#it'll probably keep increasing tho

[mechsbrackets]

And now, Wednesday's update! There's only 2 more days to nominate people for the Most Gender Mechanisms Character Bracket, so get your nominations in soon!

And now, our list of 86 nominees from 72 whole responses!!

Ashes O'Reilly 44 Gunpowder Tim 44 The Toy Soldier 34 Loki 31 Lyfrassir Edda 30 Mordred 25 Jonny D'ville 24 Ulysses 24 Nastya Rasputina 22 Drumbot Brian 20 Dr. Carmilla 19 Marius von Raum 19 Ivy Alexandria 17 The Aurora 17 Raphaella la Cognizi 16 Frankenstein's AI 14 Orpheus 10 Yog-Sothoth 10 Iphis 9 Majors Hatter & Hare 9 Galahad 8 Captain Joseph Robert Mathea 7 Guinevere 7 Lancelot 7 Odin 7 Alice 6 Comsat Cheshire 6 The Octokittens 6 Ariadne 5 Arthur Pendragon 5 Blogbot 5 Narcissus 5 Rose Red 5 Sigyn 5 Briar Rose 4 Pellinore 4 Scuzz Nishimura 4 Bertie 3 Cinders 3 General/Caterpillar 3 Hereward the Wake 3 The Pendragons as a unit 3 Thor 3 Arachne 2 Dormouse 2 Gawain 2 General Snow White 2 Hades 2 Jack Spratt 2 Oedipus 2 Squamous Things 2 The beast Pellinore was tracking 2 The spiders operating Aurora 2 The Stranger 2 A drunk space pirate 1 Actaea 1 Daedelus 1 Dorian Grey 1 Dr. Capelli 1 Dr. Gretel 1 Dr. Hansel 1 Dr. Pilchard 1 Ector 1 Frankenstein 1 Gunther the Octokitten 1 Heracles 1 Icarus 1 Marquis de All the Knives 1 Old King Cole 1 Penelope 1 Persephone 1 Prometheus 1 Scheherazade 1 Siegfried 1 Stowaway 1 The Acheron 1 The Bifrost 1 The Moon Kaiser 1 The phoenix planet (Redeath) 1 The Rose Reds 1 The saxophone from Lucky Sevens 1 The scorpion from HNOC 1 Tom Thumb 1 Vivian Nimue 1 Whatever that stringed instrument Marius is playing in DTTM 1

[bandzboy]

This just means we gotta find a way to increase the HYBE protests somehow. The question is: how?

While it seems like HYBE is already in hot water for other things (all the Min Heejin stuff for example), if looking at SM is any hint, it might be slow. Perhaps there's a way to speed things up?

At this point, if more HYBE artists would say something—even at a risk—that would mean a lot. Preferably the bigger the name, the better. A bigger artist would probably have more impact if they say something (especially if multiple artists speak), and it'll cause a lot more commotion and backlash if HYBE tried to punish them for it. They don't have to be BTS-big, but the bigger the better.

In the meantime, I'm still thinking about those letters that one pro-Pal MOA gave TXT. Something to let them know about the situation and where MOAs stand. Even if the direct purpose of the letters wasn't to get them to speak up, I hope the letters do help in other ways. And if we could extend that to other HYBE groups, that would be neat.

i think there are plans of there being another protest in front of hybe america again (idk when since i think it's still being planned) but if there is a confirmation i will let everyone know of that and also with what happened today and his stupid statement i feel like a lot of people will be moving

i will be sincere, i kinda gave up on asking idols to speak up. even tho yes, it would be amazing but as someone who was working TIRELESSLY to get any sort of sign or response for a while i just felt embarrassed and a lot people that participated and i have talked with on twitter on my boycott gc felt the same thing and unfortunately, at this point, my expectations on that are very low and i've talked about this many times but there might be two things as to why this is happening it's either 1) they are being silenced for real (wouldn't be a surprise however i don't wanna weight on that too much) 2) they just don't give af and truly are fine with being silent and it's a very hard pill to swallow and probably hard to accept. that's why my bigger goal is to fight against zionism on that company while keeping a safe distance from the people i stan and i hope that is understandable why. a lot has happened in the past few months and the silence is unbearable and i just feel embarrassed to beg grown people to speak up about a genocide. there was one day where i was just sitting in my bed and thinking like damn i just feel like we are all embarrassing ourselves to get nothing in return. these idols might even support palestine but even if they were being silenced they should try everything to make it know that they do support it and getting absolutely nothing is just wild you know what i mean? i hope i conveyed this well and i hope it's understandable. it's always valid to question the morals of people that i have supported for a very long time and have wasted my love and energy on! with that being said, idk what to do regarding that but i decided that is best to focus on what is more important which is talking about palestine, fight against zionism and support palestinians! i was hoping that idols would use their platforms because it's what they should do but i don't wanna waste my time on that regard anymore

[primofate]

i'm trying to motivate myself to farm his bis set but it's honestly really hard (ar 59, burnt out as hell). That and I don't really have a team comp built around bloom reactions so it's not as efficient.

Also the information I give below is my personal suggestion, also gotten from several guides I've followed.

As of now, I'd recommend a mix of any of the 2-pieces between the ones that give +15% anemo damage bonus and +18% atk, or 4 piece shimenawa, if you don't mind not having his burst up as much. Obviously the newest one is the best for him but ya girl's tired™ with artifact farming so he'll take what he can get for now.

For weapons, aside from his signature, all of the 5-star catalysts with atk/crit substats can work for him (kagura's, lost prayer, skyward atlas). 4 stars include the dodoco tales, the widsith, solar pearl, and mappa mare—the blackcliff catalyst works too but it's not as viable.

