#it’s difficult to tell if it’s post show depression or if the songs just sad since it is the final duet

[artificial-hope]

Is this what post show depression feels like?

[deluluass]

all yours; all mine

71 and 58 with Atsumu pleaseeese. I just love this man and I would appreciate it if you wrote something with him. Youre so talented!💕 — anon

sidenote: anon, i hope u know that u have a very special place in my heart for being the first ask ive ever received. i hope u are well & having a gr8 day ;U;

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; daddy kink; mild angst; implied post-breakup depression; toxic relationship/s

Breakups are a messy business. A lot of crying, begging, screaming (if it's that type of a breakup). Whatever it is, breakups generally inspire intense— so-intense-it-could-get-you-kicked-out-if-you're-in-a-public-place, high-strung, and the most unpleasant kind of emotions. 

It’s understandable, considering you’re losing the person you love. 

But he doesn't even look upset.

"Aah," Atsumu sing-songed, twirling the plastic stirrer between his fingers. "Ya wanna call it off?"

The heat from the mug bit your skin as you gripped it. 

"What?" you choked, shaking your head. "I didn't say that, Atsumu. I only-"

He scoffed. "Fuckin'- ya just did."

You finally looked up at him, porcelain clinking as you placed your drink back on the saucer. Ball cap on,  muscles filling up and straining his hoodie and jeans; even in an outfit that almost concealed him he never fails to take your breath away. 

Only, it's for a different reason this time.

"I said that I-" you cleared your throat. "I want- I want you to-"

"I get it, I get it." Atsumu sighed, waving his hand nonchalantly. "Let's break up, then."

He was already standing up and he didn't even deign to meet your eyes. You didn't expect much when you'd travelled all the way to Tokyo just to have a talk with him. After all, the last conversation you had was over the phone. (And that, too, did not go well). 

Though, is it too much to expect he'd at least listen to what you have to say?

"Tsumu-kun! Wait!" 

Some customers were already staring, urging you to hide, hop on the next train, and run back home; away from the cold scrutiny of strangers. 

But not now. Not when what you have with him is hanging on a balance.

"Please, sit down and- and let's talk," you huffed, voice and hand trembling as you held onto his.

Breakups are a messy business, you heard.

A lot of crying. A lot of begging. A lot of screaming. Whichever kind it is, don't breakups usually inspire only the most intense emotions?

But he doesn't even look upset, doesn't even look like he feels anything other than a passing irritation, as if you were a fly buzzing in his ear, when he told you, "I know this is ya first rodeo, but yer gonna find someone new eventually, hm?"

It's been a long time coming, Atsumu thinks. He'd known for quite a while now that his relationship with you would end, actually, ever since you'd wanted to include "feelings" and "trust" and "opening up" into the mix. 

"Why?" he'd laughed at your face once. "What? Ya ain't happy? That it? We got somethin' good goin' on don't we?"

He didn't get it, at first. You'd always been your cheerful, bubbly self; never failing to be that one sunny spot when his day gets too pesky and such a pain in the ass. You were happy.

Until you weren't. 

"You don't.. tell me things," you muttered, fiddling with your hands on the kitchen table. "Which is fine! I'm not- go at your pace, but- but know that I'd listen to you. Always. I'm here, 'Tsumu."

And it wasn't as if he didn't try. It's just that Atsumu realized, a few months later, that he wasn't any good at it. 

Every time he'd lay it all out in front of you⁠— every tiny and pathetic and gritty part of him, you would eventually take him in your arms. So much smaller, weaker than his and yet Atsumu did not mind if it could be his entire world. 

Then, a thought would creep in, like a thief that'd stab him in his sleep. In the safety of those tender arms, with those guileless eyes peering at him, Atsumu would think that he'd rather stay there forever, cling onto you until he bites the dust.  

It disgusted him. 

Atsumu couldn't stand it. Because if he could be anything in this short life, he'd choose to be perfect. And that- that wasn't it. 

So he avoided it when the occasion arose. Diverting the subject to mundane stuff was easy, at first. The weather, the new show you're binging, your slacker of a boss, what happened back in the game. When that didn't work⁠— well, there were other ways. 

(His favorite was sticking his tongue in your wet cunt, to prod at the soft walls with the tip, and to lap and suck at the clit until you're begging for the stretch of his fat cock.)

The break up was understandable. When you'd greeted him in the café as if you'd spent the entire time you were apart crying, Atsumu knew it was over. 

You just repeated what you'd always said. It's okay to be vulnerable. If he needs some time to work out the right words then you'd always wait because I love you, 'Tsumu. 

(But there was that feeling again. Like he could die on the spot if you would so much as leave his sight.)

(Ending it was the only way out. When poison seeps itself into the bloodstream, you're left with no choice but to cut off a part of you.)

Unlike others, he can say that it was a clean parting. You wanted something and he was bad at it. And because he hated fucking up, Atsumu decided to leave. Easy. 

Really, the only people who didn't understand were his teammates.

"That's strange," Hinata spat, rice bursting to his chin when he suddenly faced Atsumu. "I don't think I've seen her for weeks now."

He could hear barely suppressed groans  behind him, no doubt from Bokuto and the others, before their spiker blurted out a confused, "What?"

Because, of course, Hinata could only mean one "her.” (There had only ever been one that Atsumu Miya allowed inside the team's gymnasium; inside his circle of friends; inside his life.)

Apparently, except for Hinata Shoyo, everyone had caught on that the both of you had thrown in the towel, so to speak. (And here they thought the guy's finally in it for real.)

"Nah, it's fine," Atsumu smirked, addressing it to everyone gathered around Samu's onigiri stand.  

"We broke up." 

He clicked his tongue. "It's not like there ain't no other fish in the sea."

The remark, casually said in between sips of cold coffee, was met with a gaping silence. 

That turned out to be right, like everything else that he'd predicted. 

A hole is a hole is a hole is a hole. No disrespect meant to you. But before you there had been many others who'd helped warm his bed. It just so happened that you got to stay for far longer. 

(Because waking up next to you meant waking up to that dreamy look, as if whoever's in charge up there has finally given you everything you've ever wanted.)

(And when he greets you with a hoarse good morning you say it back with eyes that tell him he's worth it, simply for being there.)

Anyway, going back to that old routine hadn't been difficult. 

(Except when he finally does it with someone new, for some reason he keeps searching for a different touch, expecting that endearing combination of inexperience and enthusiasm.)

(And when they cum he can't help but put a hand on their mouth, around their throat, because he's hearing the wrong voice, seeing the wrong face.) 

It's obvious, looking at him. Everyone can see that life's going pretty well for Atsumu. He can only hope that the same goes for you.

"You're miserable."

Peeling your attention away from the mother braiding her young daughter's hair, you hurriedly brought it back to the two women sitting in front of you.

"See?" Aya swung her hand in your direction. "Not even listening."

"No, no," you giggled sheepishly. Kaori was already pursing her lips.

"No, seriously. I am."

You sat upright, setting the chopsticks on your bento box. 

"Then what was it she said?" Kaori pressed. She folded her arms and you knew you were in trouble. 

"Uh..huh." You nodded. "Right. So. Um...."

"You didn't catch it," said Kaori.

"I didn't catch it," you winced.

Both girls sighed. 

The first three buttons of their blouses were open, the heat of the afternoon getting to them. And as they leaned back against the wooden bench, you had a feeling that they were about to give you the Conversation that's been waiting to happen for two long months.

That's why you'd decided to start it before they could. Just so it won't linger anymore painfully so.

“I know what you're going to say."

They only raised their brows, a mere "okay, go on" than an actual expression of surprise. 

"I've been sad. I haven't been..fine. That is true," you inhaled, preparing yourself for the agonizing part. Then, you released your breath.

"Ever since..'Tsu-" you gulped. "Ever since breaking up with Atsumu I haven't been feeling like myself but nowadays I'm getting back on my feet and I'm still working see so really there's no need to worry okay? Okay."

Aya grinned, but it didn't hold her usual devil-may-care humor to it. 

"You say that," she started, "but we’ll probably always be if you keep at that- at that⁠—"

"You're rarely in the moment," Kaori supplied, to which Aya replied with a harsh thank you. "You're distracted. And we know you're trying your best to be okay on your own. We've given you space, but remember that you have us."

Something was lodged in your chest and you found it hard to breathe. You'd missed them. You hadn't realized it, but you missed your friends. 

So much.

"Thank you," you whispered, forcing back  tears. "I- I wouldn't know what to do if it not for you two-"

"Hold it." Aya raised a palm. "Before you get corny again. Can I just say, I know he's your first dick-"

"Aya," Kaori murmured.

"And we all know it was good-"

"Aya," you hissed.

Your face burned as you searched from left to right, making sure no innocent being heard her.

"But can I just say," she slapped a palm on the surface of the table. "I don't care what you or the TV or his fans say about him! But the man's a walking red flag since day one!"

Kaori rolled her eyes. And despite yourself you couldn't keep a chuckle from bubbling. 

"Here we go again."

Aya almost rose from her seat. "When he sent that poor dude from accounting to the ER for just, I don't know, breathing your way, I knew something was up!"

You felt your smile die. 

That had been the first time it happened. You'd asked him what's wrong, after you'd rushed to the hospital, and all he gave you was silence. A whole day of it. He hadn't spoken a word about it, only that he'd warned you not to talk to that bastard again, or else.

(You'd learned, much, much later, that he doesn't do well with people that annoy him. That's what he said. You wanted to know more, but he suddenly decided that he had to make it up to you between the sheets.)

Kaori touched your hand. "Talk to us," she whispered.

You hummed as you shook your head. "I just remembered him," you said, only half of the truth.

If they knew it, they didn't let on. But Aya did say, "Tell you what. Company outing's upon us. So you know what that means?"

"Oh, I don't know," you mumbled apologetically. "I might sit this one out."

"No," Kaori gritted. 

Aya held your face with both hands as she  stared you down.

"You will buy yourself a new swimsuit. You will enjoy that cheap beach resort." 

The heaviness was lifting, bit by bit, as you felt your stomach ache with laughter. And with each silly word uttered by your friends, you could almost see the gray clouds overhead disappearing. Even for a little while.

"And you, you beautiful person you," Aya beamed. "Will finally, finally get laid."

Having best friends who are dead set on helping you get over an ex is a fearsome thing to behold, indeed. 

You couldn't even get a word in edgewise as they took you in a whirlwind of spas, salons, mani-pedis, and shopping bags. 

"Calm down. You rarely spend for yourself," Kaori told you when she'd caught you peeking forlornly at the frightening bill you'd amassed. 

But, try as you might to miss owning a fat wallet, you couldn't deny that you have no regrets wasting your money away. Not even for a single cent. Because you did feel amazing.

And when the day arrived, you couldn't help at the giddiness of having compliment after compliment thrown your way. 

"Is that really you?" said a co-worker when you'd boarded the bus. "You're glowing!"

During the games, as well, you'd often hear "Love the new look!" and "Have I ever told you before that you're so pretty? Because you are." And you'd preen with a soft-spoken thank you, having been taught by Kaori that denying a compliment makes one look stupid.  

It was so silly, honestly. Though not the part where, after a lovely comment, you'd be emboldened to strike an actual conversation. Learning that a coworker has a new baby now, or that so and so has recently moved up the corporate ladder; learning that, during your period of grief and self-pity (and even during the blissful time you’d spent with Atsumu), there were so many things you hadn't noticed.

You basked in it: the shower of pleasantries and anecdotes that had you feeling soft and fuzzy inside. The same way you lazed on the sandbar, clutching tiny conch shells in your hand, as you watched the sun tinge the sparkling waves with warm light.   

"Hey."

You jolted, turning towards the person who'd called your name. It was him. "Poor dude from accounting" as Aya dubbed him.

"Sano-san," you gasped, reaching for the towel beside you to cover up. "How- how are you?" 

Of all the people in your office, he was the last one you wanted to see. Solely for the reason that things have been awkward between you ever since that incident. A working relationship characterized by the literal turning of the other cheek whenever you two bumped into each other.

