#it's 2020 and I just used a shrug emoji

[thebroccolination]

When I first started following Krist as a casual fan in 2020, I didn’t pick up on the signs that he’s a people-pleaser. He had this hyper kind of energy he doesn’t really show anymore—and maybe he’s grown out it of over time—so he just seemed very earnest and playful. Coupled with his layered, beautiful portrayal of Arthit in SOTUS, that was enough to intrigue me.

I’ve said this before, but I’m sure I became aware of Krist at the worst possible moment as an interfan.

2016 to 2020 was the fever-pitch of Krist’s career. He and Singto had won KAZZ Magazine’s Best Couple Award four consecutive years, and GMMTV was throwing SOTUS fanmeetings and events all that time. (It hasn’t been that long since GMMTV finally stopped wringing every possible drop from SOTUS’s success.) After I binge-watched SOTUS in May and started following Krist on social media in June, that was the beginning of a very dark period for him.

The majority of Krist’s top-liked tweets of all time are from 2020, and it seems like the most liked was his apology in June of that year. An older interview of him with Singto and other seniors was making the rounds at that time and the brand new tidal wave of interfans were looking at him, this big star of the small BL world, with more scrutiny. He’d already apologized for this video when it was first released, but the reaction this time was bigger, and newcomers especially demanded a bigger response to match.

In this video, Krist and Singto’s senior jokes that a filter they flip through looks like the one used on the news to protect the identity of rape victims. In context, he seemed to be pointing out the absurdity of a social media app offering that kind of filter for entertainment purposes, and Krist and Singto agreed and laughed. However, out of context, it just sounded like they were all making light of a very serious crime. I myself couldn’t find the video until years later, and even now I’m not sure where to find it again, so all I ever heard it referred to as was “the rape joke.” That’s why in my Twitter thread and my later post here on Tumblr picking apart the interfan accusations of homophobia against Krist, I was treading lightly with this subject purely because I didn’t know firsthand what the actual video was like, and I even thought Krist was the one who’d joked about it based on hearsay. Now that I’ve seen it, I can see why some thought it was best for him to apologize and clarify. After all, he’s a male celebrity with a predominantly female fanbase who often works with women, and the majority of rape cases are, in fact, women.

The parasocial relationships fans form with these celebrities means that a celebrity’s personal views and beliefs have more weight than some random stranger.

Krist reacted to the criticism swiftly. He organized a press conference himself and addressed the issue solemnly and professionally. He made no excuses for himself and apologized, taking the opportunity to address another issue: a screenshot of an old Instagram story in which someone asks in English if he’s gay, and he posted a selfie with an exaggerated angry face and a ton of angry face emojis with “absolutely no” in English. He’d also addressed this before when it was first circulated back in 2017, and by all accounts I’ve heard, Thai fans shrugged it off. It was an invasive question, and fans had pushed his boundaries one too many times. He’d starred in a gay role at a time when doing so was still taboo, and he’d built up goodwill by patterns of support and shows of love for the queer community, so the initial reaction to the Instagram story had been more a seemingly rude response to a fan than anyone seriously believing he was homophobic.

Still, he used the press conference he’d organized to apologize for this as well, making no excuses.

According to friends who speak Thai and were following this at the time, the Thai side accepted his apologies and moved on.

Interfans, however, saw the screenshot and skewered him with death threats and waves upon waves of hate for years. Shaky translations of his native Thai apology done by fans without fluency in English were quickly buried, and Krist himself couldn’t speak or write in English well enough to explain, so he left Twitter almost entirely until Be My Favorite began production in late 2022.

GMMTV was super lackadaisical about the interfan hate against Krist. They only addressed it with an official notice in 2023 when a Brazilian fan called Krist a homophobe in the GMMTV lobby. If I had to guess why GMMTV didn’t do more to rectify the situation, I’d speculate that because Krist’s reputation on the Thai side had been relatively unaffected, they didn’t think they needed to explain further to a loud minority. After all, by Krist’s tweet below, you can see that the public reception was overwhelmingly positive. 85k likes and 35k retweets, and most of the Thai comments seem to be supportive.

But of course, in 2023, GMMTV was pivoting more and more to cater to interfans, and they probably realized they’d let the interfan situation with Krist rot to a point where even now some are adamant that Krist is a monster. Even though Thai fans have been saying all along that he isn’t, that he’s a good, open-minded, and kindhearted person, there’s still this overwhelming individualism present in western fans that leads to them navigating a Thai space without consulting Thai people.

Krist has said repeatedly that nothing hurts him more than being misunderstood by others. He said it again at the panel he attended yesterday for mental health awareness. His anxiety is probably an aspect behind his need to please everyone around him, to try and smooth things over at any cost, prioritizing himself last.

I think it was right for him to applogize back then in 2020, but far more important than the apologies were the clarifications and the explanations. If all a person does is apologize and repeat the same behavior, no one takes them seriously. But Thai people and Krist’s fans saw his sincerity, his changed actions, and added both to the goodwill he’d earned from them over years with numerous positive experiences and impressions, and moved on.

The interview gifs above are from 2023 after he’d had years to process and consult therapists. He’s become increasingly knowledgeable about mental health issues, how to cope with his own obstacles, and try to center himself more.

So in 2024, when his fans once again pushed his boundaries—this time trying to force him to publicly end his close friendship with his former costar Gawin—he handled the situation differently. He knew he wasn’t wrong this time. Not even remotely. He did a TikTok live where he explained to his fans that he and his friends had kept the many times he hung out with Gawin a secret from the public out of consideration of KristSingto’s comeback and Gawin’s new projects, but the few times he did post photos with Gawin, some fans rallied against him. Vomit and angry face emojis on his Broadcast, furious tweets, etc.

He knew he wasn’t in the wrong this time. He was being bullied by his own fans who couldn’t stand to see him showing affection to anyone but Singto. This same type of fan stalked him as a student, demanded personal information about his sexuality and his relationships, and pushed him until he broke. But he didn’t let them do it again.

This time he addressed fans calmly, took a month off social media, and when he returned, he did things differently. He kept his Broadcast closed. He kept his personal Facebook account, previously open to the public, locked. He added a “toxic=block” to his Twitter. He withdrew a little more from fan interaction.

Part of why I’m so fond of him is because he’s been so transparent and authentic with his fans. He’s honest to a fault, usually to his own detriment, but that’s what’s forged the bond between him and his fanbase. Especially the ones who’ve been around to support him in person since he was a teenager. But I’m proud of him for drawing the boundaries he needs to protect his mental health.

And Krist is still learning about his own mental health. Always willing to learn. Yesterday, he told the therapist on the panel that he’d actually read their advice online about hugging people to feel better, and joked that he’s grown addicted to hugging the people close to him.

[from top left to bottom: krist and nanon; krist and singto; krist and gawin]

I’m relieved whenever I see a new interfan say they see him in a good light, because it means they’re seeing what Thai people and Krist’s fans saw all along. Unfortunately, the language barrier can be steep, and Krist himself has said he regrets not taking English more seriously in school so he could communicate more with international fans. But I always believed that he didn’t need to speak English for people to see him as he is.

All he needed to do was be himself, and he has.

Q: How you deal with drama.

[cielospeaks]

i dv meme just bc i thought it was interesting

surv main: either doctor or little girl, but thats mostly for the outfits. id say rn its little girl but i also sometimes play doctor or painter

hunt main: leo, but id like it to be antonio ; ; barely play hunter tho tbh

fav assist/contain/decode/rescue: i dont rlly play different characters much so really idk. ricky is lovely and amazing, but hard to play w bad connection, so him for decode. lg stun is nice, so maybe for contain? doc's healing is fun when i dont get tracked down immediately, and coord or painter are good for rescuing. so -shrug emoji-

overall fave: ricky (composer) and antonio all the way! gosh i love those guys so much!!

least fav survivor: tbh i dont really like any survivors not ricky that much :/ especially the backstories of a lot of them

least fav hunter: i think i like the hunters just a little more, and any hunter played well is a pain to deal with, so again. neutral answer

fav backstory: i love my boys but tbh we dont know so much abt them. so ill say my bois bc i love them, and prologue detective bc the prologue story was actually interesting, as opposed to everything after it

fave s tier: oh absolutely demon symphony (essence antonio). hes got big devil went down to georgia energy and is just sexy/attractive in general. wish i couldve gotten him

fave hunter trait: idk. does teleport count? bc it looks useful

fave game: rickys game just bc hes in it (and antonio's too for that matter) but other than that idk

fave map: i like eversleeping town since its easy enough to get around and kinda fun to look at. i like the interactable stuff in moon river park, but dont get to play on them much

fave crossover: conan and dr1+2! tho id say dr2 for personal reasons, and it had a good array of characters. conan got screwed over in the intl release which is a shame, bc it was really fun too

fave a tier: im gonna say rickys infernal sonata for this too bc its cute and has very good energy.

fave mode: just quick match? or actually that one from last halloween where you had to find things and make it out of the maze, that was actually fun. besides that dont really care for any mode lol

fave event: 2020 christmas event. antonio cute. why he not get a feature seriously

fave essence: the s tier antonio one bc it was nice. its a shame i dont care much for the other characters but antonio is very cute and has a nice neutral role in the story

fave emote: i like that new high five one that was added. tho for individual characters, maybe the take a picture emote from the collab? or any of antonio's ones. resonance is so cute to see him playing violin

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

(NSFW) Hi! Do you think one of you could tell me the difference between a fetish, a preference, a kink, etc (if there are other terms, then those too please)? Also, are there any kinks/fetishes/preferences that are bad? I think I may have something where I am fetishizing a group of people and I feel very guilty and bad about it. It is private, just for my fantasies, but still it upsets me. Thank you!

That’s probably gonna end up being a long answer. I’ll try my best to be coherent but I guess it’s best I just write what comes to mind and if you have any more questions just send another message.

Usually a fetish is considered something that a person finds sexually arousing that is not a primary or secondary sex organ (genitals and breasts). By that definition for example you get things like “foot fetish”. Feet are not considered sexual body parts by most people and they certainly aren’t reproductive organs but for some people they trigger sexual arousal. Other people have fetishes for certain materials like rubber and find the texture of that arousing so they may dress up in latex suits. Depending on how tight or loose someone’s definition of “fetish” is they’d also group any kind of attraction to certain clothing as a fetish. How many people find nylon stockings or tuxedos or high-heels arousing? A fuck ton of people! There’s no real reason why they would evolutionary be attracted to that but it is still a common thing and if you define “fetish” as any sexual interest in features that are not sex organs then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ well... fetishes they are.

Some interpretations go as far as sorting the use of any kind of sex toy (even just a good ol’ dildo) into fetishism/kink because it’s ~sexual gratification with the use of an object~. I find that interpretation rather extreme but alas, it’s one way to look at it.

Now, why do some people have fetishes and kinks? Pfff... science pretty much has shown that to a certain degree fetishes are a very common variance in human sexuality and often develop in childhood. Either at random or through some formative experience.

There’s often the idea that kinks (especially kinks in the BDSM corner - more on that later) are always born out of trauma but that’s a misconception. Though that can sometimes be the case it doesn’t have to be. That “formative experience” which manifests in a kink can mean anything and doesn’t have to be traumatic. And whatever the reason may be for someone’s fetish/kink - there is hardly anything that is “inherently unhealthy”. There are healthy ways to engage in kink and unhealthy ones. And for some people kink is actually a way to work through a trauma.

If you want to know if there is actually a difference between the terms “fetish” and “kink” then I’d say it’s just a slight nuance. In my personal observation and experience I’d say “kink” is a wider term that can encompass anything that is not strictly vanilla genital stimulation. So that means: fetishes about certain body parts, textiles, places; role play in one way or another; BDSM ---- all of that falls under the term “kink”.

and for clarification: “vanilla” is a term to refer to sex that does not involve any kink. so you could say “vanilla” and “kinky” are opposites.

BDSM stands for bondage/discipline - Dominant/submissive - sadism/masochism. That is itself a very large field and not everyone who is into BDSM is into all of those letters. For example one might be into role play that involves dominance and submission but doesn’t like bondage. And the closer you look at it the more individual it may become. Someone who likes pain play might (probably!) not like every kind of pain. That’s why open and clear communication along with informed consent are the biggest rules in healthy kink and BDSM. It is common to agree on safe words and signs or to even discuss beforehand exactly what you want to do with your partner.

Now, I’d say to a certain degree even vanilla people might prefer either taking a more dominant role or a more submissive role during sex. But that’s usually a smaller nuance than it would be during a BDSM session. And note that not every kinky person always has kinky sex. In my opinion this is also a spectrum. How many people have tried fluffy handcuffs but wouldn’t particularily call themselves members of the BDSM community because of that? And I know that sometimes there can still be kinky vibes in the dynamic with a partner even when you don’t feel like getting out the whip collection every time.

For many kinksters this isn’t just “a way to have sex”. Many of us consider it part of our sexual identity just like one’s sexual orientation. Like: just like I cannot imagine not being bisexual, I also cannot imagine not being kinky. That’s not a choice I made but so deeply woven into my sexuality that I can’t just switch it off permanently. Not all but a lot of kinksters feel a similar way.

God, I am going on a tangent here and I really also want to get into this "guilt” that you say you have for your fantasies. Now, I don’t know what those fantasies are and you don’t have to tell me. But it is very important that you know that fantasies can hurt no one. They are in your head and nothing more. So whatever is going on there it is safe up there in your head.

Of course, if it upsets you that you have those fantasies (which may or may not be considered kinky) - try finding out where that guilt is coming from. Do you maybe experience sexual shame in general? Kink is often somehow seen as ~more sexual~ than vanilla sex which is bullshit. If anything it’s just a different kind of sexual. But still, if you aren’t really comfortable with sexuality in general (maybe bc of a conservative or religious upbringing) then obviously you’d feel even more shameful about sex acts that seem taboo or unconventional.

There is also a lot of kink-negativity on tumblr (and in certain brands of feminism and in mainstream media) so for a lot of kinky people it takes time and effort to embrace their fantasies as they are and be comfy with them - ideally to the point where they can realise them in a fulfilling way. And lack of knowledge can often make it difficult to understand one’s own fantasies and communicate those needs so in order to have a fulfillling sexuality it is vital that you educate yourself further and learn to be able to talk about these things.

Above I said that there is hardly anything that’s inherently unhealthy/toxic and I truly mean it - as long as your partner(s) consent and you all are aware of the possible risks then have fun! Of course it sucks to experience sexual shame or kink shame but you aren’t doing any harm by engaging in kink with someone who has consented to being part of that and you both take the necessary precautions to reduce potential risks. (Note: there are kinks that can never be risk free. if you wanna spank your partner there is a likely risk they’ll end up with bruises. but that doesn’t make the act of consensual spanking bad or abusive or whatever. many things in life are risky and people still consent to them willingly and enthusiastically. sports is the best example.)

You say you might “fetishise a group of people” and that could really mean anything so I can’t get into much detail when talking about that. There’s some things like oversexualisation of people of colour for example where it can definitly be a racist “fetish” that white people like to get off to because it seems ~exotic~. I would argue that that’s not a “fetish” though and the word “fetishisation” is often misused and overused, especially on tumblr. There is nothing inherently immoral to be attracted to certain physical features or to find someone attractive who belongs to a group of people (marginalised or not). However, there is a respectful way to deal with that and a disrespectful way. If you dehumanise that group to the point where you don’t give a fuck about the individual then that is very shitty. But I get the feeling that’s not the case here with you. Or... I don’t know. Can’t really know what’s going on without knowing more details.

I don’t know if I helped you in any way or opened up the floodgates for more questions. Again, feel free to ask further. You can also message me directly via my personal blog @apicturewithasmile because some things are better discussed and explained in a dialogue.

Maddie

[haxxydraws]

first attempt at actually painting in cs paint........ it’s isaac 

[drivingsideways]

For AO3 Wrapped: can you please answer all? 💋

Right. So by popular demand (hahahahaha)

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

1. How many words have you written this year?

121,711 words were published on AO3, and I have another 10k sitting in drafts, so...quite a lot? 2022 brings up my total word count on AO3 since 2017 when I first started posting on AO3 to 853,262..which..blows my mind, honestly.

Putting the rest under the cut!

2. How many works did you publish this year?

6 works, in total. This is the year when I used AO3 to “archive” rather than “publish”, which I will talk about in another year end post, maybe. But as a quick round up:

For Twenty Five, Twenty One : Rival which gives Na Heedo and Ko Yurim the romance they and we deserved, and Hakuna Matata which is a light romp in which two besties take twenty years to do what their moms had planned for them all along. 

The bulk of my work   was for an entirely made up fandom :  The Chung Jung One Soy Sauce ad ft Lee Jung Jae & Jung Woo sung  aka the Terms of Surrender series (3 works and counting), which I’ll probably continue into the next year.

I tried to FIX Lee Jung Jae’s directorial debut “Hunt”, which features his bestie/soulmate/jagiya Jung Woo Sung in Juche, which is the first of a planned two-part series. 

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

I answered this as Rival, yesterday, but I think Juche also is pretty good. 

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

Rival

As a side note, AO3 doesn’t allow me to track hits on older works in the current year, but the 2020 fic I wrote for TKEM still gets a lot of hits, perhaps from re-reads, and there are even people clicking on my older Black Sails and The Rise of Phoenixes fic, which I am grateful for. 

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

I have very very few readers this year compare to last few- which was as expected. But! Terms of Surrender got a comment from someone who’d subscribed to my work and just jumped into a completely niche fic and it melted my heart a bit!  I still get comments on older fic that I didn’t expect anyone to be reading- just yesterday, my notifications were filled by someone working their way through my fic for Serenade of Peaceful Joy, and that was completely unexpected because (a) it was a terrible show and (b) it was a flop and (c) the fandom is dead and buried, and should stay that way. 

6. Favorite title you used

“Instructions for Dancing”

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

I was trying to recall if I’ve used song titles more than once -”Instructions for Dancing” this year is from  “The Book of Love” by The Magnetic Fields- and I think I’ve only done it once before, using a David Gray song lyric -Tell the Stars Above (You’re the One I Love)- for the concluding part of the Stars’ verse in TKEM. 

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

I’ve answered this before, but just to elaborate for the ones wondering why I had to make up a fandom to write in - Lee Jung-jae and Jung Woo-sung  (aka the Cheongdam Couple) are actors, producers, directors and have been the best of friends for 20 plus years. I just find their entire deal so damn charming and lovely- imagine being able to have that in such a brutally unforgiving industry. However, their combined filmography is largely what I put in the column of “TRAGICALLY UNWATCHABLE” and I feel I’m just inventing the stories that I wish they’d make and star in. They’ve only acted in two movies together- 1998′s City of the Rising Sun, which is a really good, fun film and 2022′s Hunt, directed by Lee Jung-jae, which was mediocre on the whole, though with some undeniably good elements. I just want the ahjussis to make the movies in which they are as soft with each other onscreen as they are irl, and failing that I’m going to have to write the fic. It is what it is. * shrug hands emoji *

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

I’ve written almost 100k words (including WIPs) for the characters Jang Do-chul and Kang Hong-gi; the protagonists in a fictional universe being collaboratively created by me and my babygirls (real) @rain-hat  and @elderflowergin

10. What work was the quickest to write?

I think I wrote both Hakuna Matata and Instructions for Dancing in a day. (They’re quite short!)

11. What work took you the longest to write?

I took about three months to write  the Terms of Surrender series, that was a total of ~ 75 k words .

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

I’ve answered this before- not too many- 3. Two are continuations of Terms of Surrender and The Exiles series, and one is a different fictional universe for the Cheongdam couple. But my head is teeming with ideas for stuff, time will tell if any of it will actually make it to a document. :D

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

Longest single work: Terms of Surrender. 

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

Shortest single work: Instructions for Dancing.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

I don’t publish WIPs for good reason- I’m never sure whether I will finish them, so there’s nothing on AO3 that’s in progress as such. But as I mentioned above, there are a couple of WIPs in google docs that I hope to plug away at. 

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Oh, this turns out to be a little hard to figure out, but I guess it would be the most boring- “Romance” ;)

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

I really, really enjoyed writing both Jang Do-chul and Kang Hong-gi, as well as the assorted characters I’ve put into  Terms ‘verse, but shout out to Ko Yurim (Rival) and Park Pyung ho (Hunt). 

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

I didn’t much- one of the reasons is that the characters I spent most time on were sort of entirely original creations (with very little reference to any particular established canon), and that was freeing. 

