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spacedlexi · 4 years ago

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hey! what's ur opinion on season 2? i saw you stream some of it but not for long bc i forgot my twitch password. fav characters? fav ending? any way you wished the story played out instead?

ok im gonna answer this in like a bulleted way to avoid rambling too much (THIS DID GET LONG THO...). i answered some of this during my stream so i'll be repeating myself a little bit from there. i’ll put it under a read more for everyones sanity

general opinion:

- i dont think its great (or even all that good) but ive played/watched much worse so *shrug* it couldve been worse. playing it with a group makes it way more bearable and even funny aha so i definitely had more fun streaming it than i did playing it on my own

- wouldve been better JUST by handling clem as the player character differently. it wouldnt have solved All of its problems but it wouldve been less...annoying.... clem needed to have more agency. she was always being ordered around by dumb adults who didnt seem to care for her safety. the adults needed to take more initiative and clem (as the PC) couldve just defied orders/interjected into convos/done her own thing. this wouldve 1) given the player more agency 2) wouldve been a contrast to everyone relying on lee in s1 (couldve had everyone telling clem to stay out of the way since shes just a kid) and 3) made the adults of the group seem less...useless...since they instead are just constantly relying on an 11 year old to do everything. like do more stuff like the "clem locked in a shed and escapes into the house to steal supplies to patch herself up" thing. even tho it was ridiculous that they locked her in a shed it still gave her agency and was an opportunity to rebel and prove her resiliency/smarts/ability against the poor decisions made by the adults around her who think they know whats best

fave characters:

-none lol

- ok im joking but like only half joking. i liked sarita!! if i had to pick a non-clem character (and thats what youre asking) itd be sarita. she had a strong will/didnt take shit and was also very sweet (and cute i think shes cute hehe especially with her little nose stud)

- my dislike for most of the cast really derives from weak writing and ties back into all these adults constantly relying on an 11 year old to do everything for them

- alvin was ok and i warmed up to rebecca after she stopped being mean to clem for no reason. luke was....Fine after the first episode or 2 but gets way too much credit from people for some reason. sarah was also fine she mainly suffered from weak writing. jane was ok at first but she progressively pissed me off...

- ttg has a problem with giving determinate characters really...Any development at all which is a shame but is unfortunately a byproduct of having a budget and a deadline. if you dont know if a character will be around or not, its not wise to spend time/resources on them when it can go towards characters you know Will be around. they handle this better in s4 by saving determinate routes for the final ep. a bit underwhelming to save it for the end but at least they used it to focus on determinant endings instead in s4. its hard so i try to cut game studios a little slack with that stuff. but unfortunately it made nick and sarah pretty underwhelming characters who lacked really any arc or relevancy at all...

favorite ending:

- wellington ending i GUESS??? ive chosen all of them at least once (except for clem alone ending just because i dont want her to have to be on her own with a newborn baby at 11 years old). honestly the choice at the end of s2 is a little difficult for me to make but usually comes down to the fact that jane risked ajs life to prove a point we already knew. which was that kenny was a man on the edge holding on by the universes thinnest thread. i cant trust jane to put clem first and by her flashback scene in s3 i was right not to trust her lol. i do love that aj tattoo clem gets from the jane route tho...ive literally chosen that ending Just for the tattoo before lol

- also the wellington ending keeps clem from hugging or kissing gabe SHDSHHSJ so that really seals the deal for me lmaooooooo youre too good for him bby

play out differently?:

- honestly not..really?? but thats mainly because i dont think or care enough about s2 to think up whole other plotlines...

- someone in the stream chat mentioned that s2 went through rewrites after some scripts/episodes got leaked or something which ALWAYS IS A BAD DECISION and makes me so so disappointed and frustrated. it always negatively impacts a story to put it through rewrites just to counter "spoilers". so i definitely think s2 suffered from that decision. the question is just how much did they rewrite? was s2 always weak or did it mainly suffer due to unnecessary rewrites? what a shame.

- the kenny/luke showdown wouldve had more of a natural buildup than the kenny/jane showdown did. and the arvo stuff was soooooo duuuumbbb and annoying. someone in chat made the point that it wouldve been more interesting if the group that attacks them was the 400 days crew looking for revenge from howes and i definitely agree!! wouldve given that group more relevancy instead of just seeing them as like little easter eggs....

- sarah also had a lot of wasted potential. im assuming they were trying to make some "shes how clem would be if lee never taught her to defend herself" point but i dont agree with it?? because clem was already protecting herself in her treehouse with that hammer before lee even found her. they just didnt know how to handle a character with anxiety very well and it shows. at least they do a better job with brody in s4 (i love brody 💕). they also try to pull another weird character foil "this is how clem would be if she was brainwashed" with minnie in s4 but i dont agree with that one either (clem would be the sophie who dies fighting in that scenario lets be honest with ourselves clem could never be brainwashed shes too smart and strong willed "you gave up minerva. i never will")(they needed to stop with the character foils because they even tried to pull it with FUCKING C A R VE R “we’re not so different” sir im 11)

OK I THINK thats all i have to say. im sure i made other points throughout the stream but yeah these are the ones that stand out to me enough to talk about here

#replies with lexi #incognito #the walking dead game #i wrote this as a draft on my phone and this whole answer almost got lost ohhhhhhh my god that gave me a heart attack #sorry im late to responding to this anon i forgot abt mothers day hsfjsd

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this-brownie · 5 years ago

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04.22.20

I have been harboring a lot of pain and anger feelings for jen in the back of my head for the last 10 years. When I see her in person, I feel so good that I don’t have a need to bring it up, but those negative feelings, eventually, always return. I finally decided to let it all go and explain to her how I felt— the first part is the letter I read to her over the phone and the second part are my own thoughts and recollection after the phone call.

Part 1:

Maybe you have your issues with me because of that period in high school but it was never to push YOU away. I won’t diminish the fact it was detrimental to you regardless, but I didn’t intentionally prioritize myself at your cost. That happened to be the result of my stupidity and lack of communication. When you left for college, it was hard but you kind of repeatedly put yourself over me and our friendship, and it took a toll. We came back together once you found more balance in your school life and started depending on me more when you and worth broke up. I eventually moved back to New York and you had your off year; that was one of my favorite years. I like you because I have fun with you and because I like to hear you talk. I have often been angry when you couldn’t make it for me, even if it wasn’t your fault, and it constantly remained in the back of my head. But then when I see you it’s like those feelings wash away, and I’m like oh thisss is why I love hanging out with her. When you left, it made me really distant, which was better than fighting with you, but it hollowed me out. You had Mo, you had your life, you were busy. I wasn’t unhappy for you but you didn’t need me or make me feel needed. When I eventually moved on from Caitlin to Ivan, he brought on this intense joy and intimacy that I hadn’t experienced since hs. He made me feel so loved, and so crazy. It consumed me. With Levi, my other friends, and often you I feel grounded. Good positive feelings, nothing crazy. He fucking riled me up so much. Eventually it overwhelmed me but it felt amazing while it lasted. And I remember being so angry with you because why couldn’t you just let me be happy? You were hurt that I left you and it frustrated me that I should consider your feelings once again over mine. Talking to you normally made me feel empty. You were so fucking busy, and I was so busy that i didn’t feel connected when we spoke. But with Ivan, I always felt so good. I always craved that. Why couldn’t you let me have that? Because it came at your expense?

We call each other best friends and the reason I say I don’t need you there for me everyday is because you haven’t always been there for me. The person I talk to everyday now is Levi, and maybe that’s why in your own way you can’t fully trust me. I understand that- the feeling of giving your all to someone who won’t give it back. I wouldn’t want to ask you to irrationally be there for me but there are ways to make me special, which I feel I’ve done for you such as birthdays. My last birthday was one of my favorites because you actually made it. I was hesitant in telling you to even come because I didn’t want to let myself hope. I would rather sabotage myself than be let down.

The things that I perceive important are different than what you want/or are used to giving. Literally the first time ever I got hurt by you was when i walked you home after SPI and wanted to come over to your house but you said no. Obviously I understood the reason, but at that time I was SO taken aback because I had never experienced that. I thought we were friends because we had been eating together and hanging out all the time that I didn’t understand why wouldn’t just tell your parents you wanted a friend over even if you were scared.

There’s been times in the past when you made me feel like utter shit. I’ve gone to bat with my mom in the past about you. I remember in college you told me that you couldn’t tell your mom about me because I wasn’t in school and “what’s there to really say”. you were afraid to stand up to your parents even tho I’m your best friend. I under at and it’s your personality and your life but it was painful. There was a point that, I don’t even think you were angry, but you said something like I was bad influence on you. And you said it off handed, not accusatory— you said that at the end of the day, it was still your actions— but that was hurtful. The reason I get pissed and jealous is because sometimes it feels like you do stuff for others that you don’t do for me. Like when Sarah came over to your place. Or that time we went to Brooklyn shuffle with mo and Naomi and you posted a picture of just you and her. I mentioned it and you called me Nadiya which aggravated tf out of me and effectively made me want to shut up. I know it was mostly irrational and not a big deal, but I was annoyed that I planned the meetup Cuz of my bday but you honored her. It was tiny, but still hurt me and made me feel little. (Yes I know you posted a pic of us for my actually birthday but that’s not the point).

The bachelorette thing annoyed me a lot how it happened, at the time, but when I look back it was actually almost perfect. Nadiya was the one who fucked everything up. And also me, for picking a shitty restaurant. But what annoyed me after was that you didn’t talk to Nadiya. You explained that because you don’t care for her as a friend anymore, and didn’t want to bring it up but I felt like I wasn’t prioritized in that situation. Like I was full of anger and just had to let it go without any resolve.

