#it’s nearly 5 am and I’ve spent the last 4 and a half hours on just this

[eyecide]

OKAY, here’s the whole story. Like I said it’s very long, but I tried to keep it as short as I could! I obviously couldn’t include Everything for multiple reasons, and a lot of this stuff I’ve posted about multiple times anyways

Ok so my ex fiancé and I broke up multiple times through the course of our nearly 2 year relationship, with the final time being May 8th. I definitely wasn’t ready or willing to be engaged that soon but I agreed to it with the understanding that we would wait 5 years MINIMUM to actually get married. Every day since we broke up I remind myself how eternally grateful I am to myself for sticking to my guns on that one, but it’s a story for another day

But anyway like I said this is a very very long story with a lot of important context that explains what lead to the end. It might be little rambley depending on wether or not I am in the mood to proofread this before posting, but anyways. Our relationship was honestly not something that was realistically ever going to last. I’m a very hard working person and committed person, I put a lot of effort into what I do, and I’ve always been the worker that goes the extra mile. I put a lot of pride into my hygiene and keeping my things and surroundings in clean and good order. Des on the other hand, is an insanely insecure honest to god pornbrain, who viewed me not as a partner but as living jerk off material. He struggles to work more than 20 hours a week and quits jobs with no backup plan bc they’re too hard or he just doesn’t like them. He cannot do anything challenging or commit to anything, he dropped out of 3 different schools during our relationship and spent well over half of it unemployed while I payed for him to eat fast food 3 meals a day. You can imagine the frustration and resentment I started to feel when I would be at work for nearly 4 hours by the time he managed to roll his ass out of bed. Not to mention his lack of hygiene was… indescribable. Literally all of his things were on the floor. Dirty and clean laundry were always just piled up wherever he happened to throw it. Food trash would sit in there for WEEKS until it got rancid and moldy, it’s genuinely an honest to god miracle that he never fucking got roaches. It was disgusting, I hated being in there, and I hated that every time I got sick of it and cleaned it all for him (and yes i cleaned his room for him more than he ever did) it would go right back to the was it was before in a week. And I tried so hard to be sympathetic and understand to his mental health, I really did. But being in his room so much was horrible for my mental health too. I was having severe cleanliness anxiety, and panic attacks about things being too dirty. He would drop me off at the end of the day and I would feel filthy. I wasn’t trying to fix him, but I loved him and I had always held onto the hope that he would’ve loved me enough to put in any kind of effort but that never happened

Fast forward to August of 2022, Des left for college in Arizona and things were fine… until they weren’t and he started telling me shit like he didn’t feel any connection to me anymore, wasn’t even sure if he still loved me, and kept thinking about having an open relationship. He always said that he knew an open relationship was a bad idea but I also kind of suspect he was bringing it up just to gauge my reaction to it, and I can’t prove it but I have a little suspicion he wanted us to have an open relationship at the time and would’ve done it if I didn’t say no immediately. But anyway, looking back on it, this was the first time I started to catch on to him really only valuing me for sex and not as a person or a partner. That and something else I’ve posted about before on here, where he called me after I got off work one day and went on and on about how “deprived” of sex he was in Arizona and then asked me if he could do sexual roleplays with other people online. Which obviously I was extremely uncomfortable with and said no to. He has a huge fit about it with sighing and groaning and passive aggressive comments for several minutes until I just give in and told him fine but I don’t want to hear or see anything about it ever. He did later tell me that bc it made me so uncomfortable he actually decided to never do those roleplays, which like I’ve said a few times on here before I don’t believe at all. I also believe he was doing it well before asking me but again, I can’t prove any of that.

I was supposed to move up there with him as soon as I graduated cosmetology school, and that was the plan until he told me that he actually had no intentions of even living with me when I did move up there. Which obviously really bothered me bc I was planning on leaving my entire life behind to be closer to him and he would rather kick it in the dorms on campus than share a living space with me before graduation. So I told him if he wants to stay on campus all 4 years then I wouldn’t be moving at all until he graduates, and his response is to break up with me bc he only wanted me for sex and if I didn’t plan on following him around like a dog he didn’t see the point in us being together. But we did get back together the next day

November is Really where things started to fall apart, in my opinion. I started cosmetology school in October that year, was working 40+ hours a week, dealing with workplace harassment from a new manager, and on top of 21 hours of classes I didn’t have a single day off of anything until thanksgiving break. I was absolutely exhausted, the reality of what this relationship really was was getting harder and harder to deny and on top of that I was feeling insanely lonely. I had no friends at all besides Des and had absolutely nobody to turn to when things were hard, and the reality of that was starting to weigh on me heavily

Then in November out of absolutely nowhere Justice, my ex situationship from the year before and former friend from middle school, added me on Snapchat. (I’m not going to explain the whole story between me and him bc I’ve done that Many times on here already, but if you were following me 2 years ago you might be at least vaguely aware of this anyway). He acknowledged and understood that I was in a relationship, but he wanted us to be friends again which I agreed to. We had a very productive conversation where we both agreed that our past was the past and we weren’t going to do stuff like that anymore, and at the time I very genuinely stood by that. I told Des about this immediately and he wasn’t comfortable with it, but I told him that I wasn’t asking him for permission but rather informing him. At this point Justice and I snapped back and forth infrequently but I wouldn’t actually see him in person for the first time until March

December comes, and Des drops out of college and moves back to california. This I’m not going to really go into a lot of detail about but during this time it becomes very very apparent to me that he barely tolerated being around me if I said I didn’t wanna fuck that day. And keep in mind I was working two jobs essentially, starting at 5am and ending at 10:30 pm, and dealing with a recently diagnosed health issue. Meanwhile he had no job and hadn’t worked in well over 6 months. So yeah 90% of the time I was not feeling it, especially after I would turn him down and he’d pout for hours and/or keep making advances until I gave up. It was a huge turn off, especially when it didn’t stop after I brought up how it was making me feel

February comes, we get engaged. But nearly every other week we’re fighting about something, and it becomes way too much for me. I couldn’t cope with it anymore on top of everything else in my life, and asked for a few weeks of space. I was very very clear that it was not a breakup, that was I calling off our engagement, that neither of us would be seeing other people, and that I still wanted to see him on my birthday which was in about a week from then. He decided to go ahead and check himself into the psych ward that same night to prevent that from happening. March is when I see Justice again for the first time in over a year, we just walked around at a park for a while to catch up which Des was aware of. He was very vocally upset about it and begged me to block Justice and not see him again but honestly? I didn’t care. There was no sympathy or understanding for the things that were making me uncomfortable. And I was desperate for friendship and Justice was right there asking me for it. But after that, I’m not even kidding in the slightest when I say Des was picking fights with me about him multiple times a week, sometimes every other day. I only saw Justice one more time before the breakup (he met up with me and Des at a bar), we weren’t talking more than once every 2ish weeks, and I agreed to let Des see any text he sent me, so there were no secrets and I had nothing to hide. Any time a fight happened it was almost always because Des brought it up, or he told me to block him and i refused. More than once he tried to force me to pick between them but I also refused every time. Was this toxic of me? Probably. I’ll accept that if it was, but like I said. At the time I didn’t care

The final week we were together, on the night of Saturday, May 6th, I let Des look through my phone and he found out that back in December Justice had sent me a snap where he didn’t have a shirt on. It wasn’t sexual, and I’d seen him shirtless multiple times before but he was not wearing one. Des decided this was proof that Justice wanted to get me to cheat on Des, called him to confront him about it, which lead to me finally agreeing to block him. Monday night, May 8th, Des decided he was actually Not okay that this selfie was sent to me and he didn’t know about it, so we argued about it for several hours. Ending with him breaking up with me for the final time. The next day, Tuesday, I unblocked Justice and told him everything that happened. He offered himself as a shoulder to cry on, and that night we took a walk and talked for several hours, including how we were cool just being friends now and despite both being single weren’t going to do anything like we did 2 years ago. Then anyways Friday night that same week I see him again, we sleep together (and I’ve been seeing him pretty much every weekend since then) and I make the mistake of vague posting about on here. Des saw it and had a massive meltdown that resulted in him moving back to Arizona, and after that I have pretty much no idea what he’s been up to nor do I care

He’s reached out to me a few times since this happened but I haven’t really been interested in hearing him out, and I probably never will. Why did I stay for so long though? I don’t know. He wasn’t like that in the beginning, I loved him, and I thought he loved me too. And honestly I really didn’t want to admit to myself how fucked our relationship was. I didn’t want to believe he saw me like that even though I knew it deep down. And like I said, I’m a committed person, and I’m loyal to something I love even if it’s at my own detriment.

My ex may or may not see this, and I don’t particularly care if he does. I fully stand by everything I said here. But anyway, that’s pretty much the story, or at least as much of it as I could include without getting Too personal. I hope this didn’t sound too venty so, if anyone read this far thank you for that I really appreciate it 🖤🖤

we've been mutuals for ages and i think youre very neat (: i love how your appearance / presentation has changed over time. your music posting helped broaden my taste in music. im kinda nosy and sometimes want to ask you avout like whay happened with your previous relationship purely out of curiosity but it is So Deeply not my business so i would never. but mostly i think youre really cool and i hope you like your job (i cant remember if youre still in school for it, im also not totally sure how hairdressing stuff works) and am rooting for you (:

Hi 🖤🖤

I am still in school for hairstyling, but I’m sooooo close to being done I should graduate no later than February and will hopefully be able to take my state board exam by May!

Also I don’t mind talking about what happened with my ex, if I have time today I’ll make a post about it! I’ve been hesitant to say too much on the topic bc he was checking my tumblr for a while (he might still be, but I don’t particularly care at this point either), and would try and contact me when I posted about him. It is a very very long story but it’s not anything secret I’m open to questions abt it :-)

[multifandom-onigiri]

being someone who’s been a very adamant Haruka and Muu liker for around 2 years I think, it’s really interesting seeing how the fandom (really going to mostly be talking about Twitter here) has reacted to Haruka’s and Muu’s newfound friendship. And by interesting, I mean it is nearly downright unbearable to see people jump on Muu to the point where I absolutely think her guilty vote is just sealed, even if we don’t get her MV probably until November.

The one interesting thing about all of this is that most people make their friendship to be “Muu is the dominant person in this relationship and revealing her true colors as a malicious manipulator and Haruka, the poor victim, is stuck having to do 100% of her bidding”. It’s so agreed upon that people think Muu MUST be referring to Haruka in the first line of her song preview, even though I would really think that the songs would be primarily about revealing more of the details of their murders rather than really focusing on their current friendship. (My first thought is that Muu is talking about her dad because her parents are probably a major factor in why she is entitled, as they give her everything she wants.) Because that’s what Es’s role as guard is: judging the sins of the prisoners, not having to fix or break apart two people’s volatile relationship with each other.

There are multiple reasons why I hate how their friendship is majorly seen so far:

1) The conversation is really centered around how it would affect Haruka, how he would get hurt by it, how he’s the one getting the shorter end of the stick. While for Muu, all people have to say is how Muu’s so toxic!! She doesn’t care about Haruka at all, she views Haruka as something disposable, she’s going to drop Haruka if their verdicts are different. (And I want to argue against not necessarily this, but why that’s not the only reason she would drop him depending on the verdict.) Either that or people just saying, “i mean. Yeah. She was obviously this kind of person from the start.” (I’m not particularly mad at this one and I’m not condemning the people who say this. I’m just noticing the difference between how people will analyze Haruka on the spot to say why he shouldn’t be friends with Muu while for Muu it’s like “she’s just. Not a good person. LOL.” The provided example of what people say about Muu is less of analysis and more of people predicting what will happen by jumping to conclusions about her character.” I’ve seen a max of two threads on Twitter for Muu.

Ok I’m not saying that people actually have to write a thread on Muu to prove they know why she’s the way she is. This is poorly written; idk how to explain the feeling that people wanting to protect Haruka and who are very willing to tell you why is much more largely said out loud. )

1.5) I’ve found it really odd that a lot of people that like Haruka think that Fuuta would be a 100% better influence and friend for Haruka. Muu’s increasing amount of self-centeredness and insensitivity is very much a result to the innocent verdict we gave her. If we had given Muu and Fuuta the opposite verdicts in the first trial, I guarantee you Fuuta’s aggressiveness and his tendency to point fingers at people would have most likely increased, and some of it would have rubbed off of Haruka. Would people really like that more? (Why do I feel like the answer to this…is yes…)

(Reasons 1 + 1.5 combined just make me feel…ummm. Really bad vibes tbh)

2) I’m genuinely surprised that people think everything (and I mean everything.) about the “new” Haruka is a direct result of Muu’s influence and nothing else. And while some of it is a direct result of her influence (his pose that he’s doing in his sprite + keeping the hairclips Muu gave him. <- fashion sense rubbing off on him) , I’d argue that his new sense of confidence in himself and him seemingly echoing the same desire that Muu has to stay in Milgram is not solely just Muu’s doing.

It’s a result of the innocent verdict we’ve given him. Giving him the innocent verdict along with becoming friends with Muu has caused him to realize that something.

That Milgram is the perfect escape from his cruel reality of not being paid attention to/not being loved or cared for by someone that he never knew he needed, but now he’s found it.

I do have to admit right now Haruka’s story/testimony is one where I have more trouble creating a clearer picture of the murder(s ? I’ll get to that in a moment.) and the exact circumstances leading up to it (them). So im going to try to talk this point through, but please correct me if need be. (Tbh my point. I don’t think it really touches upon that specifically but I’ll see as I write this out.)

Something I’ve noticed with trial 1 Haruka is that the guy clearly hates himself. a lot. Or at least he seems practically incapable of viewing himself in any sort of positive light. (I’m pretty sure that’s called hating yourself.) His season 1 voice lines refers to himself as “someone like me” and mentions about how he brings misfortune to others, and this pops up in his voice drama along with the notion that he has 0 right to judge people because of what he’s done (which also pops up in interrogation question #16.) The MV (like the animation alone and not the lyrics) can be take as an example of this if you believe the younger self theory. (I do. Because I’m totally not biased and totally not projecting myself onto that.) This negativity seems to be a result from what other people (very likely his parents) have told and called him (hopeless, a disappointment, “you praised me by saying ‘you’re crazy’”), and as a result he’s internalized it to the point of believing in it.

I’ve been looking stuff up and need to look around more and there seems to be multiple theories about who’s he killed and how many times he killed? He has a confirmed kill of at least 1 because I don’t think you can or should really deny that he killed the dog that he followed into the forest. We know he doesn’t like animals and that’s probably the reason why. Every other possible murder he’s committed is unconfirmed and not implied enough to the point where everyone agrees it happened like a good amount of the other MVs. I’m pretty sure you need to have at least directly or indirectly caused the death of one being to get sent to Milgram. And then multiple amounts of possible murders/deaths that have been theorized ranging from the brother theory to “he might have killed his mom” to “he might have committed suicide.”

But regardless, most of these seems to stem from the fact that they’re all an act of desperation, a result of him wanting to be cared for and just. never getting it. ever.

Jump to the present where we’ve just started Trial 2. From what we’ve gotten for Trial 2 so far, the self-negativity seems to have completely disappeared. He has done a complete 180, has not mentioned a single time about how he’s a disappointment, and you can just hear his genuine confidence in his voice.

I looked back at his voice drama, and something that stands out to me is that getting interrogated made him happy because he was actually being listened to. It ties into everything I just talked about and also how the innocent verdict we gave him plays a part in how he gains this self confidence.

And the answer is just that. He was able to tell us his story and we listened to him and accepted him and how he felt. We agreed that he should be paid more attention to. Giving him a guilty vote would have probably told him that what the people in his life had told him was the truth, essentially just affirming and strengthening the internalized negativity he had in trial 1.

Milgram has given him everything he could have ever wanted. A place where he feels like he could be accepted for who he is rather than being shamed for it. He’s stated that the other inmates have been kind to him.

And he’s found Muu, the person that he states has given him the most attention and the person who I’d like to argue that is the most similar to Haruka out of the rest of the cast.

(I’ve already rambled a lot about Muu’s background and I don’t really want to repeat stuff I’ve said because of how long this already is, so please refer to this while you start reading this section.)

Both Muu and Haruka care a great deal about the connections they form (or fail to form) with the people in their life. Despite (the possibility of) his parents viewing Haruka as a major disappointment, Haruka very much cared about what they thought of him. The MV suggests that, and in the interrogation questions, he says that he loves his family and he wants to see his mom (with the words crossed out.) In After Pain, it’s implied that the people bullying her to the point where she’s mentally unstable used to be her friends. And the entire bridge building up to the chorus has Muu desperately run after the purple hair girl that she cares about in some way due to how her pupils dilate the moment the purple haired girl walks by Muu lying among random stuff scattered across the floor.

Both Muu and Haruka also wants some form of attention from both the people around them but also us, the audience. As explained with Haruka, he just wants to be generally loved and cared for, while for Muu, she wants affirmation that she didn’t deserve to be bullied. That she didn’t do anything wrong in this situation. Their songs revolve around this, portraying them both in a light that makes the audience want to pity them. And that’s how they managed to earn their innocent vote. People pitied Haruka as they learned of his circumstances and watched him self-deprecate himself. People pitied Muu as they learned of her circumstances and watched her cry and pity herself for somehow landing in this situation.

At the core of both of these characters, they are people with similar demeanors who value and are looking for very similar things, despite the fact that both of them have dealt with vastly different circumstances and upbringings. And this is why I believe that’s how they became even closer friends when the verdicts dropped and also why their relationship is so volatile. They’re more likely to be able to understand and comfort each other at the cost of literally enabling each other to never grow as people. They both don’t want to leave Milgram and would rather stay forever in this prison, using it as an escapist fantasy. In a different story, you’d probably be able to write how both of them could keep their friendship intact while learning how to accept that they need to confront their issues and not ignore them.

But let’s be real here. This is Milgram. That is not happening, and will never happen. I’ve accepted that already and the fact that there’s a very high chance that my vote does not matter when it comes to the characters improving or not. They will probably get worse. The vote probably affects how they get worse. But they will get worse. Sad.

I’m hoping we get to see their relationship play out through the portal tweets and Minigram because I really want to see how it’s developed (and whether I’m right on the money with it.) I’m also curious about what happens to their friendship after the trial 2 votes. (Took 2-3 hours just to finally talk about why I don’t think Muu would necessarily drop Haruka because she “doesn’t need him anymore.”)

I think the most likely outcome that would result in her dropping Haruka is if she was voted innocent, while Haruka was voted guilty. (Which is NOT HAPPENING rn from the looks of it LOL.) She would drop him because Milgram agrees with her, and she isn’t wrong. One of her season 2 voicelines states that “I knew I could trust you to know that Muu did nothing wrong…right?” (Not word for word.) If she’s voted innocent, she’d probably choose to trust Milgram and distance herself away from Haruka. (And…I don’t want to think about the consequences of that just yet. I know. It would be really bad.)

I think if Haruka is voted innocent while she is voted guilty (the most likely to happen as of rn), she doesn’t so much “drop him” but rather she starts questioning herself again and two things could happen with this. 1) She starts to cling onto Haruka EVEN MORE because he’s the one person she knows/believes will listen to everything she says. She doesn’t want to be seen as being in the wrong, and knowing that at least one person will believe her would give her something to have at least a shred of hope in. 2) She does distance herself away from Haruka, not because she doesn’t need him but because she can no longer trust Milgram. Milgram has deemed that she is in the wrong; therefore Milgram must be like the people who bullied her. The people who hated how she acted. Becoming more paranoid and developing a “the world vs. me” attitude, she doesn’t want to associate with anyone favored by Milgram. Haruka being voted innocent means that Milgram trusts him, and she can’t trust that.

I think if they’re both voted guilty, that’s probably the outcome where she’s the least likely to drop him. I can’t really come up of a reason why she would. They were both voted guilty, so it probably just affirms to her how similar their situations are and probably convinces her that they need to stick with each other. That’s my personal take.

I want to see how much Haruka has changed before I can tell whether he wants to stay with Muu or not depending on these outcomes.

[lubdubsworld]

Insatiable

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x OC

Rating 18+

Genre : Vampire Au!!!! , DILF! Jungkook ! Bodyguard AU! Babysitter OC!   Age difference!!!

Chapter 1   Chapter 2  Chapter 3    Chapter 4  Chapter 5

WARNINGS : THERES JUST WAY TOO MUCH FILTH HERE !!!!!!!!

A huge thank you for the banner  to @helenazbmrskai​

Chapter 6

“You sure you don’t want to take that?” Yugyeom gave me a look as i rejected the call for the umpteenth time.

“Oh..uh... Yeah.” I shrugged it off feeling exhausted. 

The whole point of going out with Yugyeom was to take a break from one Jeon Jungkook but that was impossible..... with said vampire calling me every five minutes. 

“So...anyways.... Mingyu was way out of line and I really wanted to apologize on behalf of the idiot. Although your bodyguard seems to have put the fear of God into him....Kid was trembling when he came home last night. “ Yugyeom chuckled. 

I smiled weakly.

“Yeah...he tends to do that.” I said hoarsely. 

Jungkook was the one topic I was hoping to avoid. Because having sex with him hadn’t scratched the itch the way I had thought it would.... It had merely amped my lust by a few hundred thousand times and I was ill equipped to handle it. I didn’t know what to do with myself around him and I was so fucking terrified I was going to do something awful;.

Like jump him in front of everyone. 

So I’d spent the whole day trying to be aloof but it hadn’t worked very well. 

Jungkook stuck close me , tossing lingering glances that made my skin heat up, , hands brushing mine way too often, eyes trained on me without any restraint 

And don’t even get me started on the  touching.

Hand brushing my waist when we turned a corner , fingers brushing my hair off my face when I had my hands full with the kids, an arm wrapped around my shoulder when Minhyuk had asked me out again. 

And I’m not saying i didn’t love it because it felt like Christmas and my birthday had come together but.... but... I had a job to do. With  kids.

It wasn’t the place to be fantasizing about how good your bodyguard’s cock had felt inside you. 

“Jungkook right? Jeon Jungkook ....” Yugyeom said thoughtfully. 

“Uh ...yeah...”

“Tall dude? Black hair? Looks way too intimidating and dresses like he’s just stepped off a runway?” Yugyeom prompted and I blinked.

“You know him?” I asked surprised. 

Yugyeom shook his head.

“No, but I think he’s over by the bar and he’s looking at me like he wants to tear out my jugular.” He said casually. 

My gaze snapped to the bar behind us and I felt my eyes widen in disbelief. 

Jungkook stood leaning against the bar, eyes narrowed dangerously and I groaned. 

So much for avoiding him. 

“He looks pissed.” Yugyeom commented.

“I kinda ditched him.” I muttered.

“did you tell him , I’m a friend?”

“Don’t think it would have made much difference.  Gimme a minute?” I whispered, and Yugyeom laughed, waving me off. 

I stood up slowly , bracing myself for the interrogation I knew was coming,  before turning around and walking over to him. 

Jungkook’s eyes stayed trained on me as I made my way over and I felt my throat go dry at the sight of him. He hadn’t dressed for the place today, a black turtleneck and a black jacket and black slacks with a silver belt buckle. Hair tousled all over his forehead as he stared, unsmiling. 

“Is this whole angel of death thing really necessary?” I whispered as soon as I reached him.” I’m sorry. I just needed to ...” stay away from you for a bit and last night was so amazing and i can’t stop thinking about it. 

“ You couldn’t take a few minutes to tell me where you were going?” He asked casually and I swallowed. 

“Jungkook, Yugyeom’s ...a good friend.” I muttered.

“How about you let me make that call?” He said coldly, eyes narrowed in annoyance and I felt chilled.

“I’m sorry... To be honest, I missed you. I’ve gotten used to you being around and I was going to cut the night short. I promise.” 

He scoffed. 

‘Really? I don’t believe you. For someone who spent the better part of a month begging for my cock, the novelty seems to have worn off pretty fast for you.” He said casually. 

My head snapped up , the words stunning me into silence. 

I could only gape at him. 

He gave me another lazy once over.

“And it made me wonder.....did I not  fuck  her good enough?”  

Oh, Christ. 

I felt my face turn a flame red , my fingers going clammy. 

“Jungkook, stop.” I whispered , glancing back at Yugyeom quickly. He was fiddling with his phone, 

“What’s wrong? You need to head back? YOur boyfriend’s gonna be upset?” 

I frowned. 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I muttered. 

Jungkook grinned. 

“Right...he’s just the clown you wanted to suck off when you were younger...” 

“God, what’s gotten into you?” I groaned. 

Jungkook shrugged.

“I don’t like being ignored. It’s a character flaw of mine.” 

I gaped at him.

“I am not ignoring you.... I... I was out with a friend....It’s been less than an hour since I saw you... I literally spent the whole day with you.” I said shrilly. 

“Really? Then why’d you not pick up when I called....?” He waved his phone and I flushed, looking away. 

“Because I wanted an hour with an old friend....Without anyone interrupting.” I lied.  

Because you’re driving me in sane and I need an hour without you around so I can get my friggin body under control before I get arrested for public indecency. 

He clenched his jaw. 

“I see. “ He reached for a glass of wine on the countertop in front of him and turned around. “ Here” He held it out for me.

I took the drink, suspicious. 

“Go on , then.... I won’t interrupt...” He shrugged. 

I nodded, relieved.

Turning around I made to move away.

“Thought you’d be interested in a little gift I got you.... but if you’d rather spend time with the clown... I get that.” 

His voice was low and deep, a drawl that made the hair on my skin stand on end. 

I turned back to him, eyes narrowed. 

“What gift?” I demanded. 

He shrugged. 

“Nevermind.”

