#it’s so funny that’s literally the fit I put on Raymond

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

On Education

An excerpt from Memoirs of a Flesh Eater, never published.

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I think every parent struggles with the question of when they should teach their children hard truths. At some point, every child needs to learn about death. They need to learn about hatred. They need to learn about the horrors people will inflict on them for being different. This is something that is as true for ghouls as it is for humans. For most people, it is a fact of life that someone will hate you for existing.

Human-on-human prejudice is still something I don’t fully understand. At least humans have a reason to hate us. I don’t know why they go looking for reasons to hate each other too.

Educating ghouls is a challenge. We need to know about ourselves, of course. We need to know about our kind - our needs, our history, our ways of moving through human society - but we need to learn everything that humans learn too. The more we can fit seamlessly into the human world, the safer we are. You probably don’t know this, what with how much the news loves a story about a ghoul living in secret among humans, their murders exposed to the shock of their friends and acquaintances, but those of us who are brought up among humans don’t get found out very often. It’s the feral children, the big city packs that still hunt most of their food, the all-ghoul communes, that are easier targets for the exterminators. Those of us that are fully integrated are much harder to sniff out, unless we seriously fuck up.

{Editing Note: Don’t say fuck. Even though it’s a really good word}

The best way to make sure a ghoul can pass as human is to start us young. Get us into kindergarten, then elementary school, and keep going all the way through college. There’s nothing better than hands-on training. That’s what my mom did for me, mostly. I was raised in human society, in the human public school system, and I��ve never had a true close call. I’ve never caught the eye of an exterminator, and no human has ever asked me pointed questions about my habits or diet.

For the sake of completeness, I should say that I was in the human public school system for everything except for middle school. It’s not like that’s a great loss, though - everything I’ve heard about middle school sounds like hell. I don’t know how any of you survived going through puberty in front of all your peers.

{Editing Note: I am not talking about ghoul puberty unless I can find a reliable human to tell me what their puberty was like. If I wrote about something that I thought was ghoul-specific but is actually normal I’d die on the spot. I’d call a fucking exterminator on myself.}

Conventional schooling might be the best setup for success, but it’s also the most dangerous route. Kids talk, and that’s as true for us as it is for you. It takes a lot of work to make a child understand that there are some things you can never tell anyone, not even your closest friends, not ever. It’s not a fun burden to grow up carrying either. I’ve known the fear of death for literally longer than I can remember. I’ve known that letting myself be truly honest and vulnerable with any of my classmates would bring it to me and my parents before the day was over {Editing Note: True vulnerability is what I need now, though. I should find a place to talk about my dad}. It’s more loneliness than any child should ever grow up with. I was lucky; I found Scarlet in 4th grade. There are plenty of ghoul children that don’t find each other until high school, if there are even any other ghoul children to be found.

Some parents decide that the risk is too great. They’d rather have alive children than well-adjusted children, so they homeschool them {Editing Note: Okay, that’s way too harsh. Don’t be biased}. I did get to experience this approach for those couple of years when I wasn’t in middle school, and it does have some advantages other than safety. When I was in public school, my mom had to find time after school to teach me about our people. In a homeschool setting, ghoul studies could actually be integrated into our curriculum. It wasn’t completely asocial, either - ghoul parents often use their Society connections to find other ghoul children that are homeschooling so we can learn together. I met my second best friend, Scorpio, because we were homeschooled together.

{Editing Note: My friends are going to read this. I need to make it super clear that Scorpio is the second best friend I made chronologically. I’m not ranking my friends in front of the entire world.}

Scorpio’s a good friend, but he’s also a good case study for the drawbacks of homeschooling. He was homeschooled K through 12 and he is definitely the worst of my friends at passing. He has no idea what’s normal for ghouls vs normal for humans, so he compensates by either saying nothing or saying the most obvious, outlandish lies you could imagine when childhood comes up in conversation. In his defense, those lies are usually pretty funny, and he does connect pretty well with the right kind of people. Scorpio’s got a bunch of very specific subjects that he knows a ton about and loves to talk about. He and Scarlet can go on for hours about literary theory.

{Editing Note: That’s too meandering. I’m just trying to explain why some ghouls homeschool and some don’t - I don’t need to put my weird friends on blast.}

There’s another kind of formal schooling for ghouls that’s much, much rarer - the ghoul private school. The only one I even knew of, St. Raymond’s, was shut down last year by exterminators. Normally I’d tell you to take the lurid details you hear on the news with a healthy pinch of salt, and I still would, but that many rich young ghouls, completely cut off from the rest of humanity… it’s hard to predict what becomes normalized in that kind of echo chamber.

Fortunately, my patron knows more people than I do, so I have more to offer you than grim speculation. According to her, these kinds of places always have a very small student body, rarely breaking a hundred. The lesson content is pretty similar to homeschool - fully integrated ghoul curriculum, plus a few specialized lessons on blending into human society. Out of necessity, they’re almost always boarding schools. It’s easier to keep a low profile if you don’t have a bunch of ghoul kids not used to hiding going to and from the campus every day.

Apparently, it’s that kind of logistical challenge that makes these schools so rare. Aside from all the money you need to run a school in the first place, and how careful you need to be to pass scrutiny from the Board of Education, providing discretely for the needs of that many ghouls is an organizational nightmare. I mean, there’s a reason that ghoul families are so small, a reason why even our extended households rarely do more than scrape the double digits. There’s only so much flesh that can be safely obtained in one area at a time. There aren’t a lot of ghouls that have the resources and the inclination to put one of these schools together.

There is, of course, one more ways that ghouls are educated - the school of hard knocks {Editing Note: That’s such a trivializing way to put it. Have some sensitivity, me}. Given how short our average life expectancy is, it’s inevitable that some ghoul children have to fend for themselves from a very young age. I doubt it comes as a surprise that most of them don’t manage to integrate into human society very well. The lucky ones figure out early on how to kill discreetly, how to hide their nature from observers, and how to vary their hunting patterns enough to avoid the attention of the exterminators. The rest either starve quietly or die violently.

Most of these feral ghouls who survive to be teenagers eventually find each other and form packs. From a pure survival standpoint, this is a bad move. A group of feral teenage ghouls have a much harder time covering their tracks than they would as individuals, but for most, the chance at companionship is too tempting. It’s miserable, being alone in the world. Packs offer most of them the best chance to escape loneliness that they’ll ever get. And for most of them, it ends in a shallow grave within a year. Putting down a pack of feral ghouls is a good headline for an exterminator, and it’s a lot less work than trying to ferret out those of us who’ve figured out how to pass. That isn’t how the majority of ghouls die, but it’s how a plurality of us do.

For those few feral ghouls that survive to adulthood, their lives take one of three paths. Sometimes they find a patron and fall in with a household, and they do their best to heal from the trauma of their childhood. They do their best to find a happy life in human society, just like those of us who were luckier. Sometimes they become true Hunters, living their lives on the outskirts of our Society; still embraced by us, if only at an arm’s length. I’ll talk more about them later.

And sometimes, they become the Lost. Not that ghouls from any walk of life are immune to that fate, but… I’ll get to them later too. You may not have heard of them by that name, but I guarantee you’ve heard of the Lost.

{Editing Note: That’s a really grim note to end the chapter on. I should play with the structure a bit and find a more uplifting note to leave this subject on.}

{Editing Note: Or I could ask Kestrel. I’m sure she’d have ideas on how to better write the section on feral ghouls, and she could help me strike a more authentic tone. But… I don’t want to upset her. She doesn’t like to think about it, and I don’t want to hurt her. Is this important enough? Would she think it’s important enough?}

[ratsoh-writes]

animal crossing... pls I just wanna know which of your skellies beat up the ugly villagers its so funny jahsjsbsm

Dang guys lol. Anyways here’s my animal crossing guys with some bonus extras!

Sans:

Honestly he just maybe pops on once a day to see the new recipients but doesn’t really care that much about his town.

Instead he’s all about getting the ugliest possible things and just dropping them at random.

His town looks like a dumpster fire and sans couldn’t be happier. Even the villagers are ugly, except for Raymond who he got by chance and kept because he knew it would piss off honey and peaches

Papyrus:

Papyrus was just a casual player until he unlocked terraforming

After that he went absolutely nuts and put tons of hours into turning his island into the ultimate maze. Every inch of land. All of the buildings are on the beach lol. They had to move to make room for the maze

In his clusterf*ck of an island, there are a few little themed patches that you can find like a little Alice in wonderland cafe and a library. The maze is really detailed and designed so that each area only has one entrance.

Star:

He turned his town into a beautiful little modern city with streets and backyards for all the houses.

Half the town that is lol. Like with most things, star hyper fixated on the game for about a week and then found a new hobby and never touched it again

If he ever did pick it back up, he’ll be furious to find that honey robbed him blind

Honey:

His town is gorgeous yet random. He has a different theme for each section of the island! He wanted to do an organized island but he couldn’t decide on what was his favorite

Honeys proudest part has got to be the theme park. By collaborating with all the other skellymen, honey has managed to get all the black and white pieces to make a boardwalk theme park on the beach

He’s also a secret thief. He’s stolen fruits, flowers, recipes and even all of stars bank savings in order to get the best island. Everyone just assumes it was either cash or red and honey won’t ever hiring it up lol

Red:

Ya you better he’s only here to hit villagers with nets. No villager is safe from him. Every the ones he likes. Of anything it’s worse for them since he won’t let them leave lol

Red also don’t really decorate the island. He just planted a sh*ton of flowers to improve the rating and left it at that.

