#it’s fun to draw more realistically a bunch for the first time in a while

[spectacledraws]

these guys :)

[neverheroes]

Here’s a bunch of stuff in the MM Tales of the TMNT comic-con sneak-peek I thought about too much!

They’ve cared so much about showing how differently they each react to and process the same situation.

Through the scene Raph is excited to tear things up and true to every iteration ever tries things his way until it doesn’t work, Don’s flight response pings into analyst mode and you just know he’s figuring out how to break stuff, Mike is thriving in team-mode and keeping them all on track, and Leo flails around like a giant ball of chronic anxiety before figuring out a plan. They’re original formula with gently new toppings and I’m ready for this slice.

Raphael

This guy! We get so much. He’s rearing to do some fighting that isn’t sparring and be free to do some actual damage. So we know he’s bored fighting is brothers and wants a challenge. He can’t handle this one and in figuring that out is “open to suggestions” which is quite the overlooked Raph quality, he’ll listen he just has to work through that impulsive reactive streak first. He’s strong and knows it, and that robot gets a harder fight. The Raph highlight for me was taking time while fighting to honour the time-old tradition of making fun of Michelangelo. <Sobs in last ronin.>

Donatello

This kid, man! It’s a long standing opinion of mine that everyone should be more scared of Donatello. His interest in understanding the threat overrides most of his fear. Cerebral af. This is his face most of the time while a robot programmed to obliterate him is directly behind him. On the surface it looks like he’s running away a lot, but he can’t exactly press pause on it to figure out how they work. His gentle heart characterisation is well intact, apologising to the robot when he damages it having already personified the thing. I honestly believe he would take it home like he’d found a new pet if that were an option.

Michelangelo

What a show of Mikey magic. He’s got the comedy relief on a casual setting with subtle jokes and unintentionally antagonistic observation style. Mike has a tiny attention span but is 100% in every moment and they draw a lot of attention to his speed and agility. He shines doing what Mikey is known so well for; keeping the family together. It was awesome to see him effectively orienting his brothers into the situation, and see them listen to him so readily. He still calls to Leo for guidance when he feels out of control, but we might be in for a more surprising personal arc than ~nobody takes me seriously~ this time around.

Leonardo

This is a blessing for Leo fans because MM Tales Leo sucks /srs. Not in the way Raph fans say it on Instagram posts, in the way that his flaws are so disparate from other versions that a mastery arc is screaming his nervous muppet name. The giftedness is still sewn in; even flailing around he has more advanced weapon control, is observant enough to be the right level of stressed when a threat shows up, and jumps into strategy finding a vantage point to make a plan like a good little Leo, but instead of our usual Leo trauma ball we (at least for now) get to watch a Leo with the confidence of a processed cheese slice be terrible at things because he’s just some kid…

Pfffffffahahhhahhahba

The Mutant Mayhem kids are the most realistically green (and by that I mean inexperienced) we've ever seen them and it's continued into Tales. With detaching from source origin and establishing a much more grounded reflection of teen life in the current world, the growth arcs over Tales and the next MM movie have such immense unburdened potential that it really could lead anywhere and I don’t know what to expect.

(Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will air in August 9th 2024 on Paramount+)

[dokidokitsuna]

Magical Girl #1

So I realize I haven’t been posting a lot here lately…there are several reasons.

Most of it was just a garden-variety depressive episode, which was unfortunately extended after I had to go on antibiotics for a couple weeks. It got to a point where I considered canceling a bunch of projects because I just didn’t like to draw anymore. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Still recovering from that, tbh…)

After a while I decided to focus on my writing instead, at least to take my mind off that frightening thought. ^^; I got pretty far into a new novel (which I’ll probably talk about later) but more importantly, I managed to complete a 19-page script for ^this concept, the first new original comic idea I’ve had in years.

It’s basically my take on the idea of a solitary magical girl, which you don’t see so much of nowadays…I think the most famous is Cardcaptor Sakura, and even she had some magical sidekicks (iirc, they just had different sources of power, something like that). I’m not familiar with any examples in the genre where it’s literally just her, ala typical Western superhero…

But that’s not really the reason I wanted to write this story– I developed it mainly to explore the idea of a solitary protagonist, someone who doesn’t have any conventional social relationships outside of their family, AND doesn’t use the story to form any. How could I develop an entertaining story around such a person; what sort of character arc would they go through? Might this character realize, to some degree, that they’re not a ‘traditional’ protagonist, and have some thoughts about this…?

For a while I toyed with the idea of applying this framework to an existing idea, but then I figured it’d be easier (and shorter) to write a completely new self-contained story. Which led to the creation of Anno the magical girl, and her partner Armitage. ^^

My #1 rule was ‘no crutches’: No making her (2) family members stick to her like glue and take the place of the usual friendgroup, for instance. This rule also forced me to change the usual characterization of the helpful fairy sidekick to that of an abusive parasite…which ended up being one of the best writing decisions I ever made. ^^ I love Armitage; not only are he and Anno a great comedy duo, but I think his meanness makes Anno a stronger character.

His worst ‘friendless loser’ insults towards her are just simple statements based (oddly enough) on things I’ve heard people express about themselves. So his dialogue becomes almost cathartic, and Anno’s reactions to it become more realistic as a result. She can’t just brush off his comments as meaningless hate; she kinda has to internalize them whether she wants to or not…if she were just a little more sensitive, this story would probably have a very unhappy ending. ^^;;; But as it is, it’s just an introspective comedy about a neurodivergent girl learning to love and trust herself.

I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to do with the script now that it’s done…mostly I’ve just been using it as motivation to draw for fun again, and to continue developing a manga style (I think I’m getting close to something solid).  But will I actually attempt to draw the manga? Will I try that thing I always wanted to try where I commission some artists to draw it with me…? Or will I just hang onto it and start writing a sequel in my spare time, like I usually do? ^^; Only time will tell…

[datura-tea]

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

[strangegutz]

Apologies if you've answered an ask like this before, but I've noticed that your drawing style and your dollmaking are very different, with your dolls being more stylized. Would you say that developing an art style for your dolls was easier/harder/different than finding a drawing style, and is there a reason you gravitate towards a 3D art style so different from your 2D one? I ask because I've always drawn in a semi-realistic style but want to make dolls, and I was wondering what it's like to make the jump. Personally, I feel like I struggle to unlearn/make myself get over the rules of proportions and anatomy in order to make more stylized stuff. Sorry for rambling a bit!

I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out a good way to answer the first part of your question, about developing the separate art styles- I might get back to you on that if I can think of anything later (particularly difficult bc theyre both styles ive had for a Long Time that have just evolved over time so it's hard to pinpoint feelings on the development)

As for why they're so different, it's mostly because most dolls you see are pretty realistic, to a degree. I think it's more fun, visually striking, and just all around easier on my brain to make them styled out of a bunch of cobbled together shapes- it tickles something in my brain, and it feels like I'm making something fresh. That being said, it's also my skill level, I couldn't make a 3D version of my usual 2D art style if I tried- drawing noses at all angles is hard enough, sculpting them? I'd explode.

Also with them having bendy wire for bodies, it feels more fitting to be extra stylized, rather than something realistic with rubberhose arms

I'll also add that I can/have drawn 2D work in my 3D style, but haven't in a while- it's easier to jump around to different styles on paper than it is with full on sculptures, haha

I do want to make dolls of a couple of my cowboy characters, it'll be interesting to compare the two styles side by side!

[ginjasnappp]

Alien Romulus: my opinions/review!!

I'm so sorry to everyone who sees this and therefore is subjected to it but my thoughts must exist somewhere

Spoiler free review is overall I'd recommend it! I think it did a lot of things right by the franchise and is a solid addition - but nothing beats the original imo.

Also I've only seen the first 2 movies before this so call me a fake fan if u want but the og is all I need

Spoilers for the whole movie below the cut!

Also warning it's absurdly long

THINGS I LIKED:

▫️ I really enjoyed all the characters! I thought they were faithfully written as a bunch of rebellious, rambunctious young adults trying their best in a shitty world. I thought their dialogue was fun and realistic and their age made me hold more space for the fact that they made reckless choices lol. I also thought their acting was spectacular. I wish we got a little more time with them before they got killed off to make way for Raine.

▫️The scoring and cinematography were great. it veered in and out of familiar territory, but there were several moments where the music and camerawork really evoked the first film, and even when it didn't to me, it was still effective.

▫️PRACTICAL EFFECCCCTTSSS how I have missed them. There was a mix of practical effects and CGI but even most of the cgi was done really well except for one part (lookin at you, Ash deepfake). All the practical creatures and general ooze and viscera were great.

▫️ The human hybrid?? Creepy as FUCK. It easily couldve been goofy lookin but it was genuinely super unsettling and expertly done imo!

NEUTRAL OBSERVATIONS:

▫️ This movie rang closer to Aliens than Alien to me, which was a little bit disappointing but entirely down to personal preference. Part of my love for Alien comes from the claustrophobia and creeping sense of dread - 'where is it', 'there's nothing I can do but hide', etc, and while there was some of that, this and Aliens are more action-packed with loud conflict and guns. Still a lot of fun though!

▫️I found it interesting and a little unfaithful that the only characters to get facehugged/otherwise impregnated (at least onscreen) were female characters. A big part of why a male character was the facehugger victim in Alien is because Ridley Scott noticed that in horror, the female characters are usually the ones to be physically violated in such a way and wanted to flip that around and make male audiences uncomfortable by depicting a male 'birth scene' (from what I read years ago, anyway). Seeing as Scott worked on this movie as well, I'm interested in why this choice was made, if it was even a conscious choice.

▫️The 'artificial person' Andy is a whole can of worms for me. When he was first introduced, before he's revealed to be an AP, my (and my parent who I saw it with's) very first thought was 'oh god, he's the autistic character that's gonna get killed off'. He is an example of how stereotypical autistic traits and scifi android traits (not understanding social cues, taking things literally, being outwardly unemotional and practical) can overlap, and there's a very fine line between drawing interesting but not direct parallels and coding the character outright, often negatively or to characters' detriment. He's definitely a character I'd be interested in hearing other people's thoughts on!

THINGS I DISLIKED/DIDNT MAKE SENSE/THOUGHT WERE MEH

▫️We all know you can't breathe in the vaccuum of space - so why, after being warned of the danger of letting the xeno blood go through the floor, did it actually happen and then everything was fine? Sure, things were sucked out into space, but Raine was fine and could breathe, which is impossible - her head would have imploded seconds after she was exposed to the vacuum. Also she would have frozen to death.

▫️The deepfake face. Just why?? I think it could have been way cooler if his face was entirely practical and maybe worn beyond recognition, and then a namedrop or similar reveal could be really effective.

▫️Dare I say it - too many aliens. Like the difference between Alien and Aliens, I find one unfaceable threat in an enclosed space is more effective than a whole shootable swarm in a large space. I enjoyed the shots of facehuggers skittering everywhere tho.

▫️This is PURELY my own unreasonable hopes being dashed but I was hoping and praying for a Sigourney Weaver/Ripley cameo. I understand wanting to leave her to her era and not drag her into a new one (and also that apparently she died like 4 movies ago) but I MISS MY QUEEEEEN

▫️I wish we got a liiittle more worldbuilding - though I understand the sentiment of 'we know what you're here for so we'll get right to it' lol.

That's it! Wow ty for reading if you got this far

Hand over your opinions >:3

[bobbybutterfly]

Elliott art dump!

These pictures are quite mid so I decided to post a whole bunch of them at once. Back when I was starting Tumblr I really wanted as much likes as possible. Yeah. It’s cringe. But I’m a furry. I’m all cringe. It’s especially cringe because likes and followers don’t matter much on Tumblr. You’re never gonna make any money on here! Oh boy. Isn’t being disabled and incapable of work fun!

Well. Now I got some stability with responses. About four per non Squirrel and Hedgehog related stuff. In the past I would spit these three into separate posts. Thus gaining about 12 likes if I’m lucky all together. But now I will post them all together because I’m not such an attention whore anymore.

So now about these fellas. The first Elliott is actually the last one with the sea background. I wanted to impress with the best one so I put the latest one to show first. But this sea background one. He was an attempt at the jelly art style. I still have a long way to go, don’t I? He’s kind of cute. Though he could use more polish. They all could. He was supposed to be more realistic but after I finished the sketch I didn’t pay much attention to the reference photo. A lot of the time my painting don’t have the best of anatomy. That’s quite strange because anatomy in my sketches while not perfect is pretty good. My art teacher said that it’s because I get so engrossed in painting I forget to pay attention to it.

I did learn something on this piece though. Using the blend tool. I first block out under my sketch with a flat base paint. Then I add (lol I wrote ass by accident!) a clipping layer onto the flat base. There I do all the colours. Then I merge the base and the colours to blend it. Don’t forget to use alpha lock! Then merge that with the sketch layer on top. Blend away the lines. Switch off alpha lock and do the polishing.

Got all that? No? You didn’t understand a word what I just said? Ehm. Moving on.

