#it's bad. truly bad shape and it's not entirely my fault

[iguessitsjustme]

Hello Lovely!

For the Random Ask Game -

30. Do you know how to play any popular gambling games?

33. A quote (from anything) you really love.

58. Any sport you would like to play?

May your day be filled with sunshine 💜🌻

Helloooooooo

30. Do you know how to play and popular gambling games?

Nope. I stay as far away from that as possible.

34. A quote (from anything) you really love.

....hmmmmmm....I don't know. Quotes don't normally stick with me. I guess I'll go with a song lyric from a song I've been loving recently. That seems like a nice work around since I remember no quotes ever.

This is from Irish Eyes by Rose Betts:

"My nana says I have travelling feet Travelling feet, travelling feet Slippers for princesses don't fit me But I dance to my own drum bright and bold And my travelling feet always get me home"

And I love that because of how often I've traveled and how many places I have called home. It just speaks to me.

58. Any sport you would like to play?

I would love to get into tennis again or even be able to play soccer at all but my body isn't what it used to be and if I manage to make it five minutes while exercising, I count that as a win. It's a slow process getting back to a place where moving at all doesn't exhaust me, but I'm working on it.

Random Ask Game

[cassiebones]

Character Analysis: Rio Vidal

(because Aubrey Plaza currently has a chokehold on my psyche)

It hasn't been confirmed on the show, but we all know that Rio is Death, correct? They're not even being subtle about it, so I'm gonna take it from that angle.

Okay, so Rio is ageless. She prefers to take the form of Aubrey Plaza because Aubrey is a hot motherfucker. Agreed? Okay.

I have no idea when she would have come into existence, only because I have no idea the nature of Death in this universe. Is she one of many deaths? She must be, because people die all over and she has enough free time to build this hate/love relationship with Agatha, whom she finds the second the Darkhold stops hiding her.

I think she may specifically be Death for witches. She ferries magical humans to the other side, and has done since magic was first invented.

She was never a child, never a newborn. She was fully grown and cognizant from her inception, born knowing what her job was for her entire life. She existed in ancient times, seen by many mortals as different gods/goddesses. She took the shapes they'd already imagined her to have. She was Anubis, Hades, Shinigami, Osiris, Hecate, Charon...whom were all different entities, but she took their forms to bring comfort to the recently departed.

I feel like Rio had a lot of empathy for the first thousand or so years of doing this job. She listened to life stories as she ferried magical beings to their next journeys. She learned about society, about expectations, about why one might choose not to stay on the mortal coil, or why one might be taken from it by force.

She comforted the ones reticent to leave their physical bodies. She held the hands of too many young witches, taken too soon because of the fear that surrounded them. That's who she had the most empathy for: young, misunderstood witches.

Her empathy fades as humanity progresses. Witches are still persecuted, but many of them get on her nerves. They think so highly of themselves. They think they Death owes them something, that they deserve a second chance at life.

Nobody gets a second chance at life.

And while it's her job, she starts to kind of resent it. The spirits that won't leave piss her off. They disturb the living as often as they can and Rio gets blamed for it. This is why she hates ghosts.

But there's nothing she can do.

And then she meets Agatha. Agatha who is young and powerful and so scared when they first meet. Agatha, who has just caused the deaths of her entire coven. Agatha, who didn't mean to cause so much destruction; she just needs to be properly taught.

So Rio teaches her. I think they would have this kind of relationship where Rio fosters Agatha's talents, where she takes Agatha to places where she can be as destructive with her magic as she wants and nobody will judge or demonize her. And every time Agatha masters a spell or gives Rio that super proud smile, Rio falls a little more in love with her.

She revitalizes Rio's love for her job. And it's not like it's Agatha's fault that other witches keep attacking her. And it's not like she can truly control that siphoning thing every time it happens. It just is what it is.

Agatha feels bad the first time it happens, too. But then she takes on Rio's logic of "well, they shouldn't have done that then," and all is well.

Agatha is alive and safe and Rio gets more bodies to ferry, more work. She actually really loves her work, especially because it means she gets to spend more time with Agatha, who just can't stop getting attacked for some reason...

There are rules to her job, of course.

First and most important rule: Death cannot kill. It is a conflict of interest. It wouldn't be very fair to give herself more bodies to ferry. Soon enough, there would be none left. In theory, at least. It's like insider trading, in a way.

Another one: Death cannot bring back life to one who has died. That is also not fair, and it's actually not even something she can do. She isn't Life; she's Death.

And: Death must ferry souls as soon as possible to the other life. Souls that linger too long become ghosts and it gets harder for them to cross over. It's considered a failure on her part when a Spirit becomes a Ghost.

She regrets ferrying Nicholas. That was her son, too. I will entertain no other theories. She loved that kid. She was just as much his mother as Agatha was. She knew how much it would hurt Agatha, but she also knew that she couldn't allow Nicky to become a ghost. It would be a torturous existence for them both. And if Agatha had her way and reanimated his body, forcing his soul to remain there, it would be so much worse.

It is her biggest regret and the only scar she has.

She doesn't have to lick wounds to heal them. That's just something she does for Agatha. Agatha either doesn't know this or doesn't fight it. I cannot even decide which one is funnier.

Rio is more than her job, though.

She is also a bottom.

Only for Agatha.

Moving on.

When Agatha uses the Darkhold to disappear, whatever beacon spell they'd had on each other since practically the beginning of their courtship is interrupted. She cannot find Agatha. She cannot even see Agatha, not even if she was two inches from her own face. Agatha makes it so they never run into each other, no matter whom she kills.

And then Wanda gets the Darkhold and it's like a fire alarm blaring in Rio's ear. She goes immediately to Agatha's side.

Yes, immediately. You know that was not a three-season delusion that Wanda put her under. "Agnes" had many, many different TV shows running through the spellbound mind. She just wasn't broken out of it until Teen got there.

Herb was so nonchalant about her little "true crime bug" that there had to have been several different medical series, soap operas, firefighter shows, other cop shows, comedies, home improvement shows, reality shows (The Real Housewives of West View?), and a mockumentary or two that came before it.

And Rio was a guest star in all of them, willing Agatha to just wake up. But Agatha didn't recognize her. She just knew that she hated her, in every single mind show. She just hated Rio Vidal.

And Rio was just in a hell of her own making, trying desperately to break Agatha out but not knowing how.

She loves this woman so much. All the threats to kill her and telling others where to find her? Foreplay. I can totally see them trolling each other as they ran around New England, pointing fingers at one another, calling out "Witch!" and snickering as the torches are lit.

Their sex breaks down houses. They have done it in a grave. Rio attempts to murder Agatha at least twice a day at their peak; it's called flirting, Jennifer.

Agatha, obviously knowing that Rio can't actually kill her (and she cannot kill Rio for obvious reasons), feels safest when she's around. Because Rio defends her. She knows the things that Agatha has done and she loves her (not in spite of them, but sort of because of them. Girl's a freak.) anyway.

And Rio hates her mother-in-law, Evanora, with a passion. She definitely has a list of people she hates from all the souls she's had to ferry. A lot of white Puritan men are on that list for their role in the Salem Witch trials. But Evanora is #1 on that list. It's on sight for that bitch.

And I think that makes Agatha soft for Rio. Because nobody has ever defended her against her mother, for her whole childhood. Nobody except Rio.

Which is why Agatha is definitely the one who proposed.

It was a mundane kind of day. Her powers had just killed another coven. Before they attacked, however, one of the witches called Agatha a "Witch-Killer" and said that her mother had always been right about her. She'd heard of how evil Agatha was as a child and this just proved it.

Rio's hands had glowed green and as she took the woman by the throat, slamming her against a tree, screaming at her, telling her about how the true evil was the woman who hated her own child so much as to plan a whole execution after abusing her for her entire childhood. How Agatha was a survivor and so much more powerful than her mother could ever hope to be. And that witches like her had to wake up to it and--then the witch blasted Agatha and it was all over.

Rio huffed as she dropped the empty husk of a body, glaring at the spirit as it floated above it.

"That was your own fault," she said. "If you had just listened to me, none of this would have happened."

The witch just glared and Rio rolled her eyes, collecting the souls of the other witches who had attacked Agatha along with this dumb with.

"I'll be right back," she promised Agatha, who was still thrumming with magic.

"Marry me!" Agatha said as Rio disappeared.

She was halfway through with the job when the words registered in her mind. She got them across in record time, returning to find Agatha on her knees, waiting for her, a purple ring of something she'd made from magic. She was smiling up at Rio, tears in her eyes.

"What did you say?" Rio asked, her heart pounding.

"Marry me," Agatha repeated, her voice tight. "Rio Vidal, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Rio dropped to her knees and tackled Agatha to the ground, raining kisses down on her while Agatha laughed.

And then they got married and lived happily for a century or two, until they had a son. I have no idea how Nicholas came to be. I have no idea why he is a Scratch rather than a Harkness or a Vidal. But I know he had two mommies who loved him more than anything. Rio probably never thought that she could be a wife to anybody, let alone a full mother, but she loved that boy. And she loves Agatha.

Rio has a big heart and she's a bit intense, but we love that for her.

11/10 character

[gabrielleragusi]

2024 Velaris Advent Calendar

I had the pleasure of collaborating with Gadget4entertainment on their 2024 Velaris Advent Calendar, officially licensed by author Sarah J. Maas! I illustrated the entire packaging, inside and out.

The main illustration features Velaris, the City of Starlight.

I'd just visited Positano before the shop contacted me for the project, so the memories of some corners of the town were still fresh in my mind. The house on the left was inspired by a hotel built on a curving uphill road, for example, and the houses on the right were vaguely inspired by all those hotels and restaurants you can see from above (at level, you might not notice them, but when you're directly above and you peer down through the trees, you'll go, "Oh, there's a nice, expensive hotel down there!").

The town divided by the river was inspired by the fjords of Kotor, Montenegro, which I visited last year (Kotor is absolutely beautiful, and the food was great to my Italian palate).

It felt wonderful to pour all of my emotions and memories into this piece. I think this might be my 'ultimate' version of Velaris. I don't see myself painting it differently in the future.

Then, we have the cases (house-shaped boxes) containing the single items.

When I first started working on the project, I only thought of drawing something inspired by a combination of gothic and Persian architecture. But then, fortunately, I had this idea to base each house on the Archeron sisters, and that gave me the chance to really get creative and explore different elements, styles of architecture and colours.

Sadly I only recently realised that the back of the house and the left side don't fit together seamlessly because I drew the house from left to right without keeping the wraparound box in mind - so that's totally my fault, and I hope it's not too noticeable!

I also hope these mockups don't look too bad. I used the free transform tool in PS instead of 3D, so the perspective might be a little off.

I truly enjoyed working on this calendar. I rarely get to design packaging or even work with an Italian company, so this project was a breath of fresh air!

Instagram  - ArtStation - Website - Inprnt - Etsy - Threads

[gallierhouse]

asking for opinions about armand on a friday night is crazy because ive been terrorizing the people in my life about him for a month and now?? im being asked to talk about him?? anyway so i couldnt get thru s1 back in 2022 bc it felt like a kind of rehash of hannibal (character dynamics wise) in a different setting and kind of bored me. i really liked louis in the pilot and honestly would just watch a historical drama about a black pimp and his gens de couleur family in 1930s nola and that was cruelly ripped away from me and ill never forgive lestat. BUT THEN s2 arrived and i gave it another go and armand just rose out of this show as a character ive truly never seen before?? his identity-lessness, his role as a bad stage director, that eager black hole growing around 500 years of life, its so fascinating. the Moment for me with him is obviously the donor painting seeing the whitewashed beautiful pleading garish (when compared with the real man) painting just shifted something in my soul. and THEN getting hit with the arun/maitre stuff and them the entirity of ep5 directly after? ive literally memorized the loumand argument from listening to it so many times Television of All Time fr. i love failmarriages that rot and decay and are inescapable and loumands whole thing felt so good and fresh and so so tasty. those bitches do not like each other. they dont even like each other and yet theyve stayed together for 77 yrs in a relationship built on abuse, spite, and 24/7 power exchange bdsm and thats CRAZY ! plus ive never seen toxic yaoi executed so well with two nonwhite, darkskinned characters and as a south asian that lowkey made me happy lol. anyway i love armand so much he sucks so bad but i do feel deeply seen and deeply compelled by his little gremlin ass

I miss Louis’ New Orleans era too. I get why Lestat fell in love with him, though, if I saw this beautiful creature pull a knife on his own brother in the middle of the street I’d stop at nothing to pursue him. It’s alluring. I think that’s the part of Louis Lestat has always loved and loathed most, his fierce independence and survivor’s instinct and capacity for violence. I say loathed because Lestat’s always torn between wanting Louis like that and wanting Louis to be his little housewife. He’s stupid like that.