The team comps... Imma be honest with you, mine is also clunky. It's recommended that you have a good shielder because he's super vulnerable to getting interrupted— i haven't tried him out for abyss because I don't have a good comp for him, and also because faruzan never came home (plus apparently she's only good at c6) so his damage isn't like floor 12 clear worthy just yet. One team comp I wanted to try is double pyro + anemo with venti, bennett and ideally thoma for the shield, but I don't have thoma built 💀 there are others like a taser team with a hydro character + two electro ones (ex. Fischl + beidou), but again, ideally he needs a shield and I don't have beidou built either. Another is freeze with layla, but I don't have her. I have diona built but her shield isn't as strong.

TL;DR I don't have a solid group recommendation, sorry ;-;

Anyway yeah, here's my take on his builds. You can probably find tons of these in the internet already, anyways. Sorry for rambling in your inbox!

I'm going to ramble as well! Haha!

Weapon wise I managed to get his signature so I'm alright with that.

I'm gunna put a keep reading on here so it's not too long

Artefacts...Well, just like you it'll take some time to farm the new domain so I've slapped a 4pc Viridescent on him for now. But also I don't really know if I want the new artefact on him, I know it's the ideal one but I think Viridescent is better for elemental reactions and I love playing with that (except that I don't even have much proper elemental reactions with his current team comp, lol. So I'm still going to farm for the new artefact)

I also wanted to do double pyro with benny and thoma but just like you my thoma isn't built and I don't think I really want to build him if he's not a very flexible team player (e.g. If I can't put him in other teams I'm not gunna bother) So my current team for Scara right now is Yunjin (for the Normal Attack and Attack Speed buff) + Zhongli (for the shield) so that gives me double Geo with 15% damage increase and the last character I usually switch it in and out depending on what elemental reaction I want plus the talent effect on Scaramouche. The problem with this team comp is that it doesn't really play a lot with elemental reactions hahaha it just seems very limited, but it works, since my Yunjin and Zhongli has been properly built since forever and they are very flexible characters. Much like you I've been constantly looking at other shielders though, to at least get a non-geo character to be a shield (I always feel like putting a Geo in an anemo forward team is a waste but I don't have a lot of choices at the moment haha)

True that there are a lot of online guides but most of them rely on Faruzan! That and they almost always assume that we have all the characters built and don't really mix and match a lot of diff characters so its nice to hear what others have!

I'm surprised you didn't get Faruzan tho! Haha.... I C6ed her before I even got Scaramouche...I guess he was being real stubborn, lost my 50-50 to Diluc before I got him but eh, I like Diluc.

Thanks for your time! :D

[ilaiyayaya]

🤔i don't know what to do now.

I was gonna look into getting HRT, and I'm probably still gonna do that pretty soon, but then my car died and I had to spend nearly 4k on a new one, which luckily I saved enough to where I'm still fine, but it did completely interrupt my streak of productivity towards doing trans stuff. On top of that, having to be around both my father and one of my uncles almost every day for the last 2 weeks to deal with said car has caused a massive drop in mental health and I've especially been in kill mode for the last 48 hours, which makes it kinda hard to get anything else done.

Overall tho, getting a car now is probably a net positive, I'm not gonna have to worry about panicking to get a car as quickly as possible after I moved out because if my old one had died after I left, but before I was able to get a new one, I would've probably been really fucked. Not great timing to happen at this exact moment though.

And on the topic of moving out, I don't really have any reason to not just move to an entirely different state now. I'm not entirely sure where to move, wherever it is, realistically it'll probably be relatively short-term, but every reason I had before to stay in my current area is kinda gone, I have a car now and thus won't have to worry as much about dying on the road while driving 500,000,000,000 kilometers to another state, I pretty much exclusively talk to all of my friends online now, even the ones that I do live near, so that won't really change much, I kinda hate my job now and have been heavily considering quitting since like, November so like, don't really care to stay here just for that. The only real reason I have to stay here is that living expenses are fairly cheap, but this is far from the only area in the country where that's the case, and I know there are other places that are even cheaper. My reasons for needing to leave keep increasing too, the core general reason is just, my family live here, and I want most of my family dead (and some of them want me dead too!) but more specifically, my mother almost certainly knows I'm still living here by this point, I learned about 6 months ago that she had moved back here after being in another state for the last 5 years, and while I'm not in contact with her at all, it's not unlikely that she's heard from someone else that I'm here, possibly even where I work or any other information, and her knowing literally anything about my current location pretty much puts a timer on my life because she really does not want me to be alive. Tension with the rest of my family has also gotten significantly worse in the last few months (which is largely my fault but like, what am I supposed to do, not tell my uncle to kill himself???), which really I don't care much about, most of them I normally see 5 times per year max, and even the few I do see more often than that have extremely little impact on my life, but the bigger concern is that a couple of them have definitely, at least to some degree, caught onto me being trans. Or maybe they just think I'm gay but like either way it's a potential problem for me, my family is extremely bigoted (the uncle I told to kill himself literally prompted me to say that by going on a massive rant about electric cars being bad because, something about them all being made by f*gs??? idk being in the same room as that man is like being in the same room as a stereotypical 4chan user, but like, the worst kind) (that uncle btw is not one of the relatives that have probably caught onto me being trans, he is so incredibly dense that I could probably directly tell him I'm trans myself and he probably just like, wouldn't even process it and then somehow use it as an opportunity to tell me to remove all of my money from the banks because the blog he read says joe biden is gonna pass a bill tomorrow that makes banks disappear). Biggest reason why I think some of them know is because a couple of them (one in particular, a different uncle than the one i told to kill himself) have really started to enjoy bringing up conversation topics related to trans and gay people, and my answer is always just complete neutrality, but in a way where it is so extremely obvious that I am just trying to say whatever gets them to shut the fuck up. If any of them, or especially my father who I currently live with, had 100% concrete proof that I'm trans, it would become completely insufferable, I would actually end up murdering one of them within a week I am certain of it, even just being in the same area and them knowing where I live, they would make my life hell immediately, and I'd really rather just not deal with that, and it's really hard to fully cut contact with those people if I'm living in the same town as them, even if I try to.