He also likes burying “presents” on other peoples islands. It’s like playing Russian roulette. You might get a rock or it might be a nice piece of furniture. You never know

Edge:

His island does have a consultant theme. NASCAR racetrack!!!! Edge terraformed to make the whole outer edge of the island a racetrack and used that forced perspective trick to make it super far away with the villagers houses acting as the audience

The rest of the island has a more woodsy and wild feel. Edge doesn’t really care about the weeds and keeps them for aesthetic

He judges his villagers based on thier interior designs. If they have ugly houses, edge will mail them trash until they leave

Mal:

He decorated almost exclusively in antique and golden furniture with the occasional zodiac piece as decoration.

The only flowers you see are red, white, black and gold roses. Mal likes to keep the island as fancy as possible.

Funnily enough, all his villagers are the uglier ones. He winds up getting attached to them and won’t let them leave lol. He makes it a challenge to gift them better furniture so he can eventually turn their houses into something more stylish

Cash:

Funnily enough, cash is only chaotic in other peoples islands. He actually takes pride in his and even though it’s weird and covered in cursed objects, you can tell cash out thought into the decoration.

When he visits others, he always booby traps the island with pitfall seeds. Papyrus actually likes having cash over because it makes his maze more interesting.

Cash will also steal all the fruit. Without fail. If he can’t fit all the fruit, he buries it surrounded by pitfall seeds so no one else can enjoy it lol

Oak:

His favorite part about his island is the fish! Oak has his aquarium already completed and he spends most his time scuba diving

While fishing comes easy, for some reason he always clicks the button too early or too late. Oak always winds up loosing the tree bugs.

Oak hasn’t done much with decorating but there are a few tables scattered about

Willow:

Willow went full on survival mode with his island. He designed it with self sufficiency in mind! The orchid and pumpkin farm are the biggest parts of the island.

Willow also made a sushi bar on the big rocks by the beach. It’s complete with fish tank tables.

He also never forgets to mail his villagers a piece of fruit each day. Nobody goes hungry with mama willow around

Bonus!!

Sugar:

Literally all his storage is taken up by his closet alone. Sugar adores the clothing and can’t help but to buy a new outfit every day.

He even buys his favorite pieces in each color! Sugar is also that guy who dresses up for the weather. If it’s raining, he’s got a dozen rain specific outfit to put on.

Sugar is addicted to going through other peoples codes and downloading patters. He’s already run out of space and each new pattern must be weighed heavily against all the others before he decided to write over one

Pluto:

He’s all about gathering those fish and bugs! Pluto has all the fish caught but is still missing some bugs. The gopher cricket will forever elude him

He had just finished the museum when the redd update came in. Finding out there was a whole art section to complete gave him a near aneurism

Pluto only has one outfit. His little safari gear and the bug tshirt he got from the little big lizard guy

[narashikari]

An Analysis of the Phase 2 Main Riders’ Names

So, before, I made a post about the names of the two-in-one Riders, and it got me curious as to if everyone else’s names were significant in the same way. So, with a little help from Wikitionary, Google Translate and the Kamen Rider wiki (for the kanji in each Riders’ name), I looked at what each of the names mean and if they had any significance to the story arcs in the show. Buckle up ‘coz it’s gonna be a long one....

HIDARI SHOUTARO 左    翔太郎

Shoutaro’s last name is an obvious allusion to him being the left side of W. The first kanji of first name, aside from being a homophone for the kanji in Ishinomori’s first name, means “to fly, to soar”, while the last two is a typical suffix for a boy’s name.

Fittingly, the last form W receives is CycloneJokerGoldXtreme, which is formed from the complete unity of Shoutaro and Philip- emphasizing their growth as partners in the series- and also from Fuuto, the city they love and protect, empowering them with her wind. And of course, CycloneJokerGoldXtreme gives W wings. 

Even better? This proves that Shoutaro doesn’t need to be alone to reach his full potential. And he doesn’t have to change who he is, either. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. To live up to his name (literally), he should stay the exact way he is... and he should have Philip by his side. 

PHILIPフィリ��/ SONOZAKI RAITO 園咲　来人

As explained in the series itself, Philip’s name is derived from Narumi Sokichi’s favorite character, Philip Marlowe, the main character of Raymond Chandler’s The Long Goodbye (as well as various other works), who is a detective. Beyond that, there’s not much significance to the name itself. The name does mean “lover of horses”, and as stated in this post, being a motorcycle rider is as close as one gets in the modern era. Kinda.

His real name, however, is quite interesting. “Sonozaki” means “garden of blossoms”. Which, on the surface, is pretty ironic because he’s a self-described devil, while the rest of the family are literal monsters and the villains of the season. But, it’s also quite fitting because a garden needs proper tending to achieve its true beauty- which is exactly what happened to Philip. He became the best version of himself because he had someone like Shoutaro caring for him. While his sisters, who only had Ryubee, withered away.

His first name, Raito, means “person who comes”- i.e., a person who comes back to his partner, no matter what. Nothing stopped him from coming home to his true family- not his blood family taking him away, nor the doubts his mother plant, nor death itself. 

HINO EIJI 火野　映司

“Hino” means “field of flames”. Already, his link to Ankh, who is affiliated with fire (TaJaDor is red and themed after a phoenix, after all), is established. But more than that, the name becomes ironic for Eiji himself- because, as stated in the series itself, the one thing Eiji lacks is a desire of his own. And what element is usually linked to desire? 

Fire, of course. So it’s fitting that in the finale, when he remembers what his desire is- to help everyone whose hand he can reach- the last form he ends up using is TaJaDor. Ankh’s form. 

(Also, yes, that is also the surname of a certain Sailor Scout. Are they related? Hmmm...)

The kanji for Eiji means “to reflect” and “to rule over”, respectively. It’s an allusion to how Eiji is a mirror image of the King, the previous OOO. The King was a selfish despot who wanted power for the sake of ruling over everything; Eiji wants nothing and is selfless to almost a fault, and even forsakes his political family. Even in Zi-O, where he does become a politician, he’s still kind and wants only what is good for the Japanese people. 

KISARAGI GENTARO 如月　弦太郎

You might notice that the kanji for “moon” is present in Gentaro’s last name. The kanji that precedes it means “likeness, to seem, as if”. So... it’s as if Gentaro is the moon itself. Which is rather fitting for a Rider whose home base is on the moon and is themed after space. It also forms a nice pair with Kengo’s last name, Utahoshi (歌星), which has the kanji for “star”. What do you mean you don’t ship it 

His first name, however, is rather peculiar. The first kanji means “bowstring” and is also used to refer to stringed instruments (when combined, oddly enough, with the first kanji of Kengo’s surname). In Chinese, it could mean “crescent”- another moon reference- so that might be closer to the actual meaning.

SOUMA HARUTO 操真　晴人

So, funny story. When I plugged Souma into Google Translate, it was set to read for Chinese rather than Japanese- and the English meaning came out as “fucking”. I bet the Chinese subbers were at a loss as to how to explain why Wizard’s real name is a curse word. 

Anywaaaaays, Souma actually has a way more morbid meaning in Japanese! The first kanji especially- when combined with certain other kanji, it could mean “to control”. And the latter kanji means “truth”. When I plugged them both into Translate, it came out as “manipulation”... which describes what the White Wizard/Wiseman was doing to him to a T. 

However, the individual kanji themselves are quite benign. The first kanji, by itself, means “faith”, “fidelity” “chastity” and “honor”, which are all virtues, just as “truth” is. Surely, as a Kamen Rider, Haruto has all of these. 

His first name means “a person who clears up (the weather)”. Or, in his case, clear the skies of an eclipse that will turn even more people into Gates. Not to mention, Haruto is the Magician of Hope- and clear, sunny skies are associated with positive emotions... such as hope!

KAZURABA KOUTA 葛葉　紘汰

So.... Kazuraba means “mulberry leaf”. Which is a pretty odd name to give to a fruit-themed rider. Mulberry leaves are known as the favorite food of silkworms. The irony of a man being named after a leaf whose claim to fame is being overfed to larvae becoming a fruit-themed god is rather hilarious. However, the first kanji alone does mean “creeper”, i.e. vines... like the Helheim plants!

His first name is... somehow the most nonsensical thing I have come across. Pasting the whole thing into Translate spat out “moth” (i.e. what silkworms become... ironically enough), while looking up the individual kanji makes no sense- the first kanji doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a given name... while the second one means “to scour”. Whaaaaat?

Gaim’s name makes about as much sense as the season, I guess.

TOMARI SHINNOSUKE 泊　進ノ介

So, the kanji itself actually means “night”, but when read as Tomari, it’s just a surname. It was chosen mainly because it’s a pun on 止まれ (tomare) or “stop”. Of course, as a police officer and Kamen Rider, he’s stopping bad things from happening... 

But also, he’s a car themed rider. His main form and his Rider machine, a car (which becomes the armor for his final form) are red. What color does red represent on traffic lights? Stop. Tomare. Tomari. Get it?

For his first name, what really matters is the first kanji since the last two is a generic suffix for boy’s names. That first kanji means “to advance, to make progress”. And if that isn’t his entire character arc in a nutshell, I don’t know what is.

Shinnosuke starts out Drive as a lazy, basically exiled former elite due to his demotivation over what happened to his partner Hayase and his demotion. His father’s death still haunted him despite how long it had been. However, when Belt-san and Kiriko recruited him to be Drive, he was able to get back into “top gear”, as he’d say. He got over the guilt of what happened to Hayase, he solved his father’s case and laid him to rest. Eventually, he moved past all his ghosts and regained his status as an elite police officer... and he moved on to form his own family with Kiriko.

TENKUUJI TAKERU 天空寺　タケル

Takeru’s last name means “sky temple”, which is quite fitting for the owner of Daitenku Temple... which is literally just Tenkuuji with the word for “big” in front of it.  Of course, it also fits with Takeru being Ghost, since... well, he’s dead for the majority of his series. The Great Eyecon also usually appears in the sky as a sort of heaven stand-in.