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I’ve been spending some time thinking about another pairing that exists nowhere but in my head and a discord chat- based off a tumblr post that I can’t find now- but basically it would be Tang Wei and Kim Hye soo starring in a Hallmark Christmas movie- with some twists. 

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

I go back to 2020′s Destiny’s Child for a comfort read, but from this year, I think it’s been Moon River, and I re-read Juche sometimes to get me to think some more about the sequel. 

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

257

22. Which work has the most comments?

Rival

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

I feel that @rain-hat and @elderflowergin are my co creators for the Terms of Surrender ‘verse and also Juche, though I wrote the stories. They wouldn’t exist without my babygirls, my cheerleaders and fic conspirators. (Sorry y’all, I’m just very EMO about them) 

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

Yes! Terms ‘verse and Hakuna Matata for Gin and Rain.

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

Yes! Gin wrote The Process of Discovery for Rain and meeee. (Niche pairing, best writer, you GUYSSSS) 

And in creative works that were not really gifts for me but felt like it: 

@revolutionaryjo did amazing, beautiful podfic for not one, but three of my fics: 2 parts of The stars are filming us for no one and Aphrodite Comes Calling , all three for TKEM fandom

@rhea314 did a stunning podfic of Tell Me the Truth About Love  and it made me cry and fall in love with my own fic again. 

26. What’s your most common category?

M/M

27. What do you listen to while writing?

I’ve taken to making playlists for thinking about fic- thematic playlists- usually because something in the lyrics pings me as appropriate for the characters. I find music distracting when I’m actually writing. 

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

I can’t choose between my fic this year, I wrote them all at different points in the year and love certain elements in all of them.  I love Rival because it’s funny and cute and achy; and I love Terms ‘verse because it’s a love letter to my two years of kdrama/ movie watching and also because it made my babygirls laugh and cry and I think Juche turned out to be crisp and delicious, even if tonally very different from everything else I wrote this year...sowwie! I can’t choose between them!

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Again, hard for me to choose and I’m sure my answer will change next week! 

Single line, from Rival: “ Here’s how it works: When Heedo’s around, nothing is out of reach, not even happiness. “

Passage, from Juche:

“Last stop,” calls the driver from front. “Ahjussis, you getting out or what?”

The others had already disappeared, Pyung-ho catches a last glimpse of blue as the ahjumma got down.

“We’re taking the bus back, ahjussi,” Kim Jeong-do calls back.

The driver stares at them both, and then shrugs.

“Fifteen minute break,” he says, “You can sit here or get out.”

“Do you want to-”

“No.”

“We’re fine here, ahjussi, thanks.”

The driver grunts, and gets off, leaving the door open.

A cold draught of air fills the bus.

Kim Jeong-do opens the window, asking, “Smoke?”

“Those can kill you,” Pyung-ho says, “You know that right?”

“Not fast enough,” says Jeong-do, and Pyung-ho can’t help the chortle that escapes him.

Jeong-do smiles too, eyes crinkling at the corners.

It makes him look handsome.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

To have been able to write at all, in the midst of a bad mental health year has been a surprise and a blessing. And this isn’t a new feature- it happens all the time- but I’m somehow also always shocked by how stories take a life of their own and go where they will, just dragging you along. It’s the best thing, really. 

[kimnjss]

unconscious confession | jhs

⤑  series: heartbreaker

⤑ pairing: stoner!hoseok x cheerleader!reader

⤑ genre: fluff !! 

⤑ rating: pg13

⤑ word count: 3.4 // unedited

⤑ warnings: use of recreational drugs..!!

⤑ A/N: hiiii! thanks to everyone who has been reading along so far and giving me feedback with each and every update !! i really appreciate it honestly it’s a really big motivator for me. sooo i hope you like this part as well, don’t forget to let me know what you think . and also it’s this hoseok walking around lmao .

OCTOBER 3RD, 2020 | 19:26

Hoseok showed up to the game while the players were still practicing and you and the rest of the squad were in the middle of stretches. He looks effortlessly handsome from the quick glimpse you get before he's slumping down onto the metal. Focus on tucking each crumble of weed into the paper, but he'd occasionally steal glances at you on the field.

And your eyes meet each and every time. He played into the casual feel he wanted to set for tonight, an oversized pale yellow shirt underneath his light denim jacket. The pants he wears matches the jean of his jacket but are covered in rips, hair being held back by a headband. You've never noticed it before, but staring at him from the field when you really should be stretching had you realizing how well he carried himself. All of the time.

Thankfully, you're able to keep focus while you're actually cheering. Ignoring the fuzzy feeling that rises in your chest at the sight of him cheering for you (it's not for the players on the field who are losing, badly). He even waves cutely at you as you're being thrown in the air and you consider ruining your form to wave back. But decide against it, Jimin would throw a fit.

His attention is on you from kickoff through overtime, taking the steps two at a time as the players line up to congratulate the winning team. “Ooh. Here comes your biggest fan,” Jimin points out from beside you, slightly breathless from the back-to-back routines.

You're gulping down mouthfuls of water, so you actually don't see when Hoseok makes his way over to you. Not until Jimin's words are registering and your head is whipping around to catch the wide smile on his pretty face. He doesn't hesitate to drop his arm over your shoulders, easily tucking your body into his side.

Instantly, you're engulfed in the familiar scent of him. The subtle stench of weed masked by his sweet cologne. You've never been around a guy who smelt as sweet as Hoseok always did, used to the overpowering stink of AXE body spray, but you're convinced he's never purchased a bottle. 

He's offering a quick nod of acknowledgment to Jimin, which is met with a halfhearted wave as he leans down to tie his laces. “You were pretty cool cheering,” He tries to be nonchalant with his compliment, eyes focused on the sky as he talks. Which is pointless, you already caught the way he had been cheering from the crowd.

“'Pretty cool', that's it?” There's a playful smirk on your lips that he finds way more inciting than he should. But, he's determined to keep his cool in front of you so all he does is lift his shoulders in a slight shrug. “Yeah, pretty cool.” He repeats in the same tone as before.

You don't even bother to mask the snicker that sneaks past your lips. “I put my leg behind my head it was just 'pretty cool'? Maybe you need an up-close demonstration?” It's the one that you use that catches him off guard, highlighting the meaning behind your suggestion.

He stumbles slightly, eyes widening slightly. That was obviously something he's thought about before... respectfully. This wasn't the first time he's seen what your body could do and it never failed to get his mind wandering. Of course, he's thought if he had the chance to sleep with you, would you pull out the same tricks you do on the field. Who wouldn't wonder that with someone they were pursuing? 

But, the fact that you were mentioning it. Hinting at it like you were planning for exactly that to happen, that was a whole different ballpark. And it's obvious from the slightly dazed look in his eye, that you can't help but laugh at. Pulling him from his thoughts with the sound of your laugh.

“You're funny,” You say through your laughter, which he's quickly catching on to – soft chuckles leaving his lips.

He leads you all the way to the locker rooms, where he waits outside for you to change out of your uniform and into the sweater and jeans you had picked out for your date. Compliment at the edge of his tongue the moment you're stepping out, arm dropping back down around your shoulder.

While the two of you walk to his car, he fills you in on the hilarious thing Jeongguk did that morning. And you laugh along with him. Like an actual laugh, not one of those forced ones to boost his ego. He's animated as he speaks, gesturing wide and goofy voices tagged as his friend's voices.

You're a few steps from his car when he's rushing ahead of you, pulling the car door open before dramatically gesturing to it. “M'lady,” He says as you pass him and you know he's just kidding, but your heart skips a beat.

There's got to be something wrong with you, you're sure of it. You've been on tons of dates in the past and here you were all warm and fuzzy inside and the date has barely started. It was comforting being around Hoseok, though. As if you've always known him, you hardly had to do any thinking when you texted and it was no different in person.

You can't help but wonder if it felt like that for him too. A connection like that can't just go unnoticed, right? Or maybe you were getting ahead of yourself. “Will you tell me now where we're going?” You're asking as he's settling into the space beside you, tugging his seatbelt around his waist.

“I won't tell you until we're there.” You had spent the entire night before trying to guess where he was taking you, which was no use. The shrug emoji was a favorite of his you were quickly realizing. “It's really cool, though. You're gonna like it,” He says with a grin.

If that was supposed to ease your curious mind, it does the exact opposite. A place he was sure you were going to like? How would he know? Talked for seven days straight, but that's only one week. Do you really know what someone likes after one week?

Hoseok's quiet the entire car ride, a small smile playing on his lips as he drives. You're too busy striking out possible date locations to make any conversation, so the soft sound of his music is the only noise that fills the car. He's humming along to the beat, fingers tapping against the steering wheel, hair being swept by the wind. He's something out of a movie, it's hard to really focus on anything else.

Ten whole minutes pass of you shamelessly admiring his profile before he's shoving the car into park. “We're here,” Arms stretched out in front of him and your eyes squint, figuring you're missing something. “Where's here?” You're asking when you can't find the answer for yourself.

Hoseok lets out a small laugh, hand reaching to unbuckle his seatbelt. “You gotta get out to see it,” He's at your door seconds later, pulling it open and offering his hand out to you. Which you take, allowing him to pull you from the warmth and into the night wind. With his fingers laced with yours, he leads you away from the car.

You were standing on a cliff and the closer you get to the edge, the prettier it gets. Lights from the city below twinkling, but it looks so quiet. “You can see everything up here,” His fingers are still laced with yours, forgotten between you. “Right. I like to come here sometimes and just look,” Even with the endless conversation the two of you shared throughout the week, there were still quite a few things you didn't know about him.

Like the fact that he had a spot or the reason, he felt like he needed one in the first place. “How come you wanted to have our date here?” Aren't spots supposed to be private? Wouldn't showing you where he goes to 'just look', take away from that?

All at once, he's becoming all too aware with the warmth of your hand in his. The small tingle he feels throughout his palm that he had done a good job at ignoring up until now. It's the reason he's wiggling his fingers from your grasp and shoving his hand into the front pocket of his jeans.

He's plopping down on the rock with a thud, shoulders shrugging. “I don't know. Sometimes when we talk, I feel like bringing you here. So I did.” He's trying to be cool and you're not too sure why. There's a code in his words that isn't at all hard to read. He wanted to bring you here, let you in on a piece of him and no matter how nonchalant he tried to act about it, that's what it was.

So you're lowering yourself to sit beside him. From his pocket, he's pulling out a pre-rolled blunt and tucking it between his lips. He's quick with lighting it, taking his time with inhaling. “I don't really go on dates like that, you know. I mean, I do... but I don't. When I take girls out, it's like a gratuity, you know? But, I like talking to you and I wanted to show you something cool too. So I brought you here,”

His free hand rests on the ground behind you, inadvertently pulling your body closer to his. “Do you like it?” There's a bit of hopefulness in his voice that's hard to miss.

You're smiling brightly up at him, nodding your head to rid him of any confusion. “I like it. It's really pretty. Thank you for showing it to me,” Just your smile was enough to have the flutter starting up in his chest, but the way you talked to him? He'd turn into a blubbering fool if he wasn't careful.

He extends his hand, wordlessly offering the smoke out to you. And you're assuming that he just wants you to hold it for a second, so you pluck it from his fingers. And wait. He's snorting out a laugh at the patient look on your face. “You gonna hit it or...?”

“Oh! Uhm... no?” He's quick with pulling it from your fingers at the rejection, no desire to waste anything. “Why not? Are you like a good girl or something?” He teases, words coming through a cloud of smoke.

You're letting out a scoff, eyes rolling at his words. “No. I'm an athlete. My body is my most important instrument. Which includes my lungs,” He's bursting out laughing at the snootiness hidden in your tone. A loud laugh contagious laugh that could probably be heard throughout the entire city.

“Well, excuse me,” He speaks through your dying laughter.

With his arm resting behind you, you're naturally leaning into his side. The calm of the night and having him so close has a warm feeling settling in your chest, so much so that it's hard to contain the smile that has spread onto your features. Sitting in comfortable silence and watching the city below and it doesn't feel weird.

Content with just being around him and that's something you've never felt before. Whether or not he was feeling it too was lost on you, his focus on moving the blunt to and from his lips, a cloud of smoke forming above your heads.

“You see that greenish building?” You're pointing a little ways ahead of you. He has to lean forward and squint to see what you're referring to but nods once he spots it. “That's my middle school,” Punctuating your words with a grin up at him.

His fingers move to flick his scraps into the window, his body moving closer to you now that his focus wasn't split. “What was Middle School Yn like?” His free hand fidgets with the pebbles on the other side of his body, the other resting over your shoulder.

“Middle School Yn?” You repeat with a laugh, head tilting to the side as you're brought back to what you were like in middle school. Nothing like how you've turned out. “She was... different?” You're laughing again, planning on leaving it at that.

But, he's got this expectant look on his face, waiting for you to go on. So you do. “I kept to myself mostly, didn't have many friends. Not nearly as confident as I am now. I read a lot and did my homework. That's it,” He doesn't seem shocked or even surprised by the fact that you weren't always this popular magazine cut-out creation of yourself.

He doesn't even bat an eye, simply nodding at your words. “So you were a little nerdy?” His words don't come out in the rude unconvinced way that you've heard before when showing your past yearbooks. It's more like he's trying to get an image of what you looked like back than despite anything else.

“You could say that,” He's nodding, brushing the dirt from his hands. “Cute. Middle School me would've had the biggest crush on you.” Hoseok speaks as if it's just another fact like his words don't have a flutter shooting through your chest.

And with how sure he was that you two would've hit it off in middle school, you can't help but become curious. “What were you like back then?” You try to picture what a younger version of him would look like. How he'd act. Probably still cool, unbothered by most things that would usually send kids into a rage.

Your imagination doesn't get too far before he's answering. “I was a bit of a hothead... always wanted to fight someone. I was sensitive and emotional, so I argued a lot with whoever. I had a ton of friends, though. But looking, they were probably just afraid of not being my friend.” He laughs so you offer up a small giggle.

Your hand had been mindlessly resting on his thigh before, fingers tracing patterns into the fabric of his jeans as he speaks. “So why do you think you'd have a crush on me?” From the way he described himself, it seemed like you two wouldn't even sit by each other – let alone be close enough that he'd develop a crush.

He's shrugging at your words, an action that you've quickly realized is his favorite. A way to give off nonchalance, but looking close enough it's not hard to detect the light blush that dusts over his cheeks. “You said you were quiet. I think I would've liked being around you. Listening to you talk... like now,” His arm drops from your shoulders to wrap around your waist, using his grip to pull you closer to him.

“Think if I met you then or now, I'd still be into the way you smile... or the pretty way you roll your eyes when you're trying to act annoyed. And yeah, just you.” His hand reaches for yours in his lap, loosely twisting your fingers with his. “Any version of me would like you,” It's so soft, you're not sure if that last part was meant for you to hear.

His eyes are focused out in front of you, not even slightly looking like someone that just confessed. So you ignore it, summing it up as a slip of the tongue. You don't comment, but that doesn't stop the butterflies from taking over your stomach.

All at once, you're being met with the undeniable urge to kiss him. Just to see what it feels like. Throw out the self-proclaimed challenge you set for yourself because Arya was probably wrong. You've spent the entire night with the guy, he cheered you on from the crowd, brought you to his spot, and now this... unconscious confession. The fact that he liked you was on his mind so much that he was saying it without even realizing it.

You found it extremely hard to think someone like that would have the wrap sheet he was given. Or, maybe he did in the past... but with you it was different. Why else would he take you here, invite you into his space and talk to you the way that he has if it wasn't anything different? Right?

Right.

So before you can talk yourself out of it, you're tilting your head to the side to face him. “It's pretty here, huh?” Voice much softer now, you've taken control of the fiddling of fingers. Twisting yours around him and occasionally brushing your nails against his skin. It's subtle enough to be taken lightly but just enough to leave his skin tingling.

He's quick to pick up on your change of demeanor, brows raising in slight surprise, but he doesn't say anything. In fact, he's following your lead, leaning his body in closer to yours. “Mhm. Quiet too, nobody really comes over here,” His fingers tug at the belt loops in your jeans, tongue pushing out to wet his lips.

“That's good,” Your breath brushes against his lips as you speak, eyes dropping to his lips. He doesn't say anything else, gently pulling his fingers from your grasp just so he can spread his palm on the side of your neck. And then his lips are crashing down onto yours, hand holding your head in place.

Hoseok kisses you slowly at first, mouth molding with yours. But it's not long before he's brushing his tongue over your lips, testing the waters before he's plunging in. Fingers pressed into his jeans, you try to keep your head from spinning as his tongue pushes against yours. He tastes earthy... but a little sweet. It's intoxicating.

With two hands planted firmly on your hips, he's easily lifting you onto his lap. The movement so fast it's forcing you to break the kiss, a squealed laugh breaking the kiss. Which he meets with a wide grin, reaching to push your hair from your face. Slowly, he drags the tips of his fingers over your jawline, until he's holding your chin between his thumb and index finger.

“I really like your lips,” He says through a groan, leaning in to cover your mouth with his once more. Hands dropping to cover the curve of your ass, pushing your body further up on his lap so your hips collide. You can feel his half-hard cock pressed against your thigh and it takes everything in you not to grind your hips forward.

The feeling of his cool hands slipping underneath your sweater has a shiver running down your spine. Body reacting to the way his fingers climb up your skin, grazing over the underwire of your bra. His teeth tug at your lower lip and you feel the twitch of his cock hardening as his hands slide underneath.

Your slow with pulling back, not fully wanting to pull away – but knowing if you didn't stop now you wouldn't be able to convince yourself later on. It's cute, though, the way his lips chase yours as you put distance between the two of you. When he's not tasting the peach of your lip gloss, his eyes flutter open.

Two large hands resting over your breasts, cheeks matching the color of his eyes. “You don't want to?” He looks genuinely confused, like someone not wanting to sleep with him right away was some foreign concept. Still, he's pulling his hands from the inside of your shirt, resting them behind him.

“Not yet,” He nods, glossy lips spreading into a smile. “Okay,” He leans up to press a reassuring kiss to your nose before he's sliding you off of his lap. And then, without missing a beat he's saying. “I bet I can name more constellations than you,” Completely wiping away any possibility of an awkward moment rising.

Challenging you with a smirk on his face and the comfortable atmosphere you had been in before is quickly returning. “Yeah, okay.” He's stretched out on the ground so he can look at the sky properly and you're quick to lower yourself beside him.

And just like that, you're pointing out clusters of stars, laughing at the ridiculous names that you come up with. Your head pressed to his shoulder and his arm wrapped around you. You don't even notice as the hours tick by.

— you’re just his type. so it’s no surprise when all of his time and effort goes into making you his. though, they’ve always said… you only want it because you can’t have it.

⤪ masterlist ⤨

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A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. if u want to be added to the tag list, send me an ask! + if you’ve asked to be on my permanent taglist, you do not need to ask to be added to this one !!

[cozylittleartblog]

obligatory end-of-year memes - 2021 summary of art & art vs artist. i do not normally photograph well but halloween was good to me

this year was crazy busy because i went off and opened an etsy, and most of my commission work this year happened to be big pieces, so that all was keeping me real occupied behind-the-scenes. it was hard putting together the summary cuz i was so inactive some months. last year’s summary said “i wonder if i can get an illustration in every box next year” and if i were pulling from my etsy & commission log, i probably would be able to, but i mostly only use personal pieces in these so. lol. (... except for July that’s artfight but that one came out really good it can be an exception) i didn’t want any overlap between the two so the summary took priority, but i think the AVA is more a reflection of my usual work anyway so that’s fine probably

this is the part where i name my art goals for next year but you know what i’m just going with the flow. whatever happens happens. shrug emoji. really need to get more comfortable drawing perspective though so i guess that can be my goal

oh, aaand i think my favorite piece from this year... is tied between March, July,  September, and December. they’re all good

Blank Meme  ||  2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 32

A/N: Another ‘friend’ of ours makes an appearance in this chapter (unfortunately for me lmao)

August 2nd, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was as prepared as she could be for Game 1 against the Columbus Blue Jackets.  

Scotiabank Arena was freezing – more freezing than normal – because of the three-games-a-day and all the hockey being played.  She knew the players and team personnel would complain if the ice was crap (apparently they could tell, though it beat the shit out of her how they could tell), and of course Scotiabank Arena, and the Leafs in general, wanted to make an excellent impression.  They were the centre of the hockey world, so Aberdeen knew they could pull it off.  It just didn’t help that it was August and it felt like early November indoors.