"Oh, pardon me," he scratched the back of his head. "Do you..want me to go?"

Yes. 

"No..!" you blurted out. "I think-"

The sun was almost setting. You wrapped the towel around you as you took in the balmy sea breeze. 

"I think I'm done hiding," you whispered, meeting his gaze for the first time in a long while, head on and baring the tiniest hint of shame, like how you did with your friends and other coworkers.

He didn't say anything, allowing you to continue. "I- It's nice. Talking to people again," you giggled. "Look, Sano-san. About before, I'm really sor-"

"Actually," he smiled. "That's why I'm here. Well, my partner pushed me but-"

You grinned at the blush that rose to his cheeks. 

"But I wanted to tell you: No hard feelings."

Sano-san extended a hand. You stared at it for a few seconds. His hand, then his face. Back to his hand, then his face again. And when you'd finally accepted it, it felt like witnessing the cage that’s imprisoned you for centuries finally open.

"By the way," he added, walking back towards an obviously amused fianceé. "It's a good look on you, being happy."

Atsumu entertained the possibility that maybe— just maybe, not everything was  fine the night the Jackals went home after an overseas tournament.

As soon as the plane landed on Japanese soil, the hunger he felt throughout the journey morphed into some kind of  anticipation, palpable through the thrill that electrified him into wakefulness. He might have left in a hurry, only half of his mind present when the Coach ordered for a short meeting. 

His foot tapped endlessly on the way⁠— while in the car; during the tedious elevator ride⁠— and when he'd finally entered his pad, slamming the door open with much eagerness than usual, Atsumu felt his heart plummet down his stomach when he was welcomed by a dark and empty hallway. 

You're not here. Not anymore.

Hasn't it been almost half a year now? Why did he expect you, face brightened by a grin that went from ear to ear, to materialize in front of him, with the smell of something delicious wafting from the kitchen? As if a magician with a hat trick.   

("Welcome back!" he was aching to hear.)

(You always insisted on eating with him when he got home; sometimes opting to just stay by his side⁠— munching on a midnight snack while you babbled on, if he arrived later than usual and you'd already had dinner.)

("It's lonely having a meal on your own," you explained. "Don't you think food tastes better if you have someone with you?")

Perhaps it was the jet lag. Or, it could be that the abrupt change in time zones was starting to mess with his head. Either way, Atsumu was sure that sleep would eventually cure him of the momentary delirium. 

But then he woke up the next day feeling like someone had pissed in his morning drink. The day after that, too. Even the next had been the same, persisting onto the following weeks. 

Until one game, after a winning streak that had the crowd chanting their names and with blood still roaring in his veins, he condescended to survey the numerous people occupying the bleachers. 

And when he couldn't find one⁠— one person that had always stood out to him despite being constantly drowned in an ocean of spectators— it was only then that Atsumu Miya decided that enough was enough. 

You hadn't really agreed with Aya when she told you that you'd be getting "laid" during this short vacation. 

Reason number one: it's a company outing. And you're sure you'd be breaking some protocols by fooling around with any of your coworkers. Reason Two: as you'd sagely imparted to a miffed Aya, "I don't think it's nice to cure a broken heart with sex; strings attached or no."

That being said, the lingerie she'd chosen for you did flatter your figure. It didn't matter that "no one would see it," as Aya grumbled. It was enough for you that you yourself saw it, you thought as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror. 

The way it was tailored made it seem like it was made just for your body. The details of lace also made it look so pretty that you felt kind of sad that you'd have to cover it up with a summer dress soon. 

Nevertheless, you allowed yourself to strike a few poses in front of the mirror; feeling like a teenager on their first date as you admired how you looked in it. 

You smiled to yourself, humming a tune, before you opened your makeup kit and prepared the necessities you'd be bringing for the bonfire dinner. 

"Wipes: check," you murmured, rummaging through your bag. "Hygiene stuff. Where are you hygiene stuff, hygiene stu⁠—"

You froze.

Something rustled. Outside. As if something had moved. 

Putting a robe back on, your heart thundered against your chest as you stepped out of the bathroom and into the dimly lit sleeping area, illuminated only by a small reading lamp.

"Be careful there, girlie," the old caretaker warned as she guided you to this room. "Lots of mean spirits lurking about."

You didn't believe in ghosts. For some reason, however, your coworkers did. So you'd taken it to yourself to move here after a room assignment mishap, leaving Aya and Kaori behind. 

It didn't seem like the cursed chamber that she purported to be. Sure, it was isolated at the furthest wing of the beach house, away from the other rooms and separated by a too dark hallway. But that had been the creepiest thing about it. Besides, you heard from logistics that renting the house didn't cost much, despite its size, so maybe it's just that they lacked the resources to renovate. 

The floorboards creaked beneath you. "Aya? Aya, I know it's you," you called out as you squinted, catching a faint silhouette reclined at the corner of the bed. 

It was too large to be Aya, but you chalked that up to the shadows playing with your eyes. You puffed out a chortle, resting a hand on your hips when she finally stood.   

"Very funny, Aya," you snorted when she sauntered towards you. "Just you wait until Kaori hears about.…" you trailed off.

"......this."

You drew in a breath as she moved closer, revealing a build that was much taller, towering almost in the small room, shoulders that are way broader than the ones your friend has, and a face that clearly wasn't Aya's.

"Evenin'," Atsumu yawned. 

Your legs refused to listen to you.

"Been a minute, hadn't it, darlin'?"

You don't know why he's here. 

And even if you wanted to ask, you find that no sound could escape from your mouth when you tried to open it.

You do know this, as he gave you a lopsided grin that used to have you eating at the palm of his hand, along with a lazy gaze that was belied by a bird-like focus:

That although he told you that all he wants is a little chat, you knew that he didn't come here just for that.

You ran.

Atsumu had been the worst boyfriend.

He's aware of it now, realized it fully when he knocked on Samu's door, shit-faced, and it only took a single look and a consoling arm from his brother to break Atsumu into tears and snot, as well as Samu's voice telling him, "Yer a big baby. Ya need her, dontcha?"

That's why he followed you here, figuring that you'd love a thoughtful surprise. Because you always have. He didn't expect you'd take to it kindly, of course, not right away. But he also didn't expect that you would be doing the surprising.

You were talking to that man when he arrived. 

Didn't he tell you not to?

His intentions still haven't changed. He's here to bring you back, but before anything else Atsumu's sure it's only normal that you guys clear things up first. 

And if you're going to do that, he can't have you running away now, can't he?

Grabbing you by the waist, Atsumu's palm tingled at the feel of your body, pulling you closer to him as he pinned you to the wall and stifled your shrieks with his hand.

"Everybody's gone, angel," he whispered, losing himself in your skin, though covered in silk; lips and fingers roaming every which way because finally, finally, fuckin' finally you're here and you're real.

"Just wanna talk." He stroked the curve of your ass, middle finger tracing the lining of the crack. "Ain't this what'ya always wanted? S'let's talk," he murmured against your collarbone.

You were already crying, shaky hands weakly grasping his back and tears wetting even his cheeks. Atsumu couldn't help but smile. You'd always been a crier. It's one of the many things he loves about you. Always so honest with your emotions.

"I missed ya," Atsumu groaned as he grinded his cock against your pussy, feeling it harden when he mouthed your tits.

There was something peeking out of your robe, he noticed as it became more rumpled. 

"D-don't," you breathed, your attempt to swat his hands away thwarted when he seized your wrist.

It was lace. The color pulling the eye to your body like a siren's song. And when he stripped the robe off of you, silk swishing down your elbows, Atsumu saw that it was a piece of lingerie. One that he hasn't seen before.

Because he didn't buy this one. It wasn't from him. You weren't the type to get one yourself. 

Until now.

"This for him?" he murmured, pressing a kiss against your pulse, beating like a drum against his lips. 

"Wh-who?" you whimpered.

"The ugly piece of shit. Saw you guys gettin' chummy earlier."

He was close, too close to you, back at the beach. You smiled at him, laughed and showed him what he isn't supposed to see. And when he touched you— when the fucker touched you, Atsumu wanted blood on his hands.

"Yer gonna fuck the guy whose face I busted?" 

You squeaked as he dug his blunt nails against your wrist. Atsumu licked the red impressions they made.

"And what- what about it?" Your voice was so brittle and small. God, he just wanted to hold you. "It's none of your business, who I spend my time with. And don't- don't tell me you're jealous because-"

He chuckled, the sound of it making you shrink back into the wall. "Jealous? Doll, ya wouldn't wanna know what I'm feelin right now. But, sure." Atsumu lightly nipped at the tips of your fingers. 

"'Course I'm jealous," he rasped. "You're mine."

Then, Atsumu looked at you. And what he saw in your eyes made him stumble that when you shoved him away, all he could do was stand and stare.

"I'm not your thing, Atsumu," you cried. A light-year difference from the girl who'd always stare at him so tenderly. "I never was and I never will be. I'm not yours."

You didn't run this time. You should've. 

Atsumu clenched his jaw. "Like hell ya ain't," he snarled.

People say that breakups are a messy business. Atsumu was so sure he wouldn't have to endure that, before he met you.  Now that he's had the experience, though, Atsumu can say with confidence that breakups are, in fact, a goddamn mess.

But you're over that now. It's time to turn over a new leaf and return to one another. And Atsumu's finding out, in the process, that making up can be astonishingly reminiscent of the breakup.

You started crying when you woke up, screaming for help as you tried to budge the rope that was tying your hands to your knees. You got louder when you found out that you were naked and not in the rickety confines of the beach house. 

"Welcome home, baby," he beamed, eying you from between your legs. 

The begging started when you realized how drenched your little pussy was, his tongue lapping and slathering the cum dripping from your twitching hole, against  your swollen folds; his calloused thumb massaging deep circles on your clit. 

And when he stuck another inside your puckered asshole, you writhed out of your binds and squealed, "T-tsumu-kun…!"

Fuck. 

"Babydoll," he growled. "Daddy's gotcha, daddy's gonna treat ya so fuckin' good."

He slapped your damp cunt with his long fingers, thrusting them inside to rub and feel at your walls, at the bump that never failed to make you screech. "Daddy's been mean hasn't he? Hm? Been a bad daddy to ya, baby?"

You could only gasp out wordlessly as he slurped the juices off your clit, not stopping until you were gushing, sloppy cum drizzling on the bedsheet, every muscle in spasms, incapable of even stretching out your legs although Atsumu knew you wanted to, you really wanted to so fuckin' bad, resorting to curling your toes instead. 

"E-enough, please, please, stop!"

How adorable, Atsumu thought. "My little slut," he cooed, tapping the tip of his hard cock on your pussy. "My good 'lil fucktoy."

He relished it, wanting to draw this on forever, so he slides it against your folds, pussy lips wrapping the meat of his cock, gyrating his hips back and forth, as if he were fucking you, and grabbing your tits to play with your nipples. 

"Atta girl," he laughed, licking his teeth when he finally sunk inside your tight cunt, pushing you so far down into the mattress until his chest was rubbing against your tits, your feet dangling against his shoulders.

"I don't-I don't want this, 'Tsumu," you sobbed. "Don't want this!"

Oh, of course you don't. Atsumu knows you don't. He'd fucked you against your will, after all. 

But you were taking him so well, darlin'. Your walls were hugging his cock so fuckin' nicely that he couldn't help but shove deeper inside you, craving for the way your pussy twitched rapidly around him. 

If you weren't bound, he's also sure that you'd be pushing his hips away. But that's not what's getting to him. Because as he pistoned his cock into you, heavy balls slapping against your ass, you instantly turned your face away.

Did you know that you were breaking his heart? Shattering it to pieces, when you close your eyes like doors, locking them to prevent him from ever reaching you again. 

So he gripped your chin. Forced you to meet his eyes as you wept and shook your head. 

"Am gonna be better, baby," he groaned.  "No more keeping things from ya. None of that bullshit, now."

Atsumu shivered as you came around him, convulsing under him and strained voice still begging him to stop. Because he wasn't. He would never stop. Not when it comes to you. 