(Which, in turn, explains why Takeru has this angelic sub-theme to him. In the OP, his precious people are represented as feathers. Then when he gets his final form, it debuts with him surrounded in pure white feathers to go along his white suit and glittery helmet with rainbow horn.)

Takeru’s name is interesting because it’s written in katakana, not kanji like everyone else before him. The wiki actually says Takeru is the first ever title Rider to have this distinction*. It also makes it damn near impossible to know what his name actually means, since Wikipedia lists five different individual kanji and at least ten two-word kanji that could be read as Takeru. 

Although, given his status as a Rider and how his dad was a general bamf, it most likely stood in for 武, meaning “warrior”, or a derivative thereof. Seeing as this kanji is also in the word 武士, which means “samurai”, and that the Luminary most loyal to Takeru is (Miyamoto) Musashi, a famous samurai, it fits.

*Philip’s was written in katakana, but it wasn’t a Japanese name to begin with, so it would be written in katakana regardless and thus doesn’t count.

HOJO EMU 宝生　永夢

So the first kanji in Emu’s surname has a bunch of different meanings, but it basically boils down to “(something) valuable”. The second kanji, likewise, also has various meanings, among which is “life”. And together, they describe Emu perfectly: it fits with his beliefs that every patient’s life is precious.

However, it becomes ironic when one considers how little Emu values his own life. He often fought to his breaking point, and even maimed himself even in the Gorider special... then there’s the implication of him committing suicide as a boy...

His first name, on the other hand, means “eternal dream”. Put together with his last name, and you get a pretty good description of who Emu is as a person and why he ended up in the profession he did.

KIRYUU SENTO 桐生　戦兎/ KATSURAGI TAKUMI 葛城    巧  

Sento’s last name, as explained in the series, was derived from the name of a barbershop Evolt just happened to see. The two kanji together doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a common last name (for example, Sento shares this with Kyouryuger’s Daigo, aka King). Also explained in the series is how Sento’s name is derived from Rabbit Tank, only in reverse, as an amusing joke to Evolt. It emphasizes how Evolt saw Sento as a war machine first, and a living creature second.

(Not to mention, it’s actually one of our first hints that Souchi isn’t who he seems to be- why would he name Sento after Rabbit Tank if he supposedly gave Sento his name before he trusted him enough to wield the Build Driver? Honestly I don’t know why I didn’t figure it out sooner!)

But. Sento, in actuality, is Katsuragi Takumi, right?

So, the first kanji in Katsuragi is actually the same as in Kazuraba, just with an alternate pronounciation, while the second means “castle”. Or in the Japanese context, “fortress”. So... a “fortress of vines”? It does describe his creepy (pun intended) yet closed off personality quite well. Takumi, on the other hand, means “clever, skillful”. Pretty self-explanatory, given that both he (as himself and as Sento) and his parents are pretty dang smart.

TOKIWA SOUGO 常磐　ソウゴ

“Tokiwa” literally means “a rock that doesn’t change over time”, but figuratively means “eternity”. Of course, this is a reference to him being the eternal king (if Woz had his way), and the eternal Rider, the only one who stood the test of time, as the rest of the Heisei Riders have been lost to history. Additionally, it’s a pun of 時 (toki, ”time”), 時計 (tokei, “clock/watch”) and 時は* (toki wa, “time is”). 

“Sougo”, like Takeru, is in katakana, meaning it can lend itself to a variety of meanings. Unlike Takeru’s name, which is a popular boy’s name, Sougo’s is unusual enough that it doesn’t have a list of commonly used kanji for names. When I looked it up, the words and meanings Google gave me were all over the place. 蒼梧 means “firmiana simplex” (a kind of tree), 双​互 means “reciprocal”, 齟齬 means “discrepancy, conflict”, 総悟 (which is the name of a Gintama character... portrayed by Kamen Rider alum Ryo Yoshizawa... alongside Masaki Suda...) is a riff off a famous samurai’s name. 

This uniqueness may be an allusion to his unique position as a Rider: not only is he a Rider able to use the power of all the Heisei Riders, including his own allies’ powers. He is also the final Rider of the Heisei era, and the first of the Reiwa era. 

Edit: as pointed by @kr-shinkuu, Tokiwa Sou is also the name of the place Ishinomori lived in!

[jamalexlee]

Ask me: FANDOM EDITION: Allll of them, please!?

To clarify its for Brooklyn 99

A - Your current OTP: Ok so I have to cheat right out the box - cos I have two. Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago and Captain Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner. They’re just perfect for each other, so complimentary and so in love - but real you know?

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind Jake and Doug Judy. They are a friendship otp (mostly) but yeah lifelong togetherness. And it was tumblr that got me wondering on this.

C - A pairing you have never liked and probably never will Jake and Amy with anyone that isn’t each other during the show. Brooklyn 99 is better at this than most tv shows but the people introduced solely to keep the will-they-won’t-they couple apart will always annoy me - its just taking air time from the bits of a show I like and forces so much jealousy and stuff - and I’m not into that

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t Rosa Diaz/Adrian Pimento. They just never clicked for me as a couple and she is so out of his league its painful. Not that I’m against Rosa having a boyfriend I actually liked her with Marcus and was upset when they broke up. But yeah…

E - Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what I don’t think I’ve offered much to the 99 fandom - I mostly reblog others bits and agree or add silly comments.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? 22 years. I was with Buffy from the get go - and while its got its issues and bits of it hasn’t aged very well I wouldn’t have been the same without this show in my life.

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it? Bangel. The combinded high romance and excruciating pain had me hooked. I still feel it when I watch it all these years later.

H - Do you prefer characters from real action series or anime series? My anime interest has grown over the last few years but action still wins overall - especially since I can’t help loving seeing my favourite characters in pain - and the live action means we get to see the actors and actresses hurt and cry for the sake of the drama - anime can’t compare.

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? I try not to let tumblr do that to me if I can help it (these days anyway) but (and I realise I could die for this) I have started to dislike corners of the Star Wars fandom due to their treatment of certain characters.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr. Oh god so many - but… sense8. It was advertised no where so I wouldn’t have known it existed or watched it without tumblr giffing the hell out of it - and wouldn’t that have been a shame.

K - How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom? I’m assuming this is Brooklyn 99 so… I love them. Honestly. Their love kept the show going when it was cancelled allowing us to continue enjoying this wonderful funny show.

L - Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for? @lupismaris please please more chapters for But Alone is Alone (Not Alive)

M - Your favorite fanart or fanartist? I’m so bad with names - but I’m hoping the upcoming Silverflint Big Bang and rarepairing weeks will teach me the names better.

N - Your favorite fanfiction or fanauthor? See above - I have so many I love but I suck with names.

O - Choose a song at random, which OTP does it remind you of? Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith -  and Silverflint. Seriously there’s a fanvid to this on Youtube that fits them so well.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas): Black Sails - Thomas comes to Nassau instead of Flint going to him. There are so many characters I need him to meet on that island. Feel free to have him arrive in earlier season to meet characters that totally didn’t die (vane cough cough) - and p.s. I’m total Silverflinthamilton trash so yeah…

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why? Destiel. I hung on to this for far longer than I should have mostly because I couldn’t handle the truth of this pairing - that it was world-class queerbaiting of the highest degree - mind you I stayed with Supernatural for longer than was sane too (9 seasons god help me)

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships. Is there actually a ship in any fandom that no one has ever thought of before? I mean even as Crack!fic it’ll have been done. I guess my closest is Joshua Donovan and Steve Jinx from Warehouse 13 - I don’t know if anyone ever put those two together and its a small fandom

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon:  I don’t really have a personal headcanon for Brooklyn 99 - I agree with a bit of fanon that’s gotten popular - Bi!Jake. Honestly I kinda love the idea of Jake having been oblivious and accidentally had a boyfriend without him realising - and it being played by John Mulaney.

T - If you mostly have homoships, do you have any heteroships? Bangel, Peraltiago, Willow/Oz, Fred/Gunn - though I should mention that I headcanon one or both of these couples as bi so… not totally hetero.

U - If you mostly have heteroships, do you have any homoships? I mostly ship queer ships - its just a fact. And if I ship it I’ll reblog about it - probably more than people would like honestly.

V - Are you one of those fans who can’t watch anything without shipping? Don’t be daft. But on the same token - why’s it bad if you do? Shipping is just another part of fandom. Another avenue of interest and discussions to have in your fandom. And why would you deny yourself an extra dimension of enjoyment.

W - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms: Ok so not choosing Black Sails for this because how in the hell do you pick just one favourite character in that? I’m changes several times a day. Honestly I’d struggle to do a top 10. So Tara Maclay, Buffy The Vampire Slayer - I saw so much of myself in her when that show first came out and she was a very important character - and I’m still pissed about what the show did to her. Captain Raymond Holt, Brooklyn 99 - god what a character, so much too long about him and he is a complete character flaws and all. Wynonna Earp - I love this woman soo much - and not just because the actress that plays her is a goddess either (honest), Dave Lister, Red Dwarf - I’m literally watching it right now - and honestly it was the first time I’d heard my own accent on television and I fell in love immediately and The Doctor - honestly a favourite character that can be a totally different character from one season to another? Classic - this character hasn’t been used the best yet (seriously why always white and why so long to be present as female?) The Doctor is still unique and wonderful character I’ve loved many versions of.

X - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms: Silverflint - there’s just so much in that relationship so much to work with, unpack, rewrite and do with it - you’d never run out of things to do with it - especially if like me you’re cool with either Hamilton or Madi added in (or all of the above), Holmes/Watson - in all versions in all mediums they are soulmates in all of them and I’ll never get bored of these two together, Posner/Scripps - it never happened in canon but it should have - Scripps is oblivious but totally in love with Posner and Posner knows - Scripps will figure it out in University and they will live happily ever after.

Y - A fandom you’re in but have no ships from:  The IT Crowd - I don’t ship anyone there. Not really anyway.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go: Black Sails is awesome - if you haven’t watched it go do it now - you won’t regret it - but fair warning it’ll ruin all other shows for you.

