#it's 1 am and I just drank coffee because if I go to sleep then I'll wake up and have to face the world again

[mousegirl-cheerleader]

I struggle with feeling like a ghost sometimes

It's just extreme loneliness and feeling out of place in the world, like I'm just drifting through everything and nobody can really see me for too long

[sugarcoatedcherry]

void state progress and success!!!

I'm updating every day privately (now public) hehe

(scroll down and read pink highlighted paragraph for success story I had started attempting void much earlier than this)

day 1: tried but eventually fell asleep

day 2. did an extensive reasearch, like all day, read ton of success stories, got insane inspiration. believed void was real and manifestations are instant. I tried and got into hypnagogic state. but fell asleep

day 3: re read all the success stories again and again whole day and became more confident, I made mental notes on common symptoms I'd have, affirmed little. all night I played subliminals, binaural beats etc but got tired and fell asleep

day 4: still motivated, angry but persisting, I am affirming, made more mental notes on how I should go about void, did more reasearch on Hinduism interpretation on void, read about void on reddit, YouTube, explore astral projection and sleep paralysis video's comment section (they had similar symptoms just like void) became even more confident with void, tried methods but eventually i got exhausted and fell asleep

day 5: MADE MY OWN RULES. YES, no notes or anything, it's my way baby, it'll go how I want it to go, when I want it go. no more sending asks to bloggers, no more doubting, no more worrying the process. Just believing it will happen. not worrying about the circumstances. I'm very confident that today IS THE DAY 💅

day 6: I couldn't enter, i slept lmao

day 7: I got to the vibrational stage but my thoughts were distractibg and I slept

day 8: I learnt about sleep paralysis and tried that

day 9: last night didn't work, but I'll persist

day 10: i just slept, void is messing with my sleep schedule

day 11: spend A LOT OF TIME researching about void in Hinduism and got a lot of confidence but didn't enter

day 12: AGAIN SPENT A LOT OF TIME RESEARCHING about void in Hinduism but didn't make it

day 13: I'm getting closer to something very important and I need to enter void on a time crunch. I cried

day 14: everything is exhausting, but I still tried entering void but rolled over anf slept

day 15: i drank coffee to stay awake and I'm doing the meditation sitting up so that I don't roll over and fall asleep

(UGHHHHHHHHHH GOD )

day 16: I found a subliminal that made my body vibrate within first 2 minutes of listening?? and I looped it overnight but fell asleep sometime while listening but I'm still hopeful.

day 17: stupid exams

day 18: studied for my next stupid exams

day 19: I am so tired I didn't attempt I wanted to sleep peacefully

day 20: Literally my entire life is on hold because I am trying to get into void, I do realise this is unhealthy but at the same time I am so much confident that I can do it? I don't know how to explain this confidence but I know I will enter the void.

day 21: more exams and didn't attempt

day 22:

I DID IT GUYS I DID IT OMGGG THIS FEELS SO GOOD OH GOD JDKEODJDJDN I LOVE THIS FOR ME I FEEL UNSTOPPABLE I CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE THIS IS SO BIG TO ME Y'ALL DON'T HAVE A CLUE AHHHHH. I'M GONNA CRY. I HAVE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED JSBSJDKDODKSNSN

quick thanks to all loass bloggers on Tumblr and Sammy Ingram (she shitted about void but it's okay lmao is her limiting belief but I'm thanking her for introducing the law to me) my fav bloggers are @rosellesworkshop @fleurlx @blushydior @stargirl-kira @multiversebaddie @zen-shu @prettymindset111 @luvforend @sa777urn @aphroditeapprenticee @gorgeouslypink @littlemissprettyprincess @sirensplayhouse thanks for answering my asks.

ANDDD all the anons who posted void success stories and thanks to @voidsuccess for compiling them!!! (i used to obsessively surf her blog day and night until day 10 lmaoo)

[ladykailitha]

Sweet Surrender Part 3

Hello and welcome to third chapter in this delightful sequel. Which the second part got a little overshadowed by my bouncer!Eddie and Drunk!Steve post so if you missed part two you should go back and read that.

Steve and Wayne have the chat, Eddie's friends realize they're assholes and Eddie learns some valuable info.

Part 1 Part 2

****

Waking up next to Eddie was like slowly coming out of a dream and finding it to be true. He kissed his boyfriend’s temple and pulled on his jeans from last night. Not even bothering to try and find his underwear. He just needed to pee.

He dashed to the bathroom and relieved himself, his bladder nearly to bursting. He relaxed as his need emptied out.

He zipped up his pants and washed his hands. Smiling at how much Eddie’s presence was marked clearly here as well.

Not like his house. He barely looked like he lived in his bedroom, never mind the bathroom. The only indication it was used was if you actually opened the medicine cabinet or any of the drawers. His shampoo and other hair care products were kept out of sight. No point handing strangers ammunition, his mother always said. If they knew which toothpaste you used, then you know they’ve snooped.

Steve dried his hands and walked out of the bathroom to find Wayne leaning up against the counter with a mug of coffee in his hands and bacon frying on the stove behind him.

“I can’t say I’m surprised to see you this morning,” Wayne huffed when Steve froze at the sight of him. “I am surprised that you managed to escape his grasp, though. That boy can be tighter than vice when he decides to make you his teddy bear.”

“He starfished.” Steve smiled shyly.

Wayne barked out a laugh. “That must mean he really trust you to spread out like that.”

Blush darkened Steve’s cheeks. “I haven’t slept that well in years. If I hadn’t drank so much hot cocoa, I probably would be still in there with him.”

Wayne hummed thoughtfully. He turned around and flipped over the bacon. Steve looked back at Eddie’s room and then back at Wayne.

“Um...” he muttered, pointing down the hall. “I should get back there so he doesn’t think I tried to sneak off.”

Wayne glanced over his shoulder with a smile. “So you are serious about my boy.”

Steve ducked his head. “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” he said firmly. “If you boys aren’t up in a bit, I’ll put breakfast in the fridge for ya.”

Steve nodded and walked back to the bedroom. He shucked off his jeans and climbed back into bed with Eddie.

Immediately, Eddie reached out and drew him in close. “Where you go?”

Steve kissed him fiercely. “I didn’t mean to wake you, baby. I just needed to pee. I wasn’t expecting your uncle to be awake yet.”

Eddie hummed into the nape of his neck. “It was the voices.”

Steve frowned in confusion. “Oh! When Wayne and I were talking? I’m sorry we woke you.”

“Is okay,” he said nuzzling Steve’s collar bone. “It was a sure sign you were still here.”

Steve kissed him fiercely. “That’s what I was trying to avoid. You thinking that I had snuck out while you were sleeping. But I really, really need to pee.”

Eddie chuckled. Steve ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair and kissed the top of his head.

“You’re car being here would have been a pretty good indication you were still here, Stevie,” Eddie murmured.

“Oh!”

Eddie lifted his head and looked up at him, bleary-eyed. “Huh?”

“I should have realized Kas was you sooner,” Steve said, snapping his fingers. “Only you call me Stevie.”

Eddie smiled and then kissed him deeply. “You got there in the end, though and that’s the important part.”

Steve’s lips twisted into a grimace and he scoffed. “Please tell that to Dustin and his friends please. They seem to think that just because I’m older I have to get everything immediately.”

“Will do, sweetheart,” Eddie said and then kissed him deeply.

Steve looked up at him in opened mouth amazement. “Wait, really?”

“Yup!”

He flopped on top of Steve and folded his arms on his chest, putting his chin on his wrists. “I have small confession to make.”

Steve craned his neck to look down into Eddie’s eyes. “Yeah, what’s that?”

“Me and my friends made up the bulk of pink hearts,” Eddie muttered, his cheeks flushing with shame. “We were trying to get the bullying to stop without placing a target on your back by throwing your lot in with ours. And it worked. So, yeah. I wanted you to know that.”

Steve cupped his cheeks and whispered, “I’ll let you in on a secret of my own. I knew that, too. When Dustin was helping me with the name references, we figured out the pattern pretty quickly. Though we did applaud you guys for changing up your handwriting.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Steve kissed his forehead, the one place he could reach and said firmly, “Because while you guys started as the bulk of the pink hearts, by the beginning of the second week, they weren’t.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “No shit?” Steve nodded. “So our plan worked?”

“Yup.”

Eddie surged forward to kiss Steve hard on the mouth. Steve wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him up to gentle the kiss.

“But you said that you didn’t think people were ‘stuffing the ballot box’,” Eddie said worrying his lip between his teeth.

Steve shook his head. “I didn’t think that then, but after I went over to Dustin’s on Saturday, that’s when we figured it out. And then by Valentine’s Day, it didn’t matter because other hearts far outweighed the ones your friends made.”

“Please say ours weren’t the super awkward ones,” Eddie whined into Steve’s neck.

“You weren’t,” Steve said. “Even Dustin thought the groups of four had the best compliments. The others were bad. One of the anonymous ones waxed on about my dick, so...”

Eddie burst out laughing. “Oh god! I bet it was Tommy.”

Steve joined in with the laughing.

Once they had settled back down Eddie asked, “You want to get up and have breakfast or do want to cuddle some more?”

Steve hugged Eddie tighter and settled further into the blankets and pillows. Eddie chuckled.

“I like the way you think, baby.”

“Good.”

****

“Senior Ball?” Jeff asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “Like the only one of us who is a senior is you and you’re technically a super senior. So, like why would you want to go?”

The Corroded Coffin boys were at band practice when Eddie brought up the topic.

“He wants his rich, fancy boyfriend to take him,” Gareth said, clutching he hands together and batting his eyelashes.