The middle one. I quite like this one. Even though I didn’t do enough blending around the eyes so he got some sick eyeliner. By now you noticed that Elliott doesn’t look the most like his in game appearance. I really love the earlier designs. He’s just so dorky! I also base my head cannon version of him from the actor Haruma Muira. I’ve got a whole bunch written about my head cannon if you’re willing to scroll for two hours down my blog. There’s not much to say about this drawing. It’s sketchy. It works. I went lazy with the sweater. It turned out pretty good.

Now the top one. The eye catching furry version of Elliott. I drew him as antro lion before. But then I remembered that lions are supposed to have a collar like mane. Not just hair on top. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to make him a twink though!!! I did challenge @32girassoisdevangogh but it seems they chickened out! That or they have more important stuff to attend to…

IMPORTANT!!! IMPORTANT!!!!

@32girassoisdevangogh is not a chicken!!! They drew Elliott as both a lion and a Iriomote catand did and incredible job doing so! Really taught me not to do cheap jabs at people because they will make a big fool of you!!

INTERMISSION OVER!

So I changed the species to a Iriomote cat. Which works far more for the story I have for him. My head cannon is he’s a 2nd generation immigrant from the Gotoro Empire, which is like Stardew’s version of Japan in my head. Everyone thinks he’s white because though he has monolid eyes and bronzish skin (when he dares to go out his cabin) he still got ocean blue eyes and red hair. Iriomote cats do look like your usual street cat unless you look close. I won’t have him be a furry if I ever get around to writing the fanfic about him. I don’t want Zootopia 2 Bad Racism Allegory Boogaloo.

This picture looks… alright. I have a lot of learning to do when it comes to digital paintings. Do you have some suggestions for what I should work on? I draw in Procreate.

Bobby out!

[theblueflower05]

Hey babes, i have a question for you, and for any other writer. You say you struggle with characterisation, which i think a lot of people do. I really do too.

Now when it comes to dialogue, do you find it easier to plan out dialogue between characters? Or just go with the flow and fix up later?

When i read fics too, i also think to myself; Now is that what the author wanted the character to do or say? Or is that what the character wanted to do or say? If that makes sense?

When I write speech between characters, I want it to be meaningful, have some depth and emotion, but that's just me. Its a whole lotta work when you got their actions too 🫡.

And it's so true, movies and shows would be such good help for characterisation. If you know other characters that have similar personalities as the one you are writing about, thats a good place to start. Especially when you wanna try and solidify how you want them to be, and have their essence written down to a T.

Its a lotta fuckin work to be a writer, and I think the Avatar fandom has really challenged our skills and imagination.

Anyways sorry if this is a lot i think you're a smart lass, also u a daydreamer like me 🤪 i cant help my daydreaming thoughts. Plus i love your writing style and thank you for it 🫶

This. All of this.

For one, thank you for sending me this ask. I love having these kinds of convos- especially with other writers because I just wanna pick all of your brains.

I 100% go with the flow when it comes to dialogue- I will do at least two drafts before I end up posting so the first draft is literally word vomit and then I spend a lot of time cleaning it up and making it semi presentable lol

Having characters speak to eachother in a way that feels meaningful but also like realistic? Is the hardest fucking thing about writing. IMO.

Like it’s this balance between finding each characters tone but then also figuring out their relationship dynamic. And that shit is not easy(for some it is and I wanna let you know if it’s easy for you you’re blessed and I hate you lol)

Especially for fanfic- movies and tv shows are the way to GO when it comes to gaining inspo. If I’m writing a fic for a specific fandom I’ll watch a bunch of movies and shows that like remind me of said fandom while I write. It helps like crazy.

I’m also big on drawing inspiration from fellow writers because they are beautiful and brilliant and will make you want to fine tune your own craft.

With that being said this plagiarism shit that’s running rampant lately needs to stop- seriously. Be decent. It’s not that hard.

Writing for Avatar has challenged me in a way that’s both the funnest thing ever- but also makes me wanna punch a wall sometimes.

Like seriously Jimmy Cam, how you make a world that’s SO full but that also has so many unanswered questions and details? Fuck.

Day dreamers uniteeee, I hope to get more asks from you in the future because this was so much fun to eat and think about. I’m endlessly happy that people get some joy out of reading my fics💘💘💘💘💘

Ps. I fall a little bit in love with anons who send me long asks like this. Omg. I’m blushinnnnn

[cat-psychic]

Recently I’ve been taking a poetry class where we have to critique eachothers work, and I’ve noticed that almost every poem I’ve read has been sad. They’re all about social issues or discrimination or death or trauma. The only exceptions are poems about romantic love and desire, of which there have been two or three, but they’re still extraordinarily outclassed by the sad ones. Now love and death being the two most common subjects of poetry is a pretty well understood thing, and young adults who write poetry just being an edgy bunch is certainly part of it, but I think there’s something more going on here. 

I’ve taken enough lit classes to know that the books assigned in them do not tend to be happy ones. Anything near-contemporary you read is guaranteed to be depressing, and while a books age will sometimes let a wry, often political comedy sneak through, you’ll always be made to read it through such an analytical, often again, depressing lens, that a lot of the jokes loose their meaning. And when you write, you’re encouraged to do it in much the same way- poignant, dark, realistic pieces on the state of the world. I

 especially notice it in books centering around some sort of oppressed/minority group- in all my years of lit courses, I don’t think I ever read a book with a female protagonist where being a girl was portrayed as “fun”. And yeah, don’t get me wrong, discrimination exists and impacts people and is a HUGE PROBLEM, but at the same time I wouldn’t equate my personal experience of “being a girl” to “constant suffering” –which, if you were going off of these books only, might be the conclusion you draw. And while this is a big topic that I’m simplifying greatly, I think a persons only literary experience regarding an oppressed group (their own or others) revolving around how much being a part of that group SUCKS is a reductive and plain out depressing concept. And since those are the stories that are held aloft, it forces writers belonging to those groups to write stories about the oppression they’ve faced rather than literally any other topic if they want their stories to be promoted and seen. And this extends out of professional spheres back to students. There’s been some recent discussions of how the college application essays encourage students to write about and thus revisit their trauma, turning trying to get a  college education into some sort of sadness contest. And while I don’t think whats happening in my poetry class is anything quite that sinister, I think at the end of the day it’s rooted in the same problem: The subconcious idea that stories about darkness are inherently more valuable.

And that’s something I take personal problem with. I think it’s based around the idea that “dark” somehow equals “more realistic”, which is untrue. While life can be cruel and dark and serious, life can also be joyous and thrilling and just plain out stupid. And those silly fun moments are just as important as the dark ones! Hell, maybe even more so! There is innate beauty in random chance, fun surprises, friendship and love. Life is a constant see-sawing between the happy and sad. Even during very happy times, watching a sad movie can make you cry. At your most depressed, you’ll still ocassionally find yourself laughing at somebody elses dumb joke. There is a constant cycle of gain and loss. One can’t exist without the other, and that in and of itself is poetry! 

Saying one feeling is more important than the other is about as silly as saying red is more important than blue. Hell, beyond joy and sadness, look at confusion, anger, friendship, satisfaction, embarrassment, sleepyness, deja vu, weird coincidences, dancing, your first crush, injokes, brainfreeze, an obsession with dinosaurs, whatever! Yes, write tragic, edgy, or serious stuff too when you want to. Heaven knows I do. But don’t put yourself in a box. Meaning can be found in strange places, and one of the joys of poetry is reading something that you would never have guessed hits as hard as it does. And if something hits you, no matter how weird, you can bet somehow, somewhere in the world, it’ll connect to someone else in the same way.

Don’t give a shit if people say what you feel doesn’t matter, be stupid, have fun, and write!

[owls-den]

My obsession with Trip really goes way back huh

Welcome to: Owl exposes their art evolution through their many itterations of Trip from Pokémon Best Wishes!

It all started circa 2011. Unfortunately, only one drawing featuring Trip survived the intense purge of any art from this dark period of my life. All I can tell you is that I also drew in 2011 a full on comic about him and you'll have to believe me on that one.

My very first digital art, in 2013, was also representing Trip with a random OC of mine (I think her name was Evangeline or something to that effect). I actually posted it years ago on a Pokémon Forum. Yeah, didn't get a whole lot of love. It is to note that this one is the SECOND drawing I made digitally of Trip. The first one is most likely still sieging in my father's old laptop. Fun fact, this was drawn on Paint.NET using a mousepad. I also found in a sketchbook another one I drew during this time period, this time with some other characters. It's kinda wild how my artstyle was fluctuating at the time.

I then came back to drawing mostly traditionally. I got a bunch of blank sketchpads in 2014 at an art store and instantly got to work and drew the entire cast of Best Wishes for some odd reason. I also found another one. While it's undated, I'm assuming it's from the same timeperiod because of the artstyle. Gosh I liked drawing twink bodies for men huh? That... contrasts a lot with the amount of JoJo looking characters I like to draw these days.

I found some odd sketches from 2015 here and there. It's mostly a try at a realistic portrait and a sketch I made with ink. I remember being very proud of those two when I first made them. I have no clue who this other character with him is meant to be though. Maybe it's still Evangeline or something. Really goes to show how much I changed my view on dynamics and such I suppose. I called it "Rolling Trainer" cause I am a genius who got way into Vocaloid in middleschool.

Next is 2016. It was lodged in a very short sketchbook I used during an internship. I LOVED oniisuu's art style and tried to do chibis like them a LOT. Also I left in the text so that we can all appreciate the cringe :DD As you can see, I sort of thought my obsession for Trip was just hate for some reason since I really didn't like Best Wishes? Like don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of things wrong with Best Wishes but with age I realized that the reason I was so angry at how it was handled was because I loved the characters and thought they deserved better treatment. So it's kind of funny to look back and see how I just genuinely thought I hated this random minor character when I'd draw him pretty much all the time.

After that, I think I took a pretty big break or just lost most of my art of him because the next I found was in 2019. It has a very self aware note next to one of the drawings and the next one has an ink illustration. We can really see how my proportions improved over the years and how my style became more defined, going more towards "semi-realistic". I personally like the shortcut on the arm. I don't think I used a reference so that makes it pretty nice honestly. Also, as you can see, that's when I started drawing Trip with his hair going a bit up for his fringe. I have NO clue why I've been doing this since recently even though it's NOT in his design but it's there.

I found another art made, I think, in 2020 this time. I had been drawing pokémon falling down for a fabric pattern and just drew every pokémon I liked from each generation, a pretty nifty thing I might show in its entirety as it spans over 10 pages or so, and I drew some trainer characters for each gen. And of course, y'all know who I drew for gen 5. I love how my note next to him is just so tired with living. I also redrew the above illustration with watercolors. Doesn't look great but eh.

I also did a redraw of one of my earlier digital art (2013) this time kinda showcasing what I like to do in term of dynamics these days. So huh prepare thyselves for 17 year olds Trip and Eva.

Buff women. Anyways, I got some small digital sketches for 2021, nothing special I never completed them. I might finish the one on the right because I genuinely like the dynamism behind it, how flowy it is, the perspective and also one of my old hc that his hoody has no sleeves.

And finally, the moment we've all waited for, 2022. I am currently 21 and this monster still has not left my head. He's here to stay so I might as well embrace it and return to my good old brain rot. It kinda all came back when I just doodled him on the back of a receipt as stupid as it is, and really, that's a good summary of the kinda place I usually draw Trip on. He always comes back, unannounced, into my life and I draw him randomly onto any surface available.

I hope you found this dive into my art journey motivational or just funny or something. One thing is sure: I'm not stopping drawing Trip. He's been living rent free in my brain for 11 years, at this point, he's staying, it's too expensive to try to evict him, I tried. So huh, if ya want more Trip content I guess follow my blog??? I'm currently making a sprite replacer for BW to turn the MC into Trip and maybe might do a sprite replacer for BW2 as well (though that'd mean redrawing all the costumes at Pokéwood... UUGHHGHGHGHHSDGHDFJSDGfyzeggf) and I also like to shitpost about him and write stupid fanfics about him sometimes so don't hesitate. I'll see you all later, take care of yourselves!!

[choicesficwriterscreations]

450 Followers: Meet The Writer

Hello there! We’re back with another Meet The Writer Q&A and it’s our pleasure to introduce a fellow Brazilian fanfic author for our ninth interview:

Blog: @julia-highstorms​ Name (or petname): Julia/Ju Birthday: July 9 Nationality: Brazilian 🇧🇷 Current residency: I'm one of the 12 million people living in São Paulo, Brazil Languages you speak: Brazilian Portuguese, English and a bit of Japanese Masterlist: Julia’s choices fanfiction masterlist

1. Is there a meaning behind your url name? Yes! For those who have been following me for a while, they already know that I used to change my URL according to the Choices character I was stanning at the time but it was a PAIN to fix all my fanfics links 😩 so I decided to finally create an unique URL that I wouldn't get tired of. So I mixed my two surnames together and it (basically) means Highstorms. I loved it 😌

2. When did you start playing Choices? What's the first book you played? 2017 I believe. TRR book 1 was about to debut. YEAH. It was the Freshman Book 1.

