#it’s only for the first publication release of the physical copies huh~~~~~~~~~

[deus-ex-mona]

curious about the ymk-illustrated chizuutan bookmarks though……..

[chuuyrr]

Hello I am a huge fan of both of your series. I wanted to make request for your infinity series. I have a few Ideas:

Where Dazai and the reader has a mission and have to travel in a bus or a public convince. Since I do it all the time I relate to it a lot.

Writing their name on their palm

slow dancing

souvenir from travels

Pleasee I would love to see your imaginations in this you can any of them no issue i just gave a few ideas it really depends on u how you wanna write it. Hope you see this request,

LOVE YOU A TON<33333

to learn is to love

bungou stray dogs x gojo! reader

masterlist of infinity

╰➤ CW(s): slight angst to fluff/comfort, hint of romance between reader and dazai osamu, and clingy! dazai

╰➤ PAIRING(s): dazai osamu

╰➤ SONG SUGGESTION(s): untouchable (taylor's version)

╰➤ SYNOPSIS: you and dazai osamu have been assigned to work on a mission together due to your organization's affiliation with the armed detective agency. the two of you commute, riding a public transportation, and as you do, you find yourself learning something from this experience.

before you read: hey there! in case you're new, this is a oneshot series bungou stray dogs x gojo! reader which means you have gojo's surname, six eyes, and cursed technique which is an ability for the sake of this fic. for more information please see the masterlist of the series.

you couldn't help but hate dazai osamu, the man who was capable of making you vulnerable with just a simple touch. you didn't like how he easily breaks down your walls—the infinity you can manipulate with your limitless ability.

it's just that you're the strongest ability user. you're the honored one throughout heaven and earth, blessed with the god sugawara michizane's six eyes, and yet dazai makes you incredibly less than zero in an instant.

it's simply infuriating.

that is what you would like to think.

you may have recovered the stolen documents on the god of skies and resolved the conflict between the armed detective agency, the port mafia, and heiwa, your own organization, but your ego was already shattered. it was shattered, and to make matters worse for you, heiwa had decided to tie up with the armed detective agency, which meant only one thing: you were bound to see dazai again in yokohama.

shouldn't you like dazai osamu more?

he’s practically a carbon copy of you.

you were childish, just as dazai osamu was childish; dazai was intelligent and regarded as a force to be reckoned with because of his ability, and so were you. both of you were also members of powerful organizations.

you shook yourself free of your thoughts as you stepped onto the platform, exiting the train that had taken you from shibuya to yokohama.

this was not the time to reflect on your emotions. you were on a mission right now. the first thing you needed to do was find dazai and talk to him about the mission that heiwa had arranged with the armed detective agency, but you quickly crossed that off your list when a familiar voice rang out from within the small crowd.

"[name]-chan!~"

you found the tall young man with mildly wavy, short, dark brown hair and narrow dark brown eyes by flitting your gaze up despite the black blindfold adorning your eyes—that was quick.

"yo, dazai," you smiled nonethless, pushing every thought to the back of your mind as you raised a hand to greet dazai as he darted towards you.

"ahh~ i missed you so much, belladonna! i was so excited when i heard from the boss earlier that you and i were going on a mission together," dazai exclaimed, blatantly ignoring your raised hand and instead wrapping his arms around you.

"missed me that much, huh?" you chuckled as you lifted your hand and ruffled dazai's locks of hair, ignoring the sense of vulnerability he was giving you due to his very close physical contact with you through his clingy embrace.

"of course! how could i not?" dazai giggled as he drew away from you and released you from his embrace, "come on, let's talk about it on our way out of the station," he exclaimed, extending his arm for you to link your own with.

you scanned your surroundings quick.

it should be fine if you don't have your infinity up, right? even if dazai's no longer human ability was capable of nullifying your infinity and limitless ability, your six eyes were still functioning, and you will still be capable of fighting in hand-to-hand combat without any ability.

sigh, you just hate the vulnerability this man gives you.

“[name]-chan?" dazai called out to you, his head tilted.

"it's nothing!" you shrugged it off and proceeded to link your arms with his, making dazai happy because you were forced to bottle up your feelings about this. to avoid getting him suspicious, you masked it further with enthusiasm: "let's go, dazai-kun!"

"we shall!" dazai seemed to buy it and returned your smile with one of his, extremely happy you accepted his arm and linked yours to his.

you and dazai exited the station together, discussing the mission at hand. apparently, the other detectives, such as kunikida, kyouka, atsushi, and tanizaki, had separate missions or reports to complete. fukuzawa was accompanied by ranpo. with everyone else occupied, there was only dazai and you.

to be fair, you were highly needed for this task. you can easily navigate politics and large families with connections as the heir and head of the gojo family. the gojo family currently sits atop the hierarchy of the big families that make up heiwa and maintains the balance of power, both in your organization and in the city of tokyo, thanks to your prowess. this also gives you the ability to act selfishly and impose your political power.

you and dazai were tasked with coordinating with this particular family and gathering information from them because they refuse to speak to anyone else. a car would have been preferable, but the armed detective agency's cars was already in use, and walking was not an option. if you were in tokyo or even in oyoto, you could normally call someone for a ride, but you were in yokohama at the time.

you were about to pull your phone from your pocket and ask anyone to drive you and dazai from whoever is possibly and miraculously available here in yokohama when he suggested otherwise.

"let's just take the bus! it'll be fun!" dazai exclaimed exuberantly.

"the bus?" you wanted to groan.

you wondered if it was the spoiled child in you because you didn't want to take the bus. a train or a private car would have been preferable, but you were in yokohama. you weren't in your city.

"imagine us as two lovers riding the bus together. ugh, what a chance it is to have with you, [name]-chan!" dazai sighed dreamily.

"fine, let's just go so we can get this over with," you sighed, holding the nape of your neck.

"do you not want to ride the bus?" dazai asked, blinking as he noticed your uninterested tone.

“huh? no, it's n-not that," you scratched the back of your neck while smiling at him.

a teasing smirk appeared on dazai's lips as you stared at him, "you can't fool me, [name]-chan," dazai said, placing both hands on his hips, "you've never taken a bus before, have you?"

at this, a nerve protuded on your temple, "hey!that's not true! what do you take me for?!"

"aside from the train and cab, have you ever taken a bus before then?" dazai raised an eyebrow at you, still holding a smirk.

"tch, of course i have..." you scowled as you folded your arms across your chest.

"you seem to be on the defensive about this. i specifically asked you if you'd ever ridden a bus before," dazai exclaimed, a smug expression on his face, "and that isn't a pretty straightforward answer."

"i swear to god, if i could, i would have infinite voided your ass by now..." you huffed at dazai.

"and that absolutely sounds ideal if it were possible, [name]-chan," dazai giggled, placing a hand on his chest before shaking his head with a smile, "but you know i can't really blame you if you haven't actually rode a bus before. given your background and family, you must have been spoiled rotten, especially when you were younger, right?"

you remained silent, unable to respond to dazai's statement because it was true. you had everything you could have ever wanted growing up as the head and pride of the gojo family, with your limitless and six eyes.

you could get money, luxury items, servants, cooks, and any transportation and travel you wanted because you had the golden spoon.

"but that's okay, this can be a fun learning experience for you," dazai said cheerfully, causing your eyes to widen from behind your blindfold.

despite coming from the all-powerful and wealthy gojo family, you had to learn that you wouldn't get everything you wanted. however, the fact that dazai doesn't seem to mind made your heart somewhat warm and fuzzy.

"i also think it's perfect, because you can be my sugar mo—" yeah, you spoke too soon.

you and dazai left and headed to the bus station. as simple as that, dazai paid for the ride and led you to the bus you two will be riding. you noticed that it was a little crowded, similar to how the train was sometimes when you traveled here from shibuya. however, due to the seating arrangement, it was more cramped.

"let's sit here, [name]-chan," dazai gently pulled you by the arm and led you to the two empty seats in the middle of the bus.

you followed, sitting by the window, while dazai took the seat beside you near the aisle. you watched as dazai leaned in towards you, standing up just enough to grab the curtain that covered your window and push it away.

you'd be lying if you said your chest felt strange because of your proximity to dazai. he was very close. as a matter of fact you could lean your head against dazai's torso with this closeness.

"there we go," dazai smiled, sitting back down after adjusting the curtain so that you could see out the window.

"thanks," you replied, clearing your throat.

"you comfy? it's not so bad right?" dazai asked, leaning boldly against your shoulder to nuzzle his head against the crook of your neck.

"stop treating me like i have ridden a public transportation before," you whined, sticking your tongue out at him as you pulled away and flicked his forehead, causing dazai to yelp a small "ow".

"waaahh! you're such a meanie, [name]-chan!" dazai stroked his forehead with a fake pout.

"heh, that's what you get," you declared triumphantly, folding your arms across your chest and leaning back further into your seat. "anyway, how long will we take to get to hiragi corps?" you sighed as you pulled down your blindfold to rub your eyes after covering them for too long.

"it should take us about ten to fifteen minutes since there are stops ahead," dazai explained with a small sigh.

"alright," you nodded, returning your gaze to the view outside your window, "you and i are in luck. i'm actually quite familiar with the hiragi corps."

"after all, you're gojo [name], so it should go swimmingly," dazai exclaimed with a lazy smile as he folded his arms.

"darn, right i am," you chuckled as you closed your eyes, a smile creeping across your face.

dazai watched as you leaned your head against the window, your beautiful six eyes unveiled, and stared out the window at the stores, passers-by, and cars. your [color]-dyed hair delicately framing your face as he stared until his gaze reached your plump lips.

"keep staring, honey," you said abruptly, your lips curving into a smirk as you directed your gaze to dazai, who had been staring at you.

"i could stare at you all day," dazai exclaimed, laughing, "and i'm not even kidding."

"yeah?" you raised a brow at him.

"well, it's just amusing to see the beloved [name] of the gojo family riding, uh, a bus for this mission?" dazai teased, smirking once again, "when you could have called for a car or something a little more extravagant."

"tch, of course i would ride one," you grumbled.

"are you sure you weren't forced and genuinely wanted to?~" dazai raised a brow.

"what are you trying to say?" you furrowed your brows

"nothing!" dazai laughed as he leaned against your shoulder once again.

"stop teasing and fawning over me, honey," you said, pinching his cheek.

"but i can't help myself, you're just too pretty to not be clingy for!" dazai whined, wrapping his arms around your neck and leaning against your shoulder. "don't you like it, [name]-chaaan?~"

"nope," you said, raking your fingers through his hair and yanking his face away from your neck.

"but why noooot?" dazai pouted childishly.

whenever you make physical contact with me, you make me feel vulnerable—that's why.

"just because," you sighed, pushing his face and entire body away from yours that was leaning against you.

when you scooted away from him and leaned against the window again, dazai couldn't help but feel a twinge inside his chest. a frown deepened on his face as he desperately outstretched his hand, reaching for yours.

"[name]-chan.. i didn't mean to make you upset." dazai grasped your hand, interwining his with yours, "i promise i'll stop teasing you. don't be mad at me, please?"

your gaze was drawn to dazai's hand, which was now intertwined with yours, and you couldn't help but take it back. his hand was warm, almost comforting.

"i'm not upset," you muttered quietly, brushing your fingers against his knuckles, "i'm just thinking of something, and no, it's not about this damn bus, okay?!" you immediately added.

dazai looked at you for a moment as he reflected on your actions, and that's when he realized it—your reluctance to accept his arm earlier, your pushing and scooting away. dazai frowned once more after that.

was dazai too touchy, that he was making you uncomfortable? hmm, that doesn't appear to be the entire case. thinking about it further, it was truly something else just as you said.

"is it because of my ability?" dazai inquired, blinking as he fixed his gaze on you.

you widened your eyes, but quickly softened as you refused to look at dazai. your expression and reaction alone sufficed as an answer.

"i'm sorry," dazai started, but you immediately cut him off, "it's fine, don't worry about it."

"no, [name]-chan, it's not fine. i'm the only one who can get past your limitless abilities. it only makes sense why you don't like me touching you," dazai said, staring at your hand as he squeezed it.

"i guess i'm just not used to being vulnerable and touchable," you sighed as you shook your head, "but then again, at the end of the day i'm not all that invisible despite my ability and six eyes. i think i have become so used to my infinity and prowess that i have forgotten what it's like to be this vulnerable as a human."

dazai silently nodded his head, biting the inside of his lip. for someone who doesn't feel worthy of bearing such skin, hence the bandages, he, like you, doesn't feel human.

you and dazai really were alike, huh?

"but i'm probably just overthinking it," a soft chuckle escaped your lips as a smile crept across your face as you turned to face dazai, "you're right."

dazai's brown eyes slowly lit up, "right about what?"

"that it's not so bad," you replied.

unable to resist it any longer, you pushed your head into the crook of his neck and leaned against his shoulder, to which dazai immediately responded by resting his cheek atop your head, and the two of you continued to intertwine your hands.

despite the fact that dazai was the only one who could break through your infinity and limitless ability, he was warm and comforting, and you were gradually getting used to it. dazai felt so nice that the foreign feeling of being this vulnerable around him was fading.

perhaps dazai was the lesson you needed, which is why your paths crossed. it was for you to remember what it was like to be human, and to learn that even if you have everything, you won't always get what you want—beginning with you riding a public transportation with him.

