#it’s the relief at hearing that butchered exhausted melody finally stop

[ms-scarletwings]

Excuse me for a moment it seems my room became subject to an utter infestation of onion cutting ninjas and I need to go deal with that.

(Massive Downpour/Saint campaign spoilers below. I struggled and clawed my way for dozens and dozens of hours to get to this point and I would never want to deprive that odyssey from someone else. I mean it.)

[datura-foxglove]

(Dazatsu Week Day 1) warmth of your tears

Day 1 prompt : Sunrise

“No matter how we’re separated inside this darkness Our hearts call for each other with bond stronger than anything Even if you’re laughing, I know you are lonely I want to warm your cold fingers with my tears, I’m by your side.” - Synchronicity (Yui Makino)

Rating : PG Warning : Spoiler up to ch. 70 of the manga

Summary : Atsushi’s loneliness and despair nearly overwhelmed him as he waits for the sunrise, thankfully a visit from Dazai rekindle back the hope in his heart.

A door opened slowly, brand new hinges silent as a young man stepped outside with all the graces of a stealthy cat. His arms shivered as cold winds blew through him, his silver hair dancing from the wind’s playful fingers. Purple and yellow eyes blink slowly, the tiger within him granting sight sharp enough to tear away the dawn’s dark veil. He saw the roof of buildings around him, some shorter or taller than the roof of the building he currently hid himself and his dear companion in.

The roof was empty. Nakajima Atsushi knew that privacy was something but an illusion. He knew that his movement was watched, even if he didn’t know just how many people were watching him. At least Fitzgerald’s Eyes of God would inform the man of his whereabouts, though Atsushi hoped that with Mitchell returned to him the arrogant man would keep his word and focused on helping them finding Oguri rather than watching Atsushi break down.

Atsushi’s hands curled into fists as he shakily let out a breath. It was tempting, really tempting to just let his heart shatter and be swept away with the wind. Yet the tiger, his desire to live, would never let him just lay down and die. No, the tiger wanted to fight. It wanted to crush their enemies to the ground and protect the home they had finally found. With the roars of the tiger echoing in his chest and the presence of the quiet yet strong Kyouka by his side, how could Atsushi let despair claimed him?

With a lot of efforts, Atsushi forced his body to relax. He took a deep breath of crisp air, imagining a faint tinge of salt in the air. He opened his eyes, his sight now clearer without the heavy weight of tension and despair on his shoulders. Far on the east, the sky had started to show it’s myriad colors. Like a painter had stroked their brush against the dark canvas of the night, painting the sky with bright colors depicting hope in the midst of darkness.

Atsushi walked closer to the edge of the roof, hoping that he could at least see the Agency from where he was. The red colored bricks should be easy to spot, but even with the tiger’s enhanced sight, Atsushi couldn’t find it hidden among the tall buildings. His heart sunk at the reminder of the home that he couldn’t return to and he hung his head, the image of the three story building filled to the brim with memories burned the back of his eyes.

“It’s there.” Atsushi’s head jolted upward, his eyes widened in disbelief because he was sure that he didn’t hear anyone coming. Even the esteemed Hunting Dogs couldn’t hide their presence completely from the ever alert tiger. So how did—

“Oh.” A whisper left his lips, along with a breath of relief as his eyes caught the form of the man that had been missing for days. It felt like a lifetime ago since he had last seen his senior, but here Dazai Osamu himself stood by his side, his finger pointed towards something in the distance his eyes couldn’t quite see.

“The Agency. That’s what you are looking for, right Atsushi-kun?” the man grinned widely, like they weren’t far away from the place they were talking about. Like the Agency itself wasn’t torn apart by the hands of Dostoyevsky. Like the man by his side wasn’t anymore but an illusion conjured by his lonely mind, desperate to cling to the safety he always found within Dazai’s arms.

But Atsushi was too exhausted to doubt the existence of the man beside him, so he let his lips upturned to wry smile. “I can’t see it, but if you say so.”

“Aww, are you sure, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai’s voice was like a long forgotten melody he had unknowingly longed for all this time, even if the man was teasing him. “I could be just pointing my finger at random place.”

“I believe you, Dazai-san.” It was easier to smile this time, his eyes gazing straight at those warm chocolate eyes he had loved so much. “You will never lead me astray.”

There was a short pause before Dazai’s smile dimmed a little, yet felt more genuine than his mask of joviality. “You are probably the only one who think so, Atsushi-kun.”

The winds picked up around them, forcing Atsushi’s hair and belt in a crazed dance but barely did anything to Dazai’s hair and coat. There was a pain in his chest at the stagnancy of the sight, a gaping hole more painful than when Gogol butchered his leg. It would be easier to just ignored it and focused his eyes to the slowly rising sun, but the lump in his throat screamed to be let out, to give words to all the pent up emotions within his heart.