3. When did you decide to join Choices fandom? December 21 2017. ILITW was in its last chapters and I was obsessed with it. I wanted to talk about it with other people, but I didn't know anyone who also played Choices. So I found the fandom on Tumblr and decided to join. I miss all my friends I made back then and we all went nuts with ILITW finale together 😩 Good times

4. Go back to your archive and tell us what was your first post on your Choices blog was about. My first post was about how I loved ILITW and how everyone was fucked up sjddndossok also a lot of reblogs about MAKE NOAH AN LI 🗣️

5. How long have you been writing fanfiction? I started writing fanfictions in my senior year of high school, although I attempted to write my own stories when I was younger, around 12-13.

6. Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it or would you change anything about it? My first fanfic ever is about The Maine, it was my favorite band back then slfjdfodj but my first Choices fanfic is If Jane Was Here (ILITW told by Noah) Chapter 1. I AM SO PROUD OF IT. Of course, there are some things I would change. Like adding even more angst. Having finished writing it way sooner. But I'm super proud of it overall. My first (and so far only) Choices long series I've ever finished. Wow.

7. What are your favorite Choices books to write about? Definitely Open Heart just because of Bryce Lahela and Rei (my MC). OPH has become a mess, but I love Bryce too much. I loved the It Lives anthology too and enjoyed writing about. And I'm hyped for my upcoming Blades AU series!

8. What is your specialty as a fanfic writer? Oooh I guess it is rewriting certain scenes or events of the books or thinking about AUs. Since ILITW I have enjoyed doing this. Writing on another character's point of view of the events that have happened (the whole If Jane Was Here series, that is ILITW told by Noah's POV). Or adding some depth to a certain scene (did something like this with Julia, my ILB MC, and Tom's relationship. And with Rei and Bryce's). Or even rewriting the story to fit better with my MC's personality (Rei, OPH MC).

9. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised? When people say they like my MC's, Rei (OPH MC) and Luxia (Blades MC). Before, whenever I played Choices, I didn't care much about the MCs because they're all generic (which makes sense because we're the ones playing it). They're always the happy go lucky friend that tries to fix everyone's problems and every LI is in love with them. Boooooring. Rei was my first MC that I created a whole non-canon personality to her, and that's why she's my baby 🥺 and when people commented that they felt represented by Rei, that she felt more realistic than PB's usual MC, well, that was my peak as a writer lol so they're basically OC's, with their own personalities and temperaments.

10. Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them? I do, but I wish I could participate more often! The prompts are what I like the most, because they give me ideas that I'd have never thought to write about before.

11. Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing? Meg Cabot was my favorite author growing up and I read some of Sophie Kinsella’s books too, so probably my love for adding a bit of comedy, silly little things in my fanfics came from them. I love Jane Austen too. And last but not least, my flair for angst definitely came from reading Fruits Basket, my favorite manga ever. There’s so much angst in Furuba dodksdishd Takaya Natsuki-sensei really enjoys it. I recommend reading her other manga series, Twinkle Stars, too.

12. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Actually writing lmao. You know, taking the plot out of my mind and typing it down on Google Docs. Writing is hard, takes too much time and I'm lazy 😩 I wish I could just transfer my ideas to a document and it's done. No need to write, no need to revise, etc. I love the final product, but I hate the process.

13. Do you have any abandoned WIPs? What made you abandon them? A BUNCH OAJDSKDKD 🤦 Either because my inspiration to write it has faded or because I don't want to spend my whole time writing.

14. You’re applying for the fanfic writer of the year award. What five fanfics do you put in your portfolio? Oooooh great question! I must put:

If Jane Was Here - Alternative ending (ILITW): this is the only finale I accept sorrynotsorry

Too Little Too Late - Jax x MC (Bloodbound): I wanted to feel hurt. People cried. I loved it sclkdsdjsops

The Loudest One - Bryce x F!MC (Open Heart): I wrote this one for CFWC Kinktober! And honestly, this is the best smut scene I have written. I’m quite proud about it.

Satisfied - Jax x Lily (Bloodbound): it was fun writing for my crack ship! My babies. And the first smut scene I have ever written. I’m glad it was with these two. I still can’t get over the fact that either one of them dies in BB’s finale. I cannot accept skfjdpd

Lullaby - Tyril x Elf!F!MC (Blades): don’t get me wrong, I love Tyril and his goth lordling mysterious elf boy personality and the first time he and MC made out was HOT but… I missed a bit of clousure before, you know? It felt a bit sudden to me, so I wrote a couple of fanfics showing their growing interest and attraction towards one another. This one is a light cute one and I really like it.

15. Do you create original content aside from fanfiction (original stories, art, etc)?  I sometimes draw some fanarts in which you can see by searching for #occasional drawings on my Tumblr.

Do you want to contribute with questions/ideas for the next Meet The Writer Q&A? Send us a message.

Thanks for reading! Reblog to share your appreciation for @julia-highstorms​ ❤️

[spockandawe]

Hi.....if you don't mind me asking, what are your top 10 favorite books? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before....

This is an interesting question, and a difficult one! Which is why I let it steep for a few days while I was in a bookbinding fugue, haha XD

I’m not sure I’ll be able to answer it, because my level of fondness is highly dependent on how recently I read a book/how many times I’ve reread it, with an optional nostalgia modifier if something made a huge impression in my youth. And when I’m picking favorites, as the number of potential [thing] expands, the more I end up dithering and fretting that I’m forgetting something HUGE as I choose. So rather than a selection of top ten, I’ll just run down through some of my favorites! I’ll split it as five cnovels (recent reads, current genre hyperfixation) and five more conventional english-language novel (realistically, probably more like series, unless a standalone book occurs to me), and I’m not going to rank the conventional novels.

SO. Regular novels first. There’s a heavy recently-read/frequently-reread element going on in here. 

The Imperial Radch trilogy, by Ann Leckie. Okay, I am a sucker for a nonhuman protagonist, which is going to pop up in at least two other entries. And I’m also a sucker for themes of what can be perceived about a person externally versus their internal world, and Breq delivers like WHOA. She has SO MUCH going on in her head, and even though we’re in there with her, she still hides lots of her emotions from us. And characters like Seivarden hit me in character development buttons that I’m a sucker for, and the whole idea of consciousness being split across multiple bodies is DELICIOUS to me. Also... love me a sentient spaceship. ‘The Ship Who X’ series by Anne McCaffrey isn’t going to make this list, but I also love it a lot. (also, a universe of ‘she’s made me realized how STARVED i was for that degree of representation in certain genres that i love a lot, but don’t often see myself in as often as i might like)

The Murderbot series, by Martha Wells. Another nonhuman, sometimes-human-passing protagonist! Another one processing MASSIVE trauma of a sort that I, the human reader, have to slow down a lot and try to comprehend from an extremely different life experience! I like that a lot, it really forces me to LINGER on the nature of what a character is feeling. And oh my god, Murderbot’s voice is one of my favorite pov voices of all time. And watching it work (or go hogwild on its own asdfdgd) is absolutely delightful. I love literally everything about this series, except what happened with Miki. Other than that? Flawless.

The Books Of The Raksura, by Martha Wells. Martha Wells is a DELIGHT, y’all. Also! Another heavily-traumatized, nonhuman protagonist! And this time, like... It’s a fantasy world with huge amounts of sentient species, and the protagonist grew up away from his people, who are basically a bunch of feral homesteaders (LOVE THAT), and is trying to figure out how to reintegrate into their societal structures as an adult. That desperate desire to belong and feeling of discomfort and not-fitting-in, and the connections he makes and the way he DOES find a way to fit... like if u crey every time. Also, as far as we’re shown, it’s a cheerfully bisexual, polyamorous society, and *grabby hands*

Discworld, by Terry Pratchett. God, what do I even say about this series. It was a PARADIGM SHIFT. It’s bitingly funny, and also just plain biting, and full of huge varieties of interesting stories, set in a fascinating world, with a series of protagonists who I love too much for words. Vimes! The witches! Moist!!! They’re all so WONDERFUL. I still haven’t read the last book in the series yet, because then it will be Over Forever, and I can’t deal. This one is heavily nostalgia-tinted, but also, I stand by it.

The Belgariad/Mallorean, by David Eddings. Okay. Also very nostalgia, and the choice I can justify the least. But these books CLICKED with me. I’m afraid to reread them, because I’ve been wallowing in queer fiction for so long I’m worried about what the compulsory heterosexuality will feel like, and I know both series are very... episodic, in a way that isn’t necessarily great literature. But I dunno! Feels good, man. It’s high fantasy with a magical system I like, segmented worldbuilding of a sort that isn’t necessarily WELL-MADE, but it’s like... comfortable and easy. And something about the style and the character voices just clicks with me. I have no idea how well these hold up in the present day, but I do love them, and I’ve been planning to reread at least The Redemption Of Althalus by the same author as a standalone before I commit to a 12-book rereading of this universe, but.... I like em XD

--

Cnovels! I think I can rank these, so let’s go for it.

Fifth favorite: The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish :B Look, it’s ridiculous. It’s a transmigration story where the lead enters this fictional universe in the body of a fish, where he is adopted by a prince who eventually falls in love with him, and YES IT IS TAGGED MPREG, BUT HOLD ON A MOMENT-- I don’t know! I came here to point and laugh, but I’m honestly having such a good time right now. It’s really cute! And sweet! The main character is delightful, and the love interest is that particular flavor of semi-socialized upper-class young man, where like, can he do court politics? yes. can he politely express his affections for the main character? uh....... less so. It’s a really fun read, and I felt very sincere emotions about this prince who is passionately, deeply in love with his pet fish!

Fourth favorite: Mmmmmm, Mo Dao Zu Shi, I think. I struggle here, because it is NOT an easy book to read or show to watch, but having consumed the story, I love it to PIECES. I know a big draw for me is the protagonist, specifically, and his relationships to the people around him. And the more I cared about him, the more I wound up caring about the people around him, who I’d kind of neglected before, if that makes sense? It’s a story that really rewards some good old pondering. I didn’t care that much about Lan Xichen, but then I started thinking about how Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji relate to Lan Xichen, and then oh no, I care SO MUCH about his emotions, and now I’m thinking more deeply about how Lan Xichen relates to Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue-- It does lose points in this ranking because it IS hard to get into, and I would struggle to keep everyone straight even more if I didn’t have the show visuals to lean on, but it is still story I enjoyed VERY much.

Third favorite: Erha, but I feel REALLY, REALLY BAD that I can’t fit Yuwu on this list too, and I just want to loop them together. It’s time travel fixit fic, but it’s the book! Yes????? I love this. I love the striking character growth we get to see, and the changing perception of the world as the main character relives through events he already experienced and sees things in a new light, and I adore how Mo Ran’s growing guilt goes hand in hand with his growing love. And Meatbun in general... like, my god. I haven’t read another author who’s able to yank me through emotional whiplash so hard and fast. She makes me hoot with laughter one moment and then burst into tears the next. It’s absolutely wild. I love mxtx, and I think svsss/tgcf are gentler entry points into the genre and deal with lighter themes, but meatbun is seriously an UNBELIEVABLE writer if you can deal with the darker topics she covers.

Second favorite: The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System :V Look, I love it. I just love it. I love, again, characters dealing with the aftereffects of old trauma, plus I do also love seeing NEW trauma piled on top of it. I love having a main character with emotional dysregulation issues who doesn’t necessarily make good decisions, but doesn’t just leave me thinking ‘jfc what an asshole’, and I think that’s a really hard balance for an author to strike, especially without us getting direct pov. I love themes of being wanted and insecurity about being wanted, which is Luo Binghe’s major, major damage. And this is my first transmigration story I ever read, and the contrast between a main character who read the novel telling us about what’s totally going to happen versus the ground shifting under his feet is INCREDIBLY delightful to me. I’ve read other transmigration stories I enjoyed, but none that got my attention quite as much as this one.

First favorite: Tian Guan Ci Fu ;u; It’s so good. It’s so well-made! It’s so LONG, and it meanders, but also, I would scream if anyone tried to trim anything out of it. I am here a lot for the ship, honestly, but I also find the plot themes VERY interesting. I am very much here for reading about characters trying to process old trauma that’s been dredged up by new events, and also very here for the themes about how characters either pass their traumas along to the next generation, or try to shield the next generation from taking the same kind of damage (see: mdzs). And I’m also very much into tempering stories about pain with like... memories of kindness, and small acts of kindness repaid with an outpouring of devotion (see: svsss). But the craftsmanship in this book is just... DIVINE. I’m always reluctant to start rereading this one, because I have a terrible time stopping. There’s nothing about this book that I don’t like.

[paragonrobits]

why dimitrescu when rose is also big: an observation on the nature of the Big Sexylady perspective and why rose was never a tumblr sexyman

so im thinking about how Lady Dimitrescu is the first female character to really fit the ‘tumblr sexyman’ vibe, in terms of how people have reacted to her, and I thought: Why didn’t rose quartz ever get this treatment?

like, she’s canonically not that much shorter than Dimistrescu is. She’s enormous, she’s thick, she’s curvy. She’s too wide to fit through a door! She’s a massive super soldier, designed for power and smashing in a va-voom package! so how come people never fixated on her like that?

sure, you might SAY that it was SU’s art style, as opposed to the more realistic designs but... have you SEEN the art styles people like to use around here? Or in any big name series that isn’t live action? The realism of the series is not a concern.

