#it's 5am but I write so seldom nowadays that keeping up with a writers kick literally means monthly all nighters

[hymn2000]

Ideal Confusion - MCU AU Fanfic - C15

(Title subject to change)

Story summary: Giving into the constant pressure from the press, Tony decides to put a rest to the rumours that Peter is his biological son - once and for all.

Previous Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: family, family stuff, family conflict, adoption, DNA test(s), pressure, peer pressure, social issues, mentions of alcoholism, mental health problems, potentially some minor medical inaccuracies, corporal punishment, hurt/comfort

You can also find me on AO3

Chapter 15 - A Heart Has Many Secrets

-

Getting ready for school the next morning felt incredibly strange; almost foreign. Getting up early hadn’t been easy. He didn’t have an appetite, which nearly led to a bit of a ding-dong with Loki, who was very insistent he needed to eat anyway. And, as if tensions weren’t high enough, Loki broke the news that he had to go to work so wouldn’t be able to take him to school.

-

Peter wasn’t happy being in the car with Tony, and he made his feelings very clear. He’d become very good at keeping silent since becoming a member of the Stark household. Tony wouldn’t be deterred though, and kept talking, offering unwanted advice, reassurance, and generally chatting away as though he were actually getting an answer from the teen beside him.

Peter tried to dive out of the car as soon as they parked, but Tony grabbed his arm.

“Hey” he said. “Come here”

Tony hugged him, and Peter pulled away furiously. Tony kept hold of his arm a moment longer.

“Be good, sweetheart. I’ll see you after school”

Peter scowled, and Tony reluctantly released him. Peter took great pleasure in slamming the car door behind him. Oddly, as he walked towards the main building, he didn’t feel as though he’d been away all that long. He didn’t feel nervous either. In fact, he felt quite calm; although he was certain he could see huge changes on the horizon - far above what he could imagine.

-

Peter seemed to have inherited Loki’s flare for a low-key but poignant entrance. Oddly, as he walked into his form room, and was met by the shouts and voices of so many, he felt so free. In a way, he felt like a felon who was to be released while everyone else was left behind. Let’s be honest; he’d never quite managed to fit into this high-class school in the way everyone had hoped. And he didn’t care. He wasn’t sure how homeschooling was going to go, but he felt so calm looking at everyone, that he was certain he wasn’t going to miss this.

-

Going to his music lesson after lunch was the only thing that almost made him change his mind about the school. He’d grown to be quite close to Mr James since starting private lessons. Mr James was so down to Earth, so unlike a lot of the other teachers, and so supportive of Peter’s playing, and always seemed impressed with all of his progress.

“It’s good to see you again, kiddo” he said, shutting the practice room door. “How have you been? I heard about what you did”

Peter shrugged noncommittally, but he looked a little embarrassed. 

“Don’t worry” Mr James said, squeezing his shoulder. “I was a right little terror when I was a kid. When I was your age, I’d been expelled four times”

Peter looked at him.

“Yes, really! If someone hadn’t shoved a saxophone into my hands, I probably would’ve got expelled from the last school too! Incredible how much music can help you turn things around”

Peter nodded, sitting down at the piano, running his fingers along the keys. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve had any chance to practice. I hope you’re not too rusty”

“I’ve got one at home now” Peter said, and then started slightly, surprising himself.

It surprised Mr James too. “Nice! I’ve gotta say, kiddo, I imagined your voice a lot different”

Peter could feel himself blushing, but Mr James just smiled.

“It’s nice to hear it. Now, fancy showing me what you’ve been working on?”

Peter swallowed, turning to the piano properly. He felt nervous now, and he was still surprised that his voice had jumped out. But maybe... maybe that meant he could perform properly here. 

Maybe.

But he couldn’t think of what to say, and Mr James could see his hesitation.

“Why don’t you do something we were working on first?” he suggested. “Clair de lune?”

Slow, but long. A good way to ease in. Peter understood his choice. It had been a little while since he’d played anything classical. He watched Mr James find a page in a book and set it in front of Peter. He’d managed to pick up a few notes, but he didn’t really need them. He knew this track well enough; it was so popular. 

It was nice playing it, though. Something so familiar, and calm, but somehow dramatic too. He didn’t feel like he was playing the music, but more like it was playing him; making his fingers glide almost effortlessly across the keys. He started feeling much more relaxed, much less nervous and embarrassed. Maybe he’d miss this. All these calm, practice room moments... 

