#it’s tonys season again and i’m still trapped in 2017

[emrysmerlyn]

Sometimes I just think about Andrew Rannels performance in Falsettos and how desperately good it was.

[iwantthedean]

Alright

Summary: Though the reader tries to get as far away from the Winchesters and the British Men of Letters as possible, her past with Dean keeps her from getting too far.  Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 825 Warnings: Spoilers for Season 12.  Challenge: Louden Swain 2018 Fanfic/Fanart Project. @mrswhozeewhatsis A/N: For 2017′s Louden Swain challenge, I wrote a fic entitled St. Louis, inspired by the song of the same name from their album Able-Legged Heroes. This fic is a follow-up to that, from the reader’s POV. Again, I went with the feel of the song and how I interpret it, so hopefully it won't seem incredibly out of left field. 

I love you, but you’re wrong. About them. The Brits will kill you and Sam, and I can’t stand back and watch it happen. I’m sorry.

The words you had written and left on Dean’s night stand when you left the bunker scrolled on an endless loop  through your brain as you drove away from Lebanon. You didn’t want to leave; it was actually the last thing you had ever wanted or imagined you would do. But once you found the microphone under the war room and the brothers refused to believe that the Brits had left it there … you couldn’t stay and watch them die. 

When Dean had implied that you were excluded from his family, you knew it was time to go. You packed your bag and took one last look around. 

The chairs you had shoved over were still on the ground. The hole in the wall Dean had punched hadn’t been patched up. The brothers left with Mary to rendezvous with the British Men of Letters, you begged off under the guise of doing research; in truth, you didn’t want a big dramatic show when you left. You just wanted it to be over. 

“Then why does it feel like I’m abandoning them?” you asked yourself out loud. 

You ran a hand through your hair as you merged onto the highway. Once you were comfortably in the middle lane, you set the cruise control and worked on getting some music playing. Maybe that sound would drown out the thoughts that reminded you over and over again that you had no desire to be where Dean wasn’t. 

“Maybe I should have stayed,” you sighed. 

What would staying have accomplished, though? More furniture knocked over, more holes in walls. More things said that both you and Dean meant but never should have verbalized. 

Like how stubborn he was, how much he let his loyalty become blind allegiance when it came to his family — a part of his life that obviously didn’t include you. 

“Pride,” Sam had said before, “that’s what’s going to take both of you down.”

How right he had been. Of all the things you had learned in life, controlling your pride had not been one of them. Too often, that emotion welled in your chest and flowed straight out of your mouth — which was exactly how the argument with Dean had started. 

“Mick Davies and Arthur Ketch are full of shit,” you told him, tossing in his direction the microphone you had found under the table. 

Dean rolled his eyes and tossed the microphone back onto the table. “I’m not going to tell you it wasn’t them, but I’m not going to confront them about it. We just left their headquarters — we’re all in this together now, sweetheart.”

That news had sent you straight over the edge, and resulted in the fight that had prompted you to actual made good on your thoughts of leaving. 

“No more of that, shit,” you told yourself, turning up the music. 

A perfectly distracting song ended and Led Zeppelin took their turn on your playlist. You groaned; “The Rain Song” was Dean’s chosen song for the two of you. Every time he played it, he would take your hand and pull you close so the two of you could enjoy a private moment together. You would protest, complain about how long the song was, but eventually you would give in and accept the affection Dean offered. Secretly, you wished that song would play every day for the two of you. 

You pulled over to the side of I-24 then, and let your emotions get the best of you. Oh, you didn’t cry, but you leaned your head against the steering wheel and tried to figure out just how in the hell it had all come to this — you and Dean, on opposite sides of a war. 

The turn signal clicked when you flipped it on, waiting for a moment to merge into traffic. You nearly took out another car in your haste, but once the decision to go back had been made, you didn’t want to waste a single second. 

Your mobile was in the passenger seat, and you picked up to call Dean, to at least warn him that you were coming back home. Frowning at the screen and the notification you hadn’t seen until now, you checked your voicemail before placing the call. 

Hey, it’s me. I – you were right. About the Brits. Ketch has brainwashed my mom, Lady Toni what’s-her-face and Sam are arguing in the war room – oh, we’re trapped in the bunker, by the way. They’ve locked everything from the outside, they’ve stopped the air pumps. This is it …

As the message continued, Dean’s words faded out to the chords of the very song that had prompted you to return home, you pressed down harder on the accelerator, more anxious than ever to get back home. 

[matthew-niverse]

Kingdom Hearts 1: Key to Beginnings

There aren’t many game series that have an overarching story. These types of games require you to play all the games in intended order to understand the full picture. Kingdom Hearts is notorious for forcing players to refer to past and future games to know the meaning behind different story aspects. The fact that Nomura decided to release the series across many different consoles, handheld and home, put a damper on people’s understanding, as well as their wallets. Luckily enough, since 2017 every single Kingdom Hearts game has been ported in some shape or form to the ever powerful PS4.

It will also eventually be ported to Xbox One, if you’re into that. One of the most important things for an overarching story is how you start it. Say, for a TV show that has multiple seasons, if the first season flops, many wouldn’t want to bother continuing on for the rest of the show. The same formula goes for story-heavy video game series (at least the ones that force you to play the other games). I would say the Kingdom Hearts series starts off very well.

Gosh, this box art brings back memories.

To start off the Kingdom Hearts series we have Kingdom Hearts… 1. Not sure what else you’d call it. Though this game is the first one to be released, it isn’t the first game in the timeline. (Oh boy it sure isn’t) However, at the time Kingdom Hearts had a seemingly simple story, so there was no need to worry about Xehanort, Xehanort, or any of the other Xehanorts. Anyway, the series starts off with Sora and his best friends, Riku and Kairi. They visit Destiny Islands -a small island off the coast of their hometown- all the time to play or just hang out.

Sora and the gang plan to build a raft so they could sail off to other worlds. With the way the trio is written, you can clearly tell that these teenagers are best friends. One thing that Kingdom Hearts is great at is conveying emotion. On the islands there is a cave where Sora, Riku, and Kairi would carve drawings into the walls. As toddlers, Sora and Kairi drew themselves next to each other on the cave’s surface. While talking about sailing to other worlds, Riku tells Sora about a star shaped fruit, a Paopu fruit. 

They say that two people who share this fruit will have their destinies intertwined. Sora declines to share it with Kairi as that’s embarrassing. Sora ends up visiting the cave again in search of food rations for the trip. He looks reminiscently at the drawing of him and Kairi, and adds in an arm handing a star to Kairi. 

(Now that’s cute) 

Anyways, disaster strikes the island when a Portal of Darkness appears. Riku is in a seemingly possessed state, telling Sora that he has found a way to other worlds through the power of Darkness.

A Corridor of Darkness opens up below Riku and he starts to be pulled in Sora reaches out to stop Riku from being sucked in when a flash of light appears, revealing the legendary Keyblade.

Imagine smacking demons around with an oversized car key. I’m sure it WOULD hurt, but it would look ridiculous. At any rate, Riku has disappeared, so Sora looks for Kairi, who is also in a possessed state. As Sora tries to protect her from a sudden blast of darkness, Kairi phases through him, with her Heart taking refuge in his body.

In Kingdom Hearts, a heart is meant to represent someone’s soul (as Sora having a second beating heart would be disgusting). The island is sucked into the Realm of Darkness as Sora and Riku, along with Kairi’s physical body, are shot into other worlds. Disney worlds. Sora, in search for his friends runs into Donald and Goofy, voiced by the talented Tony Anselmo and Bill Farmer from actual Disney movies and shows. Donald and Goofy are on a search for Mickey Mouse, who has gone missing, and they all decide to help each other.

The trio have an amazing dynamic between them, leading to plenty of humorous and heartfelt scenes. Facing off heartless in other worlds is a fun experience. The first Kingdom Hearts game’s battle system was rather revolutionary for the time.

There was also an experience system called “tech points” where you would gain experience for successfully blocking enemy attacks, using super effective magic, and other battle quirks. This was great game design, as it rewarded players for actually trying to get better at the game. The game has some difficult boss battles that are still fun and entertaining throughout the game. As Sora, Donald, and Goofy continue to visit other worlds, you can really see how well Tetsuya Nomura was able to capture the dark and serious nature of Final Fantasy, and the heart and whimsicality of Disney. 

The interactions between FF and Disney characters are realistic and hilarious based on the characters. Donald and Goofy react to the situations of other Disney films such as Aladdin and The Nightmare Before Christmas just as they would if they cameod in those films. It all just manages to fit together perfectly, and I commend Nomura for being able to write the story this well.

Near the finale, Riku has a dark keyblade, and is being controlled by Darkness. 

An evil man named Ansem, the main antagonist of the series (or part of him) is possessing Riku, and wishes to banish all worlds to the Realm of Darkness.

Basically Hell.

Sora fights with Riku, who tells Sora that Kairi’s heart is inside him, and must be released to revive Kairi’s lifeless body. After Riku vanishes, Sora picks up his dark keyblade, and stabs himself in order to release Kairi’s heart.

:(

Sora disappears in an amazingly emotional cutscene, soundtrack and everything, and materializes as a heartless. Kairi has powers of light, and is able to restore Sora to his original form. For the true finale, Sora faces off with Ansem in a heart pounding final boss fight.

Who designed this?

The game’s battle system really shines here. After slashing through each stage of this climactic fight, Sora seals the Door to Darkness -a gateway between the Realm of Darkness and Realm of Light- with the help of Mickey.

This allows the worlds previously destroyed by its darkness to reform. Unfortunately, Riku and Mickey get trapped on the other side, in the RoD. Sora runs into Kairi in the Realm Between. Destiny Islands is beginning to be restored. Sora tells Kairi that he can’t go back with her, because he has to look for Riku and Mickey.

He tells her that he will always be with her and lets her go back home. As Sora leaves to search around in other worlds, and help others, Kairi returns to the island cave. She sees the drawing that Sora made, with him handing Kairi Paopu Fruit and cries. She then draws herself handing another fruit right back to him, as the credits pop in.

WHOLESOME!!!

Kingdom Hearts 1 was an extremely solid first entry to the series. It established the story and characters well, and with the cliffhanger ending, fans were hungry for more. The gameplay was riveting for its time and gets better as the series goes on. The story was one of the most unique and compelling things people have seen, so the first game was a hit, selling millions and millions of copies. The Final Fantasy aspects and Disney worlds crossing over each other made for a memorable first experience that only improves in future games. With the popularity of it, this game series holds a special place in many people’s Hearts, including my own.

[cruger2984]

Eurovision ‘18 - Best Tweets from the Grand Final!

Eurovision season is now over, and thus here’s the tweets from the BBC Eurovision Twitter page!

- On Ukraine: "Pete Campbell from Mad Men, the Camden years." - On Spain: "What's Spanish for 'get a room'?" - On Slovenia: "She's so into vogueing right now..." - On Lithuania: "The Lithuanian John Lewis ad?" - On Austria: "First POWERFIST OF EMOTION of the night. Not the last." - On Estonia: "An Estonian nan is missing a toilet roll cover." EXTRA: "When you started your #Eurovision party at 10am this morning." - On Norway: "Mime is money." EXTRA #1: (from @theguyliner) "No you pay at the next window; I just take the order." EXTRA #2: "Norway - it wouldn't be #Eurovision week without a fiddle." - On Portugal: "Team-building karaoke night for the staff of Toni and Guy." - On Germany: "What's the German for Home? Oh." - On France: "Holly from Red Dwarf’s gone into French mode." - On Czech Republic: "Matt Damon?" - On Denmark: "SERVING 'KING OF THE WILDINGS' REALNESS THO" - On Australia: "Miss Vanjie?" (OH GOD THIS MEME) - On Finland: "TOOOOOO The Crystal Doooommmme!" - On Bulgaria: "Rylan* described the singer as a 'cross between Sia and Daniella Westbrook'. We're dying." - On Moldova: "Staging for #Moldova by Ray Cooney. (Worth a Google, teenagers) (actually it isn't)" EXTRA: "The #Moldovan Rods, Janes and Freddys." - On Sweden: "Trapped in a sunbed of emotion." - On Hungary: "And maybe a tad thirsty." - On Israel: "No she isn’t singing what you think she’s singing. Filthy pups." - On The Netherlands: "Johnny Cash was ‘The Man In Black’. This is ‘The Man in Gold Leopard Print’. Jazzy." - On Ireland: "When he’s got dandruff and you want to smell his hair anyway. ALL THE FEELS, #IRELAND." - On Cyprus: "Miss vaaannnnjjjiieeeee...." (THIS AGAIN!) EXTRA: "Bey- ONCE? Sorry, never heard of her." - On Italy: "GIVE IT SOME Italy!"

More extras: "START VOTING NOW! (you may have a wee first)" "If any confused Americans are wondering where their #Eurovision act is..." "This is a historic moment. The first time tweed has been worn on #Eurovision." "Oh she's just standing on a cherry picker. Leave her alone." "Still thinking about this guy from Estonia tbh." "Greece did a La-La land joke!" "It's JOWST off #Eurovision 2017 fame. And the lyrics 'Kill Kill Kill'." "Norway has a colourful character AND sang it’s results!" "Latvia did a funny Kanye joke!"

