#it’s relatable! (stares at the camera in filipino) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ismffof-blog · 5 years ago

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Arvin Garcia - Scineap

In the documentary, the directors mentioned how cheap it is to shoot films in the Philippines. A stuntman was injured and they paid him P5 for participating before going home. A filmmaker mentioned that the Philippines has jungles and girls that you could exploit and you can get them cheap for a film that will cater to a western audience. The cost of labor is very affordable, they have studios and camera equipment, everything they need.

I think exploitation in films in terms of profit is good for the creators because of their focus on what sells on the market partnered with the low budget they use, and I think that’s the only reason why they came here in our country. I remember watching a documentary about a firm related to graphic design where they said that they always get Filipino artists became they speak good English and ask for a cheaper payment compared to other Asian countries, and that video I think is from 2019. Maybe it depends on the person’s perspective if that’s exploitation or not, maybe they desperately need money or not know the “real” value of their service or skill.

The two Filipino exploitation films that I watched were Balahibong Pusa (2001) and Scorpio Nights (1985). I think the two films have a familiar setting that most Filipinos today can relate to, a crowded market with the smell of public transportation and a tenement like area. Violence is also present in both films with the use of a gun and is directly related to a sexual act. Both films also demonstrate the immorality which is present in our country, and to some extent, some people even commend you if you’re a man in a relationship who isn’t a womanizer because to some people that’s the norm. In Balahibong Pusa it happens when Nick is having an affair with Sarah and Becky but some people might look at it as a non-serious relationship. In Scorpio Nights it is the unfaithfulness of the wife of the security guard and her “casual encounters” with Danny.

In this part of the film, you can see two guys staring as Sarah walked by and the first thing I can think of is that they are like lions or predators stalking their prey. You can see the lust in the eyes of the guy on the left. I would say that these types of scenes are considered normal back in the day, but now with different movements that concern women and the respect they deserve and need. Scenes like these might appear offensive for some, but times are changing and they aren’t objectifying women that much today compared to before.

In this particular scene in Balahibong Pusa, we can see that the guy is holding a cue stick and his hand is moving in an upward and downward motion, the cue stick or what we call here locally as “tako” resembles a phallic symbol and the upwards and downwards motion is the representation of penetration, the other guy in his back is trying to hold his shoulders in a groping manner while talking to the other guy about Sarah. I think the usage of phallic symbolism in films helps in the direction of the story, the flow where the director wants the story to go.

This one scene where his neighbor told him something important but Danny didn’t understand it. He said “pag meron kang hiniram na bagay isauli mo agad bago mo maisip na ikaw ang may ari nito”. On the context that he saw Danny crying and being jealous about the marriage of the secuirty guard, and he said that Danny doesn’t have any right to be jealous, and to my understanding that he should stop doing what he’s doing before something bad happens. I think that neighbor who he calls “Henyo” that warned him is his friend, at an earlier scene we can see them talking about the first time Danny tried to “penetrate without consent” the security guard’s wife and Henyo said that there’s no way the the wife didn’t know it was a different guy.

The images below show both men using a gun to take advantage of people to swing the odds in favor of them in a good or bad way. The first image his usage of the is to force the woman to have intercourse with him and the second image the security guard in the film Scorpio Nights caught his neighbor and wife having sex in their room and decided to kill them, and with the sick part where he penetrated his wife until she dies and after orgasm he also killed himself.

I believe that people resort to the use of power when they don’t get what they want, and if power is available to them like what the gun represents in the images shown below they will use it to turn the tides into their favor. In today’s context though, after all the extrajudicial killings that happened in our country and with the current pandemic that we are facing some people are suggesting in social media that the president should declare martial law. We all know that martial law is related to guns and violence, and it’s really possible to happen given on how our president thinks.

Both films also include peeping scenes like the images shown below. The first image is from Balahibong Pusa where Michael tries to watch Sarah while she’s taking a bath. The second image is from Scorpio Nights where Danny is peeping on her neighbor which is the security guard’s wife, the main difference between the two is that Danny does it several times in the film. I’ve read that voyeurism is a form of sexual perversion that involves peeping or “boso” at other people without them knowing they are being watched whether they are performing a sexual act, nude, or even fully clothed it depends on what you like seeing. Voyeurism or the “peeping tom” disorder is most common on young males, I think this is why Danny keeps doing it in the film.