“...That was perfect” Mr James said. “You’re incredible. I’ve never known someone learn so fast, and so well”

“Thank you...”

“You know, I do lessons outside of school. If you wanted to continue after you leave”

“I... I’d have to ask dad” Peter said, not quite looking at him, his voice small.

“What have you been working on?”

Peter shrugged slightly. He’d been playing a lot since getting the piano, mainly to drown out everything else that was happening. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to play. Maybe something fast, or something complex. Maybe...

“I’ve got one, but it’s kinda... long”

“That’s alright. So was the one we just played. If there’s anything you want to show me, just go ahead. This is your lesson, your learning, and your talent: you don’t have to let other people decide what you do with it”

Peter looked at him. He’d played strange and wonderful things to him before, and he trusted him - both his music judgement and personally.

Mr James listened, unsure if he recognised the tune at first, and then startling when Peter opened his mouth.

“You tell me there's an angel in your tree. Did he say he'd come to call on me? For things are getting desperate in our home, living in the parish of the restless folks I know”

Mr James watched him. He’d only just heard him speak, so finding out that he had a voice - and one like this - was a bit of a shock to say the least.

“Burn down the mission, if we're gonna stay alive. Watch the black smoke fly to heaven, see the red flame light the sky. Burn down the mission, burn it down to stay alive. It's our only chance of living, take all you need-” 

And it carried on like that, with power and passion, and very few wobbles, and all too soon, voice and keys petered out, and the practice room was filled with a moments silence.

Mr James merely leaned closer. “What else have you got?”

Peter couldn’t help but grin, and he knew exactly what to play now. Something a bit tricky. But something he knew well enough after all the times he’d played it.

"-But where were all your shoulders when we cried? Were the darlings on the sideline, dreaming up such cherished lies? To whisper in your ear before you die”

Something that had started as a way to show off a bit soon turned into something to enjoy, and in his usual fashion, he got sucked into the music deeply. He wasn’t even distracted by Mr James gently correcting his posture as he played.

“Junk.., angel.., this closet's always stacked. The dealers in the basement, fillin’ your prescription for a brand new heart attack. But where were all your shoulders when we cried? Were the doctors in attendance saying how they felt so sick inside, or was it just the scalpel blade that lied?”

Peter shivered, but he didn’t miss a note. He didn’t let up, hardly even opened his eyes, until he’d tapped out the last few notes.

Once again, there was a moments silence. Peter looked at Mr James, biting his lip nervously. The man looked back, and smiled.

“You’re a special case, Peter Parker-Stark” he said. “You should sign up for the end of term show”

“I don’t know...”

“Well I do, and I think it’s a great idea. You don’t have to sing, but you should definitely play and show everyone what you can do. Go out with a bang”

-

Peter was ready to tell Loki all about his day, so he was pretty furious when Tony turned up to collect him at the end of school. Luckily, Tony was on a work call, which eliminated any awkward one-sided conversation. He was still on the call when they got home, so Peter wasted no time in getting out of the car and darting upstairs. He rushed to Loki’s room, but stopped outside, hearing voices.

“...As long as there’s a decent school within walking distance, that area would work well” Loki was saying. “What are the public transport links like? I had a hire car so...”

Peter stayed quiet, pressing his ear up against the door. What on earth was he talking about? He must be on the phone, but who to? All this talk of schools and transport and amenities. It was almost as though-

“PETER!”

Peter jumped so violently he smacked his head on the door frame.

“Ow!”

“Serves you right” Tony said. “What are you doing, eavesdropping like that?”

“Daddy’s on the phone” Peter mumbled, rubbing his head. 

“I’ll ask you again: what are you doing, eavesdropping like that?”

“Being nosy, I guess”

“Come here”

Peter looked at Tony properly, remembered he was supposed to be giving him the silent treatment, and scowled, annoyed at both of them. Tony sighed, deciding he had better things to do than argue.

“Go and get changed. Now”

Peter didn’t really have a choice, not with Tony watching. He shut his door behind him, throwing his bag down and pulling his tie off. Typical of Tony to sneak in undetected at such a crucial moment. Tragically, there was an en-suite and a cupboard between Peter’s room and Loki’s, so he couldn’t even listen through the wall. He’d have to get his answers some other time.

