respect, not made into gags

20. Yandev wastes time on “Easter eggs”

I have to agree that he does spend time implementing unnecessary things sometimes (like the abc challenge), but as far as I know the Easter eggs are what he does in his spare time while waiting for assets from volunteers. However: snap mode, which was hyped up for years, turned out to be a flop with zero purpose, disappointing a good portion of the fanbase.

21. Love Letter

So far I’m really liking the look of this game: I like the models and the school environment they’ve shown, and it seems like they’re doing a lot of things in better or more interesting ways than YanDev, like not outright telling us who the rivals are. I don’t think it’s fair to accuse them of “stealing” anything, when it seems like most of the assets the games have in common are the things they bought from the Unity store (Love Letter even changed the base Unity model to have a more appealing look)

I'm glad to see that they actually listened to criticism from fans on things like Setsuna’s design (I love her newest look and I hope it’s the final one). From design alone she’s already a more interesting protagonist, and she looks like the sort of character you’d actually enjoy playing as

Not sure I totally buy the claim that it was all done in two weeks, but even if it was over the span of months, that’s still miles better than YanSim’s six years

Knowing that Dr. Apeis has already ditched one project I’m staying open to new information on this, but as of right now I’m looking forward to playing the demo!

Overall: A lot of the hate against the game and the dev are unnecessary, but some is justified and we shouldn’t blindly defend everything he does (seriously, you can admit that the character designs are shit. no one is going to stone you for it). There are a lot of improvements Dev could make, both on the game and on his behaviour towards fans.

I think that the biggest improvement would be for the game to just stop taking itself so seriously. At this point, it’s so full of memes, cringy google translate names, excessive edginess, and gags that it may as well just be a fun ridiculous anime game instead of a serious horror game. I feel like taking this approach could make it more successful (plus, it doesn’t really have a lot of horror elements aside from the gore)

There are a lot of cases of people taking things too far. Like spamming YanDev with explicit gore/animal abuse, trying to swat him, spamming volunteers with weird porn, trying to hack into volunteers’ accounts (including bank accounts), etc. That is going way too far, no matter how awful or pathetic you think a person is. If you are doing these kinds of things, you are doing more harm than Dev or his volunteers

Attacking YanDev’s appearance is unnecessary and not related to his behaviour or skills. Same with the chalice memes

However, I’ve seen a lot of YanDev’s defenders lashing out against “gremlins”, lumping all of them in with the kinds of people who do these things. If you check r/Osana, you’ll see that most if not all of the people there condemn this behaviour: the gore and porn spammers are a loud minority (and i’m willing to bet most of them are the basement-dwelling losers from KiwiFarms and 4Chan)

Attacking and/or spamming fans who are just trying to enjoy the game is also unnecessary. Someone liking a video game you don’t like is not doing you any harm. Be mature and move on

I’m not sure if some of what I’ve said above is 100% accurate so if anyone actually read this and has evidence against it then feel free to add

I think that’s about all I have to say on that. Again, i don’t know if it will change anything in the fandom but i really just wanted to get this off my chest

#yandere simulator #yansim #yanderedev #yandev #not sure if i should tag this as crit or not

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lastsonlost · 5 years ago

Link

After the first episode of "The Mandalorian," the Disney Plus series in the Star Wars universe that became the top streaming hit of 2019, aired on the platform, some Twitter users expressed frustration at how few women spoke, and how few female characters there were in general.

Some of those who tweeted, including well-known feminist critic Anita Sarkeesian, were met with dogpiling and waves of harassment across social media platforms.

The harassment largely stemmed from anti-feminist Star Wars fan accounts who rounded up and highlighted tweets under the pretense that those complaining were "outraged" social justice warriors trying to tear down a successful Star Wars franchise.

The harassment is just the latest instance of feminist fandom voices being shut down online.

Anita Sarkeesian is no stranger to online harassment,

YEA SHES VERY GOOD AT MAKING THEM.

being one of the central figures in Gamergate, the online harassment campaign that resulted in her receiving numerous death and rape threats, along with bomb and shooting threats at her events. But even she was surprised at the amount of vitriol her tweet about "The Mandalorian" received.

After watching the first episode of the Star Wars series for Disney Plus, Sarkeesian tweeted asking if she was just tired, or if there wasn't "a single female speaking character in the first episode."