And the winning quote from Netta: "I'm so happy, thanks for choosing difference, thank you for celebrating diversity!"

* - he's the new commentator partner of Scott Mills.

[fwittrocknews]

The Gentleman Caller Cometh: Finn Wittrock on the Endurance of ‘The Glass Menagerie’

By Drew Grant • 03/16/17 6:00am - Posted on Observer.com (This interview goes along with the photoshoot in the previous post)

The first time I saw Finn Wittrock, he scared the shit out of me. As Dandy Mott in the fourth season of American Horror Story (that would be the “Freak Show” one, for those not keeping up), Wittrock, 32, was a rich mommy’s boy-turned-serial killing clown (because in a Ryan Murphy production, one naturally follows the other) who turned matricidal when he didn’t get his way. Wittrock, with his cleft chin and movie star good looks, has a polish that tends to cast him in a darker light: as mere mortals, it’s hard for us to imagine anyone that attractive hasn’t just been over-compensated for some defection of the soul. Which is why he’s made such a good foil in the last three seasons of Murphy’s seasonal anthology, playing everyone from Dandy to Rudolph Valentino to a vampire/male model named Tristan (and that was in the same season!) to, most recently, a backwoods inbred cannibal in American Horror Story: Roanoke …a role that required the actor to transform himself with so many prosthetics that he was barely recognizable.

But outside of AHS, Wittrock has enjoyed a killer career trajectory, beginning with an off-Broadway stint in 2011 for Tony Kushner’s The Illusion and a year later, on Broadway in Michael Nichols’ production of Death of a Salesman, a rendition made famous by its applauded reviews and Philip Seymour Hoffman’s performance. (Wittrock, along with future Spider-Man Andrew Garfield, played Hoffman’s prodigies.) Wittrock, like his AHS co-star Evan Peters, seems at home playing smaller parts in larger ensemble films, like his turn in Adam McKay’s The Big Short (where he played a young garage investor, Jamie Shipley) and most recently, as Emma Stone’s clueless, pre-Gosling boyfriend in La La Land.

Luckily, Wittrock didn’t manage to be part of the coterie on-stage during the epic #OscarFail of 2017, as he was in rehearsals for his return to Broadway in Sam Gold’s The Glass Menagerie. (Prior to that, he’d been working with Gold for New York Theatre Workshop’s production of Othello.) As he splits his time between Los Angeles–where he lives with his wife–and New York, where he performs alongside the likes of David Oyelowo, Daniel Craig and Sally Field, Wittrock sat down with us on his day off about Tennesse Williams, Ryan Murphy, and while he’ll always be brushing up his Shakespeare.

What do you think will surprise people most about this production of The Glass Menagerie?

I think people are surprised by how many laughs there are in the show. I was surprised when I first read it.

I don’t know how Sally Field managed to embody both my mother and my grandmother at the same time.

I heard she did some research on that, talked to them about it.

The play struck so close to home, the last third act I was just muttering into my hands “Shut up shut up shut up, you’re making it worse!” Both to your character and Field’s.

A lot of people have felt that it’s close to home, and maybe not in a totally comfortable way.

My first experience watching you was originally on American Horror Story, when she showed up in season 4 as the rich brat-turned-clown-serial-killer. But I had always wished that I had been able to see that performance of Death of a Salesman that you starred in with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

That was a life-changer.

Was that your first big introduction to theatre?

Not with theater as an art. I’ve been doing theater since I was a kid. But it was definitely like, in terms of my career, a big break for me. And just artistically too, working with those people opened me up, I would say, in a big way. So it’s kind of cool, looking back at what I think is five years ago, now.

You were what, in your early twenties?

I turned 27 during the production. It’s fun and beautiful to come back to Broadway, to see how I’m different, how my confidence is different.

As the Gentleman Caller, Jim O’Connor, you’re VERY confident.

Well…I’m acting that way. But I still feel like a kid when I’m onstage.

I was reading The New York Times‘ profile of Sam Gold putting on this production, and they gave you guys a glowing review. And I guess I hadn’t known that Madison Ferris, who plays Laura, has muscular dystrophy. That wheelchair she sits in through much of the play isn’t a prop. I just thought she was making a very specific character choice for a part that only requires a slight limp.

I think Sam is very sincere in trying to expand the pool of what we’re used to seeing onstage, and trying to crack that open; trying to crack open the norms: the normal shapes and sizes and colors of what we see onstage.

I imagine that makes the production extremely hard to block around. The scene where you are trying to get her to dance, and you knock over a figurine…the entire time, all I could think was “They must have rehearsed that scene endlessly.”

The blocking was very specific and very intricate. Though it seems very simple, there’s a lot of work that goes into making it seem that natural. The analogy is perfect for the whole production because the set looks completely bare-bones, but if you see that Times piece, you see there were, however, many thousands of pounds of concrete poured onto the stage. All the sprinklers. This contraption to make the table move back at one point, that’s an incredibly elaborate contraption of shifts and levers and things. Which, basically, no one notices. Because it’s all to make a table move back, seemingly on its own, when the spotlight is elsewhere. All the work that goes into making something seem effortless. But that’s the kind of magic of it.

I haven’t done theater since high school, but even then, I remembered just how exhausting it was. The everyday grind of it all. Rehearsal, rehearsal, rehearsal, opening night, all these performances…and that’s just like, a high school production of Guys and Girls. I can’t imagine what that must be like on Broadway, especially coming off doing television and film.

It is, it’s very different. The fundamentals of acting are still the same, but the kind of athleticism of doing a play is just more demanding.

I imagine everyone has to be in just really good shape.

Internally, too. Also, I think the biggest difference to me, is, say, I have a tough emotional scene to complete in a movie or a show. That will be like, a really tough day at work. It will be like 8-12 hours that are really rough, having to go there. And then it’s over; it’s done, and I never have to touch it ever again for the rest of my life. It’s in a can, it’s in a computer program somewhere and someone edits it, and it’s gone. But if I have an intense scene in a play that goes well one night, I have to go back the next day and do it again. There’s no finale, you know?

Your character, Jim, reminded me so much of most of my ex-boyfriends. One of these guys who means well, but is always trying to–for lack of a better word–“mansplain” everything. He’s a little bit of a blowhard.

I think he’s a guy who lives by self-help books. He’s a guy who lives by an idealistic, gung-ho America kind of thing. But I think he believes in it genuinely. And I think the trap is having him fall into a lecture-y egotist. I think he is selfish, but completely unconsciously. I think he is trying to help her, and the scene does play deeper.

The way he’s just hitting that beat over and over, that her problem is a lack of confidence.

I think he’s like a lot of people. A believer in hard and fast solutions. I started reading this book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. It’s one of the first kind of real self-help books. It may actually have been….Tennesse Williams might have taken some inspiration (for this character) from it. The way Jim speaks is very, very similar. So I read that every night before I go on stage.

At its core, the book actually has a nice message. It’s like “Make it about the other person, don’t make it about you.”

And explain their personalities to them.

That’s the trap, yes.

In general, I’m not the hugest Tennessee Williams fan. Melodrama is its own certain thing, and where we’re at right now as a country, it feels like watching a show that’s so claustrophobic in its view of family is maybe a bit…melodramatic. But the way Gold did the show felt very modern: there was a lot of physicality, the way the characters are constantly touching each other, that I’m pretty positive Williams didn’t write into those bare-bones stage directions.

I think Sam is always looking to how to be faithful to the play as written, but also be very affecting for people in 2017 walking into a theater. How to do both things at once, but always leaning to the side of what will affect people the most, rather than playing homage to another dead playwright.

At the very opening of the play, after Tom’s speech, someone right behind me yelled out “Sounds like Trump!”

Oh yes. I remember that. The line was about “the huge middle class of America was matriculating in a school for the blind.”

That’s a great line.

I know, Tom has all the best lines. You think of these plays as sort of dated, but it does become amazingly pertinent when you strip it down. And the stuff Jim says about America…it still hasn’t aged. We haven’t aged out of that mentality.

I think the play is really harkening back to a time that is simpler. Because the play is written just at the cusp of World War II, but is set in the 30s. Tom is looking back at a time just before the world blew up with a kind of nostalgia, but also, things weren’t so great then, you know?

No, it seems almost…uncomfortably tight.

Tight, exactly. Claustrophobic. The family as the microcosm for the national blow-up that was about to happen. And I feel like there’s a sense of that now. People are, even from a few months ago, nostalgic about the past.

Oh my god, do you remember a couple months ago? Things were great!

I know right? The world was so simple!

The play is about memory, and that never gets old. You don’t think about memory in a vacuum. Every memory you have is connected. You feel something about that memory. Anything you harken back to, you feel a certain way. Your stomach is connected to your head. I think that’s what the play was after: really stripping memories down and making them about bare-bone human essentials.

Let’s go back a little bit. You said you did theater in high school?

Even before that. I was born in Massachusetts, in Lenox, and my dad worked at this theater company called Shakespeare and Company. Mostly summer, but they do some stuff year round with Shakespeare. I kind of grew up running around the hills of the Berkshires, listening to actors do Shakespeare and being like the pageboy for whatever play was happening at the time. So that’s where I caught the bug. I was young.

Were you a big Shakespeare fan?

Yes. I would say so. It was nice, I got to Othello right before this with Sam, which was great. So that’s where I began, and then I moved to LA when I was 12 and went to this arts high school, called LA High School for the Arts.

Then you came here, did Death of a Salesman…so how does this lead you back to Los Angeles and getting hooked up with the Ryan Murphy crew for American Horror Story?

Ha, it’s funny how life becomes like a domino effect, right? You can track back like “How did I meet that, from that, from that?” I was in a movie called The Normal Heart, which Ryan directed, which Mark Ruffalo was in…and actually, so was Joe Mantello (from Menagerie). He was in it on Broadway, but plays a different part. It’s a beautiful movie. I just got that from an audition. Salesman had exposed me to a lot more casting directors at the time, so I started going out a lot when that was over, and I went out for The Normal Heart and found out three months later that I got it. And then shot the scene…I mean, it’s a nice part, but it’s a smallish part. Really intense and cool, though.

I met all those guys, and then Ryan one day on the set was like, “I have this crazy idea for a character in my show. Do you want to do it?”

What he doesn’t tell you is that the following season, you have to play two characters.

Or I’ll have to wear so many prosthetics that no one recognizes me.

American Horror Story: Roanoke, will live forever in my memory as “the season we barely saw Evan Peters or Finn Wittrock.”

Yeah, it’s the season where everyone showed up and immediately died.

Well, to be fair, that’s often how AHS plots develop.

But that’s the thing about the show! Being dead doesn’t mean you’re not going to work! Kathy Bates I think, talked more AFTER she was dead.

Are you a dancer as well?

(laughs) Who told you that?

In the Hotel season of American Horror Story, you have a great tango with Lady Gaga. I thought “This guy has some moves!” And then watching the heartbreaking way you “dance” with Laura in the Menagerie…

Oh, that’s sweet. I’m married to a dancer, actually, so maybe she’s rubbed off on me through osmosis. They do make me dance on that show, that’s right. They don’t make me sing, luckily…for everyone’s sake.

I have to say, for a lot of my friends, Dandy from American Horror Story: Freak Show is their fan favorite character.

That’s cool. That’s pretty wild. He creeps me out, personally.

Ryan Murphy is heading up approximately a million projects right now: AHS, American Crime Story: Katrina, Feud….are you going to be involved with any of these projects?

You know, Ryan is a very loyal guy. I’m sure I’ll get an email from him one of these days with something to do, and I’ll inevitably say yes.

So, let’s talk La La Land. You had a small role in the film as Mia’s boyfriend. Were you there at the Oscars?

No, I wasn’t. The nice thing about doing a play is it makes for a perfect excuse not to have to go to those things. Or anything else. I guess I might have been there, if I had been in LA.

Did you watch the now-historic moment when La La Land handed the Best Picture Oscar to Moonlight?

Yes, I watched the whole thing. It was…tense. I would say the word “tense” could be used.

But it also made for some great live television.

It did, it did. I have to say, I felt bad because the Oscars had done really well, up to that moment. The show was going really well, it was a relatively diverse year, the jokes were pretty funny, people had nice speeches…and the ONLY thing people are only going to remember this fiasco. The last few seconds.

But yes, it did make for a great moment on live TV. I just don’t know you’re supposed to compare La La Land to Moonlight; it’s like comparing two totally different art forms.

[junker-town]

What will UCF do for an encore?

Josh Heupel takes over for Scott Frost and will attempt to make the Knights even faster and more dangerous.

Bill C’s annual preview series of every FBS team in college football continues. Catch up here!

In the end, I was okay with UCF not getting a Playoff semifinal bid in 2017. The Knights were, on paper, a top-10 team and spent most of the first half of the season playing at a top-five level. But only four teams make the CFP, and Alabama, Georgia, Oklahoma, and Clemson were all awesome — three of the four finished ahead of UCF in the year-end S&P+ rankings, and the one that didn’t (Clemson) was the CFP’s top seed.