-

Peter got changed, checked the coast was clear, and snuck back over to Loki’s door. Loki was still on the phone, although the conversation seemed to be coming to an end. 

“-Like I said, it’s still just an idea. It’s good to have all the fact first though. Sorry...? Yes, of course... Thanks again, chick. Talk to you soon. Bye now”

Everything went quiet, and Peter stood where he was, even more confused than before. Loki only called people he cared about ‘chick’. Who could he be talking to? 

As he was considering the options, Loki’s door opened, making Peter jump. They looked at each other.

“Hello, you” Loki said, closing his door behind him.

Something was off here, Peter knew it. “Who were you talking to?”

“Maggie, one of the ladies I worked with in Scotland. You know, I told you about her?”

Peter nodded slightly. He’d heard a lot of stories about Loki’s time in Scotland after he’d got back from his sabbatical. He used to talk about it a lot, but he hadn’t heard him mention it much lately. Although... he’d been looking at houses for sale, hadn’t he?

“Peter? Are you listening to me?”

“Huh?” Peter shook his head slightly. “Sorry”

“Never mind, sweetheart” Loki said, kissing him on the forehead. “Do you want a hot drink while I’m making one?”

Peter shook his head. He watched Loki go, and then looked back at the door. If Loki was just making a drink, he usually just left his door open. Peter knew that he was being overly suspicious, but he wanted answers. So he opened the door and slipped into Loki’s room. 

Loki’s tablet was on the bed. Peter tapped the screen, hoping it had only just timed out. No such luck: it wanted a password. Well, Peter knew a lot of Tony’s passwords, but he’d never managed to guess any of Loki’s - aside from his phone password. Peter abandoned the tablet and picked up Loki’s phone. He tapped in the pin he remembered - and the phone opened. He sat on the bed, looking through the phone. Loki hadn’t lied; his last call had been to Maggie. More than an hour, it had been. He looked through the notes on the phone. Most of it was the usual stuff: extra shifts, household tasks, ongoing shopping lists, something about Tony’s prescription, and then something titled ‘Peter’.

Peter looked up, checking the door, and then clicked on the note. It was another list: School, Room, Tech, Piano, Swimming?, Music, Drama?, Routine. Bike???

Peter looked at the list, confused. He had absolutely no idea what was going on here. What was the thought process? He closed the notes, glanced up, and spotted a notebook, just the corner poking out from under the pillow. He picked it up. It looked old, with curled corners and a well-thumbed front cover. He opened it, finding more notes - but this looked more professional, and upon closer inspection, he suddenly knew what it was. This was Loki’s old notebook from when he’d been working in Scotland; notes on the kids he was helping look after, everything from history to medical appointments to nighttime routines. Why would he be looking at his again? Nostalgia? But, if it was just nostalgia, why would he be hiding it? He liked talking about it; they were used to it in this house now. So why the secrecy? Or was Peter just being paranoid?

He put the notebook back, and picked up Loki’s phone again, opening his recent texts. There wasn’t much. Nothing to people in Scotland, anyway. He opened his latest texts to Tony. ‘Back at 3 x” read the last one. Above that wasn’t really much of interest. Lots of saying when they’d be back, asking if the other needed anything, quick ‘I love you’ texts, that kind of thing. But when he went back further, he found what looked like an argument, and he clicked the back button, sharpish. He knew his parents argued sometimes, but he didn’t like thinking about it. He sighed, and put the phone down. He was just being silly. 

He stood up, and something crackled beneath his foot. He crouched down, taking hold of the folder. It was a new one, evidenced by the price sticker still in place. He opened it, surprised at how thick it felt, and surprised even further by what he found inside. All of a sudden he felt a bit sick, and hot, and on high alert; his pulse beating in his ears. He took the papers out of the folder, looking through them properly. Job adverts, some of them. Information about residency and citizenship and things like that. And property listings. Lots of them, with notes and bullet points written on them in Loki’s familiar scrawl. He swallowed hard, trying to focus on the words - and then the door opened. Peter jumped, and gasped a little, looking at his father. 

Loki carefully set his mug of tea down on the nearest cabinet. Peter couldn’t move, only watch, as Loki came over to him. 

“And what” Loki said, dangerously quiet. “Do you think you’re doing?”

“I-I-I was just-” his hands were shaking, and he dropped everything. “Ah! I- Sorry!”