She joined Brendan and Kyle in their usual box – luckily they didn’t have to give that up.  The team was taking their pre-game skate below and Aberdeen watched as William shot pucks towards Freddie in the net, sneaking one past him before skating around their perimeter of the rink a few times.  On the other side of the ice, the Columbus Blue Jackets were doing the exact same thing, though she barely knew or recognized a soul on the team.  One of them could walk by her in the arena and she wouldn’t know better.  

“How do you think it’s gonna go?” Brendan asked from six feet away from her, his black mask covering his face.

Aberdeen shrugged her shoulders.  “You should stop asking me these questions, Brendan.  I know nothing about hockey.”

“That may be,” he said, not letting up, “but you know the boys, on a level far superior than your knowledge of hockey.  So what do you say?”

Aberdeen thought about it.  She knew them on a personal level, but that didn’t matter at all – at least she didn’t think it mattered – when it came to a playoff game.  She knew how much pressure the guys were under.  She also knew that they were still adjusting to the bubble life and how weird everything was.  Make no mistake – they were being taken care of exceptionally well by the staff at the Royal York Hotel, and Aberdeen made sure she said a loud thank you to every worker she came across and interacted with.  She heard every single one of the guys do the exact same thing.  But she didn’t know how that would translate into a hockey game.  They were two different things.  They were to different entities that she had no idea how to join together.  

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, her voice soft.  “When you ask me these questions, I feel like you want me to be Nostradamus or something.  What if I said they were going to lose 2-0?”

“I’d believe you,” Brendan shrugged.

***

The Leafs lost 2-0.

“C’mon Nostradamus,” Brendan said as he packed up his clipboard and tucked it under his arm.  “The social media posts can wait.  You need to go mediate the post-game interviews and press calls.”

Aberdeen packed up her iPad after she rolled her eyes.  She shouldn’t have said anything.  She should have responded ‘They’re going to win 5-0!’ the first time he ever asked her that question and kept that answer throughout the entire season.  She followed six feet behind Kyle, who was in turn six feet behind Brendan, as they made their way to the locker room.  By the time they got there, Sheldon was nearing the end of his post-game speech.  Most of the guys were half undressed – at least at the top – and a few of them were shoving off their elbow pads and chucking their tape from their socks into the bins.  They all looked irritated.  

She made her way into the media room and set up the Zoom call where a bunch of reporters joined.  Morgan and Auston walked into the room, and she quickly typed in the chat which players were there so they could organize their questions accordingly.  Morgan and Auston sat down in their chairs.  

“Is Steve on the call?” Auston asked suddenly while Aberdeen was adjusting the camera.

“Uh, yeah.  Why?” she asked.

Auston pursed his lips together and shrugged it off.  

The interviews were going fine.  She hated hearing the sound of her own voice on recordings but she knew she’d have to suck it up for the sake of the media call.  She called on each reporter by name.  The boys answered their questions.  It was all very routine.  

“Steve Simmons from the Toronto Sun,” Aberdeen called out.  She waited, and while waiting, she saw Morgan’s and Auston’s demeanour completely change.  

“Uhhh, Steve Simmons, Toronto Sun for Auston – it’s one thing to hear about how tight they play, and to even watch the films of how tight they play.  What was it like to experience it?”

Auston took the lead.  “Uh, well I mean first of all, it’s unfortunate that I’mn getting a question from you at this point, Steve, but I just wanted to say I didn’t really appreciate the article you wrote about me a couple months ago.  I thought, uh, it was very unethical to be honest, but…uh, moving along…”

Aberdeen didn’t hear the rest of his answer.  Truthfully, she didn’t care.  All she could feel was a burning sensation shooting up her spine at Auston’s words.  He did it.  He called out Steve Simmons, the most annoying reporter known to mankind.  

She smirked.

***

After the media interviews, Aberdeen found a quiet space and took out her iPad again to post the final score graphic to the team’s Instagram page.  As she finished typing the caption – ‘Battled hard.  Back at it on Tuesday.’ – she heard some fairly loud footsteps behind her before they stopped.  “A girl?” a voice from behind her said.

She didn’t recognize it – and it wasn’t like anybody from the team would refer to her as “a girl” – so she furrowed her brows and turned around.  She saw what had to be a member of the Columbus Blue Jackets staring at her.  She couldn’t see it, but she automatically knew from the way he was standing and the energy he gave off that he was smirking smugly underneath his mask.  “Yeah, we exist,” she shot him a look, not ready to take any bullshit from him or anybody else.  The way these men thought she was a complete novelty astounded her.  “Have you never seen one of us before?”

“So Barzy was right,” the man continued.  “The Leafs have a girl in their bubble.  Incredible.”

Aberdeen could tell by the way he said and emphasized girl that this conversation – if you could call it that – was gonna be a doozy.  The guy was huge but didn’t look any older than she was, so she knew she would be able to put him in his place.  “What are you even doing in this hallway?  You’re not supposed to be on this side,” she said sternly.  “I suggest you leave and go back to your area of the arena unless you want me to complain to the NHL that your breaching protocol.”

From the very end of the hallway, another figure walked by, stopping at the gap when he apparently found who he was looking for.  Aberdeen could at least recognize him – John Tortorella, the head coach of the Columbus Blue Jackets.  “Pierre, what the fuck are you doing there?  Come on, we gotta go.”

The man, named Pierre, gave Aberdeen a smoldering look.  She rolled her eyes.  “Must have taken a wrong turn,” he said, loud enough so John would hear.

Dead set on not taking any bullshit, and just really, really wanting to put this guy in his place, Aberdeen didn’t let up.  “Perhaps you should remind Pierre of how to speak to the staff of another NHL team,” she said sternly.  Both men were too far away to notice how red she was getting, but she could see Pierre whip his head to look at her and his eyes go wide in shock.  “And perhaps he should read another copy of the social distancing and bubble protocols tonight in his bedroom so he doesn’t make this unfortunate decision again,” she said, deliberately using ‘decision’ instead of ‘mistake’, because she fucking knew this was no mistake.  She wondered what other rumours were swirling in the Royal York about a girl being in the Leafs bubble.  

Pierre scurried to the end of the hallway.  From her spot, she could hear John chuckle.  “You must be the Aberdeen Bloom I’ve only ever heard good things about,” he said.  “Keep it up.  I might ask you to take my place to keep the boys in line.”

She couldn’t help but smile.  Pierre took one last look between his coach and ‘the girl’.  “I could take ‘em,” Aberdeen commented, getting a nod from John before he and Pierre disappeared.  

She let out a breath.  

***

After the team got back to the hotel, picked up their pre-packaged dinner, and settled into their rooms, Aberdeen showered and changed.  She sat at the desk where she put the meal and took out her phone.  She sent some quick texts to her parents, Siena, and Camden before bringing up William’s name.

U up?

lmao minskatt isnt that what i should be saying to u *wink emoji*

Do you want to eat dinner together?

of course

I’m ready whenever you are babe

She waited for him to start the call.  Not even two minutes later, her phone began to ring and “Head Empty” flashed across the screen.  She accepted the FaceTime call almost immediately.  When it connected and he appeared on her screen, walking in his hotel room with his bathrobe on and his hair wet and tied back, she smiled.  “Hi.”

“Hi minskatt,” he said, his voice low.  She watched as he put a pair of headphones on.  “That’s better.”

Hers were already in.  “I’m sorry about the game tonight,” she said, perching her phone on a high point on the desk.  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

He shrugged.  “Not really.  At least, not right now,” he said, putting his phone down too.  “Maybe later.  Like, after we have dinner.”

“Promise me we will.”

“I promise,” he said, looking into the phone.  He knew she would want him to talk about it, and he made her a promise all those months ago.  He would never break it.  “Right now I just want to have dinner over FaceTime with my girlfriend even though we’re less than fifty feet away from each other.”

Aberdeen chuckled, if only because she agreed wholeheartedly that this whole thing was ridiculous.  The tone of William’s voice made her know that he thought it completely ridiculous too.  “It’s hard.  I know.  At least we get free food,” she held up a forkful of the marinated chicken breast.  “And good food.  It’s not like it’s airplane food.”

William smiled slightly.  “First thing I do when we get out of here is bring you to Canoe or Ardo or Miku and splurge on every meal they have on the menu,” he said.  

“Sounds good to me.  Maybe by then I’ll have a new job to celebrate, anyway.”

“How’s the article coming along?” he asked.

“Fine,” she said.  She’s started in the other day and already had about 1500 words worth of material.  She figured the best way to go about it was keep a sort of diary every day and then edit it down when she could.  “Might talk about how fucking awkward you hockey boys are these days with women.”

“I’m excluded from that, right?” he asked.  “I mean, I totally swept you off your feet when we first met.”

She couldn’t help but smile.  “You did.”

***

August 3rd, 2020

Aberdeen accompanied the team to one of the workout facilities just so she could catch a glimpse of sone sunshine on the day off.  Instead of working out, she sat on the sidelines of where all the equipment was and the boys worked out, furiously typing away on her personal laptop.  Every so often when she’d glance up, she’d see Morgan’s thighs almost ripping through his shorts as he did some lunges; she’d see Auston’s biceps almost bursting through his sleeves as he lifted weights above his head; she’d see William’s thick torso exposed as his shirt rode up from him throwing a heavy medicine ball above his head.  

A million girls in this city would kill her to be in her position.

And here she was, writing 10,000 words about them instead of ogling them.  Well, everyone except her secret boyfriend.

***

August 4th, 2020

Game 2.  

Aberdeen was confident that the boys would respond to Columbus’s win in Game 1.  She could tell in their energy throughout the day and in the arena they were ready and they were ready to win.  

“Hey Nostradamus,” Brendan called out, winking.  Aberdeen saw Kyle chuckle from behind his mask.  “What’s the score gonna be?”

“Oh shut it,” she shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest and smirking to herself.  Except she couldn’t hold her tongue.  “3-0, but this time for us.”

“I believe her!” Kyle piped up.  

Brendan snorted.  “Who’s placing bets?!”

The bell rang and everybody settled down to stand for the anthem.  As the game got underway, Aberdeen could feel rushes of electricity move up her spine every time the Leafs touched the puck.  They were playing phenomenally.  They looked focused, into it, and like a complete team.  It was a night and day difference from Game 1.  Though the first period didn’t have any goals, Aberdeen knew they’d be coming – for the Leafs only.

In the second period Auston scored and Aberdeen jumped out of her seat to celebrate.  And when John scored late in the third period to get a two goal lead, she was even happier.  

Then, with less than two minutes left, disaster hit.  

It was a play behind the net.  Pierre Luc Dubois – the guy from the other day, Aberdeen had learned – basically cross-checked Jake Muzzin, and Jake fell awkwardly, trying to break it, with his head hitting a Blue Jackets player’s leg.  He fell to the ice.  

He wasn’t getting up.  And the referee hadn’t blown the whistle.  

Those fuckers.

“BLOW THE FUCKING WHISTLE!!!” Aberdeen screamed at the top of her lungs, startling Brendan and Kyle.  Her face was turning red.  She was sure she’d been so loud the referee actually heard her, because he finally blew it.  Jake was having a hard time getting up, and then he lay back down.  One of the trainers immediately made his way onto the ice, rushing towards Jake.

The replays began to play from every angle, and Aberdeen watched on the TV screen in the box how his head and neck contorted once he hit the player’s thigh.  She had tears in her eyes as she watched the worst angles.  She looked back out onto the ice to see Jake still lying there.  The trainer was still with him, though more were making their way onto the ice now.  Then, she saw one of the trainers put his hands near Jake’s neck.  They called for a stretcher.  

She bolted out of her seat.

“Aberdeen!” she could hear Brendan call out after her, but she didn’t listen.  She didn’t turn around.  She hurried down to ice level, her mind running a mile a minute, and flashed her credentials to anyone and everyone she needed to, not bothering to stop so they could actually see them.  

By the time she got to ice level, she could hear the distant sound of sticks tapping, letting her know he was being stretched off.  She met all the trainers and the stretcher at the entrance.  “Jake?!” she asked frantically.  

“Aberdeen?” he asked.  

“Are you okay?  Did you break your neck?!”

“I didn’t break my neck.  I can feel my arms and legs,” he said.  Aberdeen let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding in.  “Did it look scary?”

“Is that a joke?” she asked.  “I ran down here the second they called for the stretcher.”

“We’re going to take him to the hospital.  He’s going to have to leave the bubble,” the head trainer informed Aberdeen.  “You need to tell Brendan and Kyle.  Then update us on the protocol of what it will take to get him back into the hotel.”

Before she could acknowledge what was just said, Jake spoke up again.  “Aberdeen?”

“Yeah Jake?”

“You need to call Courtney for me.  Tell her I’m okay,” he said.  “She’s probably worried sick.”

Aberdeen’s heart sunk into her stomach.  Courtney.  “Yeah yeah, of course—”

“—You have her number, right—”

“—We really need to get him to the hospital—”

“—Yeah, I have her number—”

“—Call Courtney, please,” were Jake’s last words before he was stretchered off.

Aberdeen watched until they were out of her line of sight.  For a few moments, the images of what just happened flashed through her mind, and she momentarily forgot about everything.  She felt sick to her stomach.  Jake said he felt okay, but she knew hockey players always just said that.  Morgan had been playing injured for the better part of the year until he actually got injured.  High sticks to the face, lost teeth, blood drawn – these guys just put a bandaid on it and said they were fine.  But this was different.  

When Courtney’s face crossed her mind, she jolted back to life and grabbed her phone out of her pocket, scrolling until she found Courtney’s number.  The phone didn’t even have to ring twice.  “Aberdeen?!” she asked frantically.  “How’s Jake?”

“Hey Court—he’s okay—”

“He’s okay?!”

“Well, they’re bringing him to the hospital right now,” she said.  “But I was able to talk to him because I rushed down to ice level and he told me he was fine and to call you.”

“So you—you were able to talk to him,” Courtney said, her voice much calmer than just moments before.  “You saw him?”

“Yes.  He told me he could move his arms and legs,” Aberdeen informed her.

“Okay.  Okay.  Does that mean he has to leave the bubble though?  I mean can I go visit him?”

Aberdeen cringed.  “I don’t think so,” she said.  As she did, she could hear Luna being fussy in the background and Courtney trying to calm her.  “The NHL has an agreement with Toronto General about potential injuries.  If everything is okay and he comes back into the bubble, all he has to do is pass three negative tests,” she explained, listening to Luna get even fussier.  

“Okay.  Alright.  But they’ll call me, right?”

“Absolutely.  I’m sure Jake will even be able to call you from the hospital.  Our trainers all have their phones on them.”

“Thanks Aberdeen,” Courtney said, and Aberdeen could hear the relief in her voice.  She knew all Courtney wanted was to hear from her husband.  Luna let out a loud cry.  “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye Court,” Aberdeen ended the call.  

Families.  So many of them had families.  So many of them had families that were suffering and making do with a prolonged absence and Aberdeen couldn’t take it.  The players were sacrificing so much to be in the bubble.  And their families were sacrificing so much letting them go into the bubble.  She knew most of them had money – to cope, to do whatever, really – but that didn’t compensate for presence.  That didn’t compensate for having daddy around to play and snuggle with.  

She began to cry as she found herself walking towards the locker room, not even knowing whether or not the game had ended.  She didn’t really care at this point.  All she could think about was Courtney and Luna at home, worrying about Jake as he was being taken to the hospital.  To Aberdeen, nothing else mattered right now.  

She heard some commotion from the locker room and she knew the boys were back in.  She didn’t know how long they’d been back for, and didn’t bother to peek in to see.  She didn’t want to when her eyes were still red and welling up with tears.  Instead, she hid herself around a corner, crouching down with her knees against her chest, wiping at her eyes every so often and trying to control her emotions before having to go in, or getting called by Brendan, or by Kyle, or—

“There you are.”

Well, so much for that.

She looked up from her crouched position and saw Jason looking down at her.  He wasn’t completely undressed – he had all his UnderArmour on – but he was still sweaty from the game and his hair was matted against his head.  She wiped her eyes one last time before getting up.  “Hi.”

“Did you see Jake?”

She nodded.  “He’s okay.  He can feel and move his arms and legs or whatever.”

“Why are you crying?”

She knew he wasn’t asking to be insolent, but did she really have to have to spell it out for him?  “Don’t tell me you’re immune to this shit,” she said.  “I just had to call Courtney and explain to her that her husband didn’t break his neck and end his God damn career.  Luna was crying in the background.  It’s a lot, okay?”

Jason nodded his head.  “I know it is.  I’m not trying to…fuck, I know that came out wrong.  He’s gonna be okay, Aberdeen.”

“Thanks.”

“Come on, Aberdeen,” he said soothingly.  “It’s gonna be okay.”

She shook her head, wiping away the last of her tears.  “I know.  I’m just being a big baby.”

“No you’re not,” Jason said.  “You’re not being a big baby.  You’re being a human being.  Someone you cared about got hurt.  Do you want to talk about it when you get back to the hotel?” he asked.

She considered it for only half a second before she shook her head.  “No.  I know you call your girls every night.  I can’t take time away from them.”

“Aberdeen—”

“I’ll be okay,” she asserted.  “I promise.  I’ll be okay.”

“Aberdeen!” Kyle’s voice suddenly called out.  He rushed towards her with his phone in his hand.  “They took him to the hospital, right?”

“Yeah,” she nodded her head, trying to steady her voice and make it seem as professional as possible.  “He’s technically left the bubble, so we have to update the trainers on protocol to get him back into the hotel and how—”

“I’ll handle that with Brendan and Josh,” he interrupted.  “But he was okay?”

“He could feel his arms and legs.  That’s what he told me.  Then he asked me to call Courtney and I did that.”

Kyle nodded his head, looking – really looking – at Aberdeen for the first time in their conversation.  “Were you crying?”

“I’m going to be fine,” was all she said.  

***

“I’m going to come to your room,” William said through the phone in a strained voice.

“Don’t you dare,” Aberdeen chastised him, a new batch of tears having fallen down her face as she lay in bed.  “Don’t you even think about leaving your room, William.”

“Aberdeen, you need me and I need to be with you right now—”

“And you need to stay in your room so you don’t get kicked out of the bubble,” she said sternly.  “I’m being serious, Will.  Don’t come over.”

She watched as he bit his lip and shook his head.  She could see all over his face how conflicted he was.  It was one of the things she loved most about him – to the world, he seemed cool and unemotional and that he didn’t really care about anything or take anything too seriously, but to her, he was the entire range of emotions in one conversation.  He had a heart full of gold and she knew it would always stay that way.  “This is killing me, minskatt,” he whispered, his voice defeated.  “I want to be there for you when you need me.  Always.  I mean…you need me, right?”

Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.  She didn’t know where this was coming from, but like some things with William, she felt like it was something that had been on his mind for a while and was only letting out now.  He was still learning to talk to her about his feelings.  He was keeping his promise from February, so she could appreciate that.  “Of course I need you,” she said softly.  “I’ll always need you like you need me.  We’re in this together.  You know that.  But you need to be on this team right now.  You need to help them fight.  This isn’t about me.  It’s about the team.”

“It’s always about you,” William said.  “You still don’t get it, do you?  It’s always about you.”

“Don’t make it about me right now, Willy.  It’s not about me.  It’s about Jake, and the team,” she paused for dramatic effect.  “Make it about me later,” she added, trying to be humourous.

It garnered a small smile from him, and she felt proud of herself.  “I love you, minskatt.”

“I love you too Willy.  Promise me you’ll get some sleep?”

He nodded slightly.  “I promise.”

***

Aberdeen’s iPhone was still in her hands as she woke again from its vibrations.  She jumped at the sensation of being awoken in the middle of the night.  If it was Willy calling her at three in the morning, she was gonna kill him.  

“Hello?” her voice was groggy.

The voice on the other end was not William’s.  “I lived, bitch.”  

***

August 6th, 2020

It wouldn’t be a Toronto Maple Leafs series without some drama, apparently.  And the drama tonight was how the team blew a 3-0 lead, allowing the Columbus Blue Jackets to win 4-3 in overtime, with Pierre-Luc Dubois scoring a hattrick.  That meant the Columbus Blue Jackets were now up 2-1 in the series.

It meant the Leafs could go home tomorrow.

Aberdeen tried not to think about it.  

She didn’t bring it up with anybody as they went back to the hotel, and she knew, judging by the looks on their faces, that they didn’t want to hear about it either.  Nobody would be turning on their TVs tonight, and she doubted they would check the news on their phones, either.  Maybe they’d play video games to take their minds off of it.  Or maybe they’d go right to bed and rest, since they had to do all of this again in less than 24 hours.  Fuck.