"Am all yours, angel. All yours." He pounded your fucked out cunt, chasing his own high as he kneaded your tits. 

A tear fell from your eyelids. And when he kissed you, it felt like everything in his life shifted back in its rightful place. "You can have it all," he sighed, cupping your cheek.

"So give me all of you now," Atsumu pleaded. "Come back to me."

[themerriweathermage]

Headcanons for Elves with an S/O who has Depression

A/N: Long post ahead, be warned. 

Elrond

Elrond understands sadness and grief. He may not, however, fully understand what depression does to his S/O until they have a chance to fully explain it or until he sees it for the first time and cognitively makes the connection. He has a very innately clinical view of depression (blame it on being a healer) but he doesn’t exactly grasp it for what it is until he sees how it affects his S/O.

Once it hits him and he realizes, Elrond wants to be able to offer his S/O whatever he can to take the edge off the bad days. He knows the mind is difficult territory, and he’s more likely the type of elf to want to work with his S/O to find solutions that best work for them. He’s also going to be the one to lend his S/O a listening ear, no matter what he’s in the middle of. Council meeting with his Houses? Advisory meeting? If they need him, Elrond is already rerouting to go to them. He wants to make sure that his S/O knows that he’s there for them and that they’re being heard. And if he can’t immediately get away, then he’ll be sending one of his advisors to stay with his S/O until he can get there.

Elrond won’t like seeing his S/O in any kind of pain, but his background in healing knows that pain is sometimes necessary, no matter how much he hates it. Simply put, Elrond is a half comfort, half solution type of elf. He’ll help his S/O through the bad days, but he’ll also do his best to provide solutions if they come asking.

Bonus: Elrond doesn’t sing very often, but during the times his S/O can’t be consoled, he offers a song. It’s a quiet gentle lullaby but it can always put a mind at ease. It helps that he always tries to infuse it with healing power.

Glorfindel

Glorfindel just gets it. His S/O isn’t quite sure how the golden-haired elf always seems to show up when they need him most, but it’s best not to question it. Glorfindel isn’t quite sure how to tell his S/O that he’s been through the thick of it, especially after being reborn and being faced with everything that he lost-- his friends and family and his country-- but he eventually gets the point across that he’s there and he’s there to stay.

Glorfindel learned his healing prowess from Este when being picked to be reborn, so he’s best suited to work with those who require healing of the mind. Though he may not fully be able to take the burden completely from his S/O, his healing skills certainly lighten the load and can make the bad days a little easier.

Distraction was the best way he could get his mind off of it, so he’ll take a note from his own experiences and have a list of his S/O’s favorite things to do to see if that helps (even if it means carrying them everywhere; he doesn’t mind), but he’s also not immune to giving physical comfort. In fact, he’ll readily stay with his S/O, in bed all day if that’s what they need. Glorfindel absolutely would not let his S/O isolate themselves; he suffered his depression and grief alone. He definitely would not let them suffer alone. Forget his duties... his S/O needs him.

Bonus: Glorfindel absolutely will build a fort to cuddle up to his S/O in. No, he doesn’t care if it looks or feels dumb; at the end of the day, his quarters are a mess of blankets and pillows and he’s in the middle of it with his S/O tucked into his arms.

Haldir

Being relatively blessed with peace for most of his life, Haldir probably doesn’t initially understand depression. This doesn’t, however, mean that he doesn’t care. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Elves have a voracious appetite for knowledge and learning, so once Haldir realizes that his S/O is chronically struggling with depression, he’s reading up on anything he can get his hands on. He’ll even go as far to ask the Lord and Lady for advice, or even write letters to Elrond to see what he can do to help his S/O. Haldir prefers to be armed with knowledge as much as his blade, but he also holds his S/O’s opinions and thoughts in high regard.

Haldir’s mind is strategic. He’s more solutions based than he is comfort based but he’s learned to put aside his own discomfort  in the field and he’s certainly going to do that here too. He won’t let anyone interrogate his S/O about their bad days and he’s not going to stand for anyone bad mouthing his S/O either.

Haldir is a marchwarden captain, so there’s a high chance he’ll be gone more often than not. He’s protective though, so he’ll have his brothers stay with or check in with his S/O during the duration of the patrol. If things get bad/worse, Haldir would definitely be requesting to be assigned either shorter or more inland patrols. High chance that he would find a different career path if his S/O needed him to. They’re his world, after all.

Bonus: Haldir keeps his talan stocked with all the things that bring his S/O comfort for when he’s gone on patrol. His S/O is never far from their comfort food either, even if Haldir has to schedule it to be delivered. The bathroom always has their most favorite scents in shampoos and lotions, and Haldir is even known to leave behind his warden cloak for them to cuddle in.

Lindir

Lindir is shockingly attuned to those who suffer from depression, his S/O included, but he waits for them to feel comfortable telling him about it. He may not have depression himself but between working under Elrond and keeping himself well-read, Lindir is probably one of the more knowledgeable elves on the topic. That being said, he’s a good listener and would prefer to help his S/O find solutions than to just flat out offer his opinion.

Lindir knows that depression has its highs and its lows and he knows that it varies from person to person. Being an observant elf, he catalogues what his S/O’s triggers might be and how his S/O deals with it or what they ask of him when the days are rough. He would rather be prepared than caught off guard.

Lindir would also voluntarily teach his S/O osanwe. The other elves might look at him like he’s out of his mind (for such things usually only come with a deep bond-- yes, I know that’s not entirely canon-- between elves) but it’s worth it. To him, there’s nothing more important than his S/O being able to communicate with him when the days are rough and even talking seems to be too much.

Lindir is more comfort based but he understands the necessity of offering solutions. He’s also going to be the one to drop everything if his S/O needs him, even if he knows it’s not an emergency. The only time Lindir turns from a quiet, shy and diplomatic elf to borderline feral and potentially dangerous is when his S/O is involved.

Bonus: Lindir picked up baking as another hobby to keep his hands busy. He absolutely would surprise his S/O with their favorite treat when they’re feeling down or having a rough day.

Thranduil

Thranduil is no stranger to grief. He is also no stranger to anxiety or self-esteem issues. Being King means that he’s learned how to put on a facade every morning and few are privy to see him beneath that mask. When he learns that his S/O struggles with depression, he’s immediately sympathetic. If he could make it so that his S/O didn’t suffer this illness, he would.

Surprisingly, Thranduil is more comfort based. The privilege of being King is that he can get nearly anything and everything his S/O could ever want or need, but he also understands the need for a personal touch. That being said, he would help his S/O work out a plan for bad days when he absolutely cannot break away from his duties as King. Yes, his S/O is his King/Queen, but he knows that the pressures of running a kingdom, at times, are tough on anybody.

That’s not to say that he wouldn’t drop everything the moment his S/O desperately needed him. Thranduil absolutely would walk his S/O through their worst days; he won’t shy from the gritty aspects of it. S/O needs help taking a bath? Done. Needs encouragement to eat/drink? Done. Needs healing? Thranduil isn’t about to let his S/O be exposed to healers for judgement (although he’s fairly certain they wouldn’t judge). Anything Thranduil can do with his own hands, he’s doing for his S/O.

Bonus: Thranduil is super cuddly whenever his S/O asks to be held and that’s regardless or whether he’s in public or not. Why would he shy from holding the person he most loves?

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[aion-rsa]

Dear Evan Hansen May Be the Most Uncomfortable Musical Ever Made

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

There was a moment near the beginning of Robert Zemeckis’ odyssey into mo-cap animation where the press believed the magic trick: Yes, these soulless dead-eyed automatons who kind of look like Tom Hanks in a Santa suit are the future, we were told. Yet no matter how much digital snow was drawn on Hanks’ head, never once did anyone feel Christmas cheer. I was reminded of this trip to the uncanny valley while watching Dear Evan Hansen. And not just because of the incredulity of producers thinking actor Ben Platt could still pass for a teenager while pushing 30.

To be sure, there is some definite Steve Buscemi with a skateboard energy to the way Platt hunches his shoulders and quivers his lip, attempting to mimic high school awkwardness and appearing just awkward. However, you don’t need to be John Travolta or Olivia Newton-John to lull an audience into a suspension of disbelief. No, the issue with Dear Evan Hansen is a tone deaf and wall-to-wall cringe of a plot that somehow got a pass on stage. Whether something was lost in translation or if intent was mistaken for achievement is not exactly clear. But either way, this is a stunning whiff on a fundamental level, one which spectacularly misreads the implications of its fable and naively endorses the healing power of social media likes. If this were on one of those apps, you would unsubscribe.

The machinations of Dear Evan Hansen‘s passion play begin when Evan Hansen (Platt) writes a letter to himself which reads like a desperate cry for help. These self-directed correspondences were the idea of Evan’s therapist due to the high schooler’s bouts of anxiety or maybe depression. It’s vague. Whatever the case, when fellow loner Connor (Colton Ryan) reads the note and keeps it, things quickly spiral out of hand because Connor kills himself.

Mistaking the letter as Connor’s suicide note, the boy’s grieving parents (Amy Adams and Danny Pino) connect with Evan, eager to cling to something, anything, left of their son. Evan tries to tell them the truth, but they seem so sad, and Connor’s sister Zoe (Kaitlyn Dever) is just so cute, that maybe Evan will let this whole misunderstanding ride. Sure, he’ll say, he was Connor’s best friend. And hey, since Evan will sing about loving thyself on YouTube, this makes him a tragic hero for the alienated and downtrodden, right? Right?!

A theater phenomenon when it premiered first Off-Broadway and then on the Great White Way in 2016, Dear Evan Hansen was previously received as a poppy tearjerker that spoke to the importance of helping those living with mental illness, and finding a way for those who feel like outsiders to be made welcome. The last element proved especially appealing to commercial interests, in no small part because of Benji Pasek and Justin Paul’s music and lyrics about teenage loneliness, and Platt’s undeniably heartfelt performance.

Yet not unlike when Cats was transferred to cinema, flaws that could previously be glossed over in a theater were now glaring on film sets. Also similar to Cats, the choices made here by director Stephen Chbosky and screenwriter Steven Levenson (who works from his own  Tony-winning book) often undermine musical moments that might’ve played a bit better on the boards. For instance, a song wherein Evan Hansen and an imaginary version of the dead Connor sing a jolly duet could work in a medium where artifice is high, but in a film photographed at a bland, beige high school, the sequence borders on tasteless.

That insistence in grounding this in a visual verisimilitude—wherein the clear intent is that this will be seen as an important movie, the kind that wins awards—poorly serves the film’s lead performance, with Platt at times looking like a sweatier version of Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused: the old guy cruising for high school girls. But it also exposes the saccharine limitations of the narrative.

Dear Evan Hansen is a story in which a lonely kid makes a horrible mistake and then doubles down on exploiting another lonely kid’s suicide because of the instant gratification it gives him as a social media celebrity, and because it allows him to insinuate himself among a grieving family. Rather than deeply exploring the unpleasant and even cruel consequences of these choices, the film weaves and dodges, attempting to always make excuses for Evan’s actions and assure viewers he’s a nice, relatable every-teen. He is a character suffering from mental illness, but the script never takes the time to address what that mental illness is.

His sudden popularity on Instagram and TikTok is thus treated as meaningful growth for both him and the whole school, rather than the performative and vapid exploitation of tragedy that it is. And that vapidity is then couched in admittedly ear-wormy songs about self-acceptance with all the depth and specificity of a Katy Perry anthem. But then perhaps that’s the point since Perry-esque ballads in Pasek and Paul’s last movie musical, The Greatest Showman, became instant social media sensations too.

There is an early scene in Dear Evan Hansen where a couple of teenagers who were low-key mean girl bullying Connor take a selfie in front of the now dead kid’s locker; it’s a feigned show of belated compassion. A cynic might argue this is what the entire movie is doing, although that would be too harsh. The film’s heart is in the right place, with hopes and aspirations to have a serious conversation about difficult issues. Nonetheless, the end result is pretty much the same. Like its lead character, the movie doesn’t realize its paying lip-service to trauma and the lonely for its own benefit, and the fact it is then so pleased with its cloying bromides makes this infinitely more uncomfortable to watch than CGI pussycats.