She was exhausted, Sarkeesian told Insider — missing the one scene where a woman spoke and making a typo in her tweet. In the replies, Sarkeesian corrected herself. Then she went to bed. In the morning, the tweet had more than 3,000 replies. It currently has close to 7,000.

"Maybe you should switch to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills... I'm sure you'll find much to relate to there...." one top reply read.

"No wonder you're so tired. They say you should stretch before making such reaches, especially at your age," said another, with more than 1,400 likes of its own.

It's an example of dogpiling, a type of online harassment where, on Twitter, someone's replies outnumber likes and retweets, and are mostly filled with repetitive, hurtful comments.

"It's ironic. Women, especially feminists, get accused of being emotional and angry and all of these things when all we said was 'Hey, I noticed this thing. And it's kind of a problem, and I think it's really bad for our society,'" Sarkeesian told Insider. "If they didn't reply to it, my tweet would have just been gone. They made it a much bigger deal."

Sarkeesian is the most prominent figure facing dogpiling and harassment in response to her criticism of the series, but she's not the only one.

People with and without large Twitter followings, some who are verified and many who are not, have found themselves overwhelmed with anti-feminist replies and messages across platforms after tweeting about how few women are in "The Mandalorian."

Specifically, in the first episode, there's one female character wearing a mask who speaks, and two female characters total, along with a few women spotted as extras in the background of shots. More female characters are expected to play larger roles in future episodes.

"Even if you want to give the show the benefit of the doubt and say there's some big, wild justification that's going to come around in episode 7, it feels wrong that the vast majority of this world is populated by men or male-identified characters," Sarkeesian said.

Star Wars fans have a history of harassing women online when faced with criticism

Online harassment in the Star Wars fandom, particularly of women, is nothing new. Actresses like Daisy Ridley and Kelly Marie Tran of the latest Disney-owned Star Wars trilogy have recently talked about the negative aspects of the Star Wars community.

Ridley, who stars in the newest Star Wars trilogy as Rey, "cut off" her Facebook and Instagram accounts "like a Skywalker limb" due to harassment, and Tran faced racist and misogynistic harassment after appearing as the first woman of color in a leading role in the Star Wars franchise.

"It wasn't their words, it's that I started to believe them," Tran wrote for The New York Times after deleting her Instagram posts in 2018. "Their words seemed to confirm what growing up as a woman and a person of color already taught me: that I belonged in margins and spaces, valid only as a minor character in their lives and stories."

In the case of "The Mandalorian," almost anyone who tweets about the show from a feminist perspective is at risk of being targeted, because Star Wars fan accounts are rounding up tweets that criticize things like the amount of time it took for a woman to speak in the first episode.

One account rounded up 33 of these tweets with the caption "SJW's are outraged over the 'lack of female characters' in the first 2 episodes of The Mandalorian. A show with 3 female characters. Feminists only care about counting the number of minutes women are on screen in Star Wars."

Insider spoke with two people whose tweets were featured in the round-up, who said their tweets were mischaracterized, inspiring a wave of online hate.

Both of the people who spoke with Insider said they liked "The Mandalorian" and will continue watching it, but wanted to point out that it could be better in terms of female representation.

One woman who spoke to Insider anonymously, because she is trying to distance her name from the situation, says the harassment began several days after she posted her initial tweet about a lack of women in the first episode.

After receiving anti-feminist replies on Twitter, she also started getting harassed across platforms, in part because other anti-feminist Star Wars accounts picked up screenshots of her tweet after it was first included in the round-up and distributed to an even wider audience, including on Instagram.

One person even left a violent message for her in the email submission form on her professional website. It reads "People like you don't deserve a f---ing opinion, but at least I'm glad you can voice it. Doesn't prevent me from calling you f---ing r-----ed for spouting your misandry. HOW DOES IT F---ING FEEL C---? I hope you expire and never have children."

"I had to put everything on private, for my own mental health," she told Insider. "I just had to shut down my profile. I will never, ever, ever tweet about Star Wars again. And I love baby Yoda so much. But I can't. They won. Life's too short for me to fight this fight."

Even after setting her accounts to private, she was inundated by hundreds of follow requests on Twitter, along with DMs sent to her private Instagram.

