#it's a meeting spot for many of my special interests some of which I've had since I was a preschooler

[canisalbus]

doodled your little guys!!! I have so many thoughts about them. As someone who lives in Italy it has been absolutely wonderful seeing your characters express the country's culture and history!!! It's not often that I see characters be based off Italian history in such an artistic manner.. But that might be me living under a rock, LOL. Anyhow, keep doing what you do, YOU ROCK!!!!

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[starry-bi-sky]

I am absolutely loving your Danyal Al Ghul au. While I have a soft spot for the whole plotline of Danny becoming his canon personality almost right after breaking away from the LOA all because of Jazz, I'm just as much for your take in which he goes through the same character development as Damian.

Now I'm curious. You already tackled his relationship with Dani, will you eventually take a stab at when he, Sam, and Tucker meet Gregor? Given that it's one of my hated episodes as I couldn't stand Sam's infuriatingly hypocritical attitude to Danny's suspicions of him, I'd kill to see your spin on it.

Aw, thank you! Danyal Al Ghul aus are what got me into DPDC first, so I have a major soft spot for them. That being said, uh, its exactly that soft spot that causes me to have Many Opinions about the trope you just mentioned. Like the trope is all fine and dandy, i don't blindly hate it, my main issue with it is that most aus i've seen treat his backstory as an ex-assassin more like a pretty cosmetic accessory rather than something that actually should have had an impact on him. Especially if he remembers being in the league.

Like i cannot stress enough the fact that being in an ecofascist assassin cult (regardless of his standing in it) should've left him, in some way or another, screwed up morally and psychologically because that's just how development works. Nature vs. Nurture is like a game of tug-o-war that never ends, where they are constantly fighting against each other and one side usually has the upper hand or greater influence. Children model the behaviors of the adults around them (ex: bobo the clown doll experiment), and what impacts them in childhood can stick with them permanently.

Like how my psychology professor put it: a baby's brain is like wet cement; if you slap your hand on it, it leaves an imprint, and the cement dries that way. The same rings true for small children.

I could go on, but I frankly have so many thoughts on that alone that I would end up completely derailing from the second half of your ask, and I don't want to be more critical than I already have. Especially since you just mentioned you have a soft spot for the trope.

[Okay, hold onto your hats because this is long. Naturally lmao.]

Gregor! Man, I'll admit I last watched the show back in middle school on a dodgy illegal website (it had surprisingly good audio and visual graphics, and full episodes. But really annoying porn ads.) but I only made it to like season 1 before my hyperfixation faded and I lost interest. So I never actually saw the Gregor episode.

But... it is relatively easy to find free websites that stream Danny Phantom :), so finding the episode took me like. Thirty seconds. Plus the Tv.Tropes recap page because my damn earbuds just died and im out in public as of rn.

I'm not sure if I'll write something for the gregor episode like I did with Dani, since Dani's a bit of a special case in that she's a clone and tends to be a reoccurring presence in DPDC, and I thought the new dynamic with Danyal would be interesting.

Plus, I'm not a big amethyst ocean shipper for the pure reason of I'm just not all that interested in it; its kinda bland to me. I'll admit I've entertained the thought in this au due to the whole balcony scene i wrote, but I would've entertained the thought anyways if it was Tucker in that position instead. Big multishipper, me.

But, if I had to make it official? Danyal is not interested romantically in Sam when the Gregor episode happens, regardless of his relationship with Valerie. Who, speaking of I'm trying to think about how that would go, and I'm torn between including him almost-dating Valerie or not.

Because on one hand it helps point out Sam's hypocrisy (and i love her but i am always happy to point out her flaws and address them in au) in this episode in terms of Danny spying on them, but on the other hand I'll want to include a lot of set up in order to make Gray Ghost work in this au and wow will that take a while.

Especially with the Flirting with Disaster episode because it happens due to Technus' meddling, and Danny is, well, the son of the Batman? A trained assassin? An ex-assassin nonetheless, but still an assassin? A prodigy child in this au? He might not have needed to use most of his skills in the last few years, but like... there's just a bunch of 'what if' and 'well technically...' and 'would he? he could, but would he?' things that is getting in the way of my thought process and making my head spin.

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Mmm. Okay. Flirting with Disaster occurs relatively the same as canon with a few exceptions; like Danyal noticing the strange coincidences, and he might take the idea into proper consideration because Sam has a point it is strange, especially out of nowhere.

However,,, he really enjoys Valerie's company, and he does really like her. He's been adjusting to civilian life for the last four years and while he's made a lot of progress, he's still. an ex-assassin child living like a wolf amongst sheep. This is normal, typical teenager stuff, and usually his friends like to encourage him doing normal teenager stuff.

So he's stubbornly holding out on the thought that this is normal, that ghost stuff isn't interfering here. He's a little hurt that his friends are discouraging this, he's not bothered by the fact that Valerie is a ghost hunter and he a ghost -- his mother is an assassin, and his father is Batman, and they still had a relationship. (Granted, he's not gonna tell them that)

If anything, being diametrically opposed to each other but still being in love is part of the family! Granted, usually both parties are aware of said opposition to each other, but he'll make a special exception this time around.

(And man now that i'm thinking about gray ghost, im now thinking about various like. scenes i could write between the two of them. maybe in a reblog.)

Anyways uhhh things relatively go the same as canon. Yeah. I think Sam still has a crush on Danny and still spies out of jealousy with Tucker.

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Now, the Gregor episode! With that out of the way; the TVTropes recap for this episode isn't the best because it doesn't go into detail about the entire episode like it does with Flirting With Disaster and Shades of Gray.

(which i looked at earlier because I made a section of this post talking briefly about what changes I'd make to the Shades of Gray episode to help set up Gray Ghost, but ended up deleting because it was kinda irrelevant for the matter at hand.)

So I'm taking in bits of the episode clips at a time, I'll try not to get too nitpicky about how each scene goes because then it's gonna take me a longer time to write this.

But! First thing's first; since Danny is not romantically interested in Sam, he is also not jealous of Gregor. He is however, a bit eyebrow-raisey at him in their first introduction, but that's because Gregor is coming off as obnoxious.

Danny thinks he's kinda annoying, and it doesn't take a genius to see that Gregor is trying to impress Sam. But since they've only known him for five minutes he takes the good faith assumption and assumes that Gregor is genuinely trying to show interest in Sam's interests too because he likes her, so he keeps mum. The fake hungarian accent is weird, but it's overall harmless, so he doesn't point it out.

He does do the spying thing when he starts suspecting that Gregor might be working for the GIW. The episode only has this happen twice, but for the au this happens a handful of more times over the course of the week, with Danyal's suspicion steadily rising more and more each time.

Hah, when he brings up wanting to spy on Sam and Gregor because of this reason, Tucker still does his "woah! you wanna spy on Sam?" thing.

Danny immediately turns to him, completely unimpressed, and crosses his arms. "Tucker," he says, deadpan, "you and Sam spied on me and Valerie."

He uses a combination of his ghost powers and his regular stealth ability to spy on them. He's hiding in a tree when they're skipping rocks, close enough that he can use his powers to hear them talk but far enough away that he has a good view of their surroundings.

He's invisible in the cinema, but doesn't accidentally get in front of the projector. He checks the inside of the room for the GIW, and then waits outside the actual room itself, keeping an eye on the area and occasionally flying in to watch the movie out of boredom. It reminds him of being back on a recon mission with the League, but it doesn't end with him orchestrating someone's death.

Then when they're at the mall he stays in human form, blending in with the crowd. He runs into the GIW there, but realizes that they're not there because of Gregor; they're just shopping. They didn't show up at either of the last two locations, and he follows them to make sure they're not also trying to blend in. But they're literally just there for shopping.

Danny is rather pleased with this turnout; so far Gregor isn't a spy, he's just annoying. The next day at lunch he asks Sam how her date with Gregor went, and that's how she figures out he spied on them, because well, she didn't tell him that.

"Have you been spying on me?"

Danny messes with his food a little bit, and Tucker is sinking into his seat with embarrassment. He frowns, "Only last night. Those incompetent government dodos--"

His lip curls up; he gets all 'Shakespeare-y' (as Sam and Tucker put it) when he's insulting someone, "--kept appearing whenever Gregor did. I followed you and him last night to make sure he wasn't a spy."

A roundabout way of saying, "I was worried".

Sam is, as canon, furious. Danny understands why, he knows generally speaking that people don't like being spied on. But he's confused on just how angry she is, and is a little irritated by it.

"Why would you do that!" She exclaims, "That's way out of line, Danny."

"How? You spied on me when I was going on dates with Valerie." He narrows his eyes, and points his fork at her, "I'm not blind, I noticed."

"That's different, we told you why we were suspicious. And we don't have ghost powers like you do."

"I don't need ghost powers to sneak around, Sam, you've seen this firsthand. And I just told you why I followed you, I thought he was working with the guys in white--"

"So you think someone can only be interested in me if they're after you?" (this is a paraphrased quote, folks ;D)

"No! If that was the case I would have voiced my concern the moment I thought it. I don't get why you're so angry, you spied too."

Iiits.... a mess. Sam storms off with Gregor, Tucker tags along because okay, yeah, maybe Gregor isn't with the GIW, or maybe last night was a fluke. Either way he ends up tagging along. Danny overhears that conversation between the GIW and Mr. Lancer, and maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong; but something is up.

I've gotten to that scene in the locker room where Gregor tells Danny that he knows he doesn't like him, and I've paused at Danny's reply to say this: Danyal doesn't even bother trying to deny it.

"I know you do not like me."

"You're right; I don't."

"Ah, let me finish. I know you do not like me because you want to protect your friend, Sam, and I respect that."

"...That's correct."

"Good! Because I am going to ask her out."

"I had a feeling you'd say that," he stands up, claps his hand tight on Gregor's shoulder, and leans close to him with a threatening smile, "so you understand me when i say; if you break my best friend's heart, you're as good as dead, right?"

"Ah,, yes. I am so glad we got that cleared out of the way, and now I hope after we can.. how you Americans put it, hang out?"

In the episode he hugs Danny and gives him a la bise (which is that french greeting where you kiss someone on the cheek two or more times) after they end their conversation. But here, when he goes to do that to Danyal, Danny leans away, points an accusatory finger at him, and says; "Absolutely not; we are not close."

The next scene after that is like, end of day. Sam, Tucker, and Gregor walking away. Sam looks over her shoulder to glare at Danny, then gets forlorn. Tucker looks back and just looks forlorn.

(When did I start narrating each scene?? Eh, I'm writing this in brief spurts of time throughout the day. Don't fix what's not broke)

After that there's this whole scene with the two GIW agents that have been chasing Phantom all episode. They're there because they have Tucker's PDA that Skulker took, and it's got the information of their purple backed gorilla assignment on it. They've been going around seeing who Tucker associates with in hopes of catching Phantom.

Uhh ahaha and that is where this gets a little interesting imo, and also allows me to mention that im retconning Danyal's (already) redesigned ghost form. Which I've wanted to retcon even before this moment bc it was just too busy. I'll get to that in a moment.

The GIW suspect Gregor for being the Phantom because of his white hair and green eyes, which is all fine and dandy until you remember: Danyal (and by extension Phantom) has that very noticeable, rather identifiable facial scar that goes across the middle of his fucking face. The GIW could easily suspect that Phantom hides his scar with makeup if he's in disguise, but if they meet a kid with a seemingly identical facial scar and similar disposition? Hoo boy.

Solution? I've got two: Gregor is canonically a kid from Michigan who faked everything to impress Sam. Considering he knows she's gothic and knows that she's ultra-recyclo vegetarian? He probably watched her from afar or got information on her somehow. His hair is dyed, his eyes might just naturally be green, but if he notices that she's got a crush on either Danyal or Phantom? A little sfx makeup could help him recreate a similar looking scar.

My second solution that's gonna happen anyways bc its that suit redesign; Danyal does hide his face as Phantom. Ghosts are emotional creatures and its a popular headcanon that their interests, ambitions, etc, influence the way they look as a ghost, not just their death. A big reoccurring theme of my au is that Danyal did not leave the League unscathed, and that being an assassin is an important part of his identity.

So i'm discarding the hazmat suit look entirely and leaning into the 'assassin' thing. But the general (stylized) feel is like, white ribbon/cloth vambraces that he has used as a garrote at some point, a hood, a gaiter scarf-type thing. I'm keeping the cape. I did a doodle a few days back that's not the official redesign, but a redesign for Phantom. I may reblog this post with that attached because it's got the general feel down. There's very little white involved, but the inside of his cape flares out and looks like the night sky.

Now, the hood and gaiter scarf gets rid of most of the problem, but Danny's hood doesn't stay on all the time, so the GIW have likely seen the upper half of the scar. :] Gregor's own drawn-on scar doesn't have to be 1:1, but it looks close enough, right? A small scar cutting through the edge of his brow and ends right below the corner of his eye. A 'cool, badass' one opposed to Danny's 'garish' scar.

But! Back to the episode scene. Canon Danny gets written off as being 'too prepubescent' to be Phantom, and honestly it'd be hilarious if Danyal was written off for the same reason (he's calling them idiots in his head if they do). But instead -- leaning into the GIW's incompetence here -- he gets written off as being too mature or too talkative. Or something equally as absurd.

Sam breaks up with Gregor for canon reasons, but when Gregor does his "i really like you, but, come on-!" and gestures to tucker, he adds on "and that scary friend of yours too, seriously!"

Things go relatively the same as canon after that. Danny does end up apologizing for spying, however. Sam does it first. Sorrows, prayers, all that.

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Things usually end up changed or different when I actually write it down, so I'd likely add more or adjust different scenes according to the flow of the oneshot. This is just like, a general vibe of how things would go, and where some of the more obvious changes would be if I did write this oneshot.

Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for the ask :]

[theemporium]

congratulations on 10k 🫶🫶!! I've followed you for a few months and you literally have aus for half my interest so tysm 🙏🤞 im not sure how the format to ask for a drink for the special 10k but anyway can i ask for a 💛 prompt 11 (laying their hand on the other’s neck) with remus lupin? ty n hope you're doing great!!

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

11. laying their hand on the other's neck

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It was an act so subtle but so meaningful.

You weren’t sure when it started between the two of you, or which one of you started it. But it was your thing, something shared just between the two of you and that meant more than anything else. Because you loved your friends. You truly adored them and you wouldn’t trade them for the world. 

But they were nosy and meddlesome and had a tendency to stick their noses in other people’s business when their excitement grew—which is exactly why you and Remus decided not to tell them about your relationship just yet. 

You didn’t regret your decision. It was a mutual decision you had both come to and both decided would be for the best. But it didn’t mean you didn’t regret it when every cell in your body was screaming to reach out for your boyfriend, to be by his side, to just be touching him in some way. 

That was where the neck touches came in. 

It was funny that something that felt so intimate went unnoticed by your friend group. They never seemed to notice the lingering touch or how often it happened. They never seemed to pick up on the way you grew flustered under the touch or the way Remus’ cheeks tinted pink. 

It was like your own little signal. 

“MOONY, GUESS WHAT!” 

The boy let out a groan as Sirius and James came barrelling into the Great Hall, their smiles wide and their eyes shining with mischief that only a marauder could hold. They had the decency to seem a little sheepish when they noticed the wince on Remus’ face, settling into the bench across from him whilst practically buzzing in excitement. 

“What?” His voice was dry and deadpanned, but he couldn’t be blamed. It had been a long night, one of his worst in a very long time. He was exhausted and cranky and just wanted nothing more than to curl up with you in bed. 

Unfortunately, he had missed far too many classes this month and couldn’t afford to miss any more.

“We spoke to some blokes in Ravenclaw and you will never believe what they told us about—” Sirius began but Remus was struggling to follow along with whatever ludicrous tale his friend was telling. 

Instead, his eyes began to glaze over a little as he zoned out. It was like a buzzing in his ear, drowning out the bustling hall and incessant chatter like white noise until his eyes were lazily focused on some random spot on Sirius’ shoulder.