“I miss you.” The moment Atsushi opened his lips, it felt like a dam broke out and all of his emotions spilled all over the floor only to be picked up by the wind and whisked away to the sky. “I miss you and everyone. I want to go back to the Agency. I want everything to return to how it should be. I miss Kunikida-san glare and shouting. I miss Yosano-sensei dragging me to shopping with her. I miss Tanizaki-san and Naomi-san being all lovey dovey. I miss Kenji-kun bright smiles. I miss Ranpo-san whining for harder cases and more snacks. I miss Fukuzawa-san attempts to feed the stray cats. I miss Kyouka-chan’s cooking. A-and…”

“Atsushi-kun…”

Atsushi sharply sucked in a breath, yet his lungs still felt empty. He could feel the back of his eyes burned and getting blurry. It took every last remains of his will power to prevent himself from crying. “I miss you. I miss you calling me at ungodly hour in the morning. I miss dragging you back to work. I miss you dragging me away from work. I miss accompanying you on our sleepless nights. I miss your warmth as you embrace me. I miss your smiles. I miss you, Dazai-san.”

There was a whisper of touch just below his right eye. He rose his head slowly as that touch disappeared, catching the way Dazai’s hand moved back. Dazai’s forefinger was wet and it took a second for Atsushi to notice that it was his tears. Dazai’s smile had dimmed even further that it was nothing but a stretch of lips, his eyes void of everything but a chilling conviction.

“You will return to the Agency, Atsushi-kun.” Dazai had never promised Atsushi anything, knowing the fragility of incorporeal binding. Yet, Dazai’s words right now held the weight of a promise and the conviction in his eyes was like blood oath. “Will you believe me?”

Facing those eyes, how could Atsushi ever doubt it? The hope in his heart burned bright, like the sunlight that pierced through the veil of the night. He wiped away his tears, a small laugh escaped his lips as he smiled the brightest he had ever been for the last couple of days. “I believe you, Dazai-san.” Yet Atsushi couldn’t help but disagree of a part of Dazai’s words. His eyes hardened, like gemstone glinting in the light after being thoroughly polished. “But, it’s not just me Dazai-san. We will return together back to the Agency.”

Dazai blink in surprise, an excuse or joke ready on his lips but Atsushi’s stern glare stopped it. Dazai closed his eyes with a sigh, but when he reopened his eyes, Atsushi could see a trickle of warmth had returned to those empty eyes. “Alright, I understand. If my cute kitten wishes so, then I will try my best to do it.”

Atsushi’s glare softened and all that there was left was longing and adoration. “I miss you…”

The first ray of the sun had finally streaked it’s warm color and painted the world with a bright and soft yellow color. Atsushi’s sensitive eyes – his enhanced sight and also because he was just crying – couldn’t handle the sting from the bright light and he had to squint his eyes until he barely able to see anything in front of him.

“It’s alright, Atsushi-kun.”

When his eyes stopped stinging and the colorful dots of light beneath his eyelids finally ceased, he opened his eyes only to see Dazai had disappeared. There was nothing left behind where Dazai had stood, no footprints or even scents that Atsushi could track with his nose. But not even disappointment could bury the warmth of the hope that had risen in his heart.

Atsushi heard hurried familiar footsteps and the door was slammed open by Kyouka, her hair disheveled like she ran straight here the moment she woke up. “Atsushi! Fitzgerald has found the whereabouts of Oguri!”

Atsushi quickly approached her, both of his eyes and smile as bright as the sun itself. “Lead the way!”

It was another sleepless night, caged in that transparent box hovering in the air. But Dazai was used to sleepless night, a night of peaceful sleep was more of a rarity than his usual insomnia. It turned out to be in his favor, facing the ever smiling Demon caged in a similar box just across from his own. The distasteful rat also seemed to be used to nights without a blink of rest, since he kept smiling to Dazai from his box. Dazai was no fool, no matter how relaxed Dostoyevsky looked, he knew the Demon’s sharp eyes never left him and his even sharper brain never rest to scheme for his plan and manipulating everything from his prison here.

Dazai was familiar with the rules of the game, and how to bend the said rules to his own advantages.

Still, even as his brain continued to plot the counter of Dostoyevsky’s plans, his heart was elsewhere. In the midst of all the cruelty and ruthlessness of mind game with the Demon, he had left his heart behind with his sun. He knew that Atsushi would protect it, that Atsushi would keep it with him always, connecting the two of them with a bond forged not from Ability or material things.

Dazai smiled, an empty and cold smile reserved for his enemies as he coyly put his fingers on his chin. It was a habit that he knew Dostoyevsky was familiar with, but only Dazai could feel the warmth left behind from Atsushi’s tears. It was easy to remember the phantom warmth when every other part of his body felt cold. He pressed a kiss on his warm finger, a familiar taste of salt left behind on his lips.

‘I will return to you, Atsushi-kun. We will go back together to our home.���