"right about taking the bus? or being this close to me, [name]-chan?" dazai asked softly in a whisper, his voice slightly flirtatious.

"both," you answered in response as you squeezed dazai's hand and closed your eyes, a small laugh spilling from your lips.

[ author's notes ! guess who decided to update after not being able to in an incredibly long ass while 💀 but ok, so like, i've read from somewhere how gojo satoru is rich and spoiled af given how he's the pride and head of the gojo clan in the canon jjk world. so i incorporated that with gojo! reader in this bsd x reader fic. again, there is no established relationship yet between gojo! reader and dazai, just a hint of blossoming romance hehe because i think it'd be nice ! thank you so much for requesting. i hope you enjoyed this (⑅ •͈ᴗ•͈ ) ]

[holycow99]

石田お寿司 12/9/21 stream translation Part 2

This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk.

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*Someone asked about Choujin X.

I: I’ve given the manuscript for chp 8. It’ll be released in a few days. I don’t really have much to say about this. I wanna write this month’s goals for Osushi. The big plan is to fix(?) chp 8. Then, I wanna release another two chapters this month. Chp 8 has 20 something pages. I want to at least draw the chapters in a weekly pace. What I mean by that is I wanna draw 72 pages per month. If I could draw 72 pages a month, I drew 18 pages per week during Weekly Young Jump too. So, I wanna draw 18 pages per week, which is 72 pages per month. That’s the amount of pages for weekly publication. It’d be nice if I could draw at least this much by myself. If I drew 25 pages weekly for three weeks, It’d have a total of 75 pages. I can currently get it done. If I updated 3 chapters a month, I’d have a total of 70-something pages per month. Then, nobody will complain. It’s not like anyone is complaining. It’s so that I won’t complain to myself. This is directed towards me as a challenge. Of course, it’s okay if I couldn’t do it. It doesn’t matter if I can or can’t, I thought it’s better to have a goal.

C: And the fact that you’re streaming right now is amazing!

I: Right? I spent a lot of time at the end of August doing rectifications, plotting, etc. They’re all important things to do. Since I have a little bit of free time, I thought of streaming.

C: It’s okay to draw the chapters slowly. Do you concern about maintaining the quality?

I: The quality is as usual. I mean, that’s one of the reason. It’s also to match the quality of the work. The drawing style in Choujin X is different, so of course the drawing will be different too. There are things that have changed. I want to match the vibe of the work, and also, I wanna prioritise speed over the quality. By speed, I don’t mean I wanna write them in a hurry. I want them to have a quality that’s easy to balance. I’m still playing around with it.

C: Until what chapters do you plan to release the physical copy?

I: I can just release it. I do have a plan for it, like releasing 2 volumes altogether.

C: I’m okay with anything as long as you don’t collapse later on.

I: You’re exactly right. I’m doing it with ease. So that the serialisation will go well, I’m adjusting my pace. This is just my ideal, but I wanna serialise another manga. It doesn’t have to be serialised, I have another stuff I wanna release. I’m finding the time to make one. If I make it a rule to do other things after I’ve done 75 pages per month, I don’t have to draw more. I could use the time to do other stuffs.

C: Don’t push yourself.

I: I’m not.

C: Are you overworking?

I: Not at all. I have many hands.

C: Did you play JJ?

I: I played the game like hell.

C: Is it easier to not have assisstants?

I: That’s a good question. This is kinda weird, people say that your work will progress more if you have more assistants, but that’s not the case. I did TG without knowing that. People will ask you to check on their works. So, the more the people, the more the workload. There’s probably an appropriate number of people you should have. 4 people would probably be enough during TG. But there were more people, like the helpers, but they did regularly help. It was quite a lot. I won’t be able to do my own work when there’s a lot of staffs. I don’t have assistants for choujin X so that I can do it with ease, and umm… It’s the fastest way for me. Of course, I do think the quality of the work will increase if there are staffs. I’m trying to see if I can speed up my work to a certain extent without having to check on others’ works and consider about other people, while creating the quality contents I’m capable of.

C: Working alone or with assistants finish faster?

I: It depends on the stuffs you’re making. For choujin x, I think it’d be hard for me to draw them if I had assistants. It’ll be great if we can have divisions.

C: Are you gonna hire a care assistant? (t/n: The Japanese word is Meshistant, which means assistant who mainly takes care of the mangaka’s meal, chore, etc. So, I just put it as care assistant.)

I: Definitely no. I didn’t let my assistants do the chore. I even cleaned the toilet myself. I kinda hate it. I hate the label they give to such people. Meshistant. I don’t like people who call them that. I don’t mean you. I probably won’t be fond of mangakas who use that word. They’re your staffs, right?

C: Do you think of the story all by yourself?  

I: Yeah. Sometimes I do get ideas from my surrounding. But, most of it came from mine.

(t/n: I’m not sure if the last sentence is correct. I couldn’t really understand what he meant, but it’s something like that.)

C: I’m having a hard time to sleep. Recommend ways for me to sleep well.

I: Probably read books. It can make your eyes feel tired. Then, maybe by not sleeping? But you might think it’s better to sleep. I understand. I wanna keep trying to fall asleep, but then I’ll watch movies while lying down. I have trouble sleeping lately. I used to sleep a lot.

C: Meshistant is also an honourable job.

I: Then, why not just hire people who specialised in that. Like housekeepers. They have that, right? Something like a home helper. That is better, isn’t it? Using assistants who’re enthusiastic to draw manga to do stuffs like that is awkward for me.

*Someone commented about hiring maid.

I: Maid? Then, I’d like that. Hahaha. Should I hire a maid? I’m recruiting maids.

C: Even at the age of 250,000, you still have trouble falling asleep.

I: Yeah.

C: Are they hired to make meals?

I: Yeah. There’s various types of assistant in the manga industry. This one refers to an assistant in charge of meals.

I: What did I wanna talk about? Oh yeah, about Animal Rap. I’m thinking whether or not I should upload animal rap video during stream, but where is the file? I’ve decided to upload it after this stream ends. What was it that I wanna talk about? Can you tell me about my current status, such as about the Sui exhibition in Osaka and Nagoya, or about Ms. Towada’s illustrations?

C: How about a live rap?

I: Good idea.

C: About the plan for 30,000 subscribers.

I: That’s right 2x. We’re talking about what to do to celebrate 30,000 subscribers.

C: I can be your maid for free.

I: I’ll definitely pay you. If it’s for free, then you won’t feel your sense of duty. I’ll give a huge salary and pressure you so that you’ll work responsibly.

C: Ms. Towada can both write novels and draw. Amazing!

I: I also can. Hahaha. I also…ah, but I can’t write novels. I won’t lose to her.

C: Do you have double eyelids.

I: Mine is hidden one.

C: Appear in First Take.

I: I won’t.

C: Are your eyelashes long?

I: Yes. My eyelashes are long, I have hidden double eyelids, I am of medium build…but I’m already worn-out.

(t/n: He used the word ‘boroboro’. I couldn’t really find the proper word to translate it in this context. Worn-out is the only one I could think of that suits the context.)

C: Are you handsome?

I: Well…I’m pretty good looking.

C: Have you been going to the gym?

I: No, I haven’t, since I was busy with work. I wanna go though.

C: I wanted to go to Mr. Kunimitsu’s concert.

I: Me too.

C: Which one is more handsome? You or Kaneki?

I: Wouldn’t that be Kaneki?

C: How about another stream with Ms. Towada?

I: I re-listened to the stream with Ms.Towada. For some reason, she was laughing a lot in the stream. Though she always like that. It’s slightly embarrassing. She’s acting like she’s at home. It felt like she’s disclosing my family situation, so it’s a bit..., but I can do that again from time to time. When I wanna do something related to JJ, then I’ll call her. That’s the most suitable content.

*Someone asked him to invite his younger sister.

I: It’s impossible to invite my younger sister.

*People wanted Goubaru to be the guest.

C: Goubaru, huh?

C: Do you have someone you wanna invite?

I: No, I don’t. The corona is one thing, but I’m completely okay with not meeting people. I do talk to people I’m close with. I think that’s already enough. It’s not like I have someone I’m involved with. I do usually talk to Mr. Kunimitsu.

*People want Hanae Natsuki again.

I: Hanae? That’s definitely impossible.

*He’s talking about Japanese youtubers.

C: Can you beat boxing?

I: I’m practising at the moment.

*Currently taking about Japanese artists.

* Someone asked who he thinks could be the next popular artist.

I: Lately, I only listen to instrumentals. The one that I like recently is the girl band called Chai. The group’s vocalists are twins. The group is great. It’s not like I like the band because there’s someone who caught my intention. I listened to their songs first before I decided whether I liked them or not. I thought this kind of voice also exists.

C: Congrats for TG’s 10th anniversary.

I: Thank you. Thank you to Brazil as well. (t/n: Someone commented Brazil.)

*He pinned his Chai comment.

C: People who just came don’t understand what’s going on.

I: It’s okay if you don’t. Hehe.

C: Sensei, can you eat choco mint?

I: I can.

C: I thought the bgm was from Animal Crossing.

I: This is Yorushika’s Escape.

*Still talking about Japanese artists.

C: Have you seen Midsummer?

I: Yes, I have.

(t/n: He said something about the new evangelion movies. But I couldn’t really translate that part properly. He basically watched the Rebuild Evangelion movies from the start since he never watched it before. He planned to go to Yamaguchi prefecture, the birthtown of Evangelion’s author to watch the last movie.)

Y****: I’m reading Toro Hedoro! I recommend it!

I: I do read that. Don’t underestimate me! I do read One Piece as well, but half-way through.

C: You can watch the Evangelion movie on Amazon Prime.

I: I wanna watch the final movie at the cinema. Has the final movie come out? It has? But I’m still gonna watch at the cinema.

C: Have you read Tokyo Ghoul?

I: Nope.

C: I recommend Tokyo Ghoul!

I: Is that so? I have a story regarding TG, but it’s probably gonna be quite deep.

C: One Piece has reached 100 volumes!

I: That guy and Odacchi have reached 100 volumes, right? Hahaha. That guy is Luffy, while Odacchi is Oda sensei. Hahaha. I can’t call him that. Odacchi is Oda sensei and Kishikage is Kishimoto sensei. I see, that guy has reached 100 volumes? Way to go! Hahaha! No one is watching this anyway. I’ll properly lick his boots if he’s in front of me, since he’s the real deal. I’ll be very obedient and sucking up to him.

(t/n: Ishida was using the word ‘aitsu’ to refer Eichiro Oda. As far as I know, it’s an impolite way of calling someone older or in higher status than you in Japan.)

C: He’s scarier than Hikakin (a Japanese youtuber.)

I: Right. We are in the same industry after all. But I think Young Jump and Jump are different subsidiaries. Although, Hara sensei seems to have met with Odacchi, so maybe there’ll be an opportunity for me to meet him. But probably no. Someone like me won’t be able to meet Eichiro Oda sensei. I won’t meet him. He seems like a unique person.

*Ishida talking about an illustrator and youtuber called Saito Naoki.

(t/n: I couldn’t translate the first half of this part because they’re talking about something that had happened, and I don’t know the context of it.)

I: The name ‘Saito Naoki’ is very nice. Is it a pen name? It totally sounds like a real name though.

C: Are you close with Kishida Mel? (t/n: Kishida Mel is an illustrator and a character designer.)

I: I’ve never met him, but Kiyoppi, Kiyohara Hiro sensei and Melcchi are good friends. He’s like a friend of my friend. You have things like that, right? 

C: The name ‘Ishida Sui’ is cool!

I: I seriously wanna change my pen name. I wanna change to something like Gengoro. I wanna change to a manlier name. I didn’t give a thought about my name before. I used that name because I thought I was gonna be famous in the future, so I didn’t wanna use my real name. I seriously thought that I couldn’t become a mangaka if my real name was exposed. I was like “Since I’m gonna be famous, let’s avoid using my real name.” I was being vigilant about it, so I half-heartedly named my pen name.

I: The name Gengoro is nice. Tagami Gengoro. Tokyo Ghoul’s author, Tagami Gengoro. The Tokyo Ghoul’s author, Tagami Gengoro’s exhibition is now open. I’d definitely sounds like a bearded fatty. With round glasses to top it off. Isn’t Tagami Gengoro a character from a gay manga?

*Ishida searching for Tagami Gengoro.

I: Everyone, don’t search for it. I’m scared something dirty will appear. Is it not? Oh, it isn’t. what’s the name again? There is a character named something Gengoro, right? It’s Tagame Gengoroh! I got it now! Tagame Gengorohw as born in 1964 and a Japanese mangaka. He calimed himself to be a ‘Gay Erotic Artist’. This is the one! It’s Tagame Gengoroh sensei. 

*Ishida was looking at Tagame Gengoroh sensei’s illustrations.

I: This one. Wow, this is indeed gay! Hahaha.

C: I can’t believe it came out of your mouth.

I: Surprisingly, I do talk about these kind of stuffs. (t/n: I mean, he’s the man who wrote a whole R-18 chapter.)

I: So, I can’t use the name Gengoro, since there’s someone with this name.

C: Is the name ‘Ishida Sui’ an anagram of your Surname?

I: Yes, it is.

C: Are you gay?

I: Hahaha! Even if that’s true, you didn’t have to ask that kind of question! Let’s just say that I’m okay with both.

C: Kuso Miso. (t/n: Kusomiso is a gay manga.)

