#it's a very subtle thing but the inspiration is deeply apparent to anyone who's seen both

[turtlemagnum]

ok, gonna try my hand at compiling my thoughts on fist of the north star first. here goes nothing! warning, this post is gonna be Long, open the read more at your own peril.

i think the best way to go about this might be roughly chronologically, so i'll start at the start. i think it's interesting how very early on, the conceit is "there is but one practitioner of hokuto shinken and but one practitioner of nanto seiken, and they are sworn to never fight lest the world fall into Chaos..." and that degrades very quickly past the first arc. i will say that overall, the shin arc is a very fun, enjoyable and relatively quick watch, with mostly interesting fights, decent character designs and a mostly compelling narrative. i think one of the standout parts, to me, was when shin was actually defending yuria from his former goons while they tried to revolt. it definitely added a certain texture to shin's character where he had previously been just 100% straightforwardly the bad guy, instead of being 99% that. also there's the devil rebirth fight and that time ken killed The Entire United States Military in the same episode that he punched a wrecking ball so hard that it shattered like a christmas ornament. now that i think about it, the leader guy of the former US military was actually probably the first time we see nanto seiken used by someone who isn't shin, and i remember it being kind of a big deal that shin had violated their sacred traditions to such an extent, y'know? how quickly that went out the window

something that's been consistently good in the series was the music. the fight music, the ambient stuff, and especially the openings. all 3 of the openings are S tier, but i will say they never quite top ai wo torimodose, it's just that fucking bombastic and fun, y'know? at the same time i wouldn't stab somebody for thinking silent survivor or TOUGH BOY are better, they're all fuckin great even if in different ways at time. honestly i'm mostly surprised that an anime from back then had more than one opening, much less 3. from what i can tell that shit wasn't nearly as common back then as it was today, so i think it speaks to how deeply popular the series was back in its heyday. hell, OG dragon ball got just one and im pretty sure DBZ barely got two. i hope one day i'll be able to make music as stellar as the hnk soundtrack, really.

something that bugged me about early fist of the north star is how every fucking woman looked like yuria, just sometimes with different hair. this definitely got better as the series went on, and i have no idea if this was a problem in the manga too, but by god is it glaring. thankfully that seems to clear up ironically after mamiya is introduced, who is explicitly portrayed to be the spitting image of yuria. i think the first time i noticed that women finally look like unique people and Not Just Yuria was that one martial artist who fought with roses and shit. side note but i genuinely loved her design, the show got really sexist about her being a Femoid who fights but setting aside that i really loved her. i should learn to draw her. anyways, i like how the series improved over time in that regard, at the very least

one of my biggest problems in the series starts with shin's death. i remember when shin first died and he burst out crying, i had assumed it was just a fucked up manipulation tactic like the yuria doll, but apparently we the audience were expected to take it seriously? and like, this began a longrunning trend of a villain being like, absolutely irredeemably evil, like puppy crusher machine, baby eating, torment nexus evil, and then at the end they're all like "i just wanted 2 play on de play groundt...." and we're expected to take that seriously???? like, i'm all for moral nuance and complexity, and there are times where this whole shtick was done more tolerably than others, but in my opinion they never actually redeem somebody in a way that's satisfying. a redemption arc has to be, y'know, a fucking arc. and even if you're trying to do a redemption = death thing, the thing that makes that trope work is that they die doing something, y'know, actually good???? the reason anakin's redemption worked (aside from actually being foreshadowed pretty blatantly) was because he actually saved lukes life and died in the process. he did a good thing and died because of it. meanwhile shin, he still fought ken right up until the end and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary until he was literally seconds from dying. at least raoh had it built up to a little bit, like jesus fucking christ.

now, i will say that the arc from roughly jagi's introduction to the first fight with raoh is the best fist of the north star gets. if you're thinking about watching the show but don't wanna commit to 150ish episodes, i'd recommend watching from the beginning right up until the end of the first raoh fight. i feel like that's still be a pretty compelling 50 or so episodes, and it has literally all the best bits within it. honestly kinda sad that the show peaks approximately 1/3 of the way through it, but what can you do. anyways, enough backhanded compliments; jagi is probably the best all around villain in this series. he's an absolute bastard, he's one of the first characters in the entire show to just straight up pull a normal gun on people, and he inspires one of the most cathartic moments in the entire show. this is around when we first get into like, the soap opera shit, right? first it's a bit contrived but still cool as hell that rei is a new nanto seiken practitioner, aside from That One Scene he fills the deuteragonist role pretty nicely and is honestly the gold standard by which the rest of the series' guys can be judged off of. he's no ein or juza, but to be fair basically nobody is.

anyways like, that cathartic moment i was talking about. it was just after jagi admitted to ken, taunting him with the fact that he's actually the reason shin kidnapped yuria, and he's the reason yuria died. this, alongside the "actually the main character has 3 secret brothers that we just havent mentioned until now, and theyre ALSO hokuto shinken practitioners" is very like. soap opera/bad fanfic-y, right? but it works because in execution, it's still pulled off well, and we're still nowhere near the bullshit horizon we'd skyrocket past by the end of the series. so, when ken's finally killing jagi, there's a moment where he says something to the effect of "this is for yuria, and...." and you just know what he's about to say next, but he hesitates, and when he finally says it it's so damn satisfying, "and for me!" and the thing is that it's a deeply compelling moment for a variety of reasons.

so, the thing with fist of the north star is that, in a lot of ways, it's very analogous to a superman story where the question is almost never "will the main character lose this fight" because he's so insanely fucking broken, right? the real question is, "will this character protect those he cares about in time", that's where the tension comes from, and it comes from the fact that he is in fact a hero. that's how you write a compelling overpowered protagonist, you give him either people to love or just a love and respect for all life in general and so that always gives you stakes. i get that to a lot of people, the question of "will ken save this nameless chicken farmer?" isn't a very compelling one. but to me, it is, because he cares so deeply about it that i start caring about it. in the words of aphex twin, "i care because you do".

so, the thing is up until now ken is a very selfless character. it's to such an exaggerated degree that it becomes fairly evident that he has very little regard for his own safety or wellbeing. in the first arc, aside from helping whoever he happens across he's motivated exclusively by rescuing yuria. every fight he has up to this point isn't even for himself, really, and there's something almost sad about that. he doesn't allow himself to have needs. so it's actually very satisfying to see this strong, principled man admit that he has in fact been hurt, and that he's not just doing good for those around him but for himself as well. and it's a very natural character progression that you don't even realize is happening but also makes complete sense. there's something deeply compelling to me about a man so devoted to helping others that he has to actively learn how to live for himself, y'know? i feel like that's a relatable struggle to a lot of people, really

i will say i have one gripe about the jagi fight, and it's that it's almost perfect except for the fact that jagi dies laughing. at first it's seeming like he's gonna die in agonizing misery like he deserves, and it's satisfying well up until the point he starts to laugh on the way out. and like, i understand why it was done that way, and i'm pretty sure it was meant to be haunting, but it honestly just felt like it undercut an otherwise great moment, y'know? i want that motherfucker suffering god damnit, its what he deserves.

there's not much to say about the arc up until the first raoh fight, really. toki is really fucking cool, i love me my apocalypse karate jesus boy, and the fight with that uighur guy was really good setting aside the weird racial thing of having a character that's of a certain ethnicity and just naming them that ethnicity. like, imagine if there was just a guy in a show named Jew, and he's canonically supposed to be jewish but it's never really addressed, like that'd be weird right

i will say, the raoh fight was fucking precious, easily the best part of the entire series. it has this amazing and complex rhythm to it, where every character who tries to fight raoh ends up trying their own self sacrificial bullshit move only to be thwarted by the next guy, until there's essentially like 3 or 4 different fights going on at the same time. it's also nice seeing ken get straight up hard countered for once, like straight up he gets just as fucked up as raoh does and it makes raoh that much cooler of a villain. up to this point, ken is like, essentially invincible. he's basically post apocalypse aikido jesus, poking people so hard that their disabilities are cured and punching people so hard that their entire bodies explode like he's got the bloody mess perk. so to see someone even break even with him is a damn impressive thing, it instantly establishes your villain credentials y'know?

the thing about raoh is that i love him, very much, but i very much hate how he was handled near the end. the fights with him after the first one are very eh, the penultimate one is close to satisfying but then there's that whole "and then he randomly got away with yuria and now he's gone!!!" bullshit, and i get what the final one was going for and it's kind of built up to but i still didn't exactly like it, y'know? for what it's worth, raoh's redemption arc was probably the most well set up in the entire series, but it still wasn't actually y'know. good. like, the way we're introduced to him is by him being Ken-Oh, King of Fists, and he's this fucking tyrant who recruits people to be his slaves by giving them the ultimatum of "willingly brand yourself as my property and then be my slave for the rest of your short life or get burnt to death", and we're shown that his goons are inches away from burning lin, a literal baby child, to death. and we're supposed to just buy that he's actually not that bad at the end???

like, something i wish this series would just fucking do would be to have their villains just fucking own their villainy right up till the end. they do it before the end!!! one of the first bits with shin has him literally monologuing about how cool & good it is to be evil before busting out one of the greatest evil laughs i've ever heard from a voice actor in any media ever. the best villains are pretty consistently That kind of evil, like the kind of evil that'd make the average disney executive go "hey maybe we can chill a bit out here real quick", and that'd be wonderful if they were unrepentant about it!! it feels really forced!!! imagine if like, frieza, before the bitter end, went all "hmm, maybe i do regret blowing up planets and spending my days being space hitler...." that wouldn't've fucking worked!!! there is, in fact, such an intense degree of evil in fiction that it just doesn't make sense for them to immediately go "hmm yeah i'm a good guy now. right before i die. how about that :)". it's deeply unsatisfying every fucking time, like my god

there's something to be said about the queer coding in this show. i remember in one of the earlier episodes, there was this bear dressed as a BDSM cop and his two goons were scantily clad twinks, and internally i went "haha that's kinda gay" before he straight up kisses random dudes before he kills them. and it hit me like "oh. he IS gay..." and it's like. i don't think that's even the gayest thing in the series, really. there's that one scene where two fang clan dudes are checking out rei and the one with the binoculars is like "woah, this guy's real pretty!" and the other dude is all "well, not as pretty as me right bro???". and then there's just yuda, in general. relatively uninteresting villain, but him dying in rei's arms admitting that his motivation in trying to kill him was that he was the only other man who he found beautiful, like. i don't think there's a heterosexual way to interpret that, really! and that's even setting aside the hideous makeup he's always in! and that's not even mentioning yuria's brother wanting to "see what she(yuria) saw in him (ken)" and as a consequence, wanting to die by his hands. also ein is a bisexual icon who canonically thinks ken has a pretty face and i love that for him

the next bit after yuda was, i believe, souther and shu. now, i think souther might've been the only villain to outright defeat ken up to this point, and i think there's something that could've been interesting about that if souther just wasn't like, aggressively fucking boring. i think he's also the introduction to ki blasts, so that's cool, but the most interesting bits about the souther arc were the bits with shu. shu was a homie, very speedwagon-esque in terms of vibes if not functionality, i liked watching him at work. i will say that shu was probably the point where nanto seiken was wearing out its welcome, we're at like 4 or 5 guys whose main deal was nanto seiken and their entire fighting style could essentially boil down to "cut em into bits" and the only real variation was the shape of the bits people were cut into. i think this might've been the prevailing attitude at the time too, because they definitely pivot away from nanto seiken after this in favor of other, usually dumber martial arts

i will say that this series is, usually, very good about respecting character deaths. with one piss stained exception, characters pretty much always die and stay dead forever, meanwhile i feel like in series less committed to death mattering would've still had toki or rei around by the end of it. the exception is, of course, yuria. it was to give yuria and ken a happy ending, at least for a little while, and honestly while i kinda hate the concept the execution was still fairly competent so i didn't outright dislike it overall. i think it's stupid and retcon-y and at times feels like yet another excuse to make shin seem like less of a bad guy, but it still felt nice to know that yuria got the spend the last few years of her life with the man she loved

i liked ryuga for what he was, mostly just because he wasn't yet another fucking nanto seiken user. he's probably about on par with the elemental guys that'd go on to die to raoh, juza excluded. which brings me to, the man who is tied for Best Boy, juza of the clouds! i.e., my current profile pic. i like juza. he's probably the best thing to come from the series post the Peak arc of jagi to raoh. one of my first criticisms of the characters in this show was something to the effect of "look, if you're a handsome, muscular guy who's also ungodly fucking powerful in terms of martial arts in a world where martial arts is fucking magic, And you're in a post apocalypse? all i'm saying is that you could have basically any girl you wanted CONSENSUALLY, like seriously shin just ditch yuria and build yourself a harem of all the women that look exactly like her". and juza did exactly that, and i love him for it. i'd like to think i'd be like juza, in his universe, not quite the top of the totem pole in terms of raw power but still well above every normal person, saving women from being abused and letting them join my harem if they want, living in a fucking castle with a pool/bathing house? that's the dream, man. that's the fucking dream.

now, that's setting aside juza's whole "wanting to fuck his sister" thing. like, to be fair, yuria's his half sister, but seriously dude what the fuck is it with everyone in this show and yuria. ken and all 3 of his brothers were into her, juza was into her, shin was into her, if there is a man in this show and he knows yuria there's like an 80% chance that he wants her. what's the fucking appeal? like yeah, she's pretty, sure, but so are all the women in this show!!! personally i'd rather date like, a martial artist lady who could actually defend herself, but that could just be me. well, that's like the only thing wrong about juza to me, and honestly while that's a pretty significant flaw you can still say he's literally one thing away from being flawless, so that's pretty cool. god i love him

now's about when we get into hokuto no ken 2, where the main difference is that lin and bat are actually useful now and i'm pretty sure lin wants to fuck kenshiro now, which still weirds me the fuck out. my other favorite character in this show, ein, is the most american fucker on earth. like literally he wears an american flag suit, has blonde hair and blue eyes, is a fucking bounty hunter, and literally rides around on a killdozer driven by what i'm pretty sure is a slave. literally cannot get more american than that, i just hope that the slave guy is like a former bandit or something. little known fact about me, one of my biggest turn ons in a piece of fiction is when a character is a bounty hunter. something about bounty hunters just fuckin gets my brain goin, y'know? i remember when i played the GTA online bounty hunter quests, they were straight up some of the most fun i've had with GTAV and i still think i'd enjoy playing a game where that's the main mechanic. also, at first glance he's a wife guy, but it turns out he's a loving father which makes him even better. it's even acknowledged in universe that he's cool as hell!!! i love him dearly

viceroy jakoh is a decent villain. he's enjoyable to see die, at least. we also meet falco, who's a homie, and honestly i think it's pretty badass that he's a canonically disabled character who's shown to be strong and capable and yet is still clearly held back by his disability. he's a bit like a proto edward elric, in that regard. honestly one of the most sharp inhale inducing scenes of the show was when jakoh swept his prosthetic out from under him and then proceeded to beat the shit out of him, frankly that was an egregious way to make a villain hateable and it was honestly very effective in that regard. gento koken is ok i guess. at least it's not nanto seiken. honestly that whole "celestial emperor" thing felt rather contrived, but eh.

