#it'll be good to think about how their influence affects her decisions

[ferociousqueak]

YOU GUYS

The inimitable and generous @syzara gifted me MELE!!!!

I can’t tell you how touched I am or how long the hug will be if I ever do get to meet her in real life :D

Only a little over an hour to go!!!

I AM EXCITE

THANK YOU @syzara!!

[lucidmagic]

“Are ya’ll okay???? Like what is it that makes people cry? I’m confusion.“ to clear it up; no we are not okay, especially not after reading it /lh /nm /pos. For real, I think maybe the cry factor is like, the feelings of ouch that we get from it. The “when will these two gay idiots pick up their braincells and just confess” vibe if you will. But also like, possibly the assistant!r feeling insufficient for alci, the pain of hiding feelings, the lack of closure for the two. Just. Sad gays /pos /lh

I mean that's fair. There is certainly a lot happening emotionally and mentally, not to mention their particular professional situation for the two.

Reader: like you said, feeling insufficient and unworthy compared to Alcina and them not entertaining the thought she could possibly feel the same because 1.) it's Alcina fucking Dimitrescu, she has women falling over her all the time, 2.) Reader comes from a completely different background and can't see how they would work through those differences 3.) has low self-esteem and wondering if they are even worthy of having Alcina's attention 4.) it's their fucking boss and there's a whole reason why fraternization is very frowned upon, also there's the possibility it could hurt Alcina's public image if it gets exposed and 5.) how will this affect their career and if it'll result in unwarranted attention they're not ready for just yet

Alcina: 1.) she's not used to being vulnerable and she's rather emotionally stunted after prioritizing her family and work for nearly two decades 2.) there's the fear of her using her power to influence the Reader's decision (aka improper power dynamic) and she definitely doesn't want to 'force' them into anything they don't really want 3.) she understands that they come from two very different worlds and she's concerned bringing the Reader into her sphere may put undue pressure on them 4.) her daughters are emotionally involved, which is great in terms of their approval but also horrible as collateral 5.) age difference (though it's less than 15 years, I'm thinking the Reader is about 28-29 when they start working for Alcina who is 44) and the fear she doesn't want to hold the Reader back from a full life, not stuck with an older woman with the baggage of children

There's also the issue the two are incredibly fucking stubborn and will rather wither and die than confess and be rejected. So yeah. Very complicated situation. And of course very sad gays, both for the characters but also the audience. /lh

Btw a good song for them is Little Mix's Secret Love Song, Pt. 2 if you want to get into the feels. /lh

