#it’s like yay I’m glad you’re improving enough to protest but also YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS FOR ANOTHER WEEK

[skyward-floored]

I thought I’d made a post about this but apparently I didn’t, so

Kitty is improving!!

She’s still shaky when she walks and spends most of her time sleeping, but we’ve been able to get her to eat and drink semi-regularly. She’s been improving a little every day which has been SO relieving :)

[weasleyimaginewheezes]

Fred x reader / Expect the Unexpected (2/2)

Part 1

A/n Yay part 2! I’m glad you all liked the first one! So as you noticed I write Draco to be really quite mean but I do actually like him most of the time so I apologise to all the Draco fans out there, for the sake of this story he’s a complete a-hole. I really want to thank you all since I’m nearly at 500 followers! And also I am just generally leaving requests open now but since my writing block is over, I feel so much better in my writing :). This is another long(ish) fic because I get carried away. A/n

Word count: 3.8k+

Warnings: swearing, bullying (I guess).

“Fancy seeing you here.” Fred winked as you walked into see him sweeping away at a rather dusty part of the flooring.

You stood frozen, not knowing quite how to react to sharing detention with Fred. Filch had pushed you into the room with a broom for dusting and told you to get on with it. You just began to sweep an area, far enough away from Fred to gather your thoughts. You thought you would have been excited the next time you saw his stupid grinning face ever since you had found out that he potentially had a crush on you but instead you just felt nervous and worried. What if it was George who liked you? No. You shook that thought off quickly, George always teased you about Fred and constantly referred to yours and his friendship as a sibling type of thing plus you weren’t as close to him as you were to Fred. What if it wasn’t true at all?

You kept your eyes on the floor as questions flooded your brain. Fred looked at you confused, thinking maybe you were ignoring him. “Did I do something wrong?” It wouldn’t be the first time he had pissed someone off without knowing. At his question you looked up at him. He had stopped mindlessly dusting the same spot and was instead just looking at you for an answer. You shook your head firmly.

“No. I just want to get on with cleaning this floor.” Your voice was dismissive as you continued to sweep the settled dust particles. Fred quirked an eyebrow clearly not buying your desire to do a chore.  He stood continuing watching you but the reason why soon went from confusion to just an excuse to look at you and not continue with his detention.

“I can feel you staring at me, Weasley.” You smiled despite your nervous defence as Fred laughed, the sound echoing in the small dusty classroom. He didn’t deny it, didn’t even blush at being caught out he just sauntered up to you and carefully took the sweeping broom from your hand. You stared playfully at him as he threw your broom to the side with a thud and without looking. He had walked up quite close to you and was now smirking at the closeness. You panicked slightly and he noticed. Then just as his hand reached up to your face, the door of the classroom banged open.

“What’s going on in here?!” Filch’s eye twitched as he saw you and Fred standing closely together. He snarled and muttered, “Not under my nose you don’t”. You weren’t sure exactly what he assumed was going on but you didn’t have much time to think as he ushered you out of the classroom. You huffed but followed anyway, wondering how Filch had knew you weren’t doing your job and just as you thought it might have been the sound of the broom being thrown, you saw a glimpse of pale blonde hair from around the corner and a snigger that made your blood boil.

Filch led you down to the great lake where he gave you a bucket and told you to clean the surrounding area up of any pesky insects. You thought back to the dusty classroom and of Fred moaning about sweeping the floor and although you were currently holding a flobber-worm you managed to smile. You placed the worm into the bucket and then another and then another. You managed to find some weird tiny creatures you had never witnessed before thinking they were quite cool in appearance until one of them bit you, making your finger bleed heavily. And then as if your day couldn’t get any worse, 3 figures walked up to you with matching sniggers.

One of them kicked the bucket of worms, making you jump a little and defiantly look up to see Draco Malfoy. “Not with your little boyfriend anymore are you?” His voice was patronising as it rang in your ears. You rolled your eyes and continued to scour the ground for more creatures. “You know I thought when you got sorted into Slytherin and when I found out you came from Brazil, that you’d be cool.” You still ignored him even when he bent down to your level and glared at you. “Turns out your as bad a blood traitor as he is.” You took a deep breath and turned away to search another area, resisting the urge to punch him as he once more sniggered. He walked away and you closed your eyes with a deep sigh. God why couldn’t he just leave you alone. You guessed it was worse now that your mother was doing so well at her new ministry job, constantly standing up to Draco’s father.

You sat on a warm patch of grass close to the lake and watched the water ripple in the wake of the soft summer wind. A few official looking people were walking around the lake and seemed to be measuring it out for something. Just as your attention was caught by these people, someone came up behind you and covered your eyes. You immediately jumped and screamed angrily thinking it was Draco back for more taunting and in a quick flash of an idea, you pushed the assumed assailant into the shallow end of the lake.

You gasped as you saw Fred re-emerge from the water with a shudder. He wiped the water from his eyes and blinked up at you. You instantly got up and apologised before Fred broke into loud roaring laughter. “You pushed me in the lake!” Fred emphasised his words with laughter and playfully looked shocked at you.

“I’m sorry!” You gave him your best apologetic smile as you spoke to him. “To be fair, you shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.” You crossed your arms and raised your eyebrows up, Fred looked ready to argue but his protest seemed to die in his throat as he lowered his head to his chest and nodded.

“You’re right. I’m sorry love, I shouldn’t have done such a thing.” You were cautious of his behaviour but foolishly accepted the sentiment, reaching out as he held a hand out for help. Just as you attempted to pull him out of the water, you were pulled in yourself by Fred’s strong grip. You tumbled into the lake and became soaked with water. You screeched at the chill of the water and once you’d regained your stance, you hit Fred painfully on the arm. He just continued to laugh.

“You are so dead Weasley!” You gritted your teeth and just as you were about to strike at him again, he grabbed your wrist with a playful glint in his eye.

“Oh yeah?” The way that Fred looked at you with his smirking face made your stomach flutter. You cursed at the cliched feeling and at Fred for being this damn attractive up close. He pulled you in to him and just as he moved to close the gap between your lips, you freaked and pulled back quickly. Fred’s face turned to hurt quickly and you instantly hated yourself for hurting him but before you could think of the words to say his look turned confused matching the state of your conflicted mind. Your brain rushed as you walked as quickly as you could out of the water and back to the castle with a muttered apology. Strange looks were exchanged between students and you as your robes left a trail of muddy water. You, however, paid no attention to them and made a beeline for the safety of your dormitory. You imagined Fred, confused and alone in the shallow depths of the lake and for once thinking of Fred didn’t bring a smile to your face, just a sense of confusion and guilt.

Your panic was stupid and simply rose because you had never been kissed or in a serious relationship before and the idea freaked you out a bit, you wouldn’t have a clue of what you were doing and admitting that to Fred was just embarrassing. You were sure he’d just laugh at you.  Your thoughts were less than peaceful as you slept that night.

Over breakfast the next morning, you discussed what had been troubling you to one of your Slytherin roommates. She seemed to be less than interested in your problem as she ate her way through breakfast and gave one part of advice before leaving for her next class, “Just shut up and shag him.” You rolled your eyes and fought your irritation at her crude nature. You decided to not discuss the matter any further with your friends and instead went on with the rest of your week.

