#it’s getting real y’all! i’m waiting for my headshots/photos to come back! i have a real live acting coaching! we are DOING IT baby!!!!!!!

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

things are happening! i have an acting coaching for my audition monologues on monday! we are doing the THING, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[datingadviceonreddit]

To start, I’ll begin with my background. I’m a 25 year old woman who became single for the first time since I was 18 just this last September. I have been single and on my own now for a whole year and let me tell you, I have learned a lot and have gone through a lot in that time.When I was 18 back in 2012, Tinder had just been released. Since I was that young and in a relationship, it was something that I had really no grasp on and what I knew about it always came from my single friends. After my first relationship ended, I downloaded Tinder for the very first time and met my last partner within a week and then promptly deleted Tinder. Because of that short stint on the app, I wasn’t on it long enough to actually date for real. Then that second relationship ended last year. With that being said, I didn’t know how to date. I have never actually dated. Last year, I entered into the dating scene without any actual knowledge about dating. But now that a year has passed (rather quickly I’d say), I would like to share what I have learned. Hopefully, y’all find it helpful.Dating shouldn’t be hard and it shouldn’t be unenjoyable. Dating should be something you can learn from and have fun with. You know a majority of the best memes come from dating mishaps. And memes are essentially unifying in human misery. It’s modern comedy but I digress.1. PICK THE RIGHT APP/WEBSITES AND DO YOUR RESEARCH. There is Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OKCupid, The League, Match, eHarmony, FarmersOnly, ChristianMingle, CoffeeMeetsBagel, Happn, Zoosk, Grindr, etc…There are so many places to date and meet people and you need to research which platform is going to be best for you and what sort of activity on that platform is going on in your city. Don’t just randomly pick one. Then don’t pick multiples to be on. Just pick one. If at all, have only two. The more apps/profiles you have, you will drive yourself insane and get obsessive. You don’t want to get too attached and over zealous about your profile. You need to maintain a level-head. I would have 3-4 profiles going at once and I would be on them constantly and losing my shit. Since moving to being on only 1-2 apps, I would say, it’s been a lot easier to manage my time as well when it comes to dating.2. MAKE SURE YOUR PROFILE IS 10/10 (HAVE YOUR FRIENDS HELP YOU AND GIVE YOU ADVICE). This is what makes or breaks most people and tragically, most people are not willing to do their best with this. You need to be able to represent yourself accurately and well. You want to appear confident, fun, interesting, and unique. Picking good photos is important. Do not and I repeat do NOT do mirror selfies. Most advice pieces online state this and it’s true. The only reason you should have a mirror selfie is if you don’t have a recent full body picture. The caveat for this exception is that you need to look well-dressed and be in a CLEAN bathroom…preferably at a nice restaurant, museum, or somewhere cool because then it looks like you just took that selfie on a day out while doing something fun. But honestly, stay away from the mirror. NO CAR PICTURES. For the love of god, no photos of JUST your car. Nobody cares what car you drive. And then don’t take a selfie in your car. Please don’t do this. Like attracts like. You need to be able to present yourself well to the kinds of people you want to attract. So have a photo of you with your friends or doing something you like to do. But never lead with a group photo. In this order: a candid or a headshot (NOT A SELFIE), a group photo, an activity/hobby shot, a full body picture (with a group or you by yourself), and last but not least…a selfie. A selfie is how YOU see yourself and how you want others to see you. A selfie should always be last. Aside from photos, have a good bio! Include something positive. State what you are looking for and what you like to do in your free time. Include enough details to make it seem like your care enough about your profile. Also, don’t be negative. Don’t say “I’m not here for games.”, “I’m not here for hookups.”, etc. Just be honest about what YOU want. Oh…and don’t list your Snapchat username or Instagram handle…it then looks like your giving it out to everyone which means you ain’t picky and have no standards on who you allow into your social life. It’s fucking weird and I don’t understand why people do this. Access to your social life isn’t a right, it’s a privilege. It also looks and screams trashy to me. I would think most people would agree with this. But I guess I might be wrong considering how often I see this phenomenon.3.DO NOT MESSAGE INSTANTLY AFTER MATCHING/MAKING A CONNECTION AND LET CONVERSATION COME NATURALLY (DO NOT FORCE IT). When you make a match or connection, you’re going to want to instantly message. I would strongly suggest waiting anywhere from an hour to a day depending on the urgency of the platform you’re using. Having restraint and not coming off too eager is going to suit you well. When you do send a message first, also make sure it’s a fun greeting. Say something that you don’t think that person would hear on a daily basis. A fun fact, maybe if you know another language, greet them in that language or something. Don’t say “Hey! Whats up?” You want them to have fun too. Now, either your conversation will take off and you’ll plan a date (which I suggest sooner rather than later) or the conversation will die and neither of you will meet. WHICH IS FINE. Nobody is entitled to anybody’s time. This isn’t a prisoner/warden