Dear Evan Hansen premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival. It opens in U.S. theaters on Sept. 24 and in the UK on Oct. 22.

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The post Dear Evan Hansen May Be the Most Uncomfortable Musical Ever Made appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3C6qKoX

[cozy-the-overlord]

Ooo yay!!! Can you do champagne problems? 😄💖

This took so much longer than I thought it would lol. I actually had already annotated this song a while back, but typing this up I ended up getting really into it and going down a bunch of different rabbit holes. It was really fun-- thank you so much for asking me to do it!

“champagne problems” is the second track on Taylor Swift’s ninth studio album evermore and was written by Taylor along with her boyfriend Joe Alwyn (under the pseudonym William Bowery). Taylor described this song as “the one where longtime college sweethearts have very different plans for the same night, one to end it and one who brought a ring” (x). As you can tell from that description, this is a very sad, depressing song, but it also relates to one of the main thematic elements of evermore that I discussed in my analysis of “coney island”: closure or the lack thereof at the end of a relationship. It also deals with mental health struggles and questions about what counts as a “real” problem.

Sidenote—I’ve actually considered doing one big mega post about how all of the songs on evermore come back to this idea of closure in some way or another, but it would take a really long time and I’m not sure if it would be worth the effort if no one’s going to read it. But if you’re interested, please let me know because I’d totally be down for it! :)

As with any analysis I do, this is simply my interpretation-- if you interpreted something differently, feel free to share!

Let’s get into the lyrics:

You booked the night train for a reason

So you could sit there in this hurt

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You’re not sure which is worse

We open with the narrator describing a person who is catching the night train because they are very sad and they need a moment to think. They’re not sure if they feel better in bustling crowds, so loud and chaotic that it’s difficult to think clearly, or alongside silent sleepers, where they’re alone with nothing but their thoughts to distract them. Clearly, they’re confused as well as hurt—they don’t really know where to go or what they should be doing (there’s no specification on where the train’s going— the destination is not something on their mind at the moment). They’re just trying to understand what it is that went wrong for them.

As we’re about to find out, the person on the train is the college sweetheart who brought a ring, and the narrator is the one who did not accept it. I want to emphasize this now because despite being from the narrator’s perspective, she focuses much more on the pain of her rebuffed sweetheart. The song starts with their emotionally tumultuous train ride and continues to focus on their life throughout. Even though she’s telling the story, we never find out what the narrator did after rejecting their proposal or really anything that happens to her after that moment. Keep this in mind—I’ll be coming back to it.

Because I

Dropped your hand while dancing

Left you out there standing

Crestfallen on the landing

Champagne problems

Here, the chorus gives us the explanation as to what led to this train ride. Immediately, there’s a sense of abandonment: being dropped, being left behind. The person is crestfallen, or disappointed or dejected, as they stand alone where the narrator left them—a perfect image of loneliness. The way the narrator describes the events of the night is also very focused on her own actions—all of this happened because of something she did. She dropped their hand while dancing, she left them out there standing. She doesn’t try to explain or frame her actions in a way to make her seem justified in doing this. She’s not telling this story to defend herself. All she’s told us is that this is something that she did, and as a result this person was hurt by it.

The chorus also gives us the title, the rather bitter shrug at the end of each stanza. “Champagne problems” is a way to describe an issue that is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Similar to “first world problems,” they’re the kind of things people would complain about to their friends while sipping champagne—if you can afford to complain to your friends while sipping champagne (an expensive drink usually associated with celebration), then your problems can’t be that bad. However, the phrase here is used a bit ironically. The narrator has just spent the first two stanzas describing an event that to these characters is clearly not insignificant. It goes to show that “insignificant” is subjective—to the rest of the world, one couple breaking up doesn’t really affect anything. But to that couple, their entire world has been changed. The subjectivity of what is or isn’t a champagne problem is something that Taylor returns to throughout the song.

Your mom’s ring in your pocket

My picture in your wallet

Your heart was glass, I dropped it

Champagne problems

The second stanza of the chorus continues to dive into the heartbreak of this break-up, with tragic details such as how the narrator’s sweetheart was carrying her picture with them alongside their mother’s ring. These two lines tell us a lot about this relationship. The way “your mom’s ring” and “my picture” mirror each other in structure connect the two, showing how important the narrator was to this person—they thought of her as family. This is further proven by the fact that the ring they had planned to give to the narrator belonged to their mother—clearly, there’s a sentimental value there that they wanted to share with her, which makes the rejection all the more gut-wrenching. The mom’s ring also serves as a way to tell us that this person has a close relationship with their family, something that will continue to pop up throughout the song. On the other hand, you’ll notice that there is never any mention of the narrator’s family at all.

“Your heart was glass, I dropped it” is not only a particularly poetic reworking of the cliché of breaking someone’s heart, but also serves to further depict the narrator as the guilty party, the cause of all this pain. This is the second time she describes herself as dropping something important to her now-ex—first their hand, then their heart. This is an even more visceral description than the first, as it gives the image of glass shattering across the floor, broken beyond repair and a mess to clean up. Again, she makes no attempt to give an excuse for her behavior.

You told your family for a reason

You couldn’t keep it in

Your sister splashed out on the bottle

Now no one’s celebrating

On the surface, the scene she describes here simply continues to add to the heartbreak of this night. This person had been so excited to propose that they told their family all about it, and their family had been so certain that the narrator was going to accept that their sister bought an expensive bottle of (what do you know!) champagne to celebrate—to “splash out” is British slang meaning to spend a lot of money. However, this detail continues to show how close this person is to their family—they confide in them, they celebrate with them, and when things don’t work out, they turn to them. They clearly have a firm support system that they can turn to within their family. Again, you’ll notice that the narrator never mentions anything about her family, or any kind of support system she has to turn to.

Dom Perigon, you brought it

No crowd of friends applauded

Your hometown skeptics called it

Champagne problems

More depressing details follow in the second chorus. They brought the Dom Perigon to the date in which they planned to propose, assumedly the same champagne their sister splashed out on for them. Along with their mom’s ring in their pocket, this goes to show that they clearly had their family’s blessing and support in regard to this marriage. Everyone seemed really excited to help them make this proposal perfect, which just makes the unexpected rejection all the more painful.

It also makes the third line in this stanza really interesting: “your hometown skeptics called it.” Firstly, you’ll notice that the narrator separates herself from this hometown—it’s “your hometown,” not “our hometown.” It makes sense that these two wouldn’t be from the same place, as according to Taylor’s explanation they met in college, but it’s still worth noting that the rebuffed ex has both a family and a hometown (emphasis on “home”) that are mentioned several times throughout the song but the narrator, the person who’s actually telling the story, doesn’t ever mention her own.

Then there’s the fact that this person’s hometown had people who were skeptical about their relationship. That seems to indicate a couple things—for one, it gives the impression that this town is pretty small and close-knit, a kind of “everyone knows everyone else” situation. That in turn gives the impression that the narrator, as an outsider, may have had some trouble fitting in. A picture is beginning to take shape, despite the scant information we’ve been given. We have the rebuffed, heartbroken ex, coming from a supportive family and a close-knit community, and the narrator, who as far as we know has no family or hometown to look to for support. You begin to wonder if she’s the reason people were speculating that the relationship would not last. After all, she blames herself for the breakup, and she says they “called it.”

You had a speech, you’re speechless

Love slipped beyond your reaches

And I couldn’t give a reason

Champagne problems

With the second stanza of this chorus, the narrator does something a bit differently than she has been thus far. For the first time, this rejection isn’t painted as simply something she did, the way it was in the first chorus (“I dropped your hand while dancing” “I left you out there standing” “Your heart was glass, I dropped it”). Instead, it’s something that neither of them seemed to be able to understand or control. Her ex, who had been so prepared for this moment, is rendered speechless, but not because of something she did—the line “love slipped beyond your reaches,” doesn’t really assign guilt. It just slipped away, which is why they are so confused. The narrator also reveals why she hasn’t tried to defend herself or explain why she made this decision—she doesn’t have a reason, neither for her sweetheart nor for herself. This is where it becomes clear that her sweetheart is not the only one suffering because of this night: the narrator is struggling with something that she doesn’t know how to explain. Perhaps this internal struggle has something to do with her apparent loneliness, and the reason why hometown skeptics thought this relationship was doomed to fail.

We now move on to the bridge. Taylor has often spoken on her love of writing bridges, and specifically talked about “champagne problems” in her interview with Zane Lowe for Apple Music, saying “that was one of my favorite bridges to write. I really love a bridge where you tell the full story in the bridge, like you really shift gears in that bridge” (x). The bridge here sees the narrator’s tone becoming increasingly more frenzied, with the words rushing from her uncontrollably as she looks back on this relationship leading up to the moment in which it ended, building and building until it finally reaches a climax. There’s a lot going on here, so I’m going to go through it slowly.

Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

November flush and your flannel cure

One of the things that has always made Taylor’s songwriting so powerfully relatable is how she uses small, innocuous, and yet deeply specific details to describe a relationship. Here, she uses them to describe how important this person was to the narrator. “Midas touch” references the Greek myth of King Midas, a man who turned everything he touched to gold. The narrator sees her sweetheart’s Midas touch on something very boring and normal like a Chevy door, showing how they brought something incredibly meaningful and precious into even the most mundane things in her life. “November flush” is likely referring to the way her cheeks would flush in cold weather, and “your flannel cure” is probably her sweetheart giving her their jacket to stay warm. While also being just an incredibly sweet image, it also paints her sweetheart as a type of healer, someone who takes care of her when she needs help and “cures” her when she’s suffering. This person is clearly someone the narrator relied on and cared for, the only type of emotional support of hers that she will describe in this song, which is why it hurts her just as much to end things as it hurts them.

“This dorm was once a madhouse”

I made a joke, “Well it’s made for me,” how

Like many things in this song, this serves as both a sweet memory of past relationship as well as reveals something about the narrator. The reference to a dorm indicates that they’re in college here, likely in the early stages of their relationship shortly after they met. The self-deprecating humor from the narrator seems like a natural joke for a college student to make, but the fact that she’s essentially calling herself crazy has raised a few eyebrows amongst listeners. Many have theorized that the narrator of this song is struggling with something relating to mental health and that that struggle played a role in why she turned down the proposal. While I of course have no way of knowing if this is what Taylor intended or not, it does seem plausible. The narrator has repeatedly categorized herself as an outsider with no apparent emotional support beyond that of her sweetheart. She seems to be the topic of gossip amongst their “hometown skeptics” and definitely feels as if this whole situation is her fault. All of this could be indicative of some kind of greater, invisible struggle.

Evergreen, our group of friends

Don’t think we’ll say that word again

And soon they’ll have the nerve to

Deck the halls that we once walked through

This bridge includes a lot of winter/Christmas imagery—she mentions her “November flush,” describes her friends as “evergreen” (like a Christmas tree), and says that soon they’ll “deck the halls” of their old college campus, a reference to the Christmas carol of the same name. This serves a few purposes: generally speaking, Taylor said during the premiere of the music video for lead single “willow” that she considers evermore to be the fall/winter companion to the spring/summer folklore (x). As a result, “champagne problems” includes a lot of wintery imagery along with other songs on the album (eg. “tis the damn season,” “ivy,” “evermore”).

However, this imagery also serves a purpose within the song itself. The fact that this horrific breakup is occurring right before Christmas, supposedly the happiest time of the year, is not only woefully ironic but also plays into the subjectivity of a champagne problem. Everyone is happy and joyful and blissfully unaffected by this breakup, but to the two people involved, the world is crashing down around them. The narrator is probably even more isolated than her ex, seeing as Christmas is a time for family, something her ex definitely has, but as far as we know she doesn’t. No wonder she’s getting frustrated at the people who will be putting up Christmas decorations—they only serve as a reminder of how alone she is.