Those who tweeted about female representation in 'The Mandalorian' stand by their words, despite the harassment

The person who tweeted the round-up of critics didn't want to share any identifying information with Insider, but did stand behind the tweet, and said they didn't participate in or encourage harassment, but the reach of the account became clear once Insider asked for comment in the replies. Within a few hours, a video had been uploaded about this article (which had not been written yet) to YouTube from a channel with more than 130,000 subscribers.

The video in question has been viewed more than 33,000 times and highlights the mentality in at least one corner of the Star Wars fandom that is male-dominated and is aggressive toward diverse media representation.

"What SJWs do is as soon as this kind of thing happens, they identify [the Twitter account that posted the round-up] as hostile to their narrative [...] I would call them left-wing garbage," the voiceover of YouTuber ComicArtistPro Secrets says in the video. "They are going to come in and write an article smearing [the Twitter account], 'Don't you dare shine a light on these cockroaches in such an effective way ever again,'" The YouTuber mocked, referring to the feminist critics as the "cockroaches" in the situation.

"This is a strategy that these sorts of anti-progressive, very regressive cyber mobs have used for years," Sarkeesian said. "They try to use social justice language against us when we try to bring these issues up but it's so transparent and so obvious what they're trying to do, by undermining our point. It's very bad faith."

Writer and programmer David Ely, a male who's tweet was included in the roundup, told Insider that his replies were pretty tame in comparison to Sarkeesian and the other woman Insider spoke to, although he did receive one unspecified death threat from an account that he blocked.

"Part of the response seems to come from a belief that Star Wars needn't be political. That it be pure entertainment," Ely told Insider. "Star Wars is a made-up universe. If gender inequality exists there, it's either on purpose, or because the creator's biases meant they didn't notice it. Either way, that's political."

Sarkeesian also stood by her original point that "The Mandalorian" should have more female characters, and said a lot of the negative response was because there's so much pushback from people who have historically been over-represented on the screen, and are hostile to the changing expectations for diverse characters that represent the diverse Star Wars fanbase.

"We are so accustomed to male-dominated narratives that it's easy to not even notice glaring omissions," she said. "Unlike if the entire cast had been women, I suspect everyone would have immediately noticed that regardless of what one's opinion would be on that casting choice."

MAYBE ITS NOT FOR YOU ANITA....

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thefoolsloop · 8 years ago

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But for your husband, he is noble, wise, judicious: SNM Shanghai, show no. 2

**(Spoilers for Nurse and male new character loops; but, again, not for any 1:1s. The Nurse’s loop can have a lot of interaction in it, so I have tried to be vague about this, except where necessary to convey the intensity of the loop. As before, I’ve changed the order of scenes in each loop, and tried to be suggestive of the content, rather than descriptive. However, the new story can’t really be discussed without giving away some of the basic content, so once again I apologise if I spoil anything. If you think you’re going to Shanghai soon, I would wait on reading this write-up until you’ve seen the show at least once. Otherwise, continue and enjoy.

PS I’m trying to keep these write-ups to below 2,000 words. It’s not going well.)**

I knew the pain was coming.

When I went to New York to see SNM in 2015, the pain began on day 2 and intensified to a crippling level on day 3. I figured the pattern would be much the same in Shanghai, and so it proved. No one knows what causes my migraines, but fatigue appears to be a significant factor. Jetlag, stress, and a self-guided walking tour through the French Concession, all put a pressure on my body that forced it to the point of rebellion. STOP. REST. NOW.

But not quite now. The pain is brewing, but I think I can make it through a show. I’ve not yet seen Miranda’s Nurse and, although the Nurse in New York was a loop I could take or leave (its development from loop to loop is fascinating, but there’s an awful lot of downtime in between), I just know Miranda will do something special with it. (As it turns out, I am not to be disappointed.)

But first, the ballroom, just to see who’s there. Some potentially interesting performers to follow but Sam is not present tonight, and there’s no one whom I can’t safely save until later. So I climb four flights of stairs, and find myself in the hospital ward.

There she is, a mere scattering of white masks in attendance. She and the Matron (Tang Tingting, known among the cast as “Tangtang”, so that’s how I’ll refer to her) are busy. They are folding bedsheets, and this goes on for a while: stretching, folding. I’m conflicted: on the one hand, this is not scintillating viewing, though it’s arguably marginally more engaging than the top of the Nurse’s loop in New York. On the other hand, I’m with Miranda, and I would watch Miranda read out a telephone directory. In fact, I would watch Miranda read a telephone directory to herself. Why? Because she would find a way to make it gripping.