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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Do you ever eat when you're not particularly hungry? I’ll try to avoid it, but I would sometimes eat when I get bored. When I’m stuck with someone in public I’ll also take a bite (if I have food) from time to time so that I don’t have to keep talking. Have you ever gone up a mountain on a train? No. My parents paid for horse rides up the Taal Volcano once, but this was back when I was 12 and had no idea what a terrible idea this was. I appreciate what my parents did for that trip but as I grew older it’s never really served as a fond memory for me as I think of how exhausted the horses must have been. It’s been several years so I hope they’ve put a stop to it.

What is your favourite hot beverage? I hate hot beverages. If I absolutely had to have a hot drink though I always pick hot chocolate.

Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. What was your imaginary friend called when you were a child? Katrina. She existed for like half an hour, though.

Can you see the stars at night where you live? A little bit. They’re much clearer in the higher area of my city. Where do you live? The Philippines, unfortunately. Is there anyone you just can't get out of your head? Kylie Minogue. Lmfao lame joke aside, not really. I’m past that phase where I’m absolutely crazy about my girlfriend and think of her every minute. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Why? Dogs. They’re friendlier and playful, which is really the reason why I’d consider having a pet at home. There’s a really sweet cat that’s guaranteed to lie on my lap in my college building, but apart from him I’ve never understood cats :( One thing you'd like to achieve this year: Not fuck up my job as vice president for externals in my org. I’ve never worked in the committee before and only took up the job because no one else cared as much for the org, so I’m just looking forward to not making mistakes and following whatever my predecessor did. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I would try out anything so long as it didn’t have my least favorite, fruits. Are you a hoarder of useless items? Receipts are technically useless, but I hoard them for memories. What colour do you think suits you best? Is this your favourite colour? Navy green. It’s not my favorite, but it looks the best on me for some reason. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? Nah, I don’t think there’s anything unusual. Do you know both of your biological parents? Which one do you prefer? Yes. I live with them. I like my dad better. If you could intern anywhere, where would you choose? Anywhere that would give me the opportunity to do public relations and media relations! My internship opportunity had been super cool, so having another experience like it would be amazing. When was the last time you wrote so much your finger ached? May, when I had a string of final exams that I all had to do by hand. Do you store a lot of pictures you've taken that no one else has seen? Yep. I’m a pretty horrible photo hoarder. My camera roll needs some seeeerious cleaning. Do you prefer film or digital pictures? Digital just cause it’s easier and more accessible. But I like how film looks so much more. When was the last time you felt inferior? Last Wednesday. Do you bump into things often? I’m less clumsy now, come to think of it. When did you first start using the internet? 2008. I remember having had it much earlier but 1) I was still super young to go around using the computer, and 2) there wasn’t much to do on the Internet anyway. But by the time 2008 rolled around, there was a good amount of content that 10-year-old me could have fun with. Were you ever a member of the Scouts / Girl Guides / Something similar? No, we don’t have that here. If we do, it’s not as popular or publicized. Do you prefer camping or staying in hotels? Staying in hotels. But that’s only because I’ve never legitimately camped before. Do you have any family traditions for certain holidays? Which? For Christmas, we would usually go to one of my grandpa’s sisters house and have a big reunion with my mom’s side of the family and do monito-monita for exchanging gifts. As we’ve gotten older it’s become much harder to gather everyone under the same roof, so this image is among my favorite and fondest memories of being a kid. Do you prefer lip balm that tastes or smells of something? Or maybe neither? I prefer it to taste/smell sweet. What is something you think about yourself that nobody agrees with? I dunno what other people think of me. What about something people think of you that you don't agree with? That I’m put together LMFAAAAAOOOO Do you enjoy flying? What's your (least) favourite part? I love it. I don’t like if I’m anywhere but the window seat. What colour are your eyes? Do you like them? Dark brown. I mean, I like them but they’re kinda just...normal. Filipinos don’t have a choice anyway though so whatever.