I wouldn’t have complained had they gotten a bid, mind you. It would have set an aggressive precedent for mid-majors that college football should be willing to consider. Plus, a fourth-seeded UCF team could very well have beaten top-seeded Clemson. The Knights finished ahead of them in S&P+, after all.

Winning that game would have struck a symbolic blow even stronger than UCF’s eventual Sugar Bowl win over Auburn, a team that had defeated both national title game participants (Bama and UGA).

The fact that UCF was denied a spot in the top four was an after-the-fact grievance. My in-the-moment grievance came from an unlikely source: Mississippi State.

Three weeks after the initial CFP rankings came out, UCF stood at only 15th in the rankings, behind eight two-loss power-conference teams. On November 18, the Knights beat Temple (final S&P+ rank: 78th) by 26 points on the road, while Mississippi State beat Arkansas (final S&P+ rank: 91st) by seven on the road. The next week, MSU hopped UCF in the CFP rankings.

That was the moment the CFP committee gave the game away.

Even if you nail all five steps of the nearly impossible How To Make The CFP As A G5 Team checklist* that only might get you into the conversation.

Even if Houston had gone unbeaten in 2016, with wins over excellent Oklahoma and Louisville teams, it’s conceivable that, through the simple act of playing a Navy or Memphis while other CFP competitors played an Arkansas or Miami, they would have fallen out of the top four.

It’s evident that change in college football — in terms of how teams outside of the sport’s primary power structure are treated — isn’t going to come from being nice.

It’s not going to come from taking advantage of opportunities or winning big games because, well, that’s been happening for a while now. Teams from Group of 5 conferences are 3-1 in their New Year’s 6 bowl opportunities (teams from the AAC: 2-0). In the last 10 years of the BCS’ existence, non-power teams went 5-2 against BCS bowl foes. And that’s despite two of the best mid-major teams of that era (2009 TCU and 2009 Boise State) getting pitted against each other in the Fiesta Bowl. G5 teams have justified the opportunities they’ve been given and have proved worthy of more.

No, change is going to come from being obnoxious, from calling out those higher up on the totem pole. After the Knights beat Auburn, they got obnoxious, claiming a share of the national title and proclaiming themselves as Alabama’s equal at every opportunity. It has clearly gotten under Bama’s skin. Have this cycle play out a few more times (or maybe a few hundred more), and maybe we’ll get somewhere!

The cycle now begins anew. UCF lost head coach Scott Frost to Nebraska and replaced him with a spread-and-tempo kindred spirit, former Mike Leach quarterback and Missouri offensive coordinator Josh Heupel. Frost pulled off one of the most incredible two-year turnarounds you’ll ever see, inheriting a drastically underachieving squad that went 0-12 in George O’Leary’s final season, improving by six wins in year one and another seven in year two. He was the perfect hire, and Heupel has an impossibly high bar to clear.

The Knights lost just enough of last year’s headliners that they probably won’t be able to take advantage of last year’s buzz by going unbeaten again. But the non-conference slate features UNC in Chapel Hill, Pitt at home, and a visit from this year’s notice-serving, glamorous-non-conference-schedule-having mid-major: FAU. Going a loud and obnoxious 13-0 again might be enough to sustain the CFP committee’s attention.

Or at least, that’s what I’m going to tell myself.

* (1) Create a perfect non-conference schedule (featuring at least a couple of excellent P5 teams) a few years ahead of time, (2) have those P5 foes remain awesome between when you schedule the game and when it actually kicks off, (3) peak the year before said perfect schedule so you can create some buzz, (4) have at least a couple of your conference foes peak as well (so you can have a boast a couple more top-25 wins), and (5) get enough breaks to get through this schedule unbeaten.

Offense

You will almost never see an offense improve like UCF’s did. Frost engineered a drastic youth movement in 2016, handing his first offense over to a freshman quarterback (McKenzie Milton), freshman running backs (Jawon Hamilton and Adrian Killins Jr.), and a receiving corps full of sophomores (Tre’Quan Smith, Jordan Akins, Cam Stewart) and a freshman (Dredrick Snelson). Hell, half the starts on the line went to underclassmen.

Predictably, the Knights were inconsistent. They averaged nearly 29 points per game because of tempo and quite a few weak opposing defenses, but they ranked only 117th in Off. S&P+.

In 2017, they ranked second.

Milton became the best G5 quarterback.

With Hamilton injured, Killins averaged 6.4 yards per carry.

Smith, Snelson, Akins, and Stewart combined for 143 catches, 2,578 yards, and 26 touchdowns.

The line produced three all-conference performers, and only one (LT Aaron Evans) was a senior.

Meanwhile, another couple of freshmen — receiver Gabriel Davis (391 receiving yards) and Percy Harvin-style do-it-all guy Otis Anderson (494 rushing yards, 351 receiving yarsd) — made an immediate impact.

Matt Stamey-USA TODAY Sports

Dredrick Snelson (5) and McKenzie Milton (10)

It’s clear that, when UCF athletic director Danny White was searching for a Frost replacement, he wanted to maintain UCF’s high-tempo personality. And almost no one does tempo like Heupel (who will serve as his own coordinator).

The Knights ranked 22nd in Adj. Pace — they averaged 2.3 seconds per play fewer than their run-pass ratio would have suggested — but Mizzou ranked fourth at minus-4.3 seconds. He indeed picked up the pace this spring, and he should have the pieces to generate speedy first downs.

It starts with Milton. The 5’11 gunslinger completed 67 percent of his passes last season while also playing a key role in the run game, averaging about 7.5 non-sack carries per game and averaged 7 yards per carry. He was good against good opponents (his 161.7 passer rating against ranked teams ranked fourth in FBS) and did borderline illegal things against bad opponents; in back-to-back games against Cincinnati and ECU last year, he completed a combined 37 of 46 passes for 698 yards, seven touchdowns, and no picks. Passer rating: 258.1.

His receiving corps has a couple of holes, but lots of candidates. Smith and Akins both went pro, but Snelson (695 receiving yards, 11.2 per target) is back, as are Davis, Anderson, Stewart (who got lost in the shuffle in 2017), another dynamic sophomore (Marlon Williams), and a few players who sat all or most of 2017: sophomore Jaquarius Bargnare (torn ACL), former four-star prospect Tristan Payton (suspended for part of the year), Ole Miss transfer and former four-star Tre Nixon, and Wisconsin tight end transfer Jake Hescock.

Throw in a couple of high-three-star recruits (sophomore Emmanuel Logan-Greene and freshman Ke’Von Ahmad), and you’ve got a receiving corps potentially better than the Missouri corps that generated more than 4,000 passing yards and an SEC-record 44 touchdown passes last year.

Derik Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Adrian Killins Jr.

The backfield is nearly as exciting. Killins is small but sturdy, and Anderson is lightning in open space (another small sophomore, Greg McRae is pretty electric as well), but Hamilton’s return from injury, plus the presence of 210-pound backup Taj McGowan, should give UCF a few size options when necessary.

Plus, the line returns five players with a combined 79 career starts between them (including first-team all-AAC center Jordan Johnson and second-team all-AAC tackle Wyatt Miller) and adds Notre Dame transfer Parker Boudreaux and four-star JUCO transfer Trevor Elbert to the mix.

Goodness, that’s a bounty. You never want to fall into the “They lost an amazing coach, and they’re going to be even better!!” trap — things rarely play out that way — but Heupel and Milton have track records. Even if it’s merely a top-10 offense, this unit will be devastating.

Defense

The defense, however, has some holes to fill. Heupel brought in veteran coordinator Randy Shannon, and while there’s plenty of talent, it’s impossible not to start without talking about who’s gone.

Do-everything linebacker Shaquem Griffin (13.5 tackles for loss, seven sacks, four passes defensed), one of the most inspirational players in football, is off to join his brother with the Seattle Seahawks.

Corner Mike Hughes committed to UCF right before the season, then defensed 15 passes and pulled off the most important kickoff return in school history in one of the best games of 2017.

Ends Tony Guerad and Jamiyus Pittman combined for 16.5 TFLs and 6.5 sacks. Linebacker Chequan Burkett added another 4.5 and 1.5.

Really, losing only five starters from the defense of your best team ever isn’t that bad, but Griffin and Hughes were massive difference-makers, and that was on a defense that saw its Def. S&P+ rating fall pretty far from the year before.

Still, Shannon’s got some decent tools to work with. Linebackers Pat Jasinski and Titus Davis each took part in at least 20 run stuffs, and in replacing Griffin and Burkett, juniors Nate Evans and Shawn Burgess-Becker (an Alabama transfer) and sophomore Eric Mitchell might be ready for larger roles.

Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports

A.J. Wooten (54) and Pat Jasinski (56)

The linebackers will have a couple of man-mountains eating blockers: 330-pound Trysten Hill and 313-pound Joey Connors combined for 7.5 TFLs and four pass breakups while occupying opposing linemen. The front seven depth chart includes seven redshirt freshmen, but the group does still have known quantities.

When UCF had issues last year, it came with breakdowns in the passing game. UCF ranked 24th in passing success rate but only 122nd in passing IsoPPP, which measures the magnitude of successful plays allowed. In other words, the Knights didn’t give up that many big plays, but the ones they allowed were huge.

Overall, UCF ranked second in the AAC in success rate but only ninth in IsoPPP.

Hughes is the only departure in the backfield; he was a risk-taker who made those risks pay off pretty often. Sophomore corner Brandon Moore was inconsistent but occasionally disruptive (2.5 TFLs, nine passes defensed), but the key might be another sophomore: Alabama transfer Aaron Robinson.

The 6’1, 185-pound Robinson looked the part this spring, and if he is ready for a starting role, then the combination of Robinson, Moore, and junior Nevelle Clarke at corner, combined with senior safeties Tre Neal and Kyle Gibson, could create a unit that is steadier, if slightly less disruptive, than last year’s secondary.

Matt Stamey-USA TODAY Sports

Tre Neal (23)

Special Teams

Hughes was by far the best thing UCF’s special teams unit had going for it, scoring three touchdowns and averaging more than 16 yards per punt return and 31 yards per kick return. UCF still only ranked 52nd in Special Teams S&P+ with him, so losing him will put pressure on not only the new return men, but also punter Mac Loudermilk (54th in punt efficiency) and kicker Matthew Wright (97th in kickoff efficiency) to make up the difference in the field position game. Wright’s a super steady place-kicker, at least.

2018 outlook

2018 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 30-Aug at Connecticut 124 26.1 93% 8-Sep SC State NR 55.8 100% 15-Sep at North Carolina 51 7.6 67% 21-Sep Florida Atlantic 31 7.7 67% 29-Sep Pittsburgh 45 11.7 75% 6-Oct SMU 74 17.3 84% 13-Oct at Memphis 42 6.3 64% 20-Oct at East Carolina 125 26.5 94% 1-Nov Temple 81 18.3 85% 10-Nov Navy 85 19.7 87% 17-Nov Cincinnati 88 20.3 88% 23-Nov at USF 56 8.9 70%

Projected S&P+ Rk 17 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 3 / 75 Projected wins 9.8 Five-Year S&P+ Rk 0.9 (65) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 66 / 67 2017 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* 17 / 8.7 2017 TO Luck/Game +3.2 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 74% (71%, 76%) 2017 Second-order wins (difference) 11.7 (1.3)

Long-term, runs like UCF’s won’t help to get any future G5 teams into the four-team CFP field. But as we anticipate bracket creep to eight teams at some point in the future, these runs are the only things that could help to guarantee G5 teams a seat at that new table. The chest-puffing won’t hurt.

In five years, the AAC has produced only one unbeaten team; this is a tricky minefield, and even last year’s awesome UCF barely survived it, needing late heroics to get by USF and Memphis. So the odds of the Knights pulling it off again with a new head coach and new defensive leaders are small.

They’re going to have a chance, though. S&P+ projects UCF 17th overall and favors them by at least 6.3 points in every game on the schedule. It gives them a 7.2 percent chance of going 12-0 — those are about the best odds any team’s going to have.

Team preview stats

All power conference preview data to date.

[rassasassalin]

Might as well christen this place where I can overthink some rasslin’.  Good a night as any for it.  Gonna be taking notes as I go through Raw, and will publish under a readmore when done.  Really long, mostly just steam of conscious.  Might do a summarized thoughts later.  But probably not.  Summaries are my mortal enemies.

!!!  Dean vs Joe!  That should be a fun match!  Love Joe, love Dean, and their styles should clash pretty well.  Also, I love Joe’s theme.  And Joe talking.  He’s so damn good on the mike.  He’s got a wonderful cadence, and he’s like, the perfectly articulate heel.  So good.

I like the Roman drinks orange juice after he brushes his teeth sign.  It’s good.  I mean, it’s hella gross, but I like those kind of signs.  Good stuff.

The Roman chant is interesting.  I haven’t really heard a crowd chant for a face in a while.  Although I think it’s still arguable whether or not Roman is a face.  Still.  Good to have a crowd chanting for one.  Part of the problem, I find, with today’s rassling, nobody chants for the faces to come out and fix problems, because there is no real Top Face that, you know, does face things.