[dontjudgemepeepswrites]

The 9-8 ~ S3 Ep15

Just pretend that the entire thing with Stevie didn't happen.

--------------------------------

y/n - your name

y/s/n - your surname

y/f/n - your full name

y/e/c - your eye colour

y/n/n - your nickname

--------------------------------

*Jakes pov*

"Are you serious? We have to share the already cramped bullpen with another precinct?" I ask, not believing what I'm hearing.

"Yes. And you will all behave," Holt says, as monotonously as ever. This is gonna suck. And I'm gonna have to have a desk buddy. Ugh.

"As long as they don't touch our microwave, we're good," Hitchcock (unhelpfully) inputs. I can practically hear Rosa's eyes rolling.

*when the 98 arrive*

"Here they are. The 9-8. Anyone got any info?" I ask, the rest of the 99 behind me.

"I do." I don't think I need to mention who even answers my question.

"Why am I not surprised, Ames? What ya got?"

"Pretty much that they're all lazy and unorganised. I went through some of their reports and most are worse than yours."

"Ouch."

"Except for one detective, Detective y/f/n. They singlehandedly took down a major drug case. But that's not all, I'm not sure which is better, but they also helped take down Colin the Cereal Killer AND have a binder filled with every case they've ever solved!"

"Did you say Colin the Cereal Killer?! The guy who left no fingerprints or weapons at his crime scenes, only empty cereal boxes?! That Colin the Cereal Killer?! I call dibs on having them as my desk buddy!"

"Too late, I already called dibs. Besides, you didn't talk about the binder!"

"Amy, you're the only one who cares about it," Rosa inputs.

"She's not wrong," is one of the many responses Rosa gets, all agreeing with her.

"You guys don't know real fun then," Amy 'sasses'.

"Why is there a party in the break room? Get back to work. Now," Holt says, interrupting our conversation/argument about y/n. "Except for you, Diaz. Come with me."

*Rosa's pov*

I follow Holt, not saying anything. We arrive in his office in which stands a man who I assume is the 98's captain and a detective.

"Detective Diaz, this is Detective y/s/n. You will be partners while the 98 is working here," Holt explains.

"Hi, I'm Rosa," is all I say.

"y/n, glad to be working with you, Detective Diaz," they politely respond.

"I've chosen you to work with Detective y/s/n as Amy would freak out about the binder, Jake would drive them away, and so would Charles."

"Understandable. What's our case?" I ask.

"You don't have one yet. You both have the rest of the day off to try and get to know each other."

"Ok. What do you wanna do?" I ask y/n.

"Go to Shaw's Bar?" they reply, asking if I'm alright with it.

"Sure. We taking your car?"

"I've only got a motorbike."

"Cool, so've I. What type?" I ask.

"An Indian FTR 1200."

"Holy crap."

"You wanna drive it?"

"Yes! I mean sure," I say, a smile falling onto my face for a millisecond.

"Get going then?"

"Sure."

My desk partner and I are gonna get on well, I can already tell.

*Jake's pov*

"What are they saying?" I ask Amy, hoping her lip reading skill will come in handy.

"Holt's assigned y/n to Rosa! Why wouldn't he assign me, I'm the best detective in the precinct!" Amy exclaims, shocked.

"Are you though?" Charles asks, wheeling his office chair over, giving Amy a look and putting his hand out for me to fistbump (which I obviously accept).

"His words, not mine."

"Hey, Santiago, Peralta, Boyle, this is Detective y/f/n. They're my partner while the 98 are here," Rosa introduces.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you all. You must be Amy, Jake and Charles. Captain Holt's told me all about you guys."

"What did he say?" Amy asks, an expression of fear arriving at her face.

"Well, he said that you, Amy, are a neat freak and will freak out about my binder, he said that Jake is a childish, big headed yet big hearted idiot and that Charles has a... way with words, and a peculiar diet. However, he did also say that you were amazing detectives and it'd be awful without any of you."

"Yeah, what was it like when I went undercover in the mafia for 63 days? Was it boring?" I indiscreetly brag.

"It was awful, JP, terrible," Charles announces.

"63 days in the mafia, you say? Impressive, but not quite a year with basically the equivalent of Hydra. I've seen some things."

"That's so cool," I gasp in awe, not even caring that I just got one upped.

"I'm just gonna ask what you guys are all thinking. How did you catch Colin the Cereal Killer?" Rosa bluntly asks.

"I got all of the cereal boxes he left at the crime scenes and noticed either a dot or a dash at the bottom of them, so I put all of the same cereal boxes together and it was, clearly, morse code. It took a while as there was no way to figure out the order of the Cereal boxes or exactly what letter it was, but I managed to decode it to an address, which happened to be his favourite bar. So, I went undercover to try and find out some information about him from locals and the owners. I eventually found him and went on a 'date' with him to make sure it really was him. Then I arrested him."

"And how old were you when you did that?" I ask.

"When I first became a detective so... when I was 21."

"21?!" we all scream at once, causing the other detectives to stare at us. One of them even stopped talking and getting china models out to glare at us.

"Yeah," they mumble, looking at their watch. "Hey, we should get going, Rosa. You ready?"

"Sure. We'll see you losers later," Rosa states, walking away with y/n.

"They're amazing."

*y/n's pov*

*at Shaw's bar*

"Hey, Rosa?" I ask to grab her attention.

"Mhm?" she says, acknowledging what I said.

"Do you think I'd be a good fit at the precinct?"

"Definitely. Everyone likes you. Why?"

"Because I want to transfer precincts. The 98 Captain's already given me permission, I just need to find a precinct and we all got on so well back at the precinct. I've never had a conversation like that at the 98, they're all jerks and it's nice to be with people who'll listen and give some useful input."

"Debatable, but then again, you haven't met Hitchcock and Scully yet, so. And I'm sure we'd all love to have you join."

"Thanks Rosa. I'll get some transfer papers and ask the rest of the 99."

"You don't need to."

"Why not?"

"Because we all like you. And you have both mine and Holt's seal of approval, you're definitely good. Just apply. In fact, don't tell the others and surprise them. They'll love it."

"Ok. I trust you. I'll get the papers ASAP. I can't wait.

"Just a heads up, you'd probably have to work in a desk opposite Boyle."

"Does he just talk about Jake loads?"

"Yeah. But if you start talking about him to Boyle, Boyle won't stop bugging you for a while."

"Tell me about the rest of the squad."

"Amy, as you know, neat freak and is obsessed with binders. She's also Jake's ex. They broke up mutually, agreeing that it was effecting the work environment for everyone, but they're friends and it's not awkward. Jake is a very childish detective. He's quite sarcastic too. And smart but dumb at the same time. He's very messy and gets a lot of ants in his desk since there's so much food that he never threw away. Speaking of food, let's move on to Boyle. He eats a lot of weird food and is a food fanatic. He even has a weekly email newsletter rating pizza places. And he has a category for mouth feel."

"Mouth feel?"

"Yup. He also says a lot of stuff that unintentionally makes people uncomfortable and will mention his 'buttholes'. Long story short, he saved my life by getting shot in the butt. Hitchcock and Scully. You've not met them yet and you'll soon wish you never did. Sergeant Terry Jeffords, he was out of field for a while but is back now. All you really need to know is that he loves yoghurt. A lot. He won't let you even touch it. Then we have Gina. Holt's assistant and a phone fanatic. She originally got a job here because her and Jake grew up together. She insults Amy a lot but she's cool. And finally, Captain Raymond Holt. We get on well, never discussing feelings. He just got back after being promoted to head of PR. But then he just came back one day and no one knows why."

"This is all a lot to process at once. I'm gonna guess that people don't know lots about you then?"

"Nope."

"Ok."

"Wait, you're not gonna try and pry information out of me?"

"No, why would I?"

"Everyone else normally tries to. I appreciate that you respect my life choices."

"No problem. Want another beer?"

"No thanks. We should get going, it's getting late. Wanna crash at mine? It's close."

"Sure."

*The next day*

Rosa and I walk into the bullpen together, me laughing at something she said. Everyone turns to me, wondering why I'm laughing.

"What?" I ask. "It was a funny joke."

"Rosa told a joke?" Amy asks, seeming surprised.

"Is that not normal?"

"No!" gets yelled simultaneously by the 99 workers.

"You want to see them get freaked out?" Rosa asks me, smirking. Oh no.

"Ok," my mouth disobeys.

"They crashed at my place last night." After Rosa says this, everyone stares at me with their jaws literally dropped.

"You guys should close your mouths. After all, we wouldn't want you to swallow flies, would we?" I sass, taking the opportunity that was handed to me on a silver platter.

"I know three things about Rosa, and one of those things is that she does NOT let people crash at he place. Are you a hypnotist?!" Jake gawps.

"I must be, because y'all seem to be in a trance right now," I playfully respond, sending a playful wink Jake's way.

"Make way for their highness, Detective y/f/n," Gina announces, bowing down to me. I let out a small laugh at the interaction we all just had and Rosa and I make our way to Captain Holt's office and try to open the door, only to find that it's locked.

"Diaz, y/s/n," Holt's voice announces his presence behind us. "I apologise that we're not in my office but I've been locked out."

"Sorry, Captain. The Deputy Inspector does that a lot. Could we maybe go somewhere more private to speak though?"

"Somewhere where Amy can't read everyone's lips preferably."

"Of course. We can go to the roof. I'll lead the way."

*After a brisk walk to the roof*

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Sir, I was wondering if it was possible for me to transfer to this precinct. Permanently."

"Of course. We'd be delighted to have you join the team," Holt accepts.

"Thank you. But may I ask you a favour, please?"

"Of course. However I can't promise that I'll be able to fulfill it."

