#it's a bit vague since i'm a bit sleepy but !! if you want to expand upon this or want me to write smth else all together i'm down !

[huntsworn]

@ainthero        ///        surprise !

THE  STORY  NEVER  ONCE  came  to  a  beauteous  halt  .     life's  stage  capricious,     facing  perpetual  choice  of  silencing  winchester's  passionate  song  or  granting  its  benevolent  melody  wave  beyond  audience     /     delectable  middle  ground  sought  ,     found  ,     it  is  all  voice                                          voice  that  ceased  song's  flight     ;     melody  distant  memory  .     being  in  the  flesh  ,     memory  intact  ,     intuition  untouched     /     sam  winchester  ?     far  from  it     /     remnant  of  whom  he  once  was             emotion  itself  a  dying  ember  ,     were  it  not  already  put  out     (     HINDRANCE  ANYWAY  !     )  ,     only  echo  of  it  resided  within  blemished  mind  .

❛               i  don't  know  .               ❜          albeit  ire     &&     irritation  could  be  perceived  within  vocables  ,     even  to  the  most  innocuous  bystander  ,     it  is  naught  but  a  lie     ;     nuisance  ,     one  that  APATHY  DWELLING  COULD  NOT  FIND  SOUL  TO  CARE     (     brother  ,     brother  ,     forgiveness  is  a  myth  !     )  .     singular  limb's  shift  warrants  his  hand  ,     brought  forth     &&     towards  cheek  ,     thick  digits  rubbing  at  cheek                               fatigued  flesh  ,     yet  honestly  prevails  to  advocate  sam's  rejuvenation  .     REVITALIZED  .  revival  ?     or  life's  gift  ?                                                                                  ❛               that's  the  most  i  can  offer  .     take  it  or  leave  it  ,     man  .               ❜

[callsignbaphomet]

I kind of want to write it myself but I have to go to work, so I'm going to give you 34 because it is the corniest thing I've read all day.

34. “These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

He was tired, worn out and even if he didn’t want to admit it he was pretty sore. It’d been a long time since he’d been fucked like that. Last few times he was sober enough to recall were quickies behind whatever building was the closest to vaguely hide behind. He was sure he and whoever was with him had been caught numerous times. Not exactly something he felt any shame about, not when the audience were chem infused, alcohol fueled raiders who did the same or worse if some of the stories were to be believed. While the drug-infused anonymous sex in public was a way to scratch an itch, so to say, the excitement of it all died down rather quickly and he soon came to find that it wasn’t exactly satisfying. Especially when he could recall some partners either finishing too fast, not being able to even stand on their own two feet or after two to three thrusts they couldn’t keep themselves hard enough to finish which led some to threaten him if he ever said anything. The threats themselves made it all the more hilarious for him, it was even more hilarious when he’d dispatch the juicy little detail to certain people who were known to never shut up about gossip.

This was different. This was far better than the last several times he recalled. Even better was the fact that he was able to lie down next to him and when he’d put his arms around him and pulled him closer he thought he was going to squeal. He shifted his eyes to see his arm sticking out from under him while his other arm hugged him. He stared at the palm of his hand and slowly moved his own hand towards it. He touched his palm with the tip of his fingers and gently drew circles in the middle. After a while he was suddenly startled when he closed his hand around his, prompting him to turn around. He was met with a set of sleepy blue eyes and a small smile staring back which caused him to smile back.

“Sorry, J, didn’t mean to wake you.” Angelus whispered.

“Just had my eyes closed, that’s all. I thought you were asleep.”

“Uh-uh.” Angelus said as he nuzzled up to Jelani. “I don’t know, can’t sleep.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking.” Angelus whispered. He opened his eyes and saw the stitches on the right side of Jelani’s neck. A few more inches and the bullet could have hit an artery but he quickly shook his head as to avoid thinking what could’ve happened instead of being grateful that they got out alive though a little battered.

Angelus ran his finger across an older scar on Jelani’s jaw and out of curiosity asked, “How’d you get that one?”

“Hmmmmm, knife fight with some drunk idiot.” Jelani chuckled as he remembered the fight, “Funny thing is I actually didn’t feel a thing when he cut me but once the Psycho wore off I bitched and cried for an hour about it.”

“That’s Psycho for ya.” Angelus blurted out as he laughed. “Great when it’s in your system but once it’s gone you’re gonna wish you were dead.”

“Hey, so what about you? What happened to your back? It’s covered in scars.”