Congrats to the dude who’s wife bough him tickets.

Yeah, no duh it’s a trap, why’d Ro go out there on his own, that’s silly.  Clearly Joe and Sheazaro made some kind of alliance last week, come on boys.  Also of course look at the fight in Dean, he’s always been the one in the Shield that gets the shit kicked out of him the worst, he’s a pain magnet, that’s part of why we love him so much.

Was feeling pretty happy from that promo about Bliss and Banks fighting the first women’s match over in Abu Dhabi, but then they cut to the ring and I see a sign saying that the Browns will be the Superbowl Champs and I’ve been laughing ever since fuck me, keep living the dream my friend, keep living that dream.

Seriously tho, I’ve loved Mickey James for forever, what a legend, what an underrated gem, I hate that she’s being wasted right now.

So... I didn’t watch Tough Enough since like... idk, the third “season”, I guess you could say, and I never watch Total Divas, but... maybe I’m totally wrong, but Mandy Rose feels a lot like- just from ring attire and attitude-, a golden version of Eva Marie?  And I’m not particularly interested in that.  Like watching Paige wrestle, I’ve enjoyed Sonya from what I’ve seen from her on Main and on NXT- always down for some female Bruisers, y’know?- but Mandy just seems... Idk.  Been there, done that, seen that character a hundred times.  Unless she’s going to pull a Marlena with a... Velveteen Dream?  He’s the only openly sensual sort of rassler in the WWE right now that could follow that old spirit of Goldust- and he definitely doesn’t need a handler of any kind, to be honest.  But like, outside of that?  Don’t care.  Got the feeling she’s going to be the weak link/first one to betray Paige’s lil group.

...Omg.  Matt.  Matt, babe.  God, I wanted him to break so bad, but I just... I mean, I’m laughing, but I don’t really see this turning out well for either him or Bray?  It could be good, if treated carefully, but I just don’t trust anyone on creative to do Bray right anymore.  Which is a fucking shame, because he makes a fantastic cult leader, he was so charasmatic and scary and then they took away his fucking cult and just what is even the point?  Like even the fact that he never wins anything, I could mostly ignore or more not really care if even after a loss he was still like this looming, evil shadow ready to consume any and all that come in his path but-  Look, point I’m trying to make here is that Bray is actually supposed to be a serious character, even if they don’t make him a properly scary character anymore, and putting him up against a comedy act- and Br/Woken Matt is a comedy act, a fantastic satire, simply the best, I love him....  I don’t know.  Maybe if I knew that Matt and Bray were actually coming up with their storyline.  That’d be cool, but...  I’ll try to be optimistic, but it’ll be hard.

...The breaking the Woken, ehehehe, fuck you Impact.

Fuck my life it looks like someone is cutting their own youtube backstage promo against clips from Bray, I’m laughing and crying and- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW ABIGAIL AND YOU GUYS HUNG OUT IN BABYLON I MEAN BABY-LAWN?  Nevermind youtube promos, this is like two kids on the playground playing imaginairy war and Bray just pulled out what he thought was his trump card and Matt’s all flip turning it upside down and now Bray’ll cry to the nearest adult that Matt’s not playing the game right, he’s not allowed to change Abigail’s backstory.

God, Bray, no, don’t make me choose, I love you both- broken warriors???  Wyatt swarm????  Could we have a whole battle royal sort of thing????????  Because I’m down, I’m so down- Stop making me laugh at your laughing you fucking dweebs I’m crying, I’m actually literally crying.

Booker looks so done with everything, poor Book.

Oh.  Ohhhhh, okay, here we go, Cruiser Weights now, what are they going to- oh no, not this thing with Nia, I’m just.  I love Nia.  I don’t hate Enzo, but there’s no reason for- DREW!  oh, they acknowledged Swann.  Real quick, there we go.

...Drew’s lil’ elbow.  His oooohing.  HE’S WILLING TO FIGHT NIA!  I LOVE THIS MAN.

What do you mean Finn’s fighting Curtis?  But his neck is like, super broken guys?  No, really, come on, this isn’t fair, poor Axel.  I love that guy.  SHut the hell up Cole, he SO needs that neck brace, he got beat the heck up by the Shield, he’s hurt.  Lookit Curtis and Bo.  Look at those happy babies.  Even Finn’s happy.  This is all I need in life.

!!!!!!!!!  Curtis, no!  You need- oh, sucker punch, nice.  Noice.  Now this might be a fight.  Wow, Curtis is coming in hard and fast, I like it.  Oh no!!!  His neck again!  Poor Curtis.  Looks like it’s his curse to have to be in a neck brace for the rest of his career.  I too, hope he’s okay, Corey.

Worried about the way they keep talking about Sheamus.  I’ve been hearing things about him might having to retire soon, and now I’m super bummed because I actually really like that big Red Headed goof.  I’m gonna miss him if he does have to leave soon.  Wonder if they’ll actually give him the big singles belt one last time.  Hmmm...  Anyways... yeah, not sure I trust the whole Partners Barred from Ringside thing.  Wouldn’t hold my breath for there being no interference.

OKAY.  I’ve not seen THAT one before.  Just toss the man by the knee over your shoulder Sheamus, that’s fine, it’s cool, doesn’t make me hurt at all.  Hella nice submission, tho.  Love me some submissions.

And THAT’s why big men don’t tend to go up on the top rope.  Should listen to our beloved Gulak.  No Fly Zone for Hosses.

Alright, I hated that knee when Rollins started to use it, and it’s still not the greatest finisher I’ve ever seen him do, but at least now he looks pretty confident while doing it.  Makes a hell of a difference.

Hehehe, did asking if Dean had a strategy.  Cmon, Renee, you should know your man better than that.  Heh, thanks for the pep talk babe.

Ah, yes, and here we have a commercial for Tribute for the Troops, which I’mma watch and cry like a bitch during.  Fantastic.  And on the Base where I was born, too.  Even Better.  Looks like it’ll have some amazing matches.  And maybe Machine Gun Kelly will get attacked by KO again?  I’d enjoy that.

DREW!!!!!  MISTER T!!!!!!  HE’S SO FUCKING CUTE I LOVE HIM LOOK AT HIM CALL EVERYONE BY THEIR LAST NAMES!

“Winner of the Gulak Match”- Micheal Cole, 2017

Alrighty, Swann mentioned again.

OH MY GOD DREW YOU FUCKING CUTIE SWIVEL CHAIRING AROUND SO HE CAN’T EVEN SEE MUSTAFA CLAPPING AT HIM.  Drew “There’s a lotta money working with Enzo but I’m going to casually not say how much” Gulak.  YOU HEARD IT HERE, PEOPLE ON THE STREET TALKING ABOUT HOW GREAT DREW IS.  Drew IS honorable-ish.  The chances are very slim that he’s gonna be the one that ends up stabbing Zo in the back.  Much more likely that it’s the other way around.  ORrrrrrrrrrr that the other boys on the Zo Train will turn on Zo, and Gulak will be the only one that stands by him, a true and loyal friend despite the fact that they’re such an unlikely friendship.

Never stop asking Drew whether or not he’ll fight Enzo.  He is so bad at blatantly changing the subject and I love it, he is legit a horrible politician he’s so bad at two-facing it’s beautiful and amazing.

This just in, Davari just killed Neese with a beautiful spinning discus.  I love that move.  Great move.  Rest in peace, Tony Abs.

I don’t know if the other cruiserweights are inspired by him, but I am super inspired by Drew.  I love him.  Stop badgering the man Cole.  Friends can fight each other and it doesn’t necessarily mean an end to a friendship.  Not... all the time.

Man, Musafa has such pretty moves.  Gorgeous.  I love him.  Shut up Drew, it’s not disgusting.  Don’t actually shut up, I love you.  Oh, and look at Davari taking a play out of Drews- opps, nope, Cedric not letting that happen again- AHAHA “He’s not flying he’s falling!  He’s using gravity to his advantage!”  I wish we coulda seen Drew’s face when he said that.

So... I’m thinking it’ll be Cedric vs Gulak?  Yep.  Yep, it’s Ced- oh no, oh Drew, oh his face, he looks like he’s realized that he’s in trouble.  He totally is.  There’s gonna be some retribution coming Gulak’s way.  He might still win via some duplicitous means- I’m thinking probably Enzo helping Drew get the win so that he gets what he think’s’ll be an easy win against his lackey.  Fuck me, I love Drew Gulak, what a fantastic character, what a beautiful man.

Aaaaaand Roman vs Cesaro next.  Gonna be a slobberknocker.

BUT FIRST DREW AGAIN!!!  MORE DREW!!! YAY!!!!  “Friendly Trashtalk”-  Woah, woah woah woah, how dare you Enzo!?!  Be friends with that poor boy!  YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HIS POWERPOINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

NIA IS BEST WOMAN, LOVE HER, LOVES THE POWERPOINTS, ALSO DREW IS SO FUCKING CUTE “hai nia...!”  Seriously though if they’re going where I think they’re going with Nia and Enzo, I am NOT looking forward to it.  Enzo, right now, isn’t Eddie, and Nia ain’t Chyna.  Love Nia, I really really do, but they haven’t given her enough character to BE a Chyna.  And Eddie and Chyna was a long, slow build, you know?  They worked their way into it.  You can’t just throw an oddball couple together all the time and expect it to work.  Not without any lead up.  Fucking give us hints and glimpses and work up to it.  Don’t just throw it in my face all at once and go “Here you go, isn’t this a glorious couple!?”  No.  It’s outta no where, makes no sense, there’s no chemistry, please stop.

Man, I love me some Uppercuts. And some clotheslines.  These big boys are gonna beat the shit outta each other and it’s great.  Roman doing what Roman does best- hitting people hard.  And some joint manipulation from Cesaro.  Noice.  Awwww.... that’s not nice, Cesaro.  I’m sure like, probably more than half of that crowd likes Roman.  Yeah, I’m hearing what sounds like some kids chanting let’s go Roman.  Which, I mean, you know you’re at least doing something right if you got the kiddos cheering for you.  Annnnnd, Imma have to take a break watching this because the fujiwara hold always looks super gross and I never wanna see someone’s arm actually break.  Cat has perfect timing and has decided to lay on my face.  Thanks, Cat.  Duuuuuuuude, why you gonna- yeah, see, your arm’s already damaged, don’t try to punch someone with it you big ol handsome dingus.  He’s still got a spearrrrr fuccccck that was naaaaasty I hate it when they throw each other at the ring poooooooost aaaand... yep, okay, just gonna nosell there for a second, alright, I get it.

Man... Cesaro might actually win this.  It doesn’t make a lot of sense for him to win this, storyline, but he might.  Aw... man, I miss the swing, feels like I haven’t seen it in forever.

What the hell was that, why was the ref trying to separate them?  I get so confused nowadays.  Used to be we  could trust that if a ref did something like that, it’d be kayfabe stuff.  Now refs aren’t allowed to be part of the stories, so...  Eh.  I miss when we had like, heel ref shenanigans.  Whatever, guess I’m just old.  Not a bad fight, though, in the end.  Even if that ref spot was really weird.

Seriously tho, okay, when did Lesner even come into this rivalry between Kane and Braun???  That’s so random.  Wouldn’t be against Braun taking that fucking title off of Brock so he can just go the hell away again.  Can’t stand him, hated him when he was fighting in the UFC, hate him fighting now.  Best thing about Lesner is that Heymen’s his mouthpiece, and even that is still awful because Paul being Brock’s advocate means that he’s not advocating for more deserving talent.

Yay, Asuka match where she’ll kill someone in the ring!  And then’ll she’ll get surrounded  by- oh no, someone else killed Alicia first.  Yep, okay, so there’s finally going to be a showdown.  They’ve been teasing this for a while.  They’ll probably actually attack this time.  But if they really wanted to swerve, they’d show that Asuka is actually the one in charge of Absolution, all along.  That’d be great.  Not going to happen, but I’d really love Asuka being, like, in charge of a cutthroat female gang.  That’s go serious potential.  Asuaka would make a great mob boss.

Three on one, whatever Booker, it’s still Asuka.  Yeah, see, they wouldn’t let her just-  Ooooooh, Nia!  Nice.  Super nice.  Love it.  And even Foxy!  That’s sweet, lookit her being all savage.  Ehehe, fucking Nia just standing there like yeah, you forgot to take out me, that was a mistake.

Hey look!  It’s a Kurt segment that doesn’t start out with him looking at his phone!  And Jason being mature!!!  I don’t trust it.  They’re gonna turn this boy heel.  Yeah, okay, there we go.  That’s more what I was expecting.  Duuuude, don’t tease me with an Angle Joe match.  I miss those.  Those were fantastic, and I know that you’re not going to give them to me.

I hope Deans feeling a bit better now.  Last couple of times I’ve seen him fighting he’s seemed kinda foggy and outta it.  I worry about him.

