#it's a miracle i'm even doing the bare minimum of getting out of bed every day
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i'm so jealous of people who can do things i wish i was a person who can do things too
#i distantly know someone who moved to london to become a musician and she's actually releasing her stuff how cool is that#idek how to start with all that even w/o moving to a different continent#(my singing teacher actually did it too but like. years ago. she came back for a reason ahdjfklhhlj)#but even not going this far i wish i could do ANYTHING and i can't. rip#it's a miracle i'm even doing the bare minimum of getting out of bed every day
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having to go to sleep earlier when i'm literally chronically ill and experience extreme chronic fatigue that never goes away and that sleeping never cures, and having to conserve energy to do even the most basic of things like brushing my teeth and showering, feeling exhausted, even after sleeping 8-10 hours, and being unable to wake up on my alarms and snoozing them, even when i do get proper sleep, is wrong and a burden.
the reason why i sleep so long now, which is a huge change from my sleep schedule from when i was healthy, where i could literally function just fine eating once a day and on 6 hours of sleep, is because i'm chronically ill, because my body is literally under constant stress and inflammation, because i have poor circulation, because my body is riddled with multiple different symptoms from my illnesses.
being diagnosed with multiple medical issues that affect me daily and having to conserve energy and adapt and accommodate to my body's new needs and changes, especially when i have an important medical procedure for my condition for the first time, and expressing that need to sleep in order to conserve energy for it, because it's going to be a long and stressful day for me, is wrong and a burden.
feeling exhausted and needing to not eat meals late because it always worsens my already awful stomach issues and pain and nausea and flares up the symptoms of my condition every time if i don't, and makes me feel sicker than i already feel every day, is wrong.
it's wrong to have basic human needs and to try to do what you can and work with what you can with your condition to alleviate symptoms as much as possible, even if it's only slightly, because you always demonize and villainize me for it.
i'm supposed to shut up and stay quiet whenever you yell at me and lash out at me, whenever you mistreat me, all for your convenience, and treat me without any basic decency, because i'm not a human being in your eyes, i'm a punching bag for you to take your problems out on, and i always have been.
it's always you saying empty words and never following through with actions. it's always you telling me to "voice your needs and concerns", but i can't so much as even make a basic statement in the calmest way possible about needing to sleep earlier, literally while laying in bed because -- surprise! -- i'm feeling sick and exhausted from my chronic illness! because the literal second i do, you immediately demonize me for it and immediately jump to being hateful and make false accusations towards me every time.
you blame and guilt trip your self proclaimed "best friend" and someone you claim to care about -- someone you've seen firsthand be repeatedly traumatized and grieve the loss of their health and abilities, losing their life and missing out on opportunities and doing the things they love, and losing the abilities to do things they used to do when they were healthy. you've explicitly seen their declining health and seen them experiencing repeated medical trauma for over a year and a half since december 2022, and yet you demonize them.
you demonize someone with a chronic illness, all for saying that they need to sleep and eat earlier for an extremely important procedure -- that i literally fucking FOUGHT tooth and nail to get, and was a literal miracle to even get.
you treat my basic needs as nothing but an inconvenience for you, when i went through repeated medical trauma and invalidation and waited for MONTHS ON END to even get this procedure that will give me more information about my condition and can possibly give me a treatment plan, all while my extremely debilitating flare ups and symptoms have actively progressed and worsened and have wreaked havoc on my body, and new symptoms ones have occured and affected me in the meantime since i've had to wait and beg for the bare minimum fucking scraps of treatment or help while my health rapidly gets worse.
when the multiple other times i've asked to sleep at a decent time, whether you're gaming or not, even within this very week, were all ignored by you, you turn around and have the audacity to shove the blame on me for your own actions and behaviors in snapping at me out of nowhere, and making baseless accusations and guilt tripping statements towards me, all because i did something you specifically asked me to do -- in asking you to set a reminder, and clarifying that i needed to sleep and eat early because it was getting late?
i was feeling exhausted and needed to try to prepare myself for a procedure and travel almost 2 hours when it's a procedure i dread -- but know i have to do to get more information about my illness -- where my sensory issues are overwhelmed and triggered because of my claustrophobia and loud noises, but god forbid i express my needs, the very thing you tell me to do, then punish me for.
the way you treat me is completely warranted and free of criticism, right? you treating me like a punching bag is completely okay for you to do, right?
i know if i gave you the same treatment you shove onto me without any consideration for the face that i'm a living human being with feelings, you would antagonize me to hell and back and tear me apart for it.