This AU is also consuming me and I've made a playlist already. /lh /pos

Part 1

Part 2

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [I'm thinking the vibe should be that maybe she hasn't heard from him all at for these 3-5 days like NOTHING which is obvs not like him even when he's busy] Ava: Hey, just checking in Ava: it's all good if you're busy but I'm just a little worried, probably stupid but Ava: give me a quick shout so I don't ramp it up and come 'round like a potential total idiot James: [when you can see he's reading it but not replying] Ava: James Ava: What's wrong? James: what's right? nothing Ava: Please tell me James: how? Ava: I don't know Ava: sometimes it's easier to just say it, stick to the facts Ava: I can take time to gather my thoughts and reply, if you can't James: I can't, Ava James: talk about this, think about it, handle it James: those are the facts Ava: Okay Ava: Can you tell me where you are? James: home, I've been there the entire time James: except when I went out to buy a bottle I can't drink & drugs I can't take, so they're staring at me Ava: You could Ava: but you haven't Ava: are the girls with you? James: yes, having them here is the only way I can be sure I won't Ava: You'd never hurt them James: but I said she uses them & that's exactly what I'm doing James: as a sobriety chip Ava: Caring enough about your loved ones and your responsibility towards them is a noble one to stay sober Ava: hold onto it James: it doesn't matter, I'll lose her anyway James: I can only hold on to Matty Ava: Why are you going to lose Jay? James: because she's not mine Ava: you've done a test Ava: oh god Ava: I am so, so sorry there are no words Ava: when did you find out? James: Chloé insisted James: I'm not her father but thanks to that lovely conversation we had, I do know who is Ava: She, what? Ava: She's pure evil James: she insisted because of you Ava: me? James: yes, her hatred of your family is more deeply rooted than I realised Ava: but Ava: if I had any idea Ava: I'm sorry, I should've listened to you but I thought she'd come after me, not Ava: this Ava: James James: in a way, she is, this affects you too Ava: but it's yours and the girl's lives Ava: it only affects me because I care about you James: you don't understand what I mean, it's yours & your family's too James: I can't say the words, Ava, other than what I've already said, I know who her father is Ava: I don't understand but I'm trying Ava: how could it affect my family Ava: that's Ava: no it's not possible James: Ava James: she told me how it happened James: told me to ask him Ava: but Ava: how could he James: I don't know, she said that they'd had an argument & he was really under the influence Ava: but Ava: forget the fact he's a bad boyfriend, forget the fact he's turned that into being a worse husband Ava: it's the fact he's going to be so selfish, put us all through hell because he loves Rio and that makes it okay, then he's not even going to fucking mean it and worst of all, he's going to fuck it all up, after all the pain of us accepting and dealing with his decision, with her- and why? because she made Nancy's life hell? Ava: he's as twisted as her, I'm gonna kill him James: I'm sorry James: if it redeems anything at all, I think Rio at least knows, I think it's possible that maybe everyone did but us Ava: you have nothing to be sorry for Ava: he's helped Ava: he's helped ruin your life Ava: Jesus James: you see now why I couldn't tell you James: talk to you at all Ava: Of course I see Ava: this is Ava: just terrible James: everything is ruined Ava: what are you going to do? Ava: what is she going to do? James: she's going to tell him if I don't Ava: He has to know Ava: how has it never crossed his mind Ava: he's clearly many things but stupid isn't one of them James: apparently she told him about the pregnancy and his response was to tell everyone about his relationship with your cousin James: so she quickly recanted & we know the rest Ava: so he used Rio as a scapegoat Ava: that's even worse Ava: well, karma has caught up with him Ava: but not enough, nowhere near James: this is all according to Chloé, she's rarely to be trusted Ava: She didn't lie about the DNA, did she James: evidently not, but that doesn't mean she has a clear insight into any of your brother's motivations or feelings Ava: I don't care Ava: any way you slice it, it's wrong Ava: oh God Ava: he can't take Jay from you Ava: she's yours James: she uses people, Ava, he won't have been any different James: he's a law student, he'll know better than me what he can or can't do Ava: Like he used her, because he was pissed off? Then used Rio, who he claims to love, to get out of the situation you then got forced into Ava: I don't want to talk about him Ava: you've raised her, you wanted her when she was presented to you as yours, you didn't wriggle out of it Ava: she named you, even if she lied James: maybe he won't want her anyway, he's got a family, a wife, whatever happened then it's obviously in the past for them Ava: Exactly Ava: even if that's Ava: disgusting Ava: leave Chloe to tell him, it'll go as well as the first time James: she's given me time to get a DNA done, with no prior knowledge of how long that would take, I can leave before she tells him Ava: You can Ava: she's a fucking idiot, even if he for some reason believed her this time, how is he doing a DNA, he's never met Jay, he has no way of contacting her but through you James: our bags have been packed for days, I just need to actually go Ava: Where will you go? James: I don't know Ava: I guess it's for the best you don't tell me Ava: I wouldn't want to say, even under duress James: right Ava: I'm so sorry, James James: me too James: I thought the hardest thing left to tell Jay would be about us Ava: Do you have to Ava: if you leave James: she'll have to know & if it doesn't come from me