Another one of the other reasons I had for just getting an apartment where I currently live was that I had a few options for potential roommates, which would make paying rent a lot easier, but that's not the case anymore, some of those options went away once I came out as trans, some I am absolutely not comfortable with living with anymore, a few have since found other roommates or just moved out on their own, and the rest are all just other miscellaneous reasons. I don't really have any viable options for roommates in other states either, but since I don't have any here either, it doesn't really make much of a difference. I technically do know people elsewhere that would probably be willing to live with me, the problem is they're all either in other countries, which I'd be fine with eventually, but not right now, or they're in texas or florida, so, so many in texas and florida, texas especially, why is everyone i know in texas i am not moving to texas especially when most of the people i know that already live there hate it. so yea I'm pretty much on my own unless I want to move to the UK or Texas and I'm not doing that, luckily I expected and prepared for this so I should be fine financially for at least 1 year even on my own, even if it's not ideal. Financially I'm probably fine moving somewhere else, the main concern is everything else cuz like, I'm dumb. and stupid. and incompetent. and i fuck everything up and am bad at everything. Me being stupid and incompetent still applies to living the same state i currently do but like, 🤔idk i just feel like i'd be more likely to have actual consequences for being a massive fuckup somewhere that isn't here. But like yea I'm an idiot.

I don't even know where I would move, for the last few months I was looking into apartments with the intent of temporarily living here for like 6 more months, but again, new car, no more reasons to stay, I think it'd kinda just be a waste of 6 months at this point. But if I commit to moving to a different state I'll have to completely restart the process of searching for an apartment, except it'll be even harder because I don't even know where to look for an apartment at, like I don't know where I want to go I just know I can't be here for much longer. Plus moving states probably requires a bunch of paperwork stuff, like, I probably need a new license for that state and like uhhh new bank account because the current bank i use only has locations in this state and i don't know how hard all of that stuff is to do, like I said I'm a stupid idiot that's incompetent and dumb and should die. Guess I'll die then cause as I've been writing this I'm becoming more and more committed to the idea of just saying fuck it and leaving, I have no clue how much longer it'll take to find a place and get everything sorted out in order to move states but like, if I stay in this town for another 6 months or more like my original plan I am absolutely going to end up killing myself, and that would not be fun so I'd rather not do that.

Idk whether it'd be better to just start hrt after finding another place, or go back to trying to get it now, because on one hand finding somewhere in another state could potentially take a lot longer than it would've taken to find a place in this town and each month that goes by without me being on estrogen is another month closer to the guillotine, but also if I try starting hrt immediately after I move out it'd just be adding to the pile of things to be stressed about because I'd be going through the whole process of trying to get it while also trying to figure out everything else. I was trying to list reasons why both starting hrt now, and starting hrt later have downsides, but I think I literally just gave reasons for why starting hrt later would be bad, but like trust me there are reasons why looking into getting it now would also be hard and potentially bad, it's fine it's fine I have the excuse of being kinda tired and extra mentally ill after just getting out of one of the worst meltdowns I've ever had over the last 24 hours so like it's fine if everything I say is completely incomprehensible verbal slop I get the free pass to be unhinged right now if you yell at me for being insane right now you're being mean and unfair and i'll cry. Mods decipher what anything said in this entire multi-paragraph rant means even I, the writer, the author, the director, the lead actor, do not understand what literally any of it means. I should probably sleep but mania hittin too hard to do so so instead time to listen to the Colress battle theme on loop and walk in circles (a normal tuesday (chewsday innit)).

I am so confused

[foursdarkdays]

i like a girl lol

Sooooooooooooo ummm the title of this rant? would be "i like a girl" lmaooo Soooooo yeah theres a girl i kinda like?? its nothing serious tho but yeah i like her ig, she's not really my type tho but idk . She treats me so well i cant help it. i feel things lol. I keep checking my phone every second of the day (just did again) and it sucksssss. She kinda likes me back? atleast thats what she says . but idk i dont think so. The possibility is too narrow but yeah.

She has a boyfriend lol and its not like i care tbh cause its not like i wanna make her cheat on him something i mean she wouldnt and i wouldnt want her to. Also i know this isjust a phase for her and itll go away soon. for her or for me. Yk know i cant like someone for long especially if i dont see a possibilty of us dating. so yeah im gonna go with the flow rn. She told me that she had a crush on me since months tho but again ahh i dont think so. maybe shes overthinking . maybe she just wants to be my friend.

anywayyy soo im just going with the flow. we flirt a lot. we blush a lot. Thta bitch flirts with othets and makes me jealous lmao dumb fuck and i do the same bwahaah. sooooo yeahhhh i know after whatever this thing is ends im gonna be sad af for 2 weeks i think? cause we talk so much and its gonna be lonely. but again im a pro at moving on soooooooooo

7/10/23 (1:51am)

(im gonna keep adding the rants)

and the best thing about this is that i'm very well prepared for the heartbreak so im sure it wont hurt much lol im actually very sure about that. I always expect the worst in these things so its going to be chill. I'm sure shell come out of this phase soon and it will only be a memory for both of us. mostly in a good away tho. I'm not gonna take this too seriously and just have fun. you're flirting? okay ill flirt back. you're treating me well? ill do the same yeah thats it lol

i have a strong gut feeling that this is gonna end soon like 3-4 days? i dont know. lets see

7/10/23 (18:25)