Have you ever had braces? I had them for a couple of years in high school. Name one of your hobbies: Trying out new food! How minty is your toothpaste? It’s the right amount. It’s not too painful. What design is on your calendar this year? I just use the calendar app on my phone. Do you collect anything? What? Receipts, photos, coloring books. Do you keep a diary? What sort of things do you write in it? This blog is virtually my diary. I write about whatever I’m asked. Are you prone to headaches? Only if I’m exposed to hot-cold-hot-cold weather. Do you enjoy clowns / street performers or are they creepy to you? So long as they aren’t doing anything to be creepy, I’m fine with them. What is your favourite type of video game? Open world tbh so I can get away with not doing missions, as someone who’s never figured out how to beat any video game hahahahaha Do you believe everything you hear or do you take it with a pinch of salt? Well, it would depend on what I’m hearing. :/ What's the weather like where you live? (All year round, not today) The climate is tropical, which just means it’s PAINFULLY HOT for most of the year, and it can either be humid or chilly when it does rain. It’s never too cold, which sucks for me. Have you ever had a teacher who would just babble about nothing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA welcome to college, my dude. Do you ever look at a word and think that it looks odd? Not really this per se, but sometimes I’ll keep staring at a word and eventually it’ll start looking weird. I know this happens for everyone else too lmao so. Do you prefer getting news online, from a paper or from the TV? Nowadays, online, provided that it’s accurate and verified. I don’t watch TV anymore and reading the paper is just too much of a hassle. The shoes you wear most often: What do they look like? They’re Onitsukas with red and blue stripes. When was the last time you climbed a tree? I’ve never done this. All trees in this country have red ants haha. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? Yes, it was one of my favorite games. We call it piko here, though. Only rich kids who grew up speaking in English call it hopscotch. Are you good at keeping your house clean? I like to keep my place tidy, but I dunno if I’m any good. Can you play any instruments? Just the recorder, if it even counts.

Do you prefer chocolate or fruity flavoured candy? I don’t really like candy so I can go either way.

#surveys #survey

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weannewashere · 7 years ago

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#KeepingUpWithKym

Who comes into my mind when I think of the phrase “partner-in-crime?” Definitely not Kym. Hahaha because honestly, the things we do when we’re together are as close to crime as Duterte is to being presidential. Basically we attend paint classes, watch musicals, bake cookies, comment on each other’s tumblr, and make loom bands with pediatric patients. If we had a reality show, we’d be the GeneralPatronage-rated version of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie - we literally receive the middle finger from irate Italian drivers for slowing down to let them pass.

But it works, because sharing the exact same interest for grandma activities means we automatically know what each other wants to do when we hang out. (Also, look at us, how cute do we look in our matching pajamas hahahahaha effort tong mga pictures na to in fairness, photo credits to Kym’s camera stand lol.)

For example, this weekend. Kym had flown in from California to spend her vacation leave with her loved ones (ehem) in the Philippines. When she told me she had time in her schedule for a day together, I didn’t even have to think twice about our itinerary - stay in McKinley Hill for the night to drink tea and read books haha, have breakfast at the Venice Piazza Mall, and soak in some art at the Pinto Art Museum (we also wanted to try our hand at this archery place, but alas we ran out of time).

Good morniiiing.

Breakfast at Mary Grace. Their mushroom cheese omelette and lemon squares are DIVINE.

Riding a gondola in the Manila version of Venice instead of actually going to Venice because the angry Italian drivers traumatized us lololol.

The Pinto Art Museum is my absolute favorite museum in the Philippines. The old Filipino/Greco aesthetic, the unique contemporary artwork by local artists, the huge windows and natural light, the open, intimate vibe of the place - ugh I seriously could stay here all day.

What I love most about the artwork at this museum is that they all reflect contemporary issues - poverty, inequity, colonial mentality, gender, urban life, politics - making the art so completely relatable and thought-provoking.

Here, let me try to show you a sampler of the art:

Oh wait, you mean like paintings and sculptures? HAHAHA yes sure the museum had those too. There were so many interesting pieces, but here are my favorites because well, they made me feel things:

The Hollow Man Alab Pagarigan I dunno, I like calling this one Turning Invisible lol. My photograph isn’t too good, but at the right angle, it really looks like the figure is slowly turning invisible as he rocks back and forth on his swing.