"All I ask is that you keep my transfer a secret. I'd love to see everyone's faces when they find out."

"If you wish."

"Also, could we maybe get a case to do?"

"Oh, of course. The case that I prepared for you two is a murder. I can't remember the address unfortunately. I think Gina has it though. I'll let you two get it." And with that we all walk back inside. What I see shocks me slightly.

"Detectives, Gina, what are you doing?" Holt asks.

"Huddling," Jake responds, his answer, however, sounding more like a question.

"Why?"

"We wanted to have one of those team talks like they have in the movies," Terry answers.

"Ok. But I suppose we should join then." Holt, Rosa and I join the huddle, however everyone seems hesitant.

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask, worried that something happened.

"No, you don't have to. Now continue your team talk Terry," Jake answers. Terry glares at Jake discreetly, but not discreet enough that it misses my detective eyes.

"Well, get out there today, and do the best you can. If you don't bring anyone in, don't worry! You tried your best, and that's all that matters. 99!" Terry says, yelling the last part, making me flinch slightly, alerting Jake next to me.

"99!" everyone yelled in reply and unhuddled.

"Hey, y/n, could I quickly talk to you?" Jake asks.

"Yeah, sure."

"Are you alright? What happened there? Why did you flinch?"

"It just surprised me, that's all," I lie.

"y/n, I'm a detective. I know your lying. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I completely get it."

"Fine. But it's stupid. It's just that I've never really been a fan of shouting, and it was really sudden and sometimes my teacher in school would randomly go from a normal voice to yelling loads." Jake doesn't respond, he only pulls me into a hug.

"Oh y/n, it's not stupid. Of course it's not. I completely understand. Everyone here would."

"Thank you, JP. You don't mind me calling you that, right?"

"Go ahead."

"Thanks. Y'know, you're a really sweet guy."

"Hey, y/n. We should go. I got the address from Gina," Rosa informs me.

"Right. I'll see you later, JP," I say softly, giving him a kiss on the cheek and then walking away. Did we have a moment? I walk up to Rosa, ready to get going and I see a smirk on her face.

"So, you and Jake, huh?" she asks, bringing butterflies to my stomach. I roll my eyes, before a smile makes its way onto my face.

"Let's go, Rosa."

*At the crime scene*

"It looks like she was strangled. Look at the marks on her neck. And it looks like it was a piece of rope, if we're going based off of the marks. We need to try and find it. I'll check the bedroom and bathroom, you keep looking," I say to Rosa. She nods in reply.

I walk into the bedroom and start looking around. Rope, rope, rope. Aha! Under the bed. I start to inspect it, to make sure it was the right size when someone puts a bandanna in front of my neck and starts strangling me. Crap, this is terrifying. Wait, y/n, remember your training. I muster up all of my strength and push my foot back to kick them where the sun doesn't shine. My plan works and they let go, falling to the ground. I read them the Miranda Rights with a raspy voice, still short of breath and put them in handcuffs. I guide them back into the main room. Rosa hears the door opening and looks my way, immediately making her way over to me.

"Oh my god, are you ok? What happened?"

"Tried to strangle me... kicked her... arrested her."

"She tried to strangle you? I'm gonna kill you."

"We need to... interrogate... her first..."

"Go home, y/n. You need to rest. You're in shock and short of breath. I'll call the precinct."

"No, I'm fine... I'll... survive..."

"Fine. But only because I know that I won't be able to convince you otherwise. You're too stubborn for your own good, like me."

"Thanks. I... appreciate it... Let's go?"

"We're going to the station and I'm gonna make sure you get life in the most high security prison for life. You hear that, bitch?" she spits at the perp.

"Calm down, Rosa."

*At the precinct*

We arrive, ready to put the perp in the holding cell, only to find that everything's fallen to chaos.

"Oh for crying out loud. HEY! ALL OF YOU!" I yell, making everyone stop what they were doing. I get up on a desk so people an see and hear me better. "WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?! WE'RE MEANT TO BE CIVIL COPS, AND I RETURN FROM A MURDER SCENE, AT WHICH I WAS STRANGLED, TO SEE THIS! I'M DISAPPOINTED IN ALL OF YOU! APOLOGISE TO EACH OTHER! NOW!" I hear a murmur of apologies in reply, some people still wide-eyed at the concept that someone tried to strangle me. "Good. Now back to work, all of you," no one moves. "NOW!" Everyone sits back at their desks. "Sorry for standing on your desk, JP," I apologise, getting off.

"Someone tried to strangle you? Who? I'll rip their face off?!"

"Don't worry, Rosa's got it sorted and I got her before I got any major injuries. I was just short of breath for a bit.

"Oh, thank goodness. I am not strong enough to rip someone's face off," he jokes. I smile in return.

"Why did that fight start though?"

"Oh, someone that works for the 98 tried to take Gina's phone off her and it all escalated from there."

"Oh, that makes sense. But to be honest, just between you and me," I start, before motioning him closer and whispering in his ear, "everyone at the 98 is a bit of a dick." He laughs in response.

"y/s/n, may I talk to you for a minute? In private, I mean," Holt asks, taking me outside. "I have the papers you wanted and have signed all I need to, and got the 98 Captain to sign the parts he needed to. Now all we need is your signature," he informs me, after taking me back to the roof. I eagerly sign the papers and hand them to him. "Welcome to the 99." Call me Pinocchio, but I swear I saw a flicker of a smile on his face.

"It's an honour to join."

"By the way, after the incident today, the radiator broke, so the 98 is moving again. Today is supposed to be the last day that the 98 is here. You can figure out how you wish to play out the surprise, but Rosa and I will say nothing unless you ask us to."

"I only had a simple plan. I was only going to suggest that you introduce me as you would with any other detective. In briefing, announce that there will be a new detective and then I'll walk in."

"Brilliant idea, Detective. I'll see you in the morning. As your new captain, I order you to take the rest of the day off and rest. I imagine that it was quite traumatic, getting strangled by the victim's sister."

"She was her sister? That bitch! Did she murder her own sister?" I ask, my eyes wider than an oreo.

"Yes, she did. Rosa says that she confessed almost immediately. Rosa intimidated her that much."

"I'm not shocked."

"Oh, and take another detective with you. After all, you should get to know your new co-workers better."

"Thank you, sir." We both walk back inside and I go to say 'goodbye' to the detectives that work in the 99. "Bye, Sergeant. I hope we meet again one day."

"We'll miss you, y/n."

"Goodbye, Boyle. It's a shame I didn't get to know you more."

"It's been nice to meet you, y/n."

"Amy. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." She seems quite shocked that I'm asking to talk to her.

"Your Captain has given me permission to spend the rest of the day with a detective. Would you want the rest of the day off work and hang out at my place? I'll show you my binder."

"I'd love to!"

"Great! Let's get back to the others now, I have a few more people to say bye to." We walk back, Amy with a smile plastered on her face.

"Why're you so happy? Did a guy finally sleep with you?" Jake jokes.

"Bye, Jake. I'll hopefully stay in contact with you in some way."

"Where're you going?" he asks, confused.

"I've been ordered to go home and rest for the rest of the day and today's my last day at the precinct."

"Oh. Well, I wish the best for you. And, before you go, I was wondering..."

"What?"

"Never mind. It's nothing."

"Ok? I'll miss you JP." I once again kiss him on the cheek. "Bye Gina. We're still going to a Beyonce concert together one day, right?"

"You know it."

"y/n! y/n, I've just been told that I have to arrest this guy with Jake. Can I meet you at your place?"

"Sure! What's your number? I'll text you my address." She tells me her number. "Oh, I forgot to say bye to Rosa! I'll just say bye quickly. See you later, Ames."

"Bye, Rosa. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya, y/n."

"What do you mean 'see you tomorrow'?" Charles asks, obviously eavesdropping on the conversation.

"We're meeting up tomorrow, that's all," Rosa says in her normal voice. He looks at me for confirmation and I just nod.

"Alright, I'm actually going now. Bye everyone!"

"Bye!" everyone says in response. I step into the elevator. They have no idea, do they.

*Time skip*

I hear a buzz, indicating that someone wants to come in.

"Hello?" I ask.

"y/n? It's Amy."

"Hey Amy, come on up," I say, buzzing her in. I then hear a knock on the door. "Come in, Amy."

"Hey! Thanks for inviting me around."

"It's no problem! How was the arrest? Did you get them?"

"Yeah, but Jake seemed really bummed the entire time and whenever I asked why, he brushed it off."

"Oh. That's weird. He was going to say something to me when I was saying goodbye but then dismissed it. That must have been what was bugging him. Unless something's happened in an hour and a bit."

"That must've been it because I was with him straight after he talked to you and he looked like he was gonna cry and/or punch himself in the face. Do you have any idea what he was gonna say?"

"No. He just said 'I was wondering' and then 'never mind'. It could've been anything really." I say this, however I hope that he was gonna ask me out.

"You like Jake?!"

"No! Where did you get that idea from?!"

"You just said it."

"Did I?"

"Yes. You said 'I hope that he was gonna ask me out'."

"Crap. Fine, I like him, but I'm not expecting anything to happen, don't worry."

"Why would I worry?"

"Because Rosa said you two went out and it's weird to go out with your friend's ex."

"y/n, it's fine. If anything ever happens with you two, I won't mind. We've both moved on and it was mutual."

"Thanks Ames, but I still doubt anything would ever happen. That's just my luck with love: I'm about as lucky as someone who walked underneath a ladder on Friday the 13th who opened their umbrella inside and put new shoes on a table. Anyway, wanna see my binder?"

"I'd be honoured."

"Also, no one's ever seen inside it other than me so don't tell anyone what you see in here. Some of the cases in here and beyond imagination. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes."

"Ok then. Here we go..." but just as I'm about to open the binder, Amy's phone goes off. She looks at her phone and then me.

"It's Charles."