Oh wow soooo it almost ended that day lollll but then yeah we kinda talked it out? Anyways i feel like something changed after that. I think in a good way? The obsession feelings decreased and maybe the good friendship feelings increased? I honestly have no idea and i should probably stop trying to figure it out lol. Anyway now I'm back and i think she doesn't like me anymore. Maybe I'm just over thinking? But lol nvm let's see how it goes

11/10/23 (2:05am)

Lmao bitch read this post. anyways im gonna act like no one knows about this account. Its soooooo scary i know i've told this before but its just really scary. See i have trust in myself that if IF something goes wrong ill move on fast, OKAY WHY AM I OVERTHINKING AGAIN. lets fuck this. SHES SO CUTE IM SO OBSESSED I HATE HER SO MUCH. ITS SO MUCH FUN TALKING TO HER. even though sometimes i really wanna push her off a cliff but its okay. I wanna write so much but im blank again wtf

14/10/23 (01:48am)

Why do i feel like she hates me now. Maybe she'll finally lose feelings. i mean yeah thats okay and understandable but it'll be too sudden so idk. I'm ready for anything at this point . I wanna text her but i guess ill give her space. I'll just distract myself and sleep. She has nooooooo idea about the amount of over thinking im doing rn. im so sure shes done with me and will never see my face again. lemme prepare myself. Thankfully im veryyy tired so ill fall asleep easily.

14/10/23 (9:22 pm)

i randomly have such sudden outbursts of love for this baby. i want to cup her face and kiss her whole face , i want to hug her to my chest and kiss her head and baby the fuck out of her. She's gonna cringe reading this (please dont). I want to like put our foreheads together and close my eyes and feel it yk??? i sound soooooo weird. Please dont be creeped out

15/10/23 (10;02pm)

I like her so much like so so so so so so much. Its very scary and i know for a fact that i will be hurt later but ugh its sooooo worth it. I'm sooooo happy with her. The feelings keep growing and i dont think im gonna let it stop. its okay ill let it grow. yoloooo sooo ahhhhh. We just had a pubg date sksksksk shes soooooooo ahhhhh. She flirts so confidently , i was panicking behind the pubg call sksknjiuck. anywaysssss ugh I want to kiss her sooooooooooooooooo bad like fuckkkkkkkkkk i wanttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!.

20/10/23 (01:13am)

Hiii so idk bro she says she's more obsessed with me but obviously i disagree. I think i really fell harder lol I mean it's scary af but anyways. Idk she can go for hoursssss without talking to me and be fine and me ? Lolllllll I try to text back whenever I can but she doesn't do that. Maybe I'm asking too much. Okay i should chill out fr. I don't wanna depend on anyone lol. I only want fun stuff here even though i know I'm kinda in deep but anyways it'll be okay. I know she's putting a lot of effort i shouldn't complain. I'm getting more than i deserve anyway. And I AM happy af. I just miss her i guess. I sound sooooo stupid. Ugh I hope she doesn't read this

21/10/23 (17:12)

(23/10/23) 1:40am

She didn't text me back today. But I'm gonna be understanding. I don't want to overthink. Not today . There are so many possibilities and i wanna listen to her . I really want to be understanding. Because i genuinely care . I didn't text her back till 2pm due to some valid reasons tho but anyway I feel calm now. I texted in our gc and she seen zoned but maybe she has her reasons . Let's see . I don't want to think about anything. I really hope she's alright .

It's like i want her to text me about her day and all but then I don't want to expect much i don't want her to do zyada also idk she's already treating me nicely and it makes me happy. Its honestly more than enough and I don't want to be greedy.

23/10/23 (19:12)

okay sooo ummm the reality is hitting me these days. I was okay being the side chick but its really hitting me lol. Its not like she makes me feel that way nahhh she shows that she cares. Its just that idk maybe im only stupid. she flirts with others and sends me screenshots and everytime she does that i lose little feelings. Even though she does that for fun idk. If she keeps doing this, i might actually lose feelings lol idk how to tell her that. I dont wanna bicker or anything i dont have the strenght and anyway she'll be like nooo i do it for fun only because im cool. **heavy sigh** nvm . but should i let her know? communication is good yk. i guess ill try tonight. if she doesnt fall asleep. Okay ill tell her that, rest is her wish lol .

oh yeah btw todays our 1 month anniversary???? ehehehehe

okay she fell asleep, shes really sick so i hope she feels better soon.

but anyway i keep feeling stupid lmaoooooo i need to stop feeling this way and accept it. Thats the only way lol

21:23 (30/10/23)

Wah its been long, soooo umm idk we kinda had a disagreement? i honestly dont know what that was but yeah im 1000% sure that it wasnt my fault. i took my time to write and explain everything but nah i guess shes mad at me? ofcourse she is. we didnt talk the whole day and its kinda driving me crazy but im trying to look normal. I wont text her first , not because i have ego or anything but because im not at fault here. She took things a little too far and i got triggered. But again i did explain her everything like why it triggered me and all because i didnt want any misunderstanding. But yeah shes mad at me for that? i honestly dont know what to do. is this the end of us? i dont want it to end like this. I'm not ready but i also wont text first. She needs to own up to her mistakes. I miss her. I miss her so much . please text me ughh .

its okay i guess. this is like a break for us i think i dont know how this will end up

22:56(7/11/23)

lmao i got on with a lot of thoughts in my head but as usual im black again. sooo i cant stop thinking about her and its scaring the shit out of me. Atp im pushing myself to go out with friends and family just to divert myself from thinking about her lmaooo yeah its that bad. The worst part is even k-pop idols are not helping me this time. Its always her on my mind. But ill try my best to distract myself because i feel very one sided. Its prolly not but kinda is . idk. But i'm also behaving the same way with her ig? i talk about idols and behave like they're the only ones on my mind when its absolutely false. I'm sure its not the same for her tho. she really isnt that whipped for me lol. and thats okay. ill keep trying to calm myself down . BUTTT the more i try the more i think. What do i do?