Roulette Leonard Aguinaldo The roulette is marked with various traits such as galante (generous), magalang (respectful), malandi (flirtatious), praning (paranoid). Around the roulette are the words ikaw (you), ako (I/me), sila (them), tayo (us). I guess this artwork spoke to me because it deals with the human tendency to define people by one specific trait, as if we all get one spin at the character roulette of life.

Manyika Elmer Borlongan The painting unfolds like a tense drama. At the edge of a railroad stands a middle-aged woman in a dress, her plumpness and vacant stare suggest a form of mental retardation. She seems to have been under care for so long, but what startles us is a mannequin leg of a man that she clutches like a doll. Is she lost? Where has she come from? Why is she here? And where did she get that leg?

Even in his early career in the 1990s, Borlongan has been drawn to observe and paint unusual street characters in the urban metropolis. These are people with idiosyncracies who, under the artist’s rendering, stand as monuments to the dissonance we encounter in the streets of Manila: armless guitar players, homeless children, blind men leading other blind men, and people swimming in reused oil drums, head first.

Manyika resonates this everyday strangeness. She is someone we can indeed encounter roaming some back street in Tondo, or Paco, or even in some remote edge of megapolitan Makati, holding the limbs of an amputated mannequin like a cherished toy. Is the leg an ersatz for a partner or a relationship that is too difficult for a person of her disability? Does it stand for a lover, perceived as real? Is this a personal fetish? Does it startle us to realize that even in mental regression, the desire for a connection is present? Manyika challenges our questions, engages our concept of humanness, of personal longing. It also addresses the difficult question of Otherness: Why does she look like an Other, in her strangeness?

Tinggang Baluti Salvador Alonday The subject of this bust sculpture is Superman. Look at his face and discover the little kiss of hair that is suggested across his forehead. But it is a Superman reimagined and reinterpreted in the manner of Christ as Sagrado Corazon, the Sacred Heart. Alonday merges the image of both heroes, tongue-in-cheek to create a cross commentary on the idea of redeemer and savior. After all, both heroes are not from this world, reared in the simple hearth-centered morality of farmers and workers, which in turn provides a check against their overwhelming powers: Superman with his brute strength and invincibility and Christ with His healing and ability to overcome death. This core of values lies beneath the shell of Alonday’s Superman - a heart that is both exposed and covered.

Alonda’s Superman is made to appear to be made of two metals, copper and lead. But the title refers to the possibility of Superman having a shell or outfit made of lead, the only thing that shields him from the radiation of Kryptonite. Thus with his tinggang baluti, Superman becomes truly invincible, invulnerable. He is rendered safe from weakness and death, and being so, he is able to expose his own heart. Does the artist imply that there is a need for an effective and powerful layer of protection before one can choose to be vulnerable? That even the most powerful of heroes need to wear a shell before choosing to be open to the manifestations of the heart? Alonday’s Superman casts his eyes downward in a glance of compassion. The work thus forges a wonderful sense of ambiguity, the paradox of power and love.

I don’t remember feeling this empty Joanna Helmut The painting is of an unusual visage: a young girl suffering from the throes of depression. I don’t remember feeling this empty is set in a bare blue room with an empty picture frame and a lone stool standing too close in a corner. Occupying almost two-thirds of the picture is a girl in a pink dress, with her one hand clasping her forehead in a gesture of culpability. The title of the piece could very well serve as her inner monologue and we are left to wonder why. What can cause such emptiness in the heart of a child so young? Joanna Helmut’s work derives its power not just from her carefully arranged elements and muted hues, but also in her courage to represent what the Filipino public once dismissed as taboo: the affliction of melancholy. The dismissal is one of non-acknowledgment, confident as we are that the time-honored structures of family and friendship could soothe any depression, which is misunderstood as sadness. Helmut’s emphasis on the condition of emptiness, that is the loss of vital meaning for living, is efficiently portrayed here and even strongly amplified in the subject of child sufferer. It is a work that requires the choice to observe and affirm that life is simply not a precession of values and generations, but also a cycle of vigor and shadow.