ok so, around this point in the show is when one of its worst aspects really starts to become apparent. so like, it starts out relatively normally when ken is shown to have a few brothers that we didnt know about. it's not that absurd, it makes some amount of sense, the hokuto brothers remain some of the best characters in the entire fucking show. and now all of a sudden, yuria has a brother we didnt know about, and a half brother, and now we meet raoh and ken's biological bigger brothers and after a certain point it just feels like bad self insert fanfic, y'know? and that's what kaioh is to me, it feels like somebody thought raoh was cool and thought "heh, what if i made my own OC that's raoh but even BIGGER and STRONGER and MORE EVIL", like that's what kaioh feels like to me. and then ken's bio brother is just ok, i already forgot his name despite it not being that long since i watched the final arc

but the thing is that kaioh is just like, arguably the most cartoonishly evil villain out of the entire fucking series, seemingly completely unrepentant, literally regularly talks about existing in the "Dark World", straight up kills his own sister just to make ken's brother wanna kill ken, the dude is just bitter and evil the whole way down, so when he pulls that "i just want 2 play on the played ground" bullshit it rings especially hollow even by the standards of the show. god, fuck kaioh, he's just poorly executed overall

the biggest part of hnk2 that i actually liked was shachi. i liked how he was essentially a stupid kid that lucked into being taught unearthly powers basically on par with hokuto shinken, and as such got a big head over it even though at his core he was still a good kid. hokuto ryuken sure felt fuckin contrived, it kinda felt like the writer(s?) noticed how the hokuto brothers were some of the best, most interesting characters in in the original series, and were just like "yeah let's do that but again", and while i guess it doesn't not work it also doesn't work all that well either. hokuto ryuken sounds cool though, even if "north star lapis lazuli fist" doesn't.

another thing i liked about the last parts of the show were that, while definitely not martial art wizards, bat and lin were still deeply competent fighters and put up a consistently good fight against Real Fucking Fighters, which you really wouldn't expect from bat's cowardly ass growing up. i will say that i always thought lin would make a good successor to hokuto shinken, but that might just be wishful thinking. there is a quite prevalent undercurrent of misogyny in this series, and while i understand that it wasn't exactly uncommon in the 80s, i gotta say that i still feel like they could've done better. i dunno

all of this is to say that i liked fist of the north star, very very much. i'm not sure i could recommend it without a laundry list of caveats and disclaimers, but i will say that if my interminable bitching hasn't put you off of it, it's probably for you. it's got a lot of good fights, it scratches that little kid part of your brain that thinks it's so cool to see a guy get kicked in the dick so hard that his entire body explodes, it has great music and mostly competent writing. if you think about it too hard, you will cry, so don't do that, just go along for buronson's wild ride and fuckin enjoy yourself. i probably wouldn't recommend it to someone who's not like, already an anime fan and already likes shonen though. it feels very of its genre, if that makes sense. which i guess it should, given how foundational to shonen in its modern forms as it was

[harts4dani]

hey guys, i want to talk about the recent Cynthia Erivo "fixed Wicked poster controversy.

if u don't know what i'm talking about, basically a fan on TikTok wanted to make the new Wicked poster that was inspired by the original broadway muscle poster made in 2003. They edited the poster by putting a black shadow over Cynthia's eyes making it look similar to the original, they also made her smirk a bit more instead of a subtle smile and changed the color of her lips to a nice dark red to match the original. They also made her hair look like it was a bit more flowy and flying more but apparently Cynthia was VERY offended by this. here is Cynthia's full statement and opinion on the art:

the statement says: "This is the wildest, most offensive thing I have seen, equal to that awful Ai of us fighting, equal to people posing the question 'Is your ***** green'

None of this is funny

None of this is cute

It degrades me

It degrades us

The original poster is an ILLUSTRATION. I am a real life human being, who chose to look right down the barrel of the camera to you, the viewer …because, without words we communicate with our eyes.

Our poster is a homage not an imitation, to edit my face and hide my eyes is to erase me.

And that is just deeply hurtful."

i'm sorry, but bitch WHAT? how is it offensive that someone edited the poster to make it look similar to the original??? yes, they covered ur eyes but no they did NOT "hide" them as u would say. it may seem as if that is what they were trying to do but what if that fan was just trying to make a cute edit of make it closer to the original? u probably just offended them urself by posting that rude & OFFENSIVE statement. u urself are being disrespectful to a random and another HUMAN BEING who also probably feels degraded by ur statement and saying it's "offensive" to u? that makes absolutely no sense to me. yes, the "is your ***** green?" statements and comments do also concern me becuz it is very rude and disrespectful to invade someone's privacy by asking them a disgusting question about their private body based off of the color of their skin. i do not agree that those comments should be being made and that i would never wish that upon ANYONE, not even my worst enemy would i wish that being said to.

now back to the original topic, i do not see any offensive things about the photo. all i see is the hair being slightly changed, Elphaba being given red lipstick and a subtle smirk and a shadow amongst her eyes, but no i do not see anything offensive. as much as Cynthia has started to grow on me, she is being dramatic and acting as if the person changed her skin color, which they did not.

i've also had to deal with another similar controversy of a music artist who is most popularly known as Chappell Roan, which will be spoken upon in a future tweet if not spoken upon already.

i think that Cynthia is going a bit too far and not even Ariana said anything about this being offensive. i'm done speaking.

[spockandawe]

Well, this is interesting! So, in that post yesterday, there was one line that really baffled me, a thing about people brushing off a character as an asshole “because he shows literally zero growth.” I kind of set that aside because it was such a weird non-sequitur, and guessed that it was just someone’s sentences not quite keeping up with their train of thought, which has happened to me many times. Apparently I was wrong! I already spent long enough on that one post, I’m tired of talking about that, but this is new and interesting. 

Okay. I kind of wanted to see if I could talk about this purely in terms of abstracts and not characters, but I don’t think it’ll work. It would be frustrating to write and confusing to read. It’s about Jiang Cheng. Right up front: This isn’t about whether or not he’s an abuser. Frankly, I don’t think it’s relevant. This also isn’t about telling people they should like him. I don't care whether anyone else likes him or not. But I do like him, and I am always fascinated by dissecting the reasons that people disagree with me. And the process of Telling Stories is my oldest hyperfixation I remember, which will become relevant in a minute.

I thought I had a good grasp on this one, you know? Jiang Cheng makes it pretty obvious why people would dislike Jiang Cheng. But then the posts I keep stumbling over were making weird points, culminating in that “literally zero growth” line.

So! What happened is that someone wrote up a post about how Jiang Cheng’s character arc isn’t an arc, it’s stagnation. It’s a pretty interesting read, and I broadly agree with the larger point! The points where I would quibble are like... the idea that it’s absolute stagnation, as opposed to very subtle shifts that still make a material difference. But still, cool! The post was also offered up as a reason why OP was uninterested in writing any more Jiang Cheng meta, which I totally get. I’m not tired of him yet, but I definitely understand why someone who isn’t a fan of his would get tired about writing about a character with a very static arc. Okay!

Now, internet forensics are hard. I desperately wish I had more information about this evolution, because I find this stuff fascinating, but I have no good way to find things said in untagged posts, reblogs, or private/external venues. But as far as I can tell, that “literally zero growth” wasn’t just a slip of the tongue, it’s become fashionable for people to say that Jiang Cheng is an abusive asshole (that it’s fucked up to like) because he doesn’t have a character arc.

Asshole? Yes. Abusive? This post still isn’t about that. This is about it being fucked up to like this character because he did bad things and had a static character arc.

At first, that point of view was still deeply confusing to me. But I think I figured out the idea at the core of it, and now I’m only baffled. I’m not super interested in confirming this directly, because the people making the most noise about this have not inspired confidence in their ability to hold a civil conversation and I’m a socially anxious binch, but I think the idea is: ‘This character did Bad Things, and then did not improve himself.’

Which is alarmingly adjacent to that old favorite standard of ‘This piece of fiction is glorifying Bad Thing.’ I haven’t seen anyone accusing mxtx of something something jiang cheng, only the people who read/watched/heard the story and became invested in the Jiang Cheng character, but things kind of add up, you know?

Like I said, I don’t want to arbitrate anyone’s right to like/dislike Jiang Cheng. That’s such a fucking waste of time. But this is fascinating to me, because it’s like..... so obviously new and sudden, with such a clear originating point. I can’t speak to the Chinese fans, obviously, but exiledrebels started translating in... what, 2017? And only now, in 2021, do people start putting forth Jiang Cheng’s flat character arc as a “reason” that he’s bad? I’m not going to argue if he pings you in the abuse place, I’m not a dick. I’m not going to argue if you just dislike his vibes. I’m just over here on my blog and in the tag enjoying myself, feel free to detour around me. But oh my god, it’s so silly to try to tell other people that they shouldn’t like him because he has a static character arc.

I want to talk about stories. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to say, because it’s impossible to make broad, sweeping statements, because there are stories about change, there are stories about lack of change, there are all kinds of media that can be used to tell stories, and standards for how stories are told and what they emphasize vary across cultures and over time. But I think that what I can say is that telling a story requires... compromise. It requires streamlining. Trying to capture all the detail of life would slow down most stories to an unbearable degree. Consider organically telling someone ‘I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich’ versus the computer science exercise of having students describe, step by step, how to make one (spread peanut butter? but you never said you opened the lid)

Hell, I’ve got an example in mdzs itself. The largely-faceless masses of the common people. If someone asks you to think about it critically like, yes, obviously these are people, living their own lives, with their own desires, sometimes suffering and dying in the wake of the novel plot. But does the story give weight to those deaths? Or does it just gloss by? Yes, it references their suffering occasionally, but it is not the focus, and it would slow the story unbearably to give equal weight to each dead person mentioned. 

Does Wei Wuxian’s massacre get given the same slow, careful consideration as Su She’s, or Jin Guangyao’s? No, because taking the time to weigh our protagonist with ‘well, this one was a mother, and her youngest son had just started walking, but now he’s going to grow up without remembering her face. that one only became an adult a few months ago, he still hasn’t been on many night-hunts yet, but he finds it so rewarding to protect the common people. oh, and this one had just gotten engaged, but don’t worry, his fiancee won’t mourn him, because she died here as well.’ And continuing on that way to some large number under 3000? No! Unless your goal is to make the reader feel bad for cheering for a morally grey hero, that would be a bad authorial decision! The book doesn’t ignore the issue, it comes up, Wei Wuxian gets called out about all the deaths he’s responsible for, but that’s not the same as them being given equal emotional weight to one (1) secondary character, and I don’t love this new thing where people are pretending that’s equivalent.

When Wei Wuxian brutally kills every person at the Wen supervisory office, are you like ‘holy shit... so many grieving families D:’ or are you somewhere between vindicated satisfaction and an ‘ooh, yikes’ wince? Odds are good you’re somewhere in the satisfaction/wince camp, because that’s what the story sets you up to feel, because the story has to emphasize its priorities (priorities vary, but ‘plot’ and ‘protagonist’ are common ones, especially for a casual novel read like this)

Now, characters. If you want to write a story with a sweeping, epic scale, or if you want to tightly constrain the number of people your story is about, I guess it’s possible to give everyone involved a meaningful character arc. Now.... is it always necessary? Is it always possible? Does it always make sense? No, of course not. If you want to do that, you have to devote real estate to it, and depending on the story you want to tell, it could very possibly be a distraction from your main point, like the idea of mxtx tenderly eulogizing every single character who dies even incidentally. Lan Qiren doesn’t get a loving examination of his feelings re: his nephews and wei wuxian and political turnover in the cultivation world because it’s not relevant, and also, because his position is pretty static until right near the end of the story. Lan Xichen is arguably one of the most static characters within the book, he seems like the same nice young between Gusu and the present, right up until... just before the end of the story.

You may see where I’m heading with this.

Like, just imagine trying to demand that every important character needs to go through a major life change before the end of your book or else it didn’t count. This just in, Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg go through multiple novels without experiencing radical shifts in who they are, stop liking them immediately. I do get that the idea is that Jiang Cheng was a ~bad person~ who didn’t change, but asdgfsd I thought we were over the handwringing over people being allowed to like ““bad”” fictional characters. The man isn’t even a canonical serial killer, he’s not my most problematic fave even within this novel.

And here is where it’s a little more relevant that I would quibble with that original post about Jiang Cheng’s arc. He’s consistently a mean girl, but he goes from stressed, sharp-edged teenager, to grief-stricken, almost-destroyed teen, to grim, cold young adult (and then detours into grim, cold, and grief-stricken until grief dulls with time). He does become an attentive uncle tho. He..... doesn’t experience a radical change in his sense of self, which... it’s...... not all that strange for an adult. And bam, then he DOES experience a radical change, but the needs of the plot dictate that it’s right near the end. And he’s not the focus of the story, baby, wangxian is. He has the last few lines of the story, which nicely communicate his changes to me, but also asdfafas we’re out of story. He was never the main character, it’s not surprising we don’t linger! The extras aren’t beholden to the needs of plot, but they’re also about whatever mxtx wanted to write, and I guess she didn’t feel like writing about Jiang Cheng ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But also. Taking a step backward. Stable characters can fill a perfectly logical place in a story. Like, look at Leia Organa. I’m not saying she has no arc, but I am saying that she’s a solid point of reference as Luke is becoming a jedi and Han is adjusting his perspective. I wouldn’t call her stagnant, the vibes are wrong, but she also isn’t miserable in her sadness swamp, the way Jiang Cheng is.

Or, hell, look at tgcf. The stagnant, frozen nature of the big bad is a central feature of the story. The bwx of now is the bwx of 800 years ago is the bwx of 1500+ years ago. This is not the place for a meta on how that was bad for those around him and for him himself, but I have Thoughts about how being defeated at the end is both a thing that hurts him and relieves him. Mei Nianqing is a sympathetic character who’s also pretty darn static. Does Ling Wen have a character arc, or do we just learn more about who she already is and what her priorities always were? I’m going to cut myself off here, but a character’s delta between the beginning of a story and the end of a story is a reasonable way to judge how interesting writing character meta is, and is a very silly metric to judge their worth, and even if I guessed at what the basic logic is, for this character, I am still baffled that it’s being put forth as a real talking point.

(also, has it jumped ship to any other characters yet? have people started applying it in other fandoms as well? please let me know if this is the case, I am wildly curious)

(no, but really, if anyone is arguing that bwx is gross specifically because he had centuries to self-reflect and didn’t fix himself, i am desperate to know)

And finally. The thing I thought was most self-evident. Did I post about this sometime recently? If a non-central character experiences a life-altering paradigm shift right near the end of the story (without it being lingered over, because non-central character), oh my god. As a fic writer? IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE. This is the most fertile possible ground. If I want to write post-canon canon-compliant material, adsgasfasd that’s where I’m going to be looking. Okay, yeah, the main couple is happy, that’s good. Who isn’t happy, and what can I do about that? Happy families are all alike, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, etc.

It’s not everyone’s favorite playground, but come on, these are not uncommon feelings. And frankly, it’s starting to feel a little disingenuous when people act like fan authors pick out the most blameless angel from the cast and lavish good things upon them. I’m not the only one who goes looking for a good dumpster fire and says I Live Here Now. If I write post-canon tgcf fic, it’s very likely to focus on beef and/or leaf. I have written more than one au focusing on tianlang-jun.

And, hilariously. If the problem with Jiang Cheng. Is that he is a toxic man fictional character who failed to grow on his own, and is either unsafe or unhealthy to be around. If the problem is that he did not experience a character arc. If these people would be totally fine with other people liking him, if he improved himself as a person. And then, if authors want to put in the (free! time-consuming!) work of writing that character development themselves. You would think that they would be lauded for putting the character through healthier sorts of personal growth than he experienced in canon. Instead, I am still here writing this because first, I was bothered by these authors being named as “freaks” who are obsessed with their ‘uwu precious tsundere baby’ with a “love language of violence,” and then I was graciously informed that people hate Jiang Cheng because he experiences no character growth.