I: Of course, I’d be reading them (probably referring to gay manga). I mean, manga like Kuso Miso Technique are popular, right?

C: Ishida GayGoro.

I: Hahaha. That’s just gay.

C: You’ve been to a gay bar before, right?

I: Not at all. When I was hanging out with the staffs, Goubaru said he wanted to go to a Okama bar while crying.

(t/n: According to the internet, Okama is a term referring to guys who adapted female characteristics.)

C: I think it’s completely normal to be gay nowadays.

I: We’re talking about gay now. It’s not normal in the first place. It’s just a sexual orientation. If you pick on every little thing, everything will become a problem. Those who deliberately say they’re not prejudiced against gays are actually are. Even if you tell that to people, they’ll probably filter what they wanna say. They’d be conscious of every single thing they say. Things like that don’t matter.

C: Sensei, let’s talk about something else.

I: Why? I’m okay with it.

C: I’m bi.

I: Does it matter? It’s okay.

C: It’s difficult to say something regarding gender issues, right?

I: Well…It’s difficult, since it’s concerning your mindset. It doesn’t only apply to gender issues; you can hurt someone by making careless remarks.  It’s just that you sometimes accidentally let out your opinions. I also think I sometimes make unnecessary remarks, so I might do that.

C: I want to be embraced by Masataka Kubota. (t/n: Masataka Kubota is a Japanese actor who played as Kaneki in the live-action.)

I: That’s right. Must be nice. I want us to embrace each other.

Part 3

[akitohru]

The Sohma clan and its cult-like characteristics or: why and how they get away with everything they do. Why everyone stays. Why the current system held in place operates so well. I wrote this back when episode 10 came out, but I didn’t post it over here. However, with the release of Rin’s episode, I’m seeing this topic being brought up again a lot, so I wanted to post it over here too. This post will include no manga spoilers, so don’t feel the need to watch out for them.

Warning: Abuse will be heavily discussed in this post.

With the reveal that Akito is God, we find out why the zodiac are so loyal to Akito. However, the curse itself is largely a metaphorical device rather than an actual fantasy device. Even without the curse, their loyalty to Akito is still.. very realistic considering the environment they grew up in. It’s not an exaggeration to say that the Sohma clan (at least, the “inside” part of the clan.) is a cult. This post will be explaining why that is and how being in a cult affects people. I will be using this handout (uucnrv.org/uucwp/wp-content/uploads/Cults-handouts.pdf) in the post as a reference.The handout defines a cult as:

A religion or sect, generally considered to be extremist or false, under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader for whom members exhibit fixed, even religious, veneration.

The zodiac worship Akito as their God. Even if they have problems with how Akito operates things, they still hold great reverence for him and don’t go against him no matter what kind of heinous things he does Ex: Not doing anything about Yuki being locked and tormented in a dark room by Akito for a majority of his young life, Akito partially blinding Hatori + ruining him and Kana’s relationship, Akito harming Tohru, and Akito pushing Rin off from what looked to be the third floor of a building.

Now, onto what the handout describes as common characteristics of cults:

One charismatic leader is the group’s sole authority on truth; only this leader decides, or has the right to approve, all policies and practices. Members are zealous, protective, and unquestioningly committed to the leader.Members regard the leader’s beliefs and practices as truth and law; the leader affirms and enforces this idea. Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or punished.

Since I’ve pretty much already covered how all of these characteristics relate to Akito and the zodiac under the definition, I’ll refrain from repeating myself on certain things. You may have noticed in episode 9 that Yuki says, “He needs to know his place. Him and me both. That’s how it’s supposed to be.“ He and the others have had instilled in them ever since they were old enough to comprehend things that the way things operate in the Sohma Clan are simply just the way things are supposed  to be. That they can not defy that. That is is fate. Like Akito says to Kyo, "It’s what’s been carved into the wheel of fate for those born with a spirit.”

“The group’s leadership dictates how members should think, act, and feel. Members require the leader’s permission to change jobs, date, marry, or have children. The leader tells members where they can live and how to teach and discipline their children.”

Ex: Hatori having to get permission to marry Kana. While this is a characteristic of a cult, this also has to do with the Sohma clan’s family/household system. You can read more about that in this informative and intriguing post made by Furuba Canon here! (It warns in the post but watch out for spoilers.)

“The group uses public humiliation or punishment, debilitating work, sleep deprivation, or other practices to create group-think and to suppress individualism and doubt.”

I’ve already mentioned some examples of the type of punishment Akito exacts against the zodiac for insubordination under the definition, but another example of this would be when Akito visits the school and threatens Yuki with the “special room” he used to isolate him before because he skipped out of the New Year celebration

“The group is elitist, claiming special status for itself, its leaders, and its members.”

The zodiac are most definitely seen as special in the Sohma clan, only the “insiders” knowing of the curse. Akito, of course, is seen as the most special.

“Criticism or jokes about the leader or group are taken very seriously and likely punished.”

We see this when Kyo is fighting back against Akito in the annex, Akito responding with, “Don’t give me orders,” and becoming more aggressive after Kyo tells him not to touch him. We also see this when Tohru protects Momiji from Akito. 

Thought Reform

In the article (people.howstuffworks.com/cult.htm), “How Cults Work”, the author describes how cults manage to have so much control over people:

A destructive cult uses countless techniques to get its members to stay, commit themselves and take part in what may be harmful activities. The sum of these techniques constitutes what some people call “mind control.” It’s also known as “thought reform,” “brainwashing” and “coercive persuasion,” and it involves the systematic breakdown of a person’s sense of self… Thought reform is an umbrella term for any number of manipulative techniques used to get people to do something they wouldn’t otherwise do…most psychologists believe that cult brainwashing techniques, which are similar to techniques used in prisoner interrogation, do change a person’s thought processes

Techniques (I will only be mentioning the ones that apply to the Sohma Clan.):

1. “Isolation- Cults cut off members from the outside world (and even each other) to produce intense introspection, confusion, loss of perspective and a distorted sense of reality. The members of the cult become the person’s only social contact and feedback mechanism…

Cults may not allow unsupervised contact with the “outside world.” In this way, there is no chance for a “reality check” or validation of a new member’s concerns regarding the group.

Cults typically instill the belief that “outsiders” (non-cult members) are dangerous and wrong.”

As we first see in the “Spring Comes” episode, the Sohmas mostly all live in the big Sohma estate with no outsiders being allowed in without special permission. Even if they are allowed to attend school and go out for other reasons, they’re still pretty isolated and surrounded by people who don’t find the way things operate inside the estate odd at all, some even encouraging of it. Someone living in that type of environment all of their life will more likely than not be influenced by the people around them, twisted as those people may be.  

In a more extreme sense, we see this with how Akito isolated young Yuki and still isolates Kureno. Akito rarely allows anyone to see Kureno, keeping him by his side as much as possible, not giving him a chance to break free from his chains. The same went for Yuki. Again, Akito instilled in him that the outside world was pitch black and that no one would accept him out there, that it was dangerous to interact with people outside because they’d find him strange and weird.

2. “Induced Dependency- Cults demand absolute, unquestioning devotion, loyalty and submission. A cult member’s sense of self is systematically destroyed. Ultimately, feelings of worthlessness and “evil” become associated with independence and critical thinking, and feelings of warmth and love become associated with unquestioning submission…

Any doubts, assertiveness or remaining ties to the outside world are punished by the group through criticism, guilt and alienation. Questions and doubts are systematically “turned around” so that the doubter feels wrong, worthless, “evil” for questioning. The member is loved again when he renounces those doubts and submits to the will of the leader.”

We see this when Kyo questions why Akito allowed Tohru to live with them if he hates her so much, if he’s using her for something. In response to Kyo questioning, Akito retorts, “You’re always quick to make me the villain, huh?…You even killed your own mom! Do you think you have the right to fall in love with someone?! Do you think that’s allowed?! Kyo. Hey, Kyo. Think about it. Who’s the real villain here? Who’s the one who involved her the most?” When Kyo gives in, Akito becomes more “loving” towards him, saying, “It’s okay, I’ll go visit you in confinement. I’ll be by your side, so you won’t be alone. I love you. I actually love you so much, Kyo. Be a good boy from now on.“

Akito loves using people’s trauma against them, knows how to use it in such an awfully cruel way. In Kyo’s case, he has been told that he’s a monster his whole life even by his dad. His mother took her life and everyone blames it on him. It’s not simple to erase that guilt he feels from even though he has positive influences around him. (Ex: Kazuma, Tohru.) That’s how Akito breaks him down. Even if he knows Akito is a cruel person, it doesn’t erase the idea from his mind that he is a monster and that, despite Akito being the way he is, that he is right. Akito knows this. He manipulative and knows how to make people bend to his will.

“The leader may randomly alternate praise and love with scorn and punishment to keep the member off-balance and confused and instill immense self-doubt. The leader may offer occasional gifts and special privileges to encourage continued submission.”

We see this with how Akito tells everyone he “loves” them, but, at the same time, emotionally and physically abuses them to keep them in check. The situation with Kyo in the annex applies here too.

3. “Dread- Once complete dependence is established, the member must retain the leader’s good favor or else his life falls apart.

The leader may punish doubt or insubordination with physical or emotional trauma.”

I believed I’ve already used up all the examples I can use that won’t be spoilers, so I’ll copy the examples I used under the definition. Ex: Not doing anything about Yuki being locked and tormented in a dark room by Akito for a majority of his young life, Akito partially blinding Hatori + ruining him and Kana’s relationship, Akito harming Tohru, and Akito pushing Rin off from what looked to be the third floor of a building.

“Once all ties to the outside world have been cut, the member feels like his only family is the group, and he has nowhere else to go.

A specific example of this would be how Yuki felt when his mom gave him up to Akito. To quote him, “I thought that if she abandoned me, if she deserted me, everything would turn dark, and it would be the end to everything.”

“Access to necessities depends on the leader’s favor. The member must "behave” or he may not get food, water, social interaction or protection from the outside world.”

Again, Akito’s isolation of Kureno and Yuki applies here. There are some spoilery things I won’t mention that are very applicable here too.

To end off,

Indoctrination, or thought reform, is a long process that never really ends. Members are continually subjected to these techniques – it’s part of daily life in a cult. Some adjust well to it after a period of time, embracing their new role as “group member” and casting aside their old sense of independence. For others, it’s a perpetually stressful existence.

The zodiac were born into an extremely twisted environment. It’s pretty much all they’ve ever known. They think the way they are living is the way it is supposed to be and something that can not be changed. Akito is the head of the family and has the support of many Sohma elders/adults including most of the zodiacs’ very own parents. It is also worth noting that the Sohmas are a very rich and powerful clan (Notice how they even have a hospital under their name as shown in episode 5 of s2. That’s how Akito/the parents can get away with abusing the zodiac kids and putting them in the hospital without anyone reporting them.); if they really wanted to prevent someone from acting out against them they very easily could and could easily pay off authorities if anyone managed to report them. Another reason why real life cults are so successful is because of corrupt law enforcement who are willing to turn the other cheek if they are paid enough and deep political ties. 

So, with all that being said, you can see why it would be natural for them to feel trapped, to feel that they have no choice. Adults around them that were supposed to take care of them and protect them instead used them for their own benefit/let them be a part of such a twisted system. Abuse, childhood abuse especially, is something that can irrevocably damage a person’s mind. The effects of abuse and trauma are nothing to scoff at. Even healthy adults who’ve never been in that kind of environment can be brainwashed by a cult if they’re unlucky enough to get caught up in one.

[lechevaliermalfet]

West Across the Sand: A Look Back at Kazan

When I first got into anime and manga, I was in my mid-teens, and it was the mid- to late 90s.  And at least in my part of the world, it was a little like joining a secret society.  You practically had to already know someone on The Inside, and it was like getting initiated.  Whoever had been into it longer than you would want to show you the classics of the era: Ranma ½, Tenchi Muyo! (Which one?  All of them), Akira, Vampire Hunter D, or any number of choice others.  Soundtracks (if you were into that sort of thing) were hard to come by, and most of the ones I found locally came courtesy of either Son May or EverAnime – companies I later found out were Taiwanese bootleggers.  You could tell the discs were bootlegs because the prices were reasonable.

In those days, getting fansubs meant sending blank VHS tapes to total strangers you’d found online, and waiting weeks (or longer) to get them back with anime on them, and everybody had the Anime Web Turnpike bookmarked.  There’s still a website at its URL, though Wikipedia states it’s been offline as of 2014.  

If you want to know where anime got its reputation for violence and sex, this particular era is where you want to look.  The market for anime was small in those days, and the licensors and distributors really had no idea how to expand it.  So a lot of them (in particular Streamline, Urban Visions, and U.S. Manga Corps; now all defunct) catered to the exploitation-flick market – the gore-hounds and the porn junkies, and the people we would have called edgelords if the term had been invented yet.

This was a time when you could use the word “Japanimation” utterly without irony, and there was a good chance that nobody hearing it would cringe.

Manga, meanwhile, was a total wilderness.  You couldn’t find it in bookstores back then.  That you can today is thanks to Tokyopop.  Whatever their numerous and varied sins, they can claim to have done that bit of good, at least.  And Amazon and Ebay were somewhere off over the horizon.  So you had to go to your local comic book shop, and then you had to look around for yourself, because chances were that even the people who worked there didn’t know what in the hell you were talking about.