situation. Respect your match and their time. Also, respect yours. Do not obsess over whether or not you will meet this person or not. Chances are that you won’t ever meet a majority of your matches. I had 55 matches on Tinder stint and probably only met less than 10 of them in a two month span. That’s less than 5%. And oddly enough, during that stint I dated 0 of them longterm. If you accept that you’re not going to click with everyone you match/meet/try to date, you’re going to have a better time. It should always go without saying...if you no longer want to see someone after having met them once or more...PLEASE DO NOT GHOST. Just be honest. If you haven't met and don't talk a lot? Then you can ghost. But if you have met, do that person the a favour if they think nothing is wrong. Be honest and don't be an asshole. Also, if you're going to ghost yet you have them on social media...just remove them from your social media. Stop following them on Instagram. Orbiting is worse than ghosting. It's also weirdly pathetic. They aren't you friend and your not theirs. If you choose to watch their stories and like their pictures but can't manage to be up front about your desires to not date them let alone be just friends (if that's what you want), you probably need to have some shit worked through on your own.4.DO NOT BE ACTIVE ON YOUR CHOSEN PLATFORM (LIMIT YOUR USAGE TO 15-30 MINUTES A DAY). In order to maintain your sanity, do not check the platform unless you have a notification. If you have a notification and have an ongoing conversation that looks like it is going somewhere potentially, try to give them your number or another way of communicating. You want to get off the app, so be proactive when need be in this regard. The less active you are not the app, the less likely you are to get obsessive compulsive while using it. Do not take it seriously, this is supposed to be fun. A notification should excite you. Not make you nervous or fiend out.5.BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU WANT (EVERYONE IS INSECURE BUT NOBODY WANTS TO DATE INSECURE). You are a human being. We all have hard times and are insecure about things. But the whole point of dating is trying to get someone to see you for how you actually are. You’re not you’re insecurities. You are so many amazing things and you want a partner to see that the way a friend sees it. Don’t say anything bad about yourself. At least not seriously. If you’re one with a comedic streak, a self deprecating joke CAN be funny in the right context but don’t over do it. Highlight your humility. With that also being said, you need to make sure that YOU are your NUMBER ONE FOCUS. Right now, this is about YOU making sure YOU get what you want. Hopefully, you have a career or are working on it, going to school, pursuing a dream, etc…this is self-confidence. Love yourself and where you are at in life. You need to be able to convey not only to yourself but to others that you have your shit together and love your life. Another caveat, if you’re not confident, not in a place to date, or have a lot of personal issues…it should go without saying that you probably aren’t ready to date. If you don’t feel ready…it’s because you aren’t and you should allow yourself time to prepare. Relationships are work. Dating shouldn’t be. If you put dating above yourself, you are dooming yourself.6.LISTEN TO YOUR GUT, HEART, AND HEAD (AND YOUR FRIENDS). Honestly, most people these days don’t know how to listen to their gut. Our intuition and ability to understand communication and situations is grossly neglected. This combined with dating makes most single people out there dating clueless about how to handle anything in regard to prospective romantic relationships. When you meet someone you click with? You’ll know. If you think something is too good to be true? It probably is. If you didn’t see something coming? Lies! You were not following your intuition. If someone isn’t vibing with you the same way after a week, it’s because they probably aren’t feeling you anymore. AND THAT IS OKAY! It’s fine. Not everyone is going to stick around. But it needs to be accepted that if it’s not happening now, it’s not going to change. You can’t make someone want to stay. Ever. I learned this the hard way this year. When you neglect your instincts, not only are your allowing yourself to be more susceptible to pain and let down, you are losing the opportunity to actually be happy.7.THE LESS YOU CARE ABOUT DATING, THE MORE FUN DATING CAN BECOME (DATING IS ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE NOT THE OUTCOME). Don’t go into a date thinking it’s an interview, don’t go into a date thinking you’ll get married, don’t go into a date thinking it won’t be fun. Go into a dating thinking you might make a new friend or having a new experience. Remove all pressure and negative attitude. Enjoy the process and enjoy your life. Don’t be afraid of rejection, embrace it. But also, don’t let fear of rejection keep you from enjoying the process. We live in a crazy world and you never know what is going to happen next. Love life, love yourself, and be confident. When actually going on dates, keep things light and simple. Let the connection grow in time if it’s there. Good things come in time. But if nothing happens after a date or two? That’s fine. Does that change your confidence or ability to have fun? It shouldn’t and if it does, go back to step 5.I know all of this seems like it might be old hat but this has been my own guide to dating and so far, I’ve not been stressed about dating. I’m living my life and focusing on myself. If I happen to meet someone? Cool. But in the mean time, I’ve been going back to school and enjoying being young. This isn’t a time to be willingly stressed over dating. Dating isn’t something that should be a chore. It should be a fun activity.Anyways, good luck y’all and stay happy <3 via /r/dating_advice