Aberdeen took a shower.  She washed her face.  She did her skincare.  She put on a sheetmask.  

Her phone rang.

She knew it was William, so she tucked herself into bed and accepted the FaceTime call.  When he realized that she had a sheetmask on, a smile broke out on his face from ear to ear.  “Nice sheetmask,” he said, biting his bottom lip.

She smiled cheekily and shrugged her shoulders.  “You’re used to it by now.  Shouldn’t come as much of a surprise,” she said.

“I am used to it by now and—oh shit, hold on, I forgot something…” he said, trailing off as he set his phone down so Aberdeen could only see the ceiling in his room.  Knowing William, he probably forgot to turn the light off in the bathroom or something.  But the longer he took, the more Aberdeen became skeptical of his whereabouts.  She barely heard anything on the other end.  “There we are…” she heard his voice.  And then she saw what he had on his face: a sheetmask.  He was still smiling from ear to ear.  “Now where were we?” he asked.

“William!” Aberdeen squealed, letting out giggles she couldn’t hold in at the sight of him.  He looked ridiculous.  It was clearly the first time he’d ever put one on himself.  “What in God’s name are you doing?”

“You love these things!” he tried to justify himself.  “I brought one because I knew I’d catch you at least once in here with one of these things on.  And if we can’t do it together…well, physically, then we can do them together in separate rooms.  Like everything else we need to do.”

Her cheeks flushed red – not that he could see.  He bought sheetmasks and put them on with her.  He gave her time to write.  He encouraged her writing.  He listened to her.  He cared for her.  He was even better than anything she could have imagined in a dream boyfriend.  How did she get so lucky?  How did she let guys treat her like shit before him?  She felt tears well in her eyes.  He was going all out to make the best of the bubble, and she couldn’t be more thankful.  “I love you so much, Willy.”

“I love you too, minskatt.”

“No…I love you Willy.  Like love you love you.  Love you love you love you.  I don’t even have the words…and I’m a writer!  You make me speechless, Willy.  There aren’t enough words in the English or Swedish languages that I can string together that will, like, tell you or show you how much I love you.”

“I get it, minskatt.  Don’t worry.  I feel the same way.”

“I don’t know how I got so lucky with you.”

“I annoyed you enough until I wore you down,” he quipped.

She giggled.  “You seduced me is what I’d call it.”

“I don’t know about that.  If I remember correctly it was you rubbing yourself against my thigh that morning.”

She made a face at him.  He made the exact same face back but crinkled his sheetmask so he had to flatten it with his free hand.  She watched him with complete adulation.  “Willy?”

“Minskatt?”

“Can we listen to our song together?”

William smiled.  He fiddled around with his phone and his ‘Minskatt’ playlist until the familiar chords started playing over the phone, filling the air with the nicest, best, most beautiful sound Aberdeen had ever heard – save for Willy’s laugh, maybe – because she knew this song was about her, about them, and it was still their little secret.

[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2020 Day 23

Pyjama - Letter

Letter already was a prompt this month, but luckily this word has two meanings and now it gets to be the thing that gets Mingcheng together. 

Jiang Cheng isn’t sure how he suddenly ends up being alone with Nie Mingjue but he would certainly like to change that fact. Because Nie Mingjue makes him nervous and Jiang Cheng isn’t even sure why.

“So,” Jiang Cheng awkwardly starts when it’s clear that no one will be coming back any time soon and Jiang Cheng curses his brother. And Nie Huaisang. And Lan Wangji. And Lan Xichen.

Because all of them just abandoned Jiang Cheng with the most imposing man he knows and Jiang Cheng has no idea how to handle that.

“I wonder if Huaisang and Lan Xichen are going to regret joining Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji soon,” Jiang Cheng muses, desperately fishing for anything to say.

“Why would they?” Nie Mingjue asks, still seated on the couch as if he’s not at all bothered to be left alone with Jiang Cheng.

“With how Lan Wangji can’t seem to keep his hands to himself when it comes to my brother?” Jiang Cheng asks and is surprised when Nie Mingjue laughs at him.

“Have you seen Huaisang and Xichen together?” he asks and Jiang Cheng has to admit that he hasn’t.

He knows they are a thing—however recently it may be—but he didn’t need to know that.

“And I really wish I will never,” Jiang Cheng says with a frown when the full meaning of Nie Mingjue hits him and Nie Mingjue laughs again.

Jiang Cheng can’t seem to drag his eyes away from him.

“You don’t mind it?” he asks, once Nie Mingjue calmed down again and Jiang Cheng sits back down on the couch next to him.

If two pairs have split off, then Jiang Cheng knows better than to hope for any kind of rescue. He’ll just have to push through the fluttering feeling in his stomach and be a good host to Nie Mingjue.

He probably didn’t mean to be left alone with Jiang Cheng either.

“Xichen is my best friend. I’ve known him for almost all of my life. If I can’t trust him with my little brother’s heart, then who else?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng can see his logic.

They spend a few minutes of almost comfortable silence together, before Jiang Cheng sighs.

“You’ll probably have to sleep here, tonight,” he then says to Nie Mingjue who shrugs like it’s no big deal to him.

Nie Huaisang was supposed to room with Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue were supposed to stay together, but Jiang Cheng guesses that’s off the table now.

“I don’t mind,” Nie Mingjue says, even though he eyes Jiang Cheng critically. “As long as you don’t mind it, either,” he adds and Jiang Cheng manages a smile for him.

“I don’t,” he gives back, and the fluttering in his stomach wants to proof him a liar, but Jiang Cheng pushes it away.

Nie Mingjue is not so scary as to warrant that kind of reaction from Jiang Cheng. He might not know Nie Mingjue for as long as he knows Lan Xichen or Nie Huaisang—or at least he doesn’t know him as well as he does the other two—but he knows enough about him to at least not to be afraid of him.

Nie Huaisang always calls Nie Mingjue a big softie, and neither Lan Xichen nor Nie Mingjue himself contradict his words so there must be some truth to them.

“Okay, then,” Nie Mingjue shrugs, clearly done with that topic and then gets up before he freezes.

“What?” Jiang Cheng wants to know and Nie Mingjue grimaces at him.

“My bag is still in the other room,” Nie Mingjue says, and he sounds pained.

It takes Jiang Cheng a moment to understand why, but when he does, he grimaces, too.

“You better not go back there,” he says and he shivers with just the thought of what Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen might be getting up to in there.

“Yeah,” Nie Mingjue says and eyes his clothes critically. “Guess I’ll have to sleep like this then,” he sighs and he seems fully resigned to that fact.

“Don’t be stupid,” Jiang Cheng snaps out and flushes slightly when Nie Mingjue raises an eyebrow at him.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know if they are at that acquaintance level where he can just be his usual rude self around Nie Mingjue, but he guesses that ship has sailed now anyway. Might as well embrace it, Jiang Cheng thinks.

“As if I’m going to let you sleep in this,” Jiang Cheng grumbles and turns around from Nie Mingjue. “I think I might have a spare toothbrush laying around as well,” Jiang Cheng muses, and he goes looking for that first.

“Aha!” he yells in triumph when he unearths it from a drawer and he throws it over to Nie Mingjue who catches it easily.

“Might as well get started with that, I will have to search for something that might fit you,” Jiang Cheng says, and he eyes Nie Mingjue critically.

He really does pack a lot of muscles. Jiang Cheng isn’t sure he even has anything in his size, but he will look for it.

As soon as he manages to drag his eyes away from the way Nie Mingjue’s biceps moves as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“See something you like?” Nie Mingjue asks him, one eyebrow raised and Jiang Cheng jerks his eyes away from him.

“Sorry,” he rambles out and almost throws himself head-first into the wardrobe.

He could swear he hears Nie Mingjue chuckle at him, but when Jiang Cheng feels composed enough to turn back around to him Nie Mingjue has left for the bathroom already.

Jiang Cheng lets out a sigh, scolds himself for acting this disrespectful and then almost overhauls his whole wardrobe in search of something that could fit Nie Mingjue.

The only thing he finds that could, maybe, fit him is one of the pyjamas Jiang Cheng gets from some distant relative every Christmas, because they are always at least two sizes to big on him. So maybe they are just big enough to not cut off any circulation on Nie Mingjue.

At least Jiang Cheng hopes it fits, because if not, then Nie Mingjue will have to sleep in some boxers and not much else and Jiang Cheng doesn’t even want to think about why that thought makes him flush.

When Nie Mingjue comes back, Jiang Cheng presents the pyjama to him.

“This is all I could find,” he tells Nie Mingjue who shrugs and takes the offered clothes.

He’s just about to shed his clothes, Jiang Cheng can tell, and he has half a mind simply running away because that thought makes some heat pool low in his belly but then Nie Mingjue hesitates.

Jiang Cheng frowns, but it takes him a while to see what stilled Nie Mingjue.

“Ah, that,” Jiang Cheng says, when he sees how Nie Mingjue moves his thumb over a letter that was stitched onto the pyjama.

“Is that a W or an M?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng sighs.

“It’s a W,” he admits and Nie Mingjue looks questioningly at him.

“What does it stand for?” he wants to know and Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue.

He doesn’t like telling people about his courtesy name, mostly because no one ever uses it anyway, and by now it almost feels unfamiliar to Jiang Cheng. He doesn’t even know if he would react to it, if someone would be calling him Jiang Wanyin. It just doesn’t feel like his name.

But Nie Mingjue keeps looking questioningly at him and in the end Jiang Cheng folds under that curious stare.

“It’s for my courtesy name, not that anyone is using it,” he finally says.

“What is it?” Nie Mingjue asks, clearly not satisfied by that answer and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“Wanyin,” he says. “Don’t bother remembering it,” he then tacks on, but Nie Mingjue is not paying him any attention anymore.

“Jiang Wanyin,” he whispers and moves his thumb over the letter again. “Wanyin,” he says then, just as softly, and Jiang Cheng’s heart beats heavily in his chest.

Oh, he thinks with sudden panic, because there are butterflies in his belly and a warmth in his chest and he is entirely unprepared for how his name sounds from Nie Mingjue’s lips like that.

“Oh,” he breathes out when the feelings don’t stop assaulting him and when Nie Mingjue’s gaze snaps towards his at that, Jiang Cheng finally realizes that he has a crush on Nie Mingjue.

Might even be in love with him, going by his visceral reaction.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng furiously whispers and turns around to leave.

He doesn’t deal well with emotions, and especially not ones he was entirely unprepared for, and he would like to freak out over this on his own, thank you very much.

Once safely locked into the bathroom, Jiang Cheng sinks to the floor, a groan making it past his lips, and he scrambles for his phone.

He can suddenly guess why the other two pairs have vanished like that.

You fuckers, he types out into the chat he has with Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang, and it’s not long at all, before they answer.

Did it work? Nie Huaisang asks.

I don’t want to know any details, but did it? Wei Wuxian types out next and Jiang Cheng almost crushes the phone in his hand.

Fuck you both, he types back and is met with a string of emojis from Wei Wuxian.

My brother would rather have you fuck him, I’m sure, Nie Huaisang tells him and Jiang Cheng’s face goes hot in an instant.

That’s—a thought he didn’t have yet and he’s not at all equipped to handle that.

Jiang Cheng drops the phone, not willing to read any more lewd comments and puts his head into his hands. He doesn’t know what to do now, doesn’t know how to face Nie Mingjue now that he realized his feelings and maybe Jiang Cheng can just spend the night on the floor here.

It would surely be the safer option.

“Wanyin?” Nie Mingjue carefully asks as he knocks at the door a good five minutes later. “Is everything alright?”

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng mutters, because Nie Mingjue does sound concerned and that name still makes a shiver go down Jiang Cheng’s back.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Jiang Cheng calls back once he took a few deep breathes and then he forces himself to stand up.

It’s not like he can hide in here forever, he decides. And going by what Nie Huaisang wrote, he might not have to fear a gentle let-down when he steps back outside.

Jiang Cheng’s hands are just shaking the slightest bit when he unlocks the door and Nie Mingjue is still waiting for him right there and Jiang Cheng’s breath catches in his throat.

Fuck, he really is handsome.

“Are you sure that you’re okay?” Nie Mingjue asks with a small frown and Jiang Cheng itches to smooth it out with his thumb.

“I am,” Jiang Cheng gives back, putting his hands into his pockets, lest he does something stupid with them, and he gives Nie Mingjue something that he hopes counts as a winning smile.

Going by Nie Mingjue’s look it’s not all that effective.

“My brother said something, didn’t he?” Nie Mingjue says and he scrubs a hand over his face. “I told him not to, I’m sorry.”

“No, I said something first,” Jiang Cheng says without thinking and Nie Mingjue freezes.

“What do you mean ‘first’?”

Jiang Cheng would really rather hide and his heart beating as fast as it does is no help to him either, but if Jiang Cheng reads all of these signs correctly then Nie Mingjue is very much interested in him.

And Jiang Cheng can’t let an opportunity like that pass.

“I mean that I might have realized that I’m in love with you when you said my name like that,” he bravely pushes on and is not at all prepared for the wicked look in Nie Mingjue’s eyes at his words.

“Wanyin?” he says, his voice deliberately soft, and a new shiver works its way down Jiang Cheng’s back.

“Yeah,” he weakly says and Nie Mingjue chuckles.

“If I had known that would be all it takes, I would have done it a lot sooner,” he casually says, as if he’s not blowing Jiang Cheng’s mind completely by implying that he’s been in love with him for a while now.

“Now is also good,” Jiang Cheng gives back, though it almost comes out like a question, and Nie Mingjue goes serious almost in an instant.

“It’s more than good,” he says and cups Jiang Cheng’s cheek with one of his large hands. “This okay, Wanyin?” he whispers as he leans forward and Jiang Cheng can’t help the small gasp he lets out.

Nie Mingjue’s lips twitch up in a smile, but before he can laugh at Jiang Cheng’s reaction, Jiang Cheng brings their lips together.

It’s a very gratifying feeling when Nie Mingjue makes a surprised sound against his lips as well and it only prompts Jiang Cheng to press closer.

He’s not at all prepared for the soft look on Nie Mingjue’s face when they part, and so instead he buries his face in Nie Mingjue’s neck.

“Still okay?” Nie Mingjue carefully asks him and Jiang Cheng is quick to nod.

“More than,” he mutters and presses a fluttering kiss to Nie Mingjue’s pulse point.

Jiang Cheng vows to still yell at Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian for this, but he probably has to do it over thank-you-drinks, not that he minds that much.

Especially not when Nie Mingjue buries his face in Jiang Cheng’s hair and puts one of his hands on his hips.

Oh no; that Jiang Cheng doesn’t mind at all.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[kingstylesdaily]

The Pure Joy of Harry Styles Got Me Through 2020

BY MICHELLE RUIZ

Some people turned to controlled substances, tie-dye matching sets, or the ubiquitous sourdough, but it was Harry Styles in a Gucci chick egg sweater, crooning about oral pleasure on NPR's Tiny Desk Concert series, that got me though some of the gloomiest days of 2020.

Shot in pre-pandemic February, the dreamy acoustic set, including riffs on the smash singles "Watermelon Sugar" and "Adore You," is a 16-minute serotonin rush: Styles, in his gravelly tenor, singing that he'd walk through fire for you; Styles, with his perfect, princely hair and rugged stubble, dancing on a swiveling office chair. It's unbearably charming, sensual, and fundamentally joyful; the 26-year-old Brit feel like a burst of confetti in a relentlessly terrible year.

Styles's sophomore solo album, Fine Line, was released at the tail end of 2019, but it fully bloomed in 2020: "Watermelon Sugar," his first number-one solo single in the U.S., was the undisputed earworm of summer; "Adore You" was the second most-listened-to song of the year, according to Variety, which named Styles Hitmaker of the Year. It's no coincidence that Fine Line was streamed more than 1 billion times in the throes of a global, deadly pandemic: "It's an album full of uptempo, unabashedly fun bops," Tia Williams, beauty writer, author of the forthcoming novel Seven Days in June, and avowed Styles fan, told Vogue. "'Watermelon Sugar,' 'Adore You,' and 'Sunflower' are like rays of light beaming on Laurel Canyon."

Styles's shiny, happy, summer-of-love aura provided a desperately-needed antidote to 2020: The "Watermelon Sugar" video, dropped in May, was "dedicated to touching," a technicolor, quasi-orgy on the beach that both made me long for the innocence of the Before Times, but also felt—for three minutes, anyway—like an escape from the horrors of the news cycle.

"2020 has been such a terrifying year," Williams said, but the cheeky world of "Watermelon Sugar" "can't help but take you away from our grim reality." Tyler McCall, editor-in-chief of Fashionista.com, has been "listening to Fine Line on repeat just to get through the year," she told me. "I think it's impossible to be in a bad mood when you're listening to 'Golden.'" (It must be noted, too, that album's breakup suite of songs, like "Cherry," spoke to the forlorn, aching nature of the pandemic.)

McCall and Williams both took a shine to Styles during the One Direction era, with Williams citing his "ethereal beauty, tats, and 70's rock-style songs." I made the grave mistake of overlooking Styles in his 1D infancy, shrugging him off as just another basic, beanie-clad boy band member. But I learned this year that he's a sex god like Jagger, a showman like Elton and a boundary-pusher in the grand tradition of Bowie, with his own personal ethos of inclusivity and sweetness. The 11th track on Fine Line—the retro-groovy "Treat People with Kindness"—is also a Styles mantra, splashed on official merch and backed up by vocal support of the LGBTQ+ community, a pledge to back Black Lives Matter, the legendary act of feeding a fan's fish after taking temporary shelter when his car broke down in October and not speaking ill of his exes, even on Howard Stern. “I just don’t think you need to be a dick to be a good artist," Styles told The Guardian last year.

"He makes niceness chic," Williams said, choosing an "un-edgy, totally earnest mantra" despite his rock star bonafides. "Harry Styles is the heart-eyes emoji, sprung to life." (At first, Williams says she felt peculiar fangirling a former boy-bander as a 40-something Black mom. "I wondered if I was having a midlife crisis," she told me, "but then, I was introduced to actress/producer/novelist Robinne Lee, whose brilliant novel The Idea of You, was inspired by him, and who is, herself, a 40-something Black mom, and I was like, 'Yes, I've found my people.'")

Style's beautiful soul is just one reason why I stand by my own budding fandom, even as I'm mocked by certain family members and even my six-year-old daughter for requesting t-shirts from his official store as my only Christmas gift, or vaulting myself down the Harry YouTube rabbit hole (please seek out his duet with Lizzo on "Juice" at her Miami show at the Fillmore back in January, another world ago). But it's not just that he reads Alain de Botton, writes his own music, wears insane sweaters and has a cosmic connection with Stevie Nicks. Styles also strikes me as a man uniquely suited to the moment.

In an era of grotesque, Trump-fueled toxic masculinity, the sexiest thing about Styles is that he's comfortable in his femininity. What began with his sheer blouse and single drop-earring at the 2019 Met Gala flourished in 2020 with a spate of traditionally femme fashion, including fishnets, a signature pearl necklace and a Gucci dress, as the first male to ever appear on the cover of Vogue.

Tyler Mitchell's Vogue shoot "felt significant because it's still so rare to see male celebrities challenge conventional ideals of masculinity," Liz Plank, author of For the Love of Men, told Vogue. "We still live in a culture that encourages us to protect girls from gendered expectations and stereotypes, but that gets very uncomfortable when we suggest doing the same for boys."

The way Styles dresses, the fact that he paints his nails and wears stacked heels beneath his sailor pants, continually prompts speculation about sexuality, and I can't help but notice that this doesn't trigger him, or elicit passionate defenses or assertions that he is not gay. When The Guardian asked if he'd ever been asked if he is bisexual, Styles replied, “It’s just: who cares?" He denies he's “sprinkling in nuggets of sexual ambiguity to try and be more interesting," as he puts it. "I want things to look a certain way. Not because it makes me look gay, or it makes me look straight, or it makes me look bisexual, but because I think it looks cool... I just think sexuality’s something that’s fun."

Styles's splendor-in-the-grass moment in Vogue sparked now-infamous backlash from conservative talking head Candace Owens, who whined: "Bring back manly men." That reaction "is proof that women can be just as sexist and drunk on the patriarchal kool-aid as men," Plank said, adding that the right-wing is creating a "moral masculinity panic, this idea that men are under attack by feminism." Plank credits Styles, but also notes that "there's a courageous pack of masculinity-bending, often LGBTQ or gender non-binary men, who have been rocking these same looks for decades getting punished for it, rather than celebrated for it."