He hadn’t even noticed the others approaching where they were currently sat on the Gryffindor table until he felt a hand lightly skim up his back before a warm, comforting palm rested on the back of his neck. 

Remus felt something quite similar to relief melt through his body as he turned his head to find you standing behind him, flashing him a smile before you climbed onto the bench beside him. 

“Morning, boys,” you greeted as you reached for a scone, lightly nudging your knee against Remus’ just to make his lips twitch with a smile. 

“You won’t believe what we just found out,” Sirius spoke up in lieu of greeting you back, already beginning to ramble away and giving you the perfect opportunity to slip a note to the boy beside you. 

Spoke to McGonagall. Meet you in RoR for a lazy day. I’ve got chocolate.

Remus couldn’t even be bothered to hide his smile.

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[gentlelass]

Hey there.

I know this isn't mainly a social platform of writing, and if you don't care for reading my long-ass bullshit, you're free to scroll. But I was very eager to post here a summary of my Oc, Marjorie's Ford life since her birth to when she first joined the Marigold Gang, at least for that couple of people who will care enough to bother reading, since I've always left you in the dark about most of her past up until now. I will make a storyboard with actual drawings to make it more interesting to the eye at some point, but it'll take long, so for now, enjoy what I have to offer.

The recurring year is 1894, and yet another baby girl is born under the prosperous (not for too much longer) Kingdom of Italy. But not just any child, falling short of aristocracy in terms of wealth: daughter to the Opera singer Caterina Casiraghi (Ford) and the handsome but opportunist American notary who snatched the Italian beauty as soon as he saw her, Christian C. Ford. Second to nobody in her own home but her older brother, Malcom Ford, Marjorie was still spoiled and pampered from all sides, and for a while, they were happy. 

But of course it was too good to be true, and soon enough Christian's misdeeds came biting back to him, after a life time of biting more than he could chew: the notary and most of his official possessions burnt to ashes in a fire, and although the cause was officially concluded to be an accident, his family knew in their hearts it was nothing but arson: between what remained of the man's belongings, in fact, the wife found multiple letters of a minatory nature coming from some unspecified shady client of the man's, that he had evidently proceeded to ignore. The widow, left on her own with a man to bury and two children to raise,  had no choice but to roll up her sleeves, and the broken family spent the next six years of their lives incessantly hopping from place to place, partially for the matron's role she played in different courts across all Europe as a requested and appreciated soprano, partially to avoid meeting the same early end as the late father and husband may his killers spot them if they stop in a single place too long.

Such circumstances weren't the most normal for the youths to grow up in, and the siblings came out as... not any normal really: while the weight of responsibility hung on the eldest's shoulders, stuck in the role of the "man of the house" and becoming gloomier with each day, the younger could only long to receive that much attention. Daughter unsuitable of inheriting anything, too young to get married to another rich man, and with a voice too small to follow her mother's footsteps into the world of Opera, she soon veered towards theater, her frame, just as small as her voice, nimble and agile, her movements graceful, her scenic presence lovely as she had learnt to emulate from her mother. Still feeling the psychological pressure that was truly only inside her own head from being both female and the younger child, where she couldn't follow her mother's footsteps she instead followed her late father's, soon adopting less-than-savory methods to get ahead in her career, eliminating the competition before it even got the chance to become such.

All prestigious careers however have as much of a raise as they are doomed to have a fall, and in 1914, when the Great War officially broke out, the entertainment business collapsed, specially fields as frivolous as dancing and singing, and the next thing which dropped at dizzingly fast speeds was... the Ford Family's bank account.

The Ford widow, ever the loyal mother and wife, used the last funds she had to send her children to their fatherland America like many other immigrants of the time to seek luck and a better life, and we all can imagine what happened to her, next.

The sole survivors of the Ford Family, at this point aged respectively 21 and 23, were soon separated yet again, however: not any more than a few weeks after they had successfully disembarked in Mexico, in fact, the Italian government spotted them, demanding that Malcom  came immediately back to motherland to fight in the army along all other male, able-bodied Italian citizens of age. The boy, after a lifetime of accepting responsibilities, had it drilled into his very subconscious by this point to always answer the call of duty without question, and so he did one last time, taking leave from his sister and all the money they had left. He wrote his sister letters and send her more money for some time, directing them to Mexico City where he had left her. After a while however he stopped receiving answers from her altogether, an no sibling ever heard from the other ever since.

This is because Marjorie after some months of permanence in Mexico, working some gigs here and there, plus the money she was receiving from her brother, finally saw an opportunity to build a new life all for herself, where she would be the sun, the star of the scene, rather than a mere moon in the backlight of not one, but TWO suns in her case, both mother and brother. Having been a nomad all her life Marjorie never learnt to truly form bonds and emotional attachments to people, always knowing she'd lose them as soon as she had to move yet again; hence the loss of her mother and the betrayal she inflicted on her brother never weighted much on her mind, or so she tells herself. She traveled all the way up to Missouri, where she soon started working as a maid at a certain Maribel Hotel, where a "kind", if sorta odd fella by the name of Asa Sweet welcomed her in his den in exchange of a mere few favors which would cost Marjorie nothing but a constant smell of bleach on her person, due a variety of reasons, and the sanity she had already long lost anyways.

Opportunist sociopath born out of heritage, of circumstances and most importantly of the intrusive thoughts of inferiority inside her own head nobody ever bothered teaching her the strength to fend off, the rest is history.

[icharchivist]

very tmi about me but it's also related to why da4 hit that bad to me.

thing is my mental health is in tatters and it has been for a long while and i'm going to be blunt, i was hard suicidal when the game was announced.

Thing is, DA was always special to me because of the timing in which it entered my life. I mentioned it before but it was a time where i had genuinely no control over my life left, was in an abusive environment that would need micromanaging just to avoid the worst situations, and where the stress had triggered so many health issues i was physically disabled, unable to use my left hand, and had to drop out of school because i couldnt manage both that and the Home's level of stress (and not being able to use my hands kinda doomed me from the art school i was doing at the time).

DA was really the first time i could find myself some agency again, having the feeling that me micromanaging how people reacted to what i said was for something more positive than "being screamed at a little less today" (so when it's to hear the characters say they value your friendship so much by the end? bawling), and it hits on a lot of storybeats i really always was driven to (as i often joke about when i mention my fav band from when i was 13 has so many songs fitting Solas). It indulged so well on my background as an analyst too, it really just hit all the good spots.

And it gave me hope, too. Because there's a lot of stories of abuse in DA that, in the trilogy, all ends with "and you can get out of it". The world of DA is bleak and horrible but there's hope for recovery. there's hope for things to get fixed. You don't have to always be living in a broken state. Yeah the DA setting sucks, but you progressively can make it better with your choices. There's hope in that. In knowing you can have agency, power, to escape from abuse, to find yourself more than who you were twisted into for survival, to make things better. That coming from a broken life doesn't mean you can go on into a less broken future.

(and i'll bring up again how DAI especially destroyed me as a Chronic Pain On Left Hand Killing Me person. The fact i'm still haunted by Sera's codex where she's horrified about it just...)

So honestly my relationship with DA at the time especially was pretty much like being rescued from constant drowning. Sure it doesn't solve everything, my lungs are still aflame, but it really got me out of the water until i could finally leave this place. To me it's a major reason i stayed afloat. There's hope in that.

Waiting for the follow up had been a huge source of reasons why i held on for years. Just the idea i could tune in for da4 and get back to the universe kept me going. I would genuinely tell myself i can't die before it. I held on to my fav characters like a lifeboat, especially to DAI's characters who had come to mean a lot to me.

And you all know how normal I am about Solas (and can imagine that after saying I was isolated and constantly micromanaging how i talked to never trigger a crisis, I definitely related a lot to this sense of loneliness and this feeling of, he can't actually talk about the things he knows because he expects violence (like the one he received meeting the Dalish clans he mentions early on) so he has to be careful with every of his words to get an outcome that will cause the least of damages. While also remaining calm because anger isn't an option. Adding to the general vibe that my parents always made clear i shouldn't talk about a lot of things that happened in my life, but i don't like lying, so i've spent my life dancing around topics without fully lying, i'm like. I get him.)

But yeah the problem with that is that eventually we had no news for years and i have up lol. I followed everything that came out after DAI came out -- i watched Absolution on its release day, i read Tevinter Nights multiple times, i tuned in for every single comics despite not finding them that interesting. I read and caught up on *everything* ever attached to the DA IP. I even read halfway through the TTRPG book just to see if there was more to take from it. I read the cookbook for crying out loud. Who read the fucking cookbook.

but eventually there were no news anymore and i was tired.

Life is both easier than it used to be and have more challenges, and I have massive CPTSD that i've only been able to fully start to treat last year, and according to my therapists i'm in full "Post" of the Post stress disorder that is to say, that when you're too busy trying to survive you don't process everything that happened fully, and now that after nearly three decades I finally am no longer in survival mode, my brain came completely crashing down with all the stuff i have never dealt with when i was busy surviving.

So the last year have been extremely difficult. On another hand, i'm medicated, i have weekly therapist appointment and monthly psychiatrist appointment, i've been considered a case in crisis because i'm on a dangerous edge. I'm doing better, there's a lot of things I actually managed to fix in my life, the fact i'm medicated helps a lot, therapy helped me fix my relationship with my sister which i never thought was possible... But on the other, it's still so damn hard. Family is still its constant problems. I don't have proper restful nights because of CPTSD indulced nightmares. It's just hard.

When DA4 was announced last summer, i was genuinely doing so. so bad. I had given up on waiting. But once the trailer dropped and we had the date i just knew I Had To Live, For This. That i was lucky i managed to keep myself alive for so long now, just so i could play DA4. silly, but it's a reason to keep going.

So i worked harder on my therapy. A few months later is when i fixed my relationship with my sister. I was so excited i was finally motivated to do things. The few months that led to DA4 were some I was the most motivated to stay alive i've ever been since perhaps when i first played the DA games.

There were many discussions with my therapists then of "and after?" and "and what if the game is bad?" but i refused to think about it because my god for once i had something to keep me going, yaknow.

That's also why i tried so hard to be positive playing the game. So hard to see the bright sides, so hard to find things that would make me appreciate it more. I would be in denial everytime something didn't go my way.

But eventually the ending happened. I played all of act 3 in one day and i just thought. That's such a stupid game.

The conclusion to Solas' story upsetted me so much because of *waves hand* that all my therapists heard about it in depth now 😭 save me i'm a parody of myself.

But joking aside. It did genuinely feel like a blow to me.

A character defined for being lonely being mocked and punished with an eternity of loneliness to fix a mess left behind by his abuser who coerced him into being part of it. His careful wording retconned into full lying, and none of his words or suffering ever taken seriously. 3 stories of Abuse in the game and all of them ends with "actually Mother knew best, so don't fight against her."

And then more things upon reflection, like the lack of actual agency in the game, of no choice really mattering, of realizing Rook barely feels like a friend to this "found family", that you are accomplishing nothing because the story is set on a path of "everything will be good to you promise" that in the end it has no value whatsoever.

Nothing to believe in. No future to look forward to. Just restoring the old world like it has always been, as cruel as you remember it, because change to heal this wound would be too devastating otherwise.

Like staying into a survival mode to not experience the brutal way your brain will crash once you're finally alive for the first time in your life.

And the ending was framed as a good thing. As healing Solas from his regrets. To have his abuser tell him he needed to stop everything he started doing rebelling against her, and instead he should go be locked up to clean her mess.

It was devastating to me. It was so anti-thetical to the things that made connect into this plot on a personal level. It felt suffocating. It felt like being punished for fighting back. for hoping for a better future.

I genuinely did spend two weeks laying on my sofa, unable to do anything but staring at the ceiling, thinking about DA. I cried myself to sleep over how frustrated i was about it.

It feels so silly to say all of that over a video game. But i was purely in a state of shock.

such a shock that i admit i was wavering between killing myself and not even thinking about doing so because i felt too hollow to even feel alive enough to think there was anything left to kill.

I started to read other people being mad at the game to at least feel less crazy about it. Like i'm not the only one to think it fumbled itself so hard, right? right? I needed to find opinions that matched mine, somehow.

I was mutual with someone in the da fandom who really loved da4 and hated people bad talking it. I didn't want to post negativity for their sake, but eventually i posted something a little more cutting about the ending... and i realized i got blocked. And when i visited the blog just to be sure it was because i was blocked and not because they deleted or something, i found posts saying "if you don't like da4 you really need to check out for therapy, and i'm serious, because there must be something seriously wrong with you to not realize that the theme of the story is about healing from grief and moving on, and you probably never felt true grief before so you don't understand why it's a good thing."

and like. Not lying, this is still haunting me LMAO. I spent months trying to hold back my complains because i didn't want to rain on anyone's parade, but then a person blocked me for being mildly negative (it was a throwaway joke too about just "Solas should have tore down the veil and probably will do so in a few years when Rook is dead. trust." it wasn't even a serious complain???) and when i go to check in because i'm legit worried I read this shit. (blocking people you disagree with, esp when they follow you, is fine! this wasn't part of the problem! if i hadn't seen this post i would have just shrugged like "oh well, i get it.". It's seeing this specific post that made it feel insulting.) Kinda radicalize you into going "don't hold back on your bad feelings because the people who will look down on you for them are likely not even worth it.".

SO. ANYWAY. this is when i started to complain a lot more freely ngl lol.

But my point is... i'm not feeling good either. It's still hard to figure out why i'm still alive. I'm holding on to my anger and spite because it's all i have left, and it at least helps reminding me of why the first three games worked on me so much, and it still makes DAI a sanctuary i can safely return to.

For now at least my anger is fuelling me enough that complaining means i think less about Bad Things because at least i can properly process my emotions.

And many stuff happened in my life which means i have external reasons not to die. not exactly emotional motivation but like... so my sister is pregnant, since she's worried for her health i'm petsitting her cat until the end of the pregnancy, so it means my sister relies on me and if i die tomorrow it'll be very unconveniant for her. And her relationship is unstable atm so there's also the whole "my sister will need support when the baby is born so i have to be alive for her.". and it's what is keeping me going atm.

But not gonna lie?

One of the first thing i thought when i finished DA4, and that i think about regularly, is that it would have been better if i died before the game came out. This way I wouldn't have had to dealt with this whole mess and still would have my heart full for this.

I feel like i missed my window in a way because i was really hopeful about this game. It's very frustrating.

and of course like. I know if you're reading this you're probably thinking it is a good thing, and it is, and maybe in years i'll also look fondly back on how it kept me going in some way.

But if anything i am so frustrated that it locked me into this thoughtpattern.

because i believed in the game and i wanted it to be good so damn bad, man. And now i feel like i would have been better not playing it and it made me lose my shot.

So there's a lot of personal frustration going on in all of this. I wish i could say it's just a game and i can move on, but unfortunately i have Issues and this game pressed exactly on those.

Now at least complaining about it does help ease the wound a little, and i just started a supplementary medication so hey, maybe i'll be more emotionally stable sooner than later enough and it will all look like a bad dream.

But as for now, well. Turns out keeping on bitching can be reason enough to hold on in life. That's what matters.

But that's why i'm extra spiteful about DA4. for the Extra Personal Lore that isn't focusing fully on the text, but instead focusing on my feelings as a person, for a change.

[tekeruthechaotictrap]

Lament of a Nobody (chapter 7)

Meeting Sedgewick Sable and Virgil

John had begun work on Horatio's side of the cleaning, yet again taking to it well and doing a decent job for his first time. He approached the bar and froze in his place. He spotted Viktor, which he had expected to see, but also a 2nd figure he hadn't met.

The man had quite a classy outfit, a nice suit and a top hat. But there was also something strange, an air of familiarity hung around him. He took a sip of his drink and noticed the young man staring.

"May I... help you?" He questioned.

"Oh, my apologies" John would reply, shaking his head slightly to clear away his thoughts. "I just didn't expect there to be any customers here anymore."

"Ah, that's understandable. It is around the time this place would be closed. I get special treatment you see, old friend of Mitzi's."

