#it’s poetic and pathetic and painful and their impure wrong involvement will destroy the world in which I am supposed to die slowly + pained
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It’s strange not to be in pain
#painfully neutral painfully dull#I don’t want anything at all. It’s not absence of greed - I just wished I could give my life to someone who wants it#I don’t. I have no energy. The only thing I do is eating chocolate and staring at the ceiling#getting up on time for school and doing 5 mins of Duo… washing my hair and visiting grandma and getting stuff from the supermarket….#doing some laundry. finishing my Russian homework. not falling asleep or crying on the steps in our school yard.#reading some Russian Pinterest memes or watching an arte documentary#if I do like one of these ridiculous things it’s a great achievement for me#I’m always so pathetic and whiny. I don’t even deserve a diagnosis and help. I’m just a dumb weakling#If I can’t find any meaning myself I deserve to suffer. maybe the suffering is my purpose#it’s poetic and pathetic and painful and their impure wrong involvement will destroy the world in which I am supposed to die slowly + pained#also others don’t really think I have any mental disorder. this already proves that I’m simply being dumb and whiny and attention seeking#which is disgusting egoistic self cenred and immoral. I’m a complete loser lol
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