you treat me like a goddamn object and punching bag for having basic human needs, and you deliberately always go out of your way to play the victim card in every situation, and twist my need for sleep into something it's not, and ignore me all because i said word for word that i didn't appreciate being treated so hatefully.
because as always, endlessly, for the past almost decade, you have always done this every single time, and you always show that you believe that you can never do anything wrong and are free of faults in any situation where you hurt someone and refuse to ever take accountability.
you reinforce the face that everyone has to be quiet and tolerate your behavior and walk on eggshells for your convenience, otherwise you lash out, demonize, blame, and threaten them, all while you continue to hurt them.
you're hellbent on blaming everyone around you for your own choices and behaviors, you do nothing to change or work on them after people voice their concerns, and you lash out and make everyone suffer for so much as even telling you that your behavior hurts them or makes them uncomfortable, and you demonize them to hell and back if they utter a word about it, because god forbid anyone tells you how you make them feel when you'll vilify and punish them for it.
i'm not allowed to be anything other than a docile doll who never speaks up about anything that bothers her or voices her needs, unless i want to face ableism, guilt trips, being yelled at, being demonized, and being blamed for things out of my control.
i am simply meant to endure the hurtful ways i'm treated and take it all with a smile, for everyone's happiness and convenience.
needing to eat and sleep normally to avoid worsening and flaring up my already debilitating symptoms for a procedure they explicitly knew i had 2 weeks in advance, is wrong and horrible, according to them.
they always treat me like i'm a burden, and treat me like a burden for needing to eat and sleep normally and to have a healthy schedule when i literally need it to function, especially now more than ever with my chronic illnesses and symptoms, because not doing so causes flare ups and makes me feel worse.
i'm a horrible person for being sick and needing the two basic things people literally need to function and survive, especially when i'm literally going to inevitably flare up my symptoms tomorrow and have to prepare for a huge and stressful day of travel and a medical procedure tomorrow.
i should just starve myself and never sleep and die, because it's wrong to even need to do so according to them.
#i have my basic need for sleep ignored and disregarded multiple times and endure having to stay up until late#because i don't have anywhere else to sleep unless i want to trigger a flareup and be in more pain on a couch#i endure having my requests to stop being loud being ignored on multiple occasions#where i'm literally trying to sleep and have to get up early#i wait 1-2 hours after i ask to go to sleep repeatedly for a year and a half#the time i calmly mention that i need to sleep earlier on this specific day#because it always goes ignored so i'm forced to clarify my need for my basid needs repeatedly#because i have to wake up early and have to travel and do an extremely stressful medical procedure that will take away my whole day#and i have to try to conserve energy for it#and i immediately get demonized and guilt tripped for it#the way they went from “i need to fix my sleep schedule because it affects my free time and work” but they never even make the effort to ch#when they always choose to stay up playing video games until 5-6 am daily#which leads me sacrificing my sleep for their convenience and having flare ups from lack of sleep#but they're more than happy to jump to instantly berating and blaming me for needing a normal sleep schedule#when i genuinely need at least 8 hours of sleep to at least be able to somewhat function and not flare up my chronic symptoms
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DAY 237
Days pass and it seems shit doesn't get better. In fact, it might even get worse. Also, I love how I randomly remember this account.
First things first, my mom has been in the psych ward for a week now. It stops her ED from getting too out of hand, but the real problem is her body image issues. That's what's causing the ED and it REALLY doesn't feel like the ooddles of doctors, psychiatrists, therapists and so on at the hospital seem to realize, or care, somehow. They also prescribed her with new antidepressants which she's having an allergic reaction to, but they say it's "normal" and are going to increase the dose. I hate them. I hate them so much and that's why I'd never want to go to the psych ward. They do the bare fucking minimum like feeding you and cleaning your room which are things you often can't do yourself anymore when you end up there, but they don't actually help you get better so when you go back into the world you can look after yourself again. Maybe I'm too harsh on them, and I'm sorry.
For my part, things are really shitty. I haven't gotten out of bed in 6 days now. I have had a pretty bad cold for a week too, so that'll justify it. Seriously, the truth is I'm going through a really bad depressive episode. It started about a week after I quit my job (so around the 25th of September I guess) and it hasn't left me since (we're the 3 of November right now). Most of the times I got out of bed were because I was seeing my relatives (I spent a week at my grandparents's and at my mom's, I saw my godmother a couple of times). My uni "friends" have completely given up on me and have straight up stopped inviting me to all their little parties and hangouts. I decided I didn't want to celebrate my "uni best friend" 's birthday anymore and came up with an excuse. I'm really disappointed in them. Or maybe I'm disappointed in myself because I should have been the one trying to organize stuff with them. But when you know they've created a groupchat with just the three of them, for some reason, and that was about as soon as I dropped out, you know you're not really part of the team anymore. I wonder if when my "best friend" doesn't walk fast enough compared to the two other girls, they just leave her behind like they did when we hung out the 4 of us, except I'd always slow down and wait for my "best friend" so she wouldn't be alone. I wonder.