Styles has become a fashion influencer for folks across the gender spectrum, including McCall, who now feels inspired to wear her grandmother's pearls "without seeming prim and uptight," and Ryan Kazmarek, a Harry devotee and stylist at IGK Soho in New York who is still mourning the fact that coronavirus thwarted his plan to fly to Styles's now-postponed Manchester, United Kingdom shows with his boyfriend, William. Styles's fearlessness "has opened my eyes," Kazmarek told me. "I have recently been like, 'Okay, I'm going to check the women's section.'"

For his next act, Styles, who had a small but memorable role as a British soldier Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk, will star in Olivia Wilde's forthcoming psychological-horror film, Don't Worry, Darling—and the photos of a dapper, suited Styles on the set has already overwhelmed Harries. "I don't even like horror movies—they literally give me nightmares—and still I am mentally handing my money over to Olivia Wilde," McCall said.

via vogue.com

[heyheshi]

Mirror Selfies, Fake Hickeys, and Cheetos... And Lots of Make Out Sheesh

3.3k words

written and uploaded: August 27, 2020

🦋 - fluff

🌙 - angst...? Idek now honestly lmao

💎 - smut, well just lots of make out sheesh

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!

Have y'all heard "Half The World Away"? This piece could have been a song fic since it's about being best friends but I've already wrote like half of this when I got the idea and this is in your POV so I'll be doing a song fic soon! And it's about HTWA! in Harry's POV on my 2nd month!

Masterlist

_________

You checked out your outfit one last time in front of your full body mirror - smoothing out those little wrinkles and making sure that your chosen clothes emphasizes your body in the most flattering way. My butt's poppin!, you thought to yourself.

The attire of your choice wasn't entirely revealing, wearing a white sailor pants with eight gold buttons in front - four on each sides, a sheer laced white sleeveless bodysuit that plunges just enough to show a bit of your cleavage, and white pumps. You look elegant in your opinion but not elegant enough to not get hit on in a club.

You're not trying to empress anyone but you also don't wanna look like you just got out of bed on your cousin's party. You decided not to wear any makeup - just some eyeliner and lip gloss, your hair parted in the middle in a low tight ponytail. You added a few gold accessories to accent everything.

You're sure that the club's packed and you're gonna get sweaty, you don't want any makeup to ruin your white clothes. Keeping your fingers crossed that you can keep everything clean and intact throughout the night.

Natural and elegant. Keep it natural and elegant, your mums words keeps replaying in your head.

You took your phone out from your purse that's laying on the dresser - opening the camera app and posing for a couple of mirror shots but only having three of your favorite - one doing a very cheeky pose by smiling big at the mirror while winking, your other hand doing the 'gun'; one looking sweet and shy, looking at the mirror with your eyes wide while holding a strand of your hair as if you're a child being handed your favorite sweet treat; and one looking sexy and seductive, putting your pointer finger on your lip as if biting on it as you look straight into the camera through your mirror.

Giggling to yourself after checking out the photos, you opened the messages app next and clicked on your conversation with your best friend Harry.

"Think it passed the "okay" looking?", you typed...

And sent!

You found him attractive but vowed to not cross any lines but you're feeling extra brave tonight so you also sent him the one where you looked really really hot - in your opinion.

Honestly, you'd say you're tall but not tall enough to rock a sailor pants the way Harry does but to your surprise, you looked rather ravishing tonight.

Your best friend of 2 years gifted you these pants as a joke as you always teased him about wearing one so one night he brought you these pants and said, "you better at least look okay in it" but now jokes on him. You thought that those three pictures will do the honors of mocking him.

As you're locking your front door, you hear your phone notification - a new message from "Sugar Baby :<", an inside joke that you used as Harry's contact name.

"Who was I kidding, you look good in anything. Take care and don't forget our plans tomorrow!", the message said, quickly responding with two frog emojis, you locked your phone.

---

The club really is packed but your cousin had this private booth for everyone so it's all good. You partied like a college student with your cousin and her other friends, managing to not ruin your clothes despite of everyone's clumsiness.

You don't remember much besides drinking and dancing and talking and laughing and kissing this guy - Austin. He was one of those guys that looks like they modeled for some clothing magazine - an underwear apparel perhaps.

It didn't get far with Austin, you mostly just danced and made out but you're also not sure since you're too drunk to comprehend anything. The last thing you remember was you saying goodbye to your cousin and Austin getting you a cab then you're back to your house.

You didn't remember if you paid the driver more than the real rate but you didn't care, you're too excited to try this hairstyle you saw on one of your cousin's friend.

Opening your front door and locking it after you got in, you kicked off your heels and got a bottled water on the fridge to bring to your room. Everything looks blurry but the digital clock on your bedside table reads 2:13 AM.

The last thing you remember was removing your almost non-existent makeup after changing your clothes and sitting on your dresser.

---

You woke up on your bed feeling light-headed but at the same time feeling like you have 10 pounds of rock on top of it. You noticed that you're laying on your bed wearing your worn out college shirt, some underwear and a tiny pair of shorts. Your blinds shut all the way and your clock reading 9:48 AM.

Freaking out, you remembered your plans with your best friend today. Scrambling out of your bed to your bathroom, you brushed your teeth and washed your face thanking the heavens for giving you enough time to change out of your clothes last night - which is now on your hamper near your bathroom door - and cleaning your face properly.

You also noticed that your hair is properly styled - your hair's upper half's sectioned into three then braided to meet in the middle, while the half down's curled into waves.

You left the bathroom and went to your dresser to check your phone. You saw that your hair curler is still plugged but turned off - quickly unplugging it - and your other hair styling supplies laid on your dresser.

You head is still pounding as you look through your messages and missed calls. None of them from "Sugar Baby :<". Sighing, you racked your mind as much as you can to remember why your hair is styled this way and why hasn't your best friend called, maybe he got called in the studio last-minute, your mind told you.

Shaking your head, you slowly opened your door to strut down to your kitchen to eat some breakfast and take some Advil to at least ease your headache.

You were about to put some cereal on your bowl when Harry appeared out of nowhere startling you, a few bits of your corn flakes now scattered on your table.

"Mornin' sleepy head", Harry chuckles, greeting you with a teasing smile as if to mock you for mocking him last night when you're the one who's hammered right now. You looked at him with scarred eyes then pulling your eyebrows together as if questioning him.

"You gave me a spare key, remember. Knew you'd be hung over so I didn't woke you up, just let myself in. Was in the washroom when you got down.", he said answering your unvoiced question, "oh I also got you some waffles from your favorite diner, it's in the living room.", you only smiled at him as a sign of gratitude.

You started cleaning up your mess when you heard him speak once again, "wild night huh?", Harry teases you.

You looked up to meet his eyes, "Huh? What're you talking 'bout?", you asked in your morning voice, only having to talk right now for the first time.

"Huh? What are you talking about?", Harry failed miserably on trying to copy your voice, you only laughed at him. "C'mon love, don't be shy now!", he added.

You shake your head at him and looked down, "I really don't know what you're talking about...", you kept your head down as your tried to think of everything that happened last night that might connect to what Harry was saying.

"So you're telling me nobody tried to hit on you with THAT outfit last night?", he joked.

"Uh well someone did but nothing happened, I swear, so please just tell me what is it. My head hurts when I try to think."

Harry took his phone from his pocket and gave it to you, the camera app opened. You can see your tired looking face on the screen, "look at your neck, you got three.", Harry explained.

Trying to find what he's talking about, you moved your hair away from your neck and saw it. Three bruises on your neck, a hickey perhaps? One below your right ear, one just above your left collarbone, and one in the middle of your neck.

"Oh...", was the only thing you said as you further examined the bruises and giving the phone back to Harry. You're sure that Austin didn't leave a mark then you realized something.

At first it looked like a love mark but when you looked closely to it, you'd realize that it's a burn - your hair curler burn. After realizing it, the events after you went home last night came rushing back making you hold your head.

You remember everything from changing your clothes, to removing your make up, to sitting on your dresser and clumsily trying this hair style you saw on the party and managing to burn yourself more than usual as you curl your hair, then going to bed after you gave up by turning off the curler.

Looking back at it, your hair style and burns doesn't look that awful for some drunk fella doing it. And for some reason, you don't want to tell your best friend the truth so you just shrugged it off as you finished cleaning up your mess.

You can feel his eyes burning on your neck as you rounded the table and giving him a hug, "thank you for the food.", you said and went to plop down on your couch in the living room, leaving H astounded and confused.

You started opening the take out boxes that contains your waffles and some other breakfast as Harry opened your T.V. and launched Netflix.

The silence was nice for your head with only a few laughs here and there as you both watched and eat some breakfast but Harry was unusually very quiet, not making any remarks at all.

You decided to ask him later and finished off your food, Harry already done with his a few minutes ago. You stood up the couch and took your trash to the kitchen then taking some pain reliever for your head before going back to the living room.

When you went back to Harry, he was just looking absent-mindedly on the television so you sat really close to him and took his right arm so you can tuck yourself beside him, bringing back his arms but this time around your body.

"What's the matter?", you asked as you looked up at him, the medicine already taking its effect making you less dizzy.

"Just tired love.", he said not looking down at you. You only nodded and never thought much about it and looked back to the show you both were watching while caressing his hands that's laying near your tummy.

A few more minutes on the movie, you called out his name, "Harry, I can tell something's bothering you...", you whispered.

Harry being Harry, whipped his head so fast that your lips accidentally touched in a peck. Sighing, he moved his head away from yours, "later.", was the only thing he said, not giving you any explanation.

You knew that the sigh wasn't because of the accidental kiss. You've shared a kiss or two before when you were both drunk or accidentally kissed like this so it wasn't new but it didn't stop you from running your tongue throughout your lower lips when he wasn't looking.

He was acting really strange. He's always really affectionate and flirty when it comes towards you so - always mocking you or telling you jokes and distracting you most of the time by tickling you as you cuddle with him - so you know that something's bothering him right now.

He looked at you when you started to move away from him, only for you to straddle his lap and hug him, something you usually do when he's feeling down.

Yes, it doesn't look like something best friends would do but you both became really comfortable enough around each other to do this.

The show long forgotten as you tended your Harry, running your hands through his hair as you pecked his hairline repeatedly. Harry had his head on your neck as he holds you tight against his body, his two big hands covering almost all of your back.

You don't know how much time has passed but you didn't mind until you felt Harry's hand going at the back of your neck, finger tips felt like he's tickling your skin but you didn't make a huge deal out of it.

Your legs now feeling a bit numb so you adjusted yourself on his lap, Harry's head snapping back to you, "stop moving, Y/N.", he said sternly and you whispered an apology. You knew how much he hated it when you two cuddled and you can't stop moving.

He just put his head back to your neck again and for a few minutes everything is peaceful until you felt ticklish on the spot where Harry's head's placed but you refrained from moving, not wanting to upset him any further.

The movement was barely there for a few minutes until you can firmly feel his lips kissing and licking your neck, "H-harry, wh-what are you d-doing?", you tried to push him away but he only hold you closer, your moans threatening to spill as he continues his movements.

You then felt him suck and bit on your neck, a movement you knew will give you a mark - Harry's mark, and then you realized that where he's doing it is the spot where you burned yourself.

You cannot stop yourself from finally gripping his hair to push his head more towards your neck, both of you moaning a bit.

"What're we doing?", you panted heavily as Harry moved his head, probably heading towards your other burn below your ear.

His mouth working deliciously on your skin making your stomach churn and making you grind on him in return, moaning in delight.

"I'm just making sure that those marks are now MY marks.", Harry looked up to you with droopy eyes then went back to marking you.

"I- bu-", you couldn't form any coherent word, let alone a sentence so you just let your best friend mark you as much as he wanted.

You know it's wrong and that you vowed not to cross any line but his lips just felt too good on your skin to stop it.

You gripped his hair tightly making Harry moan as he marked you on the thrid spot, the middle of your neck, one of your sweet spots - and you think Harry noticed as your moans and whimpers of his name got louder making him suck harder.

You grounded you hips on his, feeling him get hard. You yanked his hair away from your neck and met his lips in a hot steamy kiss. His hands now on your hips, helping you move your hips against his.

Moans, pants and whimpers was all you can hear around the living room until you pulled away.

"I- Harry what are we thinking?!", your frustration is heard and can be seen on your face, your lips swollen and your neck red and starting to bruise from Harry's earlier assault.

Harry throw his head back on the couch, "fuck! 'M so sorry love! I- I always- fuck! I just, was so jealous of the guy I couldn't contain my possessiveness and you're not even mine!"

You only looked at him surprised, "I-", you didn't finish your sentence as you went back to kiss him again which took Harry by surprise but eagerly kissed you back.

"It was a burn.", you panted against Harry's lips.

He pulled away, looking at you confused, "what?".

"Nothing happened last night, we only made out, it wasn't hickeys, it was hair curler burns...", you explained blushing.

He put his hands on your arms, caressing it lightly, "why didn't you tell me?"

"Dunno", you shrugged, "guess I wanted to know how you'd react, make you jealous maybe...", you looked down ashamed of yourself, feeling so small under his gaze.

Harry only laughed as he run his fingers along his marks, "well it worked. Got really jealous, love.", he said and angled your face to meet his eyes. "Liked you since forever and I was jealous, thought he got to take THAT outfit off of you last night...", Harry murmured, his ears looking red out of embarrassment making you feel a bit better.

"Liked you since forever too... and good thing I went home alone, huh?", you teased Harry, ruffling his hair a bit and putting both of your hands on his shirt clad chest.

"He still got to kiss you..."

"Well then guess you got a lot of making up to do!", with that you kissed him again, hungrily. Until he pulled away.

"Cheetos.", Harry said then went back to kissing you again but you're too confused to continue.

"H, what?"

"Those three pictures last night...", he kissed down your neck as he continued, "Cheetos, salsa-queso for the one where you looked cute and cheesy...", slowly going back up, "the sweetos Cheetos - the cinnamon sugar puff ones - for the one where you looked like a child...", he pulled away at last making you breathe out finally, "and flamin hot Cheetos for the one where you looked really sexy.", Harry smiled cheekily at you as you pondered on what he said.

"You couldn't have thought of something better to compare me to, huh?", you laughed at him but you think it's sweet, really.

Harry played with the tips of your hair and said, "I bet you fifty bucks that you sent that last picture just to seduce me."

"Well Mister Styles you're right!", you laughed, "why? Are you mad?"

"Mad? That outfit made me lose control, really thankfully it led to this."

You pecked his lips once more, "hmmm, you're right... so what now...?"

"Well for starters, you could've called me to take care of you last night...", his sweet words ran through your head until he continued, "and well you owe me...", he did this cute thinking face that you love, "you have to wear it again, this time, with ME beside you, want us to match too!", you giggled at his childishness but let him continue.

"That's just an excuse to take it off of you the next time around!", he overexaggeratedly winked at you, letting you know that he's joking - maybe not but honestly you don't mind!

You sighed then smiled, "that's it?"

"Well you do owe me a date, miss."

You removed yourself away from him and stood up, "is that so? You gotta call me SUGAR MOMMY first!", you teased him.

"Stop! Come back here!", Harry made a grabby hands at you while jutting out his lips.

"Okay, just tell me when and where!", after that words came out of your mouth, Harry quickly went to where you're standing and kissed you for a few seconds before carrying you to your bedroom where you spent the rest of the day kissing and laughing and planning for your first date. Making a mental note to buy those Cheetos to bring along to your date.

Your headache long gone and the both of you not feeling any hunger as long as you got each others lips. For the first time in months, you felt really happy, now you wouldn't be jealous of Harry being with other people, and him to you but the thought of putting your friendship with him at risk scares you to death but with him beside you, you knew that it'll all work out in the end.

_____

[jaxsteamblog]

Love Letters

This is the plain text version of an IMAGE SET! Please check out the chapter on AO3 for the visual, or enjoy the plain text here! If you end up liking the visual chapter, make sure to thank @the--descension and their fic, as well as @zk-modernau!

Click here to read the full fic on AO3

Image ID: Screenshots of a text chat between Katara in green chat bubbles and Zuko in white chat bubbles. / End Image ID 

[Author’s note, timestamps are not included in this transcript as they were not accurately edited in the app. Texts will be labelled by sender first, followed by the message. Readers using accessible software please be aware that text messages will include extra punctuation for emphasis and misspellings. Emojis used will be typed out as a description.]

Blue text box with the date December 09, 2020

Yellow text box with lock symbol that reads Messages to this chat and calls are now secured with end-to-end encryption. Tap for more info.

Katara: BTFS!!!!!

Zuko: That good huh?

Katara: WHY are there so many earth kingdom cities????

Zuko: Oh, geography class. My favorite.

Katara: Crying emoji. This is worse than anatomy.

Zuko: NOTHING is worse than anatomy.

Katara: True. 

Katara: But why do I have to memorize this? I can Booble ALL OF IT.

Zuko: Same reasons as anatomy.

Katara: Three red angry emojis 

Katara: I’m making everyone wear name tags.

Zuko: That’s one way to handle it.

Zuko: Have you learned anything about FN yet?

Katara: Why else am I dating you if not for that?

Zuko: I thought it was for my stunning good looks….

Katara: I do miss your face.

Zuko: I miss yours too.

Katara: You’re coming for the coronation right?

Zuko: That’s the plan.

Katara: How is your family being?

Zuko: Terrible, as usual. Who knew a failed kidnapping plot would put them in such a bad mood?

Katara: Straight face emoji

Katara: I still think you should’ve said something.

Zuko: It would just make things worse.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I keep thinking about you during these stupid lessons.

Katara: I can’t believe you already know all this BS.

Zuko: I’ve been learning it since I was a kid. Male shrug emoji

Katara: Sure, but I’ve seen your interviews and stuff.

Katara: You’re really good at it.

Zuko: Aww, are you internet stalking me???

Katara: Shut up!!!

Katara: I feel like every interviewer has a crush on you.

Zuko: Again, my stunning good looks.

Katara: That’s starting to sound like sarcasm. You are aware that you’re handsome, right?

Zuko: Love IS blind.

Katara: I’m serious! You have really nice cheekbones.

Zuko: And you say you can’t be diplomatic.

Katara: You’re impossible.

Zuko: I just don’t do well with compliments like that.

Katara: I’ll have to find other ways to compliment you then. Smiling devil emoji

Zuko: Sounds like a challenge.

Katara: I have to go. Arnook has me working with Pakku on “Courtly Behaviors.”

Zuko: Sounds terrible. Have fun!

Katara: Miss you! Six emoji hearts alternating red and blue

Zuko: Miss you too.

Blue text box with the date December 22, 2020

Zuko: So, by the end of it, Uncle had the guy by his collar and the wife was mortified. 

Katara: I cannot believe this happened.

Zuko: Me neither. It only ever happens when I’m home.

Katara: Do you ever wish you stayed in Ba Sing Se?

Zuko: I used to, from time to time.

Katara: Not now?

Zuko: Now I think about how the Water Tribe Queen can’t go around dating a tea server. 

Katara: What if we both left and ran off to the earth kingdom interior? We can open up our own tea and herb shop.

Zuko: Training not going well?

Katara: Training is FINE.

Katara: I just really miss you.

Zuko: I miss you too.

Zuko: I think about you all the time. It’s really distracting.

Zuko: I zoned out in the middle of an important luncheon today.

Katara: Why????

Zuko: I was thinking about you.

Katara: That’s dumb. You’re dumb.

Zuko: You like me dumb.

Katara: Hot and dumb, himbos forever.

Zuko: Hey, Thuy’s calling me. I gotta go.

Katara: Say hi!

Zuko: Will do. Talk to you later?

Katara: Heart eyes emoji

Blue text box with the date December 30, 2020

Katara: And it happens every new moon!

Zuko: That sounds like a lot of work every month.

Katara: It’s unbelievable.

Katara: I mean, maybe the South Pole did it before the war. But it’d be news to me.

Zuko: I guess that’s why they really want a Bender on the throne.

Katara: It makes things easier but also, we know the moon is going to come back. Like, scientifically.

Zuko: I think Arnook might be holding on for different reasons.

Katara: Shoot. Yeah. You’re right.

Katara: Crap, now I feel bad.

Zuko: Sorry. I do understand what you’re saying though.

Katara: Maybe I can change it? Make it more about Yue and less like we’re all gonna die if we don’t appease the spirits?

Zuko: That sounds reasonable. 

Zuko: You’re really getting good at this.

Katara: I’m good with the tribe stuff. I’m still bad doing all this talking out the side of my mouth.