The script at the top left of this piece reads:

Poetry Loaves Wash your hands. Rid them of a lifetime’s hesitation. Roll up your sleeves. Keep paper towels on hand Preheat oven to 375. Combine flour and loud pauses for flavor Add spices to thrill away boredom: cinnamon risk, a dash of blanched candour to taste one-half teaspoon of doubt to balance. Fill the room with baking smells. Lose your hands in a mound of batter, the hill of bound matter, not yet ready for climbing. Knead the mixture until it tumbles into birth. Cover dough with a damp cloth, and rise to unseemly heights. The sun will appear in this unbaked loaf Poem should double in bulk after one uncertain age of introspection, many reincarnations and editions. Pound down dough, it will survive and be the stronger for it Do not follow recipe too closely: shut your eyes and burn the rules Roll into loaves of different shapes and sizes. Even an outspoken lump has its place.

Kasal sa Hatinggabi (Wedding at Midnight: The Church and the State) Elmer Borlongan, Karen Flores, Mark Justiniani, Joy Mallari, Federico Sievert This painting ridicules even as it exposes what hte artists perceive as a “testy and treacherous” alliance between Church and State. The scene is a parody of the rural wedding dance that often includes the release of doves hiding in a makeshift papier mache bell. The wedding couple: a politician and a cleric stand beneath this bell arch, at a dance that occurs curiously in the dead of the night, each with a weapon in one hand, while an arm seems to embrace the other. By showing them as marrying, even if in the most treacherous of arrangements, the artists declare openly that it is a match that is so ominous in their prospect for everyone. It is a painting of warning.

Oblivious Steph Lopez Two sculpted figures in wire approach each other in a tentative embrace. The taller male form stretches his right arm out to touch the female’s hip, while his left hand is bent back, reluctant. The more engaged female is inches away from a caress, her face focused on the moment of the touch, even as the male appears withdrawn, impassive, like a distant deity. The work hints at an incipient moment of intimacy, which somehow fails, and we are left seeing the gestures of affection that has either waxed or waned.

Kubli Elmer Borlongan With its face and bodily proportions stretched out like the figure of Edvard Munch’s The Scream, Elmer Borlongan’s painting of a child sleeping in a dimly-lit corner on a bare concrete floor possesses a foreboding drama that is rare in the artist’s oeuvre. The single source of light casts a long shadow of a post that runs across the feet of the dormant boy, like an ominous presence that watches over his slumber. Yet, with his palm as a pillow and the other nestled for warmth between his knees, our sleeper is unaware, almost dead to everything else in the world. It is the sleep of extreme exhaustion, from going through a day’s worth of work, or of endless meandering and seeking alms and food. It is the sleep of an animal that has run out of energy to scrounge and is content to find the darkest, most secure place it can find, as shelter.

The Undelivered Project Think of the one whom you have loved and lost. Take a pen and write an anonymous letter to him or her using the stationery provided. Empty your thoughts. Fold and seal the letter. Deposit the letter in one of the drawers - Let it remain undelivered - Move on!

#travel

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riannagalvez · 6 years ago

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Hello, dolls! Hello, last day of April!! Who is ready to embrace the month of May with positivity? I have so many exciting things in store for me, little adventures I can’t wait to take on. I can officially start counting the days until I become a Mama of two now — how time flies! Despite the morning sickness and exhaustion, I have to say that I am truly enjoying this pregnancy. In fact, I feel like I am going to miss having her in my belly and going through the waves of changes.

I spent the entire weekend with my Filipino crew here in Baltimore. It was nice to catch up with everyone and talk about anything about home, the Philippines. There are so many things that we miss from home — the simplicity of life, the warmth of family and friends surrounding us, and food of course! My trips to the Philippines have changed ever since A and I got engaged. Before, I would come home and not plan anything because my main purpose was to retreat, spend time with my family, and eat my heart out. With A, I love how I am rediscovering things in the Philippines without compromising time with family and friends.

Bringing little A to the Philippines was exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. I did not know how he would do during a long haul flight as it is his first. I already knew what to expect during our travel from New York to Manila, but not with a 6-month-old. What kept me positive was the fact that I know he will make a lot of my family and friends happy since they had been wanting to meet him since he was born.

Bring little A to the Philippines gave me a new perspective about coming home. It was my first time coming home as a Mom so I was excited to try Mom related activities during our stay, something that I have never experienced before in my home country.

Our family in the Philippines is growing! In the past year alone, our family welcomed 5 babies!! Including myself next month, it would be 6! Imagine how big our Christmas photo will be this year! 😛 Little A and baby girl are lucky to have cousins they can play with whenever we are in the Philippines.