Like, JAsper was REAL popular as a sexygirl icon for a while, for precisely the same reasons I pointed out that Rose ought to have been; she’s big. but Jasper was controversial, for reasons I’ll get into in a bit.

So I think the actual reason, besides the age-old point that people respond differently to characters, comes down to a few details:

1. There is a certain charisma and purity towards villains who are bad and own it, the ones likely to have a card signifying how super evil they are; they laugh and sing songs about how super evil they are. they don’t pretend to be sympathetic, they don’t try to win the audience over with a sad backstory, they’re just unapologetically Bad. and this kind of attitude is a common in the tumblr icon! They’re not without nuance (Sans is an essay all on his own, and Junkrat is what he is because he grew up in an irradiated wasteland and had to be sharp and ruthless to survive), but they’re uncomplicated and fun in their simplicity.

Rose is anything but simple. She’s massively controversial, and that tends to push people off.

2. Rose Quartz, character wise, is not in the best position for this sort of thing. She started out as a distant figure that everyone loved, but no one said much about; we knew NOTHING about her personally. we knew that she fought for Earth, that she loved Greg and Pearl. we knew things she did, things she cared about,  but we didn’t actually know about her personality. Now, if she HAD been, with her goofy and melancholy persona with an edge of perpetual regret mixed with love for the world, she might have been. but again, she was a deeply complicated character, and layered characterization can be difficult to really get into for the sort of things that draw the tumblr sexyman vibe.

Jasper, as implied earlier, works on the same principle. Is she sexy to a bunch of people? Yeah. but while she WAS hugely popular for a while, there were still too many controversial elements for her to pick up in the same way. A tumblr sexyman can be complex and controversial, but there must be a certain purity to them; they can be evil, but not in a way that might make people uncomfortable.

3. It actually took us a while to find out that she was both a literal giant (not including her original Pink Diamond form), and massively thick. And from a certaion perspective, stacked as hell (as much as can be noted in that show’s art style, but certainly by the standards of Gems). But it wasn’t immediately clear how big she actually was, and since visuals are the first thing most people tend to drift towards... well, by the time Jasper had been introduced, people latched onto her build and when it was clear that Rose had pretty much the same body, it was largely overlooked.

Essentially, due to the slow burn nature of SU’s storytelling, the gradual build up of Rose’s character and actual appearance, it wasn’t obvious what she was about for a while and by now, only people who are already into her are ready to hop aboard the ‘Rose could probably bust Dimistrescu’s outfit because she’s fucking huge’ train

[val-aquenta]

1,2,15,and 22 for the writer asks?

Ooh Yay! Thanks for the ask! Maybe I’m procrastinating writing??? but whatever, this is fun!

1. Is there a favorite character or title you enjoy writing for the most?

heh this is easy. I’m perpetually stuck between Mace, Obi-Wan, Yoda, or Luminara. Yoda I prefer to write as a side character tbh mainly because I want him to be extra grandpa to his fellow Jedi lmao. But yeah, I love writing Obi-Wan because I feel like we’re pretty similar and I can sink into his thought process quite easily which is a plus. Mace is a really fun character to write because I like to balance his emotional/soft side with his more rational, I have to do what is necessary side. Personally I also empathise with Mace a whole bunch because I also have quite a large rational side, which is a plus. I tend to think that he usually knows what he needs to do and he might dislike it, but he will still do it. I just love Mace, okay, and of course I’m overwriting shitty fanon Mace Windu because no he doesn’t hate Anakin, and yes he loves Depa so much that when she didn’t give him a hug he was super depresso. He’s just so sweet, but he knows that sometimes shit has to be done and moping around complaining won’t make anything better. Luminara is just sweet. I want to write so much more for her, but I tend to have her as a side character in my fics (a tragedy I know) but I am working on making her more of a main character is some fics. She’s very much like Mace in that she understands that sometimes to do the right thing, you must sacrifice stuff that you love which is commendable imo. She also loves Barriss very much and I headcanon that she and Obi-Wan are best buds. She and Obi-Wan definitely geek out about the stupidest shit, you can’t change my mind. 

2.  Is there a least favorite character or title you dislike writing for?

Uhh... typically I tend to avoid characters who I don’t want to write because i find it difficult to write them and not enjoyable. But I’ll share a few for this sake. Palpatine kinda makes me feel slimy when I write him. It can be fun to write crack Palpatine, but realistic trying to write him can be a nightmare for me. I don’t really know how to write manipulative sheev well, so I feel it ends up very much crackfic feelings. 

Anakin is also difficult, but sometimes I enjoy the challenge. He can be pretty complex to some, but for me the pain is trying to write his priorities because christ he can’t get them straight at all. Post!aotc Anakin is obviously placing Padmè VERY high (at the top lmao) but not really because if it were that he’d leave the order to be with her. Idk I get very confused writing him. I also feel very apprehensive posting stuff with Anakin because I know a lot of people love him and have somewhat specific (typically fanon) ideas about him and also have very strong feelings about those. I’m not saying you can’t have them, but sometimes I worry that I’ll be attacked because my view on Anakin is far from friendly lmao. Tbh Padmè suffers similarly because I don’t know how to write her without being mean xD. I don’t really understand many of her motivations surrounding the secret marriage and shit and her prioritisation is also strange. I mean the whole ignoring the Tusken massacre basically and only turning from Anakin after Anakin tells his part in breaking the Republic (not listening to Obi-Wan say he killed Jedi) makes it ahrd to sympathise. Fandom has a typically positive view of her and I don’t want to anger anyone with my views, so I try to keep a somewhat ambivalent take with her. I haven’t written anything starring her/them together much so yeah. 

I actually like writing Ahsoka because she’s pretty cool, but I’m very nervous posting stuff about her post wrong Jedi arc because I think my views on it are pretty unpopular, and some of her fans are very... vehement about their views which is fine as logn as you’re not trying to invalidate my interpretation you know? Kind of makes me sad since I do love her character, but sometimes her fans put me off. 

Idk if this counts but also romance. Personally never really had a great one, so I don’t understand how to properly write it which makes it hard, and I don’t see the draw of it. I tend to both read and write platonic stuff. Lots of gen for me :)

15. What made you start to write fanfiction/stories?

I think @jedimasterbailey said she started writing Luminara stuff/fanfic in general because of the amount of Luminara slander and I kind of do the same but for jedi hate in general. Also, more specifically, Mace Windu hate. It just grinds on my nerves, but I’m not going to sit here and say people can’t write what they do, so yeah I just started writing my own to hopefully inspire others to do the same, or to just shove more pro Jedi shit out there ahaha. I’ve actually gotten a few comments of people saying that my fics have made them like/appreciate Mace a bit more which means a lot since he’s one of my favourite characters. 

More than that, thought, I just enjoy fanfic. I had loads of ideas for stories from multiple fandoms and I thought I might start posting some of them because they’re doing nothing just chilling in my drive. Also all the lovely writers of fic in multiple fandoms inspired me, so thanks to you I kind of got the courage to actually upload anything :)

22. Care to share any future WIP ideas you have lined up?

Ooh boy I got loads heheh. But I’ll talk of a few. So I had this idea about a time travel au (I know so original xD) and it was supposed to be Obi-Wan going back in time, but I actually wanted to kind of combine two different ideas, one being Ahsoka as Obi-Wan’s padawan, and a time travel au to one. So yeah... I have a fic in the works about an Ahsoka who travels back right after Vader kills her on Malachor (no Ezra saving her) and who becomes Obi-Wan’s padawan. This one’s a bit in the begining so it will probably be a while before anything’s posted, but if you want to send some kind of help for it I would appreciate a lot. This will probs be my first really longer fic, so I’m worried I’ll lose motivation which is why I’m going to plan it a bit more than most of my other stuff. I’m so excited because the idea has been bouncing around my head for so long!!!

I have another that is much closer to finishing which is a little 5+1 fic about Obi-Wan and the name Ben. I want to change a few things before posting but it should be coming around soon. It’s a little angsty, but mostly fluff.

Last one I’ll talk about, I promise haha. This one is a little uncertain of when I’ll finish because it’s somewhat written out, but the last bit is KILLING me. It’s an essay style writing up of order 66 and the empires rise. Kind of examining public opinion and stuff about it. Basically exploring how the genocide has affected the universe. It is written after the empire falls, so it talks a bit about the shitty Empire and propoganda and is just a pro jedi love letter xD

[rosicae]

Writing tip or something - planning scenes

Writing difficult scenes is always a struggle. Here are some tips to make the process a little easier, and more importantly, actually get something done instead of staring at a blank page for two months (guilty).

First, let's start where you left off. Maybe they're exploring the dark woods trying to find their lost cat and they come across a beast. Great! Battle scene time.

The first thing you need to ask yourself is what you'll get out of this battle. The main points, or plot-twists, if there are any. For example: Maybe the cat turned into the beast and they only realise as it lies dying; maybe one of the main characters die; maybe they find a key in the beast's skull; maybe they spare the beast and it becomes their friend; maybe the beast just dies and that's it. I'm not judging, there's a plethora of reasons you'd do anything in stories. Most scenes should have some sort of lead, whether it be key or death or kiss or whatever, depending on what sort of story you're cooking, but it's up to you.

So, figure out your main point. For simplicity's sake, I'll go with: “They kill the beast, they find a key”. Finding the key will be a clear lead to their next move. But for now, let's focus on the current scene.

You're going to want to order the events. Writing scenes like this off the bat can be pretty hard, so let's just go with what we know first.

I'm not joking when I say a lot of my scenes start out sort of like this.

Now, to build upon this beauty, we have to dig into each segment. Let's start with part A!

PART A - “Rosi encounters a beast.”

What sort of beast is it? A slimy tentacle monster? A catfish-pirate? A deformed bear? Dracula?? Your decision will affect the entire scene, so really think about what you choose. Monsters are super fun, so be creative if your story allows it! I'll pick a duck-faced bear spider hybrid. What does that do? It might help to draw your monster if it's a struggle to think it through. Here's mine!

As you think about their appearance, see how you can use it to their advantage or flaw. You might even already have ideas for certain moves during their fight, or what could be the fatal blow. We'll talk more on that later though.

Next on Part A, how did she encounter it? Was she up in the trees trying to check the sun's direction when suddenly it barreled into her and threw her down the tree? Did she trip over a log only to realise it wasn't a log but an angry treant? Is the forest cursed and monsters just keep chasing after her for no reason??? Maybe she's holding a tracker and the evil villain is sending the monsters after her.... it's good to think about, in the long run. For now though, let's just stick with: "she bumped into the beast"

But try to make it fancy. What was her reaction to bumping into it? Why would she bump into it? Maybe she wasn't looking while she was running and kept bumping into trees, but then one tree was actually the monster. The monster is clearly very fluffy (would probably make a good blanket), so let's make that a clear point.

So now we've got:

“Rosi was running along the forest without properly watching where she was going, when she bumped into a tree - but it was fluffy and warm and beating, not a tree. It was a bear duck spider beast. OOOO! SLAP SLAP!”

Slap slap being “the beast slapped her in her confused daze”, because who wouldn't be surprised if a tree was actually a duck-bear hybrid? This happens to be a perfect initiation to begin battling! On to part B!

PART B - “She fights the beast and kills it.”

This is absolutely the hardest part. It'll take careful consideration and pacing and- oh whatever let's just slap in every action thing we can think of. Even if you think it isn't good, even if it's just little phrases or actions or fancy words or teeny tiny segments you aren't sure about, it's good. Just do it.

-beast slaps her in her confusion/daze and she hits her back against a tree, much pain

-beast snaps its flappy duck beak and honks a bunch, muddling her brain

-rosi throws rocks at it

-rosi somehow breaks off its spider legs, unbalancing it

-beast uses its spider legs to crawl everywhere and be very agile and hard to fend off

-beast stabs her with its stabby legs

-maybe an injury from being slapped around

-rosi tries to run but it's always there

-rosi smacks its beak, very annoyed

-beast forces her to the dirt and pummels her with its stabby paws

-rosi evades its stabbies because the green drippy stuff looks like venom

-venom touches nature stuff and makes it wither

-beast lets out a bellow that shakes the earth and topples trees

-rosi avoids the trees to not die

-rosi scrambles to get up

-the most important thing is to somehow open its skull: plunge a verrryyy strong stick through its eye that tears out the key; or somehow trick it to stab itself with its venom spider legs and it withers and turns to bone/ashes and yay key (I like the second one so I'll go with that, but it's always good to list out your options!)

So I basically just took parts of the forest and parts of the beast's body and natural instincts of someone who is facing death and, adding some creativity, threw together a bunch of possibilites. It might take some practice, but once you're in the flow and have some experience listing this stuff, you'll get the hang of it in no time. Thoughts tend to be short and snappy in quick-paced scenes, so be careful not to go into a whole monologue about their past experiences, but absolutely show some reasoning to the complex things they do if necessary. And leave the monologing for when they're not being killed.