I thought his stage direction was nice. Were his plays “good”? No. But were his notes well thought out? Yes. His notes for the trial were good. So it’s the playwright’s fault the scripts were bad, actually.

Re: his identity, I really think he’s doing fine. Not everyone needs a laundry list of hobbies and characteristics to “have an identity.” It’s true that Armand molds himself into whatever shape that’s required of him and sometimes he makes erroneous assumptions about it, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an identity. I think Armand doesn’t perceive himself as having an identity, and it’s obvious that he structures his life around whatever role he’s occupying, and that it’s all very fragmented and difficult for him to see the continuity in it, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an identity. His priorities and thought process are fairly obvious to the viewer, so that’s his identity. You can see the structure of his mind. That’s him. Right there. We don’t have to wait for the “real” Armand, he’s already here.

I don’t remember when I started loving him, but it was before the painting. Maybe the hunt, or when he starts participating in the interview. The painting did change something for me, though, and so did the bench scene. But I liked him from the start of season two, really, from the moment I found out he’d essentially been stalking Louis the whole time in Paris. I like him most when he’s got a little bit of edge, but then again, I love him when he lies. I actually have a shirt with their argument printed on it. It’s so fucking funny.

Well, I think there was love, at least before Armand strangled it to death. I don’t know if Louis ever loved Armand again, not after the trial, but I think Armand loved Louis, although not in a way that would really be comprehensible as love to anyone else. Maybe only the way you love something you own. But I think he at least enjoyed the performance of it. Besides, all the best relationships are 24/7 BDSM built on abuse and spite. You don’t agree? I think it’s very romantic.

Yeah, it’s the first time I’ve seen something like that too. And it was the greatest thing ever and I’m really glad we got a South Asian lead, even if I’m unsatisfied with AMC’s promotional strategy. One million seasons of Armand and one million posters of his face splashed across all major cities around the world, please. He’s perfect! More people should see him. More people should be subjected to him.

[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 10 thoughts, feelings, etc

back at it again at the krispy kreme friends. i cried this episode for so, so many different reasons. i'll also show you guys my raw reactions at the end of this, the insanity you guys don't see because i want you to respect me a little.

i didn't make one of these last week because i felt like that episode didn't need any words. some things you just need to feel and to talk about them cheapens what it truly is. that's not to say i didn't absolutely love everyone's posts and meta, i just thought anything i had to say could be felt in the episode itself and i didn't need to fumble my way through it.

Day is so at peace with what is going on and it's so beautiful to see, but the fact that he has to comfort his mother, that she's held onto this delusion that magically everything is going to be okay, is pretty irksome. she's had bare minimum a year, i think nearly two at this point, to accept the truth and she just hasn't and now it's biting her in the ass. but once again, this is something so realistic. i literally JUST dealt with this myself with my mother-in-law in October. once again P'Aof captures the truth of people and our natures.

and it's no wonder things have been so strained between Day and Night. she constantly forces Night to be Day's jailer, to escort him to his cell because the warden said so. it's a horrible position for her to put Night in and it's no wonder he feels so alone and abandoned by his family. it's no wonder Day resents him. Night is trying so hard to make them both love him again and he's been trapped in the middle of a war of attrition and paying penance for something that is in no way shape or form his fault. and then to later learn she HAS blamed Night? it's a horrible situation for him to be in, something he never deserved.

this was so sexy of Mhok, as most things are. you should have been there. it should have been you doing that for your SON. you should have taken the time to be there for him, to see that sight with him, to give him what he wants. but you weren't. you never are.

Day's mom stresses about Day's safety but safety is about so much more than a physical state of being. Mhok has done so much to ensure Day's mental safety and well being, he's done so much to improve Day's every day life. but that doesn't matter to her because she always refused to acknowledge things had gotten that bad. in another life Day never met Mhok and i wonder if things took a dark turn. i don't think Day was on a good trajectory.

here we reach bunn cries phase 1. i was so worried here that Mhok meant their entire relationship but i'm glad to see he just meant this chapter. they've started a new book together; no longer one about a caretaker and his charge but a man and his lover. what a gorgeous way to convey that journey. P'Aof i love you, do you know?

Night, i know i wasn't sure about you for a long time but you've really become one of my favorite people this episode. even Night can see his mom taking away Day's agency, can see her taking away everything Day has become this last year. he doesn't want his brother to disappear again, he just got him back.

god Day's bravery here. he's become so confident, so self assured, because Mhok taught him that he could be, that his blindness didn't make him weak. i know i say it every week lately but i'm so PROUD.

FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT. the way she took his phone away INFURIATED ME. you're taking away an important tool of freedom and agency from your FULL GROWN ADULT SON. where the fuck do you get off? and talking about doing things her way under her roof. if it was me i would be out of that house so fucking fast, staying with literally anyone else. the tragic thing is Day doesn't have that option. his disability has left him a victim of his mom's bullshit, given her a huge way to control him. it's disgusting, i'm sorry. i've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt for so long but she went way, way too far this episode.

even Night is sick of her shit and knows this is fucked up. Night once again i'm so sorry i doubted you. he knows how good Mhok is for Day and how good they are for each other. Mhok has only ever been kind to Night and i think that has gone a long way in Night's defense of him as well - not that i think he wouldn't have done it without that but i certainly think it has helped.

and what a fucking breakthrough this was. Day once again telling someone 'i see you.' Day is so good at seeing people once he lets go of his preconceived notions an biases. i can't imagine what a relief this was to Night to know it wasn't just his perception of the situation but something other people see and acknowledge. and he brushes it off, says it's because Day's a crying baby, but they both know that's not all of it.

bunn cries phase 2 is here. i BURST into ugly tears at this moment. it wouldn't be bunn meta if i didn't share a personal anecdote so here we go.

ANECDOTE START ->

i mentioned in my last post, prior to episode 9, that my dad was shit. i'm talking had me, an infant, in the middle of a meth den, in the middle of a raid level of bad. one of my earliest memories is a police officer kneeling down and talking to me while i colored in a coloring book and they searched the apartment. (my mom had no idea until a few years ago when a family friend shared this story. he protected me, thank fucking god.) my real dad went on to get clean (as far as i know) but was emotionally abusive among a whole slew of other issues.

when i was two years old my stepdad came into my life. he would've been just 27 at the time. he fell in love with my mom but wasn't sure if he wanted the responsibility of a kid. my mom said okay and broke up with him. they spent months miserable without each other (they've both told me their sides of this story) until my dad said okay, i can do this, and came back. and you know what? he was amazing. he didn't always get it right but he tried. he stayed up and read me The Hobbit and did silly voices for the dwarves and sang the songs and tucked me into bed and he loved me. (we have matching tattoos from that exact copy of The Hobbit, which i still have tucked away safe.)

we butt heads SO MUCH my teenage years. he had a temper and i was depressed and angry and dealing with so much teenage bullshit. but he still took me to breakfast every sunday, just the two of us, and we'd go see movies together. sundays were our day. he always called me his kid and people joked that somehow magically my mom had his kid before even meeting him. we even look alike. we have all the same tastes.

now as an adult we get along really well. (we still butt heads but it's bc we're exactly alike.) he and my mom have been together almost 30 years. he recently came into my office, a little tipsy, and hugged me and spent almost an entire hour telling me how much he loves me, how proud he is of me, how grateful he is that he had me as his kid, how having me is better than any blood child they could've had. (they tried for years but my parents were never able to have any kids.)

<- ANECDOTE END

some of the best family in the world is those that choose to be your family. i was never his responsibility, not really, but he put everything into being my dad. from just this little statement from Night i see so much of my dad in this moment and i couldn't fucking take it.

Night, i love you. i love you so much. he says it so effortlessly, so confidently. what a man.

so i acknowledge here that their mother is finally starting to get it. she's starting to get things right. she even makes Night's favorite food and makes sure he knows he's loved. she takes the time to try and understand Day, to blindfold herself like Mhok did, etc. and i acknowledge it takes people their own time to come to terms with things, to accept things, and maybe her journey of acceptance was a little longer than others.

however.

this scene shows that she always had the option to cancel. she could have always done this for Day. she could have been there. she could have taken him to the mountain and seen the sunset with him. i have to wonder if Mhok's comment really got to her, i have to believe it did. i think she finally realized that she can no longer be the one that's blind. she has to see reality. it's a big step for her and i'm happy but i'm still so annoyed it took this long for it to happen. but hey - parents fuck up. they do. they fuck us up, even if they don't mean to. once again it's something very, very real from P'Aof, even if i don't like it.

my first knee jerk reaction to this moment was wow, she's infantilizing Day again, but then i sat and really thought about it. in the context of this moment, i think this is okay. sometimes it's just nice to be cared for and Day seems completely receptive to it. fuck, i'm 31 and sometimes i just go curl up with my mom and let her pet my hair, sometimes she makes me my favorite food because she knows i had a bad day, sometimes she babies me a little because she knows i'm having a bad day with my disability.

not everything is infantilization. sometimes it's love and care, the only way they know how. sometimes all you want is a parent's familiar love from years ago. so in the context of everything, i think this was a really nice moment to see, Day taking comfort in his mom's love again.

and despite everything Day still managed to see Mhok, to show him he cares, he thought of him, and wouldn't leave him alone. and then he gives him an oven mitt he made himself, he painted himself, because Mhok took him to learn to paint without his sight. they're so fucking beautiful, so kind and gentle and loving to each other. they're so fucking considerate. Day says you're my sun, i believe in you, i'm proud of you, i support you all in one seemingly simple gift.

i'm reserving my thoughts from the preview for next week but i highly doubt things are going to turn out the way they seem to be teasing. i'll wait to see what happens.

as always thank you so much for reading my rambling bullshit. smooches, take care of yourselves, drink water, take your meds, eat something.

tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

oh yeah here are my raw reactions before i take the time to really think about everything i've watched.

[jun-hug]

dream team art school! au

Doodles that inspired me to write a little drabble fic :)

ꕤ • ꕤ • ꕤ

This was Georges biggest project,

okay maybe biggest project this semester... or last 2 months, either way the assignment occupied boys attention for couple last weeks, especially this week. That's why his two best friends were so eager to meet up, it felt like they haven't seen him in so long yet they go to same university. When brunette texted on their group chat asking for a hand with a photoshoot he haven't even blinked an eye before they eagerly agreed.

What's even more exciting, boys haven't seen George's project yet! The oldest kept it a secret to "prevent the leaks" because apart from it being his assignment it was also an entry to one of his most ambitious fashion competitions. The fashion awards of all US fine arts universities. He had high hopes for it.

"Alright I'm almost ready, remember to put the ISO to 200, I borrowed those lights for a reason!” Georges words were a little muffled but still understandable as he worked on setting his design as perfectly as it could get.

"Got it Gogs, come on we don't have a whole day!” they did, their classes finished at 11am today and it was Friday so they were free for the next days. Sapnap was just eager to see the boys creation, after all he put all his heart into it, like he does to all his projects. "Actually we do" Dream interjected, youngest only glared at him knowing damn well he's as impatient considering constant taps on his thigh.

"Yeah Sap idiot, we have all day.. but you're right, it's better if the light from outside is still at it's best." he finally emerged from behind the wardrobe curtain. Okay. The boys were stunned it's not that George usually doesn't look like goddess himself - that's far from truth actually. It's just that this time they're seeing his art mixed with all his grace and beauty. Sapnap manages to whisper little "Oh god" only for Dream to hear, as the tallest boy starts "You-”

The baby blue glowy shirt, ornamented with flowered embroidery makes his face look soft, bringing out his strawberry cheeks and eyes hinted with a bit of peachy shadow. It all contrasts, yet fits without fault with a long, red, mermaid cut skirt. It's flowy, the material decorated with blue beads in the shape of hearts- And oh-

Dream gasps, Sapnap inhales loudly. Fishnets, George is wearing fishnets and the cut in the thigh is so high it shows his left leg fully. good christ, they are so down bad. Sapnap eyes Dream and They can really just see how both of them are fully raspberry blown faces.