Zuko: Pardon? Monocle emoji

Katara: It’s an Earth Kingdom expression. When you’re not talking straight and buttering someone up. Or backhanded compliments.

Zuko: Unfortunately, you’ll have to do that a lot.

Katara: Whyyyyyy? I’ll be queen. What are they gonna do about it?

Zuko: Rebel?

Katara: Against the ocean? Eye roll emoji

Zuko: Sounding a bit tyrannical there darling. Fire emoji

Katara: They’re making me do all this stuff!!! It’s not fair!!!!

Zuko: It’ll get easier.

Katara: Can’t I just go visit you? Let’s go to Ember Island again.

Zuko: I wish. 

Zuko: You look good on a beach.

Katara: Everyone looks good on a beach. That’s why it’s popular.

Zuko: Fair.

Katara: I can’t believe that was just a few months ago.

Zuko: I can’t believe we’ve been dating for a full season now.

Katara: Do we have an actual anniversary? Thinking emoji

Zuko: Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about it because I don’t want to jinx this.

Katara: Three cry laughing emojis

Katara: Would it be the summit tho?

Zuko: I guess so?

Katara: We wasted SO MUCH TIME this summer.

Zuko: Well…

Katara: It’s not my fault you were dating someone else.

Zuko: If I had been bolder during the war…

Katara: How would that have even worked?

Katara: I hadn’t even hit my peak rage against the Fire Nation

Zuko: Probably wouldn’t have been down for dating the crown prince then huh?

Katara: But it was you. So who knows?

Zuko: You think you would’ve still fallen for me?

Katara: Didn’t I do exactly that?

Zuko: That wasn’t me though.

Katara: Tomato, potato

Zuko: Your brother says that.

Katara: He stole it from ME!!!

Blue text box with the date January 03, 2021

Zuko: Sorry I missed your call.

Zuko: Kat?

Zuko: Are you mad at me?

Katara: Yes.

Zuko: I’m sorry Katara, the meeting ran long.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I’m still mad.

Katara: Today was really rough.

Zuko: What happened?

Katara: I don’t want to talk about it.

Zuko: Hey, did you want to call now? I’m free.

Katara: No.

Zuko: Katara.

Katara: I just really needed you! 

Katara: Arnook keeps yelling at me because I keep forgetting names and stupid stuff like that, and Pakku is telling me that I’m going to cause the next world war because I’m rude, and now one will train with me because I’m the stupid princess now and I’m really really lonely!

Zuko: I’m sorry Katara, that really sucks.

Katara: It does suck!

Katara: And when I call my boyfriend when he told me he’d be free, he didn’t pick up!

Zuko: I couldn’t control that.

Katara: I know.

Katara: I’m sorry.

Katara: I really want to see you.

Zuko: We can video chat?

Katara: No, I really want to see you in person.

Katara: We just started dating but I never get to be with you.

Katara: And when we are together, something bad always happens.

Zuko: I know. I’m sorry.

Katara: It’s not your fault.

Zuko: It kinda is though. It’s my family.

Katara: I just wish you were here.

Zuko: Me too. But I’ll see you soon.

Katara: Ugh, don’t remind me. Fed up emoji

Zuko: You’re going to do great. And you’re not going to be taking over right away. Arnook is still around for a bit. 

Katara: Promise YOU will be around for a bit?

Zuko: I’ll stay as long as I can.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38

[jjungkookislife]

The Key to My Drawer Ch. 4

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: bf2l, eventual smut 18+, angst

wc: 1.5k

warnings: cursing, mention of spiders, oc sends a “flirty” picture 

date: June 28, 2020

You’re unaware of the sun setting as you push some pictures and letters off to the side to get comfortable in his bed.  You’ve read more of them, you’ve put those back in the drawer. 

Tannie is sleeping soundly in his bed on the opposite side of the room.  His little snores make you smile as you reach for another letter after turning on the bedside lamp.  The soft glow is enough to illuminate the letter in your hands, #11. 

The sky is beautiful today, but it’s beauty can’t compare to you. 

Shit, was that too cheesy? It was, wasn’t it? I’m glad you’ll never see this then… haha.

You are beautiful though and I can’t stop staring at you but I have to.  You’re starting to look at your phone, smiling to show your teeth and check for spinach.  You haven’t had spinach in a decade, but you still check. 

“Do I have something on my face?” You ask me and I laugh, loudly.  I shake my head, “no. You look perfect.”  

You are perfect. 

Today was torture, but we’d had this trip planned for months.  Way before I realized I loved you but I guess… I should have known even back then.  

What I didn’t have planned was Joon’s car breaking down the morning of our trip.  I tried to back out, tried to make an excuse, but you wouldn’t hear of it.  You wanted me to go; you know how much I love the ocean.  

“I’ll just sit on your lap, it’ll be fine,” you shrugged as we all climbed into Jin’s van. It was stifling hot, or maybe it was just me burning up with embarrassment.  You sat in my lap.  I tried to keep my arms at my side, I swear I did, but with every bump on the ride, you slid side to side. 

Jungkook tired of you bumping into him and Jimin. 

“Tae, hold her! She’s going to get hurt,” he huffed, and I wrapped my arms around you tightly.  “Do you want me to hold her instead?”

No.

I shook my head, looking back out the window after.  You seemed to relax, putting your weight on me.  Your head ended up on my shoulder as we watched the world go by.  My arms held you securely, limiting the jostling of your body that the road caused.  

We talked about everything we planned on doing that weekend. You were so excited to lie on the beach and build sandcastles.  You said you might get a little daring and wade in the water.  You’ve never been one to go swimming, you can’t stand getting salt water in your eyes but you do it for me.  I appreciate it.  

I wondered what it would be like to hold you like that always… to be able to wrap my arms around you and kiss you.  

We just got assigned our rooms and to no surprise, we’re sharing a bed.  I don’t mind; I hope you don’t either.  

You’re unpacking even though we’ll be here two days.  You say it’s a habit, but I know you just want something to do until we head out.  You keep asking what I’m writing, giggling when I tell you it’s my diary. 

You ask if I’ll ever let you read it; I said someday.  

Someday…

You put the letter back inside the envelope before getting out of bed to go take a shower.  You rush out though, running into the bedroom to make sure Tannie hasn’t gotten on the bed.  

Your worry dissipates when you see him sound asleep.  He really is a good dog. 

You stay in the room to dry your hair, looking over at your duffel bag that Tae had set in the bedroom when you had first arrived.  You pull out a pair of panties to put on before you go to his dresser. You open the top drawer, taking out one of his oversized shirts to throw on.  You admire yourself in the mirror, pinching the collar to bring it up to your nose to sniff it.  

The familiar scent of your best friend fills your nose, comforting you as you get ready for bed. 

You move the letters and the pictures back into the drawer, making sure you don’t close it all the way before you take the letter you had set aside to read before going to sleep.  

On the nightstand, besides the lamp, your phone vibrates.  Tannie’s ears perk up, an eye peering open to look at you.�� 

You smile in apology, grabbing your phone to see a text from Taehyung asking how Tannie and you are doing.  You send back a picture of a sleeping Tannie and a few heart emojis. 

Taehyung smiles before sending back a heart and asking if you’re doing okay alone?  

Your heart thumps wildly at the emoji, your cheeks surging with heat.  You tell him you’ll be fine as you move your phone to angle it to show your full body in the shot.  

You take a picture, smiling in it before sending it.  

When Taehyung receives it, his heart stops.  His eyes widen as he sees you in his bed, wearing nothing but his shirt.  A text comes in shortly after, it says ‘I miss you.’

You wait for a response, but it takes a few minutes for Taehyung to text back.  He misses you and he’ll see you soon.  Your heart skips a beat.

I can’t believe this is the twelfth letter I’ve written to you and then not shown you… 

You’re laying beside me and I can’t sleep.  I’m using your nightlight to write this, hoping I won’t wake you up. 

We spent the entire day on the beach, you’re worn out and frankly, so am I.  We built sandcastles, played games with the guys and then we walked on the beach collecting seashells while the sunset.  

Your smile was radiant every time you found a pretty shell, showing it to me before you put it in the bucket.  We held the bucket together, our fingers brushing every now and again.  For a moment I could pretend we were holding hands.  

You squealed when the chilly water brushed along your feet, but you let me lead you into the ocean ankle deep.  That alone is an accomplishment of your own, I’m proud of you. 

We made s’mores on the beach, my arm wrapped around you when you shivered.  I caught Jimin’s eye, and he winked at me.  He knows.   Everyone knows except you.  

My breath got caught in my throat when you placed your head on my shoulder, your lips brushing my cheek when you tried to eat my s’more.  I swear my heart was thumping so loud, there’s no way you didn’t hear it. 

You giggled, pouted and asked me to share.  I can never say no to you.  I’m weak.  I gave you my s’more, and you kissed my cheek; it was worth it.  I'd do it again and again.  

We were the last ones to come to bed; we cuddled in front of the fire until it went out.  You asked me if I thought we’d be friends forever as you looked up at the star-filled sky. 

I said, “I hope so.” 

But all I could see is you, for you are the brightest star. 

You didn’t notice though, your eyes were wide with wonder as you told me all about the stars.  I wish I could remember any of it, but I’m sure you’ll remind me tomorrow night and the night after that.  I wouldn’t mind if you reminded me every night for the rest of our lives, except then, you’d be holding my hand. 

You yawned, stretched and batted your lashes at me, asking if I was ready for bed. I was.  

We made sure the fire was out before we left.  You made me check three times before we actually walked back into the house.  Then you called the shower first and screamed when there was a spider in the corner.  

I walked in there with a lot of bravado, but I don’t like spiders either.  But for you, oh my love, for you, I’d do anything.  You didn’t want me to squish it, no! I had to get a piece of paper and scoop it up to let it back outside.  My body was shaking so bad, but for you I’d do anything. Man, fuck spiders. 

We talked until you fell asleep, curling into a ball and rolling toward the wall.  I’m glad you didn’t get the edge, you’d have fallen on your face as you murmured about seashells and sandcastles. 

I wonder if my name ever leaves your lips when you sleep.  When you’re so exhausted but your mind can’t help but form words, anyway.  

I guess I should get some sleep.  You have a big day planned for us tomorrow and I’d hate to disappoint you.  

Goodnight, Y/n. 

I love you...

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

<< previous / next >>

[virtueangel]

limitless.

chapter eighteen.

wc: 2,090. original publish date: november 12, 2020. 

"Oh my god, finally," Vincent whines once JFK pulls his car into the parking lot.

"Hey, why are you complaining? I'm the one who just had to drive for three hours," JFK replies. "Besides, you could've chosen a closer destination."

Van Gogh gives Kennedy a warning glare. "Hey! No fighting today!"

John shrugs. "You started it."

Vincent takes a deep breath. "Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot." He unbuckles his seatbelt and leans across the centre console to give JFK a kiss on the lips, deep and slow.

Kennedy grins. "That's more like it."

The boys climb out of the car, and Vincent is immediately hit by a gush of icy wind. He pulls his letterman jacket tighter around himself, one hand flying up to his head to secure the bandages. His fiery orange hair dances in front of his eyes and whips him in the face. JFK smiles to himself, taking in the way the boy's freckles pop out against his flushed cheeks. He never really could deal with the cold.

"So, why'd you bring us to the ocean?" John questions, locking the car before turning back to Van Gogh. He bends an arm against his hip and holds it out to the smaller boy, who wraps his hands around his boyfriend's biceps. They step off of the concrete of the parking lot and onto the sandy beach, linked just like that.

"Because it's actually sunny today. I thought it might be nice."

JFK stifles a laugh, looking down at bundled-up Van Gogh. "And how's that working out for you?"

Vincent bats at Kennedy playfully. "Don't start with me."  

JFK leads them down the beach, towards a huge, barnacled rock close to the shoreline. The sand is harder and wetter over here, which Van Gogh is grateful for. He doesn't like when the dry sand collects between the laces of his Keds. It's such a fuss to clean out and it always stains the white laces brown.

The ocean is calm, but small waves still lap at the sand. The water fizzes and leaves sea foam on the beach, bits of rocks and shells and plastic trapped in it. The waves crash in a syncopated fashion, the sound a low enough hum to fall asleep to. Vincent gazes out across the water, smiling reservedly at the view. The sun reflects off of the emerald water, and the ocean seems to last forever. He imagines walking right into the surf with his clothes and shoes on, letting the waves submerge him and pull him into the abyss. What a heavenly way to die.

"I wish I knew where my sketchbook was," he murmurs, delicate fingers still wrapped around JFK's bicep. "I don't think I'd draw this. It's too grand for that. I'd paint it."

"In your sketchbook?"

Van Gogh shrugs, eyes still taking in the ocean. "I don't have a canvas."

John grins, but not in his over-eager toothpaste model fashion. He grins in contentedness, in reservation, in affection, in... love. "I'll be your canvas."

Vincent turns to the boy, sure he's joking. "I'm sure you'd love having oil paint on your washboard abs."

JFK laughs and shakes his head. "You're probably right."

The two stand there for some minutes longer, just basking in the shimmering sun and letting their noses fill up with pleasantly salty air. It's been so long since either of them have gone to the beach. Exclamation! is a landlocked town in a landlocked state.

"Do you want to take a walk?" Kennedy whispers after a while, hesitant to break the silence.

"I think that would be okay."

They start walking, slowly. They haven't gotten very far when Vincent says, "Wait."

JFK stops. "What is it?"

Van Gogh unwraps himself from John and bends down to untie his Keds. He slides his shoes off of his feet, hopping on one foot as he takes his socks off. He balls his socks up and places them in his shoes.

"You wanna carry those...?" Kennedy starts.

Vincent shakes his head and tucks them into a split in the rock. "You wanna take off yours?"

JFK bends down to untie his sneakers. He pulls his socks off, not bothering to remove them one at a time. He doesn't care if the bottoms get dirty. He balls the socks up and shoves them into his sneakers before handing them to Van Gogh, who stacks them up next to his own shoes in the rock crevice.

They resume their walk. Vincent slides his hand down JFK's arm until it meets with the taller boy's hand, warm and rough against his small palm.

"Your fingers are so long," JFK says.

Vincent giggles nervously. "That's such an odd comment to make."

John shakes his head lightly. "It's not a bad thing."

"I like the way my hand fits in yours," Van Gogh says.

JFK smiles, his insides melting, warm and gooey like a fresh chocolate chip cookie. "Good, because I like the way your hand fits into mine."

Vinnie speaks after a while, the fizz of the sea foamy waves suddenly deafening in the silence. "Can I ask you something?"

"Okay."

Van Gogh takes a deep breath, letting the rise and fall of his chest soothe him. "What's your favourite thing about me?"

Jack grins. "My favourite thing about you?"

Vincent nods.

JFK goes silent, taking a moment to think before answering. "There isn't just one thing."

"You can give me more than one," Van Gogh says, hoping he doesn't sound too hopeful as his mouth pulls into a giddy smile.

"I like the way you look in the mornings, when I wake up and you're still asleep. I like the way your hair falls over your eyes and the way the t-shirt you sleep in is too big for you and the sleeves go all the way down to your elbows. I like the way your cheeks flush pink in the cold, and I like the way you tie your shoelaces. I like the way you can focus so hard on the book you're reading that you don't even notice the world around you. It's like your book is your world. I wish I could do that. Fall into something, the way you do."

"It gets boring after awhile," Vincent offers. "Or sometimes I get too lost and it's jarring when you say my name."

"Well," JFK starts. "I'm sorry."

"Is that it?" Van Gogh asks after a second. "Those are all the things you like about me?"

JFK smiles. He opens his mouth and closes it, trying words out on his tongue before saying them out loud. "I like watching you when you pick at your nails. I know you probably don't mean to do it, but... I don't know. I guess there's this fluidity about it. Your fingernails are so healthy and long, it's just... god, I don't know. This is kind of embarrassing." The taller boy laughs at himself, his cheeks turning pink.

Gogh blushes. "You can keep going, if you want to."

John laughs goodheartedly, but intends to continue nonetheless. He's not done. He won't be done for a while. Every thought he's ever had about Van Gogh rushes back into his head -- they've been best friends since they were in grade school. But they were never really just friends, were they? All those Friday nights that JFK would spend at the boy's house keeping him company while his parents were away; all those times Vincent would call him in the middle of the night, begging him to come over because he couldn't fall asleep in an empty house and how JFK would always going over, no matter how late it was -- none of that is something just friends do. He thinks about every time Vincent's gaze would linger on him a split second longer than normal and how he always pretended not to notice. He thinks about how Vincent's is the only contact in his phone that is a nickname followed by a string of emojis instead of a mundane first and last name. He thinks about how he took books off of Vincent's bookshelf without asking just because he wanted to read the same words the boy had, just because he wanted to know his fingers were grazing over spines that Vincent's had. He thinks about the times he'd let Vincent paint his nails, about the times he'd let Vincent pick out his outfits for school. How both of them had thought their relationship was a friendship that everyone had -- how they'd neglected to pick up on the signs that everyone else had noticed long ago.

"I like the way you wear a yellow raincoat and matching rain boots when it's wet outside. I like the way you always put the pillows on your bed in the same arrangement, and I like the way you dance to music even when it's playing through your earbuds. I like the way you mouth the words to the book you're reading when you're concentrating really hard. I like the way you hold your pencil when you're drawing, like it'll float away if you loosen your grip even a little bit. I like the way you bend over when you're writing -- really writing -- with one elbow bent on the table and your fingers threaded through your hair. I like the way you actually use one of those little plastic hourglasses with the yellow sand in it to time yourself while you're brushing your teeth. I like the way you're the only person I know who actually brushes their teeth for two minutes."

This last part earns a stifled laugh from Van Gogh.

"But most of all, I like the way that you sing along to music in the car, how you keep your voice low because you don't want me to hear you but of course I still can anyway."

"Do I sound horrible?"

JFK shakes his head. "No."

Van Gogh smiles, looking away. He's never felt like this before, like... he's exactly where he's supposed to be. He isn't worried about being left alone on Friday nights, or insecure about the way he constantly reorganises his bedroom. For once in his life, he doesn't feel uncomfortable or like he needs to run away. He wants to fall, fall into JFK, and he doesn't need a rope for security.

"The ocean is freezing cold," Vincent says, because that's the only sentence he can reach for.

Kennedy grins and slides his arms out of his letterman jacket. He pulls his red and white striped sweater over his head next before unzipping his khakis. He stands in front of Vincent wearing only his white t-shirt and underwear. Vincent sighs and takes off his own layers until his outfit matches JFK's, and they walk into the surf, hand in hand.

"Jesus fuck, Jack," Vincent exclaims, a salty wave pushing into his thighs.

JFK wraps his arms around Vincent, pulling the boy close. Van Gogh buries his face in John's t-shirt, now soaked and smelling of salt. He doesn't mind, though. He'll take whatever warmth he can get.

Kennedy rests his chin on Van Gogh's head, kissing the boy's bandage every once in a while. He shivers a little bit, but he ignores the cold setting into his skin. He pulls Vincent closer, and the boy wraps his arms around JFK's midsection. John gazes out across the water as Van Gogh shuts his eyes against his boyfriend's chest.

The world is silent except for the calm lapping of the waves and the fizzing of the sea foam. Except for the temperature of the water, it is perfect -- no freights honking in the distance, no seagulls screeching overhead. Vincent slides his hands underneath JFK's shirt, feeling the warmth radiating off the skin of his back. His pale legs turn even paler as they erupt in goosebumps, but there's nowhere he'd rather be.

JFK lets out a low laugh from his throat, and Vincent draws back from his chest.

"What?" He asks, looking up at the boy.

John's face falls soft, and his bottom lip surrenders to the faintest trace of a quiver. "I'm in love with you."

Van Gogh shifts his bodyweight and leans back, curving his chin up so his mouth meets JFK's. They share a kiss, deep and slow, the salty ocean burning their bare thighs.

"I was hoping you might be."

It's the closest thing to I love you that he's ever given anyone.

[peppersjam]

My Top 10 Albums of 2020

Ok, it's nearly February. Let's do this.

Revisiting the 2019 list, I'm struck by how my taste hasn't really changed. All of those albums are still in my regular rotation. This might be the first time that's been true year over year. The only one that has sorta fallen off is My Finest Work Yet but that's just because it's up against Andrew Bird's entire oeuvre.