Now let's order them into something that sort of makes sense. It varies depending on what you want, so see if you can make your own unique battle scene out of this list!

-beast slaps her in her confusion/daze and she hits her back against a tree, much pain

-rosi scrambles to get up

-maybe an injury from being slapped around (tree + back + sudden slap = pain, this might be a good time to mention if they already have a flaw like having weak bones or an old injury, but if it isn't your intention to incapacitate them and you want to be realistic, have a reason for them not to insta-die without being op. Maybe she was just slapped into bushes and got little scrapes or a twisted ankle. Maybe she had a plushy backpack that took most of the impact. Remember where your character gets injured too, since pain usually hurts for a while and it's good to add that in wherever needed now and later. It can even drive the story along at times, like a life-threatening blow.)

-beast lets out a bellow that shakes the earth and topples trees

-rosi avoids the trees to not die

-rosi tries to run but it's always there

-beast uses its spider legs to crawl everywhere and be very agile and hard to fend off

-venom touches nature stuff and makes it wither (she notices here and thinks oh no, that is bad, can't let that touch me)

-rosi throws rocks at it (misses because it's agile)

-beast forces her to the dirt and pummels her with its stabby paws

-beast snaps its flappy duck beak and honks a bunch, muddling her brain

-rosi smacks its beak, very annoyed

-beast stabs her with its stabby legs (or tries, let's not kill her just yet if we're deciding on venom QwQ Maybe she uses a plank of wood to save herself last second)

-rosi evades its stabbies because the green drippy stuff looks like venom

X-rosi somehow breaks off its spider legs, unbalancing it (delete because the lower idea is better, but maybe earlier one of the rocks she threw can unbalance it a bit and it jumps on her to attack closer because it feels threatened)

-rosi somehow tricks it to stab itself with its venom spider legs and it withers and turns to bone/ashes and yay key (she tricks it by deflecting it with something strong, like a boulder behind her, she got out of the way just as it does a slash at her, and it bounces perfectly into itself

And just like that, ordering and expanding on every part, you've got yourself an entire fight! Obviously it isn't as easy as counting to ten and opening a pot to a finished piece, but if you just take ten minutes or, better yet, an hour, you'll get somewhere. All you need is the base.

PART C - “She finds a key in its skull.”

Keys are shiny, and if it's daytime, maybe some light can twinkle off it as it falls, or she could just notice it because who wouldn't notice a key trapped in bones? Either way, she picks it up, as you do (unless you want an eagle to swoop in and take it, in which case rosi will have to chase after it and climb a tree and try to take it back from its nest and blahdy blah but rosi doesn't feel like moving anymore after the fight, so let's go with the easier option for now). She might have to wrench it out of bones, but it's fine, she's already dirty from the battle.

So what's the key look like, hmm? Is it rusty and old, or fleshy but firm and warm as suited for being trapped in brains for so long? Or oozing in the same venom, and she has to wipe it off with special fabric only trolls deeper in the forest are capable of making, or throw it in a lake to purify it? Maybe it's short, or missing half that you have to find somewhere along the journey. What does it unlock? Rosi won't know now, obviously, but you'd better have an idea or there'd be no point to it in the first place. Maybe this entire journey is in her mind and she's finding parts of a key to unlock her memory which will be a door to her childhood house. Maybe it's a master key to the villain's castle. Maybe it was accidentally baked in a cookie the beast ordered from a special fish-headed-cat-run bakery, and the little workers will be scrambling around to find the key and be so grateful that rosi brings it back that they hail her as king of fish-headed cats. You never know :D...except you kinda have to, so please have some sort of idea even if it's small.

That's practically all you can do in this part, so next we're on-

PART D - “She questions the key, then goes off to seek reason for it.”

Assuming she collects the key, what are her thoughts? It's all down to personality. Let's say rosi loves keys, and she has a whole collection at home, and she loves shiny things. She'll probably squee at the sight of it and act very excited - "she snatched up the key and chirruped her glee (oh hey, that rhymes!), and after a quick inspection with gleaming eyes, she tucked it safely in her pocket alongside trinkets from the seaside."

Because, you know, obviously she was at the seaside before all this. Or whatever else she was doing. It's your call. It's their personality. It's an optional connection, but a valid one nevertheless. Careful though - if she carries too much, she might get weighed down and drown.

In her case, she doesn't really think too hard on the key. Maybe she's already fought plenty of monsters and gotten a nice treasure trove of stuff. Maybe she's an air-head. Cough. Either way, the obstacle is gone so now she can go off and do what she was doing before - albeit a little more cautious, provided she learns from experience. If there's a clear indicator of what the key is for, or if the character was actively seeking it out, that'll obviously give a different outcome - maybe they'll turn back the way they came (car keys), or head for the town of blue oak (blue key) if that is already in their knowledge database, or ask the next person they see and get guided or tricked.

Finally, let's put this baby together! Let's start simple for now and just slap together this monstrosity with whatever little stuff we think of in the moment and some proper tense. We can build it up later (not here lol I've spent too much on this but you can if you want).

~~Rosi's Magical Adventure~~

Rosi ran along the forest without properly watching where she was going, when she bumped into a tree – but it was fluffy and warm and beating, not a tree. It was a bear duck spider beast.

Fish. That definitely shouldn't exit.

The beast slapped her in her daze and her back slammed against a tree. Despite being in pain, she scrambled to get up. She staggered, feeling the pierce in her ribs, the ache in her feet, the scream in her head that told her to run. It was drowned out under the beast's bellow. The earth shook and trees toppled one after another. Rosi spun on her heel and ran, avoiding the trees that twisted her path.

Even when she thought she outran it, it was always a step behind, a step above, a step ahead. Its spindly legs granted it an agility she couldn't imagine matching. Not only that – wherever the ends of those legs touched, an iridescent liquid spurted out, withering blooming manes and wilting once-proud trunks in an instant.

She shivered. She couldn't let it touch her. Realising that her (flee, running, escaping – whenever you can't think of the right words in the moment, just think of whatever is the closest and use that until you find the right word, or you might waste an hour racking your brains when you could just keep writing) was futile, she pounced into a rolling stop by a mound of rocks. It disoriented the beast for but a moment as she scooped a handful of rocks and hurled them at it. Most missed, or melted into its ragged coat, but a few landed directly against its uppermost legs. It gave an unnerved honk and flung itself at her, forcing her to the dirt, pummeling her with monstrous paws and claws that snapped her skin as she raised her hands to defend her face.

It honked. She grimaced. Her vision blurred and brain muddled with every honk. On impulse, one hand shot out to smack its flapping beak. Its pupils contorted, enraged by her sacrilege, and its spindle-legs shot towards her.

Just in time, she rolled free and pulled herself up, evading the blows that scattered poison over melting green. One hit went into a boulder. The boulder didn't budge. It was ineffective. It sparked an idea in Rosi, but she wasn't sure, so she waited until it happened again, and again it hit a boulder and bounced without damaging the boulder. She danced her way around the clearing, then stopped directly in front of boulder, facing the beast with her lips twisted into a wry smile.

The stabby leg slashed her way, but she ducked out of the way at the last second. Unable to redirect its blow, the leg bounced off the boulder and went directly into the beast's skull. The venom was quick to engulf the beast. Its skin vanished like the trees. It was only (bones, skeletal structure remained) and it fell before her. (If you still aren't sure how to write a part, break it down even further, even if it looks stupid. Keep breaking down everything as much as you need, until everything is plain to see and there are no misunderstandings. Then add on, and keep adding on, until you eventually understand.)

Streams of sunlight (because a lot of the trees died, so now there's some light in the forest) glinted off a surface lodged in the bones. Realising the rusty old metal to be a key, she snatched it up and chirruped her glee, and after a quick inspection with gleaming eyes, she tucked it safely in her pocket alongside trinkets from the seaside. Then she turned and limped her way back home, wondering why she came in the first place as blood trailed after her.

~~The End~~

It isn't perfect – far from it – but it doesn't matter. It's a start. You can work with it. You can keep going. Finish the chapter by repeating this process over and over, then go back and polish it when you've let the experience sink in a bit. Who knows where you'll go??? (ﾟヮﾟ)/

I spent almost three hours on this instead of writing my own book, and I'm tired, so I don't know if this makes sense, but I hope it's helpful a little??? I tried not to make it complex as much as possible so people of many levels can understand and hopefully get something out of it;;;

It's the method I've been using for a long time, especially when I'm in a difficult part or just can't get myself to write anything. Start simple, get something done, and keep going.

….....which I realise is the complete opposite of what I'm doing. Oh gosh what have I done OAAAAAO

….also this is really long and I'm scared so I'm not even going to hard read it over or edit now that I'm done writing.

ROSI OUT

[possiamo-andare]

Invisible String: JJ Maybank

JJ x OC

MASTERLIST

word count: 9.9k

summary: based off the lyrics from Taylor Swift’s song “Invisible String”, this story follows an original character named Charlotte “Charlie” Summers, a hopeless romantic who unfortunately falls in love with JJ Maybank. At first, he wants nothing to do with her but after one night, he realizes that maybe he was wrong about love after all. 

a/n: I was writing this while I wasn’t feeling myself and because of that, it’s not like my usual stories. The ending is hopeful but open ended and it’s very angsty. I know some people don’t like Taylor Swift but this song off her new album is seriously so amazing. Try to be open minded while you listen to the album and I promise it won’t disappoint. have fun reading :)

~ 

Green was the color of the grass

Where I used to read at Centennial Park

I used to think I would meet somebody there

She had enjoyed sitting in parks and reading the Feminine Mystique while the only time he sat to read was when he was in school, if he ever showed. She was a hopeless romantic, pining and obsessing after every long haired, rebel without a cause she saw. There was a new boy every week. Not that she ever dated them. No, she only watched them from afar, wondering what shampoo they used or how their eyes would crinkle when they laughed. There was something beautifully innocent about these attractions and so, for a very long time, she just sat on the same park bench from afar and watched a number of beautiful people pass her; they were completely oblivious to the fact a girl was admiring them only a few feet away.

He was the polar opposite. It was not that he didn’t believe in love because he loved his friends but JJ never wanted anyone to love him. And, unlike many teenagers, he was okay with not being loved. Love was for the weak, for people who needed validation from others. He needed none of that. If a girl ever liked him, he would use and lose them quickly, making sure they hated him by the end of it. Love weakened him and he didn’t have the time to be weak when everyone around him expected him to be strong.

Teal was the color of your shirt

When you were sixteen at the yogurt shop

You used to work at to make a little money

She had asked him when they first met if he liked the colour teal. Random yes, but it wasn’t a meaningless question. Men associated teal with feminine activities, such as braiding hair and dressing dolls and any man who recoiled at that answer meant that they would not be compatible. When he didn’t recoil and instead vigorously nodded his head, she knew he was the one. JJ thought of how the waves felt between his fingers and his mother’s eyes when he thought of teal. Subsequently, the colour teal would rear its head in their relationship many times. For it was the colour of his favourite shirt and the colour of the ocean where they met.

His answer, although enthusiastic, was about the only interesting thing he thought she had said. When JJ first met her, there was no undeniable pull. Unlike her, he just saw a plain girl. Pretty, yes, but plain. She was the type of girl he could learn to love in time, but he was not interested in waiting a few months to feel something for her. Instead, he wanted carnal and immediate affection. He wanted to feel the pull instantly. Realistically, the relationship with instant attraction lasted only a few weeks until it wore off but JJ was not looking for a realistic love. Not at first anyways.

Time, curious time

Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs

Were there clues I didn’t see?

He wondered, later on, if his instant distaste for her was the reason the universe made them stumble in and out of each other’s lives for so long. He thought it was the universe trying to teach him a lesson. The lesson being a person that you think is insignificant, could actually turn out to be the most important person in your life.

They saw each other for the second time at his job. To try and get some extra money, JJ decided to get a job. Unfortunately the only job he seemed he could find was one at an ice cream parlor. It was embarrassing for him but he had to wear a teal shirt (his favourite colour), so he swallowed his pride and started at Figure 8’s only ice cream parlor. Unfortunately for him, JJ hated Kooks. This hate only grew when every customer he served was a Kook. They were all obnoxious and rude, two qualities he suspected they would have. But he bit his tongue and served even the people with the worst attitudes. Two weeks after she and JJ met at the beach, she entered the same ice cream parlor with her friends. Sarah Cameron, along with her boyfriend Topper and her brother Rafe, were all too preoccupied with their difficult decision on what to order to notice that their friend was acting oddly.

Oddly would be an understatement. She was mortified. Not only was her hair matted because she was surfing all day, but she was also wearing no makeup. These two things, along with the fact she was completely caught off guard that JJ was an employee at this parlor made her disastrously nervous. As they waited in line, she asked Sarah for her mirror.

“Mirror? Why the hell do you need a mirror?” Sarah questioned, a confused look written over her face. When her friends didn’t answer (or was too embarrassed to do so), she followed her eye line to the blonde boy who was scooping ice cream. “JJ? Really Charlie?”

Charlie frowned, her face hot. “He’s nice.” She said this so casually, it almost seemed as if she had known JJ her entire life.