Several teachers had suggested for your classes that you reach out for extra help with improvement from some other students. One of these students was Hermione Granger, the brown bushy haired friend of Harry Potter’s. She was helpful in your studies and although she was the year below she knew an awful lot for her age. You became friends with her rather quickly and from there it was easy to become friends with other Gryffindor’s who seemed to trust Hermione’s judgement. You tended to spend more time with them and you sensed you so called Slytherin ‘friends’ becoming annoyed. You could tell Draco had been in their ears spilling more untrue rumours as they confronted you in the common room one night. All but one of the girls you were friends with dismissed you after the fight.

Which increased your time spent with the Gryffindor’s and some Hufflepuff’s that your brother introduced you to. He also started to hang around with the Gryffindor’s and eventually gained his cool after Harry began talking to him and he realised he was as ordinary as him. But you didn’t see your brother as often as you liked because he became busier with his own friends and his own school life. You were happy he was okay and laughed every time you ‘embarrassed’ him in front of his friends but part of you missed his excitement and Hufflepuff spirit. You had seen less of Cedric as well ever since he’d been made a Triwizard champion, his time seemed took up by the strain of the competition.

Being friends with the Gryffindor’s made it harder to avoid Fred like you hoped. He was constantly trying to catch your eye and smile at you. Eventually you had to talk to him but you kept it friendly and always tried to be in a group to lessen the awkwardness even though you could sense the unspoken tension between the both of you.

A couple of weeks later you were pulled to the side of the Gryffindor common room just as you were about to leave. After a second, you realised it was George and breathed a small sigh of relief, that didn’t go unnoticed by the twin. “Okay why are you avoiding Fred like he has dragon pox?”

“What? I’m not!” You were affronted, you had just been speaking to Fred. Okay so it was a group conversation but still you were talking to him. George didn’t buy it, you could tell by his knowing expression.

“Come on (y/n). He told me what happened.” Your head lowered in avoidance of the conversation but you knew he wasn’t going to let this go easily. You trusted George, sure he was a prankster and a master of deception but when it came to serious stuff he was generally trustworthy.

“Okay look, I like Fred. Really like him but,” And so you told George your embarrassing struggle with a light blush on your cheeks. His response was a laugh but it wasn’t malicious or even mischievous. It was an ‘are-you-serious?’ laugh that was gentle, he placed his hands reassuringly on your shoulders.

“(y/n). None of that matters, trust me he doesn’t care. He won’t shut up about you.” Your blush become fiercer at George’s words. “Just talk to him, okay?” You nodded with a smile and gave George a playful push on his shoulder. He nudged yours as he walked past, re-joining the small gathered group around the sofa. You knew he wouldn’t say anything to Fred, at least not yet but if you didn’t soon then well, his theory was he couldn’t be blamed.

A week later you got the courage to speak to Fred alone and in the most earnest way possible. You were trembling with nerves as you awaited outside the Gryffindor portrait waiting for it to open since you didn’t have the password. A few Gryffindor’s opened the portrait but refused to let you in with disgusted looks. What the hell? You thought. Even Hermione didn’t let you in. It wasn’t until George exited the portrait hole that you discovered the truth.

“Oh hey (y/n).” He greeted you and you felt relief at the friendly face but a bit sad his twin wasn’t with him. “Fred’s with Lee in the great hall.” George spoke knowing why your face fell when no one followed him out. You nodded in thanks but stopped him as he walked further.

“George?” He swung back around at your questioning tone and looked expectantly at you. “Why is everyone looking at me like I committed a murder?” George looked confused until a Ravenclaw proved your point by giving you a pure look of hatred.

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” George rubbed his neck and grimaced at the shake of your head. “Well, there’s a rumour going around about you. Several actually but not one of which I believe to be true.” You would have been grateful for his dismissal of rumours if your anger had not just boiled up at the thought of Draco Malfoy spreading yet more false truths about you. You asked what they were, trying to keep your anger at bay for the moment. George looked hesitantly at you, something that wasn’t often for him. “um, apparently your parents are death eaters who did some pretty heinous things and-,” Your jaw had already dropped but your shock wasn’t enough for the next words that the twin said. “and that you’re one too.” You felt ready to pass out with the amount of rage and shock in your system.

“That little bastard!” Your teeth were heavily gritted as you spat out your words. George seemed to know who you meant as he nodded.

“Oh and you’re also apparently a prude.” George added with a scoffing chuckle. He shook his head. “That one’s just mean and I swear it wasn’t me.” He added his last words quickly as your eyes narrowed towards him. He was the only one you had told besides-

Now it was two people you were out to kill.

You stormed down to the Slytherin common room with a fury in your eyes. Several people stopped to ask you if it was true or if they could see the dark mark tattooed but you fought every urge to push them out of the way and instead walked around them. More students stared, others sniggered. In all your years of moving, never had you encountered such cruelty.

The girl who you had discussed your problem about Fred to sat on an armchair by the fire. As you stormed over, she looked up from the book she was reading with an evil smirk. You yelled at her brashly, gaining attention from the occupants of the room before your explicit words left her stunned and looking guilty. Your rant was a blur you didn’t remember a word you had said but it must have left an impression because the girl apologised.

You shortly left to find Draco, he was in the great hall. He smirked and whispered to Crabbe and Goyle as you used your anger to storm up to him and give him the same treatment. But your words didn’t have as much as an effect on the younger Slytherin boy who just laughed and claimed ownership of the rumour. He yelled it louder for the whole of the hall to hear and as everyone turned to face you including Fred, you broke. The last thing you heard was heightened whispers from the hall as you ran out into the courtyard. You hated crying in public but it was hardly a thing to be stopped as you sunk down onto a bench and sobbed.

You heard footsteps and lifted your head from your hands to see your brother looking worried.

“Don’t listen to him, (y/n).” He sat on the seat next to you and you met his sweet smile.

“I know, it’s just- he seems to have it out for me.” You wiped your tears hurriedly on your robes and tried your best to smile. Your brother nodded and rubbed your arm comfortingly.

“He has it out for everyone. He even makes fun of Harry and he’s- well he’s Harry Potter!” You managed to laugh at your brother’s obvious tone which made the knot in your chest break a little bit. You smiled down at where he was trying his best to comfort you.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the wise, older sibling?”

You and your brother sat laughing for a while until you felt well enough to go about the rest of the day. You didn’t even notice Fred had also followed you out but once he had seen you laughing with your brother, he decided to leave you because he knew better than anyone sometimes your family were the best comfort of all and there was nothing wiser than a brother.

You hoped for the rumours to die down over the Christmas holidays but they still persisted much to your dismay. Most students had seemed to realise they were fictional rumours especially after you had shown them your quite plain forearm but some were still sceptical of you.

But not Fred or George who had also sent you Christmas presents. They didn’t pay attention to the rumours and stayed true to you as friends. George had become somewhat of a brotherly figure to you but you hated the sense of tension that still came from talking to Fred. You realised you hadn’t spoken to him since the incident at the lake and you hated yourself. Fred however seemed not to care.