[egyptsblackrose]

Dancing with Strangers

This is by far the longest chapter, hopefully I’ve tied all the loose ends and come to a decent conclusion. Stay tuned fro more fics.

Part 1 - https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/648370506842701824/a-rose-by-any-other-name

Part 5 -https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/654891313044635648/dancing-with-strangers-there-will-be-one-more-part

Part 6- The end, enjoy!

It had been eight months since your first meeting with Gojo Satoru and Kakashi Hatake. This had been the longest relationship either men had ever had, both as a three or on their own. It was also painfully clear how absolutely in love both men were with you, and you with them. The change in the three of you was as clear as day, never had anyone seen each of you so happy - is what you constantly heard from everyone you knew, and when you ran into a friend or relative of theirs… with a few exceptions.

The truth had come out about a month in that Gojo was the one with all the money. A ‘representative of his household’ had come to the apartment to visit and go over ‘matters concerning the family’. Satoru had been so laid back through the whole thing, smirking mockingly at the clearly uncomfortable (stuck up) old butler. He’d grabbed your waist as you were walking towards the door to leave, pulling you down and into his lap. It became clear that he wanted to mess with the man opposite him, even Kakashi seemed in on it because he kissed you sweetly as he walked passed.

Gojo wasn’t able to hide his bitterness when the man finally left though, burying his head into your neck and hugging you tightly. His father had been a politician and his mother a CEO of a successful company, he still had connections because of them and shares that were doing incredibly well. Not to mention their life insurance had been enough to set anyone for life.

“It’s not like I was close to them to begin with.” He’d muttered in a bored manner when you’d teared up at the mention of a Satoru toddler being left alone, surrounded by people who wanted to use him for money, power and influence. The butler was a man hired by his fathers old political party and the other share holders at his mothers company. They apparently weren’t best pleased with him settling for being a small time policeman, had hoped to mould him into their puppet to keep both their money making schemes going.

To cheer the three of you up, Gojo had taken the three of you on a spontaneous trip to an Onsen that one of his friends owns, up in the middle of no where. The beautiful, traditional building with modern interior was nestled on the side of a frigging mountain that could only be reached through a thick, ancient forest.

You were the only three guests, and the workers were even excused for the evening, so it felt like you were the only three in the world with the next person been miles away. Which you were insanely grateful for. Because Kakashi and Gojo had made it a completion between them on who could make you scream the loudest.

Three months later, Kakashi had appeared out of no where behind you while you were cooking dinner, wrapping his arms round you gently and kissing your neck soothingly. “Would you join me for a day out tomorrow?”

“Of course I will,” You giggled, shivering as his lips ghosted over the marks on your neck and shoulders, drawing invisible lines like he was drawing constellations. “Where are we going?”

Hatake was silent for a moment before he squeezed you tighter. “I’m going to introduce you to my father.”

To say you were nervous was an understatement, you had agonised over the right outfit for hours the night before, asking both Miku and Sakura for their help. You should have known better, they had spent the majority of the time gushing over your boyfriends and how serious it was getting between you. After all, no one had ever heard of the two most wanted bachelors introducing their conquests to their family and friends, or even going on trips with their lovers, let alone keeping their interest this long.

Finally settling on one of your favourite outfits; something simple, comfortable and trendy, you kept your make-up light and as natural as possible and called yourself ready. Meeting at their apartment, you were surprised to see Kakashi in his policeman formal uniform. God the man looked dashing. Wearing white gloves, black dress shoes, a smart navy suit, light blue tie, hat tucked under his arm and a smirk on his handsome face.

“Enjoying the view baby?” He teased.

You nodded dumbly, bitting your lip to try hide your smirk. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more handsome, you have to go devastate my heart like that.”

“Maybe me and Sato should wear these tonight then.” The suggestion had your thighs clenching, suddenly it was hard to swallow. Hatake chuckled lazily having seen your reaction. “Later baby girl, for now, we have somewhere to go.”

The cemetery was the LAST place you were expecting this day to take you. Kakashi stopped at his fathers tome stone and saluted. It was at least two decades since his fathers death. Kakashi Sakumo, Hatake’s father, had been a respected police detective, and his whole inspirational drive to become a policeman. When Hatake was young, his father had led a team in a drug bust against some of the biggest names in the Yakuza, but had chosen to save his men’s lives rather than capture the villains when things had gone wrong.

The ‘failure’ was a black mark against his name, and soon his was shunned by the media, his fellow detectives and the whole police force. The abuse became so bad, that he took his own life. From then on, Hatake had lived and grown up with Gojo who he was already inseparable with.

“For the longest time…I blamed him too.” Kakashi admitted quietly, holding onto your hand like a life line. “He had a duty to take those dangerous men off the streets, to make the city a safer place for the public, for kids who were in danger of either being hooked onto drugs or joining gangs. Instead he chose to save the lives of his team.” You were silent, what could you possibly say to ease his pain? “But now…” Hatake raised his head with a proud smile. “My views have changed. He didn’t want to chase glory, he just wanted to do the right thing and save lives. In that moment, they needed him, he saw that and did his best. He was willing to die for his men, he didn’t want to see all those family’s mourning for lives he could have spared. I can only hope that one day, I will be as brave as him.”

You are not ashamed to say you cried, standing there looking at the grave of the man who had made Hatake into the man he was. Into the man you loved. You bowed deeply and gave your thanks, promising out loud to take care of his son for as long as you were allowed. Kakashi’s own eyes watered at this as he pulled you close. You don’t know how long you stood there holding each other for, but it didn’t feel like long enough. Part of you thought it would never be enough when it came to the two amazing men who looked at you like you were their whole world.

After the visit, Kakashi had taken you to the old, more traditional part of town so you could go to his favourite restaurant. The two of you were the first to arrive and the last to leave, laughing so much to the point where you were both in tears. It was so light and care free, and you could see the weight just lift off of Hatake’s shoulders.

And when you both finally made it back to their apartment, Gojo was sat on the sofa waiting. Smirking. Also in uniform. That night, not one of you slept.

With your hands locked together in cuffs and blindfold around your eyes, you shook like a leaf in the wind as Kakashi took you from behind, Gojo at your front. If it had been anyone else trying to blindfold you and tie you up, you would have absolutely said no. As it was, Kakashi loved seeing you so vulnerable. So much so that he had stretched your arse as he’d enthusiastically eaten you out, and was now taking advantage of his VERY thorough prep work. He held a vibrator to your clit as he fucked your arse, Gojo keeping your mouth open and busy as he kissed you hungrily so they could hear your moans, squeezing and playing with your tits as he took your front just as roughly.

Not only did you squirt first time, your pretty sure you blacked out for a second. Not that the boys were deterred, they knew you’d tell them if it became too much. Besides, the sounds you were making; the moans, the wet squelching from how wet you were, it was the best yet. You couldn’t walk the next day though and had to ask Miku to record your lecture.

By the fifth month, Gojo and Kakashi had broached the idea of you moving in with them. It was a casual comment made in light conversation one Sunday morning, when they FIRST brought it up. Then it was Kakashi suggesting you keep more of your things with them, mostly because you would ask them to take you back to your apartment with the girls so you could get ready for the day, meaning you would leave earlier than they would like. Eventually Gojo decided they were being too subtle and would cling to you in the mornings, begging you to not leave and to stay with them.

“You guys remember that I’m living with two roommates already right? I can’t just up and leave them like that, they won’t be able to afford rent!”

“But beautifu~l! We want you here with us!”

“What our idiot means to say baby-”

“Hey!”

“Is that, you already spend so much time here, and we love having you with us. Our apartment is even closer to your Uni building! It makes sense surely, for you to move in with us. Or for us even to find a place together-”

“Wow, ok slow down there!” You butt in quickly, cheeks turning pink. Finally the boys had had enough of dancing around the subject and had sat you down to talk about it properly. Talking about moving into their lush apartment was one thing, but talking about a place together, was something else entirely!

Gojo pouted at you in annoyance. “What, you don’t want to live with us?”

“I’m not saying that!” You defended instantly, frowning at him. “I’m saying it’s a BIG step, and I get that you guys feel ready for it, but I don’t ok? For one, five months isn’t that much time dating someone, second, I don’t even have a job yet! And don’t tell me money isn’t an issue and I don’t have to pay rent cause God help me Satoru, I will get up and leave right now.” You threatened.

“Ok you two, lets take a deep breath and talk about this calmly ok?” Hatake soothed, squeezing both your hands. “Baby, if you don’t feel ready then that’s fine, we will not force you. But please know that when you ARE ready, we WANT you here. Ok?” Nodding in understanding, you started to relax. Gojo huffed and crossed his arms, but nodded in agreement. “And about you looking for a job and paying rent. We are not trying to baby you or the like, we just want to take care of you. We know you can take care of yourself but that wont stop us from WANTING to take care of you because you are YOURS. Understand? We love and cherish you, and if we can help you, we want to. If it was us in a difficult situation and you could help us, you would, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course, in a heartbeat.” You muttered with a slight pout.

Kakashi beamed. “It’s the same in our eyes.” And that had been the end of that…for the time being that is.

Just short of the six month mark, you had agreed to go out again with the girls for a night out. Kakashi and Gojo had encouraged you to go, promising that when they were done with their shift, they would come pick you up. They had even bought you a gift voucher for your birthday to buy a new outfit. You had been sure to send the boys a flattering pic of yourself all dolled up before you had left for the night, receiving such thirsty replies that no one would guess that you had spent the night before with them.

The night had been going perfectly, once again you were the most sober of the group, which you were now used to. You had a nice buzz going, there had already been so many laughs and the girls were excitedly giggling about the stories you shared on your boyfriends. (Of course the intimate, personal things you kept to yourself.) You had been to a few bars and your group agreed to end the night at the club you had met your boys in, ‘The Ninja Shrine’. Texting the two policemen still on shift, you let them know that you and your friends had arrived safely, were going to order your drinks and you would be eagerly waiting for them for a dance.

Gojo replied with multiple winky, smirky, and red with sweat drop faces. Kakashi was the only one to give you a verbal reply, promising to be there as soon as they could, and ‘ordering’ you to behave until they arrived. It made you smile, biting your lip. ‘No promises’ was your reply with a winky face, locking your phone and ignoring the bings that followed, knowing that would rile them up more than a reply.

Despite the clear teasing, you stayed against the bar, talking and laughing with your friends as you sipped at your drink. The girls did try convince you to dance with them at one point, but you were waiting a certain pair to join you. After all, dancing with the girls was fun, but it was even better when you had certain pairs of eyes on your body.

“Oh shit,” Miku cursed, suddenly grabbing your arm and turning you away from the door.

“What the hell-?”

“Don’t turn around!” Miku earned, holding onto your shoulders. “One of your boys’s old flings is here, and trust me you don’t want anything to do with her.” Looking subtly out of the corner of your eyes, you saw a pretty strawberry blonde with soft brown eyes and a confident smirk. You could clearly see her figure through her flashy outfit, her expensive designer shoes and handbag on show like she was on the Paris run way. “She was with them for four months, her names Claire Aoki, and she’s a psycho if you ask me.” Miku continued carefully.

Before you could react, the door opened once more and in came your two boyfriends, looking like sex on legs. Gojo wore a flashy designer get up with black jeans and dress shoes, a blue shirt and a leather jacket that you knew for a fact cost more than your joint rent with the girls. Kakashi was also in black dress shoes, black dress pants, a dark grey shirt and a lighter grey silk vest. Their eyes landed on you immediately and began smiling. You smiled back, beaming when they started heading your way.

They hadn’t made it two steps before they were stopped by Claire, her red manicured-nailed hands resting on their chests as she leaned in towards them, pressing her chest into their arms. Kakashi looked panicked, eyes widening as his eyes darted up towards you, then down to her and back. Gojo’s smile shrunk, it was still there, but it looked much more forced now as his blue eyes narrowed at the other woman.

Curious, and not worried at all, you leaned back against the bar. You turned to make yourself look as relaxed as possible, replicating the same look you had the night they had pulled you away from your friends to charm the pants off of you. Your head tilted and your smile grew as their eyes kept on drifting to you. Whatever Claire was saying clearly wasn’t keeping their attention.

Your smile turned to a smirk as Beast by Mia Martina started playing, slowly pushing off the bar as you headed to the dance floor, your friends following. Closing your eyes, you let the music take you away, body rolls moving slow, deliberate. You caught their eyes by dancing for yourself, but now you knew their weaknesses, the parts of you that they loved to tease and squeeze, you knew their bodies like you knew your own. And you fully intended to use that to your advantage.

“Keep your eyes on me,” You sang, looking both men dead in the eyes, smirking as their gazes struggled to meet yours, roaming your form hungrily like they hadn’t seen you in months. “Come here right now,” You continued, your hands reaching out to them, beckoning them to you. “Cause when the sun goes down the beast comes out,” Dropping to the floor, you straightened your legs so you were bent in half, slowly coming up and curving your back as you flipped your hair back gracefully.

“Take you down, down can you keep it up all night,” Smirking, you spun slowly as you exaggerated your hip swaying, making sure they got an eye full of your behind. “You all over my skin, I’m anxious, paint my body boy’s I’ll be your canvas.” Your head snapped back, showcasing all their bruises that they left from the night before.

Next thing you knew, two sets of hands were gripping you tight, one set on your hips and another on your upper thighs. “Da~nm Beautiful!” Gojo growled lowly into your ear, your grin stretching as you giggled, Kakashi ducking his head to bite your neck. “First you ignore us, then you go and put on a show like that for anyone to see. What are you trying to do, hu? You just want us to bend you over our knees don’t you?”

“Maybe I do,” You teased. “Or maybe I’m trying to prove a point to someone who was getting too handsy with what wasn’t theirs.”

“Oh? Someone was getting jealous? As sexy as you are ‘staking your claim’, doesn’t change the fact that your going to get your punishment when we get home, beautifu~l!” Satoru teased, his hand dragging up your body till his hand was at your neck, then he squeezed.

Kakashi let out a ragged breath at your moan. “I think we should get out of here.” Pressing himself harder into you, you could feel his impatience clearly through his pants.

You dared to look around you, eyes meeting with soft brown eyes glaring daggers at you with so much hatred. You would have been scared six months ago, you would have shrunk and shied away. But how could you now when Gojo and Kakashi were stood with you, hands all over you, demanding your love and attention, making you feel so treasured and powerful.

“Kiss me first.” You demanded. Satoru didn’t even hesitate for a second, pulling you into a searing kiss full of passion and desire. You faintly heard Miku and your friends cat call and wolf whistle somewhere near the bar, causing Gojo to pull away and chuckle. The opening was all Kakashi needed. His kiss was equally breathtaking, his movements slower and more controlled, but clearly as desperate to lay claim.

When Hatake pulled away, Gojo effortlessly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, smacking your arse when you struggled. So you smacked his right back. Again, you couldn’t walk the next day.

By the end of the eight first months, you had finally landed a job interview and was offered the job on the spot, starting small but promised promotions if your work was up to standard. Around the same time your lease on the shared apartment with your friends was up, and you had finally given into your boyfriends hints and agreed to look for a place you could all afford together. What’s more, your graduation was less than a month away. Things were finally falling into place.

You had yet to broach the subject of your relationship status with your parents, though you were pretty sure they had figured out that you were at least dating someone by this point. Admitting that you hadn’t mentioned anything to your parents, you were nervous how the boys would react. But they had simply shrugged, nodded in understanding and reminding you that if you needed their help they were here for you.