it could come from Chloé herself, years from now potentially James: there's only so long we can stay away, I don't have my own money Ava: That's true Ava: that would be Ava: but this will be so hard for you Ava: at least she's still going to want to stay with you, there's no chance she'll want to be anywhere else Ava: you'll find a way to make your own money Ava: wherever you end up James: as a single parent with so few skills I'm less sure of this imagined future but Ava: People do it Ava: you can James: maybe she'd be better off with him James: in the end Ava: No Ava: money makes life easier, it doesn't make it worthwhile, come on Ava: knowing your parent loves you, that's so much more important Ava: you love Jay, more than anyone else could James: but he's not a bad father, is he? he could love her Ava: You love her Ava: what about you? James: I love you too but it's not enough James: everything's still ruined Ava: not because of you Ava: because of this Ava: them James: I should've done this sooner James: I knew there was a chance James: she never said it about Matty, not once Ava: So did he, where's he been Ava: and she knew for sure and she still let all of this happen Ava: no one else is here taking responsibility, looking after those girls, it's you James: what the fuck am I going to do? Ava: The money you have, if it was enough for a deposit in London, it'll be more than enough anywhere else, enough to rent and live off whilst you get it sorted, getting them into schools, job hunting Ava: I still love you, James James: come with me Ava: I can't, my parents would file a missing persons Ava: even if I told them I was going, they wouldn't let me Ava: when you're settled, tell me where you are, I won't tell, if they start asking Ava: and I can come see you again James: I can't just leave you here not knowing how long I'll be gone Ava: I've already made things bad for you Ava: she wouldn't have done this if I weren't related to him James: but I'd still be married to her if I didn't have you to make me realise how bad that was Ava: I don't want you to go Ava: but that's only because I'll miss you so fucking much I can't think about it, and because I'm scared for you and what you'll do and what will happen Ava: but you can't lose her James: can you convince your brother to do the right thing? you talked to Teddy, that helped James: I don't know, I know it's not the same, but James: I can't lose you either, not now James: not when I need you more than ever James: I'm so scared & so alone with this & I don't want to do the wrong thing James: Jay will have so many questions if we just leave Ava: Oh, darling Ava: I don't know either, I don't think you can be sure about this it's so Ava: uncertain and messed up Ava: but if you can't lose me, you won't Ava: and I'll try my best with whatever else you need me to but I can't promise anything, really James: there's always been someone telling me what to do, every step James: & now there's nothing, we're all in free fall Ava: You can do this, I know now more than ever is a time impossible to have that self-belief but you can Ava: you don't have to be alone though, I'm here for you James: will you come over, please? Ava: of course James: I just can't go anywhere else right now Ava: That's beyond understandable Ava: I'll walk, that'll be quickest James: okay Ava: James James: yes? Ava: Before I leave, we'll have a plan, alright Ava: even if we don't stick to it fully or we make changes Ava: I won't go 'til you feel at least 1% better about it all James: if it makes you feel better I'm at 1% at the prospect of seeing you James: not only because I can't tell if Matty is actually getting sick or if I'm just stressed Ava: We'll aim for 2% then Ava: and I'm sure she's okay but I'll make sure too, yeah James: how could I ever walk away from you again? Ava: I wasn't convinced I'd survive it either but James: they aren't the only reason I stayed sober James: I don't want you to see me like that either Ava: I am so proud of you Ava: no one would want to be sober in your position right now, so the fact you could Ava: you're so strong, love James: it's so hard being around her right now, wondering if actually her temper isn't inherited from her mother like I thought & what else I've mis-attributed, but the idea of not being with her is Ava: There must not be a word to put to how confusing, conflicted, it all feels James: this whole situation is a huge blank page James: my family have all individually kept ringing me but I have nothing to say, no way to tell them that any of this is going on Ava: You've been in shock Ava: They can wait, you had no choice in hearing it but you can feel as if you have more of an idea before you tell them James: until they're at the door Ava: you've dealt with worse, you can't deny that now Ava: but we will try to get you some reprieve Ava: I bet you haven't been to sleep James: how long can you stay before your parents take issue with it? Ava: I'm sure I can get a friend to cover for me, I'll sort that Ava: I'll stay as long as you need me James: an eternity then, fine if you have loyal enough friends or I had vampire attributes Ava: I'll stay with you for an eternity like that Ava: even if I have to go back to sleep after a certain point, I'm not going anywhere James: I love you James: she can't ruin that, okay Ava: She can't Ava: ever Ava: she tried, amongst all the fucked shit she has pulled James: your sister clearly had the right idea Ava: yeah Ava: who'd have known James: maybe she'll have a spare bed for me in New York Ava: that will make visiting slightly more problematic but you know James: in that case, I won't write it down as step 1 of the plan James: understood Ava: unless step 2 is I apply to some NYC schools James: Goldsmiths would never forgive me Ava: I love you so much Ava: also I think I'm here but come let me in just in case James: [does]