These past 6 days, I don't really know what I've been doing except binge watch the last 3 or 4 seasons of BoJack Horseman. I absolutely ADORED this show. It's beyond what words can express. I've also started to develop a strange interest for dolls, specially the new Monster High dolls and Rainbow High/Shadow High dolls. It's okay, I'm going through a little phase and it brings me some comfort. I've also started reading Macbeth since I'm seeing the play in London in December.
All I pray for is winning the lottery. Whenever I don't forget, I play. I usually don't win much, but I play and I pray. Because I don't see how else I could get out of the deep. Just thinking about getting a job makes me feel an even greater amount of crippling anxiety and depression than I already have to bear every day. I've sort of convinced myself I deserved to have this little miracle happen to me because with all the shit I've been through, there is no one that could save me, not even myself, not doctors, not family. All that could save me would be becoming a millionaire and never having to worry about finding a job and losing my freedom, all of that to barely earn anything anyway. If I were a millionaire I could finally be sure I'll always have a roof above my head.
Lately I've lost the will to do things. I don't wanna celebrate my birthday. What is there to celebrate? It's gotten so bad that, although for a few months getting ready to see BTR tour in Europe was my top one priority in life, it's something I can barely find interest in anymore. When I think I probably won't be able to afford doing the whole tour I think "whatever", even though a couple of weeks ago I would have cried at the mere thought of not doing the whole tour. Things are changing quick. I'm losing interest in everything, nothing gets me excited. The BTR side of Twitter is hella toxic, you'll get cancelled over anything by a bunch of hypocrites.
I'd like to go back to the gym but I don't have the money, nor the will anymore. I've been asking for social aids (which I have the right to) but they're not giving me anything.
I don't have much else to say. I hope next time I write here things are a little better. I doubt they'll be, but I hope, still.
See you later :)
"Mr Blue I told you that I loved you
Please believe me..."
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Hihihi,, this is my first tome reqin,, uhhh can I get a uhhh- Tendou angst?? With a side of hurt/comfort and uhh [Fightin w/ his s/o],, (dunno what they're fightin abt but eh-- ) I really enjoy those 🤝 UHH uHh chocolate mcmuffin-
# — fighting with his s/o
includes: s. tendou x gn!reader
genre: hurt/comfort
warnings: swearing
a/n: i’m your first request :o I’m honored!!! i hope you like this <3 also this is my first time writing for tendou so i sincerely apologize in advance
main masterlist shiratorizawa masterlist
oikawa's iwaizumi's akaashi's kyotani's bokuto's
"satori, can you please be serious for once in your life?! nothing is going to get solved unless you actually listen to me!"
ever since you met the red-haired miracle boy, you quickly took notice of how often he didn't take anything seriously. it was a blessing and a curse, really. whenever things got a little too tense, he never got worked up about it and made some sort of joke in order to make you crack a smile. but this time, you just wanted him to pay attention to you.
tendou had been going out a little too late every night, sometimes not even coming home until the next morning. it made you feel lonely, having to reach out to expect a warm body but met with the cold silk of the bed sheets. you hated it. you would text him multiple times before you went to bed, waiting for something, any type of response. but you were left with nothing.
you had finally gotten the chance to catch him before he went out for the night again, absolutely fed up with feeling neglected.
"i am listening, paradise. i haven't even been going out a lot lately. don't you think you're being a bit overdramatic?"
you couldn't stand how calm he sounded, how he acted like this was no big deal. "i'm not being overdramatic. you've gone out every single night this week, only to come back the next morning. i've slept in our shared bed alone every single night. still want to say i'm being overdramatic?!"
tendou rolled his eyes, a sarcastic smirk creeping up on to his face, as if he were mocking you. "y/n-chan, how about you take the stick that's up your ass and give it to someone who actually cares. you can't control me, just like i can't control you. deal with it."
he didn't give you a chance to respond before he was turning the knob to the front door.
"tendou, if you walk out that door, don't expect me to be here in the morning."
he paused, "what's that supposed to mean?" he scoffed, his back still facing your angry figure.