"I see..." John would say beginning to stare again. Wick was, clearly uncomfortable but wouldn't say much else.

"I've seen you somewhere before..." John would mutter.

"Have you?"

"I remember now, I've seen you on newspapers. Sedgewick Sable, right?"

"Yes, that's me." Wick would say.

"I am John Doe, I'm a new employee here."

"I see, nice to meet you."

Wick and John politely shook hands. After which John began cleaning a few spots around the bar.

"I must say," John said to the gentleman, "I didn't expect someone like you around here."

"Yes I know," Wick would say, "An upstanding member of the community, here in a dingy speakeasy-"

"No that's not what I meant," John interjected. "I actually respect you being down here. You know what you like and you go and get it. That sort of behaviour is lost on some."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant, with your money you could be at a better speakeasy that isn't struggling to stand on it's own two feet. I understand Mrs May is 'an old friend' as you put it, but is that enough to sacrifice quality?"

"Well Mitzi and I are quite close, I wouldn't miss being here for the world."

"So you're romantically interested in her, got it."

Wick quickly shot John a surprised look. Not expecting to be read so easily.

"I-.... You-....." Wick would look a bit confused and flustered for a minute before clearing his throat and regaining composure. "Should you really be speaking about your place of employment in that way?"

"Well I guess this'll just have to remain between us... and Viktor." John would say. "I'm only kidding of course, I don't sugar-coat the truth. I made that aware to Mrs May when I told her upfront about what I thought of the state of her establishment."

"You did?" Wick asked, "You are... a brave man then. Not many would like Mitzi's reaction to an insult."

"I wouldn't call it an insult. Just an honest analysis. Plus, I don't dislike the current state of things, it's what helped me get this job."

"Is that so?"

Wick checked his watch and finished his drink, handing it over to Viktor for him to clean. Before getting up.

"As interested as I am in this conversation it's about time that I leaved. Pleasure to meet you 'Mr. Doe'."

The emphasis on the 'Mr. Doe' made it clear Wick saw through the alias. Though so many people have, one would think believability wasn't part of the selecting of the fake name.

"Pleasure was mine Mr. Sable." John said, waving to Wick as he left and cleaning where the gentleman once sat.

After another hour John had finished his first shift at the Lackadaisy. Saying goodbye to everyone he walked out the door.

Walking through alleyways trying to remain unseen, he noticed something. A white furred man, with plenty of wounds and scars. Teeth were missing and chipped in his mouth, his clothes ragged and worn. He was sat down leaning against a wall in the way of the alley he was about to go through.

John walked fast past the man, before freezing in place. He stood still for quite a few minutes. Thinking. Then turning around, reaching into his pocket and kneeling down next to the man. Out of his pocket he took out some money, a wad of a few notes, and handed it over to the man.

"Use it to get yourself some food... and maybe some new clothes. Don't you dare use it on whatever your vice is." John sniffed the air. "Based on the stench I'd assume alcohol. I will find out if you use it on anything that isn't needed for survival, and I will be very upset."

The man spoke as John stood back up, his words slurred, "Thank you."

John began walking away again. But freezing again, this time not because he was thinking. But because he heard a voice. A voice he immediately identified as Zib.

"Looks like being a new face at the Lackadaisy isn't the only thing that make you quite rare these days John. Not many people would end up giving Virgil over here money. Let alone a wad as big as the one you just handed over."

"That's all? You noticed me being a decent person?" John asked.

"What I find more interesting, is the sheer amount of money. Given the fact you got a job at the speakeasy and those oversized, clearly hand-me-down clothes, probably from an older brother, I expected you to not have a lot of money." Zib speculated

"The clothes were my grandfather's, and I sense you're trying to make a point so get to it. I'd like to get home soon." John said

"My point is, why did you go get a job at the Lackadaisy if money clearly isn't a motive?"

"Who says there needs to be a motive?"

"Does a mouse ever go into a trap without some cheese to lure it in?"

"What if the trap itself is lure enough?"

The two stood in silence for a while.

"Are you quite done Zib?" John asked.

"Sorry kid, just confused. Why did you choose to work at a rundown speakeasy?"

"I have my reasons and that's all you need to know."

"....fine, go on back home." Zib would say, turning around and going home, just as John did the same.

[knickynoo]

Fic Author Self-Rec

Share five of your personal favorite works, then tag five authors to do the same. Thanks to @bg-sparrow for the tag!

Harborage

Harborage: shelter; refuge Marty spends the weekend with the Browns, who have settled permanently in early 1986. While there, he's forced to deal with the impact of his travels through time.

I have a feeling that no matter how many fics I write, this one will always be the most special to me. It started out with one scene I had stuck in my head (which was written out long before I worked out the actual plot and specifics) and turned into a ten-chapter story that garnered more attention and kind comments than I ever could have imagined. I loved crafting this little post-trilogy world and exploring the time-travel baggage Marty is left with after his adventures. I had a particularly fun time working Clara, Jules, and Verne into it.

2. Despite the Distance

On October 2nd, 1982, Doc entered his garage to find a trespasser who ended up becoming his best friend. But when a mishap with a new invention lands him in an altered 1986 where that meeting never occurred, he's faced not only with figuring out how to set the timeline right but also with the reality of the influence his friendship had on Marty.

A nearly 60,000 word, 17-chapter fic that spawned from this ask I'd gotten about how a BTTF version of "It's a Wonderful Life" would go. I didn't even have anything of value to say to that ask, but it caused the concept to stick in my head, where I continued to roll it around for several weeks. And while it ended up branching away from the initial "It's a Wonderful Life" concept, it did end up being a story where Doc gets to see what Marty's life is like without him.

Creating this altered, "tougher" version of Marty was my favorite part of the whole process, and getting to see him form a tentative friendship with Doc in such different circumstances was such a fun thing to tackle. I still have no idea who sent me that ask, but if you see this post: thank you. This story was challenging and emotional and a blast to write, and I'm so pleased at the way it's connected with people.

3. So, Your Brother's Befriended a Mad Scientist

Working as assistant for the town's most mysterious inventor isn't exactly a job Dave would've expected Marty to get, but it sure is an interesting one.

My most recent fic! Have you ever wanted to see a fic about Doc and Marty's friendship written entirely from Dave McFly's point of view? No? Well, I wrote it anyway. And I loved every second of it. Dave is a wonderful big brother, and I'm already looking forward to utilizing him more in the future.

4. In Case of Emergency

Who else is a kid supposed to call for a late-night rescue?

Perhaps my laziest summary, but one of my favorite one-shots. A little slice of life in which Marty decides to go to a party, immediately decides "this is bogus," and calls Doc to come pick him up. A lovely little look at their dynamic and the trust Marty places in his best friend. Also featuring: Doc having an entire conversation with his dog.

5. The Real You

Alex gets ready for a date with Ellen and, in typical fashion, is a nervous wreck. Good thing Mallory is there to provide some words of wisdom.

I really struggled with what to put in this final spot, but I'm going with my one and only (for now) Family Ties fic. Writing Alex is intimidating, but I enjoyed putting this together and being able to include some nice sibling relationship moments between him and Mallory. I've got a bunch of notes on additional FT one-shots that I want to write at some point. I'm so used to writing Doc and Marty at this point, and it's nice to have all these other characters to write about and Put In Situations.

I'm going to leave this open to anyone who wants to take the opportunity to talk about some of their favorite fics they've written :)

[landgraabbed]

so this is tenderfoot tactics (dev. badru, michael bell, isa hutchinson, taylor thomas, zoe vartanian, madison pathe; 2020).

i think it says a lot when i finish a game before posting about it here. this game truly gripped me like very few before it. it's a tactical rpg where you are cast as a spirit, called tangerine, and their (up to) six goblins. together, they are trying to stop the spread of the fog over the archipelago the little goblins call home. overall, i loved it. it's a very sparse, dark fairy tale type of experience. the worldbuilding is vague and deeply intriguing, with hints that there is more to this world than meets the eye. the writing is pretentious and deep and doesn't take itself too seriously all at once. and the game feels trippy, almost, especially as you explore and watch the environment render before you, almost as if it is coalescing itself into an observable form in front of your very eyes. not for everyone, but it was definitely for me.

this adventure will take you all over the archipelago where you may explore to your heart's content. exploration is built on three modes: walking by foot, bird overview, and boat, which is the fastest. there's herbs in the overworld and bird nests that increase your field of view in the overhead bird mode, which you can use to pinpoint the location of more herbs, bird nests, rest spots, goblin towns, and landmarks dotted all over the archipelago. these will frequently have combat encounters which reward you with powerful loot and breeds (this game's classes) to spec into. most importantly, this makes it easier to use landmarks to situate yourself. maps in this game can be found at special locations. they usually show where points of interest are, but they don't tell you where you are. also, they don't always agree on what north is, so cross-referencing is many times necessary. you use the landmarks to orient yourself and get where you need to. and, with time, i could pinpoint my location on the map at all times. anyone who knows me knows i love immersive map and travel systems, and this has been one of the loveliest i've played with.

as you explore there will also be in combat. when exploring foggy areas you may fight the goblins lost to it, and if you don't have a full party, after the battle some may join you. you may also do the combat encounters at landmarks, and occasionally you will find spirits who, much like tangerine, have their own little pokemon goblin party you can do battle with. the combat is very easy to get into but it can also get very difficult, especially in encounters that come in waves. combat encounters take place in square grids with varying environmental obstacles--bushes, water, cliffs. in an initial phase you place your goblins and can fiddle with their turn order, and then combat begins. the beauty of this combat is the elemental system and how it plays with the malleability of combat arenas. different skills and classes can have effects on the environment that you can use to your advantage. per example, i had gobos that could lower ground, which made enoch, my wizard, a veritable killing machine as they had a passive skill that made them do more damage the higher they were in relation to their target. it got real funny at times. the classes are fun to play with. the spec requirements can be daunting to parse, but i have found that classes with more complex requirements also tended to be worth it, although very specialized to a certain kind of environment. although there's classes that are clearly more powerful (like wizard), there was no class that i found unplayable. and it's worth it to experiment with them, since through the memory mechanic you may carry a skill that a goblin learned in a previous class to a new one.

definitely a great game for me as someone who's always been interested in tactical rpgs from a distance, with some really neat worldbuilding and engaging combat system! and the soundtrack is really good. i played it on the steam deck exclusively and it was a really wonderful experience there.

[crystal-in-nagasaki]

tokyo 2024 and a discussion about vegan food in japan

In March of this year, I went to Tokyo to take an important teaching exam so that I could find a job as a teacher in the US after my return. (By the way, I passed the exam AND I have a new teaching job in Michigan starting in August!) Since I was heading to Tokyo for the exam anyway, my partner and I decided to turn it into a mini weekend trip so that we could see some parts of Tokyo we hadn't yet seen.

I've been to Tokyo several times in my life and I've seen pretty much all of the main tourist spots. I'm not a huge city person and generally prefer the quiet of the countryside, so I haven't been keen on making many more trips to Tokyo. But there are some things that I had been interested in checking out, so I was glad to have an opportunity to see them while I was in Tokyo for my exam.

Since Tokyo is a huge city with millions of people as well as many tourists, it's pretty difficult to find cheap accommodation close to any of the more popular boroughs. Usually when I visit Tokyo I stay in a hostel with dorm beds and shared bathrooms for about $50 a night. Luckily, for this Tokyo trip I was able to find a really cheap and cozy, if not a bit eccentric, place to stay right in the heart of Shinjuku.

This place is called Tama Ryokan. According to the lady who showed me around, it's her own home that she's lived in her whole life that she turned into a small hostel. The rooms all use tatami flooring and futon beds on the floor, with a shared bathroom and shower room. While it was a bit worn down, it was really cozy and the woman was really nice, even bringing me snacks and greeting me warmly each day. Despite being in the heart of the city, she assured me it was very safe. There was no room key and the front door to the hostel was kept open 24/7, but she said she's never had an incidents of theft or unwanted visitors. It was a really interesting little house with a lot of character, and I really enjoyed staying there.

After arriving and settling in, I decided to walk around a bit while I waited several hours for my partner's flight to come in from Kumamoto. I decided to walk around Kabuki-cho, the city's red light district, since I had never been there before. On my way there, I passed this famous LED screen at the crossing outside Shinjuku station that's designed to look 3D. Its most popular image is that of a cat, usually doing something cute and mischievous. When I saw it, the cat had gotten its head stuck in a hole and was meowing into it. So cute!

Next I decided to walk over to the famous Toho Cinema building which has a giant statue of Godzilla on top. I'm a big fan of Godzilla, so seeing it was super cool. When checking the showtimes of the theater I realized that they were still showing Godzilla Minus One, which I hadn't seen yet and wanted to see. So I decided right then that it would be perfectly fitting to see a Godzilla movie in THE Godzilla movie theater, so that's exactly what I did. Unfortunately, there were no English subtitles on the movie, and while my Japanese is pretty good, it was difficult for me to understand the combat and war-related scenes which used specialized vocabulary and a lot of what I like to call "gruff old man talk." Nevertheless, the action sequences and emotional scenes were easy to understand, so the movie was very enjoyable and I liked it a lot!

After the movie finished, I walked around Kabuki-cho a bit more and wandered in and out of some game centers. As it got later, some hawkers in the street working for shady clubs and bars started trying to reel me in to places so I decided that was my cue to head back and meet my partner back at the hostel. We nestled into our floor futons and went to bed, excited for what the next day would have for us.

The next day we headed to Odaiba area to go to Tokyo's TeamLab Planets, which is my personal favorite TeamLab exhibit, because it's huge and beautiful. I'd visited once before during my study abroad and was excited to see it again.

This TeamLab exhibit had many exciting rooms. One of the rooms was filled with long strings of lights that worked in unison to create brilliant light effects. It reminded my of the movie Interstellar.

Some of the rooms involved the use of calf-height water that you could walk through in your bare feet. This one had colored lights and moving projections of fish swimming across the surface of the water.

Another room was filled with huge inflatable balls that you could bat around as you made your way through the room. With the use of mirrors, white balls, and colored lights, the entire color scheme of the room could change.

In another room was a huge dome on which random generations of blooming flowers floated by. People were encouraged to lay down on the floor and get lost in the feeling of falling through a space filled with flowers. This was one of my favorite rooms and it was so relaxing. I could sit in there for hours.

I had seen these other rooms previously, but there were also two new additions to the exhibit since my last visit. One was these outdoor egg-like structures filled with light. Apparently the eggs change color depending on the weather and time of day.

The other new exhibit was a huge mirrored room filled with living orchids, which were suspended upside down. As you approach the flowers, they raise upwards, creating space for you. Since the orchids were living, it smelled wonderful and it was so magical.

We spent the remainder of that day wandering the city and eating lots of delicious food, which I'll talk about toward the end of this post. The next day after I finished my exam, my partner and I met up at the Hikarie building outside Shibuya station to shop and visit a few exhibits. We first went to the d47 exhibit, which showcases unique goods from each of Japan's 47 prefectures, but it was a bit disappointing because it was mostly just a shop to sell overpriced handmade goods.

We then wandered some more around the same floor of the building which held more creative exhibits. We found one exhibit about denim upcycling which featured many kinds of repurposed denim into jackets, shoes, bags, home goods, and more. Then we found an art exhibit by a Japanese artist named Kuniyoshi Kaneko. His works mostly featured female subjects with sharp features and many of them felt violent and/or erotic. I appreciated the distinct style of the artist, but wasn't very happy with the many depictions of women being sexualized and violated by a male artist.

From there we left the exhibitions and met up with a friend we had met at Kyushu pride, who was kind enough to take us to see Shinjuku Ni-Chome, Tokyo's gay district. If you'd like to read more about that, I talk about it in this blog post.

We got dinner at an American themed restaurant and I ordered a BLT, and was delighted almost to tears to find that it was made just the same as a diner in America would make. It was so comforting to have that piece of home after so long away.

After our night out, we hopped on the Yamanote Line, which loops through Tokyo's boroughs back to our cozy hostel for the night.

