#it’s very literal. i say as tho it hasn’t always been extremely literal. jesus fucking Christ my whole body hurts i worked earlier too and

[godblooded]

the last time i ate was 6 am. i slept 5 hours last night. had to take mia to the hospital. have been here since 2:30. it’s 6 o’clock. absolutely fucking starving, beyond completely exhausted, don’t have the energy to go back into the hospital to get food. i can taste colors.

[mimimariet]

month 3

Not really documenting how my meds are affecting me or anything anymore. (Just did a 1 week review LOL) Cause I’m still in depressive slumps. Though now it’s like. I’ll be a manic piece of shit during work and I come home and I’m immediately depressed. This has been going on for the last 2 weeks, almost 3. I’m wondering if theres more to me than I think there is? I’m questioning my own brain now. I know my home is a toxic environment and work is just a good distraction but my god it’s soooooooooooooooo fucking annoying going back to how I was MONTHS PRIOR to this medication. I am fully aware I need a doctor in the psych field. To actually better treat my bipolar and shit. I always mention how the last time it went i was seeing a dude who would tell me I’d amount to nothing and live under the bridge I should walk over cause I was obese.

Y’know my meds now made me put on 10 pounds. My diet.. hasn’t changed. I had consistently stayed 166 for MONTHS and 2 months into this medication I’ve put on 10 pounds.

And I’m still emotionally fucking unstable and of course I’m terrified of losing the people I hold dear to me. Which. Isn’t a lot. But still. Cause it fucking happened before. “Oh I love you, your mental health won’t scare ME off!” And then you vanished, weird. I’m having deja vu.

The things I’ve noticed:

My mania is more apparent and holy shit am I annoying, my mom should’ve aborted me.

My energy is really weird.

I sleep heavily instead of lightly ? I guess. Cause it makes you sleep. So. Eh.

Optimistic at weird times.

I’ve become a little more socially inclusive whereas I was becoming extremely exclusive / isolated.

Things that seem to remain the same:

Crying every night over my own agony when I know it could be worse but my brain keeps telling me to just fucking die and reminds me of every bad interaction I’ve had with people and how my life is literally stagnant.

I am emotionally draining and I don’t know why people associate with me at all. I’m no one of high importance, I know my worth, but I’m reminded I should really fucking get a grip and stop believing that. I do know my qualities as a person: I’m fun, high energy and loving. I’m also bitter and really fucking cold when there’s been nothing on the receiving end. Which.. you know.. is when it’s time to cut out people. Really. I rather avoid any unnecessary drama. I know there’s no way to actually say “hey, I’m leaving. Don’t be mad, it’s just me. Not you. I’m still here though.” I have enough drama in this household. Life is just weird ? Like. My homes toxic. Not only mentally but jesus this house is DISGUSTING. Florida is SHITTY IN GENERAL. The people here.. god bless them.

I’ve been nothing but stressed. And terrified I’m gonna lose people from me just.. always being depressed. Reaching out all “hey i’m here if you need me” like that really doesn’t do anything for me and I’m sorry but it’s useless. I don’t really need a pep talk or a reminder either. I just need to get a grip. I just wanna be happy but I’ll never achieve that.

On top of that I worry about my love life. I know people love me and ooohh my amazing qualities ^_^ but I feel like.. I’ll never find someone who will just look at me and go “ABSOLUTELY. MINE. THE BEST. I LOVE U. WED ME.” and be comfortable with me and work with my fuckery (and my hideousness cause I’ll never be happy with whomst I see in the mirror..). I’m nooooooooot looking for anyone though. Also have trust issues. Thumbs up. (I fall in love pretty quickly, but I’ll neeever do dating sites or the such.)

GUESS I’VE NEVER REALLY LEARNED HOW TO COPE OR LET GO OF ANYTHING. I’ll hold a grudge and a heartbreak til I fucking DIE cause I’m just that unstable.

At the same time though, when people go on about never finding someone I’ll say “hey, you really don’t need anyone to live a fulfilling life. Love yaself” or some bullshit I spew. Like. I rather be alone. HOWEVER I CAN’T. CAUSE I NEED SOMEONE. I’m very.. ugh. I’m not clingy. I’m clingy but I’m not. I just want someone to claim and be claimed. I’m very devoted when I’m in love. Since for whatever reason people wanna say “clingy is toxic / abusive behavior” cool thanks I’m not abusive.. maybe a little toxic. I can’t be perfect all the time. I keep my fucking mouth shut don’t I? Not really.

I just wanna be coddled and properly loved. I’ve.. not really ever had that. Everything was restricted. I hate being touched but god damn it I wanna be held lmao. I wanna be comfortable.

With myself and with someone.

My faith is so extremely low and the other bit of all this is my focus on my art and my comics and blah blah It’s taking me So Long to DO ANYTHING. I’d step down to part time at my job but I’d lose my AMAZING BENEFITS. (my 5% discount at doctors offices cause I’ve limited travel! Lol! It cost me nearly $300 just to talk to someone about the meds I’m on and am almost out of! I still owe $100!!!! I tossed the bill out!!!!!!!!!!!) I need the full time hours especially if I want to move out of here. I’m stuck. I’M STUCK. I’m fucking STUCK. I don’t DRIVE YET. Lifes expensive and bitch I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS.

Things I’m fully aware of: I’m worth something, I have value and importance, I need to find actual help, I need to take the steps necessary for some healing process, I need to be on more than just 1 thing to keep my stable, I need to find balance and a system I can work with, I need to eat better and sleep better (Even tho my energy is very lunar fueled.) I can’t stress about the unknown, I need to do the scary things.

I don’t have an issue with opening up and vulnerability, I just get really embarrassed that I’m like this and I fucking breakdown crying when I do. Like. I can go on about everything in the book. Actually using my vocal cords for such a thing.. not entirely impossible.. Just extremely difficult.

Why even make things public? Hm? What’s the good in that? You’re just bitching for attention on the internet. No one needs to know about this! My aunt inquiring why, when I am 24 years old and am allowed to do as I fucking please.

Mental health is such a.. gently brushed on topic by a lot people and very focused on by a select few others. Acknowledgement is very important in this day and age.  As a reminder to others looking, you’re not alone. Be it bipolar or bpd or PTSD etc etc.. When I was 13-17, no one was saying shit other than my doctor talking shit about me being useless. So y’know, 24 years old, still very much so struggling but still surviving. It hurts. It sucks. Eventually it’ll get better. I know on the internet it looks like everyones queer and sad which probably so, but it’s a little comforting to know that you’re not the only sad bitch. Cause you go about your business in a world where people just emit neurotypical behaviors and don’t understand, look at you like you’re a crackhead cause you’re manic af. Hello. Hi. It’s me you’re talking about.

Anyway, I’m not happy and I want to be happy. Being some nightly ritual of crying alone in your bed.. Is sooooooooooo exhausting..