I felt my hackles rise. 

“Jungkook...”

“Are you sure.. what if that clown misunderstands... ...” he pointed a finger at my table and I glared at him. 

“Stop calling him that , God..his name is yugyeom. “ I snapped.

Jungkook’s smile was positively feral.

“Don’t know .Don’t care. So, you want it? You sure ?” He asked casually. 

i nodded, holding my hand out.

“Gimme .” I said quickly. 

He shook his head. 

“Can’t give it to your here,  angel.” 

I frowned , drawing my hand back.  

“There’s a ladies room on the fifteenth floor. It’s being renovated ... no one goes there... Meet me there in five?” 

I stared at him.

“There’s a firework show in half an hour. I don’t wanna miss it.” I protested. 

Jungkook gave me a thoughtful smile.

“You wanna watch the fireworks?”

I nodded. “ Yugyeom booked it for me. I wanna see it.” 

“Alright.. I’ll get you back in time for the fireworks.” He nodded, face frustratingly neutral. 

“Okay..then .. and I’ll meet you there.” 

“Can’t wait ...” He murmured softly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The restroom on the fifteenth floor was deserted like he said and looked less like the ladies room and more like a luxurious parlor. The stalls were further in and the waiting space had beautifully upholstered couches and armchairs. Ornate mirrors hung on all the walls and I found Jungkook seated on one the couches, legs spread wide as he casually browsed his phone. 

I stepped in carefully , shutting the door behind me. 

Jungkook looked up at me, smiling. 

“Lock the door.” He said casually and I hesitated.

“Jungkook, we shouldn’t be-”

“If you need to be at the firework show , you need to stop wasting time baby...” He said firmly. 

I locked the door quickly, making sure it couldn’t be opened. 

I turned back around and jumped when I ran right into Jungkook, who had crept up on me. 

He smiled at me. 

“Hi.” He said gently. 

I felt myself melt . 

“Hi.” I laughed.

“Don’t like it when you ignore me.” He muttered. bending low and nipping my jaw. 

I grabbed his shoulders, knees weak. 

“Uh... is this the gift...?” I gasped when he bit down hard, teeth sharp on the skin and he licked the little abrasion, wet and warm. 

“Not really but I’ll get to it. Before that, “ He pulled away, “ I just realized I never got to eat you out yesterday.” 

The gears in my head stopped spinning. 

I could only stare at him, stunned/ 

“But, I like to be thorough and we don’t have that kind of time right now. So I’m just gonna ask you this.....Do  You regret last night?”

I blinked. 

What even...? I couldn’t keep track of his thought process. 

“No.. no of course not...” I said harshly.

“You wanna keep doing this?” He tilted his head, eyes boring into mine. 

 Only for the rest of my life. 

“Yes!!” I said angrily and he chuckled. 

“Okay...but angel, I don’t like it when you run around doing as you please without letting me know what you’re up to. What you did today...” He shook his head. “ That doesn’t work for me.”

I flushed.

“I said I’m sorry.” I muttered. 

“But are you?” He said thoughtfully. 

“what..What does that mean...?”

“Apologies don’t mean shit if you don’t back them up with actions. I’m just saying... you ready to back up your words by doing as I say?” his eyes flashed red. 

I hesitated. 

“What do you want me to do. ?”

“Just don’t ignore me.” He shrugged.

“Okay...” i agreed at once.

“ You can do that?” He asked with a frown.

“Uh...sure. “ 

He hummed. 

“I’m not so sure... I think you need a little help with that.” 

“Jungkook , what are you even -”

“Go lie down on the couch for me. “

I stared at him. 

“Hurry up baby, your boyfriend’s waiting upstairs remember? .”  He grinned. 

“Please stop calling him that...” I whined, moving to the wide couch in the corner and lying down after toeing off my shoes.

. Jungkook grabbed an armchair, dragging it close to the couch. He sat down , close enough to touch and I swallowed.  

Jungkook shrugged out of his jacket, tossing it on the arm of the couch , near my feet. 

He spread his legs and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when he began unbuckling his belt, dragging the leather out through the hoops before fiddling with the buttons on his fly. 

“I was thinking of last night. Was your first time right angel?” He asked casually and I stared as I watched his hands. Long nimble fingers gripping the zipper of his slacks and yanking the metal down , revealing black briefs. 

“Uh... I.. yes?” I felt my thighs clench in arousal, toes curling into the fabric of the couch.

 “  I’ve been around enough women to know that I’m bigger than average. “ He sank his fingers into his briefs, hands curling around the hardened length of his arousal and I flushed when he pulled his cock out, hard and thick. 

“Jungkook!” I whimpered, moving to scramble to my feet but he pressed a hand to my shoulder, pushing me back down.

“ Stay there angel.... Let me finish” He said sternly. 

I pouted, not entirely sure if I liked this Jungkook. Where was the sweet man who wanted to let me call the shots? 

 “ This is what I’m like. “ Jungkook said , grinning as though he could read my mind “ Just because I indulged you last night, doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you walk all over me ....Running off without telling me where you went? That’s not gonna happen again angel and I’m gonna make sure of it. ” He reached out and gently gripped my chin before squeezing down enough to make me wince. 

I glared at him before my eyes slipped back to his cock and my mouth watered. It looked so good, thick and hard and he was close enough for me to see the precum beading up at the slit. I wondered what it would taste like. How it would feel,

“Can I suck you off?” I asked softly, batting my lashes. 

He gave me an amused look.

“No. You can’t.  Anyways... Like I was saying , I know you said you were a virgin but then, you also took my fat cock like you’d been doing it all your life. “ He frowned. 

Blood rushed to my face in embarrassment. 

“That’s... you...” I spluttered. 

“And that’s when I realized... Just because you’re a virgin, doesn’t mean you haven’t fucked yourself. “ He grinned devilishly. 

I buried my face in my hands.

“Oh god...” I choked.

“Guess what I found in your room...” 

My eyes snapped up to him and he was rummaging in his jacket pocket. 

I shrieked when I saw a very familiar vibrator , a pale mauve in color. It wasn’t very long but it was really thick, only a hairsbreadth smaller than Jungkook. 

I glared at him.

“You went through my things!!” i yelled affronted. 

He rolled his eyes. 

“Hardly.  It was literally on your bed when I went looking for you in the evening because I couldn’t fucking find you.. “ He snapped. 

I shut my mouth. 

“Okay...fine ..yeah I use sex toys. Big  deal.” I muttered. 

He shook his head. 

“No it isn’t. Which is why I want you to show me. “ He leaned back, casually wrapping a hand around his cock. I stared at him as he casually began stroking the hard length of his dick, after licking his palms. 

Did he really think I was too shy to put on a show? 

Boy was he in for a surprise. 

Smiling evilly, I pulled my dress up quickly, hooking my thumbs into my panties and yanking them down quickly, kicking them off. 

I gave him a smile. 

“Can I turn around? You’ll have a better view.” I smirked. 

His eyebrows shot up.

“Go ahead, princess. Better impress me.” 

I rolled my eyes at that. 

Sitting up , I sat back down against the cushioned arm rest, keeping my eyes trained on his and I bent my knees and spread my legs, utterly shameless because well... because I had always liked the idea of being watched. 

Jungkook wasn’t shy by any standards and his gaze flitted right between my legs without any hesitation. 

“Pretty.” He murmured gently and I fought the rush of embarrassment. I’d started this and I was going to see through it. 

“What am I supposed to get turned on by?” I asked innocently running my fore and middle finger up andn down my slit gently. I was really fucking wet on the inside but he couldn’t know that.  

And just for good measure, I let my gaze drop to his cock and back up, looking bored. 

His eyes narrowed. 

“How about the way I filled your sloppy little cunt last night? Remember that?  Remember how fucking wet you got, just from me licking your nipples....?” He smiled. 

I felt my throat go dry and my pussy clenched,  damp wetness seeping out and coating my hand  and my fingers slipped right in  before I could do anything about it. 

Jungkook laughed, eyes trained where my fingers had disappeared. 

He kept his hands on his cock and leaned in closer, kissing the edge of my earlobe.

“Thought so. “ He whispered right into my ears, :” My horny little slut. Bet you walk around all day with that cunt dripping wet and ready. Bet I could fuck into you with ease, anytime I want...just flip that skirt up, push your panties aside and drive my cock into you, yeah? “ He licked a stripe up my cheeks and I shuddered,  pumping my fingers into my pussy faster, “  Virgin..???  what a fucking joke... You are the farthest thing from a virgin my sweet little whore...” 

“Jungkook...” I whimpered and he gripped my wrists, stilling my fingers and pulling them out. He pulled my hand closer, right up to his mouth and I groaned when he wrapped his lips around the wet and messy digits, licking up all the wetness there.

“Sweet and spicy , just like I thought...” He directed my fingers back down between my fingers...” Get more of that wetness for me baby...want you to jerk me off with that hot slick you have dripping between your thighs...” 

:” On your knees.” He prompted and I sank down in front of him. “Jerk me off, baby...Make me feel good...” He whispered, spreading his legs and I wrapped shaky hands around his cock. I swallowed , gazing at him , licking my lips as I stroked his dick, faster. He took one of my hands and directed them down to his balls.

“Like this... This makes me feel good..”He whispered, showing me just how he liked to be touched .I nodded, following his lead and speeding up my movements, gripping a little tighter, using my thumb to trace circles on the head, rubbing the wetness around his slit and the thick vein on the underside of his cock. 

He groaned and shuddered a little. And then he leaned forward, gripping my chin. 

“ I want you to get on my lap now.... and then I’m gonna cum inside you “

I whimpered, already scrambling to my feet but before I could get on him, he gripped my waists. 

“ Let me finish, angel.I’m gonna fill you up with my cum and then I’m gonna stick this , “ He held the vibrator up, “ inside you . If you can keep your slutty little pussy tight enough for me, keep this thing  and my cum inside you till tonight...maybe you’ll get your gift. “ 

I stared at him, my jaw coming unhinged. 

 What. 

WHAT.

He pulled me closer, maneuvering me onto his lap and I swallowed. 

“I’m not... I can’t..” I whispered.

“Sure you can.. I believe you. But if you don’t want to.” His gaze softened. “ We can forget all about it.” 

I bit my lips, staring into his gorgeous face and and really, it was a no brainer. I wasn’t going to say no to Jeon Jungkook. It was just not going to happen. 

I spread my thighs and he grabbed his cock, tracing the tip on my slit.

“Ready?” 

I nodded, sinking down on the hard length easily. My breath caught , fingers curling into his shoulders as I swallowed the whimper that threatened. God he was so fucking big inside me. So hard and real and good and I wanted to sit on his cock forever. Wanted to stay locked in a room with him forever,  just fucking and teasing and fucking again and only stopping to shower or eat. 

“Don’t cum.” He said gently.” You don’t get to cum till I tell you to. You understand baby?” 

I whimpered as he fucked into me just once or twice. Warm wetness flooded my insides and I clutched his shoulders, burying my face there as he groaned, fucking me full of his release. 

He grabbed the vibrator from the couch and I swallowed when he brought it down to my entrance.

“Ready baby? Gonna pull my cock out and put this in.....Need to you clench down on it and keep my cum in... Don’t make a mess alright?” He kissed my cheeks sweetly, the affectionate gesture a complete contrast to his filthy words. 

I did make a mess... 

A little bit and the vibrator was thick enough to stay lodged in, and I felt my eyes roll back in my head as he pushed it in fully. 

“You okay?” He whispered, kissing me softly before running his palms up and down my thighs. “Gonna help you put your panties on, baby. okay? keep your pussy clenched for me. ” 

I nodded weakly, trying to keep my muscles clamped around the hard length of the toy inside me as he helped slip my bikini briefs back up my thighs. 

“You okay?” 

I nodded.

“Good. Let’s go see those fireworks, shall we?” He grinned devilishly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook stood leaning against the wall of the rooftop restaurant , arms crossed as he watched her, a smile playing around his lips as he watched her squirm, shifting her weight from on thigh to the other as she tried to sit on the hard backed chair, her eyes glassy and unfocused as the Kim vampire talked to her. 

Dude didn’t seem to realize that she was so out of it she probably didn’t understand a word he was saying. 

He stayed in the shadows because the front of his thighs was stained with cum, a little bit of white streaks, stark against the black of his slacks. She had let a little of it spill out of her when he’d pulled out...which was a little sloppy of her and usually, Jungkook would punish something like that in a partner but...well because it was the first time he would just let it pass. Besides, he was sure she would improve with time.

He trained his eyes back to her hips and his lips quirked when gripped she armrest, shivering a bit. 

This felt better,  he thought.

Watching her with other men was easier when he knew that he was the one on her mind. Knew that all she could think about was keeping his cum inside her, the hardness of the toy a reminder that he was the one she was trying to please and impress.  

He slipped a hand inside his pocket, playing with the tiny little remote . 

Should he? 

Would it be too much? 

He smirked. 

Only one way to find out. 

He thumbed the small knob at the top of the remote, eyes trained on her .

The moment he flipped it on , at the smallest setting possible, she went completely still.

And he wondered how it felt, the electric vibrations of the toy against her insides...he wished he could see it...she her pussy spread out for him, pink and wet and swollen and wrecked.... God, the things he wanted to do to her. 

It annoyed him a bit, how shamelessly she’s spread her legs on that couch, let him see the pink of her cunt without an ounce of shame .....annoyed him because he wasn’t sure if it was for  him  or because it was what she was  like.... 

Annoyed him because if it wasn’t for just him.... would she do it for other too? 

He couldn’t stomach the idea of it. 

That pretty pink pussy, so wet and wanting...he wanted it all for himself . He wanted her legs spread out on his bed, her arms tied to the fucking bedposts so he could show her just how dangerous he could be when he wanted to....

That just because he’d let her take the lead didn’t mean he would settle for anything less than her complete submission.

Smiling, he turned the vibrations up a little bit, smirking as he watched her. 

Sera gripped the armrest gently, raising her hips off the chair a bit and turning around slowly to stare right at him.

He grinned wide, relishing the shocked desperation on her face. He pushed away from the wall, sauntering over to her slowly till he was right behind her. 

“Doing okay? baby?” He whispered gently for her ears only.

“Don’t do this to me.” She said softly, nails digging indents into her part as she clenched her fists , resting her hands on her knees.

He hummed. 

Poor baby, he thought fondly. . When this night was over he would shower her with kisses. Giver all the affection. Cuddle the fuck out of her, brush her hair back and make her feel so, so , good. 

But the night was  far  from over. 

He glanced at her companion.

Yugyeom gave him a smile and nod, went back to talking about art or something. 

Sera had her eyes fixed straight ahead, glassy and unfocused. 

He leaned over to whisper into her ear.

“Don’t forget...You cannot cum.” 

And then he sauntered back over to his place near the wall, before slipping his fingers into his jacket and turning up the tempo for her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Was fun catching up, Sera... I’ll text you, yeah?” Yugyeom gave me a light hug and I stared at him, slightly teary eyes and about a second away from collapsing into a heap on the floor. 

I was sore and tired and a little out of my mind. The fireworks had lasted fifteen minutes.

It had felt like a year. 

And I hadn’t even watched them because I had kept my eyes screwed shut, concentrating only on not cumming, because if I did, not only would I literally drip all over the chair , but I would likely scream loud enough to wake the dead. 

Jungkook had turned the toy off when the show ended but it had done nothing for me...in fact it felt worse because the lack of stimulation was even worse than the steady thrum of the toy against my walls. 

Jungkook looked entirely unaffected as he watched me bid good bye to Yugyeom and it was only when he had driven away that he lightly took my arm.

“You okay baby?” He gave a me a slow smile and I glared at him through wet lashes.

“I won’t go anywhere without you again. I promise. Please just get this out of me.” 

He cooed, pulling me into a hug. 

“Alright angel. I believe you. Come on...” 

He led me to the large black Palisade , grabbing the keys from the valet.

“Get in the back seat.” He prompted. 

I nodded, too out of it to even question it. I climbed into the seats and sat down, whimpering when the toy moved inside me, shifting in deeper. My clothes were damp , almost soaking wet and my thighs trembled. 

He glanced at me.

“Can you hold on till we get home?” He asked  gently.

I stared at him, unseeing. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over.

“Please.” Was all I could get out. 

“Fuck, okay baby. Hang on.” 

Jungkook drove quickly, pulling out of the hotel premises and into the road. But instead of taking the left like he usually did, he took a U turn, picking a side road that led away from the city’s bustle . 

I gripped the seats as he drove in further away from the crowded city light , only blinking when he took a right into secluded side road, empty except for us.

I stared in confusion as he parked the car , turned off all the lights  in the car. I watched him climb out of the front seat, slamming his door shut before prying mine open. 

“Lay back for me baby. Up against the door.” He said gently. And then when I didn’t move he climbed, in all but lifting me up and settling me down till, I was leaning against the door, staring down at him.

He didn’t waste any time, spreading my legs, and pulling my panties off before pushing my knees up and apart. 

“Gonna eat you out.” He growled and my eyes flew open, the first pang of lucidity hitting me. 

“Wha-Wait...your...there’s...inside, there’s....” I couldn’t even say it. 

“My cum? Yeah... i know my cum’s inside there...” Jungkook laughed, fingers gripping the base of the vibrating and twisting it just a little bit. “ i know angel, and now I’m gonna lick my cum out of your sopping wet pussy..” 

Jungkook pulled the vibrator out of me and I sobbed at the gush of wetness that dripped out of me. But it didn’t spill, because he chased the wetness with his tongue, curling the hard length of it inside me, scooping up every last drop of the filthy mess inside me, taking it all into his hot, wet mouth . 

He hummed a little before pressing a thumb to my clit, rubbing the nub till I began quivering already way too overstimulated to experience anything but a throbbing pain disguised as pleasure. I stared at him , vision swimming as he crawled to his knees on  the back seat, head bowed because of the car’s ceiling and I watched him fumble with his belt, pulling out his cock and lining it up against my entrance. 

He drove straight in, without any hesitation, leaning over me till his face was just a little away from mine, staring down at me, cheeks a little puffed. He fucked into me with a force that shook the car on its wheels, the large vehicle somehow shaking like a leaf from how hard he thrust into me. I felt like my body was on fire, breath getting punched out of me with every thrust of his cock inside me and I could only whimper , fingers curling and uncurling on the seat as I rode the high of being fucked into incoherency. 

Jungkook grunted, hipped my waist hard used one hand to rub my clit harshly. 

And then he bought his other hand up to slip two fingers into my mouth, prompting me to open my mouth. The digits slipped in , rubbing the flat of my tongue before pulling out. 

I stared wordlessly, as his fingers slipped down to cup my jaw, squeezing till I opened my mouth wide. I stuck my tongue out instinctively and he groaned. 

Jungkook gave me cheeky little wink, eyes flashing red before he opened his mouth, spitting the wet mess of his cum and my juices right onto my tongue just as he pulled back and drove into me, his cock going so deep I saw actual fireworks. 

I went completely still, the sheer filthiness' of the act and the force of his thrust driving me straight over the edge , even as he groaned and kissed me full on the lips, tongue swooping in to swirl the mess on my tongue all over, his fingers gripping my hair as he fucked me harder, chasing his own pleasure now. 

My body hummed, exhausted, drained, completely wrung out and wrecked. 

I went limp as he gave one last thrust, spilling into me again. 

He was panting against my neck as he came down from his high and I raised a shaky hand to gently stroke the back of his head as he shuddered against me.

When he pulled back to stare at me, brushing my damp hair off my face he had a smile on his face. 

“Did you enjoy the fireworks baby?”  He whispered.

It took me two whole minutes to even remember what he was talking about.  

Author’s note : 

Jungkook sure knows how to get her attention back on him doesn’t he? 

@ladyartemesia        @veronawrites   @alpaca1612     @bonyg    @unseejuice21  @sppvjj     @ggukkieland     @tae-by-tae      @blr1004      @yoongichild    @stussyjeon  @jellybearo  @sumzysworld   @carolsummerlove

@bunniechoon

@preciouschimine    

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑴𝒂𝒇𝒊𝒂! 𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛: 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑶𝒖𝒕 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝑨 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging nor promoting mafia behavior or lifestyle. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

Hongjoong was confused when the strange parcel was sent to him. The big, bold 'SKZ' was a clue it was from his rivals. He carefully opened the package, making sure it didn't contain any weird substance. He was shocked when he opened it to find a note that read:

"Give us what we want or we'll harm those you love most."

He widened his eyes when they sent photos of you, obviously taken without your knowledge of your daily life. This was the exact reason Hongjoong broke up with you. It was too dangerous to be with him, so he thought if he left you, you'd be safe, even if it broke his heart to leave you.

But then he saw a few photos that sent a shock through his body. He scanned them closely, making sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. He saw pictures of you..... with a baby.

Hongjoong nearly fell out of his seat.

"Does this mean....?"

Hongjoong quickly got in his car and drove over to your place. He desperately knocked on your door, hoping you'd answer. When you opened the door, you were surprised to see him there and were about to ask what he was doing there, but he spoke up first.

"Do we have a child together?"

Your facial expression was a dead giveaway from the start, confirmed also when you nodded slightly. Looking down, you were afraid that he'd be mad, but instead, Hongjoong pulled you into a hug. Tilting his head, he whispered in your ear:

"I don't want to alarm you, but I'm going to have to relocate you both for your safety. I'll make sure nothing happens to you both. But you gotta come with me now."

You didn't even hesitate to do as he asked, grabbing just a small backpack to pack the important things you needed and to grab your son, who had just woken up from his nap. Hongjoong waited in the living room, anxiously waiting for you to come out. His heart started pounding hard when he heard a small whimper from behind. Turning around, he finally came face to face with his very own child. He smiled tenderly as he came closer to look at him.

"Can I...hold him?"

Hongjoong looked at you for permission, which you happily granted. He choked back tears as he held his son in his hands, unable to believe that this was real.

"Hey little one. I'm your daddy. Nice to finally meet you."

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Seonghwa completely forgot about what his task in the little town was the second he saw you. At first he couldn't believe that after months of not knowing about your whereabouts, now he's finally found you. He wanted to break down then and there. He had been so lost after he came home only to find you gone without so much as a goodbye. He spent restless nights and chaotic days trying to find a sign of you, but got nowhere. He didn't even know if you were alive.

Before you could get in your car, he approached you.

"Y/N..."

You dropped your keys when you saw him. You tried reaching down for them, but you were too slow and Seonghwa grabbed them, hindering your plans of escaping once again. He was not going to let you go before he got an explanation.

"Why?"

That was all he asked and you knew what he meant.

"I was afraid....."

He looked stunned.

"Of what?! I told you I would protect you! I would never let anything happen to you! If you had asked me to quit, I would do it in a heartbeat for you!" He didn't mean to get so emotional, but he couldn't contain his emotions that had been bottled up for so long.

"No Seonghwa....I was afraid that you would leave me..."

You sighed as you slowly closed the car door that had been covering you the entire time. Seonghwa trailed his eyes down until they landed on your swollen belly. It didn't take long for him to figure out that you were pregnant and he was the father. He looked back up at you, who had tears in your eyes.

"I was afraid you wouldn't want the baby, afraid you'd leave me if you found out...so I left before you could ever find out-"

You couldn't finish your sentence as you began sobbing. Seonghwa stepped closer to you, pulling you into an embrace, one of his hands resting on top of your bump.

"Y/N, I love you and I would have never left you. I love kids and to find out you're carrying my baby, I......I can't even explain how I feel."

He couldn't help himself and pulled back so he could kiss you. His kiss was filled with yearning and when he pulled back, his eyes were brimming with tears.

"Please come back to me..."

❥��𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Once Yunho found out that you were kidnapped, he gathered all his men to get you out. He did not care about the fact you broke up with him, he still loved you and could not bear the thought of you getting hurt.

It was a bloody and difficult situation, but he was determined to get you out of there. He finally found you, unconscious and locked inside a cold room. Picking you up, he quickly got you out of there and rushed you over to Yeosang's laboratory, which also served as the clinic for them in case of an emergency....and clearly this was an emergency.

Yunho waited outside, desperately praying and hoping you would be ok. It seemed like forever before Yeosang finally came out.

"How is she?" Yunho immediately asked.

Yeosang sighed as he removed his glasses.

"She'll be fine, only unconscious for a few hours, but she'll pull through. She's a strong girl."

Yunho smiled and tightly hugged his friend.

"Thank you Yeosang."

When he pulled away, he noticed that Yeosang had a grim look on his face.

"Yeosang....is there something wrong?"

Yeosang hesitated before telling Yunho what he had discovered as he was checking on Y/N and running tests on her.

"Yunho....there's something you should know.."

Yunho widened his eyes as Yeosang revealed something he was not prepared for. He looked at him incredulous.

"Are- are you sure?" Yunho asked again.

"Positive. I'd say she's around 4 to 5 months in."

It all made sense to Yunho now. It had been 4 months since you left him and he had most definitely been intimate with you the month before you left. Although he was shocked, he was also happy. Happy to know that you didn't leave him because you didn't love him anymore, and ecstatic to find out he was going to be a dad.

When you finally woke up, Yunho's smile was the first thing you saw.

"Yunho..?"

"Shhh. It's ok. I'm here and you're all right.."

He kissed your forehead as one of his hands went to hold yours.

"And our baby is going to be fine."

��𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

"Yeosang?" San called out to him once again after he didn't answer the first 3 times.

"Go away. I'm busy." Yeosang sternly said, refusing to even spare a glance at his friend.