AHAHA- Aj’s been Nice?  He put a man threw a car window.  I mean, that man was a McMahon, and I kind of loved it, but still?  Pretty sure even after his face turn he’s pretty solidly on the limbo between the good and bad list this year.

If Jason costs Ambrose this match Imma not be happy.  I’m really looking forward to this match.  Joe will actually let Dean be, you know, creative with his brawling.  And that’s where Deano’s best, when he’s allowed to be unorthadox.  And Yeah, yeah, Ambrose is definitely looking more all there.  ‘S’good.  Man, I’d kinda love for Joe and Ambrose to get in a match where Joe finishes him off in a coquina clutch and Dean doesn’t tap, he just passes the fuck out.  That’s such a glorious face move, refusing to give up even as your body gives up on you.

Loving the way Ambrose is bounding off the middle rope, tha’s beautiful- oh!  A slap!  Nice!  That’s a beautiful mistake.

Jason’s enjoying the match.  Good.  Me too.  JASON, NO.  YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE.  STOP WALKING.  Oooooh, good save there, Ambrose.  That’s my boy.  Dude.  Dude, no, Jason, don’t- what in the world is going on here?  Fuck me, Jason is going to cost Dean the- fuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkk, DAMMIT JASON.  Yeah, yeah, okay, now you’re in trouble.  I DIDN”T MEAN THAT I WANTED AMBROSE TO SLEEP IN THIS MATCH, ARGH!!!!

So, uh, Deano vs Jason next week?  Or for the next year?  Because let’s face it, Ambrose holds a grudge foreveeeeer.

Hey, Titus!!!! Apollo!!!!  And... Dana... yay...  Oh!  The good brothers!  I wish that I could say Nerds with such vim and vigor.  It’s a serious gift.

Also yay, no one got killed as Braun made his way to the ring???

Okay, come on, we all know Zayn and Owens ain’t getting fired, Daniel is going to get Shane out of the picture and take over the role as ref so it’s actually fair.  Or like, idk, Hunter or Steph are going to come out and fuck someone over.. Maybe Randy will turn, because, you know, he’s got a connection to Trips and also he’s been a face for like forever in Viper years and also we’ve got that unresolved stuff with Hunter giving the Universal Championship to Kevin, soooo....  Either way, someone getting screwed, and I’m pretty damn sure it ain’t going to be out canadian boyos.

Eheheheh, reinforcing the ring.  I hope they break it in two.  I love that shit.   So much fun.  Because I’m apparently still a baby.

Ummm... Pretty sure Kane’s most monstrous moments involved his various kidnappings of pretty ladies.  Or the time he tried to kill his Paul Bearer.  But you know, what do I know, I’ve just been literally watching Kane since he first premiered AS Kane.  Sure, yeah, most “monstrous” thing he’s ever done was thrown a man in a trash collector.  Yep.  That’s it.

A countout???  Boooooo...  Also... who’s going to go fight Brock now?  Someone’s gonna get Kayfabe murdered until there’s only one left to fight Bork.

Okay, they seriously need to stop with the whole fucking with people’s throats thing.  I don’t like it, it worries me, and also they make choking gagging noises which sets off my own gag reflex which is not fun.

oh hey, look, Braun became insta-face by bringing out a table.  I love how easy to please wrestling fans are sometimes.  Kane?  You okay?  That trip looked nasty.

OOOOOH!!!!  BRAUN HAS INHERITED THE MONSTER SIT UP MOVE!!!!  THAT’S SUPER EXCITING!!!!  That looks like a passing of the torch to me.  I like it.  I like where that could be heading.  Yes, good, good end to Raw.

[flauntpage]

Throw the Damn Towel! Ten Takeaways from Eagles 51, Broncos 23

We’re at a point where broadcasters are bailing on the Eagles because they’re beating teams so badly.

Yesterday CBS cut to the Ravens/Titans matchup in non-local markets to show a “more competitive game.” Even the local production crew ran out of things to talk about and decided to spend five minutes shouting out their camera operators on live TV.

Ian Eagle: “There’s Bob. And Chris is steady, very steady. Is that camera 1?”

Dan Fouts: “That was camera 1.”

Ian Eagle: “And there’s Janice, who is with us every single week.”

Dan Fouts: “That’s camera 3.”

This is where we’re at. Broadcasters are bored with the 8-1 Eagles, a team sending Nick Foles out for victory formation while winning by three touchdowns.

Look, you can’t run out C.J. Beathard and Brock Osweiler and expect to be competitive against this team. The Birds’ top-ranked rushing D again made an opponent one-dimensional, limiting Denver to just 226 total yards and some garbage time points. Doug Pederson’s offense looked more like the ’99 Rams while putting up 419 yards and 51 points without its best receiver and Pro Bowl left tackle.

  1) Next man up!

The non-availability of Zach Ertz was a late storyline coming into this game, but the Birds didn’t miss a beat. Trey Burton and Brent Celek were targeted eight times for 5 catches, 80 yards, and a touchdown.

They did the damage early, too, no fourth quarter stat padding or shady context here. Burton had a big 3rd and 9 catch on the first drive and Celek snagged two of his three receptions on the first two series. Burton trapped the ball between his legs on a 27-yard touchdown pass to put the Birds up 24-6 with 9:15 still remaining in the second quarter.

Looks like the Birds are fine at the backup tight end spots. Burton is free agent this summer, so this was a big game for him.

  2) Bigger V

Speaking of next man up, did you hear Halipoulivaati Vaitai’s name called?

I think I heard it once, when the Eagles were driving in the second quarter.

Big V was solid yesterday in both run and pass blocking. On this play, a 3rd and 3, he does a nice job to take the safety Will Parks, a smaller and faster guy, and not only engage him quickly but move him sideways to create a lane for LeGarrette Blount:

There really should be enough there for Blount to get through that hole and pick up the first down, but Brandon Marshall does a really nice job of shedding Jason Kelce’s block and making the stop right at the line of gain. Kelce was frustrated with himself after the Eagles failed to convert this:

Vaitai also had a quality block on Jay Ajayi’s touchdown run, taking Shane Ray out of the play to bookend a hole you could drive a truck through:

You can fit six Jay Ajayi in that hole http://pic.twitter.com/Yop4jbBfCl

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) November 5, 2017

Is Ajayi the plural of Ajayi? Looks right to me.

Anyway, Vaitai was good on the day. The Birds’ game plan made his possible liabilities a non-factor, with quick releases and early pocket movement from Carson Wentz.

  3) All aboard the Jay Train

Jay Ajayi’s first involvement was on a couple of run/pass options, one going to Celek and the other to Alshon Jeffery for a score. He got his first carry later in the half, taking it up the gut for six yards.

One of criticisms Ajayi received from Adam Gase in Miami was that he was trying too hard to hit the “home run” instead of just taking what was in front of him and picking up the yardage.

On the big touchdown run, the only thing in front of him was 46 yards and the end zone, so he took it. Slash that run from the stat sheet, and Ajayi still finished with a respectable 31 yards on 7 other carries, good for a 4.4 YPC average on his Eagles debut. Only twice had he hit that number or gone above it this season.

Crazy what happens when you run behind a decent line.

Jay Ajayi this season, by team:

DOLPHINS 138 carries, 0 TD (most in NFL without scoring)

EAGLES 46-yard TD on 5th carry

¯_(ツ)_/¯

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) November 5, 2017

  4) Nice Touch

Carson Wentz finished 15/27 for 199 yards and 4 touchdowns.

I don’t know what else there is to say at this point. He’s playing at an MVP level.

One thing that stood out to me was the finesse and footwork he showed on a couple of opening drive passes. We’ve talked in the past about his lack of touch in the short and intermediate passing game, but he really used his feet to roll and release quickly on Sunday.

This one I thought was harder than it looked:

That’s a run/pass option with Celek peeling off the linebacker into space. Even though the ball is tipped, I feel like Wentz timed that release well and put enough oomph on it to make that deflection somewhat irrelevant on the play. Wentz has to wait for Celek to turn his head before he can get rid of it.

The second was on the opening score, another RPO look with a dime over the top:

Alshon Jeffery 32 yard TD http://pic.twitter.com/4BGkQwgb7T

— ⓂarcusD (@_MarcusD2_) November 5, 2017

Good footwork, nice touch over the top. I thought he did the same on the screen pass touchdown as well.

So not only have we seen improvement with Carson’s deep ball this year, but he continues to get better with his footwork and release on those types of plays.

  5) Don’t sleep on me

Last week Tim Reilly wrote a story called, “While You’re Dreaming About Jay Ajayi, Don’t Sleep on Corey Clement.”

Give that man a raise!

With all the Ajayi talk coming into this one, Clement probably had the best game for a Birds running back, handling it 12 times for 51 yards and two touchdowns while adding a 15 yard screen pass score. While it’s true that he took six of those hand offs in the 4th quarter, his early contributions were huge, similar to what you saw from Celek and Burton in the passing game.

I thought the most interesting thing regarding Clement was the design on his second TD run, where the Birds ran an option out of the pistol. I’m pretty sure it’s the first time we’ve seen the pistol this season:

Optionality. #FlyEaglesFly http://pic.twitter.com/HIqbEjQr7s

— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) November 5, 2017

  6) To catch, or not to catch

What is a catch?

I thought for sure that Emmanuel Sanders had possession of this ball and took two steps before going to ground and losing control, but this was ruled an incompletion:

Sanders doesn't complete the process of the catch on 3rd-and-2 and Denver settles for a FG http://pic.twitter.com/mG2Bfb64uZ

— The Bitter Birds (@AdrianFedkiw) November 5, 2017

Denver should have challenged that, or at least tried to convert on 4th and 2 from the opponent’s 35 yard line while losing 17-3. I thought it was a weird decision to kick the field goal there.

  7) Ref, you don’t suck

Denver finished with 14 penalties for 105 yards.

The Birds had 5 for 35.

Savor the moment, because it ain’t gonna happen in Dallas.

The calls were lopsided in the Eagles’ favor for once, but I don’t know if every flag was correct. I mentioned the Sanders catch above. Wentz got away with a pass that looked like intentional grounding while also being dragged down for an unsportsmanlike conduct at the same time.

On the Ajayi touchdown, did he get the ball over the pylon? I don’t think there was conclusive evidence to overturn the call on the field. That goes both ways. If they ruled it out at the one yard line, that call probably would have held as well.

Also, on the 4th quarter strip sack and touchdown, was Von Miller offside here?

Offsides? #DENvsPHI #FlyEaglesFly http://pic.twitter.com/ZomKlaE4IG

— Nick Piccone (@nickpiccone) November 5, 2017

Either way, this crew was 10x better than a Pete Morelli or Ed Hochuli unit. Maybe 15x. Maybe 100x better.

  8) Doug’s worst call?

Every week I write this recap, this Doug Pederson entry becomes more and more pointless.

I guess we’re nitpicking now, but they really showed some poor clock management on that final drive before halftime. Huge lead or not, there was a chance to put some points on the board.

Outside of that, I think Foles could have been in the game sooner. Also, don’t let him throw the ball, just run it every single time. Give Wendell Smallwood and Kenjon Barner the rock and let ’em run out the clock.

Hindsight, folks. It’s always 20/20.

  9) Doug’s best call?

Everything?

I liked the game plan. The quick throws, rollouts, and chip blocking kept Denver’s defense off-balance and neutralized a very good D-line.

Pederson elaborated on the RPO after the game, explaining the mechanics behind Jeffery’s 32-yard touchdown reception:

Q. Take us through that play. I know that QB Carson Wentz throws the ball real well on the move and he just dropped in there. COACH PEDERSON: Refresh my memory.

Q. The RPO — COACH PEDERSON: Oh, the read. It just a play. It’s a read option, read the defensive end. It just so happened we were on the right hash. I think [Broncos OLB] Von [Miller] was over there and we knew their D-end was closed a little bit. It’s just something that we build into that play. It’s something that we’ve — it’s a Day-One-training-camp, Day-One-OTA play. And it’s just a one-step hitch-and-go, and we got 21 to bite on the play. Did a great job throwing the ball on the run and Alshon getting in the end zone.

This is what he’s talking about:

Cornerback Chris Harris Jr. said the he felt like the Eagles knew everything the Broncos were going to do on defense. Part of that is definitely some carryover from Pederson working in Kansas City and seeing Denver’s personnel twice a year.

Harris offered another bit on the RPO stuff:

“They run this college offense. They run kind of what the Chiefs do. They got an option to run, an option to pass. They run the read option, the real option. (Wentz) is checking to a lot of things. It’s a college offense and he’s just executing it very good.”

  10) Putting a “50 burger” on the board

Shout out to CBS for going to Tony Luke’s for the obligatory cheesesteak bump shot and shirking Passyunk Ave.

The “Rocky” mention came around 8:09 in the 4th quarter, with a couple of goofy looking hipsters on the Art Museum steps.