He went to pick everything up, but Loki put a hand out, stopping him. Peter stayed as still as he could while Loki gathered everything and put it back in its folder. Loki stood up, dragging Peter to his feet too. He left him stood there and put the folder into the little lockable filing cabinet by the desk. 

“Daddy, I-”

“Not a word” Loki said. “I know exactly what you were doing”

He picked up his phone off the bed, opening it and clicking the button to see the recently viewed items. Peter had definitely taken leave of his senses, leaving everything out in the open like this. 

“I-I’m gonna go” Peter tried.

“No, I think not” Loki said. He held a hand up, and the door slammed shut. 

Peter swallowed hard. Loki hadn’t looked at him properly since he’d walked in, and Peter’s senses were screaming at him. He wished he’d just left everything alone.

“You came into my room without permission” Loki started, setting his phone down on his bedside table. “You go through my personal files, y-”

“Why have you got all that stuff? Is that from when you were in Scotland before? Were you gonna stay a lot longer?”

“Peter, do you really think that’s important?” 

“...Is that a yes?”

Loki looked at him. “You try to get into my tablet. You get into my phone, you look at my private notes and messages”

“Not all of them!”

“Found your tongue, I see” Loki said. “You went through my things, you came in here without permission, you’ve invaded my privacy and you’ve betrayed my trust in you”

“I-I didn’t mean to! I just heard you on the phone and I thought something might be wrong and I wanted to find out what”

“And you didn’t think to just ask me?”

Peter stopped, and he felt himself blush. 

“I’m really not happy with you, young man”

Peter looked down, shuffling on his feet. “...Am I in trouble?”

“YES, you’re in trouble!” Loki snapped, making the boy jump. “If you’d listened instead of interrupting, you’d know why. Although, judging by your face when I caught you red-handed, you already know why. You know you’ve done wrong”

“Mm... I didn’t mean to”

“What did you think would be the outcome, if you came in here and started going through my things without permission, and got caught? Did you stop to consider that?”

“Well...”

Loki folded his arms over his chest. Peter took a step back, and dared look at his father, at the look in his eyes, and the slight tremble of his left arm. 

“I’m sorry”

Loki didn’t say anything. He sat down on the bed, resting his head in his hand.

“...Daddy?”

Loki stayed quiet, thinking. Was he right to be this angry? Was it really as bad as he though it was? Had any real harm actually been done? What should he do? Punish the boy in the way his first, second, and third instincts were telling him to? Let him go without consequence? Risk him doing it again, and maybe finding more? He’d found so much in eight minutes. How much could he find in an hour? He might even reach the right conclusion if he had long enough.

“Get my tea”

Peter did as he was told, surprised by the request, but still cautious. He watched Loki sip his drink and sit up a little straighter. It looked like he was calmer, like he was relenting. For a moment they looked at each other, and just when it looked as though Loki was about to say something, there was a knock, and the door opened.

“Hey, a- oh, you’re both here” Tony said. “What’s going on?”

Loki sighed. “I found him going through my phone and private things”

“What?!” Tony marched over, the look on his face bringing a new meaning to Hell Hath No Fury. “How DARE you?!”

“I-”

“No, don’t interrupt!” Tony snapped, making him face him properly. “You shouldn’t have been in here without permission anyway! How dare you betray our trust like this? Why I-”

Loki watched them, feeling absent. He watched the way Tony spoke to Peter. The way he snapped at him. And then the way he shouted at him. He looked at his hand on the boys wrist, keeping him there. He watched the way Peter tried to shut down the situation, the way he tried to explain but kept getting cut off. He saw the look in the boys eyes. 

“I’m sick to death of your behaviour! I never would have gotten away with acting like this, and neither are you”

Tony tugged the boy close and hit him hard. Peter’s squeak, the next smack, and the sound of the boy crying broke Loki out of his dazed state.

“Tony!”

“He’ll never learn if we don’t discipline him” Tony said through gritted teeth, bringing his hand down again. 

“I’m sorry!!” Peter cried.

“There” Tony said. “You’ve had an apology now”

“He’s already apologised!”

Tony didn’t seem to be listening. Loki stood still for a moment, trying to think about things rationally. But another horrible smack, followed by the sight of his son howling and begging his father not to hurt him anymore was more than enough to make up his mind.

“Tony, stop it!” Loki grabbed Tony’s wrist. “You’re being too hard on him! It’s not that big a deal, and certainly not enough for you to be hurting him like this! Stop it now!!”