He had been like that for a while. Ever since you left him 2 months ago, he had been locking himself up in his laboratory, refusing to come out, hardly eating or sleeping. He just immersed himself in his work to the point all the other members were starting to get worried about him. San knew it was a distraction, distraction from you and from the pain of your abandonment. Which is why he had gone out of his way to stalk you out and find out exactly why you left all of a sudden. And what he found out, he knew Yeosang needed to know.

"Yeosang...I've been following Y/N for an entire week-"

"I didn't fucking ask you to do that." Yeosang harshly spatted out.

"Yes.....but there's something you should know....the other day I saw her walking out of an obstetrician's clinic.."

Yeosang dropped the glass vial he was holding onto the floor, liquids splashing all over. Panic was written all over his face, which then quickly became rage.

"Fucking knew it. There was somebody else."

San was in disbelief at Yeosang's words.

"What? Yeosang! Are you even listening to me?"

Yeosang grunted as he began cleaning up his mess, not wanting to listen to anymore. But San wasn't giving up. Crouching down, he ripped away the rag in Yeosang's hand and made him look at him.

"Yeosang did it maybe cross your mind that the baby she's pregnant with might be yours?"

Yeosang stayed quiet, not even blinking as he thought over San's words.

"Could be mine......and also could be someone else's.."

San nearly punched Yeosang right then and there.

"You know, I didn't know Y/N half as much as you did, but if there's one thing I knew and never doubted was her love for you. So really ask yourself if you truly believe she'd be unfaithful to you."

Yeosang pondered over San's words for the entire night, tossing and turning as he began reminiscing about your time together. Unable to bear it any longer, he quickly went to your place, not caring that it was early dawn. When you saw him, you freaked out and were about to close the door, but he pushed himself in. Even though he already knew the answer all along, he wanted you to say it.

"Am I the father?"

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

You let out a tiny giggle as your daughter played with the rattle in her hand. You had decided that since the day was lovely and the weather not too hot, you'd take her out for a stroll in the park. She was already a little over a year old and of course hated being inside for too long. You were so occupied in her cute little antics, you failed to notice the man that was walking towards you until he was right in front of you.

"San..." You cupped a hand over your mouth when you saw him for the first time in forever.

"Hey Y/N." He awkwardly greeted you.

"I thought you..." You couldn't finish your sentence, but San knew what you were talking about.

"You thought I was dead?"

He of course expected that reaction out of you. The last time you saw him was when he had to go out on a dangerous mission. He kissed you and promised you he'd come back, but you didn't hear from him again. When months turned to a year and still no word, you gave up hope and resigned yourself to move on and continue with your life.

Little did you know, that he was alive. He was in a coma for a long time, but he regained consciousness. It took a while for him to function and recuperate, but once he did, the first thing he wanted to do was see you again, hold you again and keep his promise of coming back.

"I told you I'd come back..."

He stepped closer to you. You hesitantly reached out to touch him, afraid of it being another one of your dreams and have him disappear once again. Sensing your worry, San took your hand and placed it on his cheek.

"And I never break a promise."

Unable to hold back, you wrapped your arms around his neck, tears spilling out as you were reunited with the love of your life. San was crying as well. The tiny babbling of the baby in the stroller reminded you that you two weren't alone. San pulled back and gazed upon the little girl in the stroller, who looked at him with curiosity. As San studied her features, he realized how much she resembled him.

"Is she....?"

He looked at you, who were donning a proud smile.

"She's our daughter San."

San cried more as he looked at the baby again, unable to resist himself as he picked her up and kissed her tiny face.

"Oh my God! have a beautiful daughter!"

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

Mingi carefully opened the door, hoping not to wake you up since it was so late, but unbeknownst to him, you were already awake.

"Mingi!"

You jumped out of the bed and went to go hug your loving boyfriend.

"Wow! Somebody missed me." He chuckled in between kisses.

"Well of course I did. I just needed you back here......I was afraid the entire time you were gone."

Your tiny pout made his heart melt. Mingi had always been a sucker for your cute and adorable nature.

"Baby it's all right. I told you I'm bulletproof. Nothing will ever happen to me." He assured you.

"I know...I was just particularly scared this time..." You bit your lip.

Mingi could sense something was wrong with you. His hands that were still wrapped around your waist felt the tiny tremble that coursed through your body.

"Baby...you're trembling. What's the matter? Is something wrong?"

You weren't sure if you should tell him at that moment since he was probably tired from his long trip and it was late, but you were so overwhelmed and excited to share the news with him that you couldn't help yourself.

"You know how I've told you that I hadn't been feeling well lately?"

Mingi nodded, recalling your phone conversations.

"Well I decided to take your advice and went to see a doctor..."

He couldn't handle the suspense. For a moment he believed something was wrong.

"Oh baby please tell me you're not dying!"

You bursted out laughing.

"No Mingi! I'm not dying. It's nothing bad...it's actually something wonderful."

Taking his hands in your own, you stared at him, wide smile as you delivered the news.

"Mingi, I'm pregnant."

He sucked in a sharp breath at your words, feeling so many emotions at once.

"Are you serious?- Y/N, don't play with me. My heart wouldn't take it if it was a joke.."

When you confirmed it was true, Mingi lit up and picked you up, peppering kisses all over your face.

"You just made me the happiest man alive."

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

It was a devastating night for you. You had gone out to buy a cake to celebrate and share the good news with Wooyoung: you were pregnant. But on your way back home, you heard weird noises coming from an alley. Keeping out of sight, you were shocked to see the man you loved pull out a gun and shoot someone dead.

You ran back home, trying to process everything you saw. Your first instinct was to run and that's what you did. You only took your wallet and a few things and just ran out of the apartment you shared with Wooyoung. You completely forgot about the fact you left the pregnancy test wrapped in a cute little bow for Wooyoung to see as soon as he came home.

When he did, he was alarmed that you were gone, thinking someone had kidnapped you. But then Yeosang called him.

"She knows. And she's gone."

Wooyoung didn't blame you. He was afraid of you finding out who he was because he knew how'd you react. Instead of going after you, he decided to give you the space you needed, knowing you wouldn't want him around yet. He secretly had people watch over you for him, so he could keep an eye on you and the baby.

He only went back to see you when you suddenly went into labor 8 months into the pregnancy, thus resulting in an emergency c-section. He knew he needed to be there for you and for your child, even if you didn't want him there.

"What are you doing here?" You asked, afraid when you saw him in your hospital room.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm here to take care of you and our baby."

You widened your eyes at that, but refused to show your fear.

"I don't need your help. I'll raise him on my own."

Wooyoung raised an eyebrow at you.

"You don't get to make that decision by yourself. He's my son too and you're in no condition to protest. Once you're both released, you're moving back in with me." He stated firmly.

"I don't want to! I don't want to be around you! You're dangerous-"

"Y/N it'll only be more dangerous for you both if I don't keep you by my side. I don't want rivals getting close to you or the baby. So whether you like it or not, I'm staying by your side."

Wooyoung's resolution only deepened when he went to go see his son in the NICU. He smiled fondly as his finger touched the glass separating them.

"Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you or your mom. I love you both too much."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

"Sir? I have something important to share with you?"

Jongho gestured for the man to come in. The man held a folder out to him.

"I'm sorry it has taken so long, but I finally got the information you wanted. Address, phone number, everything is in there."

Jongho's heart stopped for a moment. Finally, he'd be able to find out where you were after searching for so long. He shakily opened the folder and took a deep breath when he saw a most recent picture of you. You looked fine and healthy, looking like you put on a little bit of weight. His fingers gently caressed the picture, wishing it was really you in front of him.

"There's also something else I found out..."

You came home from another long day at work. You rubbed your eyes as you made your way into your bedroom. When you turned on the light, you gasped when you saw Jongho sitting on your bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The color drained from your face as you realized he knew. You tried so hard to conceal your secret, but Jongho still ended up finding out.

"I- I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Don't play dumb Y/N! You know exactly what I'm talking about!" His voice resonated through the room, hurt and pain could be heard in it.

You looked down at the floor in shame, your hand instinctively resting on top of your baby bump. You sniffled softly as you tried to hold back tears. You didn't notice Jongho had gotten up until he was standing right in front of you.

"Why couldn't you just tell me? Do you not know how torturous it was not knowing your whereabouts? Not knowing if you were even alive?"

You knew he was crying as well and it made you feel more guilty about running away and hiding the fact he was going to be a father.

"Do you hate me?"

Jongho sighed, his arms wrapping around you, one hand tilting your chin up.

"Of course not. I could never hate you. I love you so much my darling."

He pecked your lips before placing a hand protectively on top of your bump.

"And I already love our child."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

[n00dl3gal]

Like Old Times (Father-Son Bonding AU)

A direct sequel to the “Expiration Date” fic, which I’ll link in a reblog. I’ve also posted all my fics in this AU to AO3!! Thanks again to @thetriggeredhappy for their help and just generally being a cool dude, and the Scoutsune Discord server for indulging my brainrot

No warnings beyond family schmoop!

Less than an hour after the bread monster incident, the Administrator called for a ceasefire. “Only while your base is repaired,” she said over the TV screen. “BLU is quite disappointed in this negligence- as am I. Regardless, you may use these three days as you see fit. Go home, stay here- whatever you do, no more bread monsters.” The screen turned off with a click. 

Scout exhaled through his nose. He was thankful there was no mention of him or Miss Pauling’s woodchipper. 

Spy decloaked behind him. “Less time than I wanted, but c’est la vie.” Scout looked at him over his shoulder. “I’m meeting with an old contact during our break,” Spy said in Italian. “Would you like to come along? It’ll be like old times.” 

Scout’s brow furrowed, but he nodded. At least this way, he’d get out of helping Engie and Heavy with repairs. And possibly meeting Miss Pauling’s woodchipper. 

“Excellent. Our flight is at 7 AM tomorrow.” 

“We’re flying commercial?” Scout asked, also in (more hesitant) Italian. 

“Our destination is continental. We’ll leave the base by 5:30.” Scout groaned as Spy started to leave. But- wait, he hadn’t- 

“Oi, where are we going, anyway?” he called back in English. 

Spy paused to look at him and smile. “Boston.” 

“Why do we always get the ass-crack-of-dawn flights?” Jeremy asked groggily, reclining his seat.

“They are the ones with first-class seats available,” Raphael replied. He took a sip from his mimosa. 

“Yeah, cuz God forbid you fly coach for once.” Jeremy shifted, trying to get comfortable. “Hey. Have I ever been to Boston before?”

Raphael didn’t answer immediately. His lip sucked in, as if in thought. “Yes. When you were very, very young. You wouldn’t remember.” 

Jeremy nodded. He wanted to ask more, there was something Raphael wasn’t saying but… well, he was never a morning person. He fell asleep before the plane even took off. 

. . .

It was mid-afternoon by the time they landed in Boston. Jeremy was never fond of long flights; having his legs cramped like that for extended periods of time was murder. He was half tempted to take a jog around Logan International. Raphael, on the other hand, was ushering them both to the car rental. “Can’t even get a stretch in, huh?”

“Unfortunately, we are expected by 4, and I would hate to keep my contact waiting,” Raphael explained in French, accepting the keys from the girl at the counter. “She’s not a very patient woman, in some regards.” 

Jeremy huffed but didn’t argue. He just followed his father to the rental, tossing his suitcase in the backseat. “Y’know, the girl at the counter-” 

“We will not have time for you to go out on a date, Jeremy.” 

“No! No, it was- her accent’s kinda like mine, it’s weird,” Jeremy said. Raphael started the car. “Cuz I’ve only been here as a baby, and I got mine from TV and shit. It’s just… really strange, is all.” 

Raphael made a quiet noise of agreement. “Some of the shows you watched as a child were filmed here. It’s not as complex as you think it is.” 

“Yeah, probably not…” 

The pair lapsed into silence as Raphael drove. Storefronts and high rises morphed into houses. It had been a while since they were in a residential area. RED, for understandable reasons, kept away from civilians. 

Raphael took the roads with practiced experience. Sure, it had been implied he knew the area. If he had a contact here- one with a house, presumably- he must’ve spent time here. But this- this was far too familiar. A bit suspicious, actually. 

Eventually, Raphael slowed in front of a more rundown Brownstone. Still quite nice, just needed a little work. It felt… welcoming, in a way Jeremy couldn’t name.

“Lotta cars,” he observed as Raphael parallel parked. “Must be a party going on somewhere.” 

“Hmm, perhaps,” Raphael said, turning the car off. “Would you mind ringing the doorbell for me? I need to grab something from the trunk. Ask for Sara Jane.” 

OK, now Jeremy knew something was up. He was never the one to make the first contact, that was always Dad’s job. Jeremy might be a full-grown adult, but there were some things that didn’t change. This was one of them. 

Still, he nodded. He climbed up the front steps and ringed the doorbell. He heard- multiple voices from inside, predominantly male, but they quickly silenced themselves. A TV, perhaps? They really ought to get that flower box on the second story window fixed- 

The woman who opened the door was a bit shorter than him, though not by much. She was wearing a simple dress, hoop earrings, and flats. Her hair was dark, curved to her chin. But her nose and earlobes felt… achingly familiar. Like Jeremy saw them all the time. 

“Um, hi, I’m looking for Sara Jane? My name’s-” The rest of his speech was knocked out of him as the woman launched herself at him. Jeremy braced for an attack, but quickly realized she was… hugging him. 

She was hugging him, sobbing, and choked out the word “Jeremy.” 

Wait. He knew that voice. He had only heard it a few times in his life, few enough he could count them on one hand, but he knew it. “M-Ma?” he whispered. 

The woman- Sara Jane- Ma looked up at him, still crying. Her hands found his face as she observed him. “Y-yeah, sweetie, it’s me, it’s-it’s your ma,” she said. 

“Ma!” he laughed, tears of his own dancing down his cheeks. He hugged her back, practically lifting her off her feet. “Oh my God, Ma! I-I never thought I’d-” 

“Oh Jeremy, sweetie, look how tall you’ve gotten! Last I saw you, you fit in my arms! My baby, my handsome baby,” she spoke over him. She rubbed circles into his back as they embraced. It felt so, so right. 

Jeremy laughed even harder. “Are you kiddin’? I got it from you, you’re beautiful, Ma!” He stared at her, trying to commit every mole and wrinkle and perfect flaw to memory. “I can’t believe- oh my God, I’m actually meeting you!” 

“It was long overdue,” another voice said, as Raphael joined them on the front stoop. “I had put it off for safety reasons, but considering our current, ah, situation… I felt it was worth the risk.” 

Sara Jane squealed, pulling Raphael into the hug as well. “You’ve been taking good care of my boy, you promise me, Raphael?” 

“Don’t worry Ma, he’s the best dad I could ask for, considering,” Jeremy teased. 

“Oh, don’t I know it. Called me up last night and told me to get the whole motley crew together. Even managed to get Melvin to bring his twin daughters, bless his wife’s heart,” she explained. 

Jeremy blinked. “Uh- Melvin? Daughters?”

Sara Jane laughed. It sounded so much like Jeremy’s it practically hurt. This was his mother. Lord, he’s finally seeing her. “Melvin’s your older brother, sweetie. Eh, sixth oldest. Bobby’s the oldest.” 

“I have a brother?”

“Oh honey, you’re the youngest of eight,” Sara Jane said plainly. 

“...fuck,” Jeremy whispered. 

. . .

He didn’t just have seven brothers. He had seven brothers, four of which brought their wives, one who brought his boyfriend, and three who brought their kids. And the kids totaled to an additional six, counting the babies. 

It was… an admittedly tight squeeze in the living room. 

Sara Jane introduced Jeremy. Jeremy had been expecting to be treated like a stranger. He had vanished when he was a baby, after all, and his younger-older brothers probably wouldn’t remember him at all. 

And yet, it was like he knew them all his life. 

They teased him and punched him playfully and acted so friendly, so familial it nearly made Jeremy break down. He was still crying from meeting Ma, but being dogpiled with so much affection was suffocating. In a good way. He had seen on sitcoms the intrinsic bond between family, and while he felt it with Dad, they also risked their lives nearly daily. But it was real, it was here, and it was wrapping him in a warm blanket. 

Despite the chaos and the sheer number of people, Jeremy didn’t feel overwhelmed. He laughed and played along with their jokes, cracking some back when he could get a word in. Scott ragged on his dog tags, he countered by pointing out the hole in his pants. Michael told him he was still a shortass, he replied with “it takes one to know one.” Elliot and Ricky were the closest to actually getting hurt, and that was only because Jeremy elbowed them both so hard they nearly fell over. 

For the first time in 25 years, Jeremy understood what “home” meant. 

The kids were especially curious, eager to meet their uncle and step-grandfather. Within seconds, young Rebecca- only four years old- was challenging Jeremy to a race around the house. “I’m the fastest kid in the world,” she bragged, puffing out her chest. 

“Oh yeah?” Jeremy asked. “That a fact?”

“You wanna test me? I beat Johnny Three-Legs at running, and he’s got three legs!” Jeremy laughed and stood from the couch, letting her lead him outside. “On the count of three, OK?”

“You’re on, pipsqueak,” Jeremy teased.

“Onetwothree GO!” Rebecca yelled, taking off in a sprint. Jeremy knew that, by all accounts, he should beat her. His legs were longer, she didn’t have the proper running stance, and it was his job to be fast. That’s what he got paid to do. But some small voice was telling him to let her win, so he did. “Ha! I told ya!” 

“Ya sure did,” he replied, mock panting. “Look at you, a freaking blur on the green. You’re goin’ to the Olympics, kid.” 

Rebecca beamed and hugged his leg. “Promise, Uncle Jeremy?” He nodded because, after that display, there was no way he could speak without squeaking like a chew toy. 

Rebecca skipped back inside, past Raphael, who was watching on the stoop. “You’re a natural with children,” he observed. “I used to do the same thing when you were that age.” 

“Wait- wait, really? You sure fooled me,” Jeremy said. 

Raphael rolled his eyes. “What’s my job again, mon lapin?”

“Yeah, yeah…” Jeremy leaned against the railing, watching Raphael’s cigarette smoke in the wind. “Hey. Uh… thanks for arranging all of this. You really didn’t need to.”

“But I did. I meant it when I said this was overdue. I’ve been wanting to introduce you to the rest of the family for a while, but have been unable. Then that whole ordeal with the supposed tumors, and-” Raphael exhaled slowly. “It wouldn’t have been fair to you if you died without knowing them. I would’ve never forgiven myself.” 

Jeremy punched his shoulder lightly. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, pops. It all worked out, we’re still kicking, and that roast chicken Ma’s making smells incredible. Everything’s perfect.” 

Raphael finished his cigarette and smiled. “Oui. It is.” 

. . .

While Sara Jane had been able to get the rest of the family here, it was a school night. Kids needed to be tucked in by 9:30, so most of Jeremy’s brothers were gone by 8. Elliot was staying overnight, as was his boyfriend. Otherwise, the house quickly went from bustling to barren. 

It gave Jeremy a chance to explore his would-be childhood home.

He made his way upstairs, pushing open one of the doors. It led- to little surprise- to a bedroom. It was set up like a nursery, with a crib in one corner and a toddler bed in the other. Toys were scattered about across the floor. 

He heard Sara Jane sigh behind him. “This was your room, you know.” Jeremy turned to look at her as she flipped the light switch. “That crib… I had put you to bed the night your father planned to fake his death. I was in on the whole plan, naturally. He wanted to hold you one last time, so I said OK. When I woke up the next morning… you were both gone.” She exhaled slowly, grabbing onto his shoulder. “I wrote both of you off as dead, but I knew what had happened. Honestly, should’ve figured it out before then. You hadn’t woken me up crying,” she joked. Her eyes were watering. 

Jeremy hugged her, pulling her close. “You never took the crib down?” 

“By the time I was ready, Bobby’s wife was pregnant, so I kept it up for my grandbabies. I knew- I knew you were out there, sweetie. Both of you.” She kissed his cheek, squeezing him.

“I-I never got to be a normal kid, really,” he confessed. “I mean, Dad did his best, gave me comic books and board games and stuff, but-but I never went to school or made friends or anything like that. I-I didn’t even know I had a family. It took me forever to even realize I had a Ma. An-and everything I did-” The tears were flowing again, more freely than earlier. “Ya missed me losing my first tooth, and potty trainin’, and all that stuff parents should know about. I-I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

Sara Jane wiped his cheek dry. “Don’t apologize for what your father did, Jeremy. And definitely don’t apologize for me not potty training another kid. Besides… hold on, I’ll be right back.” She made her way down the hallway. Jeremy didn’t follow, instead deciding to examine the crib. This was where he grew up. It was a simple crib, obviously well-used. Not worn-down, mind, just… used. It had a history. A history that Jeremy wanted to decode, but unlike his dad’s ciphers, he didn’t have the key. 

“Took me a second to find it,” Sara Jane said. She handed him what appeared to be a scrapbook. “Raphael- he wrote when he can. Taught me some basic codes, would send out letters whenever you’d leave a town. Never left a return address, but…” Jeremy flipped through the pages, moving to sit on the small bed. The letters were all coded but appeared to be about how much Raphael missed Sara Jane. Updates on Jeremy’s growth. Letters from a father to his lover and son’s mother. 

One page jumped out to him, though. “I remember this,” he said, running his fingers against the paper. It was a simple drawing of a young boy, holding a catcher’s mitt, and a taller man next to him. “I drew this after Dad took me to my first baseball game, for my eighth birthday. I thought I lost the drawing after we skipped town, but- he sent them to you?”

Sara Jane nodded. “And I kept them all. Oh, honey, the day I first heard your voice on the phone- Mikey can tell you, I damn near fell over. You sounded so happy, and even if I couldn’t see you, that’s all a mother wants.” Jeremy leaned against her and she shut the book. “That’s all a mother wants, sweetie. To see her kids be safe and happy.” 

“I am, Ma,” he assured her. “I promise.” 

They sat like that for a while, with Sara Jane commenting on various letters and drawings in the scrapbook. Apparently, Raphael sent her money when he could- more frequently now that Mann Co. paid so well. She also had a rough idea of their current occupations. “I figure, if you and your father are working for the same company- with his skills, there’s gotta be a whole lot of nonsense going on out in that desert.” Jeremy laughed at that because she wasn’t wrong. “But I also figure since he raised you right, he’ll keep the both of you safe.” 

“I keep him safe too, don’t worry,” Jeremy added. “Uh- listen, it’s touching and all you kept the crib, but I don’t have to sleep in it, right?” 

They both had a good chuckle over that. Their laughs were in perfect harmony. 

. . .

The next two days were a mix of learning the family history and exploring Boston. It was the offseason, so there weren’t any games going on at Fenway, but Jeremy still got a picture in front of the park. Sara Jane took the pair to a restaurant that served “the best damn clam chowder in the contiguous United States.” Which, incidentally, led them to discover Jeremy was allergic to clams. Thankfully they didn’t have to go to the hospital- he just sort of immediately got sick before it passed- but it did suck.

It was damn good chowder, though. 

They went down to the harbor where the Boston Tea Party happened. It was crowded with people, resulting in them not staying long. Jeremy was a bit better with crowds than Raphael, but neither was great with them. Came with the job. Getting overpriced memorabilia from a nearby gift shop, though, went over much more smoothly. 

When not out on the town, Sara Jane dug out more scrapbooks and photo albums, catching Raphael up on what his stepsons had been up to. She showed Jeremy pictures from Ricky’s first school play to Scott opening up his butcher shop. Graduation pictures, wedding pictures, baby pictures- it was all there, and Jeremy devoured it. He wanted to know these people. He wanted to know his family. And he did. He learned about Michael’s stint in the Navy, Melvin meeting his wife, how Bobby’s son could dribble a basketball for twenty minutes straight. He learned about how his parents met. How Raphael loved each of Sara Jane’s children, even if they weren’t biologically his. How Jeremy wasn’t planned- few of the kids were - but they were both so, so happy to realize he was coming. 

He also learned that, while diner food would remain the undisputed king, homemade meatloaf came pretty close. 

. . .

The only problem came when it was time to leave. It wasn’t that Jeremy didn’t want to return to work, or leave his Ma behind. Sara Jane wasn’t even torn up over losing her son and lover again. It just felt like there was so much left to say, to do. There was uncertainty as to when they’d be able to return. “We get time off for Smissmas, I know that’s months away but I’ll be here, I promise,” Jeremy swore, hugging Sara Jane for the eighth time. 

“You better,” she said, squeezing him tightly. “You have 25 years worth of gifts to catch up on, not to mention birthday gifts-”

“Ma, you don’t have to go that far,” he whined. He was touched, sure, but the thought of that much luggage was truly frightening. Oh God, he was going to have to get gifts for everybody, wasn’t he? What do kids even want for Smissmas? 

“Hush, let me spoil my baby,” Sara Jane told him, kissing his cheek. “Oh, Jeremy…” 

Jeremy nodded. “I know, but I’ll call. I’ll write, too. Send pictures if I can.” 

“I’ll make sure he does,” Raphael assured her. Sara Jane stood to kiss his lips, with Jeremy looking away pointedly. “You have my word, ma petite chou-fleur.” 

“Alright, alright- now get going, I don’t want you two missing your flight. That boss of yours sounds like she’ll tear you both a new one if you’re late,” Sara Jane said, shooing them away. “Love you boys!” 

“I love you too, Ma!” Jeremy shouted back, for the very first time. 

The drive back to the airport was quiet. Jeremy stared out the window, watching his hometown- he had a hometown- pass by. “Hey, dad?” he asked, still looking outside. Raphael grunted to acknowledge he was listening. “One of these days, our contracts with Mann Co. are gonna expire. We’re gonna have to find new jobs.” 

“Yes, that’s correct,” Raphael said. He tapped a rhythm against the steering wheel. 