“The one time I did something nice for someone else I almost got killed. You remember that girl I introduced you to? Ginger?”

“From the lighthouse? Yeah. She’s nice.”

“Well, she was on her way back home when she and her party got lost, they’d recently moved to the lighthouse and were in short supply of practically everything so they’d gone out to search for stuff to bring back. Unfortunately they ran into a yao guai and she was hurt pretty bad and I have no idea why but I ran over to help. I don’t really remember too much but when I came to she grabbed my gun and emptied the entire clip on that thing’s head. Was kind of badass. I passed out again, blood loss, and came to at the lighthouse. Been friends since. Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“What about the ones on your arms? The ones on your right arm look fresh.”

Jelani remained silent as the question registered. Normally he’d tell anyone who asked about those specific scars to piss off or that it was none of their business, but he didn’t want to seem cruel though at the same time he thought that if he told him the truth he’d think he was some demented freak and would push him away. For a while he analyzed his options and carefully constructed an answer. He knew he wouldn’t be able to lie, the scars were almost perfectly aligned and the cuts were clean. It was obvious that he hadn’t gotten them from a fight or from some wild animal.

“It’s…just something that happens once in a while. It’s better if we don’t talk about it; I wouldn’t even know how to explain it without–”

“Without sounding like a freak. I get it. I had a friend who did the same after his wife died. He said that it hurt but it didn’t hurt as much as what he was feeling.”

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“I’m sorry, J.”

“It’s fine. So what happened to this friend?” Jelani asked as to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“Oh, well, believe it or not one day he ran into an old abandoned farm outside the Commonwealth and said he wanted to farm the shit outta it. From raider to farmer. I laughed so hard I thought I’d pissed myself but he was serious about it. Started growing crops, expanded the farm, hired some people and took it easy from then on. He wanted me to go along with him but nah, farming is definitely not for me and give up this freedom to wake up at dawn to tend to plants? Hell, no. I do miss him. Had a really thick accent like you. Well, not exactly like yours. Yours is really weird–not that it’s bad! It’s just you know, unique. He actually taught me how to speak Spanish just so we could share info and no one would be the wiser.”

“Wait a sec. You know Spanish?” Jelani amusingly quipped. He always found it fascinating when others knew some other language besides English. The fact that that friend had an accent as well felt like a relief after a childhood of other kids making fun of his.

“That’s right, papi.” Angelus chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Jelani. “What about that weird language you sometimes mutter to yourself, what the heck is it?”

“Well, my father’s family had a habit of keeping track of their ancestors from before the war. If you ask me I think it was their way to cope with dealing with life as it is now. So my father could trace his family back from before the war. Apparently five years before the war our family moved from some other country into Minnesota. We lost track of what that country was along the way but we know they spoke this language called Norsk and they’ve been passing it on ever since. I learned that one before I learned English so that’s why the accent plus he had the same accent and when I was really little my mom wasn’t home too much so I learned to talk, read and write from him.”

“Why wasn’t your mom around too much?”

“She was with the Brotherhood of Steel and every time they got close she went off to throw them off her trail. There wasn’t any NCR activity in the Capital so my dad had nothing to worry about. But the Brotherhood didn’t take too kindly to her going AWOL so she ended up on their shit list. I guess she dealt with them because after I turned four she was around all the time.”

“I didn’t know you were from the Capitol. What about your parents? They still there?”

“They died when I was five.”

“Wait a minute, how did you–”

“My brother looked after me.” Jelani answered in anticipation to Angelus’ follow up question. “He did the best he could but he was only fourteen when our parents died. It was really hard at first, their deaths hit him pretty hard and even though they left a good amount of caps hidden away it only lasted for a few months. After that my brother tried to find anything he could do to earn caps for us but sometimes there wasn’t really much people would ask a fourteen year old to do. He tried to hide it but I know he lied a lot about how bad things were at times. Most nights he wouldn’t eat so I could and he’d lie but I knew he would go days without eating so that I wouldn’t go hungry. If he was sick he’d save the Stimpaks in case I got sick. So as I got a little bit older I learned to steal shit to bring it home, there was no way I was gonna watch my brother kill himself for me.”

“God, that sounds horrible.”

“It was. I think he knew I was stealing stuff but he didn’t have any proof. What was he gonna do, keep inventory? Plus a friend of the family would check in on us. It was this really old ghoul named Sunniva. She’d come around every few months to check up on us but when she found out our parents died she stopped by every month with supplies so I kept the stealing down to only when it was an emergency. Things got a hell of a lot better when he was able to pass as an adult and joined up with a group of mercs called Talon Company. I don’t think he liked doing some of the stuff he had to do. Some nights he came home, washed up and went to bed without saying a word but I could hear him crying.”