They are both hot. red.

And The brunet who's the one and only cause is clearly oblivious to their reaction as he innocently asks "so how does it look?", makes a gesture with hands showing of the sleeves and frills on the skirt.

"I- you, it's well, George, it's so beautiful you look amazing." Dream exhaled eyes still on him, almost not blinking.

"George it truly is gleaming - I mean the colour palette for this one??? Ms Chevreu will loose her shit when she sees this! You actually are so skilled holy smokes” Sapnap added still admiring his friend's piece.

"awe thank you! I hope she looses her shit to be honest that would be funny, she's into reds recently so I think she will" boy snickered, his cheeks visibly tinted, not only from blush he applied couple minutes ago.

"alright!" he clapped his hands "time for shoot!"

Youngest set the light, while dark blond took photos to fill the entire SIM card folder. Taking that George was /very/ photogenic it was easy to catch the best shots, it's almost like he looks perfect in all of them. George is perfect tho, Dream thinks.

"Okay I think we're done, I took pictures from every side I think" Dream announced as George stretched "gods yes please my back is starting to hurt so bad" as to emphasize that he popped his bones ”ew George don't do that” Sapnap made a face.

"what do you mean you are the worst back popper I've met. Hearing only a scoff in response from other boy George's half lidded eyes closed for a little while.

"He's meditating guys!” Dream squeeked in one of his mocking voices, George giggled "he's died!"

"Okay, that's it I'm checking the photos!" Sapnap yanked the camera from the tallest's hands and plopped on one of the puff poufs. "Hey be careful you goose! this camera only cost me 5 and a half months of cafeshop money!” Dream hurried with scolding

George got up slowly and joined the youngest, soon enough all three of them were slumped on floor, brit in the middle looking and commenting on photos. "Hey guys.." brunet started, causing Dream and Sapnap turning to him.

"yeah?" dark brunette asked.

"thank you... for supporting me, like not only this time but at all" he turned his eyes from both pairs of theirs. Then he cupped each cheek and gave it a short kiss.

Boys blushed, all three of them.

"Yeah no problem Gogs, we'll always be your biggest fans" Sapnap breathed out.

"Always" Dream repeated.

And if for the rest of the day boys only watched movies all cuddled up on couch, snacking on anything they found in brunets kitchen, that was on them.

thank you for reading ♡

hugs,

Jun

[lillifaba]

Here's why I'm still unimpressed with the Wicked movie trailer

A while ago I made a post explaining my thoughts on the Wicked teaser trailer. A lot of it was mostly negative due to the poor CGI, acting, lines etc... Well the official trailer dropped and I've got some new thoughts both good and bad. This is going to be way longer than my last post because I'm going to go into detail about why I think this movie won't live up to the musical by comparing it to other movies and musicals. I'll also be talking about some scenes from the featurette.

THIS IS JUST MY OPINION SO FAR ON WHAT WE SEE IF YOU LIKE THE TRAILER OR LIKE ANY OF THE ACTORS THEN DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST MY WORD ISN'T GOSPEL NOR IS IT MY FINAL OPINION ON THE MOVIE.

Starting off with things I liked:

I'm actually starting to warm up to Cynthia as Elphaba. In my last post I argued I didn't entirely see her as Elphaba mainly because it was obvious she's a thirty seven year old playing an eighteen year old. While I still believe she doesn't pass for younger Elphie and her simple "I am" comeback is weak, hearing more of her lines and performance is actually on point with Elphaba's character. I wouldn't be against her revisiting Elphaba on stage after the movie. Bottom line: I think she's a great singer and am happy a fellow WOC is playing Elphie.

Holy shit that witch cackle gave me goosebumps. It might be the editing and sound in the trailer that makes me feel that way so we'll have to see when it happens in the movie.

Michelle Yeoh???? Like hello? Although she seems more toned down compared to the campy personality MM has on stage, she plays the role of the evil villain quite well. (I'm sad she had to stop using her beautiful Malaysian accent ;_; I hope it was by her choice and not by the choice of the executives.)

Some set designs look quite nice. I'm particularly curious about the scene where The Wizard is dancing around a full size diorama of Oz.

The effects of the grimmerie are quite neat. I despise the new shape of the book, but I think it's cool how instead of going for some floating colorful lights to pass as "look magic oooo", they're going for the spells to be coming out of the pages. Very unique.

And now, on to the negative. This is where I'll be comparing some of the shots and scenes of the trailer to other movies and parts of the musical.

I hate hate hate the CGI. You don't understand I absoultely for forever deeply truly LOATHE the CGI. It cheapens the movie and all that talk and show about how they built up the sets and rainbows showing over their productions goes all out the window when I see those flying monkeys.

Let's talk good CGI vs rushed CGI.

First off I do not blame the VFX artists for this movie looking the way it does so far. VFX artists are one of the most overworked and underpaid workers in the film industry who have to pump out content in a short amount of time. It is also not their fault that audiences are tired of seeing overdone CGI movies every month. It's part of the reason why the Wicked teaser trailer got so much hate when it came out (on top of Ari/🧽, reactionary bros, etc...)

The CGI (mostly in the Emerald City) looks AI generated. Most of my issues with it come from the effects looking poorly rendered. Elphaba flying looks obviously fake. I know they recently touched up some of these scenes but honestly it doesn't make a difference to me at all in quality.

If John Chu and the team behind this movie really cared about this like they insist they do, it wouldn't hurt to take time with the effects. When you do so, you get mind blowing results like this:

Onto other effects: The flying monkeys don't look great. They look poorly rendered along with the rest of the effects. For that I wish they would've stuck to practical effects like Pan's Labyrinth did or literally any character Doug Jones plays like down below.

Heck, even the musical does a better job:

I seriously encourage you to watch B T S footage of Wicked to see how insane and amazing this effect is. Once you see it, you'll realize just how bad the movie fucked up on this.

Bottom line: movies that take their time with CGI effects and utilize other methods like practical effects before leaving everything up to post have better results than your run of the mill CGI Marvel or DC blockbuster.

I'm still not feeling Arianna as Glinda. Before you fans eat me up alive I need to say again I don't hate her and even like some of the stuff she puts out there. This critique is not a reflection on who she is as a person because I don't know her personally. With that out of the way I still cannot stand her Glinda impression. "But Lilli!" You say. "You said you didn't like Ari as Glinda because she's not giving Glinda but she's doing Glinda's voice!" And I stand by that. She's not giving Glinda. She's giving Kristen Chenoweth. You might think that's the whole point of playing Glinda but let me ask you; When you watch Megan Hilty as Glinda, did you think she was imitating KC to the bone? What about Kendra Kassebaum? Ginna Claire Mason or McKenzie Kurtz? Did you think KC was imitating Billie Burke? Or were all of them doing their own interpretations of Glinda that made the character unique to themselves and not a copycat version of the original? Because I argue that's what makes every Glinda special and unique from the previous actress who played her. Doing a copycat rendition of KC makes me believe you have no faith in yourself as an actor and you are incapable of playing character that's been done before without having to copy the source material beat for beat. Because of this, I still cannot seperate Ari the pop star from Glinda The Good.

This point has less to do with Ari as Glinda in the movie and more as what she's doing to promote the movie. I have no idea where else to rant about it but here. I hate hate HATE how Arianna is making this movie and Glinda her ENTIRE personality. She acts like she's part of this fandom yet never interacts with anyone in it (unless its directly involves her) and it all feels so... artificial and money grabbing. Someone please tell me I'm not alone. Like girl please call me when you read and write fanfic on AO3 and get three kudos on your multichap fic lol.

DTL: Again I ask, WHY IS THIS MOVIE SO DARK? DTL is meant to be in a ballroom with tons of bright lights and projections. This ballroom looks so dark and depressing. I'm not thinking "let's dance because dust is what we come to" I'm thinking "turn me into dust already." When I saw Elphaba putting that hat on in the teaser trailer, I thought that was a scene in defying gravity. John Chu failed this scene which makes me angry because I this is my favorite scene in the musical.

Adding on to DTL, we have to talk about the scene where Elphaba and Glinda establish their friendship. If you know this scene in the musical (which duh) you'll know that this is where Glinda realizes that she did a horrible thing to Elphie and wants to make things right, even if it means putting her reputation in the gutter in front of her friends. I know this is an edited trailer so we won't know for sure how the full scene plays out in the final movie, but Glinda immediately going for a hug before they start dancing threw me off guard. At this point, they still aren't best friends because Elphaba doesn't realize that Glinda is sorry for what she did, their relationship is only now starting to build up. Let me ask you, what do you think makes a scene more impactful? Glinda hesitantly and nervously walking up to interupt Elphaba doing a solo dance and then cutting in to make her feel less alone, which eventually leads to all while making them ease up around each other as the song and dance progresses OR Glinda rushing into a bear hug with Elphaba before they even establish them making amends on the dance floor? One seems like a slow burn that tugs at your heartstrings while the other feels like a cheap attempt to get some kind of emotional response from the audience? (Then again not sure how this scene will play in movie but it's not looking good right now)

Final point, why is Elphaba crying during this scene? I get she's just been put through public humiliation and is just now getting an act of kindness from someone but don't you think it's too soon to show her in such a vulnerable position? One of the things about Elphaba in both the musical and books is that she's built a wall of apathy around her because she's been judged her whole life and doesn't care how other people percive her. We don't see her breakdown in the musical until Nessa's death because she's been forced to stay strong her entire life. Maybe at the earliest, we'll see her tear up during defying gravity but I'd argue that's a part of the actress playing her and not the character herself.

I hate how this trailer has been edited to make Arianna look like the protagonist. I get she's bringing in a large audience, but she's playing the secondary character, not the main one. It just pisses me that the protagonist (who is a WOC) has to be in the shadow of the white woman. It almost makes me believe they're doing it because they're more worried people would be offended at the prospect of a POC being a leading role.

The main actors still look way too mature to be playing their characters. I spoke about this already. I don't buy any of these adults (with the exception of Marissa Bode) as college freshmen.

Still hate that riff at the end of defying gravity and that after all the backlash, they're still going with it. I also can't believe some of you are defending it to the death and acting like Cynthia Fucking Erivo can't do a better take than what she gave. (Yes, I know every Elphaba does a different take on the riff and we all have our favorite ones but I'm going to say something that is controversial yet brave: Not every riff that every Elphaba does is great. Some of them are range from underwhelming to straight up bad) Here's a reddit post I found that better explains my gripe with the riff since I'm bad at explaining musical terms:

Costume and makeup design is still atrocious. I'm sorry, but the low effort looking costumes cannot hold up to the extravagance and camp the stage has. They should've brought Susan Hilferty back. Look at Elphaba's act 2 dress and the dress movie Elphaba wears and tell me you're not disappointed.

Adding on, why does everything look modern, including the makeup? Arianna using her brand of makeup in the movie doesn't impress me when she's using a modern day mascara wand over her wispy falsies in a 1900's inspired society when she should be using one of these:

Like... come on? Can you imagine a scene of Glinda doing her makeup while she's ranting to Elphaba about how men (except for darling Fifi of course <3) are so entitled and disrespectful and in the middle of her sentence, she just SPITS on her mascara cake, scrubs the brush like she's scrubbing the floor and does her lashes? Iconic honestly.

Adding on to the makeup looking modernized, I'm not a fan of Elphaba's modernized makeup either. It could be the deaging filter they added on everyone older than thirty but one thing that stood out to me is they used 90's era lip liner on her. I'm much aware if you're darker skinned, you will often times need to use a liner in order to blend in parts around your mouth that are darker in comparison to your lips. Counterpoint however:

They could've easily used a dark lipstick post-Popular like they already do. The 1900's era mostly used a single shade of lip color anyways. And no, I don't want to hear from any of you how none of this matters because Oz is an advanced society or some half assed excuse why it's totally okay they didn't care about the miniscule details while they cared about the number of tulips used in Munchkinland for NMTW. (also note: Oz was considered an advanced society FOR THE TIME IT WAS CREATED. Meaning they weren't envisioning the future items we have now like a mascara wand) If they allowed Arianna to use her own brand of makeup for the movie, they could've allowed an expert on BW's makeup history on set for their main protagonist.