“And-and I was thinking when that time comes… maybe we could come back to Boston. Find some gigs out here,” Jeremy suggested. 

Raphael sighed. “Unfortunately, being a spy means that you don’t have the option of retiring, Jeremy. Not until you’re unable to complete your job. At that point, though, you’ve probably died a dozen times over,” he explained. “Even if I could retire, settling down somewhere so close to people I care about- I would still have enemies.” 

“Right. ‘Course,” Jeremy said. “It’s OK.” 

“That being said,” Raphael continued, “you have the luxury of youth and not being tied down to such a career. If you want to find a job in Boston after we finish with RED, there’s nothing stopping you.” 

“But people will still be after me, since I’m your son. And you wouldn’t be around.”

“Every child leaves their parents someday. And you’re strong, Jeremy. You can protect yourself and your family.” Raphael smiled. “I don’t believe Sara Jane needs much protecting, but I do worry.” 

Jeremy laughed. “I mean, did ya see the muscles on Scott and Michael? Guys can probably bench press a tractor!” 

They both chuckled before settling into quietude. Eventually, though, Jeremy had to break the silence. His voice was barely above a whisper. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, mon lapin.”

“...so your nickname for Ma is fucking ‘little cauliflower?’ What the hell, Dad?” 

[tyremarbles]

Post-Race McLaren Strategy Analysis

Foreword: Y’all know me, I try to make sure I know everything I can before I actually say anything, and this analysis took me nearly 5 hours last night. I didn’t go to bed until like 3am because I was so busy double-checking all my facts lmao. Special thanks to @imthebadguyyy & my dad for being my test readers :)))

During the Dutch Grand Prix Race Session this past Sunday, September 5th, 2021, McLaren made some strategy calls that presented as the team favoring Lando over Daniel. The opinion that came to light was that McLaren were making Daniel into the secondary driver, which is something he had come to the team in hopes of avoiding. This opinion, while it is a valid one to express, isn’t one that holds much water when you zoom out from the context of that set of radio transmissions.

McLaren is a midfield team. They aren’t focused on winning the championship; just on getting the highest place they can in order to get the most money. Their best chance of doing that is by ensuring they get the most points out of each race.

Despite the fact that Lando has been with McLaren for five years now, he isn’t their number one driver; McLaren doesn’t have one. They can’t if they want to maximize their opportunity for points. What they can do, though, is prioritize whoever is consistently delivering the better results on a week-by-week basis. Thus far, that driver just happens to be Lando. Which makes sense, considering that Daniel is just starting to really feel comfortable in the MCL35M.

Lando has felt more comfortable in the car over the course of the 2021 season. An obvious explanation for this is that Lando has been with the team since 2017, where he signed as a Junior Driver, and has had much longer to adapt his driving style to the car. This is Daniel’s first year with McLaren. His previous seasons have been spent, for the most part, in a RedBull-designed car. Even when he was at Renault, it was expressed that the cars handled very similarly to a RedBull. The MCL35M, as he has expressed, handles very differently than what he had grown accustomed to, and doesn’t particularly seem to fit his driving style. As the 2021 season has progressed, however, Daniel has shown he has made progress in adapting to the car.

Comparing qualifying results to race results, Daniel has consistently started further back on the grid. This puts him at a disadvantage from a points strategy perspective. The further back you are, the harder you have to work to gain places over the course of a race. I’m not saying he’s incapable of gaining those places back; he’s shown quite the opposite actually, most notably in Portugal and Austria this season with a 7-place jump from 16th to 9th and a 6-place jump from 13th to 7th, respectively. What I am saying is that if you’re not comfortable in the car, or you’re at a track where overtaking is nigh-impossible, or you’re already close enough to the points to get there on your own, team strategy may not fall in your favor.

But despite his difficulties adjusting to the car, Daniel is in no danger of dropping off and playing second fiddle to Lando like you all suggest. Daniel is a talented driver. If he wasn’t, would he really still be in the sport after a decade? Would McLaren have followed him for years, determined to add him to the team? His move to McLaren, while still in its adjustment period, is one that’s beneficial and positive for all parties involved. Lando may have talent and skill, as clearly shown by his F3 Championship title and frankly outstanding performance the past couple seasons (4 podiums, a front row start, most consecutive points finishes), but he’s still very young. This is only his third year in Formula 1, and he’s only older than me by three years. Compare that to Daniel, who’s been competing in Formula 1 for ten years now, was a driver for one of the two top teams for over half of his career (7 years, counting Toro Rosso), and placed 3rd in the WDC for said team twice in 2014 & 2016. Do you seriously think that McLaren gives him a multimillion dollar paycheck because they want him to play racetrack bodyguard for Lando?

Bringing in someone like Daniel, who has years of training, skill, and knowledge, and an invaluable perspective on not only racing, but on one of the title contenders, is a major asset to all aspects of the team. Sure, he may be new to McLaren, but he is a long way off being new to racing.

Was the strategy this weekend arguably a hot mess? Oh, absolutely. But it wasn’t a one-team phenomenon. Strategy overall this weekend has been all over the place, and I kinda see why. We haven’t raced at Zandvoort since 1985, when the track itself and the cars were much, much different. You can’t really go off of race strategy from the mid-80’s when the track did not include the bankings it currently has and when the car and tyre specifications have changed drastically. Everyone was basically flying in blind.

What the teams could rely on, was all the data they were getting from practice sessions (even if every single one was red-flagged at some point). And the data that McLaren was receiving likely suggested that Lando would be a stronger contender for points, based on comparative lap pace alone.

Over the course of 18 laps in FP1, Lando’s lap time was quicker than Daniel’s by 0.402s, or an average of 4/10ths.

Over the course of FP2, where Lando ran two more laps than Daniel, Lando’s lap time was quicker than Daniel’s by 0.669s, or nearly 7/10ths.

Over the course of 19 laps in FP3, Lando’s lap time was quicker than Daniel’s by 0.232s, or an average of 2/10ths.

During Qualifying, Daniel actually had the faster lap time, pulling an even 0.24s on Lando, and only just squeezed his way into Q3.

The gap between Lando (P13) and George (P11) was 0.074s. That is a tiny gap to cover, and had there not been a red flag to close out Q2, I feel like Lando could have easily cinched a Top 10 start.

During the race, did the strategy of McLaren look as if it was all being done in the favor of Lando? Yes, it kinda did. But when you look at things like race pace, tyre degradation, and what other teams are doing, it’s not necessarily difficult to see why. Over the course of the weekend, Lando consistently put out faster lap times and gained three places on his own during Lap 29, when the three cars in front of him all decided to pit at once. And yes, Daniel did pit first out of the two McLarens, but he was going to have to do so anyway. He started the race on the set of Softs he ran during Qualifying, and Lando started on Mediums. Mediums last longer than Softs. Later in the race, it looked as though Lando had the pace to push past the Alpine cars ahead of him & Daniel, so a call was made to basically switch the two of them around. From what I saw, this call is what made people the most upset. I, as a big fan of both drivers, was also upset at the time, as it felt strange to not just have Daniel try to gain places he was already closer to. But the longer I put thought and research into this analysis, the more I think I see what they were trying to do.

Had this moment of strategy been implemented a few laps earlier, and had it gone according to plan, Daniel could have held off Checo until Lando passed them both (making it a P9/P10), then followed Lando until he got around Esteban and then try and take his shot as Esteban as well (which could’ve given them a P8/P10 or P8/P9). At no point does this potential line of strategy truly favor either driver. Now, obviously I do not work for McLaren and have no true insight into their plans, but this is simply what made the most sense. Have the driver who’s already there hold off the car in between until the other driver can overtake/pass, and then have the first driver follow behind until there’s an opening to make the same move on the next car. Easy points, easy money!

But, mistakes were made. That call came much too late for it to truly work, and that’s just the risk they had to take. At the end of the day, it was not a call made to screw Daniel over, or to play favoritism to Lando. It was simply what could’ve been a good call made too late for good execution.

[I made some graphics to aid my own thought process and I’ve stuck them under the Read More for y’all to look at if you want!]

[keltonwrites]

I'm not sure if that's a good thing

“Well you’re definitely the first.” This past week, we screened-in the eastern facing porch on the side of the cabin. The porch slopes to the South, with the brick-on-dirt floor crumbling in that direction as well until it reaches uneven slabs of stone acting as steps down to the “yard” below. A mixed material retaining wall wraps beneath the steps to the south facing garage, holding up one corner of the narrow deck on the front of the house. The deck, in the heat of a high altitude summer, droops off the house like it’s daydreaming about the winter snow’s embrace. It’s safe to sit on, though I would not recommend leaning on the railing.

The side porch takes the brunt of the wind. Our wooden rocking chairs have been rocked some 20 feet into the yard more than once in the two months we lived here. In the myriad of threats we heard about the weather, most people included the wind. We all know how I feel about this ongoing weather intimidation tactic. I asked, “what speed are the gusts?” “Oh, they get up to 70 miles per hour on some days.” This was the first quantifiable piece of weather information someone had offered — an actual number we could react to with data and our historical personal experiences of various weather events. And our reaction was: uhhhh…. OK???? Look, I get it. No one’s preaching the skin benefits of -20 degree wind gusts at 70 mph, building snow drifts against your house in the span of minutes that Cooper could die in. I am not going to pretend that’s pleasant. But 70 mph? Any wind I’ve driven faster than does not intimidate me. I used to rally the horses at 12 years old in winds over 70mph to get them in the barn before the latest tornado whipped through. I helped shutter the resort in the BVI as the Category 5 hurricane rolled in. Even in Topanga, 70 mile per hour gusts were not uncommon in Santa Ana events. We had our single pane windows shatter more than once from debris in the wind. We taped cardboard up and went to sleep. That “70 mph” was all I needed to hear to confirm our next project: we were going to build a catio for these cats, and we were going to do it on the pre-existing porch structure to save time and money. We spent a week framing out the structure. We had to carve into the logs of the house to embed the wood supports for the framing.

And from there, every piece of wood was custom carved and cut to fit around the existing timber supports. The existing porch was so wildly uneven that there are gaps between each piece of old wood and the new framing. Our plan is to mix all the wood chips from the project with mortar/chinking and stuff the gaps — a good solution for the log cabin look. We built a plywood pony wall up to 28 inches from the interior of the porch, which gives a height of ~4-5ft from the exterior ground below. It’s capped with a 2x6” railing for even the fluffiest of cats to find a perch. The exterior will be wrapped with corrugated metal that we’ll quick-age to match the metal that wraps the bottom of the cabin. On the interior of the porch, we’ll use shiplap to hide the framing.

The screens themselves can withstand winds up to 120 mph, but to-be-determined if they can hold the weight of a growing maniac cat who has already tried to climb them. In the event the screens succumb to cat (or wind or snow or neighbor judgment) we’ll reinforce with metal mesh. We’re going to maintain this screen porch regardless of what the screen is. We had the pleasure of running into one of our more industrious neighbors the other day, and Ben asked him, “hey we’re building a screen porch. Is this a terrible idea?” He laughed. “Well you’re definitely the first.” But he liked it. Great way to diminish wind into the house. Simple way to regulate the temperature with massive south-facing windows. And indeed a practical outdoor safe haven for cats in predator territory. Just because you’re the first doesn’t mean you’re foolish — just foolhardy. There’s plenty of that here. This town has the typical mountain town’s truncated version of a colonizers’ history: “established 1881.” But it was plenty established prior to that by the Uncompahgre Band of the Ute Nation, removed by the U.S. Army on September 7, 1881, nearly 140 years ago. The government relocated the Uncompahgre Ute People to Utah, and one year after the Ute were forcibly removed from their ancestral land, San Miguel County split off from Ouray County and was made its own political subdivision in the newly-formed State of Colorado. In 1879, the ore-laden valley already had 50 people living in it, with a new narrow gauge railway only 2 miles away. By 1885, it was a town of 200 people. There was a hotel, a couple saloons, a pool hall. Winters were treacherous; the valley was and is prone to avalanches. But where there’s gold, there’s gumption. The power needed to run the stamp mill to process ore drove innovation. Timber was scarce at such high elevations, so a wood powered steam mill wouldn’t cut it. But the San Miguel River just a few miles down from the mine looked promising. Thus began the development and construction of the Ames Hydroelectric Generating Plant. It was a hit. In fact, it was so successful that the Ames Plant led to the adoption of alternating currents at Niagara Falls and eventually to being adopted worldwide as a viable power solution. The plant remains, but the gold rush obviously didn’t. By 1940, the U.S. Census declared this little town I call home as tied for the lowest population in the country: 2 people. By 1960, it was one of four incorporated towns in the U.S. with no residents. But the joke was on the Census — the town’s single resident was just out of town the day the census came through. 1960 population: 1. By 1980 the population grew to 38, 69 in 1990, and about 180 now. (Plus 51 dogs according to the town’s website.) With modern amenities, it’s easier to be here. Studded snow tires, satellite internet, solar panels, instant coffee. No matter the hardships, there’s the reality of the present. In the 1880s, as the town boomed, the Ouray Times declared, “it will be at no distant day a far more pretentious town than it is now.” That day hasn’t exactly arrived, but I guess it depends on what you consider pretentious. I don’t think the town claims any airs of excellence beyond what’s true. In fact, the town hardly claims anything at all. There’s no sign indicating it’s even here. There’s just the old side and the new side. The new side, the Eastern half, was drawn out in the early 1990s, some 100 years later, and is separated from the Old Town by an avalanche zone—preserved open space for hiking in the summer, preserved open space for surviving in the winter. The town forbids short-term rentals, no one has a fence, dogs roam free, and all the houses have that cabin look to them. A boulder nests in a grove near a trailhead in the center of town with a plaque paying respect to the Utes who called this valley home. There’s no industry here. No businesses allowed. If you want a $7 latte, you can drive the 14 miles required to get it, assuming there’s not an avalanche blocking your path. You can, however, buy a pink lemonade in a

solo cup at the permanent lemonade stand run by the local feral child mafia. Crystals (rocks) can be purchased for an additional cost. We bought one, hoping to buy favor at the same time. The town plan has a few guiding principles, and it’s all in the name of preservation. We must preserve: 1 - the quiet atmosphere 2 - the rustic character 3 - the natural setting

And finally: 4 - protect the health and wellbeing of the people here No snowmobiles, no ATVs, no drones. In fact, the only sign of the outside world here are the passers-through. When you take the dirt road through town to the end, you enter National Forest, and you can hike over the pass saddle at nearly 12,000 feet before descending down the other side into Silverton. The pass road climbs rutted through an aspen forest before scaling across a scree field and then lurching over to the other side. Every day, it seems like 30 or so Texans and Arizonans in lifted and loud Jeeps with unused mods climb over this mountain in the comfort of their air conditioning, simply to drive down the other side. You could hike it, ride it, run it, and ski it, but they don’t. They rev their engines, kicking up dust in a town of feral children and roaming dogs, staring at us instead of waving. I’ve lived here for two months and look how salty I am. I’ll fit in yet. But today, there is a temperature that whispers of perfect trails and the dwindling of ogglers driving 35 in a 15. It’s already snowed in the mountains we see from our kitchen. Today, like a dedication to the Septembers of our youth, you can feel a chill in the air. A temperature akin to pencils and sweaters and reinventing yourself. A temperature that doesn’t exactly sing “screen porch” but could if you had the right slippers on. That’s what I did this morning: put my slippers on and sat there in the cool mountain morning air, thinking about the cemetery behind our house, about the Ute tribe, about the miners, about the mailman who died on Christmas in 1875 on the pass, about the 5 people who died in avalanches here just last year, about the people in their cars on their phones driving through, and all the people who’s very first question to us was, “so are you gonna live here part-time or full-time?” Maybe it will be a hard place to live. But at least we’ll have a screen porch.

Every week I'm writing about moving to log cabin in a small town at 10,000 feet. Subscribe here for free: tinyletter.com/keltonwrites

[noona-clock]

The Dog Walker - Part 5

Genre: Dog Walker!AU

Pairing: Hanbin x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Words: 2,766

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been so nervous and so excited at the same time. The only event in your recent history that even came close was your first day of work a few years ago. You’d been nervous because starting a new job was always nerve-wracking, but you’d been excited because this particular job was something you genuinely enjoyed (plus, you no longer had to worry about financial stability).

But, even then, you hadn’t been this nervous and excited.

Going on a date, in general, was definitely enough to make you nervous. Add on the fact that Hanbin was your date, and that was enough to make you incredibly nervous.

I mean, he was basically your dream guy.

And not just the guy from your daydreams -- which he was. 

But he was also practically perfect, at least in your eyes. Handsome, smart, witty, caring, compassionate, thoughtful.

And that was just from knowing him for a few weeks!

Imagine how much more perfect he could get if you continued seeing him for a few months. Or years.

And that was the part that made you excited for tonight. Yes, you were nervous that you would be painfully awkward and not know what to say or talk about, but when it came down to it... You were going on a date with your dream guy. The guy you’d had a secret but very intense crush on for months. The guy you’d seen through your window and only imagined meeting and talking to and dating and falling for.

Your daydreams and imaginings were now becoming real life, and what wasn’t exciting about that?!

Okay, speaking of daydreams and imaginings...

If you were ever going to tell Hanbin about the origin story of your crush on him, it should be tonight. If you waited any longer, it would feel like lying. Plus, telling him early on wouldn’t hold him back from thinking you were a weird, creepy stalker and finding another walking route so he never had to see you again. Telling him on the fifth or sixth date might reel him in just enough to make him feel guilty for walking away, and you definitely didn’t want to do that!

...Were you overthinking this?

The answer is always ‘yes,’ of course.

But you still would rather get it over with and tell him tonight.

You just needed to figure out how and when to work it into the conversation.

You shook your head quickly to get thoughts of your date out of your head for now because you were still very much on the clock; it was barely 4 PM, and you had almost two hours before you could stop thinking about work and start thinking about Hanbin.

With a soft exhale, you shifted your gaze back to your screen and turned your attention back onto your work, ready to buckle down. For the next two hours, at least.

When you finally shut down your computer for the day, you thought you would feel a sense of relief.

But you were now discovering it was the exact opposite.

You were glad to be done with work, of course, and glad you were that much closer to seeing Hanbin again... but you were that much closer to seeing Hanbin again.

In just about one hour, he would be at your door.

To pick you up.

For your date.

That was not relieving.

That was daunting.

So, you busied yourself with getting ready. You distracted your mind by focusing on what to wear, how to do your hair, what kind of makeup look to do, and by the time you were fully made up, the clock on your phone read 6:59 PM.

Just as you turned off the light in your bathroom, there was a gentle knock at your front door.

Your heart leapt up into your throat, and you quickly grabbed your bag before hurrying to answer it.

As you reached for the doorknob, turning it and pulling the door toward you with as much confidence as you could muster, you braced yourself for the most butterflies in your stomach you’d ever felt. You braced yourself to nearly keel over from anxiety because your heart would beat so quickly and erratically.

But, instead, when you saw Hanbin’s slightly nervous but very attractive and familiar face... all you could do was smile. You let out a shaky exhale, and you smiled.

“Hi,” you greeted through your grin.

Hanbin, too, was smiling widely -- more than you’d ever seen him smile -- and he said, “Hey” in reply.

In that instant, you realized that your stomach was on the verge of letting out a very loud rumble. So, instead of asking him how he was doing or what the rest of the day had been like or letting him know that he looked very handsome tonight, you said, “I am actually kind of almost starving.”

“Okay,” Hanbin chuckled, standing aside to let you out. “Let’s get going and get you some food.”

Once you closed your front door behind you and locked it, Hanbin led you out to the sidewalk and began to walk down the street.

“Where are we going?” you asked as you clutched the strap of your bag.

“I always pass by this Japanese restaurant on my walks, and I’ve been wanting to try it. It smells so good whenever I walk by.”

“Oh, I know which one you’re talking about!” you nodded. “I’ve been a couple of times, but it’s been a while.”

“Is it any good?”

“From what I remember, yes. Very,” you answered as you covertly watched your feet falling into step with his beside you.

“Okay, good,” he murmured. And, maybe it was just your imagination, but the way he said it made it sound like he was relieved he wasn’t taking you to a mediocre restaurant for your first date.

But, again, that may have just been your imagination because that was an awfully specific tone of voice, and you’d never actually heard someone else use that tone of voice and mean what you thought Hanbin meant...

Whatever.

As the two of you continued to walk down to the restaurant, Hanbin asked you how you were doing, how the rest of your day had been, and he told you that you looked very nice tonight -- all the things you’d wanted to say at your front door just a few minutes ago had you not been almost interrupted by your hungry, growling stomach.

When you arrived, the drool-worthy smells of delectable Japanese food filling the air and tempting your hunger even more, Hanbin opened the door for you and held up two fingers as the host welcomed you.

The host then led both of you over to a booth by the front window, and you couldn’t help but smirk to yourself as you slid onto the bench.

“What?” Hanbin asked with amused curiosity after the host laid down two menus and left you to peruse them.

You lifted your eyebrows and your gaze, you smirk instantly dropping. “What?”

“Oh, I don’t know -- it just looked like you were smiling about something.”

Wonderful. He had seen you smirking about the whole window thing.

“Oh! I, um -- Nothing. It was nothing,” you answered with an incredibly awkward chuckle. He absolutely didn’t need to know that you had been smirking because sitting by the front window had reminded you of the months you’d spent watching Hanbin walk by through your own front window.

“I definitely don’t believe you, but okay,” he replied as he lifted his menu and began to study it.

You felt your cheeks warm with embarrassment and lifted your own menu, holding it up just high enough to hide the bottom half of your face.

Maybe you would tell him later, but... not just yet.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Hanbin peered at you from over the top of his menu and asked, “What are you thinking? I mean, not -- not like, what are you thinking, in general, just -- about ordering. What do you want to order?”

Well, good. At least you weren’t the only one who was feeling nervous and awkward.

“The udon sounds really good, but I don’t think slurping noodles and soup is the best choice for a --”

...Oh, no. You hadn’t thought your comment all the way through before starting to say it, and now you were on the verge of saying ‘date’ and what if this wasn’t actually a date? What if Hanbin had just wanted to go out to dinner as friends? He hadn’t specified, and you had been too chicken to ask.

Yes, not even two hours ago, you had officially declared that this was a date. But that was to yourself! You had been back at home, and Hanbin hadn’t been around, but now he was here. Right in front of you! And you were questioning things all over again!

Thankfully, Hanbin didn’t seem to think much of the fact that you’d just stopped talking (and were now on the verge of a mental breakdown in your head) and replied with, “I clean up after dogs all day, so I think I can handle some noodle slurping.”

With a dismayed chuckle, you pushed all of your hectic thoughts to the side, set your menu down, and arched your eyebrow teasingly. “You’re comparing my eating habits to cleaning up after dogs?”

“Oh, god -- no,” he assured you without hesitation -- but with plenty of remorse. “I just meant -- no, I didn’t -- not at all. I just thought you meant you didn’t want to be, like... unattractive in front of me something, and that’s not -- you couldn’t --”

“First of all,” you interrupted gently, holding back a very amused grin. “I was joking. And second of all... you’re right. I was going to say that slurping noodles and soup isn’t the best choice for a first date.”

...Wow, did that feel good to say out loud!

Also, wow, what a roller coaster the last minute had been. You had literally just been stressing about whether or not this was a date even though you’d already decided it was, and now here you were saying the words ‘first date’ out loud. To Hanbin directly.

Maybe it didn’t make sense, but hey. Life doesn’t always make sense, now, does it?

Your words seemed to make Hanbin visibly relax, and that familiar, bashful half-smile of his appeared on his lips. “What I was trying to say was... my job is not glamorous in the least, so I’m not used to things being well-mannered or polite or even clean all the time. I would never judge you for slurping noodles in front of me. I like you too much to care about that.”

And, unsurprisingly, your breath caught in your throat hearing him say that.

You typically weren’t one to be so bold, but the words “You like me?” came tumbling out of your mouth before you even had a chance to filter them out.

Because... this was Hanbin.

This was Cute Dog Walking Guy. The guy you had never in your wildest dreams thought would even talk to you, let alone like you!

Even just a month ago, you hadn’t fathomed that Hanbin would ever know you existed.

And now. Right now. He was sitting across from you, saying that he liked you too much to care about you slurping noodles in front of him.

“Yeah,” he answered shyly, just barely meeting your eye. “Of course, I do.”

He liked you.

Of course, he liked you.

That’s what he had just told you, and now, you knew you needed to tell him. Not just that you liked him, too, but... everything.

“I like you, too,” you replied breathlessly. “And I have to tell you something.”

Hanbin’s relieved expression had softened even more upon your return of his feelings, but his brow furrowed slightly now. “Okay,” he murmured, his tone expectant and also maybe a little bit nervous.

“One day, about three months ago now, I just so happened to be taking a break from work when I heard Frankie barking outside. I went over to my window to look out, and that’s when I saw you for the first time, and I knew pretty much instantly that I had a crush on you. So, every day -- every single day -- I’ve been getting up from my desk at the same time, going over to my window at the same time, peeking through my blinds at the same time, and... watching you walk by with Frankie. And any other dog you happen to be walking that day. I’ve secretly liked you for a -- for a long time now, and literally nobody else knows, but I thought -- I knew -- I needed to tell you now just in case it changes things for you --”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Hanbin interrupted. And when you pressed your lips together to keep yourself from saying anything more, he continued, “You said nobody else knows?”

You nodded.

“So... you just told me something that you’ve never told anyone before?”

You nodded again -- slowly this time.

...Where was he going with this?

Hanbin let out a short but controlled breath before leaning slightly over to your side of the table. “When you asked me earlier how I’d gotten into dog walking, and I was kind of stumbling over my words, and you asked me what I wanted to say... Right before I asked you out to dinner.”

