#it's almost an absurd understatement to say this is their most vulnerable album yet

[iamnotawomanimagod]

god that "Life of the Spider" snippet is SO raw

I couldn't perfectly make out the lyrics (and don't want to listen too many times before the album comes out) but it sounded something like "how do I think I even have the right to exist when I look this hideous"

and it just absolutely breaks my fucking heart. Halsey talked a bit in the SheMD podcast about how losing so much weight and the way her face changed made her feel so ugly.

and I know we all know that beauty isn't everything, and that Halsey has SO much more to offer the world than just their looks

but the same time: do people whisper 'bout you on the train like me, saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me? now I'm looking pretty in a hotel bar. face so made up, living on a screen. all alone out in Saint Tropez, lookin' as fine as a damn Monet. I spent years becoming cool and in a single second you can make a decade of my efforts disappear.

Halsey isn't dumb. She knows she's beautiful. She knows that while she is a very talented songwriter and artist, this is a brutal and shallow industry, and that her looks gave her access at a time when the world may not have otherwise valued what she had to say.

but what happens when Ashley can't be Halsey? what happens when Ashley is too sick to be that larger-than-life figure on stage and on screen? when they don't look like themselves anymore, let alone like a shimmering ethereal pop queen?

at some point, the conclusion Ashley came to was "I don't deserve to exist."

if that doesn't rip you wide open, I don't know what will. and I'm both terrified and very curious to hear the rest of the song.