“He can take a few taps, Lolly” Tony said, but he let go of the boy.

Loki quickly moved Peter away from Tony, shielding him as he hugged him. 

“Are you alright?! Be honest with me, honey”

Peter covered his mouth with his hand, keeping his eyes averted, sobbing. Loki hugged him tight, protectively, willing the boy to stop shaking. He glared at Tony over his shoulder.

“You’ve scared him, you bastard!” he all but shouted. “You can’t take out all your pent-up emotions on our little boy!”

“I’m not!” Tony protested. “I’m being a parent”

“You’re being a bully” Loki shot back. “Do you want him to go and live with Thor, is that it?”

“What are you going on about?”

“That’s what happened last time you didn’t think he was safe with you. If you don’t sort yourself out, he’ll have to go again”

“Lolly, darling, you’re tired. Let’s talk about this in the morning” Tony said awkwardly.

“No, let’s talk about it now” Loki said, sitting Peter down on the bed and turning to Tony properly. “I don’t care how much you want to deny it, we both know you’ve been horrible to Peter ever since you got those DNA test results”

“Are you surprised? It’s a lot to process!”

“I know it’s a lot to process! But that’s not a reason nor an excuse for you treating him so badly. I can’t be here all the time, and-”

“Loki, I’m not being horrible to him! He’s the one being a little nightmare!”

“He’s being fine!”

“He was going through your stuff!”

“And I was handling it! You didn’t need to barge in here and launch an attack, did you? You’ve hurt him multiple times since that appointment, and the scariest part is you seem to think it’s just discipline or something, or you’re just a very good actor. You can’t seem to see that there’s a difference between a firm smack and an absolute wallop like you’ve been dolling out”

“I haven’t been that harsh!” Tony insisted. “...Have I?”

“Who in their right mind would react to those results the way you have? Thank god our kid is the only one, if this is how you are”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You talked to that Asgard man?” Peter piped up nervously.

“Yes, I did, sweetheart, even though it put me at risk of bumping into all the other bastards up there, because you asked me to, and you needed to know. And so did I”

“...He’s really the only one?” Tony said, suddenly a lot calmer.

“Yes, and I’m bloody glad of it too, and not in the least because you’ve reacted so badly to this that I’m not sure I even trust you around him right now”

Tony didn’t say anything, but he looked shame-faced. Loki didn’t look any happier for it.

“You need to face up to this and start acting like a proper dad again. Your denial is doing no one any good, and your way of ‘processing’ your emotions is damaging us. But it’s starting to seem more and more unlikely that you’re ever going to accept this new reality, unless you’re forced to” he said. “And maybe doing that is a good idea”

Loki picked up his phone, checking the time. It was still fairly early. Good.

“What are you doing?” Tony said.

“Making you face up to this”

“You can’t do that!”

“Watch me”

Peter flinched at the struggle that followed. Part of him wanted to jump in and make it stop, but he felt like he’d already caused enough trouble for one day. Tony was no match for Loki anyway. Peter looked at them. Tony had ended up on his back, hands trapped by his sides, with Loki sat on top of him with one hand holding his phone, and the other over Tony’s mouth. Something about it seemed to be evidence of truce - or at least, something close to it.

“Hello, Marco, my love” Loki said. “Have you got a pen? Perfect. I’ve got a little something for our press release”

Tony tried to struggle and get Loki to stop, unsuccessfully. He looked over at Peter for help. Peter knew what that look meant, but there was no way he was going to jump to Tony’s aid, not after how hard he’d hit him. He flopped against Loki’s pillows and hid his face so Tony couldn’t throw any more signals at him.

“Word for word, darling, promise me that now. You can choose a little opening if need be, mind” Loki was saying. “Everything ready? Beautiful. So, this is what I was thinking” Loki cleared his throat. “Due to recent findings in our personal lives, my husband decided to carry out a paternity test on himself and our son, under the guidance of our General Practitioner. Having now had time to process the results, we are happy to announce to the general public the wonderful coincidence that our son, Peter, is also my husband Tony’s biological son. While shocked by the discovery, we still remain the same family of equal parents and child. We will not be available for interview and ask that our families privacy be respected during this time”

“Nice... Nice, beautiful” Peter heard Marco saying over the phone. “Great! Tony got anything to add?”

Loki paused, his hand still over Tony’s mouth. “Tony Stark is not available for comment”

*