"it means i'm done. you said yourself to- what was it? 'take the stick that's up my ass and give it to someone who actually cares.' i'll be gone before you get back."
it was as if a bucket of ice had just been poured over his entire body, the shock from the venomous words spewing from your mouth making him freeze. you had already turned to walk back to the bedroom, putting in everything to keep your emotions at bay. if he wasn't going to give a shit about you, why should you give a shit about him?
it had been about 10 minutes since your ultimatum, your boyfriend still had not come in even after you had gotten ready for bed. you hadn't heard the front door shut, so you weren't sure if he had really left yet. your heart felt empty as soon as your head hit the pillow; all you wanted was for him to stay home and be with you instead of doing god knows what. you were asking the bare minimum, and he couldn't even give it to you.
the loud thoughts clouding your brain had inevitably led you to break down, the salty tears already cascading down your cheeks. you turned your head into the pillow to silence your sobs, hoping that tendou had left so he wouldn't see how broken you really were.
but, the universe had other plans, as you felt the bed dip behind you, a nimble hand making its way into your hair. you turned around to see your lover looking at you with sad eyes, something you've rarely ever seen. you furrowed your brows, confused as to why he was still here.
"i thought you left..." you whispered, your voice slightly hoarse from crying.
"i'm not going anywhere, not when my paradise needs me," the red-haired middle blocker admitted.
he explained to you his thought process after you had left him alone at the front door. he had looked back to these past few days, slowly realizing that you were completely right. he had been to oblivious to your sad gazes every time he went out, your hands reaching out for him in the morning when he came home, the bags under your eyes from staying up late with hopes that he'll come home early.
he was an idiot, and he couldn't believe that his neglect of you had made it this far.
"i'm so sorry, y/n-chan. i'll try- no, i'll do better. i never want to lose you over my stupidity. let me make it up to you, if you'll let me?"
you pondered his words for a moment, sitting up slowly as you held his gaze. you hesitantly grasped his hand in yours, your thumb stroking the back of his.
"...okay, 'tori. but if this happens again, i'm gone. understood?"
he nodded his head as he smiled brightly at you, tackling you in a much needed hug.
"i love you, my paradise."
"i love you too, satori."
reblogs are appreciated! <3
©hajimescutie 2021, all rights reserved.
#{cuties' requests}#tendou satori#tendou x reader#tendou x y/n#satori tendou#tendou#satori#miracle boy satori#tendou imagines#tendou angst#tendou hurt/comfort#tendou drabble#tendou blurb#anime#shiratorizawa#haikyu#haikyu angst#haikyuu#haikyuu!#haikyuu angst
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Hello! I found your blog fairly recently and your stories are so good! I'm currently obsessed with your blog it's an issue. I don't have a request, but an idea that I wanna know what you think of. What would think of one of Haikyuu boys kidnapping a darling that has a terminal illness that he doesn't know about, and darling is like 'Ha, joke's on you. I'll be dead very soon.'
Oh. Oh this would be heartbreaking. I think it would work best with somebody obsessive - a perfectionist. A setter 👀 (where are my pretty setters at??) I’m thinking either Akaashi or Oikawa.
TW mentions of kidnapping, death, abuse, general angsty themes
Assuming they don’t already know, they’re a little confused why you’re so calm initially with the situation? Like they’re happy, thrilled even, but they were expecting just a little bit of resistance at the bare minimum?
But you’re just sitting there calmly, fiddling absentmindedly with the chain wrapped around your ankle as they talk. You don’t say anything then, why bother? They’re clearly delusional and it’s not going to make a difference, you’re dying one way or the other, might as well make the best of the little time you have left. Fighting them is only going to hurt you. So you let them hold you close, shower you with affectionate kisses and when that stray tear wells up and spills down your cheek as they go on and on about your beautiful futures together, well it’s easy enough to ignore.
This isn’t what you wanted. Your last few months were supposed to be spent with family, with your friends, surrounded by the people you love. It’s a cruel joke, you suppose, that now you have to spend them with him - the person who loves you the most (or so he says). Life has never been kind to you, why should death be any different?
Except eventually you can’t hide the symptoms. Maybe it’s because you don’t have the medication you need, maybe it’s just that your time’s running up and as your body breaks down they start to get harder and harder to ignore. For somebody so obsessive, it’s actually amazing they haven’t already noticed. They find you in the bathroom one night, skin pallid, trembling and weak and when they swallow you up in another suffocating embrace, you break.