Stage Mom alert 😛

Our cousin invited us to take Little A and his cousin C to get their pictures taken at The Picture Company. It was a fun experience seeing the two of them smile in front of the camera and change into different outfits.

Here are some of the official pictures from their super cute photoshoot! ❤

Little A and C’s fans club 😛

One of the main reasons why I want little A to go to the Philippines before he turned 1 was for my Lola (grandmother), his great grandmother to meet him!

Since we were there for my sister’s birthday too, what better way to celebrate little A’s 7th month and her 24th than a Jollibee party?

My Mom and my sister organized this super fun Jollibee party. It was the perfect gathering to see family and friends before we flew back to Baltimore.

My sister’s unicorn cake LOL!

Jollibee spaghetti, crispy chicken joy, chocolate sundae, yumburger, and soda for everyone!

I’d do anything to eat this meal right now! LOL

It’s funny how much A loves Jollibee!! He wouldn’t mind driving to New York/New Jersey at least once a year to eat our hearts out.

The best part about our trip was witnessing how loved little A is. A lot of my friends made an effort to see him more than once and our family made sure his first trip to the Philippines would be nothing short of amazing.

Since our loved ones can’t make it to Little A’s first birthday, they made sure he would have something he can remember them by. A and I did not expect to go back to Baltimore with so many presents!

I can’t believe we brought all these back! The toys survived 36 hours of traveling without any damages in our suitcase. lol

7-month photo shoot with his “new friends” 😛

Being a model for Mom is tiring… LOL

My Dad had to go back to the Philippines when Little A was less than 3 months old. It made me sad because I really want them to have more time together, I was afraid Little A wouldn’t be comfortable around him since he is not used to seeing him but my sweet boy proved me otherwise. They make each other happy and it makes my heart full! ❤

A must when we go back to the Philippines is to go to Tagaytay. They have plenty of great restaurants you can choose from and to have a little break from the hustle and bustle of Manila is relaxing for us, even if it’s just for a day.

Our family is growing!! This year there will be more in this picture! ❤

My family and I have been telling Little A about all the things he will do in the Philippines. He is very excited to eat Jollibee on the regular and be in total adventure mode! I can’t wait for him to experience new things.

A lot of people told me Little A resembles his Tito (Uncle) Renzo. I might have stared at his baby pictures too much while I was pregnant lol. They get to spend a lot of time together since my brother is usually the last one to leave whenever my family comes to visit us here in Baltimore. Their dynamic is so comical and I love how I see a different side of Little A when he is with my brother.

Off shoulders are great for Moms who breastfeed or pump! Just get a nice coverup and you are good to go. I know I will have to “boob-proof” my closet again so thankfully I have plenty of off-shoulder dresses and tops to wear this spring and summer (and for our trip to the Philippines too 😛 ).

Manila, are you ready for us again? 😛

R ❤

Baby’s First Trip to the Philippines Hello, dolls! Hello, last day of April!! Who is ready to embrace the month of May with positivity?

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goodbyepeach-blog · 7 years ago

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Unknowns

Met with some news today. More unknowns coming up in the near future.

As a Virgo, I despise unknowns. I hate the unplanned. Planning something is enough to get me anxious, and sensing something unpredictable in the horizon drives me insane.

I have been trying to get into a spiritual path, after years and years of inner turmoil, arguing with myself about how I’m really agnostic. How science refutes all indication of higher beings and deities. How nothing matters because every single thing you can think of is a particle suspended in space waiting to die one day. But there is a coalescence. A higher spiritual world that I’m trying to know. Where all palpable knowledge coexists with a spiritual wisdom. I just need a specific path.

This path talks of deities, which I find hard to connect with given all those years of religious training. So while my two-year old requested to be rocked to sleep for the first time tonight (we don’t do this at all), I thought of the elements in my known universe that I look to or turn to in times I seek light. It is literally the sun. And then the moon. I thought of sun worshippers. But really, I just cried.

I was having a familiar “little girl lost” moment that haunted me as a child. That thing followed me until the day I decided that I am going to be NORMAL. I’m going to be relatable and say I went to concerts or I possess the confidence to drink and dance in a club. I so wanted to be normal, but it just never happened.