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz/dbo 23.05.17 lb

day 2! please god, let this be a better episode than whatever yesterday was. 😕😕😕

plain text version here. 

oufffff shivaaaay, such screamy. 😣😣😣

ohhhhhhh shit. i thought this was part of the "plan" he made with anika, but nope. BIG BROTHER KNOWS. AND HE IS NOT HAPPY. 😬😬😬

haaaaye, look at this innocent praani. “mujhe kuchhhh samajh mein nahi aa raha haiiiii.” pffft. 🙄🙄🙄

i'm totally relating with shivaay's teeth-grinding waala gussa. kyunki is nikkame ne kaam hi aisa kiya hai. 😠😠😠

before anyone accuses shivaay of being a hypocrite considering how he himself got married, lemme jump to his defense real quick: shivaay's always seen himself as the big bad wolf who does all the dirty work to protect the fam. he does the things he does SO THAT omRu can maintain their innocence and go through life as "the good ones" who never have the bear the weight of such actions on their consciences. i imagine he's very disappointed and angry that om too, fucked up at the start of his marriage in almost the exact same way he did (which is something he still hasn't forgiven himself for, even if anika has.) 😔😔😔

... suddenly subha's nose looks... not that different???? or have i just gotten used to it? 🤔🤔🤔

pffffffft, shut it buamaa. at this rate, shareef toh bas rudra bacha hai. warne baaki sab ke sab... khair chodo. 😒😒😒

"hum teeno ne kuch decide kiya tha, ki ek dusre se kuch chupaayenge nahi"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OK SURE SHIVAAY. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

says the guy who JUST THIS MORNING was avoiding rudra's calls so that he didn't find out sahil had been kidnapped. lmfao, ok NOW you guys can go ahead and call him a hypocrite. 😊😊😊

ouff shivaay, i know this is 45 min ka episode and tujhe lamba kheenchna hai, but JUST SPIT IT OUT ALREADY. 😒😒😒

lol om and jhanvi's “oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit” faces. 😆😆😆

yup, the chairman of Organization for Upliftment of Oberoi Bahus is carrying out his duties much seriously. 😊😊😊

lmao pinky's face be like "ab yeh nayi gareeb kaun hai???" 😂😂😂

lmaoooooooo, way to drop a bomb on dadi, billu. socha bhi nahi ki woh buzurg hai, and the last time you pulled this shit nearly killed her???? she had to go on like, 4 theerth yatras to get over it.  🙃🙃🙃

lollllll rudra-anika arguing terminology. 😂😂😂

shivaay's pulling a real anjali from IPKKND on finding out about baby bro's secret wedding. 😗😗😗

no for real he looks so hurt tho. someone give my boy a hug. 😞😞😞

all i want to know is this: does shivaay know that this bulbul is the current maarta hua chulbul???? 😆😆😆

ohhhhhh boy. buamaa ne bhaanda phod diya. 😬😬😬

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER. 😑😑😑

and pinky, tum toh chup hi raho. badi aayi bataane waali. 😤😤😤

oh shit, NOW WHAT???? 😧😧😧

how did she escape the cops alreadyyyy??? 😯😯😯

OMG WHAAAAAAAAAAAT. i thought shivaay would be the one to face offfff with fauxlana, but IT'S JETHANI JI JR. TO THE RESCUEEEEEE. 

lol ok, too dramaticccc anika. tone it down a little. 😗😗😗

wah. devarji gets in on it too! 😊😊😊

all i want in life is a devar like rudra. 😘😘😘

lmao, though we've never seen you use this body rudra???? your brothers are always having to do the haathapai themselves. 😕😕😕

lo, bade bhaiyya bhi utar gaye maidan mein. ab toh haar maan lo, behenji! 😂😂😂

lol, how much older than SHIVAAY is svetlana supp to be???? 🤔🤔🤔

also hello, what happened to that fast approaching birthday of shivaay's? did we miss it? 😐😐😐

again, no one is bothering to ask her WHY SHE WANTS TO DESTROY THEM. they're just like “yeah, everyone wants to kill us, we're used to it now. 🙄🙄🙄”

bua maaaaa, you're just adding flame to fire. kyun bechaare shivaay ko aise jalaaa rahi ho? 😟😟😟

aw. billuuuuuu. *pats his floofy hair* 😔😔😔

"O bhi bareilly jaake SSO pt. 2 ho gaya."

and therein lies the root of all the problems. and awwwww, poor rudy boy was feeling left out. 😪😪😪

MAN I MISSED THE OBROS. I REALLY REALLY MISSED THESE BOYS AND THEIR BONDDDDDDDDDDD. WHY CAN'T WE JUST HAVE ONE SHOW AGAINNNNN?????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ok this “one for all bs” i did not miss. 😒😒😒

OBRO HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 *THROWS MYSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS HANDSOME MAN SANDWICH AND ABSORBS ALL THE LOVE* 😚😚😚

mystery solved: shivRu didn't know chulbul = bulbul. 😅😅😅

LMAOOOOOOOOO SHIVAAY'S FACE. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

ok, i guess everyone's just glad om didn't threaten rape/kidnap anyone to coerce gauri into marrying him that they're all like YAAAAY WEDDING TIME HAPPY TIME. 😕😕😕

dadi doesn't have naseeb to watch any of her kids' weddings. ab bas prinku ek aakhri umeed ka chiraag bachi hai. 😌😌😌

shivaay toh chun chun ke badla le raha hai. if he had to go through all that, he's gonna make damn sure that om suffers through it all too. 🙃🙃🙃

lolololol om's face. so enthused. 😐😐😐

ok shivaay has a lot of opinions on ladkiyaan and their shaadi ke sapne and armaan. 😕😕😕

you guys, don't come for my boy like thisssss. HE'S TRYING OK?????? 😖😖😖

shaadi ke 6 mahine BAAAD pre-wedding functions. this fam is fucking bonkers. chalo, mainu kiiii. maine toh bas dekhna hai. 🙄🙄🙄

i was just thinking where this tikiya chotiiiii was. 😑😑😑

anika ne toh matlab, full on adopted gauri. she's the rudra to gauri's anika. 😊😊😊

which bhaabi you talking to? use their names, kid. 😐😐😐

aaaaaand her nose is back to looking f'd up. 😕😕😕

lmaooooo i missssed rudra's taaang adaaana so much. 😂😂😂

"MAIN jaa raha hoon" 

*firmly grasps HER hand and quickly pulls her along* 😏😏😏

snorttttttt, rudra. ek hi dialogue kitni jagaon pe maaroge? 😆😆😆

lol all the big brothers taking their wives and leaving poor rudy boy alone. 😂😂😂

OMG GOOD DADI STILL CONSIDERS SUMO AS "BIWI". 😧😧😧

pleaseeeeeeeeeee god, let all this love ka magiccc shit be referring to SAUMYA. 💗💗💗

siiiiiiiigh, i guess this is our new girl. *moodily stares at her* 😕😕😕😒😒😒

YAAAAAAAAAS, ANIKA/GAURI BONDING!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE FEBRUARYYYYYY!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭

... what about the super serious conversation om took gauri to have tho???? 🤔🤔🤔

omfg pinkyyyyyy i hate youuuuuu. please die, thanks. 👿👿👿

hee hee hee, rudra getting his two grumpy older brothers ready. 😂😂😂

lmaoooo om's frustration with his jackettttt. what a child. 😆😆😆

"UNCLE" omfg. 😂😂😂

the uncles do not look amused. 🙈🙈🙈

let's all take a moment to appreciate shivaay in black tho. haaaaaaye. i am truly blessed today.  😻😻😻😻😻😻

"apne bhaiyya saade dus se pehle so jaate hai. o saade dus ke baad hi dikhta hai, aur mera kya hai, main toh dikhta hi nahi hoon!"

lolololol dude, i love these meta jokes ok. they never get old to me. 😂😂😂

yeah, how many times have you idiots made this promise to each other? fuck it, just give up now. 🙄🙄🙄

my man rudra spitting the truth about how fucked up this house is. WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO THE GIRL IN THE FREEZER. 😫😫😫

"ek ghante ka episode hai. mahasangam." 

snort. 😂😂😂

looking gooooooood, 3rd generation oberois. i love prinku's earrings. 😍😍😍

waaaah, synchronized entry by the girls. 😌😌😌

look at the contrast in faces of the boys tho. 😂😂😂

meme time! your crush looking at you when you enter a room.

expectation: 

“OMFG. AN ANGEL. MUST KISS NOW.” 

reality:

“WHO DIS BASIC?” 

hey guys??? where's tej? did 🐊🐊🐊 jango 🐊🐊🐊 eat him when no one was looking? 😶😶😶

ok that was a realllllllllll contrived fall. BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING, BECAUSE HAAAAAYE LOOK HOW BOOTIFUL MY BABIES LOOK. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

HOLY SHIT BOY. HOW YOU LOOK AT HER LIKE THIS AND NOT KISS HER??? HOW???? 😫😫😫

excuse me for a bit, i need to pause and admire his expression for 5 minutes. 😍😍😍

"thande thande paani se nahaana chahiye, shivaay bhaiyya ko anika bhabi ko pakadne ka bahaana chahiye." 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. 😂😂😂

btw, does om not do shayari anymore? ghatiya as it was, i miss it. 😢😢😢

HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT. 😧😧😧

MERI MAANO SHIVAAY, FUCK THE FUNCTIONS, JUST TAKE THE GIRL UPSTAIRS AND BANG. 😯😯😯

"isse zyaada pyaar se toh police chor ko pakadti hai" 

pfffft, i'm sure fauxlana would disagree with you, dadi. 😝😝😝

ugh ommmmmmmmmmm. you're such an asshole these days. you need another talking to from bhaiyya and jethani ji, methinks. 😒😒😒

rudra, please be the checks and balances that the messed up riKara relationship needs right now. 🙁🙁🙁

he's trying to tell you that you look hotttt, girl. let him. 😏😏😏

haaaaaaaaye, theirrrrr smilessssssss. my babiesssssssssssss. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

OMGGGGGG HE CALLED HER "KHIDKIIIIIIITODDDD KHOOBSOORAT" I CAN'TTTT HANDLEEEEEEE. I... THEY'RE... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

PINKY GTFO WITH YOUR BURI NAZAR. *waves nimbu mirchi around my children's head* 😠😠😠

ugh whyyyyyyyy is pinkyyyyy even here i hate her so much she's ruining everythinggggg I JUST WANT MY GIRL TO BE HAPPYYYYYYYY 😩😩😩

goddamn, nakuul just looks too fucking handsome today. they shoulda chipkaofied disclaimer at start of episode so i could have mentally prepared myself. 😣😣😣

"warning: show ka hero aaj full black pehne hue BEHADH AMAZEBALLS lagta hai, aur pyaaaar bhari aankhon se heroine ko ek ghate ke liye lagataar dekhta hai. kripya show saavdhaani se dekhein." 

competition: whose zeher bhari kaatil nazrein are worse, pinky's or om's???? 😬😬😬

i guess this is the remarriage plot we've all been waiting forrrr. look how happy my girllll looooooks. she deservesssss it, my queeeeen. 😌😌😌

poor gauri. *pats her extremely beautiful head* 😞😞😞

awwwwwwwwwww, bade bhaiyya and bhaujaiiii are here for moral support. 😊😊😊

honestly, i don't care if this show doesn't have a plot anymore, i just wanna see shivaay and anika's loving and supportive relationships with everyone else in the fam. and a sesky scene with them in every episode. 🙃🙃🙃

ok don't like this weird tinkly happy "saathiya". it's weird. 😕😕😕

BOY STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THIS. LIKE... HONESTLY, MY FUCKING HEART CANNOT HANDLE THIS AFTER A LONG HARD DAY OF WORK. REHEM KARO MUJHPARRRRR. 😩😩😩😩

OMFG, I SPOKE TOO SOON. I SPOKE TOO SOON. TOO MUCH HOTNESS. MY FACE IS MELTING. 😧😧😧😲😲😲

"normal log jo hote hai... tumhari tarah nahi, NORMAL..." 

pffffffffft. hello kettle, this is pot. YOU'RE BLACK. 🙄🙄🙄

PYAAAAAAAR. DID HE SAY PYAAAAAAR???? 😯😯😯

omfg their little finger wrigglesssss at each other. I AM FUCKING DYING FROM THE CUTE. I AM I AM I AM. 😍😍😍😍😍😍

i honestly need to fucking pause and lie down for a bit, coz jesus christ this is just getting too much for me. ☠☠☠

"sanki singh oberoi kabhi bhi sweet singh oberoi ban sakta hai." 

YEAH BITCH SOME WARNING WOULDA BEEN NICE THO?!?!?!! 😩😩😩

pedantic singh oberoi can't let go of the "happy birthday" thing, can he? 🙃🙃🙃

awwwwwwwwww. new kangannnnnn. 😊😊😊

NOWWWWW PLEASE DON'T GIVE THESE AWAY, YOU OVERLY SACRIFICIAL IDIOT GIRL. 😒😒😒

pehle se her haath are so full, kangan pehnaayega kaise? 🤔🤔🤔

men, so easily freaked out by tears. pffffft, babies. 🙄🙄🙄

yes, get the cheapdi outttttt already. while you're at it, throw mummeh out toooo!😤😤😤

and bring mahi ve in!!!!!! 😊😊😊

ouffffffff oh, again with the 20 year old songs. whyyyyyy can't this show afford newer songs???????? honestly. 😑😑😑

who these random ppl who justttt showed up to dance? 🤔🤔🤔

also, you ppl know my sentiments to naach gaana... so fwding. ⏩⏩⏩

GOD. SUCHHHHHHHH HEAVY HANDED WITH THE SHIVAAY SINGING TO OMKARA BIT. WHAT NONSENSE. AWAIIII KA DRAMA. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao, om certainly got persuaded pretty easily to dance. 😂😂😂

whereeee was buamaaa allll this timeee? 😐😐😐

shivaay's happiness since discovering gauri is fucking amazing. i love it. may it become x1000 once he discovers devrani = saali. 😇😇😇