It’s bitter relief when the truth finally comes out, a sick satisfaction you feel in watching their expression darken. Disbelief, denial, horror, they flash across their faces, one morphing into the other too quickly for you to keep up. Their grip tightens, their head shaking fervently. You’re lying. You have to be.
And then comes anger. You bruise so easily now, but it doesn’t scare you nearly so much as watching them rage and tear apart the bedroom they’d so painstakingly prepared for you, yelling, screaming, begging. When everything is in tatters, they fall back into your arms sobbing, and you feel like it’s cosmic punishment that you’re the one to comfort them, running a soothing hand up and down their back as they cling to you like a child.
When the dust settles, that’s when the panic sets in. They’ve worked so hard to finally have you, they won’t loose you, not to illness, not to anything. They don’t listen when you tell them that there is no cure, that all the doctors have tried everything, that short of a miracle, you’re going to die before the year is out. They throw themselves into research, find doctors (with questionable morals, you’re sure) to come and poke and prod you while they hover over you like an overgrown bat. You’re babied, forced onto bed rest while they wait on you, tending so diligently to your every need. At night they cuddle you so tightly, like they’re afraid that if they loosen their grip just a fraction, you’ll disappear like smoke in the air.
It gets worse, and the worse it gets the more unhinged they become. They alternate between begging and screaming at you, shaking you like a rag doll with eyes blown wide with manic insanity. Even then, you don’t fight them. You don’t have the strength left.
(What right do they have to rage? You’re the one who’s dying.)
You always thought that you wanted more time, but now... now you think that dying would be a blessing.
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You (Part 2)
Now you see me, now you don’t!
Part 1 | AO3
Felix Graham De Vanily was, in his own humble opinion, special.
He was smart.
He was composed.
He knew exactly what to say and when, and he could make people see exactly what he wanted them to see.
He wasn’t his cousin, after all, almost identical looks aside. Adrien never knew when to speak up, or when it was better to stay quiet. Never knew how to hide his thoughts and keep his - utterly unrealistic, when it came to his father - hopes in check. And he might be smarter than Felix gave him credit for, but all that intelligence left him as soon as his friends were concerned.
That was what all his flaws boiled down to, really.
Adrien made the fatal, unforgiving mistake of caring too much. Always had.
(It was what Felix liked about him, deep down. Adrien was genuine, in everything he felt. Felix envied him for the ease with which he made friends.)
But.
Felix wasn’t like Adrien at all. He was too smart to care for people - his mother aside - any more than he had to. Mundane distractions. Friends, crushes - all things that would only deter him from his path in life: high above the crowd, always the center of attention, yet unreachable. Playing everyone, but gone before anybody noticed.
It was a glorious but lonely road. No, scratch that. It was a lonely but glorious road. Much better.
He didn’t need anything or anyone.
He was the sole and solemn genius of the family.
He was a magician, who didn’t need any fancy jewelry to work miracles - just the right distraction and disguise.
He was-
“Ow!”
Groaning Felix looked at the little bite marks on his finger.
“Were you even listening?! Or did you just wait for an opportunity to stab me in the back?”
The black and white bundle of fur and betrayal on his lap meowed and swiped at his hand, now out of reach.
“I knew you couldn’t be trusted.��, he grumbled and shoved the traitor off of his legs, but couldn’t help but smile when he smugly licked his nose - as if to say: I'd do it again. “I raised you too well. Now, where was I?”
He sighed.
“Ah, yes. I don’t care for anyone - please stop scratching that ear, honey, it’s not healed yet - because I'm just too smart for that. So it’s utterly impossible that I, Felix Graham de Vanily, am in love with Dupain-Cheng. Got it?”
His cat, the little bastard, answered by knocking his pencil box over and started to chew on a pen. Felix narrowed his eyes.
“Oh? You dare doubt my word?”
With quick fingers he stole his cat's spoils and placed it out of his reach.
“Quite bold for a creature without opposable thumbs, hm?”
Insulted, the poor, thumbless pet retreated to his laptop and laid down on the keyboard - causing the screensaver to give way to the last opened tab. Which was Marinette's Instagram page.
“Wah!”
Hurried to hide the proof of his interest - as if she might somehow appear in his room if he looked at her picture for too long - he shooed his pet away and closed the tab. Said pet meowed smugly and, upset about being chased away from two spots already, sat down on his pillow. Great.
“You did that on purpose!”, he accused his cat. “But that tab proves nothing. It was merely a passing interest in her admittedly wearable work. It has nothing to do with any confessions - faked confessions, or that she can apparently recognize me in disguise, or the very neutral fact that she is cute, by some people's - not my own! - standards.”