She also describes their friends as evergreen, like a pine tree. Pine trees get this name because, unlike other trees that lose their leaves in the fall, their needles remain green and fragrant even in rough winter conditions. She’s remembering their group of friends as evergreen, something that they thought would never change, but at the same time she realizes that they probably won’t be saying that word (“our”) again— they aren’t their group of friends anymore, so they did change after all. This all just adds to her sense of alienation.

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready so I watch you go

This is a play on the common children’s rhyme “one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready, and four to go.” It’s been around since the mid-1800’s and was often used as a countdown for games or races in playground scenarios. It got a lot of recognition from Elvis Presley’s 1955 hit “Blue Swede Shoes,” in which he sings “Well, it’s one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go” (x). Here, the well-known rhyme is twisted so that the narrator backs out when it’s time to commit to the action. There’s no “three to get ready.” Instead, she watches her sweetheart go—go as in leave the date, but also go as in move on without her, as we’ll soon see.

Sometimes you just don’t know the answer

‘Till someone’s on their knees and asks you

She reveals that this rejection was a spur of the moment decision for her—unlike her lover, who had carefully planned out the ring and the Dom Perigon and the speech, she had no idea what she was going to do in that moment. It seems that it was the fear of commitment, as described in the previous two lines, that got the best of her in the end.

“She would’ve made such a lovely bride

What a shame she’s fucked in the head,” they said

Here’s another instance of town gossip that shows how both the narrator and the relationship is perceived by the others around her. She doesn’t fit into the mold that they want to put her in, she’s blamed for the failure of the relationship, and she’s thought to be crazy. It seems that everyone is supporting her ex in this breakup. And while her ex is certainly deserving of support (this night has definitely put them through the emotional wringer), she needs support too, and as far as we know she’s only getting the opposite.

It’s also worth mentioning that the clean version of this song includes the line “what a shame she’s stuck in her head” in place of the f-bomb, which does change the meaning slightly. While it’s still referring to the narrator as crazy in a way, it’s more insinuating that they think she’s living in a fantasy world and doesn’t seem to get what’s happening or what she’s lost. Regardless, they still blame her for everything, and she still receives no kind of support.

But you’ll find the real thing instead

She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred

Here’s where we get the connection to the album’s theme of closure. The narrator promises her lover that they will move on from this relationship, that they will meet someone who loves them like they deserve and who will help them heal from this horrible moment. Their loneliness on the night train will be temporary. They will find closure, and they will be happy again. But the narrator?

And hold your hand while dancing

Never leave you standing

Crestfallen on the landing

With champagne problems

Your mom’s ring in your pocket

Her picture in your wallet

You won’t remember all my

Champagne problems

She doesn’t get that closure. She’s left alone with her champagne problems, issues that everyone else writes off but that she really struggles with, alone and unsupported. Even she seems to try to write them off, emphasizing the importance of her ex and how they will find happiness. After all, she’s been singing this entire song about their champagne problems, not hers. They’ll be able to forget hers—those problems no longer affect them. The narrator, however, can’t. To her, they aren’t champagne problems. They’re her life.

[kimmyyang]

My views on ‘The Untamed 陈情令’

I never thought I would write a review on a drama although I have watched a lot of dramas of different genres for about 15/16 years. There is something about ‘The Untamed’ that made me want to write a review or at least write out my feelings. I’m not going to write too deep and get into all the details. But I guess this could be a way for me to get out of this trap or try to get it off my chest. 

I’m not a fan of the original novel (well, not yet) as I don’t like reading so I haven’t read it yet. However, I have decided to read it as I have finished the drama and couldn’t get over it no matter how much I want to escape from it. 

Trust me, I don’t usually get THIS attached to a drama or any characters, I mean yeah, the casts are handsome and all, but I stayed for the plot and the characters, not just the good looks of those actors. Especially if it’s 50 episodes long, I wouldn’t stay for someone’s visuals like I ain’t got time for that – I can just watch the cuts of that actor lol. I’m quite picky because I have seen A LOT of dramas, if I watch 2 episodes and it bores me then bye and I don't like long dramas. But after the 50 episodes, I felt so empty like I wanted more??? I know that's normal since I have experienced that before but this time was slightly different.

I personally think everyone portrayed their characters very well, despite most of them are young actors/ actresses. I usually skip or play supporting characters’ parts in 1.5 speed if they’re not as interesting as the main characters. But they kept me riveted throughout the entire drama, I didn’t skip one bit. Most characters hit me at some point during the drama, and I loved it (while shedding buckets of tears haha). 

Apart from WWX and LWJ, my FAVORITE character is Jiang Yan Li - notice how I capitalized the word and it's in bold, that’s how much I loved her. She’s the best shijie/ sister that anyone could ask for. I feel like she’s WWX’s half mother, she takes care of him. She is a gentle and polite woman. She isn’t powerful in the Cultivation World (she mainly just focused on cooking tbh lol it's cute tho) but she doesn’t hesitate to protect WWX. She stood up for him even in front of her future mother-in-law, she trusted him until the end even when everyone went against him, and when her parents got killed, she didn’t blame him (it wasn’t his fault anyway) and eventually sacrificed her life for him. Her death was just so tragic like I was bawling my eyes out, she didn’t deserve it, she really didn’t. She was just a simple girl that wanted the best for her family. But she is the last straw that broke the camel’s back aka WWX, if she didn’t die for him, he probably wouldn’t get out of control. It was so cruel to WWX but I kind of understand why the author did it. 

I also enjoyed the cinematography, scenery and OST, all of it was so astounding. Even the name of the locations were beautiful like 云深不知处 – it sounds so poetic. I loved how each sect had their own colors which reflected their characteristics in the Cultivation World. The characters also had their own OST, my favorite ones are Wen Ning’s & Jiang Yan Li’s songs – it still hurts when I listen to them, and I nearly cried few times (yes, I have a soft spot for Wen Ning, too.) I want to add that Jiang Yan Li & Jin Zi Xuan's song hurts a lot as well, the lyrics are like a fucking knife stabbing me in the chest. I thought I was strong enough to watch the MV, but I couldn't control my tears gdi. You know when you're cutting onions and tears just streaming down your face, that's what happened to me - except there were no onions.  *I was a fan of the singer when I was younger so watching him singing the song on the stage also took me back to the old days ah~ This song gave me double feels lol ;~; 

A part of me regrets that I didn’t watch it last year but a part of me is thankful that I finally got to watch it this year. It was already a hot topic before it even aired in China, so of course I have heard about it and I know briefly what it is based on. But I didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon and be like I’m a huge fan of the drama just because it’s popular (it’s hard to explain but I’m quite stubborn sometimes lol). Many said that you wouldn’t understand the story or the little details in the drama if you haven’t read the novel (I watched the animation before the drama, so I know a bit of the story). I don’t like reading anyway so I didn’t bother with it. Also, the genre of the novel isn’t something that I would read so that’s another reason why I left it. I’m not against any type of love, I just feel a bit iffy about reading it, which is kind of stupid now that I think about it lol. Another reason is that I don’t like depressing dramas, I used to watch a lot of those in my younger days, most of the plots are quite cliche. Although 'The Untamed' is sad, there were sweet, happy moments and it has a happy ending, so I loved it.

A lot of people didn’t like the ending, but I think it was a good ending. I mean they can’t really do much as they have to pass the censorship. My interpretation of the ending is that LWJ went to sort out everything in the Cultivation World so that he could be with (or protect) WWX later. He found WWX (maybe a few years) later and called WWX’s name. In that scene, WWX’s black outfit is different to when they parted, so it can’t be LWJ came back to WWX right after they went separate ways – that would very irresponsible to do since he is the Chief Cultivator. It’s an open-ended ending, so it’s up to the audience’s imagination, you can interpret it however you like. The camera didn’t show LWJ at the end so it could also be WWX imagined that LWJ called his name. But I believe that they got together, you can just tell just by looking at WWX’s facial expressions. It isn’t that difficult to figure it out, the novel has a happy ending so yeah. I also read it somewhere that when LWJ went to meet up with WWX, he also changed his outfit but apparently that part didn't pass the censorship (wtf?) so maybe that's why they didn't show LWJ at the end. 

I guess the good thing is that I can’t get all the related merch, if I watched it last year, I would definitely ask one of my relatives to buy and send everything over for me lmao goodbye my money. But I would buy the physical novel when I get the chance. If a drama left a big impact on me, I would buy the novel (if it has one of course).

I think I need a long cool-off period after this drama, I don’t want to watch anything else except their bts, interviews (even supporting actors’ interviews, I usually don’t watch those), crack videos lol, variety shows, fan meeting – basically everything that I can find, I don't think I have watched everything though. When I watched a cut of the cast saying goodbye to their characters on the fan meeting, I cried again (ffs just get over it). It’s definitely one of the best dramas I’ve ever watched and would definitely recommend to those who likes Chinese dramas. Not that anyone cares, but I would rate it 9/10 (if shijie was alive, I would give another 0.5 lol). I don’t know how good the subtitles are, but I did see some odd bits here and there (I watched it without the English subtitles). Sometimes it’s really hard to translate Chinese especially when it’s a xianxia drama – making it even more difficult. Anyway, if I get to finish reading the novel, I might write my views on the novel if I can be bothered lol – I’m a very lazy person XD

I kind of want to write another post just about WWX and LWJ, and how good Xiao Zhan & Yibo’s acting skills were. Basically, complimenting them for 2 pages haha. Ngl, I did fell for Xiao Zhan. I might watch it again just to focus on them a bit more. From the interviews I have seen, Xiao Zhan seems like a very humble, kind, genuine person – you can just tell from his eyes. He’s definitely a treasure boy (硬翻'宝藏男孩'). I don’t think I need to say much about Yibo, he’s super talented, I was already a fan of UNIQ when they were active. The character really suited Yibo and he did a great job portraying LWJ.

Anyway, it’s time for me to say goodbye to 'The Untamed', I don’t know how long I will feel attached to this drama but hopefully there’s another masterpiece that could help me to get over it.

忘羡一曲远，曲终人不散。

[ctjxox]

S1:E1: anxiety + depression

How do you start something like this? A simple question, I know. However, I now have a little anxiety. A million things just raced through my head at once, like a rocket. I know all the things I want to say. I wish I could spit them all out on paper at once… puke them out, even.. they’re making me sick. They’re ALL right here in my head. All together in one room, even. There are a thousand thoughts and thoughts that can be categorized together in cute little bubbles- “ugh who has time for that?! I wish I had time for that..” Seems simple enough, right? Well, not for someone like me. Every thought is bustling, fluttering, flashing, flying. I know which category or ‘bubble’, so to speak, each belongs to. Yet, I can’t catch a single thought quick enough or grasp onto anything long enough, to do a damn thing with it. Hints why I stare off into space so much. I can't even keep up with my own brain. And if I do catch them, they’re fleeting from my hands (mind) faster than a bolt of lightening. So, welcome! You’ve just unlocked a single thought (roughly 30 seconds in real time) in the mind of, yes, me. Sometimes these boughs of anxiety can literally last for days, while some may literally only last 30 seconds, (*insert shoulder shrug emoji here*). And if everything you just read is something you go through every day with damn near every thought... you might wanna grab a seat and get comfy. I'm gonna spend some time (at my own pace, of course- ya know.. anxious?) laying out on paper, for all to see and piece together, my "wired wrong" mind, like piecing together a puzzle. A puzzle that might make you feel really good and relaxed. One that might be hard to work through but will be so worth it when it's done. One that presents a beautiful finishing message that reads, "You're not alone." My ultimate goal in this is to help myself and to hopefully help others in the process, in showing that some things, or EVERY thing, that goes through our minds are NOT “crazy” things, and in fact, are quite NORMAL things. I still struggle daily in reminding myself of all of this. You'd never know the normalcy if the subject's never brought up, yet no one wants to talk about it. I do. So let's do it. Let's get deep, let's get weird, let's get sad and maybe angry. But let's all end with getting happy. I'll be posting my own thoughts on a daily basis- how I handle hard situations (the good, bad and ugly), motivational quotes, videos and song lyrics that have saved my life. Again, I'm not trying to change the world, I'm just trying to change. See comments for a link to a music video with lyrics that you will feel deep in your bones. And if you've never heard of NF, your life's about to change! And also a copy of the lyrics if you want to read along while ya listen...I do not own any kind music rights whatsoever to any of the music being posted**