Set design. I've got to say, while some of the sets are impressive, they really don't fit into Wicked or Oz. I mostly blame CGI and lighting, but even then, it can't hold up to the simple, yet brightly colored sets we see on stage. Shiz looks like something out of Hogwarts, which nearly every fantasy academia story looks like these days. Can we please have something original for once?

What I would've enjoyed seeing the movie do is something similar to Melanine Martinez's K-12. They were working on one location on a smaller budget, yet it looks better than the dimly lit and CGI sets we're seeing.

Obviously I'm not saying Wicked should look EXACTLY like K-12 because they have completely different themes and genres, but my point is good lighting, original set designs and color correcting can take you a long way. Wicked is deserving of having the same whimsy look that the WOZ movie had, while still having dark parts where needed.

Some more examples of good use of lighting during dark scenes in movies:

Continuing from not being a fan of the sets, I'm FUMING at the location of Fiyero and Elphaba freeing the lion cub. Why is it in a dark dreary forest?????? Did John Chu mix up the locations between INTG and ALAYM???? The lion cub scene takes place in the poppy field, with a soft orange pinkish lighting that creates a romantic atmosphere and establishes the growing romance between Fiyero and Elphaba (<3) This forest looks too erie and mystical, which should've been used for act 2.

Another hot take: I think the tulip field in Munchkinland looks completely unnecessary. I literally do not care if they planted thousands of rows of them. They look CGI'd because nearly everything in this movie is CGI.

Now onto some things I'm confused about.

God I was so looking forward to Peter Dinklage as the voice for Dr. Dillamond,but from what I heard of his voice acting so far, it just sounds... underwhelming. But I can't complain too much because at least it's not James Corden. I still believe in Peter and hope he will pull through.

Why did they feel the need to change the shape of the grimmerie? It was fine the way it was!

Adding to Dr. D, I'm not sure if I like his new design. I'm guessing they're taking inspiration from the book but if we're discussing live action, I really prefer makeup effects over CGI. One of the things I liked about the Animals in Wicked and in Cats the Musical is they find a perfect balance between blending human features and animal species without it going into the uncanny valley.

I feel underwhelmed by Jeff Goldbulm's acting as The Wizard :( I can't complain too much because he kinda-

On a final note: I think this movie just cannot and will not match up to the excellence of the musical. Will it be a good movie? I don't know yet. I'll still see it in theaters and will give my thoughts.

While brainstorming my thoughts for this trailer, I've really been thinking about why I hate what I'm seeing so far while I enjoy other interpretations of Wicked, especially when it comes to costumes. Then I realized something.

I love non-replica productions of Wicked... So why don't I like the design of this movie?

Part two of my take COMING THANKSGIVING 2025

Not really, give me like a week or two.

[springbreezes-and-peonies]

Peony, has Taranza ever told you about Sectonia?

(IMPORTANT INFO: I consider most answers/asks in her ask box to be from a time after most of her main story that I’m working on is finished. So she’s sort of answering these from “the future” or at least from a point way later in my writing. It’s also important to note that in my writing I make Taranza king of Floralia as personal headcanon. With that in mind here you go! And anyone interested in her story, the first chapter is pinned to my page as it’s her character intro but I’ll probably change this pinning once I’ve written the next chapter to be a link to all chapters in order)

“Ah…yes of course. I can still remember when he did too. The day we met, I asked him about her, as I’d never met her but I knew of her from what my plants would tell me about her. I knew about how beautiful and beloved she was, especially by him, and I knew about her tragic change, but I didn’t really KNOW her. Not like that. And I knew her even less than most of our people having grown up in isolation. I asked him about her out of curiosity and wanting to know what she was like from someone who knew her very well, after all he’d been her best friend and husband.

Immediately he asked me not to talk about her if I could, as it was ‘too painful to speak about.’ I didn’t want to pry, and I’m not one to press people, so I simply nodded and agreed not to. In hindsight, and with more social experience now, I think I may have been a little impolite asking such a heavy question to someone I KNEW was her widower but at the time I really didn’t know any better…

Later that night, while he was keeping dry in my home from a storm HE asked ME if he could talk about her. I told him certainly, that I’d love to hear, now I think he must have been thinking about her all day ever since I begged the question…Well, once I told him I’d love to hear…he…Oh…He just broke down into tears. I still remember that sad face, and the noise that came from him. I’ve scarcely heard such a pained sound. He started telling me about her, how he loved her, how everything was his fault, how he missed her so much still, just…every thought he’d ever had about her came spilling out…

I just…felt such an urge to hold him, like it were a natural thing, and despite never being around people it just felt like what you should do seeing such a thing…So, I did. I hugged him and squeezed him tight and let him cry. And he did. And for awhile to. I honestly wonder if he ever really had before since her death…If something about me being someone so entirely different and removed from the situation allowed him to let it out as he needed. Of this I am not sure, and again, in hindsight I guess it could’ve been rude to just hug someone you’d never known like that, but I suppose if I’d had those ‘social graces’ about myself that other Floralians have, he may not have gotten what he needed in that moment—a shoulder to cry on.

He told me he felt much better after the fact, and I truly think he did. And we still talk about her whenever he needs to. She was such a big part of his life, it would be remiss of me to not give him a safe space to talk about her, and how the memory of her occasionally makes him feel—good or bad. I am happy for his part in her life, though I am sad for how it ended up piercing his heart. It was an important love for him, and I can tell it definitely shaped who he is today. And who he is, is wonderful to me. Gentle, sweet, compassionate, kind, affectionate, if a little stuffy. And I appreciate it all.

Anyway, sorry if that was long winded. This is a topic I think of often, as it is undeniably a part of our relationship. Thank you for your question, I wish you a good day! ✨🌸🌷”

[randomwriteronline]

The sound of waves is soothing and irritating all at once. It almost drives him mad, and then it calms him down again. His heartlight pulses a little quicker than it should. A sense of anxiety gives his rocking motion a strange apprehension.

The sea bears life.

The sea bore us.

His sister's words make him feel sick in his chest.

"Pohatu..."

His head raises suddenly to the grey sky, smiling: "I'm here."

"Where are you siblings?" asks Teridax's voice with a windy whisper, slithering around him.

"Trapped underground."

"Very well," the Makuta's voice purrs; bashful pride swells in the Toa's chest. "Where is the Mask of Light?"

"With Akhmou, to be melted down in the forges."

"Very well," another rumble in the protodermis sea, another caress from the howling gale. "Where are the Turaga Metru?"

"If they haven't been caught already, on the way to me."

"Very, very well, my Toa." Pohatu grins, basking in the quiet praise - but his heartlight stills a moment later as the sky sighs: "And yet..."

Has he done something wrong?

Something bad?

He tried to do everything right, as right as he could.

Did he waste too much time?

Cold winds wrap around him; the ground beneath him seems to sink a little more under his weight, the air curls heavier around his limbs and head, and the entire universe seem to close in on him, to observe him more intently.

He's not scared by this.

He knows Teridax would never hurt him.

He's just trying to understand what he did wrong.

The sounds solidify in the shape of a well-known claw to trace the maskless face he cradles in his arms: "He is still here."

Pohatu looks down.

Takanuva remains unconscious.

"Pohatu..." Teridax asks sweetly, rumbling like a thunderstorm, "You do remember what I've told you... The Toa of Light..."

"But it wasn't his fault!" Pohatu interrupts him. His hold on his little brother tightens slightly. "You said it yourself, Takua has nothing to do with this. If it wasn't for the Turaga, for that mask - he's innocent."

"He is, of course," the Makuta growls, "But danger lurks within him."

The Toa curls around the much larger body in his lap: "But he hasn't done anything wrong," he continues to defend him. "And without the mask he can't do anything, he's just like a Matoran again, without any powers - so I thought... I thought..."

"You disobey me?"

"No! No, no, I'm not disobeying, I don't want to disobey!" he's quick to reassure his master. Nothing frightens him more than the quiet heartbreak in his tone - he's good, he's good, he wants to be good, he wants to be good and useful and someone to be proud of, he doesn't want to make him upset, he doesn't want to disappoint him, it's just... It's just... He looks down, to the closed golden eyes of Takanuva. His shoulders close around him tenderly, to shield him from the cruel world that saw it fit to throw him into such a terrible life. "But he's... He hasn't done anything... He thought - they made him believe he had to, that it was his destiny, it wasn't his fault... He's just Takua... He's just..."

"Your little brother," Teridax finishes for him.

Pohatu nods.

The waves recede until the seabed is almost visible; they crash once more against the cliff with a long, gentle sigh.

"You have much too big a heart, Pohatu," the Makuta tells him, willing the salt in the air to cradle his puppet's head as though it were his palm. "And though it is an admirable thing, it still sometimes blinds you from what must be done - especially when it is in your little brother's best interest."

The Toa looks up, into the sky, to the spectral light of the twin suns. He has no trouble imagining the deep crimson of Teridax's eyes in place of their thin silvery shine.

"He has been turned into my enemy against his will, that is true," the usurper continues, voice low and sweet: "And I cannot execute him for being guilty of a crime others forced him to commit without even knowing what he was truly doing. But he must die regardless, Pohatu - not because he must be brought to justice, like your siblings and their mentors, but because he deserves to be given mercy."

"Mercy?"

"Yes, my Toa, mercy... The very same thing the Turaga denied him. Reflect well: the Avohkii has mutated him, tearing his previous careless, happy existence from him, staining him with the irreversible mark of its blinding light. No matter how far he may run, Destiny will always hound him, chasing him into his demise."

Pohatu hugs his brother closer, as though Destiny was a beast standing right before them in this second, hissing and writhing as it eyes Takanuva with a hungry gaze.

Loving claws of frigid wind soothe his head, caressing it slowly: "Do you see, then?" the waters churn below him, "Death is not a punishment; it is a kindness. Free him from such a horrible fate. Put a gentle end to the life of strife and agony he has been sacrificed to."

This -

This is the only time Pohatu laments following the code.

He would. He would kill Takanuva, right here and now, in his own arms, while he's still unconscious - so he could die loved and safe, without even noticing, drifting into even softer, even deeper sleep.

He would do it for him, so he doesn't have to suffer, so he doesn't have to be torn apart by something else, something so much more terrible than a brother who honestly, honestly loves him, a brother who loves him enough to spare him from something as horrible as a life he should not be forced to live.

He would, he would, he wants to (Teridax is right - what a fool he was for doubting him, when Teridax is always right and always good, and he even talked back to him and argued with him - oh, a fool, a fool, an idiot, a cretin, a worthless mindless sack of rocks - he is so lucky Teridax is so patient with him even when he's this incredibly stupid, so lucky he still cares about him enough to call him dear), but he can't. He can't. He can't.

He rocks Takanuva slowly, for no good reason, and he thinks.

He thinks as hard as he can.

"There's a cave in Po-Metru," he mutters - half to himself, half to the universe, "By the docks - the Visorak horde opened it with a tunnel, but the rest of it caved in... It's under the sea, I remember, with an entrance that can only be found underwater... Getting there was a mess. But I remember the way, I could do it. And the adaptive armor would make it easier. With some luck, the high tide would catch up to him before he could wake up. He wouldn't feel a single thing."

The ground beneath him rumbles: "There," Teridax praises him, "How clever you are, when your mind is clear."

The fear and guilt and worry are washed away from him completely in the mere fraction of a second, like a bad dream chased off by a gentle embrace: Pohatu smiles, embarrassed and flattered.

"Although, just in case luck does not favor us - perhaps, a shackle or two... As he would not understand your act of mercy..."

Of course, of course: "I'll make sure he's secured, Great Spirit."

The grandiose title makes the cliff on which the Toa sits stand even taller as the Makuta preens himself. Great Spirit - yes, of course; that is his name, now, and this is his universe; and oh, it is with such reverence that Pohatu says it, such conviction, such blind all-consuming devotion...