Anyway, I thought Eagle and Fouts did a pretty good job before becoming thoroughly bored in the third quarter, like Ed Rendell on the local post game show:

When you're 8-1, have MVP, coach of year candidates and can't control your emotions! #FlyEaglesFly http://pic.twitter.com/tNHooqy3n0

— Tony Bruno (@TonyBrunoShow) November 5, 2017

Throw the Damn Towel! Ten Takeaways from Eagles 51, Broncos 23 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[the-chaotic-neutral]

Okay, I’m going to start by undercutting my title: Eerie Indiana didn’t actually make me who I am. But it was still super important. It’s a little weird, but then again, so is the show.

Eerie, Indiana is a scifi/fantasy/horror kids show from 1991. It ran for one season (19 episodes). Originally on NBC, it was then syndicated on the Disney Channel from 1993-1996, before jumping networks again to Fox for a year in 1997.

I discovered this as a ten-year old so it hit me just when I was starting to grow my own pop-culture sensibility, but still had nearly all my media  selected by my parents. Not that their choices were bad, just that nothing was self-selected. Nothing was mine or me. So when Eerie, Indiana came up it acted as a bit of a conduit. The show itself isn’t all that amazing, but it’s made up of countless priceless pieces.

You see, Eerie, Indiana was Joe Dante’s follow-up project after Gremlins 2. Dante’s directorships were Gremlins, Explorers (which I love), Innerspace, The ‘Burbs, Gremlins 2, and then this. That weird, not-quite-for -kids feel from Gremlins is kneaded and softened just enough to become a show for kids.

In addition to that, many of the plots are urban legends, Twilight Zone rehashes, or “strongly reminiscent of” Goosebumps books. And then there’s the cast. Main character Marshall Teller is played by Omri Katz, who will be recognized by many as the lead in Hocus Pocus. The rest of the cast is similarly filled with character actors and “oh, that guy”s. Jason Marsden, whose voice you’ll recognize if not his face, John Astin (Addams Family), Harry Goaz (Twin Peaks), Henry Gibson (way too much to list), Tony Jay, Tobey Maguire, Matt Frewer, Vincent Schiavelli, Danielle Harris, Rene Auberjonois, Claude Akins, Tom Everett, Ray Walston, Stephen Root. Seriously, just scroll through the IMDB cast page and you’ll find someone you had forgotten about but recognize. And those are all from a single season! That’s approaching Pete & Pete guest celebrity density. Stylistically there are creepy suburbs, twins talking in unison, and a bunch of low-key norm-core anxiety; the first episode could take place in the same world as Edward Scissorhands. Episode 10, “The Lost Hour”, is essentially Stephen King’s The Langoliers with daylight savings time instead of an airplane.

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Does the show itself hold up? The episodes aren’t bad, but they aren’t fantastic. I have a feeling that without the aid of nostalgia the pace would be a bit slow, the production a bit too cheap. However, what this show offered to me in my childhood. What it gave me was a vocabulary for movies and television that I didn’t have. Up until now, I knew that horror was scary and comedy was funny. But Eerie, Indiana changed that for me. Suddenly horror could make me laugh, and comedy could make me feel sad. Suddenly endings weren’t always so happy, and there might not be a final act twist to fix everything. Sometimes death is a part of the story.

In episode 5, America’s Scariest Home Video, an actor is trapped reshooting a monster movie in a time loop for all eternity. The happy ending is more of happier ending, in that he gets to jump from horror to a nicer film. but he’s still trapped. It’s just a nicer trap.

In episode 7, Heart on a Chain, well, just read the episode summary:

Marshall and a classmate, Devon (Cory Danziger) fall for the new girl, Melissa (Danielle Harris) who needs a heart transplant. When Devon dies in a gruesome accident, Melissa receives Devon’s heart — and her personality changes almost overnight. Is Melissa acting out because she feels guilty over Devon’s death or does Devon’s spirit live on in his transplanted heart, which is now in Melissa’s body?

https://www.thechaoticneutral.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/devon.webm

Yeah, I tuned into the Disney Channel to watch an episode where Marshall’s classmate dies, and then followed that up with a heart transplant for another kid. That is kind of astounding. This wasn’t a very special episode where Marshall and the Tellers have to deal with a far removed family member’s death. This was a classmate. To make it even stranger, that death wasn’t even the point of the episode. I mean, it allows the plot to move forward, but it’s not about the emotional fallout of Devon’s death, it’s about Marshall investigating just another strange occurrence, part of which just happens to be the death of his peer.

Episode 14, Mr. Chaney, is a suburban/rural sacrifice story. Episode 19 features rebellion against an abusive father. The show basically alternated between referential horror tropes and plots, and sinister concepts. There’s always something a bit horrific going on, wrapped up in a palatable and affable weirdness. If there’s one take-away from this show, it’s that it was magnificent at sublimating darkness into children’s entertainment. Which is Joe Dante all over.

What Marshall Teller’s time in this town showed me was that genres were less concrete than I thought, and that twists could come from style as much as plot. This all might sound a bit heady, but these were things I was absorbing in the back of my head. I looked forward to each episode, but I also had a tinge of unease when they started. I’d never actually looked forward to something that I wanted with anything other than anticipation, and I had to come to terms with both wanting something, and wanting to look away. That’s not to say that all of this was conscious. I was ten. These things were all happening behind the curtain of my awareness. But they were happening. While I wasn’t having these ideas, I was experiencing these feelings, and coming to terms with them was happening on a syndicated schedule.

If I’m being a little hokey, I might say I grew up in Eerie, Indiana. I didn’t. It was one season long, and once it fell off of Disney’s rotation I lost track of it for a long time. I never forgot it though, and I’d randomly remember certain pieces of it from time to time. It’s probably more accurate to say I grew up in Wellsville[foot]But that’s a whole other story.[/foot], but I spent my summers in Eerie, Indiana.

Eerie, Indiana is available on Netflix, or to purchase on Amazon.

Here's a spoopy edition of Things That Made Me: Eerie, Indiana! Okay, I'm going to start by undercutting my title: Eerie Indiana didn't actually make me who I am.

[itsworn]

Saying Goodbye to Dale Jr. Means Saying Hello to Opportunity (Commentary)

Today’s news – albeit surprising, but not entirely shocking – that Dale Earnhardt Jr. will retire after the 2017 season has the racing world aflutter.  The most popular driver in NASCAR will no longer be seen strapping into a race machine or celebrating in Victory Lane.  While he still may end up in front of the cameras on race day, for many, it just won’t be the same as having him on the track.

I often wondered to myself, “why is Dale Jr. so popular?”  Is it because of his success on the track?  Is it because of his past partnerships with popular brands like Budweiser and Mountain Dew? Is it because he is the son of one of the most beloved NASCAR racers of all time? It could be a combination of all these things.  But, for me anyway, I always thought there was one reason Dale Jr. is as popular as he is.  He has that sense of realness.  Sure, he’s marketable and shows up on a bunch of commercials, but he still has the same attitude and slight southern drawl he had when he entered the sport.

Dale Jr. is a throwback to the days of his dad and some of the other “good ol’ boys” of days past.  Those were the pioneers of NASCAR.  Those are the types of personalities the older race fans yearn to see again.  Those are the types of personalities that many fans who jumped on the NASCAR bandwagon when the sport was at its peak rarely had the chance to see.  Those are the types of personalities that are disappearing from the sport.

As important as it is for a driver to be able to stand in front of a camera or push a product, we can’t forget that a huge part of the sport is the personality of the driver.  It’s what sets racing apart from other sports.  We don’t just want to hear the song and dance.  We want to drink beer (or soda, for the younger readers) with these racers.  That’s why we all go down to the pit area at our local short track and jet right to where our favorite driver is pitted.  We want the rest of the story, and the best place to get it is right from the source.

So the message of this commentary is: Racers, it’s time to be real. Don’t worry about always saying the right thing.  Just worry about being you.  With the departure of drivers like Dale Jr., Tony Stewart, and even Jeff Gordon in the last few seasons, the sport desperately needs it.

Here at Circle Track we’re in the grass roots racing business.  It’s perfect because this is where the future top tier racers of tomorrow are born and bred.  This is where their habits are formed.  This is where they can let their personality shine.  Not only is it good for the sport as a whole, but it’s good for our grass roots segment, as well.

I feel as though the top end of the sport may have missed out on many good personalities.  Thankfully, their loss was short track racing’s gain.  A lot of those personalities are still around at our local short tracks.  It might be your favorite dirt Modified or Late Model driver.  Maybe it’s your favorite Super Late Model or Street Stock driver.  These racers are out there.

Personally, one of my absolute favorite personalities in short track racing is someone who probably could have made it to NASCAR and had a successful career – Minnesota’s Dan Fredrickson.  He’s the same guy whether you’re talking over the phone, in the pits, or in front of a crowd during an interview.  You never know what’s going to come out of his mouth and it usually makes you chuckle.  He despises finishing Second which shows on the race track.  When he’s unhappy about something, he’ll let you and everyone else know.

Dan Fredrickson is as real as they come. It’s hard to ignore his personality and success.

I feel like every racer should strive to be like a Danny Fredrickson.  I’m not saying you have to be funny or let everyone know when you’re angry.  I’m not saying you have to be someone who despises finishing Second.  Just be you – and be you all of the time.  Fans love someone who is real and shows their true personality.  In the end, this can help you be marketable.  Even if you aren’t the most polished speaker, it will be hard for race teams and potential sponsors to ignore droves of fans following your every move.

Stock Car racing had been building itself around the success of NASCAR’s top series over the past two decades or so.  They had the personalities like Dale Jr. to support it.  But, let’s face it; the top down approach didn’t do much for the Saturday night short track.  Unless one of NASCAR’s top stars came in for a mid-week special, promoters were reliant on their diehards.   Now there is an opportunity to rebuild the success from the grass roots and have it work its way back up.

To do this, promoters need to capitalize on their driver base.  They need to capitalize on the personalities of the race track.  However, there is a trap into which they can’t fall.

Promoters need to be careful not to publicize a young gun racer who may be on his or her way to NASCAR just because he/she might be on the way to NASCAR.  If that driver goes out on the track, wins by half a lap, and loads up before it’s time to sign autographs, they’ve contributed absolutely nothing to the sport.  In fact, they have taken away from it.  Thankfully, not all young and dominant racers do that.  They should be praised for hanging around and interacting with fans.

Promoters should start looking at the actual personalities of the race track.  Who is real?  Who do the fans love?  They might not find those drivers in Victory Lane all the time.  They might not find them in the Top Five, or even the Top Ten.  They might not find them in the Late Models, but in the Bomber class instead.  Guess what… if that driver is putting fans in the stands, he or she is an incredibly valuable asset to the race track.  They deserve the accolades.

Short track racing has the opportunity to find its own Dale Juniors and help them progress. Promoters have the opportunity to market those racers to build bigger fan bases.  Racers have the opportunity to let their personality shine through to become those kinds of stars.  Take the lesson from Dale Jr. and his predecessors…be real, be yourself, build the sport.

The post Saying Goodbye to Dale Jr. Means Saying Hello to Opportunity (Commentary) appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

from Hot Rod Network http://www.hotrod.com/articles/saying-goodbye-dale-jr-means-saying-hello-opportunity/ via IFTTT

[everythingsfantastic-blog]

The Best Films of 2016, by Derek Leidig

I kind of hate writing about movies. I am not a film critic, with no aim to be (Lights Camera, Jackson! stole my shtick anyway). I once dropped a college course for asking me to write a review of Rebel Without a Cause.  I can talk about this until you are blue in the face, but writing is another matter entirely.

Firstly, my brain breaks down at the synopsis part. Maybe it was me bombing on a college placement writing test because I couldn’t read an article and write a concise synopsis—my English teacher in high school taught us how to read, think and write, not just chew, swallow and boot. Second, having worked on films and all the toil and compromise that goes with it, as well as being somewhat removed from my younger film school dickishness, I don’t take joy in ripping the shit out of things at length(although Passengers, your time is coming.)

I have wanted to put together a list like this every year, but I have only done it once or twice, because its a lot of work and I rarely know what it is I truly love in the moment. I also quickly realized that a simple, “top ten” would not work, as this had been a stellar year. I also don’t see the point in specific numeric rankings, because I’m frankly bad with numbers. Waiting until the Oscars to post this  is not because of any special hot takes about any awards, but I needed the time and I didn’t get my screeners this year (or any other).

For everything I saw, there was something I wanted to see but did not (yet), so this is a at best a work in progress. Time and opportunity kept me from Silence, Certain Women, The Witch, Swiss Army Man, Train to Busan, The Wailing, The Treasure, The Neon Demon, A Bigger Splash, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Triple 9, Patterson, The Childhood of a Leader, The Love Witch, Patterson, I, Daniel Blake, Neruda , a whole battalion of documentaries and yes, Gods of Egypt. And all the others I forgot.

2016, shit year it, was also when I decided to stop watching trailers pretty much altogether, something I will get into, self-righteously, at some other date. It has been transformative. It is as if someone was playing a game, then stopped, then started playing another, different game and enjoys it even more. If only there were an over-used term for that phenomenon.

So, proud to love all below, even if to varying degrees. Gives me hope that 2017 will contain way too many films and thus will

BECAUSE

I liked these fine, but really loved them specifically for…

OTHER PEOPLE

For Molly Shannon. I saw her on TV the other day and actually was relieved that she was feeling better.