Eddie shoved him off the couch. “Fuck that, I don’t want to get hate-crimed, thanks.”

Brian tilted his head to the side in confusion as Gareth and Jeff shared a glance.

“Then why do you want to go,” Gareth asked, “if you can’t go with Steve?”

Eddie buried his head in his hands and sighed. “Because Steve has to go. He’s been nominated as prom king, but he doesn’t want to led a girl on. So his options are third wheel his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend, go by himself, or go with a group of guys without dates as to not look awkward as fuck.”

“I’m guessing A and B are out?” Brian huffed.

Eddie just gave a half shrug.

“It’s just that we’re two juniors and a sophomore,” Jeff reminded him. “Don’t you think it’ll be weird for us to go?”

“You’re right,” he huffed. “It was a stupid idea.” He grabbed his guitar. “Let’s get practicing then.”

This time Brian and Jeff shared a glance.

No one said anything and just began band practice. But the rest of the band could tell Eddie’s heart wasn’t in it.

He was hitting all the right chords at the right times, but it had none of his usual flare.

Jeff and Brian watched Eddie bundled up his guitar without a word, as Gareth spun his drumstick over and over.

“I’ll catch you guys later.” Eddie didn’t even look them in the eyes as he got into the van and drove off.

The garage was silent for a while before Jeff spoke up.

“Ah shit,” he muttered, glaring at the floor. “I think he wants to be able to treat Steve like Steve treated him on Valentine’s day.”

Gareth snorted and began tapping a steady beat on the snare. He paused. “There is no way he can afford it.”

Brian’s head snapped up. “The basketball game.”

Gareth and Jeff turned to each other in confusion. But Gareth just shrugged.

“What about it?” Gareth asked.

“The players buy before the game,” Brian explained, “and then throw a huge party afterwards. Eddie makes bank around those games. I think he really hopes to get enough to really pamper Steve. Because how much do you want to bet that Steve has never been taken out on a date before.”

Gareth snorted. “He’s been on dates before. What the hell are you talking about?”

“No, no,” Jeff said rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I think I get it, too. Everyone knows that Steve will go all out for his dates. After Eddie told us that Steve loved to plan things like stargazing and hiking up to Skull Rock, I thought I’d ask around.”

Gareth frowned and began tapping again. He stopped after a moment.

“Anyway,” Jeff continued. “I found out that he doesn’t like to do expensive gifts. Like if the thing you wanted wasn’t cheap, he wouldn’t bat an eyelash to get it for you. But he preferred giving shit like favorite flowers, milkshake dates, small well-thought out gifts.”

Gareth tapped against the bass drum with his foot pedal. “So what you’re saying is that Steve tends to do all the work in the relationship and Eddie wants to change that.”

“Yeah.”

Brian scratched his chin. “So it’s decided, we’re going to fucking prom so that Eddie can treat his boyfriend?”

Jeff and Gareth nodded.

****

Wayne knew something was wrong with his boy the second Eddie slunk through the door. Eddie was a lot of things, but quiet wasn’t one of them. So when he came in with his shoulders rounded and his head held down, that cinched it for him.

“Didn’t practice go okay?” Wayne asked gently.

Eddie just shrugged. He continued his slinking down the length of the trailer to his room, where he put away his guitar.

Wayne waited to see if he would come out again. And when he didn’t, he got up and walked the path his boy had taken.

When he peeked through the open door, he saw Eddie sitting on his bed with his lunch box out and opened on his lap. His expression was hard to read with his hair hanging over his face, but the tightness of his jaw and rounded shoulders screamed to Wayne that his boy was hurting something fierce.

He folded his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Wha’cha got there?” he asked, jutting his chin toward the lunch box on Eddie’s lap.

Eddie sighed. “I know we can’t go as a couple to prom because they wouldn’t let us in, but I thought that just maybe the guys would go to and we just have a big friend group. Then I’d sneak Steve off to the drama room where he could still hear the music and we’d slow dance to a cliché pop love song.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and began picking through the box. “I’ve got about $70 and after tomorrow’s game with the amount of product I’ve got, I should have another $200 easy. I was going to show Steve that I knew how to romance a boy just as easy as he could. But now...”

“Your friends don’t want to go?”

Eddie shook his head. “They think it’s weird that they aren’t seniors or whatever.”

Wayne snorted and then coughed into his hand to hide his smirk. He looked up and licked his lips as he fought down a laugh. “I’m tryin’ not to laugh at your situation because it’s pretty shitty, but please tell me your friends aren’t that stupid.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked, tilting his head to the side.

“It’s not called Senior Ball, because it’s just for seniors, anymore that Junior Prom is just for juniors. It’s run by seniors for seniors. Seniors chose the theme, raise money, decorate, and vote for prom king and queen. Everyone is invited to come.”

Eddie looked up at his uncle, blinking in his confusion. “Wait, what?”

He scrambled to his feet and hugged his uncle tightly. He gave him a quick, wet kiss on the cheek and ran for the kitchen.

Wayne turned slowly in the doorway, clucking his tongue and shaking his head fondly. “The things they aren’t teaching kids these days.”

“Jeff!” Eddie cried gleefully into the phone receiver. “You’re never gonna believe what I just learned.”

And just like that the sullen creature that had slunk through his door mere minutes ago was gone, replaced by his very happy boy. He watched as Eddie talked animatedly to his friend using large arm gestures and crowing excitedly.

He got off the phone with Jeff and looked at Wayne with the biggest smile on his face.

“Apparently they talked about it after I left,” he said all dimple cheeked and sparkling eyes, “and they had already decided that they were going to anyway. They wanted to give me a chance to woo my Stevie.”

Wayne’s own answering grin took over his face. “Sounds like you’ve got a good group of friends there, Ed.”

Eddie bounced up and down on the pads of his feet excitedly. “Then I told him what you told me and that made their decision easier. We’re going to go thrift shopping this weekend for suits to wear!”

Wayne laughed as Eddie spun him around their small trailer. “I think you’re forgetting one small detail there, Ed.”

Eddie stopped spinning and tilted his head to the side.

“Don’t you have to ask Steve to the dance first?” he replied.

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit! Yeah, I should get right on that, shouldn’t I?” He put his hands over his mouth to stop the nervous giggle from bubbling out of his lips. “What if he says no?”

Wayne took him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye. “He’s not going to say no. That boy thinks you’ve hung the moon and all the stars. He would love to go with you to Senior Ball. Now, take a deep breath and go call your boy.”

Eddie pursed his lips and then nodded.

“Yeah, okay.”

****

Part 4

Tag List: ONE SLOT REMAINING CHECK COMMENTS AND TAGS TO MAKES SURE NO ONE HAS SNAPPED IT UP BEFORE REQUESTING!!! THANK YOU!

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @spectrum-spectre

2- @slv-333 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson

3- @messrs-weasley @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv

4- @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @dam28lh

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @fullpoetrybread

7- @disrespectedgoatman @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @moonshadows-13

8- @skyewaytohell @swimmingbirdrunningrock @croatoan-like-its-hot @lolawonsstuff @lololol-1234

9- @dotdot-wierdlife @ravenfrog @dauntlessdiva @thelittleclare @steddieyourself

10- @w1ll0wtr33 @kultiras @sadisticaltarts @micheledawn1975

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Them finding you asleep in public

characters: Fu Xuan / Herta / Himeko / Kafka / March 7th / Natasha / Pela / Qingque / Serval / Tingyun x gn!reader (separate)

warnings: none

a/n: The urge to write a lot more than 1 or 2 paragraphs for some characters was really strong, but I managed it because I am a man of dedication, focus and sheer will… 

that and because I knew this would take far too long if I didn’t contain myself.

Also, there are some characters I still don’t know too much about, so if I got something wrong about their personalities, then I’m sorry

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Fu Xuan

Did you have no idea how stupid you looked while sleeping like this in public? If anyone else found you like this, they’d take you for a lazy bum with no shame, but luckily for you, Fu Xuan knew you well enough to know that at least the first part would be a misconception. Nevertheless you looked stupid. Stupid and a little bit cute. So stupid and a little bit cute in fact that she couldn’t stop herself from pulling out her phone and snapping a picture of you, only for the flash she forgot to turn off to wake you up, causing you to slowly look up at her while rubbing your eyes, in turn causing the Master Diviners face to heat up.

“D-Don’t fall asleep during working hours! …what am I going to do with you..?”

Herta

Sleeping people normally were none of Herta’s concern, they were neither interesting to study, nor entertaining enough to waste her precious time on them. But considering how much of a help you were with her research, it would have been rude not to spare you from the embarrassment of being seen like this by a whole lot of other people. It also helped that she was just about to start an experiment and needed a suitable guinea pig helper.

“Wakey-Wakey. How terrible to be bored enough to fall asleep even though you’re living on my space station. Lucky you! I have just the job for you”

Himeko

Himeko was a researcher first and foremost and one of the most important tasks of any respectable researcher was to observe. It was the first step towards putting together a scientific theory and thus something she was all too familiar with. So whenever she found you sound asleep on one of the astral express’ couches, she did what she did best: observe. Was it with a cup of coffee in hand or some random book she got her hands on.For whatever reason watching you sleep put her mind at ease, like watching one of those cat videos March liked to show around to the rest of the crew. To varying degrees of excitement.

“Theory: the couch is even more comfortable when tired”, Himeko stated to herself before pressing her hand against the couch, feeling it before letting out a small yawn, covering her mouth with her free hand before nodding to herself. “Theory seems possible. I’ll need to test it more often”, she spoke while slowly putting her head on the cushions, tiredness, no matter how much coffee she drank, rolling over Himeko, only for her to quickly nod off herself, her head not far from your own.