05:36am (17/11/2023)

we had a talk yesterday and it hit a nerve, It hit a wrong spot and now idk what i feel anymore. It was hurting. My heart felt like it would explode. I felt too much that i dont feel it now. No i'm not over her. It'll take time for sure but something snapped for sure. I'm taking a break today, from her. I need to analyze my feelings and emotions and think. I need to be ready for whatever is about to come. and i will be, Im strong and i can do it.

I never spoke about this or wrote it here but i think i should now. I need to analyze my feelings and write it out. I like her. i like her a lot. It was all happy happy at first, just us flirting. It wasnt that serious. But it did get serious later. A lot of feelings got involved. I know i know that she has a boyfriend and that i am a second option. I know its genuine and she really likes me. But i sometimes i wish the other way around. Everytime she mentions her boyfriend, its like a stab in my heart and reality hits me. I get distant for a bit. idk if she notices. its not her fault tho, I cant talk to people about this because i know what they're gonna say. "its all your fault, you knew she was taken but you still chased her. its all on you. you"re stupid for even hoping or wanting something from a straight taken woman" oh dont even get me started on how much it hurts when she tells me shes straight. Its gives me mixed signals. she says she wants to kiss me, hold me and do things with me and then she says shes straight. see i know sexuality is not an easy thing, it takes a lot of time and courage and thinking to come to a conclusion and tbh its okay even if she doesnt, but i cant stop my feelings and my overthinking. what if she doesnt really like me and its really just a phase shes going through. because im confident about the way i feel. i like women, i like her, romantically , emotionally and sexually.

i want her. i want her so bad even if its for a month, i want to experience how it feels like to be in a real relationship with her but i know its impossible. Like that equation doesnt even exist.

yesterday night, when she told me she loved me. i couldnt say it back. I didnt have enough energy to feel things because my heart was already hurting. Thats why im taking a break from her today, Her calling me baby , princess and whatever cute things she does , its making me feel guilty. She shouldnt do those things for me, but i want it . i dont know what im typing honeslty. i just want her so bad but i know i shouldnt. i NEED to tone down now . from my side, ill take the love shes giving me, also reciprocate. but not more than that because even i feel guilty and shes going through things because of me, she says its worth it but is it? i know that one day both of us will move on from this. I'm pretty sure we're gonna think about this and laugh but right now i want her, But i also dont , But i do. lol.

14:04 (21/11/23)

Hi, lol. I feel so much for her. like so so so so much. what we have is so precious and important to me. i dont want to let her go. As a girlfriend, yeah i guess one day we'll have to part, but as a friend? i dont want to lose her. I may sound greedy but along with her girlfriend(idk what we are but lets pretend im her girlfriend) right now, i also want to be her second best friend. Is it too much to ask ? i mean i guess it is. It hasnt been that long but our emotional bond is too strong and idk if ill ever find it anywhere else. Even if i dooo ugh idk i just want her for a long time. Even after we break up and take our time off, i want her to talk to me. This may sound selfish but yeah. I still want her to come nag to me, complain about things and share her problems, emotions etc. Relationship issues, marital issues, friendship issues, work related issues, family issues, financial issue etc like literally anyyything. I want her to feel comfy with me, I will never force her tho. I just hope things turn out this way instead of us completely falling apart. Because if it breaks , im sure itll take more than 2 years for me to open up tp anyone again. After my last ex best friend , i really shut myself off and it was lonely. I do have friends and i know they are always there for me but i cant open up to them. emotionally. But with her i can. So i want her , need her for a long time. We may drift . life is unpredictable and people change so its okay but i hope both of us try our best. I know she said she ignores and ghosts her close friends when she feels something is off and then they drift apart but i want her to really try for us. Idk if it will be worth it for her but i want her to try because i know i will. unless she wants otherwise. lol why am i having such emotions today? this is the first time im feeling this way. with us i mean. okay ill stop now.

26/11/23 22:30

I think I'm in love lol idk I tried so much to not be 'in' love and to just love her but I think I failed at it. I'm even scared to admit it to myself because I'm a coward. I still don't want to admit it to myself. I love her so much . I feel so stupid for loving someone who loves someone else. I was never like this. What is wrong with me? Idk but can it be helped? No. I know I'll move on in the future and everything will fall into place but right now ugh i love her and I feel stupid af. Like really really stupid. I'm never telling this to anyone tho. They'll make fun of me lol. They won't understand. I myself don't understand anything. I'm giving away so much of myself and it's going to take a lot of time for me to get it back like after we break up. Anyways I hope she gets well soon. She must be in a lot of pain. It hurts to even think that she might be in pain ughhhh stupid**inserts my name* get it together.

Come back soon . I feel like a zombie without you

Lol I just looked at my instgram activity and was wondering why I had spent 4 hours on Instagram yesterday when we didn't even talk. Then I realised that we did. It has only been a day but it feels like weeks? Wtf? What is going on with me. I'm scared I'm so so scared.

28/11/23 (23:43)

Happy 2 months to us lol sksksk anyways I didn't miss her yesterday. Probably because I was dealing with my own shit . Doesn't mean I like her any less. I still care . I hope she feels better soon

30/11/23 (00:19)

I googled the recovery rate and the death rate of dengue and I'm more paranoid now. Maybe I'm crying too much because I'm sick . I cry a lot when I fever like it heightens whatever I feel and now I'm worried about everything. Myself , her ahhh.