But Sarah, although spending a limited amount of time with JJ, knew more about him than Charlie did. “No, he’s not.”

“Who’s nice?” Rafe butted in, only hearing Sarah’s last words to Charlie and trying to catch up on the conversation he missed.

“No one!” Charlie rushed, glancing at Sarah for her to play along.

The last thing Charlie wanted was for Rafe or Topper to know about her crush on JJ. Although she hung out with these boys, it was only to be polite. If Charlie had to choose, she would rather solely spend her time with Sarah. Although weary on why this already weird girl was acting even more so, Rafe was too tired to press for more and instead gave Charlie a puzzled look and turned back to face Topper, who was too busy deciding on what to order.

“Charlie’s gonna order for us.” Sarah announced, watching in amusement as her friend’s face contorted in fear.

“Hm?” Charlie gulped, glancing at the line that was coming dangerously close to JJ.

Sarah grinned. “We’ll pay for it as long as you order for us.” Sarah paused for a moment, a mischievous grin on her lips. “Or are you too scared?”

Charlie shook her head, indignant. “I am not.”

Sarah nudged Charlie forward, watching as the girl came face to face with JJ Maybank.

JJ was surprised to see her here. Of course, he knew he would have to see her eventually. He worked in the only ice cream parlor for miles and it was only a matter of time before the pretty girl with a name he did not remember finally stumbled across this parlor. As he watched her stumble over her words as she ordered, his heartbeat picked up speed. He swallowed harshly, wondering why a girl who only a few weeks ago he could care less about was now making him feel nervous.

“I’ll have t-two, um, rocky r-roads…” Charlie scrambled to remember the order her friends listed off to her, her mind running faster than her brain.

JJ nodded, looking up every so often to indirectly tell her he was listening. Her wet hair stuck to her cheeks, clearly drying in a matted way. He had a strong urge to reach out and push the hair behind her ears, something he never wanted to do before now. So what changed? JJ shook his head, trying to clear his mind as he wrote the order properly. Nothing changed, he convinced himself. He was only caught off guard by her presence.

“That’s it?” JJ calmly said, thanking an omniscient being that he had not acted as nervous as she was. He had a growing suspicion that this girl had a crush on him which only made him embarrassed since he didn’t want to believe he felt anything for her.

Y//N nodded, wanting to pinch herself just so she could calm down. “Yep.”

“Okay,” JJ ripped off the note from his pad and stuck it on the board where a bunch of his co-workers were ready to scoop. “Your order will be ready soon.”

Charlie nodded, forcing her head to move smoothly as to draw attention away from her shaky hands. “Thanks.”

Before she had time to move farther down the line, JJ spoke again. He wanted to put these feelings down to rest, proving to himself that he did not feel anything towards a girl he barely knew. “I think I’ve met you before. What’s your name?”

JJ knew this would hurt her feelings because they had met quite recently. Although it did hurt her feelings, she knew not to take it too personally because she was a girl hardly anyone noticed. “It’s Charlie.”

JJ nodded, smirking as he remembered the name. His heartbeat finally slowed down. Maybe he really felt nothing and it was only the embarrassment of seeing her again that made his heartbeat pick up. “I’m -”

“JJ. I know.” She interrupted him, watching as her friends slowly started to move farther down the line. Before she held up the line any more, she sweetly smiled at JJ and said, “I remember because you’re named after the producer of Lost.”

With that last comment, she walked farther down the line and closer to her friends. As Sarah asked her what happened and Charlie soaked up the embarrassment she felt, JJ wanted to laugh. She had just confirmed his suspicions; she had a crush on JJ. This did not seem to matter to JJ all that much since numerous girls in OBX had fallen victim to his blue eyes and cocky smirk. Although she wasn’t the first girl to ever have a crush on him, she was the first he could care less about. Usually he would use these infatuations to his advantage but this time he had no interest in Charlie. Although this was true, he was also bored out of his mind. He hadn’t been laid in a week or so and that was a long time when you were JJ Maybank. He knew how easy it would be to invite a girl that acted like that back to his home and, against his better judgement, he decided to do it.

This was mostly against his better judgement for two reasons. One, she was a Kook and JJ hated Kooks. He rarely slept with any of them, annoyed by their very presence. He usually went for Pogues or tourists, two kinds of girls he got along with better. Two, she seemed to have some type of infatuation with him which was dangerous territory. The girls that JJ slept with liked him, but it never went past the surface. Those girls didn’t give him the heart eyes she was giving him and that’s why he spent time with them. He knew it was cruel to sleep with a girl that felt so strongly towards him, especially when he felt nothing towards them, and that’s why he rarely slept with those types of girls. But he was willing to break that rule for some fun.

You might be thinking right about now that JJ Maybank is a miscreant and for that, you would be correct.

As he watched her pay for her order and get her ice cream, he seemed to be in a daze. As he watched her talk to her friends, her mind elsewhere, he thought of how he would ask her out and inevitably sleep with her. I’m warning you now, you won’t like JJ for most of this story. He’s greedy and selfish. Like a hurricane, he sweeps up whatever is around him and destroys it. And he has a fun time doing it.

Just as Charlie and her friends exited the parlor, his boss told him it was time for his break since he seemed ‘a little out of it.’ Without so much as a nod, JJ made his way past the line of customers, watching as Charlie closed the door behind her.

“Charlie!” JJ raised his voice, catching the girl’s attention.

“What does he want?” Rafe asked, stepping forward and trying to grab onto Charlie’s hand and pull her away from a Pogue he hated. Although Rafe would only admit it if there was a gun to his head, he had feelings for Charlie that he knew she would never reciprocate. Seeing JJ chase after her and seeing her stop, only added to his heartbreak.

“Let’s give them some privacy…” Sarah whispered as JJ approached them, confidently staring at Charlie who was averting her gaze. She was too embarrassed to watch JJ step closer and closer to her.

Just as Sarah pulled her boyfriend and brother away from Charlie, JJ finally stood in front of Charlie. He never asked girls out. It usually was implied that he wanted to spend time with them because if he didn’t, he would just avoid them like the plague.

He would admit to himself, as he approached Charlie, he felt guilty. She seemed like a sweet girl but should be with someone who could give her everything. That also begged the question in JJ’s mind; what did she want from him? She was a Kook after all and if she genuinely just liked him, that would be the first time a Kook was ever genuine about anything. Surprisingly, it made JJ feel better about using her if she was a Kook. He hated Kooks, especially Rafe, and sleeping with this Kook Princess was definitely going to piss off some Kooks.

“I have the first season on DVD at my house. Wanna come over some time and watch it?” JJ looked at his hand, watching as he loosened his grip on the ends of his teal shirt.

Charlie was surprised but did her best to hide it. She thought she was successful but JJ could see right through and it only added to his ego when he saw her bewilderment. Slowly but surely, Charlie finally answered with a nod. JJ nodded back, waiting for her to say something and when he realized she wouldn’t, he spoke again.

“What about tomorrow night?”

She only nodded again, her heart thumping in her chest. She was afraid JJ could hear the beat of her heart because it was so loud in her ears. Fortunately JJ did not and instead turned around and made his way back to the parlor. He felt a slight squeeze around his heart but ignored it, thinking it was because he had just asked a girl out and was feeling guilty about it. Charlie felt the same squeeze but did not dismiss it as JJ had. Instead, she saw it as an invisible string finally tying around her heart and connecting to JJ’s.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

For her, that night couldn’t come fast enough. For JJ, he could care less. Not that he wasn’t excited to get laid but that seemed to be it for him. It was nothing more than a hookup and he promised he would explain that to her when she got to his house. Thankfully his father was gone for the weekend, leaving JJ to be at his house for as long as he wanted to.

As Charlie sat at Sarah’s vanity, letting her friend pluck her eyebrows and blend her makeup, JJ was sitting on his couch and watching tv. He was less than nervous. Yes, he was nervous when he first was speaking to her but her adorableness had caught him off guard. Now, he was ready for her. He would always be ready for her now.

As the time came closer and closer to their ‘date’, Sarah felt obligated to inform her friend on who she was about to go on a date with. She loved Charlie like a sister and wasn’t about to let a boy she knew to be a troublemaker and a womanizer destroy her friend’s perception of love. Her friend had never been in a  relationship and had a limited experience with boys which meant she didn’t understand how cruel some of them could be. To settle the arguments in her mind, she decided to just advise her friend to be careful. Although Charlie understood her friend’s apprehensiveness, she thought she understood JJ like the back of her hand. He had a tough exterior but on the inside, he was just as fragile as any other person. She was willing to meet the real JJ. Unfortunately, what she didn’t know yet was that her heart had to break first before she met the real JJ.

Although JJ had a number of girls come over at his house, he rarely asked them out days before. Usually they would come home with him the same night he met them. To say JJ was underprepared was an understatement. He only realized he had a date that night when she rang the doorbell. In a hurried mess, he threw on the cleanest shirt he had and rushed to open the door. Tripping only once, he successfully made it to the door. When he opened the door, all his worries melted away. And no, it was not because she was breathtaking but because he remembered it was only Charlie. Plain Charlie.

She was considerably more nervous than him, being as it was only her first date. But she took a deep breath and took everything one step at a time. She felt pretty, her hair done in a nice braid and wearing her favourite shorts, and pretended as if she was one of those girls who carried themselves as if they were an angel that graced everyone’s presence. She saw her walk as dainty but JJ barely noticed, distracted by her bare legs. They were virtually smooth (meaning she shaved) and tan.

“Where’s your tv?” Charlie asked, watching as JJ looked up from her legs and to her eyes.

JJ’s house, although not anything like hers, was cozy and she liked it. There were beer cans thrown everywhere and she knew JJ had made no effort to clean anything up but still, his house looked as if someone lived in it. Granted, it was a messy individual but nonetheless, it was a home. Her house was always too clean and looked deserted.

“In my room.” JJ stated, walking in front of her and opening the door to his room. He looked behind him, watching as she did not make any movement towards him. Just as he began to get confused he remembered that she was deathly awkward and might not be okay with being in his room. Showing an ounce of concern for someone other than himself for the first time in weeks, he said, “Is that okay?”

Charlie cleared her throat, nodding quickly before picking up her feet and walking through the threshold of JJ’s door. She wanted to seem nonchalant about being in his room but JJ saw right through her. Either she was just nervous or she had never been in a boy’s bedroom. The latter was true. If JJ had known that, he would have never let her in his room. He had always believed he was not good enough to be anyone’s first for anything, including a small thing like that.

Charlie softly sat on the edge of JJ’s bed, watching as the boy bent down and put the DVD through the DVD player. When his back was to her, her eyes finally drifted to his right wall where a small picture of him as a child, hugging a woman who shared the same features as he did. She had stuck two fingers, which were supposed to be bunny ears, behind his head and plastered on a huge grin. JJ, oblivious to the fingers behind his head, only gave a toothy grin as he looked into the camera.

When JJ finally got up from his seat on the floor, he sat right next to Charlie. She was right on the edge of his bed, sitting very close to the tv. She seemed a little stiff and JJ hoped she would relax soon. Although her body was in front of the tv, her head was turned elsewhere. When he realized what picture she was looking at, he immediately felt embarrassed. That picture was usually never hung but JJ had felt nostalgic last night and hung it up to look at but never took it down.

Before he could speak, she did first. “Is that your mother?” This was the first clear and confident sentence she had spoken since they met and JJ was almost surprised to see that her regular voice was lower than he first thought.

JJ nodded for a second, grasping to find a subject he could change to. He looked at the tv screen and handed the remote to Charlie, finally knowing what to say. “What episode?”

Charlie scrolled down, through the first season before deciding to pick the first episode. As the opening scene started to play, JJ chuckled to himself, scooting closer to the edge of the bed to get closer to Charlie. He saw that this movement made her nervous but he only scooted closer.

“Why’d you laugh?” Charlie asks, her voice once again softer. She seemed to be nervous again and JJ only found it adorable. “You don’t like the first episode.”

JJ knew it was going to be more difficult to get this girl to kiss him since he doubted she’d ever make the first move. Indulging her, he answered her question. “It just tells me a lot about your personality.”

Charlie’s face contorted in confusion, her eyes off the screen and on JJ now. “What does this tell you exactly?”

JJ smirked. “That you’re a real neat freak. You need things to have a beginning, middle and end. Probably a hopeless romantic. You love the stories of girl meets guy, they fall in love and get married. The end.”

Charlie, a little upset he read her so precisely, only rolled her eyes and tried not to be too offended. “And what episode would you have chosen?”

JJ shrugged, thinking for a moment before answering. “Probably the last one.”

Charlie nodded, scratching her chin. “Probably means you hate to follow the norm. You hate beginnings and middles and the end. You don’t like structure and you probably think love is a little dumb.” When she sees JJ’s smirk falter, she continues. “How right was I?”

JJ was slightly surprised at how accurate she had been. Yet again, he found himself trying to remain calm. “Pretty right.”

Charlie smirked, bowing her head. “Thank you.” Her eyes turned back to the screen, watching as a scene unfolded in front of her.