(Let my praise of Miranda not obscure my admiration for Tangtang. Her performance as the Matron is a masterclass in subtlety. Of all the Chinese cast, she is one of the highlights.)

So these sheets are being folded and it’s mildly diverting, until I realise that they’re being folded into a shape. A very familiar shape. A shape which represents one of the themes which runs through the Shanghai show, and whose significance is so far lost on me. The sanction on spoilers prevents me saying more, but this is a subject I’m keen to pursue with fans and cast as much as I can, because it’s absent from New York and its presence here in China seems utterly incongruous.

But now it’s time to move, because the room is suddenly filling with characters, and the new scene I caught a glimpse of yesterday is gearing up. It’s a scene I can’t watch (especially with a migraine slowly burgeoning), so I leave the room until it’s over. When I go back in, I’m faced with a tableau of devastation and tragedy, and it’s clear this is one of the must-see moments of the new production. Sadly, for me, it’s a must-not-see, or I shall end up in a real hospital.

**SPOILER FOR 1:1 SELECTION (BUT NOT THE 1:1 CONTENT)**

Omar is here, his storyline having been recast to incorporate the new events. He leads the entire company to a small room, where he selects for a 1:1. To my surprise, though, it’s not a 1:1 with him. It appears to be a 1:1 with the Nurse. Gah, an opportunity lost. OK, next loop maybe.

**(SPOILER ENDS)**

Omar leaves the room, locks the door and pockets the key with an air of finality. He seems satisfied, smug even. He strides off, followers in tow. I’m left on my own, waiting for Miranda to finish her 1:1. But she emerges sooner than I expect, and from a different door. We’re alone together in the corridor. She pauses, looks at me. Her stare is direct, challenging; her expression disdainful. The flicker of recognition I caught yesterday in the ballroom has disappeared. There is no flirty witch tonight. Then she hands me the towels she’s carrying, tilts her head as if to say, “come on, then”, and leads the way back to the hospital.

From that moment on, she owns me. Every action I take is dictated by her whim. We proceed through a series of interactions (moving beds, hanging up jackets, holding things), no doubt mundane to watch for those not involved; but for me it’s a series of duties I must carry out perfectly for fear of punishment. No matter what I do, she seems dissatisfied; not once does her expression alter from contempt, bordering on disgust. The impression given is that she didn’t want this job, she didn’t ask to do this job, and since I’m here I might as well make it easier on her - but I shouldn’t expect any thanks. Only a few times does her aura change: the table dance, the 1:1s (yes, more than one), a new scene with the new characters.

(A brief digression on this new scene: it’s utterly beautiful and charming. Everything I found wanting in SNM New York is present in this scene: compassion, affection, gentleness, beauty. One of the highlights of the Shanghai show, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I only wish I was at liberty to tell you what it is.)

(Miranda’s Nurse, taken from the show programme. I’ve not been able to find this at a higher resolution, would be grateful if anyone can supply it.)

She fills out a medical form, tears it off, hands it to me. I don’t know what to do with it. For several minutes I walk around holding this bloody piece of paper, trying to perform the interactions with one hand. Eventually she turns away, and with relief I fold it and put it into my back pocket. As I’m doing so, she turns back to me and presents me with her medical bag. My hands are full. Another white mask steps in and opens it. She glares at me with a look bordering on hatred. You had one job… Despite this I appear to be forgiven, as she delivers me both 1:1s (I was going to say more about them - without spoilers - but things written in print cannot be erased; let’s just say Miranda put a lot of trust in me).

Miranda’s table dance deserves singling out. As with her Sexy Witch bar dance, the control she has, the range of expression she displays, the almost inhuman ability she has to defy gravity with her body (imagine raising your entire body from flat on your back to a 45-degree angle without the use of your hands, then returning to horizontal - I mean, just try it), the risks she takes, the total dedication and immersion into character she has… it is almost impossible to describe a Miranda solo without finding the words inadequate. You simply have to see it.