The Yule ball came and passed. You didn’t go because you couldn’t face everyone so publicly and dances just didn’t interest you. Cedric had asked if you had a date and you shook your head sadly saying you weren’t going. He tried to convince you but it didn’t work. Fred also inquired about your plans and as much as you had dreamed about him asking you, forgetting all the awkwardness and just dancing with him, you told him you weren’t going. He too, like Cedric, tried his best to convince you right up until the night before the ball but you kept to your not-going-policy. You couldn’t help the stab to the heart when you knew he had asked Angelina but it there was only you to blame.

You had taken to sit by yourself during the period after the rumours and even though most people were now on your side, you liked the solitude. It also seemed that you still got dirty looks from at least one student no matter where you sat so you opted for a faraway space at the end of a table. However, your solitude always managed to be broken at every meal by a very persistent redhead.

Fred had first sat with you the day after the rumours started and after your yelling match with Draco. He hadn’t spoken to you, just sat and ate his lunch with a smile. It was the quietest you had ever known him to be. Sometimes he was accompanied by George who joked with you but he remained ever silent unless it was to finish a punchline of George’s joke. It was all very strange.

The first day back after Christmas, you questioned him. “Why do you sit with me?”

Fred looked up from his food in mild shock. He chewed thoughtfully, mulling over the question before shrugging and responding with, “You intrigue me.” His words were so odd but spoken with such simplicity that it made you simultaneously blush and smile. “You’re not like most other Slytherin’s.” Another shrug as he continued in his explanation with a smirk.

“Why are you so quiet when you sit with me? I’ve never known you to be so silent.” You smiled inquisitively as Fred laughed and nodded in agreement.

“I guess I just don’t feel the need to grab your attention like I do with most others. I just like being in your company.” It was such a sweet and genuine answer that it made your heart melt. Fred resumed eating with a smile towards you. You thought about how there was more than one side to the redheaded troublemaker and you suddenly felt much surer and comfortable talking to him. But something still loomed over your friendship.

“Fred, I want to apologise for that day at the lake.” You couldn’t handle speaking to him with the weight of the tension hanging over you. To your surprise he smiled at you and winked.

“It’s fine.” His confident nature faltered as he continued. “You clearly don’t want that and I understand. I was a prat.” Your heart stopped, sinking to your stomach in painful realisation. Fred looked nonchalant as he continued eating but you spotted the pain behind his smile.

“Fred that’s not- That’s not true.” Your heart had resumed to beat but in a very fast pace. Your nerves were uncontrollable. You felt your throat run dry as Fred furrowed his brows at you in confusion. He silently asked for more of an explanation and you felt the words come out as word vomit. “I do want that. I want you, it’s just I’ve never done anything like that before,” you felt your cheeks flare with an embarrassed blush. “I’ve never even been in a relationship before. I really like you but I- I don’t know what I’m doing.” You shook your head and took a significant interest in your food. You couldn’t see Fred’s kind smile or the way he looked disbelieving and relieved at the same time at your confession. You did however watch as he walked around the edge of the table to sit in the space next to you. Your breath shallowed as you met his gaze. He lifted his index finger to trace your jawline and you shivered at his gentle touch.

“I don’t care about all that” He cupped your face and pulled you closer to him. You didn’t feel the panic or the need to pull away as he smiled sweetly at you. “and for the record I like you too.” You smiled back briefly watching Fred smirk before his lips met yours. You gasped and froze on the spot before settling into the kiss. The whole feeling of Fred’s soft lips felt so natural against your own. You were surprised at how easy it was to kiss him back. He was the one to pull back first, you moaned a little at the loss of his warmth to which he laughed. He then rested his head against yours and grinned widely prompting you to return with a rather toothy grin of your own. You didn’t even notice the rest of the people in the great hall as Fred pulled you up by the hand and walked you out to the entrance hall where he showed you the art of snogging. You wondered how you had lived before without Fred’s kiss and the taste of his lips as you were pushed up against the wall with a clash of tongues and teeth.

You could’ve sworn you heard a wolf whistle as a crowd of Gryffindor’s exited the great hall. “Get some Freddie!”

[writingjusttowrite8]

Warmth (Chapter 11)

So, this is a little late… my bad. Life has been super hectic, but I graduated college so yay! This doesn’t contain much smut (though there is a bit), cuz it’s mostly fluffy romance. Tom’s hair has me feelin’ some type of way for a while now, so be prepared for the next chapter to be all about that lol. As always, thank you so much for your continued support in reading this story. I’ve gotten some really sweet messages that truly make me happier than words can describe, so thank you all so much for that. Please let me know what you guys think!

You can also read this on AO3! 

Part 1| Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 |

-

I jumped into Tom's arms; ignoring how he ungracefully dropped the stuff he was carrying. He had clearly been working out; his chest was hard and wide and his arms were thicker than I remembered. I clutched his chest close to me and wrapped my legs around his waist.

"You're here, really here," I said, breathing in his scent. I felt his bearded chin nuzzle into the side of my face, and him placing gentle kisses on my cheek. I pulled back a bit to look at him, my eyes glassy, and run my hand through his beard.

"I had to come see you. I was going mad, especially after my drunken night of revelations. Seeing you over Skype and hearing your voice on the phone is great, but feeling you with my own hands is infinitely better," Tom said, gently letting me down to the floor.

"But, how did you have the time to-"

"I made time. I'll always make time for you," He said, placing both hands over my cheeks. My smile grew, and so did his before he leaned down to kiss me. It was hot and intense, feeling his lips move along with mine after so long without it. I wrapped my fingers in his longer hair and groaned at the feeling.

"God, love your hair like this," I groaned against his lips. I felt him smirk, but he didn't cease his movement. He was mauling my neck, pressing me against the wall outside of my suite. I hiked my leg around his him, and Tom held onto it and pulled it higher. His hips ground into mine and I felt myself get dizzy with anticipation.

"You know," I said while Tom kissed at the base of my neck, "there's a very large and private bed inside, if you want to get comfortable in there." In lieu of a verbal response, Tom hiked my entire body up, holding me, and walked me into the room before dropping me onto the bed. His lips found mine again, but something else crossed my mind. "My presents!" I shouted, which muffled against his lips.

"I'll get you more," He said, obviously consumed solely with getting me undressed. I whined in protest.

"I want those..." I said, tugging his hair. His head dropped to my shoulder and he grunted before quickly spinning around, getting the bear and chocolates from the hallway and slamming the door shut once more.

"May I properly ravish you now?" Tom asked, a slight hint of amusement and pain in his voice. I scooted up further onto the bed.

"Do your worst."

-

I awoke to soft snoring and the rhythmic rise and fall of a chest underneath me. I inhaled Tom's bare skin for what seemed like the millionth time in the last 12 hours, desperately trying to commit it to memory. I glanced at the clock to see 8:43 a.m. flashing, before looking up at Tom's peaceful sleeping face. He was getting so pale, his hair turning back to its natural ginger; that boy needs to see the sun more often. I shifted around a bit, not wanting to disturb our moment of serenity, but tried to climb up further onto Tom so I could kiss him. My hands played with his hair while I placed love bites on his neck. I felt him nuzzle into me, making his coarse beginning of a beard tickle my skin. I lifted my lips to his; eyes still closed, and licked his bottom lip for entrance. His tongue swirled with mine and I felt him grasp my hips. My core was still wet and slick from our multiple couplings last night, and I ground into him, feeling his erection come to life. One of his hands came up to kneed my breast and tweak my nipple, and his mouth never once faltered while on mine.