His cat blinked. And sneezed onto his pillow.
“Bless you. Now move, or I’ll use you instead of a bunny for that hat trick I’m working on.”
Sighing, Felix let himself fall backwards onto his bed, grabbing the fleeing cat and burying his face in the fluffy fur.
“Oh, to be a cat!”, he wailed into his involuntary comfort pillow. “With no troubles except how to best annoy his owner.”
The poor animal hissed and escaped his grasp, saving himself from the bitter fate of a comfort pillow.
“Run, you uncaring monster.”, Felix sighed, “Leave me to my worries. Which don’t include Marinette at all, by the way.”
He sat up and watched as the little traitor turned to sulk on his dresser.
“Stop looking at me like that. Even if I had a short bout of interest - possibly even infatuation! It’s already all but cured.”
He nodded to himself, ignoring that the disinterested cat had begun cleaning his leg instead of listening.
“School's closed, after all!”, he hummed, scrolling through the news on his phone. “And social contacts are to be reduced to the bare minimum. So I’m not going to see her again before this passing interest has... well, passed.”
As if in response to his words, his laptop started to ring and the monitor lit up with the picture of blue, blue eyes and a smile that could melt the stars off of the sky. Not that he paid attention to such things.
“Oh no, no, no!”, he panted as he fell out of his bed and stumbled towards the computer. “Incoming Skype call?! Oh, come on!”
The ringtone repeated itself and Felix jumped.
“What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?”
Panicking, he looked at his pet.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?!”
The addressed party blinked. And went back to licking his nuts.
“Argh! I am surrounded by incompetence!”
Taking a deep breath, Felix straightened his vest and cravat - just because he was staying at home for the foreseeable future didn’t mean that he would dress any less professionally.
“Who needs your advice anyway. I can do this.”
He straightened his back and sat down on the chair in front of his desk.
“I am Felix Graham de Vanily, the best actor in all of France and the United Kingdom, not in love with Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and I can totally answer a Skype call.”
Before he could think again, he pressed the green button.
“Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng!”, he greeted overly enthusiastic. “We meet again.”
“If you can call it that.”, Marinette laughed with the voice of a goddamn angel. She was wearing a white, polka-dotted pajama top, was illuminated by early-noon sunlight falling through some sort of window in the ceiling, and her hair – was – down.
If this was some sort of cosmic test, it wasn’t fair.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your virtual company?”, he said quickly, trying not to think too much about how her hair looked even softer than the fur of a certain cat. Then, for good measure, he added: “Miss me already?”
Marinette disappeared for a moment, before returning with a sizable stack of papers.
“As much as I could do without my favorite pain in the neck, we have a school assignment to do. You know, since school is closed?”
She leaned in and he held his breath.
“Did you even notice? I haven’t seen you last Friday.”
What was he supposed to answer to that? Oh, I noticed alright! It kept me from embarrassing myself by avoiding you, because my brain got all mushy ever since you fake-confessed to me pretending to be my cousin?
Ha! Fat chance.
“Aw, worried for me?”, he improvised, as usual, by being sarcastic. “Let me soothe your concern for your favorite pain in the neck: I merely got tired of cosplaying Adrien. I'm a very busy man, you see?”
She rolled her eyes and somehow managed to make it look cute.
“Of course you are. Well, hopefully not too busy for a presentation on marine biology, due next week.”
He blinked.
“Excuse me?”
“You know, the one Adrien and I are supposed to do?”
Felix Had Questions. For example:
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t hack into Adriens E-mail account. I saw you present homework that you couldn’t have known about if Madame Mendeleiev hadn’t emailed you, as Adrien.”
She raised an eyebrow, in a way that could almost be described as playful.
“Plus, you seem the type to do that.”
He scoffed and crossed his arms, as if it would hide his racing heartbeat.
“First of all: No, I am not breaking into my cousins account. I may like to prank him - or rather everyone, really - but that goes a little far. Secondly, that Lila girl was only too eager to do homework with Adrien-Me, so I could keep up with every assignment once I could get her hands off of me.”
“I thought a magician never revealed his tricks?”
True. But he had wanted to see if she would get jealous. Which she didn’t. Which was expected and totally fine by him. He didn’t care anyways.
Lucky for him, Marinette wanted to tease him more than an answer.
“Well, I hope your work ethic is better when it comes to presentations. I'll send you the materials!”
A click later, his laptop alerted him of One New Email, containing no less than twenty-two pages of material. He raised his eyebrows.
“Not to crush your little illusion of me as a hard-working student, but that looks like awfully tedious work. What makes you think I would voluntarily do homework meant for Prince Charming?”