ok are the last 10 min just slo mo dancing? 😒😒😒

YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A FUCKING AMAZING TWIST RN? IF ROOP BUA CAME BACK RIGHT NOW. WITH MRS. KAPOOR. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 😈😈😈

guess we have to settle for NT ka cheapdapan. 😒😒😒

lol dadi and buamaa's faces = mine. 😒😒😒

lmaooooooooo sahil escaped his confinement to come jam with everyone. 😂😂😂

nazarrrrrrrrr toh ghar ke andarrrr ke logg hi laga rahe hai, hmph. 😤😤😤

haaaye my babies. such beautifullll. 😍😍😍😍😍😍

lol sharmaaa kyun raha hai billuuu? remember when you brought a buffalo into the house to get her to throw gobar at you???? 😆😆😆

lol shivaay be like 😂😂😂:  

also, bitch please, she already told you she loves you. no need to get all oooooooh pyaaaaar. you’re the one who hasn’t told her yet! 😒😒😒

also, KAHIN BHI SHURU HO JAATE HO, KISI KE BHI SAAMNE????? THODA SA TOH CONTROL KARO! 😧😧😧

lmao, everyone ELSE is feeling awkward, but yeh bhaisaab toh is too high on pyaaar to notice. 😂😂😂

tum aur tumhara pati kisi aur ko bolne de toh woh bolein. 😑😑😑

lol shivaay helpfully translating "gaiyyaaan" for everyone. 😂😂😂

lmao anika's impressed face + shivaay's slightly intimidated face @ "dabanggg gauri" 😂😂😂😂😂

"jaise electronics ke saath manual aata hai, in bhaabiyon ke saath dictionary aani chahiye" 😂😂😂😂

of course shivaay thinks "jhaap" is a high five. 🙄🙄🙄

precap: OMG YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS SHIVAAAAAAAAAAY FINALLLLLLLLLY KNOWSSSSSS. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

[whalefairyfandom12]

Your Love's a Fucking Drag (But I Need it So Bad)

Summary: Dan likes black and leather jackets, Phil likes reading in solitude and playing video games. But they have one thing in common as new roommates at uni: They are both completely straight. Just because they like to get each other off every once in a while doesn’t make it any different.

A/N: We've been writing this fic for over a year now and it's strange to think this is the last time we'll be doing this. Thank you so much for all of your support and we hope you enjoy the final chapter <33

Masterpost

Chapter Nine

 *picks up after “true bros swallow” from chapter seven

-

don’t judge me makila

I’m 110% judging right now smh no homo just bromo

I came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn

Not as attacked as Dan’s cock amiright

STOP THIS IMMEDIATELy

...That's what he said and then Phil made him

My mind is literally blank rn jfc i have absolutely no comebacks whatsoever

On a scale of one to Dan’s mind during orgasm from a brojob how blank?

Like dan’s mind during orgasm and then some

Yet somehow Phil Lester’s lips aren't involved. I think he got the better deal, really. Also cuddles after

Im jealous of dan i want phil lester’s cuddles :<

I swear to god we sound so ace right now 100 to 0 real fast

*writes sex scene* “Wow i cant wait to cuddle the fuck out of phil” 100% ace

Seriously though Phil probably gives some of the best cuddles imaginable I'm jealous

My friend met him and she said he gives the best hugs out of anyone she’s ever met

You know what fuck Phan I'm stealing Phil for myself

“Hi do u have any philxreader fics” dats u

“I don't want the yang wang dang just the hugging”

Im fucking pissing myself im hilarious

I think my mom just heard that snort

Im literally laughing so hard and my dogs started barking bc of it christ i need sleep

Jesus Christ has very little to do with this conversation, trust me ;)))))))))))))

I hope he isn’t too mad that i started involving him in our crimes

We’re all going to hell anyway, what's one more crime really

Imagine if jesus went to hell with us JESUS READS TOO MUCH GAY PORN

“So what was your punishment?”

“I liked sucking cocks too”

“Same. Only bros?”

“True bros swallowed. Dat was me.”

Jeezy wheezy (sry i cant type wow) thats amazing and i had something to say but i dont REMEMBER

They say losing your memory this early means you're definitely screwed and damned to hell

I mean we already knew i was going to hell so whats the difference

I've spent my evening reading gay porn stars AU instead of studying that ship has sailed

Porn star aus are the best thing ever no ragerts

“Ragerts”-Rachel, 2016

The sin has clouded your thoughts

Im gonna get that tattooed on me “no ragerts”

You can say not only were you extremely drunk when you got it you were also drunk when you thought it up. A win win

“How did you get that tattoo??” “Well im always drunk man”

“Drunk on gay smut and memes”

I read too much about bros swallowing loads

You need to fire your autocorrect and get a better one

Im on my computer so looks like i just have to fire my brain

Our wordcount has upped significantly can we just keep this here. “Now presenting a short intermission from your writers”

Oh my god when we upload the last chapter (whenever the fuck that will be jesus christ what are we doing with this story) we should post this

Imagine the day when our inboxes will no longer be filled with messages of “WHEN THE FUCK IS THE NEXT CHAPTER OF YLAFD GOING TO BE UP??????”

That’s the day that the earth will truly implode

See the real question is who’s going to store all these screenshots on their camera roll? Forfeit those sick GBs

I can screenshot them on my computer hahaha

Way to ruin the moment Rachel wooooooow :(((((((( That was so low not even Dan could recover (get it because he’s a bottom? I'm so tired smh)

Sorry bro (*insert lenny face here bc im too lazy to do that*) i hope dans proud of me

He knows it's just about bros doing bro things I'm sure he’d fully endorse our fics. (And let’s be honest, I'll bet you one hundred dollars this hasn't happened to him at least once)

Oh him and phil have d e f i n i t el I GIVE UP fucked

Which will come out first? Dan Howell or Sherlock’s next season? YO MAMA’S SO FAT BY THE TIME SHE TURNS AROUND DAN HOWELL CAME OUT!!!!!1!

JESUS CHriST “How many licks does it take for dan howell to come out?” “The world may never know”

Oh he’ll be coming all right *insert lenny face*

HE’LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN HE COMES

╚═( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)═╝╚═(███)═╝╚═(███)═╝.╚═(███)═╝..╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝..╚═(███)═╝.╚═(███)═╝╚═(███)═╝.╚═(███)═╝..╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝…╚═(███)═╝…..╚(███)╝……╚(██)╝………(█)……….*

WHAT THE FUCK MAKILA NO the human centipede lol

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ POOP

Ur enjoying urself aren’t u

FIGHT ME (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง (what? I don't have an entire wall of lenny’s saved to my notes for this very purpose that would be ridiculous haha ha ha ha…)

Usually when i use a lenny face i go back and copy it from one of my friend’s text messages so ALL THE JUDGEMENT HERE UR FIRED

AT LEAST LENNY STILL LOVES ME 
( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )ᕤ holy shit we broke 14k yay us #rakilaftwrioolymipcs2k16

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) we literally broke 14k because we wrote an entire essay about how much of a meme we are (why is this a different color text wtf)

All better. The perfectionist in me is satisfied.