You knit your brows together in confusion. “...Yes?”

“I wanted to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before, but I chickened out because I don’t usually open up like that to... to anyone, really. But if you can tell me something no one else knows...”

And now your confusion had only grown.

“Wait,” you muttered with a slight shake of your head. “You -- You’re not going to say anything about what I just --”

Hanbin waved your words away dismissively and shrugged. “I really don’t care. I mean, I do, but it doesn’t change anything.”

You tried not to show just how relieved you were, though you still felt a reassured grin tugging at your lips. You then leaned forward in your seat a bit and fixed your gaze on him. “All right,” you said quietly. “What is it you wanted to tell me?”

Hanbin took a short but deep breath before leaning forward, as well, and tilting his head toward you. “I love dogs, I really do,” he began. “I’m not unhappy in my career at all, and I don’t plan on leaving the boutique.”

You raised your eyebrows, anticipating the ‘but...’

“...But,” Hanbin continued. “I’ve been coming up with these... songs. In my head. While I’m walking, and -- I just can’t stop thinking about them. Writing them, thinking about the melody and the lyrics and the music, the production...”

Obviously, you hadn’t known that Hanbin had any sort of musical inclination. He had never mentioned it, and you had never presumed that about him. But now that he’d told you, it somehow made sense. It was like the missing puzzle piece to him that you hadn’t even known was missing.

It was a very strange feeling, but... you loved it. You loved that you knew something about him that no one else knew and that it was something that just made sense about him.

“You should do it,” you nodded.

Hanbin’s brow furrowed immediately. “...Do what?”

“Make the song. Write it, sing it, produce it, record it. Even if you don’t do anything with it when you finish, you should still do it.”

For a few moments, Hanbin continued to look at you with a slightly confused expression. But, little by little, his features softened. The corners of his lips curved up gently.

And then he reached across the table and cautiously took your hand, holding your fingers and running his thumb over your knuckles.

Your date had barely started. The server hadn’t even come back to take your order, and you had no idea how the rest of the night would go.

Except... you did know.

Maybe it was the fact you had exchanged secrets, or maybe it was the fact he was holding your hand, or maybe it was... nothing in particular. You really had no idea. 

You just felt comfortable, and you knew you had nothing to worry about.

Part 6

[strangerays]

Nothing in Particular Update #2

It’s the Nothing and Particular and Everything update part two: the electric booglaloo. This one is long, so strap in.

It’s been a while since I wrote an update for this story. To be honest, this one gave me a lot of stress, but here I am! Writing this story feels like it is going very slow. I keep telling myself I’ve made a lot of progress (which is true, I have) but for some reason it doesn’t feel like I have? This is likely just my own insecurity. To be frank, I can’t believe I’m still writing this story. If you had told me in February that I’d still be writing this when the weather got warm, I would have laughed.

I am SO excited that I will finally be able to focus on writing now that I’m out of school. I’m afraid to speak the rough deadline that I’ve given myself for this story (the end of August-early September) but now that I’ve spoken it into existence, I hope I can finish! (I hope I can stop watching dumb videogame playthroughs and listening to The Magnus Archives and get something done)

Here is a link to the story introduction and previous update!

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-); @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-writer @baguettethebooklover​ @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting

STORY CHANGES/THOUGHTS/IDEAS: 

Here is a big one: I’ve been trying to write this story for myself. I started writing Ray’s story from a place that was personal to me, but I feel like, as that part of myself has begun to heal, I’ve started to think about what a reader would want out of the story. I’m realizing that this is my story so it has to be what I want. Drafts are drafts for a reason, so I’m going to try to get better at letting myself explore what is fun to me.

I always thought I was a discovery writer (I still sort of think I am) but as I’ve finished small sections of the story, I am finding that it’s very helpful to do a rough outline of scenes in upcoming chapters. (I also recommend turning to this if something doesn’t work and you need to retrace your steps!) Just helps me feel more organized!

Jude’s character has got to be one of the most difficult personalities I’ve ever written. Putting her beside Ray just makes it harder. Where Ray is secretive and keeps to herself, Jude is ready to unpack her entire life’s story to anyone. I find that I really have to slow down when writing their interactions. I know this is going to be nowhere near perfect in the first draft, but I think it is a main contributor to my slow writing.

I really like this little narrative I’ve created in the background of the main plot with Ray and Lonan. I love writing these scenes because it’s a way for me to use Lonan when he’s not actively with Ray and to show why Ray is predetermined about things at certain points. Also I love their friendship so much <3

CONGRATULATIONS TO ME on starting to read again because I forgot how much of a help reading other people’s stories can be when you’re struggling with your own oml

I now have a set timeline for the story! Takes place ~4-5 months.

I did that thing where you write a letter from the characters’ perspectives and that was kind of fun

Also just for fun I thought I’d add in that I spent an hour and a half last week filling up a page in my sketchbook with diagrams of the plot. It feels good to be a mad scientist

EXCERPTS UNDER THE CUT!

*At this point, I’m only sharing writing that I am really proud of in order not to spoil the story! This is because I am unsure whether I want to publish this story someday. With that said, that does NOT give you permission to steal my ideas!

CHAPTER: NIGHT CRIES

#1

In the last week of summer, I did everything I could to avoid post-vacation blues. I rode my bike along the gravel roads with no destination, wore my dark sunglasses to people-watch, and fed salami to the minnows that floated on the cusps of boulders. Usually, I sat still for so long that my elbows turned a deep shade of red and the blood in my toes buzzed.

New pockets seemed to open up in Point Blink every day. And with them, came new people. Most of them were older – a middle aged woman who caked her lipstick on, an uncle estranged from his brother, a couple who had miscarried. I hadn’t forgotten about the kids at Mothouse. It was impossible not to think about them. It wasn’t just that I’d never seen them before.

#2

The girl’s limp cigarette bled a trail of smoke that seeped into my Vans. My shirt folded like skin over my bed post. Haunted the room – foiled my mauve sheets and teased my locks. Swept the curtains apart and heated the oak floor. Beams of moonlight leapt to my bookcases; highlighted the posters from various podcasts and bands that I listened to. Wind whistled when I was too still. She forced me to look outside, onto the dark cul-de-sac lit by the reflections of forming rain puddles. No matter whether I sat at my desk or burrowed under my sheets, I felt out of place. She made my bedroom louder. She made my bedroom quieter.

I decided it would probably be best if I never saw her again.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about writing this chapter because it was over a month ago (sorry) but I’m still quite happy with the prose! This comes in after Ray sees Jude for the first time at Mothouse. Based on a first impression, decides that she might want be friends with Jude.

CHAPTER: SORRY

#1 

If you spend any long amount of time with someone, you’ll become a thief to their behaviors. If I stared long enough, trees began to replace all of the people we’d ever seen. Oaks had roots that serpentined the ground like children splashing in the bay, pines with needles like spindly old hands, maples with hollows like watchful eyes – all things Lonan had taught me to observe.

CHAPTER: GHOSTS

Then there was the sea – violent and knowing as it romped within bays and alcoves. She had eaten me many times before, both my father and Lonan too. Gulped them as if they were shining plastic wrappings left behind after a meal. I spited her for inviting me once again. I reached up again to grapple with the next rung. It twisted and offered a low whistle.

In these two chapters, Ray is on a photography trip with her class. This is the first time she’s been on this annual trip without Lonan. She left that morning with a goal of being independent and learning to get on with one of the only people she has felt close to. I realize now that the Ghost excerpt sort of sounds like her dad and Lonan have drowned?? Which was not my intention??

CHAPTER: A DIVINE INTERVENTION

#1

“Do you believe in ghosts?” A raspy voice teased from behind me. Cigarette smoke tickled the words, like they were stuck together with jelly inside of her. The question wasn’t particularly calming, but it strengthened my grip on reality. As if the foiled leaves, bark, and dandelions had sprung from the ground and begun to float, they came crashing back down.

I was made of stone.

“I’m not a ghost,” Jude said. “If I was, a ladder would be a pretty counteractive way to outrun me. I could just float up there and haunt you.”

“Maybe you’re a ghost,” she asked, her voice distant.

I shifted my grasp up and down the sides of the ladder. “What?”

“Don’t you believe in ghosts?”

I was reading back some of Ray and Jude’s conversation and there are so many snippets of dialogue that make me laugh because I totally forgot I wrote them... but UGhhH I don’t know if I want to share them because I don’t know whether or not I want to try and publish the story someday. Speaking of that, it’s sort of because it’s so personal to me? I don’t know (this is for future me to pursue) Honestly though, reading these back has made me really happy :)

#2

I wanted to shake her by the shoulders. She acted as though Point Blink could breathe – as though corpses in the cemetery might pull the grass away like dead skin, neighbors would draw blades, and blood-salt would stain her clothes rather than that from the sea. “Trust me, they’ll forgive you. But, I’m just saying, most people around here don’t care nearly as much as you think so. Most of them are way older anyways, so they’re tired of us.”

“Is that you complimenting yourself?” Jude asked.

“Not intentionally,” I said, “but I will take it.”

She laughed. “You shouldn’t be so nice to strangers.”

I wasn’t trying to be. I just didn’t think I wanted her to dislike me.

#3

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing or a good thing,” Jude said. “Being good gets you tucked into a thousand different memories. Being good makes you live a lifetime.”

I almost laughed, but then I wondered what I was to her now. “I don’t talk to lots of people.”

“Sometimes there aren’t many people to talk to. But I thought you would have loads of friends.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I thought you would too.”

Alarm like grief lit her eyes, but she laughed. I did too.

“You hardly know me,” she said quietly.

Then the girls explore some old newspapers and letters in a fire tower! Spooky fun!

CHAPTER: YOU LET THIS HAPPEN

This isn’t a major spoiler as it’s literally in the blurb I wrote, but Ray and Jude are caught (targeted..??)  in a fire. Ray is brought back to a field where she is questioned.

CHAPTER: NOTHING HAPPENS

He was quiet for several moments while he painted a picture with what little details I had given him, then said, “It’s unfair. I think that’s why it hurts.”

“Because we almost got hurt?”

“No. Because it came true.”

His gentle, ragged voice made me think I could tell him anything. Sometimes, I think that, even then, he knew I left something out.

Ray talks to Lonan after the fire... She’s being a bit dishonest about what actually happened.

CHAPTER: WHY NOT

I remember how the barest amount of red light glared across Lonan’s entire scalp and washed his boyish curls magenta from the roots out. When Jude leaned back on the counter, she melded into the darkness.

This chapter is just part of the narrative that I created with Ray and Lonan’s friendship. There isn’t much I want to spoil from it, but I liked this paragraph!

CHAPTER: INEVITABLE

“We didn’t do anything,” I said.        

“Someone did. Why won’t you believe me?”

 “I think I would remember whether or not someone was there with us,” I said, “even if we didn’t have the picture.”

This was untrue. I hung lots of photos in my room. A long time would pass before I went to a restaurant again, or a specific coven on one of the beaches, or an outfit that I wore, and I would look into one of my pictures and remember it, and then I would be quite angry with myself that I had almost forgotten that thing forever.

“I don’t think you understand what I mean,” Jude said. I didn’t like the way she’d lowered her voice. She sounded different every time I saw her. She reached out her arm so our photos were side by side and our fingers were almost touching. “I don’t think you want to.”

Ray finds herself alone in the school’s dark room with Jude. Based on the contents of one of her photos, she tries to convince Ray that there is more to the fire than what meets the eye.

CHAPTER: (this one is untitled)

I didn’t mind that he followed me everywhere. Even when he was quiet, I didn’t find it strange to be around him. We sat silently through films and went on walks. Once, he had fallen asleep while watching The Iron Giant in my bed. I didn’t know if I should wake him up once it ended. I tried not to stare at him. He’d rolled onto his side and bundled himself in one of my blankets covered in stars up to his shoulders so only his small face poked out like a baby owl’s. His soft breath messed his dirty gold coils. They were at their longest. Except for the ebbing light from a candle on my desk, my house was asleep – Lonan needed to go home.

For the first time, I wondered if anyone cared where he was.

Another small part of the little friendship narrative! (This really is the part of the story where I get nostalgic for my childhood, isn’t it) Ray starts to discover more about Lonan’s home life in this part of the story, but there’s not much that I think I want to reveal about that for now.

CHAPTER: THE CRUX OF IT

Why did I feel so paranoid? I found myself staring out the window, into the film of blue that the late sun shown onto the grass and trying to remember what summer felt like.

My main problem was that I didn’t know how to talk to Jude unless it was about Sugarfell. I ran from the hush of cigarette smoke behind closing doors and heard her loud voice in conversations. Even though there might have still been a part of me that wanted to be friends with her, I didn’t have much to base that feeling off of. I could have spent hours clicking the little pieces of her that I had together, but the crux of it was that I would never know Jude unless I forced myself to.

For some reason, that really scared me.

I spent all week trying to think of what to say to her. By Friday afternoon, I still had nothing.

I left off writing with Ray actively avoiding Jude’s little investigation into the arsonist. Ray doesn’t want to be involved in this because she feels that it will throw her sense of normalcy off course. She really just wants to learn how to adapt to a life without her best friend. (It doesn’t help that she’s got fresh trauma)

What will Ray decide? I don’t know. We shall see. (just kidding I know)

Sorry this update was longer! I think I would like to start updating more often than once a month just because they would be shorter and those of you reading this won’t forget what happened in the last update. There are thousands and thousands of words that didn’t show up in this update because - like I said - I don’t know whether I want to publish this story ever?? I’ll probably talk more about this in a separate update.

Thank you so much to those of you who read about my story! I hope you enjoy it!

:)

p.s. btw I now have a myWriteClub account! You can check it out here and stalk me as I tragically fail my writing goals!

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 15 - Net Zero Change

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, what’s the truth?, 2.9k

@trevor-wilson-covington​ is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

WARNINGS: death mention, swearing

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14

Alex, Reggie, Flynn and Kyle all sat at a table inside the record store while Willie took care of closing procedures, currently sweeping up around them. Flynn sipped on her soda, eyeing everyone else with a mix of piqued interest and uncertainty.

“I can let you guys stay and talk for about another half hour, but then I’ve gotta kick you out,” Kyle told the three at the table.

“Thanks,” Alex said. “We really appreciate you being so understanding.”

“Not at all,” Kyle said casually. “And Willie’s in the clear, so long as he never pulls a stunt like that again.”

“Thanks for covering for me, man,” Willie said repentantly at Kyle’s rightfully miffed tone.

“I also covered the cost for that jacket, so you owe me for that.”

Alex looked at him, still unable to wrap what had just happened around his head. Climbing somewhere high and screaming felt like an ideal thing to do right then. He wasn’t angry - at least, he didn’t think so - but he still felt like a bottle of Coke that someone had just shaken and dropped a Mento into. His punching bag was already being worn down enough, but since he didn’t have his drums at home it had been a lifesaver recently.

There was Willie, right in front of him, like a miracle. He was so wonderfully unaware of everything, and there was no doubt he hadn’t forgotten Alex. It brought a strange sense of euphoria that battled everything else that had kept his mind dark for so long. He’d used to imagine running into Willie, even for a while after Caleb said he was gone, and thought he’d be the one to catch Willie off guard and rush toward him with joy. Mostly, he’d wanted to knock Willie off his board as slight payback for that one time, but also because it would’ve been satisfying to surprise him for once.

Kyle had gotten up from the table and joined Willie in closing up the store.

“So, you guys all know each other, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah!” Flynn exclaimed. “And I’d like to think that it’s all thanks to me,” she added smugly.

“How so?” Reggie asked in curiosity.

“I helped Willie get into Julie’s concert in Vegas,” she said. “And I’m the reason you two stuck around here.”

Alex looked at her in surprise. Without Flynn, he imagined going with Willie to the Stratosphere or anything else that night wouldn’t have happened. He owed her a serious favor; he wasn’t going to forget that.

“Are you sure you don’t have, like, magic powers or something?” Reggie asked.

Flynn only smiled and quietly sipped her soda again, keeping the mystique for herself.

As Willie disappeared into the kitchen to clean there, Alex looked at Reggie.

“So, do you have as many questions as I do?” he asked.

“Yeah, man,” Reggie said, peeking back toward the kitchen door. “I mean, does Caleb not know?”

“For someone out of the loop,” Flynn butted in. “What’s going on?”

Alex shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took in a deep breath. “So you know how we got signed?”

Flynn nodded. “Uh huh. And congratulations, by the way.”

Alex merely shrugged in acknowledgement.

“Well, the guy who owns the label used to be Willie’s caretaker.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Reggie muttered. Alex suddenly felt a little guilty for missing that detail when talking with the guys.

“Yeah, sorry I forgot to mention it,” he apologized. “Anyway, the day that we signed on, Caleb personally told me that Willie had died in a fire.”

Flynn stared in disbelief.

“Wow,” she said. “That’s fishy.”

“No kidding,” Reggie commented. “But why would he do that? Caleb’s been nothing but good to us.”

“You guys should be careful. He was Willie’s guardian? If his story is that far off, I’d watch out.”

Peering over toward the kitchen, Alex couldn’t get a view of Willie at all. He was dying to hear his side of things.

“I guess we’ll have to see. Flynn, how are you getting home?”

“Oh, I was just gonna take the bus.”

“With your equipment?” he said, already worried. It was a lot for her to be lugging around, whether she could carry it alone or not. “Flynn, let us get you a taxi.”

She looked at him, and he expected her to protest and say she could handle herself. To his surprise, she simply huffed.

“You’re right. It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, and one of us could go with you to make sure you get home safe.”

“I’ll go,” Reggie volunteered. He glanced at Alex and it was clear he was giving him an opportunity.

“Thanks Reggie,” Flynn said. “You guys have gotta keep me updated with everything going on, though. I smell drama. A lot of it.” She finished the last few gulps of her soda and stood up to grab her gear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, man,” Reggie murmured to Alex, patting him as he rose to help her out.

“See you.”

As he watched them make their way outside, Alex sighed.

“So, Vegas, huh?” Kyle said as he reentered the room, making him jump.

“Uh, yeah,” Alex replied warily. This guy seemed fairly nice, but he could never be too careful about how much he told strangers. He watched him dust the shelves, trying to relax in his seat.

“Willie doesn’t talk about it much, so I’m kinda surprised he had such a reaction tonight. I got the idea he hated the place.”

Puzzled, Alex didn’t respond immediately. He wondered what could’ve happened.

“Well, I’m sure he has his reasons. But when I met him we had a pretty good time.”

“Hmm,” was all that Kyle said as he looked into space thoughtfully before moving on to locking things up.

Alex realized then that he was the only customer left in the store and he’d simply let his friends leave him. His head was certainly not on straight. The time was nearly midnight, and the options of transportation and his experiences with them only dialed up his anxiety. Busses were just weird because everyone could watch him, taxis were expensive and he’d given most of his cash to Reggie, and the chances of having Bobby pick him up were very low.

“Hey,” Willie was standing over him, skateboard in hand. Alex looked up, startled once again, but the feeling of Willie’s hand on his shoulder softened it.

“Hey.”

“Where did Reggie go?”

“Oh,” Alex started. “He’s making sure Flynn gets home safe.”

Nodding, Willie glanced outside.

“What about you?”

Alex rose with a sigh.

“I’ll figure something out.”

They left the store and slowly walked to the corner. Willie still gripped his board as he gazed up at the red hand on the opposite side of the street.

“Do you...wanna walk with me to my place?” he asked Alex. “‘Cuz you look like you want to talk. Then we can find you a way home.”

Sticking his tongue in his cheek, Alex eyed him thoughtfully. It was almost like they hadn’t just spent four months apart - Willie could read him like a book.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Unfortunately, that made him stuff his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. He’d let himself take Willie’s hand before and have high hopes because he’d let himself ignore reality back then. Even when the guy who he admittedly still had a crush on was back from the dead, Alex didn’t want to tempt fate again. As they both crossed the street, he felt himself hunch inward just as he had earlier with Reggie.

“So, I’m guessing it’s a little weird to see me, since you thought I was a goner and everything,” Willie started nervously.

“Dead,” Alex said, looking at him seriously. “You were dead.”

Willie slowed his pace and sucked in a breath.

“Yeah.”

For a few yards they didn’t speak. Something ate at Alex’s insides, and he couldn’t put a finger on it. Change had always been his worst enemy, but this was a good change. Willie was alive, then he was dead, and now he was back. It should’ve been like net zero change, cancelled out like math. He should be fine about this, right? Why was he not fine?

“Alex, are you...are you mad?” Willie dared to ask.

He paused in his tracks, arms slacking against his sides. Looking over at Willie, then down at the sidewalk again, he nodded.

“Yeah, actually.” Immediately the eating feeling worsened. “I don’t know why that is, but you’re right. I am kinda mad.”

Willie furrowed his brow, but remained quiet for a minute as they continued walking.

“Are you mad at me?” he wondered aloud, finally.

“Maybe?” Alex said, feeling the temperature in his veins rise the more he went on. “That sounds silly, I know, because it wasn’t you who lied to me and put me through absolute agony for weeks on end. You were just the person I thought was dead and so every time I thought about you, it hurt. I don’t even know why it hurt so much. It’s not supposed to hurt when you’re still practically a stranger to me. All I know is that we kind of liked each other and then I thought I’d never find out anything else. I mean, we only knew each other for one day. One fucking day. That was it!”

Alex saw Wilie flinch at the unexpected use of language. A little too late, he realized he should’ve been more gentle. While it was true that he needed to finally release more than just self-pity, it wasn’t worth making Willie miserable for it.

“Wow,” Willie murmured. It already sounded more wounded than Alex could bear.

“That was harsh; I shouldn’t have blown up like that.”

He looked over at Willie to be sure he hadn’t done too much damage already.

“I can’t imagine how awful that was,” Willie said simply.

The pressure that had heated up his veins rapidly began to cool down as Alex realized he was handling this all wrong. He’d momentarily lost control and already saw its potential for harm.

“It’s not you I’m mad at. It’s Caleb.”

“That makes two of us,” Willie told him. “You want to know what really happened?”

“I want to know everything.”

They continued walking along as Willie seemed to try summing up the past few months properly in his mind.

“I don’t know exactly where to start,” he said.

“Well, why don’t you start where we left off?” Alex suggested. It was only fitting that one of them was walking the other home, just like they’d been doing the last time they’d seen each other. There was a funny sense of poetry to it.

“Okay,” Willie began. “I guess what really started it was when we were up on the Stratosphere, remember?”

“Uh huh.”

“I told you that I have amnesia because I had a memory come back.”

“Right, about your dad.”

“You remember this really well,” Willie commented. Alex bowed his head, feeling his lip curl the tiniest bit. “Anyway, I started drawing the things I remembered. And I mean, I drew every detail I could. Even though back then it was just the one about my dad and then the first time that I ran away from Caleb - ”

“Wait, what?” Alex blurted.

Willie cocked his head to the side as he tried to keep the narrative easy to follow.

“Oh yeah that was weird, I had this dream where everything was backwards and it happened like every night and it took me forever to figure out that it was a memory. Anyway, the reason I have amnesia right now? I was trying to run from Caleb because he was a total a-hole and then I got hit in the head!”

Alex looked at his casual expression with mild horror.

“That’s a lot to process,” he said slowly.

“Yeah, I guess he was putting on a face after that, because he didn’t really get nasty until right before I left him for good.”

By the time Willie finished dishing everything to Alex, they had been standing by his front door for a solid ten minutes. Alex could only stand there and let everything turn over in his mind like a taffy pull. Moreover, a pit of dread was forming in his stomach at the same time as a spark of joy grew in his chest.

“So...Harrison Ford?” he said.

Willie smiled. “Much cooler than Han Solo.”

“I still can’t believe you were literally planning to skate your way here. Even I would’ve ruled that out after a minute.”

Lifting a hand defensively, Willie opened his mouth but couldn’t find words.

“I - I will never live that down,” he chuckled.

Alex chuckled in turn. “No.”

For a moment he just looked at Willie. It was the first time that night where his vision wasn’t clouded with questions or overwrought with mixed emotions. This time, it was just as he’d seen him that first moment when they’d sat across from each other at the diner. That was ages ago, but it didn’t seem to have dimmed or faded one bit in Alex’s memory. Here, he was just Willie. It was so nice to see that again.

“What made you come to LA?” he asked. He shuffled his feet awkwardly. 

“You did.” Willie looked right into his eyes as he said it.

The words were plain and honest. Something swelled in Alex’s chest as he heard them. If anyone else had said that - the guys, Julie, even his sister Abby - he would’ve doubted it a little. That was the awful thing with his anxiety is that it immediately twisted everyone’s words into betrayal. Not Willie’s, though.

“Why me?”

Willie got thoughtful, eyes unfocused for a moment.

“I don’t know. I’d do anything for you,” he said, gazing back up at Alex again.

Alex shifted his weight.

“Because I helped you start regaining memories, right?”

It made sense that if he’d been in that position, the person who’d been with him in those moments would mean a great deal to him, too.

“No,” Willie said. “Just ‘cuz. I still like you.”

Alex blinked and his mind emptied of all thought - a feat he’d never imagined occurring. Soon he found himself caught looking into those brown eyes, and instead of wanting to throw in a line, he wished he could plant himself there and spread roots. If it were up to him, he had no desire to go back home and he would just stay happy where he was.

It took a while to realize that he’d slowly begun to lean forward, lips parted as he gazed down at Willie’s mouth. Their noses were just barely not touching, and they hung in the balance waiting for the other to cross that threshold. Willie looked vaguely hypnotized, if not a little indecisive. His thoughts finally caught up to his actions, and once Alex saw what he was doing he turned away.