I rmmbr a few months ago Levi was away for work and I was feeling extremely low, and I asked you something like ‘what do you do for me’ and you responded by saying that it was shitty of me to keep count. I was feeling hormonal from the implant but it makes me feel lonely when i think you can depend on me but I can’t depend on you. I don’t ask a lot of you, or at least I try my best to not bother you too much, which is why it feels good when you do things for me on your own. When you show me that you’ve thought of me. There was this meme I saw that said “affection hit different when you don’t gotta ask for it” that’s how I feel, maybe that’s just me being spoiled idk

The thing is I’m oblivious which is why I like it when you tell me “this is what I did for you” bc it keeps me in check. If I’m constantly reminded you love me, then I don’t have to doubt it or be stuck in my own head. I know you show your love in less obviating ways but they mean so much. When you’re patient with me, I appreciate that a lot. I don’t like when you spend money on me. I love quality time. I love when you make me feel important. I often don’t feel like that which is why I bitch at you lol. It might all be in my head, but how can I be sure? I’m the only one thinking about it 🤔

I am bringing up all the things not because they necessarily bother me anymore but I want to stop holding on to all of it. Feel free to yell at me about the shit I’ve done to you too, I know there’s been a lot. But I do love you, even if we just love each other differently. Even if you don’t post as many pics of me on your IG as I’d like, and I don’t like the pics you do post of me🤦🏽‍♀️ I cant help compare myself to your other friends. Why do they get better captions than me🙄 why do you cook for them and not me. Why do I always compare myself to them and feel like I’m on the losing end. I know this side of me is crazy which is why I like to keep it hidden. I know that you actually do love me (I think). But I feel I’m constantly thinking about how I personally can make you feel good. How to be reliable. How to be there for you. Like that weekend when you were upset about Aaron not responding and him possibly canceling the date. I knew you were in a shit mood so i wanted to do everything in my power to make you feel happy and wanted. To stock the house, and cool for you, and spend money on you, and call your friend and surprised you so that you can cheer up. I know you don’t care for grand gestures and you never ask this of me, but i like to do it and telling myself to *stop* doing it will make me feel dead inside. It’s unfair to put that standard on you and tbh I don’t want that, but I love feeling loved. Talk to me and validate me and make me feel like your present in my life.

I know this is all sounding one sided but you have done a LOT for me through out the years too. I think I’m less mean and crazy with you now than I used to be. You’ve exerted a lot of patience and leniency with me, especially though high school but also after college. Like when we travel and I used to go crazy planning, you bear with me. I remember I used to make you read my long ass college essays even though your probably didn’t fucking want to. You giving me meaningful gifts that you thought I would appreciate. You’ve tried your best to keep up with me— to give me my space when thats what I asked for, to be understanding when that’s what I needed, to put up with my childish, demanding, anal ways. Those qualities haven’t gone unnoticed by me.

I also know that you’ve grown up more and are more aware of my emotions. I know you’re not clingy to the point that you’ll be extremely upset if I’m busy. You take my feelings seriously, and when you point our flaws in me I also try to take them seriously and improve them. Ive come to terms with knowing there won’t be a lot of interactions with you, but at least they can be memorable when they do take place. But that has to be mutual. You’re depending on me more now because of the Eric situation which is fine but I’m hesitant to let myself be fully vulnerable. youll get back to your med school life, and eventually find a boyfriend and it’ll be back to being distant. It’s not ideal, but that’s life. You won’t really need me or pull at me. We’re adults so it manageable but it’s not such a pleasant feeling. I guess I am afraid of feeling used and then being left to tend to myself up until when you need me again

I won’t have any crazy expectations. I don’t want to burden you with all this, just want to communicate my feelings because sometimes it easier for me to clam up. I was thinking maybe I need to start asking you the questions that I would like for you to ask me. That way you can get an idea of the things that I like to talk about along with what we already discuss. I don’t want to keep repeating, to you, that maybe you’re not talking to me the way I would like. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with how you’re communicating to me, rather than how I prefer things. And it’s always better to show, than tell.

Part 2:

I read my letter to her on the phone and she listened and agreed. I don’t know if I told you, maybe I mentioned it briefly, there was a period in hs after parker and I broke up, that I went mia for a week. Jen and I have been talking obsessively at that point so for me to just black out, and leave her in the dark like that took a huge toll on her. She realized that ‘I’m my own person, and I have a life without her’ so in college she tried to become more independent, to the point that she shut me out. I felt really betrayed because we had told ourselves we would still be super close and things wouldn’t change blah blah. But it felt like she knew they were going to change and she kept it to herself. Side note, although I was mia for that week, this was like first semester 12th grade— afterwards we were the “same” still continued to talk everyday, every moment like nothing changed. But her heart had changed and she never really let me knew how badly it impacted her. In college we were separated because she had to study 24/7 to get into med school and I was dealing with the horrors of my own life. In her spring semester of junior year, we had a huge fight where I told her that she’s always unavailable and hasn’t been a good friend. Things changed a little after that, we started talking more regularly but still sparse. I don’t have a lot of memories of us from that period, but I did hold a lot of pain. As college ended for her, she broke up with her toxic ex and started talking to me more. Not obsessively, but much more than we used to and in the manner a best friend would like calling me at 2am bc she’s sad and can’t sleep and staying on the phone with me all night even tho I had work the next day. I did that because I knew she was hurting, and I was in a better place, and I liked that she was depending on me again.

The next year was her off year and I moved back to nyc from Boston so we spent that entire year together and it was one of my favorites. We finally got to spend the time and do the things we wanted to do together since college. Went out to eat, explored new places, but it wasn’t perfect bc we couldn’t go clubbing since she was still scared of her parents. There were issues during this period tho, where she made me feel like shit- I couldn’t come over to her house bc I wasn’t in school therefore she had nothing good to say about me to her parents. It was hurtful. When she left for med school I had become clingy again and felt her absence deeply- instead of being bitter like I was in college I decide to outsource. I became close to Caitlin and we started doing all the crazy things Jen wasn’t able to do. Like staying out until 5am, doing coke, binge drinking. I was always angry at Jen in the back of my mind for not being there for me, but rationally knew that neither of us had a choice. After a year or so, my husband moved to SF, Caitlin started becoming crazy and super unreliable, and jen was busier than ever bc of school and *also* whenever she would come to visit nyc, her bf only made her hangout with him. We WOULD talk but it felt so casual that it drained me. I hated it, I felt so empty from it. I know some people would say that at least there was contact/effort there but it wasn’t enough for me. I was working and in school full time and it was hard bc I felt I couldn’t depend on anyone.

Eventually Ivan came into my life and it was a whirlwind. It consumed me, I was so fucking happy. Too happy— I started (unintentionally) talking to jen less and less bc I was so overwhelmed. She told me last night there were long stretches of me and her not talking, up to an entire month at one point. I honestly can’t even recall that. All I rmmbr is Ivan. She felt betrayed again and it triggered that similar pain from hs. Became emotionally distant, but then once she and Eric broke up, she propelled into my arms yet again and started depending on me emotionally. It sucked for me bc yeah I’m here for her but it felt she only reached out when she needed ME but I can’t reach her when I need her. Because I have to just be okay with the fact that there will be times when shes unavailable but it’s unacceptable if I’m too busy.

In my letter I basically told her I don’t feel cared for when we talk bc she’s not vulnerable with me which makes me feel not valued. As a friend, she’s great but as a bffl she’s not cutting it. I also said that she’s going to leave for residency and I don’t trust that we won’t be distant again, so I don’t want to fully invest myself. She told me my feelings are valid and that she’s been holding onto that pain from hs for a long time subconsciously and it’s affected her actions towards me. She essentially told me she doesn’t trust me bc she has a fear that I can leave at any moment and so won’t allow herself to be that vulnerable and clingy with me. I thought about that- and I agree it has been unfair to her. Just because I’m obsessive and crazy doesn’t mean I have the right to cut her off bc I feel like she’s not there enough. As an adult I have to understand that. To just drop off all communication like that, of course it’s going to have an effect. She agreed that we should have talked about the hs thing 10 fucking years ago instead of now. I think ultimately it would have been the same— I would have always felt bitterly jealous that she’s away busy doing stuff with other people. For me, there is no amount of talking or texting we could do that would replace an in person relationship. And sadly, there’s no way to sustain the relationship we had in hs. For her, it’s physically not possible and for me it’s not emotionally a good idea. Im very 0 to a 100 and that’s not how adults should be. She told me that it would probably be a good idea for me stay guarded and not extremely clingy as she goes off to her residency because we would be distant. I feel better talking to her and getting every thing off my chest esp bc I got to hear her side. I understand now why she acts the way she does, which makes me not harbor negative feelings for her.

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imsarabum · 8 years ago

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Responses to {Part 24} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^

(I have also included asks that I received in the hours before IWSY was posted ^^)

Anonymous said: So I'm an English teacher living in China and every Wednesday I wake up at dawn just to read the newest update of IWSY! I loveeeee it!!!!!