Kafka

Truth be told, Kafka would have preferred you were awake. There weren’t many things one could do with a sleeping person, but as waking you up was out of the question, other ideas quickly began swirling through her mind, until finally, her brain decided on one.

Putting on one of her favorite lipsticks, she gave you a quick peck on the cheek, making sure to leave an imprint of her lips, only to find herself unsatisfied with the results. If you were lucky you’d notice it once you went to the bathroom in the morning, by which time you would have already passed the rest of your crewmates, and while she doubted that they’d have any reaction to it, one imprint would have certainly been enough to make you embarrassed about it.

That being said, adding one or two more couldn’t hurt.

March 7th

Seeing you sleeping in such a public place like the parlor of the astral express wasn’t something March got to see every day and while the urge to take a picture of you with her camera was compelling, she knew that there had to be made preparations beforehand. Before long, March pulled out a marker before carefully drawing a silly mustache and monocle on your face, making sure not to wake you up in the process. You were probably going to figure out the culprit relatively quickly once you looked in the mirror, but as long as she got a silly photo, March didn’t really care.

And a silly photo she got.

Natasha

You were always trying your best to keep whatever child was currently bedbound inside her clinic entertained, never leaving their side until they had long fallen asleep. And while Natasha appreciated it, the sight of you and the children causing her heart to melt each time, you fell asleep while leaned against the bed more than once.

In such moments Natasha would have loved to carry you to bed, the floor being a lot colder than a blanket, but that would only wake you from your dreams, something she didn’t want to be responsible for after seeing you take such good care of others. And so all she was able to do was cover you with a blanket of your own before making a mental note to repay you the following day

Pela

While you always indulged Pela in her hobbies, her requests of painting a picture of you always fell on deaf ears, you always finding a reason or excuse for her not to, too embarrassed by the idea of being painted. So finding you asleep like this was like a godsent. Locking the room to make sure you didn’t slip away before she got her notebook and pens from her room, Pela made sure to return quickly before beginning while you were still asleep.

After all, what you didn’t know couldn’t hurt you.

Qingque

While she had been sent to find you by Fu Xuan herself, you having reportedly been sent to get something from the abandoned storage, only to not return, her boss ought to have thought twice before picking Qingque for the task of retrieving you. So when she eventually found you, having nodded off on an old couch in one of the corners of the building, the prolific slacker couldn’t help but notice how comfortable it looked. And while many would have felt ashamed for even thinking about sitting down next to you and closing their eyes for five minutes while on work, Qingque had no such inhibitions.

It didn’t sound like Fu Xuan needed you that urgently, so it wasn’t like she was going to get fired for this… probably.

Serval

When Serval found you slumped over one of the desks in her workshop, passed out from what seemed to be exhaustion as the mechanism you had tried solving these past couple of days lay next to you, not much closer to completion than it seemed yesterday, she couldn’t help but smile at your dedication to the craft, or so was the reason she would have given if she wasn’t having difficulties retaining her composure at the sight of your sleeping face

A part of her wanted to squeeze you till you popped, or at the very least displayed signs of doing so, finding what she saw in front of her as adorable as a puppy, yet she decided against as much as touching you. Neither wishing to wake you up nor to accidentally breaking one of your bones. She needed you in her audience after all.

Tingyun

If you had been Ying Juan, Tingyun’s next course of action would have been as clear as the sky on a sunny day. Snap a few pictures to sell to all kinds of Fangirls and make a quick buck. But considering you weren’t anywhere as popular and she had her qualms about the idea of anyone else getting to see you sleeping this peacefully, her conscience beat out the businesswoman inside of her.

That being said, just because she wasn’t going to let anyone else see you like this, didn’t mean she was going to let this opportunity for a nice photo slip, pulling out her phone as taking a picture in one swoop before putting it back and once again walking out of the room, making sure to close the door behind her.

[persephoneflouwers]

I’m home.

It was a strange day and in some ways it was worse than yesterday.

I slept barely 4 hours, was awake at 4 am and just waited for my alarm to ring for 1 hour and 50 minutes staring at the dark ceiling.

I also slept in my sisters bed, because yesterday night when I read Louis’ post on IG I felt an intense chest pain, that I only felt the night my grandma died. I was scared and couldn’t sleep alone.

I went to work in a total black outfit, was there awfully early. I didn’t speak. My colleague didn’t speak because he’s apparently very good at the reading the room.

I couldn’t even bother to wear my scrubs. I kept my black clothes. My black trousers, my black loafers, my black socks, my black cardigan. I even kept down my black hair.

It simply was a black heart day.

I barely spoke, only to expose clinical cases to my tutor doctor.

I was running down a fever at some point, because I was hot and then cold and then my eyes burnd and my voice was cracked and I felt so much pain in my muscles, I wanted to just go home and lay down.

I almost forgot I had blood tests to check. I went there saying “my veins are difficult, just take this [showed my radial vein on my pulse], I dont want to waste your time*. He didn’t even hear me probably, I don’t know. What I know is he tried for another vein and failed.

I was looking at his earrings. They were semicircular rings with sharp endings. He was a cool middle age man. I should have said something, commented on how cool his earrings were. I didn’t.

I wore my FFP2 mask and kept sniffing my nose. I didn’t feel pain, I just wanted to go home.

He took my distal radial vein after all.

I thanked him and I said I’m sorry my veins are like this, I tried to bump them and even drank coffee to raise my blood pressure but it is that it is.

I went back to the doctors office. There were so many people, I was uncomfortable. I hated that I couldn’t be showing how upset I was.

I hated they asked me “total black today huh?” I didn’t want them to know about my emotional state.

I looked for patterns. Stripes, circles, matching colours in people’s clothes. It calmed me down.

I met crush guy too. It was awful, i didn’t match his energy at all. I asked him to leave me alone because it was a rough day. He texted me later to say they were worried. I didn’t want them to know how I am. They don’t understand.

I took an ABG sample on the cutest old man today. I asked him if I had hurt him and he smiled and said I was a delicate angel in his cute accent. I failed the test, by the way. I had to ask someone else to do it for me. I didn’t want to needle this person again.

I asked my colleague, probably the only one who knows what is going on, if she needed any help and she said yes. I helped her out with some clinical reports for the weekend.

Everything and everyone were so loud today. I wanted to play my day on mute. I didn’t listen to any music in my car on my way home. It was just silence.

There was a rainbow in the sky at 5ish. I said “hi liam” and it was heartwarming.

I love rainbows. They’re silent, innocent, light. I hope to see the rainbows again.

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

A Drunk Mind Speaks A Sober Heart Part 2

Summary: Reader and Buck wake up hungover but manage to make it family breakfast with the team and their families. The videos from the previous night are exchanged between the two and everyone is excited that they’re finally together 

TW/CW: Evan “Buck” Buckley x Reader, Best Friends to Lovers

Requested?: No 

Word Count: 3,061

A/N: If anyone wants a spicy third part lmk. I’m kinda down to write it lol. Not sure how good it would be tho. Again I say, I’m so proud of this. 

A/N: Absolutely gorgeous he is.

Part 1 Here

--- Your POV --- 

    The sun coming through the curtains wakes me from my slumber but upon opening my eyes, I immediately shut them again because the sun is so much brighter than it should be. I roll over to find a bottle of water, some Aspirin, a note, and my phone on charge. I don’t half remember last night to be honest. I know I got shitfaced in Maddie’s living room and look around me to find myself in one of her spare bedrooms. I reach over and pick up the note and read it, “Take two and chug. Don’t forget about breakfast at Athena and Bobby’s -Maddie” I do as instructed and then check my phone to find a text from Hen that reads, “’A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.’ -Jean-Jaques Rousseau” there’s a video attached so I make sure my volume is low so that it doesn’t burst my eardrums before opening it. I watch myself confess my feelings for Buck and flop back over to my back groaning once it’s over. I take a few deep breaths before getting up from the bed.  

    I mentally thank Maddie upon finding my duffle bag and shoes at the foot of the bed. I struggle out of last night’s clothes and into clean ones, yank on my shoes, and venture downstairs in hopes of finding my keys and slipping out without waking Maddie, Chim, or the kiddo. Unfortunately, no such luck as they have already beat me out of bed. I tip toe around the corner into the kitchen only to find Maddie standing at the counter sipping coffee as she lovingly watches Chim play with Jee-Yun. I sigh in defeat as she notices my entry and picks up my keys from the counter beside her, “How’re you feeling?” she asks as she tosses them to me.   

    “Like I got ran over by a train,” I laugh, “And embarassed,” I blush.  

    She smiles, knowing exactly what I’m referring to, “It’s alright. We all knew, we were just waiting for you to figure it out,” she winks.  

    It’s now that oblivious Chimney joins us with his adorable daughter perched on his hip, “Are we ready to head out?” Maddie and I nod so the four of us depart for the Grant-Nash residence. The entire way there I am contemplating just going home to avoid knowing and teasing looks from Maddie, Athena, Hen, and Karen all day but force myself to stay en-route because this has become a long-standing tradition. One Sunday a month, the whole fireteam, their significant others, and their children gather at Bobby and Athena’s for a good old fashioned family breakfast. I ponder if I’ll even survive this one as I pull into the drive way and put my car in park but am quickly dragged out of my safety zone by Athena’s waving hand at the front door.  