MORRIS FROM AMERICA

For Keith Robinson driving his son home from Berlin.

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS

For being pretty and for Michael Shannon doin’ stuff.

CHRISTINE

No, not that one. This one is another horror story about Christine Chubbuck, a Florida news reporter who shot herself in the head live on-air in 1974. I liked other films more, but boy if Rebecca Hall doesn’t dominate the world in this— her eyebrows alone.I couldn’t quite get into the unofficial non-fiction counterpart, Kate Plays Christine, however. Maybe I’l give it another chance sometime.

WEINER DOG

For bringing me back into the Todd Solondz camp after a long absence, and for reminding me when someone asks me for a recommendation, why I also say, “If you think you won’t like it, you won’t. But don’t blame me.” It is slow, uneven, and terrible for humanity (and dogs) and it actually makes diarrhea operatic. It’s the movie that had me laugh the hardest, because frankly I am awful.

THE ACCOUNTANT

For reading ahead of time, a blog post that stated: “The Accountant is Ben Affleck’s best Batman movie.” In that mind-frame, I loved the stupid thing.

THE COMFORT FOODS OF 2016 (THE ONES I SAW THE MOST)

DEADPOOL

A blockbuster that made lemonade. I can see the budget cuts, the studio apprehension, the let’s-figure-out-a-structure every time I watch it, but it works like a motherfucker. Good luck on the sequel.

POPSTAR: NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING

Funnier than you. My only complaint is that I liked Hot Rod more. Which is a dick thing to say.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

Age of Ultron with breathing room. I don’t know how they make any of this comic book movies  make sense, but they do. Sure, it might kill the industry, but that fight scene was TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES LONG.

THE NICE GUYS

It does not stick the landing, but like the The Departed, I will watch this over and over to find more jokes. It will take decades. Russell Crowe is also the most unlikely winner of spit-take of the century.

AND IN NO ORDER

KRISHA

They finally made a horror film about Thanksgiving. A one-location wonder, where you, the viewer, are trapped in house, on Thanksgiving, with that aunt we don’t talk about. And she probably wasn’t a Trump voter either.

JACKIE

For me, this one probably had the largest span between initial interest and ultimate reaction. It’s not a history lesson, although there is much to be learned. It is also wisely not a straight biopic, instead focusing on a small pivotal few weeks in Jackie Kennedy’s life. From the faded Kodakchrome (Super-16mm) palette to the career-best work of Natalie Portman, I loved the whole damn thing. And to think this is director THIRD American release this year (after The Club and Neruda).

EVERYBODY WANTS SOME

How does this even work? Bros and philosophy. And baseball. And Austin. And LP’s.

MOONLIGHT

This might be the best in the lot. Or at least the one I feel the most grateful that it successfully ran the awards gauntlet and thus found an audience. Masterful stuff.

THE LOBSTER

Of course John C. Reilly is in it.

ARRIVAL

This is one hit me hard. Maybe because I saw it in December and I kept thinking that the real-life incoming new government’s response to “the Arrival” would not be patient or curious. I’m glad this found an audience. I’m glad that Forrest Whitaker is still on movie posters. I’m glad it introduced me to composer Max Richter, whose music I now use as a lullaby. I’m not glad the Academy felt that Meryl Streep needed to be recognized again as a national treasure instead of Amy Adams.

MIDNIGHT SPECIAL

The first of his two releases this year (LOVING is damn good too) and a film that apparently would turn into a giant flesh-eating monster if it played in too many theaters at once (Thanks, Warner Brothers, you saved us). This was the film that made me decide not to watch trailers anymore. I saw this pretty much dry, on recommendation and I am glad I did. Kirsten Dunst has put together a pretty damn great body of work, i must say.

EDGE OF SEVENTEEN

I love the thought that there are going to be (young) people who are going to watch this like SAY ANYTHING… over the next decade and beyond.

LA LA LAND

The greatest of all films of all of times of ever. Or maybe less than that.  Wished I had seen it on a bigger screen. Launcher of crap op-eds.

HELL OR HIGH WATER

My kind of movie. I want to see this again and soon. I’m glad it is still in the conversation. As much as I love Jeff Bridges, I would have liked to have seen Ben Foster get the same awards attention.

GREEN ROOM

My friend watches a horror film every day during the month of October. I watched this one, although I didn’t know it was a horror film. This is expert stuff.

AMERICAN HONEY

It’s almost 3 hours, so watch it in chunks as I did. I booked Arnold’s FISH TANK years ago, and was so glad I did. This build the same magic from scraps.

TONI EARDMANN

I want to see this again because (like ELLE) I simply did not see the same movie that the critics did. But I did like what I saw enough that I will put in the additional three hours. Was it a two hour windup to a  series of punchlines? I will find out.  At some point. I also did not see nearly enough foreign films in 2016.

SING STREET

Worth it. It’s right there on Netflix. Worth it.

HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE

Somewhere, someplace, somehow it is Ricky Baker’s birthday.

THE FITS

A little girl and her brother are in a community center. It’s an hour and ten minutes. All you need to know. Holy shit is this strong.

THE HANDMAIDEN

A period piece by Park-fuckin-Oldboy-Chan-Wook that cooks with gas. And oh, so very very naughty.

20th CENTURY WOMEN

One of the things I don’t like about awards season is the ”quality glut” Too much good stuff all at once, jammed at end of the year, fighting for gold attention to further their life span in theaters.

Everything about this clicks, from cast to setting to time period (1979—NO cell phones). And that soundtrack. I want all movies to contain at least some Bowie, Rudy Vallee, Suicide, Fred Astaire and/or the Buzzcocks. I secretly hope that they decide to re-release this one.

THE RED TURTLE/KUBO & THE TWO STRINGS

Two animated films better than ZOOTOPIA, by eight Yao Mings and three Robert Waldows (search—you are already on the internet). KUBO is a one of those things where every shot is, “how the hell?” mixed with a great story. See it. THE RED TURTLE is a Belgian film given Studio Ghibli”s blessing. It’s about a man who is stranded on an island and during his many attempts to leave…something happens. Beautiful, grown-up and like, way existential, the film is better than most of us really deserves.

SO NOW THEN

My answer to the question, “What’s the best film of the year?” is usually, “I haven’t seen it yet”. It makes me sound above it all and it keeps me from having to think, but the truth is I usually don’t know until some time has past. For example, I now know that Mad Max:Fury Road was the best film of 2015, because I watched it about ten more times in 2016 (and wept, frequently). Some years I know that Let The Right One In or In the Loop i is  the greatest ��damn thing I ever damn saw. So right now, the best film of this year was when I watched Walkabout, from 1971 for the first time in 10 years. I done cheated.

Somehow, I didn’t see ROGUE ONE.

[madpicks]

New Post has been published on https://www.madpicks.com/sports/mlb/pirates-dullest-offseason-baseball/

The Pirates had the dullest offseason in baseball

It was one of the dullest offseasons of the past decade for anyone, but it just might make sense.

If you’ve read Jeff Passan’s The Arm, you root for Daniel Hudson. The book details the pitcher’s two Tommy John surgeries, both coming after he turned down a contract extension that could have set his family up for generations. He comes off as thoughtful and honest during the brutal period, and that made me feel good about his two-year, $11 million contract with the Pirates, even though I don’t know the guy. So I’m pulling for him.

I can’t imagine defining an entire offseason with him, though.

Hudson was the Pirates’ offseason. There are good reasons to think he was unlucky last year, from his FIP to his xFIP to a general nod toward the rough Diamondbacks’ defense. He’s almost certainly better than his 2016, and he could be a fine signing. He also looks like he could be the only different player on the entire 25-man roster. Which is remarkable.

The Pirates finished 78-83 last year, breaking a three-year postseason streak. While they still haven’t won the NL Central since Barry Bonds was on the team, they won 98 games in 2015, and their overall youth gave them a good chance of continuing this newly established golden age. The stumble in ‘16 caught the organization off guard, and considering the team just finished a stretch where they finished under .500 for 20 straight seasons, you’ll excuse the fans if they seem jittery.

Here’s the entire Pirates offseason:

Signed Lisalverto Bonilla to a one-year deal

Signed Daniel Hudson to a two-year deal

Re-signed Ivan Nova to a three-year deal

There were a few waiver claims and Rule 5 shenanigans mixed in, but that’s the entire offseason for an ostensible contender. Oh, also, Bonilla was designated for assignment and lost on waivers to the Reds.

The message, then, is that the players on the 2016 Pirates need to play better. That’s the plan, the strategy. It’s not that the Pirates are cheap — their payroll will be over $100 million, and they did invest in Nova — it’s that they’re comfortable. As long as the baseball men baseball better, everything should be fine.

Is this logical, though? We’ll sort the Pirates’ roster into three categories.

Should be better

I’m not sure what to make of Josh Harrison, either, but even if we shouldn’t expect his 2014 season again, he’s probably a little better than he was last year.

Andrew McCutchen is the easiest call to make for this category. It’s possible that he was bitten by the same wraith that got to Dale Murphy decades ago. History suggests, though, that it’s much more likely that his down year was an aberration and a total hiccup. And the outfield defense as a whole should be better, with McCutchen moving to right field. He really did look overmatched in center.

Jung-ho Kang’s production might not improve — especially considering his legal troubles and state of mind — but he should get more than 370 plate appearances next season, which would help the Pirates quite a bit.

I’m bullish on both Starling Marte and Gregory Polanco just because of their youth and tools. Marte might have hit his ceiling, but I still think there’s something left to unpack. And Polanco will be just 25, and he’s improved every year he’s been in the league.

Josh Bell has been a top-100 prospect for four years now, and he had more walks than strikeouts in his major league debut. A full season from him instead of John Jaso should be a net positive.

Gerrit Cole went from finishing fourth in the NL Cy Young voting to an injury-marred season that made him an ordinary pitcher instead of an ace. Not only should he be better, but a full season from Jameson Taillon and Ivan Nova should make the Pirates feel better, too.

There are reasons to be skeptical about Chad Kuhl and Drew Hutchison, but it would be hard for them to be worse at the back of the rotation than Jeff Locke and Francisco Liriano were last year, even if the move to ditch Liriano still seems silly. There’s also a chance that top prospect Tyler Glasnow emerges and thrives, giving the Pirates a wicked top four.

Should be worse

Tony Watson isn’t as good as Mark Melancon, but he’s pretty good. The rest of the bullpen feels thinner with Melancon gone and Watson moved up.

The bench isn’t going to get the same kind of production it enjoyed from Sean Rodriguez and Matt Joyce last year, just because no bench is likely to get that kind of production.

And that’s it.

Wait, I’m starting to get it …

Should be about the same

Everyone else, really. That goes for David Freese as the overqualified reserve, Francisco Cervelli, who is more of a freaky on-base machine than an All-Star-caliber hitter, and Jordy Mercer, who is perfectly acceptable, if a little underwhelming.

That’s about a dozen names in the first section, including all of the most important players on the roster. The bullpen and bench are question marks, true, but I don’t think I was overly generous with any of the players who I’ve pegged to improve. You could slide Marte and Polanco into the “should be about the same” section if you’re feeling grumpy, but these aren’t huge quibbles, considering they’re already quite good.

Before you make a homemade “2017 NL Central Champs” sweatshirt, though, you should note that the computers aren’t quite as optimistic. FanGraphs does have the Pirates getting better, but improving only to 83-79 and not in position for a Wild Card. Baseball Prospectus is surlier, having them claw back just to .500, though that would be good enough for second place. There are reasons to think the Pirates might get better, but don’t just assume they’ll improve by 15 or 20 wins.

Still, if you were wondering why the Pirates had the dullest offseason in baseball, here’s why: There are reasons to be optimistic. The Great McCutchen Trade Scare is over, and the team should be better than last year, if only because it would be hard for a bunch this talented to get worse. There are pitfalls and booby traps, and they’ll still be clawing for a Wild Card spot, while having to play the Cubs 18 times. But it’s not ludicrous that the Pirates didn’t do anything this winter.

It’s just a little boring.

[junker-town]

6 NFL draft predictions that will surprise you early

Twists and turns happen every year: players sliding out of the first round, big trades, and kickers getting picked early. Here are a few curveballs to watch for on draft night.

By now you’ve seen countless mock drafts predicting that Myles Garrett is going No. 1 overall, and quarterbacks like Deshaun Watson and Mitchell Trubisky getting taken off the board quickly.

Yet every year, there’s a curveball that most don’t see coming into the late April gathering where NFL careers begin. In 2005, Aaron Rodgers fell all the way to No. 24 to the Green Bay Packers, which ended up being quite the steal. Last year, linebackers Jaylon Smith and Myles Jack fell out of the first round completely because of injury concerns.

A surprise of that nature is bound to happen in the 2017 NFL draft. It’s tough to say what these might exactly be, but we decided to give our best guesses as to what we might see later on this month.

Zane Gonzalez will get drafted in the second round

Gonzalez made a bajillion field goals during his time at Arizona State. Or 96. Either way it was a record-breaking amount, and he kept on going by tying the record for field goals at the Senior Bowl.