That’s so awesome that you’re an English teacher in China! I really miss being an English teacher in Japan *cries* I can’t wait to do it again! But oh my goodness I feel bad that you wake up at dawn x.x I hope you manage to get a good sleep the night before or at least take a nap during the day! Thank you so much my love ^^

Anonymous said: Really quick! You are amazing and your writing IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I have ever laid eyes on, my day today is scheduled around your your update! And 2 I always think of Boys Over Flowers when i see the word paradise 😂

Thank you so much my love, I fan girled so hard when you said that your day is scheduled around my update aahhh *hides* AND OMG YES “ALMOST PARAAAADIIIIISSSEEEEE” that was both the best and most annoying song every during that drama...it would have been better if they didn’t play it every 2 seconds lolol

Anonymous said: ITS TONIGHTTTT!! I REALLY CANT WAITTT 🙈🙈💞🔥

YES IT’S TONIGHT GET READY!!

Anonymous said: Hey Sara! I just want to say that IWSY is the best work that I've read in my 13 years of existence! You're really 대박! BTW, in my country you update every Wednesday 😂 Because I think when it's Wednesday here in Philippines it's actually Tuesday their. So lots of love from Philippines!! 💕💕😍😍

Omg hello to Philippines!! I really wanna go to Philippines someday, it looks so wonderful and I always hear about how the weather is always amazing :) Oh my god you’re thirteEN AND YOU READ MY SMUT I *faints* please make good decisions in life lol I beg you xD Anyway, thank you so much for reading and liking IWSY ^^ That means so much to me!

@talkmemeytome said: I love the iwsy series so much NICE ONE SARA and your other ones are amazing too ILY JFTJH

Thank you very much my love, I’m so happy that you like what I write! I love you too :)

Anonymous said: OK BUT IMAGINE IF VAMP!JUNGKOOK WAS GOING TO BE A DAD HE'D BE SO PROTECTIVE OF HER AND JUST A BALL OF SQUISH WHEN THEY'RE ALONE THO????????? WOW MY HEART

WOW WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I’M ALREADY A HORMONAL EMOTION WRECK TODAY AND YOU JUST HIT ME RIGHT IN THE WOMB GOD DAMN IT :(

Anonymous said: iwsy is actually one of the best fanfictions i have ever ever read!!!!! i am so excited for this weeks update — thank you for being such a talented writer 🌹

You’re too kind to me, honestly. But I appreciate you so much for saying such wonderful things. I hope you enjoy tonight’s update my love, thank you so much!

@mocking-butts said: Mumsyyyyy I'm so excited for today I'm checking my phone constantly I know I will cry over this chapter dear lord I'm in need of help~!

Ahhhh I hope you enjoy the chapter! I had so much fun writing it :3 I can’t wait to hear what you think! ^^

@im-that-chesire-jax said: AGHHHHHHHH

Is that a cry of frustration I hear

Anonymous said: what are you trying to do to me!!! chapter 24!!! I can't even... holy shii the emotion roller coaster that is this fanfic

I didn’t do anything I swear! TT I hope you enjoyed it :3

Anonymous said: Tbh sometimes I have to reread some of the chapters of IWSY because it's so much to take in!!

That’s a good thing! I often get scared when I see people send in an ask SO QUICKLY after I post the chapter cos i’m like “there’s no way in HELL you read ALL of that and took in ALL the information in 5 minutes...” lol because I do put in a lot of detail and information and for someone who was to speed read it...I think it would be less enjoyable for them that way :(

@mocking-butts said: WAIT WHAT NO WHAT IS THIS NOOOOO IM SCREAMING NOOOOO MUMSY WHY IM NOW IN THE CORNER CRYING NOOOO I CANT BREATHE IT NEEDS TO BE NEXT WEEK!

You’re welcome my child *evil laugh* thank you so much for reading it!!

Anonymous said: I..Omg..WHY?! I want to cry..Yoongi better not hurt Y/N or I swear to God. Thank you for updating. Everything was going so smoothly and just BAM, it's like a punch in the face ;A; I hope Y/N will be okay.. -Kira Anon

You’re so welcome for the update Kira anon and thank you so much for reading the new chapter! And yes - just as the quote in the description referred to, I truly wanted to capture the essence of ‘the calm before the storm’ hehe ^^

Anonymous said: Sara!!!!! How could you do this to me? I. Cannot. Deal. With. This. U.K. Anon

I apologise for doing to you whatever I did! I hope you enjoyed the chapter my love :D

Anonymous said: Even though she was being careless in the last chapter, i really love the character Y/N. I love how inteligent you made her, but also shy yet feisty. She's not an annoying and whiny character, not Too Bold not Too Shy. I really love it! I love how both she and JK can have mature conversations about everything. I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH AHH i just. wow. I've been reading it since part 1 and i cant believe its been so long already!

Thank you so much, you’ve no idea how much that means to me! I wanted to try and make Y/N with as much transparency as possible - but with enough character to build upon so that it sets her as ‘part of the cast’ you know? Thank you so much for reading it and staying with it since part one, that means the world to me! And IKR! 24 weeks...damn. I knew that this series was going to be longer than expected after the 4th chapter, but I wasn’t expecting to get so carried away like this xD hehe THANKYOU once again my love ^^

@bangtangurlarmy said: SHIT PART 24 HAD ME CLUTCHING ON TO MY BLANKET BECAUSE I KNEW SOMETHING HORRID WOULD HAPPEN AMD I WILL SHAMELESSLY ADMIT I SOBBED THE MOMENT I READ THE DETAILS OF TAE TRYING TO WILL YOU TO TURN AROUND. IM SO SENSITIVE TO THIS SERIES. OH MY GOD. I JUST CANNOT WAIT FOR THE HAPPY ENDING ALREADY BECAUSE NO. I HATE ANGST. BUT I LIVE FOR IT AS WELL. AWESOME CHAPTER SARA😭

NO DON’T CRY DON’T SOB IT’S OKAY TT I wish I could tell you how it ends but I don’t want to spoil it for you :( AHHH thank you so much once again for reading the new chapter and I’m really happy you thought it was awesome!! ^^

Anonymous said: So uhm.. this may sound weird and dirty? and maybe not fitting? but UHM... I loved it when jungkook came inside Y/N. Filling her up with /his/ seeds. And then the talk about children.. when his heart became so warm to even think about the woman he loves carrying his little goofballs. I just get so giggly and excited to know Y/N is now carrying his seeds and the possibility of them going at it again without a condom.. and her really getting pregnant. They'd be such great parents T_T

NO OMG IT’S NOT WEIRD AND DIRTY lol you’re fine! Actually - this is probably tmi and probably no one knows this about me. But...it’s kind of a huuuuuge kink of mine? Like - of course I am on the contraceptive pill bc I am not at a stage to support myself and a possible baby having complete unprotected sex lol but a kink of mine is exactly that ^^ So don’t worry! It’s a completely normal thing to love :D And yes they would be such great parents I think :3 hehe

Anonymous said: Fuuuuuuckkkkkkinnnggggg cliff hanger gosh diggity darn it I really don't know how I'm gonna wait another week to find out what happens next. You're too good that this. 😱😑😠hahaha

You know it ;) hehe~ Thank you so much for reading my love!

Anonymous said: Aah ._. I just read the newest Chapter of IWSY and now I don't think I can go to sleep in peace ._. Why do your writings have to be so well described and giving me all the emotions T^T You're amazing though <3

Aww I hope you manage to get some sleep TT Sleep is important!! But thank you so much for liking the detail and all the emotions :3 That makes me really happy to hear! And hey - you’re more amazing, I promise you ^^ hehe Thank you once again love!

@animeimmortal said: God damnit. It had to go that way. God it had to -.- Oml the second she got the call saying "let us in" I knew something was up cuuz if it wasn't then they would just have called throu the thing I am so angry @ Y/N (myself) god so stupid so effin stupid lord Jesus Christ idiot ❤ your taken for writing is amazing. Like lord save me really the amount of little detail you put in there ❤❤❤

It definitely did have to go that way! heh~ It’s never all sunshine and rainbows in this house! xD Thank you so much for reading it and for taking time to notice all the little details I put in there ^^ I really appreciate that love ^^

Anonymous said: SARA IM FREAKING CRYING HOW COULD YOU DO THAT OMG IT WAS ALL NICE AND FLUFFY AND I THOUGHT MY EMOTIONS WERE SAFE FOR A WEEK BUT NO WHAT THE HECK WHY

YOU WOULDA THOUGHT ;D hehe NO EMOTIONS ARE EVER SAFE!!

@mysr3 said: Sara U Know I hold my phone since 1pm (9pm UK), so I can read when u post it! That how bad U got me wit IWSY🙈 U seriously have all emotions hit me wit this PT! Poor Tae n Jimin. JK will be so Pissed! Can Tmr be Tues again? Can we talk about JK n Y/N sweet moments? This is a relationship Goal! JK is so sweet! I know U will leave us with cliff hanger but this week is lit ToO MuCh Dont U think? Now let me cry in silent til next Tues! Thank you LuV! I Love You❤ Send u Big Hug! Have a Good Day!

Oh my god you’re so cute asdfghjk I’m so glad I could hit you with all the emotions with this chapter :3 And ikr? When can I have a relationship like VampKook and Y/N?? D: I want it now! lol It’s never too much for a cliffhanger, you should know me better by now :3 hehe I love you too my dear and I hope you have a great day as well!! *hugs back* thank you so so so much!!