Most of the manga that was available came through Viz and Dark Horse (and maybe other avenues I’ve forgotten).  But mostly Viz.  Dark Horse got their hands on some great stuff (Ghost in the Shell and Blade of the Immortal, just to name two), but Viz got more stuff, and a wider variety of it.

At the tail-end of the 90s, there was the beginning of an anime boom that lasted until about the mid-aughts.  I was at one of Crispin Freeman’s Q&A panels at Anime Central a couple of years ago, and he likened it to a tide rolling in about every decade. The tide comes in, hits a high-water mark, and recedes.  Then it comes in again, a little higher this time, and recedes.  In the late 90s, the tide came in and largely stayed in.

A large part of this, I think, was Toonami, which took a crowbar (part Dragon Ball Z and part Gundam Wing at the start, followed by others later) to the whole situation and forced the door wide open.  A lot of what they showed was very commercial and fairly “safe” (or at least, could be made safe), but it accomplished what Astro Boy and Speed Racer and Starblazers and Robotech before had never managed, which was to make anime into a minor phenomenon.

In the wake of that sudden explosion, there were a ton of smaller and less established entities who got into the business.  More of these, so far as I can remember, went into manga rather than anime (though there were a few new anime companies, like SynchPoint).  It was probably cheaper than trying to get in on the anime side of things.  Suddenly, we had Tokyopop (first under their Mixx Manga label, then later their own name), and DrMaster, and ComicsOne (whose publications were later taken over by DrMaster when ComicsOne vanished into the ether in 2005; DrMaster would follow suit themselves, just four years later), and Yen Press, and Studio Ironcat, and Seven Seas…  Even reputable publishers like Del Rey got in on the act after a while.

It was an exciting time to be a fan, to have so many new avenues available through which to explore the hobby, each trying to find new and exciting material in order to carve out their own niche.  Today, a lot of these publishers don’t exist.  The market was growing, but didn’t ultimately grow enough to allow room for them all.  

A certain part of me actually misses the bad old days.  Like any rational person, I’m happy that one of my major interests is now at least sort of mainstream, easy to access, and at least somewhat cheaper (nowadays, companies like Aniplex only want an arm and a leg for a boxed set of Kara no Kyoukai; back in the day, they’d have demanded your firstborn).  If nothing else, the release schedules are infinitely better.  But there was something about being a fan back then that made me feel like I was a part of something, some group, some tribe.  There was a feeling of having some hidden, secret knowledge, of knowing a whole language of fandom that other people didn’t understand, of having a line on something other people didn’t know about and didn’t get.

Really, though, I think what I miss most is the newness of my hobby.  I miss it being strange and wonderful and full mostly of unknowns, of things yet to be seen and experienced.  I miss knowing that twenty years ago, if I’d come across a copy of Beast King GoLion in a vendor’s stall, I would have lost my damn mind.  Now, I just go “Huh. Neat,” and put it on my Amazon wishlist.

A few months ago, I was going through my old manga, and came across the three volumes of Kazan I owned, out of a seven-volume run.  They were some of the first manga I’d bought in what was, at the time, the newer (smaller) size format that’s now standard for manga. Mirror-imaging, or “flopping” the artwork was still common at the time, although that practice was on its way out.  If there’s one other thing we can all thank Tokyopop for, it’s normalizing the right-to-left format for manga in the U.S.

Kazan was written and drawn by Gaku Miyao, who was probably most famous for his character design work on the Devil Hunter Yohko OVA from the mid-90s.  It was published in the U.S. by ComicsOne from 2001 to 2005.  It’s out of print now, and it was never enough of a thing that anybody else cared to pick up the license after they vanished into the ether.

It doesn’t shock me that ComicsOne went under, really.  They didn’t only release total unknowns, mind.  They got Onegai Teacher and Onegai Twins.  There was also Tsukihime: Lunar Legend (though that franchise has played second fiddle to its younger sibling Fate for a long while now).  On the other hand, they also published Jesus, and the prophet from Nazareth has never really been what you’d call a favorite character in the anime fandom.  Then as now, almost nobody in the fandom stans Christ.  Except maybe Vic Mignogna, and, well...

I remember it being new and exciting when I was reading it.  Now, looking back, it’s very much a relic of its times.  Given that ComicsOne began U.S. publication of it in 2001, I’m guessing the manga was probably published in the mid- to late 90s in Japan.  The artwork is a lot closer in style to what you’d see back then, as well as the character tropes and archetypes.  

I’d always meant to pick up the remaining volumes – certainly I’d liked what I’d read – but I’d fallen behind on collecting them as they came out, and they were hard to find later on.  Kazan was never a major item on anybody’s radar.  It’s so minor that even danbooru has no images of it.  At least, none tagged.  Fucking danbooru.

My curiosity about the later events of the series had been going strong for close to two decades, so I finally broke down and bought the remaining volumes in an Ebay auction… and then didn’t read them, I guess because now that I had them, I could take my time.

I finally got around to re-reading the series just recently, and it’s been an interesting slice of nostalgia.

Kazan is a desert-punk story named after its protagonist.  Kazan looks about eight years old, is actually closer to eighteen, and is about ten-thousand percent done with everyone’s shit.  “Surly” doesn’t quite do it justice.  He’s searching for his childhood friend, a girl named Elsie.  

Back when he actually was eight years old, he was approached by a water demon who told him that his father Sheeroc had, in desperation at the prospect of dying alone in the desert, sold Kazan for just a cup of water.  Sheeroc, leader of the nomad clan known as the Red Sand, was at that time questing about for a way to give his people a more grounded way of life.  However, instead of Kazan, the water demon decided to kidnap his childhood friend Elsie, for reasons that go unexplained for most of the story.  The demon also decided to wreck Kazan’s entire village just for good measure, and Kazan winds up the only survivor that he knows of.

Since that moment, he has not physically aged a day.  The reason for this is also left unexplained for most of the manga’s run.  

Suffice it to say that some of his surliness comes from having to constantly prove to people that, despite all appearances, he really is not a child.  A lot of the rest of it comes from the whole “being sold to a water demon” thing.

His only traveling companion in the beginning is a giant white eagle with a red crest, named Kamushin.  The eagle is so large and strong (or Kazan is so small), that he can actually carry Kazan at least for brief periods.  Kamushin seems to be sentient at times, and whether he is or not, he tends to be the most level-headed one in the room.

Aside from the eagle, Kazan’s most easily distinguishable features are his shounen-hero hair, his tall red hat, and his knife, which he wields and throws with frightening accuracy.

It’s not long at all before he gains two additional companions on his journey.  One is Fawna, a young girl capable of manifesting water at will.  This power is a double-edged sword in a desert environment.  It’s helpful while traveling, but the things people might do to have control of her power – and of course, by extension, Fawna herself – mean she has to use the power sparingly.  She and Kazan initially come to blows once her ability is revealed, or rather, Kazan comes to blows.  Fawna comes to bewilderment and confusion in the face of Kazan’s accusations that she must be the water demon who stole Elsie years ago.  Why would she have the same power, otherwise? Eventually, though, he calms down.  As he (and we) get to know Fawna, the idea of her kidnapping anybody seems laughable.

Fawna is making her way west across the desert to a country called Goldene.  She has been summoned there, as Water People (this is the manga’s translation, and we’ll come to that in a bit) frequently are, as they are necessary for the control and upkeep of Goldene’s water supply.  She’s around seventeen, and spends most of the story unaware of Kazan’s actual age.  She seems to not really take his claims of adulthood very seriously.  In fairness, “My name’s Kazan.  I’m not a kid,” – practically his catchphrase, and usually a good sign that someone has a beating on the way – is pretty much exactly what you’d expect a kid to say.

With Fawna having the same water powers as the entity that kidnapped Elsie, and Goldene seemingly a place where people of that sort are gathered, Kazan decides that his quest is pointing him in that direction.  Despite some misgivings, he decides to accompany her.  Luckily, the two of them happen across another companion, an old woman named Arbey who has a talent for making explosives.  She claims to know the way there, having been a citizen of the country herself at some point in her past.

So they go.

Along the way, they are beset by monsters and difficult situations with other travelers, as well as occasional tussles with Messengers, fierce and deadly agents of Goldene out kill Fawna (their reasons are initially unclear) and capture Kamushin, who turns out to be the White Eagle of Goldene, making him an item of high significance.

Part of what initially caught my attention about Kazan was that it reminded me in a vague way of Eden’s Bowy.  This was a show I’d first seen fansubbed at AnimeIowa in 2000.  If you want another really good example of just how different things were back then, there it is: Conventions would show fansubs, because the industry had virtually no presence at any of them except maybe the absolute biggest, so they could get away with it.  I was nursing a minor obsession with Eden’s Bowy at the time.  The three or four episodes I’d seen at the convention had grabbed my attention for reasons I’m not entirely sure I understand.  Part of it was the creeping doubt over whether the show would ever get picked up for U.S. release (it did, in fact), and I figured I was unlikely ever to see it again.  So anything that put me in mind of it got my attention.

As it happens, the similarities between Kazan and Eden’s Bowy run no deeper than the surface. There are the common elements of a boy in (mostly) white crossing the desert with a mystically empowered young girl and an older adult as companions, and in both stories, they’re seeking out a city that in some fashion lords it over the rest of the setting.  Beyond that, they couldn’t be more different.  For starters, Yorn, the hero of Eden’s Bowy, is kind of the quintessential Idiot Hero of shounen manga and anime: naïve, trusting, and ultimately kind of helpless on his own.  Kazan, meanwhile, is intelligent, self-reliant, and aggressively independent.  Cynical and deeply distrustful, he resists all attempts at friendship or other emotional connection with other characters, and the vulnerability that goes with it.

Kazan isn’t the most likeable character, but his attitude at least makes sense, given his background.  He’s a very (understandably) angry young man trapped in a child’s body, and a lot of his problems come about as a result of his hardening himself against a world that seems destined by turns to betray him and refuse to take him seriously.  When we see him in flashbacks, he’s a sweet kid.  A bit of a crybaby, even.  

Still, in the present of the story, he can sometimes be an unlikeable little shit. His early relationship with Fawna is rocky, and gets violent once or twice throughout the story, which makes me cringe a lot more in 2019 than it did in 2001 or 2002.  In the interests of fairness, I should point out that he gets violent with quite a number of people, and all for the same reason as Fawna, which is that he feels what they are doing is either very wrong or dangerously stupid, or else he sees them as enemies.  He’s an equal-opportunity asshole, I guess.  So I want to say there’s nothing inherently sexist going on there.  Still, it’s not a good look, and please understand I’m not justifying it by any means.  But I do want to lend context.  

The story does wring a lot of natural tension out of the relationship between Kazan and Fawna as natural foils to each other.  Where Kazan trusts nobody and prefers to operate alone, Fawna is naïve and occasionally trusting of the wrong sorts, which gets her into trouble more than once.  And she has a tendency, early on, to lash out with her power in anger or to harm others.  This is sometimes for self-defense, but sometimes also motivated by anger.  Kazan is – oddly, given that he’s otherwise the one more comfortable with the occasional necessity of violence – adamant that she not do this.  Memorably, one of the times he’s violent with her is to stop her from doing something of that sort.  

The manga doesn’t ever really spell out Kazan’s hangup about Fawna misusing her water powers, but I have a guess.  I imagine that it has a lot to do with his initial association of Fawna’s water power with the water demon that kidnapped Elsie ten years prior.  He has a strong (but never quite articulated) belief that in a desert world, anyone with the power to create water – in practical terms, the power to support and sustain life – should not use that power for evil ends.  Fawna using her power only for good helps to mark a clear distinction between her innate goodness and the wickedness of the water demon.

Kazan himself, perhaps surprisingly given his anger and foul attitude for much of the story, tends to pull his punches.  He’s not above beating his attackers silly and occasionally dishing out pain to those he feels are deserving.  But he goes out of his way to spare people on a number of occasions, and when someone sharpens his knife to such an edge that it can cut stones, he actually requests that it be dulled again so that he doesn’t kill someone by mistake.

Refreshingly, there’s no will-they-won’t-they pseudo-romance between Kazan and Fawna.  I don’t object to a romance angle in a story in principle, but it often gets teased in a story like this, where the two leads are each other’s foils and love interests both, and it’s just done to death.  It tends to get shoehorned in because the creators of these stories (perhaps egged on by their publishers) feel that it’s necessary.  Broadening the demographics, maybe?  But there’s a sort of obligatory feeling to it a lot of the time, as if it’s clearly being done because, well, that’s just what we do with stories like this, right?  It gets to the point where you wonder why anyone bothers teasing it.  We all know from long experience how things are going to end up.  But Kazan is clearly fixed on Elsie and Elsie alone.  He and Fawna are simply friends and partners who, by the end of the story, understand each other, and work together, very well.

Another thing that’s nice about Kazan is the refreshing absence of much cheesecake fanservice.  A few characters are dressed in provocative outfits here and there, but even when that’s the case, the “camera” doesn’t really leer like you might expect.  There are one or two moments that had me sighing and shaking my head – a couple instances of the sadly typical Faux Sexual Assault As Comedy – but at this point I like to think I’m an old vet when it comes to this. It’s disappointing, but it’s the kind of thing you learn to resign yourself to if you’re going read much manga or watch much anime at all.