https://youtu.be/4-nL6QgMDUw

Yeah, look I don't do drugs, I'm addicted to the pain though Yeah, I been on it for a while, dunno how to put it down Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though I just wanna take a hit, keep sayin' I'ma quit Keep sayin' I'ma leave, but I stay though I just want a little fix, I don't wanna take a risk I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone But lately, I been thinkin' I'ma have to Lettin' go of things that I'm attached to World don't stop just because I'm in a bad mood You don't know what love is 'til you holdin' onto somethin' that you can't lose I swear I'm tryna get it together Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better I like to rap, but I ain't gon' do it forever Forget the charts, I've been focusin' on holdin' my head up Moment I get up, I just wanna know I'm doin' my best And if I'm not, Lord forgive me, you can have the regrets 'Cause I can feel the water tryna go up over my head Most of my life, I always felt like I was holdin' my breath Holdin' my chest to be honest, so I'm tired of it Lookin' for somethin' in my life to be inspired again I like to walk around and act like I don't know what it is But I know what it is, I just never wanna commitRunnin' from change I'm lookin' for change I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for change I just want, I just want changeYeah, I don't like new things Got a lot of mood swings Oh, you wanna tell me somethin' negative? I don't wanna hear what you think Yeah, tossin' in my sleep Every night feel like two weeks Thinkin' 'bout how I could have done this or done that better Can't help it, that's just me, lies That's me avoidin' the change Yeah, that's probably why the issues ain't goin' away Yeah, that's probably why I always sit around and complain Tellin' myself that I ain't never gettin' out of this place Out of my face if you tellin' me I need to be different That's the issue though, I'm always insecurity-driven Takin' the wrong turns, actin' like I know where I'm headed Waitin' for somethin' bad to happen, I can snap any minute I need change Yeah, that's kinda easy to say, right? But difficult to do when I feel like I hate life And everyone around me kinda thinks I'm a great guy But I don't ever think it so I think I'm a fake liar Change, it's somethin' that I know I should do I'm a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth But to be honest with you lately, I got nothin' to lose See, I've always been full of pain, but now I'm makin' some roomLookin' for change I'm lookin' for change I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for change I just want, I just wantI need a moment of silence I don't like change, but I'll try it I don't wanna hear what I should or I shouldn't do Why are they always defiant? See, all my emotions are liars All my emotions are violent They don't want freedom to find me Mention a name and everybody riots (change) Yeah, that's why I'm checkin' my vitals They keep on workin', but I know Breathin' don't mean you're alive so I bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope Positive thoughts are my rivals (change) I'm tryna be be on their side though Should I feel comfortable? I don't Last year, I felt suicidal This year, I might do somethin' different like talkin' to God moreI'm lookin' for change I'm lookin' for (yeah) I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for I just want, I just want change I'm lookin' for (yeah) I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for, yeah (ay, ay) I just want, I just want change Yeah, I'm lookin' for I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for (yeah) I just want, I just want change I'm lookin' for (ay) I'm searchin' for change I'm lookin' for, yeah I just want, I just want changeSource: LyricFindSongwriters: Nate Feurerstein / Thomas James ProfittChange lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

[taekooktimeline]

Also on that day (9th of April, 2020) -

Given how Tae has consistently worried ARMY will walk away, it’s interesting to note that Tae is once again asking if there will always be love from ARMY to Tae (no matter what). 

(https://twitter.com/thetaeprint/status/1271835568939433989?s=21)

That same day they wrote letters to each other as part of Festa, although later released on June 13th.

Taekook’s messages to each other are full of encouragement. They tell the other to not be sad, and to lean on one another if things get hard.

This lets us know that they are well aware of the other’s mood / tendencies & do care. It’s just a reminder to not bottle things up. We believe Taekook are required to appear distant to follow suit with the “separation” strategy as part of the closeting, therefore using expressions like “please, contact” that give the impression they didn’t talk frequently. This culminated with the “reconnecting talk” from ep. 6 of “In The Soop” (filmed on May 31st) which we analyze and deem as staged. Additionally, they were seeing each other daily at work - if not more - and asking “to contact if going through a hard time” could be taken as a reminder that they are all more than willing to listen to Tae’s concerns at any given time, for example if he had sudden mood swings during the day. A person can feel like a nuisance to anyone, including a partner. This doesn’t necessarily mean they didn’t habitually exchange messages nor that Jk didn’t question him about his mood before.

Interestingly, Taekook’s messages from the other members also were full of love and support. Hobi told Jk he loves him for who he is (flashback to Jk’s “I’m still me” art and “decalcomania”). Joon tells Jk he believes in him and that he is thankful that Jk stayed with BTS when he was worn out (we assume late 2017 and early 2018 - almost disbandment - if we go by their “2020 festa party” talk that ended with them writing these messages). Yoongi, being an introspective and wise person, knows Jk’s heart and is aware of everything, and sends a message hoping for positive things for Jk.

In the above, Joon’s message comes after Yoongi’s. The translator accidentally ran the two slightly together. Here is a better trans of RM’s message for Jk where it’s understood it was Jk who was worn out (as it’s been said in multiple occasions – even on the filmed talks for BTS’ 2020 anniversary)

The members tell Tae to reach out to them and talk about his feelings, and that they’ll always be there to listen.

Tae is known to bottle his emotions up, which he admitted as recently as Break the Silence. The question is, what’s bothering Tae? 

There is no indication Taekook have issues. In fact, they seem closer. And all seems fine with BTS for the members to be asking Tae to open up to them. They are sensing Tae is going through struggles and want to be his support. He also seemed to be on good terms with his parents - whom he spent his vacations with as he talked about them online - and with his dear squad of actor friends, although we lack insight into his entire circle of loved ones as well as other aspects of his life.

He was later interviewed and said that the amount of work they had wasn’t bearable without direct fan support, describing a burnout and using the word “depressed” to refer to himself. Before that, during episode 6 of “In The Soop” filmed on May 31st, Tae explained that he had been feeling down since “ON” promotions because the pandemic forced them to cancel all their shows (except the ones without an audience) and the lack of fan interaction started to make him feel unloved. He said he needed to be assured that he is “someone who is loved” which suggests a fragile self-worth and a resurface of his prior self-love issues. Although it sounds like the main problem would be overwork, which entails exhaustion and scarce personal life, coupled with the deprivation of the source of his energy to continue with this lifestyle - being the cheers - it’s the writers’ opinions that it also may be linked back to identity (like he later hinted) as depression makes you have all types of negative thoughts. Both writers have the suspicion that BTS and BH have planned an eventual change in TK’s public presentation since the early renewal of their contract in 2018, at least regaining the ability to act like close friends if they chose to do so. While Tae has been extremely loud in his support of the LGBTQ community and appears to desire greater freedom, it doesn’t mean that on a normal, human level, as things shift with the nearing of the new contract coupled with his pandemic-induced sadness, he can’t feel anxious or pessimistic about the idea of a possible future reveal and it’s consequences (even if it were to be far away or just something they ponder on). He could be thinking that his desires of freedom weren’t compatible with the industry nor a high level of success, that he’d have to give something up and by the looks of it he wasn’t very motivated career-wise, at least under the specific conditions and clauses. As he said below: “success is important but so is happiness, so how come I’m not happy? What’s waiting for me at the end?” Fast forward 3 months to where he previews a very sad piece from his mixtape where he sings about hurting, masking and includes the line “I’m trying to save (preserve) my love” which fits with the LGBTQ speech he read around that time and also suggests he felt his relationship was/is in danger but he is willing to fight for it. And because Tae is one to bottle his emotions, and because this last topic would heavily involve Jk as well as the group’s fate, Tae may have initially withdrawn from the members as a way to be protective, especially to Jk, and not have them worry about their future when he was uncertain himself. Plus, the fact that Jk noticed Tae’s mood was brighter during karaoke shows Jk is close to Tae and is being attentive. 

Rather than talking about his worries, Tae tends to push them aside and empty his mind of all thoughts, trying to make the negative emotions disappear by ignoring them. Even if he said it was a technique he used in the past, these tendencies are difficult to completely change and there are high chances he still somewhat downplayed his struggles when others worried about him. This is what he said the day prior to the festa celebrations:

Once he was feeling better, he let the public know about the real extent of the sadness he was going through. He even said he wondered whether he could continue his job or not, therefore it would be comprehensible if he wasn’t keen on immediately letting other members know about the real severity of the situation since it involved their careers. The second technique he uses to deal with his emotions is to transform them into songs. 

Interview about this period done months later: https://magazine.weverse.io/article/view?lang=en&colca=1&num=58

While Tae’s sadness seems very much real, we must consider that this is also a PR stunt by BH. Festa - which took place in June - had been cheery, celebrating 7 years as a group. Why the need for the ending to be melodramatic letters that implicate the members aren’t close (call me / reach out)? It further discloses two things that they have been keeping on the low: that they’re not always at the dorms, living either alone or with their families at their respective apartments, but most importantly showing that Taekook are the two members struggling out of the group. Is this BH’s way of helping ARMY to sympathize in advance with the pain and sadness Taekook may be feeling around their identity and fear of coming out? Tae read out on June 9 a dialogue from “Call me by your name”. The critical takeaway, besides it being an LGBTQ movie, is what he reads is all about being happy in the lifetime a person is given, that how a person chooses to live their life is their own business and no one else’s. The following day, he responds on Weverse to a post with the following statement:

Considering he just read off a quote from “Call me by your name” about being happy, it’s suspicious this comment is linked to it and, therefore, it’s possible his recent sadness is also linked around this (click here to go to June 9-10). 

Whether BTS Festa letters were part of a marketing PR idea or not, Tae gained the sympathy of ARMY (including the writers!). This trended following the release of the letters on June 13th:

[justjeonday]

Solace | kim namjoon

Solace; comfort or consolation in a time of great distress or sadness.

- pairing: kim namjoon x reader

- genre: angst, fluff

- word count: 4,400

- warnings: reader fears what the future holds, very brief mentions of anxiety, includes descriptions of feelings/behaviour that might be associated with mild depression (the reader is only stuck in a rut in this fic and it’s nowhere near as critical as depression, but I still wanna be safe and warn about this in case it might be triggering for someone!)

- rating: PG

- notes: I’m excited to finally post on here again! I’ve had this idea for a while, but I haven’t had the time to work on it until now. I think I like how it turned out??  I’m not sure yet lol. I’ve been working on a few fics over the past few weeks, but I keep getting stuck and this is the only thing I’ve managed to finish since I last posted. Since I have a little more free time, due to the quarantine, I’ll hopefully be able to post some more soon! But for now, I hope you’ll enjoy reading this - thank you for all your support! <33 (this is still not completely edited btw so I apologize for any mistakes you might find)

- inspired by: this vlive.

- song: Solace by mell-ø & Ambulo

You stare blankly at the screen in front of you, eyes heavy and mind dull as the seconds count down for the next episode to start playing. This is all you’ve done since waking up, binge-watching some random kdrama you found online. It’s not great, and you’re not focused - but you figure it’s enough to keep you occupied for at least a few more hours. Enough to push most of your gloomy thoughts to the back of your mind.

You feel exhausted, the past four days mostly consisting of work and very few hours of sleep - plus added pressure and stress of having to keep up with studying during it all. Your arms ache from serving and cleaning up tables until late after midnight. After finishing up and closing the place, you’d go straight home to sleep - not having the energy to care for yourself. Then you’d wake up at noon, and have some breakfast before yet again making your way to work. Many people this time of year, during spring break, take vacations with their families so your boss needed you to put in more effort than usual to keep it all running smoothly. You’re grateful for the opportunity to make some extra money, but at this point it feels like you’re doing too much and your body isn’t willing to keep up anymore.