The sassy little smirk she'd shown him during their battles of wit last week returned.
“You mean, aside from the fact that, once school is open again and Adrien is back, your little trick with pretending to be him will be revealed? And that I’m your best chance not to be chased out of town by a very angry Chloé Bourgeois? Not to start with Alya, Rose and Juleka, who still haven’t forgiven you for that stunt you pulled the last time you were here.”
Sound argument, he had to give her that.
“Pah!”, he said, just for the sake of irritating her. “So what? It’s not like it was my idea to move to Paris anyway!”
That was at least partially true. His mother had insisted to come back to France, mostly because she wanted to keep an eye on Gabriel. But he hadn’t been against it either.
It wasn’t like he had friends in London anyway, and in Paris it at least didn’t get boring, with all these butterflies and superheroes. Plus, he wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he had missed Adrien. That boy could use a little family - once Felix was done pretending to be him.
Marinette hummed and tapped her chin impatiently.
“Well, then see it as the prize you promised me after our little insult-match at the Trocadero.”
“Wait, wait, wait!”, he held up his hands. “I already settled that score, didn’t I? You confessed to me, remember?”
“I practiced confessing to Adrien with you, you mean.”, she reminded him with a raised eyebrow – Ouch, by the way – before leaning back in her pink chair. “And that was because you talked me into it. I never told you what I wanted, did I?”
Well, fuck. Not that the prospect of working with Marinette was that unpleasant, but in his current state of emotional confusion, it would only be detrimental. He needed an out, an excuse!
“Why would you want to work with me anyways? I would have thought you'd jump at the chance to do something with Prince Adrien of Dreamland. Why settle for the pain in the neck?”
Marinette sighed.
“Adrien is still recovering from his flu, and given the current, ah, global situation, I thought it would be better to put his health first. Besides, you're my favorite pain in the neck.”
“I'm flattered, darling”, he said, trying not to sound like it was as true as it was, “but-“
“Oh my gosh!”, Marinette interrupted him with a shout, and suddenly her eyes dominated the entire screen, as if she were mere millimeters away from her own computer. “Felix! What is that?!”
“Huh?”, he made, eloquent as usual. He turned around, just in time to see his traitorous cat jump from the dresser right onto his lap. Apparently, now that Felix had someone else to talk to, the little bastard felt neglected.
“You mean him?”, he asked, turning back to the screen with the cat in his lap. An inhuman squeal came from the other side of the line and Marinette sacked back into her chair, which spun around its axis, like, three times in a single second.
“Felix Graham de Vanily!”, she said with all but glowing eyes. “Show – me – the cat!”
Since her voice made absolutely clear that it had been an order and Felix had always had a strong survival instinct, he obediently held up the little monster. Who let out a plaintive little “Mow”, but otherwise submitted to his fate.
“Oh my gosh!”, Marinette repeated, “He's adorable!”
“You think?”, Felix said dumbly, at a loss for how to react to this sudden change in situation.
“I do! I do! What's his name?”
“Uh...”, Felix thought, debating whether a lie would save his reputation. “Uhm...”
“Don’t tell me you named him Felix Junior!” She turned towards the cat in false exasperation. “Did he name you Felix Junior?!”
The cat that was most certainly not named Felix Junior meowed in his feline confusion.
“No, of course not!”, Felix snapped back, sinking into the chair as if it might have mercy and swallow him.
“Then what's his name? What, for God’s sake, is this pretty little kitty called?!”
What had his life turned into?
“'dini.”, he mumbled, hiding his face behind the cat.
“What? Speak louder!”, Marinette demanded, and so he accepted his fate.
“Houdini!”, he groaned in embarrassment. “I named him Houdini, alright? I was eleven!”
For a moment, the line went quiet. Then, inevitably, Marinette burst out in laughter.
“For real? I can’t believe it!”
Sulking, Felix turned away from the screen, but immediately Marinette stopped.
“No, no, no! Bring Houdini back! I love his name, okay? Give him back!”
“You're not telling anybody of him, got it?”, he hissed, cheeks as red as Ladybug's suit. Marinette snickered.
“Of course, I promise. Houdini will be our little secret, alright? Now bring him back!”
Satisfied, Felix turned the chair back towards the laptop and placed Houdini on the desk. The curious thing didn’t hesitate to lounge onto his keyboard and examined the camera, much to Marinette’s delight.
“Oh lord, he's so cute!”
Felix sighed and leaned back.
“Believe me, he knows.”