[wolfywordweaver]

So my love story with @vkelleyart's works continues. Here I touched on how Venessa and SnowBaz fanart in particular moved me to move past my stifling depression enough to engage in a new story and a new fandom. I read the canon books, fell further in love with the characters, and got more involved with other fans.

I wrote stories, did exchanges and fests, and waited for AWTWB with barely contained excitement. And then, things changed a bit. Honestly, I did not love AWTWB and stopped writing SnowBaz. Then life things happened and I really cut back on my writing overall and things creative. I stopped reading again.

But works that transform you really do TRANSFORM you. I still thought of Venessa's work a crazy amount. I started looking at fanarts from all fandoms for more than passing enjoyment. What exactly did I like about it? The composition? The facial expressions? Hand placement?

How did they get such EXPRESSION in their art?

I knew that Venessa struggled a lot as she developed her art. I also followed along as she went through a busy and roller coaster of a year. Watched her spread out to even more fandoms, took her art even further, and went through major changes of her own. So at the end of last year, I made a decision to do something that I told myself I'd never do again.

I picked up my drawing pencil with serious intent.

The SnowBaz community is full of so many talented writers and artists, but there is a wonderful group that has been learning to draw under @krisrix. I've been following that group and trying to learn but never really made a serious effort before because drawing scares the heck out of me. But they were there when I tried again. They have resources that inspired me and made me tackle the technical aspects. I even got into a figure drawing challenge in February.

Then life struck again. I got disowned by part of my family. Relational issues made me sick from the stress of it. And then I got into a bad car wreck that I am still honestly recovering from.

My usual tactic is to just disappear and quit on things. I stopped writing completely. I barely even read any fanfic. A familiar story to myself, and maybe even to some of you.

When I was younger, I actually hated writing and loved drawing. I spent hours practicing my art while complaining any time I had to write something out. But I was told that I was good at writing and encouraged to push even more in that. So I did, but I always kept up with the drawing. And then a good intentioned moment ruined my relationship with art. "You know, you're always so good at whatever you try, but not with art. You aren't very good at it, but you keep trying."

I stopped trying that day. And I thought about it every since. And when I was laid up in pain after my recent car wreck, I made the decision to fuck it all and keep trying. My sketching doesn't need to be perfect. My art doesn't have to be GOOD to keep doing it. Venessa is really amazing, but even she is continuing to improve! Even she doesn't feel the best about her work all the time. If I'm waiting to be perfect before I ever start again, it'll never happen.

And now I've drawn my first ever SnowBaz. The inspiration from the lovely SnowBaz group's works and especially from how affected I've been with Venessa's has pushed me past a mental hurdle I never thought I'd get over. I don't think I'll ever get to the point of influencing or inspiring people the way she has, but I too want to express my appreciation for different works in this way. I want to dig into my creative well and let it flow without obstruction.

I chose to say all this as a reblog on this particular work because my Baz is styled as an homage to this expression of his. I still feel the same burst of affection when I look at this image today as I did the first time I laid eyes on it. This is the Simon and Baz that I fell in love with and still think of first when I re-read Carry On or Wayward Son. And I imagine that these are the Simon and Baz that I will be carrying with me for a long while yet.

Simon and Baz, domestic and still in bliss (slight NSFW, so under the cut)

If you’ve sent me an ask or tagged me, bear with me! Quarantine has complicated my social media activities. 😬😬😬 In the meantime, some canon(-ish) art. I couldn’t resist drawing this line:

“Simon’s beautiful in battle.” - Baz Pitch, Wayward Son by @rainbowrowell

[cxsmicmyeon]

ugh no my parents treated me like a baby. they allowed 0 independence. i think even til this day i have a lot to learn in social skills 😂 i'm too shy to start a conversation but if someone approaches my first then i can keep it flowing? so excited for you for when you're able to leave!!

OH MY GOSH STARRY I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!! 😧🥺 it isn't a pleasant thing to talk about regardless i should have chosen a different word 😭 HAHAHAHA no it made me chuckle out loud!! 🤣🤣 got some questioning looks from my son but yes 😂😂 these days i struggle to not hear exo things in my head.. everytime i see or hear "we are one" i hear myeon screaming exo SARANGHAJA wildly in my ear 😂🤣

looks like we're not the only ones that need to learn basic social skills and etiquette. but at least we're self aware!!

yep i originally came here to quietly exist and read fics and save some exo pics 😅 then i felt guilty so slowly started liking and reblogging. and now you've got me tagging! maybe more than needed but still 🤣 this is as close i get to being a fic writer. like youtube reactions but..tumblr? that makes you a tumblr influencer!! 😝

omg i used to be sooo obsessed with being a particular size in clothing. even now sometimes it affects my decision when buying clothes. i keep having to remind myself that the size is just a guide and it doesn't matter. i worked in retail for a long while so i was constantly surrounded my model-esque people 😔 i feel that too!! i came across a little documentary a while ago about autism in girls and the reason why statically boys are more likely to be diagnosed on the spectrum compared to girls is because girls actually "mask" their symptoms better? so pretending things are okay and trying to behave 'normally'. it's pretty interesting! i feel like it's the same for other mental health conditions. we should allll be screened just so we can get the right help! ooomygosh that sounds so sweet 🥺 minseokkie when is this happening!? i'm ready for you 😫