Anonymous said: *sobs* poor tae... anD YOU *points finger* Le quEEN OF CLIFFHANGERS, AN AMAZING CHAPTER ONCE AGAIN

LE QUEEN OF CLIFFHANGERS HEHE *runs away* what did I do? :3 lol thank you so much my love ^^

Anonymous said: OMG SARA IM SCREAMING WHAT WAS THAT OMG FUCK

WAT HAPPEN

@theninjachan said: "Monday morning came after another night of Jungkook pushing you towards several highs in several different locations throughout his Manor– starting with the living room, going on to against one of the walls in his hallway, and ending in his bedroom as it usually did. okay GOALS

Goals as fuCK GIVE ME THAT ANY DAY PLEASE. I’M SINGLE AND MY P***Y IS READY TO MINGLE (just kidding I’m as shy as a fucking pigeon goodnight)

Anonymous said: I'm currently bed ridden with the flu. So what's the only thing I do? Reread IWSY and the rest of your imagines. :D It's the best medicine. 💕

Oh no! :( I really hope you get better soon...having the flu sucks but I hope that you’re taking good care of yourself and taking medicine regularly and eating yummy soup ^^ I’m glad that IWSY and my writing can make having the flu a little more bearable. Thank you so much and I’m sending lots of healing thoughts your way!

Anonymous said: I know it's probs not gonna happen, coz ya know yoongi is supposed to be the evil guy, but I can't help but think what a twist it would be if once he captures her he begins to get feelings for her just like jungkook did.... THAT WOULD BE SO COOL 😎

I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN *wonders* HMMMM :3

Anonymous said: You mentioned beauty and the beast and I was wondering if you had seen the movie, or if you included as more of a coincidence?

I did mention it! But actually, I haven’t seen the new live action movie yet - although I really want to! I’ll forever be a fan of the original Disney animation though, I don’t think even Emma Watson could win me over it hehe~ But I’ve used the beauty and the beast analogy for the IWSY series before~ so it is just purely a coincidence that the movie was released at the same time!

Anonymous said: Y'know, I should've known that something was gonna go wrong in this chapter, but I was like 'Nah, my good author friend would NEVER do that. Especially when I'm emotionally distraught.' and you gave me fluff. And I was happy. AND THEN THIS BANANA SPLIT HAPPENS. UNBELIEVABLE. I TAKE IT BACK. I'M STILL MAD AT YOU >:( - love Vampnip anon

BANANA SPLIT LMFAO VAMPNIP ANON WHY DO YOU ALWAYS REDUCE ME TO TEARS OF LAUGHTER I SWEAR TO GOD CHILD YJHVBSBDGKAJG Please don’t be mad at me, I love you very very much ;c

Anonymous said: I knew it aaalll along! Leaving her alone wasn't a good idea in the first place T.T But hey, the good point is that we'll see Jungkook savior's mode and I'm exciteeeeeeeed

Hmmm yes, indeed! I wonder what our Prince will do?! :3

Anonymous said: Omfg. WHY COULDN'T I JUST CALL KOOKIE! WHY AM I SO UGHHHH?! Love the cuddles and his departure was too cute. XD BUT STILL TnT SARA WAEEEEE~ -Anon that pulled her friend into kpop(aka anon+friend⚇)

I’m not sure but I’m assuming that it would be hard to pull one’s phone out and dial for help when one has just been chloroformed :P BUT YES she should have called Kookie in the beginning when Tae asked her to come outside to confirm with him~ But she was too headstrong for her own goo! Thank you so much anon who pulled her friend into kpop! I hope you’re both enjoying the series ^^

Anonymous said: istg ur ff IWSY is hands down one of the best ive ever read! omg ive been a silent reader all this time and it is truly a pain in the ass to have to wait for the next chapter ugh bUT GIRL U KNOW HOW TO TRILL MY NERVES LIKE IN THIS CHAP 24 HOW I WISH TMR IS TUESDAY AGAIN </3 pls keep on going with more fluff!! and beb just so u know theres someone whos constantly waiting for ur update & love ur stories!

Ahh thank you from the bottom of my heart for that! That’s so sweet :3 I know it’s a pain to have to wait a week for the next chapter but at least you definitely know it will be uploaded at the same time! ^^ Thank you so so so much and I hope you’ll enjoy more to come!! c:

@koreaisanaddiction said: SARS!!! what have you done to meeeeeee!!! FUCK!!!! im going to be trying to solve this now for the next week!

Solve away :3 thank you so much for reading!

Anonymous said: NO READER NO i knew it was a bad idea, i could taste it wHY?!?! poor kookie is gonna be mortified... i feel so bad for tae, too! i mean, he obviously didn't want to do it but he didn't want jiminnie to die. i really hope jungkook won't hate him... i'm a mess help

Let’s hope everything turns out okay in the end! :3 thank you my love ^^

Anonymous said: The whole time at the end of IWSY I was thinking "NO! CALL JUNGKOOK OMG STOP!" You're such a great author I can't wait to see where this leads! 💕 I can't wait for next Tuesday

Yes she should have rang Jungkook but she was too headstrong! Silly girl ^^ Thank you so much :D

Anonymous said: OMG SARA IM JUNGSHOOK wow I cant wait for next week ! Also if Vampires cant enter a house without being allowed to how come yoongi was able to come into Y/N s house to murder her family 🤔 --wifey anon 💕

Because her brother Cassidy let him in ^^ Like I wrote in the previous chapters :) Thank you for reading the update love! ^^

Anonymous said: Mom you got me all the way fucked up. Hold up now. I was prepared for this. Like I was expecting a nice piece of cake and it was a plate full of Brussel sprouts instead. Fucking Min Yoongi you sexy little devil you. But it's all good cuz bae gonna swoop in and snatch y/n up and take her home where she belongs. Poor Jimin and Tae. Like they deserve so much happiness and the keep getting in shitty situations. But even though I feel betrayed THIS WAS A NICE ASS CHAPTER. I Love you 💜 ~LilKookieAnoN

Bae gonna swoop in haha yes hopefully c: I’m sorry for betraying you but I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter~ i love you too lilkookieanon and I hope you’re doing well ^^

Anonymous said: OOOOHHHHHH FUCK! CHEEZUS SARA THIS TIME I WONT EVEN TRY TO CALM MYSELF DOWN! WHYYYYY??????? Ohmaigawd the whole freaking time it was like a horror movie; I could feel the suspense building and I knew something bad was going to happen, plus the added factor you ALWAYS end on a cliff hanger... CAN YOU FEEL HOW ANXIOUS YOU MADE ME FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER?! anyways, I love you soooo much!!! Please take care of yourself and stay healthy! <3 - army anon

I apologise for any anxiety I caused *hugs* heh ^^ I love you too and and I hope you’re doing well - please take care of yourself too! Thank you very much for reading the update Army anon ^^

Anonymous said: I almost cried while reading chapter 24 of "I won't Stop You", I can almost feel the regret, sorrow and pain in Taehyung eyes, he still love his brother regardless of what, and little did he expect that his brother took him for granted, and that's the most painful thing one can experience, especially when the one is your brother, and I dread seeing how will Jungkook react when he found out omg I CANNOT!!

Yes - it’s hard when your family does shitty things because on one hand you love them, but on the other they are possibly bad people (in this case, definitely) lol ^^ Thank you so much for reading it love!

Anonymous said: S A R A WHY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT SARA WHY 😭😭😭😭😭 as soon as Tae said come outside I knew something was wrong I KNEW IT god I'm gonna cry poor bby Jimin poor everyone POOR ME I can't!!!!!! Why do you do this to my heart

Because I’m evil ~ sorta :3 hehe thank you so much for reading it!

@wanda-rog said: You can't end a chapter like that and then make us wait a whole week to see what happens! You're so evil T-T I want to see Jungkook raise hell now! It's going to be the longest week in history

I can and I did *evil laugh* hopefully he will raise hell for you! thank you so much for reading the chapter lovely ^^

@mysr3 said: Sara I have funny thing to tell u! How coincidence that u wrote about Forbidden West Wing and the impressive Library of Beauty and the Beast in IWSY today and I happened to see the movie today! When the west wing was mentioned I was thinking about Y/N and her JoKe lol Then the Library scene I was like huh Y/N enjoyed Jungkook 's just like Belle does in hErE! it's such funny coincidence! 😝The movie was ready GooD! If u have not watched I recommend it! 👏

Yes, I haven’t seen the live-action movie of Beauty and the beast yet but I hope to because I love Emma Watson a lot! Thank you for thinking of me when you saw it my darling :3

@min-ty said: IM SO SHOOK ON CHAPTER 24 OF IWSY IM JUSY ALSJDJSISJDMDJLXKSNS I CAN'T. Your writing was so good in this chapter. Not that your writing isn't always amazing (it is) but I really took notice on it! I know writing fanfiction isn't easy, so to write a chapter of something every week and have nothing be filler or bad quality is so amazing! Have a good day/night!

I’m always trying not to make episodes feel filler-y! I thought that perhaps at the start of this chapter, it felt that way. But it slowly built up to the ending which turned it into a normal storyline! Trust me - many years of watching Naruto + Naruto Shippuuden made me HATE fillers with a passion lolol but they can of course be needed for a storyline to be complete! Thank you so much for reading the chapter love and I hpe you also have a wonderful day ^^

Anonymous said: Oh my god!!! IWSY is killing me I wish you could update 10 chapters a day!!! but oh well, as a university student myself, I can totally understand the demands of school work... am thankful to even have a chapter a week to read HEHE. please tell me Prince jungkook comes to the rescue!! and jiminnie and taehyung please be safe too!! super excited for the next chapter ㅠㅠ

LOL oh my goodness I would definitely write myself into an early grave if I did that :3 I hope Prince Jungkook can come to the rescue for you! :3 thank you so much for reading it love and I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter too!!