“He looks just like you!”
At that, Felix spluttered and jumped up again.
“W-w-what?!”
Internally already setting up the equation: “Marinette thinks Houdini is cute, and Marinette thinks Houdini looks like Felix, then Marinette thinks Felix is cute?” he was about two seconds from fainting.
“He's got a little tie, see?”, Marinette giggled on, ignorant of the thought-spiral she'd sent him into. “Just like you!”
Oh. She meant the patterns of his fur, which admittedly looked a little like he was wearing a tie. Of course.
“Who's the most adorable thing in Paris? You are!”, Marinette continued with her shameless adoration of that undeserving little brat, who currently Mow-ed happily at the screen. Pah!
“Just so you know, he bites people for fun.”, Felix badmouthed his own pet, absolutely not because he was jealous. “You can’t trust him. He'll act sweet, but as soon as you're not looking he's got your fingers between his sharp little fangs!”
“Eh, I can handle it.”, Marinette shrugged and immediately went back to admiring Houdini. “You're a good kitty, aren’t you? The best, the best! Yes, you are!”
“No, he's not!”, Felix insisted through clenched teeth. “He's moody and arrogant! Nobody likes him, that's why I took him in! He thinks it’s fun to hurt people, he holds grudges forever and he's incredibly annoying when he's bored!”
Wait, was he still talking about the cat?
“You just like him because he looks all cute and innocent, but if you knew him, you'd never even want to be in the same room as him.”
Marinette had gone quiet on the other side, and Houdini narrowed his eyes at him in betrayal. Then she shrugged.
“If you don’t want him anymore, I'll take him in.”
“What?!”
She would have to pry the little shit out of his cold, dead hands!
“Did you not listen to a word I said?” he asked, trying not to let on that he didn’t actually dislike Houdini.
Marinette smiled.
“Sure. But I still think he's a good kitty.”
“But why?”
She hummed, pushing her stack of papers aside so she could put her elbows on the desk. Resting her chin on her hand, she looked up in him.
“Most cats are. You just got to give them a chance to come out of their shell.”
“But... But he's mean!”
“Maybe he's just lonely. Maybe he needs some friends, and then he'll learn to be nicer. I can wait.”
He was not blushing!
“Why would you want to? There's lots of better cats, you could just pick one of them right away.”
“Yeah, well, I want Houdini. All cats deserve a chance. Even the meaner ones.”
She smiled down at the black and white loaf that purred on his keyboard.
“In my experience, peop- cats only show their best sides if you give them a chance to open up. If you're too quick to brush them aside as hopeless, or mean, you might miss out on the most wonderful personalities underneath. And I think Houdini is one of those.”
And then, because the universe just wanted to see him fall, she winked at him. Jesus Christ!
“Anyway, I'll give you some time to read through the material I sent you. Message me once you’re done, we've got a lot of work ahead. Bye!”
Before he could realize what she had said, the window blanked and closed on him. Disappointed that his fan had vanished, Houdini meowed and returned once again to Felix' lap.
“Bye.”, Felix stammered belatedly. What had just... How could she go around just saying things like that? And then hang up?!
“Ugh, Houdini!”, he lamented. “Look what I have become!”
Reduced to a beetred, stammering, weird-cat-metaphor-using fool!
The cat gave a smug “Mrow” and headbutted him in the chin, but Felix didn’t have it in him to complain.
“Fine,” he sighed in defeat, “you win. So what if I like her?”
Houdini purred.
“You do too, don’t you? Bet you'd bite her anyway.”
He purred on, unperturbed.
“Knew it.”
He sighed once again.
“She's right, though. You are a good kitty. Deep down.”
Houdini meowed and licked his finger, just where he'd bitten him earlier.
“Well, now you're just sucking up to me! Two-faced little demon. Mwah!”
He pressed a small kiss to the top of his furry head, then rolled the chair closer to the desk and opened his emails.
“Alright, then.”, he tried to motivate himself, “let's show Marinette what a good kitty- what a good person we are and do our homework.”
At that, Houdini promptly stood up and jumped onto the bed, leaving him alone with twenty-two pages of reading material.
“Bastard.”
- - -
Bonus:
Ladybug, crashing through Felix' window: Felix Graham de Vanily!
Felix: Ladybug?!
Ladybug: I have it on good authority that you own a good kitty! It is crucial for the safety of Paris that I pet him right this instant!
Felix, remembering her right hook: ... sure?
#miramu writes#felinette fluff#felinette#felix/marinette#canon!felix#marinette dupain cheng#felix graham de vanily#its corona time
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