           I trailed one of my hands down between us to pump his cock a few times, almost getting embarrassed when I realized just how wet I was. I moaned into his mouth as I lifted my hips and guided him into me. His hand gripped me tighter as my head dropped to the side to catch my breath.

“I love having you… inside of me…” I breathed into the shell of his ear. He groaned and began bucking into me. I sat back, balancing on his chest and began moving up and down. His eyes were only slightly open, staring at me as I threw my head back in ecstasy. His hands grabbed at mine and he intertwined our fingers together. We moved slowly, relishing in the feel every stroke and soft touch. I leaned back down over him, so that I could kiss him as deeply as possible. I gasped as I came, rubbing my clit on the coarse and wiry hair at the base of his cock. He pumped himself into me a few more times before releasing into me. His cum felt hot and fulfilling, and I nearly passed out on top of Tom.

“I miss waking up like that,” he whispered into my ear. I smiled while still breathing heavily and chuckled a bit.

“Soon we’ll be able to wake up like this all the time,” I said. Tom rubbed his large, warm hands in soothing circles on my back.

“Indeed my love, we will. Soon,” He said, staring down at me. My smile faded a bit when a realization came over me.

“How long do you have here?” I asked, propping myself on my elbow to look at him.

“Today and tonight. I leave early tomorrow morning,” Tom said, sadness in his eye.

“How’s shooting going?” I asked, trying to get off the subject of him leaving.

“Well enough. The script isn’t as fully formed as I initially thought. I like it though; the producers actually listen to me, and the rest of us, when we want to make changes. I miss being a producer. I might have to try it out again soon,” A proud smile replaced the sadness that had washed over him. I let out a wide grin; I loved seeing such passion out of Tom. He was truly made to be an actor.

“I’m glad. But not too soon. We’re finally getting some time off in a couple weeks, remember?” I asked. Tom chuckled and rolled on top of me, brushing some hair out of my face.

“If this morning is any inclination as to what awaits me in our time off together, you better believe I will never forget it.”

             We showered and dressed quickly, and began eating breakfast in the small sitting area of my room. I was buttering a croissant when Tom asked me about a subject I’d nearly forgotten.

“Are you truly not mad at me for the way I announced our relationship. I know you’ve said you’re not, but I need you to be honest with me. It’s okay if you’re mad; to be honest, I’m a little mad at myself. I shouldn’t have let something as big as that slip,” he said.  I took a bit of my croissant before responding, wanting to choose my words carefully.

“I’m not mad; the only thing I’m mad about was that so many people got to see your fun, drunk side and I still haven’t. But in all seriousness, I’m not. It was bound to come out at some point, and the timing wasn’t ideal, but I doubt there would ever be an ideal time. If anything, I’m mad at myself. I feel bad for forcing you to hold it in for so long. If I had known that the sense of relief that overcame me when I found out, I would have never asked you to hide it. I want us to be a team, not just to each other, but also in the eyes of the world. Our lives are our own, and giving the power over to everybody else to dictate how our relationship should go isn’t something I want to do anymore. I want to be with you; I think I have from the moment I met you. I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore. No matter the circumstance, I think what happened was for the best,” I said. We were sitting so close to each other I had to crane my neck up to look at him. He was contemplative, taking into consideration ever word I said.  I small, tender smile started on his lips, and I could have cried because of how happy it made me.

“You really are something different all together. I love you,” Tom said. I reached up and placed a tender kiss on his lips, with he returned with the same kind of love. It wasn’t the normal, heated kiss that ended with each other tangled in the sheets, but the kind of kiss that reassured intimacy in other forms.

“I love you too,” I said once we pulled apart, “but we’re in one of the most romantic cities in the world on valentines weekend. We should explore a bit before coming back here and fucking each other senseless.”

Tom’s eyebrows rose up at me. “Or we could just skip the exploring and go straight to the senseless fucking?” He gave me a cocky grin. I pouted and looked up at him through my lashes. He rolled his eyes and sighed, giving me a small smile of amusement. “Or we could do whatever you want to.” I smiled, grabbed his face and pulled him into a sweet kiss.

“Good choice.”

-

Paris was always beautiful, but it was even more beautiful being there with someone you love. Tom had been giving me lessons in French all day, trying to improve my very broken understanding of the language. But the way he was able to so flawlessly fit in to those around him never ceased to amaze me.

“I’ve worked here a lot. We came to France quite a bit as children and spent most of our holidays here. That’s really only why I know it so well,” Tom said, as we walked down the street.

“It is quite beautiful here; have you ever considered moving here?” I asked. Tom took a moment before responding, holding my hand a little closer and rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of it.

“Not really. Sometimes the beauty of a place can only remain if you keep it at a distance. I’m not sure I would like it the same way if I lived here,” He finally said.

“That’s very poetic,” I started, “keeping something at a distance so not to tarnish it’s beauty.” Tom shrugged

“Would you ever move here?” He asked me.

“No!” I responded much quicker than I should have. “I mean, I love London too much. Plus we’re away so often, that having another place to try to be together would just be too much,” I corrected. Tom chuckled a bit at me.

“Well, if you’re not here then I certainly would have no reason to be,” Tom said. He stopped us and pressed a sweet kiss onto my cheek. I blushed at such a public display of affection, especially after hiding it for so long. As I looked up at him when he pulled away, I realized there wasn’t any reason to hide, and let myself do what I’ve wanted to do for so long now. I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him back down for a deeper kiss. Our mouths moved in sync, and he grabbed my cheek with his large hand. I always hated couples who made such a spectacle of their relationship, but now I realized what I’d been missing out on. Kissing Tom so publically felt so freeing; as if I was finally saying ‘He’s mine! We’re together! And we can make out whenever we want because he’s mine!’

           I was the first to pull away from the kiss, but I pressed a few short ones as I pulled away. I looked up at him to see a flushed, boyish grin on his face, and my deep red lipstick smothered along his mouth.

“Sorry, I guess I got caught up,” I said biting my lip and using my thumb to get some of the lipstick off.

“I’m not sorry at all. I’m glad we finally get to do this now. And I intend to keep doing this for a very long time,” Tom said before pulling me into another mind-numbing kiss.

-

By the time Tom and I made it back to the room, we were clawing at one another. We’d barley shut the door before our lips were on each other’s again. He led me back to the bed, and I fell onto it with Tom towering over me. He grinned down at me and a devilish look overcame him. I started breathing heavier with anticipation. Tom trapped me between his arms, his face hovering over mine. I lifted my head to attach our lips, but he used one hand to gently push it down. For a few moments, Tom traced my skin with the tip of his nose, nuzzling me occasionally and making me giggle a bit whenever his beard would rub me. Finally he connected our lips, and I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. This kind of intimacy was so agonizingly wonderful. My hands were all over him; tracing his face, in his hair, down his neck, until a buzzing sound came from my purse.

I rolled over, fumbling around in my carelessly discarded purse before pulling out my phone. I finally got it and looked at my screen in confusion.

“Who is it?” Tom asked, between pressing ticklish kisses against my neck.