His claws in the shape of the winds lift the Toa's chin up to the sky, his brilliant eyes so eager to make him proud: "Well done, Pohatu," Teridax croons; with another gust of gale he presses against the forehead of his mask to push it down again, in a show of obedience: "I knew you would not disappoint me."

Pohatu never disappoints him.

Pohatu craves to be loved too much to disappoint him.

"Now run along, my dear Toa of Stone. You have a brother to save, and six traitors to imprison."

Pohatu nods, brimming with purpose and quelled anxieties.

Then he disappears, an orange flash beneath grey skies.

The waves keep crashing against the small cliff.

Under it, Hewkii shakes, breathing too fast.

[lowcountry-gothic]

I just finished season 7 of my Dexter rewatch, and wow, that gut-punch of a scene. I always thought of it as a plot twist, a surprise, as the episode’s title—“Surprise, Motherfucker!”—would suggest the viewer is meant to think about it, but this time around, knowing what’s about to happen, it feels inevitable. As if there were nothing else that could possibly happen. And I’m rethinking the way I view this entire show. The first time around, when it was first airing, I always thought of Dexter Morgan as an antihero, someone like Batman, who achieved justice where the system failed, albeit a much more bloody and violent justice. Now it seems clear to me that Dexter isn’t an antihero, and almost certainly isn’t meant to be one by the writers. He’s the main figure in a sort of modern day Greek tragedy.

The tragedy of what happened to his mother, sure, and the trauma her death caused, and the way it made him fascinated with blood and death...that much is obvious. But what I’m seeing now are things that, for whatever reason, escaped me before. Things like his adoptive father seeing this fascination with blood and death and, instead of treating it as an unhealthy coping mechanism for his trauma, seeing it—and more tragically, explaining it to Dexter in such a way that he believes it himself—not as something he could possibly heal from, but as a fatalistic, permanent, and defining aspect of who and what Dexter is. Harry’s belief that Dexter just isn’t normal, and never can be, and the way this shaped Dexter’s own sense of himself and the possibilities his life could hold. The way Harry uses Dexter to fulfill his own cop vengeance fantasies that he can’t enact, and the way that Harry’s subsequent suicide makes Dexter feel like it’s all his own fault.

And there’s the fact that Dexter builds a normal life for himself first as a mask to hide what he thinks truly defines him, but doesn’t even question the idea of this side of his life as “false” until midway into the show, when he begins to see that he is just as capable of meaningful human relationships as anyone else is, and that his brokenness isn’t something unique to him but a feature everyone shares, though in much less extreme ways. How he only realizes, after so much personal loss and tragedy, that his “need” to kill is only a passing emotional state that doesn’t control him, and the way he only realizes this after so much killing when it’s too late to live a life uncomplicated by murder and criminal guilt and murderous habits.

The way he, based on Harry’s beliefs, makes decisions and prioritizes things in ways that seem very small at first, but it’s soon obvious, cumulatively, that he’s unintentionally hurting those he loves in ways that don’t stab but cut like paper.

And the way his ultimate decision that his “fake” life—his career and relationships—is the most important thing to him, and he doesn’t want to lose it, the way this realization comes too late because at this point he’s already given up so much to the altar of his hidden life that so very little of the “normal” life he now values so much is even left at this point.

And of course there’s Deb, and her love for him, and how it causes her to make so many bad decisions, so many instances of giving up her own self for him, and the way this culminates in such a horrifying way for her at the end of season 7—we’re not really even sure if the shot was intentional or an accident, but that doesn’t matter, not for her. It’s so tragic. And the way that she’s so overcome by horror and grief, for herself and for Laguerta, and the sheer agony evident on her face as she breathes, “I hate you,” a line that not even the subtitles caption—you just have to pay attention and listen or be able to read her lips—Damn.

And above all, how things didn’t have to be this way. If Harry had had more faith in Dexter as a child. If he hadn’t—just like a cop—believed that people’s dark sides are the most important things about them. That people are either good people or bad people and that the former need to be protected from the latter at all costs.

How could anyone see this show as being about Dexter’s little darkly comic adventures and the way he forges his own deadly brand of justice, and not about how his entire life, and that of everyone he becomes important to, is just one sad, devastating story after another????

[irenewsky]

My experience watching 9-1-1, or alternatively, my slow descent into madness.

Made the decision to watch all of 9-1-1 from the beginning since I’ve only ever watched episodes of it here and there when my mom was watching it. So, I thought it would be fun to document the experience.

Spoiler alert, my favourite characters in this show are Buck and Eddie. Expect a lot of text about them. Also, they only have seasons 1-6 available in my country and the 7th is only now being shown on tv so… no seasons 7 or 8 in this one.

Here we have it. Prepare yourselves, long as fuck post incoming. And spoilers, obviously.

Season 1

Oh, Abby. Right. You were a character in this show. I forgot that you existed.

OMFG CHIMNEY HAD AN IRON REBAR GO THROUGH IS HEAD??????!!? I did not remember this

HEN NOOOO DON’T CHEAT ON YOUR FUCKING WIFE

”You can always ask for help if you need it” *bobby nods* ”help” istg that had me in tears

”I killed my family” the hot pastor and I had the exact same look of shock on our faces.

Rip abbys mom ig

Early season 1 Buck and Seasons 7-8 Buck are like night and day

Season 2 (took me through the wringer)

It’s somehow very funny to watch how Buck is trying to be a little stand-offish toward Eddie as is they aren’t gonna become the bestest of friends.

The fucking insane move to introduce Eddie to us by making other characters point out how beautiful he is, showing him changing clothes and having Whatta Man play in the background. Oh and then have Buck act like a jealous brat pulling on Eddie’s methaphorical pigtails

Nothing as bonding as removing an active bomb from a man’s leg 🤝

Urgh this Taylor Kelly girl pisses me off. She probably has her reasons for being the way she is but right now, at this very moment, she’s giving me hives

Bobby doesn’t like her either! My man! 🙌🏻

Aaaand now I’m crying over an elderly gay couple. Like actually, properly sobbing. They stayed together, even death didn’t do them apart 😭

TOMMY?!? He was introduced to us in season 2 (Hen’s episode)??!

The old chief Gerrard was an asshole. A true piece of shit.

They called each other ’brother’ exactly one (1) time and it both sounded and felt so wrong I'd be glad if that never happened again

”You two have an adorable son” no way she just said that. bless you santa’s elf. And buck didn’t even have the heart to deny it

NO WAY DOUG WAS THE MAN WHO CHIMNEY MET AT THE MOVIE RENTAL! FUCK!

NO CHIMNEY STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT MADDIE! HE’S HER ABUSIVE EX

NO NO NONONONONO CHIMNEY HE’S BEHIND YOU NOOO CHIMNEY FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

Ah, the asshole chief is back

I feel bad for Howard. Seasons 1 and 2 really have made life kick his ass

Tommy. My dude. What the fuck. ”If I ever even thought about you, I probably wouldn’t [like you]” like damn, okay

Chimney just can’t catch a break huh

I really, really, really hate guns. Truly one of the worst inventions ever

”Guess I’m a man in a uniform too, huh” is that uniform a turd shaped costume?

IN THE FACE?! WITH A FIRE POKER?! Let’s goooo Maddie

Holy shit Maddie. That’s…. Wow

Bobby: *gets suspended and tried to plan a wedding* also bobby: *becomes an agony aunt to 118 crew*

This bomber kid is a fucking idiot! It’s not the 118’s or Bobby’s fault that his dad is a moron

Rip Buck’s leg. Also, the people were so quick to go and help lift the entire fire engine off buck’s leg. Humanity and compassion win again.

Season 3

christopher and buck being besties! This is what I’ve been waiting for 🗣️

Buck? Shit. BUCK!

Blood clots???? Aw man that’s not good

”You could have died” ”but I didn’t” this show in a nutshell

Is this the ”life kicking Buck’s ass” season?

Wait. Wasn’t there a real life case where a woman cut a baby out of another woman because she had been lying to her husband about being pregnant? Or am i tripping?

Uncle Buck! Uncle Buck!

Sidenote: how is Buck able to afford this nice ass loft apartment with a firefighter salary? Granted, I have no idea what the salary is for a LA firefighters but I imagine it’s not much.

Hold up. Is this… is this the tsunami episode..? It is. Oh no.

You’re gonna amputate the man’s arm??? I feel sick. I hate things like this. Nah, I can’t. I gotta skip this.

”Buck… There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you” stoopppppp that’s so sweet

Ah yes, this is 9-1-1, a show where Evan ’Buck’ Buckley is always going through it. If you think you’re having a bad day, then rest assured, Buck is always having a worse one.

Not Buck and Eddie arguing in the grocery store like they're a married couple going through a nasty divorce and a custody battle

Buck, respectfully, the decision to sue the city and the fire department was and is a stupid ass decision. Bobby was right about you being a liability for the time being because if you got seriously hurt on job then you being on bloodthinners is gonna make things risky.

Good, the besties are talking again. Don’t stress me out here, Eddie and Buck.

Sooo when are you going to tell your bff about the illegal fighting ring you’ve been attending, Eddie? 🤨 and that you needed to be bailed out of jail? and that you wanted him to do that and were angry and bitter that you couldn't call him?

Bobby did ice skating? Not the kind of lore drop I expected but pop off king

Oh I love the relationship between Buck and Eddie

”Hey Buck, can I spend christmas with you?” Chris, buddy, you’re breaking my heart here.

Buck randomly throwing out fun facts is something that can be so important to me

2012 called. It wants its song back (Phillip Phillips? In 2024? I say)

”i guess there really is no honor among thieves” A SLY COOPER REFERENCE?!

EDDIE YOU CUT THE FCKN LINE?!

Buck digging up the ground and screaming Eddie’s name will never not hurt to watch

Eddie to his dad: ”you don’t get to make up for lost time with your children by stealing mine” *stares hard at season 8*

Buck feeling lonely and having a fear that everyone he’s ever loved has left and is gonna leave him… that, uh, that’s too relatable buddy

Buck has such a big heart and so much love to give. He deserves every ounce of happiness there is

Ain’t no way Abby ghosted Buck and then had the audacity to show up again but this time engaged to another man. Immediately no.

Also a long sidenote that I’m leaving here because I think this happens around seasons 3-4 of 911 canon timeline: I started watching 911 Lone Star after catching up with season 7 and the collab episode in season 2? I can’t believe TK thought Buck was (maybe) asking him out. Buck wasn’t even aware of his bisexuality at that time so my question is: just how much chaotic bisexual energy has this man been unknowingly radiating? And how did a firefighter from Texas, who by all means was a stranger until now, clock that so fast? Also! The fact that Eddie doesn’t really use social media (relatable king) but has posted pics about Chris and Buck there. And ofc, Hen being an actual badass once again! AND ALSO I’m never gonna forgive this show for never showing us the visit Eddie, Buck and Hen made to see Eddie’s family in El Paso. I feel robbed.

Season 4 (my bias for Buck is on full blast during this season (as if that wasn’t case in last season, too, or the upcoming ones))

I’m happy for Maddie and Chimney, but everything related to pregnancy makes me really uncomfortable

Happy that Buck’s finally going to theraphy. Also Copeland is a funny ass name for a therapist

Not Bobby lifting the robot vacuum out like it’s a misbehaving dog lmaoooo

If I remember correctly, there was a deep dark Buckley family secret buried somewhere there

*Eddie throwing out a fun fact* ”I can know weird stuff too” you’ve spent a lot of time with Buck huh

Hildy - Eddie’s new arch enemy

The fact they didn’t make a baby box for Buck is fucked up. Truly shows how little they care for him. Also, the fact all of the family has been lying to him for decades!

Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to get another child to save your other sick kid and then not love and care for the kid that you brought into this world after the other one dies???? Fucked up. It’s no wonder Buck feels unloved, invisible, and unworthy of anything good, when this is the kind of shit he had to grow up in the shadows of.

And the fact that he felt like he had to get hurt or do something reckless to get at least little attention??