Most importantly, you had a job you were doing well in, you were moving into a beautiful home, your friends were happy and doing well in their own fields, and you had two men who loved you unconditionally. You were sure everything was going to work out just right. And with Gojo and Satoru by your side, you could over come anything.

[staticscreenwriting]

California Summer - B.H. Smut [two]

Synopsis: Kings Cove California is Billy Hargrove’s hometown. It’s also a popular summer vacation destination for rich couples and their spoiled kids. (Y/N) is one of those rich girls. Proper, sweet, innocent. Only that all bores her to death and Billy is just the adventure she’s been looking for. It’s all fun and games. A summer fling. Not strings attached. Right?

Inspired by the song “Young & Dumb” by Cigarettes After Sex.

Part 1

A/N: There is smut in this, babes. Please if that is not for you, don’t read it. Also do not interact if you’re under 18, that’s just not cool. Kay, thanks ♥

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

The air is hot and sweltering on Tuesday. A blue sky filled with thick grey clouds. There’s a sizzling in the air. A promise of rain. A promise of a storm. 

Billy steps out of his car and onto the white gravel driveway of the (Y/L/N)’s holiday estate. It’s a grand house. These people are rich and they want you to know it. Nothing is subtle or modest. It wants to be seen, to be stared at, to be wanted. This house demands your attention. Thinking about it, Billy thinks it’s fitting that (Y/N) lives here. She too, demands people’s attention. Undivided. 

He steps up to the door, his black polo shirt proudly displaying the “ Franklin and Company cleaning and maintenance service” logo in his right chest. Mr Franklin said company uniforms are a good way to increase the team spirit. Billy suspects it’s just another way for those rich assholes to further distance themselves from peasants like him. 

The doorbell chimes up in some melodic little tune. Even the god damn doorbell is over the top. A deep disdain settles inside Billy’s bones, takes residence in his heart. He wonders if those people truly know what suffering means. He wonders if financial stability and a luxurious lifestyle can soften the blow of a heartache. Wonder if he’d still be this bitter, if his heart would still feel this heavy, if he was the one living in a house like this.

When the door swings open, Billy is greeted by Mr. (Y/L/N) and his smile that’s just too big. There’s a certain size a smile should have and his smile exceeds that size. It’s unsettling. With his bright white teeth and the moustache, he looks like some kind of cheesy 60s Batman villain. 

“ Hi, Billy. Good to see you. So here’s the thing — “ he then starts to proceed a dramatic monologue about the broken filter system of their pool. Billy only half listens, his mind wandering through the halls of this mansion. He wonders if she’s home. Wonders what her room looks like. Wonders if she can still feel his lips on hers. Taste him. Feel him inside her.

As they walk through the main living room, Billy’s eyes fall onto a picture on the mantlepiece of their elaborate fireplace. (Y/N) smiles brightly back at him from the photograph, draped in a long white dress and long opera gloves. It almost looks like a wedding gown only she looks way too young in this picture and there’s no husband to be seen. She smiles so big, so radiant but there’s something in her eyes. The same riddle he’s tried to figure out that day he picked her up in the rain. A kind of sadness that is both so familiar, and so foreign to him. 

“ Joan and I are gonna be out all day but if you need anything, my daughter (Y/N) should be around. She’s a nice girl, I’m sure she’ll be pleased to lend you a hand. “ 

Billy has to stop himself from choking on his own spit. If only this man knew what his girl gets up to when dad’s not looking.

“ Alright, that’s fine. “ 

“ Good. Good. Now if you’ll excuse me. “ 

“ Sure, yeah. Have a good day.” 

Mr. (Y/L/N) walks back towards the entrance hall, this house has a goddamn entrance hall. A second later his wife steps up next to him, big floppy hat on her head, fancy-looking silk scarf around her neck. That one probably cost more than Billy pays in rent every month. 

The way the interact makes him feel uneasy. There’s no affection there, no kindness. It all is very stoic and structured and empty. He wonders if rich people are all this hollow, if it comes with the territory. If maybe there are certain expectations put on you when you’re loaded and to fulfil those you have to lose part of yourself in the process. 

“ Bunny, we’re off “ (Y/N)’s father yells up the stairs to be met with her voice calling down a disgruntled “okay” a few seconds later. 

Bunny. They call her bunny. This day is getting better and better. With a smirk on his face, Billy grabs his tools and drags himself out towards the pool into the hot California sun. 

The filter is fixed in a matter of minutes, then he cleans the pool, mows the lawn, scraps dirt out of the rain gutter. All while the hot sun is beating down on him, burning his skin and making him sweat. What he wouldn’t give for a bit of rain or a dip in the ocean. 

Just as he’s packing up his tools, a loud banging sound from the inside catches Billy’s attention, followed by a string of curses. There’s no doubt in his mind it’s her. Her voice still fresh on his mind as she whispers dirty words into his ears while he dreams.

Rounding the corner, he catches sight of her, sitting on the bottom step of the stairs, rubbing her knee and contorting her face in a display of pain.

“ Are you okay? “ 

“ Yeah, just tried taking two steps at once and uh — didn’t go so well, “ (Y/N) replies as she gets up and dusts herself off.

Whenever Billy thinks of her, his mind always wanders back to that first night he caught sight of her. Her flowy skirt, the flower in her hair, the too big denim jacket. Something about her then looked almost ethereal. Like she didn’t belong with anyone around her. Like she didn’t belong to this place. To this earth. 

Looking at her now, Billy almost can’t believe it’s the same person. She’s wearing cut off jeans shorts, socks with that frilly lace stuff stick out from her beat-up tennis shoes and the I ♥ New York shirt that’s draped over her body is at least two sizes too big and has no doubt seen a few years pass already.

“ Look at you, Mr. Polo shirt! “ 

“ Stop! “ 

“ It’s cute! “ 

“ It’s company policy.” 

“ Aw no, does it limit your freedom for self-expression? “

“ Why are you taking the piss? I saw the picture on the fireplace. Cute wedding dress. Prom? “ 

(Y/N) does that thing that’s neither a scoff nor a laugh and yet both at once. She walks up to the fireplace and takes the frame in her hands. There it is again, the sadness in her eyes. Even though she’s smirking there’s a fundamental sadness so deeply engrained in her beautiful eyes that Billy almost regrets having mentioned the photo.

“ Not prom, goof. My cotillion” 

“ Your what now? “ 

“ My debutante ball. It’s a formal presentation of young women to introduce them into society. “ 

“ Sounds like a cattle auction to me. “ 

This time she fully scoffs, no laughter or smirk anywhere in sight. “ You might have a point.” 

“ So what they like, offered you or — “ 

It’s such a strange concept, Billy isn’t even able to wrap his head around it. A formal presentation of young women already sounds wrong. Just thinking about her being paraded around leaves a sour taste on his tongue.

“ Kinda yeah. I mean it’s nothing sexual or anything but uh — well. There’s a bunch of girls in matching dresses who all get introduced individually. They put a real emphasis on who your parents are so people are immediately aware your family is loaded. Then the dad’s guide the girls across the stage and hand them over to the escort. Usually, an equally rich male around the same age who’d be a wonderful addition to the family. Then there’s this specific curtsy every debutante has to perform …” 

“ Are you fucking with me right now? “ 

“ Absolutely not. It’s a real big deal. They have a serious committee and everything.” 

“ Well you look miserable in that picture. “ 

“ Oh I was. I didn’t wanna do it in the first place and then my dad also told me that I couldn’t have my boyfriend at the time be my escort because apparently he wasn't good enough or his family wasn't prestigious enough. I really liked that boy too. I was so sad. “ 

“ Why’d you do it then? “ 

“ Well all my friends did it and then dad also pulled the mom card so — “ 

As those words fall from her lips, her eye glass over a little, as if she just started dreaming or let her mind wander someplace else. Billy always felt like it was weird, the way he observes people, the way he notices things. But when you grow up in a house that’s so loud and so angry, you start to notice the quiet things. It’s a survival instinct. Noticing the little things can save your life.

“ The mom card?” 

“ Yeah. Said my mom always wanted to see me as a debutante. Said I should do it to honor her memory. Even had her own cotillion dress shipped in from my grandparents place to use the fabric for mine. “ 

Dead mother. There it is. One little puzzle piece to slide into place. A step in the right direction in figuring out the riddle that’s her mind. Dead mother. It’s not a pain he knows but one he can imagine. His own mother was the best person he knew, an angel in his eyes. He loved her more than he ever loved another person. Then she left and ripped his heart straight from his chest. Maybe he doesn’t know what it’s like losing your mother to death but he does know what it feels like having a mother one day and then not having one the next and feeling so terribly alone in the world.

“ So Joan’s not — “

“ She’s my mother too. Mom died when I was 6, dad and Joan married when I was 10. She’s been in my life not longer than my mother was. I love her so much but I also miss my actual mom. “ 

He doesn’t know what make the words fall from his mouth so easily, as if they don’t weight a million tons on his heart. But something tells him that he can be honest with her. Maybe it’s a certain comfort that two people can only find in shared pain. 

“ My mom fucked off when I was 9. Just up and left, to be with some guy she’d met at her job as a waitress. A fucking dentist of all people. Haven’t seen her since. “

“ Fuck, that sucks. “ 

“ Yeah it’s whatever.” Billy shrugs. It’s not whatever and they both know it but it’s one thing to tell her about his mother, it’s another to open up his entire chest and let her see all the cracks in his heart. That’s a vulnerability he’s not willing to show her. 

“ Well this is turning into a gloom-fest, huh. Do you wanna get outta here and do something? “

He really does. The heaviness on his heart feels suffocating. Like someone is squeezing his chest, breaking ribs in the process.

“ Sure. What’s your plan?” 

“ No plan. How about the beach? “

Billy smiles at her suggestion. “ Sounds good. “ 

“ Man, your car is clean. I didn’t even notice the first time. “ (Y/N) remarks as the drive along the sleepy town of Kings Cove. The windows are rolled down and a soft wind sweeps through them, making (Y/N) hair fly around her face. Her feet are kicked up on the dashboard and her red lips are pulled into a teasing smirk.

“ It’s my baby, I like it when she’s clean. “

“ She? “ 

“ Mmh.” 

“ Does she have a name? “

“ No. You wanna make a suggestion?” 

“ Hmmm how about — (Y/N) ?” 

“ That’s your name. “

“ It’s a good name !” 

“ Not naming my car after you.” Billy chuckles.

“ Okay. How about Lilly? “ 

Billy shrugs. Honestly, he has no interest in naming his car but if it makes her happy, he might as well entertain the thought. “Sure, fine with me.”

She’s quiet for a moment before she speaks up again. “ You wanna know what Lilly needs? “ 

“ No. “ 

“ Some decor. Some personality. Like some dice hanging from the mirror or — or a dashboard dancer. Like a hula girl. “ 

“ Absolutely not. “ 

(Y/N) gasps “ I know! A dancing Elvis. You know the ones! You need one of those. “ 

Billy has to wince at the thought of a cheap plastic figure vaguely resembling Elvis stuck to his front window so it can dance on the dashboard. 

“ Or I could not do that. I like my car the way it is. Thank you very much. “ 

(Y/N) just smiles and maybe that’s enough for right now. There are more secrets hidden in the corner of her lips, in the glint of her eyes, in the way the sun falls on her face. But those can stay there for right now. All that matter in that moment is the cheesy Don Henley song playing from the stereo and the red of her fingernails tapping along to the beat and the way life feels weightless then.

“ This is so beautiful. “ (Y/N)’s words are hardly louder than a whisper. Her voice is overtaken by a peaceful sense of awe and admiration. Her bare feet are buried into the still warm sand as the sky around them shines in hues of pinks and oranges. 

“ I can’t believe you get to see this every day of your life. You can just decide you want to watch the sunset over the ocean and do it. “ 

Billy shrugs as if it’s nothing when in reality he knows exactly how much this really means. Living in Hawkins, away from the ocean and his home and his heart, it made him realise how much he really loves this place. How his heart will forever be bound to the sea and the waves and the freedom it gives him. 

“ I guess it’s pretty cool. “ 

“ You guess? Billy this is — this is spectacular. Sitting here and just taking it all in makes me feel fearless and invincible and brave. Like the world is so big and vast and there’s so much still for me to discover and experience and I can actually do it. “ 

“ What’s stopping you ? You got all the money in the world. “ 

He wonders if she can hear the spark of resentment that his voice carries. Billy doesn’t put it there on purpose, it’s just something so deeply edged into his genetics it’s hard to get rid off. Life’s hard for everyone, he knows that. The logical part of his brain does. But being financially stable surely helps soften the blow.

“ Not if you ask my parents. They’re just waiting for me to find a suitable husband whos family is at least as rich as mine if not richer. Then settle down in a nice big house, pop out a few kids — be miserable forever. “ 

He doesn’t know what to say to that. There’s a certain familiarity in her words. Billy knows exactly what it feels like being stuck in a situation that makes you miserable and to feel like you will never get out of it. Even though both their situations couldn’t be more different, there’s a shared sense of captivity. 

“ I’m sorry, I’m being a huge whiny bitch about this. Poor rich girl with her rich girl problems. “

Though her words are meant to sound airy and light, they are all but that. There’s a heaviness to them. A sincerity. 

“ Don’t be stupid. This is your future. Your life. You get to bitch about it. If not about that then what about? “ 

Billy succeeds in making her crack a smile. A small success in the grand scheme of things, but a success nonetheless.

“ What would you wanna do? If your parents had no say in it ? “ 

Her sight settles on the setting sun, her chest heaves with big breaths. As if she’s trying to catch the moment in her lungs and keep it there forever.

 “ Last year I started studying photography in New York. My parents thought I was working an internship at a family friend’s firm. I wasn’t. When they found out they made me drop out and come back home. That’s why I wasn’t around last year. That’s what I wanna do. But my parents they are — my dad grew up during a time when art wasn’t a career that could really put food on the table. He’s a businessman, a hard worker. He sees numbers before anything else. And I don’t think he’s doing this to be mean or anything. It’s just what he knows. Dreams were not something he could chase and survive it. It was eat or dream. I think he wants to spare me that life. I just wish he would take the time to even as much as look at my pictures. They’re good. “ 

“ You should show me some. “ 

To be quite honest, it’s not about the pictures. Billy has never been a particularly artsy person nor does he care for photography. But this is important to her, this is where her heart is. No one has ever believe in him, he knows the empty feeling that comes with that realisation. If he can be the one person to show her that her dreams and her talent matter, then it’s worth it.

“ Yeah? “

“ Sure, why not? “ 

“ Alright, I will. Think I can mix in some naughty ones. “ 

Billy raises his eyebrow. “Oh really? “ 

“ Mmmh.” 

Her lips don’t taste like slurpee this time. They taste like summer heat and salt and warmth. A little like cigarette smoke and mint chewing gum.

Her fingers tangle in his locks, tugging deliciously as her tongue curls around his. It’s softer than the kisses in his kitchen, not fueled by lust but by a shared comfort in each other. 

“ What was that for? “ he asks as they pull away, far enough to talk to each other but close enough to breath in each other’s air. 

“ For listening. And for — caring.” 

Billy’s lips decent back on hers, then her cheek, her neck. Her skin feels soft and warm underneath him. He can feel her pulse quickening as he softly sucks at the delicate spot where her neck meets her shoulder.

“ You can’t leave hickeys!” 

“ Why not? “ he murmures against her.

