#it’s me i’m lestat i always need a drink and then i make kacy stop every thirty minutes i’m a menace to society actually

[hekateinhell]

UNO REVERSE SILLY ASK what’s the road trip setup between louis, lestat, and armand? who’s sitting where, how long can they drive before they have to take a break, in your human au what are their favorite road trip snacks???

Omg I also love silly asks! I’m gonna set this in Exposed verse—y’all don’t have to read the fic, just know this is a Human AU where they’re teenagers and in love and figuring shit out :)

I’m imagining Louis’ wealthy parents own a cabin in upstate NY and they tell him he can invite his “friends” up for the weekend (they’re pretending they don’t know what goes on in Louis’ bedroom, they’re indulgent but they’re still Catholics yk).

The boys take Louis' car because it's the nicest one. I feel like Louis isn't necessarily materialistic, like he doesn't care what kind of car he has but he's definitely a grandma control freak about it! Don't Eat in The Car, Don't Fiddle With The Vents, I Swear to God, Lestat, If Your Boots Track Dirt in Here...

So, Louis is driving because it's his car and Lestat drives like a maniac. Lestat calls shotgun but he makes the mistake of assuming Armand would honor said shotgun declaration, and once he finishes showing off how quickly he can slam some suitcases in the trunk, he bounces up and finds his seat taken. No amount of threatening, pleading, and bargaining will make Armand budge from that leather seat—Lestat attempts to physically displace him and ends up bitten for his efforts, leaving him equal parts sulky and horny as he retreats to the backseat and Armand smugly settles into the coveted role of Passenger Princess.

Snacks! aka The First Rule to Go Out The Window

Armand’s favorite roadtrip snacks are Combos Pizzeria Baked Pretzels (these are one of Kacy’s fave roadtrip snacks too, which is why they instantly popped into my head for Armand, but tbh I really do think he would enjoy something unique and savory!) and a peach flavored Monster energy drink that doesn’t seem to have an effect on him one way or another.

Lestat gets the biggest Coke in a cup you can get in North America and a large hashbrown from McDonald’s (I’m sad to report we don’t have a Buc-ee’s in New York state otherwise he���d get Beaver Tots, which is exactly the same thing as tater tots but with a more suggestive name). He does have a bladder the size of a walnut and every half hour they have to pull over somewhere so he can piss.

Louis is like me, he thinks he’s above gas station snacks and fast food until he’s in the thick of it and he’s stealing bites from everyone else, but by God, their last stop before they arrive will be at a sit-down restaurant with cloth napkins and sanitary restroom facilities.

Bonus

Louis is an audiobook in the car kind of guy; he’s not interested in hearing about Lestat’s playlists, and Armand is on thin fucking ice with the volume dial as it is.

What should have been a three hour drive turns into five hours with all the stops, and Lestat always wanting a new drink in his hand and then needing to pee. Armand really lays the PDA thick on Louis with Lestat stuck in the back, earning him a few well-deserved yanks on his curls, however, Armand does have the presence of mind to relent and switch seats with him for the final leg of their journey so Lestat won’t spend the weekend in a horrible mood.

✨Compromise!✨