Im proud of you makkypoo

BU-BUT SENPAIIIIIIII REALLY????? JU-JUST ME???????

JUST U MACKLEMORE (i think im so funny)

Macklemore I'm dying (right and Phil’s dating Dan. Oh wait)

I think your nickname is no longer makila but instead macklemore

Once we release these screenshots it will be THANKS RACHEL UR FIRED NOW

BUT ): A KOUHAI CANT HIRE THEIR SENPAIIIIIIII (also i hope you start getting messages about macklemore now)

WOW I FEEL SO LOVED :,(((((((((( a single man tear

A man tear… like uh i dont have a fucking comeback im So TIRED LIKE UR MUMS MAN TEAR

THE NERVE!!!!!!!!!1!1! WELL YOUR MUM’S MAN TEAR IS SO UNMANLY NOT EVEN DAN WOULD THINK IT WAS ATTRACTIVE SO THERE BITE ME

Cuz we all know dan thinks every man tear is attractive rip to dan’s heart (and his sexuality)

“Here lies Dan’s heterosexuality and heteronormativity. It will be sorely--screw it no it won't.”

Dan’s heterosexuality&heteronormativity,,, June 10, 1991 - Today (what is today) August 20, 2016

“We gather to celebrate with smut and Lenny human centipedes.” I need sleep so badly right now smh I'm dead tomorrow

GO TO SLEEP (honestly i do too i have to wake up early to move back to uni rip)

I will if you do. A bro pact. (A broct? Pacbro?)

Just… stop right there LOL lets form a broct(?) and just brosleep it out

I hope Phil brohugs you bro

Thanks bro i hope phil brocuddles u my dude, my bro

Aw you mean it bro? U r always there for me, man, I luv u u r like a brother to me, bro

Bro… oh my god bro, that’s the broest thing anyones ever said to me… i love u bro.. Like bromantically

Not as much as I platonically 110% heterosexually love u bro. Just bromo tho no homo

That’s the new phrase of this fic “just bromo, no homo”

*deletes summary and changes it to that* seriously why aren't we sleeping GO TO BED RAKILA

OKAY IM GONNA ACTUALLY SLEEP NOW CUZ WE NEED IT

NIGHT BRO DON’T LET THE FIREFLIES BITE MAN

NIGHT TO U TOO BROKILA DONT LET TO BRO BUGS BITE

[elmuchodee]

Why falling out of love was the best thing that happened to me...

the title seems a bit ironic but bare w/me as I explain how simple it really was for me. i’ma hopeless romantic when the right person brings it out of me otherwise I'm deemed an “asshole” or “childish”; neither being false lol. ultimately I believe in love way beyond what social media has hyped it up to be now.. I believe in the kind of love that wants for nothing but gives soooo much more than just physical attraction. lol that doesn’t seem likely coming from me and my lack of seriousness(?) but I've always said I'm serious when it’s needed and when I'm “in love” is one of those times. on the outside I'm awkward, goofy and sometimes just extremely shy...on the inside well I'm the same lol except all the words/feelings come out smooth and I don’t fumble like a kid asking their mom for snack money -__-. but as I've grown older through age and through relationships I've become way more comfortable being “awkward” and “introverted” cause those things kind of tie into how I love. it’s a bit unique but also very old school. I grew up w/A LOT of r&b in my family so a lot of my “love influences” stem from that although at the time I never knew I'd be like this but I always felt like love was really special at some point in my life lol. I mean I'm obsessed w/90′s r&b, I listen to Jon B, SWX and Xscape daily and not cause I'm sad lol, it’s everyday music for me. it’s what I love. it also soothes me and puts me in a place where my fairy tale love life exists lol. 

so ultimately I've always known I'd be a hopeless romantic but of course from 17-20(ish) I said I'd NEVER fall in love....lol. of course that was far from true but I was a kid figuring out not only my sexual preference but also figuring out who I was. my lack of emotions/outright feelings caused girls to really doubt if I'm serious bout them, little do they know not many had the luxury (yeah I hyped myself there lol) of being TRULY LOVED by me. at the age of 26 I’ve loved two people but only truly loved one...looking back I would've never saw myself at that point. and when I say “loved” and “truly loved” I mean loved as someone id did a lot for, made me happy and seemingly reciprocated the feelings. now truly loving someone is a bit different...that for me was taking a relationship into real longevity which I never do. I think in the moment, I don’t really picture a future w/people (even tho I say I do lol, but who hasn't once or twice?) cause I was never big staying in long relationships and def not marriage. well the person I truly loved changed my whole perspective on everything I just said...but in a good way that benefits me even now long after we’ve gone our separate ways. basically truly loving someone for me is experiencing a type of love that is unlike any other feeling you’ve ever felt that makes you want to be one w/this other person and do everything possible to create this reality of love for your relationship. I'm sure everyone has a variety of ideals but that’s mine based off my personal experiences...

as it turns out truly loving someone is the greatest/worst feeling one can encounter. I say that cause the initial feeling of reciprocated [genuine] love is unmatched and really overtakes you w/excitement and butterflies. but the worst comes when that love is hard to keep together when things go sour or everything isn’t so rosy anymore...the feeling of losing that love is depressing. again personal experience...I took it SO hard I became a person I never knew existed and honestly never wanna see again cause that me was down and out everyday 24/7 and constantly forced love on someone that didn’t care anymore. it was hard to look at myself as I was breaking down but I had to in order to grow and move outta the slump it had me in. I love love in every way possible. I love seeing people in TRUE love, genuine shit. I despise instagram love or “goals posts”....it boasts that love is perfect and fixated around material things like matching outfits and shoes as a sign of real affection when those things aren’t close to what real love is. I guess that’s why I decided last year I'd do all I could to keep my personal life off any social media once I started dating again simply because the hype of being the new “it couple” becomes so stupid you argue/fight over literally nothing all the time; it’s mind blowing. so that love I can def do w/o any day but the rather of effortless love I really adore. I've always said love is effortless, it should want for nothing but genuine vibes and reciprocation....if it can't give those things at the MINIMUM it’s lust. you’re forcing yourself into someone’s life or you’re forcing a happy that doesn’t exist. for that I'd rather be single and happy. but while dating someone the less those things are seen the more apparent the love is fading....the hardest part is accepting that. it was for me at least. I knew deep down it wasn’t working but I wanted it to work so bad but didn’t know why. was it because she treated me so great? because she was there whenever I needed her and even when I didn’t? or because she understood my struggles when sometimes I couldn’t? unfortunately the answer was no to all those questions....I was stuck in comfort. I was comfortable dating her but also tired of constantly fighting and arguing w/her over nothing....it was weighing on me mentally, physically and emotionally. the worst thing I did to myself was settle for less when I deserved way more and when I was giving way more. it happens to the best of us I know but at that point I believe in my heart we all know it’s going nowhere but cause of comfort and content we persist on forcing a “fake love” that makes neither person happy, just miserable.