As I’m watching her perform this dance, her left shoe flies off. She finishes the routine, slides to the end of the table, lands directly next to me, fixes me with that look of stricture, and holds up a finger. “Wait!” her eyes say. She dips to the floor and slides the shoe on, dextrously tying the laces, as if this was all carefully rehearsed. I know it’s not, and I fear she’ll miss her next cue, but all is well - it takes mere seconds. Then, as if rewarding me for waiting, she hauls me off to a 1:1.

I stick loyally with her (she gives me no choice) until the beautiful new scene I mentioned earlier. Since Ben is involved in this scene, however, and since I haven’t seen this story in full, I decide to follow him from this point (thereby spoiling Miranda’s plans for me, as she reveals a few days later - but more on that in another write-up).

Ben’s character - is it sufficiently common knowledge yet that we can safely refer to him as the Husband? - is utterly lovable. A well-meaning man, constantly at the mercy of people who manipulate and beguile him, his intense good nature shines through his narrative thread. Eager to please, he finds himself tricked, seduced, bullied, pressured and ultimately almost destroyed by the forces around him. He’s the only Husband I spent time with on this trip, so I can’t say how the others played him, but after his cynical, snarling, despairing Conrad in TDM this is a major departure and testimony to his versatility as a performer. Ben’s interplay with Omar is one of the highlights of the show; the former naive, vulnerable, trying to do his best; the latter manipulative, cruel, tyrannical and two-faced. Again, how other performers present this two-hander I can’t say, but these two old friends (who would rarely if ever have shared a scene in TDM) are right on each other’s wavelength.

I’ll say more about them in my next write-up, which starts with Omar, but Ben’s Husband loop gives me good insight into the new story, which has a charming narrative thread and a beautiful, heartbreaking final scene - to say nothing of THAT scene which everyone’s talking about, which I can’t witness, but which sounds like the kind of jaw-dropping, mind-expanding experience Punchdrunk prides itself on (oh, and there’s also another new scene which I’ll cover in the next show’s write-up). I do wonder why something like this couldn’t have been incorporated into New York - might yet be - but that’s for a different post.

I feel bad not giving Ben as much time in this report as I’ve given Miranda. But there’s too much about the new story I can’t reveal, and my relationship with Ben throughout the loop is distant and observational, not collaborative like with Miranda.

With those loops over, I wander the space looking for something to catch my imagination. I catch a few moments of Omagbitse’s Bald Witch, who is powerful, bordering on terrifying, with a rawness and vividness arguably missing from other interpretations. But I lose her in the crowd, and it’s time to move on.

The pain in my head isn’t getting any better. I try to spend some time with the Porter, hoping I can sit on one of the chairs in the lobby and catch a break, but he’s never there when I wander through. The crowds are getting tiresome, and I only catch glimpses of scenes from behind people’s heads. Eventually I calculate that the Nurse’s loop must be coming towards its conclusion. I find the Nurse and the Matron together upstairs. Like the evil twins in The Shining, they march in lockstep through the corridors and rooms, as if on a mission. When they get to the Macbeths’ suite they take advantage of their employers’ sudden absence in a way I won’t reveal but which is very amusing. Then they tidy up in conspiratorial fashion, as if aware all this is going to be played out again tomorrow. Finally they turn and look at the audience.

I’ve positioned myself for a final moment with Miranda, but it’s Tangtang who catches my eye. She takes me down through the crowds to watch the finale, then escorts me silently to the Manderley, where we part company without a word. Her bearing is quietly controlled, her face as impassive as her co-conspirator. In New York the Nurse and Matron seemed to be long-lost sisters eventually finding each other; in Shanghai their relationship seems much more equal, more like co-workers engaged in pulling the strings of the top floor activities.

My head is throbbing dangerously, and I’m wondering how much of tomorrow I’m going to lose to my illness. I bid my fellow westerners goodnight. But on leaving I find myself in the company of Omar and Fania, and they are so delightful and engaging that I lose another hour in conversation. Omar in particular is a mine of information about TDM, about Punchdrunk-style performance and about his experiences as the Fool, obviously a subject close to my heart. By the time I’m in bed it’s gone midnight and I have lost any chance of seeing any of Shanghai tomorrow. But: for two days with Miranda, and more besides? Worth the sacrifice.

#punchdrunk #snm shanghai #sleep no more

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