The next morning we went to a famous pancake shop called Flipper's to get their famous souffle pancakes, which are huge, fluffy, and jiggly all in one. They're so popular we waited in line for almost an hour, but it was worth the wait.

Next we walked through Harajuku to look at secondhand and antique clothing and accessory shops since my partner and I both enjoy fashion. On our way down a side street, we found a cherry blossom tree blooming with the year's first blossoms.

That night, we went to the Muscle Girls Bar. Yeah, you heard me right. Hostess bars (such as maid cafes) are very popular in Japan, where people pay for pretty girls (or boys) to entertain them or even flirt with them. In Ikebukuro, where many of these bars and clubs can be found, is the Muscle Girls Bar, which has become viral online for being the first hostess bar staffed by super buff women.

We paid a set fee to drink and hang out at the bar for about an hour and a half. During this time, the muscle girls chatted with us, danced, and served drinks. Each customer got a special drink in which the girls crush citrus fruits into a glass with their bare hands for you to drink. It exploded all over me and it was so fun.

You could also buy "muscle dollars" to get special services from the muscle girls, such as being carried by them or slapped by them. Yeah, so...I paid for one of the muscle girls to slap me as hard as she could. She even asked me if I wanted her to do it softly, but I was curious about how powerful these girls actually are, so I told her to hit me with everything she had and she sure did. It stung SO bad! My face went numb for the next hour, but it was really funny.

They also had a chest press in the corner of the bar set up with maybe 50 lbs? I'm not sure exactly how much. They told us that if we could successfully do fifty reps on the chest press, we could have 10 free muscle dollars to use however we like. I didn't try it because I'm a wimp, but watching the confident men line up and then fail one by one to get to 50 reps healed some deep patriarchal wound inside me.

Near the end of the night, a few of the women did pole dances for us. They weren't like ~sexy~ pole dances, but intense muscle-working displays. It was incredible to see the women hold their entire bodies in the air holding themselves only by their legs. I was so impressed with them!!

After this, our reserved time ended and we headed out. The muscle girl that was assigned to me and my partner was named Ren and we really enjoyed getting to chat with her. She told us that she works out six times a week and that during the week she's a high school civics teacher!! She was so cool. She told us she's just starting to join lifting competitions, and I hope that her journey is going well. <3

After this, we headed back to our cute little hostel and went to bed, then got up early the next morning for our flights back to Kyushu. Although I'm not a huge fan of city life, it's nice sometimes to join the fast-paced world where I can enjoy various art exhibits, food, and muscular women crushing lemon juice into my open mouth.

Before I wrap up this post, I want to take some time to talk about something I think is very important, which is the vegan/vegetarian food options, or lack thereof, in Japan. During my time in Tokyo, my partner and I were able to eat many kinds of vegan food due to the luxury of the big city, including pasta, ramen, burgers, and even buffalo wings! But finding this kind of food in Japan outside of metropolitan areas can be very difficult, so I wanted to talk a little about it.

Veganism is very popular in the US right now as many people consider the ethical and environmental problems caused by the meat and animal products industry. While some of the "trendiness" of veganism has reached Japan, it hasn't quite taken off in the same way, and it's incredibly hard to live a vegan or vegetarian diet in Japan, especially in the countryside. My partner was vegan prior to coming to Japan, but decided to switch to being vegetarian while in Japan to give herself some more food options, and even now has a lot of trouble finding things to eat.

Because of the rise of veganism, and because of the high number of people with allergies, American food plants often keep meat and animal products out of products unless they are specifically called for. For example, a "vegetable soup" found in America will usually not have any trace of meat in it, since it's advertised as only containing vegetables. Much to the dismay of many vegans and vegetarians in Japan, this is not the case here. Many times I've read a food ingredients label when shopping with my girlfriend and found that foods like "vegetable soup" and "vegetable curry" contain some sort of meat extract. It's very frustrating that food manufacturers are not cognizant of separating meat products and non-meat products for those that don't eat meat.

Traditional Japanese foods also often contain dashi, a soup stock made by boiling seaweed and fish flakes. It's used in almost all traditional dishes, from miso soup to ramen to even the flour of okonomiyaki. I found while at a sushi restaurant that even rolled Japanese omelets are cooked in dashi, making them inedible to vegetarians.

In bigger cities where the influence of newer thinking, trends, and other countries' influences are much more prevalent, it's easier to find vegetarian and vegan only restaurants. Even in more rural areas like around Kumamoto city they've been popping up, which is good news. But some restaurants incorporate vegan or vegetarian foods more for "trendiness" than for ethical or environmental reasons, which can cause some problems. For example, when at a restaurant with my partner, she ordered a lunch plate with a soy meat steak, but the sides that came with it contained dashi or other meat extracts. I also went to a cafe specializing in only soy milk drinks and soy donuts, but then accidentally served my partner a real hot dog from the menu assuming that everything on the menu was made with soy. While it's good that Japan is finally picking up more vegan and vegetarian options, I wish restaurants and food preparers would better understand the reasoning behind veganism/vegetarianism to avoid more mistakes like this.

Until I met my partner, I was completely ignorant of this problem in Japan and how hard it is for vegans and vegetarians to find food they can eat. While Japanese food is widely known for containing many vegetables and being very healthy, it's actually very difficult to find food not containing some sort of meat. My partner has to mostly cook her own meals and very rarely can find food to eat at restaurants, which makes going out for us challenging. I'm very happy to see some positive changes in recent years, for example the fast food chain Mosburger has a permanent menu item called the Green Burger, which is fully vegan. I've also recently found ice cream made from plant milk, vegan mayonnaise, and a larger selection of alternative milks like almond, oat, and soy. There's still a lot of work to do until Japan is vegan-friendly, but there's very solid progress happening!

This post ended up becoming a bit long, but I think it's important to discuss the dilemma of being vegan or vegetarian in Japan. During our trip to Tokyo, my partner and I went to every vegan restaurant we could find since she had been deprived of tasty and filling food choices for so long. So it seemed fitting to discuss Japanese vegan food in this post about our Tokyo travels. If you stuck around to the end, thanks for reading and I hope you were able to learn about some new perspectives to this problem! Have a great day <3

[inkstainsonwood]

Here to say, Anon, you're so incredibly valid. Senpai notice(d) me is such a mood. I've been where you are. Once and a half. These are my stories (and kind of advice) because, well, I know when I was where you were, you coulda told me advice, and I still would have gone through the whole feelings roller coaster I did anyway. ^^

---

The first time this happened, I was convinced it was a parasocial relationship. There was no way they actually cared about me. They must have actually cared about how much I was cheering for their fic, the long comments I left, how I drew multiple fanarts for them. Nevermind the fact that we were talking every single day. I developed a crush (and I knew there was no chance on it). I told myself there was no way I'm equal, I'm just reader. Eventually, I did write a fic, and they read it! And liked it! Joy upon joy! I had their respect! (They had, I will note, all this time, said that if something wasn't for me, don't read it, and so I was already very much of the expectation [but not hope] that they might not read it.)

But despite that, hah, did you know external validation doesn't fix all the internal shit? I hate that. So, I still wasn't in a very good spot cause oh my god this crush/squish/fawning whatever it was I was doing. I wanted to hold on so much that I brought it up in therapy. What do I do? I have so much fear around this friendship. Please fix me therapist. I just need to be internally stable. Therapist helped me look at what I had with this person, and then my therapist told me -- it might be a beautiful long friendship, but ... it also might end. You might in fact fall out of fandom, or they might fall out of the fandom, and, yeah, you might not keep the friendship. And WOW that sounded terrible to me (but, spoilers, it turned out to be a helpful thought).

Eventually there was some day I shared with them my feelings of inadequacy toward them, and they reassured me that I was in fact their friend. That I was their first friend in this fandom, and they weren't going to forget me. And, wow, yeah, that felt real great (but external validation still doesn't fix the internal shit). And as they built more of a friend group, I got to see how they interacted with other people. Which … was both great, and …. A Lot. Some night, I was having So Many Feels about it, and, well, I cried. I realized … I'm heartbroken. I'm not special. Not the way I wanted to be. And that I had fawned, and did they even actually know me at all despite claiming that I was their friend? (I think they did consider me a friend, truly and well, even though I hadn't really let them become my friend. Even though I had opened up about being feelings toward them, I hadn't really opened up that much about me in general. I kept things fairly tied to fandom to make sure they were interested in whatever I had to say.) And I could feel that I was starting to drift from that fandom, and also from them… Maybe my therapist was right. Which would suck so much. And, over time, I did sort of … fade away from that author and group. We talk occasionally, but definitely not every day anymore.

---

The second time -- well, it's still on going, and there's a part of me that's thinking, it can't last forever. I've had this experience before. But, we talk every day, we aren't really talking about the fandom that originally brought us together, and we're planning to meet up! In person!!

It helped that this time, it was a smaller fandom. Even an author who wrote an AMAZING fic will only have a handful of readers. It helped that they were the one to tell me to reach out to them on tumblr. It helped that I had this previous experience and so I was like, okay, I know, I know people in fandom are just searching out friends and connections, and, maybe it'll only be a fandom friend, and even if I fawn, and have So Many Feelings, I will come out okay. I'll find other fandoms. I'll find other fic. I'll find other people. (It sounds so fake when you're in That Mode, though.) And, right now, I'm of the mindset, the first time with the first author had to have failed in order for the second one to have succeeded.

I had hopes, sure, but I had no expectations that it would go well. And I knew what hadn't worked, so, this time, I was more, well, me. They offered to beta my fic. I gave them the longest list of tag warnings and was like, truly, seriously, if you don't like, don't read. I have no idea if this is your cup of tea at all we've barely just met. They liked it. That gave them brainworms, and they started a fic, and I offered to beta that. All the while, life was happening, and we chitchatted about whatever till whatever hour of the night.

And! We're going to meet! In a month! We've wanted to meet since like half a year ago, but the timing has always been terrible. Early on, I tried to offer meeting at a con 'cause it's low stakes, low risk. If you don't like each other or it's awkward in person, there's lots to do elsewise. But hahahahahaha, yeah, now it's a 3-day trip. No con. You can say there's a whole city to explore, but, it's very much, you know, more about each other and not about what fandom brought us together.

---

So, what can I say? Reach out to them! If they've already followed you, chances are they want to find people to chitchat about fandom, too! And! They already like your analyses and rants or whatever it is you're posting! You have their respect! The second fic-author-turned-friend keeps telling me those are well written, and therefore I am a writer and they already know I am a good writer (which isn't to say I am a good fic writer -- but it turns out that writing is a pretty transferable skill).

Both people told me, I don't have to read their fic. They know not everything is going to be for everyone. And so the converse should be true, they don't have to read my fic. And yet! Also! They were both eager to read what I had written!! (Though it's still very unfortunate you have to put your own writing out there without knowing how it'll be received …. sigh but sometimes you just gotta.) I feel like, what I can say, is, if you write analyses (I write long comments about people's fics), you're probably already thinking about how stories work, and that sort of thought will shine through in your own fic. (But that still won't make posting less terrifying, and nor does it promise your author-senpai will read it and like it…. unfortunate, I know.)

Sometimes … it doesn't work out in the long run even though you have so much hope. And the fear that it won't is so, incredibly real. I know how all-consuming it can be. You're not alone in that. I've been there. But I also promise, you'll make it out the other end.

Good luck out there! Go make some fandom friends. :D (Do it scared!) I hope you find your fandom people!

Hello! First of all, thank you for this blog. I’ve read some of the asks you’ve answered so far and they’ve been incredibly fun and to go through and very useful <3

The problem I have is very… specific. But I figured why not share it here, you know?

A few months ago, I started leaving rants and analyses in one of my favorite AO3 writer’s tumblr ask box, regarding their fics. That kind of evolved and long story short, they’ve been following my tumblr blog for a while.

Now this obviously makes me incredibly happy. They’re not exactly popular in the whole wide fandom, per se, but they’ve kind of created a smaller fandom within the original fandom through their fics and art (which are mostly AU longfics, and art for said AUs), so this basically feels like being tumblr mutuals with someone like Neil Gaiman to me.

The problem arises in the fact that I feel like I’m being watched now. This person I look up to follows my tumblr, and knows my AO3 handle, and I have only posted a single fic so far, but I have so many other fics I want to write, and I’m always so anxious to write because I keep thinking “When I post this, are they going to see it? Read it, maybe? Are they gonna hate it? Are they gonna unfollow me because they don’t like my characterization or writing?” and I keep trying to reason with myself that part of the reason I look up to them so much is that they promote a “No judgement” policy, and part of the reason they followed me is because they liked my analysis of their work, but now I’m realizing that… I want them to read my fics. And I want them to like them and maybe I want us to be friends and not just mutuals, and I want us to freak out about each other’s fics, you know?

That is worsened by the fact that… My tumblr account is fairly new. And I have a total of 3 followers including said fanfic writer, so I feel the pressure to post fics in order to grow my tumblr circle and build a community, but that directly clashes with my desire to write something absolutely perfect so they’ll like it, which then both clash with what makes writing fic enjoyable, AKA doing it for myself and writing what I want to and how I want to.

I’m aware that I can’t control what another person likes, dislikes, or does. And that I have all the time in the world to write the fics I want and those that will make me happy without regarding what other people might think. But also… fandom are communities. And I want my tumblr and AO3 to be places where I can talk about my fics with people who like them, so that desire to grow my account as soon as I can is very strong simply because I have no one else to talk to. I don’t want to talk to the void and post rants that no one will see (except… y’know, maybe my favorite fanfic writer, which is a whole other level of pressure) about fics that don’t exist yet. Another part of this is the fact that, unless I get fics out, I’m relying on the fanfic writer liking my ideas and interacting to build a community.

As much as I try to convince myself to just write without care and to stop trying to control what this person does because that is completely out of my control and kind of dehumanizing on their behalf, the anxiety doesn’t subside. I don’t know what to do.

This ask was a bit of a journey for me, anon, and it took a little bit of untangling to see where you were going with it. I think this might be the central issue you're facing though:

I want my tumblr and AO3 to be places where I can talk about my fics with people who like them ... because I have no one else to talk to. I don’t want to talk to the void and post rants that no one will see ... about fics that don’t exist yet.

You're looking for fandom friends, and you're at the start of that journey - and I think you're doing well already by reaching out to an author you like and sending them asks about their work. Being willing to reach out and talk to people is an amazing quality, anon, and I encourage you to keep doing that. Follow more people who post things that you're interested in. Drop asks in their inbox and start a conversation.

The other half of that is giving other people and opportunity to reach out to you. You can do this by posting your thoughts about the canon your fandom is tied to. You can see a ton of examples here on tumblr where folks discuss a particular moment or scene that meant something to them.

You can also reblog asks memes, like the AO3 wrapped ones I reblogged the other day. Sometimes I see people just answer all of the questions in their own reblog, but if you want people to have an opening, just leave your ask box open and see what comes through.

If you want to talk about your own work, you can post something for WIP Wednesday or Six Sentence Sunday - or just post a scene that you've been working on and ask what people think.

Everyone starts off with a handful of followers, anon. You won't dive into a lively community overnight. You also don't have to create tons of popular fics in order to make one. Join a community that already exists. Find the people you vibe with within it. This author friend of yours might be the perfect place to start.

Even our favourite people, the ones we look up to most, are still just people when it comes down to it. If this author is as chill as you say they are, I think friendship is totally possible.

I'll open it up to the blog now. Did I read this one wrong? Do you have advice for anon? Have you been in a situation like theirs?