Runners up: - Fleet Foxes - "Shore" (I got into Fleet Foxes pretty heavily in the Fall when this came out, but I found myself gravitating to their older albums. It's hard to disentangle that) - Caribou - "Suddenly" (It's good) - The Avalanches - "We Will Always Love You" (Also good) - Four Tet - "Sixteen Oceans" (Yes, good)

The pre-2020 albums that should've ranked:

Sharon Van Etten - "Tramp" (2012)

Sharon Van Etten - "Are We There" (2014)

Sharon Van Etten - "Remind Me Tomorrow" (2019)

🙃

10. Fiona Apple – Fetch The Bolt Cutters

I didn't listen to Fetch The Bolt Cutters many times, but it was one of my most memorable listens of the year: I took a day off of work for the first time since COVID protocols began, and I went on a long walk around Pittsburgh with FTBC in my ears. It's hard for anything to live up to a Pitchfork 10/10, but for one afternoon, at least, I agreed.

9. Sylvan Esso – WITH

A live album? But Sylvan Esso dropped a new new album this year. And wait, I've never even had any Sylvan Esson on my year-end lists before!

I miss live music so much. I didn't know that I would, though. Lately I've found myself (like many 30-somethings, probably) having a little bit less fun at concerts than I used to. They're too loud and you have to stand still for too long if you want to have a good view of the stage, and people don't dance as much as you wish they did, etc. etc. The last show I went to was Big Thief at The Fillmore in late November 2019. I stood up front like I used to (sore legs and all), but thank god I did.

WITH is not just a live album but a concert film. They formed a band of their musical friends and performed as a large group rather than as a duo, and the result is, surprisingly, my favorite Sylvan Esso album.

Ugh, and the crowd singing on "Coffee," "my baby does the hanky panky... my baby doessss..."

8. Perfume Genius – Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

This is yet another spectacular entry into the Pefume Genius catalog. Shrug emoji.

7. Taylor Swift – folklore / evermore

CHEATER ALERT! Two albums for the price of one! If I had to pick one of these to keep on a desert island, I'd probably pick evermore. It might be recency bias, but Taylor sounds like she's having more fun on that one. Regardless, Taylor delivered on (a) making TikTok go absolutely bananas trying to decipher hidden messages and (b) giving us the ultramainstream National(Dessner)-produced pop we didn't know we needed.

6. Charli XCX – how i'm feeling now

This album was a perfect palate cleanser to 2019's underwhelming-to-me Charli. She managed to capture the essence of being in COVID lockdown without losing sight of what makes her Charli XCX (i.e., all caps EARWORMS).

5. Adrianne Lenker – songs / instrumentals

CHEATER ALERT PT. 2! I talked a lot about Big Thief on my list last year because of their double whammy of U.F.O.F. and Two Hands (for which I did not, mind you, cheat). Adrianne's 2020 albums were released on the same day, so they're basically one album (right?). Adrianne spent some time with a binaural mic in a cabin in Western Massachusetts and recorded - complete with diagetic birds and windchimes - the most intimate indie rock/folk album I can recall. That entire sentence is Steve catnip.

4. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

I had a big Waxahatchee phase in 2018, so I was looking forward to 2020's Saint Cloud, especially after seeing glowing reviews. But I bounced off of it hard after a couple listens.

Sheep that I am, I decided to give it another shot when it started showing up at the top of end-of-year lists. And of course, I loved it.

3. Andy Schauf – The Neon Skyline

This is the only album on this list that I listened to pre-COVID. So there's something special here, for sure. It hooked me with its storytelling, which is smaller in scale than a lot of "story" music. But the smallness is key because it makes everything plausible. There are a bunch of "sad" albums on this list, but none of them wrecked me quite like this one.

2. HAIM – Women in Music Pt. III

Pt. III improves on the HAIM formula in every way. The choruses are catchier and the experimental bits are weirder. I think HAIM may have blown up this year if it weren't for gestures broadly. Not saying they aren't successful as is - but this is an album full of should-be festival hits.

1. Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher

Phoebe's Punisher arrived at the perfect time. Me and everyone on TikTok (at least the TikTok that I was algorithmed into) needed a sad album to lose ourselves in. A lot of these people didn't know Phoebe before this album. I'm jealous of their getting to discover this and Stranger In The Alps and boygenius (and BOCC, I guess) at the same time.

When I saw boygenius in 2018 (HOW was it that long ago?) I came away stunned by Lucy's performance and Julien's raw emotion (mirroring my thoughts from her captivating Outside Lands set in 2016(?!)). But I didn't know exactly what I thought about Phoebe.

I figured it out though! It was very obvious and I am very dumb for not realizing it until Punisher. Phoebe is a brilliant writer. She captures everything with a specificity that that simultaneously draws you into her brain and ejects you out into space.

So it wasn't just that we collectively wanted (needed) a good cry, it's that we were asking (begging) to be ejected from Earth completely, to return when everything was some facsimile of normal again. Phoebe delivered - not just with her patented ballads but with the hilariously uptempo "Kyoto" that asks us to dance alone in our apartments to I wanted to see the world / through your eyes until it happened / then I changed my mind. Yep, this was the perfect year for the equal parts earnest, funny, and sad 2nd Phoebe album.

[artificialqueens]

Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, 10 (Branjie) (and background everyone) - Ortega

a/n: omg HIIIIII hihihihihi i’m SO SORRY for the update gap fam, i started back at work and have been crAzy busy ever since! however i tried to make this chapter one that was worth the wait…….insert one thousand eye emojis if ya know what i mean. hope u enjoy!

fic summary: Strictly Come Dancing enters its 18th series and its producers, after being goaded by a rival dance show on its inclusivity, commission it to be an all-female cast. Unlike Akeria who’s just here to bone her potential dance partner, dancer Vanessa is ready to act like a professional.

And then TV presenter Brooke Lynn walks into the rehearsal room.

***

20th November 2020

Vanessa is giggling as Akeria sits with an enormous plastic bag of snacks in front of her on the hard plastic train table. She’s looking at them with the long-suffering eyes of a wearied mother, casting her hands over them as if she doesn’t quite know where to start. She finally picks up a bag of chocolate buttons, stands up in her seat and yells out into the train carriage.

“Okay, whose are the buttons?”

“Oh! Those are ours. Thanks, Kiki,” Jan stands up from the two-seater she’s got beside Jackie and behind Vanessa and Brooke, leaning forward over them to grab the snacks.

“Strawberry laces?”

“Mine!” Crystal cries happily, leaning over Gigi from the table seat they’re sharing with Jaida and Yvie opposite them. She snatches the sweets out of Akeria’s hand and follows it up with a thank you.

“Barbecue Pringles- wait, that’s Yvie’s,” Akeria immediately cuts herself off, leaning over the aisle of the carriage and handing Yvie the tube.

“I’m nothing if not predictable,” she shrugs, ripping off the plastic covering and the paper on top to grab a crisp and then offer one to her dance partner.

“Tangfastics?” Akeria yells out. There’s a pause where nobody claims them. Akeria gives a long-suffering roll of her eyes and yells a little louder. “Tangfastics?!”

Vanessa watches Monique give a jolt in the two-seater she’s sharing with Monet. “Shit, sorry Keeks, that’s ours!”

(Vanessa suspects that Monique’s delay in hearing her snack might be because of the way Monet’s got her hand resting on her thigh and had been whispering something to her moments before, but she’ll park that for now, use it to make fun of her at a later date.)

“God damn, stop gazin’ in Monet’s eyes for two whole seconds,” Akeria teases her, to a hoot of laughter from the other girls and a glare from Monique herself.

“Can’t help it that they’re so dark and intoxicating,” Monet pipes up with a dramatic gesture. Asia yells at her to shut up from over her headrest. A little further down the carriage, Vanessa can see a businessman shaking his head in despair.

“Gigi, that’s your fruit platter,” Akeria hands the tub across the aisle, already able to tell the model’s choice of snack. Vanessa silently takes the bags of Starbursts and chilli heatwave Doritos that she’d asked Akeria to pick up for her and Brooke respectively. “Whose are the Haribos?”

There’s another silence. Vanessa has to hold in her laughter at Akeria’s growing frustration. “Girls, I swear to Jesus, y’all cannot send me to the shop to grab all your motherfuckin’ snacks and then not claim ‘em! Who ordered the goddamn Haribos?!”

Asia blinks suddenly, looks up from her phone and tugs Akeria’s sleeve. “Bitch! Those are ours, we got them! Sit your dumb ass down!”

The girls all roar with laughter as Akeria sheepishly sinks back into her seat. Vanessa can’t help but give a little bounce in her seat from excitement because they’ve made it; she’s off to Blackpool with a girl that likes her back, her two best friends, and the rest of the dorks they’re sharing the competition with. They’ve got a Cha Cha Cha this week which they’ve practised, polished and perfected, and Vanessa can feel a little bite of excitement to the cold air which makes her think maybe…maybe this week it’s their time to get a few more tens and perhaps be top of the leaderboard this week. She’s confident, and she knows Brooke is too. They chatted through their thoughts about the week ahead when Vanessa walked Brooke to the tube station the night before, and her heart still gives a little excitable thud when Vanessa remembers the way they’d stolen a kiss in the dark just beside the entrance.

Whatever it is they are feels like one of the fairytales Vanessa used to watch when she was little on VHS tape, the ones she used to rewind the moment they were done to go all the way back to the start. She and Brooke are still focused on the competition obviously, so for now they’re still content with stealing kisses behind the scenes of It Takes Two, going for dates that aren’t really dates and are more mid-rehearsal lunches, long and lingering goodbye cuddles where Vanessa rests her head against Brooke’s chest and wishes she was going home with her instead of to her own empty flat. It’s nameless and exciting and a bit of a foray into the unknown, only Vanessa knows it’s not really so much of an unknown because she trusts Brooke, she knows she likes her back and how much she’s devoted to her. It’s the way Brooke nuzzles against Vanessa’s hair and mutters a compliment about how talented she is, or the way she’ll stop mid-kiss to just murmur about how beautiful Vanessa is against her lips, or the way she links their pinkies together midway through a rehearsal break and shyly comment on how lucky she is. It all makes Vanessa’s heart feel huge and light and fast in her chest, a helium balloon filled with butterflies.

“Guys! Train selfie!” Crystal cries suddenly, jolting Vanessa out of her daydream. Vanessa leans onto the middle of the table to squeeze herself into shot and yelps when Brooke tugs her back.

“You just totally Mike Wazowski’d me!”

“Oh like anyone could miss you in any photo, fuckin’ lil miss beanstalk bitch!” Vanessa teases her, the girls all laughing in response.

“So funny that half your fans think you’re datin’. You two fight like cat an’ dog on the daily,” Asia rolls her eyes and snorts. Vanessa feels her body spark with electricity as Brooke takes her hand under the table and squeezes it a couple of times in secret.

She feels guilty as she looks to Akeria who’s raising her eyebrows at her, still very aware of her crush. It’s not that Vanessa has kept things secret from her and Monique intentionally. It’s just that she and Brooke have been so wrapped up in each other and their rehearsals, not to mention the fact that they haven’t had a girls’ night in forever. Vanessa resolves to tell them this weekend, having to bite back a smile as she thinks about their potential reactions.

“Guys, get in the fucking selfie already! My arm is hurting!”

Vanessa leans back into Brooke’s chest and feels something in her ribcage blossom as Brooke puts her arms around her in a hug for the photo.

The train starts moving and all the girls give an excited squeal of delight which makes two old ladies a few seats down look at them all suspiciously. There’s a flash of recognition in their eyes after a second and their attitude changes, judgemental eyes becoming kind. Vanessa wonders if it will ever fully sink in that she’s ‘famous’, a public figure. Right now it just feels as if she’s going on some big mad girls’ weekend away with her second family and a girl she really fucking likes.

The evening is mostly taken up by the train ride, all the girls having rehearsed during the day and trundled their suitcases to the train when they were done. Yvie vlogs, Crystal and Gigi chatter excitedly, and Akeria and Asia bicker about who’s eaten the most buttons. Vanessa and Brooke for their part hold hands underneath the table, share little smiles that speak both volumes and a thousand words, and flirt just enough to make Vanessa’s heart beat out her chest but not enough to arouse suspicion. All the while they speed past towns that she’s never heard of and will never visit, blurs of green and grey shrouded in the dark of the Autumn night sky.

The train doesn’t go all the way to Blackpool so they have to change at Preston, which Vanessa knows nothing about other than the fact it’s got a train station. The girls find the platform for their connecting train and mill about, stopping once to take photos with an adorable little Strictly fan who can’t be more than eight years old. Vanessa chats away with her way more than the other girls do because the little girl’s dark hair, nut brown skin and huge brown eyes make her miss her own little cousins back in Puerto Rico. She asks her about school, and if she dances, and what she wants to be when she grows up.

When the girl replies, “a dancer like you”, Vanessa almost tears up.

She tells her not to give up on her dreams- because it’s what eight year old her would’ve needed to hear- and then waves her and her Mum goodbye. By the time she’s finished chatting and she turns back around, Brooke is waiting for her with a little smile on her face.

“What? What’s that look for?” Vanessa laughs a little. She wants nothing more than to wrap her arms around Brooke’s waist in a hug but the platform is busy and the other girls could see them.

“Nothing. Just you’re really cute with kids.”

Vanessa smiles bashfully, looks to the ground. When she looks up again Brooke has come a little closer to her. Vanessa pouts as she very gently threads the tips of their fingers together, the closest they can come to holding hands in public.

“I wanna kiss you so bad right now.”

“Let’s do it,” Brooke giggles quietly, a little sparkle in her eyes. “Let’s just start making out and watch how the girls react. Yvie would put it in one of her fucking vlogs.”

“Storytime- my Strictly co-stars just kissed?” Vanessa jokes, and Brooke wheezes a laugh which in turn makes the other girls turn round. Vanessa immediately drops their hands as Asia eyes them both with suspicion.

Brooke looks back at her and Vanessa can feel her pulse speed up at the adoration that’s in her eyes. “You look so good today, let me take a candid that’s not really a candid.”

“A plandid,” Vanessa shrugs back, then screws up her face. “I look like shit though. I sweated all my makeup off in rehearsal, my skin’s all dry from that train heater an’ I’m wearing sweatpants I’ve owned for six years.”

“Still cute though,” Brooke winks, and Vanessa tries to suppress a smile as she relents, shakes her hair out and looks down the platform. She’s surprised to find the train making its way up the tracks and after a second she leaps back, grabbing her suitcase and Brooke’s arm and yelling to the other girls.

It’s only when they’re on the train again when she gets an Instagram tag and realises that Brooke managed to take the photo, and she has to admit she doesn’t look too bad. She’s confused, though, when she sees what Brooke has captioned it.

bhytes: sls 🧡

Vanessa looks quickly at Brooke before tapping out a message to her.

V: what’s sls mean??? x

She watches Brooke’s reaction in real time as she receives the message. Her eyes widen a little and a pink blush appears on her cheeks, almost as if she’s been caught at something. Vanessa watches her fingers hover over the screen, typing against the air as she tries to figure out how to reply. Eventually, Vanessa’s phone buzzes again.

B: Oh I meant to type sis!!!! Silly typo x

Vanessa narrows her eyes- she’s not buying that for a second. Sure enough as she goes back to Brooke’s Instagram page there’s a small “Edited” beside her caption, and it now reads what Brooke had just told her she’d allegedly meant to type. Feeling a little guilty for snooping, Vanessa scrolls through the comments- there’s one from Yvie already, and another from Jackie, and some from Brooke’s friends and colleagues of course, but eventually she reaches the fans.

branjie2020: SHE EDITED IT IM-

strictlybranjie: Brooke we see u girl

brookelynnbites: not little mix secret love song…………

Intrigued, Vanessa looks up the lyrics and instantly she knows why Brooke had been shy with her. Now blushing herself, Vanessa puts her phone face down on the table and loses herself in thought. She thinks about the lyrics. Why can’t I say that I’m in love…it’s just a song, Brooke probably just meant the sentiment generally, but still. Vanessa can’t help but wonder if maybe they could make something of whatever it is that they are, a fling between two members of a TV show. Maybe they’ll be together when this is all over, and maybe…well. Vanessa hasn’t told anyone that she loves them like that since Kameron, and it would be a big deal if she said it to somebody else again. She’s not falling for Brooke yet; that would be ridiculous, especially given that they’ve not even so much as seen each other naked, but all Vanessa knows is that she really likes her, cares for her so much that it almost scares her, and whenever she’s around Vanessa feels as if she’s levitating.

Vanessa puts her jacket over her lap and wordlessly takes Brooke’s hand underneath it. She doesn’t miss the smile on Brooke’s face when she squeezes it reassuringly.

They all eventually reach Blackpool, the windy seaside weather and the sound of the seagulls greeting them as soon as they’re out of the train station. Their hotel isn’t far from the Tower Ballroom and Vanessa’s glad that they’re not staying at some run down B&B although the BBC, always eager to cut costs wherever they can, has booked them all in with each other in twin rooms. Vanessa isn’t mad about that. Admittedly after that moment they had in Brooke’s dressing room last Saturday she’s been thinking ever since about how she could engineer some form of sequel. She’s narrowed it down to finding an excuse to crawl into Brooke’s bed at night, bullshitting something about it being too cold in her own and how it would be so much warmer if they just slept together. That’s if she needs to be subtle, of course. Knowing how Brooke had practically slammed her against her dressing room door last week there’s probably not going to be much need for subtleties.

“I hope you don’t snore,” Brooke laughs, rolling her suitcase out of the lift and onto the carpet of the hotel corridors. Vanessa lets out an incredulous snort.

“Bitch! Do I seem like the kinda girl who snores? I’m insulted.”

“No, that’s true. I need to worry about you talking in your sleep instead. The loudest girl in the fucking cast,” Brooke laughs, Vanessa kicking a leg forward to knock Brooke’s suitcase off-balance as revenge. Even though it wobbles on its wheels, Brooke is undeterred. “I’m going to be trying to get to sleep and just as I think I’m drifting off all I’ll here is…AN’ FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!”

“Shut up,” Vanessa giggles, giving Brooke a push as they both arrive in front of the hotel room door. Brooke presses the key card to the pad and walks in first, and Vanessa is too busy struggling with her case to gauge her reaction at first. That is until Brooke turns around from the spot she’s rooted to in the middle of the room.

“Oh.”

Vanessa frowns. She doesn’t really know why Brooke’s grown so awkward and quiet all of a sudden until she takes three steps forward and can see their room properly.

‘Oh’ is right. Because there, in the middle of their room, is a double bed. No, not double. King-sized, a king-sized fucking bed that’s probably the size of a small country village and is just for the two of them. All Vanessa’s plans go out the window because this is…new, and unknown territory. A quick makeout session in Brooke’s dressing room is one thing but the two of them haven’t even stayed over at either of their flats yet, they’ve never shared a bed in any context before. Vanessa bites her lip.

“Well…” Brooke says finally, trails off. Vanessa realises that she’s not going to finish her sentence.

“Um. I can go down and get ‘em to change it?” she offers, regretting it as soon as she’s said it because despite it all being new territory she’s not exactly opposed to it.

“No! No, it’s fine,” Brooke says- a little too quickly, Vanessa thinks, which causes her to suppress a smirk and try not to let her thoughts get carried away. “I mean, we’re both adults, it’s fine. Plus it’ll probably be comfier, right?”

“Yeah. Sure, right,” Vanessa nods and agrees, trying not to seem too eager.

It’s late by that point, so the pair of them unpack, trying to chat easily but the elephant in the room shaped like a king-sized bed is still very much present. Vanessa showers before bed and changes into her pyjamas, a little embarrassed at how scruffy her small black cami top and mid-length bottoms are. When Brooke comes back from her own shower, though, already changed into her pyjama set, Vanessa’s mouth dries up. She’s dressed in a matching set made up of a little pink satin shirt and shorts, the black cording at the hem of which is only drawing Vanessa’s eyes to Brooke’s thighs and not at all helping the bed situation.

Brooke clearly sees her looking and raises an eyebrow. “Cute, right?”

Vanessa snaps out of her daze. “What?”

“The pyjamas. They’re from like…Asos or Missguided or something? One of them,” she replies, hopping into bed and under the covers on the other side. Vanessa inches away from her a little, careful not to make their bodies touch because this is different to dancing and it’s not as simple as just being able to wrap her body around Brooke’s or make some stupid move because there’s no performance high or adrenaline or alcohol, it’s just…them. The pair of them in the same bed with the silence of the room surrounding them and the dark of the night outside hidden from view by the blinds Vanessa pulled down. As Brooke gives her a quick kiss and leans over to her side of the bed to turn the light off, she gives a quick look back to Vanessa.

“Night, babe.”