Anonymous said: Hi! Just wanted to say your fics are really amazing! :D I literally just joined Tumblr earlier this month for the fun of it but after miraculously stumbling upon your blog and reading IWSY, I felt like giving a try on writing fics as well (though there are so many of them around already omg). Can't wait for your new chapter on IWSY!

Thank you so much my love! I’m so happy you stumbled upon my tumblr and IWSY ^^ And yes you should definitely try writing ff! It’s so fun and it feels nice to put your work out there for people to enjoy and read too :D I hope you have an awesome day dear ^^

Anonymous said: SARAAAA! Why do you have to do this to my poor heart?!! Can I make tuesday, everyday?.😭😭😭 You're really an amazing writer! I love you!.😭🤧❤️

Anonnnn! I’m sorry for any damage to your poor heart :c Thank you os much for liking IWSY, I’m so glad you enjoy it and I love you too!

Anonymous said: FUCKING HELLNSJSJSJSJSK OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY FUCKING FLYING FUCK IN THEUFKXINDJSJSJ WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT I MEAN OK inhlae exhale 348x LIKE HOLY SHIT that endingsjdjdjdjjd

*holds you* it’s okay...shhhhh...it’s okay my love

Anonymous said: its my thesis defense tomorrow, im kind of nervous but after reading the new chapter of iwsy my anxiety went away BUT IM LIKE MKAKSK THAT LAST LINE WHY TF DO I THINK YOONGI LIKES Y/N HOLY SHIT HE WANTS HER OOOHH WAIT BUT HES EVIL RIGHT... BUT LIKE WHY HE CALLED HER "MY DOMITOR" BITCH TF JDJDJXJ HOW ABT JK SHIT THEY GONA HAVE A FIGHT IM FUCING HERE FOR THIS IM FUCKING PISSINGIN EED TIME TO RECOVER FROM THISNKSK

Good luck for your thesis defence my love I’m sure you’ll do great! I’m so happy that my story could make you feel a little at ease :3 LOL OH MY GOD *dies laughing* I guess you’ll need to wait and see what happens dear! :3 thank you so so much for reading ^^

@jauntyjin said: YOUR STORY IS STRESSING ME OUT IM LOWKEY MAD AT TAE BUT I UNDERSTAND BC JIMIN WAS IN DANGER OH GOD JUNGKOOK IS GOING TO GO MENTAL IM COUNTING ON MUGSY TO FILL JUNGKOOK IN

NO STRESS PLS ENJOY~~~ lol I HOPE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

@jungkookbangtaned said: SARA TELL YOONGI I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM BECAUSE SYCRGIZEWHAO HE USED TAE AND JIMIN TO GET TO ME AND SO I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM. ��Amazing as always, and I really can't wait to read how Jungkook is gonna react... poor baby😓 love you💕

I’LL TELL HIM BBY DON’T WORRY ;) Agh thank you so much for reading the newest part love ^^ I hope you’re having a great day and I love you too ^^

@cynicalspacehoe said: DAMMIT I KNEW IT! THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A WHOLE DAY JUNGKOOK, I GET KIDNAPPED

JUNGKOOK CAN’T LEAVE YOU NOWHERE! hehe~

Anonymous said: Whoop whoop I hope I am not too late for the answer post 🐇 Huuuuuum Tae just why ??? I cant judge u tho u had probably no other choice but still baby dont scare us like that 😩 --wifey anon

Yes you’re not too late! I usually post the answer post any time after 9:30pm on a Wednesday but sometimes I hold off in case I get more asks ^^ I don’t wanna clog up peoples feeds but at the same time I wanna answer everyone lol! Poor Tae :) he had no choice, he loves Jimin so much :( Thank you so much for reading my love!

@trashyxpotato said: Hello~ I just wanted to say that your Jungkook fanfic "I Won't Stop You" is amazing! I've been reading it for a few days and... I really love it! I really laughed at some parts. :') I love the story and everything! It became one of my favs~ ^_^

Hi there! thank you so much for finding and reading IWSY and I’m really happy that you’re enjoying it! I’m glad you said that it’s one of your favs, thank you very much once again love ^^

#imsarabum #Responses #Asks #IWSY #I Won't Stop You

19 notes · View notes

kilnkin · 8 years ago

Text

@nickatnightwalker

aud asks what nicks issue is, gets a very thorough and well cited answer

kilnkin that was really only one time whats your issue lol

nickatnightwalker you were obnoxious about wynn, then tried to fight me, and are generally unpleasant to be around i dont appreciate being blamed for other peoples dead love lives

kilnkin that was one time like months ago though?? like nice to know im still on ur radar but its weird that you keep bringing it up lmao

nickatnightwalker i dont see how thats weird it was annoying and youre still annoying thats all there is to it

kilnkin uh ok i guess

nickatnightwalker it didnt stop being annoying just because time passed and besides that it obviously showed youre the kinda person who's gonna get their ass in a twist at anyone who lands anyone youre even vaguely interested in and given my track record vs what i can see of yours im sure we'll be at that impasse again

kilnkin uhh

nickatnightwalker you asked just remember that you asked

kilnkin yeahh just uh. wasnt aware you had all this in the front of your mind every time you saw my url apparently

nickatnightwalker not true usually i dont think about it at all

kilnkin i mean work on your poker face then bc you seem to have a lot more feelings about this than me haha do you still like think about her or whatever cause shes gone so thats kinda weird

nickatnightwalker i mean actually i dont forget about people the moment theyre not in front of me because i have object permanence

kilnkin thats not what i meant but thanks for the hostility

nickatnightwalker np ifyoure asking if im hung up on her may i remind you she ditched me like 15 minutes in for damian

kilnkin i know thats why i dont get it

kilnkin like why you give so much of a shit about one stupid conversation lol

nickatnightwalker it was annoying youre like all the broni friendzonis who got pissed i talked to the girls they stalked

kilnkin lots of things are annoying? even my skins not that thin ummm ok so its a personal issue got it

nickatnightwalker no i agree lots of things are annoying i feel as strongly about you as i do that one chair in the back of the herbology level 1 class room that tilts from side to side

kilnkin thats what i mean why do you bring it up if you dont care

nickatnightwalker let he who does not bitch about annoying shit cast the first stone

kilnkin like youre just trying to embarrass me on the dash and wont let me have a fun conversation like would you pull this with some dude who chews his gum too loud what???

nickatnightwalker im not tryin to embarrass you on the dash im encouraging you to have your fun conversations elsewhere

kilnkin see thats so WEIRD what the fuck

nickatnightwalker i really dont see how it's weird that i dont particularly want to interact with you considering the only times we ever have it's been a pain in the ass and there's a real solid chance it'll continue to be

kilnkin if you keep shutting it down then yeah no duh

kilnkin i was making a joke with that fun hater thing people make jokes..just ignore it instead of being a buzzkill

nickatnightwalker and i should have known that was a joke because....youve always been so charming to meto me.

kilnkin ok this isnt going anywhere can you just

nickatnightwalker as opposed to me thinking that you just got a new hate on for me because idk maybe i talked to a girl you like in the dining hall

kilnkin stop that im not a possessive weirdo ok i didnt even like her that much and i dont like anyone else and i dont need you speculating on it leave me alone and try not to bring up what a weird pathetic person i am in public maybe if you can manage that?

nickatnightwalker yeah sure just dont get freaky at me for having decent social skills

kilnkin ohh is projecting your personal shit onto strangers considered decent social skills?? see this is the shit they dont teach you in the woods thanks (:

nickatnightwalker i could tell, seeing as you projected your failure to land a girl right onto me

nickatnightwalker tell you what hit me up when you can honestly in your heart of hearts tell me that if wynn were still here and i was still seeing her you wouldnt hate me for it look into your fedora'd, broni friendzoni'd soul and tell me you could act like a decent person to me if i was dating wynn then we can talk

kilnkin jesus hit me up when you stop being a freak

nickatnightwalker maybe i am a freak but at least i dont get possessive over people who arent mine

kilnkin oook. she flirted with plenty of people and i never said shit to them you know that right? i asked if you wanted to fight bc everyone was doing it why not and it was dumb but i dont care that much sorry to burst your bubble

kilnkin if she came back from i dunno, expulsion or soul searching or whatever the fuck shes doing and still wanted to go on the date she asked me for, ok if not eh? is that good enough for you to stop hounding me

nickatnightwalker you did try to drag me at the dance

kilnkin you were making an idiot out of yourself no way im the only one who said something and you were being a shit date so thats on you

nickatnightwalker i just felt myself physically care less how was i a shit date for letting her go dance with someone else you know what would be shitty

nickatnightwalker finding damian later and giving him crap about her because thats annoying, you see

kilnkin umm i didnt do that

kilnkin dont act like you dont give a shit if youre still hung up on this btw

nickatnightwalker oh my god i only give a shit when you get annoying it's possible to have feelings that arent at the forefront of your mind 24/7 because most of us have extra storage space up top for that kind of thing what you did do is start bitching at me for being a shitty date for letting her do what she wanted to do, which, dont kid yourself, didnt come from concern for her, it was just about you being jealous and weird not to mention you didnt go find damian and ride his dick about it later, which really adds a nice element of cowardice to the whole thing, only ragging on the short guy and not the 6f t fitness model

kilnkin ive gotten in his face for other shit lmao

nickatnightwalker eh thats fair

kilnkin listen do you want me to be a freak about her or not im getting mixed messages

nickatnightwalker no generally speaking id say no but as far as being a freak goes if you could at least be consistent then you could pretend it was some weird chivalry thing and not just you taking out your frustrations on the guy who COULDNT drain your blood

kilnkin ok seriously i have literally taken out my frustrations on him in the middle of the woods at night mere seconds after he sucked his fangs back into his gums you can ask

nickatnightwalker i have questions about almost every part of that sentence

kilnkin ask him then point is im not scared of him im not a coward and im not a jealous freak i was just being dumb one time months ago called mistakes ever heard of them

nickatnightwalker no for papa would beat us lest we become tolerant of our imperfections

kilnkin that joke is definitely funnier the second time congrats (:

nickatnightwalker you cant blame me for not pulling my heart and soul into this conversation it's just kind of tiring on all fronts

kilnkin i gave you so many outs dude dont pull that

nickatnightwalker yeah those outs would require me pretending i can now suddenly tolerate you

kilnkin or just leaving when i said something dismissive. im not that into this tbh a lot of people dont like me i guess i can deal

nickatnightwalker oh see yeah about that i dont like being dismissed like youre my pre-k teacher, it's kinda grating

kilnkin talking to me..is grating. leaving is. also grating. sucks to be you i guess i made my point i guess so im not gonna reply again you can have the last word if you want it, sorry ive so grievously offended you. bye