“Anyway, after a while he and I decided to move out of the Capitol. We had the caps, the supply and gear for a really long trek so we just left. Those were the best months of my life. He’d mapped out several routes we could take to get to New Vegas and he’d let me choose which one we were taking that day. It was amazing, we’d stop to explore ruins, he gave me every Nuka-Cola and gumdrops he’d find along the way and there was this huge library and he let me take as many books as I could carry with me. So at night we’d find a good spot to spend the night in, eat some dinner and we’d spend a few minutes outside just looking up at the stars and right before bed he always read a bit aloud to me. I preferred to do it myself but it was great just hearing him talk for a while.”

“New Vegas, huh? I heard that place was fucked because of the NCR.”

“Sorta. Anyway, we stayed there for a while until we got in trouble with the NCR.” Jelani laughed as he recalled the confrontations which were dangerous but for some reason he and Loke never took them seriously. Maybe they liked to lash out at lesser threats to feel some sense of power since the Legionnaires were always on them and giving them a hard time. Of course Jelani left out the small fact that the reason they ended up running from the NCR was because they killed six of their veteran rangers over a petty squabble that escalated due to short tempers and massive egos.

“After the NCR put out a “shoot on sight” on us we decided to leave. We heard a few caravans were headed to Boston so we were hired by one to get them across safely. It wasn't…” Jelani’s voice began to quiver as he recalled the last weeks he spent with his brother.

Angelus caught on to the change in his voice and quickly looked up to see him. He didn’t say anything to Jelani especially when he saw tears silently running down his face, he just hugged him a little tighter and nuzzled his nose against his throat.

“Um…” Jelani gasped as he tried to catch his breath while trying desperately to hold back his tears. “He…he died and it was my fault. He was all I had and he’s dead because of me. I picked the route and we walked right into a deathclaw nest. He told me to get everyone far from the nest and I did but I went back for him. He was standing in the middle of a rope bridge with the deathclaw near him. I panicked and shot at it so it turned around and was walking towards me. He cut the ropes holding the bridge together and they fell. I watched him fall and I stayed there for days hoping that he was okay and that he’d come back but he never did–I killed him–”

“No, hey, J, listen to me!” Angelus said as he cupped Jelani’s face in his hands and while looking right at him he continued, “You couldn’t have known there was a deathclaw nest there. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was!”

“No, it wasn’t! Look, clearly your brother loved you. He loved you enough to face off against a deathclaw for you. Do you honestly think he’d want you to blame yourself for what happened? No. You said so yourself, he looked after you and cared for you. He put aside any selfishness and even his own needs to take care of you because he loved you and didn’t want anything bad to happen to you. Okay? Don’t do that to yourself.”

Jelani went quiet as he slowed down his breathing. He still felt an immense guilt over what happened that day but in an odd way what Angelus had just said made sense. Blaming himself wasn’t going to solve anything, it only led to him mutilating himself and playing with the idea of killing himself, none of which was going to bring Loke back and in the end his death would’ve been in vain.

“Come on,” Angelus whispered while wiping away the tears, “Don’t cry, hon. Those pretty blue eyes look best when they’re shining like stars.”

“Okay.” Jelani said as he finally smiled.

“Well, actually, these stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

As soon as Angelus said that both of them stayed quiet for about a minute staring at each other and suddenly both of them burst out laughing. Once they were able to calm their laughter Angelus covered his face with his pillow but Jelani lowered it to find him blushing over what he had just said.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Oh, my god, I don’t fucking know. I heard this drunk idiot say it at the cafe and I don’t know why I just remembered it and blurted it out. That was so weird!”

“Nah, it was cute but kinda weird too.” Jelani hugged Angelus and pulled him closer until they were both body to body. Jelani then looked past the cloth dividing the makeshift bed in the small camp, he could see the sky behind the Nuka-Cola Bottling Plant getting lighter across the horizon. Neither of them had slept but he didn’t worry about it. They had nothing planned for the day and it was fine by him if they spent the entire day sleeping together.

“Hmm, it’s almost sunrise.” Jelani yawned.

“That’s fine. The world can go fuck itself, I just wanna stay like this with you.”

“Jeg elsker deg.”

“I love you too.”