JJ wasn’t done with the conversation though, upset that a girl he thought he had figured out turned out to be not what he expected. She was shy, he thought. In some ways she was, but at the same time she wasn’t going to let JJ shamelessly make fun of her. She had some type of backbone, however small. He watched her instead of the screen, so confused how he had gotten her personality so wrong. Eventually, she saw he was not paying attention and she looked back to him, sheepishly making eye contact. JJ was confused again. How could she be outwardly intelligent one second and shy the next? This girl was more complicated than he thought.

On your first trip to LA

Bad was the blood of the song in the cab

You ate at my favorite spot for dinner

“Is there something else you wanted to add?” Charlie innocently asked, embarrassed that JJ was watching her so intently.

JJ shrugged, glancing at the screen before looking back at her. “Wondering if the rest of my profile is correct about you.”

He watched as Charlie chuckled at the word profile. He suddenly felt embarrassed, realizing it wasn’t the coolest thing to say in the moment. She shrugged and said, “I don’t know. What is it?”

JJ wanted to say so much but he couldn’t. She wasn’t what he thought she was. She was multifaceted, shy and confident. Meek and talkative. Instead, he felt himself more interested in what she thought about him. This had never happened before. JJ never thought they would do this much talking. He never thought their conversations would get this deep this fast. Especially with a Kook.

“I don’t know. What about me?”

Charlie smiled, glancing at that picture on the wall before speaking. “Definitely a mama’s boy. She probably taught you how to surf.” As she talked, JJ’s heart rate picked up pace. She was getting close to dangerous waters. No one talked about his mother. Not even his closest friends. “That photo tells me two things. One, that she was the heart of the family because she knew how to be goofy. Two, she left because there’s no other pictures of her in the house. Your dad -”

JJ had heard enough. It was too much. She was right about too much. He rarely spoke about his mom, too many buried memories. Without allowing her to speak any longer, JJ got up from his seat beside her and stood by the door. His hand was on the knob, watching as she stopped talking and a concerned expression crossed her face. JJ rolled his eyes, her fake sympathy only angering him. The last thing he needed was an empathetic Kook going around telling everyone his sob story. He didn’t care how needy he was, he was not going to sleep with her now.

“I want you to leave.” JJ said hoarsely, his throat closing as he tried to hold back tears.

As he said this, Charlie’s heart thumped in her ears. She quickly got up from her seat and slowly moved towards an angry JJ. With his hand still clutched around the knob, she slowly approached him. “JJ… I didn’t mean -”

“No,” JJ tensed up again as he saw her approach him. “You Kooks never do.”

Charlie stops in her tracks, soaking in his last words. “Kooks?”

JJ rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you Kooks. You wanna hear a real profile? All you Kooks are so fucking unhappy with your shitty lives you have to bother us with your bullshit. Well, I’m not gonna sit here and let you make me seem like a little poor boy who misses his mom.”

Charlie stays still and waits for JJ to finish before she speaks. “I’m sorry if I hit a nerve, I didn’t know I would be right.”

JJ cackled sarcastically, the door still not open. “Whatever.”

Charlie frowned. “JJ, I’m sorry. You’re right. I am a Kook and I couldn’t possibly understand -”

“Shut up.” JJ hisses, finally taking his hand off the door knob.

He does not move it again and for a minute, Charlie thinks he might not let her go. Then she sees why he’s moved his hand. His hand moves to his chest where she realizes he is having a panic attack. JJ falls to his knees, clutching his chest and heaving. Charlie rushes forward and wraps her arms around him, trying to get him to calm down. She feels like this is completely her fault. She opened a wound that hasn’t fully healed. It was all a joke but she took it too far.

“JJ,” Charlie said as she grasped onto each of his shoulder blades. He made eye contact with her, his face beat red from lack of oxygen. “Try and breathe.”

This had never happened to JJ before, let alone with a girl in his room. Yes, he would have a couple of panic attacks every couple of weeks but never in public and never in front of a girl he wanted to sleep with. The embarrassment only added to the inability to breathe. His mind raced a mile a minute, screaming for him to just breathe. But it was easier said than done. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his breath coming out in large heaves. His chest was hurting and he honestly believed he was going to die. In front of a Kook, nonetheless.

JJ shook his head at Charlie, trying to tell her he couldn’t. Charlie nodded, holding eye contact. “Yes you can.” Her hands moved from his shoulders to his face, gently cupping both sides of his face. “Breathe in.” Charlie instructed for JJ to copy her as she took a deep breath. “Breathe out.”

At first, it was so difficult for him to do but Charlie was not about to give up on him. As minutes passed, she continued to breathe with JJ and help him through his panic attack. Soon, his breaths became even again and only when she was sure he was okay, she let go of the sides of his face. They didn’t speak for many minutes, the both of them not finding the right words to say. They were only fighting ten minutes ago and just now, she had helped JJ through a difficult time where he couldn’t breathe.

Finally, Charlie was the first to speak. She stood up first, reaching out to help JJ up. When he got to his feet, his mind still a little foggy, she spoke. “JJ, I’m -”

“Shh.” JJ quieted her by shushing her.

Charlie instantly stopped speaking, looking directly at JJ. She was mortified because of what had happened and wanted nothing more than to apologize profusely. When JJ wouldn’t let her, she instead waited until he said his peace. She knew some bad words were going to be exchanged but she accepted that. After all, she had basically given him a panic attack. Instead, JJ did the exact opposite. He said nothing for a while. It seemed like he was debating something in his mind and when he finally had made his decision, he looked at Charlie. She was about to try and speak again but she never got the chance; JJ’s hands quieting her. He reached forward for her and cupped her face in his hands before pulling her forward into a heated kiss. This kiss had caught her off guard and she barely had time to react and kiss him back before his lips were off hers again.

JJ felt how hot his cheeks were becoming as he watched Charlie look at him in awe. He had never felt so embarrassed to kiss a girl before but now, he was. He tried to convince himself it was because of his most recent episode, his whole body was weak and was mistaking weakness for nervousness.

As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, JJ finally spoke. “Sorry.” JJ wanted to slap himself. Why in the hell did he say sorry? He watched as Charlie shook her head, a smile on her face.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, her lips tingling. That was her first kiss and it felt wonderful. And this time, the feeling was mutual.

With a huge surge of confidence, Charlie grabbed JJ by the collar and pulled his forward. When he was only inches away, she leaned in close and kissed him. JJ reacted quicker than her, kissing her back almost instantly. Although this was only the first time she was kissing a boy, JJ would have never guessed that was so. She kissed very passionately, even knowing when to break for air. Slowly, as their kisses deepened, JJ guided her to his bed where he wanted her. This time, he had no ill intentions.

Bold was the waitress on our three-year trip

Getting lunch down by the Lakes

She said I looked like an American singer

JJ never lay on his back when girls kissed him. Instead, he always took charge, hovering over them. His hands would be on their belt in no time and the rest was easy. This time, however, he lay on his back and allowed for Charlie to hover over him as they kissed.

This part was supposed to be easy for him. This was his specialty but, as he kissed Charlie with his hands still not moving from her face, he seemed to forget. It was as if the last years of sexual escapades had never happened and he was a virgin again. This only annoyed him. He wanted to impress her. He wanted to show her how skilled he was but his arms seemed to be limp as Charlie’s hands dropped lower and lower, caressing his body. JJ almost felt embarrassed. He had been waiting to sleep with Charlie ever since that day at the parlor and now, he seemed like an innocent virgin who was scared to make the first move.

Charlie lay on JJ, her legs entangled in his. “JJ, you can touch me, if you want.” She felt slightly embarrassed by what she said but she had a feeling JJ was too nervous to notice. He seemed to be frozen in place, an awkward boy who she knew was experienced.

JJ nodded, glancing at her lips before connecting them once again and kissing her. He felt even more embarrassed now. A girl, who he knew to not be as nearly as experienced as he was, was now telling him how to make out. The world had obviously turned on its axis. There was no way he wasn’t in an alternate universe. Still, he nodded his head and finally moved his hands from her face to the end of her back. As they continued to kiss, his hands lay there and he made a point to softly caress them back and forth.

JJ had never felt as embarrassed as he did then. Not only was he acting if he never touched a girl before, but his heart beat was thumping so loudly in his head, he thought he might faint. This had never happened and he wondered why, out of all the girls, was it happening with Charlie? He had hooked up with girls hotter than Charlie and they never scared him but now, this plain brunette had changed something. As their kissing developed into more, clothes thrown haphazardly all over the floor, JJ asked himself if maybe it was different because he had never met a girl like Charlie ever. Finally, he felt the same string Charlie had felt before and it knotted around his heart, pulling him closer to Charlie.

Time, mystical time

Cutting me open, then healing me fine

Were there clues I didn’t see?

When it was all said and done and Charlie lay beside him, tired and naked, JJ knew he’d never be the same. Everything was different. The kisses had become more intense. The heat of adoration radiated from her body, and for the very first time, JJ made love to someone. It was so overwhelming, particularly for someone who had never been handled like this before. As Charlie snuggled closer to JJ, her eyes ready to close any minute, JJ started to get scared. 

“You okay?” Charlie asked, even though she was in more pain than he was. She had just lost her virginity to JJ and he didn’t even know. She decided against telling him for now, scared to ruin the mood.

Although still in a lot of pain, she couldn’t be happier. She had always wanted to feel loved when she lost her virginity and she finally had. Charlie never took sex too seriously, even though she was a hopeless romantic because most of the time, it was never how you imagined it. She had been warned that it would be dull but that was not her experience at all. She felt safe and protected. JJ had barely said more than a word or two to her during but she could tell how nervous he was, which only made this experience more lovely to her. She was utterly happy beyond belief in that moment.

JJ couldn’t speak, his throat rough. Instead, he nodded slowly and mustered up enough strength to say only one word. “Sleep.” And so she did.

You have to understand where JJ is coming from before I tell you the rest of the story. He grew up with an abusive father, one that would hurt more than he loved. His mother was his shining light, taking any bad situation and turning it into a good one. She loved JJ but was mentally ill herself and the more violent his father got, the more her mind would deteriorate. Sometimes, his mother would be so depressed, she would forget to feed him and JJ had to make his only lunch at six years old. Although his mother tried her best, JJ spent most of his childhood alone until he met John B., Kiara and Pope. And he only met them after his mother left when he was six. JJ grew up in an unstable home where the people that were supposed to love each other, didn’t. He grew up not believing in love and in turn, never experienced love. Of course, he loved his friends but that was a different kind of love. Every girl he was with was just another way to fill the void where he knew romantic love was supposed to be. That’s why he never felt guilty about inviting Charlie over; he was sure nothing would come out of it. But here he was, feeling the emotion he had thought never existed. So, in order to protect himself from what he knew to be the scariest thing to happen to him, he decided to never talk to Charlie again. 

She was the only girl to ever change his mind about love so, instead of facing his feelings head on, he hid from her. After that day, she tried to call him but he never answered. Everytime her number appeared on his phone, he felt the string connecting him to her tug a little but he never answered the phone. He was scared and people who are scared do stupid things.

Charlie had no experience with boys before JJ so at first, she had no idea he was avoiding her. At first, she suspected he was busy. He did have a job and it took up most of his time. Although she tried to be positive, as the days progressed into weeks, she soon realized he was not busy but in fact avoiding her. It came to her after two weeks of leaving messages on his phone and silence. She was with Sarah and Rafe, watching the sun set as they made s’mores. It came to her all at once as she watched the sky get darker and when it sunk in, she burst into tears. At first, they were silent tears but the second Sarah noticed and asked her if she was okay, she started blubbering like an idiot. Sarah had suspected something was wrong but wanted Charlie to come to her organically, not forcing her to tell her what was bothering her. Rafe wanted to stay, due to his feelings for Charlie. Sarah would not allow him to be around and only when he left, did she finally ask Charlie to tell her the entire story.

And when she did, all Sarah saw was red. Charlie was the sweetest person she knew. When they were eight years old, Charlie had introduced herself to Sarah by kissing the paper cut on her thumb and praying for a speedy recovery. Everyone loved Charlie; it was hard not to. She was good to every person she met and to see JJ disregard her like this upset Sarah in so many ways. 

“You should just march right up to his steps and give him a piece of your mind.” Sarah frowned, wrapping her arms around her crying friend.

“Y-you know I c-can’t.” Charlie sobbed, hiccups interrupting her words.

Sarah leaned back, making eye contact with her friend. “And why not?”

Charlie shrugged, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Her cheeks were stained black from her running mascara. “I’m embarrassed.”

Sarah stood up from her seat beside Charlie and scoffed loud enough for Rafe to hear on the other side of the door. Although he had left the room, he wanted to eavesdrop and find out what was wrong with Charlie. The more that was revealed, the angrier he got.

“Charlotte!” Sarah sang, only using her first name when she was upset with Charlie. “You are not the embarrassment in this situation. That Pogue is.”

“I just don’t think I can. I’m not that type of girl.” Charlie shrugged, sifting through her bag to find the makeup wipes and extra tube of mascara she keeps in there. “I’m not a confrontational girl.” She started wiping the black stains off her cheeks, glancing up at Sarah who was pacing the room back and forth.