“ Got this thing at the country club in a few days. My dress doesn’t have a turtleneck. Dad’s gonna kill me if he sees it. “

Of course her family frequents the country club the town over, it’s so fitting. Billy’s been there a few times, tending to their greenery and fixing stuff. It brings good money and he got to eat their for free which was nice. But looking at all the rich people in their fancy clothes drinking champagne by the pool was — strange. Johnny works there as a waiter part time and always has the most ridiculous but funny stories to tell.

“ Aw, daddy’s little girl not allowed to kiss boys? “ Billy mocks, not making any attempt at moving his lips away from her neck until she nudges him off and pushes him down onto the warm sand.

“ Oh I do more than just kiss them. “ (Y/N)’s voice is laced with lust and passion and sultriness.

Soft warm kisses wander down his neck, as her hands leave trails up and down his stomach underneath his shirt. In a swift motion she pushes the fabric up, to pepper gentle kisses on his chest, his stomach, down to the edge of his pants. 

Billy can feel the blood rushing through him, can feel the adrenaline flowing through his veins. A tingling sensation builds up. Is there anything better than a girl sucking you off with the sun setting over the ocean in the background? Not really, he’s fairly sure about that.

(Y/N) hands fumble with the zipper of his jeans before she pulls them down just enough for his dick to pop out. 

The way she looks up at him, eyes filled with a mixture of mischief and innocence. The way she bites her lip in anticipation — it kills him. This is his day of reckoning. This is the end and god does he love it.

Billy is fully aware of what's happening as she swirls her tongue around the head of his dick but his mind is swimming, his heart is pounding. Maybe it’s her or maybe it’s the moment, he doesn’t know. All he does know is that sometimes life can be real fucking sweet. Especially when your cock’s soft and warm in a pretty girl’s mouth.

She hollows her cheeks, goes fast then slow, moves her hand along her lips in a perfect rhythm of pure lust. It’s wet and warm and tight and perfect.

An alternating pattern of kitten licks and deep strokes drive him crazy. She swallows around him like the goddamn patron saint of sucking cock, takes him so deep he’s fairly sure they should grant her some award for it.

When he feels the tidal wave of passion crash onto him and pull him under, drown him in ecstasy, he buries his fingers into her hair, pulls her closer, moves his hip faster — fucks her mouth. And she moans, every once in a while looking up at him with those eyes — those damn beautiful eyes. And there’s a smirk playing on her lips, around his dick, every once in a while. She enjoys this too and that’s what sends him over the edge.

Billy cums just as the sun sets behind the horizon, that one moment when the world is pure gold. He doesn’t see that though, doesn’t realise. All he sees is her eyes and her smile and the way she wipes her lips and all the riddles he wants to solve that live in her heart and all the things he wants to explore with her.

“ You’re welcome.” she says and giggle as she crawls back up to lay beside him, propped up on her elbows, eyes set on the horizon.

“ Uh-huh. “ Billy’s mind is still hazy, words can hardly form least of all make sense.

“ I can’t believe you get this view every day. “ 

He’s not sure whether she’s talking to him or to herself, maybe a little of both. What he’s sure of though, is that his view is much nice right now. Her, free and wild and — beautiful, sitting and watching as the world turns pink and orange and gold for one last time before nightfall. 

It’s quiet for a moment as they catch their breath, as she takes it all in and Billy tries to shake off the fogginess in his brain. It’s quiet and peaceful and safe and comfortable. 

And then she speaks up again.

“ You should come to the country club thing. “ 

And his heart sinks because — absolutely fucking not. 

[dhampirbf]

just finished off my first issue of the new killjoys series, national anthem, here are my thoughts

‼️ spoiler warning lol‼️

instantly dragged me head-fucking-first back into my mcr phase from three years ago. i am ruined. there is SO MUCH i immediately love about this series, from the incredible, poem-esce beginning to the incredible retro art style. the characters are just perfect - on the same wavelength as the others we know and love from previous iterations of kayjay media. mike milligram is edgier than i expected, which is just perfect, because i always felt poison and the gang were a bit too cheery for being stuck in a post-apocalyptic hellscape after surviving a massive war.

as for the plot? amazing. the writing is just as stunning as it was for TTLOTFK and national anthem immediately leaps into the story without delay. the dialogue fits the aesthetic of what we know about the kayjay universe perfectly and the story gives us more insight to what came before the analog wars and what life was like right after. maybe it’s just my interpretation (and of course this is just the first issue), but id love more about what the wars were ACTUALLY like, what it was like to fight in them. i still can’t figure out who exactly the enemy was because BLI and the weird, unseen but ever-present, unnamed oppressor are still in existence after the wars. might just be me, so if anyone knows where to find more on that, hmu. but honestly while reading it, i don’t care about the pieces im missing. it’s THAT good on its own.

the first issue opens with mike bleeding out, which deeply upset me because i do not like to see my favorite characters die, but it was done in such a beautiful way. we get to see how useless he feels - how he’s literally been tossed aside like the garbage he thinks he is - and then our story begins.

we meet the rest of the original fabulous killjoys (i imagine this is a prequel to party poison and the other comic, in my mind poison and val are “generations” following mike) and BOY, they’re incredible. the codes, red and blue, are (i assume) beta versions of the red and blue we see in TTLOTFK. kyle 100%, whose name we don’t learn in the first issue, is pretty reminiscent of kobra but maybe it’s just cuz he’s blond and rollin’ with mike. his design is very new and i totally dig it. animax is probably my favorite of this crew, though. he’s very much new and his design ROCKS. a color changing suit?? for real??? amazing. animax strikes me as the dad friend of the group (he tries to calm down blue and mike at the playground scene with the a.k.as)

SPEAKING of the a.k.as.... holy fuck. adore them. all of them are SO COOL and offer totally new insight to what it might have been like to crawl around in the zones right after the analog wars. so many new faces! new concepts! new headcanons! once again, im in love with their designs and concepts (god bless shaun simon and gerard) and it’s times like these that i wish i was a more talented artist.

another thing i really enjoyed is that the identity of some of the killjoys is more revealed and accessible. blue is called maria right before her (sobbing) death in mike’s arms and we see about halfway through that mike was a grocery store clerk. i’ve seen that red’s name is sophia in some official character design sheets, but we haven’t heard her name in the book yet. but to know that these were normal, real people in the world we live in gives the story a different, heavier context. these characters had their lives uprooted and torn to bits by a war they had to fight in. no wonder mike is so miserable and “screwed up”.

national anthem also immediately touches on trauma more than once and, in my interpretation of the underlying message, points out how trauma is an important tool in shaping who we are as individuals. the pretty subtle thing about the pill marketed to treat the affects of trauma is something that really fascinated me. how the antagonist of this series markets a pill that treats trauma but the side effects essentially make a person lose themselves, navigating life like a zombie.

i also loved the subtle callbacks to the original kayjay universe we know and love, with an appearance of tommy chow mein and a reference to the phoenix witch. however, ive got some criticisms.

first, was not a fan of the romance subplot between blue and mike. blue (and red, for that matter) are characters we know to be lesbians and i really don’t think that should be muddled with. even if blue is bisexual, even polyamorus, and has romantic connections to both mike and red, id personally rather have her stay with red exclusively. maybe it’s just my heterophobia /j but im not a fan. apparently she was even pregnant with mike’s child before she died? ehh.

second, and this is probably just because it’s the first issue, but i feel like there are a lot of questions unanswered. is this an AU or the same universe as TTLOTFK? if it’s the same, what is the timeline for mike milligram and party poison? do they exist at the same time or is party poison inspired by mike, who came before him? or do they exist completely separate? i hope i get these questions answered.

honestly, i may write up something of a review for each issue i read (i have three). it helps me remember what i read, anyway. kinda like an english essay. but overall, i really love this series and this universe. i kinda fell out of kayjays for a few reasons, but a lack of content was definitely one of them. i never thought i’d see killjoys media again and then gerard goes and presents us with this amazing series with new characters and a new story to delve into and it ROCKS.

[viktorfm]

(MAXENCE DANET-FAUVEL, NONBINARY) - Have you seen VIKTOR SAMUELS? VIKTOR is in HIS/THEIR SENIOR year. The VISUAL ARTS MAJOR is 24 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say HE/THEY are OBSERVANT, INGENIOUS, RETICENT and DEPENDENT. Rumors say they’re a member of KINCAID. I heard from the gossip blog that THEY'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THEIR THERAPIST. (JAMES. 21. EST. THEY/THEM.)

dont. look at me. i know. anyways if it wasnt obvs i abandoned cupid (n darrow) in order 2 bring the two ocs tht he ws inspired by n ws a combination of bt. theyre better as different ppl methinks.

DEATH, HEAVY GRIEF, OVERDOSE / DRUG ADDICTION, HOSPITALIZATION, HYPERSEXUALITY, RELIGION MENTIONS TW

aesthetic.

old tvs and their static, worn tapes, horror movie screams, spilled ink, a sculptor’s hands, clay-stained, chicken scratch handwriting, messy notes, messy hair, scoffs and eye-rolls, bruised knuckles, sore throats, funeral homes and a crying preacher, shattered ceramics, knife fights, high ledges, vertically-striped pants, red lights, the moon shrouded in clouds, cigarette butts, graveyards and half-empty wine bottles, sitting there for hours and talking to nothing, about nothing, a god complex, gold rings adorning both hands, barbwire baseball bats, having never played baseball in your life, deep eyebags and broken mirrors, a permanent chip on one’s shoulder, yearning, longing, wishing.

basics.

full name: viktor phillip samuels

nickname(s): icky vicky :/

b.o.d. - january 2nd, 1996

label(s): the black hole, the crepehanger, the impious, the opaque, the tempest, etc.

height: 6′1″

hometown: preaker, vermont

sexuality: pansexual uwu

pinterest

stats

favorite song: disorder, joy division / it’s getting faster, moving faster / now it’s getting out of hand / on the tenth floor, down the back stairs / it’s a no man’s land / lights are flashing, cars are crashing / getting frequent now / i’ve got the spirit, lose the feeling / let it out somehow

background.

born to mama and papa (preacher) samuels in preaker, vermont - fifteen minutes after his twin sister, tatiana samuels. years later, rosa samuels joined the gang.

was an awkward, quiet kid growing up, he didn’t interact well with others and preferred being left alone to dig up worms and draw on the walls of their childhood home. the only exception was his twin, really.

as he got older he grew out of this, but instead became like … sort of an asshole? maybe to compensate for years of childhood awkwardness. he’s the sort of person who will bite the hand that feeds him & developed into a full time nuisance by middle school, unlike tatiana who was much more subtle about her conniving manners.

always has been a fan of ‘darker’ materials. grim & creepy morbid shit. probably the biggest tim burton fan, ever since he was a kid … not a good look for a preacher’s son, but he never really felt ‘in’ with the rest of his family to begin with. classic black sheep syndrome.

drew disturbing pictures as a kid that probably prompted one or two or five phone calls home to assure everything was fine.

just really had a knack for art at a young age, from drawing to painting to playing with clay. it’s always been his thing and probably is the only thing he’s good at.

being twins with tatiana was hard. they were near opposite besides both being quite mean-spirited. tatiana handled being in public better, left a better image behind - but viktor had talent, more than she did. they loved each other deeply - y’know, those unbreakable twin bonds as cliche as it sounds - but found each other as competition for their parents’ attention. a rivalry for affection.

in high school is when viktor really started to act out. it started extreme, like losing his virginity in their church and vandalism around the neighborhoods. faked being possessed in the middle of sunday service & almost had an exorcism performed on him.

his only redeemable trait was like … just his sheer talent in the arts. was in a 3d art ap course and specialized in sculptures. he could pretty much create anything he wanted with enough dedication.

because he was the problem child, the one who deserved to be disciplined for all his antics, tatiana could sneak away and get away with whatever she wanted much easier. on the bright-side, for her, i guess.

not a very motivated person - wasn’t planning on going to college, much less going to yates but his parents literally wrote & sent his college application for him because they weren’t going to house a deadbeat but had too much heart to kick him out onto the streets. cool!

he’s actually pretty smart but he just doesn’t apply himself. has a minor in english because he didn’t care for an extra course-load, but he’s good at writing & analyzing literature. is going to use it to write and illustrate his own series of children books with a style similar to tim burton’s. not for the kids, but because he likes to leave a trail of terror in whatever he does.

has been experimenting with himself since high school but college is where he really had started to crack down on himself. was out as pansexual & nonbinary by his sophomore year of college just … not to his parents, who don’t really need to know.

if you asked him if he believed in twins having a psychic connection with each other - he’d tell you he wouldn’t know. it felt believable at times, but sometimes he had no idea what was going on inside of tatiana’as head. on the other hand - viktor had always felt oddly transparent to her, like she knew all of his moves before he did. the only person who could predict him accurately.

( tw death, grief, overdose / hospitalization beyond this point )

when tatiana disappeared, viktor knew something was up. it was a twist in his gut, pure instinct that something wasn’t right. and it wasn’t right - and when she was proclaimed missing, they couldn’t find her.

and when tatiana died - viktor knew. it felt wrong, something cut so severely in him he could pinpoint her death to the second. he didn’t know how, or why, but he knew it. knew it before anybody else had.

afterwards he went on a sort of bender. he’d begun to struggle with a mild drug addiction late senior year of high school / early college, but he was managing it up until this point.

his mental health had also sunk to an all-time low, when it’d never been great to begin with. (manic & depressive episodes. once fixated on a sculpting project for six months and then knocked it off the table and destroyed it as soon as he finished it for no apparent reason.)

tatiana’s body wasn’t found immediately, and when it was … viktor went off the rails. ended up overdosing & being hospitalized. spent six months in & out of psychiatric care after that.

came back to yates to finish his senior year because … for the reasons above, he hadn’t been able to complete it. just wants to get his credits and get out of here.

is still dealing with a lot of trauma & grief - causes him to spiral and be unpredictable in regards of his mental health. he stopped taking his medication, so. :/ some days are alright, other days are pretty bad.

personality & facts.

the human embodiment of a gremlin that was fed after midnight. a goblin, if you will. one of those cats with a narrow head and really big ears … that’s them!

a big horror & halloween enthusiast. loves the old campy horror movies & probably has an abundance of masks from different movies. dresses like a grimy millennial beetlejuice more than they should because they just … love those black & white vertical-striped pants.

can appreciate the ~urban legends~ at yates and likes to feed into the fear that surrounds them. is probably the cause of a few ‘anomalies’ and ‘paranormal sightings’ because they’re just … a jerk.

fashion alternates between e-boy (they would be tiktok famous if they were 17 & didn’t think that a majorly minor based app was weird.), millennial beetlejuice, and goth in a crop top & sweatpants. big fan of crop tops and a big fan of sweatpants.

they can be really fucking mean? petty, aggressive, a major instigator. will literally spit in your face for little to no reason, you could just look at them the wrong way. the kind of person who will stick their gum into someone else’s hair. other than that? they’re like … sort of okay. they’re not always mean, just a dick about 90% of the time lmao

like okay yeah they’ll call someone a stinky bitch for no reason except they feel like it and believes it. it’s fine, they’re fine, we’re fine.

despite the fact that they’re probably getting into a fight whenever, considers themself to be a lover and not a fighter but that’a primarily because they fuck a lot. uses it as a coping mechanism, like they’re this big fancy carnival show that’s like ‘come one, come all! fuck the dead girl’s twin brother!’ and it’s … a lot. might have a problem with hypsersexuality but they’re not fully aware of it.

the preacher’s whore son, basically :)

pansexual & nonbinary, switches between he & they pronouns often and without a pattern, but they have such a fragile grip on their identity that you could call them ‘dog-faced bitch’ and they’d turn around like. sup.