#ooc #IM #nickatnightwalker

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haeroniel-doliet · 7 years ago

Text

thoughts on ice skating

supposed to be under read more, sorry if mobile is weird!

i mean ive missed multiple weeks and alll in all the society/ practice is quite weird like the beginners teacher dude keeps rambling off about like olympics skating or how higher levels have this and this move and look ive taught that advanced kid over there and heres how they do that technique rather than concretely helping us develop those basic skills that were apparently flawed at. like how do i do that correction youre just showing me bc clearly im about to fall over bc idk how to do it. and i tried being all professional and interested and make the most of it for myself, but cant help the frustration when it goes out of the easy shit into the stupid spins because apparently i just cant do it. be it my skates are too thin or too sharp blades or my ankle is not strong enough or enough support thats why its going bad? idk even but i cant spin. cant do it. idk i kinda know multiple things that are fucking up and its frustrating and annoying and its just not gonna work yknow i can kinda turn 180. no i cant do the multiple spin spin spin that seems so easy. is it my skates or is it my inadequacy? im not getting new skates tho, im only here because i have my own skates a while back, im clearly so shit that im not even gonna be a milkly good figure skater im not gonna get in on that. i might as well do fuckin ballet rather than this. im actually looking into that kinda now id love to try.

ice skating is dumb in the way that ive done it since im a child but never as a hobby, like ive done it with most the time my own owned skates since like 3-4 yrs old like young. but school only ever teaches forwards and basic backwards (apparently its cheating backwards) and basic stop and turns and idk things you learn somewhat naturally and my coolest tricks always been sausages (or bubbles as they call them here) and those are apparently baby level beginner stuff and im just :| yeah i can do those tho. and now ic an do them backwards which is kinda cool, and im more confident one foor skating/gliding. but like never as a hobby so i guess none of that matters, i did try to do intermediate and could keep up to an extent but i guess my basics are so shoddy i wasnt doing well enough for my own standards, and even now looking over tho the teacher is better and more encouraging, everyone seems to be doing crazy tricks and jumps and spins and one leg up fancy shit and im just... ya. guess i cant be over there. cant do it. lemme just stand with mr blabber mouth. it is frustrating bc yeah maybe i wanna be that intermediate level, maybe i wanna go skate with my family/old friends and show off bc look i can do like 3 4 cool things im almost a real skater. but fuck i guess my skates are limiting me and i should try use the rental skates? that are dull af but have better support? idk, ive got blisters from them the last i used them and i dont particularly wanna use shitty skates. but i dunno even what to do, i dont particularly wanna drop on some fancy skates just to find smths wrong again and im shit and cant do it. maybe id suddenly improve and feel a lot better about myself and take it as a proper hobby but realistically nah. im actually kinda frustrated i dont even know if i wanna continue. yes i have a friend that goes, yes i have skates and you only get better by spending time on ice and id like to be better bc only recently ive realised how shit i am, (trust me its confidence boosting to have skated with bambis on ice who are afraid of moving at all and then i can at least go kinda fast if i want) but i cant even turn properly, cant stop properly neither. its just ugh, i dont think im getting as much out of it as i should be, i dont know if its the teachers fault, my skates fault, or my own personality/inability.

no im not doing the dumb kinda competition theyre organising in a few weeks. the criteria for intermediate (that i havent participated in enough anyway recently) is fuckin hops and drags (my skates do not drag! to sharp? idk) and spins and fancy shit i havent even ever tried to. yeah sure i could for the fucks of it do the beginners bc its uh, bubbles forward and backwards that i can do, and i can kind of do the chassee thing kind of. but i cant do a god damn spin for the life of me apparently so i might as well save my 5 pound and ‘pride’. ugh. besides the fun part was that he was talking abt the higher levels leg up glide thing, and had us do it against the wall bc ‘afraid well just face plant’ and i guess i can bring my leg up decently high when supported by the wall which is fun, and otherwise im not the worst of the 5 beginners that showed up. but yeah im just frustrated with it over all. dunno how long the clubs even gonna continue for, theres only one friend there that i would continue for which isnt great considering means i dont consider the others easy to make friends with or ones i could be fond of enough to over look the struggle of the hobby.

i think my plan was to call my dad not only to ask if they had a preference for when my friend would fly down to visit so she could buy her tickets, but i guess also i was going to say about the skate apparently being too soft and too thin/too sharp and express this frustration that i still cant do shit, that maybe even using unsharpened (and uncomfortable) rental skates could be better for skating and just wonder what im even doing abt this all. clearly not competing but idk even if we could just come to observe/skate for fun during the competition etc or if i should just skip to catch up/pack and clean idk. also im kinda annoyed at myself otherwise bc i just tuesday saw with J and shes off for a few weeks and i made such a good verbal plan saying id do an email and a summary im weeeeeks behind on on tuesday evening and prep for class today (didnt prep but it went okay anyway) and today i would have gone to class and to skating with a healthy meal (check check check) and come home to sign up and send the other email thats been bugging me, and then do my report due midnight i havent even started on. said id work after midnight if it was taking so long so id have it done..... i had a nap instead. not even a god damn shower i was planning to have tuesday and now its 3 am on thursday. ayy. sure i could skip classes tomorrow to shower and clean my room and maybe complete a task before i drag myself to an archery arrow lesson and badminton after (no thatll be fun, but ill be back rly late) but ive skipped so many classes and i wana see and be with my friends i might as well go, and if i get abandoned work on work somewhere in between classes and maybe actually get something done? gasp. shock. and still get home and do smth like clean and do dishes to be productive while anticipating fun thing, do it and come home and actually sleep bc im fuckin that over eh. but fuck. its not just that i have 1 overdue summary from two weeks ago, i have another summary due thursday night. maybe, in between classes i could do both, miraculous i guess yes but would be cool. do two summaries, send off both and an apology email for the other, take the spare chance to book myself another experiment if theyre still running and if not send an apology email bc i missed one in class one and ask what now. and then maybe even since the calendar is out get my 3 planned viewings booked so that i can see them b4 going back home and dont get fucked. maybe even add the corrections i got yesterday to my other report. wow wouldnt that be great. i could do them now but i should get to sleep right now heres hoping ill remember the corrections then. and then id need to look at the video for the assignment that was due yesterday and bring up the files and find the debrief and begin filling it in and maybe email researcher if i need to, and do the easy part. so that maybe logical me in a clean room will fill in the ethics part between classes on friday or after class or gasp on saturday bc im not going to st andrews after all... its a lot.. i hate that two days are wasted already. ugh. uGH. well get by. lets just try stay positive, now im going to sleep and wake up to go to my 11 class prepared to do some easy work between classes. yes yes. its probably weird that who ever has read this far has read all this shit and maybe i should just keep my shit personal and not post on my main blog bc surprisingly its open to anyone who just slightly would wanna see it,and though you likely dont know me in person its a bit weird huh idk. maybe this is here so my cousin can read it if she happens to , maybe its so that you can read it and be like ya i do that and i think like that too pretty cool im not alone, maybe its for me to read back and not have to be exposed to my worst ugly vents on my plain vent blog and can remain positive thomaybe not. its under read more anyway. lets try bury it guys.