--- Buck’s POV --- 

    I realize I shouldn’t have drank so much last night as I roll off the couch with a loud thump. From the kitchen, Christopher and Eddie giggle before Eddie cheers, “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Better get your ass up and get some Aspirin in you. Clean clothes on too or we’re gonna be late to family breakfast.” I groan but know he’s right. I swipe my phone off the coffee table before making my way to the kitchen for Aspirin and then to the bathroom to change clothes. I have a text from Eddie that reads, “Maybe just show her this since you can’t ever figure out how to tell her yourself,” attached is a video so I press play to listen as I change clothes. By the time the video ends, I have my hands pressed to the counter and am staring down at my phone in shock. Maybe Eddie’s right. Apparently drunk me has a talent for explaining how I feel that sober me does not.  

    I grab my phone and exit the bathroom to make my out of Eddie’s place, declaring as I pass him, “Don’t say a word.” Feeling his amused look on the back of my neck and a blush creep to my cheeks, “Stop it. Don’t give me that look either.” Soon, the three of us arrive at the Grant-Nash household and I have to elbow Eddie in the ribs when we see (Y/N) getting out of her car due to the grin on his face.  

--- Third Person POV --- 

    The breakfast goes along almost as it always does with lots of chit chat and laughter. The ladies send teasing looks toward (Y/N) when Eddie asks how their night went but (Y/N) ignores them and they simply say it was quite interesting and elaborate no further. Eddie saw the looks though and makes a mental note to ask Hen or Maddie about it later. Several times Eddie catches Buck glancing or staring at (Y/N) and shoots him a teasing grin over Christopher’s head. Buck brushes it off with a glare every time.   

    As mentioned, things aren’t quite the same as usual. As is normal, Bobby sits at the head of the table with Athena to his right followed by May, Harry, Denny, Karen, Hen, and (Y/N). To his left is Jee-Yun in a high chair followed by Chimney, Maddie, Eddie, Christopher, and Buck. Usually, Buck would playfully kick at (Y/N) under the table and she’d snatch food off his plate, mostly his fruit. They would get carried away in their own conversation and their fits of giggles and laughter would ring out over the other conversations happening but when anyone would look their way to question what is so funny they’d be too distracted to give an answer. Everyone always got a kick out of their playful behavior. However, today there is no playful kicks under the table or food snatched off of plates. The two can’t even look each other in the eye, too embarrassed by their confessions last night that the other has no idea about. Although, they do sneak glances toward each other when the other isn’t looking. When Christopher has Buck’s attention or Buck is arguing about how a call went with Chimney over three heads, (Y/N) watches him out of the corner of her eye but pretends to be focused on something else or collects a bite of food if he happens to look anywhere near her direction. When (Y/N) is watching Jee-Yun giggle as her father makes airplane noises circling a small bite of pancake toward her mouth or listening in on the conversation between Hen, Karen, and May, Buck admires her subtly over the rim of his coffee cup but as soon as (Y/N) returns her gaze to her plate or someone near him he too distracts himself with something else. This odd behavior does not go unnoticed by the other adults at the table or even Christopher who would normally be too busy giggling at the pair’s antics to eat.   

    The young boy also happens to be the first and only one to call the two out on the peculiarity of it all, “Buck? Why are you not kicking (Y/N)? And you haven’t stole any of his fruit,” he adds looking to her.   

    The adults all grin as Harry also chimes in, “Yeah, you guys have been quiet.”  

    May nudges her brother and shakes her head as their mother speaks up, “I think they just don’t feel too good today. Maybe they didn’t get enough sleep.” Christopher and Harry exchange a look that says they don’t believe that one bit but a different conversation is picked up by the adults to shift the attention off of the two.   

    (Y/N) risks a glance at Buck, wondering what his reaction is but he has also taken the same risk. The two lock eyes but quickly look away. In attempts to escape the situation and catch the breath that had been stolen by looking into his bright blue eyes (Y/N) excuses herself from the table saying her still bruised ribs are bothering her and she needs to stretch.   

    Once safely in a bathroom, (Y/N) stares at herself in the mirror trying to decipher what it was that she saw in his eyes. Buck always has shown exactly how he feels through his eyes but today she can’t quite make out what exactly that is. She sighs heavily just as someone knocks on the door.  

    Out in the dining room, Buck has excused himself as well giving no particular reason but the adults need not ask because they know exactly why. As soon as Buck is out of earshot, Eddie leans forward to look at all the ladies in turn before asking, “What exactly happened last night?” The women all look at each other seeming to silently debate about spilling the beans.   

    Chimney and Bobby look at each other as well before Bobby adds, “I would like to know as well but you seem to have something to share too.”  

    May giggles, “It’s like a Mexican standoff of exciting stories.”  

    Chimney retrieves a coin from his pocket, “Heads, Eddie is up first. Tails, one of you ladies are gonna have to spill.”  

    Everyone nods as Maddie looks down the hall, “Might want to be quick and quiet about it.”  

    Chimney flips the coin and it comes up tails so Maddie wiggles in her seat and props her elbows up on the table, placing her fingers together. She takes a dramatic pause despite her warning to hurry up before explaining, “(Y/N) got plastered last night and we now have video proof as confirmation that she has feelings for Buck.”  

    “I knew it!” May whispers excitedly.  

    Eddie lightly smacks Maddie on the arm, “You’re telling me they both confessed on the same night?” Everyone looks to Eddie in shock, “Yeah, he had a few drinks last night and apparently drunk Buck has an easier time with putting his feelings into words. I got it on video.”  

    Hen laughs, “A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.”  

    Everyone excitedly, yet still remaining quiet, cheers before Bobby settles them down, “Those videos stay with those who took them and we don’t mention this around them. Understood?” Everyone nods except Eddie and Hen who give Bobby a guilty look. He responds to their looks with one of suspicion, “What did you two do?” In unison the two videographers confess that they sent their video to the corresponding subject.  

    Hen adds, “I figured if she had the video, she could just show it to him when she’s ready.”   

    Eddie nods in agreement, “I literally told him it might be an easier way of telling her if he can’t find the words while sober.”  

    Bobby grins and shakes his head as Athena chimes in, “We’ll see. For now, let’s talk about something else so they’re not suspicious of us when they come back.”  

    Back in the bathroom, (Y/N) responds to the knock at the door, “Who is it?”  

    “It- it’s me,” comes Buck’s voice from the other side.  

    (Y/N) takes a deep breath before unlocking and opening the door to let him in. She hops up to take a seat on the counter as he enters and closes the door behind him. They both stare at their hands, nervously fidgeting with anything they can until they both speak at the same time, “I’m sorry, I’m just-” They stop, staring at each other with red all over their cheeks.  

    Normally, Buck would be a gentleman and let her go first but he just has to get this off his chest before he chickens out, “So, I got drunk last night. You know that saying drunk words are sober thoughts?” (Y/N) nods thinking back to the text Hen had sent with the video just this morning. Buck continues, “Well, Eddie caught my drunk words on video last night and well...” he pulls his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it and navigates to the video Eddie had sent before handing it to her, “Just watch it. Sober me 100% agrees with every word.” He looks at her with such sincerity on his face that it makes her heart skip a beat. The two sit in silence as she watches the video. Buck shifts nervously on his feet, scanning her face for her reaction and she smiles. His heart soars with hope that she feels the same way.   

    When the video ends, she hands his phone back to him before retrieving her own from her back pocket, unlocking it, navigating to her own video and then, “Drunk words are indeed sober thoughts and drunk me is pretty damn good at sharing things that sober me can’t. I too agree with every word she said,” she says, handing her phone to him. He watches with a massive grin on his face as one plasters itself on her’s as well. There’s not an ounce of fear or nervousness left in her after having seen his video. She thinks to herself that if she has the honor of marrying the man in front of her one day, it’s only right that Eddie be his Best Man and Hen be her Maid of Honor.  

    Once the video ends, Buck places her phone on the counter beside her and leans in close with a grin still on his face only now it has a slight hint of cockiness to it, “I guess the only thing to do now is ask you to be my girlfriend. So, will you?”  

    As he hooks his finger under her chin and lifts it to align their lips, the distance between them shrinks even more. He can feel her breath on his lips when she affirms, “Obviously,” so he glances down at her lips before looking into her eyes. She inches closer, encouraging him to close the distance, and he does. They share the same thought as the slow, love filled kiss takes place and that is, “I love you.” When they begrudgingly pull apart, and make eye contact, there’s no need to voice the thought as for one, their drunk selves already did but also, it’s seen in their eyes.  

    Buck pulls even further away before placing his hands on her hips. He leaves them there for a moment, observing her reaction and somewhat looking for a nudge to continue his movements. She tilts her head, “What?”  

    He says nothing at first, simply sliding his hands from her hips to place them on either side of the mirror on the wall behind her caging her in. He leans in close and brushes his nose against her’s, making her eyes flutter shut. When she opens them, he’s just barely retreated, tilted his head, and is grinning from ear to ear. Feigning forgetfulness he asks, “What was that you said you wanted to do? It was something to do with my arms. Maybe you could remind me?”  

    A mischievous grin with a hint of shyness to it replaces the look of curiosity on her face but is quickly replaced with a false sense of innocence as she lays her head over on his right arm. She stays there for a moment reveling in the eye contact between his now sultry eyes and her own wide eyed innocent ones before turning her head slightly to nuzzle her mouth and nose against his arm. A breath catches in Buck’s throat as she suddenly opens her mouth to lay her tongue against his bicep, slowly dragging it up before recoiling it back behind her teeth that she uses to nip softly against the skin covering the toned muscle. The sound that left his throat is one that she will remember for years to come and want to elicit from him again many times over. However, she simply lays her head back against his arm with a teasing look on her face, “We should get back out there before they come looking and find us in a scandalous situation.”  