vastly impulsive … like i said, they destroy their own creations for the fun of it. spends all their money on useless shit, will cheat on someone because they feel like it & likes the thrill, screams into the night sky frequently like a cat in heat.

will also spend months creating useless shit for no reason too. spent six of them sculpting a hollowed out tree the size of them & then took a sledgehammer to it.

they’re very super dramatic. would play the organ at church when nobody was looking after them and service was about to start. would just churn out these super haunting, creepy melodies like they were phantom of the opera. would do the same exact thing at home on their keyboard with the pipe organ setting whenever they got grounded until their parents took it away hbdsjfngkh

will absolutely not talk about their ‘time away’ because it’s not anyone’s business, not even their own younger sister. still refuses to talk about tatiana’s death, or their mental health, or their addiction (fallen back into it but it hasn’t gotten severe … yet :/), or anything involving their own emotions.

will just change the topic abruptly, no warning. asks about the jonas brothers instead and they fucking hate the jonas brothers.

that being said they’re absolutely not over tatiana’s death & it’s to the point of obsession over it. like there’s some kind of secret that needs to be uncovered, even though there just. isn’t. tatiana was their rock and they were pretty much dependent on her. kept them grounded. could control them when nobody else could, got into their head easier than others. it’s sort of like rosa lost two siblings that day because viktor hasn’t been the same since.

emotionally unavailable while also crying twice a day. cries during their brawls but still wins. is stony-faced when they tell you they cheated on you with your much hotter best friend.

will tell you straight up what they want from you, no bullshit & no beating around the bush. just blunt. if they want to fuck, nothing else, then that’s it. if they feel deviation or developing feelings then they’ll ghost in less than a second. is awful like that but feels no shame.

but also emotional as shit and it’s confusing. will cry on a whim and then flip you off if you try to console them or ask them what’s up. will bite you.

they go to therapy but they just fuck around and wastes their therapists’ time … also is fucking their therapist, but that’s neither here nor there. so they’re not really getting the help they need.

likes to be intimidating but not … with their body or anything because they’re a twig but uses their love & knowledge of horror and creepy shit to their advantage. has an abundance of fake blood. has channeled the energy of jack nicholson and used it on tatiana’s boyfriends before (also is a big fan of sfx makeup & has dabbled in it)

probably chases kids around with a chainsaw without the chain on halloween every year.

generally never doing good, both mental health wise & morally. would probably steal candy from a baby for funsies.

i don’t know if there’s a good to them somewhere deep down, but they don’t see any issues with themself either. nothing really breaks through to them anymore because the only person who ever made them stop and think about their actions was tatiana, and well, y’know. :/

an introverted reclusive type who doesn’t like most people or going out, but does so anyway if it means a quick high & a cheap thrill.

pretty observant and likes to analyze people even though they’re often like … partially wrong. judgmental because they like to make people feel bad, not because they’re a righteous mighty person. because they’re not. so like, a hypocrite!

wanted connections.

religious trauma? oh worm ;; three cheers fr <3 guilt <3 anyways uh. just people tht viktor hs known thru the church in some way even tho hes a fkn. freak now. maybe even family friends. 

the horror of our love :/ ;; hmm. any romance tht cld b toxic i think this cld fit. just rly a bad fit. viktor doesnt rly know hw to love so nothing rly lasts bt. maybe they try n try n nothing works bt they keep trying. cld also just be anything unrequited.

little fkn gremlins ;; theyre all evil n mean. bt theyre all friends. <3 

you are nothing ;; uuh. enemy plots. spicy enemies. rly bad enemies. rivals. they r brutal towards each other bcos nothing viktor does is ever soft.

fuck u dont pity me ;; uh. people who try to get close to viktor n he just. bites at them. he’s like no. bc he assumes ppl who r kind in response 2 his vileness r. theres smth wrong w them. n it might hv to do with pity. n he hates pity.

ugh. locals x ;; ppl who also grew up around preaker, vermont. the samuels r <3 well known folks n the uh. hm. the murder is an ongoing case. so they cld know abt it <3

dont tell anybody x ;; this is for soft plots. i dont know much about soft plots but. 

maybe i am part of the problem ;; the problem is chlamydiagate. this is a hook-ups connection. fwbs n one night stands. ppl viktor hs brutally ghosted. he doesnt acknowledge their existence outside of these events, perhaps. 

dont u just wna go apeshit ;; this is where viktor becomes a bad influence.

bt uh. anything. pelase

[adilynia-kiden]

The Trinity Wedding: Part 1

Writer’s Note: As I mentioned before, I’m not entirely sure how many parts this wedding will be in, but you can find all the previous posts HERE.  Included in this post is a seating chart that will hopefully help give everyone an idea of where all the players are working from.

This has been Co-Written with Teren, Lycan, and Annest Ninro-Kiden (Teren’s daughter and best Wingwoman ever!)

With Adilynia seated, the risen Nishanians follow suit.

Alituari's conversation, while primarily communicated through intricate gestures between herself and her two companions, is interspersed with softly spoken words. "Lovecraft" and "Elthron" apparently having no linguistic equivalents in the unspoken tongue.

The man sat behind Tanner leans forward to keep contact with her while the pale figure between them idly puffs on his cigarette. Looking to their new Father for permission, Garren and Scassira rush forward to greet their friends like silent unfeterred puppies the moment the Baron nods in ascent to their silent requests.

Behind the Baron, Halcyon introduces himself to his two seat mates. "Sir Halcyon Krim." Having participated in the vote to allow the man to act as Ironwall's acting Regent, Count Ngu'nye and Baron Munro merely nod. Pax, however places her palms together in a vertical position, bowing her head to her fingertips in greeting.

The central figure on the sofa, Count Condea, next to Alituari chimes in on the discreet conversation at a volume which borders on - but doesn't exceed - rudeness. He quickly makes up for the discrepancy with his word choice. "We're all know who you are, Krim. We're why you're fuckin' here."

For just a moment, Sir Krim appears about to address the speaker, but instead licks his front teeth in an expression of abject discontent before engaging Pax in silent discourse; rather than allowing himself to be badgered into an unseemly display at such a public event.

"Celestials bless..." Anou'e whispers to Doyle, who quickly concurs in a whisper.

"No kidding. “

Once the twins had left to greet the rest of the party, Tanner returned to trying to take everything in. For a kid from Westfall, the opulence is not unlike the Thalassian court that he's only recently been introduced to, but certainly more awes inspiring considering the Marquis' of Nishan were of his same race.

Nothing is spared from his sea-glass eyes, especially not Addie, who he always returned to focus every 19 seconds exactly. Certainly an odd thing for those of the mind to study the young man who managed prim posture and a brave face for his obvious nerves. But when the title 'Sir' was uttered from the man behind the Baron, Tanner took a vested, but subtle interest in his glances to another knight. Sir Halycon Krim.

Poised and perfectly still, Brilaria muffled what little sound there was into her shoulder as she chuckled at Raelin and the twins. It was such a familiar sight to see the ginger heathen bring himself down to their level as to carry on a silent conversation in comical miming between them. LIke Maladir, her thumb moved along the golden ring on her finger in the same muscle memory familiarity that he did, to compensate for the smoke now making it's way into her hair.

While Addie preferred meditative breathing, the Confessor chose to think of all the ways that a situation could be worse; Broken glass. Void Sludge. Fel. Scourge. Old God tentacles. Felhound shit. Mmmm, Yogg blood... in order to keep her focus. Odd, but effective in combating what could be an annoyance for a Thalassian noble more to used to people jumping at her beck and call than her having to bite her tongue.

Taking in a sharp breath, Addie's eyes lifted to Jan'in from under the bow of her head and whispered words. "It's an honor to keep your company again, Baron Ninro..." Addie silently commended her own bravery as she usually tended to keep quiet around him, but her usual behavior had certainly been cast aside for the propriety of the day which demanded, at the very least, a polite and humble greeting. Raelin held his tongue, but the proverbial light bulb of recognition went on in his head in putting names to faces for Lady Annest's new husband.

Addie's long ears ticked at Anou'e and Doyle as her carefully controlled smile tipped more towards the genuine in the simple exchange. Not just the blessing, but it took her back into the suite were the young Incubus's reaction to the Praetorium epitaph 'Titans Balls' had made for quite the moment.

Mal too had heard it, and turned to share a look with Addie that said very little on the outside but ended in a playful wink from the Commander. "No cracks..." he finally whispered that tugged the fondest of expressions from the gilded Pixie.

“No cracks.” Addie repeated firmly, reaching over to cover her father’s hand with hers as a silent chuckle was shared between them

Tanner's keen eyes would pick out a dynamic assortment of fashions and styles which seemed to range from all black or all white, to rich vibrant hues in pastel, deep, or metallic colors. For all of the voices who ignored the Outsiders and spoke freely of their excitement, delight, or disappointment of the coming union between the Marquis and his Guardian, there were hundreds close enough to be seen clearly who elected to use the local hand signs and avoid any possibility of their discussions being taken in by the foreign creatures.

At the edges of the wedding venue, live music played from several different pianos, harps, cellos, violins, and flutes; all in perfect harmony with one another.

The sound of the music wafting inward to those seated seemed to hold significant meaning for the Nishanians, who all rose from their seats and turned to face the raised dais at front and center. An enormous uproar of cheers, hoots, and hollering comes from the crowd beyond the gates, followed by thunderous applause as Larcos Sobo'Avill opens a portal and Countess Nerenna Reon steps to the center.

Shimmers of various magical energies begin to fall like pixie dust from on high above them, and a second portal opens in front of Nerenna, no more than two feet to the left of her on the dais, and Teren Kiden steps out with a sheepish grin.

The sound of so many voices and applause resounding all around him is deafening, even for those without sensitive hearing. Those like Pax Urbi, Alituari Sunvein, the Praetorium, and the abruptly pissed off Vampire sat near them. "Son of a mother fucking piece of shit banging whore dung!"

Blissfully, his voice is swallowed up to most mundane ears in the crowd, and his comments are missed by the nearby children. "These two dumb sons of bitches better never need to get married again, or I'll eat their fucking young."

Alituari stifles a laugh, while she and Count Condea cover their ears. Grinsren catches the commentary more through the discreet use of his mental abilities, chuckling openly at his companion.

Poor Tanner had no idea what to expect. His mouth literally drops open with the widest expression of wonder that likely had ever been seen on his youthful features. Absolutely everything that happened from the moment the Nishanians rose and onward built his sense of awe exponentially.

He was moved to clap with them. To revel in their joy, even if he understood nothing more than the inspired pageantry. "Oh I am so using that the next time Duchess Bloodwind thinks she's going to out do me at the Fire Festival..." Brilaria had the good sense to whisper her malice into Raelin's ear as the heathen half-elf moved in close behind her, only to abandon his usual flirtatious ways and choose the chivalrous path of shielding Bri's ears for her.

"Really? The Marquis Tall, Dark and Spank My Ass walks out, and you're thinking about one upping the girl who stole your book in primaries?" Raelin said quietly, laughing and joining in the celebration the moment Teren walked on stage. He was half deaf anyway without charms.

Both Maladir and Addie had taken note of the important figures and followed their lead with regards to proper reactions and behaviors expected. However, their reactions to the crowd couldn't have been more polarized.

For Maladir, the sound is deafening and lowers his long ears slightly with the tip of his head. Inhaling deeply, his posture only draws straighter at the discomfort on his keen senses while one ears rests on his shoulder, and the other is muffled with the cup of his hand, yet his open expression and warmth never seems to dim.

For Addie, it's all she can do not to slam her hands against her ears and hide in her father's chest. A distinct loss of color is seen in her cheeks at the restraint necessary to slowly and politely, cover her sensitive ears and dip her head in such a way as to not disturb the sparkling tiara on her dark hair. "Oh Light bless..." she whispered, breathing slowly and focusing entirely on the beacon of stability that came with seeing Teren walk on the stage.

The Twins quickly join in with the joy and celebrations, Scassria tugging on her brother's arm at the spectacle and the sight of their Grandfather trying to cheer and hollar as loud as anyone else especially when they saw Teren.

Baron Ninro keeps close watch over the two children, scooping Scassira up and setting her between himself and Garren so the two don't topple one another from the sofa in their excitement.

From the stage, Teren shares a warm embrace with Larcos as the Arch-Magus moves to stand on his left; marking himself as the Best man for the event unfolding before the vast majority of their people. Whatever words are exchanged, they both laugh and nod. As the Magus catches sight of Brilaria, he gestures intricately, unleashing his magic in a long line of multi-colored sparkles which roar out through the crowd several times before aligning with the long white carpet to produce yet another portal at the far end of the aisle.

The roar of the crowd dies down as the portal remains open for several moments without any sign of use. The pregnant pause erupts into another round of raccous roars and cheers as Baroness Annest Ninro-Kiden steps through.

Stepping through she pauses as if she truly was lost or even surprised as she makes a gesture of glancing around before catching her daughter waving eagerly to her and Anne gives her a tiny wave and wink. There she straightened her shoulders preening for a moment before taking a step forward as if she was meant to walk down the aisle alone and she was quite owning it. None of her doubt of concern about impression there. But then she pauses as if realizing maybe she was missing someone and pauses again, looking to her Father as if asking silent isn't she missing someone?

[a-non-sequitur]

Rogue One: Second Viewing

- link to my other Rogue One blabberings -

Watched Rogue One for the second time today on the big screen.  Here are some more thoughts since I’m not inundated by “HOLY SHIT” feelings from experiencing it the first time. There may be some repeat thoughts.

NB, as usual: have only seen the movie and read a small portion of its prequel Catalyst so far. I try to talk about individual characters themselves, but shipping thoughts concerning RebelCaptain (Jyn/Cassian) and SpiritAssassin (Chirrut/Baze) still occur.

Warning: THIS IS REALLY, REALLY LONG. Not exaggerating in any way.

Quick General Thoughts 

I’d seen the movie a little more than a month ago and have swamped myself in fandom, so I thought I wouldn’t have Extreme Emotions from seeing it again. I even thought I’d be bored for some bits.

I was wrong.

It’s a beautiful movie, and I honestly liked every single performance by the actors and actresses. I thought they were all really good or amazing.

By far one of the most intense movies that I’ve seen in general, not just the Star Wars ‘verse.

Lah’mu

There’s a piece of symbolism in some Rogue One book material that talks about how the movie bookends the theme of “Jyn” and “home.” AKA: Jyn starts the movie by having a home, and Jyn ends the movie by rediscovering home. Figuratively, this is shown by Lah’mu with her parents (start) and the Scarif beach with Cassian (end) (or you could argue the entire Rogue One team becoming family, a la Baze’s “little sister”, as “home”).

However, now I can see there’s also a literal interpretation of this: Jyn’s Lah’mu home is next to a beach. And you remember where she dies? A BEACH.

If one of the Stormtroopers was taught even a little bit of forensic science, Jyn would have absolutely been found underneath that damn rock. They live on rich, loamy soil. Anyone heard of footprints or tracks? I guess Death Troopers are too busy learning how to kill people.

Lyra Erso continues to grow in my heart as a hero and wonderful human being, and I am sad and bitter that beyond one or two lines from Galen and Orson (tangentially for the latter), she is never discussed or mentioned post-Lah’mu. Read Catalyst; Lyra is a badass. 

“You will never win.” = Erso Rebels, one for one.

Lyra/Galen4lyfe. They love each other so friggin much (again, read Catalyst for the one-two-three punch in the gut feels (even though I’ve only read a little)).

I wonder what sort of crops the Ersos grew.