You feel overwhelmed - lost. Are your efforts even worth it when they’re not going towards something you want in the future? Thoughts like these have been weighing you down ever since you woke up, and you had decided it’d be best for you to call in sick and just be sad today. You had moved from the bed to your sofa, and here you’ve been laying ever since then. All the blinds in your apartment are down, no hint of sunlight peeking through - no trace of hope seeping in, no light capable of bringing color to your sombre day. 

You sigh as another episode starts playing, mind brought to the small recap that’s starts playing across the display. You try your best to pay attention to it in hopes of you actually starting to like it so that watching it won’t be so boring. You pull your covers up to your chin, basking in the scent of your boyfriend’s cologne stuck to his shirt you’re snuggled up in. It brings you comfort, soothes you and calms you - it makes you feel secure where you are.

You breathe it in, the longing feeling to hold your boyfriend intensifying as you do.

A sudden chime makes you jump slightly, eyes landing on the door as you sit up  - heart beating quickly in response to the unforeseen ringing disturbing the calm atmosphere in your apartment. You dread leaving the comfort you’re sofa is bringing you, but you feel impolite leaving whoever it is waiting. So you get up and mope over to the door, your body feeling heavier than usual, as if a force is pulling you to the ground.

With lethargy still clinging to you, you don’t bother looking through the peephole before unlocking and pulling the door open - wanting to get it over with and get back to hiding under your covers. Your eyes squint slightly at the sudden light leaking in from the hallway, but you instantly recognize the tall figure stood in front of you.

“Joon?” You gasp quietly, heart skipping a beat in surprise. 

His lips stretch into a smile, arms reaching out and inviting you into his embrace. Immediately you walk towards him, wrapping your own arms around his neck as his end up around your waist to pull you against him. You smile, face laying in the crook of his neck.

“Hi, baby,” He mumbles, a smile evident in his voice as he presses kisses against the exposed skin on your shoulder that’s peeking out through the collar of Namjoon’s oversized shirt you’re clad in.

“I missed you so much,” You say against his skin, voice strained from not uttering a word all day. You enjoy the presence of your boyfriend for a few more seconds before pulling away to look at him, “I thought you’d be gone until next week?” You utter, confused.

“Plans got cancelled,” He whispers, leaning forward to plant a kiss onto your nose - causing you to scrunch it as he does.

You smile in content as you look at him, eyes scanning over his face before unavoidably landing on the pink of his lips. You reach up and press your own lips against the corner of his mouth, before you change target and kiss him - your eyes fluttering close as you cherish the feeling of them against yours again. He kisses you back and you taste the rose lip balm coating his lips, the one he always has with him in his pocket. It makes you smile into the kiss and pull away, suddenly turning shy as you feel blood rush to your cheeks. You hide by his neck again, lips brushing over the mole just under his jaw.

You feel his chest vibrate against yours lightly as he chuckles at you, arms squeezing tighter around your waist. Your fingers start playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He’s been growing it out for a few months now and the mullet is now very apparent - even more so than when he left. He dyed his hair a beautiful lilac shade not too long ago, and you love the way it looks on him. Nothing beats his natural dark brown hair, but somehow he manages to make every hair color look just as good and at this point you just can’t decide which one’s your favorite. He’s making it very difficult for you.

You walk backwards, making Namjoon follow you as you’re still secure in his arms. Once back in the darkness of your apartment you kick the door shut. You give your boyfriend a peck on the cheek before you pull away from him, letting him get comfortable and take off his shoes as you return to your sofa.

Namjoon, now that he’s able to focus on his surroundings, takes instant notice to the darkness that suffocates your apartment - and the messy sofa. If anyone knows you well, it’s him. After knowing each other for almost two years, he can read you like an open book without problem. One of the many things he’s come to learn is how much you hate wasting the light of day, and especially so during this time of year. You love spring, it’s your favorite time of the year and you always long for it whenever it isn’t current. He also knows that, if you’re not up and getting ready by 9 AM, you’ll most likely beat yourself up for it. However, on rare occasions, you’ll let yourself lay under the covers for another hour or so - but that's only if he’s there, laying next to you

Cuddling is something you simply can’t say no to.

Automatically, taking all these things into consideration, Namjoon starts to worry.

He kicks his sneakers off as his gaze follows you, watching as you fall down on the couch of which looks like it has been occupied all day. Your figure disappears under the cover, and he makes his way over to you. “Is everything alright?” He asks, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

You register his question but you don’t answer it, instead you reach your arms out and gesture for him to join you on the couch. His features soften and he manages to squeeze down next to you, despite the small space left to be occupied. Your leg comes out from under the covers to lay over his hip, holding him close to prevent him from falling to the floor.

You let your eyes shamelessly admire his face even though he’s aware, your fingers once again coming up to brush through his hair - strands of lavender running softly in between them as you do.

He lets his own gaze roam across your features, searching for any sign of anxiety or sorrow. “Hey,” he says, bringing your attention back to his previously asked question.

“Everything’s fine now that you’re here, don’t worry Joon,” you mumble, your focus still on his hair.

Namjoon doesn’t fall for your excuse. Grabbing your wrist softly, he removes your hand out of his hair and lays it over his chest, making you look at him. “Please talk to me.”

You sigh, avoiding his gaze as you attempt to sugarcoat what’s really going on. “Work’s just been really tough, it’s not that serious.”

You always feel bad complaining about work, or sharing the weight of your problems with Namjoon. You know how tough his job is compared to yours, and his schedule is never really empty. You know he loves what he does more than everything, but you’ve seen how hard it can get as well. So compared to your job, you realize the hours you put in are minimal next to the amount of time he dedicates to his job. Complaining just doesn’t feel right.

“You really underestimate me,” He sighs, eyebrows raised at you. “I can tell it’s not just work, it’s almost five in the afternoon and you’re still laying on the couch with my shirt on - you only do that when you’re feeling really low.”

You give up, accepting the fact he can see right through you no matter how hard you resist to let it show. “My head just feels kind of crowded,” you start. “I feel like there’s so many thoughts in my head, and I can’t organize or figure any of them out. I feel lost, I have no idea what the future holds and that’s fine - but I don’t even have a vision of what I want it to hold. I’m just not sure I’m walking down the right path.”

With Namjoon being back next to you, you certainly feel better - but still, it doesn’t remove any of your worries. You wait for a response, but a few seconds go by and there's still just silence. You look up to meet your boyfriend’s gaze, his eyes showing empathy as he looks back at you.

Without a word, he slips out of your embrace before he gets up and walks over to your windows. Before you know it, he pulls one of your blinds up. The sun shines straight in your face, making you quickly seek cover under the pillow next to you. As you hide, you hear Namjoon proceed to pull every blind up, the room becoming even brighter as he does. After he’s done you hear his footsteps close in on you, and suddenly he rids you of your shield - leaving you exposed to the blinding rays of light that are now touching every possible surface in your living room. Your hands come up to cover your eyes, groaning. 

He gathers all your blankets and pillows you’ve taken from your bedroom before disappearing to put them back where they belong. Even with the low state you're in, you feel appreciation and adoration causing tickles in your belly. He always does this, always makes it his priority to bring you up when you're down. You find it endearing, how dedicated he gets - and lucky to say the least.

“What are you doing?” You ask out into the open, Namjoon still fixing your bed in the other room.

“I’m taking you somewhere,” says your boyfriend, walking into the room again.

You furrow your eyebrows, eyes finally adjusting to the light as you stretch - limbs splayed across the couch. “And where may that be, Mr. I’m On A Mission?” 

He snickers at the name, reaching his hand out for you to take. “You’ll find out once we get there.” He pulls you up from the sofa, making you stand before him. “Go put something warm on, the sun’s really nice but it’s still quite chilly,” he says.

Your heart flutters at his sweet gestures. Having been with Namjoon for such a long time, you’d expect the flutters to fade and his gestures losing impact along with them. But it’s all still there, just like when you first fell for him. Your heart still flutters at the dimples in which appear when he smiles, and at how his eyes turn into crescent moons as he laughs - how he shows affection but then becomes shy after. You’ve realized it’s those small things you usually wouldn’t think to pay attention to, but to you they all still cause butterflies to swarm in the pit of your stomach, and you swear you fall in love with him over and over again every time.

You still feel a force pulling you to the ground as you make your way to your closet, but not as intense as it was before Namjoon showed up at your doorstep. You’re still having to push thoughts back, still have to prevent them from getting the best of you. Knowing you have Namjoon with you, and knowing he’ll listen if you’ll talk about it, does bring you comfort. You’re well aware he isn’t capable of helping rid of these thoughts in your head, as he can’t assure you what the future holds or what path you should go down so it all works out - no one can. But still, you’re more than grateful because you’re certain he’ll be the one to at least make you feel better about things, and keep you from giving up.

You grab a lounge set from your drawer and slip onto it, the soft fabric fitting loosely over your body just like how you want it - only really seeking for comfort. Taking Namjoon’s words into consideration, you also make sure to grab a warm coat from your closet before heading back to the living room.

You find your boyfriend sitting on the edge of the couch with rays of light reaching him, a golden aura forming around his figure, making him look like a fallen angel from heaven. And thinking about it, you’re convinced he is one. Where would you be without him? 

You take a moment to enjoy the magical sight, your fingertips starting to tingle as you get an urge to skim them over his beautiful golden skin. Namjoon looks up, catching you as you eye him with a small smile on your lips.

He chuckles. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you mumble, walking up to him.

He stands up, arms capturing you in a hug once again. Your cheek ends up pressed against the soft fabric of his sweater, the scent of his favorite cologne stuck to it, making you breathe it in and relax against him.  

“You look cozy,” he comments, pulling away to look you up and down.

You mumble a quiet thank you, your hands finding his and intertwining your fingers.

“Ready?” He asks.

Your nod doesn’t come off too assuring, making him laugh as the both of you slip your shoes on. Namjoon grabs his coat and with that you make your way out of your apartment, your hands interlocking again as you do. You exit your apartment complex and brisk air surrounds you, causing you to shudder and walk closer to Namjoon as you search for any source of warmth. The two of you stop at the side of the curb as your eyes search for your cab that has yet to arrive, the sun now hitting you and warming you up slightly.

As you wait you turn to eye your boyfriend, love swelling in your chest.

“You look really handsome today,” You say through a smile, eyes meeting his.

You hadn’t seen him in this particular outfit before, but he pulls it off really well. He’s clad in a denim on denim outfit, with a jean coat that reaches all the way to his calves. You’re not surprised it looks amazing on him, everything does.

“Thank you,” he says, cheeks rubescent as his eyes scan over his own body before looking at you and squeezing your hand in his.

You lean into him, nose scrunching at his adorable shy behaviour. Getting the sudden urge to peck him, you get up on your toes and press your lips to the dimple that dents his cheek. He pulls you into his side, hand laying on your hip. As you pull away your attention turns to the black car pulling up in front of you. Namjoon steps forward and opens the door and beckons for you to get in before him, being the gentleman that he is. You climb into the car, moving over so your boyfriend can get in next to you. He sits down and closes the door before reaching into his pocket and grabbing his phone, leaning over to show the driver where he wants to go. Gazing over, you try to catch a glimpse of anything that might reveal what location you’re going to but you manage to get nothing.

“No peeking, baby,” He teases as he puts his phone back in his pocket.

You pout, giving him pleading eyes.

He laughs, his hand coming to lay just above your knee before squeezing lightly. “Be patient.”

You let out a chuckle at your own childish behaviour, laying your hands on top of his before turning to look out at the surroundings as they flash by in a blur. As the driver takes you through Seoul, you find your mind wandering again as thoughts start filling your head. To distract yourself you turn to your boyfriend and ask him about his recent work trip.

Before you know it, the car comes to a stop and with cheeks still aching from a joke Namjoon whispered to you just seconds ago you watch him get out of the car. He holds the door open for you, a grin still on his face as you get out - the adorable indents in his cheeks once again appearing. You always get an urge to kiss them, but if you’d act on it every time that’s all you’d do.