OMG STARRY! maybe a small exo series about first dates using these? 🙏 they're all so cute!! 🥺 but wait WHAT!? you haven't had kbbq or hotpot!? they're my favourite things in the world 😭 along with boba omg i'm obsessed with boba. i want to get another pet and name it boba 😂 SEHUNS DATE ALSO NEEDS BOBA!! 🧋🧋🧋 omfg if we weren't in pandemic times i would fly there and take you to get kbbq and hotpot 🤣

HAHAHA JUNMYEON WYD HONEY, WIFE HER UP SO Y'ALL CAN REPRODUCE SOME GORGEOUS BABIES!! but same i'm constantly being questioned how old i am and get all these judging looks from people when i'm out with my kids 🙃 i'm 27 okay not 16, relax 🙃🙃🙃 yes LOLL he was the ultimate geek ceo in that series 🤣

my dad hates tattoos with a passion and i know it's my body my rules but i just don't want to deal with the headache that it'll bring if i got one? like it just isn't worth. so i said later on down the track it'll happen, just not now. but the temptation to actually go and do it gets stronger every single time i talk about it 😫

SINCE U BEEN GONEEEEEE I CAN BREATHEE FOR THE FIRST TIME!! yeah f u c k them!! thank u NEXT!! hahahaha in that case you and me both 😂

lolll it was so hard to ask my parents to hang out with friends🙄🙄i never went out bc it was such a hassle😔😔but yes i suck when it comes to starting conversations but if someone else reached out first i can talk to them!!

don't worry about it l!! i should have said something somewhere lol but u know now that's all that matters!!! agh i loved when jun said "we are one exo saranghaja" i love imitating it it's hilarious🤣🤣yes i quote "shut up and go away" a lot when i get angry and every time i hear an english word that was in an exo song i always think of the song!!

agh i came to tumblr bc i read so many exo fics on here before making my account and i wanted to try out writing for exo and here we are!! 103 followers :DDD i'm so happy thank u all followers <33 and yes i love reblogging gifs and stuff it's a way to save it! omgg i'm a really small influencer loolll

i honestly have been a large for years so i've accepted being that size lol, although a couple times in high school when we had to order shirts/sweaters for events/clubs and i said large i got really insecure bc most of the people were healthy weight and stuff✌🏻oh wow masking symptoms? i don't think i really do so i feel i'm pretty expressive in my emotions and whatnot but i want to mask it when around others bc i don't want to show people how i feel esp if it's in school or something! and yes mental health awareness is soooo important! it's just as important as physical health!!!

WAIT??? THAT MAY BE A BLURB/DRABBLE SERIES??? YES??? OMG UR MIND!!! and ofc how could i forget sehun and boba? and AGH i want to go to get korean bbq and hotpot so bad!! maybe i'll go with my best friend they said they had korean bbq before and they said it was good!! omg boba is fantastic!! just the other day i had lychee green tea with lychee bubbles and it was the best thing ever!! lychee is so good😫😫

ugh i hate getting disapproving looks🙄🙄people suck sometimes,, but fun fact i did all my growing in middle school and when i was a freshman someone thought i was a junior🤣🤣🤣but i've basically looked the same since i was 14 loool (except i got longer hair and fatter)

ugh same my parents hate tattoos (and piercings, i want a nose ring and a belly button piercing lolll) but honestly i don't care because they'll be small so easily covered lmaooo,, my cousins have tattoos and piercings despite their parents wishes so why not follow suit? my cousin even joked about taking me to get my piercing🤣🤣 and when the time comes i may ask my cousins how it was to get tattoos and stuff lol!

[sableaire]

I know KS is well you already know but I actually want to continue it just cause I'm curious on how it'll end /or who will end up dead first/ but the thing is... we are allowed to like what we like right? As long you know what's real and what isn't it?

I’m of the opinion that people simplify this issue too much. Consuming problematic media is not inherently wrong, but it’s not just enough to know “what’s real and what isn’t”.