“It’s Henry… that’s odd,” I said. Tom kept kissing my neck, but I felt him falter a bit. I debated whether or not to answer it for a minute, before putting my phone down. But before I could actually get it down, I felt Tom’s hand slide down my arm and grab the phone from my hand. He accepted the call on the last ring and pressed it to his hear.

“Hello?” Tom said into the phone, nonchalantly. He sat back on his knees, keeping me pinned beneath him. I swatted his chest and mouthed ‘what are you doing?’ at him. Tom smirked down at me and I could hear Henry’s deep voice on the other end.

“This is her… boyfriend,” Tom said. Part of me was angry for answering it, but another part became curious as to why he had hesitated before saying ‘boyfriend’. I looked up at him and tried to get out of his grasp and tear the phone away from him, but he was able to hold my arms down with his free hand.

“Ah, well, unfortunately [Y/N] will be otherwise occupied tonight. She won’t be joining you,” He said smugly. Henry had called me wanting to go out? This was odd.

“That’s kind of you to offer, but I believe I’ll be more than capable of keeping [Y/N] entertained by myself. Have a good evening,” Tom hung up the phone. My cheeks burned; half from anger at his actions, half in embarrassment.

“What the hell, Tom!” I screamed at him, once he let me go. I pushed him off of me and walked to the other side of the room, after grabbing my phone from his hands.

“He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he be asking you out to dinner on Valentines Day?” Tom asked, a hint of anger playing in his voice. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Because he’s nice. He didn’t know you were in town and figured I’d be alone. Also, we’re coworkers! It isn’t exactly unheard of for coworkers to go to dinner together. We went out together plenty of times before we started dating!” I continued.

“Exactly, and look where we ended up!” He said standing up and walking in front of me.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked incredulously.

“We were friends well before we started dating,” Tom said, darkly. I looked at him in disbelief.

“You think I’m cheating on you?” I asked, my voice quiet.

“NO! But I don’t trust him! He shouldn’t be going after you, I thought it would be best to ward him off a bit,” Tom’s voice wavered a bit. I stood frozen. Anger, disbelief, and sadness coursed through my body.

“You honestly think that was the way to ‘ward him off’? Being rude to him? Speaking for me? Accusing him of intentions you have no way of proving? That’s really what you came up with?” I asked through gritted teeth. The realization of what he did finally washed over Tom. His angry expression faded, and his eyes dropped to the floor.

“He gets to be around you. You work with him every day. He gets to see you, to touch you, to feel you. I don’t. I’m thousands of miles away and some other man gets to be there for you. You have to understand how horrible it is for me to know this.” Tom said, staring at the floor.

“You don’t think I’m jealous too? That other women get to be around you and I don’t? Women constantly thrown themselves at you, Tom! I have to grin and bear it and it sucks but I do it! You’ll have to figure out a way to do it too!” I said. I relaxed my arms and rubbed my face. How can such a sweet, hot moment of love turn into… this.

“I’m sorry,” Tom whispered, “I shouldn’t have done that.” I took a deep breath.

“No you shouldn’t have. Why did you?” I asked. Tom sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m terrified of loosing you, of letting other people into our relationship. If anyone ever caught you two out, even just as friends, the media would jump on it and try to tear us apart. I’ve been through that before, and I’m not strong enough to ignore it all again. I can’t loose you, [Y/N]. I love you so much and my jealously got the best of me. I’m so sorry,” His eyes looked up to mine with a pleading look. I walked over to him, but he made no move to touch me. I placed my hands on either side of his face and looked up at him.

“We can’t let anyone tear us apart; not Henry, not the media, anyone. I won’t let them. I love you Tom, so much that it can be painful. Don’t let anyone else affect you like that. I’m with you, only you. Never doubt that,” I pleaded with him. I wasn’t angry anymore, just sad. The separation and unexpected announcement of our relationship had taken a major toll on us, and we hadn’t even realized it. His hand cupped mine, keeping it to his face, as he stared down lovingly at me.

“I won’t.”

-

The wind blew harshly against my face as we walked into the airport. The normal entrance was too crowded with paparazzi, so we were taken through a back entrance with significantly less weather coverage. I grabbed onto Tom’s arm tighter and he squeezed my hand in assurance. Despite my hatred of the cold, I was thankful that it was consuming my thoughts over what our actual purpose was here. Tom was leaving to go back to L.A. to finish filming. Though the trip was unexpected and quick, it stung a bit whenever he had to leave.

           We finally made it inside of a small side alcove connected to the boarding zone of the air plane, and the person who had been walking us in turned to us and told Tom it would be a few minutes before he could board. Tom nodded curtly and the man exited the area. I looked up at Tom while he placed his hands on either side of my face, smoothing out my hair.

“We’re getting better at this; I’m not even crying this time,” I joked. It was supposed to sound humorous, but my sadness drowned the fun out.

“You said it yourself; soon we won’t have to say goodbye for a while,” He reminded me.

“Yeah, but we’re having to say it right now,” I started, “Living in the present is a lot harder to do than looking to the future.”

“But that future will be much better. And it’s not that distant, only a few more weeks,” Tom said. I grimaced when he said weeks. His attempt to cheer me up was failing, and I felt bad for making it so hard.

“Thank you for coming out to see me. I’m really happy you came,” I said. He smirked mischievously.

“I believe we both came, quite a few times actually,” Tom teased. I playfully slapped his chest, embarrassed by his comment. He laughed at my reaction and tugged me in for a tight hug. I reciprocated the hug, holding onto him for dear life.

“I love you so much, never doubt that. I’m yours; entirely,” I whispered. Tom pulled back just a little, so that he could capture my lips in a deep kiss. I kissed back just as fervently. When he finally pulled away, we were both breathless.

“As am I. I love you,” Tom rested his forehead against mine. I looked into his eyes once more, and pressed a very quick last kiss. The man who led us here cleared his throat, alerting us to his presence. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, but Tom didn’t seem to mind.

“Call me when you get to L.A.,” I said, voice breaking a bit. Tom nodded, stepping back towards the plane, but still holding onto my hand. He pressed a kiss to the back of my hand while maintaining eye contact, before dropping it and turning to board. I watched him for a few moments, waved back at him when he quickly spun around to wave at me, and wiped my eyes for the few stray tears that had fallen.

Only a couple more weeks, I told myself, then Tom and I can truly start our lives together.

[toycarousel]

(2018 anon) mom forced me to go to the hospital, said I was crisis. said I have strong anxiety issues. Said to stay away from media. I said don't worry I won't be able to afford it soon anyway. So after a few days of nothing and "calming down", they finally let me watch tv today and use my phone and oh look, bullshit. Another reason to not make it to the new year. What do they want me to do? Not worry about my happiness being pulled away? I tried waiting and it did nothing. now what.

I’m really, really, really glad you followed up with me, Anon... I’ve been praying that you’re still with us... as long as you’re alive, there’s a chance at having a good life.

Wrt hospitalization, I completely understand how uncomfortable and terrifying it often is... I was hospitalized against my will when I was 16 (my therapist at the time actually tricked me into it, too, which is malpractice).  If it’s voluntary, it can sometimes be extremely helpful.  Even when it’s not voluntary, it can help (in terms of making connections and getting the resources that are actually helpful -- not just being forced to “calm down,” because I agree with you fully; that’s total bullshit).  And when it comes to waiting, well.  It’s a long-term wait (not, like, a decade-long -- but it could take a few months).  In the meantime, I don’t want you to just have to suffer without anything else to help you through!