Two kids later and I feel just as helpless. I think it might be a visual trigger. When I was an adolescent, I slept on top of a bunk bed. Filipinos liked to install altars to house statues of Jesus, and I had one just above my head. A statue literally fell on me during an earthquake. The altar had two lamps that were on every night. It was the room’s night light that provided much convenience. Today I was staring at a set of lights in front of the room illuminating random objects on a shelf.

How did I get from confused girl to confused woman? A mother, at that. Why wasn’t this resolved? Why is this ultimately all that I am? The random objects include several cameras. Playful film photography is a hobby I tried to pursue because I had to tie myself to something. I couldn’t be this pathetic, perpetually lost person in her twenties. It cost too much so it didn’t stick.

Throughout the day I was haunted by thoughts of bullying. I was bullied in grade school. By the school bus assistant. By my busmates. By physically intimidating boys. I never really put it together then, but ever since a certain point, recently, I couldn’t get an experience I had out of my mind. There was a classmate with personal drama, and I happened to say something to him while I was outside the classroom. I don’t remember at all what it was, but he took it badly. I remember being on the floor, practically lying down. He was pulling my hair, all the while stood up. I remember the feeling of his shoe stepping on my arm, and him putting pressure on it because he was just so angry. Not at me. I really was just in the way. There were people in my classroom staring, but no one did anything, because “Catholic school.” I remember getting up after everything, shaking, but keeping in mind that I had to stand tall and tell everyone it was nothing. I didn’t want to be seen a weakling.

A girl pulled my hair again at some point but that’s another story.

In high school, I moved where no one knew me, except for one other girl. And I kind of bullied her enough to stay away from me. I laughed at and belittled easy targets. I wanted to be cool. I didn’t want to be the one at the receiving end of cruel girl laughter. But still, I was. I would find out some time that people had a nickname for me because I “looked like she had Down’s Syndrome.” High school kids are made up of just the worst.

But as horrible as they sound, they weren’t really that bad at the time. I was always preoccupied by my dark cloud of parentlessness. That was always my thing. I think it’s my identity. Every time I tried to answer the question, “what’s your story,” I would always start with how I was from a teenage mom. An unwanted pregnancy that ended up being a well-loved baby. I guess that was my way of prefacing everything, to pre-answer any questions that would come up. A universal “why” of some sort.

But (again) as painful as it was (is?), the hard hits didn’t really come until I became a mother myself. How was I to parent if I had no reference? This introspection must remain as such, because how would my grandparents feel if I told them that no matter how much they gave and how deeply they loved, none of it was ever really enough. ?

However which way you look at it, my mother left me.

Since becoming a mother, my dark cloud was replaced by a cute, loving omnipresent cumulus of “I could never leave you and I am not her.” I suffered from months-long bouts of hypochondria last year and the year prior. I haven’t had any episodes for a while. Honestly, I have forgotten about the crippling fear that would take hold of me every waking minute. I have been pushed to my limits these last few months, in every imaginable life aspect, so my preoccupations kicked anxiety away. I’m getting comfortable now, getting into a rhythm. Which is GOOD. But I think the anxiety might be coming back.

My husband is away on a business trip, which leaves me with some alone, personal time to access both my mind’s deeper recesses and secret weblogs. As soon as he comes back, we are headed out of town to spend time with his parents, the current bane of my existence.

Perhaps I’ll talk about “marriage” tomorrow.

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artphl-blog · 8 years ago

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Krista, Condolences from Politicians - The Art of Today is the Hope for Tomorrow

The Ateneo Art Gallery was established through Fernando Zóbel and is known to be the very first museum of Philippine modern art. Many years have passed and now, the gallery holds a collection of works made since the post war era, which includes neo-realism and abstract expressionism to the post-modern art of today. Remarkable artists, namely Fernando Zóbel, Vicente Manansala, David Cortez Medalla, HR Ocampo, Galo Ocampo, Arturo Luz, Impy Pilapil and Jose Tence Ruiz, are the some of the ones whose works are exhibited in the gallery.