Now, this is one particular issue in which I use my own behavior as a model, but note that I am not going to try and claim that my views are the ‘correct one’ or that my approach is better than others. However, I would just like to offer to everyone who worries about this some insight into a philosophy that isn’t quite so black-and-white as others I have seen.  

Basically, like every ask I ever receive, the answer’s going to be long, so hang on, Anon. Please note that Google Chrome ‘ran out of memory’ while I was writing this post, so if anything cuts off at a weird point, I just lost that portion and didn’t notice…

 More below the cut:

First thing’s first: I consume problematic media. As an aspiring writer, I enjoy experiencing stories that make me feel things, even if that feeling might be “dear god, this is what it feels like to watch a train wreck”, and as someone who thrives on new experiences, I enjoy being able to feel a broad range of emotions in a safe and controlled medium - either dreams or fiction. If there was a way to try psychedelic drugs and or ‘bad trips’ without risk of physical or psychological damage, I would try it. 

Heck, I’m the kind of person who tries to induce sleep paralysis and nightmares for fun because I get a kick out of the sheer terror. It’s inevitable that I sometimes like to read about the visceral horror and sickening dread that comes from highly dangerous and awful situations. (Of course, I also have my limits, but that’s not the point of this post)

That being said, I try to be mindful about my enjoyment of such content in many ways, and I’m of the opinion that everyone else should as well. Something I always say is that “people can’t help how they feel, but they can help how they behave,” and through that behavior the feelings might change over time. However, you can’t blame someone for a reactive emotion, be it positive or negative. Humans don’t have control over their emotions.

As such, of course we’re all allowed to like what you like, but ‘liking’ something is not your ‘behavior’. Liking something is a feeling. Everything else you choose to do are actions, and you need to think them through because every action has a consequence, either on you or the environment around you.

Since you mentioned Killing Stalking, we’ll use it as an example. Although you’re allowed to like what you like, do you also know the reasons why some people are so vehemently against it? It’s not just the murder and it’s not just the depiction of abuse, and it’s not okay just to handwave it all under “haters will be haters”. These are people genuinely upset about this comic’s contents and consumption, and as someone who is choosing to enjoy it, I personally feel as though fans have a responsibility to first understand what these people are so upset about, and then make an informed decision whether or not to read it.

Once I learned that Killing Stalking was so negatively received by some individuals, I did my research. I read reasons why people dislike it. I specifically searched for primary sources, reactions of gay men and reactions of individuals with BPD. I went in with a neutral mindset - I had only just started reading the comic and I wouldn’t have minded giving it up at that point - and then decided what points I could empathize with and thought about how these viewpoints - different from my own - would affect my actions. Typically, there are three questions:

1) Will I continue reading/watching?

2) Will I financially support this content?

3) Will I socially support this content?

Question 1:In my opinion, only the first question depends on your personal likes/dislikes. Yes, you can like what you like. You can consume questionable content. However, if your answer to that is ‘yes’ or even a ‘maybe’, you absolutely have to ask yourself the next two questions.

Question 2:We live in an era of rampant digital pirating, and though yes, it is a crime and people are always encouraged not to, I’ve never personally met someone of my generation who hasn’t pirated a movie if they missed it in theaters and then couldn’t find it on Netflix and or Amazon Video. Popular books can be downloaded as PDFs or epubs. Foreign comic translation is a veritable unpaid industry of its own, on the internet (which is its own bucket of problems, but that’s not what this post is about).

So, ultimately, though the economic and moral implications are a bit hazy, you get to decide whether or not you financially support anything you watch or read. You can decide whether or not something that you find enjoyable is also something you think there should be more of in the world. In the modern capitalistic era, you as a consumer have the power to vote with your wallet, in a sense. I’m going to give an example of how this might work after this section.

I will say, however, if you plan to indirectly profit off your interaction with certain media, no matter how problematic, you have an obligation to support the author for their work. If you are going to write a movie review as an official film critic, you have to watch it in theaters. If you are going to write a book review in an official capacity, buy the book. This is partially because I believe that if you’re profiting off someone else’s work in any way, that someone should be compensated even if you hated it, and mostly because I believe that reviewers will be more accurate if they actually pay the money to see if something was “worth their money”.

This is also the reason why I bought Killing Stalking through its official channels. I had built up a surprising following for my lost-in-translation posts and even received a small sum of donations for my write-ups. As such, as an aspiring content creator myself, I could not in good conscience not pay for the webcomic when the official version was so easily accessible to me. This is also why once I felt too uncomfortable with the content and author’s comments that I stopped my lost-in-translation posts as well. I didn’t feel comfortable financially supporting her, and I didn’t feel comfortable profiting off someone else’s content for free.