The final chapters of Kazan rely on a lot of last-minute revelations to explain everything.  It’s not really a matter of deus ex machina exactly so much as it is a matter of insufficient foreshadowing.  It would go down a little easier if some of these ideas had been set up maybe a little earlier in the story.  But it’s hard to complain too much.  Even as it clanks a bit toward the end, it never quite feels like the creator is pulling it out of his ass.  The ideas are sound; it’s their tardiness that’s the problem.  But even if it stumbles a little toward the finish line, Kazan’s ending is ultimately satisfying, and earned.  The last few panels are pretty much perfect, and exactly what I spent most of the manga’s run hoping for.  And of course, there’s still the entire rest of the manga before it, which is certainly worth the read.

If there’s one place where Kazan actually falls flat, it’s the translation. And that, at least, you can’t blame on the original creator.  

You could most charitably describe ComicsOne’s English translation of Kazan as workmanlike.  It’s not really a machine translation, but it does seem at times to veer awfully close to that territory.  It’s there, and things basically make sense; that’s about the best you can say for it.  Ultimately, though, it’s just lacking something.  There are places all over Kazan’s seven-volume run where the phrasing seems bland or off, where it lacks real punch and personality, and where it seems just plain awkward and stilted. There are times when it seems like the characters lack a distinct voice.  Spelling is also inconsistent.  The name of Kazan’s father is spelled Sheeroc in the earlier volumes, but Shiroc in later ones. And there are placement issues as well, where sometimes lines that are clearly meant to be spoken by one character are lumped in with the dialogue in another character’s word balloon.  Overall, the translation is some real amateur-hour work.  This seems to be a trait of ComicsOne; the one volume of the Tsukihime manga I own has some of these same issues.

But this isn’t a problem I can really hold against the manga, since it’s a problem that (to the best of my knowledge) wouldn’t really have existed in the Japanese version.  And it’s hard to fault the original creator for how translators handled his work after the fact.

There’s not much like Kazan out there that I’ve seen.  I don’t have a lot of recommendations in the vein of “If you like X, Y, or Z, then try Kazan.”

Part of the reason I enjoyed Kazan as much as I did is nostalgia.  Not for the story itself, but for the times it puts me in mind of.  The kind of story it tells; the specific way it handles its characters, and manifests their archetypes and tropes; the way it’s drawn; all of it is intensely reminiscent of its time.  There is a certain Look or Aesthetic I’m fond of in anime, and it tends a little toward the particular stylization and combination of traits that was very stereotypical at the time I was getting into it.  But even as that’s a stereotype, there’s something about it that I actually find visually appealing.  I suppose it goes back to my nostalgia.  When this was a new hobby for me, that look was practically shorthand for everything anime stood for.

More than that, it’s a time capsule, a snapshot of how things looked when I was first getting into my hobby.  I’ll probably never again have that feeling of things yet to be seen and done, mysteries yet to be uncovered and explored, at least not with this particular hobby.  But reading something like Kazan, I’m reminded of those times with great intensity.

There’s also the setting.  I have a soft spot for huge, wasteland vistas.  As much as I can recognize that, say, The Weathering Continent is not really a good movie, I still find myself drawn to its world.  This extends into video games as well.  One of the things I loved most about Shadow of the Colossus (either version) was simply wandering its world.  Something about characters surviving in such a hostile, sometimes even decaying environment just grabs my imagination and runs with it.  But I’m picky about these kinds of stories, too.  I prefer my environments and my characters to look and sound and act a certain way.

Despite the inescapable influence of personal appeal, though, I still honestly think Kazan holds up, and is very much worth a read.  It’s not going to be the easiest thing to find, but on the flipside, Kazan was a manga published by a company that never really achieved notability and stayed in business for a grand total of maybe six years at most.  So while the supply has never been very great, neither has the demand.  The prices haven’t gotten exorbitant, and I don’t see that changing in the near future.  

In all, it’s worth the effort to track down if you can.

[psychicwonu-blog]

Odd Behavior

Anon Asked: “they’re coming, hurry up and kiss me!” fake dating AU with Jeonghan please? ^^ it can be suggestive ;3

Group: Seventeen

Member/Pairing: Jeonghan x reader

Genre: fluff, non idol!AU, college!AU, fuckboy!Jeonghan fight me

Prompt: Fake dating 5. “they’re coming, hurry up and kiss me!”

Warnings: sexual themes & tension, cursing

Word Count: 4.4k

A/N: I know these were meant to be drabbles, or at least short-ish, but I kept getting carried away lmaooo, I hope you like this! I really enjoyed writing it. It’s long but I love the way it turned out. I am sooooooo sorry it took me so long to finish this btw, anon.

Don’t @ me but I love bad/fuckboy Jeonghan concepts sksjsksjsk

Yoon Jeonghan. Popular, attractive, a bit mysterious, and your campus’s undisputed fuckboy. Everyone either knew him or wanted to, and you were no exception. Though your curiosity came from a different angle. You couldn’t understand why anyone would be interested in pursuing a relationship with him. His notorious reputation and extreme popularity kept you from ever approaching him, but if given the opportunity you’d love to ask why he acted so repulsively. It wasn’t even the sex that bothered you. Almost everyone has sex and you weren’t one to shy away from it either, but the way he played with people’s feeling made you despise him without even knowing him. 

You first saw him up close in the psych class you had together. You looked up from your notebook just as he entered the hall, and you couldn't look away. He was gorgeous, no doubt, but that wasn’t enough to make up for how he behaved. He, of course, sat with a big crowd towards the back, never really paying any attention to what was happening. You were in the front of the lecture hall, which made it awkward to sneak glances at him. Nonetheless, you contorted your body, pretending to stretch and look in his direction. He didn’t notice you thankfully, and you’d keep this act up for the rest of the week.

Jeonghan started showing up more and more after that. Not in a weird way, but ever since seeing him in your psychology class you’d notice him around. He was always surrounded by a bunch of people. Guys and girls alike, practically drooling over him. He seemed to love every moment of it, too. The smug look on his face never faded for a second. It confused you, seeing people act this way over a peer. He wasn’t outrageously rich and he didn’t seem to have any redeeming qualities, albeit what he could do with his body in the bedroom (or in semi-public places, so you’ve heard) kept people talking. He did seem to have a certain charm about him, but nothing extravagant. 

“You’re staring.” said your friend Soonyoung. You scoffed at him and turned the page of your textbook. 

“I was not staring, I was observing.” you argue. Soonyoung raises a single eyebrow as you pull out your laptop. Jeonghan had just walked into the library, and for some reason he was alone. 

“Sure, just like you ‘observe’ him in psych?” he teases. You ignore the urge to look at Jeonghan again, not wanting to give Soonyoung the satisfaction. Scrunching up your nose, you tilt your head and raise your shoulders. ‘Just like you observe him’ you mock. Soonyoung laughs, throwing a piece of popcorn at you.

“What the hell,” you laugh quietly. “you’re not supposed to have food in here.” Soonyoung copies your earlier behavior, scrunching his nose and tilting his head. You peak to the side a bit, searching for Jeonghan as Soonyoung switches out textbooks. He’s sitting a few tables down from yours, pushing his hair back as he releases a huff of air and turns a page of his book. You drag your eyes back to your friend before he catches you. 

You ask Soonyoung if he’s started his psych paper yet, to which he shakes his head. “I still need to find a good topic.” he whines. You silently agree with him, rubbing your temples. All this time spent in the library and you’ve yet to get anything important done. Soonyoung’s head perks up, brows furrowing. You tilt your head at him in confusion. “Why’s he coming over here- DON’T LOOK DON’T LOOK!” he aggressively whispers as you begin to turn. You jump a bit, startled by his voice. ‘It’s Jeonghan’ he mouths. Your eyes grow a little wider as the familiar figure stands at your table.

Your eyes travel up his body, meeting his eyes which are already glued to yours. He’s looking at you with...admiration? Infatuation? Whatever it is, it’s making you sweat. Your thoughts travel into impure territory and you start to panic. He hasn’t been near you for more than five seconds, and here you were thinking about your mouth around his dick. “Stop it.” you say softly to yourself. 

Jeonghan smiles. “Stop what?” he asks, biting his lip. You furrow your brows. Shit. Soonyoung looks at you, bulging his eyes at you. 

“Huh? Nothing. Can we help you?” you ask. Jeonghan points to the seat next to yours, asking if it’s taken. “No, but-” you begin saying, but he sits immediately. He smells really clean, like fresh laundry and soap. Which was unexpected. You aren’t sure what you were specifically expecting, but it wasn’t this. He looks between both you and Soonyoung, smiling awkwardly almost. 

“So...you guys are in Huang’s psychology course with me, right?” he asks. 

Soonyoung raises his brows. “You noticed us?” he asks, completely dumbfounded. You feel the same, but kick Soonyoung under the table for asking that. He rubs his shin, scoffing at you. 

Jeonghan laughs, pushing his hair back again. Your eyes roam over his face, taking everything in. “Distracted as I may appear, I’ve got great observational skills.” You smile at his response. 

“You and Y/N have that in common, then.” Soonyoung says, faking an innocent voice. Your vision flashes to him. He smiles at you, flicking his eyebrows up. Jeonghan appears lost by your silent conversation, but realization dawns on him soon enough. 

“I thought I felt eyes on me. It’s common though, what can I say.” Suddenly you’re annoyed with him. You turn away, pursing your lips. “Anyway, I was wondering if you guys would be able to help me out...with the paper?” 

Soonyoung smirks to himself, gathering his things. “I was actually just about to leave. Y/N should be able to, though.” he smiles. You shake your head, making a face of disgust, as he waves. “Good luck.” he sings, dragging out the word ‘luck’ and walking away. Jeonghan looks over at you with a devilish grin. He switches to the seat Soonyoung had been sitting in, directly facing you. You’re almost disappointed about not having him so close anymore, but then he reminds you why you can’t stand him. 

“So how come we’ve never...met?” he asks, leaning forward, tapping his pen on the table. You roll your eyes, ignoring his question. 

“What are you writing your paper on?” you change the subject. Jeonghan doesn’t let it slide, however. He leans back, biting his lip. Your eyes travel down his face, focusing on the shape of his mouth. His lips look so soft, and they’re the perfect shade of pink to compliment his complexion. You snap yourself out of your thoughts.

“We should hang out, you know, outside of school.”

“I’m not sleeping with you.”

“Is that what I said?” he laughs. “Interesting.” Your cheeks burn as he looks at you smiling, running his tongue along the bottom of his top lip. You force yourself to avert your eyes, focusing on the notes in front of you. You were beginning to understand why people fell for him on a shallow, physical level. He was mesmerizing. “Anyway, I was thinking about doing my paper on love.”

“Tch,” you scoff. “really?” He nods, resting his chin on the backs of his hands. You look up at him, directly in his eyes and say, “Well I was thinking of doing mine on Narcissism.”

Jeonghan knew this was directed towards him. He smirks, nodding his head. “Good choice.” he says flatly. “I understand if you don’t wanna help me though, I get the feeling you don’t particularly like me.”

“I don’t like your behavior.” you retort. He looks down at his bag.

“Understandable, but a person is their behavior, right?” he argues. 

“No, not always. Some people act a certain way because they feel pressured,” you explain. He’s watching you now, looking between your eyes and you lips. “not because it’s who they are.” He smiles. 

“You think I feel pressured?” he asks. Now it’s your turn to smirk. 

“Is that what I said?” you lean back, closing your laptop. “Interesting.”

Jeonghan sticks the tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, scoffing in an amused way at your change of behavior. He’s interested in you. He has been since he first saw you. Being one of the only people who didn’t lose it at the mere sight of him, he had to know more about you. He craved for attention, but he wanted it from someone who wanted to know him, he hoped that would eventually be you. “You’re leaving?” he asks, watching your body as you stand, sliding your arm into the strap of your bag.

“I am. I have to go to work, and at this rate I’ll probably be late.” you inform him, looking at your phone to check the time. You actually had enough time to get changed and everything, but if you spent anymore time there with Jeonghan you definitely wouldn’t. He put you in some kind of trance, and as cheesy as it sounds, it’s the truth. You forget about who he is, or rather how he acts, when he looks at you, biting and licking his lips, and you wish that he’d kiss you. “I’ll help you on your paper though, if you still want me to.”

“I would love that.” he smiles. Your heart begins to race. “Give me your phone.” he says, reaching his hand out. You look at him confused. “So I can give you my number.” he smirks.

“Oh, right, here.” he takes the device from you, takes a selfie, then opens your contacts. He adds his number in, changes the contact photo, and hands you your phone. 

“Text me, whenever you have time.” he tells you. Nodding your head and smiling, you begin walking away. 

You make it to your small apartment in record time, quickly changing and throwing your earlier outfit into a hamper. Your commute to work is short, it takes you only five minutes or so to make it to the small bookshop. The bell overhead rings as you push the door open. Charlie, your manager and owner of the shop, greets you with a smile. “Thanks for taking this shift, Y/N.” he waves. You bow your head, walking up behind the register. The shop never had tons of traffic, but it wasn’t empty either. You enjoyed the pace. 

You had some time to play around on your phone after sorting through some books, and putting others back into their correct spaces. Clicking on your contact app, you decide to text Jeonghan. ‘If I don’t do it now, I’ll forget to later.’ you tell yourself, trying to justify your odd behavior. He’d put an eggplant emoji by his name. You removed it, scoffing to yourself. The selfie he took made you roll your eyes, too. ‘He’s so full of himself.’ you thought. 