Rings of Kafrene

I originally thought Cassian was very blank-faced about killing the informant and any guilt he felt wasn’t expressed except 100% internally or at a later time on his own. Nope, he definitely shows guilt/regret immediately after shooting the guy, even with Stormtroopers converging. Throughout the movie, in fact, he shows a LOT of guilty faces/body language. Not as perfect as a spy as I thought! (at least 100% of the time)

Wobani Prison

FN-2187 is a reference to Leia’s prison cell 2187. At Wobani, cell 4227 is mentioned. They don’t mean Jyn’s cell, but it finally explains to me why one of my favorite fics (Death Trooper One) uses the designation DT-4227. Tricky, tricky, tricky!

Yavin 4

Yooooo, Jyn is amazing at doing a non-reactive, “I won’t tell you shit” face.

Whatever you say about Draven’s duplicity and cutthroat tactics, Mothma’s democratic idealism is unsustainable bullshit. A lot of fics like to uphold her as this Kind Rebellion Paragon Leader vs Draven, but you know what? Saw had a point in separating from the rebellion. I don’t condone his “civilian deaths are unavoidable” tactics, but Mothma’s path is a fruitless endeavor, and she should have been completely aware of that after twenty years of Empire rule.

This is a passionate, immediate response after seeing the movie again. Maybe someone has some meta to calm me down/see Mothma’s side of the story.

Jedha

So many Asians on Jedha! <3333 (now all dead </3333 )

Small funny moment: the scene where Chirrut and Baze come to the rescue, there’s two little old Asian ladies sitting in the corners of the courtyard just chilling around.

I believe Cassian’s feelings for Jyn went from “unwanted charge” to “shit DEVELOPING FEELINGS” sometime between Jyn saving the little girl and Jyn beating the asses of Stormtroopers with her truncheons. I told you guys that Cassian has a Competency kink.

Jyn’s feelings, on the other hand, went from “jailer” to “friendly.” And I think that explains the level of betrayal she expresses to Cassian after Eadu; yeah, she’s pissed that he was planning to kill her father, but she was also pissed that he had lied to her. She had considered him a friend by the time they had arrived there, and she hadn’t had friends for a long time.

I think it says something about Jyn that, even if she is at most amused by K-2SO or at worst annoyed/indifferent to him, she still is the one who jumps in front of his body when Baze points a gun to him. She responds faster than Cassian, who (definitely) considers Kay his best friend. When Jyn is in a team, she is loyal. (I really, really like Jyn, okay.)

Bor Gullet (the tentacle creature) continues to be gross-looking, and even though I admire the subtle acting choices of Bodhi’s character arc by Riz Ahmed from “nervous defector to traumatized pilot to recovering person”, I do wish we got a better understanding of how damaging this creature (nonhuman sentient?) is. (Apparently the book does a good job?)

Again, I desperately desire more background on Saw’s spiral into severe paranoia. At one point did he start thinking that everyone was going to betray him? At one point did he find the Bor Gullet?

We know that the Empire hates non-humans, but do you know what I found really interesting?  The Rebellion actually showcases only a few nonhumans. Do you know which group represents the most non-humans (besides local populations)? Saw’s Partisans.

There’s not supposed to be galactic racism in Star Wars (I don’t know about extended universe materials, so maybe (most likely) racism exists on individual planet cultures). Rather, it’s replaced by speciesism. And I find the fact that the Partisans are heavily made up of non-humans (and the Rebellion not) extremely interesting if you parallel it to American politics on race throughout the centuries. I’m simplifying the issue, but in fights for equality and justice, who are the people associated with violent protest and riots by society?  Who often feel and are sidelined by mainstream movements?

Still curious at what point Saw separated from the Rebellion. I assume post-Lah’mu, just because Galen seems under the impression that Saw is still in contact with the Rebellion. 

Saw says outright that Jyn was his best fighter. SO MANY RADICAL!JYN FEELINGS. 

and this is why I can’t really support Cassian’s side of the argument after Eadu - Jyn had been involved in the Fight for a very long time. When she says at her interrogation that she “didn’t have the luxury of political opinions,” she has a good reason in saying that! She was never allowed to have a choice: she was born in a Separatist prison, raised by the Empire, ran away from an Empire, and then absorbed into a radical Rebellion cell. It isn’t until Saw abandons her that she makes a choice: the Empire and the Rebellion both hurt her deeply. These weren’t minor hits against her; they performed acts that damaged the core of her soul and transformed her personality. Why does she have any obligation to support either in any way?

Even if you think that abandoning the Fight was a very selfish thing to do, I think it would be incorrect to say that it was an unfounded decision on her part.

Galen mentioning Lyra (;_______;)

I loved all the performances, but Forest Whitaker’s is actually my favorite. Just, wow. (And Jyn’s heartbroken face when Saw refused to leave with her: :( I mean, considering his broken body, no way would he have been able to get out of the mountain, no less to the ship, and he absolutely knew that.)

The destruction of Jedha City was awe-inspiring, in the original etymology of the word (fear, terror). Alderaan’s destruction is sad, but it’s distant - a sphere blows up. The detail of Jedha City’s annihiliation... even on-the-ground videos of nuclear bomb testing and Hiroshima/Nagasaki don’t strike as much fear into my heart (please don’t attack me).

Baze’s FACE when the City is destroyed. It’s SO HEARTWRENCHING. Like, you can see his non-belief in the Force get even worse after the destruction.

Krennic’s “It’s beautiful” brought horrified shivers. I can’t find the tumblr post anymore, but the user talked about the importance of art in injustice (or something like that).

Eadu

All Cassian had to do was snipe Krennic while on that ledge instead of angsting over Erso, and the ending of Rogue One would probably have been less soul-destroying.

I do not understand how geography and the passage of time occurs in some of these scenes. Between Jyn being able to cross the valley and climb up that ladder in the period of Orson’s and Galen’s conversation, Cassian getting to Jyn after the platform is bombed, and Jyn and Cassian crossing back to the other side in no time at all, I assume Einstein’s relativity is involved.

I’m trying to decide whether K-2 revealing that Cassian’s rifle was in a sniper configuration was because (a) K-2 has been described as basically being a child and so he doesn’t even think about it, (b) K-2 didn’t know about Draven’s extra orders to Cassian, so he didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret, or (c) K-2 knows that Cassian would really, really regret assassinating Galen (moreso than anything else he did). My strongest option is (b).

We have to give Draven credit: he only sent the Alliance ships because he thought Cassian was probably dead and Galen still needed to be killed. As soon as he heard Rebels were on the platform, he tried to call off the squadron (I mean, if he had heard it was Jyn and not Cassian, he probably wouldn’t have cared, but still).

I knew beforehand that Chirrut and Baze were married, but holy shit are Chirrut and Baze married. Baze’s self-suffering and resigned sigh after the “I have you” quote!

Little detail I liked: Chirrut puffing air into his hand before shooting with the Bow of Death. Combination of “Gimme luck, Force!” and “Gotta warm up my hands before kicking ass.”

Chirrut is definitely Force-sensitive (I have Headcanons about his pre-movie arc), but there’s no way that Baze isn’t even a teeny-tiny little bit Force-sensitive, too. There’s no way a sharpshooter can be THAT accurate from THAT distance THAT accurately in EVERY battle (every single shot hits someone or some ship).

I’m impressed that the movie did not try to beautify death. Galen died in a super awkward position, and I love the realism of it (even if there was a lot less blood than there should have been).

By the end of the scene, Krennic visually confirms to me that the Galen/Krennic ship is actually a completely one-sided infatuation (seriously, read the book. Galen is laughably blase about the dude).

“You willl never win.” = Erso Rebels, two for two.

Lyra/Galen4lyfe

Some fandoms I can ship characters with multiple people. 

Rogue One is not one of those fandoms.

Jyn had, like, a 2% chance of actually being alive when the platform was bombed, and Cassian still went after her. He’s got it SO BAD. Like, this is the dude who killed his informant ASAP and who K-2SO was certain enough about that he said “we’ll be leaving without you” re:Chirrut & Baze leaving the ship ten minutes ago in the movie. 

Chirrut grabbing Jyn’s hand before the Argument gives me sad feels because it makes me wish that the Jyn+Chirrut+Baze adopted family vibes could have been explored more.

As I said earlier, I don’t think the claims Cassian made against Jyn in their argument had a lot of merit (and I think Jyn knows that, too). But Jyn definitely understands Cassian a lot better after he describes his past, and that’s why she doesn’t dislike/hate him by the time they arrive on Yavin 4. She’s definitely angry and betrayed about his actions/lies, but she now understands why he did them. And I think that’s when she really decided that he was a friend (+ probable realization that this was the second time he had come back for her).

And even though Cassian already feels guilty about almost assassinating Galen, I think his defensive justification took a serious, serious, serious blow not because of Jyn’s words (though that did have an affect), but from the Absolute Overwhelming Disapproval and Disappointment from all the humans on the ship. 

Baze is actually really, really hilarious? His tired collapse against the ship’s closed landing platform post-Argument made me burst into inappropriate giggles.

Mustafar

Darth Vader is terrifying.

I wonder if they hired an actual amputee for the reveal of Vader in that cylinder? Or if it’s CGI.

I’ve never really understood the eye-rolls over his “don’t choke on your aspirations” pun. I thought it was a terrifying addition and very apropos . (Though, if you’re familiar with medical terminology, you’d probably get a giggle from it.)

Krennic gets more and more pathetic every scene.

Yavin 4

Now, I know I talked all about the POC-nonhuman parallels above, but I do want to applaud this movie for its POC representation. The Empire, of course, has always been White As White Can Be, but the modern decision to make the Rebels so racially diverse? And to specifically have the Council be so racially diverse? (look at it! I think only Mothma and one other human was white. The rest of the humans were nonwhite!) That was a calculated decision to comment on today’s political climate.  Think about it: the leaders of the Rebellion were mainly POC. Yes, they unfortunately did not get as much screentime or lines as Mothma and Draven, but what a wonderful step still.

A council that can only make decisions based on unanimous agreement is a terrible idea with that many people.

Cassian showing up with an entire crew of people = moment Jyn DEFINITELY develops Feelings for him.

This gif is always necessary to post:

Cassian has a lot of sway/respect from the people he was able to recruit, but I’m 100% certain that he basically sang Jyn’s praises during the recruitment process. This is the reason they were so okay with her being the mission leader.

STILL ANNOYED ABOUT THE ZERO WOMEN IN THE ROGUE REBEL GROUP.

The trip to Yavin 4 to Scarif really, really highlights the fact that the entirety of the Rogue One family looks towards Jyn as their leader. Yeah, her speech to the group (”Saw always said carrying a stick...���) was, eh, pretty weak compared to Cassian’s (”Make ten men feel like a hundred!”) (Jyn’s not a great public speaker, ok?), but Cassian constantly defers to her. Speech time? You go first, Jyn. Is it time to blow up the mines? Tell me, Jyn. They ain’t co-leaders, and Cassian’s not a shadow leader. Jyn leads, Cassian is her right hand, and everyone else are her believers. (Remember that at Eadu, Chirrut outright states that Chirrut “follows her,” and I’m already forgetting the exact scenes, but I remember having the impression that Bodhi seemed to constantly look towards her (no surprise considering she’s related to Galen). And Baze’s “little sister”! (why no 500+ hours of these people being family. why.))

The side-eye Jyn gives Bodhi when he decides to call their group “Rogue” is still my favorite funniest moment.

Cassian and K-2SO are my favorite friendship in the crew, but I have to admit that K-2 and Bodhi would have definitely developed a pretty funny bromance if they had survived.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 1: on the trip to Scarif

Scarif

Sidenote: this review is so friggin’ long, I’m already forgetting the things I want to say.

Seriously, why didn’t Cassian shoot Krennic on Eadu. WHYYYY

The grabber thing that picks out the data files? Reminds me of the claw game in arcades. I would have completely failed this mission purely because of that.

I didn’t realize this the first time, but Admiral Raddus had left even before the Alliance got news that Rogue One had landed. Raddus just up and went “EH FUCK THE COUNCIL LET’S DO THIS” and he had an ENTIRE NAVY follow him despite the very public refusal by the Council. Standing ovation for this dude.

FEMALE PILOTS!!! SO MANY FEMALE PILOTS!!!

Okay, it’s time for me to sing the praises of Bodhi Rook and Riz Ahmed:

Riz Ahmed deserves all the acting awards. Whitaker is still my fave RO performance, but Ahmed is second. It’s such a subtle transition but WOW. 

On Jedha, we meet non-traumatized Bodhi. A little stammery, but he’s being pushed around by the Partisans and no one is listening to him. I’d stammer, too. He’s panicking re:plans, but there’s still steel in him though, a type of confidence.

Then we meet post-tortured Bodhi, and he’s a discombobulated, disjointed, confused mess of a human being. Within the prison cell to his escape outside the mountain, he shows someone whose reaction time is fifty times slower than a non-tortured human being. His dazed look and delayed movements before Cassian pulls him towards the ship is perfect.

Eadu: he’s a nervous wreck. He can’t stop stuttering, even when he’s trying to guide K-2 and Cassian to fly through the rainstorm. He can’t look people in the eye.  

To Scarif: still nervous, but becoming more forward.

Scarif: When Cassian tells Bodhi to find a way to communicate beyond the shield: NO FUCKING STUTTER. HE ORDERS THOSE MEN AROUND AS IF HE’S BEEN ORDERING PEOPLE FOR YEARS. REMEMBER THAT HE’S A FUCKING CARGO PILOT. His voice is so firm, so direct, that none of the soldiers hesitate. When Bodhi makes the run to the shuttle with the cable, there’s a cut to a soldier watching him, and it’s after seeing Bodhi run that the soldier stands up again to fire at the Stormtroopers. I think this soldier is also the one that first decides to run to the master switch, too? (Not sure about that one.) 

And Bodhi basically orders Admiral Raddus to do shit. An Admiral!

BODHI WILL SAVE HIS FRIENDS. HE WILL NOT DISAPPOINT HIS FRIENDS.

BODHI’S LAST WORDS ARE “THIS IS FOR YOU, GALEN.” 

!!!! my heart

“THIS IS FOR YOU, GALEN.” 

IF I WERE TO MULTISHIP A RO CHARACTER, IT’D BE GALEN/BODHI.

I just... I love Bodhi’s character arc so mUCh????11!!? And Riz Ahmed was amazing portraying it????

Melshi seems pretty damn cool. Too bad we didn’t hear more from him.

Baze looks SO BETRAYED when his cannon didn’t take down the AT-AT unit.

Baze and Chirrut at Chirrut’s death was so painful and heartbreaking to rewatch. I like to think that the only reason Chirrut didn’t cup Baze’s face in that moment was because he lost the strength to lift his arm higher and that’s why they just held hands. And the only reason Baze didn’t kiss Chirrut’s hand is because of movie industry homophobia :))))) Also, I realized that Chirrut was hoping/thinking Baze would survive because he says, “Look for me in the Force, and you’ll find me.” :(((

BAZE TURNING HIS GAZE BACK TO CHIRRUT’S BODY WHEN THE GRENADE LANDS BROKE ME EVEN MORE THAN HIS RECITAL OF CHIRRUT’S PRAYER. I could almost hear the “I’ll be with you soon, love,” voice-over.

MY HEART

“Climb! Climb!”

MY HEART

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment No. 2: right before they jump onto the center tower.

Jyn and Cassian must have arms of steel, I’m just saying. If the claw thing didn’t trip me up, I’d fail the mission purely because I couldn’t climb more than one row.