Vanessa gives a small, nervous smile back as she says goodnight. They shuffle under the covers to get comfortable and the silence falls again. Vanessa should say something, do something, reach out and take Brooke’s hand or lean in again. But everything is new and different and the time just isn’t right and she has no idea if Brooke even wants to go there with her yet, so instead she closes her eyes and attempts to sleep.

But in the morning, things are different. The moment Vanessa stirs she can tell there’s something in the air. She blinks open her eyes, the sun peeking through the slats of the blinds already too bright. That’s not it, though. That’s not what’s different.

And then as she gains a little bit more consciousness it hits her like a ton of bricks.

Brooke’s leg is thrown over her thigh, her arm around her waist, and her body is pressed up against hers. Vanessa feels a little tingle flash between her legs. For one thing, it’s cute that Brooke’s sought Vanessa out to cuddle during the night- whether she was asleep or awake for that decision Vanessa doesn’t know, but it’s nice either way. But on the other hand, Brooke’s little satin shorts have risen up to expose most of her thigh, and it’s not helping Vanessa think rationally right now.

Slowly, Vanessa starts tracing soft patterns on Brooke’s arm in a bid to wake her up: little figures of eight, then her name, then love hearts because if Brooke’s asleep she can’t work out that that’s what they are. Brooke’s leg shifts against her, and Vanessa can feel a heat against her thigh which she can’t decide whether or not helps or worsens the situation she’s in. Just then, she feels Brooke’s thumb give a little movement, a small stroke against the skin of Vanessa’s stomach where her cami top has risen up during the night. When her thumb moves again, Vanessa knows she’s woken up.

Neither of them have spoken yet and Brooke’s still stroking at her stomach, so Vanessa shuffles back in her arms just in case she’s still half asleep. She hears Brooke give a stifled yawn on the pillow behind her, hears her breathing shallow out. She’s awake, so Vanessa can take things up a gear. She moves her fingers from her arm to Brooke’s thigh, keeping her touch light and gentle as she traces a little patch of skin just at the outside. She feels Brooke shift against her in response, tries not to think too much about her thighs or what’s in between them because she knows she’ll overwhelm herself, flip round to straddle her and end up begging her to make her come apart. This moment is good. It’s gentle and tense all at once, the pair of them just touching and teasing each other, a mutual understanding even though nothing’s been said. This is different to last night- there’s no awkwardness, there’s no tentativeness, there’s just Brooke’s body wrapped around Vanessa’s and there’s only so many places that situation can lead.  

Vanessa feels Brooke press a small kiss to her shoulder blade and it makes her heart flutter, a hummingbird caged in her ribs. Brooke’s fingers trail a little higher to stroke under the material of her top and Vanessa feels herself melt. She wiggles in Brooke’s lap, knowing how it’ll drive her crazy given the amount of comments the girl’s made about how much she loves her ass and how completely obvious she’s made it. In response, Vanessa feels Brooke sigh against her neck, kissing it once, twice, three times.

Vanessa feels her resolve cracking so she traces a little higher on Brooke’s leg, decides to break the silence. She tries to keep the smirk out of her voice but it’s hard when Brooke bucks against her thigh again. “Good morning.”

Brooke gives a little whine against her neck which makes Vanessa press her thighs together, raising her own hips in an attempt to gain some sort of friction. “Morning.”

Vanessa presses her lips together in a suppressed smile, her next move falling into place in her head. “Y’know, I think I’m gonna get up an’ start gettin’ ready.”

“No,” Brooke whines, the arm around her waist pulling her closer, and Vanessa can hear the pout in her voice. She feels Brooke rub against her thigh again and it’s almost impeding her ability to think straight at this point.

She’s having fun winding her up though and she knows she’ll be able to have Brooke begging for her if she keeps it up, so she attempts to turn around a little to face her. She can’t really manage it, but she doesn’t mind too much. She just wants to see Brooke’s face when she delivers her next line, keeps her tone light and ever-so-slightly mocking. “Why not, boo?”

Vanessa decides to shuffle round, can hear Brooke whine in frustration now that she no longer has something to grind against. When she sees Brooke blushing, biting her lip with her hand now pressed between her thighs, it’s the hottest thing Vanessa has seen in probably years.

Brooke’s still not answered- instead she’s trying to shuffle close to Vanessa, presumably to kiss her, but Vanessa’s enjoying her moment of being in charge, so she lays her hand against Brooke’s chest to stop her and narrows her eyes. “Uh-uh. You gotta tell me why I shouldn’t leave this bed.”

Brooke only blushes harder, and Vanessa’s knocked for six. Brooke is actually shy. This confident, stone-cold goddess is getting embarrassed at the prospect of talking dirty to Vanessa in bed.

Vanessa’s brain is hotwiring.

“Don’t go quiet on me, princess,” Vanessa murmurs, bringing her other hand down to stroke at Brooke’s exposed skin again, this time against the visible strip of her inner thigh. “Can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me what it is.”

“Please…kiss me, fuck-”

Brooke’s barely got the words out when Vanessa bridges the gap between them, meets Brooke’s lips with her own and kisses her softly and gently. She knows Brooke wants more, knows she’s getting herself worked up beside her but Vanessa’s enjoying having the power for now because knowing Brooke it won’t be long before she tries to take it back. When Vanessa pulls away Brooke is pouting, all disappointed that Vanessa’s lips are no longer on hers. Vanessa hears Brooke give a little gasp and then a whine as she takes her hand, the one Brooke’s grinding against, brings it out from between her thighs and places it by her side. There’s an unspoken rule between them that Brooke’s not allowed to replace it.

“Please, ‘Ness,” she pouts, and Vanessa would find it cute if her hands weren’t trailing up and down her waist. Brooke paws at her, needy and desperate, stops to rest her hands on her ass.

“You’re so polite. Such a good girl for me,” Vanessa praises her, kissing her pouty lips and delighting in the way Brooke moans against her. Vanessa strokes her hair with the hand she’s not propping herself up with and she can tell Brooke wants it somewhere else.

“Please,” Brooke says again, her eyelids heavy and her pupils blown. Vanessa feels herself give a small laugh.

“I don’t know what you want, baby.”

“You know what I want, fuck,” Brooke whines, her eyes fluttering closed. She thuds her head against the pillow in frustration, grabs at Vanessa’s ass in an attempt to pull her closer.

“You want me to touch you?” Vanessa murmurs, and Brooke nods her head frantically in response. She trails her hand down Brooke’s neck and down her chest, stops when she sees Brooke’s nipples poking through the satin fabric of her pyjama top. Vanessa bites her lip as she flicks her thumb against one, squeezes her thighs together for the hundredth time when she hears Brooke let out a moan. She teases her slowly and gently, can feel her own breathing deepening as Brooke writhes against the sheets. Brooke’s hand drifts from Vanessa’s ass to the waistband of her own shorts and Vanessa stops touching her, moving her hand to her wrist instead.

“You want me to just sit and watch you touch yourself? Sit here on the bed with you fuckin’ yourself with your fingers instead of letting me fuck you instead?” Vanessa asks her, making sure to keep a warning tone to her voice as she draws away. Brooke whines, instantly ripping her hand out from between her legs and pulling Vanessa close with it instead.

“No, baby, I’ll be good.”

“You gonna be good for me?”

“Uh-huh.”

Vanessa feels sorry for her at this point so she lies on her side against the mattress, tucks herself in beside Brooke and traces the skin just above the waistband of her shorts. Brooke is letting out a litany of whines as Vanessa inches her hand under the material, stops and presses a gentle finger against Brooke’s slit. Vanessa feels herself gasp as she feels how wet she is already, slick against her finger and dripping on the inside of her thighs.

“Fuck,” Vanessa whispers, leans in to kiss Brooke’s neck. She’s managed to find herself an actual Aphrodite and she’s never felt more religious in her life. She tilts her head as she slides a finger up to brush against Brooke’s clit, eliciting a gasp from Brooke who bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut. “What would people say if they knew that Brooke Lynn Hytes, confident, boss-ass, sex-on-legs bitch, turns into a lil’ whiny, bratty, needy princess when she wants to come so badly?”

“Vanessa, please,” Brooke practically sobs in response. Her hips lift high off the mattress as Vanessa rubs little circles against her. Vanessa desperately wants to feel how wet she is again but she’s wondering if she can wind her up even more, so she moves her lips up to whisper in Brooke’s ear.

“Remember when I sent you that message by accident?” Vanessa asks, her voice a low murmur. Brooke hisses in response and Vanessa sees her grab a fistful of the duvet.

“Shit, you know I got myself off to the thought of you lying in bed all wet and needy after you had that dream,” Brooke gasps out, and Vanessa’s eyes fly open in shock. If Brooke didn’t have her knees bent and propped up then she would probably straddle her thigh and try to ride it until she came because God, the idea that Brooke touched herself thinking about her in the morning and then came into the studios and acted as if it had never happened with her afterwards is just too much. Almost as a reward for the information Brooke’s just given her, Vanessa slides a finger inside her and hears Brooke moan in response.  

“Y’know you were the girl from the dream,” Vanessa drops her lips down to Brooke’s neck, kissing it hot and slow as she slides a second finger into Brooke and presses the rest of her hand gently against her clit. Brooke gives a gasp that’s almost sacrilegious.

Brooke is writhing beside her, frantic and desperate and frustrated and Jesus fucking Christ if Vanessa couldn’t just come from the sight of that alone. “Tell me. Tell me what happened.”

So Vanessa whispers in Brooke’s ear about how she’d kissed her, how Brooke had told her how much she’d wanted her, how Vanessa had begged her to touch her and how Brooke had got her off through her underwear, and she hears Brooke gasp and moan and whine in response to each new revelation. Vanessa fucks her gently with her fingers and Brooke is so wet around her that it’s sending her into a frenzy herself. Suddenly, Vanessa has an idea.

“And you told me you thought I would taste good,” Vanessa tells her, tipping her head up a little to gauge Brooke’s reaction.

“Fuck…want to taste you so bad,” Brooke pleads.

All her shyness seems to be gone now that she’s riding Vanessa’s fingers desperately, and even though Vanessa thought shy Brooke was cute, this version of Brooke- the Brooke that knows what she wants, the Brooke that’s loud and vocal and messy- is her favourite. Vanessa gently removes her hand from between Brooke’s legs, ignoring the nearly apocalyptic whine Brooke lets out in response to the lack of contact, and takes Brooke’s hand from where it’s still digging into the duvet. Vanessa shifts a little, spreads her own legs as she guides Brooke’s hand between them, and her heart is almost beating out of her chest as Brooke eagerly brushes two fingers over her, hears her gasp as her fingers slide up her slit easily from how wet she is.

Brooke’s fingers feel like heaven as they push softly inside her, pumping gently, and Vanessa’s moan is cut off by Brooke’s lips against hers. Brooke’s kisses are slow and wet and she teases Vanessa’s tongue with her own as Vanessa bucks her hips underneath her. For a moment, her plan to make Brooke come is thrown into disarray as she thinks maybe she could just lie here and let Brooke tease her and finger her until she does instead.

“Oh my fuckin’ God you feel so good,” Vanessa whispers out in one breath, the way she sounds so broken already making her blush and bite her lip. Brooke’s gaze is dark- she’s watching the way Vanessa bucks her hips up to meet her fingers as they slide out of her, greedy and desperate just like Brooke had been.

“So wet and I never even touched you,” Brooke whispers, the little bit of awe in her voice sending Vanessa into the stratosphere. “You got this worked up over me?”

“You should see how good you look when you wanna come so bad,” Vanessa murmurs back, turning to watch as Brooke takes her fingers and wraps her lips around them, slides them into her mouth and sucks on them.

Every single time Brooke does something new Vanessa thinks it’s the sexiest thing she’s ever seen, so the fact that Brooke’s no longer touching her isn’t helping at all. Brooke’s a goddess though and she wants to worship her properly so Vanessa leans over her, doesn’t even bother trying to manoeuvre around the waistband of Brooke’s shorts this time and instead just trails her fingers up Brooke’s inner thigh, moves the material to one side and teases her again with her fingers. She rubs gently against Brooke’s clit and can hear her breathing coming in short gasps, knows she’s close so Vanessa kisses her, deep and fiery and hot, then murmurs against her lips as Brooke’s hisses and whines get increasingly louder.

“You know once you come I’m gonna let you do whatever you want to me.”

Brooke gasps and Vanessa watches her eyes roll back into their sockets. “Fuck, I’m gonna get you back for teasing me so fucking bad you won’t be able to sit right for a week never mind fucking dance- ah!”

Brooke’s reacted to Vanessa pulling her hand away. Vanessa’s making sure her eyes are dark, giving Brooke a warning. “Is that trash talk, or are you gonna be good for me?”

“Please, Vanessa!” Brooke nearly yells into the room, and Vanessa thinks that perhaps she’s put the poor girl through enough so she replaces her fingers, works Brooke’s clit until she’s gasping beside her, little shudders racking her body.

“‘Ness, I’m gonna- ah!”

As Brooke comes, Vanessa crashes their lips together, and the sound of Brooke’s muffled whines gives her a better high than any drug ever could. When she’s sure Brooke’s finished Vanessa leans back against the mattress, exhausted. Her left side is practically numb from propping herself up, her neck is tense and her right hand is aching but fuck if that hadn’t been the best sex of Vanessa’s life and she hasn’t even come yet.

“You good?” Vanessa asks Brooke once she’s got her breath back. Brooke is on her back, her eyes wide and staring up to the ceiling, her hair plastered all over her face and her chest shiny with sweat. Vanessa watches as she moves her mouth once, twice, trying to come up with something to say and failing.

“I don’t have any words,” she finally says, and Vanessa bursts out laughing beside her. Brooke giggles, then suddenly scowls, reaches behind her head for her pillow and thumps Vanessa with it.

“Hey! What the fuck was that for?”

“You were so mean!” Brooke half-pouts, half-laughs and she leans over Vanessa, cages her in with her arms. Even after sex she still looks incredible in her pyjamas, and Vanessa finds herself rubbing her thighs together, trying and failing to find something to rut against. Brooke obviously notices this and Vanessa watches the little flash in her eyes as she grabs Vanessa’s wrists, pins them above her head in one swift motion.

Vanessa almost dissolves.

“You know I’m used to being in charge, right? That was very out of character for me,” Brooke cocks an eyebrow at her. Vanessa smirks back at her, anticipation building low in her stomach at the thought of Brooke bossing her around and roughing her up a little.

“Well then maybe you need to put me in my place.”

When Brooke straddles her, leans down and meets her lips in a kiss, Vanessa feels as if she’s made entirely of embers and flames. She pulls away and Vanessa realises that she’s tugging her pyjama bottoms off so Vanessa brings her knees up to her chest to help make things easier. Once they’re off Vanessa’s heart crashes against her ribcage as Brooke takes her legs and spreads them apart quickly, her palms holding Vanessa’s thighs down. As Brooke leans between her thighs Vanessa tangles one hand in her hair, her heart rate rising in anticipation as she feels herself throb. She waits for the contact of Brooke’s tongue, tipping her head back against the pillow.

It doesn’t come. Instead, she hears Brooke’s voice.

“You know, maybe I’m tired now after you played with me so much earlier. Maybe I just need to go back to sleep.”

Vanessa brings her head back up in shock and looks at Brooke’s face. She’s got a glint in her eye and a smug smile on her lips and Vanessa has never wanted to kiss the smirk off her face more. As much as she thinks the girl is a goddess, there’s no way she’s giving her what she wants that easily. “Uh-uh. I ain’t beggin’ you, Brooke.”

Brooke raises her eyebrows lazily, lightly scratches her nails down the insides of Vanessa’s thighs and in turn making her rapidly regret her last comment because she knows she’s going to be yelling Brooke’s name in probably a matter of minutes once she puts her mouth on her. “That’s some awfully big talk from someone who moments ago was trying to grind against air.”

“But I know you wanna feel how wet I am an’ hear what I sound like when I’m about to come,” Vanessa whispers, bucking her hips up because Brooke’s touching every little bit of her except the place she needs the contact most and it’s starting to kill her very slowly. “You want me ridin’ your face.”

Vanessa sees Brooke blink slowly, the composure and power she’s just built up wavering just a little. Then she makes eye contact again, presses kisses up Vanessa’s inner thigh that make her feel as if she’s burning up.

“Yeah,” Brooke murmurs against Vanessa’s skin, punctuating her sentence with kisses. “But I also know that I want to hear you beg me for it, and you’re not going to come until you ask me nicely.”

“Fuck,” Vanessa whines, letting her head thud against the pillow. She regrets teasing Brooke so badly. Actually she doesn’t at all, but her behaviour is coming back to bite her and it’s not fun. She’s shocked into a gasp as Brooke licks up her slit, the contact gone almost as soon as it’s there. “Brooke, baby, c’mon, this ain’t fair.”

“Is it not? I think it’s perfectly fair,” Brooke laughs softly and traces patterns into her inner thighs that make Vanessa want to scream. “I had to be a good girl for you, now you have to be one for me.”

“Honestly you could be doing whatever you want to me right now an’ all you want is for me to say fuckin’ please?” Vanessa hisses, frustrated and incredulous and ready to fucking explode.

“I want you to be good for me. Good girls use their manners.”

As if to drive her point home Brooke kisses up her thigh and then licks against her again, too much and not enough all at once. Vanessa needs Brooke’s mouth and her tongue and her lips and so her resolve cracks all too quickly like a sheet of ice.

“Okay, okay, okay, God fucking damn it…please, Brooke.”

“Can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me what it is,” Brooke replies instantly. The bitch is using Vanessa’s own words against her for her own gain and it’s infuriating Vanessa as she bucks her hips in the air, writhes against the mattress.

“Want you to use your mouth, fuck, please.”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

All at once Vanessa feels as if she’s been shot out of a cannon because when Brooke’s tongue finally licks at her clit slowly and gently Vanessa thinks she’s ascending to heaven at about a million miles per hour. When Vanessa brings her hand back to tangle in Brooke’s hair, Brooke takes her wrist and holds it down with one hand, putting her even more in control. Vanessa can still use her hips though and she does exactly what she said she was going to do- rides Brooke’s face as her tongue brings her closer and closer to the edge and makes her even more wet than she’d been in the first place. Vanessa would probably feel embarrassed at how much she’s writhing and whining and moaning underneath Brooke if her mouth didn’t feel so fucking perfect, and with every flick and swirl of her tongue Vanessa feels more and more like a raging fire that needs to be put out.  

“Brooke Lynn, fuck, you’re gonna make me fuckin’-”

Brooke’s nails dig into her thighs as Vanessa comes with a loud cry, the blaze burning her up finally extinguished. Vanessa sinks back into the pillows and Brooke simply relaxes with her head against Vanessa’s stomach. It makes her wish that they could just spend all day in their hotel room and learn each other’s bodies, figure out everything the other likes in the space of a single day.

“Wish we didn’t have to get up,” Brooke sighs against her skin, presses a kiss to her stomach which makes it flutter. Vanessa smiles lazily, laces their fingers together which makes Brooke smile in turn. Brooke’s voice is soft as she keeps talking. “So was that, um…good? For you?”

Vanessa starts giggling, gives Brooke a gentle kick with her foot. “Jesus, dare you to sound any more like a 19 year old boy who just lost his virginity.”

Brooke gives an offended cry, plants her lips to Vanessa’s stomach and blows a giant raspberry against her skin that makes her howl with laughter and curl in on herself like a woodlouse.

Vanessa fights through her laughter. “Oh my God okay, okay! I’m sorry. Of course it was good, fuckin’ amazing. The whole fuckin’ buildin’ prolly knows how good it was, think I damn near yelled the place down.”

“Not entirely great for the whole keeping-us-on-the-down-low thing, though.”

“I guess you’d know, havin’ just spent a decent amount of time on the down low,” Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows and causes Brooke to yelp a laugh.

Charmed by the other woman’s reaction, Vanessa gently slides herself out from underneath her and steals the duvet to wrap around herself as she crosses the short distance to the window and pulls the string on the blinds to open them up. She smiles as she’s greeted by the seafront view: the sea icy but blue under the sunny November sky, the golden sand of the beach, the little rattle of the tram that’s making its way along the waterfront. The smile is still on Vanessa’s face as she turns to take in the sight of Brooke still splayed out on the mattress. She’s got that post-sex glow with the light hitting her toned skin and her hair all messed up around her face like a scribble of a halo.

Vanessa feels a tug on her heart, a longing even though she knows Brooke is hers.

“Welcome to Blackpool, baby. Let’s get those tens.”