You [5:30pm]hey, this is y/n

He didn’t reply right away, in fact it’d been so long you almost forgot you’d texted him at all. 

Jeonghan [6:25pm] it’s only been a few hours, sweetheart, miss me already?

It seems like you’re only able to roll your eyes at him, and now is no exception. He’s constantly annoying you. Acting all high and mighty, and your peers only encourage him. 

You [6:33pm] ffs

You [6:34pm] i don’t have to work all weekend, so just let me know when you’re free okay. my friends bf has a performance saturday at 9 tho, i have to go

Jeonghan [6:50pm] I’ll be at that show, too. A friend of mine is coming in for it. As for when I’m free, for you...whenever 

You have a funny feeling in your stomach. It’s like a mixture of disgust and butterflies. It’s weird to say the least. 

You [6:55pm] gross. i gtg

Jeonghan replies quickly this time, telling you that he’d text you later. You sent a thumbs up emoji, knowing that it’d piss him off. He didn’t reply however, but it only proved further that he was annoyed. You spent the last two hours of your shift organizing and cleaning. You didn’t mind it though, you loved the atmosphere of the shop. Being surrounded by literature was a big plus, too. 

Once you made it home, you kicked off your shoes and got some pj’s out and walked to your small bathroom. After you shower and change, you turn on some bad horror movie on Netflix. However you can’t focus. Your thoughts travel back to Jeonghan and the way he looked today. The way he pushed his light brown hair our of his face, exposing his forehead. The way he ran his tongue over his lips as he watched you shift in your seat. Your face became hot, your breathing heavier. 

You imagined what it would be like to have him. How would he handle you? How would he want to be handled? A loud crash coming from your TV pulls you back into reality. You laugh at yourself, thinking about how ridiculous you’re acting. The time on your phone reads 11:00 pm. You try to get ready for bed, but a call comes through. You pick your phone back up and scoff. It’s Jeonghan. 

“Why are you calling?” you answer the phone. Jeonghan chuckles. 

“I wanted to hear you.” he says in an obvious tone. The disgusted butterflies are back. 

“It’s late, what do you need?”

“Well-”

“Actually, don’t answer that.” you say. You’re afraid of where the conversation would be headed, and decide to end it. “I need to sleep, it’s been a long day.” 

Jeonghan sighs. “It’s only 11 though.”

“I’ll text you tomorrow, you’ll live.”

“Call me instead.” he says, lust clearly evident in his tone. “And hey, listen, I owe you one. For helping me.” his voice causes you to bite your lip.

“Goodnight, Jeonghan.” you say, shaking your head. You hang up after that, not waiting for a reply. You  fall asleep soon after, many dreams to come your way through the night.

Soonyoung wakes you up the next morning, knocking on your door at an ungodly hour. Truthfully it was already 9 am, but on your day off, not to mention on a weekend, it was early. You grudgingly walk to your door, rubbing your eyes as you open it. Soonyoung lets out a heavy breath, barging into your place as you look at him confused. 

“What the fuck, Soo-”

“Seungcheol is back in town,” he whispers. Your heart stops beating momentarily. Seungcheol, your ex, back in town? Just what you needed. “and he’s with someone else.” Bang. Right in the chest. “I didn’t think he’d be back so soon, Y/N, I’m sorry.” Soonyoung comforts you, pulling you in for a hug. You lazily wrap your arms around your best friend, not knowing how to respond. 

“He’s really moved on?” you ask quietly, staring at your feet. Soonyoung rubs your shoulders as you both walk to your couch. Seungcheol was your boyfriend for three and a half years. You’d thought he was the one, as cliche as that is, but it was the truth. He ended things with you a few months ago because you were “holding him back” from achieving his dreams. Whatever the hell that meant, you were his number one fan. Towards the end he found an excuse for everything. You’d known it was only a matter of time before he left you, but nothing could prepare you for how lost you felt when he finally did.

“He’s gonna be at the concert...” Soonyoung bites his lip, his voice getting smaller and smaller.

“What the hell, why?”

“His date is performing. You can leave right after Jihoon performs though, it’s really okay.” he reassures you. 

“It isn’t. You guys have been planning this for months, I’m not gonna let this keep me from going.” you retort. Soonyoung smiles, hugging you tightly. “Besides, how hard can it be to find a date?”

Soonyoung smirks. “You should ask Jeonghan. He’s gonna be there, right?”

You squint your eyes. “Absolutely not. How did you know he’d be there?”

“He’s friends with one of the people singing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Soonyoung only shrugged his shoulders. You didn’t press it any more, though. Truth be told, you suspected he’d be there anyway. Soonyoung and his boyfriend were well known in terms of entertainment, lots of people always showed up to support them. Even if that was the only time they were noticed. You let out a huff of air, if you were going to ask someone Jeonghan would surely be your last choice. What other option did you have, though? It wouldn’t be the worst thing...to spend a night with him by your side. It’s not like it would be a real date...

You grabbed your phone, swiping across the screen and tapping a few times. Soonyoung smirks again, “You’re gonna ask him, aren’t you?” Rolling your eyes, you tell him to shut up.  “Well, here goes nothing.” you whisper. Once your phone is dialing his number, you hold the phone up to your ear.

“Hello?” Jeonghan answers with a sleepy voice. ‘Goddammit that’s hot.’

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but it’s cool. I needed to get up anyway.” he yawns. You bite at your nails. What if he has plans to go with someone else and can’t do it, or worse what if he laughs at you. “Hello, you there?”

“Huh? Sorry, yeah. Um...” God, this was going to be harder than you thought. “Um, remember how you said you owe me one...for helping you?” your voice is shaky and unsure. You mentally hit yourself for sounding so silly.

“Yeah that was last night. Change your mind about, what was it, ‘not sleeping with me?’“ he teases. You were already over this. 

“Jesus Christ, forget it.”

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m kidding!” he laughs. You look over at Soonyoung who is rolling beside you. “What do you need?” he asks. You sigh, rubbing your forehead.

“It’s gonna sound so stupid, Jeonghan.”

“Try me.”

You look over at your friend a final time. He encourages you to ask. “I need you to be my fake date for the concert. My ex is going, and well, I wanna make him jealous. Hopefully.”  The line is silent for a few seconds. You can hear your heart beating loud as a drum. Soonyoung is holding his breath beside you.

“That’s not stupid, sweetheart. Petty, but I happen to love petty.” he finally says. Soonyoung releases his breath, nudging your shoulder.

“So, you’ll do it?”

He chuckles. “I will. Sure you don’t want it to be a real date? What time do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

“Fake date, and 8 is fine. Thanks, Jeonghan.”

He replies “no problem” and hangs up without another word. You didn’t pay much attention to it, instead you look over to the giggling boy beside of you. You shove him, rolling your eyes, and smile. 

Soonyoung helps you pick out the best revenge outfit that was still appropriate for the occasion. You settled on dark washed skinny jeans, a deep red top that perfectly complimented your body and skin tone, topped off with your nicest leather jacket. “You’re gonna be okay.” he says with a hug. You hold him tightly, thankful for such a great friend.

As you throw your outfit on and make your hair look presentable Jihoon texts you. He let you know that he and Soonyoung were heading out. It was already 7:45 and you still hadn’t heard from Jeonghan. Panic began to set in when you realize you’d forgotten to give him your address. You adjust your jacket multiple times, worried about how you looked. Seungcheol would be there, with a date, and though it was probably petty, you wanted to make him jealous. You whip your head around when you hear light knocking on your door.

You hesitantly open it, surprised and confused to see your fake-date standing there holding your favorite tea in his hands.

“Ready? I know I’m a few minutes early, but I live pretty close by actually and-” Jeonghan stops rambling when he sees your face. “This is weird isn’t it? I just asked um, Soonyoung, for your address and a drink you liked, and I didn’t really think this through. God, I...sorry, um-”

“It’s a bit weird, yeah, but thanks.” you smile, taking the tea. You smile to yourself, opening the bottle and taking a sip. Jeonghan’s cheeks light up and you smirk. 

“Lets go.”

“You look great, by the way.” he says sheepishly. You cock a brow at his sudden awkwardness. 

“Thanks. And, you know, if you ignore the creepy aspects of all this, it was really sweet.” you shrug. He licks his lip, looking over at you and shakes his head. The drive to the concert hall was mostly awkward, but you learned quite a few things about Jeonghan. He likes to sing himself, and he can also dance. 

“I’ll show you sometime.” he winks. Jeonghan pulls into a parking space, quickly unbuckling his seat belt and exiting the car. Before you can reach the handle, he swings the door open and smiles. Your heart flutters, but you keep reminding yourself that he’s a player. 

“Hey, guys, over here!” Soonyoung shouts as you walk into the building. You see Seungcheol across the room with his arms around his date. You can’t make out their face, but they seem attractive. You press your lips together, trying to get your attention back on your friend. Jeonghan notices how uneasy you are. He follows you line of vision and squints at the couple.

“Is that your ex? The taller guy?” he asks. You nod slowly, breathing harder. Jeonghan grabs your hand and squeezes it a bit. “It’ll be okay.” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your head. He makes you feel confused. You smile and squeeze his hand back. Soonyoung wiggles his eyebrows as you two approach him. 

“Jihoon is already backstage. He’s performing first and last. Can you believe that...conceited bastard.” you laugh at his playful criticism. Jihoon was very good though. He had every reason to be both the opening and closing act, even if it did seem cocky. The performances go by rather quickly. Jeonghan cheers for his friend as they sing. Your heart drops when you recognize the outfit. Your eyes scan the room for Seungcheol, and when they find him, you regret searching. He looks completely in love. He was giving them the same look of admiration he used to give you. It didn’t help that they were friends with your fake-date. It only upped the chances of you running into Seungcheol. 

Jeonghan held onto your hand the entire time. You tried to distract yourself, and instead of thinking about Seungcheol you thought about Jeonghan. You wondered if this would drive a wedge between your potential friendship. On your end of course, you didn't think he’d feel awkward at all about it. Maybe if you remained friends after you helped him with his school work you’d ask him those questions you had. He didn’t seem so bad when he picked you up. He was a bit awkward in fact. It could’ve all been a show, though. Again, you have to remind yourself that he’s a player. 

Soonyoung taps your shoulder as the show continues. You hadn’t even realized that Seungcheol’s date had finished. You looked over to your friend. “They’re heading this way.” he whispers. You turn your head and see your ex and his date walking toward you, or Jeonghan rather, who had his eyes glued to the stage. 

“Shit...” you squeezed his hand. You decided in a spit second to put all of your conflicting feelings aside and make a bold move. “they’re coming, hurry up and kiss me.”

Jeonghan’s eyes widen, but when he realizes you’re serious his expression darkens. He grabs your face and goes hard from the get-go. You tried your best not to be shocked. You’d expected something soft, light, and appropriate for the occasion. Soonyoung whispers ‘ooh okay’ from beside you. You must’ve gotten really into the feeling of his lips dominating yours because you hear multiple people clear their throats. You pull away, looking up at Jeonghan who is already smirking at you. Your cheeks were on fire as you look around to see Seungcheol glaring. 

“Bit much, don’t you think?” asks your ex. You look down at your feet. Jeonghan pulls you into his side. 

“Mind your own.” he says flatly. You bite your lip trying not to laugh. “Hey,” Jeonghan smiles, nodding to his friend. “you were great up there.” They smile at him, muttering a ‘thanks’ before grabbing Seungcheol’s hand. You force yourself not to react. 

“It’s been a while. How are you?” Seungcheol asks. 

“Okay. Great, actually.” you say as you look up to Jeonghan. He winks at you, brushing some hair out of your face. 

“I’m gonna go find Jihoon.” Soonyoung says before disappearing. The conversation gets more hellish and awkward. You and Seungcheol exchange glances more times than you were comfortable with while Jeonghan caught up with his friend. After a while he senses that you’re growing more impatient to leave. 

“Let’s get out of here, yeah?” he says, grabbing your hand. You smile and nod. 

“It was nice seeing you again, Seungcheol, and you were amazing by the way.” you wave to the couple before turning away.

Once you’re out of the building you try to let go of Jeonghan’s hand. “Oh come on, the date isn’t over yet. Fake or not.” he whines. You don’t react much. Your mind is racing over seeing Seungcheol. “Hey, you okay?” he asks. 

“Yeah, I just...didn’t realize how much I missed him.” you explain. Jeonghan lets go of your hand and bites his lip. He seems sympathetic, and to be honest a bit jealous. You smile to yourself. “Thanks, for tonight.”

“You’re welcome. I had a good time. Even if it was a little awkward and I was a little creepy.” he laughs. 

“I really appreciate it. Tonight would have been a thousand times worse had you not been here.”

“Well, I’d love to go on another date with you. If you’d let me take you out for real.” he confesses. A part of you says to run from him, to not get involved, but another part of you is drawn to him. He seems a lot more down to earth when he isn’t with his friends, or surrounded by people that fed his ego. 

“Lets focus on getting your paper finished first, okay?” you smile. Jeonghan opens the car door for you and winks as you slide into the seat. 

“I’m taking that as a soft yes.” he laughs. 

[holdenmgrudges]

Chapter 15 - Effectsies

Whoops. I forgot to post this here when I posted it on AO3. In this chapter,  Crutchie and David try to help Jack out, Spot has a sleepover at Jojo's, and Sarah has a conversation with the Delanceys.