Also I just didn’t want to read anymore, ahaha.

An example of something I would watch if I didn’t have to financially support it, though, is the new Ghost in the Shell movie. Even though I have pretty much vocalized everything I dislike about it, I am curious to see it for myself. If I really, really wanted to, I could easily watch the movie without providing financial support or official viewership. However, in exchange, I wouldn’t feel right writing a review about it, especially not a monetized one, due to my personal stance on creative content and also because a low-quality laptop-screen experience would greatly differ from a cinema-quality experience.

Question 3:And lastly, separate from the financial question, you have to ask whether or not you will socially support something. Word-of-mouth and fandom content are powerful, powerful forms of marketing, especially on Tumblr.

I read Killing Stalking and actively contributed to the fandom with my cultural / language translation posts. However, followers of mine might have noticed that aside from the first week or so, I never reblogged any fanart or other such content. This was because, although I personally was reading the comic with some interest, it was not content I wanted to actively encourage others to read. For the same reason, I assured all my followers that every post of mine with Killing Stalking content would be appropriately tagged so that they can blacklist it, should they feel it necessary.

There are some things that I read and enjoy that I choose not to support publicly or enthuse about. Some might call it disingenuous and others might tell me not to let others censor my behavior, but it is an intentional decision on my part. In the case of Killing Stalking, I had several reasons.

Firstly, I knew not all my followers were comfortable with it, and I want my blog to be a comfortable and accessible place for most people. This was especially true because I knew for a fact that I had some younger followers age 14 and 15 and so, and let me tell you, I remember being that age and feeling like I knew enough to make informed choices. I have learned more with age, enough to recognize that rather than controlling the media I consumed, the media I consumed was controlling me. I was young and impressionable, and I made some mistakes I’m not proud of.

I was especially careful after the first week or so to not post fanart, no matter how nice, because as a teenager, I was so, so, so easily influenced by good fanart. In fact, I am still so easily won over by good fanart and funny content, and this is a problem for me as a person, and it’s dragged me down some pretty questionable rabbit holes in the past.

Secondly, another reason I limited fandom participation outside of my lost-in-translation posts was because sure, Killing Stalking is an interesting story in some capacity, but it isn’t a story I would outright recommend to the general masses, like I would some other media. Killing Stalking is more of a story that people will end up finding if they’re interested in such content in the first place.

In fact, it’s something that I would have found worrying if it had become widely popular, because then it truly would become a social influence and start affecting people’s views of the world.

As an additional note, some people would argue that the ‘lost-in-translation’ posts that I made might have been a form of promotion for this comic. Perhaps that is true, I don’t know. However, the way I see it, the people who would have seen those posts were individuals already in the fandom, and how I saw it, the fandom needed something more than just the fanart and the fanfics. There were a lot of people explaining why fans of Killing Stalking shouldn’t support the comic, but the problem is - and I know this from experience - the vast majority of fans, especially younger fans, won’t read about people hating what they like.

More often than not, a diehard Harry Potter fan won’t read an article about how much the original Harry Potter books suck, except to judge the person who wrote it. Sure, Killing Stalking isn’t Harry Potter and honestly it’s laughable that I even made that comparison at all, but the nature of fans don’t change from story to story. Fans are fans. Killing Stalking fans either wouldn’t have read or wouldn’t have taken to heart some pretty harsh, legitimate criticisms of the comic, especially when they’re really into it.

If someone is already a fan of something and someone comes up to them telling them (often aggressively) that they are wrong to be a fan, those two individuals are already established as enemies. Heck, we see how heated sports fans get about their teams. It’s also pretty much proven human nature, especially in individualistic societies, that if someone tells you not to do something, you feel the need to continue in order to re-establish your autonomy.

So a large part of why I made those lost-in-translation posts was so that people already in the fandom had someone within the fandom they could engage with who could offer some perspective on some of the more dangerous elements within the story. And people have come to ask me for advice about it, you included, Anon! And I’m genuinely grateful that you value and trust my opinion on topics such as these.

