#it's 12 am and i just started crying so hard bc i realized i haven't watched kelli and jarrods concert in 11 months.

[myloveletter]

Just Beyond My Reach - My Assassin (by Mismatch-lover on ff.net)

The fic that made me want to actually post stuff on tumblr because I'm a massive yapper. God this is so embarrassing now that I'm at my laptop. And to start: SPOILERS for the fic, obviously. I am NOT a writer, I just daydream and have a bunch of ideas all the time. I also don't use tumblr. I just needed a place to yap.

Some kind of tags I might mention: This mentions some kind of cheating & death in the story + MENTIONS of sex bc Ezio, but nothing explicit at all (Which is why no content filter). And I am a slut for angst and some misunderstandings.

link to the fic:

As a background: I first read this when I was young dumb and inexperienced. However, despite not fully understanding this one fully at my age, I loved it. It was the first long fic that I committed to, the one that fully sent me into a love for Assassin's Creed, and the very first fic that I've actually loved. I'm on my second re-read, which might not be a lot to be honest, but I never really re-read things. At least not at this moment. But honestly I love this story to death. Now I'm a lot older and actually have some sort of Maturity and Experience in life, I feel like I can appreciate the story a lot more. Now, I know that after like 12 years, they might think that the story is cringe. I mean, their profile literally has a rewrite of the same story. But holy shit does this story mean so much to me. Literally one of my clearest memories I have is of me sitting at the edge of my bed, running late for school, my mom calling for me but I was absolutely hooked on the fic. Yes I ended up late for class. I also ended up late for the entirety of my senior MS year, AND all of high school so.

As of right now, I'm on chapter 17 / 44 on the re-read. And I don't really know where to start. I'm going off a review I already posted onto FF.net, but it's still going to be messy because I'm messy LMAO

Narnia had FINALLY started to open up a bit and trust Ezio romantically. They've shared a few hesitant kisses. And god- that one scene where she is emotionally vulnerable and asks if she can trust him. I don't know about you, but as someone with MASSIVE trust issues, this hit. And it hit HARD. Like I'm in physical pain because. Ouch. Not to mention, my memory is shit but I'm pretty sure she even told him not to leave her. And that?? Fucking FLASHBACKS to Fredrico. Dude they could've had something great, but then he kinda, yk, died (RIP. I can understand why they killed him off early but OUCH MAN. And look: I can understand that yes at this point Narnia and Ezio haven't made it official and exclusive yadda yadda, but that does NOT MEAN. EZIO CAN JUST KISS NARNIA. AND THEN FUCK A GIRL BEHIND A BUILDING OR SOMETHING. ARE YOU SERIOUS.

LAST time I reread this, and even the first time, I had to put my phone down after this. Like, I could NOT believe the AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH. Sure, he's a playboy and such, literally Narnia calls him out for being a whore, but DUDE. YOU CAN'T JUST., DO THAT TO NARNIA. She's been with you for YEARS. She SLAVED away healing you for MONTHS. She shed TEARS over you, and it's pretty much established that both of them would fucking break if they ever lost each other. I mean, Ezio fucking admitted being afraid he would lose her during the drowning incident. And of course that wasn't like totally romantic, but it was fucking something. And not to mention when he got badly hurt, the whole "I don't like your tears" or something about the story her tears tell??? AND THEN YOU MAKE HER CRY? BRO. B R O.

Okay, another thing I did say in my review thingy. I acknowledge that he's young and lived the life of a playboy of course. He's used to women falling for him, usually really fast too. In my hc at least, he didn't realize that this isn't like most of his "conquests" where the girls might slap him, maybe yell at him, and he'll be able to just leave. It doesn't CLICK in his head that Narnia isn't just a girl to him, she's not a stranger, she's the other half to the duo they make.

He's not used to long-term, meaningful relationships. I mean of course, he had the girl that eventually got married to someone else. But otherwise? Most of his relationships were short. So he doesn't fully understand what it means to kiss a girl, to tell her she means something to him, to show her beautiful views. He's used to them falling for his charms, it's just the next step to him, he forgets that this isn't a stranger.