"Answer it." She sighs and accepts the FaceTime.

"What do you want, Boyle? I'm a bit busy so this better be important." While she says this, I mouth 'don't tell him I'm here' and I know she'll understand because of her lip-reading skill.

"Yes, it's very important, Amy. Jake's having a crisis!"

"About what?"

"y/n." My eyes widen at the mention of my name.

"What about y/n?"

"He was gonna ask them out when they said goodbye but backed out last minute. He's so mad at himself and scared and upset that he'll never see them again to tell them how he feels. It's awful! We have to find them!"

"I've found them," I say, alerting Charles of my presence.

"Oh... hi y/n. How much of that did you hear?"

"All of it. Is that why he was so bummed when he was with Amy?"

"Yes."

"Charles, get Jake on the call but whatever you do, you can't let him know that I'm with Amy. I need to hear this from Jake himself."

"Fine. But you owe me; I hate lying to Jake."

"I'll get you a free meal at a Gordon Ramsay restaurant."

"Deal. I'll call you back in a few minutes, and I'll have Jake." And with that, he hangs up. Amy stares at me and gives me a look.

"What?"

"It looks like your luck with love has turned upside down." And cue blush.

"Amy, I need a favour. Do not get me in frame at all in this call. I'm going to listen and that's all. Jake cannot know that I've heard his confession.

"Ok? I won't question it. I trust you." Amy's phone starts ringing again. "It's Charles."

"Damn, I'm terrified, Ames." Amy answers the call, making sure that only she is in view of the camera.

"Hey, Jake. So Charles tells me you have y/n related problems," Amy says casually.

"Yup. I hate myself for not asking them out when I had the opportunity. Especially since I'm never going to see them again."

"Have you tried watching Die Hard while eating take out?"

"Yup. It's not helped. I just keep thinking that I'm an idiot and can't focus. They'd never like me anyway. I mean, I'm a messy mess. Literally and figuratively." I so badly want to scream 'I like you, you dork,' but I manage to control myself.

"Dang, what's happened to you, Peralta? You never get this hung up over someone. You must really like them, despite only knowing them for 2 days."

"Yup. There's something about them that draws me to them. Maybe it's their amazing y/e/c eyes, and the way they glimmer in the light. Or the fact that they can gather everyone's attention by using their charm, immediately making others fascinated and draw them in. Everything about them is perfect. And the two times when they kissed my cheek, I went insane inside, but I now that it was a friendly gesture."

"Jake, listen. I don't want to make you more upset, but you never know unless you try. I mean, think about it: every relationship started by one person asking out another. And it's not like it would be awkward if they said no: they're not our co-worker, you probably won't see them again."

I quickly send a text to Amy because I can tell what she's about to do. The text reads 'You can't tell him that you have my number. I'll tell you why soon.' Amy quickly reads the text and sighs.

"So, at least, now you know for next time. Now, try going to sleep. That might help."

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Ames. I guess this kinda helped."

"Bye."

"Bye." Amy hangs up.

"y/n, I need an explanation. Now."

"Fine. The truth is, I'm transferring to the 99. I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow. This was all supposed to be a surprise but now there's tea."

"That makes more sense. But anyway, let's look in that binder."

"Let's do it."

And we don't talk about the precinct for the rest of the night and Amy crashes in my spare room.

*The next morning*

Amy's already at the precinct and I'm about to leave. I'm terrified. How's everyone gonna react? How's Jake gonna react? Ugh. The relationship drama has really given this a new, bad twist. It's time to leave now. I'm not ready. Then again, when will I ever be ready for something like this?

*At the precinct*

I'm outside the briefing room, out of everyone's eyesight, waiting for my cue.

"And to conclude our briefing, we have a new detective. Please, come on in. Everyone, be nice to them and make them feel welcome," Holt introduces.

I step into the briefing room, all eyes on me and am presented by everyone wearing a shocked face (except for Rosa, Holt and Amy).

"Hi," I say to break the silence. Suddenly there's an eruption of cheers, making me flinch again. Then a crowd of people sprint at me and pull me into a group hug.

"Hey guys, yeah, I work here now. And, uh, could you maybe not scream like that, please. It just reminds me of something from when I was younger. And Charles, you're hugging too tight." Everyone backs away and apologises profusely. "Don't worry, guys. You didn't know. Don't feel bad."

"Detective y/s/n talked to Detective Diaz on the first day the 98 were here about transferring and we did the papers yesterday. Detective y/s/n is now a detective for the 99," Holt explains. "They wanted it to be a surprise. However, I see that Detective Santiago knew as well. Did you tell her, y/n?"

"Yes, sir. There were unforeseen occurrences last night that lead up to me telling her."

"Ah, I see. Now, briefing over. You are all dismissed." Everyone gets up and to their desks while I walk over to the captain.

"Sir, which desk is mine?" I ask.

"The desk opposite Detective Boyle."

"Thank you."

As I walk over to my desk, I see Jake pull Amy aside and make a mental note to ask Amy about it later. I take a look at Jake. He doesn't look alright.

"Hey, Charles, is JP alright?" I ask, concerned.

"Honestly, I don't think so. He got no sleep last night, and he got here early. Early. That never happens. He's always fashionably late."

"Interesting."

"Detective y/s/n, I need you and Detective Santiago to go on a stake out. It won't be very long, don't worry. We've had a tip off that a huge drug deal is going on this morning. Not sure why they're doing it in the day, must be imbeciles."

"Of course, sir. We'll get going ASAP." I start heading over to Amy and Jake so we can get going for the stake out.

"Hey, Ames. Holt needs us to go on a stake out this morning, a huge drug deal's going down. We need to get going. Hey, JP. How are ya? Did you get any sleep last night? You look like you could fall asleep at any moment." I ask, pretending that I have no idea what they were talking about.

"I'm good thanks. I just stayed up all night trying to figure out a case."

"Cool! Did you solve it?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, you better get some sleep in. You may be able to sneak a few naps in here and there today," I say, only half joking, putting a wink in at the end.

"I'm glad you're working here, y/n. You're really gonna add something to the team," he says, not so subtly adding the second part in in a panic.

"It's gonna be so fun, I already know. I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta go. See ya later, JP."

"Bye y/n/n." y/n/n. I like that.

*On the stake out*

"I've not done a stake out in so long, I'm quite happy to be doing one again. Especially since you're not a dick like the detectives in the 98," I say. Amy laughs in response.  "Hey, Ames. What specifically were you and JP talking about before I came over?"

"He wants to ask you out but is afraid that the relationship will end like mine and his did."

"Oh, ok. Understandable. If he asks again, tell him to just go for it. If he doesn't ask me, I'll ask him. At the end of the day, we won't know unless we try."

"That's good advice to live by."

"It's also risky. I'm honestly surprised I'm still alive." Amy laughs again in response. "There's movement. Eyes on the drugs, let's go, Ames." Amy and I get in and arrest the parties involved. No one really puts up a fight, surprisingly. We take them to the station, along with the drugs.

"Can I write the report? I love writing reports," Amy asks.

"Sure. Go crazy. I'm gonna talk to Jake."

"Good luck. If he blushes, take a picture for me for blackmail."

"Will do." I walk over to Jake, who's playing snake (really badly) on his computer. "That's a very interesting report, JP." As soon as Jake hears my voice, he closes snake and turns his office chair to face me.

"Hey, y/n, what's up? Yeah, my reports are going amazing."

"Can I talk to you? In private? Please?"

"Sure." He takes me to the evidence room, so we can speak with no one hearing us. "What's up?"

"Is it true that you like me? As in, like-like?"

"Pfft, what gives you that idea?"

"Charles said it last night and you said it to Amy when I was right next to her last night."

"That was your apartment? Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Not a problem. Hey, was that Captain Holt? We should go."

"Jake. I'm serious."

"Ok, fine. I like you, but I get that you just want to be friends."

"And where did you hear that?"

"My brain."

"Well, my brain says that your brain is wrong and that I like-like you too."

"Oh. Listen, y/n, as much as I want this to happen, it didn't work out with me and Amy, so it probably won't work out with us."

"I'm not Amy though. And we won't know unless we try. It's a risk I'm willing to take." Instead of saying anything, Jake just kisses me in response.

"Let's take the risk then."

--------------------------------

[grandrsachilles]

Here is my Les Mis experience

(its really long but what the hell)

I was sat on the 2nd row so I was so close to the stage and at times the cast were no more than 5ft away and it was crazy

As soon as the first note to ‘Look Down’ played I was crying 

Valjean and Javert screaming their names at each other

The way they had the stage rotate as Valjean was walking round finding work was so awesome

The Bishop and Valjean ?? Is this a ship?? There was definitely something going on there, the way they looked at each other whilst the Bishop had his hands on Valjean’s chest (Valjean had his hands over the Bishop’s) and when the Bishop went to leave the stage they still held hands until they couldn’t anymore

‘Valjean’s Soliloquy’ was amazing, the first time we really got to experience Valjean’s vocals and Dean Chisnall’s voice is AMAZING and I teared up

I loved how in the factory Fantine had one friend who stuck with her and held her hands and tried to reassure her when she had been thrown out until she was dragged away off stage by the other women 

Also the factory workers were a mixture of men and women though it was only the women that were horrible to Fantine

‘I Dreamed A Dream’ was pretty emotional, Carley Stenson’s voice was so powerful

‘Lovely Ladies’ was done really well I liked how the prostitutes were all in the centre stage and there was smoke and it was really cool with all the effects and how they had Fantine coming back with short hair

AND BAMATABOIS I cannot stand that man he was so horrible to Fantine and how the women rallied against her trying to comfort her after she attacked him and he threw her onto the floor

The cart scene was incredible, how everyone was running around the stage and then when the cart had fallen some of the cast were practically right next to me like rolling and tumbling 

How they did ‘Who Am I?’ was pretty cool, how he was alone but then he was standing before the court showing his 24601 brand on his chest

Fantine’s death scene was really sad, how she got out of bed and collapsed and Valjean carried her back to bed and she died in his arms and that bright white light that shone on her once she had died got me real good

THE CONFRONTATION I loved this part and how they chased each other around Fantine’s bed?? And Valjean picking up a chair and smashing it on the floor and then threatening Javert with a chair leg what a man

Little Cosette was so adorable, her voice was incredible for someone so young 

The Thenardier’s were so funny throughout the entire thing, just small comments and actions

‘Master Of The House’ was really good and there were multiple laughs during the performance 

‘The Bargain’ was also pretty funny, the things the Thenardiers did when Valjean wasn’t looking like the faces they made at each other and afterwards when they had the money and Mdm Thenardier was rubbing it on herself and Thenardier grabbed her and they ran off stage

THE DANCE SCENE VALJEAN AND LITTLE COSETTE HAD AFTERWARDS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL and how she changed super fast into a nice dress and Catherine

‘Look Down’ was really good again and when Enjolras and Marius appeared !! And some of the ensemble were right next to me again which was awesome

Marius and Cosette meeting each other was really cute and he tried to help her during the robbery scene

Montparnasse like grabbed Eponine during the robbery and she attacked him and pushed him away but then he helped her with the robbery and his outfit was just so Montparnasse?? Like top hat and a better tailcoat than all the others??