Dammit, how could you mess that up, Alex? he berated himself. He was already so out of focus and not thinking about the consequences of his actions; he couldn’t go around treating Willie like something else to dump his turmoil upon. Clearing his throat, he straightened his posture. Willie nervously ran a hand through his hair, visibly confused.

“So....” Alex began awkwardly. “You have your own place?”

Willie nodded, not looking him in the eyes anymore.

“Yeah, it’s kinda nice,” he said plainly. “You’ll have to check it out one of these days. You could see Sheldon, too.”

“Yes,” Alex said quickly. “Yes, I would totally be down to come see you and Sheldon. That would be great.”

He hated that the natural cadence in his voice was so sarcastic sometimes. Right now, it didn’t sound genuine at all and he desperately wanted to convey how much he meant every word.

“Bet you’re sort of busy with the band and school and all, though,” Willie said, clearly a little despondent. Alex really wanted to go back and fix the moment they’d had before. He wasn’t making it any better.

“Well, I’m free all next Saturday. You’re not working, are you?”

“I can arrange things with Kyle to get covered. I’m usually on his good side and he doesn’t stay mad for long, so I’m not worried.”

“That’s good.” A pause. “So it’s okay if I come on Saturday?”

“Sure, sure,” Willie rushed to say. “I’m totally down for that. Uh...I just remembered that we’ve gotta get you back home. Did you know how you were gonna do that?”

“Uh yeah, I was gonna just catch the bus,” Alex said, entirely impromptu. After embarrassing himself so badly with Willie, he could override any fears about using public transportation. All he wanted to do was lift his hood over his head and pull the strings so it closed over his face.

“Got it,” Willie replied.

“But I’ll be excited to see you next Saturday,” Alex added. He saw Willie’s eyes light up a little and it made him smile in relief as he began stepping away from Willie’s door. Biting his lip in his usual cute manner, Willie nodded at him.

“See you then.”

Alex exhaled in excitement as he made his way up the steps to the street, barely able to take his eyes off Willie. Only when he couldn’t see him anymore did he force himself to turn away.

[keytomind]

Do you know the difference? It sounds simple, yet it can be more complex than we anticipate.

Would you do anything to make it happen or would you rather wish for it to happen? Is it essential to your survival or your happiness or can you do without it?

Do you want it or do you need it?

I spend more time alone than the average person. Thank God for my dogs for helping me keep my sanity. I don’t want to know this world without them, or without any dogs for that matter. I’ve said goodbye to a few dogs in my life and I know there will be at least two more, and as much as it will break my heart again when I have to walk that path alone, I know there will be more dogs after them.

One could argue that I am someone who wants dogs in his life, but the reality is that I do need dogs in my life. They are essential for my happiness. Their souls are so beautiful and pure that we, as humans, truly don’t even deserve them. They are a responsibility that can possibly shave years off my life, especially my one year old Doberman, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything and they are my family. And when you’ve spent basically the last half of your life alone, dogs make great company in the absence of humans. I trust them more than I’ll ever trust the humans anyway.

I don’t just want to surround myself with good people, or in this case, the animals. I need to surround myself with good people. I am a few weeks shy of my 39th birthday and I’m at the point in life where my zero tolerance policy for bullshit is in high gear. I used to run with some knuckleheads that I share nothing in common with anymore; they were a fun time and, sadly, a fun time is really what brought us together. But going to the bar 4-5 nights a week was a want, at a time in our lives when we lacked or just avoided responsibilities. Eventually, the party got old because I didn’t need to drink 4-5 nights a week anymore; I can’t even remember the last time I’ve had a drink... perhaps six months?

I digress... simply put, the party got old for me and I decided to leave. When I left, most of those “friends” stayed and we no longer needed each other in our lives anymore. It was a good time, but as we age, our needs change and we need to live our lives accordingly to reflect that change we need.

Can a want also be a need at the same time? Or can a want become a need?

A little over two years ago, I made one of the best decisions of my life and invested in a Peloton bike. I wanted to get in better shape and I was tired of making excuses. I didn’t need to get in better shape at the advice of my physician or anything like that. But I had a good friend who reinvented himself simply by riding a bike and I thought if he could do it, what the hell was my excuse? I was coming off a breakup and I needed to reinvest my time, my energy, and my mind into something productive.

I wanted to get in better shape, but getting started was challenging at times. Some days, work got the best of me and I was mentally fatigued or I was struggling to build stamina and endurance with my first few rides. But then I started feeling results and let me tell you, results are addicting. The more changes my body went through, the more I needed it. I didn’t want to come home and do a 30 minute HIIT ride, but I saw and felt my progress and I refused to stop there and I needed to do those 30 minute rides no matter how much work had drained me that day. And if I skipped a ride and didn’t workout, I felt guilty as hell about it.

Two-plus years later, I’ve melted off over 50 pounds of fat, I feel muscles that I never had before, and I finally got to a point in my life where I can take my shirt off in public and feel confident about my body. Even as an athlete growing up, I always felt insecure about something with my body. Now, almost at the age of 39, I love everything about my body and I only wish I could’ve lived like this longer.

But the work doesn’t stop there. My biggest vice continues to be soda and it is a constant war in my mind, always asking myself “do you want that soda or do I need that soda?” That’s when the voice in my head screams, “Drink a fucking water you asshole!” To maintain my discipline, I try not to eat anything for at least two hours before I go to bed. Sometimes I want a sandwich at 10 o’clock at night and I have to remind myself that I don’t need the sandwich, I just want one. I don’t need to snack on bullshit, I just want it.

I believe that discipline is at the core of being able to honestly determine the differences between our needs and wants. But this is not the time to rant about discipline... perhaps my next piece.

Life is beautiful, but life is also fragile and short. And most people want a partner to share their life with. I’ve been on my own now for about as long as I’ve owned that Peloton. I used to think I needed someone in my life, and I’ll wrestle with this philosophy back and forth I’m sure, but the truth is that I don’t need a partner... I just want a partner. If I needed a partner, I could argue that I wouldn’t have made it this far. It hasn’t always been easy and, Lord, I have my days, but the truth is that I just want to share my life with someone. Perhaps one day, but I’m not going to turn my want into a need just to force something with the wrong person.

What I need is a peaceful life, with or without a human partner, but not void of dogs... and Lord willing, a few horses in the not-too-distant future. What I need is a cozy little place with acreage to call home, to grow, to care for me and mine and to live my best possible life. Sure, I could list a few things that I want, but with the exception of finding the right partner one day, the wants aren’t nearly as important as the needs.

Herm Edwards, former NFL head coach, once said something that I’ll never forget. “What’s a goal without a plan? That’s called a wish.” Wish all you want for things to either happen or come into your life, but the truth is that if you don’t have a plan, your goals will remain a fantasy.

I ask once more... do you want it or do you need it?

@keytomind March 2021

[procrastinatorimagines]

Our Little Secret

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries

Series: Our Little Secret

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 //

Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10 // Part 11 // Part 12 // Part 13 // Part 14 // Part 15 (Final)

Pairing: Y/N Gilbert x Klaus Mikaelson

Characters: Y/N, Klaus, Elena

Word Count: 1,132

Warnings: none

Request:  Can i get a imagine where the reader is elena twin sister and in a relationship with klaus please and thank you

Summary: Y/N Gilbert caught Klaus’ eye the moment he arrived in Mystic Falls

Klaus’ attention had made you uneasy at first, though you couldn’t deny your attraction to him, he had an air of mystery that just pulled you in. Your twin sister, Elena, hated it, scared that Klaus was going to use you to get to her. That’s what you thought at first too, and it had taken a lot of wooing from Klaus - late night visits, flowers, paintings - for you to realise he liked you for you, and not because of your sister. It wasn’t something you liked, being jealous of your sister, but Elena had always been the more popular one, and after your parents died and you’d both been thrown into the world of the supernatural, almost everything was about your sister.

But Klaus saw you for you, he didn’t just see you as Elena Gilbert’s sister. After a few of his visits you started to see a softer side of him, he almost seemed nervous around you, aware of what he had done and worried that is all you would see of him too. So you spent your time getting to know each other, who you both really were, and as Klaus told you stories of the past millennia you felt some walls come down around him as you leaned in, captivated by his every word.

This was what was happening tonight, months after this had first began. You and Klaus were sprawled out on the roof of the school, a top of a picnic blanket, an expensive basket of food by your feet that Klaus had most likely compelled from one of the more upscale restaurants in town. Klaus was telling you about the stars above you both, and how they had got their names, you knew he was imagining what it would be like to paint them when he returned home for the night.

“I’ve never really paid much attention to the stars. I guess I always liked them, but you manage to make them sound like magic.” You laughed.

“When you’ve lived as long as I have you find there is beauty in all things,” Klaus grinned, turning to look at you, “some more than others.” You blushed and looked back at the sky, cursing his charm. If your sister or your friends ever found out that you and Klaus had been sneaking around there would be hell to pay. You’d told yourself so many times that this time would be the last time, but that damn charm kept you coming back again and again. Klaus knew how he made you feel, and he took great pleasure in reminding you.

“I could paint you amongst the stars,” he said, “bathed in moonlight...” His hand when to your leg and you bit your lip. His touch was always softer than you expected, and it had been scarily easy to forget what horrible things those hands had done when they were on you. When he touched you it was like you were the only two people in the world. He turned to kiss you and you kissed him back, lost in his embrace as he wrapped his arms around you, drawing you in. 

You broke away, a little out of breath, and looked into his hungry eyes. He shifted his weight so that he was nearly on top of you when he froze, head shooting to look at the roof door you had propped open when you arrived. He jumped away from you as Elena and Caroline came onto the roof.

You jumped up too, smoothing down your hair and fixing your clothes. Caroline’s face was one of shock and your sister’s one of anger as they surveyed the scene on the roof, the blankets, the food, the half drank bottle of wine, even your nicer than casual dress you had spent over an hour deliberating.

“What is going on here?” Elena asked finally, breaking the silence. Klaus actually looked speechless, possibly for the first time in centuries.

“How did you even-” You began, but Caroline cut you off.

“I was you two sneaking into the school.” She explained and you pulled the sleeve of your dress back up your shoulder in embarrassment. You weren’t ashamed of what you were doing with Klaus, but you had known it was wrong, and that there would be consequences when the two of you were found out. 

The look of disappointment and concern in Elena’s eyes was nearly unbareble as the said: “did he compel you?” You shook your head, looking to where Klaus was stood a few feel away, the hunger in his eyes had gone but there was still desire there as he looked back to you.

“I care deeply for your sister.” He said at last and even given the circumstances, you felt a flutter in your chest.

“The hell you do, you’re just using her to get to Elena!” Caroline exclaimed protectively. 

“Whatever you want from me Klaus, leave my sister out of it.” Elena continued. You fully understood the sentiment, they were just trying to protect you, but they didn’t know the real Klaus, and they were treating you as if you were a child.

“I’m right here you know. Stop talking about me like I’m not here.” You spoke up, earning and impressed looked from Klaus. “This was my choice.”

“Why?” Elena asked. “You know what he’s done-”

“And you know what Damon’s done.” You interrupted. “But you still manage to look past it everyday to see the good in him, we all do really.” Elena didn’t really know how to respond but Klaus looked grateful for a second, before his usual cocky bad boy attitude surfaced.

“Well, it seems you all have a lot to discuss. Don’t be too angry with her love, I am irresistible.” He winked at you and he was gone, as was the bottle of wine.

“There really is more to him than the Klaus Mikaelson you know.” You tried and Elena sighed.

“I don’t know Y/N. After everything that’s happened since he’s arrived in Mystic Falls...” She trailed off.

“I know, and I get that you’re angry, but these feelings I have for him are real, and everything I’ve done has been of my own free will. Give me a chance to explain who he really is?” You pleased, grabbing your jacket from where it had been discarded on the roof as Caroline headed for the door.

“Let’s just get home. How about we talk about it in the morning?” Elena decided, putting her arm in yours as you got closer. 

“Okay.” You agreed, heading back into the school. You turned to look back as you did, and saw Klaus watching you from a nearby building. Whatever the morning brought, you couldn’t bring yourself to give him up.

[bnhabadass]

Pairing: Bakugou x Reader Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1342 Synopsis: You’re bored during fall break and your plan to sneak out for an early morning coffee run goes south in a split second.

You knew that sneaking out was a bad idea and that you would never be able to live it down if you were caught. But my god were you so bored during fall break. You hadn’t realized how ingrained your friends at Yuuei had become in your daily life. Now that you were home, you missed waking up to the smell of Sato cooking breakfast each morning or of Yaomomo surprising you with a soothing cup of tea after a stressful studying session.

Most of all, you miss spending nights in your boyfriend’s dorm, curled up in his arms and feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. You miss sneaking out of his room at four in the morning and tiptoeing back to your room so no one would know what you’ve been up to.

Now, as you sat in your room at home, all you wanted was to be engulfed in those strong arms once again. It was 4:30 in the morning. Your parents were asleep and probably thought you were as well. But you just couldn’t! You stayed up playing video games and reading and watching Netflix, anything to pass the time.

You checked your phone for the thousandth time, just to see if any of your friends had texted you or if the class group chat was active. It was not. Kaminari was awake, as you could tell from the video he posted to his Snapchat story of him seeing how many sticks of pocky he could fit in his mouth. While it gave you a good laugh, he’s not the person you want to see right now.

Katsuki valued his sleep, and you knew that more than anyone. The first night you spent in his room, you woke him up by weaving your fingers in his hair and caressing his brow bone with your thumb, planting light kisses on his neck. He almost blasted you into the wall for waking him up before he had gotten his eight hours.

“Dumbass,” he said. “Wait until I’m at least somewhat awake before you go putting your mouth all over me.”

There was a very low chance he’d be awake right now and you knew he’d kill you for calling him and waking him up. But one text couldn’t hurt, right?

(Y/n): pssssst katsuki. wanna go for a coffee run tomorrow???

You threw your phone to the side and continued watching your show, already feeling better from just texting him. Not even ten minutes went by before you heard the buzz of your phone and you jumped out of your seat to grab it.

Katsuki: What the hell are you doing up this late?

(Y/n): i should ask you the same thing??? you’re never up this late!

Katsuki: Couldn’t sleep

(Y/n): were you thinking of me??

Katsuki: Don’t give yourself too much credit, Baka.

You laughed at his last message, getting comfy in your nest of blankets, pillows and stuffed animals.

(Y/n): what are you doing?

Katsuki: Well I was weight training but then you texted me…

(Y/n): awww i’m sorry. do you want to go back to your training?

Katsuki: Nah. Now I kind of want to go for a late night coffee run with the idiot who stays up til 5 am waiting to text their boyfriend.

You squished your face in one of your pillows and let out a muffled squeal. It amazes you how head-over-heels you are for the person you’ve been dating for nearly a year now.

(Y/n): oh yeah?? wanna pick me up in ten???

Katsuki: Be there in ten, baby.

You stood up and did a little victory jig around your room. You slipped out of your sweat pants and put on a pair of jeans and threw a hoodie over the oversized sleep shirt you were wearing. Katsuki would have been about seven minutes away when it occurred to you just how paper thin the walls in your parents’ apartment were. If you went down stairs and out the front door they’d hear you for sure.

“Shit,” you muttered. Your boyfriend would pick you up any minute and you had no way of leaving.

Glaring at the pile of dirty laundry in the corner of your room, an idea struck. You began tying the sleeves of your shirts and sweaters and the legs of pants together using knots you learned during survival training for your internship. You’re sure this isn’t what Kamui Woods meant for you to use these for when he taught you, but duty calls and if there is anything you love more than training to be a hero, it’s your stuck up, poll up the ass boyfriend.

With a rope made of smelly laundry and a new found confidence you could only assume was from sleep deprivation, you were ready. You opened your bedroom window, making sure to be as quiet as possible, and tossed one end of the rope out your window. The other you had tied to your bed frame.

You didn’t have that much experience with rope climbing, but you did know the basics. You stepped out of the window, planting your feet on the side of the building. Your apartment was on the second floor, so you were able to scrounge up enough clothing to make the rope pretty long. You had wrapped it around your torso once, creating some form of bellet.

It’s safe to say that Katsuki was horrified when he pulled up in front of your building. Balancing off the side of the building was you, his precious, delicate and somewhat idiotic significant other who looked terrified as you climbed down the building.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing,” he shouted up at you. He hadn’t even bothered parking his car, just put the break down and ran out as fast as he could.

“Don’t worry babe, I got this,” you shouted down at him. As if the universe hated you in that moment, your hand slipped and you fell about a foot down before your homemade rope caught you. You let out a small whimper as fear set in. “What are the chances that you’d catch me if I fall.”

“Not a goddamn chance.” His terrified face turned into one of amusement as he crossed his arms and rested against the side of the building.

“Asshole,” you yelled down at him. You didn’t bother listening to his response. You swung your legs back and forth to get closer to the building. You inched your way down its scratchy surface until you were about half way there. “I’m close, babe!”

Katsuki scoffed. “I can’t believe you’re actually pulling this off, baka.”

You smiled and continued sliding down the rope. The smile on your face faltered, however when you noticed the rope becoming a bit longer. You looked up, eyes widening and pupils dilating as you saw one of the knots hanging out of your bedroom window was unraveling. You took a deep breath in as it came undone and squeezed your eyes shut, preparing for impact.

But the feeling of the concrete below never came. Instead, you fell somewhat gracefully into Katsuki’s arms. “Don’t worry,” he said, smoothing the pad of his thumb over your brow. “I got you.”

“Katsuki,” you looked up at him with pleading eyes. “You saved me.”

He scoffed. “I could have seen that coming from a mile away. That has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

“Dumber than the time Kaminari and I mixed sriracha in with our milkshakes?”

“A thousand times dumber.” He set you down and dusted you off even though there wasn’t any dirt on you. “Come on, you’re buying me a coffee after giving me a heart attack like that.”

“Fine fine, you deserve it.” You patted your pants pocket and realization struck. “Babe, I left my wallet upstairs.”

“Seriously?” Katsuki looked at you with disbelief but quickly shrugged it off. “You’re lucky I love you, baka.”

[frostsinth]

Royal Flush - Pt. 5

Prologue - Part 1|2|3|4 -  Art | Art | Art  -  MasterList

I had this mostly finished, and since interest in the story has picked up and I am very attached to this part, I decided to post it. Call me crazy.

Apologies... I hope you guys enjoy this section... It certainly gave me feelings. I really need to work on some of my other stuff. But these idiots have stolen my full attention.

Stop by my MasterList above to read more stories, and feel free to BuyMeACoffee while you are there. Drop me an ask with thoughts/comments/questions, and DM me if you’d like to commission your own artwork or story. Enjoy!

True to his word… I did not see Grier the following day. I slept restlessly, and woke with the sun. Neither a particularly unusual phenomenon, however the reasoning behind it certainly was. I felt guilty, and torn. Part of me felt as though I had acted too harshly, requesting to see my sister alone. Honestly, until he had said something that was the impression I had been under. Then there was guilt, for having made him upset. It was certainly not my intent. But another part of me was angry that he was mad at me. Who was he to demand inclusion into my private affairs? Who was he to think he could meet my sister, the one light and joy in my life? A quiet voice reminded me that he likely thought he was my intended, so why wouldn’t he? Our families would be joined by marriage soon, and he had openly welcomed me to his…. I didn’t like the sound reasoning of that voice, and chose to ignore it.

I moved almost eagerly to the door at the knock not long after dawn. But had to work hard to hide my disappointment that it was only General Damjan for our promised morning spar. I followed him reluctantly to the training cliffs. Though I did find the match pleasantly distracting; nothing quite like getting the blood pumping in a fight. There was no time to dwell on emotions or regrets in the ring. One had to live in the moment, and for that I was grateful.

But still, I was quickly made aware that I wasn’t at the top of my game when one of the General’s obvious feints landed home. Knocking me solidly onto my backside. His head cocked to the side as he offered me a hand up, big ears flopping.

“Something on your mind, Your Highness?”

I gave a very unprincely grunt, then winced. I couldn’t seem to keep my composure. It was getting harder every passing minute I was here. It made me anxious to think I might be all but completely exposed now. I glanced at the General, but he merely offered me a kind smile. At least I hadn’t managed to offend him, I thought to myself ...Yet. 

I took his hand and let him yank me back to my feet. My toe scuffed at the ground while I rubbed at the back of my neck.

“Apologies, General…” I said sincerely, “My head seems to be… elsewhere this morning.”

“You thinking about the King?” I jerked at his words, glancing over at him as I quickly managed to get my composure back up after the slip. Damjan merely laughed. “My turn for apologies. It’s not my place. But I did see His Majesty looking quite… sour, this morning.” A sheepish grin formed on his lips. “Honestly, I was surprised to see him at all. The man is not exactly what I would call a ‘morning person’. Must have had a restless night.”

I glanced over my shoulder, half expecting to see the goblin in question standing at the wall of the ring. Damjan whistled lightly, bringing my attention back to him as he tossed me the waterskin. I nodded appreciatively, and took a long, deep drink from it.

“You know, although he’s always been a... spirited fellow, I’ve never seen the King lose his head quite like… Well,” He dropped off, slapping his big hand on my shoulder. I sputtered slightly, choking a little on the last bit of water I had been in the process of swallowing. “... I think it’s good for him. Having you around.” He grinned again. “Maybe you’ll level him out.”

His words lingered with me as I spent the rest of the day in my empty rooms. I dared to use the bathing room, though I jumped at every little sound. But it was refreshing to finally get all the dirt and sweat from the past few days off. There was only so much a basin of water could do. I found the pools to be surprisingly hot and relaxing, and lingered far longer than I usually would bathing.

An attendant I didn’t know brought food twice during the day, and I thanked him politely both times. He grinned and bounced about eagerly, but said nothing. Otherwise, I was left alone with my thoughts. Of which I had many. Most of which circumvented around Grier. And my sister.

A second restless night had me out of sorts at dawn, shortly after which a lighter knock had me up to find Hibik at my door. He led me to the courtyard, where a fine team of horses was hitched to an extravagant looking gold inlaid carriage imprinted with the Royal Crest. I almost faltered in my step when I saw the goblin King standing beside it.

He turned to me as I approached, his thin lips pursed, his brows pinched. Scarlet eyes looked me up and down, and he crossed his arms over his chest lightly.

“I’m coming.” He declared, his authoritative “don’t-argue-with-me” tone in place before I even had time to open my mouth to formally greet him. “I won’t interfere with your time with your sister. But I will not allow you to leave these lands unaccompanied.”

I considered the armored guard mounting up behind him, settling into their saddles and adjusting their weapons. But I hadn’t the strength to argue; I was already frayed from nearly a week of borderline sleepless nights and day after day of emotional reckoning. I wondered briefly if this was what tortured prisoners felt like; constantly on the edge of breaking, but desperately clinging to the notion that they could hold out. I was glad I had always kept prisoners in my care in good conditions if it was.

I nodded formally to him. “As you wish, Your Majesty.”

He scowled deeper at my words, and climbed into the waiting carriage. I hid my steadying breath with a brief glance around the courtyard, giving an acknowledging nod to the driver who tipped his hat to me respectfully.

The inside of the carriage was favorably dark, but not uncomfortably so, and had wooden seats lined with soft cushions. We sat across from each other against the back wall, and the footman closed the door behind us. The tension settled between us heavily, and the air felt drier for it. I pretended not to notice him glaring at me. A few moments later, we started off.

The sounds of the outside world were muffled, and I glanced through the small curtained windows. Curious despite myself, though I was careful to keep that from my face. Didn’t need to look like an eager child, gawking at the strange lands. It had been dark when I had first arrived at the castle; I hadn’t been able to properly see the outskirts of the city that spread from beneath the mountain onto the countryside. I jerked slightly back as we passed some citizens on the road, not sure if I was welcome to be seen by the general masses.

“The windows are charmed.” Grier told me, his voice bitter. I flicked my gaze over to him as he leaned back. “Sounds from outside are muffled, and they cannot see nor hear us.” His scarlet eyes flicked out his own window. “Commonplace magic for the Royal carriages.”

I didn’t see a need to answer that, and so used the opportunity to lean forward slightly and peer out the window again. Stone walls and colorful stucco buildings passed us by, then we were quickly out to the fields. It seemed the majority of the city really was buried beneath the mountain as the legends said.

“So, my young Prince,” The King said coarsely, finally breaking the terse silence after a long portion of travelling had passed, “Did I foil your plans? Coming along thus?”

I gritted my teeth, steeling what was left of my will, and turned to face him. “I am not sure what you mean, Your Majesty.”

His scowl somehow deepened, pronouncing his already prominent brow. “Well, I assumed you intended to use this “reunion” as a way to flee my Kingdom. After all, why else would you insist on meeting alone?”

Anger wrapped hot fingers around my gut. “As you insist you wish to know more about me, Your Majesty,” I replied, my face flat and my voice cold, “Allow me to inform you that I never go back on my word. If you will learn nothing else, know at least that.”

His eyes flashed. “Oh, my apologies, Your Highness. It would be hard to learn much of anything from a man made of stone.” He cocked his head to the side, wild hair flopping about. “I thought perhaps I had made a permanent crack in it and saw flesh beneath. But I believe now that was a mistake. Though on whose part, I have yet to determine.”

I didn’t justify that with an answer, turning to look back out the window. I thought I heard him huff, and heard the seat creak as he shifted. There was a long, hot silence then, interrupted only by the bounce of the carriage over stones in the road. 

“Is it ingrained so deeply in you to hate my kind?” He asked finally, breaking the quiet between us again. “I thought…” I heard him suck in a breath, “I thought perhaps you were different, but the fact that you won’t even trust me to meet your sister leads me down a different trail of thought.”