I look at younger Buck and all I feel is this intense big sis instinct kick in

Not Bobby and Michael stalking the next building neighbour and his suspicious trash lmao

The vibes I’m getting from Ana Flores… I don’t know how to feel about them. She might be cool but rn idk

You’re telling Chris about Ana already? Isn’t it a bit too soon? You’re not even sure if this relationship will go anywhere, let alone last. Chris certainly didn’t seem too happy about to hear about it

Chris ran to Buck?? That’s so sweet. He just needed a friend, someone to talk to.

Oh thank god the pregnancy plotline is done. I don’t have to feel uncomfy anymore

Buck is so popular with the kids 😭 love that for him

How is Taylor not interested in Buck’s random facts?? That’s one of the things I like about him. I love it when people have their own points interests and are enthusiastic about them.

Oh yeah the police chief from the Grimm is a police in this one too. What a type cast lol

Nooo, mom and dad are fighting 😭 (athena and bobby)

EDDIE HOLY SHIT HE GOT SHOT NO NONONONONO!

And the way Buck and him just looked at each other for a moment. The sounds around them becoming muted, ears ringing, disbelief evident. 

I just realized… Buck crawled under the fire engine… despite being crushed by one in the past. The adrenaline kicked in real hard.

GET HIM BUCK! GO GO GO GO GO

”Are you hurt?” It’s very sweet of you to be worried about Buck but now is not the time eddie

”I need you to hang on” he’s begging. Buck is begging for eddie to fight. I’m crumbling in pieces.

Oh buck, he is barely holding himself together. He’s shaking like a leaf.

Well, Buck, you’re now Chris’ guardian for the time being

Not Buck just breaking down in tears 😭 you’re gonna make me cry too

I think I’ve cracked to code for why I don’t really enjoy Taylor. It’s bc I like her more as Buck’s friend than I do as his love interest. like, she's cool and ambitious and it would be great to see more of her outside of this relationship

”Still. I think it might have been better for him [Christopher] if I was the one who got shot” boy what the actual hell are you saying. As if Eddie would ever agree with that

FUCK! NOT BOBBY TOO! SHIT

You made Buck Christopher’s legal guardian should the unthinkable happen to you? I was half joking when I said Buck was his guardian for the time being but okay. ALSO, you did that 2 years ago, meaning you two had known each other less than two years at that point. If that doesn’t demonstrate the level of love and trust then I don’t know what does

...This will scene is going to haunt my every waking thought and my every dream from this moment onward, isn’t it

Also, the way Eddie hates the thought of Chris going to his parents because ”it’s not what I wanted then. It’s not what I want now”. Oh season 4 eddie, you’ll hate to see seasons 7 and 8 coming

”But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him” shut up omg. You two istg. 

Season 5 (*phew* what a season):

eddie? I think it’s normal to get panic attacks over getting shot. But it is kinda sus that the attack hit the moment the sales associate thought Ana was Chris’ mom

This piece of shit Jeffrey has such a punchable face.

I should add Eddie to the group of ”always having a worse day than you.” Buck’s there already so he at least has company

Ah yes, a panic attack. Totally normal reaction to having your girlfriend be confused for your wife (please talk to someone Eddie)

”He takes Christopher there [the zoo] all the time. Has the place memorized” i hate you two so much (affectionate)

Sometimes the music choices are too spot on lmao i love it

Yeah, maybe breaking up with Ana is the better choice here all around

Buck and Chimney can now form a new group called ”victims of Maddie just up and leaving when they needed her and when it was clear she herself needed help” …it’s a very exclusive group

Claudette needs to grab a piece of humble pie real quick. Her holier-than-thou attitude is not it (she pisses me off)

”There’s no shame in asking for help” May didn’t ask tho??? jesus fucking christ Claudette. Let. Her. Do. Her. Job.

Oh look, it’s Lucifer - locked up, planning to escape and make people’s lives a living hell (yes, this is a Supernatural reference. Yes, I think I’m hilarious)

The universe is not gonna give Buck and Eddie a break, is it? A hostage situtation? Really? Starting to sound like an average Tuesday for these two

The way Buck screamed Eddie’s name after thinking he got shot again 😭😭

Buck, that burnt orange colour looks so good on you. Really brings out the blueness of your eyes 👌🏻👌🏻

Ain’t no way this show is still edging me with the back story to Chimney’s nickname. It’s been five whole seasons.

I kinda love having the Grimm cop in this show too. Don’t ask me why bc idk

Oh how I wish this proposal goes well for Micha- HOLY SHIT AN EXPLOSION

Actually obsessed with Buck and his floral patterned dishwashing gloves (I love this dorky trivia-dumper so much)

Buck having to listen to stories about his dad’s (bobby) sex life. Scarred for life.

Christopher’s just as particular about decorating the christmas tree as I am

Ah yes, every girl’s dream christmas gift: a portable generator

YOU’RE LEAVING THE 118?! Eddie! You’re just gonna leave everyone? Leave your partner??

Oh Eddie’s gonna be absolutely miserable. That man is not made for a boring and steady 9 to 5 desk job

I feel like I’ve neglected to show my love and appreciation for Bobby so here it is. I love Bobby. Best team dad

Okay Buck, what happened to staying loving and loyal to your girlfriend??

Not both Eddie and Buck digging holes deep enough to reach Australia for themselves… these two I swear

*sighs* fine, I’ll add Maddie to the list of ”always having a worse day than you”

The Buckley siblings have it rough man

Eddie’s struggling as well. Glad he’s going to theraphy.

Okay, I’ll admit. Taylor has started to grow on me. I still don’t like how she was ready to use Bobby’s addiction and grief to get a newsworthy piece but she does seem to like Buck and she doesn’t deserve to get cheated on, even if it was ”just” a kiss that ”didn’t mean anything”

What in the Magnus Archives episode 16 is this. The dude’s buried in spiders and web.

Chris is lucky he has a working Macbook. Mine would end its puny existence if I even tried to play a game more taxing than ”A Date with Death” on it

The fact that Chris called Buck when he was scared and knew his dad needed help 😭 there’s so much trust in that boy’s heart towards Buck

Eddie and Buck really have seen each other at their best and at their lowest

The heart to heart convos between Eddie and Buck are what I live for

Buck truly goes over and beyond for Eddie and Chris. I mean, introducing them to Carla even though Eddie didn’t ask him to, taking Chris and Eddie to equine theraphy because he thought it might be fun for Chris and to make Eddie see how his actions helped Charlie, being always ready take Chris to school if needed… He is such a good man 🥺

Like, I look at those two and all I can think of is that one Grey’s Anatomy quote ”you’re my person. You will always be my person”. I’m going fucking feral (if you haven’t noticed already)

Also, shoutout to the tumblr user who pointed out that Eddie told Chris that he was just happy to silently listen to his late wife yap… and now Eddie listens to Buck’s in depth ramblings about things he’s done a wikipedia deep dive into… the parallel… i’m unwell.

God, I love Karen and Hen. Let’s go lesbian’s let’s go

Claudette’s still testing me. That condescending attitude is driving me nuts.

Buck was so shaken by the reality that he could have actually lost Bobby who is, for all intents and purposes, his only real father figure 😭

WAIT CLAUDETTE DIED?! I didn’t like her but I also didn’t want her to die!

Wait. Wait wait wait. Did mr. Monday kill her???

Saw a post saying that Hen and Chim match each other’s freak perfectly and I can do nothing but 100% agree

Why are you two so domestic!!? 🗣️🗣️🗣️

Who the FUCK tells their 10 year old son to man up and be the man of the house?????? That’s a child!! Man, both Eddie’s and Buck’s parents are fucked up

Buck being the first to end the relationship?? Therapy and boundaries look good on you, my man

Eddie, oh my darling Eddie. You have NO idea how good of a timing you had with that visit to see Bobby. Oh my god.

Season 6

New season, same old domesticity. Cooking for Eddie and Chris, joking about exes, just having grand old time together… god I love this trio

Aww Buck is so desperate to make a good impression so that Bobby would choose him to be the vice-captain while he’s away. Kinda cute, but also a little embarrassing ngl

Okay, why is Eddie pouring coffee actually one of the most attractive things I’ve seen in this show??? My aroace self is actually a little shocked. I don’t know why that specifically got to me lmaooo (ryan guzman, you are one beautiful man) (S6 ep. 1 at 31:52)

Oh, Hen, you’re stretching yourself way too thin

Hold up. Ain’t no way that the little girl, who went missing when Athena was a child, has been buried underneath their house this entire time

Buck becoming a sperm donor wasn’t the kind of storyline I was expecting from him this season but okay sure I guess 🧐

I want to ride my bi-cy-cle 🗣️🚴🎶

Hen and Buck, drunk as skunks, listening to their friends resuscitate an overdosed dog - my heaven, I love this show

Trouble in the Diaz household. It ain’t easy being a parent to a pre-teen

Why am I stressed about Hen’s test re-do 😭 guess you can leave higher education but the higher education stress does not leave you

Not Chim wingmaning Hen and Karen together. A true bestie

The gods of Pompeii might actually hate you girlie pop (or maybe it’s just a greedy man and your assistant)

”Four weeks of abstinence” ”it’s starting to sound like a whole another type of emergency” *laughs in asexual*

Eddie ”i’ll believe it when I see it” Diaz

Connor and his wife: ”I hope we didn’t make this awkward for you” well, if I was Buck I would be praying for the ground to swallow me so no, not awkward at all

BEES 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Unle Buck 🥺 he loves Jee so much

The little onesie for Connor and his wife’s baby 😭 oh buck the man that you are

Dry thunderstorm… this can’t be going towards what think it is…

It’s weird to hear Chimney call Buck ’Evan’

Chim’s dad: ”a man cannot raise a child fathered by another man, it’s unnatural” well that’s a stupid ass opinion

You know the opinion was shitty when even the Buckley parent’s are ready to defend their son

Buck getting hit by lightning. Eddie screaming Buck’s name. Yelling at Buck to talk to him. I’m unwell

Was that Eddie doing compressions on Buck??? 😭

”We’ll do our best” ”do more!” Oh. Oh my heart

The fact that Buck’s in-another-life fantasy is about him having a loving and caring family 😭😭😭 Sucks that Doug is there and that bobby’s dead. AND Eddie doesn’t have custody of Chris??? yeah, scratch everything I said. This is a nightmare.

Eddie can barely look at Buck and is crying as Chris talks to him 😭 i’m unconsolable

Buck, 911 Lone Star S2 ep. 3: ”my captain is not my dad but might as well be.” May: ”Mom brought two kids into this marriage. And you brought one” bobby and Buck’s father-son relationship is actually something that is so important to me 🥹

Aww Buck ran to Eddie’s place to get away from his many visitors. His safe place

Yeah, Buck seems to be at least okay with how things are with his parents currently, but me? I don’t forgive and forget that easily. They should be groveling at Buck’s feet, begging for forgiveness.

Math wizard Buck!

Eddie looks SO good in that turtleneck and blue suit 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 exquisite. Maroon velvet suit looks fantastic on Buck, too.

No way Eddie brought Buck to a secret poker den

”3 minutes and 17 seconds” You counted the time Buck was dead down to the exact seconds???? Oh, eddie. I mean, if my person, my soulmate, died then I too would have counted

Human calculator Buck and his biggest hype man Eddie

Tía Pepa setting Eddie up for a blind date… I wish I could say I don’t relate to his frustration, but unfortunately I do. The talking to that I gave to my aunt… oh I was positively livid.

Ravi Panikkar my boy hello, long time no see

I swear to god, Eddie is so demisexual and/or demiromantic coded it’s not even funny. Eddie, I’m gonna gently hold your hands as I tell you little something about aro and ace spectrums

Eddie shouldn’t be forced to date if he doesn’t want to. I mean, compulsory heterosexuality and amatonormativity are shitty as fuck. I would know!

And so the saga of ”Eddie being pressured into finding someone to date” continues… poor dude (I hate that I can relate)

Very wedding and relationship heavy, these last few episodes

Hello Natalia. Bye Natalia. (is it weird that I actually have this certain fondness for her after reading a pic that started as Buck/Natalia and Eddie/Marisol and ended with Buck/Eddie and Natalia/Marisol? Such a good fic)

Omg no, Ravi is a landlord

Oh right this was Marisol

Omg no. No no no no no. Eddie’s in the van!! He's being crushed!