I myself don’t have all the answers, and I’m definitely not a psychiatrist or other medical professional, but I’m always going to reply to you if I receive your message, and talk to you, whenever you want it -- and I will always do my best to suggest various things.  However, sometimes psychiatric skills (a lot of stuff I learned from DBT) don’t help unless you really want them to... it’s kinda like you have to make this stuff work for yourself.  And, in response to that, I have also said to my psychologists (since I don’t always know whether I even want the skills they suggest to work for me or not either) that the trick is finding something -- anything -- that currently makes life meaningful enough to really make these techniques useful, without having to just... pretend they’re working for the sake of it.

Now, it doesn’t mean just being positive about everything, or, like, pretending that the horrible things that have happened to you (and are currently happening to you) didn’t happen, or that they’re not worth being distressed about.  You never have to pretend that your emotions aren’t what they are rn.  You have every right to be angry, and scared, and exhausted, and any of the other emotions (and thoughts) you’re having at this time.  

Your thoughts and feelings are completely fair, Anon, and I know that you’re currently being forced to go through awful things that aren’t within your control.  The horrible political changes in the U.S, the hospitalization, the gender-related cruelties, the feeling of dehumanization, and of being brushed off...

These are all things I understand... I can never know another person’s pain in the exact way that they experience it, since we all experience pain differently, but I promise, when I offer techniques or suggestions, it’s because I want to help brainstorm with you, not because I want you to suddenly be like “yay, I’m all better, everything’s perfect, thanks.”  

I want to keep trying alongside you, because your life is worth more than you’re being told by the government, and by the people around you who’ve mistreated you.  I want to find something (hopefully multiple things, when practiced simultaneously) that help you feel even slightly better -- or that are at least useful in some sort of way! 

But I wanted to be clear that I do respect the fact that you’re suffering right now, and that it feels as though suicide is the only way out (it’s never the only option, but I know that, when things are as incredibly hurtful as they are, it can certainly look that way, and I don’t think you should just be told to “calm down and accept” all this other horrible shit).

So let’s get more into things, and do some more troubleshooting! I don’t know what else the hospital is doing for you (if they’re offering any sort of useful therapy at all), but I’ve got some things I can offer.  

In going through dialectic behavioural therapy, I’ve been taught some things that can help when your distress level is so high that suicide/self-harm seems like the only way to fix it.  When you are in that place where you’re being completely driven by painful emotions, a good way to bring the distress level down from about 100/100 to, like, a 70/100, is to change your body chemistry.  I know this tip sounds ridiculous, but it’s basically filling a bowl with ice water, and sticking your face in it for a maximum of 30 seconds (if you can hold your breath that long -- if not, just do it for as long as you’re able), then coming back up.

What this tip does is it literally tricks the body into thinking you’ve suddenly dove into icy water.  It thinks you’re in danger of freezing to death, so your parasympathetic nervous system is engaged (to warm, and protect your major organs), and norepinephrine -- a slightly calming “feel-good” hormone -- is released into your brain as a side-effect of that engagement.  It’s not going to make you feel high or anything, but it forces your brain chemistry to change into something that will help in the moment with intense dismay and panic.  (If you don’t have access to a bowl of ice water that you can stick your face into, using a cold pack, or even a cloth soaked in icy water can work instead -- as long as you kind of bend your face forward as though you’re diving into the source of the cold, that physical response will engage).

Now, that’s just one single tip.  It’s by no means a long-term solution to anything, and if you don’t want to bother with it, I understand.  It might be something that’s good to try a few times, but hey, if it doesn’t work for you after practicing it for a little while, then don’t worry, there are more options, and I’ll keep messaging you any time you want to follow-up (I mean, this tip is definitely not going to fix the government, unfortunately, so I get that).  It’s just for those times that are even worse than usual, when you’re certain you’re going to do something to harm yourself -- when your unhappiness peaks, and everything feels like it’s all crashing down on you...

Longer-term techniques are good to work on when your distress level isn’t at its very worst (like, maybe after using a cold-pack, when the distress level goes down slightly).  I know you’re probably feeling awful most of the time, so remember that you don’t have to feel massively better in order to do the following, and you don’t have to put on a mask for anyone.  You don’t have to look on the bright side if you don’t feel like it!

So, to start building a life worth living, even in the midst of all this horror you’re having to deal with, it’s good to start small.  As I mentioned previously, getting involved in something that matters to you -- something that you think could actually make a difference to political policies, for example, or help improve life for LGBT+ people, is a good place to start.  It’s good to get extremely specific to the things that affect you, and the things, and people, that you, at your very core, value.

Since your phone and internet are subject to being taken away from you at certain times rn, I’d look up as much as I can on the subject of online activist or LGBT+ support groups (or in-person ones, if you feel like that’s an option), as possible, during those moments when you do have access to your phone.  You could also ask the hospital if they have any pamphlets on LGBT+ support groups, support groups for suicidal people, or even political/social protest groups.  

Because sometimes it’s better to talk to other people who are going through the same sorts of things that you are, as opposed to only talking to “professionals,” you know? Meeting other people who are angry about being dehumanized, about being marginalized, about being tormented by a disgusting excuse for a president -- may feel kinda good, because when you’re around people like that, you can be angry.  You can be hurt, and in immense pain.  You can openly talk, and scream, and be honest, and true to your emotions around people who feel similarly, who are suffering under the same shitty political policies, and who want to support you, and each other.

Now, again, I’m not saying you gotta be an activist, or do anything you don’t want to do, and/or don’t have the emotional energy to do.  There’s nothing wrong with that, if it’s the case.  I’d totally just start by talking to American LGBT+ pro groups, either online or offline -- whichever is more accessible, or less unappealing.  Because then you can swap ideas with other LGBT+ Americans who are getting screwed over... and some of them may know of some things that are changing for the better (or that indicate that these policies are likely not gonna last long, along with trump as president), and you can talk to other LGBT+ ppl who are hurting...

If activism or support groups (online or offline) sound terrible or ineffective to you, then there are still different options.  What else do you care about in your life? Like, do you like animals? Do you like drawing? Are there any shows that were able to make you smile once? Focusing on these tiny things can buy you time in the moment -- and, over time, they can actually start to change life, in a more permanent way.

I’ve got a similar emotional state going on (mine’s for reasons besides trump and his nasty fallout, luckily, but I’ve been suicidal for p much my whole life due to, well, a lot of things I don’t tend to talk about).  So my psychologist basically asked me what I just asked you: Is there something/someone you care about, even if it’s just a little bit? 

For me, it’s that I care about animals, so now I’m volunteering at the animal shelter, whenever I’m able to.  Those animals need me... and even though my BPD isn’t going anywhere, and my PTSD isn’t going to heal just from volunteering somewhere, and aaaaaaall those years I lost to abuse, and trauma... sometimes it’s just-barely enough to know that my cats need me, the older bunnies at the shelter need me.  My boyfriend, my mom, my sister -- they all need me, so I try to do favours for them, and help them, and even though I’m absolutely falling apart, and screaming, and grieving inside myself at all times, those things/people that I still care about have helped me remember that I’m still alive, and therefore, there is still hope.