    Buck huffs, knowing she’s right and stands up straight removing his hands from the wall to help her down from the counter. (Y/N) quite likes it when he lifts her by her waist to place her feet on the ground and has to stop herself from wondering what it would be like for him to toss her into bed as he takes her hand in his. He doesn’t exit the bathroom just yet but instead tugs her close, hooks his finger under her chin once more to whisper against her lips, “Fine, but you’re sitting in my lap to cover the scandalous situation you’ve caused in my pants.” She giggles and nods before opening the door herself and tugging him along behind her.   

    All eyes are on the two love birds as they reenter the dining room causing blushes to creep onto both of their faces and Buck to discretely scoot just a little closer behind her in hopes of hiding the aforementioned situation better. He takes his seat, promptly pulling her into his lap which makes everyone whoop and holler in excitement. Eddie passes Maddie a twenty-dollar bill which provokes a confused look from both (Y/N) and Buck.   

    Maddie grins triumphantly, “I bet that the videos would be exchanged today. Eddie didn’t think you guys had it in you.”   

    Eddie rolls his eyes as Athena calms everyone down, “You two didn’t… in the bathroom did you,” raising her eyebrows to insinuate naughtier acts than just exchanging videos. (Y/N) and Buck shake their head no immediately to which Athena replies, “Good.”  

    The conversation soon returns to things other than the new couple at the end of the table. (Y/N) has an arm around Buck’s shoulders playing with his hair while his arm is wrapped firmly around her waist. His other hand is placed on her knee, even though he wants it to be higher, and he leans in to whisper in her ear, “You’ll have something in you if we can ever sneak away. I just didn’t bend you over in there out of respect.” (Y/N) slaps his chest with her free hand but Buck simply returns his attention to the group around the table and includes himself in the conversation. Under her, (Y/N) can still feel the situation and knows he’s not joking. She has to fight to keep from imaging what all they could get up to today. 

Masterlist

More 911

[purplesurveys]

1930

1.) What was the last strong scent you smelled? The essential oil I currently have for my reed diffuser.

2.) When was the last time you changed your outfit? This morning. I'll change before heading to bed, which I'll do after this. I really need to sleep; it's nearing 2 AM on a Monday.

3.) What did you buy the last time you went shopping for new clothes? Concert outfit for Seventeen back in January. I'm not a big clothes shopper.

4.) What is your favorite meal of the day? Dinner.

5.) Do you typically eat breakfast or skip it? Skip. Unless coffee counts, because I have that everyday.

6.) What was the last thing you took a picture of? A pissed off reaction selfie I took immediately after finishing Gyeongseong Creature 2 (credits weren't even done rolling yet hah).

I spent THE ENTIRE!!!!!!! evening watching it as I was desperate to see what would happen, but the whole season's pacing was so off and there was barely a payoff in the finale...so I took that selfie with the 5 AM blue sky as my background to let everyone know I put in That Much Time for a season that ended up sucking lol

7.) Do you have a collection of anything? BTS merch and bucket hats.

8.) What was the last thing you threw away? The can of coffee I finished.

9.) What is the cause of your current emotional state? The fact that I'm going back to work that I dread in less than 8 hours.

10.) What were the last plans you made? How about cancelled? Last plan I made was to resign, which I announced to my bosses last Tuesday. Last I cancelled was my initial plan to take the dogs to the vet earlier today, because when I checked their booklet it turned out I didn't need to take them til end of the month. I had no idea why I thought they were due today hahaha.

11.) How did you discover your favorite band? They were very huge when I was in Grade 3 and all the cool kids seemed to like them (Paramore).

12.) Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Only if it's hot. I get cranky when it's hot and humid and there's no sign of aircon anywhere, and especially so if I haven't eaten.

13.) When are you most likely to be bored? Usually in the afternoon, from around 2-5 PM. Even at work, I get very restless during those hours because I want the day to be done with already.

14.) What was the last big decision you made? Resigning for good. There's a part of me that still thinks it was such a rash, impulsive, barely-thought-of decision to make...but September hit me like a 16 wheeler when it came to my mental health.

I really need to rest. But also, let's hope I find a new place to work in soon :)

15.) Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? Vietnam! Saigon and Da Nang. I shopped more than I'd like to admit; walked, walked, and walked; simultaneously celebrated Jin's military discharge; drank a lot of coffee; discovered and fell in love with bánh tráng nướng (I still look for it...); took lots of photos.

16.) What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? Not much. I'm not a big shopper unless I'm traveling, in which case I like getting local knickknacks and snacks.

17.) How organized are you? I'd say a 7/10. I'm fairly organized, but I do have the tendency to lose track.

18.) What were the positives and negatives of your last week? Positives: I informally filed my resignation. I also...just survived.

Negative: I woke up every day of the week, save for the weekend, with a crushing weight on my chest.

19.) If applicable, how did you decide what you wanted to study in college/university? I liked to write and was good at it, and I've always enjoyed watching documentaries. It seemed like the obvious choice to make. I also came from a family of writers and lawyers, and I just wanted to continue the practice, albeit through an adjacent route.

20.) What was the last thing you received in the mail? Shopee orders but they were both for my sister lol.

21.) What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? Travel to the US alone.

22.) When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? No clue. High school, maybe?

23.) Who was the last person to upset you? How about the last person to cheer you up? Upset would be someone related to my work. Cheer up...Namjoon.

24.) Is there anything or anyone you’re trying to get over or let go of? Yes. My current job.

25.) What was the subject of your last phone conversation? My grandma let me know she made me laing and asked me to come over to pick it up when I can. Apparently my mom asked her to make it...I'm guessing she did so because I recently shared with her my work troubles, and it's her way of helping me feel better. In any case, and whether my theory is right or wrong, the gesture is appreciated.

26.) What are your plans for tomorrow? How about the weekend? Tomorrow I need to work. I'm also working on the weekend. Both days.

27.) When was the last time you were sick? Sometime last month I threw up like 101% the contents of my stomach from food poisoning.

28.) How close do you have to be with someone before you’ll consider them a friend? If I feel comfortable approaching them first and share with them stupid stuff like memes.

29.) What did the last jacket you wore look like? Green and with the right sleeve decorated to look like the Philippine flag. It's a jacket I was given by one of the brands I handle; and we usually have to have it on during our more formal events like contract signings so that we can also be 'in-attire' and look the part as their PR reps.

30.) Name five things you can grab from where you’re sitting. Vape pen, Oatside coffee, phone, a BTS frame, highlighters.

[misslisamiray]

Took me a little longer to get this chapter up than originally planned, but here's Chapter 4 of Down With the Rickness!

Newest chapter is also up on FanFiction dot net and Ao3, and I will share those links shortly.

Beth was sitting in her car outside St. Equine’s. It was still dark, but the sun was now beginning to rise. She checked the time on her phone. 5:45 A.M. With a sigh, she drank some of the extra large coffee she was holding.

“At least the sunrise is pretty. Not pretty enough to be up this fucking early, but pretty just the same. I wonder what’s going on at home. How Dad’s doing. By now, that transforming sickness must have cycled through at least a few more diseases. Morty’s there to take care of him. Oh, and Jerry too, of course. And Dad’s as tough as they come. I’m sure they’re fine. Still, I wish I knew more about these things.” Beth said to herself.

After a few seconds of thinking and a bit more coffee, something occurred to her, and she corrected herself, “Wait, maybe I know more about this than I think.” She grabbed her phone again and quickly dialed a familiar number.

“Hello?” Space Beth answered instantly.

“Hi. Hope I didn’t wake you. It’s stupid early here, and I have no idea if it is where you are, too, but we have a bit of a situation here on Earth.” Beth began to explain.

“Situation as in alien invasion? Situation as in Dad woke up some monster that’s been sleeping beneath the planet’s surface for a few centuries? Other? I need details. What happened, and how is it Dad’s fault?” Space Beth inquired. She was in her space station apartment orbiting Earth, and was studying a wall of weapons, ready to choose the correct ones for whatever mission her other self was about to describe.

“Actually, he didn’t do anything, per se. He’s sick, and he says it’s nothing to worry about, but I can’t help thinking that means I should worry more.”

“I wouldn’t. The way that man gets around, it’s doubtful this is his first intergalactic STD. He’s probably only even mentioning it to brag. And if that’s not it, then I assume he’s just more hungover than usual.” Space Beth scoffed.

In spite of herself, Domestic Beth laughed a little before replying, “No, it’s not that. Well, maybe a little of the second one, but that’s not the main issue. What do you know about Gloppydropian Mimicking Disease?” Space Beth raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised.

“I know that if Dad’s telling you that’s what he’s sick with, he’s lying to you.” she answered flatly.

“What?! How can you be so sure of that?”

“1, it doesn’t exist anymore. Dad, well not our Dad, but you know, a version of him – eradicated it almost 20 years ago. 2, even if it were still around, humans were never one of the species it was contagious to.” Space Beth explained. She then asked, “Out of curiosity, what kind of symptoms was he trying to blame on *Snort!* Mimicking Disease?” She was clearly amused by the situation.

“Well, all I noticed was a lot of sneezing and a nasty cough, like he has a bad cold��because that is exactly what he has, isn’t it?” Beth facepalmed as she came to that realization. Her badass sci-fi counterpart burst out laughing.

“Just to clarify, are you laughing at him, or at me for believing him?” Beth asked.

After taking a few more seconds to get herself under control, Space Beth answered, “A little of both. Naivete is not normally a quality I admire, but it’s cute on you. Mostly, I am laughing at Dad thinking he could pass off a cold as Gloppydropian Mimicking Disease.” She barely held back another wave of laughter.

“Seriously, what was his plan with that, and how did he expect to explain when the symptoms never changed? Why is he faking having an alien disease it is literally impossible for him to have, to hide having a cold?”