[oseathepebble]

💖 for Adrian and Tsukiko

Peer into my muse's memories

💖- A memory that made them feel special

You peer into Tsukiko's memory and find one that makes them feel special:

"OI! Prefect! Stop struggling!" Ace said. Him, along with the other first-years, were in an interesting situation. Currently, Jack was carrying Tsukiko, who was blindfolded, over his shoulder

"I would stop if you guys would just tell me what's going on! You still haven't even told me why I'm blindfolded!" Tsukiko huffed. They certainly didn't expect to be basically jumped by their first-year friends right after getting out of their last class of the day

"Because we can't, Human. Now cease this yapping!" Sebek yelled at Tsukiko, as if he was any better than them

"Sebek. What did I tell you about calling me Human!" Tsukiko scolded the Diasomnia first year to which he grumbled in response

The first years finally arrive at the front of Ramshackle Drom. Jack sets down Tsukiko and the five students carefully lead them through the door

Tsukiko could tell they were in Ramshackle due to the creaking of the floor and the smell they had become so familiar with

Once Tsukiko was led into the lounge, their blindfold was taken off. When their eyes readjusted to the light they saw a whole party set up in the lounge with all of their friends in attendance

"Surprise!" All of the boys said in unison. Some set off party poppers in their direction

Once Tsukiko got over their initial shock, they said, "I-I don't understand. What's the party for?" They were a bit confused. They knew there was no special occasion to celebrate that day

"It's for you dummy!" Ace ruffled their hair a bit

"You've done so much for us and the school so we thought you deserve to be celebrated," Deuce added on

Tsukiko stared at everything set up for them for a bit before begining to cry which made everyone a bit shocked and worried. Tsukiko wasn't one to start crying randomly or to cry in front of people at all

"H-Hey are you okay?" Jack asked, he placed a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and wiped away one of their tears using his other hand

Tsukiko nodded. "I'm okay, I just. I'm so happy. I-I I never felt so special in my life. . ." They wiped away their tears as they smiled. "Thank you guys,"

(Writing is only worth it when I get to call Tsukiko Jack's boyfriend)

You peer into Adrian's memory and find one that makes him feel special:

It was Adrian and Damien's birthday and their birthday party had just finished. Since the two are in different dorms, they just had their birthday party in Pomefiore Dorm

Everyone in Scarabia had left and everyone in Pomefiore went to do their own thing. As Adrian was heading back to his room to put away his presents, he got a text from Trey

Trey: Meet me outside the gates of Pomefiore dorm @ 10 pm

Adrian smiled looking at the text and went to check the time. It was currently 9:30. He quickly away his gifts and changed into some different clothes. By the time he was done, it was nearing 10

He quickly went through the halls of Pomefiore dorm before getting to the front gates. He opened them just enough to slip through. He looked around and spotted Trey approaching him

The two met halfway. "Happy Birthday, again. . ." Trey let out a small laugh. He had already said happy birthday five times that day, but Adrian didn't mind

Adrian chuckled. "Thank you, Trey. What did you want to meet up for?" He asked. He noticed Trey was carrying a box with him, which confused him at first. Trey had already given him a few presents already

"I have another gift for you. I wanted to make sure only you saw it," Trey handed him the box

"Another present? You already got me so many!" Adrian carefully opened the box and saw that inside was three cream bread. Each with chocolate carefully piped on top to give them little animal faces. His eyes sparkled upon seeing the sweet breads. "Cream bread?"

Trey nodded. "Yup. It's a recipe I developed just for you. I've been working on it since our freshman year when you told me you loved cream bread. I may have already been crushing on you since then,"

"Awww Trey, you're the sweetest," Adrian gave him a big hug, being careful not to drop the box of cream bread that Trey had worked so hard to make. "This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me. . ."

"Go on, try it!" Trey encouraged once they pulled away from the hug. He watched as Adrian picked up a cream bread and took a big bite out of it

Adrian practically had stars in his eyes. Once he finished chewing, he said, "Trey these are delicious!" He immediately took another bit and before he knew it, he had finished one

"I'm glad you love them. I knew this year had to be the one I give you the final product. After all, we'll be seniors next year. There's no guarantee we'll be able to see each other at all. But no matter what, I hope I get to make this for you again in the future," Trey placed his hand on Adrian's cheek as he stared lovingly into his eyes

Adrian held the box in one hand and placed his free hand on top of Trey's. "I hope so too. . ." The two leaned in and shared a sweet kiss underneath the moonlight

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret

Chapter 4

Summary- You've got a secret to hide and it's going to cause complete and utter devastation. It's only so long until your lies are going to catch up to you.

Pairing- Chris Hems x Reader x Liam Hems

Word count- 2,211

Warnings- Smut, swearing, angst, cheating

18+ Only!!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 29th June 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @mostly-marvel-musings @longlostinanotherworld

>The Destructive Secret Masterlist<

"No not married but you do know her. You know her really well actually." Chris says while avoiding your gaze purposefully...

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife, silence so acute you could hear a pin drop. Liam waiting for an answer, Chris looking at his feet and you looking visibly anxious. Chris had drank way too much and now he was about to let all of your secrets loose. This isn't the way you want Liam to find out, surely Chris wouldn't be so cruel.

"I suppose you're not gonna tell me who it is?" 

"Not just yet, see how we go." He looked at you, if he so much as even looked slightly smug you would have slapped him right across his face. Instead you could see the hurt in his eyes, tears welling in the corners. You're both faced with an impossible dilemma, Chris wants you all to himself but doesn't want to lose his brother in the process and you want it all over and done with but don't want to hurt Liam. The latter of both is inevitable but you would take all the blame just so Chris didn't have to lose his brother, given the choice you would lose them both just so that didn't happen.

"Well on that note, I need to go to bed. I've gotta be up early in the morning." You avoid Chris' gaze, you're angry with him but you don't want to cause him more pain. 

"Yeah me too. I better get going. Thank you for dinner Y/N, it was lovely."

You risk a short glance at him, you're eyes softening when they meet. The moment broken when Liam speaks, reminding you where you are and who you're with right at this moment in time.

"Are you for real? You're really going to drop a bombshell like that and then leave? Fuck man." Liam runs his hand through his hair, letting air out of his cheeks exasperatedly.

"Sorry bro, I'll save the excitement for another night. I've said too much already." Chris apologises with his eyes as he passes you, his hands twitching by his side's with the need to touch you.

                             ******************

The next morning when you wake, your heart sinks knowing all the turmoil you're going to have to go through just to make it to the hotel without being spotted. All the messing about and hiding you have to do, checking in under a false name at different times. Making sure nobody follows you to the hotel and especially no one follows Chris. Getting caught checking into the same hotel would be dreadful, it wouldn't take a genius for the press to put two and two together, they wouldn't even care if it was true or not as long as they sold copies.

"Right babe, I'm ready to go." You pull your suitcase towards the door, stopping to wrap your arms around Liam.

"Have a good time, I'll see you soon." Wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and lifting your feet from the ground in a squeezy hug. "I'll miss you." 

"I'll miss you too, bye babe." 

"Bye. Love you. Let me know when you get checked in." He kisses you goodbye before watching you leave.

"Will do, Love you." You say over your shoulder, climbing into your silver, Audi convertible.

This is the part you hate the most, the part that made you question whether it was all worth it. It was, of course or you wouldn't be doing it, you wouldn't put yourself through having to pretend to be somebody else and praying your not caught by anyone. It only takes one person to notice you and Chris in the same hotel and it's over. You imagine having an affair is hard work whatever your circumstances but when your boyfriend and your lover are as famous as they are it becomes impossible. It's terrifying. 

You spent the car journey constantly checking your mirrors and making sure you weren't being followed. A huge sunhat and even bigger sunglasses covering your face as your heart beated faster than you thought was possible. A couple of laps around the hotel, making doubly sure you weren't being followed before you finally pulled into the carpark.

You had to constantly think, you couldn't let your guard drop for even a moment and it was exhausting. You were ready for it to be over and done with now, this just isn't fun anymore. Maybe you could run away together and start a new life somewhere else. Which one would you pick though? Who are you ready to give up? Would there even be an option to choose? Would Liam even be willing to forgive you if he knew you were sleeping with his brother? In love with his brother.

Your heart beating out of your chest, your fight or flight well and truly kicking in now as you walk up to the front desk. If there's any recognition in the receptionists eyes you're ready to turn right around and leave. The girl behind the desk, with long blonde hair has her eyes on the computer In front of her, thankfully not paying you much attention as you stand and wait for her to finish.

"Hi I'd like to book a room for two nights please." You stutter nervously, subconsciously checking over your shoulder while you spoke.

"Of course, is it just for yourself?" 

"Yes please, I'm just here for a work conference. I'd like a double bed if possible though, I haven't been able to sleep in a single since I was young." You giggle nervously, embarrassed that you'd told her information she isn't even slightly interested in.

"No problem, I'll see what I have for you." Her eyes barely left her computer as she spoke, she definitely didn't recognise you. The tension in your muscles relaxed a little as your eyes scanned the lobby.

"What name is it please?" She asked, one of the moments you'd been dreading. You hate lying but luckily you'd already come up with the fake name you were using, one you'd already used many times before in the exact same situation. It never gets any easier.

"Jessica Crawley." The names tumbled from your lips, names that had absolutely no meaning to you. 

"Room 101, floor 5. Is there anything else I can help you with?" 

"No thank you, that's great." The overwhelming feeling of relief at completing step one without any problems, rushes over you. Adrenaline spiking, making your legs feel like jelly.

"You're welcome, enjoy your stay. Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions." The girl says, smiling sweetly at you before going back to her work.

The elevator seemed to take forever to make its way down to you, your feet shuffling as you watched the numbers above the door, counting down. The overwhelming need to get to privacy and away from the many prying eyes of the people in the lobby was severe. Most were business men and women, that were so consumed in themselves they weren't paying special attention to anyone around them. There were also young couples, making their way through the lobby, probably on their way for lunch but the people that worried you the most were the random loners sat in the armchairs scattered around the lobby. They'd chosen the perfect place to watch, some pretending to read newspapers while their eyes discreetly scanned over the top.

They were much more inquisitive, much like yourself they paid more attention to the people around them. People watchers you liked to call them, these are the sorts of people that make you nervous. They see everything, noticing any minor details, you'd spent a lifetime perfecting 'people watching' which is how you knew to be wary. You could pretty much judge a person's personality just by watching them for a couple of minutes. If anyone was to spot you it would be one of these people. You felt thankful you weren't Chris, there is absolutely no way he was going to make it to the elevator without being seen at least once.

                             *******************

Chris didn't feel quite as nervous as you, this was a every day occurance in his life, avoiding paparazzi was near impossible for him. As long as you weren't seen going in to the hotel then it wouldn't matter about him being seen. Still, he'd worn his baseball cap and sunglasses to at least try and hide his identity. He wasn't nervous about being seen but more about having to face you after his fuck up last night. Now that thought was way more intimidating to him.

Casually strolling into the hotel, he tried to ignore the whispers of the people around him. People questioning if it was really him, young girls barely out of high school giggling at the sight of him. Chris quietly prayed that he would make it up to the room without anyone asking for a photo, not that he usually minded but today all he wanted was to spend every possible minute with you as he could.

The receptionist tried to make a fuss when his identity was confirmed during check in. The pale skin of the same blonde girl who'd checked you in, had turned a rather bright shade of red when she heard Chris' sexy Australian accent. You wouldn't blame her, it still makes you swoon whenever you heard him speak.

"I'm fine honestly, I don't want any special treatment. Actually if I could get away with going completely unnoticed during my stay, I will speak to your boss myself and tell them how accomodating you'd been." 

"Oh wow, really? Thank you so much Mr Hemsworth. I will make sure nobody bothers you and if you need anything at all just give me a call, I'll make sure you won't have to leave your room for anything." Chris smiled, pretending not to notice how she seemed to be flirting with him, badly. Tossing her hair over shoulder as she insinuated not so subtly for him to let her know if he wanted any 'special' treatment. Again, you don't blame the girl, infact you would've commended her confidence.

She handed over the keys to the penthouse, watching bright eyed as he walked to the elevator, pulling out his phone as he stepped straight in. 

"Hi babe, I've booked the penthouse suite, meet me up there?" Smiling a tight lipped smile at the girl behind the desk, who was still watching him intently as the elevator doors closed.

"Ok, it isn't very inconspicuous staying in the penthouse is it?" You shouldn't be surprised, he does it everytime. You remember the first time you ever saw a penthouse and how amazed you were that it was actually bigger than your own home at the time. That was a memory you shared with Liam, all of your first times had been with Liam, the thought made your heart sink.

"I mean they knew who I was as soon as I walked in, I think it would look more suspicious if I didn't stay in a suite." Chris answered, pulling you from your thoughts.

"I suppose that's true, I'll be up soon." You could hear the sadness in your voice, something you had to snap out of before meeting Chris.

"Good because I can't wait to get my hands on you." 

Sinking back onto the spongey mattress of your bed, tiredness washing over you already. The mental exhaustion of constantly having to play games and be on your guard at all times, catching up to you as you're finally alone.

Maybe that's what you need afterall, a chance to be alone to gather your thoughts, to workout your own needs and wants without spreading your attention between the two brothers.

You make a mental list of the pros and cons of both of them knowing deep down if Liam were the one for you, you'd have never have looked twice at Chris. They were so similar in a lot of ways but completely different in others.

Liam was the sweetest man you knew, so gentle and caring, attentive to your every whim and being so young when you first got together he was everything you were looking for.

Now being a woman that has gone through so much trauma in her life that had tainted your soul, darkened it with a lust for more.

Then Chris came along, he was still sweet and caring but less attentive to your needs unless it was in the bedroom. He was cheeky and funny, drop dead gorgeous and oozing manliness effortlessly. He was fire and passion. He was more. 

If you let yourself admit it, you wanted excitement, which is how you ended up here in the first place. You didn't want perfect anymore, you wanted a man who could do wrong and then make up for it in the most fulfilling way he knew how. Just thinking about it made your pulse race, Chris had put you through hell last night and now it was time for payback. You imagined Chris only a couple of floors above you, worried about the way you were going to act when you saw him and lord knows how much you're going to make him sweat.                    

[marchioness-caprina]

Mentor Day

Note : In This AU, Hawks is adopted by the todoroki Family, enji is a good dad and dabi is not a villain. And Todoroki's Mom is a Hero.

Pairings : Jealous! Hawks x Reader

Writing style: 3rd Person

Warning : Cussing

Word count : 3623

3rd Person's POV

" I'm so excited for Today! I can't wait to meet your Mentors! " Kirishima yelled with enthusiasm punching the air.

Everyone was gathered around Ground Beta for the sole reason that the Head of Agencies they were currently interning in were coming over to discuss the growth of the students, also because they chose U.A as the meeting Venue knowing that it's one of the places in Japan that is Highly guarded and secured and the School was Near the City so if anything were to happen they could always get there in a jeepy. There was another Reason but it wasn't disclosed to any of the students and nobody questioned it.

" Shut Up shitty Hair! " Bakugou snarled smacking Kirishima who seemed to be unaffected by Bakugou's ' affection ' towards him.

" Hey aren't You and Tokoyami Under Hawks's? The number 2 Pro Hero!? " Mina pointed out and suddenly everyone's attention was now settled on Y/n and Tokoyami.

Tokoyami had an unreadable expression but his face mostly showed that he was awkward and uncomfortable with the Topic. Not because of His Mentor... It's because of His Mentor's Interest.

Y/n on the other hand looked annoyed pissed, it was very obvious that neither of the two wanted to talk about it because of the lack of answer and their current expressions.

" So... What's it Like to be Under Pro Hero Hawks? " Momo began to press deeper onto the subject and was oblivious to her two classmate's look of disapproval. And it seems like she wasn't the only curious one.

" Well? " Jiro raised a brow when they didn't hear an answer. The two were very hesitant until y/n finally spoke up.

" Tokoyami-kun would I be breaking the law if I talk shit about him? "

" Eeehhhh!? " Everyone was confused as to why the sudden change of their classmate's personality took shift at a questionable rate.

" Technically there's no law about that and since he's not here to hear it... It's fine " Tokoyami answered with a straight face and his response got everyone questioning their experience even more.

" What the hell happened to you two while you were there? " Denki asked staring at the two. Tokoyami was hesitant but y/n just looked pissed and angry .

She showed irritation that could match Bakugou's.

" That's not something you should be asking me... You should be asking y/n that... I just had the unfortunate privilege to witness... That.... And I know a very dark secret I wish to unlearn " Tokoyami muttered at Everyone was fidgeting with curiosity while staring at y/n who looked like she was about to explode any minute now.