Or read on AO3 if you prefer.

The vandalism caused a big commotion, in the principal’s office, that was led by Jack, Katherine, and Race. Miss Medda joined in as soon as she saw. Crutchie was angry, but he knew it was better if he let the others try to handle it. Crutchie felt like his voice didn’t matter, or that he’d be pitied.

He sat outside the office, waiting to hear what was happening, and he stared at his crutch, thinking how no matter what he did, he wouldn’t ever feel normal again. Even if he got some kind of new mechanical leg. But he knew that a crutch was better than a wheelchair. It was way more uncomfortable, but at least he could walk.

When the three teens and Medda came out of the office with the principal, they all still looked angry, but a little more calm. Jack told Crutchie that the principal was going to search lockers for any kind of spray cans. Crutchie thought that was a dumb idea. The graffiti may have been discovered that morning, but the culprit essentially had all weekend to do it and he figured they wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave the evidence in their locker. But at least it was something to do. Meanwhile, a custodian would paint over the graffiti.

As he walked to class, Crutchie couldn’t help but look at every single person he passed in the halls, wondering if any one of them could have done the damage. He tried to distract himself with his actual classwork, but it wasn’t long until he got a text that would keep him preoccupied.

When the bell rang, he knew what he had to do. He walked as quickly as he could to the principal’s office, ready to make some noise. He didn’t care how much trouble he got in. Jack needed him and he was going to be there for him.

When he got there, however, a tired-looking Jack was leaving with Miss Medda at his side. “Jack, I was just gonna tell Pulitzer--”

Miss Medda held up a finger. “Crutchie, don’t say anything else. It’s all been taken care of. Go to your next class.”

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Jack was able to mutter.

When lunch came along, Crutchie hurried to Miss Medda’s room. The door was open, as the paint was still drying. Miss Medda was in there making a call, but Jack wasn’t there yet. He sat down and a minute later, David came in.

“Hey, Crutchie. What’s going on? I got a text from Specs earlier that said Jack was in trouble. That they’d found spray cans in his locker.”

“Yeah, he sent me that text too. I went down to Pulitzer’s office to tell them the cans were mine but...Miss Medda said it was taken care of.”

Miss Medda had finished her call and had apparently heard them talking because she went up to them and cheerfully said, “Hey, boys, can you come help me in the costume room?” The two of them followed her into what was essentially a walk in closet full of costumes. She made sure none of the other students in the classroom had followed or were close enough to listen.

“Okay, here’s what happened,” she said. “Yes, they found spray cans in Jack’s locker. So the principal called him to his office. Luckily he didn’t say anything until I got there. I told Pulitzer that Jack had the spray cans because he was helping me paint a set for the next school play and I forgot that I’d given them to him. Pulitzer was suspicious, but he had no reason to doubt me. Just as I have no reason to doubt Jack.

“I know he didn’t put up the graffiti, and that’s the only reason I said what I said. But those cans weren’t mine and they weren’t his so...Someone is trying to frame him. I think right now he’s trying to find out who, but...I think he just needs his friends. And I’m sure you need him too.”

The boys nodded and then they proceeded to go try to find Jack. But when they did, he was too far into his investigation. He was angry and he was making it his sole purpose to find out who was trying to frame him. For the next few days, he kept obsessing over it to the point where Crutchie and David needed a break. He’d even brought it up in the LGBTQ+ Club meeting.

The next week, Crutchie texted David and they met in Miss Medda’s room for lunch. He knew Jack wouldn’t mind going at his investigation alone. He probably preferred it that way. But Crutchie was tired. The graffiti could’ve been done by anyone.

“We need him to stop,” David said as they settled down into their desks.

“But how?” Crutchie had tried everything shy of physically snapping Jack out of it. He even tried reasoning that the damage wasn’t bad enough to be so focused on it, although he didn’t believe that himself. People at school were still talking about the incident, as they probably would be for the next few weeks. Even as he went into the little theatre, he’d seen people staring at the door, wondering if the vandalizer would strike again.

“I’ve been thinking,” David said slowly and quietly. “I mean, I’m not sure it would work, but...It would probably distract him…” Crutchie waited. “But I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“What is it, Davey?”

“Okay, so ever since the graffiti thing happened, I’ve just been wanting to do something. Something big. Something to make us feel stronger. To...give a big middle finger to the man. And to whoever put up that...hateful word.”

“Just spit it out. Your idea.”

“Okay, well, what if we hold some kind of pride pep rally? I know at the very least everyone in the club would participate. We could hand out stickers and stuff. Get a few others to join in. Maybe have new people join the club.”

“Jack could make a speech.”

“Katherine could write it.”

“Davey, I could kiss you!” David blushed a little, though it went unnoticed by Crutchie. “That’s a great idea! It would definitely distract Jack, and it would also help us out. We should definitely pitch it at the next meeting. You...you’re a genius.”

“I wouldn’t say genius…”

“Godsend then. An angel. A saint. Deus ex machina.”

“Crutchie...please…”

At the next meeting, Davey, with Crutchie’s help, pitched the idea to the club, and everyone was on board. They all put effort in and by the next Friday, they were holding their rally. Jack was successfully distracted and everything had gone according to plan. Stickers were handed out, some other clubs joined in for the pep part of the rally, there were even some possible new club recruits, and Katherine had written a speech for Jack.

Jack was at the end of the speech when he suddenly stopped. Crutchie could tell that he’d just gotten one of his crazy Jack ideas. Ideas that could go either way.

“You know,” Jack said into the microphone. “I’d like to thank you all for showing your support for the our community and for your classmates. But most of all, I’d like to thank one person in particular, for who we owe this rally to. David Jacobs, could you please come up here?”

David looked at Crutchie, wondering what he should do, but Crutchie was just as confused and he shrugged. David looked back up at Jack and upon seeing his inviting smile, went up to the stage nervously.

Jack took David’s hand and looked back out to the audience. “This guy right here has done more for the LGBTQ+ Club than I’ve done since I started it. He’s made it a real safe space. He has all the best ideas. He’s...he’s amazing.” He turned back to David, who was fully red. “I have a question for you, Davey. Will you…” Jack swallowed before finishing the question. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

There were some gasps from the audience. Crutchie knew at that moment that this was probably one of Jack’s more worse ideas, but he didn’t know if he thought that because it was true, or out of jealousy. David looked right at him as Jack waited for a response. But again, all Crutchie could do was shrug.

“Yes,” David said as he turned back to Jack.

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

Jack smiled and he pulled in David for a kiss. In front of the whole school. Cheers came, mostly from the front where members of the LGBTQ+ club were standing. Some groans were heard from the back. Crutchie then figured it out. He wasn’t jealous. He wouldn’t have traded places with David if he could. All of this, it wasn’t personal. It was a stunt. Crutchie felt sad, not because Jack and David were officially a couple, but because he felt that Jack had just started on a path to ruin another relationship.

Spot couldn’t exactly react to the vandalism. He had to pretend he didn’t notice it or that it didn’t affect him. Except it did affect him. He was much quieter in the weeks after it happened. He was focused on wrestling more than anything. He usually gave the team inspirational speeches before every meet, but now he was letting Jojo give them. Spot was just trying not to break down and cry.

The Friday after the graffiti was found, the school paper had released a front page article about it. For some reason, Spot’s mother had gotten a copy of it and someone had sent her a picture of the graffiti in question. “Serves them faggots right, huh son?” she’d asked him straight to his face. He agreed with her and then went to his room, crying as quietly as he possibly could.

But he could deal with that. He was strong. It wasn’t until the pride pep rally that he’d finally had enough. He was standing towards the back, trying to pay attention to Jack’s speech, but the Delancey brothers were standing nearby talking loudly. He wanted to yell at them to shut up, but he didn’t want to draw any attention to himself.

Then Jack called David to the stage and they kissed. He’d seen it before, in front of Sarah’s house. He’d felt awkward about it at first, but he had tried not to think much of it. Now that it was in public for everyone to see, Spot felt like he was the one on blast even though it wasn’t him on stage. “That’s fucking gross,” he heard one of the Delanceys say. He wanted to punch them both in the face. Instead, he subtly walked away to the nearest bathroom.

He’d locked himself in a stall when he heard the footsteps of someone coming in. He hoped to god it wasn’t Race. He didn’t want to deal with him and his radical ideas. He hoped it was just some random guy that needed to pee and would leave right after. Of course, whoever it was knocked at his stall. “Spot?”

Luckily, it wasn’t Race’s voice that he heard. It was Jojo’s. And he couldn’t have been happier to hear it. He got up and exited the stall, giving Jojo probably the biggest hug he’d ever given him. Probably the biggest hug he’d ever given anyone. Without saying anything, Jojo hugged him back. “Hey, Jo? Can I stay with you this weekend?”

Spot told his mom he was staying at a wrestling buddy’s place for the weekend to study for their end of year tests. It wasn’t exactly a lie, although he didn’t think they’d do a lot of studying. He got to Jojo’s house and was a bit irked to see Race open the door. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see him. He just would have rather it be only him and Jojo. Race was an emotional overload for him. Around him, he felt happy, sad, horny, angry, and peaceful all in the span of one glance.

Race looked just as pleased to see him, a bit reserved at first, but then all smiles. He took Spot’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen where Jojo was pouring them drinks. A screwdriver for Race and two orange juices for Spot and himself. Race continued holding his hand.

“God, you guys are making me look like an alcoholic,” Race said before downing his entire drink happily. Jojo and Spot laughed.

They spent the rest of the night playing games and watching tv. After midnight, Spot could tell Jojo was tired, as he kept yawning. He figured Jojo liked the company and didn’t want to be the first to bow out. Spot wasn’t sleepy, but he felt obligated to let his friend rest. “Hey Jo? I’m getting kinda tired.”

“Oh? Yeah, man, it’s pretty late, huh?” he replied. Race groaned a little as they all got up to go upstairs. He seemed to still be up for a party. “Do you want to sleep in my room or take a guest room?”

“Guest room’s cool,” Spot said. He didn’t want to bother Jojo as he slept, and he knew if he was in the room, Race would be too. He felt like being alone with his thoughts.

After brushing his teeth, Jojo led him to one of the guest rooms and said, “Race, my room,” when he saw Race tiptoeing towards the bed. Spot smiled at Race but pushed him out before saying good night and closing the door.

He lay awake in bed, with the bedside lamp on, thinking about the way he’d let his mother dictate how to live his life. He loved her, and as a kid, he thought she could do no wrong. The older he grew, the more wrong he realized she was doing.

He’d always blamed the alcohol for everything. He’d always thought she relied too much on it. He’d thought it was the reason she had hit him when he was younger. She’d stopped when she realized he could do more damage to her than she could to him. She never realized that he would never hurt her. But he was starting to realize the alcohol wasn’t the issue. She was.

He got up and went downstairs. He took a glass and poured some vodka in it. At first, he stared at it. Then, he took a sip. It burned and he wondered why people liked the stuff. Maybe he needed more. He took a gulp this time. He hated it. Or maybe he hated himself enough to drink more. Was this how it started? With one gulp of self-hatred?.

“I thought you didn’t drink.”

Spot turned around and saw Race standing at the doorway, watching him. “I thought you didn’t want to look like an alcoholic.”

Race walked toward him and took the glass from his hand. He drank the rest of the vodka and put the glass down. “I’d rather be an alcoholic than turn you into one.”

“Thanks. I hated it.”

Race smiled at him and took his hand like he had earlier. “Bedtime.” Spot wanted to just melt. This whole thing with Race was too complicated for him to handle, but it was easier when he didn’t think about it. Maybe that’s why he tried drinking. He was tired of continuous thinking.

They went upstairs to the guest room, where Race closed and locked the door. He led him to the bed and they immediately began making out. But as much as he didn’t want to think, Spot knew that they couldn’t just keep doing that and not expect there to be consequences. Cheating on Sarah was one thing, but he was getting too comfortable. He was heading towards a point where he wouldn’t be able to go back.

When Race took a condom out of his pocket, Spot didn’t know that would be the deciding point. He was overcome with lust and the shot he took was starting to affect him. He couldn’t control his impulses. Race guided him through everything, from stripping down, to loosening him up. It was an experience he would never forget. There were some awkward moments, but when they finished, he felt he’d been successful.

He woke up needing to pee. Race was on the other side of the bed, having stolen all the blankets. Spot put his shirt and underwear on and went to the bathroom. He figured he might as well shower and brush his teeth. When he’d done that, he still didn’t want to go back to the room. He didn’t know why. It would be so easy to go back to bed and watch Race sleep until he couldn’t take it anymore, waking him up with kisses and cuddles. Easy, but wrong.

Instead, he went to Jojo’s room. The door was open and he could see the guy was still sleeping. The floor creaked as he turned to walk away, and he heard the movement of sheets. “Spot?”

Spot turned back around and smiled at his friend. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine. I was already awake. Just being lazy. Come in.” Jojo sat up as Spot went to sit down next to him. “I assume the ghost of Racetrack present paid you a visit last night?” Spot smiled and nodded. Jojo sighed. “He told me he was going to break it off. Guess he can’t quit you.”