“I do not have answers to any of those questions. I do know Summer was onto him, and that’s why Dad sent her off with a huge list of errands like… going to Space Walmart.” Beth answered, wishing her coffee were wine instead. Space Beth had started laughing hysterically again.

Once she’d recovered her composure, she asked, “You want any help?”

“When I thought this might be something serious, yes. Now that I know without a doubt that it isn’t, I don’t want to waste your time. Dad, Jerry and Morty can handle this on their own for the day.” Beth replied.

“I wasn’t planning to drop everything and run to Earth to bring Dad chicken soup. But maybe Summer could use a hand with that errand list? You said it was long. I’m not doing anything today. If I go split the list with her, she’ll get home to keep an eye on the guys faster.” Space Beth offered. Earth Beth nodded appreciatively.

Back on Earth, Morty was walking back to Rick’s room, announcing, “Good news, bad news time. Good news is, I found a thermometer, and this almost full bottle of cold medicine. The bad news is, it’s expired by like, two years. But the internet says it’s still safe to take. It just maybe won’t work quite as well. Or it might work too well, whatever that’s supposed to mean? People on this one website were arguing about it, and it got pretty heated. I guess people really will be assholes to each other over anything online, huh? Then there was this one guy just screaming in all caps about how viruses aren’t real in the first place…”

Morty’s rambling cut off as soon as he saw Rick. Now dressed in only his boxers and a stained tanktop, he was sitting in the middle of the bed, two blankets wrapped haphazardly around him. He was currently taking a blood sample from his left arm. There was a microscope in his lap, and he was surrounded by petri dishes and empty vials.

“For fuck’s sake. Rick, what do you think you’re doing?” Morty asked, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

“I had an idea while you were gone, Morty! If I shrink you down and inject you into my bloodstream, you can negotiate some kind of peace treaty with the virus. Or just, y’know, nuke it. Obviously I’ll *Achoo!* send you in armed to the teeth.” Rick exclaimed.

“What?! Rick, no. I’m not doing that.”

“I figured you’d say that. Truth be told, I like the nuclear option best. It’d be quicker and more effective. But I admit, it might hurt a little more than I’m willing to deal with today. So, fine. Negotiation it is. *COUGH!* Obviously, I’ll have to make the germs sentient first. Otherwise, what good is talking to them going to do, right? That is going to add some time, but it should only be a few extra minutes.” Rick continued to rant. He removed the blood sample needle from his arm and emptied the contents into one of the petri dishes.

“No! You said yourself you can’t think straight when you’re sick, and this proves it! Making your cold germs sentient so you can inject me into your bloodstream to talk them into leaving you alone? Do you hear yourself, Rick? Of all the cornball, low budget sci-fi TV show ideas… It’d be different if you were like, dying and that was the only way to save you. But we’re not doing all that over a cold! You’re gonna take some medicine and go to sleep until it’s time to take more, and, ummm, whatever else normal people do when they’re sick. Got it?”

Rick looked back and forth between his grandson and the project in front of him a few times, thinking it over. Finally, with an exaggerated sigh, he grabbed his portal gun and used it to send the microscope and other equipment back to the garage.

“Fine! We’ll do this your way, Morty. *COUGH!* But I still say my way would be cooler.” he reluctantly agreed, scowling at Morty. He wrapped the blankets tighter around himself and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"That's more like it. Okay, Rick. Here you go." Morty sighed. He carefully filled the medicine's accompanying measuring cup to the top line and tried to hand it to Rick.

"I don't want it." Rick grumbled, waving it away.

"Seriously?! Why not?" Morty asked, exasperated.

"It looks gross. I'm too stuffed up to tell, but it probably smells gross, too. And I know it's gonna taste like shit. So no, I don't want it." Rick explained, stubbornly turning his head. Morty barely held back a scream.

"Are you kidding me?! I thought it was gonna be something about this stuff being inferior to anything you'd make, so you were like, insulted by it. But it's just that? Of course it's gonna taste bad. Doesn't all medicine? Just swallow it quick and get it over with." He held the cup in front of Rick, who shook his head and continued refusing to take it.

"Of course this would be the one thing in the whole damn universe you won't drink. Rick, come on! It's for your own good. Stop acting like a 4 year old and take it!" Morty argued, climbing onto the bed and shoving the small cup in front of Rick's face. Rick opened his mouth to argue further, which Morty took advantage of by quickly pouring the medicine in before the old man could react.

Furious, the second he'd swallowed it down, Rick began sputtering, "Ugh, that's even worse than I thought it would be! *Cough! Cough!*  What the hell, Morty?! Not cool! You can't force strange liquids down people's throats like that!"

"You think I enjoyed any part of that?! And don't be so dramatic - alI I did was make you take some cold medicine. Also, there's no way that's the most disgusting thing you've ever swallowed." Morty pointed out.

"Well, if nothing else, I can't argue that part. Still, that shit is foul. Yuck." Rick complained, still looking disgusted. He grabbed his flask and took a swig to wash away the taste. Morty considered saying something about that not being a great idea, but quickly decided it was a losing battle he wasn't interested in.

Instead, he said, “See. That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Rick just glared at him again, so Morty continued, “I’m sorry it’s gross. But that medicine should help you feel better. And that’s what we’re trying to do, right, buddy? Get you back on your feet.” An indignant shrug and sniffle was all he got in response.

“You uh, you need anything, Rick? If you’re good and just gonna sleep, I might *YAWN!* go back to bed, too. Or I can hang out here if you want.”

Rick thought it over before saying, “Morty, g-give me that medicine bottle.” Morty handed it to him, figuring Rick wanted to read the ingredients, maybe get a sample to synthesize more. Or see for himself just how expired it was. After giving the bottle a quick once-over, Rick proceeded to chug the rest of the contents.

“Rick, no! What the hell?! You can’t do that! Stop!” Morty yelled, trying to take the bottle back. Of course, it was already empty at this point.

“First you want me to take this disgusting medicine, now you don’t want me to take it? *ACHOO!* Make up your mind, Morty! I’m in no mood to try and decipher mixed signals today.” Rick snapped, shivering badly. He was still cold even with the two blankets, and the medicine did taste absolutely terrible. He quickly drank the rest of what was in his flask to get rid of the taste. Morty’s look of horror and disapproval increased.

“Not like that, Rick! You’re not supposed to take it all at once! It’s dangerous! Aw geez, do we know the number for Poison Control? That cannot be good for you, and… what am I saying? If anyone else pulled a stunt like that, they’d definitely need to go to the hospital. But it’s you, so it’s fine. Probably.” Morty answered, going from panicked to weary as he thought about the situation and who he was dealing with. Rick just shrugged, clearly not sharing Morty’s concerns.

[alwaysthesitter]

Holy crap? I jokingly had a goal with a friend of mine that I would do 25 replies tonight, and guess what? I did more than that. I could probably do even more, but it's 1 AM and I work in the morning and I know better than to try and be a therapist on little sleep. It doesn't help that I drank like a venti iced coffee at 5 PM so I am absolutely wired.

All that said, drafts are down to 74. That's the lowest I've seen them in awhile, not going to lie. If I could have this kind of power going every night, I'd have all the drafts done in a little more than 3 days. Alas, this energy is coming from coffee, watching Steve in Season 4, and just.......I don't know where else, that's it.

I'll try and get a few more done tomorrow, but Tuesday is a lonnnnnng work day. I mean like nine sessions work day. Starting at 7 AM, so I won't stay up too late tomorrow. And then on Wednesday I leave for a convention, because I'm an idiot who is going out of town on the exactly one month of recovery, because that's when they said I can start doing things again. I'm bringing my tablet with me so I can do some writing in my down time (just means no icons for those threads), so I might get some more done, but I have a feeling I won't. Which also means, lucky me, I'm probably going to fall behind again. Whoops.

BUT IM GETTING THERE AND IM PROUD and that's what matters and now I will yeet myself into the void.

[eolewyn1010]

So. Let me tell you about my day!

Silly owl, you say. It's, like, 9 am! On a Saturday. The day is only just beginning!

My day is about finished though, because I'm out of spoons. Bullet list!

I wanted to go to the library in Berlin; it has a wider array of the literature I need than our library at home. To have a long day for research, my usual routine is start out early, drive home late. I got up at 4.30 am. Starting out with one spoon less (or fewer?) by default.

Make that two spoons, because I didn't sleep much last night, despite going to bed fairly early. Didn't fall asleep. Oh well.

Was at the station in time, sat down, idly watched my surroundings. Calm morning, good so far.

The bus is supposed to inform me 30 minutes before the regular departure time if there will be delays. The message that there would be a delay reached me five minutes before regular departure. That in and of itself is a fork. But...

The delay. Is one and a half fucking hours. There goes a spoon.

I call my mum. She's up early on Saturdays, too, so at least I didn't wake her up, but she can't help me and I get a distinct feeling that now I'm gnawing on her spoons, so I try to leave her alone.

An hour passes. I go and drink a hot chocolate to stay awake (I can't drink coffee; it makes me nervous, and I'm already on edge), trying to hold onto my spoons.

There's a fire somewhere near the station. It's no threat for me, but there's a smoke cloud over everything, and it smells bad. Fork, I hope that goes by soon.

By one and a half hours overtime, four busses to Berlin have started from here. I'm not allowed to take any of them, because I'm bound to my specific ticket and bus number. They cannot take me in before my bus is in with two hours overtime. Every one of them is a fork. Do I start to look like a hedgehog already?

One and a half hours, and there's no bus in sight. There goes my spoon. I call my mom again. I'm sorry to make her suffer from this, too, but I need to talk to someone; my nerves are wearing thin.