And of course, Narnia gets angry at this. As she should be, she knows her damn worth. Can I just say I love how the writer made her angry by the way? She does dumb stuff, throwing away the necklace along with the ribbon into the ocean because of course she's fucking hurt. Her anger and sadness mixed together. The way she later yells at Ezio about how it's not just about the necklace, which just highlights how much Ezio Doesn't understand. (I just realized I can use italics.) I'm in tears, man.

At this point, I like to imagine that he never really knew what it felt like to be yelled at, not by someone he considers close to him. Not like this at least. Or more importantly, for his actions to hurt someone he cares about. He's hurt women in the past before, but someone like Narnia? Who's gone through the same hell he's been going through? Who went through the same losses? I think he's taken her for granted at this point, so hurting her must have felt strange at the very least.

I don't think he understands that it wasn't his "charms" that made her love him. It took time and trust and shared baggage, building that care. So something as trivial as a kiss might have been to him was a huge fucking leap of faith for her. She literally mentions it in the earlier chapters, that she like what she has with Ezio. They're friends, not lovers. Closer than lovers. They're a pair. So that kiss was a HUGE risk. To love him was a huge risk.

So fucking IMAGINE. After YEARS of being together. She thinks she might actually be special to him. He didn't immediately try to fuck her. He likes hanging out with her. There's signs of an actual long term relationship that might bloom out of this. AND THEN HE FUCKS A GIRL BEHIND THE BUILDING. Not only that, but there's another girl who comes by and he says she's his next CONQUEST???

EXCUSE ME THE FUCK???

No wonder she's fucking mad. AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THEY GET TOGETHER AFTER THIS? HONEY.

But to be fair, she's in a whole different city. Unfamiliar, can't kill, basically wanted by so many people. She's basically trapped here now with Ezio, the person she trusted and broke her heart.

"I want to go home."

Girl. I felt that. It really does just feel like she has nowhere to go. She can't run away to be alone. She's stuck with Ezio. I feel like the home she talks about is the one back with Mario and Claudia, because they care about her, she cares about them, and it's a familiar place that's home to her.

But at the same time, at least in my hc, she means the home she's from, before she got isekai'd and lost her memories. She just doesn't know. That might just be me tho, cause it doesn't exactly make sense. It'd be cool if I was right tho.

Anyways, after this, I just want Ezio to hurt. I want him to have a woman in his bed and have it feel wrong. I want him to have this realization that he fucked up. I want him to realize he loves her and that he's doing her WRONG. I feel like at this stage, he needs to lose things to understand what he has/had. I want him to lose Narnia and beg to get her back. Hell, I want Narnia to get a lover herself and have Ezio feel the fucking pain he caused her. Is that toxic? Oh absolutely, but I'm a petty bitch. I want him to have protected another woman, and have Narnia be critically hurt because of it. Maybe it would've been a rational decision, because Narnia is more capable of fighting than the average woman, but still. I want him to make a choice that hurts her and have him feel the overwhelming dread as he watches her blood spill out, her skin be scarred, her voice to scream. I want that shit to haunt him. I think something somewhat similar does actually happen, but it's not as intense so. lol. I forgot how exactly they made up after this, but I'll find out when I continue reading lol.

And some closing things I want to mention before I post and forget about this bullshit. THIS STORY'S A SLOWBURN Y'ALL. As in they don't get together within 10 chapters. It's actually fucking great! They don't just confess and get together, there's complications and Narnia hesitates and everything!!! AAAAAA It makes me so happy!! Because I just love it when things ACTUALLY take it slow. Hell, I can understand it. I've had my fair share of experiences and god, it's rare that a relationship is better than a friendship. Ugh. So I can totally relate to Narnia here. And it makes me cry.

And finally, to the author. I'm copy pasting what I wrote in the vent channel in discord in tears to my friend but:

stranger, you have no idea how much your work you made literally 12-14 years ago means to me. what it meant to me as a kid. what it means to me today even. i hope that you understand the absolute fucking. talent. the insane ability you have to create a world and make beautiful emotions erupt through words alone. i hope you always have confidence in your own ability. i hope you love yourself. i hope you live a life full of wonder and love for the world around you and that you enjoy the little things. live a blessed life. i fucking owe you a part of my childhood. even if its not a huge part, it is one that i love a lot.

and that's about it. give the fic a read if you guys like. no pressure if y'all don't like it like I do, but totally let me know if you guys did :) i'll see you guys next time I get overly emotional about something. bye :3

[maraczeks]

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