Now, as I said, I know I can’t understand your individual pain, and your exact circumstances.  But I know that it must be massive, intense, scary, and utterly agonizing for you to have to cope with things like this, things that are so out of control at this time.  Starting small is a way to take back some of that control, and to spit right in the eye of trump and every other bigot out there.  But more importantly, it’s a start on the road to a good life for you.  The life you still, and always will, deserve.

I’ve got a huge amount of skills from DBT that I can give to you (and publish in general).  DBT is often used for people with BPD, but it’s also used for people who have trauma, and/or are currently undergoing a trauma.  So I’m certain that some of these tactics are relevant, and can help... it may take time, but it’s going to be worth it, because you are.  I know I’m a broken record when it comes to saying that, but I truly mean it.  

I know we’re basically perfect strangers, and that there are other people who know you better, and who care about you too, but I also don’t want to lose you to a bunch of bigots... I don’t want you to lose your life.

This always stands: You can talk to me about anything.  You can be as angry as you need to be.  You can be as sorrowful as you need to be.  You can be anything you need -- when talking to me, and on my blog in general.  If you’d like more tips and short-term + long-term skills from my DBT manuals, and from my experiences, just say the word, and I’ll dig more up (there are, like, almost a hundred in DBT alone!)

Feel free to follow-up if you want/need to, and are comfortable doing so.  I really, really appreciate hearing from you!!!

[wannawrite]

Call Me, Okay?

Hotshot's Junhyuk X Reader part one • you're a young producer from another company ( well i kinda envisioned it's your parent who's a well-known producer etc but you're the kid who studies abroad etc and you're coming back for this project. I know you could live with your parents but... your house is very far etc ) • Junhyuk takes an immediate dislike to you • but it's all good in the end • ft. created character love interest! trainee Jae Yong + Hotshot sons woAh first Hotshot scenario too wuu huu. Tysm for requesting anon, hope you like it even though ^ was confusing 😬 there isn't enough Hotshot, please support them even though Sungwoon is in Wanna One and Taehyun is debuting in JBJ !! - admin L IM SORRY I GOT THIS OUT SO LATE IM SORRY IM SORRY __________ It was the longest and most tiring flight you had taken, all you wanted to do was fall into a nice, deep sleep but no, you had to deal with so much paperwork first. And with a jerk. Coming to produce a song with a fairly popular group was any newbie producer's dream come true and you considered yourself lucky to have parents well established in the industry to pull some strings. Maybe your dad just tugged on the wrong one. According to their manager, all the Hotshot members had been anticipating your arrival, eager to start working on a new song for their half finished album. It was a great honour and responsibility for you to hold but you were glad for the opportunity and new friends. Hojung, Timoteo and Taehyun seemed the most welcoming and excited about your arrival. San was a tad bit more reserved but you figured it was just his personality. However, Junhyuk had completely ignored your presence, he seemed agitated and annoyed. You were appalled by his attitude towards you yet you couldn't blame him. When their manager had informed them that you would be staying in their spare room ( their manager's room but let's say he's gonna take a break for awhile ), Junhyuk looked so angry you swore his jaw was going to crack from all that clenching. Once you all were dismissed, he stood up and stormed out so harshly you could hear the soles of his shoes slapping even from far away. Taehyun could only manage to shoot you an uneasy smile and reassure you that it was only a temporal thing and that Junhyuk would come to his senses. That was a week ago. You had comfortably moved into 'your' new room in their dormitory, and since you lived with them, grew closer as friends. You also bonded well with some other trainees at Ador&Able / Star Crew Entertainment. ( i hate their new name i'm sorry, ador&able for life ) With the new friendships found and new music to be produced, you tried to push aside Junhyuk's hatred he channeled to you. Of course, that was impossible. As much as he hated you, he was around you almost every second of the day. While they were practicing, brainstorming for lyrics, trying out new beats, you were constantly with them. Every time, you could feel the intense stares Junhyuk shot at you, he also minimised contact with you. Timo had to give you his number for work purposes since he was so salty. You really couldn't understand. Why was he being so unprofessional? Perhaps the fact that you lived with them made it worse....... whatever, I'm sure he has his own reasons. "Y/N, hello! We're going out to grab a coffee, would you like one?" Hojung offered, beaming as you fumbled with the sound system. Your train of thought was broken by the maknae's sudden question. Still, you nodded and thanked him gratefully. San's steady rap could be heard from the next room so only him and Junhyuk were around. You smiled at his verses, appreciating how much smoother they sounded proved he had been working hard. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Junhyuk entered. He sighed when he saw that only you were present but sat down on the sofa anyways. "Hi," you greeted, not really expecting any reply. To your surprise and probably to his too,  he answered with a, "Hello, Y/N." The way your name rolled off his tongue effortlessly made your heart flutter and heat rise to your cheeks. It took awhile for you to calm yourself down. Minutes of awkward silence ticked by. Then, Taehyun burst into the room, coffees in hand. "We're back!" He announced. San joined the rest from the other room, seemingly happy with the arrival of coffee. "Hey, you didn't get one for me!" Junhyuk exclaimed but not in a serious scolding manner. Hojung shrugged. "Oops, sorry. Must have ordered wrongly." "It's okay. Junhyuk, you can have mine, I don't really need one right now," you said, pushing your cup to him. Junhyuk's eyes widened significantly. "Serious? It's okay though! It isn't your fault." The tips of his ears tinged red, he fiddled with the rings on his finger. "I'm fine, really." You dismissed it with a flick of your wrist, shoving 'your' cup of coffee into his hands. He managed to crack a small smile, the first one directed to you. Things did improve from there. ... Just not as much as you wanted. He still avoided you and limited contact, occasionally smiling at you before disappearing someone else and not returning for at least a couple of hours. You just assumed it was his personality. He worked fine when it came to the song but it didn't seem like he was interested in making friends. Pity, he seemed like a nice person. Well, at least you had grown close with the rest of the boys and with some of the other trainees you bumped into regularly at the studio. One of them was called Kim Jaeyong, he was a trainee. Jaeyong seemed nice and acted friendly towards you, he often complimented your producing skills although they had yet to be honed. He also always found an excuse to spend more time around you so it was no surprise when he asked you out on a date. You tried to keep in on the low for his sake but Taehyun managed to bewitch you. Initially, he squealed but quickly quietened down when he found out the name of this trainee. He dragged you into another room urgently. "Do you know how much of an asshole Jaeyong is sometimes? Why? Y/N, why?" Shock was written all over your face, was Jaeyong a liar? How could he have acted so well? Maybe it was a misunderstanding.....