w/that being said I was fairly happy when the love was actually love but when it turned to lust I was depressed, my anxiety skyrocketed and I never felt good enough. I brought myself down a lot to appease or to decrease arguments but to no avail as they would ensue regardless of what I did. I say those things not to pity myself but to highlight how much of pity party I was throwing myself at the time....I was hopeless thinking I'd never love again cause that one didn’t work out. I was hurt of course but I was also borderline bitter cause of the things that happened afterwards. at times I acted less than my age and even got out of character but I can’t apologize for my actions cause they were how I really felt at the time. eventually I would see that instance paved the way for so many better things I couldn’t come close to being mad or upset w/the relationship outcome anymore. you might wonder all this sounds good but what the fuck does have to do w/being happy bout falling out of love? lol well it actually foreshadows how much I began to love myself more but also my ways/flaws/awkward moments. the person I had once envisioned myself marrying, like wearing bands and everything (if you know me you know I don't do rings or marriage for that matter lol), starting a new life w/became just another person to me before the end of 2017. as time passed after our original break in 2015 and somewhat of trying again last spring it was quite apparent that one big thing had changed: me. I wasn't the same Dee... I wasn’t putting up w/the same shit I had before and I wasn’t allowing her to treat me any kind of way. I had actually grown up (a little) and matured in the time we were apart and she had stayed the same really....her mindset/mentality was no different than before it showed in all our conversations. I was moving into a bigger part of my life and jumpstarting a promising career and she was holding on to a time that no longer existed. it’s impossible to date or rekindle anything w/someone that won’t allow themselves to grow and also won’t change their mentality cause they're set in their ways. at that moment it clicked in my head like a lightbulb that she def was not “the one” and def wasn’t the one for me...but I tried again cause I had things I needed to say and to finally get closure. but as time went on and our conversations slowed down I realized there was really nothing else I wanted from her, not even an apology or coming to Jesus moment, I wanted nothing but to be done w/her. that’s when I knew I had reached my limit...I had done all I could w/her and I wasn’t and didn’t wanna continue to go any further w/her. at that point I was comfortable coming to terms w/that and telling her, I had nothing to lose or gain really lol. I was just ready to get back to being the best Dee possible and focusing on myself w/o the extra shit.

so here’s the part you read or skimmed for lol....how could falling out of love possibly be good? well now answering that question is easier than it’s ever been. I fell out of love w/someone who was toxic in more ways than one and also toxic to herself. loving and caring for someone that only sees the negative in every situation is purposely holding on to you to support their negative spree, they need a positive person to feed off. that’s where I was...I was moving forward in life, growing within myself and really working on becoming a better me in good/bad situations. whereas she was stuck in a mentality/mindset that was so frustrating it would bring the calmest person to rage. she was filled w/bitterness, a bit of resentment and just plain mean. I’ve always said people that complain just because and constantly have negative shit to say don’t want to be happy. it’s THEM! they don’t really wanna be happy because they’ll find a reason to discredit why the happiness is occurring then find ways to sabotage it due to overwhelming insecurities. realizing she wasn’t brining me no good vibes I assessed the situation. doing that made hella easy to see that it wasn’t me nor my ways but it was her. it was her mentality, her negativity. her attitude. at that point she was truly poisoning me more than ever. in a lot of ways I'm happier than ever that we didn’t work out and that she was blowing me off....not too many people are selfish enough to show their TRUE colors to the same person twice but she was. She showed me things in myself that could never waiver cause of one person holding you back...she was a victim and I was tired of being the abuser. 

as heartbreaking and deep as it sounds letting go was much easier the second time than the first. the first I was stuck in love and couldn’t find my way out of my feelings, I was hurting myself by constantly replaying my wrongs. the second time was a bit different..we were different people on the exterior but she was the same on the inside. I saw different things in her, I saw uglier ways than I wanted to and ultimately I saw someone that was more selfish than ever. so falling out of love was easier than I would've thought. in a lot of ways she pushed me away and she honestly forced me to see her for who she truly was. love is a blessing and a curse at the same time.  

love is so fuckin amazing man I would never blame love as the reason things didn’t work out. I fell out of love cause it allowed to love myself way more than I ever have. not only that it gave me the freedom and confidence to truly fall in love w/ME. in the midst of all the was going on I was showing love to everybody but myself. investing in self love/self worth is top five greatest things I've done so far. because I started loving myself better than ever it was easier than ever to fall out of love. falling out of love was the best thing that happened to me and I couldn’t be more grateful..

[survivor-themyscira-blog]

ok so first of all i am sorry for not participating in the challenge !! i had fall break vaca and was super busy but anyways ~ hi im loving this cast so far and i am so glad that i get to play with some new faces! & also some old ones too. im just going to do a brief cast assessment rn so i can record my thoughts on everyone initially:

emily - i love her so much! she is super sweet and i think she is going to be super invested and great at this game which means she could be a potentially strong ally for me moving forward! we have chatted a lot and i really like her andreas - literally havent spoken a word to him yet so we will see .... ian - pharmaCY KING! i was able to bond with him a lot and i think that we have the potential to have a very good dynamic, but it needs to grow organically jordan pines - i have played a few games with him before and he is such an amazing ally as long as he thinks he can beat you in the end. with him i always try to play dumb and act like im bobo the fool [even tho like 50% of the time i actually am bobo the fool so it isnt a full on act] and let him think that he controls my votes so im hoping that works in my favor again lily - no comment honestly i don't care for her and would love to vote her out but idk if i am going to get a wise opportunity for that madeline - she seems super sweet and also she has a really strong personality which i like but we haven't been good about replying to eachother so far so we will see what happens moving forward, id really like to work w her and get to know her better kai - i literally love kai he is so sweet and kind and perfect and i hope we finally get the chance to work together in this game bc we have tried and failed so many times in a row so fingers crossed! rhone - rhone is so fun! i have wanted to play a game w them for the longest time bc they are so iconic and smart strategically. i have hosted and played with them before so i think i have a good insight as to how they play the game. i'd love to work with rhone moving forward toph - toph,,,,ok so coming into this game i was nervous about toph because he is such a crackedt and forward player from past experiences but in my last game i was kind of mean to him so i genuinely apologized to him bc i do feel bad bc im p sure he is much younger than me and honestly i was a little shit when i was his age so if he does decide to forgive me id love to work something out with him the bottom line is that i am down for anything with this game. i always make it my thing to work with people i have never worked with before so hopefully that can happen woo! also i feel like now im an easy vote off since i didnt participate in the challenge so hopefully i can work that to my advantage and make people think im a person who is just a number and a sheep for now. until next time!