#and other things #really dont need to read this #though im aware and sorry i guess read more doesnt work on mobile and you might just read this in curiosity and i dont necessarily want #these are just my own thoughts and theyre here to clarify my head. ok

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yoonasgf · 7 years ago

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171013- saturday a rant dnt bother reading

i feel like i wanna talk to someone but then i think about it and what am i even expecting ? whenever i say smth i regret it immediately so just thinking abt expressing whats bothering me to others i just know ill regret adn feel guilty and embarrassed about it later so i never talk to anyone abt anything that goes on in my mind and it gets to the point where its so over bearing i feel like its drowning my head somehow , im so.. lonely wld be the word but lonely in my thoughts but like that doesnt even make sense idk im just writing here bc i need to let my feelings out somehow and i’d usually do it on twitter but like the 140 characters thing anyway i just feel like i want to let things out but whenevr i do i never like the answer i get, like if they give me advice i feel annoyed cus i wasnt asking for help i was simply stating how i felt (and most of the time its stuff that cant really be fixed?), if they tell me stuff like “i love you !” its like ok? ik its mean but someone elses love does not affect my situation at all since its an inner issue that doest rly have to do with self-esteem, and if they just are like ‘yeah’ or ‘thats so bad:(’ ijust feel like theyre not paying attention (even if they are) which makes me regret opening up, so i dont really know what im expecting when i vent to someone i guess i just want to feel like someone is listening to me idk im like so full of thoughts and feelings. writing this feels like its calming me down a little bit so i think im just gonna keep writing, in english (its funny how id rather open up in english since its my second language i feel more alienated from it so it feels less real? what im talking about seems less seriousdk) so whats circling in my mind is that i dont have anyone im urging to meet i dont have anyone i truly like anymore and that my ladies is so fucking sad and frustrating that ive mentally grown apart from my friends im just not myself when im with them and sure my fake-extroverted persona ive built throughout highschool is good at doing her job and she still gets along with them so well but now it feels like that side of me, the fake one, is another person like we used to share some “mental common ground” but not anymore i just dont have anything in common with that persona anymore so whenever im with my old friends i just become her it’s like i completely leave reality it makesme so lonely inside. and i cant help it its unvoluntary how i switch places with the other me i cant stop it and i hate it because i feel like its drowning me alive, along with my personal issues. lately ive been isolating myself a lot, i stay in the classroom during recess and i havent gone out in like a month.actually last time i went out i decided i just wont go out anymore i just think its not for me i truly dont have fun. is that okay like is that normal? like is just dont enjoy the loudness and the kind of jokes that go on, i think if grown too fast. i justdont wannatalk about drinking andsex and how evil the math teacher is, like its fine once ia while but iwanna discuss science and philosohy and share thoughs too, anything else is so irrelevant it’s so sos irrrelevant to me. not that i dont enjoy good laughs anddrinking, but for that i feel like i wanna be with someone who is special to me? like someone whoi respect intellectually first, and then we can laugh at dog memes. someone i can show my realpersona to,and the thing is i have my best friends she’s literally so perfect bc she’s smart but also silly so we can talk abt hitler but then we can talk abt that one episode of sponge bob ? but the thing is shes graduating this year, and she has like an almost boyfriend, so i decided i should start getting used to her not beingwith me, but thats way more lonely than i thought. the guy thing, it wasnt planned, and shes with her crush most of the time which i totally understand i watn them to be together and stuff but i dont have anyone else but her- that is the real me not the fake persona, the fake persona hasmany people- but i though “she deserves this” so decided to step back so they can concentrate on each other. she ofc wouldve never asked this of me, but it seems like it was the best, sometimes i feel like a huge burden to her. but now imrealizing how lonely it has made me, being with her is like letting go of a breath that ive been holding and im realizing how much i need her. so i thought of like ‘slipping’ back in but im faced with the fact that we will infact part ways when she graduates because we’re attending universities in different parts of the country so maybe i should be getting used to the solitude, until someone else comes. and someone else seems to be here, this one friend i have in my new class, but im so scared of opning up to her, im scared of her kindness to me. i always think “why is she so nice? why does she stand up for me” at first she wasa bit too rough for me but as we spent time together i think she realized what kind of person i am and changed her ways so now were getting closer and closer and it makes me so 불안해 and 두려워 (idk how to express the sentiment in english) i dont even know what im scared of, it;s not like ive been hurt before in that way i think? maybe i have i cant remember. the point is, i know i should let this person in because she’d help me but i just cant seem to opne the freaking door its like my hand is shakinly holding teh doorknob without actually twisting it. i do think i will eventually tho. anyway. i was saying i spend alot of time alone these days, reading,studying, twitter, watching stuff, and its really nice i really do enjoy being by myself but i honestly dont have manyb things to do? so eventually the Thoughts come, and lately what ive been meditating is how the reason why i dont get close or attached to people (again the fake me might get closed but not me) is because simply no one is as good company to me as myself? which is fine wyou know many people feel like that, but i hate that if im alone poeple thinkg i dont have friends or that im sad and they think its bad that i am alone which is really not the case. i could be with ppl if i wanted to i just chose not to. theres this particular guy in my class actually, who thinks he has to be my friends bcim often alone and it irriates me so much bc 1. hes interrumpting my enjoyable me-time 2. he does it out of pity and boi do i hate pity like sometimes i just stay in the classroom doing homework or reading and he comes in likw “why are u always alone:(” because i want to you fucking dumbass andtoday or maybe it was yesterday particularly he said “why are you always alone is it becayse you dont have freinds bc you went on exchange and dont know anyone” llike um no im alone because i literally want to be alone you absolute dipshit and ido have 10 times more friends than you i just dont feel like being wit hthem you fucking asshole it pissed me off so much as if he’s ?? helping in anyway ?? i just wish anyone whosaw me alone wld tjust think ‘i guess she likes being alone’ isntead of thinking that im alone bc no one is willing to keep me company. isuddenly got really mad writting this. i think this really calmed me downishould do it more often its not like anyone who follows me here wld open it, like ideally this is whatdiaries are for but i dnt like to waste paper. im gonna write the date as well

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survivor-all-stars-blog · 8 years ago

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EP 7: "Today Was 100% Certified Garbage" - Abbey [ PART I ]

Those tribals could've been way worse huh? Steffen and Lydia are both safe, which is super good, and I'm glad that something went Steffen's way because now he's back in a good mood. I'm super worried for Jake now that we have this...quadruple tribal shit goin on..... in ter esting

But over the past few days I've been trying to lay low. After my outrage at the voting immunity and then my performance in the tasks one, I knew I needed to just remove myself from the spotlight, and that's what I tried to do. Still, there's been some work to do...

I had the most awkward conversation in the world with MJ and found out that Ricardo is the one who ratted me out to Kait and I SCREAMED I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SDKFJHSFJDFSKSDH

i dont remember how much i put in confessional but basically she called me and was like "why are you talking shit about me" and IIIIIIIIIIII panicked and told the truth like about how I was so frustrated at the challenge and how she was making it obvious that her/jenn/mj are a group like?????? doesn't take nancy drew to figure that one out huh! but whatever. I told her I wasn't coming after MJ, and then she went and told MJ I WAS, and he told Lydia and she told me so I called him and was like.... I'm not.... Even though I totally am. But now Lydia is convinced that MJ shouldn't be the one to go and ??? SO whatever. If I need to work with him to save my ass, that's fine. If I can't BEAT Kait/MJ, I need to be in with them, even if they don't fully trust me,

Logan also told Lydia that I was being messy so that's fun??? I think it's funny how I deliberately disagreed with Jenn's plan during the rankings challenge just to see if I could get them to budge, but then Logan defended her and now they don't trust me as much.

So I need to call Gage and Logan the next few days and get them to understand that I'm on their side! That'll be fun!!!!!!!!!!

Right now, I need to focus less on having control, and more on survival. I've been good about keeping an awareness of things (Jake/Steffen using their powers, etc.) but I need to get to a point where I can use the info I have.

As of right now, I do really appreciate Lydia in this game, and I don't trust anybody else so that's cool.

Alright. I've had the night. I went to bed relatively early so I didn't end up getting frustrated or spilling too much info in an act of desperation. But I'm clearly in a tenuous spot on Hudson. So here's my to-do list:

1. Leave the past in the past. Don't hold grudges for being blindsided. That's how you get voted out as a threat to flip. 2. Restore relationships. I don't think any of the people involved acted maliciously or with the intent to screw me. Because of that, I think there's some potential to work on those friendships. The bridges haven't been burned, they're just fraying a bit. Nothing a bit of preventative maintenance can't fit. And I'm hoping it really is just the surface level stuff I see, and not cracks in the fundamentals that lead to collapsing structural integrity. 3. This one is the most important: win individual immunity. When you're the sole outlier vote that's still on the tribe, a blatantly obvious target is painted on your back. But if I can force myself to be safe this round, one of those who voted Wes will have to go out of necessity.

On the Thotse tribe, things went mostly as planned. No idol came out, Jessy went by a 4-1 vote, and everything seemed hunky-dory (though I should rebuild my relationship with Jessy, too, limited as it was.)

But then, after the comp was revealed, Wes just... lost his drive, I guess? He said he didn't have the time or patience for all these endurance comps and we should just vote him out. I'm conflicted by this, to say the least. On the one hand, he's been such a good effortless ally and a friend. He's been looking out for me and vice versa. Losing him would put me on a tribe with Jack and Lydia and, while I love both eternally to death, I'm worried there may be some enduring Denali allegiance.

On the other hand, it would make the vote a lot easier. As much as I didn't want to vote Wes, I don't especially want to vote either of the other two. We've formed tight bonds, bonds that I really didn't fully expect to galvanize so quickly. And while I knew I wanted to work with Lydia from the jump, the reality of our tribe made it so hard. But now, there's a chance for something enduring to be built with herself, Jack and me on the ashes of Thotse.

Agh. This game is getting away from me fast. I'm lucky to have such good allies in this game, even if many are currently on other tribes or in their death throes. But for posterity's sake, let's make a list. In no specific order...

MOST TRUST: Jack, Lydia, Wes, Jenn, Kait, Logan NEAR 'MOST TRUST' BUT NOT QUITE THERE: MJ, Matt MORE TRUST THAN DISTRUST: Steven (hashed things out this morning,) Abbey. Jakey? NEUTRAL: Jimmy, Owen, Steffen (he did what he had to do to stay alive, but I'm going to have to be really cautious with him.) MORE DISTRUST THAN TRUST: Carson, Ruthie, Jessy (self-imposed, but still. Until I get the chance to clear the air, and she may even still end up here.) NEW CONFESSIONAL, WHO DIS? Gage (which is not to say total distrust, but like... our paths haven't crossed. Is he even in this game? I should at least say hi in case.), Ricardo (I actually DID forget he was in the game and only added his name after this next paragraph was already written. Oops.)