This is way too scary. New fear unlocked. I don't wanna say it but ugh just the thought of your loved one not being there hurts lol. I think I'll never move on from it. Never. So dear universe or whoever is listening to me , you've been mean to me these days , there are only 2 things that I want the most right now. The most. And I'll do anything for it. 1. Her getting well soon. 2. I need freedom from my life . Which means moving away to another country. I need these so bad. I don't care if I don't die anymore. I know I've always wanted to die and that was the only prayer in my head but now no. I want these 2 . Please please please. I won't be able to take it please ahh I'm crying again. I'm never getting attached to anyone again.

It's December already, please please please I promise that if these two things happen, I WILL NEVER NEVER EVER think about killing myself again. I promise this. I really really really promise you. But , if not , then that's it. You know I've always wanted to die , ever since 2011, so I'm giving up on this if I get the things I want. Atleast the 1st one. I won't be able to live at all.

Why am I crying so much. It's too much to handle. I feel like the nerves in my head will tear open with the strain. Its been long since I cried so much . I know I'm over thinking but why can't I fucking stop. STOP. Okay I'll just sleep .

1/12/23 (00:05)

I didnt miss her at all these last 3 days but i think i miss her a little today. I suddenly think about her and feel like crying. This is not because i miss her but idk. I feel like every bad thing happened to me at once and my mental health is at stake. 1. her being extremely sick with that deadly virus? whatever it is. 2. My uni thing. 3 me falling sick as well. i cant control my emotions when im sick. especiallllyyyy fever. i feel so weak and that stupid fever aftertaste on my tongue is making me wanna puke. i think im sleeping a lot these days. like 16 hours a day or something, maybe physcial and mental exhaustion is catching up to me. fuck this life . anygays idk i hope something good happens please. i wanna cry again lol. crying feels nice all of a sudden . its all because im sick lol. i guess ugh idk fuck this

i slept on the couch yesterday night, i think ill do the same tonight lol. i always sleep on the couch when im sick i guess??? ah im sleepy again. prolly med effect. ill eat and sleep now. i hope my baby feels almost better tomorrow. wow im sleepy af all of a sudden . no energy i think ill fall off byee

01/11/23 (20:16)

Lol i haven't written in so long ahhh yeah idk it's going okay I guess. We were having a call on gmeet with another friend of mine and she spoke about her boyfriend today. Idk what happened to me and why it happened but I cried wtf? Like wtf?????? Idk what to do anymore. It's reality I know but it's hurting. I know I'm just a ummm what am I again? No one omg fuck this

03:20 (18/11/23)

i love you

22:36(uk time zone) 11/02/24

Ah i need you so bad but i yeah i should be understanding. I’ll be. But know that i need you so bad like emotionally but im not brave enough to text you .

15/02/24 1:14pm

I love you . It feels sad now . When i think about her, my brain makes me sad lol. Whenever i imagine fake scenarios with her my brain keeps constantly reminding me that im just delulu and nothing will ever happen. I already know that but lemme be happy? i keep thinking about the break up that will happen soon when she gets engaged. I know there’s time, there’s a lot of time but i can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like it’s always there at the back of my mind. I just wanna be delulu , carefree and happy. I don’t wanna think much okay bye

29/02/24(2:30am)

I hope you dont see this but I’m so sorry. There are so many thoughts running in my head rn. I feel like im ruining something perfect. i mean you and him. I know nothing will change , yall are the end game and i dont want that to change. But the guilt is hittinf me these days. Am i that bad? Am i that selfish? What am i supposed to do? Shouldi stop? I dont want to stop but i dont want to be so selfish. Am i really a homewrecker? fuck

(12:06)

(PLEASE DONT READ THIS IM BEGGING YOU)

Ouch. That stung. Very bad. Ahh i can feel my heart breaking into pieces and im having a breakdown. I feel so so so helpless. I really can't do anything about this. I have no way out now do i? Please universe please please help me please.

I'll do anything. Hold me from breaking apart every time. I should be used to this by now?

Right? It's been so long. It should be normal. But as the days go by i can't take it. I'm breaking so bad. This is why i hate love so much. Only pain and hurt. But do you think i can let go? No. The most dumb and stupid award should be given to me. I hate everything

6:46 (19/8/24)

I want a day where it doesn't hurt me anymore.

But i guess that day will be the day im not in love anymore and I've completely lost feelings. I dont want that.

7:06

I love myself too much. I want to be happy. I will be happy. Me me me me and only me.

Every time i close my eyes her Instagram story flashes ahhh i want amnesia. I want to hid my head somewhere and lose all my 24 years memories. It hurts THAT much. Or maybe I'm over reacting too much. Its prolly the latter lol ok.

But i know its something she can't help too so lol both of us are helpless. Im just opening up here and she's not. Now i need to give my brain some rest. I'll be offline the whole day to heal

7:47

Why do you keep hurting me so much. Why do you always sabotage us for everything. Every minor inconvenience you get you let it affect us. Bro even on our one year anniversary? Is it not special to you? I’m so hurt but I’m even scared to tell you that.

1/10/24

[spotaus]

You never know when it'll manifest 🙏

Yep! Fresh decidedly got a very, very young spirit! The Parasite can't speak, but it does send its emotions, wants, and needs to Fresh in magic pulses. Where did it come from? Wish I knew. What kind of spirit is it? Well... I'm thinking the brand of Parasite Fresh obtained is like the Vulture or Tasmanian Devil of the magical world. In that I mean, there is a LOT of excess magic, and so the Parasite kinda just slurps up the scraps. Only, it's too young right now, so all it does is eat. It' *supposed* to redistribute that magic back into the world. Hensel the whole 'nature spirits love it' thang.