I had to work to keep the anger from my face and voice. I didn’t look at him, though I knew it was incredibly rude and disrespectful. Part of me wanted to insult him thus. Part of me was just too damn tired to keep up the charade. I wasn’t sure how long we had been riding, but our speed seemed to have picked up. Another hour or two of this, and we should be at the border. I just hoped I could make it there in one piece.

I cut myself back from making an equally harsh retort, and swallowed hard, falling back on courtesy answers. “I apologize if that is how Your Majesty chooses to view-”

“How else am I to view it?” He snapped back, and I had to clench my hands into fists to keep from swinging at him. “What else am I to think, after-” He stopped himself, his voice breaking. The goblin gave an angry sigh, shaking his head. “After yesterday, I thought… I thought we might be… connecting.” I resisted a wince, but felt myself tighten at his words. “I thought maybe…” I saw him shift his jaw out of the corner of my eye. “But then, you switched back, just like that-” he snapped his fingers “-and now I sit across from a statue again, and am expected to be content that he is to be my husband.”

I pinched my lips into a thin line, swallowing my reply as soon as it surfaced to sit on my tongue. My temper was flared, and I was struggling to keep it in check. His words from the previous night came to mind. All his promises, all his assurances.  He claimed he would give me time, but as soon as I faltered and showed even a hint of anything that displeased him…  And I realized; I didn’t make him happy. The idea of me made him happy. The promise of an exotic husband, a regal ceremony, an evening companion. Not me. Not who I was. Though I couldn’t entirely blame him; for after all, what did either of us know about that person? The sudden understanding stung, and I couldn’t bring myself to reply for another long stretch of silence.

“You really have nothing to say?” His voice was peteringly soft, and I was surprised it sounded more like a plea than an accusation.

I turned my eyes on him, careful to keep them as empty as I could manage. “You seem to have already made up your mind about me, Your Majesty.” I told him, my own voice soft. I wasn’t able to mask it as well as my face; I could taste the fraying at the edges, and wondered if the pain in it was as evident as it was in my chest. “...I am not sure if anything I could say would change it.”

Another long silence. So long I lost track of it, turning to stare back out the window. Trying not to linger on what the future might mean for me and the goblin sitting quietly across from me. Trying not to think about Morgana, or the ache settling in my bones at the thought of seeing her. He seemed to be deep in thought as well, and it was nearly an hour before I heard him sigh.

“I… I just don’t understand why you…” He started, and the hurt in his voice had me glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. He sighed deeply again, shaking his head and leaning forward to cup it in his palms. “These last few days… I thought things had changed between us… but maybe it hasn’t been enough.” He rubbed at his face, then leaned back again. “I promised to give you time. And I am also a man of my word… Patience is… is not one of my virtues, I know. But for you… I will give as much as I can. Please forgive me my lapses.”

The carriage was slowing, and I realized we must have been at the border. Grier momentarily forgotten, I checked the horizon to see the sun nearing its zenith. My heart leapt, and my stomach rolled with anticipation. Not long, I told myself. Not long now until I could see Morgana again. My heart ached, and I felt myself waver. Felt my strength ebb. Gods, I was so tired. I felt so shaky and weak. I was not ready for this. I couldn’t even begin to think what to say... The carriage stopped, and I heard boots coming around to the door.

His hand caught my arm as I moved to disembark. I looked over at him surprised, and I knew my mask had slipped from the way he considered my face. His own looked pained, and I saw him hesitate before his resolve returned.

“Just… can I ask why you wanted to see your sister alone? Can I beg that answer of you?”

I looked down at his hand. “... Because... I know I am not strong enough… And..” I dropped off, surprising myself with the words and the honesty in them. I swallowed hard.

He released my arm, his brow furrowed lightly. “...Not strong enough for what?”

I slowly started to build up the mask again, but felt as though it didn’t quite reach my eyes when I answered.

“... To say goodbye.”

...

I glanced over at Grier, still lost in my thoughts, my hands clasped behind my back. He wasn’t looking at me, speaking softly to the few goblin guards and attendants. Giving orders, I supposed, and I shifted slightly. I couldn’t make out the quiet words from this distance, but it seemed a likely guess based upon the respectful stance the men took before saluting and marching off. The anxiousness sitting in the pit of my stomach didn’t lessen as the King turned, seeming to sense my eyes on him. His face was scrunched, and I wondered for a moment if he was still mad at me. But his scarlet gaze didn’t linger, instead flicking just past me to the road. A breath later, he turned and retreated to the front of the carriage. I could only just make out his shoulder around the corner as he leaned against it. Hardly another breath passed before I realized why he suddenly seemed to be hiding.

“NIKO!” Came the shout, and my heart leaped at the voice.

I half spun to face the road, realizing I had been so lost in my own thoughts I hadn’t even heard the other carriage approach and stop perpendicular to ours a few yards away. But the tiny ball of unbridled joy hurtling at me as fast as her little legs could carry her? I did just manage to see that. Instantly, I dropped to one knee, and caught my little sister’s flying embrace.

She wrapped her little arms tightly around my neck, burying her face against me. Her fluffy and thick untamed curls smelled sweet and were soft as clouds as they brushed against my cheek. I wrapped my own arms around her, squeezing her and swallowing back the tears that suddenly welled in my eyes. Gods, how I had missed her.

She laughed, wriggling in my arms, trying to break free. “Niko! I can’t breathe!”

I released her, my face instantly brightening and a smile splitting it from ear to ear as I leaned back to appraise her. It felt strange. My first smile in days; it made everything feel a bit better. Her grin was nearly as big as mine, and she was bouncing with excitement. I pushed her hair back, looking her over. But she seemed in good health as well as good spirits.

“Hey, little chickadee,” I breathed, running my thumb over her cheek. She leaned into my touch, “It’s good to see you too. Did you get taller?” I teased, tweaking her nose, “I swear you were only up to my knee last time I saw you!”

She laughed, swatting away my hand. Despite her dismissal, she beamed at me eagerly, then a scowl formed on her face. 

“Where’d you go, Niko?” She demanded, putting her hands on her hips, “You promised you would only be gone for a few days!”

“Ah,” I shook my head, “Sorry, I should have written. My plans were… changed.”

“Did the goblins capture you?” She asked, and she sounded more excited about the idea than afraid. “Are they holding you for ransom? Do I need to come rescue you?”

I laughed, shaking my head. “No, little chickadee, I don’t need you to come and save me today.”

She seemed a bit disappointed, and I took up her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. Her head cocked to the side slightly. “The court says you got a Treatsy signed with the goblins. And Val says you’re getting married…”

I stiffened slightly, and my smile shrank by a molar or two. I glanced over her shoulder, and saw Gareth standing by the carriage. A deep scowl was set in his face as he jerked his chin to order the soldiers to spread out. Creating a tense circle of goblins and humans around us. I was pretty certain he was too far away to hear us. He seemed to be making enough of a point not to look at me.

“A Treaty, not a Treatsy.” I corrected her gently. “And Valerianus is right, I am getting married.” I told her, forcing the worrying thoughts out of my mind and giving her my full attention.

“Are you marrying a goblin?” She asked, sounding both bewildered and absolutely awestruck.

I laughed lightly again, nodding and dropping my gaze shyly. “Yes, little chickadee. But not just any goblin.” I cuffed her chin playfully, trying to belittle the seriousness of what I was about to tell her. Trying to hide the dread of her impending reaction. “... I’m marrying their King.”

Her little lips formed into a pout. “You can’t marry a King, Niko!” She exclaimed, scolding me as if I were trying to trick her. “You’re a Prince! Princes don’t marry Kings.”

“Goblin Princes do.” I assured her lightly, trying not to let my voice falter.

She considered this, biting her fingernail. “Oh… Ok, That’s fine then, I guess.” I gently pulled her hand away from her mouth, resisting the urge to sigh with relief and feeling altogether lighter for her instant acceptance. “Do you like him? Is he nice?”

I hesitated, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling. Very aware that Grier was probably able to overhear us; in the typical manner of a nine year old, she certainly wasn’t making any effort to keep her voice down. And our carriage was closer than hers. I resisted the urge to look over at him off to my left. I spared him a brief thought, wondering what he was thinking. Wondering if he was watching; though I had little doubt he was. He was far too curious. I glanced down at her hands in mine, and my smile returned.

“... Well, little chickadee, I don’t know yet. But... I think I might.” I brushed her bushy hair back from her face. “...And he’s very nice.”

“Hmmm.” She grumbled, pushing my hands away and crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, he’d better be nice to you! Or I’m gonna beat him up!”

“Morgana,” I scolded, and she faltered as I used her real name, “You can’t just go around and beat people up.”

She snorted, stomping one foot. “I don’t care! If he’s mean to you, I’m gonna-” She stopped at my warning look, then gave a little huff. Scuffing her feet in the ground. “...When are you coming home, Niko?”

My heart stopped at that, and my smile sank away. I swallowed, and scooped her into another hug. I had to close my eyes to hide the wetness welling in the corners. She seemed to sense my pain, as she always did, and her little arms wrapped as far around me as they could manage.

“I’m not, little chickadee,” I told her honestly, “I have to stay with the goblins.”

Her grip tightened, and she buried her face in my neck. “I miss you, Niko. I don’t like the castle when you aren’t there.”

I almost broke at the quiver in her voice. I swallowed hard again, stiffening and slowly pushing her back. I cupped her face in my palms, running my thumbs under her eyes. I could see the dampness there, and it threatened to overflow in my own eyes at the sight.

“It’s my responsibility to the Kingdom to keep this treaty. To keep the peace. It’s my honor to do this for our people. And to do so, I have to stay with the goblins…” I explained to her, dropping off at the end. “...But you’ll still see me,” I managed finally, “... I’ll come visit and-”

“Can I come live with you?” She interrupted, and then started bouncing on her toes in excitement. “Can I come to the goblin castle??”

I hesitated, but a small, sad smile returned to my face. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, chickadee.”

“Oh please, Niko! Please!” She begged, and I could already see her imagination going wild. “It would be so much fun! And then I could make sure the goblin King is nice to you!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. She always knew how to cheer me up, though I knew it was mostly unintentional. Her vigor for life, her smile. That was all I needed to be happy. But my joy was tinged with sadness, as I could see Gareth getting restless behind her. Soon the light of my life would be carted away again…

“And what about our King, hm?” I pointed out. “Who will keep an eye on him if you come to live with me? And on Valerianus? Someone needs to keep our brother from getting a big head.”

Morgana giggled as I fluffed her halo of hair in illustration, pushing away my hand again. Then she pouted, shaking her own head. 

“Yeah… Maybe…” Her little brown eyes wobbled as she considered me sadly. “... Father doesn’t talk about you anymore. He acts as though you are dead. I don’t like it.”

I stiffened at that, and had to work extra hard to keep my disappointment and pain from my face. Morgana was too perceptive for me to let even a flicker show. And she knew me far too well for it to be an easy feat.

“... I’m sure he’s just mad at me,” I told her softly, brushing my knuckles over her cheek, “... He’ll come around… You know how he is.”

She didn’t push the issue further, and I saw her glance over towards our carriage. I wondered if she could see Grier there. “... Please, Niko? Can’t I go with you? I swear I’ll behave! You won’t even notice me!”

I sighed heavily, looking at her big brown eyes. “Not yet, little chickadee… But maybe someday. When you’re older.”

She scowled. “That’s just how adults say ‘no’.”

I chuckled, grinning at her and cuffing her chin tenderly again. “Some adults. Not me.” I ran my hand through her hair one last time. “...You can come visit, ok? Once we get everything sorted.”

Morgana considered this, and I saw her eyes dart over to the side again. She had never really seen too many goblins, especially not this close before. I knew she was dying of curiosity. But she must have sensed our time together was short. She chose my company over her own adventuring spirit, and shuffled her feet restlessly. It made my heart hurt.

“... You promise?”

I took her pinky and wrapped it around mine, bringing our hands to my heart. “I promise.” She smiled, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffling. “Now you have to promise me something.” I waited until she was looking at me properly again. “You have to stay at the castle. And listen to Valerianus,... and Gareth. Ok? No running off. No sneaking out.” She nodded. “Morgana, do you promise?”

She sighed, as heavily as a nine year old could, and I smiled. “Ok, ok, Niko. I promise.”

“Princess,” Called the old guard in question over her shoulder.

“It’s time for you to go, little chickadee.” I said, swallowing back the pain in my throat.

Morgana lunged at me, wrapping herself tightly around me once more. She squeezed so tight I thought she might pop out her elbows. I enveloped her in my own arms. Closing my eyes to dam the tears that threatened to break through my defenses.

“Princess, we must be going,” Gareth called again, his voice cold.

“Give them a minute.” Came Grier’s command, his voice sharper than I think I had ever heard it, and I felt the tension of the gathered men grow.

A human soldier stepped forward, eyeing the goblins warily. Looking for all intents and purposes like he intended to take hold of Morgana’s arm to take her back to the safety of their ranks. I shot him a look over her shoulder that had him stopping dead in his tracks. He shrank back fearfully from the intensity of my glare, retreating towards the carriage. The other soldiers shifted, looking more than a little anxious and exchanging uncertain glances. Morgana’s arms somehow managed to tighten more. I scooped one arm under her, slowly standing with her pinned against me still. Curling around her protectively.

“Don’t worry little chickadee, it won’t be so bad.” I tried to assure her, putting everything I had ever learned about hiding my emotions into keeping the sadness from my voice. “And when I see you again, I’ll have dozens of stories to tell you.”

“I’m not a baby, Niko,” She grumbled against me, “I don’t need you to tell me bedtime stories.”

I leaned back, and she did too slowly, meeting my gaze. “Not even goblin stories?” I teased, and saw her eyes flicker with interest.

“... Well… Maybe a few then…”

“Princess!” Gareth’s voice grew to demanding levels. Morgana glanced over her shoulder at him.

“Go.” I told her, slowly placing her feet back on the ground. “... I’ll see you very soon, ok?”

She nodded, her hands lingering on my arms. But then she straightened her back and stiffened her little lips. Putting on the same practiced stoicism she had seen me use a hundred times. It stung to see her hiding herself away. I almost winced in pain at the sight. Turning, she made her way back to the waiting carriage and Gareth. She didn’t quite make it halfway before she glanced over her shoulder at me again, her mask breaking at the edges. I offered her a small smile as well as an encouraging wave... and my mask didn’t break.

Gareth shot me a poisonous look as Morgana climbed back in the carriage, but I chose to ignore it. The soldiers maintained their guarded stances until the Princess and her escort were well underway. Finally, they turned, and with armor clanking, trotted after it.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the carriage, and saw Morgana’s little face appear in the back window. My lips tightened as I saw her place her palm against the glass, and barely managed to give her a tiny wave. I nearly choked as they slowly faded into the distance, then crested over the distant hill and out of my sight.

I didn’t hear Grier come up beside me, but I sensed him there. I wasn’t sure how long we stood, gazing off at the empty horizon. I took long, slow breaths, trying to find some semblance of composure. I heard him shift, and noticed him open and close his mouth briefly. Finally, I dropped my gaze, staring at the ground but unseeing. Pushing back the pain and sadness that threatened to undo me. I didn’t say anything to him, turning and making my way back to the carriage.

We had already been bumping along for a long time before he did finally speak. I stared out the window, my eyes pointed at the countryside flying past but still not really seeing anything at all. I felt like the stone he professed me to be; cold and numb. A statue in the shape of a prince staring off into the distance. I would look right at home in the goblin King’s gardens.

“Your sister seems very sweet…” He offered quietly, “... I can see why you are so fond of her.” I didn’t answer, but felt my teeth clench. “...She could come and live with us,” He said, his voice barely above a whisper, “...If you wanted.” A nervous chuckle fell from his lips. “We certainly aren’t wanting for space.”

“No.” 

I barely managed to form the word through numb lips, it was all I could manage in my current state, and knew instantly it wouldn’t be received well. I didn’t look at him, but I could feel his pain as palpably as if I had stabbed him with a knife myself. A few agonizing minutes ticked past after my harsh rejection. Adding more guilt to my already stifling emotions.

“If you still have some misconceived notion that I would wish her harm, or this is all some elaborate ploy, then perhaps you have a deeper mistrust for me than I originally believed.” He had traded the hurt for anger when he finally spoke again, and his tongue was as sharp as any sword.

I didn’t have the strength to answer him, and my eyes never moved from the distant horizon. I wasn’t even entirely sure I was blinking anymore. Couldn’t remember the last time I had drawn in a breath that didn’t feel like I was swallowing fire. I would have winced at his words, had I not been working so hard to become the living embodiment of stone.

He sat in silence for a moment, and I could almost hear his thoughts swirling. Had I been more conscious of my surroundings, I might have noticed the anger and pain fighting for dominance over his features. As it was, I felt only the hollow pit of my own sadness. I didn’t have room for anything else. I didn’t dare move my head, lest my neck snap in my fragile state.

“Do you think I or any of my people would ever hurt a child? Do you really think so little of us?” He came back, his voice quivering with his rage. “Perhaps that’s what the real problem is, hmm? Not some bastardization of a childhood that forgot to teach you how to express yourself or understand your emotions. We disgust you… I disgust you. That’s why you can’t bear to look at me, and flinch whenever I touch you. Maybe you were just starting to get used to it. Thought you could pretend long enough to make it a reality.” It took me longer than I cared to admit to realize he was talking again, so lost was I in my despair. That only seemed to make him madder. “But hey, you did your duty, yes? You’ll sacrifice your own happiness for your people. For your sister. Gods forbid you ever ask for anything for yourself. Even if it would be better for both of you in the long run.”

An icy grip settled over me, and my jaw tightened. “Don’t talk about my sister.” My hands started to shake, and I clenched them into fists. 

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I not worthy enough to speak of her? Do I disgrace her memory by even daring to think of her?” He narrowed his eyes at me. “Something so perfect as your Princess shouldn’t be mentioned in the same breath as a Goblin.” He leaned back, scowling. His words stung and I felt my resolve quivering beneath the surface of my mask. Felt my pretense of stone breaking.. “The poor thing locked away from the world. No friends save for that bastard guard of yours and your lout of a King. But you’d rather leave her with those monsters who would turn her into another statue like you than suffer her my people. What a life you’ve chosen for her. I’m sure she’ll love it, just like you do.”

The carriage jolted over a rock, and I jerked involuntarily. My eyes squeezed shut, but it was too late. Too late to catch the single fat tear that rolled down the corner of my eye. I swore my skin burned as it slid along the edge of my nose slowly all the way down to my jaw. I half hoped he wouldn’t see it, but based upon the sudden tense silence, I knew he had. I raised one hand, wiping it away with shaking fingers. Clenching every muscle in an effort to keep from quivering, but failing miserably anyway. Struggling to push the pieces of my shattered heart back together. I could almost taste his shock, a bitter addition to my palette. The fresh silence rang painfully between us.

“... I… Forgive me… that was too harsh of me.” He murmured finally, his voice thin.

I shook my head, and took a shamefully shaky breath. I clenched my fist, swallowing hard to try and force the composure back onto myself. 

“N-No… No you’re right…” I stammered, then clamped my mouth shut and shook my head again. I tried a steadying breath. It didn’t help. “I-I’ve..” I stopped, then tried to start over. “I’ve abandoned her… I’ve f-fail… I’ve failed her.” My voice broke again, despite my efforts. “D-damnit! I just… I just-”

I heard the creak of the worn cushion as he stood, then felt the seat beside me depress. I could feel his heat, could hear his breath.

“You didn’t fail her-” I stiffened at his voice, trying to get my emotions back in check “-You did what you had to do... To protect her.”

I sucked in a deep breath through my nose, and let it whistle out my mouth. Slowly, I opened my eyes to find Grier next to me, searching my face. His heavy brow was knitted, and I could tell he was torn. He must have still been mad at my rejection, but I could see him longing to reach out to me in the way his hands twitched in his lap and how he leaned as close as he dared across the small seat. I stamped the wave of emotions back, swallowing hard and shaking my head a final time.

“...It’s not about you. Why… Why I said… what I said...” I told him finally, satisfied that while my voice was still peteringly soft, it didn’t shake with the weight of my guilt. “Maybe at first I was worried… but…” I stifled a sigh, looking down at my hands. “You’ve… you’ve been…” I struggled, the words choking in my throat. I ran my thumbs over my palms, staring at them to avoid his waiting eyes. “... I feel… I feel horrible…” I had to close my eyes again. “I feel so… so guilty… Knowing that she’s… she’s alone and I… While I…” I purled my hands into fists, so tightly the knuckles turned white.

I jumped as his own hand slid over the fist resting on my knee closest to him. I opened my eyes to look at it. His three slender fingers and long thumb. His grey-green skin. So strange and foreign to me. To everything I had ever known. But the warmth of his skin against mine… I felt my hand relax incrementally, and sighed deeply.

“Damnit, Grier...” I breathed, his name coming unbidden to my lips, and I used it like an anchor. Longing to just… tell him everything. Yet lacking the means to do so... I felt his hand twitch against mine at the sound of his name. I closed my eyes briefly again, before finding the strength to meet his gaze. He watched me quietly. “If it were up to me, I-I... I would take her back with us in a heartbeat…” I looked away from his distressed face, unable to process his emotions as well as my own, looking off to the side of the bouncing carriage, “... But the King would never…”

I dropped off, pain welling in my chest again. This time it mixed with anger, and I felt my jaw tightening stubbornly. I felt the strength leaving me again, felt the edges of my composure cracking once more. A scowl settled on my lips as I tried to fight the numbness and despair that threatened to swallow me whole.

“... You always call him ‘the King’.” Grier pointed out softly, and I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. “Never ‘my father’. Even Morgana called him ‘father’. But I’ve never heard you call him that.”

“If he had ever once been bothered to act like a father to me, maybe I would.” I snapped, then winced at the harshness of my tone. “I-I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to...It’s... it’s complicated…”

He didn’t press the issue, running his thumb lightly back and forth over my knuckles. I watched it, and felt strangely comforted by the touch. Slowly, I began to relax, even letting another sigh escape my lips. Grier shifted a little closer, until our thighs brushed. I glanced over at him hesitantly.

“... You could have put it in the marriage contract,” He mused, “We could still try to make the amendment-”

I shook my head before the words were fully formed in the air between us, stopping him in his train of thought. “The King and Court would never agree to that. Not now… and…” I shifted, looking down at our hands again, “...Despite everything else… he’s still her father…” I swallowed hard, my brow scrunching, “She should have the chance to know him. Make her own opinion without mine smothering her.”

He snorted, seeming displeased at that answer. But he said nothing more on it. Instead, he ran his palm over the back of my hand, then over my wrist, before sliding it back down to my knuckles. I felt goosebumps spread up my arm at his touch, and let out a hitched breath nervously.

“You know… I’m a little jealous of your sister.”

I raised one eyebrow at him, a little surprised at the sudden change in topic. Momentarily distracted from my pain. “...Jealous? Whatever for?”

He gave me a sheepish grin. “Well… I’ve never seen you smile before…Not once… Not even a little one...” I felt my ears grow hot, “I was beginning to think you just weren’t the type… then she appears, and…” His smile grew wider, “And it was like seeing the sun for the first time…” He glanced down at our hands, and I felt him squeeze mine gently. I swallowed, following his gaze. Hesitantly, I turned my fist over slowly beneath his grip, letting him trail along to gently push my fingers apart and trace his over my exposed palm. “... You’re very handsome, did you know that?”

“...You’re just saying that to distract me.” I mumbled after a few incoherent sounds, feeling like my lips just weren’t quite ready to work right. My face scalding hot and my heart racing. ”You like making me flustered…”

His grin returned, mischievous and stretching all the way to those scarlet eyes. “Of course!” He slowly intertwined his fingers with mine. “... But that doesn’t make it any less true.”

I couldn’t find any worthwhile response to that, and so said nothing. I didn’t move, frozen perfectly still in place. Afraid to ruin the moment. Grier seemed content to run his fingers back and forth, tracing the lines in my hand and running along the edges of my fingers. His touch was so light, I almost shivered at it. He trailed up and down my hand, then over the tendons on my wrist. The carriage jostled and bounced around us, but everything seemed to move in slow motion. The only thing I could hear was my blood rushing in my ears. Then I saw him wince, and he sighed, shaking his wild hair. 

“... I’m sorry… I’ve been a selfish ass… thinking it's always about me…” He sighed again, “I just thought… You really confuse me, you know?... I never know quite what you’re thinking.”

I worked up enough courage to gently squeeze his hand. “... If it makes you feel better… I-I rarely know what I’m thinking either…”

His laughter rang like music in the air around us, and I felt my blush somehow deepen. “Then it seems we are a good match, my young Prince... “ He mused as his laughter subsided into deep chuckles. 

He squeezed my hand back for good measure. I saw his face fall slightly, and knew he had more he wanted to say. I waited quietly for him to sort it out, still feeling raw and restless from my own outburst. 

“... I thought maybe you were ashamed of me…” He said finally, his voice shaking, “I got mad because… I thought you were starting to be comfortable with me… but as soon as you thought someone might see us…” He shrugged, lifting up his free hand to rub the back of his neck. “It’s silly, I guess.”

I faltered, looking off to the side. I drew a steadying breath, letting it out slowly. “That’s a good word for it… ashamed.” I wavered slightly, and felt my hand shiver in his. “... I am ashamed…” I felt him stiffen beside me, and I quickly shook my head. “But not of you.”

He relaxed slightly at that, though he still wore the tension in the lines of his face, and ran his thumb over the soft webbing of mine. “...Then what?”