���i’m fine” eddie, you have multiple broken ribs. You are NOT fine

To be fair, Kameron did herself a solid by going to stay with Buck because at least he’s trained to help with this whole giving birth thing. Also, it is not lost on me that he’s helping her give birth to a child he kinda helped to bring into existence. Poetic cinema. A full goddamn circle.

My god SOMEONE give this man a child

Also, you might have to burn your couch Buck. Sorry.

Okay, Marisol seems really nice (too bad I already know everything that’s gonna go down in this relationship (love you tumblr). It ain’t gonna be pretty)

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Hellsing Rewatch: Episode Two Thoughts

(Picking this up a full year later)

Why is Van Helsing German 😭 In the novel he also throws in random German phrases. Sir you are Dutch??

Forever a funny choice to give Alucard a black coat in the flashback and Van Helsing the red coat. Alucard wants to be him so bad

Love that Van Helsing looks like an amalgamation of Integra (eye color), Arthur (the hair), and Anderson (the general shape of the lower half of his face

We went off topic for a bit thinking about a btvs and Hellsing crossover, and how much Integra and Buffy would dislike each other. Also my one and only Hellsing face cast opinion is that Seras would look like a young Sarah Michelle Gellar so that would be funny. Also the entire Zorin fight would be so so devastating to see her act out.

Joshua!!!!

The way the front of the Hellsing estate looks so dry and withered. I like to think that’s Alucard’s impact.

Jan is so annoying jesus

Is… is the mist in the Hellsing hallway always there?

How exactly does Integra guess that they have a security leak? Anyway rip rip her going from “We have a security leak” to talking to Walter in the same breath

Or like the spears in the painting, is that just a trap they always have set up? How many soldiers and like random staff have these people accidentally killed because the manor is so full of dumb traps

There are SO MANY paintings in the hallways. Integra will not furnish her home but by god she will decorate the walls.

Jesus even in the conference room. I wonder how much tax evasion is happening with those paintings

“I don’t know who armed and trained these creatures” SURE YOU DON’T WALTER

Luke choosing to dramatically break down the door instead of just… opening it?

Rip Alucard just sitting in the dark like a fucking weirdo.

The way he has NOTHING in his gloomy ass basement room. Just a single chair and a tiny side table. He truly gets no enrichment in his enclosure. No wonder he’s so unwell

WALTER CUM DORNEZ

Walter is basically just evil Giles, yes?

I forgot how horny this show is for guns holy shit

The falling wine glass is a very fun visual to highlight how quickly they draw and shoot their respective weapons

LOLLL Alucard laughing and the Luke starting up a couple seconds later because he doesn’t want to be left out

::shuddering:: Jan’s arm comes off so easily

Still really pissed that they took out the “Welcome to Hellsing”

Alucard’s so gross 💖💖💖 all the centipedes and the eyes and the baby screaming sound effects!!!

It’s also genuinely such a fun choice to have his head and hands fall away like that, it really gives the impression that they’re like just for show.

He’s so excited to be fighting with someone, and then like so genuinely mad and disappointed when Luke isn’t up to par lmao

The way he keeps calling Luke a punk in the subtitle translation 😭😭

Love that he apparently knows that the rest of the gang are struggling against Jan upstairs but he still chooses to do nothing

The cooldown hug 💖💖💖

I like to think that Walter is so defensive of Islands blaming Integra for everyone in the manor dying (lmao) because it was his fault. He’s like hey she couldn’t have foreseen this!

I do think it’s still absolutely ludicrous that no one survived sjdjdhdfs

The way Integra’s never fucking heard of Star Wars. God I wish that were me

[heaven-in-a-wild-flower]

The Great Hypocrisy

They always expect me to explain something that they don’t know themselves. Sexual attraction. How can I explain the absence of it if you can’t explain the presence? Why is it so impossible, so improbable, so difficult to believe that it might just not be there? It’s better when they ask than when they make incorrect assumptions about it, but it hurts so much to have to explain at all. It feels like tearing a part of me and folding it into a shape they’ll enjoy and presenting it like a creation of origami. Nobody else has to explain what they might or might not feel, why should I? A gay man does not have to explain how he doesn’t feel attraction to women. A straight woman does not have to explain how she doesn’t feel attraction to women. Why should I? But what is the alternative? To refuse to explain? Then they would continue with their incorrect assumptions and it would be my fault. They might not believe it is real and then I’ll have been complicit in the next they invalidate. They would become more bigoted and it’ll weigh on me to have added more bad into the world.

I cannot understand how they think it’s even possible for it not to be real. Why would I, why would anyone make such a thing up? If sex is indeed so wonderful, so pleasurable as they all claim it is, why would I deny it to myself? If sexual attraction is so natural, so universal, why would I have trouble finding it within myself? How can they not understand how incomprehensible it is that most of the world places more value in putting two people’s body parts together than anything else? How could that be the most intimate thing? Why does anyone think they could possibly know me, understand me better than I would? If you can’t explain how sexual attraction feels, how do you expect me to explain how it doesn’t feel? Why should I be the one researching it so I can explain it to others, so they won’t make me feel a fraud? Why can’t you accept it when I tell you and search it up if you don’t understand? Why does it matter so much to you at all, even if you don’t understand? Why can’t I just be? Why do I have to be some puzzle for you to solve and to keep trying until you’ve solved it or established it to be missing some pieces?

Love is just so difficult to find while being ace. Romantic love, especially. It feels like a secret if you don’t tell them you’re ace. And then you do and then it feels like you’ve disappointed them. Like you’ve added some unnecessary burden. And then it doesn’t work and it feels entirely attributable to your being ace. And then every thought as you overthink it in your head begins with the phrase “if I weren’t ace”. Even if they say they’re okay with it, how could you know for sure? How do you ever know? How to stop feeling like you’re denying them something? How much compromise is too much? Is the only solution dating only ace people?

It's not even just difficult with romantic love, it’s difficult even with platonic love. Friendship is a concept I take so seriously. I hold it reverently in my hands like a beautiful precious flower. But others don’t see it that way. People see friends as placeholders until they find romantic partners. They see them as an easy way to while away time, easy companionship. They see friendship as some second prize consolation award to romantic love. How could they ever reduce love to something so small, so pathetic? How could I trust in their friendship when they seem to always see it second to romantic love? How can I have friends if I have to always be worried that one day, they will find a partner and leave me in the dust? And if they believe that relationships without sexual attraction have no value or have reduced value, how could I ever have a relationship with any of them? Am I then again forced only to find ace people, to date and to be friends with?

They never truly want to understand. They merely want it to fit the boundaries of reason they have in their mind, they want it to fit within the walls of what they know. They don’t want to admit that their basics must be wrong. That the structure they built this house on, cannot accommodate a terrace but that that doesn’t mean terraces aren’t real. They want you to make it make sense, but if you do, if you ever try, they try to change your mind and to tweak your explanation until it is utterly unrecognizable and fits within their expectations. You’re traumatised or scared or lying or some explanation that makes sense to them. They want you to explain but they never can and never will. And that is the great hypocrisy.

[alara-kahya]

"Things end, that's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again, and that's always happy." - 12th Doctor.

Self Para: Post break-up, 3 days later. Involved: Jayden Cross (deceased), her mom & Kian. Mentions: Nate Donovan & Emiri Tezel. Location/s: Cemetery & her home. Triggers: Death, grief, heartache.

"So, yeah, that's it. Sorry to come and bring bad news, I just... Well, selfishly I guess I thought it would help." Sighing as she sat on the ground in front of Jayden's grave, she tucked her knees into her chest and decided to just wallow for a minute. It was day three since Nate had walked out and aside from this right here, she hadn't told anyone. Not her mom, not even Emiri. What was she supposed to say? "I don't know how to talk about it with anyone else, or maybe I'm just scared to." Yeah, that felt more accurate. Alara had worked so incredibly hard over the years to shape herself into a strong and confident woman, it was difficult for her to show that she was still capable of being hurt. "I know what you'd say, I even know what you'd do, you would hug me and tell me to call my mom. Actually, you'd probably call her yourself. You can't beat a hug from your mom." She chuckles, saying something that Jayden used to say about her mother. Honestly, he was as close to an adopted child as her mom had, it broke her too when he died.

The soft laugh soon turned into a sniffle and before she knew it, she was choking back a sob and desperately wiping at the tears that spilled over her eyes. "How did I let this happen again," she puffed out a breath, still somehow laughing between crying, though it was far from a place of amusement. "I did what you always wanted me to do and I took a chance. Now look at me, right back to square one and you're not even here for me to say it's all your fault." Joking, but the words only made her miserable. "I feel like a fool, I really thought if I just kept patience, he'd find his moment and talk to me. Now I'm wondering if I should have pushed harder? And then I hate myself for thinking this could be my fault, because it isn't, is it? I gave him everything, and it just wasn't enough, how am I supposed to accept that? How can I when I don't understand." Groaning, what she does understand now is why she chose to come here and talk to a headstone over someone who could actually support her. Emotional and manic wasn't her best look, she wanted to try and vent a lot of it out before she turned to her family and friends. "It just hurts, it... yeah, it hurts."

The ache that swirled all around her insides only rippled outwards until it felt like even breathing in was painful. "I'm so lost without you, Jj, I miss you so much. So much." It wasn't fair. A thought that she seemed to be thinking a lot lately. Nothing was ever fair and she couldn't stand it. "You don't know what I'd give to go back, even if it was just to see you one last time." She lost herself when he had died, that much was clear to everyone who loved her, but what a lot of them didn't realize was that she never truly recovered. A part of her was still lost, still trying to claw it's way back but it never would. There was an empty space there in her heart that belonged entirely to her best friend. Sighing, she swiped more tears away and climbed up to her feet, staying crouched as her brown eyes lingered over his name. "Love you. I'll be back in a couple days, I'll bring beer." With a sad smile and a soft hand pressed against the cold stone, she takes a deep breath and turns to leave. Hopefully looking a little less blurry-eyed by the time she got home to greet her mother.

"Hey," calling out as she drops her bag at the door. "Sorry I'm late, work ran over and then I got talking to Jay," a statement that wasn't out the ordinary, it was never unusual for her to visit the cemetery just to keep her lost friend upto date on her life. "That's ok, sweetie. Little man is all tucked up, he's just waiting for a hug," her mom smiles, though she can't help but eye Alara with mild suspicion. "Everything ok?" Hard not to notice bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks when they were right in front of you, but it wasn't just that. It was something Kian had told her while they ate dinner. That he heard his mommy crying in the middle of the night. "Yeah, I'll go give him his hug," shying away from her gaze, she knew she couldn't talk about it right now, not while her son was waiting for her.

Making her way up the stairs, she does her best to rub the mascara away and go in his room with a warm greeting. "Hello my beautiful baby. Sorry I missed dinner." Walking over to sit on the end of his bed, her smile actually reaching her eyes just at the sight of him. "That's okay, but nanna made me eat sweetcorn," he pulled a blegh face and shuffled out his covers to envelope his arms around her. An action that had her eyes stinging with a fresh set of tears as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I didn't tell her sweetcorn is on the no no list now." Chuckling, she kisses at the top of his head, and holds him tight, finding a warm comfort that only he could ever really provide. It almost made her unwilling to tuck him back in, but she did, somehow resisting the urge to just lay down with him. "Mommy?" Innocent eyes peer up at her as she strokes his hair. "Are you sad?"

The question made her heart hurt, she never wanted to be sad in front of him but she should have known, he was always very perceptive. "I'm a little bit sad, yeah. Missing your Uncle Jayden a lot today." It wasn't a lie, and she obviously wasn't going to tell her four-year-old child about her breakup. "It's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as you know how to make yourself happy again, and I do, so don't worry." Nodding, she wasn't sure that part was quite true, not as things stood. "How do you do that?" He asks, making her laugh softly. "Well, I just look at you and all that sadness goes away. You know what I always tell you, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world to have a baby as kind and loving as you. But it's late, so close your eyes and dream nice dreams. I love you." Leaning forward to kiss his head, she waits for him to say it back and gently leaves the room, door ajar just how he liked it.