Oh! And, Fresh does get stronger! He achieves his goal of being strong like his brothers, only.... y'know, thing in his skull :]

Yes!! Yes you've got it exactly with how heartbreaking it was for Fresh to arrive home late just to realize Error was GONE gone. And Error totally has heard Geno tell this story over and over again. Error is very aware of the stupid choices Fresh made when he was younger, and Geno encourages him to stay close and stay safe. Error, fully aware Geno has hunted down Fresh before, and that Fresh's job is to hunt things down? Clearly they decided he wasn't good enough and left him behind.

And yes! I think Fresh is still his blunt, goofy canon self personality-wise, but he knows better and actually cares about trying to not harm others. Ofc, when it's about Error tho, he'd risk everything. He's 100% still looking. Searching. Definitely for dust or his old scarf or something. Anything.

He definitely went searching! He was always an adventurous kid, as much as Geno tried to keep him careful and safe. He heard rumors of something out in the deep woods. So, what else would he do?

I like to think he found it at a lake's edge. Normally it leaps out of the water and tries to drown people by leading them back into the lake, but Fresh? Well, that's a skeleton, and the Parasite was able to accidentally just... crawl inside his skull when it tried to trick him into falling! So it buried in and made itself at home, bonding to his magic.

And to rehash the thing about him getting stronger, yes! Largely it's things that are indirectly connected to him (ex. Communing with the magical beasts) but it's also things like... a Danger Sense, he can feel threats around him even if he can't see them. He can move faster than most monsters as an instinctive reaction. He's strong physically. Like, obnoxiously so. All that sort of thing! His magic levels do also increase, but because his body wasn't meant to store so much he can only call on it briefly, and wildly, and dangerously. (I *really* like the idea that Fresh could infect other people with the Parasite intentionally. Like a part of it pops off and digs into a person's soul, leaving him to control his own body *and* theirs until the host either dies or he recalls the Parasite? But ofc he's unskilled now and unwilling to risk anyone's safety or lives to try and test it.) <- I just really find interactions like Fresh!Ink funny lol-

And ohhhh. That Geno scene. I'm gonna sob- No but fr. Like. Definitely that. So so much. And Geno trying to remove it? I think that by the time he finds Fresh it's already too late, but neither of them know just how bonded they are until Geno is at home trying to help him and like. Reaches into Fresh's skull to try and forcefully detatch the thing using a magical removal. And it just leaves Fresh in so much pain. He doesn't know where he is, or what's going on, or why he's screaming, and it's like getting a limb partially cut off. So Geno stops ofc, and it takes an age for Fresh to recover. After that Geno does proper research and finds that it probably bonded and that removing it would signal death for both of them. So. That's a no-go...

Ough and lil Error being so afraid for Fresh. He might not like much touch, but he tries to cling to Fresh and hug him as much as he can (that always makes him feel better-) but Fresh eventually starts letting him do it less and less. He says it's because he doesn't want to hurt Error, but he lets Geno hug him! And then Fresh starts leaving more often. Just... going away. He always brings Error treats and gifts and let's him pet the new beasts he found... but Fresh doesn't play with him anymore. He's convinced Fresh doesn't like him anymore. And Geno leaving is that last straw 🥺

Alright, thank u for letting me get that out of my system!

I think my brain should ruminate on the important characters but for some odd reason I'm staring at an unimportant side character and nodding in interest to myself. 😌

[hanniejji]

ASAHI, TSUKISHIMA, TENDOU, KENMA, AND IWAIZUMI FIRST TIME HCS (SFW)

[ azumane asahi x s/o ] [ tsukishima kei x s/o ] [ tendou satori x s/o ] [ kozume kenma x s/o ] [ iwaizumi hajime x s/o ]

anon: hi can u write hcs abt some haikyuu boys asahi,tsukki,tendou,kenma and iwaizumi with y/n that’s nervous for doing ~it~ for the first time doesnt have to be smut but yk😔😔i just liked the idea

note: going to make this as sfw as much as possible because im a minor and i only make spicy ones but i hope it's as good! | m.list

warnings: suggestive themes but tis sfw

AZUMANE ASAHI

he's probably more nervous than you are but that's ok, he's gonna be a man for you dw

will need to hear you say that it's alright to do such things before he does anything

he just wants you to be comfortable :((

very very careful fjskgos he's afraid that his big and rough physiques might hurt you

will keep asking you whether he's doing the right thing or if you prefer something else! he needs to be reassured that's you're enjoying!

worrying aside, you're his priority and he's damn well going to make you feel good

his going to do his best to reach your expectations and will do anything that you want him to do

whispers sweet nothings in your ear and will tell you that even if he's leading, you're still the one in charge and he's going to listen to anything that you tell him!

"just tell me if you want me to stop, ok? this is all about you"

a fucking sweetheart gkshfp will panic if you even show the slightest sign of pain or discomfort

TSUKISHIMA KEI

a fucking tease

he's going to sound as if he knows what he's doing but he really only knows a portion of it

will bring you the greatest pleasure and will know right away if there's something you particularly like!