When Javert appeared during this and Valjean had gone, Patron-Minette and the Thenardiers were all on the floor next to Javert and Thenardier crawled towards Javert’s feet as he sung ‘in the absence of a victim dear inspector may I go..’ And Javert just glared at him and he shuffled back towards the others really quickly and whispered guess not to the others

‘STARS’ WAS AMAZING once again the vocals were incredible, the Javert was an understudy played by Lee Van Geleen and he was an amazing Javert

‘Red and Black/ ABC Cafe’ was soo good, Samuel’s voice he’s such an awesome Enjolras like his voice was just perfect for this role and THE HAIR he was amazing but when Enjolras said ‘dont let the wine go to your brains’ he stared at Grantaire who stared back in disbelief and pointed to the guy behind him 

Grantaire then continued to lovingly stare at Enjolras throughout the song (minus the parts when he was annoying Enjolras with his lines)

GRANTAIRE PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN 

Grantaire literally sulked and sat down and read a newspaper for the rest of the song whilst everyone else was gathered together listening to Enjolras

I LOVED how this transitioned into ‘Do You Hear The People Sing?’ how they moved from the cafe into the streets to rally people, and Enjolras in the cart omg 

‘In My Life/ Heart Full Of Love’ was so cute and how Marius just climbed the gate and held Cosette, it was also really cool how the gate rotated to fit where the scene was more focused AND Toby’s Marius was so well played like his Marius was so awkward and adorable

‘ONE DAY MORE’ OMG I’m still not over this, how Enjolras came onto the stage wearing the red vest and went between Cosette and Marius and then when they were all doing THAT walk across the stage and the last couple lines got to me SO BAD 

Also Valjean handing Catherine to Cosette and packing her into her bag to leave for England omg

‘On My Own’ was pretty good and again emotional 

And at the barricade when Javert had been found out and Gavroche the little savage has no chill 

And Grantaire whilst singing ‘bravo little Gavroche you’re the top of the class’ picked him up and put him on his shoulders

When Eponine came back to the barricade and was shot it was SO sad like a ‘Little Fall Of Rain’, the blood and Marius’ sobs as he hugged her body and after she was carried away during ‘Night Of Anguish’

During the first attack Grantaire tried to protect Gavroche and everyone screamed get down and everyone did except Grantaire who stayed stood on top of a box with his arms wide and he said bring it on and Feuilly and Courf I think kept shouting at him to get down and he eventually did when they dragged him down

Them gunshots though every time I would full on jump they were SO loud and sharp 

And ‘DRINK WITH ME’ afterwards holy hell, during Grantaire’s part Courf pointed him out to Enjolras who then ran down the barricade and grabbed his shoulder before standing in front of him and they stared at each other for a while before Grantaire literally THREW himself into Enjolras’ arms and they hugged for a few seconds and I cried

Grantaire and Marius also hugged multiple times

‘Bring Him Home’ has always been my least favourite song but Dean’s performance was just INCREDIBLE and I LOVED it and how Marius went to sleep hugging Eponine’s hat just broke my heart

Gavroche’s death omg, just before when Marius and Enjolras were talking Grantaire made sure Gavroche was okay and safe and two seconds later he had run around the barricade and then he was killed once he had thrown the ammunition over the barricade and it was really sad

Marius was then shot and Grantaire was crying over him trying to wake him up

And then he and Enjolras shook hands and Enjolras smiled (which I guess in a way was do you permit it?) 

Enjolras then ran to the top of the barricade and tried to take the flag but was shot and the epic death fall??

BUT then Grantaire ran up to the top after Enjolras was shot and threw his wine bottle at the National Guard and was then shot and killed

How that bright white light shone on each one as they died, was that really necessary???

When the barricade rotated and Enjolras was fallen backwards over the barricade it was so sad but looked SO awesome

The sewer scene was also really good, like how a light would shine on Valjean and Marius and each time Valjean was carrying Marius in a different way it looked awesome

JAVERT’S SUICIDE WAS DONE AMAZINGLY

First off the vocals again, and secondly how it was performed?? There was a bridge on the stage and he climbed over the railings and as he stepped from the bridge to the stage the bridge went up and Javert ‘fell’ and it just looked so amazing?? 

‘Turning’ was so sad and ‘Empty Chairs At Empty Tables’ when they all came and stood behind Marius omg my heart

The wedding scene was so beautiful, some of the barricade guys came back to dance and the dancing was really pretty 

When Thenardier sang ‘this ones a queer but what can you do’ the guy who was Grantaire (Raymond Walsh) stopped dancing, let go of his partner and once again stared in disbelief at Thenardier and the audience

The ending will forever get to me

When Fantine appeared and I started to tear up and then once he had gone and Marius was holding Cosette as she cried and Eponine appeared behind them

THEN everyone reappeared and I SOBBED badly it was so sad yet beautiful 

Don’t even get me started on the bows at the end

I started crying even more I was so sad it was over but soo happy with the cast and the entire thing 

The entire theatre gave a standing ovation and Id never experienced that with a show and it was incredible and that made me cry even more

AND during the final bows the cast were SO close and they all looked so happy and thankful and I cant 

Im SO glad I got to see the new cast in one of their first weeks they were seriously incredible and I recommend it so much

I also got to meet some of the cast afterwards and they were all SO nice 

BEST NIGHT EVER

[kalonsugar]

If you want any of these removed just message us or send us an ask! <3 I got these from the Kalon Item Giveaway being held by rnirai

@ lordren - ren, introducing you to this community has been an amazing, lovely journey, and i always feel so lucky to share the experience of this community with you. youre so talented and watching you grow has been such a delight and i know others feel the same. not to mention how hardworking you are outside of cs, too. you inspire me, ren, and motivate me not just on cs but in everything i do! thank you, i love you so much! @ néktar - star is literally one of the sweetest people ive met. ive never caught her in a bad moment, and speaking with her is always a highlight of my day. she's incredibly helpful and easy to talk to, and i adore listening to her many ideas due to the fact that literally all of them are so brilliantly imaginative and perfect. star has true talent, as well as true kindness, and im very very very happy to consider her a friend! @ ȶigressa - probably my first real friend in the community around a year ago, and still someone i consider a friend to this day. tig is incredibly gifted and honestly hilarious, there's never a dull moment speaking to her as she always knows how to brighten the conversation. she has a genuinely good heart, and deserves every bit of praise possible. she works so hard and i am very proud of her! i also want to thank her for keeping me company last summer; i wasnt in the best place but we stayed up and chatted all the time. it was incredibly kind of her to keep me company, even when i was in a bad mood.

- toadkind

Trollish - Okay so I really don't know how to start this but, I first messaged you in the kalon community to do my hm custom and you've actually accepted it, and Keeko turned out amazing. But we kind of met in a different community bc you did my RU for furtopians although nothing was really thought of since you were an artist & it was your job, but in this community we started talking more and kind of gossiping about ourselves, but it just stopped, so I just came here to say that, Trolli, you're absolutely amazing so please don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Colour - Uhh, I'm bad at starting things. First of all, I'm loving Raymond's and Elfie's relationship although we don't really talk about them, but ever since we started talking on Skype I think that we've gotten at least a little closer?? I know that I'm a weirdo and I honestly dont even know why you stick around, but I enjoy your company and just the little things that we may joke about, and you do help me a lot, and you're honestly super sweet, so thank you for being my friend <3 If I'm ever too much for you, just say so and I'll calm myself down lmao Jello - So, jello, you've disappeared on me and I know that you most likely won't even see this, but you were my first ever friend in this community and I really miss talking with you. The start of our relationship was the mateship between Aiko & Celeste and their relationship is still a favorite of mine. Especially when they had their kits hh, developing and roleplaying them were really fun. You're honestly really funny and nice and I honestly want you back in my life because you made everything better, so I'm hoping that you'll come back to me soon, although you've never messaged me on Skype. Karmel - Well, we don't personally know each other but that doesn't mean that you aren't great. You're doing a great thing for this community and I'm honestly so happy that the community is amazing. I know that you're really sweet and nice, and I honestly hope that we can talk more and get to know each other better, but I know that you're busy so pfft, that probably wouldn't happen so aaa

- Kaori Miyazono.

imp.- you're honestly the first friend //and only one :')// I made in this community! and the first person who can deal with all the crap I have to say,, even though you don't see it you are a very caring person, you're so generous, thoughtful and kind! You always say that Ive done too much but in reality you've helped me more than I would of, I'd doubt I would still be in this wonderful community without you! I know this might seem small compared to others who give so much gratitude to so many wonderful people, but just know that you brighten my day so much when I talk to you. I don't know what else to say, I'm just so grateful to be your friend and I just hope we can still be friends :D!