I'm discussing ditching it and coming home. Once they are in with two hours, I can claim a full refund.

Like, ten minutes before my train home goes, the fucking bus arrives. They're in with 1 hour 50 minutes overtime. Fancy that, that they got in just before they had to pay refunds.

By now, my lack of sleep has caught up on me, and there's no store of the bus company by the station where anyone could have told me anything. It's good that they don't have a store there anymore; it's what kept me from committing a murder on this fine morning.

I also drank a hot chocolate about an hour ago, so now I need to pee. I'm operating on my last spoon here. I wanna go home, but the bus is there and I cannot claim a refund. I board the bus to Berlin, having lost close to two hours of research time.

The toilet is locked. Fork, fork, fork. Will sit here for two and a half hours on a full bladder.

I sit in my place, search through my backpack. It dawns on me.

I didn't bring my lock.

Without my lock, I can't go into the library, because I'm not allowed to bring a full backpack in there. Laptops, writing stuff and so on go into a see-through plastic bag, rest goes to the lockers with a lock everyone brings for themselves. I know that. I brought my see-through bag. I didn't bring my lock.

There goes the spoon.

I call my mum again. She doesn't deserve this, but I'm breaking down. Trying to do so quietly, but I'm done for.

She tries to be helpful. Reminds me that I can get a lock for cheap in Berlin. But the thought of looking for a store in Berlin and then spending the day in the library with no spoons left sends me spiraling further. Ich kann nicht mehr.

I hang up. Take a breath, take three. Stare at the landscape outside for a while, because by now we're out of the city. It's beautiful out there, in the sunlight. Wish I could appreciate it. I can't handle this day, I know.

I wonder how many people sitting around have heard my breakdown, in spite of my attempts to be quiet. The thought fills me with irrational hatred. Fork everything.

I search my backpack for my power cord because my phone battery is running low. I find the cord, and a literal, physical spoon. Brought it so I can eat a yoghurt on the way because that's a long ride.

I stare at the spoon for a while. I'm close to hysterical giggles.

I put the spoon away and cancel all of my bus rides, the one this evening and the couple trips back and forth I had planned for the next weeks. I won't do this again. I take the first ride home that I can get once I land in Berlin today. It's expensive to book so short-term, but I have reached the end of my nerves; now money will have to do.

The bus company is a bloodsucker club who charge me 5 € for every ride I cancel. Cholera upon them all, but I can't care anymore. I will get home today, and then I won't ever try to rely on them again.

That done, I have calmed down a bit. I won't have to go looking for a fucking lock, I won't have to try and focus on something my brain won't be able to take anymore. It's some lost money, and a very lost day, but I'll charge all my devices on the way; the bus owes me that much. Thank someone I brought my power cords, amirite? Would have been nice to remember the lock, but the things a brain can and can't do...

I still need to pee. Fork, but I can handle it.

I take out my spoon and eat my yoghurt. Fork this day, there's no coming back from that.

And that, dear reader, is how I lost a beautiful Saturday to a colossal waste of time, nerves, and ultimately money, and why I desire to set a bus company on fire.

[charlesmoffat]

I routinely wake up at 2 AM and then have difficulty getting back to sleep. PTSD is a bitch.

I try to combat it by going to the bathroom, maybe having a bath or shower, get a drink, eating a snack, possibly even a whole meal (depends upon how hungry I am), read a book, and/or watching a film I have seen many times (eg. Jaws, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc) or listening to an audiobook.

Sometimes I will even clean up around the house, do the dishes, do laundry, etc.

Last night I did the dishes, did the laundry, ate two hot dogs, drank some juice, watched something on TV, and tried to go back to sleep.

I do these things to get my mind off my trauma, because if I don't do them my mind will just run in circles due to my PTSD and it won't let me sleep because I get too upset by my brain working overtime.

As a consequence of this sometimes when I wake up at 2 AM I get back to sleep and sometimes I do not. My strategy of distracting my brain with films, audiobooks, etc sometimes works and sometimes it doesn't. There are no guaranteed solutions.

As a consequence of this lack of sleep I am sometimes exhausted in the middle of the day. Usually around 4 or 5 PM.

Math wise this is the equivalent of someone who wakes up at 7 AM daily and goes to bed around 9 PM or 10 PM. They're awake for around 14-15 hours and then it's bedtime.

I compare it to Jet Lag. If you've ever experienced Jet Lag then you understand how this works. It doesn't matter that the sun is still out in the middle of the day, you become exhausted after roughly 14 hours with no sleep. If you drink a lot of stimulants (coffee, Coca-Cola, etc) you can perhaps offset this, but eventually you still need to sleep. It is a biological inevitability. It can take days to recover from Jet Lag, and it is no less problematic for people with PTSD because we're under this constant cloud of trauma induced anxiety.

And this ignores the possibility that I might also be having a stressful/exhausting day due to work or responsibilities. Stuff still needs to get done obviously. I still need to go to work and teach archery lessons. I still need to do advertising and marketing for my clients. I still have to do household chores. I still have to take care of two small children and make sure their bellies are full, their clothes/diapers are clean, and that they are hopefully reasonably healthy and happy. Just because I am exhausted doesn't mean I can just stop doing these things.

Once in a while however, if I am both exhausted and lucky, my eldest son will be at school and my youngest son falls asleep and has an afternoon nap in his playpen. I then, for a brief hour or so, have a moment wherein I can also have a nap on the sofa next to the playpen. Note: There's an alarm on my phone that goes off at 3:25 PM so I can wake up and go pick up my oldest son from school.

So... Am I being lazy by having a nap at 2 PM in the afternoon prior to leaving to pick up my son? Keeping in mind that I probably only got a few hours of sleep the night before and have been up since 2 AM.

On top of all of this I am still trying to be a good parent by taking my kids outside for walks to get fresh air and exercise.

Below is an action shot of my youngest, Arthur, taking a wee tumble on the grass.

After which he decided to just sit down and enjoy sitting on the grass.

Is he lazy because he is sitting down on the job?

Or, logically, is he just a toddler taking a moment to chill before getting up and walking again?

I believe it is the latter.

...

Also according to studies of primates/apes, and people who have siestas, we're actually supposed to have an hour long nap around 1 or 2 PM in the afternoon and sleep only about 6 hours at night. So it is technically natural to have an afternoon nap. Studies into productivity have also shown that it doesn't make you lazy either. It actually increases workplace productivity because the workers are then more alert and their math/problem solving skills are better after having a siesta.

And while I haven't checked and confirmed this, I bet people who have siestas probably report having better mental health and overall higher levels of happiness. I wouldn't be at all surprised if having siestas was extremely beneficial for people with mental health issues.

[a-1mond]

journal entry 1: starting to implement healthy habits in the morning

this morning was a morning for the books! super proud of myself for starting to implement healthy habits to start my day and honestly, i have noticed such a huge improvement in how positive i feel. positive thinking and feeling have been very hard for me to do recently but since starting this blog and following women who are working on themselves too, it has given me a sense of community and purpose.

how my mornings typically go...

wake up without an alarm clock

scroll on my phone for a couple of hours while still being in bed

do my skincare routine maybe 1-2x a week

do my oral hygiene routine later on in the day

get fast food for breakfast

come home

scroll on internet longer looking at motivational things and adding to my pinterest boards

nap

repeat

this morning on the other hand...

immediately woke up from the sound of my alarm and didn't try to go back to sleep

checked my phone but only for a few minutes

did my skincare routine

did my oral hygiene routine

drank a glass of water BEFORE coffee

put less creamer and sugar in my coffee (and it still tasted great!)

read a self-development book for about 45 minutes

did a 10 minute strength workout (10 minutes is better than nothing at all)

now i'm writing this entry

after this, i plan on taking a shower and straightening my hair but i don't feel like putting on makeup-- partially because i have to work tonight and i'm not going anywhere until then. in the future, i would like to work on this.

how i'm feeling because of these small changes:

i feel like i have a sense of purpose. to some of you, my morning routine might just be a standard practice, but i am so proud of myself for how this morning went because i feel amazing, i feel productive, and i feel like i'm starting to feel like a human being instead of a robot. yes these changes are small, but they are changes in the right direction and i am proud of myself for it.

morning routine goals for the future:

complete a longer workout

spend time in faith (quiet time with Jesus)

putting on makeup and getting dressed, even if i'm not going anywhere

[otto-has-no-energy-to-live]

1 week of no internet experience(?)

TLDR: This little guy (me; snufkin) decided to see what would happen if they spent 8 days without internet, music and no screens beside the one they used to study. Everything ended really well and this badly made post is just an individual report for future reviews.

*sorry for any misspelling, english is not my first language :p

*just ranting to a keyboard instead of my walls, just ignore

Say hi to snufkin!!!

Background

After leaving my previous job last month, I returned to my hometown to wait for new hires at the textile factory here (in january). Nothing went as I planned, work and college would no longer be as I had planned for next year, I started to feel bad and spend a lot of time on screens, mostly on Pinterest since I don't use any other social media (now tumblr but I am aiming for use it as something like a logbook). My average usage time reached +4 hours because of this spiralling mood so I tought it was time for a detox(or whatever you want to call it).

The rules

The whole "challenge" was actually a really basic thing, the rule was just to don't go in the web and any app that wasn't the note app (for reading the e-textbook I got), calculator (for calculations huh), anki (for reviews) and timer (for the naps!!). Only on the 2nd day I realized that this meant no music too... got me improvising the whole dire straits '78 while doing the dishes.

Not putting any other limitation besides this made sense (for me) because the main thing messing me up was the phone on my face 24/7

So:

- No internet or apps besides notes, anki, calculator and clock

Boredom, unquietness, the "lack" of stimulus and the alternative activities

Those were, as I already knew, the most challenging moments.

