#it’s too triggering and overwhelming to rely on people im not comfortable w having to be touched or held but that is what id have 2 rely on
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i’ve just moved to a third friend’s place who’s letting me stay there for a while and their place is on the 3rd floor w no lift and i jus wanna die
#not bc of their house but bc i dont have a house and getting an accessible house is so fucking hard in this city/cuntry on a budget#my friend who cane to drop me helped me up and he’s someone i trust w my life w having access to my body to lift/lean on etc#it’s too triggering and overwhelming to rely on people im not comfortable w having to be touched or held but that is what id have 2 rely on#even though im grateful for their help.#this whole situation is just making me extremely suicidal bc its like if im dead i dont have to go through this#its either that or if i wasn’t disabled#or if i had enough money#or if i hadn’t run away and was still with my family.#as much as i hate them and they fucked me over sm and were insanely ableist and abusive#they were also the ones who met my access needs and kept them in mind in various situations tho sometimes rigid#p
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