I'm SO ready for a tribe swap.  I like my tribe mates but I'm just wondering how hard they are going to try to go in the future ughhhh

CHARLOTTE IS A MEANIE SHE PRETENDS TO LIKE ME BUT THEN SHE DOESNT GIVE ME AN ADVANTAGE AND LAUGHS AT ME

Alrighty! Im way to tired ro film anything and im watching the office so whoops not my problem! Im just kidding lol! So right now as per usual i feel like my game is going to be extremely paranoid which I learned to from my queen Emily in azore I SEE YOU QUEEN. The last time me and her played together i was way to ott and now im more calm and reserved. I feel paranoid right now as to what the hell this dang twist could be!! And i feel like im at the bottom of the totem pool here on this tribe. I’ve been chatting with everyone which is good but jordan pines scares me so much and i know we have to keep him for awhile, I really don’t know how to feel about other people right now. I like nicholas and i can actually talk to him now since ff but i think if ruthie from there tribe survivers and me and emily survive we could be a killer squad. I think jordan pines is the most scariest things on this tribe every because he is so intense and in your face if  you like it or not and its scary. I feel like there already are alliances formed and im scared as fuck by that. Im just going to keep my foot tapping and praying to the jesus that there are no majority alliances former already. Jordan pines can lead an army and that scares me so if I don’t get close with him im screwed man! Rhone dosnt really respond to me so I kinda feel like he might not like me. Lily seems cool and i really Like madelin but Tophily is here to play and float a bloody way to the end lol! Lying isn’t a strong suit of mine so im going to not lie unless im talking to the person going home. I glad we won immunity because I won’t be going anywhere and not be a first boot. My goal Right now is jury but i have to go one day at a a time and take It SLOWWW! Lol!! With this immunity challenge no one can do it so i think i will have to and im okay with that but if we lose and they start blaming me for losing im sorry I actually don’t have a life to live while you guys do! So im just gonna bite my tongue because i have a shit ton of liquids in my fridge which is a plus for us lol!! My family of 6 is now a blessing? Like what the heck!! So there's my thoughts for today and the past day. Im just going to relax watch the office and wait for my Prince Charming to come out! Lol! Whatever happens in this game. Oh fuck wait! i have some tea to spill and you will be quaking in your loafers! So i was doing the puzzle for the idol ajd Someone already found it! I was shook! And Emily is now getting an advantage while ill be snuggled up like a bug in log that’s being tugged on by a slug! That made no sense LOL! Okay now i think all my thoughts are out for now but who knows ill be screaming in my head about not saying something soon lol! And with that and my future boyfriend goodnight and farwell!

https://m.popkey.co/8a68bf/Ao9Xg_s-200x150.gif It's probably a good thing that I have the super idol. Literally no one is talking to me. I'm a little annoyed because I've done pretty much nothing wrong, except not submit for the challenge?? I guess Jack's influence that not doing a challenge is pretty strong over this tribe. Hm. Although I have this idol, there's no guarantee that I'll ever have to use it, and honestly if I go to tribal it's probably best for me that it doesn't become a priority to play it. I really don't want to play it if I don't have to, because the tribe could easily just vote me out the next chance they get. I also told Raymond about the "regular" idol hunt I did today, where he could jump off the cliff and get a number or whatever it was that I did exactly, and he was like "LETS GO ON CALL" but like... I was playing Roblox so Skype 10/10 wasn't gonna let me do a call properly. So I was like... sorry bud but just go search anyways! And he never messaged me back, so I have no clue whether he did or not. Right now, I trust Raymond a lot. I don't know how I feel about Madison or Dan. Amanda is a nice woman, I really wish I had a better relationship with her though. I don't trust Logan (and I know Logan doesn't trust me) and I don't like Jack all that much, unfortunately. I figure that someone is gonna go after me -- potentially Logan. Logan and I have a history of playing games together and while I never once wronged him (at least not by my knowledge?!) he doesn't ever want to trust me in games. There's literally no point in even bothering playing with him because he doesn't like playing with me all that much. But I know Logan would be united against players that I don't get along with, like Nicholas and Jordan Pines. Those two would be my most desired boots from the other tribe just because there's no chance I'd ever align with or trust either of them, plus Jordan has made the end of this series so many damn times already and it's maddening. My personal goal this season is to make it to 9th place. I got 11th last time but I want to break into single digits, a very rare occurrence for me. Like obviously I'm winning this season, but I wanna set some small goals just to make the journey to finals a little less treacherous. Anywho, I think this confessional is long and boring enough. I'm gonna go talk to Jack and see if anything happens. Maybe I can try to understand him a little better, lol

Sorry I've been a bit quiet so far uni took over but it's the weekend and I can catch up. The tribe seem ok, really quiet though not really what I am used to. I found the challenge hard as I didn't really have any time and there was like nothing DC around, guess the UK is a marvel fan! I'm shocked that JG had to go, I love him to bits and was looking forward to working with him but he has his reasons. Hopefully the next challenge will be better for us

Heyyyy sunshines~~~ Just a quick one. I still don't know a bunch of people on my tribe, but I got to chat a bit with Madeline and Tosh. Life is good. I'm pretty sure that somebody already found an idol inside a library book, but I can't tell who it was so whatever :) I can't participate in the next challenge sadly, but that's life. I am taking the social game a lot slower this time around and I feel much better as well now. There's no need to try too hard. I am a bit concerned that I am in touch with too few people, but we shall see about that. JG got eliminated, which makes me sad. Not much to talk about rn. Cya soon!

This game has been pretty exciting so far! It hasn't been like most survivor games where I'm in a rush to talk with everyone in case they decide to murder me in cold blood, so that's nice. I still feel like I'm going to get murdered in cold blood, but it's whatever. My tribe is pretty nice so far, though I'm not the biggest Toph fan and Nicholas seems to be nonexistent. Everything's great otherwise, though. My one idol search had me getting caught by the guards, and I'm honestly not too eager to go out and search again. It'd arouse too much suspicion towards me.

I hate you Charlotte for what you made me do. Not drink those drinks, but that was my last snack pack! You owe me pudding. My fellow competitors Madeline and Toph have earned so much of my respect for doing that challenge too!

If someone has already submitted this then just ignore me It’s the anti-antilopes vs the lit hippos

ALL I KNOW IF MY ASS BETTER NOT GET VOTES OUT AFTER DRINKING THAT VILE ASS CONCOCTION YALL HAD ME DRINK LIKE IM GOING TO BE BURPING A1 SAUCE ALL GOD DAMN WEEK. But like low key jack tho really 1:32......? You lucky I like you bro

Okay, real confession. I think Billy might come for me, but he won't if he's smart. I'm good at contributing to challenges in the tribal phase. Don't fucking touch me. That being said, I don't want billy out. I think Jaiden should go. He won't be helpful, he's not social, I'm not into it. I love him, I do, but as long as he's here, we might as well keep losing. The other option is Amanda. While she's sweet, she's never online, which is understandable, you know? She has kids, she has uni, etc, but that's... not valuable to me at this point in the game. I need to win, I need to escape this tribe alive, I need to not be seeing the VL again ANYTIME soon.

I LOVE THE HIPPOS!!!!!! HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS

Okay so here’s the deal, I like everyone on our tribe. I guess. Billy can be annoying but he’s going through a lot so I can’t ask people to vote him out. Idfk, all I know is these basic hoes couldn’t win this damn challenge? Worse has been in my mouth than honey, bbq sauce, and water and I wasn’t complaining!!!!