As we walked in the Rizal Library, an artwork made from terracotta and acrylic, titled House on Fire, was what welcomed us. Setting an impression and idea for what’s in store for us inside, we immediately grabbed the camera and started filming because of excitement, but unfortunately, we were restrained to do so, since only pictures can be taken inside the gallery itself. Finally, when we were already looking at the first paintings, we were astounded because the meaning slowly became so evident as we stared at each masterpiece, a connection was what suddenly formed. They were mostly paintings, but other than paintings, there were a lot more kinds of artwork such as laserprint on paper, collage, etching, embroidery, etcetera that contained so much emotions that greatly struck our hearts.

Though all of the artworks were wonderful, Pablo Baen Santos' Krista [Female Christ] is one of the artworks that struck us the most. It emphasizes a woman at the middle of the frame with a barbed wire wrapped around her mouth. The woman symbolizes the Filipino’s motherland, the Philippines, which is evident because of the Philippine flag behind the woman. The flag tells the audience that the story in the painting is the same story that the country has and wants to tell. It shows the possible current event or an event that has already occurred in the Philippines. There are people behind the woman and it seems like they are suffering and begging for help. They are in need of salvation from what they are experiencing. However, some seem to be dead already. The brown complexion of the woman symbolises a True Filipino (pagka-Pilipino). And the colour red (people in the background) symbolises blood, misery, suffering, and agony.

During one of the most famous historic events in the Philippines, Spanish regime and Martial Law, the rights of the Filipinos were violated. They were not allowed to voice out what they truly felt. Back then, it wasn’t easy to convey their feelings or heart’s desires, even though they are right. For that reason, a lot of Filipinos really suffered because even though their lives are threatened, they have no other choice, but to keep their mouth shut. All these happened in their very own country, the Philippines. People were killed either because of fighting or not had been able to.

The artwork shows how we greatly suffered before finally achieving the freedom that we have now. It shows the grief and sorrow of the Filipino people. It also shows the evilness during that time it was created, and up until today. Additionally, the wire symbolizes tightness; it causes pain and results to wounds and hardships; not being able to speak because once you do, you will experience greater pain.

Another artwork that struck us is Neil Manalo's Condolences from Politicians. The artwork emphasises the coffin in the middle of the painting. This symbolises the Philippines and its current state. It symbolises the Philippines’ downfall because of the corrupt politicians that are controlling the country. There is a man holding the coffin. He is wearing an orange vest with “Pag-asa ng Bayan” written on it. This symbolises the politicians in the Philippines who are supposed to be the hope of the country. These politicians should be serving the Philippines, but instead they choose to be selfish, thus, stealing the money of the Filipino people and keeping it to themselves. Beside the man holding the coffin, the man in green, may be considered as a public official. Corruption is often encountered when interacting with public officials. At the rightmost side of the painting, we can see a man with a cheque in his hand. This shows that some politicians only care about money. And that money will only go to their pockets, and not to the funds of the country. At the lower left part of the painting, there is a man with a headdress that kind of looks like the crown on the head of the Statue of Liberty that is found in the United States. This may mean that the Philippines is either drowning in the Western culture, or relying too much on the other countries’ help. Next to the man with the headdress, we can see that there is a man with two faces. Behind the man with two faces is a man holding a camera. He is filming the man with the vest. This may mean that the man wearing the vest is being a good politician only for show. He is only pretending to be the “Pag-asa ng Bayan” to impress the mass. The person on the right side of the two-faced man is a man with a fake halo. This shows that politicians are only pretending to be serving our country, but the truth is that they are only helping themselves.

Corruption is a serious obstacle to the social and economic development of a country. The biggest losers are the Filipino people. In effect, the end-users are made to pay for overpriced goods or services or are made to deal with low-quality or substandard goods or services. The artwork shows how corruption is the gravest threat to Philippine democracy and society today. As seen in the artwork, all of the people found in it are politicians with different personalities, but with the same mindset: corruption. It is known that the media is literally sinking in reporting scandals to try and ensure closure on each one. Corruption in the Philippines has become "a humanitarian crisis" and the number of scandals related to it seem to dominate the news. The worsening corruption has eaten up the right of every citizen to good governance, freedom, a decent life, and more importantly, a person’s dignity.

We should bring honesty back to business and government. Also, we should redirect our path as a people back to higher grounds. We should know that it is our right to demand real change, action and improvement from those who take our money from and spend it in our name.

Submitted by:

Angel Ancheta

Gabrielle Trawon

11-Joy

#submissions #contemporary art #philippines #submission

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