Trying to figure out how many stories Cassian fell down. Fics keep saying really high numbers (like 8 or 12), but it didn’t seem like that? Though that just might be because we were watching it from a higher perspective. (I’m not implying Cassian wasn’t severely injured. I cringed every time he struck a beam. I was just wondering how long the fall was.)

If Cassian shooting Krennic on Eadu would have probably changed RO’s ending, do you want to know what would have completely changed the entire original trilogy? SOMEONE SHOOtinG THE FUCDKING SATELLITE DISH. HOW DID NO ONE HIT THAT EVEN BY ACCIDENT.

“You lose.” = completion of “You will never win.” = Erso Rebels, three for three.

So, since we’re nearing the end, I’d like to quickly talk about Descent/Climb (though Fall/Climb is a more catchy term, if less accurate).

If “abandonment/returning” was one of Jyn’s themes, “climb/descent” is another one.

She “falls” every time Krennic is near her: (1) Lah’mu: she descends the ladder into the hideout; (2) Eadu: she nearly falls off the platform after it’s bombed; (3) Scarif: not Jyn, but Cassian-Jyn are basically inseparable by now anyways: Cassian falls at the Citadel; (4) Scarif: Jyn falls when trying to get back to the transmission tower.

She climbs: (1) Lah’mu: towards Saw (unseen); (2): Eadu: to get to her father; (3) Scarif: to get the plans.

Ok, honestly I have no idea/don’t have the energy to figure out what this actually means, but Jyn went up and down too often for it to not have some sort of importance.

Speaking of themes: from Jyn’s perspective, the entire movie is basically a mirror of her life:

Home on Lah’mu.

Lyra abandons her.

Jyn sees Krennic. Lyra shoots him in the shoulder.

Lyra dies.

Galen “abandons” her.

Saw abandons her.

Jedha: Jyn reunites with Saw (and sees that she’s loved). [Cassian comes back for her x1]

Hologram/Eadu: Jyn reunites with her father (and see’s that she’s loved). [Cassian comes back for her x2] 

Scarif: Jyn thinks Cassian is dead after his fall.

Jyn sees Krennic. Cassian shoots him in the shoulder.

Cassian comes back for her x3.

Home with Cassian/the beach.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 3: Side of the head kiss after Cassian stops Jyn from murdering Krennic.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 4: Elevator.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 5: Beach.

Don’t know the proper term for it, but the quickly-gradual white-out of the screen as Jyn and Cassian are being burnt to a crisp is one of the most visually stunning moments in the film.

MY HEART.

Ships jumping out of hyperspace: cool.

Star Destroyer slamming into Star Destroyer and hitting that Ring Thing: cooler.

Star Destroyer jumping out of hyperspace and Rebel fleet crashing into it while trying to escape: coolest.

Another detail: the ship that had engaged the Star Destroyer and pushed it into the other one was a suicide run. I mean, I’m sure all the fleet knew that this mission was probably a suicide mission, but that ship in particular knew that what they were about to do was a kamikaze move. Serious bravery.

Darth Vader is fucking terrifying.

CGI Princess Leia would have been less uncanny valley if her nose and her eyes weren’t so far apart vertically.

So, the mission plans were on this big cassette thing. And then they were downloaded onto this tiny disc thing. Does the Alliance have better data storage equipment? Or is it like downloading the jpeg version of a CAD file? These are the important questions, people.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

 movie is still amazing and emotionally traumatizing.

god knows how long i’ll be in this fandom. i’m guessing a long, long time. it will never leave my heart even if i visit another one.

every single rogue one family death made me tear up in the theater.

this is fucking long, jesus, i should be spending my time doing other things, like reading Catalyst.

- link to my other Rogue One blabberings -

[bluegreenamber]

The Prince (4/4)

((AN: So um. Hi? Here’s the ending to the story that literally no one ever wanted nor asked for. It only took me like two years to finish the last chapter. Oof. Sorry about that. Completely lost my inspiration and my obsession with the fandom. Not really an excuse, but I doubt anyone will really read this soooo. If you do read this, I hope you enjoy the story at least. It’s kind of a mess of two different writing styles cuz me and my writing have changed so much since 2017. Regardless, this is probably the last fanfiction I’ll post here, especially for EW. Idrk why I’m doing it now after so long of a hiatus, but I kind of wanted some sort of finality I guess. I honestly hated having an unfinished work published. Whatever, I’m rambling into empty space. I’ll cya ‘round. Who knows, maybe I’ll find another reason to dive back into a fandom here someday. But for now, Kat out.))

One of my dads would have nightmares sometimes.

No one had ever really been surprised by this. Most people with PTSD ended up with a couple of bad dreams at some point. 

My dad’s were very serious. Often, he would wake up in the middle of the night paralyzed or panicked or even violent. He’s sleepwalked once or twice. The medicine he takes helps, but there's nothing better for him during all those times than my other dad. 

My dads have always loved and cared for each other deeply and unconditionally. They have always been each other’s everything, their support and advisor and comforter and partner. They've always been able to solve each other’s problems, when they themselves weren't the problem, that is. 

We kids tried to help best we could, and we succeeded to some extent. Our parents loved us as much as they did each other. But they kept some things from us. We didn't know all the things they were going through, so of course we couldn't do as much as they could for each other. 

But there was the rare occasion when we had to step in. 

My dad hated the war. He hated talking about it, dreaming about it, thinking about it. It was the source of a lot of his problems, so naturally he despised it. The only thing he owned that could have reminded him of that time was the medals he had earned, and even those he kept locked in a small box hidden in the bottom of a dresser drawer. 

That's why we were all so surprised when he bought a rifle. 

When questioned about it, he excused it as wanting to “finally face his fears head on” and “not letting his past trauma keep him from all the possibilities of his future.” 

We bought it for the moment, but we all kept a close eye on him. And we were not disappointed.

He started acting funny, doing things he never would've normally done. He stopped taking his medicine. He took his medals out from their spot and laid them out on the mantle. He could regularly be found cleaning his gun, paying it a lot of attention and caring for it. He watched the news, specifically political things, and even war documentaries. He barely talked to any of us anymore, even my other dad. 

This was going too far for a simple epiphany. 

Then, he started disappearing. He just left sometimes, not telling anyone when or where he was going. And he had always told my other dad everything when he went out. 

I had to find out what was going on. 

I watched my dad very closely in the following days. Finally, I saw him sneaking out the door while everyone else was gone or in their rooms and decided to follow him. He took the car out towards town, and I followed him secretly on my bike. 

After about twenty minutes, we arrived at a strange building. It didn't look neglected, but it certainly wasn't new. It didn't have any labels or decorations on it, despite it being in the middle of the city. 

My dad parked right in front of it and walked up to the door confidently. He looked like he was definitely comfortable here. 

I chained my bike around the corner, watching him from the shadows. He opened the door without any hassle. Apparently it was just unlocked already. 

After a beat, I slipped inside as well. The interior was dark, the hallway I had stumbled into plunging into a twilit darkness as soon as the door clanged shut behind me. I realized then that I had no plan, no idea what I was doing, and no way to navigate this strange place. The only thing guiding me at this point was the fairly straightforward hallway illuminated only by a few flickering bare bulbs… and the faint sound of voices coming from the other end. 

When I finally crept up to the room where the voices originated from and peeked in, what I saw made me do a serious double take. The first thing I zeroed on was my dad, who was standing at a long, round table with several other people. All of them looked a little rough around the edges, though some had more subtle tells that only a child of a war veteran could really see. I knew instantly, instinctively that all of these people had served in the military. That should have been reassuring, should have made me think that my dad had just started going to some sort of veteran group meeting, but something felt off. Maybe it was the guy at the head of the table, the obvious leader of the group. He had a metal arm. 

Normally, prosthetics wouldn’t affect me. I had seen enough of them amongst my dad’s war buddies and viewed them with a sort of respectful reverence. But this… this was not a normal extension to work as a helpful tool for those in need. This looked like something straight out of a Marvel movie. This metal arm was a weapon, period.  

It also didn’t help that the owner of the arm was practically shouting his impassioned speech, his face radiating pure hatred and raw power. I had no idea what he was talking about, but that didn’t stop me from noticing the spittle flying from his rapidly-moving lips. His eyes seemed almost to glow red from utter rage. 

And my dad was listening with rapt attention. He was nodding and even loudly chiming in his agreement at some points. I felt vaguely sick. This wasn’t my dad. The man who had raised me to always be compassionate and patient and loving towards everyone and everything would never in a million years agree with whatever vile, twisted things were escaping this metal-armed man’s mouth. There must be something more to this. 

I took another look around the room to try to find the “something else.” The others around the table were much like my dad: listening to and agreeing with everything that the leader was saying, without question. Like soldiers to their commander. Was that it?

Before I could further ponder the state of these people’s minds, I felt rough hands grab onto my arms and lift me into the air. I cried out in surprise, kicking at my captor. It was no use, however. The person’s grip was like iron, and they effortlessly dragged me into the meeting room, stunning everyone within to silence. 

After a moment’s pause, the armless leader smiled at me with little warmth. “Well, well, well, what have we caught today?” 

“Let go of me,” I snarled, tacking on a few more choice words at the end that described exactly how I viewed the people currently holding me hostage. My protests were futile. 

The leader continued to stare at me, evaluating me, seeming to search my very soul with his piercing eyes. “You seem like a smart one. Which means that you know too much. Which, of course, makes you a loose end. A very disposable loose end.” 

A shiver of fear traveled down my spine. I couldn’t help it. Despite my desire towards defiance, I was in unknown (and quite possibly hostile) territory. What he was insinuating… I felt my stomach sink with dread. 

The best plan would most likely be to stall for time, maybe appease him just a little. “I don’t know anything! I don’t know where I am or what’s going on. I don’t know what this is or who you are.” And I didn’t even have to lie. 

He chuckled lightly. “Why, how rude of me. I am Red Leader, and this is the beginning of my army.” He swept his arm across the room, indicating all of the others gathered.

I narrowed my eyes at him, determined to play his game if it bought me any time. “Okay then. Does ‘Red Leader’ have an actual name?”

He seemed to find humor in me, at least, if his smugly amused smile was anything to go by. “Of course. This vessel was called… hm, I believe it was Nick. But you may call me Tord.”

The name immediately set off a million bells inside my head. This was the final one of the four boys in the photograph. Tord. Could he be The Soldier? Or something else? 

Also, did he say “this vessel”? Could he have meant… his body? Was he possessing someone else, someone named Nick? Questions whirled around in my mind, but they were interrupted when Tord raised his hand at the person still holding me.

“So now, I believe that you know too much,” he said to me before turning his attention back to my captor. “Motley, you know what to do.” 

My indignation at having been so blatantly tricked quickly turned into fear as I heard an actual growling sound come from the humanoid thing behind me that I still hadn’t gotten a good look at. Squirming desperately, I was about to resign myself to my fate when a shout rang out among the otherwise silent room. 

“Stop!”

Everyone’s head simultaneously turned towards the source of the loud cry. It was, of course, my father. His protective parental instinct must have broken whatever spell Tord had over him when he realized that my life was in danger. 

Something seemed to twitch in Tord’s smirk. “Oh? Is that insubordination I hear, soldier?”

My dad physically flinched. I started struggling again in the arms of who I assumed to be Motley. Whether it was out of anger for my dad or in an effort to draw attention away from him, I wasn’t sure. Regardless, it did nothing. There was no way I could escape by myself, and all eyes remained on my dad. 

The brief flash of fear in my dad’s eyes faded quickly into defiance. He only had to take a single glance at me, and his entire face contorted with the protective rage only a parent can truly experience. Tilting his chin up determinedly, he declared, “Yes. Yes, it is.”

Tord’s expression was utterly unreadable, and that was even more terrifying than the violent anger I was expecting. He opened his mouth to say something--perhaps to order the rest of his army to attack my dad, perhaps to order Motley to finally finish me off, perhaps to deliver a long-winded speech only storybook villains are capable of, perhaps even to grant us mercy--but never got the chance. Even from here, the entire room could hear the giant clang! as the door to the outside of the building swung open and hit the wall with great force. In the utter silence that followed, the rapid footsteps echoing down the hallway were almost as loud. 

To my somewhat surprise, my other dad burst into the room with all the grace of a hurricane. With me out of the line of sight, his eyes immediately locked onto his partner for life, and he rushed with open arms towards the collision of awkward limbs tangling. It was only when they were both wrapped up in each other that I realized that he was crying. I knew that there was going to be a hell of a conversation later, but it seemed that this moment required no words. 

The most interesting part, though, was Tord’s face. His mouth was open in a comedic “o” of surprise. In fact, he almost seemed close to tears himself, strangely enough. “Pat?” he whispered, his eyes locked on my tear-streaked dad. There was no acknowledgment of his quiet, almost fearful voice, but there was no need for it. 

Before anyone could react, Tord collapsed to the ground, glowing red eyes rolling into the back of his head. I watched in numb horror as a strange mist the same color as his eyes escaped out of his mouth and nose. Instead of rising like mist normally does, however, it sank into the floorboards. When the last of it had dissipated, I felt the huge arms encircling me finally loosen and release me. 

I dropped heavily onto the ground, my knees buckling underneath me from lack of use. At the loud thud, my dads finally unlocked their embrace properly and, at the sight of me on the floor, rushed over towards me. It felt like heaven when their arms wrapped around me--a sharp contrast to the arms that had been slowly crushing me not moments ago--and even them fussing over me incessantly was comforting instead of the usual annoying. 

Over their shoulders, I could see the rest of the army coming out of a sort of a daze. Many were blinking rapidly as if waking up from a dream. Many were reaching out and finding their own forms of comfort in human physical contact. Many were speaking lowly with one another, confused expressions on their faces. A few were even wandering out of the door already. Overall, though, it felt like things were going to be alright. Tord’s powerful influence had disappeared with the mist.

Speaking of which, I watched as Tord’s body rose from the ground, groaning and eyes widening with bewilderment. Nick, I think was his name. I half-expected the others in the room to remember what his body had done as Tord and be afraid of him, but they accepted him as fast as any other soldier. The moment I saw his first smile, I decided that things would most certainly work out after all. 

When we all gathered the strength to stand up, my dads practically carried me outside the dreaded building. They settled me in the backseat of the car while they put my bike on the car’s bike rack, speaking softly to one another as they did. I was so utterly happy to see their reconnection, the renewed spark of love between them, the one that had been missing for weeks now as my one dad descended into a war-crazed madness driven by otherworldly forces. 

We drove home to be greeted by my very worried brothers who had been waiting impatiently ever since my one dad had told them he was going out to track down the other. All of us exhausted, we ordered delivery and spent the evening on the couch in a great family pile. After what had happened that day, it felt like bliss. 

It wasn’t until I returned to my room to turn in for the night and saw the picture on my bedside table that I realized that the last of the four boys wasn’t in fact The Soldier. I almost laughed as I stared down at the finally clean photograph. My English teacher would be so disappointed in me; we had read through Machiavelli’s entire book during her class. Of course, the guy who craved power, who used fear to enforce it, was The Prince. 

Tord was grinning up at me, his hair pointed up into twin devil horns and a small crown insignia on the gun he was holding….

I was suddenly shaken out of my thoughts by muffled screaming. I was moving in an instant, speeding over to the other side of the house in the direction that the sounds had come from. Sticking my head out of the kitchen window, I couldn’t help but be surprised at what I saw.

The house next to us had a glowing green light spilling out of it, lighting up the entire neighborhood in the dark of night. 

I grinned, the small part of me not completely exhausted filling with relief. The adventure wasn’t over yet.

Because it seemed that our neighbors were having a bit of… paranormal trouble.