As soon as he was out of sight, she has her hands pressed over her mouth, silencing the hiccup and quickly making her way to her room. Washing up and getting into her pj's, she's surprised when she sees her mom still here, waiting for her on the sofa. "Now that your baby is settled, let me settle mine..." Patting a hand on the sofa, Alara looks between her and the spot, wary, almost timid. She didn't want to break, but damn, it didn't matter how old she got, a mother's influence was always the instinctive way to run. And so, she grabs a blanket and walks over, settling herself closely by her side, head on her shoulder and arm around her front, allowing her mother to just be there and hold her.

"Jayden was never wrong about this, can't beat one of your hugs." Smiling as she sits up, she doesn't bother to hide the sad defeat in her eyes, instead, she just shrugs. "Nate and I are done. He'd rather spiral than lean on me. I tried, but... It's pretty impossible to fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for." The corners of her eyes crease as she tries to say it with a calm tone. As soon as she hears her mom say she's sorry, she shakes her head, trying to tell her she didn't really have anything else to say, except maybe... "You know what the worst part is? I never forgot how crap this feels, I broke my own promise never to put myself back in a position where I can be hurt because... I managed to convince myself that this time, it wouldn't end with tears."

And in a gesture to her own, she scoffs a sad half-laugh and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She appreciates that her mom gives her the time to talk without interrupting, the squeeze on her arm is comforting enough without making her feel crowded. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. Some people aren't, and that's fine. I was happy by myself, I can be that way again." Nodding, "Yeah. It's fine. I'm- I'll be fine." Maybe if she said it enough, she would actually start to believe it. "Alara..." That soft tone of a concerned mother had her sucking in a breath as she shakes her head. "Don't. Please, just don't. I don't need you to say anything." She practically insists, misty brown eyes lifting up to hers only to close with a shaky sigh. "Okay, sweetie. I won't. But you should go get me some pajamas because I'll be staying here tonight." Her mom says, lifting a hand up to Alara's cheek, hoping that she wouldn't protest. Truthfully, she didn't have the energy, and not being alone sounded far better. "Thank you."

[seriouslysam8]

While you say that the betrayer was always meant to be the betrayer, I still wonder how much free will there was behind the act. I don't get the idea that the person involved is truly a bad person. I'm still not convinced that there isn't some coercion involved.

It’s so funny because I’m trying to be vague today in my responses on tumblr because a lot of my normal reviewers haven’t reviewed yet so I’m assuming they haven’t read either and I don’t want to spoil anything.

But, I mean, this person joined Voldemort so there is a coercion aspect to it. I don’t think they’re entirely bad, but this is the path they went down.

Spoilers below

But the betrayal initially hit different in my mind. In the original outline of the story, Sirius and Rosamond were going to be fuck buddies. The betrayal, obviously, was what broke them apart. I decided against this because Sirius has already been betrayed in the past. I thought giving him another big betrayal, someone who he slept with and showed him affection and had him debating his exact feelings for her would have been too much for him. I had already planned on the alcohol poisoning, the depression and anxiety, and I thought fucking the enemy unknowingly was too much on the poor guy.

So, Tegan took on that role to help him let off some steam and feel normal again, to help him get used to receiving and giving affection. Tegan isn’t going to betray him like Rosamond did. So, it seemed like a better pairing than my initial plan.

But Rosamond’s brothers are DE. Her husband is a DE. She is surrounded in that DE and pureblood culture. She never escaped it. Now, her son is in the thick of it. So, yes, she could very well just be trying to survive. But her affection for Sirius is limited. She hasn’t been close to Sirius since he was eleven and she was twelve. While they were close as children, they’re not close now. Rosamond used that childhood connection with Sirius to manipulate him. She is, ultimately, one of the few DE who could have Sirius even consider believing them.

Because while Sirius isn’t a dummy, Sirius is in a very bad spot mentally. He’s always felt some guilt and responsibility for what happened to Regulus, thinking he could have done more to save him than he did. While Sirius is in no way, shape, or form at fault for Regulus taking the Mark and dying (he was just a kid himself after all), Sirius can’t help but feel some small bout of guilt and affection for his kid brother. So, when he’s presented with his long lost nephew, he couldn’t help but take the bait. He wanted to know his nephew.

Because if there’s one thing that DE understand about Sirius it’s that he’s loyal. If he deems you as worthy, he will fight tooth and nail for you. He would burn down a fucking village for the people he loves. Voldemort and his DE were counting on Sirius’ buried affection for Regulus to help manipulate him into finding Cepheus and then leading them right to Charlotte and Cepheus.

Now, it’s not for a few chapters that you find out how exactly they gained this information. But you will. Sirius will not know how to process it or even fix the issue at large.

[bi-bard]

Only Love Can Change the Shape of Such Permanent Truths - Karen Sirko Imagine [Daisy Jones & the Six]

Title: Only Love Can Change the Shape of Such Permanent Truths

Pairing: Karen Sirko X Reader

Based On: No Argument

Word Count: 1,663 words

Warning(s): unhealthy relationships with parents, mention of bad relationship(s), very subtle reference to sex

Summary: After their first kiss, Karen finds herself pushing (Y/n) away. The tour for the band's new album "AURORA" seems like the perfect chance for her to get over her feelings. However, when (Y/n) comes to visit the band at their hometown show, Karen realizes that distance did nothing to help her.

Author's Note: I still love her.

Part One of "August" [Release Date: 8/11/2023]

Part Three of "August" [Release Date: 8/15/2023]

YEARBOOK - SLEEPING AT LAST WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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Going home to Pittsburgh was easily one of the scariest things I had ever done.

I wanted to be there for the band. They were my friends. I cared for them. But Pittsburgh was riddled with sour memories. Memories that left a bad taste in my mouth and a pit in my stomach.

Those memories weren't the only reason that I was dreading the trip.

No, another part of that was the nervousness revolved around the incident that had happened with Karen when I first moved in.

It wasn't just that I had kissed her. If that's all it was, then I would like to believe that some part of me could get over myself.

The problem was that our relationship seemed to completely change after that. We didn't spend much time without the rest of the band there. When we did speak, it felt awkward and forced or as if two words were exchanged throughout the entire conversation.

I hated it. I hated that it was my fault that we were in that place. I had been the one to kiss her. I had been the one to get too invested in a small moment during a night out and behave like an ass.

I had tried to apologize. She didn't let me. She would always find a way to avoid or simply shut down the conversation before it truly started. I was embarrassed. Ashamed, really.

I didn't tell the band about what had happened. I didn't want to. It felt unfair to do that to them. I didn't want to cause any more trouble than I already had.

When they went on tour, Camila and I found ourselves alone in the house. That was when I told her what happened. She asked me a million questions and when I couldn't answer most of them, she just comforted me. She knew how vulnerable the entire experience had left me. She muttered an 'I'm sorry' into my ear. I had to tell her not to apologize for something that was my fault.

I assumed that conversation was why she had been so protective of me while we were in Pittsburgh.

When we joined the band, it was a jumble of excited hugs and greetings and loveliness. It was nice being able to see them all again. I had kept myself busy with Camila by helping with her kid as much as possible. I hadn't truly noticed how lonely I had become over that time.

We were all spending the day at the house that Graham had helped his mom buy after the band took off.

I had stepped inside for a moment, returning to the yard with a goal.

"Daisy," I said excitedly, running over to her. "I have a gift for you."

"Really," she asked.

"Yup," I nodded. "Come on."

She let me grab her arm and drag her inside. I brought her to the room that I had been planning to stay in for the night. I motioned for her to walk inside.

I waited until I heard a reaction from her before stepping inside. "I know that I'm a little early, but I thought you'd like to have something special to wear for the last show."

"This is amazing," she replied.

It was a white, flowy, sparkling outfit. There were basically wings on the arms that allowed it to move with the person wearing it. I adored it... and I rarely adored anything that I made. I could think of no one better to have it than a firecracker like Daisy Jones.

"You seriously made this for me?"

"Well, I actually made it for Billy- of course, I made it for you," I laughed a bit at her question.

She hugged me tightly. "Thank you. I love it."

"You're welcome," I muttered to her. I stepped back. "Here, I'll help you put it away so it's safe for when you travel."

It only took us a few minutes but we both had to promise each other that we would remind each other about where we put the damn thing.

When we made it outside, Daisy walked off to go see Julia- Billy and Camila's daughter. I stood off to the side for a moment, glancing around.

"(Y/n)!"

I felt my heart sink immediately as I turned my head. "Oh..."

"How are you, sweetheart," my mom pulled me into a hug, which I very awkwardly reciprocated. I nodded in greeting to my dad as I stepped back. "Oh, it has been so long."

"Yeah, I know," I replied.

"How have you been?"

"Good, good," I nodded. I felt weird talking about it. I didn't really want them to know all of the details of my life now. I felt like they had lost the right to that information. "I'm drawing again... and making things."

"Are you still doing those little drawings," my dad asked, seemingly exasperated by the idea. "I thought you gave up all of that."

I felt myself being looked at. I looked over my mom's shoulder to see Karen staring at me. There was a strange look on her face. I couldn't tell if it was anger or exhaustion or some mix of both.

"(Y/n)..."

I jumped a bit, looking at my parents again.

"Still can't pay attention, can you," my mom acted like it was a light-hearted joke. "Must be why it took you so long to call us when you left."

I forced an awkward grin. I looked over again to see Karen walking inside. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"(Y/n)-"

"I'll be right back."

"Your mom is talking to you-"

"I have something more important to worry about."

"(Y/n)!"

I ignored them. If they wanted to embarrass themselves and show just how little they truly thought of me in front of all those people, then who was I to stop them? I knew better than to stand and entertain them.

I walked inside, looking for any shut door I could find. I found one.

I took a deep breath before knocking on the bedroom door. "Karen? Are you in there?"

There was no sound on the other side of the door.

"Karen?"

The door opened quite suddenly after that. Karen stood on the other side. She looked at me for a few seconds before looking away. I saw her shifting on her feet.

I had never seen her so clearly nervous or awkward. Even when she had been ignoring me, she had held onto her cool, calm, and collected composure. She would still stand steady with her arms crossed.

"Can I come in," I asked.

She paused for a moment before nodding and stepping to the side to let me in.

The door shut behind me and it felt like the air was sucked out as it did. Much like those moments just before and after our first kiss, we were both trapped in this suffocating tension. Enough pressure was mounting that it could have easily hurt us when it erupted.

I took a deep breath before speaking up again, "Are you alright? I saw you run out of there."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Karen nodded, still clearly tense. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you don't believe me."

"Well, I don't, really," I confessed. "You ran out of there, Karen. Something happened. I just want to know what it was so I can help you. And you may not care about me after what happened between us, but I care about you-"

"I do care about you," she cut me off. "That's part of the problem!"

"What?"

"I... I saw you out there," she explained. "With your parents. I saw how sad you seemed with them. How guilty you looked. All because of those people that still didn't seem to respect you. It... it made me so angry, but I knew that I had no right to say anything and even if I did, you wouldn't want me to. I just... I had to get out of there before I did something stupid because I do care about you. A lot. I probably love you, but I know that I already fucked that up and now-"

I stepped forward as she rambled. "Karen-"

She didn't seem to hear me. This was the first time that she seemed entirely out of control of herself. Some part of me was thankful for it. Without this moment- this pure moment of no filter- I may have never had the answers that I wanted to have so badly.

"Karen," I repeated. I reached up and cupped the sides of her face. That seemed to get her to pause her rambling. I smiled at her. "I... I love you too."

I watched the words sink in. We both stood still with the words sitting in the air between us.

I was caught off guard by Karen leaning forward and pressing her lips to mine. Her hands touched my sides, pulling me closer to her.

It was a perfect moment. The tension that had been suffocating both of us earlier had suddenly dissipated. It was the first time since I had come home that I felt completely at peace.

I pulled away first, leaning my forehead against hers. A wide smile stretched across my face. She grinned back at me.

"We should get back to the party," I muttered after a moment.

"I mean... we could," Karen replied quietly. "Or..."

"Or?"

She leaned in and pecked my lips again.

"Oh..."

She nodded.

"I think you make a very good argument," I said.

"Nice to hear."

I let out a quiet laugh as she leaned in and kissed me for a third time. This one was more frantic. Desire was clearer through that kiss than the others.

I decided then and there that if that was the only good thing to come out of that trip home, then I would call it a very successful trip.

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