I couldn’t bring myself to answer. My lips quivered, and I tightened them, pursing them together into a thin line. It all came to me then. Fresh and raw and exposed. I couldn’t hide it, couldn’t deny it to myself. It was in the light now, and the honesty burned into every inch of my soul, bleeding pain into each pump of my heart. He continued to rub his thumb lightly back and forth, waiting as patiently as he could muster. The carriage bumped and jerked, and I looked out the window. We were nearing the city borders again, and the sun was starting to dip towards the horizon.

“Nikostratus…” I winced at my name, but turned towards him slightly, still not meeting his gaze. “If you’re not ashamed of me… then what are you ashamed of?”

The numbness spread through my chest, threatening to stop my heart. Slowly, I raised my eyes to meet his. As they did, I felt my composure falter, felt my mask slip. His keen eyes became frantic suddenly, searching back and forth across my face. I saw the understanding light in their depths, and his brow furrowed as it did.

“You are nothing to be ashamed of,” He declared, lifting our still clasped hands together and pinning them against his chest, “Nothing, do you hear me?” I tried to turn away, feeling the emotions welling in my eyes and struggling to keep them from spilling over. But his free hand came up, catching my cheek. “You are a good person, Nikostratus. There’s nothing wrong with you. You deserve every happiness.”

I let out a sad, shuttering laugh, shaking my head. He stilled it with his hand at my cheek. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Let me convince you.” He breathed, turning me back to face him gently. “Let me spend our lives convincing you. Undoing whatever tangled knot you’ve wrapped yourself into. Undoing whatever that…” He stopped short, sucking in a breath. “... you are mine now, Nikostratus… and I won’t let you hate something that I love.”

My eyes widened at that, and I froze like a startled deer. I saw him falter in his confidence, as if the realization and weight of his own words hit him at the same time they hit me, but then it quickly returned. He met my stare head on, those scarlet eyes fierce. I almost couldn’t hold his gaze, and would have looked down had he not still had his hand at my jaw. I felt raw, exposed; weak and frayed. I didn’t know what to think. I struggled, fighting against the binds slowly wrapping around me. I began to rebuild the wall fearfully, feeling my features stiffen and harden as I did.

“Stop. You don’t have to do that,” He told me, his voice aching, squeezing my hand in his, still clutched to his chest, “You’re allowed to have emotions. You’re supposed to have emotions… You don’t have to hide them away. Especially from me.”

I faltered at that, and my efforts stilled. My mouth opened and closed a few times, and I finally managed to tear my eyes away from his. He kept his hand on my face though, and after a moment I raised my free hand. Gently laying it over his on my cheek. I hesitated for two heartbeats, counting them out, then leaned into his touch. His skin was so warm. His touch so gentle. I felt him shift even closer, until I could smell the faint hint of sage and myrrh. I wondered if he bathed in it, or just burned it in his own chambers.

“... I’m not…” I closed my eyes, shivering, then winced for having done so, “I’m not… strong enough...” I felt tears burning my eyes again, and squeezed his hand a little tighter. “Dammit… I … I just…” My mouth flapped uselessly.

“You don’t have to speak…” He murmured. “I know I’m… I know I made things more intense…” He chuckled quietly, moving his thumb along my cheekbone, “I know I’m always going to be a bit ahead of you. Especially emotionally… I’ll try not to make things worse, though-”

“You make things better.” I told him, the words spilling from my mouth before I could check them. I cringed, fearing perhaps I had overstepped. Panic rising in my breast.

When I managed to open my eyes again, to search for his across the sudden silence, I found a warm look waiting for me. It breached the numbness settling in my bones, and I took a slow, deep breath. Feeling my tension ease a little more.

“I’m lucky.” He replied after a little while. “I’m so damn lucky… This arrangement could have gone a million times worse… but instead I got you… and…” I felt his hand quiver against mine, and I squeezed it instinctively, surprised to feel it flutter. “... and to think that maybe you might…” He sighed, then his toothy, teasing smile returned. “It’s not quite the perfect happy ending though... I’m still jealous of your sister.”

I laughed weakly, shaking my head. “I’m not sure who’s more of a child… you or her…”

His grin widened at my own quiet teasing, encouraged by my laugh. “Well, it’s hardly fair! She gets more leeway than I do.” He exclaimed. 

“She’s nine.”

“She calls you ‘Niko’!”

“...She’s nine.”

“So?”

“She stumbled over the word ‘treaty’ and you expect her to say ‘Nikostratus’?” I felt my lips twitch with amusement.

He pouted. “Common is my second language. If I pretend to struggle with it, can I call you ‘Niko’ too? I feel like she might be pretending. Just to keep up the pretense of ‘adorable little sister’.”

I was happy for the distraction at first, but the reminder of Morgana made my face fall slightly. He ran his thumb back along my jaw.

“I’m sorry… I don’t mean to keep bringing her up.” He murmured. “I see it’s hard for you…”

I nodded, giving a shallow sigh. “... I miss her… but…” I glanced up at him, “... Maybe talking about it… helps.” His smile warmed me again, and I swallowed hard. 

“Can I ask why you call her ‘chickadee’ then?”

I curled my fingers around his, pulling them gently down from my face to rest beside our other hands I brought to rest on my knee while they were still clasped. I stared at them for a moment, the corners of my mouth twitching at the memory. I traced my thumbs back and forth over his.

“It’s a type of bird,” I explained softly, “It makes a sound, very unique to it… and when she was little… when she was a baby, she used to cry like that…” The smile stole itself onto my lips. “... chicka-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.” I sang softly, then shook my head. “I used to come running at the sound. I would tell her… ‘I hear you, little chickadee, I’m coming’ and she would stop crying... I guess the name just stuck.”

“Was it just you caring for her?” He asked curiously, “She had no nursemaids?”

I snorted. “She did… But I wouldn’t let them near her… Not unless I really had to.”

He laughed. “A little over protective of her, no?”

“Always….” I stared down at our hands for a long moment. “She is the one good thing in my life…” I stopped, swallowing hard and shifting, “... Was the one good thing…”

“...Maybe now you can have two?” He finished for me, questioning and hesitant.

I hid a smile with another shake of my head. “I’m not sure I can be so lucky…”

A loud clatter announced our arrival at the castle as the wheels clacked over the drawbridge. I jumped nervously, then dropped his hands. Leaning away with the pretense of looking out the window again. I steadied myself, turned away from him, fixing my posture and taking a long, deep breath. I was intensely glad for the privacy charm on the windows, allowing me to look out without being observed. The smattering of goblin faces that looked up curiously as we passed had my stomach flipping in knots. I wondered what his people thought of him marrying a human prince…

We rolled up to the inner courtyard, where there were far less prying eyes, and I heard the sharp click of boots as the attendant came around. Grier led the way out of the carriage, then up the shallow steps to the castle. Ducking us quickly out of sight into the private halls. He paused there, looking over his shoulder at me as another attendant rushed to bring us a lantern.

“...Shall I bring you to your rooms, Prince Nikostratus?” He offered.

I nodded quietly, glancing at the goblin who darted over with a light. He passed it up to me with a bow, and I thanked him politely. The little thing, hardly higher than my hip, seemed delighted at my words. I watched him excitedly bounce away, curious.

“Goblins love to please.” I nearly jumped at Grier’s voice, and turned to look at him. He smiled, gesturing for me to follow him. “It is in our nature… We live for praise and recognition. Even in its simplest form.” He led the way through the halls, head cocking to the side. “All the staff are already quite fond of you, I believe”

I tried not to blush too deeply at that, quietly following after him. We didn’t speak as he led me deeper into the castle. Though I wasn’t sure if it was from hesitation, exhaustion, or simply a new found comfort in each other’s presence. I assumed it was some combination of the three, but found I didn’t overly mind. My chest was still aching, and my head seemed likely to follow suit soon. I wasn’t sure I could take any more… sharing. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to be parted from him yet either… 

He stopped outside my door, standing to the side. I shifted nervously in place, playing with the handle to the lantern.

“I’ll have some food sent up,” He assured me, and at his promise I realized I hadn’t eaten all day. Then he moved as if to leave. I saw him open his mouth to impart a final passing farewell.

“Would you...” I stopped short, stiffening as the goblin turned back to face me. He raised one slender eyebrow at me, and I swallowed hard. “....Ah…” I wondered if there really were beads of sweat forming on my brow, or if it just felt like it. “W-would you like to… to come in?”

The answering grin that filled his face had my own flushing hot. He chuckled, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. I was instantly grateful for the break in eye contact as he dropped his attention to the side. He cleared his throat.

“I… I would, of course… but,” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, “I think I should practice that ‘patience’ thing and… and let you recharge. I’m sure you’ve had enough of my ill advised confessions and blundering emotions for one day.” He grinned again, and my heart skipped. “We should leave things on a good note for once…”

I nodded my agreement, instantly feeling foolish and flustered. I reached out and took hold of the handle. Shifting the lantern to one hand.

“...Although...” He added, almost too quickly. As though unable to resist. I froze, looking back at him as he stepped closer shyly. “Perhaps we could… we could, um... end it on an even better note…”

I wasn’t as surprised as the last time as he reached up to catch the back of my neck. I was already bent at the waist to grab the low handle of my door, so he didn’t have to stretch quite so far up to meet my lips with his. The kiss was quick, but warm, and I missed the shape of his mouth as soon as he pulled back. It left my heart racing in my ears. I felt a sudden, pulsing desire, and my palms tingled.

Grier cleared his throat again, rocking back onto the balls of his feet. “Good evening then, Nikost-”

My returning kiss was much deeper, and I found I enjoyed his surprised sputter against my lips as I cut off his departing words. I had caught his shoulder to spin him back to me, and it set him off balance. He stumbled back as I stepped forward, and I pursued him one long step until his shoulders bumped against the door-frame and I could properly curl my body around him. His hands had instinctively raised, and now rested on my chest with a feather light touch. I didn’t let up my kiss throughout the transition, and now, with proper leverage, deepened it as I wrapped my arm slowly around his waist. Pinning him between me and the wall. Savoring the taste of his mouth and the feeling of his lips against mine. My other hand held the lantern awkwardly off to the side, but I was so much bigger than him that I found it didn’t impede me in the least. Half a moment in, and I felt him melt against me, his mouth eagerly responding to the demands of mine.

I kissed him until the need of my lungs finally required me to break away. I drew in a deep breath, our foreheads still brushing together, and I felt his own breath flutter against my cheeks. Slowly, I straightened to my full height, though I lingered with my body brushing against his for perhaps a moment longer than necessary. His red eyes were like dinner plates, and I swore he was a few shades lighter than before.

I couldn’t help but give a small smile at the bewildered look on his face. And saw his eyes widen more at the sight. I winced, the smile fading slightly as I realized it was there. I rubbed the back of my neck, looking away bashfully. I would have laughed instead, yet settled for leaning back over him. He instantly tilted his head, following me. Perhaps expecting another kiss. The thunk of the handle dropping behind him beneath my grip made him jump.

“Good evening… Your Majesty.”

I stepped gracefully around him through the open door, leaving him spinning in my wake. Amused with myself despite the race of my pulse beneath my skin and the spinning lightness of my head. I would cherish that expression of his for the rest of the night. Perhaps the rest of my life, gods willing.

“Oh-ho… It’s ‘Your Majesty’ again, is it?” I heard him breathe, though light with amusement rather than his usual displeasure at the title. 

Then suddenly his foot was in the door, propping it open. I looked at him, barely hiding my surprise in my usual mask of stoicism. 

“Well, then, Your Highness. Since you wish to be so prim and proper:” A mischievous smirk rolled across his thin lips, and its maliciousness sent a shiver down my spine, “I hope you sleep well, you’ll need it. Because just for that stunt, tomorrow I’m bringing you to meet the Dowager Queen.”

My eyes must have widened slightly, because he took a step back. Still grinning with sharp teeth from ear to ear. With a short, tight and teasing bow, he spun on heel and marched proudly back down the hall. I thought I heard a laugh echo, but it may have just been the terror suddenly drenching me from head to toe.

… Damn it.

...

UPADATE: Part six HERE

[naivesilver]

Top five Pinocchio moments, go!! Be as long winded as you want you know i’m here to listen babey

* cracks knuckles * OH BOY, HERE WE GO

Since you specified I could go on for as long as I wanted, you're going to get the the extremely detailed version of whatever opinion I discover to have while I type this, as is apparently the case every time I answer a Pinocchio ask

Let's go, then!

(Under the cut because it got EVEN LONGER than I'd expected ajsdgfg)

1) Pinocchio's first night in the world

This is the scene that stuck with me the most when I was a kid and first read the book. There's something deeply haunting about the way Collodi describes hunger, and the stormy weather and gloomy atmosphere really set the mood when it comes to picturing this kid (who is fundamentally an asshole but also a scared little boy who's been alive for less than 24 hours) trying to navigate the world on his own.

Also, I've always been intrigued by the concept of him burning his feet and what comes after. Not only because it seems a cruel way to start one's life, but because the fact that part of his body can be ruined and replaced as easily as that...It's kind of mindboggling, isn't it? Pinocchio feels pain in an on-and-off way throughout the entire way, when he's being strangled and caught in a trap and not when he's being stabbed, but I'd wager having one's feet burned should rank above all that, right? Instead he sleeps through it, and doesn't even flinch at having new limbs attached to his body. And 8yo me already wanted to know if the feet would feel foreign to him, since they came from an entirely different piece of wood.

I dunno, I really wish I could poke Carlo himself awake and demand an answer sometimes.

2) The Land of Toys and what led to it

This might sound like an obvious choice, given how vocal I am about my love for Lampwick as a character, but I have been doing some thinking about it and I have even more reasons to mention it.

Sure, Lampwick is an huge explanation of why I would pick it - jackass boy is extremely lovable from the very first second, and his relationship with Pinocchio is both sweet and tragic at the same time. They're friends! Lampwick is his closest friends despite everything! I'm tearing up just thinking about it!

But also, the Land of Toys as a whole. I recently finally put my finger on why the Disney version of it left a bitter aftertaste on my tongue, and it's because they missed the entire point of it, as they did with basically every other aspect of the movie (except Figaro, Figaro can stay).

The Land is supposed to be an eerie, Neverland-esque place where children go to escape responsibilities. Lampwick and Pinocchio spent all their time eating their fill and having parties, making friends with everyone, not breaking down stuff. Pleasure Island was all about doing "adult", forbidden things, but it's hardly believable that a XIX century boy, on the cusp of being considered grown enough to take on grown-up duties and harder labor, would want to accelerate the process - they would hope to stay children a little bit longer, and pay the price for it.

I just wish this aspect was talked about more often, alright.

3) Pinocchio throwing a hammer at the Cricket

Y'all know how it is. So cathartic - I have never reached a high level of self-satisfaction comparable to that, except maybe when the disaster that was GOT season 7 rolled in and we were blessed with the hilarious "how do you answer these charges...Lord Baelish" scene, which had me hollering for weeks.

The Cricket is an asshole. He deserved it, and he didn't even fucking die for all that trouble. Let's move on.

4) Eugene's demise (and follow-up Fairy bullshit)

Okay listen. Listen. This sequence is infuriating. Your father has been lost at sea, some kids tell you the creature who took him could be close, you end up getting framed for (presumed) murder, nearly caught by police, almost fried like a fish, and your mother leaves you half naked with a foot embedded in a door all night and tells you it's your last chance at being on your best behavior??? And nobody says shit about it??? It's frankly ridiculous.

But Pinocchio's tolerance for pain comes into the picture again, and poor Eugene gets bludgeoned over the head for character development, and once I had a discussion with someone over the fact that while Pinocchio's nose grows when he rejects the fisherman's insults over himself, it stays the same when he says that he rubbed against a wall to turn so white, so the hypothesis could be made that the lying thing only works when he's saying good things about himself. That concept still lives rent free in my head, because it opens the door to SO MANY angsty threads of thought.

Also this scene validates my need to dump the Fairy in the river near my house, so. Way to ruin a child's life, bastard.

And on this thread...

5) The Fairy blatantly lying about her health (and failing in her attempt to make me worry for her)

We're towards the end of the book, and yet this woman won't relent on her idiocy. Isn't it wonderful when a mother sends someone to tell her son that she's on the brink of death, but it's just a test for him to prove his worth? Truly heartwarming /s.

But honestly, the point of this choice is that when I first read the book, not only was I really puzzled about this scene, but also the old Italian of the original story unintentionally makes it very funny. You see, the Fairy is supposed to be lying in an hospital bed (HA, I fucking wish), but the way it's worded makes it sound like she's "at the bottom" of an hospital bed, which has always brought to my mind the picture of this woman looking very small at the bottom of a bed that's as deep as a well. Very little has stuck with me as vividly as this image has, fifteen years and counting.

+ Bonus: Japanese-German cartoon Pinocchio being an ADHD icon

This doesn't count as it's not in the book proper, but in the Piccolino No Bouken show (my beloved) Pinocchio is homeschooled by the Fairy in her house in the woods instead of going to school which has inspired my own Lampwick fic on the matter, and there is a scene where this poor idiot is trying to sit through his schoolwork and not only his brain won't cooperate, but his legs start moving on their own and forcing him to run up and down instead. When I tell you that little undiagnosed neurodivergent me had an epiphany on that day...So many adaptations could NEVER.

Also the PNB Fairy is literally one of the worst versions I have ever seen, but I digress.

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 9

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Reader x Steve Rogers (best friend) Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 1851

Warnings: Slow Start, Language, Tiny bit of Fluff

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change

So, hi again…I’m gonna be completely honest I’ve practically had no time to sit down and write for the past couple of weeks, college rained down tons of assignments and work kept asking me to do extra shifts. Hopefully you all understand the delay in updates, I’m determined to finish this book for you all, anyways I’ll shut up Enjoy 😊

Whoever decided to wake me up and drag me away from the glorious land of sleep will suffer my early morning wrath, slowly I opened my eyes and the outline of two very stupid and annoying boys filled my vision. “Have you two never heard the saying don’t tickle a sleeping dragon? I quite clearly need my beauty sleep!” why is it every time I threaten to murder these two they just start laughin’? what the hell is wrong with em?!, “ Well good mornin’ to you too doll face, as much as I’d like to stay here and trade threats mama wants you outta bed for breakfast so get ya butt moving” My eyes narrowed at Bucky as he started to follow Steve outta the room, the smirk on his face widening as I reluctantly moved out of bed.

I’ve only been here a week and I’ve nearly killed him at least 50 times, wait that’s not something I should be proud of is it? in my defence Barnes can be a right little shit when he wants to be! Two days ago, he thought it’d be funny to drench me with water in the middle of the day, it’s safe to say he didn’t climb down the tree for a fair few hours. The smell of bacon and pancakes made me completely forget whatever the hell I was talking about, I shouldn’t have rushed pulling my pants on cause my dumbass failed to see that the left leg got caught on the draw knob and I was once again hugging the floor with my bloody face. Great that didn’t hurt at all!

Right let’s check for damage, bruises? Nope scratches? Nope pride and dignity? That went a long time ago who am I kidding? “Y/N You comin down or what?!” Jesus Christ that boy has a voice like a flipping fog horn, I wouldn’t be surprised if they heard Steve in queens! “Yeah give me a minute will ya! No need to get your panties in a twist Stevie” I’m pretty sure I can hear Becca and Bucky laughin’ from up here. Okay enough time’s been spent getting dressed, at this rate the boys will have inhaled all the food…the thought alone is enough to terrifying!  

“Right you lads better of left me at least one pancake and 3 strips of bacon or they’ll be hell to pay later” as a rule most people say good morning but I like to start the day with a decent dashing of threats and insults, cause I’m a friendly person…okay nope that’s a big pile of bullc**p and I know it. “Well mornin to you too y/n, the pancakes are on the table and the bacons on Bucks plate feel free to take some” a muffled sound of protest could be heard over my laughter as Bucky shot Steve a look of utter disbelief. “I think I’ll skip on the bacon then Stevie, by the looks of it Bucks already drooled all over it” Steve and I shared a look before we burst out laughing, Buck was glaring at the both of us with syrup dribbling down his chin and I gotta be honest it looked hilarious. “You guys done laughin’ at me yet or would you like to gang up on me some more?” is this boy dumb or somethin’? “Buck, I’d be on my deathbed and my final words would be some form of insult towards you”.

And there I go signing my death sentence again, at this point Steve wasn’t even on his chair anymore, instead he was lying on the floor completely pissin’ himself laughing while Bucky slowly stood up and started walking round the table. “Oh would you look at the time! Gotta go guys my appointment with the grim reaper’s in a minute!” hey y/n maybe it’s time you start running?! With a small shriek I turned and bolted out the backdoor with a pretty pissed off Barnes boy on my tail. The sunlight blinded me for a couple of seconds, so I was kinda running without knowing what was around me…and as per usual life decided to firmly kick my ass using the form of a bloody tree. A sharp stinging sensation spread across my entire face, huh reminds me of when I ran into that door…only that didn’t hurt half as much and there wasn’t an annoying brunette prick absolutely creasing with laughter behind me. I’m pretty sure that in the process of the tree b**tch slappin’ me I cut the left side of my cheek…oh would you look at that there’s the blood that should have stayed inside me, I couldn’t stop the small groan of pain that slipped outta my mouth, the lower half of my back was more than likely battered to all hell and the stinging in my cheek wasn’t helping either.

Apparently, the sound of my suffering seemed to break the idiot outta his little laughin’ session, I raised my eyebrows at him when it finally dawned on him that I hurt myself and that was pretty funny, all the colour drained from Bucky’s face, his eye’s widened when he noticed the lovely new edition to my face and pretty soon he reached a hand out to help me up. Such a gentleman… that’s if you replace the gentle bit with idiotic. The second I was on my feet, he pulled me into a hug and began checking my face and head, I’m hoping to god he can’t see my flamin’ cheeks cause I know for a fact he would never let me live that down. To be completely honest all I could concentrate on was the gentle touch on his hands on my cheek and the look on Bucky’s face, his eyes were completely focused on my cut. How have I never noticed that his eyes have the smallest flecks of green in them? Or how his dimples show when he frowns?… more importantly why do I feel both excited and terrified but somehow warm at the same time?

My little daze was broken when I realised that his lips were movin’ and I had no idea what the hell he just said, but he must of asked me a question cause he was lookin’ at me waitin’ for his answer. Bollocks. “What’d you say Buck?” Jesus Christ could I have been anymore obvious?! Maybe I should make a giant banner and smack him in the face with it, oh for godsake am I blushin’ again?!, the small smirk on his face grew into a sh*t eating grin as he threw his arm around my shoulders and dragged me back to the house. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say that you y/n were completely blow away by the masterpiece that is my face” oh great I’ve managed to inflate his ego even more, “Actually I wasn’t gonna say anythin’ but you’ve got a little somethin’ stuck in your front teeth” and just like that all the cockiness drained outta his body.

The arm around my shoulder disappeared rather quickly, to my amusement the boy next to me did as well, I could feel the little smirk on my face as I carried on walkin’ forward as he stayed behind more than likely doin’ that cute stupid thing with his eyes. Wait what did I just say?! What the heck is wrong with me these days? Its like a flippin’ alien’s taken over me and made me into a normal girl! .It feels all kinds of wrong. A sudden cough disrupts my inner monologue, my eyes roll to the sky as the smirk reappears on my face, I can’t help the laugh that escapes me when my gaze meets Bucky’s. He was stood with his hands on his hips, his eyes narrowed as I continued to laugh and slowly his face formed a pout as he waited for me to finish completely wetting myself with laughter. “You done yet?” his brow was pulled in as he tried to fight off the smile, “Do I actually have somethin’ in my teeth or were you just being a bully?”.

“Nah, just needed to keep your ego in check before it inflated and carried you away into the wind” Buck looked like I’d just shot him in the chest, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughin’ at him as I turned and started walkin’ back to the house. “Ya know you can be a real piece of work when ya wanna be don’t ya?” thank you captain obvious! “I know I am, you know I do it out of love don’t ya?” I shot him a small smile as I wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him in for a side hug, Bucky shook his head with a small smile, but accepted the hug anyway. After that we stayed in a comfortable silence as we walked back towards the house, his arm never pulled away from me till we got inside, that was until Mrs Barnes walked into the kitchen and saw the cut on my cheek, to simply put it she completely freaked out.

I watched her quickly shoo everyone outta the kitchen, she somehow managed to pull a chair out and sit me down while grabbing a towel and bandages, question after question was fired at me while she gently started cleaning to cut. After a while the conversation died out, Mama B was completely fixated on cleaning the cut and if I’m honest the silence was peaceful, well it was for the 5 seconds it lasted.

Bucky burst through the door lookin’ like someone was trying to murder him, not that I could blame them, 2 seconds later Steve and Becca burst through the door armed with…wait is that eyeshadow and lipstick? I watched as Bucky backed into the corner, his eyes wide as he begged them both of them for mercy, whatever he did to piss the pair off clearly warranted this man hunt and there is no way in hell I wanted to stop it just before it got good. Soon enough Becca and Steve some how managed to pin down Buck, and despite the many protests, the pair managed to smear the lipstick all over his face and dump most of the eyeshadow in his hair.

I tried my hardest not to laugh I swear, but he looked like a very disturbed and demented fairy princess and I couldn’t hold it in anymore, soon enough we were all having a little laugh at the poor bloke, eventually Buck saw the funny side of it and he too joined in with the mess that was the Barnes family.

So, I’m gonna be honest here this is more of a filler chapter/character development hopefully it didn’t suck as much as I think it did XD Okay I’ll stop rambling, Thanks for reading!

Rose Xxx