During the broadcast, NFL Network’s Daniel Jeremiah reported that a scout of more than 20 years said Gonzalez has the highest grade of any kicker he’s ever scouted — yes, even higher than Roberto Aguayo, who was a second-round pick last year.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were laughed at for the selection, and it didn’t get better when Aguayo struggled as a rookie and missed four of the first seven field goals of his career.

Will that convince every other team to steer clear? Doubt it.

Having a bad kicker is a frustrating problem to deal with, and Gonzalez looks about as safe as a kicking prospect gets. Aguayo had the yips as a rookie, but there’s a good chance Gonzalez has never had his heart rate go above 100 beats per minute in his life.

Should a team take him in the second round? Absolutely not. He’s a kicker. But they’re gonna do it anyway. — Adam Stites

Texans trade with the Jets to draft Mitchell Trubisky

The Houston Texans need a quarterback. They were (maybe) hoping that quarterback was going to be Tony Romo, but he decided to retire and replace Phil Simms as CBS’ lead game analyst. It would have been a nice “win-now” piece for Bill O’Brien’s team, but instead, Houston is left with Tom Savage and Brandon Weeden.

Assuming the Texans don’t make a move before then (hello, Colin Kaepernick), they could trade up if they feel Trubisky is the guy. The Texans hold the No. 25 pick in the draft and could swap that, along with Alfred Blue (or maybe some combination of late-round picks) to the Jets for the No. 6 overall pick. The Texans would get their quarterback of the future, but the swap would also benefit the Jets.

Right now, Matt Forte is their No. 1 option in the backfield. Forte will be turning 32 this season, which is old for an NFL running back. Adding the 25-year-old Blue, who averaged 4.2 yards per carry last season, would take a load off Forte and give the Jets another weapon in the backfield. With the No. 25 pick, the Jets could likely take DeShone Kizer or Pat Mahomes. - Harry Lyles Jr.

Derek Rivers will be the first non-FBS player selected

There’s a strong group of small-school players ready to make their mark in the NFL in 2017. Eastern Washington wideout Cooper Kupp, Villanova defensive lineman Tanoh Kpassagnon, and Ashland tight end Adam Shaheen are among the unheralded high school recruits ready to earn a paycheck playing on Sundays.

The best of the group is Youngstown State alum Derek Rivers. Rivers, a 6’4, 250-pound pass rusher, was a third-team All-American last winter after recording 14 sacks and helping lead the Penguins to the FCS Championship Game. His legend only grew at the NFL Combine, where he ranked among the top defensive linemen in four quite different events — the 40-yard dash (4.61 seconds!), bench press, vertical leap, and three-cone drill.

Rivers was a big fish in a small pond, but he has the athleticism that will ensure his pocket-collapsing edge rush remains potent at the next level. Plus, with two seasons under Bo Pelini on his resume, scouts know he’s used to getting screamed at repeatedly. With pass rushing at a premium in the NFL, he’s in line for a premium pick in the NFL draft — though don’t sleep on Kupp or Kpassagnon. - Christian D’Andrea

Some poor quarterback we think is a 1st-rounder will be a 3rd-day pick

It’s not a good draft class for teams in need of a quarterback for the future. Still, the next few years will really decide if Mitchell Trubisky, Deshaun Watson, DeShone Kizer or Patrick Mahomes II are the savior some franchise is looking for. But at least for now, it doesn’t look great.

It’s certainly not like 2012 when Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III went off the board with the first two picks, followed by Ryan Tannehill later in the top 10 and then Russell Wilson early in the third round. It’s not even like the last two years when quarterbacks went No. 1 and 2.

No, this year the Cleveland Browns look set to go in a direction other than quarterback with the No. 1 pick, and the San Francisco 49ers seem likely to take another position too with the No. 2 pick. This, despite the fact that both teams are much in need of quarterbacks to build around.

But when the crop of quarterbacks doesn’t have a top talent to go after early, sometimes we have the tendency to create one anyway.

In 2010, there was a consensus in mock drafts that Jimmy Clausen would be a top-10 pick before he surprisingly fell to the second round. The same was true for Geno Smith in 2013, although there were rumblings of a potential fall in the days before the draft began.

Smith looked to be the headliner of a weak crop of quarterbacks with Matt Barkley, Tyler Wilson, and Ryan Nassib all getting talked up as potential first-round picks at one time or another. Instead, only EJ Manuel landed in the first round and Barkley, Wilson, and Nassib all stayed on the board until the fourth.

Trubisky looks like the safest bet to be a first-round pick in 2017, but would it really be that surprising if teams passed on Kizer, Mahomes or Watson until far later than we believe like in 2013? I don’t know which one it’ll be, but my guess is Watson — the national champion who isn’t particularly great at anything except winning.

All I’m saying is don’t take the invite and sit in the green room, guys. It’s a trap! — Adam Stites

One of the top three edge-rushers will fall out of the top 10

Mock drafts have loved Myles Garrett, Solomon Thomas, and Jonathan Allen over the past few months, but I have a hunch one of these three superstars will fall out of the top 10 when it comes to draft night.

Last year, the world saw several players fall down the draft board in the first round, most notably Laremy Tunsil, Paxton Lynch, Robert Nkemdiche and Laquon Treadwell. Other predicted first-rounders like Myles Jack, A’Shawn Robinson, Jarran Reed and Reggie Ragland fell out of the first round entirely.

While players who aren’t graded as highly by mock drafters (think Taylor Decker, Keanu Neal, and Artie Burns from last year’s class) come off the board, I expect one of these three players — more likely Thomas or Allen — to drop past the 10th overall pick.

What helps this argument is the notion that many teams in the top 10 either don’t need a pass-rusher early on or haven’t historically taken an edge-rusher when near the top of the board.

The 49ers, Bears, and Jaguars feel like teams who have invested enough at the edge position over the past couple of years — there’s even an argument that the same can be said of the Browns, who have been frequently tied to Garrett in mocks. Others may feel like they have bigger needs elsewhere — the Titans, Jets, Chargers, and Bills fit the bill here.

This leaves the Panthers and Bengals, who have both traditionally avoided selecting defensive ends high in the draft — Carolina hasn’t taken a defensive end in the first round since selecting Julius Peppers in 2002, while Cincinnati hasn’t taken one since selecting Justin Smith in 2001.

I’m not saying it happens, but don’t be surprised if Garrett, Thomas and/or Allen fall out of the top 10. — Connor Howe

The Rams trade up to draft Leonard Fournette

The Rams already have Todd Gurley in their backfield, so it wouldn't make sense for them to trade up in the draft to select Fournette. However, Los Angeles has a history of curveballs in the draft, not to mention making big-time trades.

Should Los Angeles draft a running back when it already has one? No, but that hasn’t stopped the Rams in the past from using inordinate amounts of draft capital on the position.

In 2012, they used a second-round pick on Isaiah Pead and a fifth-rounder on Daryl Richardson while they still had Steven Jackson on the roster. Pead and Richardson failed to live up to expectations the next season after Jackson left, so they started Zac Stacy, a fifth-round pick in 2013. Stacy had a good year, falling 27 yards short of 1,000 rushing yards in only 12 starts.

The next year, the Rams drafted Tre Mason in the third round. He eventually secured the starting job and finished the season with 765 yards in 12 games. They seemed to be all set at running back, but in 2015 the Rams used the 10th overall pick to select Todd Gurley, who went on to eclipse 1,000 yards in his rookie season and win the Offensive Player of the Year award.

However, Gurley regressed in 2016, frustrated by the team’s “middle school offense” under former head coach Jeff Fisher. Gurley still deserves to be the team’s bell cow because of what he’s shown he can do and the team’s investment in him. That could’ve been said about Mason and Stacy.

The Rams have a history of drafting running backs they don't need under general manager Les Snead (who’s been the GM since 2012). Could it happen again? — Kaleel Weatherly

Why the first ever draft pick said no to the NFL

[junker-town]

The Pirates had the dullest offseason in baseball

It was one of the dullest offseasons of the past decade for anyone, but it just might make sense.

If you’ve read Jeff Passan’s The Arm, you root for Daniel Hudson. The book details the pitcher’s two Tommy John surgeries, both coming after he turned down a contract extension that could have set his family up for generations. He comes off as thoughtful and honest during the brutal period, and that made me feel good about his two-year, $11 million contract with the Pirates, even though I don’t know the guy. So I’m pulling for him.

I can’t imagine defining an entire offseason with him, though.

Hudson was the Pirates’ offseason. There are good reasons to think he was unlucky last year, from his FIP to his xFIP to a general nod toward the rough Diamondbacks’ defense. He’s almost certainly better than his 2016, and he could be a fine signing. He also looks like he could be the only different player on the entire 25-man roster. Which is remarkable.

The Pirates finished 78-83 last year, breaking a three-year postseason streak. While they still haven’t won the NL Central since Barry Bonds was on the team, they won 98 games in 2015, and their overall youth gave them a good chance of continuing this newly established golden age. The stumble in ‘16 caught the organization off guard, and considering the team just finished a stretch where they finished under .500 for 20 straight seasons, you’ll excuse the fans if they seem jittery.

Here’s the entire Pirates offseason:

Signed Lisalverto Bonilla to a one-year deal

Signed Daniel Hudson to a two-year deal

Re-signed Ivan Nova to a three-year deal

There were a few waiver claims and Rule 5 shenanigans mixed in, but that’s the entire offseason for an ostensible contender. Oh, also, Bonilla was designated for assignment and lost on waivers to the Reds.

The message, then, is that the players on the 2016 Pirates need to play better. That’s the plan, the strategy. It’s not that the Pirates are cheap — their payroll will be over $100 million, and they did invest in Nova — it’s that they’re comfortable. As long as the baseball men baseball better, everything should be fine.

Is this logical, though? We’ll sort the Pirates’ roster into three categories.

Should be better

I’m not sure what to make of Josh Harrison, either, but even if we shouldn’t expect his 2014 season again, he’s probably a little better than he was last year.

Andrew McCutchen is the easiest call to make for this category. It’s possible that he was bitten by the same wraith that got to Dale Murphy decades ago. History suggests, though, that it’s much more likely that his down year was an aberration and a total hiccup.

Jung-ho Kang’s production might not improve — especially considering his legal troubles and state of mind — but he should get more than 370 plate appearances next season, which would help the Pirates quite a bit.

I’m bullish on both Starling Marte and Gregory Polanco just because of their youth and tools. Marte might have hit his ceiling, but I still think there’s something left to unpack. And Polanco will be just 25, and he’s improved every year he’s been in the league.

Josh Bell has been a top-100 prospect for four years now, and he had more walks than strikeouts in his major league debut. A full season from him instead of John Jaso should be a net positive.

Gerrit Cole went from finishing fourth in the NL Cy Young voting to an injury-marred season that made him an ordinary pitcher instead of an ace. Not only should he be better, but a full season from Jameson Taillon and Ivan Nova should make the Pirates feel better, too.

There are reasons to be skeptical about Chad Kuhl and Drew Hutchison, but it would be hard for them to be worse at the back of the rotation than Jeff Locke and Francisco Liriano were last year, even if the move to ditch Liriano still seems silly. There’s also a chance that top prospect Tyler Glasnow emerges and thrives, giving the Pirates a wicked top four.

Should be worse

Tony Watson isn’t as good as Mark Melancon, but he’s pretty good. The rest of the bullpen feels thinner with Melancon gone and Watson moved up.

The bench isn’t going to get the same kind of production it enjoyed from Sean Rodriguez and Matt Joyce last year, just because no bench is likely to get that kind of production.

And that’s it.

Wait, I’m starting to get it ...

Should be about the same

Everyone else, really. That goes for David Freese as the overqualified reserve, Francisco Cervelli, who is more of a freaky on-base machine than an All-Star-caliber hitter, and Jordy Mercer, who is perfectly acceptable, if a little underwhelming.

That’s about a dozen names in the first section, including all of the most important players on the roster. The bullpen and bench are question marks, true, but I don’t think I was overly generous with any of the players who I’ve pegged to improve. You could slide Marte and Polanco into the “should be about the same” section if you’re feeling grumpy, but these aren’t huge quibbles, considering they’re already quite good.

Before you make a homemade “2017 NL Central Champs” sweatshirt, though, you should note that the computers aren’t quite as optimistic. FanGraphs does have the Pirates getting better, but improving only to 83-79 and not in position for a Wild Card. Baseball Prospectus is surlier, having them claw back just to .500, though that would be good enough for second place. There are reasons to think the Pirates might get better, but don’t just assume they’ll improve by 15 or 20 wins.

Still, if you were wondering why the Pirates had the dullest offseason in baseball, here’s why: There are reasons to be optimistic. The Great McCutchen Trade Scare is over, and the team should be better than last year, if only because it would be hard for a bunch this talented to get worse. There are pitfalls and booby traps, and they’ll still be clawing for a Wild Card spot, while having to play the Cubs 18 times. But it’s not ludicrous that the Pirates didn’t do anything this winter.

It’s just a little boring.