Anyway, if there's one thing I'm proud of, it's the fact that we were responsible for breaking the streak of double-booting the players who are eligible in both tribals. Wes got brutally murdered in one game, which I really wish I'd have seen and stopped. Somehow. I don't know how I could have. He seemed to have Ruthie on lock and it never even occurred to me that he wasn't especially communicative with Steven, as the latter just told me.

I don't know that I have a lot I can do right now until people start logging in and talking back. I won't have the time or the guaranteed uninterrupted time I'll need for this kind of comp until after 4, so even practicing may be a challenge.

Sigh. Steven said it best in regards to all tribes going to TC this round – at least everyone is in the same boat. Just a pity we haven't been able control our own destiny, which we WERE doing.

I'm overdue for some good news. Please, Survivor Gods, old Gods, new Gods, Gods of every denomination, Oprah and Chester the Cheetos mascot... if you're listening, please give me a win here. I need a win so badly.

yall gonna watch this one?

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im my score of 1 wowie

i have to choose between mj or ruthie, and? this is such a hard choice and either way fucks me over. itll probs be 3-1 ruthie, but it would be 2-2 for mj, and i'd probably be auto-elimed, which is NOT what i want.

and, as for game a, jakey cant vote, so honestly i wanna go with abbey and gage and vote out jack bc he voted out jessy.

hopefully both tribals are easy, and i manage to stay, but, knowng the people on my tribes? thats not happening

Also I will clarify with Ryan when he's back but I am like 80% sure for those of you with 4 people on your tribe - in the event of a tie, you will do a challenge tiebreaker, not rocks

NVM RUTHIE WILL GO TO TIEBREAKER IF SO I MIGHT BE FINE WITH THAT DSJKSDJKSDJK

OK BUT IDK I LOVE MJ? BUT I ALSO LOVE RUTHIE? BUT I KNOW I CANT BEAT EITHER?

somehow i randomly got myself into rlly good positions on both tribes, i jut gotta hope im not exposed for being a ratty mctatty

so today was 100% certified garbage wow. i had a personal issue and i couldnt do the challenge so that was annoying. shoutout to the hosts for not striking me yall the real MVPs. ANYWAY so jakey won immunity so any plans to take him out are shot. BUT jack and I are solid?? i think?? and i think?? i got carson on board to vote out gage?? So hopefully on one tribe I got locked down. Denali is another story. my dumb ass tried to vote matt out so idk where he stands with me but he said he was willing to work with me so im gonna do whatever he wants and hope for the best ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I can't believe there was a point in this game where I didn't want to work with MJ. He is probably the most genuine kind hearted person I have ever met and he really does care about me. Yes, we've been lucky about not having to be on a tribe together so our relationship is secret but it's so nice to have someone I can just talk to. He could be playing me, yes. But so far he has proven to me that he is a trustful ally and I do have to rely on him in some aspects of this game because his connections are glorious.

I won immunity whew :') I didn't expect to do well at all but this is such a pivotal moment that I feel like I really needed it. It's not so much pivotal in the way that it'll set a new course for the game, but it's pivotal in that with this immunity, I can hopefully lay low and let things fold out before the final 14 in each game.

Also... I'm screaming @ Jake. I thought I was good at balls, but he's the real ball enthusiast huh sfkjhdfskjfs

Anyways... I'm super mad about the adventure. It DOES NOT. MAKE SENSE. That climbing up a volcano....would take you the same exact place....as walking along the path down a volcano??? That's fuckin RIGGED, huh? And now I know someone has that other idol, and honestly, it's probably someone with the clue. I think I'll confront Kait about it, because I know SHE had the clue... And I know from MJ that it was the same one about the colors. So there's a good chance MJ or Kait have the idol.

I talked with MJ and brought up Matt's name. I also mentioned Lydia like... trying ti make it seem like Lydia and I weren't close, which I thought is what Lydia and I agreed to do buuuut apparently MJ thought it was sketchy OOPS. Messy Owen strikes agian. But I'm pretty sure we're just gonna settle on Matt, which is fine.

On my other tribe, idk. Jenn/LOgan/myself will prob keep voting together, and I don't want to lose Gage. I talked to him tonight and I think he's someone I could hopefully gain a lot of trust from... Which means that I need to target Steven, in a way that doesn't make it obvious that I want to work with Gage. Fun times. I think I can do it, but we'll see.

As for the other tribes, I think there's nothing I can really do??? It seems Ruthie is losing both lives, Jessy is losing a life, and Abbey is losing at least one.... Lydia and I talked a lot and I really encouraged her to try to organize something to save Wes and get Jack out, but she says Wes and Pat won't go for it, and that Jack would have to volunteer to lose a life, which I don't see happening. So probably Wes will go...

As for the tribe with Carson/Abbey/Jack/Jake/Gage, Jake said ABbey is going, and I can see that, which wouold suck... Abbey is closeish with Lydia and is a good number for us (as is Wes) and I do NOT want to lose them both. I want like.... Carson/Abbey/Gage to vote Jack out, but idk if I'll have that kind of pull over Gage an Abbey to organize them like that??? And I have no clue where Jack stands.

Sooooo I guess we'll see. At least for now, I'm sitting pretty until whatever hell y'all demons throw at us next

I love Jenn Tramkellan

WHEN A BALE IS WHEACHED.

Like Boston Rob's game being straight outta the godfather, my game is straight outta the care bears because I don't want anyone to leave!

jack fukt me and now im 95% sure im going home. i wanted to be loyal to him and pat and it fucked me over I should have said yes to carson when he wanted to vote jack. oh well i had fun, if i go ill be ok

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HOW'S MY FAVORITE HOST CHAT DOING

Anyways

here's what I have going on w/ jake right now (i sent this to him): "I want you to send this to me so I can copy + paste it to kait: "i did the rocky side of the volcano and I fell off when I tried jumping down to another path" or something like that make it sound more like... it was coming from........you! I'm gonna send that to kait and tell her that's an ~obvious lie bc Lydia went that way and she went further blah blah blah so that would make it seem like you were hiding s/t THEN I think you should go to jenn and tell her you had to do a flash game and then got to the part where you throw in a marble and tell her you threw in a different marble (not green, yellow for example) and it gave you a power and then you make that shit up!

embellish!" The plan is to make Jenn & Kait feel like Jake has a power that he can give to Jessy by telling them contradicting stories where Jake lies to me but would be telling Jenn the truth (both would be LIES!!!!), so they'll scramble and save Jessy. So there's that. Matt SHOULD be leaving Game A. I'm gonna make sure things are solid in Game B so R*thie gets blindsided hard as fuck. Called with Lydia and she called this "saving Wes" thing my plan... like.... WHEW OK GURL! As if you weren't thinking about this already!!!! Don't stroke my ego! I can do that myself. So Jack should be getting "blindsided" on Thotse and he should be OK in Game A hopefully This should all work out Quite well! ALSO even if the SAVE JESSY thing doesnt work out, i think ive gained a lot of favor with Jake this round by helping them out here so he should feel slightly closer to me moving forward and he should be PISSED @ the malaysia trio!!

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Tag yourself, I'm everyone disappearing and not responding to your messages cuz they're too afraid to make a move to remove the status quo. B O R I N G

Literally fuck this game everyones fake as fuck

everyones playing so hard and i was so happy bc this game was so much less cliquey than i thought, but NOPE! everyones still like that and being rats, and what turned into a simple vote changed bc ruthie wants to vote me now? like, fake!

i really thought i was in a good position but now i feel like im playing too slow compared to everyone else, and i have little chance of winning and that just takes the fire out of me, like. i just want to do something but i cant with these small as fuck tribes and these gross as fuck people.

like, jessy wants me to tell mj she has an idol so he'll tell kait. like, why? and ofc since im a dumb bitch i agree and probs fuck up my relationship with mj.

i bet everyone just sees me as a number when im trying to make actual friends and that pisses me off bc i just want to have fun but they arent letting me because i have to follow them, and im forced to vote out the ppl i like

What is even happening right now? Because I have NO earthly idea! Yesterday I was feeling SO bad for Steffen that I kind of came up with the idea (with a little bit of coaxing on his part) to willingly let he and Steven vote me out. FUCK. AM I CRAZY? WHY DID I HAVE TO COME UP WITH THAT? Now I'm paranoid that I'll end up going on my other tribe because MJ and Carson seem close. Kait says I'm fine but just.... I have this feeling. I really think I'm so screwed tonight no matter what happens.

Like, I just don't know what to do. If I vote Carson with Kait and MJ I lose Carson as an ally and he is my biggest ally. If I vote out MJ I would then lose both MJ and Kait and that.... would suck. A lot. Because they are good people to keep close to me in this game.

As for my other tribe I really think I'm the one that is going to be the goner because I haven't heard from ANY of them all day today. The smart move would be to vote out Steffen because he has one life, but he is Steffen and I really don't want to lose him, it's just an all around sucky situation and I have no idea what's happening on that tribe at the moment which probably means I'm a goner for real!

Well, time to start chatting everyone up again to see if I can get several clues to what's going to happen tonight. FINGERS CROSSED I STILL HAVE A LIFE OR TWO AFTER THESE TRIBALS.

ahhh this game is so messy

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Votes are due in an hour and fifteen minutes and I STILL don't know what I'm doing, rip.

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#ivebeenbamboozled #confessionals

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