Reasons why “I know it’s not real” is not an adequate excuse for unchecked fandom behavior:

This is a metaphor I spent some time developing, but I think it fits. Though, I did come up with the metaphor thinking of a gun-free area, so it might not apply to all parts of America, aha, but let’s just roll with it:

Say, for instance, you have a model gun. Anyone can tell that it’s fake if they take the time to look at it, but it’s still a pretty accurate depiction of a gun. You know it’s not real, and most adults can tell it’s not real. Saying “the content’s not real, so let people reblog whatever they want” is akin to saying “it’s not a real gun, so let people carry it wherever they want.” Sure, that may be a fair point… except, long-term, carrying realistic model guns wherever you want leads to two distinct but significant problems:

1) Children grow desensitized to the sight of guns.

2) It becomes harder to tell the difference between model and real guns.

Problem 1:If children become desensitized to the sight of guns, they grow desensitized to the true danger that comes with holding a gun. One of the most powerful moments of my life, to date, is the first time I held a big, sharp knife. Because I had never held a knife before, I felt the weight of the metal, saw the glint of the edge, and oh boy, I was a little terrified knowing that I held a potential weapon in my hand. It kept me wary. It kept me careful.

Children who grow up desensitized to guns wouldn’t have that with guns. They wouldn’t feel that same danger, and really, that means there’s just one less hurdle between them and real guns.

Problem 2:Where oh where to begin with this. First of all, if children grow up thinking all the model guns are real guns, they’ll end up getting a real gun instead of a model gun. What will they say when they get caught and in trouble? “Everyone else does it, though!” and it may or may not be true.

Secondly, if some people start carrying real guns around amidst the model guns, and the model guns look realistic too, we have difficulty picking out the real guns from the model guns. We know they’re out there, but we can’t tell which is which. It’s not like you could check every single person out there carrying a model gun.

Thirdly, it becomes more difficult to tell real danger from fake danger. In a model gun society, maybe it’s commonplace for people to point model guns at each other as a joke. Haha, it’s fake, we all laugh. But maybe there’s someone out there being threatened by someone close to them with a real gun, disguised as a joke, and we can’t tell.

The Explanation:Maybe I lost you a bit there. It’s a little difficult to see how this relates to problematic fictional media. But again, let’s take Killing Stalking and pretend it became widely popular and mainstream. If something gets super popular and mainstream, it becomes a fad.

I’ll be honest, I lost this entire section when the post restarted, so I’m going to just give you the cliffnotes version. I’m sorry, I’ll rewrite it at some point;;

1) Children get desensitized easily. Think of any drugs, even alcohol or tobacco. The more you take, the more your body builds a tolerance, the more you need to take next time to have the same effect. The human brain is one of the most changeable parts of the body, and it will do the same thing with fictional media. Repeated exposure to something will have an effect. That’s why exposure therapy exists. Simultaneous exposure is a whole different beast. That’s why Pavlovian conditioning exists.

2) Desensitized children grow up into desensitized adults who think that what they went through / the intensity / content of media they watched was the norm, and they will go on to raise children who might end up even more desensitized than them. Perhaps that would just make it ‘natural social change,’ but is is a desirable one?

3) Also, in the case of Killing Stalking, people wore cosplay with visible signs of abuse to conventions. Some conventions have children attending. I am of the opinion that children should not be exposed to fake signs of physical abuse as that is not something that should be normalized.

4) Just these last two weeks, two separate men in two separate countries Facebook Livestreamed the murders they committed. We are living in a technologically developing society that is simultaneously exhibitionist, voyeuristic, and Orwellian. If media like Killing Stalking became popular and mainstream and encouraged similar media to come onto the market, especially in live-action, it will become harder and harder to distinguish the ‘real’ from the ‘not real’. In the future, someone might livestream someone they keep locked in the basement, reassuring their viewers that it’s all ‘fake’ and just an ‘experimental storytelling’ thing. In a society where such media is commonplace, we just might believe it. 

In Closing:

I am aware that not everyone has the patience, energy, or desire to do this research with every controversial piece of media they choose to consume. That’s up to them. However, even these individuals have a responsibility to be mindful about their behavior. Even if you don’t research, if there are people criticizing the content of whatever you are reading/watching, acknowledge that there must be something that bothers some people. You cannot determine that you are right and they are ‘too sensitive’ without actually doing the research.

Be mindful that, no matter what measures people take, there are probably preteens in your fandom. I won’t tell you what to do with that information, but at least keep it in mind.

One person’s mindfulness changes little, but little changes build up. I would write more but it is long and I have a headache, good bye;;