“Out of all people, Jaeyong. Oh my god.....but I won't stop you. It's up to you, okay? Just don't do anything stupid. Make sure to put him in his place if he steps out of line," Taehyun warned before leaving, he looked like he wanted to kick Jaeyong someone There was even more protest when the rest of the group found out. San found it ridiculous, Hojung looked like he wanted to punch Jaeyong and Timo just shook his head in disappointment, sighing. "Out of all the great people here, Y/N, it had to be Jaeyong. I have nothing against that kid, he just needs to learn his place sometimes," he grumbled. Junhyuk was the only one who wasn't exactly expressing anything emotion about it and a part of you sank. Why had you wanted him to pay attention to you in the first place? "I think we should all support Y/N. We don't get to make any decisions, Y/N does. Let's help her if she needs any? Okay? Y/N, if you ask me, I can help you a lot with hair and makeup," Junhyuk finally suggested. You smiled at that, at least someone was being supportive but you couldn't help but feel a little disgruntled he hadn't sided with the rest of his friends. Sure, Junhyuk was attractive enough to make you fall for him immediately but it was that cold exterior he put up that intrigued you to no end. You knew how caring and sweet he could be sometimes and lately, he had been showing a tiny bit more of that side to you. You wanted him to open up to you too. Your arms wrapped around Junhyuk's wide shoulders as he leaned against the couch. "Yay! At least I have someone who supports me!" His face turned red and it was hard for him to look you back in the eye with a genuine smile on his face, you supposed it was because he wanted the redness to fade. Hojung's lips curved into a smug smile, he sauntered out of 'your' room with a skip in his step. "Goodnight, Y/N!" His fellow bandmates sighed before chorusing their respective good byes and heading off to bed. Leaving you with a mind filled with jumbled thoughts. 

I SPLIT IT INTO PARTS BC I WANTED TO GET SOMETHING UP BUT THE REST AREN’Y EDITED FULLY YET I’M SORRY

[tryingtokeepcalm]

The Goat or Signing up for Classes in a Different Country

What a day! It felt like it last forever!

So we had politics class this morning and talked about the media and wartime. It was interesting, but Monday mornings are always difficult. We did go a really cool exhibit at the Imperial War Museum about protesting and how it’s changed throughout the years. They even had this part of the exhibit where you could tie a ribbon on a fence in solidarity. I really love how they design their museums here, with interactive parts and places you can put your opinion on issues. At the end of the exhibit you could write on a post-it about what you think about war and nuclear weapons and place it in a template that looks like a peace sign. It was really cool! And I didn’t make it through the gift shop unscathed either!

After the exhibit, we took the tube back to the flat. I ran back out right away to get stuff for dinner tonight. Once I got back, I made lunch and hung out for a little bit before theatre class. I kept checking my classes but nothing was closing up so that was encouraging. I kept trying to do work for classes, but I’ve always have difficulty starting on things if I don’t have a long period of free time to work on it. But there’s always tomorrow where I have all day to do the work.

Eventually, we went to theatre class which everyone was a bit hesitant about because our professor told us last week he was going to bring in an actor friend of his in to class to teach us some acting. I was a bit weary myself, as I remember all the improv games I played in middle school and didn’t particularly want to relive them.

But the woman we met was incredibly sweet and a lot of fun! It was obvious she knew we weren’t acting students and did a good job bringing the group out of their shells. We did a tongue twister and sang a song, which was a lot of fun! Then we started some exercises.

The first one required a political issue that two people disagreed on. However… it’s difficult to find an issue not everyone agrees on when the room is full of female, rather liberal college students. Also, a lot of the issues being brought up weren’t ones people would openly admit to disagreeing with, I think.

Finally, we found two girls who disagreed on the issue of transgender bathrooms and the actress had the girls have a debate on the issue where they then had to argue for the points they initially disagreed with. So the girl who agreed that transgender individuals should be able to use public bathrooms had to now argue the opposite, and vice versa. It was a really cool acting exercise that I’d never thought of before.

The second exercise was the typical “two truths and a lie” one, where three people got up and told three stories in which two are true and one is a lie. It was actually a lot harder than I thought, meaning the three girls were much better actors that I thought they’d be.

The last bit was also typical and something I’d done before, where it’s a context-less scene. I actually volunteered for this one, because it had lines and I wouldn’t have to make them up. So me and this other girl, Brittany, had around five lines together that could be interrupted multiple ways.  And we performed them over and over, with different relationships and all that.

And the actress actually said I was good! I was so surprised! But I think my writing has benefited from having a little background in acting, because so much of acting is thinking about facial expressions and reactions and stuff like that, which I have to depict in my writing. So when I was acting, a part of me was constantly thinking ‘okay how would you write this?’ and then simultaneously ‘be the character you’re writing.’ And it was actually a lot of fun to try acting again, as I haven’t done it in so long. And other people in the class thought I was good too! So that was cool!

After class, we went back to the flat. I made dinner for everyone and we all hung out and ate together. Soon after dinner, I packed up my stuff and headed out to the theatre. My class enrollment time was ten minutes before our play, so I got to the theatre early. I made sure I could use my phone hotspot with my computer from my seat, and was all set to go!

And so the time came, 7:15. The theatre was filling up and my web page was loading… and loading… and loading.  Technology definitely knows when things are important. And right now was very important! And nothing was working!

So I ran from the theatre, through the bar, and outside. Still… nothing! It was 7:20 at this point, my enrollment time! And I was freaking out!

So I closed my laptop and sprinting up the street to the nearest little coffee shop. But my laptop still wasn’t connecting. And then, thank God, Brittany and Jordan were walking by to the theatre. And I was obviously freaking out, so they helped out and used their phone as a hotspot. And again, thank God, because it finally worked! It worked! I signed up and my classes were still open and I enrolled in all of them! No wait list, no plan B, it all worked! There are perks of being a senior! A little message did pop up with my philosophy course I was taking, but I didn’t have time to look at it.

I closed up my stuff and went with them back to the theatre. We saw The Goat or Who is Sylvia by Edward Albee and it was… not very good. I’m glad the last play of the semester was the only one I really disliked. It was weird. It was about this guy who has an affair and cheats on his wife… with a goat.  And it’s this weirdly serious play about just that. And somewhere along the way their gay son is involved and he and the dad kiss for some reason (I guess an Oedipus Complex can work that way too but I’d never really thought about it).

And the main problem (at least for me) was that the play really couldn’t figure out what tone it was going for. Like, there were moments where it was funny because it was so horrible (similar to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf) but there was a real tonal dissonance when they were trying to make jokes about beastiality. Honestly, I kept thinking the play could have been played off as a comedy (a real comedy) and would have been a lot better. The whole idea of a guy having sex with a goat is absurd enough that if the actors played it super straight, instead of the emotional/realistic reactions that we got, it would have been really funny and honestly better.

The acting was great (aside from the son who… was playing a stereotype, plain and simple. It made me so mad!), but was lost in the just odd direction and bad story. I’d much rather see Equus if I was seeing a play about a man having sex with animals. You know, if I was ever really jonesing for that genre.

After the play, which wasn’t too long but was the only play where I was seriously looking at my watch the entire time, we went back to the flat. I took a shower and then seriously looked at the note that popped up with my philosophy course. “This class registers as one you have already taken.” Oops. I had a moment of panic and just considered skipping my philosophy credit for next semester. But the point was to finish up my big requirements this semester. But because I’ll be a senior (yay?) there are still classes open for me to play with. And I found a philosophy class that’s open and worked with my schedule!

So here’s what I’m taking next semester:

Feminist Perspective of Lit and Religion

Medieval Lit and Culture (Specifically focused on Vikings Sagas)

Intro to Creative Nonfiction Writing

Energy and the Environment

Philosophy of Self and Identity

So it’ll be an exciting and busy semester next year but I’m excited for it! Despite the hectic signing up process!

Steps/Miles: 14,334/5.82 miles