Sarah crossed the room once more, kneeling in front of Charlie. “You can be.” She grabbed the wipe from Charlie’s hand and started to help her clean off the black stains. “You should be.”

And so, with a little extra mascara and confidence thanks to Sarah, Charlie decided that for at least today she would be that kind of girl. The girl that stands up for herself. She had hated confrontation but she knew Sarah was right. This was the type of situation where anyone should stand up for themself. JJ couldn’t use her anymore than he already had. She wouldn’t allow it. She was stronger. 

As Sarah drove to JJ’s house, Charlie in the passenger seat, Charlie kept trying to convince herself to be mean. Being mean never came naturally to Charlie but JJ had broken her and he deserved a little rudeness. It was hard though, for a particular reason. Everything had seemed so real. He really seemed nervous and it seemed like he truly cared for her. He had acted cocky at the beach when they first met and even when he was asking her out but never when they were alone. He was way more vulnerable with her. Sarah had said that maybe that was his plan and how he got so many girls to sleep with him but Charlie didn’t believe it. Not only because she loved JJ, but because if he was acting the entire time, he had to be the greatest actor in the world.

As Sarah parked in JJ’s driveway, the nerves finally set in for Charlie. She finally realized that this was actually happening and soon she would be confronting the boy that had hurt her so deeply. With a deep breath, she turned to Sarah and gave her a weary look.

“What do I even say?” Charlie asked, holding onto the door for balance. She felt light headed. 

Sarah shrugged. “What you feel.”

Although vague, Charlie understood what message her friend was trying to convey. Charlie had to speak from her heart and let JJ know how much he had hurt her, She didn’t know if he would try to apologize for his actions but she didn’t care. She was not looking for an apology. She loved JJ, she was not afraid to admit it, but she was not going to be dragged around like a lost puppy and made to look foolish. She had more dignity than that. She wasn’t sure why JJ did what he did. Maybe he was scared, or maybe he did it for fun but that wasn’t why she was upset. She was upset because he had not let her know what his true intentions were. Charlie believed in honesty before anything else and if JJ wasn’t going to be honest with her from the beginning, maybe he wasn’t the type of guy she thought he was. 

As she climbed the steps to his house, she thought back to when she first saw him. She had known the rumours about him before and she was warned by many people, Sarah included, but there had been something about him that was so magnetic. It was as if there was a small string connected to him that was pulling her forward. Looking back to their first encounter at the beach, she could see how uninterested he was in her. Hindsight is 20-20 though because in the moment she didn’t realize. She blamed herself in some ways . Maybe if she hadn’t been such a hopeless romantic, none of this would have happened. 

She stopped in front of his door, making no effort to knock on the door. Suddenly, relief washed over Charlie and she realized something. She was better than this. She didn’t need or want an explanation. The people that are nice to her, loved her. The people that went out of their way to help her are the people that love her. She was so in love with the idea of love that she forgot to remember what the reality was sometimes. The reality was that although everyone should be loved, some people don’t want that. Maybe JJ was one of those types of people or maybe not. It didn’t matter. She knew she deserved love and she didn’t need to yell at JJ or give him a piece of her mind to remind herself that she was worthy of love. She knew she was already. She took some comfort in knowing that she would not feel like this forever and soon, that string that had tied them together would break.

Without knocking on his door, Charlie turned right back around and made her way back to Sarah’s car. As she got in, she smiled for the first time in weeks. She felt better and she didn’t even need to talk to JJ.

“What happened?” Sarah questioned, watching as her friend who was now smiling buckled in.

“I just decided I’m better than that.” Charlie explained, finally looking to her friend. She was scared to see her friend’s reaction to this sudden realization but Sarah only smiled. 

As Sarah put her car in reverse, slowly moving farther and farther away from JJ’s house, she felt the invisible string around her heart loosen.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

Sarah had not been looking as she was pulling out of JJ’s driveway. She was too focused on her friend’s newfound confidence that she almost completely disregarded the blonde boy riding a skateboard behind her car. When she finally registered JJ in her rearview camera, she slammed her foot against the break and let out a loud gasp. JJ, who had been thinking of Charlie ever since he saw her last, looked up and, to his surprise, saw a red caravan two inches from him. He frowned, thinking it was one of those loudy child services social workers coming again unannounced. He got off his skateboard and trudged up to the drivers side of the car to tell them off. When he saw Sarah Cameron instead, his eyes widened. What the hell was she doing here? When his eyes shifted to the passenger’s seat, he gasped. 

Charlie, who was gripping onto her seat at the abrupt stop Sarah had made, had not looked up to see JJ on the outside of the car until Sarah called her name.

“Charlie?” Sarah squeaked out, looking to her friend who was trying to catch her breath.

“Hm?” She looked up, her eyes already wide with fear but when she saw JJ, she let a small gasp out as well. 

When her and JJ made eye contact, she knew she couldn’t avoid him any longer. She had to end this; she had to close this awful chapter out her life. So, with her hands shaking, she grabbed onto the ledge of the door and opened it. She swung her legs over the seat and shakingly placed them back on the ground. With a deep breath, she walked to the front of Sarah’s car, where JJ was waiting for her. 

“Charlie…” JJ sighed, seeing the girl he hadn’t stopped thinking about since he first met her. He had been lying to himself for too long. He had loved her the second she had asked him if he liked teal.

Teal. The colour of the shirt she was wearing now. Teal. The colour of his newly painted nails.

“I was gonna yell at you.” She said calmly, her eyes watering as she watched the boy that had caused her so much pain. It seemed that his eyes were watering too now but she wasn’t going to fall for it again. She couldn’t let herself fall again. “But I can’t be anyone but myself. We have to be who we are in this world. And if you wanna be like this for the rest of your life, please leave me out of it.”

“I’m sorry.” JJ blinked fast, not wanting to cry in front of her. He had caused her too much pain, his own pain seemed miniscule now. “I don’t even know who I am. People expect me to be so many things, I don’t know.”

Charlie shook her head. “Forget about what everyone else wants, figure out what you want.”

JJ shrugs. “I don’t know yet.”

“When you know, find me.” Charlie raises her hand to cup one of his cheeks. He rests his head against her hand for a moment but she pulls away too quickly. 

She starts to back away from him but before she can enter Sarah’s car again, JJ speaks. “I hope I haven’t changed your mind about love, Charlotte.”

The way he says her full name tells her everything. She gives him a small smile, shrugging. “Don’t worry, Maybank, I’m still a hopeless romantic.”

A string that pulled me

Out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar

Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire

Chains around my demons

Wool to brave the seasons

One single thread of gold

Tied me to you

Days turned into months and before they were both ready, JJ and Charlie graduated. They had seen each other on a few more occasions, such as at his work or at a party, but it was only ever a passing glance. People say time is the best healer and that much was true. For Charlie and JJ, they both felt better as time passed. Although time had passed and somewhat healed, they were not the same.

JJ, for one, had not slept with a single girl since he was with Charlie. He was utterly broken and for months, he refused to even go out to parties. But, with the persistence of his friends, he finally tried to get back into his old rhythm. And, with his old rhythm, came a slew of girls at his disposal. Surprisingly, JJ actually dated a few of them and decided against sleeping with them. Charlie had changed him in the best way. He no longer was fulfilled by one night stands and instead dated girls for weeks. This might not seem like much but for JJ, it was progress. None of them were like Charlie but, with each relationship, it taught him how to be a better person. For one of the first times in his life, he felt whole being by himself. He even got a scholarship to a college on the mainland for the Coast Guard Academy. JJ was beginning to find himself.

Charlie was different too. She grew more confident. She now could recognize when people were taking advantage of her and, instead of ignoring it like she usually would, she would face them head on. She also confronted Rafe with his infatuation with her, something she inadvertently knew about for a while now. They remained friends through it all and she actually respected Rafe even more after it. She also joined the debate team and found her calling; law. She loved debating and began her interest in law by reading tons and tons of textbooks for law school. After months and months of trying to get over JJ, she finally felt herself start to move on. That’s when she finally went out with David, a guy on her debate team. They went out for a couple of weeks and when it ended, it was amicable. Her love for David was nothing like JJ’s but he made her feel secure in her feelings and she appreciated his support. Towards the end of the school year, she had got accepted to Yale, the ivy league school of her choice. She would be away from her friends and family for four years or more but she was excited to start studying law. 

At their graduation, they both saw each other and, for the first time since they spoke, they smiled at each other. This smile was bittersweet considering they both still loved each other, but they were glad that life was going well for the both of them. They had grown and found themselves.

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

One night, after classes in their respective schools had started, JJ had a revelation. He had returned to OBX for the weekend and found this revelation in his enemy; Rafe Cameron. 

JJ and his friends had promised each other to always meet for the weekend in OBX so they never lost touch but Pope and Kiara had been accepted in schools on the west coast so they were hours and hours away. John B and JJ kept their promises while Kiara and Pope skyped them and spoke all night. They were all still close, maybe even closer, since high school. One night, after Pope and Kiara had signed off, John B and JJ were still not tired and wanted to go out. Sarah had started dating John B only a few months before their graduation and although she was rude to JJ at first, he had grown on her. She wasn’t here this weekend so the boys were bored without her rambunctious ideas. John B had proposed they went out for late night ice cream and since JJ had no other ideas, he agreed to go.

As they waited in line, speaking amongst themselves, Rafe was waiting in line behind them. They had not seen him for months and, at first, they did not recognize him. Only when he tapped JJ’s shoulder, did their eyes widen at the sight of their old enemy. The first thing JJ saw was his teal shirt. His mind went to Charlie.

“What do you want?” John B was very aggressive when he first made eye contact with Rafe but JJ could see what John B didn’t. He wasn’t here to fight. His eyes were soft, almost said to see JJ and John B again.

“I wanna talk to JJ.” His voice is just above a whisper and somehow, JJ trusts him.

Before John B can defend his friend, JJ puts a hand on his friends shoulder. John B looks to him in confusion but says nothing and waits for JJ to speak. “Let’s step outside.”

Gold was the color of the leaves

When I showed you around Centennial Park

Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

Rafe and JJ had never had a heart to heart. The only choice words they ever spoke to each other was when they were beating eachother up. Now, as they stood outside the ice cream parlour where JJ had previously worked, they seemed to be standing in a comfortable silence.

“What’s up man?” JJ asked, looking to the window where he saw John B ordering his and JJ’s ice cream.

“I want to let you know you’re a complete idiot.” Rafe swallows harshly and steps closer towards JJ. 

For a moment, JJ thinks he might punch him by the anger in his eyes and how his fists are clenched tightly together. But the moment passes and Rafe remains quiet until JJ speaks. “Why?”

“She’s completely in love with you and you’re still here, ordering fucking ice cream.” Rafe spits, unclenching and then clenching his fists.

JJ’s shoulders slump. He wondered how the hell Rafe knew but he didn’t want to dwell on that. “Rafe, it’s complicated.”

Rafe shakes his head, a little calmer now. “No, it’s not. I loved her so much and when I told her, you know what she said?” He paused and only when JJ shrugged, did Rafe continue. “She told me she was waiting for a guy to find himself. So, have you found yourself?”

JJ nodded. “Yeah, but it’s been too long. She probably told you that months ago. My windows closed. Besides, she’s at Yale.”

Rafe shook his head incredulously. “She told me that last week dude.”

JJ felt like he might faint right there at this news. He felt light headed and he held onto Rafe’s shoulder and he tried to find his balance. After all this time, it wasn’t too late. After all this time, she still loved him. He looked back up to Rafe with a smile on his face. He stood straight back up, knowing what he had to do next. 

“Rafe, if John B asks where I’ve gone, tell him sorry, but I have to go see about a girl.”

Time, wondrous time

Gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies

And it’s cool

Baby, with me

Charlie had begun a running regimen when she started at Yale. They had a beautiful track on campus and before every class every morning, she would run for two hours, shower, and then go to whatever class she had that day. On days she had off, she would take her time and on Saturday mornings, when no one had classes, she took extra time. She would sprint for a couple moments, then jog and walk and start all over again. Since she started this exercise, she could see an improvement in her health and stress. Whenever her mind brought her to places she didn’t want to be, she would run. Running had begun to become her therapy, along with her actual therapy.

On that particular Saturday, she was running late; figuratively of course. She had slept through her 6am alarm and, by 7am, she was rushing out her dorm to get to the track. She had tried to always get there extra because after 8am, it got too crowded. But, as she rushed down the steps on her campus dorm and out into the crisp autumn air, she came face to face with a certain blonde boy.

When she finally recognized him, a gasp left her lips. He looked disheveled from his journey and while half of her wondered what he could possibly want from her, the other half was crying with joy because she knew.

JJ walked up one step of the stairs, the closest he’s been to her since all those months ago. “Charlie, I -”

“No speeches.” She cuts him off, wanting to know his answer but too impatient. “Just tell me if you know.” She can’t wait any longer. All of these months of waiting and praying and now he’s here. She forgives him. She forgave him months ago. But now, she needs to know if she’s wasting her time all over again.

“I know now.” JJ looks at her, breathless.

The smile on her face tells him everything he needs to know. She knows too.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

~

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