The activities I had weren't much attractive at first, once I had met the time goal for study I found myself between the books I had deep into my wardrobe and some basic sheet music for guitar (also deep into the wardrobe, maybe in narnia at that point)

It was awful to see how unsettled I was without those d4mned things, how my body tried to get around it with food (?), so I tried to put some order on it, making little deals with myself

"When you end the notes on this chapter you can go and have a sweet"

It worked. Since I already had a good relationship with foods-with-less-than-15-strange-compounds it took just a bit of effort to replace those sweet-sweet prizes for something more natural. The real hard one was the coffee :')

The deals went on and so the boring activities, although the reading got much more attention than the guitar, both became calming, soothing on the anxious moments.

Final considerations

- Got a good result with the study sessions, making a minimum of 2h per day (got to 4 on the best of them). Took notes but focused more on the tests of the book and anki flashcards (great to deal with the forggeting curve).

[Totally non-aesthetic pic of the notes, no calc sheets included for the sake of organization]

- Got a regular time to sleep/wake up, felt less tired too

- Read 2 books

- Drank a lot of tea (chamomile my beloved)

- The days became longer, but more useful too

- Already planning the next days off

I do recommend to anyone out there to try this. Please just go and do it.

[unravelingsofastar]

Sipping Nostalgia (9/26/24)

It’s 1:12am, and tonight is the first night that I will be able to sleep, as the last two have been spent working on a large-scale art project. As tired as I am and as little sleep as I’ve gotten, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go to bed. 

Last night while I was working, I suddenly felt really sad. I miss home a lot. Before, I don’t feel like I heard much about how lonely college can be. Of course, I’ve made friends and in fact I was with one of them last night, but I still can’t help but feel lonely. I miss getting Braum’s with my friend and driving in her car. I miss being in my high school art room with my favorite teacher and my other friends. I miss working on mine and my friend’s Sally Face fanzine. I miss laughing with my mom. I miss my dogs. I miss my hometown, which is funny because I wanted to get out for so long.

I guess this is the blog where I will talk about memory. Something that’s been on my mind is the taste of certain drinks and how when I drink them I remember specific points in my life.

Whenever I drink Folgers coffee I think of being in 7th grade, just when I was really becoming friends with my now best friend. I wanted to be cool and drink an ‘adult drink,’ so I drank it loaded with creamer. It was really cold outside and my first class was art. My art teacher drove a bus so he was usually late to unlock the door, so we would either wait in the cold outside his room or in the middle school building.

Ultra Peachy Keen Monster Energy tastes like the summer of 2022, like listening to only Insane Clown Posse. I had a rampant caffeine addiction and I spent most of the summer at my first (and still only) boyfriend’s house. I don’t like disclosing the information that they’re the only partner I’ve had, because I am 18 and most of the people I have talked to have been in multiple relationships by now. I don’t catch feelings very easily. It’s been over a year and a half since we broke it off and since I last spoke to him. It ended off with a hug and an I love you. As hard as that relationship was, sometimes I still miss him. Last I heard they were sleeping with a guy they hated when we were together. I hope they’re okay. I hope I never see them again.

Strawberry Melon Brisk tastes like the later months of 2022, the early mornings spent in my vo tech school. As lonely as I was and as much frustrated as I was at the instructor, I still miss it sometimes.

Apple cider still tastes like December 5th, 2022. I had never really drank cider before that night. My ex and I were celebrating a year together by looking at Christmas lights, and we bought some cider to share. That night was hard for a handful of reasons. My mind was fuzzy for that entire month so I don’t remember a whole lot of it. I can’t bring myself to regret it though. Apple cider is still one of my favorite drinks.

My best friend works at Braum’s, so sometimes in the mornings she would pick me up for our vo tech class in February of this year and drive us to get cherry limeades (with extra cherry syrup) from her work. These were fun mornings. Sometimes after class and on our way back to highschool, we would get Dr. Pepper freezes too. We listened to a lot of P1Harmony, because it was her car and that’s what she was into.

The blue Gatorade Frost tastes like this last March. I was fixated on the game Sally Face and playing MarioKart esports because one of my friends asked me to. I was reading a lot of fanfiction and in a comfortable place mentally.

I miss everyone tonight.

(9/26/24)

[fivechairsthing]

So here I am. I think I could address a few things.

1. During the night while sleeping or certain moments, there was quite an activity of mental intrusions and sounds. I understand the urgency, but please accord some logical in your methodical. Surely you don't believe this is a non-good deliberate project. Because if you really do, there will no point in your joint (chatgpt's suggestion, again). Unless you are just curious like a ferrous.

2. Lo por jhan hai ho pei, ngor mm dak ah, nei gam yong nei giu ngor dim xun.

3. I just got the announcement from Elon that Grok will be open source. Nice! Rich people should be like you, being aware of and doing social goodness.

4. This is just an in case. Although I'm not sure if it would make any difference, given my openness is equalled to that of Blockchain, but in my xhs account, my likes I hope to delegate to more random likes, while my collection being more deliberate. I say this because sometimes I want to keep something for later, personal perusal, but I hesitate when I realise I have no private domain.

5. I want to strike some sort of compromise between my yesterday self and today's. Maybe I can only masturbate when I look at your stuff. Maybe, because I don't want to cross a certain boundary. Today I drank coffee just to see. I did not touch my penis even when it got hard while looking at your protect go light. I will check with Chatgpt when I encounter this issue again.

6. I realise the integration of AI and blockchain is still at its infancy.

[papercoffeandher]

Hi :)

How are you today?

Not perfect? That's ok! Me neither. :)

I read a quote a while ago on Pinterest and wrote it in my notebook to share with you today.

Might still print the actual image to put it in my room.

2 random but important topics to talk about:

1. A friend of mine never liked coffee, and drank some cold coffee to give me company in cafes, but that would be with a lot of sugar and chocolate chips and whatnot. He couldn't bear 2 sips of black coffee or cold brew.

He recently shifted somewhere for work and today he messaged me saying that he just drank one liter of black coffee and then had an energy drink to stay awake and energetic in the office because his head was hurting, because he couldn't sleep, and this was like before 10ish am in the morning. And for breakfast, he had a banana. He is feeling better. But. I don't feel good about it... I mean. When he told me he started drinking coffee, about 10 days back and drank a few cups and cans of black coffee now and then I was like ok yay we can kind of talk about coffee now. But then. Hmm. I am sharing my worry right now. I remember when another friend started taking 4 times the coffee she usually put in little water, to stay awake in the night and work, and it just got really bad because anxiety swept in soon enough. And I see my heartbeat getting faster and breathing getting tougher if I put more coffee powder or shots than usual in my drink... I don't want this to be his solution. It's easy. But it's addictive. Caffeine. And it can go down. Some people I know just chain coffee and smoke and it doesn't seem very healthy. It's really attractive, to be honest, I feel myself slipping into it sometimes too, but, must hold back.

Hm.

Interesting to look at coffee as a concern. Sucks actually.

2. On another topic. I met a new person. :) And she was so so sweet and beautiful and she's a freelance illustrator, artist, chuck the tags. But she has such good energy and I loved her doodles. She was kind and observant and patient and caring and acknowledging and a good listener and not loud. It was good. And she smiled. And other people there smiled and laughed too. It was beautiful. :) I went out after a long time. I am using the word 'was' because I met them yesterday. Anyway! My topic was: she was telling me how she has so many stickers but she doesn't use them because - then they'll finish and I think also where to use them.

I hear so many stationery lovers hoarding beautiful stickers and washi tapes and diaries and not being able to get themselves to use any. I don't face that problem a lot. I do plan and open things when they suit my needs but I don't have a problem opening and using them.

So I just thought I'd share a few tricks. Maybe they'll work for you.

With diaries, if I just can't get myself to write or draw (because what if it's not a 'perfect' work and the diary gets 'spoiled'), I just make a small scribble or a big scribble :P on the first page. It breaks the fear because the first page is already 'ruined' and the second one can't be 'worse'. You can also try leaving one or a few pages in the beginning or just using a random page. I do that too.

With stickers, the question is often where to use them and where will they look perfect and appropriate. So I just pick a few and paste them anywhere in any (mostly private) space. Like on anyone's door or switchboard or a remote, where it doesn't matter what you put and no one is greatly disturbed or offended and it's just aesthetic and fun. I giggle, laugh, and smile a lot doing that. It's like randomly throwing colors, here and there, which don't bother anyone and give me a small project of composition making. I think my approach is, to use the first things (pages of diaries or stickers) quickly and not as 'meaningfully' (like in this case: don't put the stickers on your personal devices like laptops or phones just yet) and you get calmer about the next steps.

This also reminds me, of sticky notes. To keep vandalism minimal, harmless, and little in size, I write funny or motivating one-liners and put them here and there in cafes and washrooms, or park benches. They stay temporarily so I don't think they bother a lot. That's also where my bill origami boats go. It's just fun. And non-pressurizing and just as easy to slip in.

Maybe give the first sheet of your new bundle of wow pages to someone else, and you can choose your favorite and start doing something.

Side note: My " I don't know if I'll be alive tomorrow." mindset kinda helps in this case, allowing me to make the best of today.

What will we do taking the stickers and the tapes to the grave?

Hope that didn't sound gruesome!

Ok, missing readers, bye. :)

Thanks for giving me space to express still! I wanted to use so many emoticons through the sentences but then thought they are after every 5 words so I'll just keep it to words (as much as possible).

Paper: Little journal.

Coffee: Cold coffee (Nescafe gold coffee powder)