Spot got up and closed the door before heading back. “I guess I can’t quit him either. But...it sucks, Jo. Because...I can never be with him.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I’m not...out. I have a girlfriend. I’m captain of the wrestling team. The only pride my mom has is in having a hetero, masculine, little man who loves her. I...I can never be with Race.”

“Never is such a bullshit word. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Never could turn into someday. And someday could turn into...now.”

Spot shook his head. “I can’t, Jojo. I’d lose everything. Everyone. Sarah, my team, my friends...my mom.”

“You wouldn’t lose me. Or rather, you haven’t lost me and you won’t. Do you know why I joined the wrestling team? Because I saw you and your leadership skills and I thought, I want to be that guy. He’s cool, and he’s fierce, and he makes it look so easy. Whether you’re with a girl or with a guy, you’re still you, Spot. And if people can’t see that, they will. You’ll show them.”

“Even so, it’s not like I could ask Race to deal with all my shit.”

“He likes you. He really likes you. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he does. The last guy that Race really liked...He’s still not over it. But I think you can help. I think you can make him happy. And he can make you happy. You just have to be brave. At your own pace. Remember, not never, but someday. Until it becomes now.”

Spot nodded, thinking about it. Thinking of all the hurt he would have to cause in order to make himself happy. Thinking of how much happier he would be once he was able to kiss Race just as publicly as Jack kissed David, without feeling all the guilt and shame that he felt now. He wished he could just skip to the end.

Sarah was sure the writing on the door wasn’t directed at her. It was a blanket term for the community. But she didn’t know how to not take it personally. She’d been called that before by people she’d grown up with. She’d been called that by strangers who felt they thought they knew who she was. She hated the word.

But while a lot of her fellow club members were angry, she retreated into sadness. If this was the kind of treatment they got with her not even being out to anyone, what would it be like when she did? Even if what Jack had said was true, that the club was a safe space, once she told everyone in there, the rest of the school would probably find out. And once she left that safe space, she wouldn’t feel safe anymore.

Sarah had managed to convince Tommy Boy and Hot Shot to attend a club meeting, though she thought they were just being nice. Her own boyfriend wouldn’t attend, saying Jack Kelly would probably have him kicked out. She’d tried to tell him he wouldn’t, but Spot had made up his mind. She understood, though it didn’t put her at ease.

The week after the rally, Sarah was sitting on a bench outside the gym waiting for Spot to get out of practice. She had finished her homework and had started reading a new sci fi romance novel, her favorite genre. She’d even enjoyed the Twilight series at its peak, though she’d moved on to better written books.

The gym doors opened and she looked up, hoping to see Spot, but instead was met with the Delancey brothers. They hadn’t bothered her or Katherine since the award ceremony, but now they were headed straight to her. Without putting her book down, she stared them down. “Oscar, Morris, come for another beating?”

The brothers looked at each other and smiled before looking back at her. She didn’t like that. “Actually, we came with a proposition,” said Oscar.

“Sorry boys, even if you could afford me, it’d still be a no.”

“You haven’t heard us out,” Morris whined.

Sarah closed her book.

“You know, at the beginning of the year,” Oscar spoke, “we had a free period so we both chose to use it to be aides in the main office. It was something to do at the time.”

“Our dad said it would give us valuable experience.”

“We just thought it’d be boring office stuff. Putting staples in the staplers, sending memos to teachers, making copies on the copy machine.”

“They don’t even let us use the copy machine.”

“Is there a point to this?” Sarah asked impatiently.

“We didn’t think of the possibilities,” Oscar continued, a mischievous smile forming on his face. “We didn’t think that we’d be able to go through files without anyone finding out. Student files. With personal information.”

Sarah went pale. She remained silent as she waited for the ball to drop.

“We know you’re a dude,” Morris confirmed.

It was a terrible feeling to be called that to her face. The graffitied word would have been more welcome. She wanted to kick their asses again, but she waited, because she suspected there was more.

“You probably want to bust our skulls in, don’t you?” Oscar asked, rhetorically. “Thing is, you could do that. But then you’d force us to tell the whole school that we didn’t get our asses handed to us by a girl. Because she’s actually not a girl. She...is a he.” The brothers laughed as Sarah clenched her fist tighter and tighter.

“We own you,” came out of Morris’ smug lips. “You have to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Or else we tell everyone we can that you’re...whatever you are.”

“And the first thing we want you to do…” The two brothers smiled at each other again. “We want you to go into the principal’s office and tell him that you spray painted the graffiti on the little theatre.”

“It was you,” Sarah finally said. The Delanceys smiled at each other once more and shrugged. There it was. She was sure there wasn’t anything possibly worse than that. She should’ve known they were behind the tagging. The fact that they had access to student files meant they had access to student lockers. “You tried framing Jack.”

“My idea,” Morris said proudly.

“Even if that had worked,” Oscar suggested, rolling his eyes, “this is a much better plan. It’s win-win. We don’t get in trouble for the graffiti, and your secret doesn’t come out. We’ll uh...give you ‘til Friday, pal.”

With that, the Delancey brothers went back into the gym, leaving Sarah there with her thoughts. It may have been win-win for the Delanceys, but for her it was lose-lose. She could either take the blame for the graffiti, or she could risk the entire school finding out that she was trans. As much as she thought of it, she wasn’t ready to come out to anyone. She unclenched her fist, cursing herself as she saw the marks she’d left on her palm with her nails. She picked up her book, wishing she was a character in it. She couldn’t get it out of her mind that maybe the graffiti had been directed at her after all. Sarah only saw one solution.

[cromulentbookreview]

Ziziphus obtusifolia!

Ah, yes, Ziziphus obtusifolia, native to the Southwestern and South central United States and Northern Mexico, this shrub has many branches, forming a giant cluster of thorns that can reach up to 13 feet (4 meters) in height. This shrub does best in USDA Hardiness Zone 7, has a high heat tolerance, low water usage, and only requires partial shade and dry soils! It has deciduous leaves that aren’t really around for most of the year, showing off the shrub’s light gray-colored bark. It has an inflorescence (a cluster of flowers arranged on a stem) of little, inconspicuous blooms. It bears a small fleshy black drupe with only a single seed. The fruit is technically edible, but not at all tasty, so maybe leave that for the wildlife.

Isn’t that pretty?

So why the hell am I talking about this weird desert shrub? This is a book review blog, not a botany blog, right? Right? Well, good ol’ Ziziphus obtusifolia has many names:

Lotebush.

Gumdrop tree.

Texas buckthorn

Graythorn...

Wait. Graythorn. Gray. Thorn. Those two words mean something, I can’t quite put my finger on it....

Wait.

Oh. Shit.

GREYTHORNE!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! *More incomprehensible fangirlish screaming*.

Bet you wish this were just a plant blog after all, eh?

There will be some minor spoilers ahead. Keep your hats on, people. You’ve been warned.

So. Greythrone by Crystal Smith! 

Greythorne is the sequel to Bloodleaf, a book I absolutely loved beyond all logical reason. Sometimes I enjoy a book so much that it becomes physically impossible to review it objectively. However, fortunately for me, this is a cromulent book review blog - I offer perfectly cromulent reviews, not objective ones. If you wanted objective reviews, I suggest you look for somewhere a little less cromulent.

Before I start my incomprehensible fangirlish squealing, I suggest you take a look at the synopsis. Here’s what the writers at Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Books for Young Readers say about the sequel: 

In Bloodleaf’s highly anticipated sequel, Princess Aurelia’s life is turned upside down when the kingdom she thought she saved turns to ruin, a loved one is tragically killed in a shipwreck, and her home country refuses to respect her brother’s legitimate claim to the throne. With no place left to call her own, Aurelia returns to Greythorne Manor—her best friend’s family mansion—only to get swept up in a coup d'état on the night of her brother’s coronation. With everyone turned against her and enemies closing in on all sides, Aurelia has nothing left to lose in a mad fight to protect the only people she has left—her family. But in her darkest moments when all seems grim, will Aurelia find a spark of hope from a love she thought long lost? A read bursting with romance, magic, and ghostly intrigue, Greythorne will not disappoint.

OK, that seems like your standard summary except...

Wait. A loved one is tragically killed in a shipwreck? Huh, I guess they changed the summary to be far less spoilerific because before it specified that it was Aurelia’s fiance that was killed in the shipwreck. And when I read that my poor, YA fangirl heart just about burst out of my chest because WHAT THE HELL, ZAN DIES?!? Aurelia’s Zan?! The Zan she was betrothed to as a baby but they met without knowing who the other was and they fell in love anyway because sometimes arranged marriages work out and it’s romantic as hell only now apparently he dies in a shipwreck AND THEY SPOILED IT IN THE SYNOPSIS?!?!

Heh, some poor writer for HMH got yelled at for that one.

Anyway, since I spent pretty much the whole of the first book shipping Aurelia/Zan like...well, like a crazed fangirl. Hey, when I like something, I really like it. Anyway, faced with the prospect of having to wait until next June (NEXT. JUNE!) for answers, you can imagine my amazement when the digital ARC of Greythorne hit NetGalley back in September. 

My reaction, an approximation:

I did exercise some restraint and waited to read Greythorne until later in October because a) my TBR pile is roughly as tall as Mt. Kanchenjunga and b) I was somewhat paralyzed by the knowledge that, if I read it immediately, not only would I have to wait til next June for the finished copy, it’d be at least another year and a half AFTER next June before the third book comes out.

And then I waited until mid-November to write a review because I’m lazy.

I’m not sure if I’ve established this well enough yet, but I don’t like waiting. Waiting is the worst. 

The wait for the third book is going to be agony, but oh well. Best get comfortable.

So! How to review without being spoilery? That’s the dilemma with reviewing sequels. Inevitably, something gets spoiled. Anyway, our favorite Bloodwitch Aurelia is back in Renault, keeping a low profile and avoiding being burned as a witch by living in a whorehouse and plotting to infiltrate the party barge of one of her many enemies, Dominic Castillion. Castillion is some kind of tyrant from the north who has been swooping in and taking over various nations, and he has eyes on Achleva. Aurelia encouraged her fiance Zan to go and parlay with Castillion...only his ship got caught in a storm and Zan drowned. 

OR DID HE?

Find out next June, because I refuse to spoil that. You don’t have to wait long to find out and it’s worth it. 

Anyway, Castillion is only one of Aurelia’s many enemies - she’s got more than a few in Renault, including the Tribunal, which is determined to have her burned as a witch. Her little brother Conrad is about to be crowned King, but his situation is precarious, at best. I mean, his sister is a known witch, and the Tribunal really, really hates witches, especially its leader, Isobel Arceneaux. She’s really not that big on witches.

Anyway, Arceneaux and the Tribunal interrupt Conrad’s coronation just to be dicks and undermine the young king before the crown is on his head longer than thirty seconds. They deliberately provoke Aurelia into a public demonstration of her magical blood powers, forcing her to flee, yet again, with her loyal guard Kellan and her old nurse/teacher/friend, Onal. They venture into the Ebonwilde forest, where there are rumors of witches capable of old magic and a dead/immortal horseman who enjoys chopping off heads...

And that’s about as much as I can say without giving the whole book away. Did I explain it well at all? Nope. Did I finish the book weeks ago and have been putting off writing an actual, semi-intelligent cromulent review because all I can do when I think about this book is make a long series of unintelligible fangirlish screeches? Yes, absolutely. This book was an absolute blast to read, and a worthy followup to Bloodleaf. There’s action! Romance! Magic! Card playing! Shapeshifters! Somberly sweet hallucinogenic wine! Zombie wolves! Witches that live in the woods! Ruined cities! A party barge! What more could you possibly need?

I do have one complaint, which is there is an instance of the Bury Your Gays trope. I’m not really even all that mad about it - I thought this particular character’s death was handled well, but I’m an idiot fangirl with a tumblr blog, so I’ll leave it to you to read the book and form your own opinion. 

Another kind-of-sort-of complaint: the covers changed. It’s another one of those Rebel of the Sands situations, someone in the marketing department decided to change things up. it means my hardcovers won’t match but...I guess that’s OK. I mean, it’s not like my eye doesn’t twitch every time I see my Harry Potters go from being paperbacks to hardcovers starting with Order of the Phoenix. I mean, I don’t panic a little every time I see that my first two books of the Ember in the Ashes series don’t match A Reaper at the Gates. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s totally fine.

Anyway, here’s the original cover that would match the first book. It’s lovely! But I’m not in charge of marketing at HMH and the new cover is gorgeous as well.

Honestly, though, so long as I have the books and the spines are intact, I don’t give much of a shit whether or not my editions match. Of course, I’d prefer them to match, but ultimately, it doesn’t matter. I just want the book. Change the cover to whatever you want, just please be sure to give me the words inside, please. The cover is just packaging - if all you do is look at a book’s cover, you’re not reading properly. Just learn to live with that eye twitch.

(Me, when stuff doesn’t match).

RECOMMENDED FOR:  Fellow Bloodleaf fangirls, fans of YA fantasy with a strong female lead, magic, romance, etc.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who didn’t like Bloodleaf, anyone who came here legitimately thinking I was going to write a blog post about Ziziphus obtusifolia, non-YA fans, people who can’t stand the idea of a kickass female protagonist.

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000/5

RELEASE DATE: June 2, 2020

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SEQUEL: Olympus Mons

SHRUB RATING: Hibiscus rosa-sinensis

SIMPSONS GIFS THAT VERY ACCURATELY SUM UP MY REACTION TO THIS BOOK: