#it’s okay to fetishize gay men apparently

[agirlking]

Tags via theoutsanityshoppe

Same fam. It’s definitely much worse when it comes to slash shippers, but for the big het ships it gets insane too. It also bugs me because media can have SO much going on, so many themes, so many relationships. But you go look for content and it’s “these two white guys existed near each other they wanna smaaaaaash.” As far as the eye can see.

(Conveniently this doesn’t happen if one or both parties aren’t conventionally attractive, or one are both parties AREN’T white. Which is… interesting.)

I’m gonna try to censor this cause I’m about to be rude.

S!dL!nk shippers are perfect examples of why shipping has become so annoying to my aroace ass in fandom as a whole. People see these INCREDIBLY minor things and insist it’s a sign of a deep profound love, and CANNOT let it go if canon doesn’t bend over backwards to validate them. They attack other characters (very often using sexist logic cause the “threat” is almost always a woman), they try to do everything they can to deny the canon/semi canon ships (the debate about how L!nk CANNOT be living in his house, as if Zelda just kicked him out lol?) and it’s so annoying to deal with because of how they act.

It’s not canon. It was never canon. It was never going to be canon. Not every interaction is about romance and sex. S!don is friendly, that’s how he is, he’s sweet and friendly to L!nk because that’s his personality!! His DEAD SISTER was in love with L!nk, she was going to give him engagement armor! S!don wasn’t going to jump on his dick five seconds after meeting him! (I don’t think the ship is “amoral” or whatever. I’m just saying since we’re so hung up on canon, canonically it’d be weird for that to happen like that or quickly. But I’ve noticed shippers also try to undermine M!pha’s feelings, as if their ship only works if Link has never felt anything romantic or had anyone feel anything romantic for him.)

Stop going on other peoples ship posts and making it about S!don! Stop complaining about his fiancé! Stop trying to deny canon evidence and push on happy Z3link shippers that it’s not what it clearly is! I’m sorry you’re not happy but your ship is just as valid! Your fics are still good! Why has fandom become so obsessive about canon backing y’all up? I was here for early day slash shipping and none of it was explicitly canon and we had a great time!

Fucking hell let people enjoy things and enjoy things without getting so pressed a ship you made up in your head didn’t happen! You will be so much happier!

(Also consider that bi people exist. Sidon can be MLM whether Yona exists or not. Fandom is constantly chomping at the bit to exclude and deny bi people so I’m not surprised. But still.)

[lightningfilledsaber]

sigh I’m not doing yaoi discourse in 2023. takes three seconds to look up how it originated versus other gay genres/subgenres like yuri, shounen-ai, bara, or BL. I seriously don’t give a fuck if people create/engage with yaoi but ignoring its origins is not helping anyone especially if you’re trying to reclaim the genre.

[olderthannetfic]

I was reading a fic and genuinely enjoying myself up until the author decided to make a huge deal, in their AN, about how their protagonist is bi. As in ACTUALLY bi, not that stupid "straight with one exception" trash homophobic fujoshits write. I'm a cis man. I am heterosexual with exactly one exception. I don't know why. I went through years telling myself I was just confused. I heard from my queer friends at the time that only being interested in one other man wasn't a thing, that it was actually me being confused in the other direction, hiding all my crushes and desires from myself.

My family was convinced I was straight. My friends were convinced I was bi for a lot of men, I just wasn't admitting it. My now husband was the only one who told me it was fine. He's gay and he had a crush on one woman, once. Exceptions happen.

So at the risk of siding with the dreaded (presumed cis, presumed het, presumed white) enemy known as women, I... actually like the whole "if it's you, it's okay" thing. I don't assume an evil fetishizer who hates queers is writing it. It never reads that way. It reads as a story, just like any other story. A way to be queer just like any other valid option. Queerness is a spectrum. Not everyone is bi in the same way or gay or lesbian or anything else. The Kinsey Scale exists for a reason.

I spent five years in and out of therapy and church trying to fix myself. Being bi in any way was too much for my family. It was "get rid of the gay or get out" territory of panic. I could have a family or I could have my feelings for him. Choosing him involved giving up everyone I had grown up with. It involved years further of "so you can admit now that you had other male crushes, right?" no matter how many times I said no until I had to cut some queer friends out of my life, too.

And I'm not "ACTUALLY bi", apparently. I'm a trashy homophobic stereotype fujoshi came up with. I'm not actually bi. Real bi men have an equal number of women and men they're into. Bi is code for 50/50 or else you're, you know. Basically fictional. Definitely doing it wrong.

Upon some digging, I found out the writer is a lesbian woman. You would think with all the shit lesbians get she'd know better. I've seen people try to tell lesbians they aren't lesbians because "oh you dated a guy once" or "uh, you had sex with a man, you can't be" and all kind of shit that makes no sense whatsoever. So for her to turn around and go, "there is a single correct way to be a bi man" is just insane. Ma'am. Ma'am. You should know that's not how queerness works! You're queer!

This has annoyed me so much that for the first time in nine years I have pulled up a Microsoft Word document and I am writing fanfic. I am going to write so much It's Okay If It's You, one-exception-only queer fanfic.

Because it's fine to be queer even if it's this way, actually. It's fine to be queer, period! There are not rigid rules to it, that's one of the biggest joys of it!

I feel so old and tired and I'm only 40. Jesus Christ. "ACTUALLY bi". Fuck. The world is broken.

--

[erika111111]

Just to show everyone how truly toxic and evil these Rylan shippers really are. I rest my case.

NEVER ONCE did I say if you like a gay ship are you misogynistic or fetishize gay men. I said that specifically about the Lyan-hating Rylan shippers, NOT EVEN all of the Rylan shippers. Using the term "braindead" is ableist and disgusting (I actually lost a relative who went braindead after having a seizure so this really fucking triggered me). Apparently these people would rather use ableist insults against me than actually read my damn post, because I NEVER said that, and never would. I literally ship several gay ships, just take a look at my blog, man. Sure seems to me like some people got butthurt and despite me not calling them out specifically because these were NOT the people I was targeting with my posts, my post triggered them because they took it as a personal attack. I also said I ship LAURAMAX, not Lyan. I made a whole ass LauraMax playlist. I don't EVEN like Lyan. I stood up for the minority group that was being bullied, I'm not "hiding behind canon" to "ship my shit" or whatever. I actively ship LauraMax, there's no insecure canon shield being held here, I don't like Lyan, but again, canon is canon. I'm not wallowing in any misery, but clearly you are, or you wouldn't be attacking and mocking me behind my back when I literally didn't say a single word to you. No one's hiding behind canon. Canon is canon. If you don't understand what that means, that's your problem. And for the millionth time, not all Rylan shippers are bad, misogynistic, or fetishize gay men. I met some very nice Rylan shippers. I said the LYAN HATERS and the Chrashley/Jossam haters you get around here are. So stop accusing me of whatever bullshit you're accusing me of (homophobia, pfft, nice try, I ACTIVELY ship Blygbank, Jemily, and ChrisMike; again, how about you actually take a look at my blog and PUBLIC likes before making baseless accusations) and actually read my damn post before you get offended and sarcastic and start attacking me and making nonsensical accusations. Never once did I say that the only way to like Rylan was to be delusional, misogynistic, or fetishize gay men. Never. I specifically said I don't care what you ship. Again, it was targeted at the Lyan haters and people like them where they literally admit to that sort of thing. But okay, just make up lies about me because you're angry and miserable, that's cool too. Also I don't believe I ever said anything about race?? So I sincerely hope that part wasn't about me too. I'm literally in an interracial relationship and I'm the POC.

And seriously, how the fuck is saying someone saying it's disgusting for people to fetishize gay men render them a homophobe? That's the most nonsensical thing I've ever heard and the complete opposite of the entire point I was making with that statement. I'm LITERALLY saying it's disgusting for people to ship a gay ship if it's just because they have a fetish for gay people. We all know those people exist. Are they everyone who ships a gay ship? No, obviously not. But they exist and they're disgusting. That's the point I was making. That should've been obvious but again, I guess people can't see behind their rage to read that much. And I think just because I don't like this ONE PARTICULAR gay ship, you people were just waiting for the opportunity to call me a homophobe because it was easy even though it didn't make sense. But again, Blygbank, Jemily, ChrisMike, Jerin, and that's just from Supermassive Games. I like all kinds of ships, gay, straight, I don't care. Sexuality does not affect my opinion of any given ship. (Also, I made character playlists for the cast and put several gay artists in Dylan's, like Mike Taveira, JORDY, Passion Pit, all of whom I love dearly, and literally put a reference to Rylan but also putting Radiohead in Dylan's playlist as well, as Radioheads is the other Rylan ship name. But, you know, apparently I'm a homophobe. Whatever.)

Also, why try to attack me for being "new?" That's just weird. This blog is relatively new but I've been using Tumblr since I was 11. I didn't block anybody because I thought they wouldn't see my posts if I did, that's another crazy accusation and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I block people I don't even hate, I just block people whose content I simply don't want to see, plain and simple. Some people view that as a stretch, yes, but I literally temporarily blocked some people who were talking about the Until Dawn remake because I didn't want to see it at the time, I had nothing against the bloggers themselves though. Who the hell would even assume blocking someone would make them unable to see YOUR posts? It's the other way around. Again, that comment was just weird. Also, for the millionth time, I said I don't care what you ship and this was not some call to get people to stop shipping Rylan. So no, I will not be dying mad. Once again, I sincerely just don't care. If you like the ship, good for you. Truly. I'm only mad now because you people shoved lies in my mouth and called me/my opinions some very insulting, disgusting things.

This fandom clearly does fucking suck. Thanks for proving it. Also even some Rylan shippers say the fandom sucks, so what say you to that? The only good in the fandom is not Rylan and I very much enjoy tons of other The Quarry content. Again, check my likes. And Lyan shippers get a whole lot of hate so why are people who don't ship Rylan the only ones who need to change and not the people actively hating the Lyan shippers? Hypocrisy.

Now block me and leave me the fuck alone. Literally attacking me for no reason. I didn't even know you three existed. There were no personal attacks and I didn't call you any names. I didn't call anybody any names, but you guys sure did. "Personal attacks, what you say about me, insults from unserious people, how insightful," you guys really thought I was talking about y'all. It's just sad. You made literally all of this stuff up. You really should calm down and actually read my posts first or maybe just ASK ME if I was talking shit about you guys behind your backs if you were concerned or offended. None of this had to happen if you just calmed down enough to communicate like adults. Yet, I'm the one not being an adult here? Okay. Your attacking me and hatred for me is completely unwarranted and unnecessary. I was talking about other people. But NOW I'm mad. @erzivy @pandanomalous @ghostradiodylan (And if there were more of you, I don't care, just block me as well and move on.)

EDIT: These people still keep shit talking me and spreading lies behind my back despite calling them out specifically and just wanting to move on. Can't have this keep affecting my day to day life and clearly nothing that I do will stop them from shit talking me and speading lies so I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and block them and stop engaging with this bullshit. The amount of lies and evil things that have been said to and about me is fucking overwhelming over a goddamn video game. This is no longer worth my time, sorry. I actually have a life unlike you people. Edit 2: It got to the point where these people are making alt accounts to continue to attack me and I just... don't have the words anymore. All I'm gonna say about this one is that I didn't put fandom wank in the tags, I don't even know what that term means, that tag was only used by the people attacking me but there were a lot of reblogs/replies so I guess it got confused somewhere. You can't force people not to tag things. And it's not "bEcAuSe i'M nEw," everything I actually did tag I did intentionally so you know, people would see it? If people with an unpopular opinion about a series can't even tag said series then you're doing nothing but intentionally silencing them because you disagree with them, plain and simple. Also the Lyan haters always tag "Lyan" and "The Quarry" in their Lyan hate posts and I don't see you complaining about them. Again, complete and total hypocrisy and it's pretty clear this argument isn't about being fair or moral, it's just about what you want and demanding that your opinion is the only one on the website. Same thing with Hackearney as well, although I also don't ship them, everybody tags "Hackearney" and "The Quarry" on their Hackearney hate posts too and I don't see you complaining about that even though there are also people in this community who are fans of and ship them too. So why does this nonsense only apply to Rylan? Hmmm. Leave me alone now. Please and thank you. Edit 3 and hopefully final, to clear my name of all the remaining slander: I was not talking about anyone on Tumblr, I was talking about people in chat/comments on Twitch and YouTube who were bashing Lyan shippers, fetishizing gay people, and ignoring canon. TheCaitlinMarie was one of the streamers/streams this happened on, I forget the others now. I was watching/participating in a lot of livestreams at the time and a lot of people were playing The Quarry to prep for the Until Dawn remake. Not everything is about you, Tumblr. You people obviously won't believe me even after citing proof, but whatever, that's your problem. I spoke my truth. Also, saying "you need better reading comprehension skills" to insult me, me calling you out for insulting me, you going back to edit and delete that portion of your post, and then accusing ME of being the one that started that insult is one of the pettiest, most childish things I've ever experienced. Just yet again proves me even more right that you people are the nasty ones desperate to make yourselves look like the good guys and demonize me. Also, laughing at/mocking someone's triggers/trauma makes you trash. And thanks for admitting to intentionally talking shit about me behind my back so you could try to get away with it. And all of you ignoring/not replying only to the specific portions of my post where literally every time I factually proved you wrong, not taking back a single slur, insult, or accusation because you're mad and embarrassed I proved you wrong. Peace. Though you'll probably never find it. Edit 4: @camillabanilla Justice Smith himself said that the "maybe neither" line meant that he was interested in Laura, so his feelings for her are canon; not the ship itself, but I quite literally never said that the ship itself was. Maybe learn something or actually read my posts before running your mouth. Thanks for proving my point as well, I'll add you to the list of toxic conclusion jumping trolls.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

Is hilarious to me how the fandom talks about how sexualized Og She-Ra was as if they don't spam comments about how hot Catra and Adora are.

Like, yeah a 20 something woman can't wear a mini skirt because...idk legs are offensive ig, but two teenagers can have weird sexual tension in a kids show (cause sexualize woman for lesbians instead of men is okay i guess)

For real, this reminds me of that dumb controversy about Lara Croft boobs being unrealistic, even tho i have the same cup size as her (don't ask me why, i just wanted to mention how ridiculous these types of controversies are and im sleep deprived, i need to talk to someone about that)

(Side Note: i saw a twitter post once about how Nate have a bondage fetish because Adora gets tied up very often in the show, and... honestly, i don't even know what to say, like...why the hell would you put your kinks into a kids show?)

apparently their issue with the 80s she-ra is the “male gaze”. which btw as far as i can see, it was not made for the male gaze. the show was literally made for little girls who wanted to see a strong heroine growing up.

secondly, male gaze isn't about the outfits or body type. it's about how these characters are framed. a character can have big boobs or wear something revealing, and still be portrayed in a respectful way. however, this doesn't happen when the character is made for the male audience. anime is probably the most notorious example of male gaze, since 90% of it is catered to male viewers. (yes, there are exceptions but they are exceptions.)

and yeah, like you said, spop fans think that catra's design isn't sexualized because it's not male gaze-y. that's their reasoning, as far as i can tell. catra was designed for the female audience, as were other characters like scorpia and huntara, so i guess it's okay to sexualize minors as long as they're gay? smh.

idk if the whole bondage thing was true or just a joke within the fandom. either way, it's a really distasteful joke considering how they're trivializing abuse and sexualizing minors at the same time.

[rozenn]

i just want you to know that i support you. it has been so difficult to be positive on this site as of late. the lesbian tag has been riddled with het porn or some mention of dick this and dick that or cis lesbians coddling trans women each and every day. it's like a daily mantra to these people and honestly feels like a cult/ religion. every post for lesbians that may be cis lesbian coded has to be prefaced with trans women are women and trans lesbians are valid or not liking dick is transphobic. i had no problem with them until i've seen the sick posts on here and how popular those posts become (wrt the fetishes). i truly wonder what this site might be like in the next 5-10 years if it still exists. hopefully for the better but i'm losing hope.

It still shocks me what the lesbian label and lesbian spaces have become. Lesbians not liking dick used to be something I'd only see being met with anger by right-leaning homophobes. Now not only are there "progressive leftists" who make entire essays and videos on why lesbians being only for vulva is not okay but just about every lesbian space outside of those thankfully able to prevent being taken over is now pretty much only existing to as said in this anon piece talk about penis and trans women. Lesbians are being told to either date and have sex with biological males or they are problematic and this is apparently progress to some people.

I thank you for the support, and I agree it has looked dark, but I do have hope that things will get better. I've seen more people including trans people and some allies still supportive of the trans community begin to speak out more about sexual coercion promoted by the trans community towards lesbians and gay men on Tumblr and Reddit. Hopefully the end of this decade sees a return to understanding homosexuality is exclusive same-sex attraction.

[misfit-mania-the-first]

Okay I know this is old news or whatever but I am so mad about how much hate the artist/author of Boyfriends on WEBTOON gets.

From when I was more into the comic, the main reason ppl had to be upset at the person were:

A) They drew BTS nsfw art in their teens

B) They fetishized trans men

C) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian

D) They had the nerd say he was a proshipper

These reasons are honestly so bad to me. Idk if anyone else has extra info or maybe something else he did was bad, but I’m going to explain why I think these are such bad reasons.

1. BTS nsfw art

I’m just going to come out and say it’s bad to write or draw fanart/fanfics of any real person if they haven’t given consent to. It’s different from characters because these are Real People with real emotions and such. And yeah, that wasn’t good. But a couple things. They stopped drawing it around 17-19. For some people that’s way too old to be drawing that, and many think that it’s an attempt at an excuse.

I don’t think that’s the case. I can’t tell you how many posts I��ve seen online of people having bombastic crushes on singers and actors and doing the most heinous shit because they were teenagers. Teenagers just Do That. Yes it’s creepy, but many people go through a phase of having to learn how to seperate fiction from reality and it’s in your teen years. It’s not odd, and I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility to consider that a 17-18-19 year old would learn that and send out an apology. I mean our brains apparently don’t even develop till 25. There was also one point that many believed that the artist actually liked someone else’s nsfw BTS art recently, but I saw the post they liked and in my opinion…I had no idea who tf they were drawing. I’m not into BTS but I’ve seen pictures and if I was just scrolling one day and saw it I’d like the post. I don’t remember any BTS specific tags or a BTS related caption. Maybe the entire account was about that and so they didn’t feel the need for tags but I have no idea.

2) They fetishized trans men

Writing four trans men acting stupid and cringy in college and having healthy relationships and discussing boundaries and consent in a polyamorous relationship is not fetishizing. The artist himself is a trans man.

Sidebar, many critiques also center around the unrealistic portrayal of four ppl being in one polyamorous relationship together which honestly? Who cares if it’s unrealistic, it’s a good portrayal and it’s a romance, why can’t gays just have a happy story for once.

3) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian

Hey, I didn’t know they were Asian either. I mean, I figured jock was but not the others. But honestly it’s not that big a deal. They’re the only four characters in the entire series I believe( other than their girl counterparts) and I’m sure if there was another character that wasn’t Asian we’d be able to tel. But even then, many many comics have a similar simplistic artstyle online, and race and ethnicity are not always obvious. Also the artist is Filipino, so I really doubt there’s anything iffy going on there.

4) Nerd is a proshipper

There’s nothing bad about thinking fiction ≠ reality and that you can act independently of the fiction you consume. Most people irl are proship without realizing it. Most literature is proship, because it explores every single aspect of storytelling. Antis really have not chosen the best hill to die on.

And that’s all I’ve got.

[odetodilfs]

sorry to basically quote twitter but every time i see y’all echo “reading mlm content if you’re not a gay man is fetishizing” discourse, i always wonder why straight content is apparently universally acceptable but not the gay stuff. y’all ignore nb trans identities, bisexuality, and sound borderline misogynistic even in context. trying to draw hard lines between queer identities to mandate who can do what has NEVER worked and it’s exhausting watching y’all try to do it again and expect different results. y’all have the right to be uncomfortable but it’s so weird seeing y’all adhere to an outdated gender binary in order to stop certain people from reading your shit. i’m trans masc and i’m not afraid to say it w my chest lol: femme-presenting ppl reading ur shit are not automatically fetishizing it😭

Okay anon, lots to unpack here.

I couldn't care less if anyone who isn't a queer man reads mlm content, it's even good, but the thing is when the only mlm content consumed is smut, or when they make weird comments about the content.

2. Also, not once have I seen gay men or lesbians be fixated on straight nsfw content.

3. "You sound borderline misogynistic" for not wanting people who are known to fetishize people like you to interact? Normally I din't give two shits about my reader's genders, but if someone else does, great for them, because they have a right to. It's different if someone doesn't want femmes to DNI for no reason.

4. I don't care if you're trans masc... I let everyone interact with this blog. And that last point makes no sense: why does anyone wanna read smut just for the sake of it, people read smut because they find stuff hot.

So no, wanting fem alligned to DNI from your blog is not misogynistic, neither is it trying to draw divisors, it's just kindly telling people to not read your stuff.

[ladygoth]

I'm not sure if you agree with me on this, but I can't stand how women (most of them are straight/bi) sexualize the male characters. It's not support, it's porn source for them. They use gay men as objects for their own pleasure, and it makes me sick. Everyone finds it disgusting when straight men sexualize lesbians, whether it's watching lesbian porn or fantasizing about women together just for their kink. But when it's women and gay men, they refuse to take accountability. They think it's okay just because they're women, and apparently, women can't do wrong. They think that shipping two male characters together is considered good because it's seen as support, but it's not. At least not how’s done here, because they SEXUALIZE US. I swear, I barely see gay men consuming or writing Ghoap, it’s only women. And I can excuse the teenagers because they only being teen, but there’s a lot of grown women here doing that shit. Honestly, I'm tired. It's pretty damn difficult to be a gay guy in this fandom.

i can understand the frustration, i think they call them fujoshis? i can be wrong and it can only be directed to manga/anime men, but either way they can be mad weird, women can be weird too, a big percentage of the COD fandom here show how weird they can be, they lack boundaries so unfortunately they wont care if they're using people for their own fetish/needs.

[ventbloglite]

Are any other trans people tired that our lives are so heavily dictated by the fact we can't have or enjoy anything? (I know there are.) Want to use the bathroom?

Pass and use the bathroom of your actual gender and there's still that risk that the moment you're found out, violence and maybe even the police again. Don't pass and use the bathroom of your gender and the chances of violence rise dramatically. And it's not like using the bathroom of your agab is any better, considering that passing makes you more likely to be ejected, have the police called on you, or be subject to violence. Not passing might make it a little easier to use your agab's bathroom, but is it worth it for the spiral into gender dysphoric depression it might cause? Not to mention that if you've made any changes to your presentation, you just don't 'pass', there's still the violence. The goddamn violence. Want to have a romantic and/or sex life? Mtf and into men? You can't call yourself a straight woman, you can only call yourself a gay man. Clearly you're a homosexual predator trying to trick straight men. Yes, even if you've had bottom surgery. Just the fact you once had a penis is enough. Mtf and into women? You can't call yourself a lesbian, you are a straight man and that's it, or you're a gay man if you date other trans lesbians. And of course, yes indeed, you are once more a predator. Yes even if you have a vagina. Anyone assigned male has 'is a predator' stamped into their DNA you just can't not be one. And it's not like you can be anything under the bi umbrella or the same issues depending on who you date (I guess, unless they are also under the bi umbrella but people still won't see you as a woman in your realtionships) still apply. And it's not like you can be on the aspec because nobody believes that is real so it's just about thing about your identity to invalidate. It's not like you can just abstain from relationships, just your existence indicates you want to get rid of concepts of both straight and gay and force people to be attracted to people they aren't.

Ftm and into men? You are a mlm fetishising straight woman trying to live out a fantasy, homophobic, and trying to force gay men to not be gay. Ftm and into women? You actually still can't call yourself a lesbian if you insist on identifying as a man at the same, otherwise you're trying to destroy the concept of a female homosexual. Yes even if you have a vagina, which is apparently the issue with mtf people not being able to be lesbians but here isn't enough to make it okay for you to be call yourself a lesbian. You also can't call yourself a straight man because then you're a predatory lesbian trying to make straight women gay by force yes even if you have a penis. In fact the lesbian paradox is so thick you could cut it with a knife as you are both simultaneously a lost lesbian and absolutely cannot be a lesbian you predatory man you.

And yes again, you're not okay if you're under the bi umbrella and you're not okay if you're on the aspec. You just shouldn't exist at all, let alone try and find partners. That's what it comes down to, doesn't it? Don't be or do A but also not B, in a world where A or B is the only option and if there is a C or more it's basically ignored or impossible.

Our entire existence as trans is being done, on purpose, to harm people sexually, destroy hetero and homosexual, make everyone confused, destroy science and any number of perverse things (after all, many TERFs see tucking and packing as fetish/fetish gear). There's absolutely no other reason. We're not people, we're Unpeople. Our happiness is actually a selfish crime we're committing against those who are confident in their agab. And no, it's not messed up that cis people think that and want us all to either die or just disappear. It's absolutely justified.

And this is just two issues of many.

[red-dead-disaster]

There are a lot of reasons there are so many m/m works that are uploaded. Most fanfiction authors are straight and queer women.

Writing m/m can put a certain distance between the shipper and ship, allowing the author to write more disturbing ships. The community seems more okay with m/m works with themes of SA in the main pairing whereas it's far rarer in even straight ships.

Reasons often cited for why people prefer to write m/m often include things like there not being that many well developed female characters even if there are. Society in general seems to hold women to a far higher standard than men, this is apparent in this fandom when you see people shitting on any of the women for doing anything morally grey or even a perceived slight against a male protagonist.

Underdeveloped female characters are still prominent in media, but in this era you can't really use that as an excuse.

Female characters face far harsher criticism when they do basically anything. Arthur can get away with literally anything, but god forbid Sadie do similar shit.

As a society we do also tend to be more forgiving towards men in certain respects (when they're pretty that is) so it makes sense for it to reflect in the fanfiction that's written.

Being a handsome side character who barely gets any screen time is enough for a m/m ship to have hundreds of works made about it. Generally because the writer is attracted to both of the characters and is projecting onto one of them.

The works often do dive straight into fetishism and this is because it has been normalized in fandom culture. It's fine to write gay men, but they often don't really bother to do research for it. Part of it may also be an interest in what you can't experience. There seems to be a fantasy of gay sex always being good (note, gay people can also have bad sex, just like straight people).

A straight author may not really be as comfortable writing a woman having sex when they aren't attracted to her in the same way they are attracted to men.

There are also lots of teenagers in fandoms so bad works are bound to exist.

ReaderxCharacters are majority straight and those seem to hinge on the fantasy of being better and more deserving of the character than a different character.

This is reflected in "y/n saves Arthur from Mary" or "reader proves Jack is Javiers or whatever and runs off with John". Plenty of them also seem to be more interested in maintaining the status quo of them being criminals and enabling the character whereas the other love interest character wants change and something more "boring".

The writer may also just not identify with any of the other characters and would rather be in the story and engage in a fantasy.

in conclusion, internalized misogyny, fetishizing, teenagers and liking mary sues

There's nothing wrong with writing reader/character or mlm, but think about why that appeals more to you than things like wlw or even straight pairings. There are lots of fantastic m/m pairings and amazing works but addressing your own biases in a context like this can help anyone spot where those same biases may be in effect.

Creating art is overall a good thing and it's good for your brain to be creative and I'm not gonna condemn any individual person for enjoying themselves or exploring their own sexuality but there are broader phenomena that affect art.

what this fandom needs

more f/f

[midnight-fox-boy]

🌕Pinned Post (for now)🌕

Posted: 9/11/24

You can call me Midnight. I'm a 24 year old nonbinary trans guy who exclusively uses he/him pronouns. In general I primarily enjoy masculine-coded language more than neutral or feminine. That being said I don't mind a lot of "soft" terms like cute or boy so long as it's not coming from a place of disrespect.

I'm gay, demisexual/Romantic, and greyplatonic. My "gayness" pretty much means (very much simplified) "a lot of men and nonbinary people (terms and conditions apply)". To make a long story short, I apparently have a habit of dating "men" who come out as nonbinary so 😂. I do not feel that any other term truly feels like "me".

I've been out for nearly 9 years now (wild).

On testosterone for more than half that time total (in not mathing that)

I have chronic pain, consider myself disabled, have ADHD, OSDD, amongst other "issues".

My stances kind of show through my DNI and things I post but if there's any confusion or you're worried, I always accept good faith questions in that regard. If you're not sure if you're stepping on my DNI OR if you're not sure If I fit into your DNI or not, feel free to ask and I'll respectfully answer.

That being said, I don't necessarily feel the need to defend or justify myself for a lot of these. Anything I don't want to answer will just get deleted.

DNI below the cut:

*bigots of any kind: racism, ableism, bi/panphobes, transphobia, anti m-spec gays/lesbians or nonbinary gays/lesbians, aphobia, etc.

*endos. Pro-endo OSDDID systems that are going to give me grief about this (if you just wanna vibe idc), I generally don't really care about other OSDDID systems' stances on this so long as they don't push it onto others. So yes, y'all Endo neutrals are safe here since Ive noticed not many blogs are inclusive of people who want to stay tf out of it or hold a more neutral stance.

*TransID. I'm not about pretending to be disabled when you're not, that's disgusting, same for race. "trans age" is way different than age regression or even just SFW age play (pretending to be a different age without it being real regression), and that's gross too. Trans species I don't really care about unless you're using it to justify doing disgusting things.

*I don't want to see gross shit. Adults shipping or defending shipping minor characters with adults is wack to me. That's just p3dophilia "lite". (Legit don't even come at me about "it's only romantic!" Also don't even feel the need to defend a 17 y/o with an 18 y/o. Of course I'm not talking about a ONE YEAR age difference)

* pro self harm blogs of any kind. Idk how prevalent they are anymore or if they're called the same thing but for a specific example, "pro-ana" blogs.

* okay I'll probably get hate for this but: non-intersex, BINARY cishets identifying as gay/lesbian. So binary cishet men identifying as lesbians, binary cishet women identifying as gay (in the mlm way). It feels like fetishizing and that's..gross. again, this is not talking about nonbinary, fluid, or intersex individuals.

*people who condone bullying, harassment, and/or space invasion in order to "punish" people for having a different stance.

[tr3ns-d3ath-d3ity]

"LGBTQA+ is one of the most accepting communities, you're not being targeted by other queer people!! 😤​😡​"

Aight, time for the list of things related to my queer identity I've been yelled at for by other LGBTQA+ people (for context: I am an oriented aroace, trans, queer, and polyamorous dude):

・Being a trans man.

・Identifying as queer/calling myself queer.

・Saying that gay And mlm are two different things, just like wlw and lesbian are two different things

・Saying that trans women are women.

・Being attracted to men.

・Not being attracted to women and people on the genderqueer/nonbinary spectrum.

・Being oriented aroace.

・Not being monogamous.

・Talking about genuinely loving men.

・Being aspec and having npd (quote the girl who yelled at me for that: "your npd made you aroace, you're just to selfish to commit to genuine love lol.").

・Not being lesbian.

・Not being pan.

・Saying that I support mspec gays/lesbians because it’s not my place to judge other people’s identities just because I may not fully understand them.

・Saying mspec, the multi spectrum, or multiromantic/multisexual (to include ply, pan, omni, bi, neptunic, uranic, and every other pluralian sexuality) instead of just bi.

・Saying that nonbinary people can present themselves as masculine, androgynous, neutral, or feminine as they want, and still be nonbinary.

・Literally just. wearing green eyeshadow????? (quote the person who yelled at me for that: “t hat's a lesbian color, bro, you're literally appropriating lesbian culture by that.")

・Presenting masculine.

・Using he/him pronouns.

・Referring to the D-Slur as tThe D-Slur (y'all want me to say a slur I can't reclaim?????).

・Saying that the og polyamory flag (the blue-red-black one with the yellow pi symbol in the middle) looks neat.

・Not using any of the new polyamory flags because I prefer the blue-red-black + pi symbol one.

・Asking if there’s a word for nonbinary people who are exclusively/only attracted to other nonbinary people.

・Hating non-men who fetishize achillean relationships.

・Being specifically Half-Asian and queer.

・Writing books about exclusively queer men/non-women, mostly to cope with trauma stuff (apparently if your writing doesn't consist of a trillion sapphics, two gay fathers that get three seconds of screentime, and the occasionally non-human nonbinary person, it's automatically bad writing???? Okay damn. Sorry for focusing on my own experiences, I guess?).

・Not necessarily wanting to get married or have a romantic/sexual relationship.

・Shipping two characters in a queerplatonic way instead of a sexual/romantic one.

・Headcanoning a popular fandom character as aroace.

・Mentioning aroallo people.

・Saying that straight asexuals and straights aromantics are LGBTQA+ since that's what the A stands for.

・Not being T4T (I just wanna love men in peace fuck off with your "but cis men are horrible!! 🥺🤢😱 Limit yourself to trans men because I said so!! 😤🤬🤬"-Bullshit).

・Using someone’s neopronouns.

・Supporting xenogender people.

・Headcanoning a canonically lesbian character as trans female.

・Saying that I want more representation of achillean, aroace, trans, and asexual men in media.

・Asking asking someone who knew I used he/him pronouns to not refer to me with they/them (like, girlie, that’s called misgendering).

・Mentioning that women can be aroallo.

・Saying that people who don’t label their genders/sexualities can be LGBTQA+ too.

・Saying that two pan women I know in reallife dating each other aren’t lesbians because... they’re both pan?

・Mentioning that queer men should always be welcome in queer spaces.

・Saying that amab nonbinary folks can be lesbian.

・Wanting to go on T.

・Jokingly referring to my tiddies and my pussy as boys.

And last but not least,

・Saying "people", "y'all", "esteemed guests", or "everyone present" instead of "ladies and gentlemen".

I dunno, homie, I actually do feel a little targeted here.

[no1monstersimp]

14 and 15

WARNING THIS WILL BE VERY RANTY

Sorry this took a bit to answer haha, I was thinking about these ones for a little bit and I wanted to be able to type it out on my laptop because this may be long(and my laptop is slow). This will be a pretty heavy one.

So lets start with 14 -sigh-

TW rac*sm, h*m*phobia, ped*philia, r*pe, inc*st.

I'm sure this isn't unpopular, but my opinion about the fandom is it's pretty bad. Of course I love most of the users on here and have overall been very pleasant to interact with, but the issues are very overwhelming and become more apparent on the Reddit. You can say, it's just the Reddit, but I've seen these issues on Instagram, Twitter, and pretty much everywhere else. Some of the major issues are homophobia, racism, and the very concerning amount of pedophilia jokes/normalization.

So let's start with the homophobia portion.

As I'm sure everyone has experienced sometime in the fandom, there is an overwhelming amount of homophobia within the fandom. Let's take GenoSai for an instant. Whether like the ship or not, there is definitely a double standard among the fandom. Art where the ship is Genoko(Genos genderbend) x Saitama, it is perfectly fine and little heads are turned, but as soon as you mention Genos x Saitama, everyone goes batshit. They like to say it's because "ships don't belong in the fandom" but then turn around and ship Saitama and Tatsumaki or Saitama and Fubuki. They even go as far as to say "making them gay is disrespectful to the character or it ruins them". I'm sorry but if you're that delusional, I don't even know what to say honestly. Certain users got up and arms about the Batarou ship as of late after the reveal of Kiro in 170. Many users were sent unprovoked abhorrent asks or comments all because they ship them. Some have also downplayed the fact that bisexuality exists as well because of this, just stating "Garou isn't gay" or "Garou doesn't like men". There have been some that have written amazing essays on it so I won't go too deep into it here. Another thing is the downplay of LGBT voices in the fandom. They constantly harass LGBT users for having gay ships or other LGBT ships, when all we literally want is representation. It angers me when they say "well you have Puri Prisoner" and I'm sorry, but fuck that. I literally hate the character. They have no right to speak over us and preach what an acceptable character to represent the community is. No right at all...

Anyways... back to double standards, lesbian ships are more accepted because they are fetishizing them. Some of the most popular are Psykos x Fubuki, Fubuki x Do-S, and...ugh...Fubuki x Lily. So they ignore a literal 14 year old and 23 year old and think it's okay but somehow two consenting male adults in a relationship is worse??? Same thing with incestual relationships such as Fubuki x Tatsumaki.

A smaller section is the way they excuse Darkshine. I understand the intention may not have meant to be racist, but at the end of the day we can't keep excusing it. I feel awful when I remember his backstory because he's not a bad character, in the sense that he's a good guy.

Ah the pedophilia jokes and the normalization. I can't tell you how many times I've seen really disgusting jokes about the child characters in sexual situations. The thing is, they aren't even funny. As mentioned before, they already normalize the relationship between a 14 year old and someone she looks up to, who is 23. Well, let's dive into their favorite thing, One Hurricane. There is a volume of this lovely series , I say sarcastically, in which Child Emperor( a 10 year old) is raped by Fubuki (yet again, a 23 year old) and I sadly laid my eyes on a panel. Fubuki is sexually assaulted by Saitama multiple times throughout the series as well as Do-s in one volume. They still celebrate the series as "so good" when it literally excuses rape ad pedophilia. It pisses me off so bad. There are many users who draw or post incest, pedophilia, rape and are celebrated. It's sad I can think of so many off the top of my head, BY NAME.

I have some other things I want to talk about but the post is getting long...

I'll do a briefing of things I don't like about the manga itself. I don't like the way Kama is treated, she's way too beautiful to be presented the way she is. Especially in the webcomic when her name was "Slicing Shemale". I understand that there is apparently some translation issues, but sometimes I wonder.

I already talked about Darkshine and Puri.

[olderthannetfic]

That Boyfriends webtoon comic made by a gay trans man that everyone acting like it's the worst thing that ever exist. All because it's "cringey", it's "bad mlm representation", and the creator made some mistakes a long time ago when he was a minor and apologized for; but apparently some ""sins"" are unforgivable if you're not cishet. Imagine the comic was f/f and called Girlfriends, it literally the same cutesy wholesome comic with the same characters, but they're all women; the Girlfriends comic is made a lesbian trans woman.

Imagine the Girlfriends comic get people unhinge the mere mention of it. People posting how they want to do all types of harm to the sapphic characters, kill them or want them to break up. Other saying how the comic made them lesphobic, ranting that's not how lesbians act, and Girlfriends is a horrible wlw representation that's only made to appeal to straight white men. The creator getting constantly lesbophobia, transphobic, and misgendering from both queer people and terfs; the same queer people saying bigot shit that other bigots siding with them don't realize it or don't care. And imagine that Heartstopper was f/f and the creator is a white american man that people praises and say it's a better wlw representation than Girlfriends since that comic is fetishizing lesbains that made by an indonesian lesbian trans woman.

COULD YOU JUST IMAGINE IF ALL OF THIS WAS THE REVERSE AND PEOPLE WERE OKAY WITH IT

--

Honestly, the problem with Boyfriends is that it's such substanceless fluff that the kinds of people who will staunchly defend this writer are not paying attention.

I've seen the wank, and it's a raging pit of transphobia and disgusting behavior. That poor author! I feel awful for him.

That said, dude, people are every bit as likely to tell trans women they're fake and evil and stealing from women. In some spaces, they're far more likely to call trans women predatory (while not seeing trans men as a threat because they're too busy infantilizing them).

Reversing the situation isn't some big wakeup call. It's just a description of other bad behavior also happening all over the internet.

[kiefbowl]

Okay i saw your post about secret terf readers and i am one. So i have a question. Is there any room for asexuals on the radfem community? I feel like from the actual theory we could talk about how marriage is oppressive, cultural constructions of what it means to be human, the shaming of single women, etc., but every radfem blog i find only ever wants to make fun of aces for being virgins or whatever. I really peaked after reading abt the cotton ceiling, being pressured to alter sexuality 4 men

This ask is pretty old. tw for discussion of sexual violence below.

yes, sure I think there is space for asexuals in radfem community. However…I do believe that true asexuality in humans is extremely rare. That being said, if what you’re experiencing (due to fear, preference, trauma, conditioning, whatever…) is what you’re willing to call asexuality, then it might as well be, right? If women are choosing a celibate life and believe it’s coming from an innate part of themselves, I have doubts but I don’t really want to argue about it with them. What good would that do for me or that woman? I think it’s normal, fine, perhaps even healthier in some circumstances to not have sex. No one needs to have sex, no one “should” have sex.

I do think the jokes about asexual people come from a place of concern for the entitlement a) apparently straight and b) self-admitting sex havers possess to be included in the lgbt, the “queer” community, under the “gay umbrella”, especially with how much homophobia is slung around in these conversations. Many people on tumblr/twitter will say they are “ace” but admit to have a heterosexual relationship where they are having frequent sex, and then claim either specifically or through implication that gay people oppress them by not “allowing” (how? in what way?) them to discuss their “queer experiences” of being…in danger somehow? The “danger” the ace community will discuss is often just copied pasted list of homophobic dangers gay and bi people experience, with no sources. It seems like straight fetishization of homophobic violence - ace people are not being denied homes and jobs and are not being beat up.

I will say the idea that women are “correctively raped” to “fix her” of her lack of interest in sex has some merit, I just wish they wouldn’t use that language. Especially since that idea of raping women to “unlock” her sexuality is just standard age old misogyny that all women are at risk of, not just women who want to be celibate. It’s important that standard terms and words we use to mean specific things don’t get muddied up by expanding the definition until the words are useless. Corrective rape is used to describe a specific homophobic violence, there’s no need to co-opt this very touchy and potentially triggering subject. Its also not, as I outlined above, an “ace” issue as much as a woman’s issue: a woman’s desire to be non-sexual will often not be respected due to the patriarchal idea that a woman doesn’t own her sexuality, men do. Women are not “allowed” to make this choice, they are receptacles for male sexual gratification.

in any case, to answer the question, yes all women should be welcomed to explore radical feminism, and other forms of feminism. BUT! All women should be expected to have their beliefs challenged in the processed, and have what they hold as objective truth questioned. I also could discuss more about what exactly is a “radfem community”, where do they exist and how do they exist, vs radfem tumblr. I don’t think I’ll expand on that here at this time, but I would argue the abbreviation “radfem” and how it’s used online has ostensively taken on a new meaning than just “radical feminist.” there IS a radfem community on tumblr, but is it radical feminist? is it feminist? is it well defined? how does it function? my main takeaway for this particular point is that feeling ostracized from “radfem tumblr” shouldn’t fully color your experiences as a woman exploring feminism. enjoy exploring! :)