" Well if you Must know. On the first week I had to endure a bunch of whiny one night stand's Drama and Rage while trying to get them to go fuck themselves and trust me... Persuading a bunch of love struck delusional hoes to go home and keep silent for the rest of their lives isn't a very charming job. I had to suck in every single cheesy pick up lines that'll have anyone gagging, I had to endure being dragged around through the wonderful 'skies' like a ragdoll in the most unfortunate hour and I had to deal with Birdman's constant fuckery every single day so yeah... It wasn't that bad.... It was terrible. " Y/n's tone was forcefully dragged out and polite but her hostile expression got everyone shuddering.

Yes, Hawks was a flirt and he'd flirt with her with every chance he got, much to y/n's dismay. But knowing Hawks's reputation she brushed it off like it was one of his most common habits and got used to ignoring him, he was nice though and she felt like a sheltered child. Hawks never let's her go out to patrol on her own unless it's with Him and only Him. He constantly brings her gifts and snacks to which she is thankful and greatly flattered but she didn't like hearing Rumors about her with the Pro Hero himself. Overall she was thankful that she was being treated well but she didn't appreciate the special treatment.

Tokoyami on the other hand knew of his Mentor's love and affection for his Classmate, if he knew any better he found out that Hawks had imprinted on y/n like a new born chick. The reason Tokoyami knew that was because of the gifts, the flirting, Hawks's constant need to be around y/n, His possessiveness and Don't even get Tokoyami started on How much Hawks talks about y/n during patrol. Hell, Even when Hawks is literally stepping on a Villain's Face he'd still talk about How ' Perfect she was ' . At most of all, his Classmate was very unaware of Hawks's actual feelings and he's afraid he couldn't blame her simply because of Hawks's reputation as a 'playboy'.

" Wow.... I didn't think it would be like that.... Hawks's still pretty cool though " Sero muttered and that left y/n gawking at him because the least they could do was sympathize with her!.

" No shit " She grumbled sarcastically and she felt two hands grab hold of her shoulder behind her and speaking of the Devil, Hawks was already here.

" Hey there chicken nugget, what are you kids talking about? " Hawks asked leaning down , resting his chin on y/n's shoulder while both of his hands clamped down on each side of her shoulder blades protectively.

" Nothing Hawks, we were Talking about Nothing " Y/n who was already immune to the Touchiness of the male behind her was nonchalant on her reply and she sounded bored but her expression clearly showed ' Oh No, Not this Shit Again ' .

" Oh really? Well ok then baby bird but I have to say You look Perfect little dove but that is to be expected by my Epitome of beauty " Hawks grinned rubbing his cheeks against y/n's own in a very affectionate manner.

" Yeah, Yeah. Get off me Birdman you're getting that irritating Chicken stench on me " Y/n grumbled pushing him away from her to which she was successful with.

" Aww~ But you felt so soft " Hawks whined in an almost childish way.

Everyone was witnessing the very thing Tokoyami dreaded and they were choking on their own spit after seeing the interaction between the two.

They and so many questions yet so little answer and they knew they couldn't just bombard y/n with questions, not when Hawks was around.

" Uhh... You two seem.. Close" Denki commented to where he earned a proud grin from Hawks.

" No we're Not. He's just being A flirt, you'll Get used to it " Y/n snickered rolling her eyes at Hawks who was trying to hug her.

" You should have heard How much He talks about her at Home... He's like a broken Radio. Y/n this and that " Todoroki snorted and his comment got everyone gaping.

It didn't look that way to everyone else, it was clear that the Pro Hero liked her if throwing himself around her wasn't enough, the look in his eyes definitely spoke otherwise.

" So this is the little Lassy Hawks have been talking about? " Fatgum along with the rest of the pro Heroes Were slowly gathering towards them.

" This is Her? She's adorable in person . Keigo Never stops talking about her at home" Another voice came from a woman with white hair, and is almost identical to Shoto.

" .... Hah! You should hear what he has to say when he's asleep " Dabi murmured with a laugh.

" .... You Talk about me? " Y/n asked staring at Hawks who was nodding his head, a smirk plastered on his face.

" Ewww, Stop that. It's annoying and creepy " Y/n sighed shoving Hawks away.

" Isn't she lovely? " Rei mumbled a small chuckle escaping her lips as Dabi stared at her in bewilderment .

" So you're not gonna question their age gap?..... Really mom? " Dabi snorted and enji stood behind him, patting his back.

" You know how your mother is " Enji muttered staring down at his son.

" You have a point.... "

____________________

By now everyone was gathered around, some of them chatting with their mentors and some were meeting their classmate's other mentors.

Rei, Enji and Dabi were intently observing Keigo who looked so close to snapping, sure his face looked playful and relaxed but they knew him well enough to know that it was Keigo's facade.

On the other side was Y/n and Hawks talking to Fat gum, well it was only y/n showing enthusiasm about their conversation, Hawks had never left her side the whole time. Always trailing behind her like a lost puppy.

" That's really cool! I heard from Kirishima that you have two Forms? " Y/n's eyes gleamed with curiosity.

" Why yes little lady " Fat gum answered as he nervously glanced at Hawks. He could feel the raging intensity of Hawks's Jealousy radiating brighter than the sun's ray. To which y/n was oblivious of.

" Ya know buddy, you really have nothing to worry about when it's me " Fat gum stated his words directed towards Hawks who let out a sigh and gave him a genuine smile for once.

" Sorry, I couldn't help it when it comes to my little dove " Hawks chuckled slinging his arm around her shoulder and y/n immediately reacted by shoving his arm away without even glancing at him.

" Stop talking about me like I'm not here " Y/n muttered to which Hawks replied by doing it again and y/n shoved his arm again.

Fat gum was both entertained and a bit awkward with the situation until he spotted his side kick. Tamaki whom he had kindly asked to pick up something for him

" Anyways! That's enough you two, I'd like you to meet Tamaki Amajiki. He's my sidekick " Fat gum proudly introduced Tamaki who froze in his spot and began trembling nervously.

" Oh wow! I've heard so much about him! Our class was introduced to him before! But I never got to see his face clearly because he had his face on the wall the whole time! Let's start all over again. Hey I'm y/n l/n! Nice to meet you senpai... For the second time " Y/n grinned putting her hand out to shake his.

Tamaki who was nervous and flattered that someone remembered him shakily reached out his hand to shake hers but a look of pure shock flashed through his face when Another hand met his.

" Nice to meet you Buddy " Hawks grinned in an odd and threatening manner squeezing poor Tamaki's hand .

" U-u-uhh" Tamaki stuttered at y/n was annoyed at Hawks's actions.

" Hey! I was the-- you know what? Never mind. Anyway, senpai I heard stories about you from Kirishima-kun! And I think you're really cool! And you're cuter up close! " Y/n tried easing the nervous senior with compliments in order to atone the actions of Hawks. But Hawks took it in a different way.

Tamaki flushed red and Hawks let go of his hand with disdain, his eyes having a deadly glint and his smirk almost looked threatening and sadistic.

Fat gum who witnessed the scene knew he fucked up by calling Tamaki over, the Todoroki family were astonished to see how reactive Hawks could be when y/n was involved. At home he was really hard to read and when they thought they knew him Hawks suddenly surprises everyone by proving them wrong. But now his expression looks so raw and unmasked.

" Tsk, He doesn't Look much to Me " Hawks suddenly spat out in an irritated tone.

Y/n elbowed him after seeing Tamaki's expression.

" He doesn't mean that! He's just really insensitive... Aren't you Hawks? " Y/n glared at the man beside her and he scoffed looking away.

" You're actually really powerful Senpai! Trust me! Kirishima talks about you all the time it's adorable seeing him look up to someone who's equally as cute as Kirishima " Y/n tried covering the damage done by Hawks and Tamaki was conflicted. He didn't know who to believe anymore.

Another scoff was heard from Hawks and before he could make another comment y/n stepped on his feet making him wince.

" Ouch! " He grumbled looking down at y/n who was glaring at him threateningly.

Jealousy bubbled at the very core of Hawks, She called two men cute at the same time and she dared to do it in front of him! He praised men who aren't him. Sure they aren't official but isn't it clear that he was showing how much he could give her? He knows he's enough but it seems like his little dove was very dense. It's starting to irritate him. He didn't feel good inside and he really wanted to punch a bitch. Was she taunting him? Oh she definitely was. Just look at how she looks at them , it really makes him want to rip off someone's throat.

His wings began to bristle and rose intimidatingly the edges becoming sharp and ridged, jealousy was getting the best of him.

With a rough Tug, he dragged her away forcefully even with the harsh protest from the girl.

" Hey! Ok this is getting out of hand! " Y/n pulled her hand away and Hawks looked back at her with a gaze that could kill.

" Stop taunting me Y/n. I'm not handling it well " Hawks muttered but his voice was rough and demanding. Y/n shivered at how her name rolled out of his tongue. He never uses that tone or calls out her name like that unless she's in deep shit.

" Clearly, you're mad about shit I didn't do so go cool off or something " Y/n shot back her expression was out of sheer anger and Hawks responded by spreading his wings and he flew off without another word.

With a sigh y/n went back to her classmates, she was unaware if the stares that were thrown her way.

" A lovers quarrel? " Mt. Lady mumbled.

" Definitely a Lovers Quarrel " Fat gum confirmed.

" Is no one seriously questioning the fact about their age gap? " Dabi stated and Rei gave him a cold glare. Even shoto was seen glaring at him from his group.

" Ok fine jeez " Dabi shrugged shoving his hands into his pockets.

_____________________

20 minutes had passes and Hawks was still gone, by that time everyone was gathered around, the class was seated on the ground as the Pros started giving out their opinions and deductions on hm their performance.

Rei began to feel worried about her adopted son that had raged out of the area. Enji tried reassuring her that Keigo was old enough to take care of himself.

And on cue Hawks had arrived holding a box in his hand, he looked calmer now and more relaxed.

" Keigo dear, are you ok? " Rei asked approaching the male.

" Yeah I'm fine... Just needed a little breather.... " He muttered, his eyes glued to y/n who was listening intently to the discussion. Rei noticed this and a smile graced her lips.

" Go get her dear " Rei encouraged the male and Hawks flashed her a grin.

" Oh I will. And I'm going to make sure you're going to have a daughter in law soon " Keigo smugly stated and Rei's eyes widened only to have the woman laugh.

Luckily the little lessons the Pro's were conducting had finished and everyone was free. As the students began to stand up. Y/n was pulled away immediately by Hawks. And once she was a few feet away a box was shoves towards her. She was caught off guard but managed to hold it in her hands as she lookes up at Hawks questioningly.

" What's this? " The girl asked suspiciously.

" You like that doughnut shop near our agency yeah? I was flying by and decided to buy some for you as a Sorry present.. I admit that I went overboard... " Hawks explained rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

" What!? I can't accept thi---"

" Eat it or Throw it. I'm giving it to you and that's final so do what you want with it... Although it would be a waste if you throw it away... I did go out of my way to buy that for you with my own money even though I was still angry---"

" Ok fine you don't have to guilt trip me! I'll accept it ok?.... But you did say I could do what I want with it so... I'm sharing this with everyone " Y/n smiled and Hawks snapped his head towards her his eyebrows furrowed.

" What? No. I bought that For YOU not for them " Hawks grumbled and the girl gave him a playful smirk.

" You did say it was mine and I could do whatever I want with it " She replied slyly and Hawks turned away stomping his way towards Rei, Enji and Dabi.

" Ooo... You got it Bad. She's denser than a--"

" Don't finish that Touya I swear " Hawks glared at Dabi who only laughed at his protectiveness.

" Just be patient Keigo, she is young and she probably still doesn't have Love on her mind yet " Rei assured Keigo while rubbing his back.

" Tsk. You better not give up. You're a Todoroki after all , and I already acknowledge her as a daughter in law... No crazy woman would stomp their feet on the number 2 hero like that " Enji nodded and Hawks should be delighted but his eyes were glued to the girl.

She was sharing the doughnuts he bought for her and the last straw came when she had fed Kirishima with a doughnut.

His fathers on his wings bristled and the ends began to sharpen, his eyes darkened at the sight and his teeth were gritted.

The girl took notice of this and approached him. God he was losing it. One wrong move and he might forget the fact that she's still a minor and just go straight up to breeding her if he had to. Fuck everything she does is turning him on . He is smitten.

" Hey what's wrong? "

" You have the guts to ask me ' What's wrong?' Oh why don't ask that to all the other guys you fed doughnuts to? The ones I bought for you! You're so oblivious it's starting to piss me off little dove. Was I not subtle enough? I fucking Like---mphf--" Hawks was cut off when a Doughnut was shoved in his mouth by the girl in front of him.

" Shut your worm Hole You stupid Birdman, I like you too ok? But please stop being so annoying. I'm also protecting your reputation as a Hero here. I can't have you all over the tabloids stating that you like a high schooler. You'd be seen as a pedophile you dumbass " The girl finished and was about to pull her hand away from his mouth when he grabbed hold of her wrist, he kissed her finger gingerly before licking and sucking on that very finger she held the doughnut .

She froze, Dabi Froze, Everyone froze.

" What the fuck? " Katsuki was she first to speak up.

" I second that ' What the fuck ' " Y/n muttered and Hawks gave her a look that could have her melt into a puddle. A smug and triumphant grin plastered on his face as his arms wrapped around her waist possessively.

" Awww~ it warms my heart to know that you're protecting me that way. For a moment there I thought you don't care and all that shitty jealousy was so worth it because you told me you like me in the end.... " Hawks cooed his face nearing hers and she immediately distanced her face away from him.

" Hawks get off me! " She yelled her face was flushed and he had the sudden urge to kiss her right now.

" You'll have to pay for making me jealous though. It was not a very pretty feeling " Hawks grinned before his wings spread open and gave one strong flap and he was already flying her away from the scene.

" Holy shit.... Dude " Denki muttered staring up at the sky.

" Enji! Do you think we should renovate the house? " Rei asked enthusiastically.

" I think we just might have to " Enji replied.

" .... I ship it though " Mina stated and the girls gave an unspoken agreement to her statement.

" So... How many chicks do you think they'll have? " Dabi asked and Rei smacked him.

" Touya! " Rei scolded making Dabi chuckle.

" Nah it's too early... He won't knock her up just yet... Or will he? " Dabi grinned and this time Rei had frozen him in place.

" Touya! Stop that! " Rei fumed.

Dabi shut up immediately fearing Rei's wrath after seeing her angry expression.

[echo-three-one]

Whatever It Takes

A sequel to "A Forgotten Memory"

Alex is once again tasked to continue his mission in pursuing the threat that had caused hundreds of missing persons turn up dazed the next day. But now he isn't alone, join him along with the elite Task Force 141 as they hunt down Nero, discover the secrets behind his plans and put an end to this memory erasing nightmare.

Chapter 1 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

"Resurgence"

"Alex"

CIA Warcom

Boracay Island, Philippines

Alex basked himself on the warm sandy beaches of the Philippines. He wasn't able to enjoy his vacation after the Nero mission, because he was sent immediately to Urzikstan and Verdansk immediately followed. And now that all of those were over, he now laid down on a beach chair and let the ocean breeze blow on his relaxed state.

Philippines was a nice country, the people were hospitable, the food was delicious and unique and the scenery was beyond amazing. Despite his metal leg, people still looked up at him the way they look at tourists and he was all of the hospitality and attention from his fellow Americans who are also on vacation to locals who were just amazed on how the leg works.

It's been a lot of months ever since Samantha forgot him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they'll meet again, that's why no matter many women try to show interest in him, he shrugs them off politely by pretending he has a girlfriend. A simple lie that he built for himself in hopes of a miracle of meeting her again.

He always brought her letter with him, some edges of it got burnt from the time he manually detonated a C4 explosive to destroy a gas factory, It was almost torn and faded, but he couldn't leave it somewhere safe. He wanted it to be with him wherever he goes. 

'Don't you dare forget about me'

His phone rang. He quickly fished it from a small pouch he bought that the locals made and immediately answered.

"This is Alex speaking." he chimed.

"I'm sorry to bother you at this time of day Alex, but I have a feeling you'd want to jump in on this." a British accent so familiar informed him over the other side of the line, It was none other than Captain John Price or Bravo Six, a comrade he once fought with back in Urzikstan.

"I'm all ears." he said, sitting up straight and letting his metal leg sink in the sand.

"Looks like your boy Nero is back on the grid. That Sneaky bastard kidnapped the Daughter of the Head of Defense, again." Price relayed.

Alex's heart thumped faster, his breathing became quick. He wished to meet her again but not like this. Not her being in harm's way all over again.

"Shit. Count me in. But.." he hesitated. He wanted to help but remembered he disobeyed CIA orders back in Urzikstan, making him unable to provide support.

"I've talked to Laswell. She's creating a special assignment for you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means welcome to the 141, Alex." Price said as he cut off the call, followed by a message regarding his departure to their base.

~

Alex can't help but worry about Samantha's condition. They've played with her memories multiple times and he thought that it would all be over after she decided to alter everything about them. Guess the enemy didn't know and they're still after her.

The soldier leaned on to the small circular glass pane as he looked at the clouds pass by. His hands were fidgeting each other while his non-metal foot bounced up and down at a fast rate. His seatmate, who happens to be a teenager, noticed his distracting leg movement but ignored it as rock music blasted from his ears. He was a completely different Alex right now and he believed that he'll be back to normal as soon as he sees Samantha safe and within his grasp.

When you have a heavy metal stick as a leg, customs is going to be the most annoying place in the world. Everyone looked at Alex as soon as he passes the metal detector and everyone else's eyes were on him. Of course with a few more safety checks and a whole lot of explaining, Alex was good to go. 

"So, you're the one they call Alex" the heavily British accented driver mused, breaking the silence of their ride to the 141 base. He was looking at him via the rearview mirror, chewing on what Alex hoped to be gum.

"Yep. That's me." he replied, turning to the view of the British streets which confused him a lot as it was the opposite of American or even Global streets.

"Heard they thought you were dead back there. In Georgia." he added. He was quite the chatterbox but CIA Agents are all about the information.

"Yeah. Tried to manually detonate the C4. After that… I just ran for my life." Alex answered, his head was realizing why he did it. What pushed him to think that he could make it out alive. Was it because it's for the greater good? The idea of freeing Farah's country from the harm of the gas? The idea of a chance to meet Samantha all over again? Or something he couldn't explain.

"Well, we're glad to have you back, Alex. But it's a shame it's no longer in the CIA." the driver waved as Alex opened the door and unloaded his stuff.

"As long as it's still about saving the world." he replied, making the driver smile. 

"That's what we do, right?" he agreed as he entered in his car leaving Alex in front a quiet gray building, the Task Force 141 Base, his new home.

Alex pushed the heavy doors open revealing a large hall, multiple round sofas were embedded to the ground and a huge staircase that split left and right greeted him. Multiple heads turned as he opened the said door and slowly walked his way to the nearest person who happened to be panting from exhaustion by the sofa. His metal leg clanked on his every step as the soldiers begin to recognize him. They smiled as soon as Alex's eyes met theirs and some even waved, Alex met them from several missions from the past, some were from the Demon Dogs and his previous designations, Delta Force.

"Where's the briefing room in this huge building?" he asked the soldier in a black t shirt drenched in sweat as he spun his towel trying to keep up with his breathing. He didn't speak but he nodded in acknowledgement and pointed to the hallway on the left. Alex left him a thanks and he walked his way to the direction where he pointed.

Just a few steps after the beginning of the hallway, the people from the main hall cheered and laughed, this made Alex turn around and he saw a young blonde man with spiky hair dash across him, he looked like he's on his way to your destination as well.

"Excuse me! Sir!" he yelled and Alex immediately halted. The young man panted in front of him and took a few seconds to breathe before he countinued his words.

"I'm Gary Sanderson, and I was supposed to guide you to the briefing room. You must be Alex." he reached out a hand and Alex shook it, quietly making your way to the room.

The huge door slid open and they found themselves in a dimly lit room, a huge screen loomed just by the wall and chairs were placed around a long circular table. Alex could spot a few familiar faces, faces he once saw and fought alongside with in Verdansk. There was the balaclava boy, Ghost, the Mohawk Man, Soap, their Captain, John Price and a few big heads from the United States. There were also new faces like Gary, who was now discussing something with another new soldier, a female soldier who sat by Price and a few new more who were already sitting on the chairs. There's also someone missing, Kyle Garrick, he pondered where he was.

The former CIA quickly saw Gary rush to Price's seat and whispered something causing him to lean on his chair, stand up and walk to his side. 

"Glad to see you back in the fight, Alex." he muttered, patting Alex's shoulder.

"I won't skip out on this mission, this one's close to home." he replied, patting his back in return.

"Yeah, heard this was your last mission before the Russian Gas." 

"Yeah. It's a loose end on my side." Alex nodded, crossing his arms.

"Good thing Shepherd had some sense in him. Not unlike your CIA heads, huh?" 

Alex nodded. He remembered he did an illegal thing against the CIA, and that was siding with Farah's forces, who were reclassified as global terror groups at that time. He silently thanked he could still step back in the fight along with the good guys even after that event.

"Yeah. I might have to thank him soon enough." Alex murmured and Price guided him to the briefing which was about to start in a few minutes.

~

"Before we start our mission briefing, I'd like to welcome each and everyone of you to the 141. A group of the most elite warriors from around the world tasked to eliminate terrorist threats lurking in the shadows. One of which, goes by the name Nero…" General Shepherd's voice was deep and serious, while the screen showed a photo of the guy they're after. His face looked punchable, as manifested by the way Alex clenched his fists while he stared at his soulless eyes.

"… whose goal is still unknown. He poses a threat as he has been out in American soil, which we believe is the one behind the multiple missing and reappearing person cases across the country." he continued, eyeing Alex. He knew a little bit about the case, maybe because he read his report.

"Since he poses no evidence of terrorist activity as of now, we are assigned to rescue and locate the daughter of Richard Coleman, America's Head of National Defense. We don't know why she was kidnapped but we believed it is or ransom or threatening purposes." The general explained, pacing back and forth, his shadow covered the screen.

Alex wanted to say something. Something about the details surrounding the case. It was written on his report. But then again, maybe the general already knew about the alteration, and since Samantha doesn't remember any IP Address, it was no longer worth noting.

Samantha's face was projected on the screen. Alex's heart began to beat faster, she looked different now, a little chubbier, longer hair and her smile felt happier. It was heartbreaking that she got caught in the crossfire again. After all those efforts of making her life normal.

'If our paths would cross again, I hope you'll remember me the way I remembered you before I take this operation, A good memory that's supposed to last forever. '

'Don't you dare forget about me.'

Her words echoed in his mind, using the same voice she had when they were together. 

"I will save you again if I had to.." he promised to her mentally, as he tightened the clench he was already doing.

"Our intel reports that twelve hours ago, local informants spotted an unknown flying vehicle just by the Georgian Border, local authorities confirmed that this wasn't one of their aircraft and we believe it could be the getaway vehicle of Samantha Coleman and her captors… We are still looking on to this so for the meantime I want each and one of you to be fully alert and ready for deployment."

Everyone else fell silent. It meant they agreed at what the high ranking official said. A few more words were exchanged such as new additions to the team, aside from Alex. He didn't seem to focus much on the second part of the brief as his mind worried a lot about Samantha. If his instincts were right, she's probably sedated once again, taking a trip down her own memory lane.

Chapter 2 : F.N.G.

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC (Female and Male POV)

Word Count: approx 3.3k

Warnings: swearing, smut,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 19

Part 20 Final Chapter

Liam and I took it easy for the next couple of days. We spent some time with Perrin and Cole, taking them for walks and making sure they were getting along.

We watched Inglourious Basterds in Liam's theatre room, which was amazing. It was like being in an actual movie theatre. The dimmed lights and sound system made the experience great. Liam cooked me dinner. We even played Scrabble a few times. We were pretty evenly matched, so the games were competitive. We worked out. We fucked. We made love.

On Saturday morning, I woke with a sore neck. I prayed it was just a strained muscle from working out but the stress I was under during the week tended to catch up with me on a Saturday. By about 4 pm, the left side of my head started pounding, and my eyes became sensitive to light. Every sound in the house felt like screaming in my ears, and I wanted to throw up. I would have cried if I didn't already know how much worse it would make it my migraine.

I told Liam I had to go to bed. Even though my migraines were terrible, I was lucky I could usually treat them with some codeine and a few hours of sleep. They rarely last more than six hours. Liam was lovely about it. He insisted on helping me get changed for bed, and he even went and got me a cold washcloth for my head. He laid in bed with me until I fell asleep.

I woke up around 11 pm feeling groggy, but the migraine had gone. I got out of bed and went looking for Liam.

I found him asleep on the lounge under a blanket downstairs. It looked like he had planned to sleep there all night. Perrin was curled up on the blanket between Liam's legs, and Cole laid on the floor in front of the couch. Cole looked up when I came in, rubbing himself against my legs like a cat and nudging my hand for a pat. Perrin's ears came up, and his tail wagged but didn't move. Lazy old Dog.

I knelt in the spot Cole had been. Liam looked so much younger asleep, almost like a boy, since he had started shaving. Apparently, his character is clean-shaven a lot of the time, so he will be switching between being shaved and unshaved depending on filming. I didn't want to startle him, so I ran my fingers through his hair until he started to wake. Liam stretched a bit before opening his eyes, and he looked so cute doing so I almost pinched his cheeks. Perrin finally got up, realising his warm spot was compromised.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he said and looking at his watch. "Are you ok? do you need anything?"

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Just you," I said.

Liam smiled one of his full Hollywood smiles. He takes my breath away when he does that. "How's your head?"

"I haven't had any complaints," I said, winking. I think I've watched Drag Race too many times.

Liam chuckled and shook his head at me. "And you certainly won't get any from me." He said, getting up. Kissing my forehead, he said, "I'm glad you're feeling better."

I took his hand and pulled him towards the elevator. Like the gentleman he is, he pretended I was able to pull him.

We get in bed, Liam on his back and me with my head on his chest. He stroked my hair, trying to lull me to sleep. I always find it difficult to sleep at night if I have a nap in the afternoon. I was content to breathe my calming breaths and not worry about forcing the sleep I knew would eventually come.

Since sleep was alluding me, I asked Liam, "are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Meeting your family?" I nodded. He shrugged, "a little. It's been a while since I've been introduced to the family. A couple of years, actually. But I'm mostly looking forward to it." He gave me a quick kiss. "What about you?"

"After Thursday, I don't know if I'll be nervous about anything again." Liam chuckled. "I'm a little concerned about my mum. But I'm excited about you meeting the kids. I wonder if they will recognise you."

"Sometimes, kids do. Other times they say that's not him. He doesn't have a cape." I chuckled. Liam didn't speak for a while, so I tried letting Liam's breaths rock me to sleep. Then he spoke again, "Do you want kids?"

"You know, I do," I replied. We had spoken about it when we first started talking. Not wanting kids had been a deal-breaker for both of us. It was one of the first questions he had asked once we had gotten past the superficial talk. I looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"When you first told me about your contraception, I thought with my dick, so naturally, I was excited about not having to wear a condom." Liam's lip twitched, "Having said that, I wouldn't mind seeing you put a condom on me again." I rolled my eyes and indicated he should keep talking. "But then I thought you got that thing put in when you were still with Andy. If it's none of my business, that's fine. I had just been thinking about it, is all."

"You're wondering why I would use such a long-lasting contraception when I was married and wanted kids."

He nodded. "That sums it up."

"Well, several reasons. I had to replace the one I had. It had expired. Second, I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and one symptom is very irregular periods. I was always scared I was pregnant. I could go months without a period, and when I did, they were hell. I would get migraines for weeks, mood swings from being happy to almost suicidal throughout my cycle. When the period came, there was bad cramping and back pain, joint pain, fatigue. So, I had my first implant when I was 20."

"That sound's awful, Sweetheart."

"Yup. I got the last one put in instead of trying for kids because I was 26. Yes, Andy and I wanted kids, but we wanted to wait a few more years, pay more off the house, grow up a bit." Liam nodded.

I was surprised that talking to him about Andy in such intimate detail didn't make me start crying. I still felt sad and missed him, but it was different now. There was a fondness to the thoughts rather than the fear and guilt that would usually arise. Anthea had been right. I had to talk with Andy and be honest with him about how I felt. As if verbalising how I felt to Andy, wherever he was in the universe, eased the guilt I was feeling. It made me realise that it wasn't wrong or selfish to seek love again. It was what made life special, sharing your life with someone else.

Liam was looking with furrowed brows. "Are you ok?" He asked.

I wondered if I should tell him what I was thinking. Would he be interested? Would it be weird for him to hear about Andy? In some ways, Andy had always been the elephant in the room. He was mentioned in passing, but other than last Friday, I hadn't told him anything meaningful about him or how I felt. He had been right when we argued, Andy was a shadow that loomed over the relationship, and that was my fault. I decided to be honest.

"Yeah, I am." I gave him a half-smile and said, "I spoke to Anthea, my mother-in-law, on Tuesday." Liam's face was unreadable. Too late to stop now. I kept going. "I wanted her to hear from me that we were dating before it was official. It turns out she already knew. She was cool about it, happy for me. I was surprised by her response, and I thought she would think it was a betrayal. But she said I should talk to Andy, and I would feel better."

Liam still wasn't showing me what he was thinking. His face was stoic. I thought again, I should stop. "Keep going," he said, his voice not much louder than a whisper.

"So I visited Andy and told him about how I was feeling. I told him about you and how I felt about you. It seemed to work like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I felt free."

Liam was quiet for a while. I could almost see him arranging his thoughts. After a while, he said, "it seems the only one who makes you feel guilty is you."

"I think that was true, but not anymore," I said. "Are you upset I told you that? Is it... I don't know... tmi?"

Liam gave me a half-smile, "no, Lana. I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you did that. Not just for me, but for you."

"Then why were you looking at me like that?"

Liam's smile was full now. "Because I thought you were going to break my heart. Instead, you told me something private and because you wanted to. Not because I forced you or put you in a position where you had no choice. It makes me believe you may care about me as much as I care about you."

I cupped his face in my hands and looked deeply into his eyes, so he knows what I'm saying is true. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

Liam POV

Lana held my face in her hands. Her green eyes shined in the dim light of my bedroom as she spoke to me. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

My heart stopped a moment before it started to thunder in my chest. Lana so rarely bared her soul to me. She dropped hints sometimes, said little things to make me believe she could love me. But too often she was closed off when things get too intimate or too real.

She had changed so much since I first spoke to her, yet somehow she was still the same. She was kind and generous. I picked up on that early. That she was so funny and witty was something that she was slow to reveal but was a joy to watch. Watching her start to open her soul to me was beautiful. To see her courage and strength as she pushed through her grief was inspiring. That she saw enough in me to want to go through all she went through was humbling.

I loved her. I was desperate to tell her. I almost told her so many times. But my fear kept me from saying it. I didn't want to scare her off. I knew now she has to set the pace. She will be ready when she's ready and I will be there when she is.

Lana kissed me, and my body lit up. Her lips were like a match igniting a fire that travelled through my whole body. I instantly grew hard and needed her. I kissed her back, my tongue licking at her lips, urging her to open for me. When she did, I was lost, and all control left me. I needed to be in her.

My tongue entered her mouth, and her taste reminded me of apples and honey. She tasted so sweet to me. I wanted to taste her everywhere. I rolled her onto her back, reminding myself not to throw her around too roughly. She could take a lot of punishment, but I was still careful.

I sought Lana with my hands, pulling off the underwear that separated me from her. I put my hand between her legs, and my fingers parted her. I groaned when I felt how wet she was already, and I had to taste her. I moved between her legs as she opened them wide for me.