I’m Logan talking in the tribe chat but flat out ignoring my messages. Yeah, I think I might get votes tomorrow, but the only way it’ll come out is if myself or Billy receive the majority. The reason why I’d play it on Billy is simply because I feel like I can trust the guy, and not to mention he also has been preoccupied with a freaking funeral, like... what heartless monster votes him out after that? Hopefully I DON’T have to play it, but I’m ready and willing to play it if I have to.

thanks JAIDEN for saying you didn't know I was in this game why would you do that. You make me look either inactive or like I'm stuck up or something UGHHHHSDFJSLDF

Jadien

can i just...idol abbey out of this CHAT?

We Hippos won immunity, Yay. It's good because I haven't quite found my footing in this tribe, I didn't want to compete but everyone was asking to not compete so I might as well step up and do it, I'm not one to shy away from a good challenge, especially when people are, should give me staying power right? At least I did it. I digress, A swap is coming in the next round or two, I can feel it. I need to continue to play as my sweet friendly self, cause deep down I am that guy. My main worry is that when the swap happens I might get targeted buy members of that damn Antelope tribe. My plan to remain consistent but not over the top in challenges might have gotten a little hindered by this on since I did compete. Raymond needs to be premerge booted, the guy killed it in this challenge and we don't need a comp beast going forward. I'll cross my finger he gets got soon. As for life on the Hippo Tribe, I have still kept my clue to the idol secret, if I happen to find it then I might share the clue with someone. If I find it, I sooo want to idol out the person I shared the clue with, this hero archetype player can be a villain given the opportunity. Madeline is cool, she's nice, but she is a talker. Talkers make me hungry, I think my game can benefit by keeping her close and dropping her when I need to. Rhone is cool, started talking to me about sports but I'd vote him out. Nicholas is probably on the menu for our first boot at tribal cause he's MIA at the moment but I want to keep us immune until I have a chance to work with him. Toph, I could take or leave, same with Emily. They don't impress me much. Kai and Andreas, I love ya dudes but you do seem like sheep for the slaughter this game, Andreas less so. JORDAN PINES PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1. I am curious to see how far this snake can go or if I'm a mounted trophy on his wall or if I can mount him on my wall.

https://youtu.be/NxdOnwnLLeE

OHHHHHH FUCK ME SIDEWISE, I accidentally sent the real clue to Madeline instead of the fake one I had written up.

Oh god I'm making meninist moves and a meninist alliance. The VL is going to hate me

Okay this is a proper quiet tribe you've got here, so not used to this! So I am going to have to do what I didn't want to do and take control of tonights vote... wish me luck.

Amanda about to get her ass beat by this vote. I'm a rat, I'm a snake, I'm a roach. But her ass is grass WHEW. I just don't want Jaiden to go because I actually talk to him. This is MENINISM, but *SHRUGS this is TRUMP'S AMERICA

Okay Amanda got to go tho, this hoe is messaging me saying all this shit about how Jaiden isn't going home because of some advantage he has. Bitch you're the one going home so I'm confused. I'm just gonna sit here with Cheetoh dust on my fingers and watch this all go down. I mean I could for sure go home, which would be so fucking funny, but like I'm just gonna be #Confident, thanks Demi Lovato

OKAY I KNOW THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD ONE IN 15 MINUTES BUT AMANDA IS ON TO ME, AND NOW I'M SHOOK. I talked to way too many people about this plan and I think it's backfiring lol Oh well, I think she'll be going tonight regardless, if not it's been real lmao

So my name has come up, but I also have a little trick up my sleeve called the Themyscira Oasis! Basically, I’m telling Amanda that I’m going to be playing my Oasis on myself tonight in order to avoid being voted out. Then she spills literally all the insight behind alliances, inner workings of multiple relationships, and so on, just so she can blow her game up on her way out the door. However, I don’t WANT Amanda to go home. In fact, I’d rather blow up my own game in order to ensure that someone in my corner stays in the game. Amanda is actually trying to save me, regardless of if I use the oasis or not tonight. I’m telling her that I’m using it no matter what, when in actuality I don’t have it to begin with. My target right now is actually slowly shifting from Logan to Dan, because I just don’t have a whole ton of trust with him just yet. I’d rather keep the devil I know (Logan) around because I can always prepare for what he’s gonna do next. I can’t predict anything with Dan because I’ve never met him before. As Amanda pointed out, Dan herself and Ruthie are clearly working together because they had a “group think” moment where they came up with my name as the vote to go home. She didn’t say specifically who brought my name up, but that it was a process of elimination which makes sense imo. Anyways I was mid-way writing everything and Logan and Dan called me stupid and crazy, and that’s the story of how I told Amanda they were gunning for her. So now I’m going to blow everything up, publicly, because I have nothing left to lose. I said I wasn’t gonna be a mess this season but I’m back into my old habits, I suppose 🤷🏼‍♂️ Sound the alarm, Hurricane Jaiden has made landfall!

me after that blow up made absolutely no sense but I’m still working it https://78.media.tumblr.com/5d766478fb350acbddd66160284749ba/tumblr_o7887f1gRR1sdmszbo1_400.gif

Apparently Logan thinks he's in danger? And so does Jaiden? But everyone's voting Amanda? God I hate premerge.

today has been so wild all I know is that this ENTIRE TRIBE is full of snakes and I have to watch what I tell ANYONE cause it will get back to the other people.  Amanda told Jaiden that Dan and I said his name but UMM, she gave us TWO OPTIONS. but now things I'm telling Jaiden are getting back to LOGAN and Dan is going around telling Billy everything I say and this is just wild these people are crazy and no one knows how to keep their freaking mouth SHUT! I want to find a ride or die I can tell anything too but that can't happen if they're going to keep comparing notes.

So I trusted Jaiden and voted Dan. Is that a bad thing? Probably not considering I heard he was throwing my name out there. I'm kind of glad he's gone, he always does well and then never wants to work with me. So bye :* time to get serious, I need to prove to everyone I'm here to play this time.

https://youtu.be/Slv3EzWZjuU

NOW THAT'S A FUCKIN' TRIBAL! Super good for my game, even though I would've kind of liked to work with Dan, because Amanda still remains a major target, and now Jaiden has made himself a much bigger target. Combine that with me getting closer to Raymond and Logan because of this? A big win in my book.

"Actually, wait... I am gonna play my super idol on Amanda" https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SnarlingDarkLarva-max-1mb.gif Oops, sorry Dan

WHAT THE FUCK, JAIDEN?  WHAT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT. I keep telling him 'ooooh hehe it's fine, it's fine' but like WHAT now Amanda is going to hate me, and just ugh I hope the announcement is a tribe swap get me away from these people they talk about what each other say too much. I can see why he wanted to use it but WHY DAN?

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

Jaiden has thrown that shade stick out and I'm very cautious about him now. Tho he tells me that it wasn't an attack to me or anything but like...if we're close why wouldn't you tell me what you're going to do. Low key just bummed out. That bastard.

---

THIS WAS ALSO THE ROUND THE HOSTS STARTED DOING ROUND TABLES TO TALK ABOUT THE GAME. HERE IS EPISODE ONE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP0-OZFvxfc