#it’s funny how little I’ve historically thought abt that incident relative to others involving my dad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ardentpoop · 4 months

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it’s easy to villainize dad bc he was unapproachable and neglectful at best and angry and punitive the rest of the time. he was doing the hard work of Disciplining with none of the emotional support that typically cuts the resentment bc that’s the Woman’s Job! this is how he was taught to be it worked on him bc his own dad was a god in spite of (because of?) all the pain he stirred up in him.

#harder to confront mom’s complicity if she was the one who held you while you cried or apologized after she snapped and lashed out at you #she pushed me down the stairs once when I was very little I think abt that sometimes #she didn’t mean to do it! it crushed her! I can see flashes of that old guilt come up sometimes #when it’s contextually relevant #your body carries it anyway though :/#it’s funny how little I’ve historically thought abt that incident relative to others involving my dad #that are like Seared into me #it’s like I owe my mom everything I would’ve had Nobody in that house without her #but. but. but.#and you owe your dad too you always will. he loves the version of you he thinks he knows so much

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