I put two fingers inside her, and my cock ached. "You're so warm, Lana," I told her, and she moaned, arching her back, her hips moving as I fucked her with my fingers. She was so responsive to my touch, and I loved watching her every movement. Her body moved in the most spectacular ways, writhing and seeking her pleasure.

I couldn't wait any longer for a taste, so leaving my fingers inside her, I let my tongue find her clit. When her taste hit my tongue, I hummed with delight. Lana's fingers slid into my hair as she pushed me into her and her hips rocked as she grinds herself on my tongue. God, she was so sexy. I wanted to stay here forever, watching her and listening to her moan. I ran my hand up her hips to her tiny waist. Feeling her hips under her soft skin was so erotic. I needed to fuck her, but she needed this first.

Lana started panting, her moans became short cries as she exhaled and I knew she didn't have long. I felt her walls close in on my fingers as she started to cry out my name, begging me not to stop. As if I would deny her this. As if I would deny her anything.

When Lana came, she was beautiful. Her eyes closed hard, her body convulsed, and her thighs trembled. Then she did this thing where she throws her head forward, and her body almost curls into a ball, and I know she's finished. Even when she's standing up she does it, I almost dropped her the first time. It's the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.

I lapped at her one more time, taking one last taste. She shuddered and tried to close her legs, giggling. She smiled at me, and my heart melted, but my cock was in pain. I needed to have her.

I kissed her, and she licked at me, tasting herself. She drives me wild when she does that. I felt like an animal, my careful control was gone, and I pushed my cock into her. She was so wet and tight, her body moulded around my cock, taking me all in, holding me so tight I almost came.

"Fuck," I swore into her mouth. Lana bit at my lip, playful, but I knew what that meant. She wanted me, and she didn't want me to be gentle.

I wasn't gentle. There was no way I could be. She had me too worked up, and all I wanted was to own her and claim her as mine forever. I started to thrust into her, her tits bouncing as she takes all I give her. Her lips were parted, and her cheeks were red. Her hair looked like a halo of fire on the sheets. Its vibrance thrilled me. I pushed my self off her and watched as my cock pumped into her. Seeing her stretched around me, I felt my orgasm rise again. Not yet. I wasn't done with her yet. I slowed down.

"Liam," She whispered my name, and there was no stopping it. My body took on a mind of its own, driving itself to release. She cried my name again as I felt my seed rise into me, and ecstasy flowed through me as it pumped into her.

I fell on my side next to Lana and took deep breaths. She gave a hum of contentment and I pulled her into me, hugging her tightly and I felt the surge of love again. She was so beautiful and sweet but so fucking sexy. She made me feel drunk. Even moments after orgasming, I wanted her again. I put my face into her hair, smelling her sweet pomegranate shampoo. Lana hugged me back as she played with my chest hair, and I smiled, she loved to touch me there, and it felt so good when she did.

My mind wandered as she caressed me with her pretty little hands and pink fingernails. The first time she had touched my chest, she had seemed so hesitant and unsure, even looking at me for permission. It had been such a turn-on.

It had been so hard not to fuck her that first night. I did try and seduce her. I knew what effect I had on women. It's hard not to know when you're famous and have women hitting on you all the time. I think I could have, there were a few times there where if I had played my cards right she would have let me. But knowing what I know now, I'm happy I didn't. I'm sure she would have run, and I would never have seen her again.

When she did let me, she had knocked me for six when she bit me. It was almost out of nowhere, and the way she opened up to me after about her desires was amazing. We still had so much to explore, only just getting to know each other sexually. I could tell she was getting more comfortable with it. She was probably going to teach me a thing or two. That thing she did with the condom, I think I almost told her I loved her then. I chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" Lana asked. Her accent made it sound like she said, "whadcha laughn at?" I don't know why, but her accent excited me, especially when she swore at me. Her mouth was filthy. Maybe it was the combination of her outward elegance and her potty mouth that I liked. It was such an exciting combination.

"Nothing, Sweetheart." I kissed her long neck gently and held her. She seemed to accept it and squeezed me into her.

"I love you, Lana," I said, and my heart stopped. She froze. I don't even think she was breathing. My blood was like ice as my heart started to beat again. Oh, God, I fucked up. I'm going to lose her this time. I wanted to take it back. I was such a fool. Fuck.

Then Lana found my mouth and kissed me. The warmth that spread through my body was such a relief. Her kiss held such sweetness and passion. It was the promise that I needed. She wasn't mad. She wasn't going to run away. I held her close and kissed her back. She didn't have to say it for me to know that she loved me too.

End.

[kuronanox]

Jazz lies - Shinji Hirako

It would be wrong to say that (Your Name) was having fun at this jazz bar that a few coworkers wanted to check out, but it definitely wasn't a place she would call fun.

Out of courtesy of some of the artists at the bar they decided to stay for about an hour and half listening to the music.

"Excuse me miss the lovely gentlemen over there bought you a nice drink." One of the bartenders told (Your Name) setting the nicely made drink in front of her.

She looked at the man who bought her the drink, he had weird teeth and a grin on his face. His hair was a bit long and girly for her taste.

By the time the performance was over (Your Name) and her coworkers got up to exit the bar. She didn't touch the drink once. The whole time it sat in front of her as the man with the weird smile stared at her most of the night.

"Awe yer really left a man hanging!" Shinji jokes as he leans against the door watching her exit.

"Sorry I don't take drinks from strangers." She responds blandly not looking at him in the eye.

Shinji just chuckles and walks out after her side by side, as a few of her coworkers were a bit ahead of them.

"Can't a man try?"

"I've seen better." (Your Name) awkwardly says looking him up and down and then straight ahead to avoid eye contact.

"Damn girls these days sure are harsh." He says with hands in his pockets. "Yer new to town?" He proceeds.

"No, just checking the place out."

"Ahh! So you will come around more often?" Shinji pipes up excited to see her more since jazz bar tended to be on the older side of age.

"Nah, Jazz isn't my vibe."

"Ouch, I thought you were cute too."

"I'm sorry but who are you?" (Your Name) stops walking and looks at Shinji with slight irritation. "Isn't it weird to talk to a man I don't even know the name of?"

"It's Shinji and this man is trying to make a friendly conversation with a cute girl."

A feeling of guilt build in her because he was rather nice the whole time, but it was always good to be defensive just in case he was a real weirdo.

"(Your Name)." She says and continues "sorry I'm just being cautious, there are a lot of sick people out there."

Shinji sighs and rolls his eyes. "It's okay baby doll I've seen sick people in my life time and I ain't one of em."

(Your Name) just smiles, she was still being careful though because he was still a stranger, but it was good to converse with someone new once in a while.

"So I'll let you go now only if I get yer number!" He grins noticing the hesitation in her eyes. "Don't worry, if you don't wanna talk to me anymore after this just don't respond to me." He assured the girl as she willingly gave her digits.

"I'll see you around." (Your Name) says bidding a farewell catching up with her coworkers.

(Your Name) couldn't help but be a bit interesting in this Shinji man because he was a sweet heart. Shinji was being a hopeless romance, but she couldn't tell if he was being over dramatic or if he was foreal.

He told her she was his 'first love' but she knew he was probably joking.

Although they didn't meet a second time they spend a few weeks sending text messages to each other. (Your Name) thought he was going to be pushy and ask her out again, but to her surprise he didn't.

Shinji genuinely was interested in her.

"Why the hell you keep smiling at your phone like a idiot baldy?" Hiyori says peaking over him curious who Shinji had been texting the last few weeks. "AHH!" She screams and snatched the phone reading a loud.

Shinji - "Good morning baby doll, how was yer day?"

"HIYORI STOP OR ILL-!" Shinji screams chasing the smaller girl as the other visords attention grew to them.

(Your Name) - "Good morning! It's been nice! I've just been cleaning my place. What about you Shinji?"

Shinji - "I'm glad you had a good day <3 I went to the store to get the newest record."

"Like I said Hiyori it's no one!" He continues as she kicks him in the face and continues to read out loud.

Shinji - "Shopping alone ain't fun, when yer going to join? I'll pay for dinner!"

(Your Name) - "is this a lame way of asking me out to eat lmao?"

Shinji snatches the phone back with red tints on his cheeks as Hiyori laughs on the floor. "Shut up will ya!"

"Oi Shinji, my books will come in handy if she decides to go out with you." Lisa seriously says flipping her book the couch.

"Hate to admit it but she's right." Kensei butts in getting ready for dinner.

"Oh shut up." Shinji says embarrassed as he walks into his room and slams the door.

To Shinji luck (Your Name) agreed to go eat with him for dinner a week after he asked her. Although it was their second time meeting the atmosphere was smooth and easy.

"Yeah! I graduated college a year ago and I work at the hospital in town!" She tells Shinji passionate about saving life's everyday. "What about you Shinji?"

Shinji was sweating because he didn't actually work. So he tightly gripped his knife and put the steak in his mouth as he smoothly played it off. "I work at a company, top secret for the government only." He winked.

"Kami I'm safe, being dead actually is inconvenient."

(Your Name) face lit up as she took a bite of her wagyu. "Nice! Never thought I'd meet someone so high in status."

"Yer not missing much baby doll, I live ina abandon warehouse actually."

Shinji grins as they take a toast together and enjoyed the view of Tokyo below them.

"So what are your future plans?" She then asks Shinji as he tilts his head.

"Oooh we already wanna start thinking about the future together?" He jokes as she laughs and playfully roll her eyes. Which for (Your Name) was good because it lighten the mood.

After dinner was finished and Shinji paid they walk down the busy streets of Tokyo admiring the views. "Isn't it pretty?" (Your Name) asked Shinji as they walked side by side with linked arms. "What? My face? Oh I know!"

"No dummy the lights of Tokyo!" She lightly flicked his forehead as he shuts his eyes tight.

"Yeah, one day I'll show you the view of Tokyo at a better place, maybe." He tells her as she happily nods her head eagerly.

The night was getting late as she grew tired but the city was still awake. "I'll see you off then? Please get home safe baby doll."

"I will! Maybe we can go out again later!"

"Of course I'll really like that." Shinji grins as she walks down her path towards home. Watching from afar Shinji shunpo to see if she got back in the house safely and after he left.

"Spill the beans how could anyone possibly like you baldy?" Hiyori asked one night as they all sat around.

"Oh shut up! I'm pretty handsome!"

"More like a hand full." Kensei added.

"That's Mashiro who is." Shinji bites back as Kensei could only agree to that statement.

"Young love, can't wait to see what the future holds for you." Rose says.

Shinji just left to his room after that, they were giving him a headache. He laid onto his bed and closed his eyes. (Your Name) was pretty, kind and mature. She had a future ahead of her, but Shinji was living in a dump with lots of roommates and plus he was basically a soul.

Shinji was surprise she stuck around as long as she did. They had went on many dates after that and he successfully earned a kiss on the 5th date.

The only problem for Shinji was the fact that he basically lied about his whole life to her, he wasn't sure if it was right to tell her the truth or wait it out.

It wasn't until 6 months into their relationship that the problem he feared worse appeared.

They had left the bar shortly after midnight, Shinji was walking her back safely to the train station, and then he would secretly watch her go home to make sure she was safe, but a drunken man had appeared from a ally way.

The drunken man was causing a problem for (Your Name) as he said some rather vulgar remarks. Shinji was a laid back man as he told the drunken man to beat it and go cat call someone else.

"Yer really pushin my buttons." Shinji tells the drunken man giving him a glare and lightly grabbing (Your Name) to safety behind him.

The drunken man crossed the line when he tried to grabbed (Your Name) shoulder as Shinji puts his foot onto his chest not allowing him to come any closer.

Before they could walk away the sound of a gun click appeared as Shinji pushed (Your Name) out of the way.

"I don't hurt humans but it seems like you want to harm someone precious to me. I don't mind being naughty just for this special occasion." Shinji grins calm and composed as he stopped the bullets from flying between his fingers.

(Your Name) was in panic mood at first because they were at gun point and then second Shinji was using some unknown godly powers to her.

"Don't worry baby doll, yer safe with me." Shinji says disappearing from her sight as he grabbed the gun from the man and broke it in pieces with his bare hands. "Don't play with toys sir, I've seen scarier!"

Of course the man got terrified and ran away scared for his life. "See ya!" Shinji calls out.

(Your Name) watched from her spot unsure what to be afraid of.

The man who was about to possibly rape her or Shinji who was lying about his identity the whole time. The tears grew in her face because of how frighten she was.

"What's wrong bab-"

"Stop, don't get any closer." She tells him as Shinji sees the water in her eyes. She looked terrified and hurt. "I can explain to you about all this."

"Explain what? That you've been lying about yourself the whole time? What are you? Some kind of god?"

Shinji knits his brows and grabs her hand lightly but she pulled away. "No. I'm going home alone tonight. I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

"I'm not letting ya walk home this late alone." He tells her as she protested but by a flash of a step they were back at her place as he set her down lightly.

"Talk to me when you are ready, I'll be waiting." Shinji says as she looks away from him obviously surprised on how they got home so fast.

"Whatever, thanks for tonight." She slightly says in a forgiving tone as she walked into her place.

He didn't hear from her in weeks, it was only 6 months together and during that period of time he felt happy and light. He didn't think about Aizen or any ill thoughts when he was with her.

Shinji knew it wasn't going to work out, they were so different and so far from each other's world yet he wanted so bad to make it work.

"Is this the common word to say that I got ghosted?" He sulks in the corner as his phone rings to see a message from (Your Name).

(Your Name) - "Meet me at the bar we first met."

Shinji walks in and spots her sitting alone but beautifully shining. She notices him and gives a small smile.

"Alright get it to it, if you wanna call me a freak I understand." He says.

"No one is calling you a freak, I just want an explanation. I had time to think and I'm sorry for the way I acted. I was scared and confused."

He takes her hands and grins. "Of course baby."

The music started to play as the bartender served them a couple of drinks.

"Just please let me finish before you ask any question. Basically you are dating a dead man, I'm from the world where souls live and we have powers that protect and balance the living and dead. Remember when we were talking about how sick people can be? Well there was a guy that got me and few of my comrades exile from the Soul Society and that is how I ended up here."

(Your Name) had to process everything, it was so unreal. At the same time she was curious and slightly interested about another world out there. Of course she wanted to be angry at him for lying about his identity, but she understood from his perspective.

"Well that was a lot to take in, you must be serious about me if you told me all this."

"100% percent, I ain't leaving soon." He sips his wine now.

(Your Name) smiles and then looks down.

"Just don't lie to me anymore. Keep everything real."

"I won't. At the mean time, I'm glad we had this talk so now I can finally use my godly powers as you say." He grabs her hands as they run out the bar.

Stumbling a bit she grips his hand tightly and follows. "Where are we going?!"

"You will see!" He shouts as Shinji hoisted her and lifts them up to the sky.

The view from Tokyo was below them and this time she could see everything.

"How?! This is so beautiful!"

Shinji was happy, although they haven't talked serious yet, he was willing to give it time and effort.

"Remember I told you I would show you a better view. Well here it is!"

(Your Name) was overwhelmed with happiness as she clung onto him. It was weird for her because they were basically standing in midair.

"We won't fall right?"

"Nah just relax I got you."

The night came to an end in a positive way as both parties understood each other and why things were the way they were. Shinji had a sense of relief because he didn't have to hide anymore.

They laid in bed at her place, god forbid he brought her back to his.

The night was cold but the room was warm, they laid peacefully and in each other arms.

(Your Name) would make sure in the future to talk about their relationship because it was a complicated subject. A human and soul together as a couple.

Everyone always says it doesn't hurt to try something new so that's what she was taking this as but genuinely she wanted to brag about how strong and cool her boyfriend was but that was for another time.

For now they both just want to cherish the easy and smooth moments together before anything complicated comes up.

"So our next challenge is to meet my peeps." He tells her as she groans.

"Are they weird like you?"

"Oh baby doll, we are a mix of hip and style."

(Author notes: Heya! I'm taking request at the moment! I'll be on vacation so I might have some time to write a few pieces! The rules are telling me a character and a general plot on what you want the story to be! Also none of my one shots have been edited.)