"oh? you like it when i touch you here?"

doesn't mean that he isn't scared of hurting you tho

he's going to get your 100% consent and will tell you to let him do the work because although he's a tease and he won't say it, you stl deserve everything and that includes the amount of pleasure he's about to give you

will always warn you of what he's about to do so you have time to say no

probably serious most of the time but there's an occasional chuckle and breathy laugh whenever you whimper or moan

TENDOU SATORI

worships you like a fucking deity

"shush, let me give you everything that you deserve, alright?"

asks for your opinion with everything that he's doing

"does this feel good? are you in pain?"

he's quite the tease too!

tries to lessen the amount of teasing but he's gonna slip sometimes but that's ok because if feels good as fuck

his small jokes and praises will ease you more into his arms and tbh you wouldn't be scared of anything because you trust him so much to take care of you

keeps you close and will tell you that he's going to be there for you forever

KOZUME KENMA

scared and awkward as fuck

stutters a lot and will need more than a hundred of will power to even have the nerve to touch you

the both of you are learning each other's body, so it'll be a lil hard for the first time

he's going to base on your facial expressions and reactions because he's too embarrassed to ask or say something

bet he's good at oral tho

he's gonna love it if you're a bit loud because that feeds his confidence

will be so sweet and will treat you as if you're a fragile glass

it's going to be a slow, awkward, but nonetheless passionate and emotional love making

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

flustered as fuck but he knows shit

you can't tell me that this man doesn't do things on his own with just a vid and his hands

"are you sure you want this? if i start, there's no stopping me"

no one can do it like iwa fksbgow

will worship your body just as much as tendou

"you're doing great, just like that"

tries to be gentle but his pace will escalate in a few and then wavers into a slow pace but will increase once again

he's inconsistent, but that's because he can't help himself around you :')

considerate as fuck and will not deprive you of any pleasure because he wants to let you know how good he can make you feel fjabgk

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

Do you think there should be term limits for congress?

no. i don't see much benefit from the idea and i see too many negatives. would like to see term limits removed for the president as well.

people who suggest it claim it gets rid of career politicians and reduces corruption.

first, here in california we have term limits at the state level. far from getting rid of career politicians it just accelerates their creation. there is more to politics than just the legislature. many congressmen, once their term limit is up, just end up getting a nice bureaucratic job in another branch or department or some other corporation or ngo. term limits don't get rid of career politicians. they make more of them and make them harder to see.

second, i don't even agree that getting rid of career politicians is necessarily desirable. maybe this is a hot take but anyone who has ever been in a management position knows how much skill it actually requires and how much of that skill comes from experience and relationships. so i think having long-term politicians with lots of experience and lots of established relationships is actually generally a good thing.

thirdly, i am skeptical that it reduces corruption. on the contrary i'd expect it to increase corruption. one of the often cited forms of corruption is lobbying (i don't know that i would say lobbying is inherently corrupt tho, but that's a different topic) but i feel like rapidly revolving, newer, younger, more inexperienced politicians will be far more susceptible to being influenced by interest groups than a long-term highly established politician would. i also think newer term-limited politicians will have less to lose and less investment in the future than a term-unlimited politician would.

fourthly (just some miscellaneous things that come to mind), having revolving politicians will result in less voter turnout; people aren't going to be able or willing to keep up with all the new names and faces. term-limit advocates say it'll encourage people to engage with politics and become more informed but probably they will just vote for whoever the previous candidate endorses. it's undemocratic. if someone wants to vote for the same asshole for 3 or 4 or 5 terms who are you to say they can't? in their final term they will not have any incentive to consider the interests of their constituents. they don't have to worry about re-election so why would they? new politicians are unknowns, wild cards. established politicians have records so you have an idea about how they'll vote and what kind of politician they are. lastly, we already have term limits: elections. if a politician is corrupt or of bad character or poor at his/her job, they probably won't be elected again.

[formulaorange]

Saturday June 19th

This week's anime binge: Sorry for the delay - Record of Ragnarok came out and I wanted to do that one for this week (in replacement of Kyousougiga which will be pushed to next week.) I ended up running out of time at work so I'll post record of Ragnarok tomorrow in addition to the ongoing shows from this season.

Vivy Spring 2021 - 13 Episodes I can't believe I've put this off until now - this isn't another 86 where it's a 10/10 but it's something I probably would've been pretty stoked to watch and started sooner had I known it were about androids and interactions with humans over a century. I think it's a great concept - not one that I think I've seen before tbh I love the Detroit feels to it and how the protagonist isn't inherently for or against anything but does what they feel is right. I like that over the few episodes you see her humanity increase and her understanding of things affect her more. There's a huge contrast between the first episode and the last in term of her character. There are a few things that I didn't think were great - I feel like episode 12 was very sub-par and the ideas behind it were overused with time travel stuff. But I feel that the finale brought it back to the original idea and redeemed that and brought it full circle. In the end, that's the only way they could've finished the show and I think the best way to describe it is that it's a very complete story. 8/10

Heaven's Design Team Winter 2021 - 13 Episodes This isn't something that should be binged... Each episode is informative and interesting but it isn't really a story so watching back to back informative comedy isn't really great. Tho - the concept is fun and worth checking out. It's essentially coming up with the thought processes behind the creation of animals on earth and all the weird things that exists. Very fun to watch, you honestly learn so much and each episode has something new. I - episode 10 is a different entity all together.. I'll never look at naked mole rats the same way... Thanks to this show I now have a new interest in Giant River Otters and I had no fucking idea they could get to nearly 6 feet and 75lbs.... they can fight off caimans... South America has some scary ass shit running around. (this tunnel also lead me to finding out about wolf otters which are now extinct but used to be the sizes of wolves, over 100lbs and were a big predator in prehistoric times.) 7/10 (9/10 for the otter episode) Current Thoughts on Record of Ragnarok: I'm 6 episodes in, now low-key I'm expecting to be disappointed and that in the end Zeus will decide to allow humanity to continue existing purely because he enjoyed the fights and wants to do something again in the future. The longer the fights drag out - I'm also starting to feel like the second half is gonna be cut short and it'll be disappointing or they'll push it onto another season. If somehow they continue with the interesting stories on the gods and people and keep up the same pace - it might be worthwhile - tho could've been better with a 24 episode season instead to do it all in one go. 1 thing - This for sure would've been too slow to watch week/week but is an excellent show to binge just for fun. Edit - I forgot to add next weeks binge anime: Kyousougiga Catch up on Edens Zero (Shadow's House)