- Akame-chan

Zailune: I just want to say how amazing you are! Your art is stunning, so unique, your kalons are beautiful, and you're such a kind person! I've always admired you! BuzzyLee: You are so, so kind. Our community needs more people like you. Your art is just... So amazing! It's so kind of you to just... Give it away a lot when you could sell it for so much! Sixbane: Your art. Just wow. There are no words for how much I admire both you and your art. I've always looked up to you! happysparrow: You are so, so sweet! We've had so many great conversations and you've been so great to me! Your art is just beautiful and your kalons are all so unique and loved. Karmel: You are so amazing for being able to keep up with us! I admire your ability to run this species so smoothly! I think that's all my brain can come up with for now!

- Bailey-Boo

To my dear friend, Shadow9119. Although you might never read this as you've decided to retire from ChickenSmoothie, others just seriously need to know of your kindness. I can be a difficult person to deal with (On account of many emotions and just the daily stuff I have to put up with in my school life) it's nice to have someone to fall back on when no one else would hear me out. Coming into a new community is never an easy thing and they've always been there since I first joined as an outsider to aid my struggles of just fitting in to this ever growing community and I just can't get over how sweet of a person the are. Love ya, Shad!

- Credit

[ethanalter]

How ‘Silicon Valley’ Star Zach Woods Makes Each Character His Own

Zach Woods in ‘Silicon Valley’ (Photo: HBO)

Successful character actors owe their careers to a number of factors. But Silicon Valley star Zach Woods tells Yahoo TV that he can trace his gainful employment to one primary source: casting director Allison Jones, who has filled out the ensembles for such beloved comedies as The Good Place and Freaks and Geeks. And as a major Freaks and Geeks geek, Woods already knew of Jones’s importance in helping bring that show’s cast together. So when the New Jersey-born, Upright Citizens Brigade-trained actor landed his first major role in Veep creator Armando Iannucci’s 2009 political satire In the Loop, his one wish was for the film to somehow find its way onto Jones’s stack of tapes. “I remember thinking, ‘What if she saw this film, liked me, and it led to other work?’ And that literally happened!”

Not long after In the Loop‘s release, Woods met with Jones, who encouraged him to move out to Los Angeles despite his lack of housing or employment. “She was my Los Angeles guardian angel,” he says now. “She said outright, ‘I’m going to help you.’ I owe a lot to that woman.”

Woods on ‘Veep’ (Photo: HBO)

Not only did Jones allow Woods to crash at an empty condo she owned for minimal rent, she also arranged for him to join the cast of NBC’s The Office as Gabe Lewis, the towering, socially-awkward corporate liaison between Sabre and Dunder Mifflin. And that role did indeed lead to other work, including memorable appearances on Veep, Playing House, and Silicon Valley, where Woods is part of a killer comic ensemble that includes Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Kumail Nanjiani and Martin Starr.

Now in its fourth season, HBO’s Silicon Valley follows the constantly rising and falling fortunes of a disruptive tech company, Pied Piper, and its brilliant, but hapless creator, Richard Hendricks (Middleditch). Woods plays Jared, who left the lush confines of the show’s Google-like Internet monolith, Hooli, to be part of this quixotic start-up. “The way I think about Silicon Valley is that it’s a Pinocchio story for Jared,” Woods explains. “He was Hooli’s puppet, but then Richard came and made him a real boy. The arc of his character, for me, is discovering new parts of humanity.”

In Season 4, for example, Jared will learn all about losing a loved one… not to death, but to unemployment. “Richard leaves the company in the very first episode,” Woods says. “That’s an earthquake for Jared, and as the season goes on, Richard has a moral crisis that Jared has a difficult time dealing with.” We spoke with Woods about being a character actor in the comedy world, and why he never watched an episode of Friends or Family Matters growing up.

Martin Starr, Woods, and Kumail Nanjiani on ‘Silicon Valley’ (Photos: HBO)

In chatting with various character actors for this week-long tribute, it’s been interesting to hear when their paths to character actor-dom began. When did you realize you were headed in this direction? It’s weird, because with my Herculean build, you’d think I’d be action movie material! [Laughs] Strangely, the marketplace has denied my obvious physical prowess. It’s more exciting to me, this idea of getting to play characters that are strange or more like actual people that I know. I sometimes feel like the leading man parts I see are a generic masculinity, which obviously doesn’t work for me. I’m glad to get to play the weird gargoyles and freaks.

You’re generally cast as a very specific type of character — the looming, awkward guy — but you’ve found ways to hit new notes within each of your roles. I try to think of each character as its own individual thing. It’s the casting department’s job to put the character into a particular area physically or vocally. They’re going to cast someone who fits those certain specifications, but if I start thinking about my type, that’s just a recipe for a sort of reiterative performance where you’re doing the same thing again and again. I try to think about what each character loves and fears, because even with characters that are externally similar, their interior lives can be really different. For example, with Jared on Silicon Valley, he’s madly, deeply, hopelessly in love with Richard and the company, and fears letting them down. And on The Office, Gabe loved the idea of being powerful, and feared reality basically.

Do you ever express those decisions to the writers and directors on set, or just embed it in your performance? Sometimes it’s a conversation, but more often than not they just want you to make choices. I also improvise a lot as a way of finding the character, and that’s a good way of having a conversation with the writers. If you’re improvising, even if they don’t end up using it, they can see what’s of interest to you about the character and then incorporate it more heavily into the script. That’s especially true on Silicon Valley; they write a joke you love, so you improvise from that joke and they see your interest in that area. And if it’s interesting to them, too, they’ll expand on it. It’s a nice back and forth.

Woods and Thomas Middleditch on ‘Silicon Valley’ (Photos: HBO)

When I spoke with Thomas Middleditch last year, he said that the entire Silicon Valley cast loves watching you improvise. Jesus, that’s so nice! Well, Thomas is a force. Richard is such a cerebral character, but he plays it so physically. His body when he plays that character is totally different from his body in real life. I love that guy, so I’m glad he likes it. You sometimes worry when you’re improvising about whether it’s some kind of masturbatory self-indulgence. So I’m glad that Thomas Middleditch approves if no one else! [Laughs]

Are there any characters actors you look too for inspiration or guidance in your own career? I would never compare myself to this person, but a character actor I admire is John Cazale. He played Fredo in The Godfather and was also in The Deer Hunter and Dog Day Afternoon. [Cazale passed away in 1978.] Those are not comedies, but I think he’s so funny in The Godfather when he’s introducing Michael Corleone to Moe Green, and Michael is rude to him. Cazale goes: [imitating Fredo’s voice] “Michael, you do not talk to a man like Moe Green like that!” He’s such a desperate clown, and so sympathetic, you know? I just love Cazale. I have a shirt that’s made up of his face with all five of his movies; each slice of his face is a different movie.

Having worked primarily in comedies, have you noticed a difference in what’s required for creating a character career in that genre versus dramas? You just have to be wary. You don’t want to turn into a shtick machine, and you don’t want to shrink yourself to a collection of external clichés. That’s the thing to keep an eye on. Someone told me once that comedy is basically made up of archetypes that have existed forever. If you watch successful sitcoms, you can reduce them to the same five archetypes that existed in old Italian plays from the Renaissance. That’s true in a way, but the challenge is to not be a generic archetype — to find some specificity in it. In the comedies I really like, the actors are basically playing it as drama. When you can feel someone working really hard to land a joke, it can be really alienating as an audience member. So I try to play it as though this is real stuff that’s actually happening, and these are just peculiar people as opposed to leaning on the comedy with a capital K.

Lennon Parham, Jessica St. Clair and Woods on ‘Playing House’ (Photo: Michael Yarish/USA Network)

How do you think your particular approach to comedy would have fared on the more traditional sitcoms of the ’80s and ’90s when you were growing up? Not as well! [Laughs] I’m very lucky. I started at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater in New York in the early 2000s, back when it was this tiny black box theater that no one cared about. It used to be a porn theater, so people would periodically show up there thinking there was still porn there. It could not have been less on the grid. As I’ve grown up, though, the theater has spread its tentacles, and now when I go to see mainstream comedies, it’s all people I know and took improv with! This alternative comedy has worked its way into mainstream sitcoms and movies, and that chronology is perfect for me. I don’t think I would have done as well on Everyone Loves Raymond. That show’s funny, but it’s just not my wheelhouse.

What were the shows that defined your comic sensibility early on? I loved Freaks and Geeks, so working with Martin Starr now is just amazing. And that’s an example of someone who really plays a character with his whole heart. He’s not making fun of [Gilfoyle], he’s committing to it and that’s so funny. I also always really loved the British Office, Office Space, and old Christopher Guest movies. The fact that I’ve gotten to do the American Office, and work with Mike Judge and Martin on a daily basis is the most incredible and surprising bit of wish-fulfillment. I feel bewildered and delighted by it.

It’s interesting that, even as a kid, you weren’t into mainstream shows like Friends. Not really! I never saw Friends and I haven’t seen that much Seinfeld. My parents were really intense about TV, and didn’t want us watching it, really. So I missed out. When people talk about that episode of Full House or Family Matters they grew up watching, I really have no idea. I’m like, “Do you want to hear about this old, weird British one act play I was reading when I wasn’t allowed to watch TV? I can also quote Lost in Yonkers!” [Laughs]

Silicon Valley airs Sundays at 10:30 p.m. on HBO.

Read more from Yahoo TV: ‘Silicon Valley’ Review: Innovation vs. Integrity, With Laughs TV’s Top 20 Character Actors Working Today How Hall of Fame Character Actor Stephen Tobolowsky Approaches Each Role