Once you’re out of the car, you glance at the scenery of which you’re very familiar with, and which you’ve come to love and appreciate since being with Namjoon. One thing you learned very early on about him is how much he loves and treasures nature. You didn’t really see the point before, especially since you live in such a big city you don’t really think of it that much. On your own, before meeting him, you’d never think to go to a park just to relax. But now you’ve really learned to appreciate it and the healing powers it holds, something Namjoon also taught you.

“You took me to Hangang Park?” You say, a tinge of excitement in your voice as your eyes take in the beautiful view of the setting sun reflecting in the river.

Namjoon looks at you lovingly as you view the location. Hangang park isn’t away from any civilization, there’s still skyscrapers in view and it’s crowded. It’s not what you consider a traditional park, there’s not grass everywhere you look or trees surrounding you. There are platforms in stone and bigger patches of grass scattered around evenly. Even though it might not be the most green park, something about it brings you more comfort than others do. You think it might be the combination of city and nature, since you’ve lived in Seoul your whole life you’re used to tall buildings and city lights - all that comes with it. And with what Namjoon has taught you about nature, and how you’ve become someone who appreciates that setting as well, you really feel at home when you’re at Hangang Park. 

You said this to your boyfriend when you came here with him for the first time, and that’s probably his reason for choosing this specific location. It makes you feel warm inside, happy he takes all these things and uses them to make you feel relaxed and calm when you need it.

Namjoon comes up behind you and lays a hand over the small of your back, the two of you starting to walk slowly closer to the river. The sunset induces beautiful hues of orange and pink to paint over the blue sky, making the world around you breathtakingly beautiful. You feel some of the weight slowly ease off of your shoulders, and you feel as if you’re finally able to inhale and exhale deeply with ease. The both of you walk over to one of the grass-patches by the river, sitting down on it with shoulders touching and fingers intertwined.

You sit like that in silence for a few minutes, and you sense Namjoon knows you need to just be for a while. You enjoy the feeling of him next to you, his presence as the both of you watch the sky and its reflection in the body of water before you. Surrounding you, there are groups of friends, couples, families, also enjoying the wonderful time of day. The atmosphere around you is happy and tranquil, in contrast to your dark apartment you’d locked yourself in earlier.

“It’s beautiful,” you mumble, laying your head on Namjoon’s shoulder as you watch the hues of the horizon fade into the light blue above you.

A few more minutes of comfortable silence pass by, before he brings his attention to you.

He brings your interlocked hands up to plant a kiss on your knuckles. “Let it out.”

You look up at him, your response lazy, “Hmm?”

“Whatever you’re holding in, whatever’s bothering you. It won’t do any good for you to keep it in.”

You exhale, resting your head against his shoulder again as your eyes return to the skyline. “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and every thought that has entered my mind I’ve been overthinking for no reason. I feel like I’ve gone down this path that I’m now stuck on and I can’t see any lanes or exits for me to lead me in another direction. There’s so many outcomes that could occur if, when the opportunity comes, I choose to walk another way - so many things that could go wrong.” You stop, fingers of your free hand coming to fiddle with the cool metal of his rings as you think of what to say next. “I feel like I’m putting in a lot of effort to do good at work and with studying, but it doesn’t feel worth it when I’m not sure the hard work I’m putting in is doing anything for my future.” You look down at your hands as you feel the familiar lump of anxiety form in the back of your throat.

“It’s normal to have thoughts, and to overthink them. I’ve been where you are right now, and I get you. It’s normal to worry about the future, everyone does - because it’s full of uncertainty and you can never really know what to expect or what it’ll turn into as time passes.” He pauses, and his words bring you comfort - knowing you’re not completely alone in feeling like this. “Someone told me once to think of my mind as a tree, and of my thoughts as branches. For these branches to grow, you’ll have to experience a lot of different things - hurtful things, things that’ll anger and confuse you along with happy and hopeful things. Your mind consists of so many of these branches, there’s happiness, pain, hope, desperation, devastation - everything.” He speaks, hand coming up from time to time in front of him to gesticulate.

You listen carefully to his words as your eyes follow pastel clouds that float across the sky. You’ve always loved how self-aware Namjoon is, you’ve come to think of it as one of his most beautiful traits - one that you really adore. He’s always stayed true to himself, no matter what. He recognizes his mistakes and faults so that he can better them and become someone who’s greater than the person he was the day before. You wish you can be that one day, as good of a person as he is. He always tries to be the best version of himself.

“You’ll need to prune and cut them to take care of the tree, to care for your mind and for it to keep growing beautifully. The hurt will be unavoidable, but you’ll have to make these choices so you can continue to grow and blossom. These thoughts and feelings you’re currently feeling, try to think of them as branches of your young days, as branches of a young tree. When you’ve experienced all of the hurt, the grief, the happiness, the love - you’ll be a beautiful tree, the most beautiful tree.” He says. “I know you’ll be,” He turns to search for your gaze, wanting you to see and notice the sincerity of his words.

Your eyes meet his, inside of which sunsets of their own exist as the sky reflects in them. You feel the force that’s been pulling you down fade, and you feel yourself tearing up as you look at the man in front of you, whom you cherish most out of anything. You realize how blessed you are to have met someone like him, someone with a precious soul like his own.

“Thank you,” you whisper, feeling yourself starting to tear up.

Slightly embarrassed, you look away but you feel Namjoon’s finger nudge lightly at the underside of your chin - making your eyes meet his again. “No need to thank me baby,” He says softly, wiping your a few tears that escaped with the pads of his thumbs “I just want you to be okay, that’s all that matters.”

The love you feel for him spreads like a wildfire through your body. “I love you so much,” you say, eyes still looking into his.

A smile grows on his lips as he looks at you. “Come here,” he mumbles, hand reaching to the backside of your thigh.

He pulls your leg over both of his, so that you end up straddling his thighs before his arms snake around your waist to pull you into him. You embrace him by putting your arms around his neck and pressing your cheek against his. With your body now filled with relief and comfort, you find yourself wishing you could stay like this forever - keep him this close forever.

“I love you too,” He whispers in your ear.

The future remains a mystery, something you’ll never be sure of.

But in this moment, what you’re completely certain of, is your everlasting love for the man in your arms.

He’s your everything.

He’s your start and your end.

He’s your Solace.

[partyatmakeoutcreek]

mitski songs ranked on how sad/relatable they are to me and the quality of my cry

note: I will be ignoring a lot of the actual meaning of the songs in my “analysis” because it’s my post and I get to do that

5. Townie

Ranked at number five because I really shouldn’t be crying to this but I do anyways ! This song puts feeling isolated into words and I will fall apart to this after my parents make a rude comment. Honestly makes me feel like more of a failure.

4. Two Slow Dancers

This song just makes me feel nostalgic. Like I’m missing the ignorant bliss of childhood while also realizing I will never get to go back. I’m here and I have to deal with everything happening now despite how crap it all is. I always think about the two slow dancers are me and myself <3 This song is on when I’m lonely (most Monday nights).

3. I Bet On Losing Dogs

Once again she puts it into words! Putting all my effort into the wrong things (I know she’s talking about SOs but let me have my moment). Something about the shaking guitar??? Whatever that instrument is?? Just amazing. Like I feel my tears waving along to that. I have to be in a specific mood to listen to this, however.

2. I Don’t Smoke

ANGER! I AM MAD! This song is just absolutely wonderful when I need to yell but I think my neighbors would call the police because I’m screaming so hard. “I am stronger than you give me credit for” !!!!! Like yes I know the actual meaning behind her words but I just love listening to it when I’m super pissed at someone. I’m an angry cryer which is difficult because I don’t want to show weakness, so sitting in my bedroom while crying to this gives me an outlet. I’m more angry than sad nowadays.

1. Last Words of a Shooting Star

Yup. Yupppp. Just like absolute sadness. You know absolute 0? That but absolute sadness. This ones been playing on repeat a little too much lately... Started labeling all of my issues as turbulence because of this song. The cry is sooooooo good. Like I want to give up so bad but this song just lets me cry to it and wraps me in a warm blanket and gives me warm milk.

closing notes: can you tell my favorite album is bury me at makeout creek? I have a playlist of all of these and when I’m feeling bored I’ll put it on and write depressing poems in my notes !

Honorable mentions: First Love / Late Spring, Your Best American Girl

[thefigureinthecorner]

finished the covers for my caleb and adam playlists! putting them together because like......... i have to. i can’t separate them

there is a caleb/adam playlist too but i’m gonna post that cover separately bc i have a different idea for that one

playlist notes under the cut!

caleb

yes, this playlist is 40% sleeping at last. no, i am not going to apologize for that. they have an album called emotions, it was kind of impossible to not use those songs.

falling for the first time- barenaked ladies: this gives me some strong caleb vibes, and i think it’s because it’s kind of an upbeat but also vaguely self-deprecating song? i mean, come on. I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser/I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out/I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby/I'm so fly, that's probably why it feels just like I'm falling for the first time

son- sleeping at last: And I will try, try, try to breathe 'til it turns to muscle memory I'm only steady on my knees One day I'll stand on my own two feet And I'll run the risk Of being intimate with brokenness Through this magnifying glass I see a thousand finger prints On the surfaces of who I am

soul meets body- death cab for cutie: it’s got some caleb/adam elements, but ultimately i chose to use it as a caleb song, because it feels more specifically like caleb seeking out adam’s emotions because they make him feel more like himself; So brown eyes I'll hold you near/'Cause you're the only song I want to hear/A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

joy- sleeping at last: i just really love the way emotions are described in the songs on this album (well, except for fear, which has no lyrics and is also not on this playlist). i also just really love The clumsy start of adolescence/The glue that mends our broken remnants/An overwhelming sense of reverence/It's a glimpse of light in a mine of gold for caleb

a new mission- josh whitehouse: ah. this song. this was the song that made this playlist really, really difficult to make, because it was the first song i added and it set a very high bar for literally every other song on the playlist. it just feels so perfect as a caleb song to me, especially early on, when he was still figuring things out and he was constantly overwhelmed by all the feelings around him and in him.

Sometimes I can't control a feeling that I get inside my chest Even with those who are close to me, the ones I call my best I lose sight of all my confidence, in a heavy single step It's happened ever since my childhood, things I thought I'd put to rest I can keep my mind intact by getting on with a new mission I can push myself, having heavy ammunition When something gets me down, for a second I'm distracted I look back amongst the lights I consequently lit my path with

anger- sleeping at last: I mean, it kinda feels like this song has to be on here, yknow? especially with this part, which genuinely feels like how caleb describes anger sometimes: Like wildfire, it starts in my chest/The silence grows louder, ringing out in my head/I feel the Earth shaking under my feet/I feel the pressure building until I can't breathe/And it takes everything/And it all spills out, reckless but honest words leave my mouth

if i say- mumford and sons: aaand now we’re at the sad part of the playlist, because i can’t make happy playlists apparently. this one is definitely a safehouse caleb song; Show me your hands/Are they cleaner than mine?/Show me your face/Did you cross the line?/Show me your eyes/They any drier than mine?/Your soul survives/But peace, you'll never find

organs- of monsters and men: also a safehouse song, but more aftermath than in the middle of things. it’s sadder, more subdued.

sorrow- sleeping at last: more safehouse! who would’ve guessed!

I feel out of focus, or at least indisposed As this strange weather pattern inside me takes hold. Each brave step forward, I take three steps behind. It's mind over matter-- matter over mind.

Slowly, then all at once A single loose thread and it all comes undone

up with the birds- coldplay: caleb likes coldplay, so i had to include one of their songs, and this one is just. kind of perfect?

The sky is blue, Dreamed that lie 'til it's true, Then takin' back the punch I threw, My arms turn wings, Oh, those clumsy things Send me up to that wonderful world And then I'm up with the birds

--

adam

some of these songs are here for tone; the line between what adam would listen to and what helps me draw him is very thin compared to most characters. i did try to make sure they were all songs that fit him at least a little bit, though.

all the kids are depressed- jeremy zucker: i mean. i feel like the title kind of speaks for itself here, honestly. also the lyrics fit pretty well. there isn’t a ton of explaining that needs to be done for this one.

three- sleeping at last: yes i am back on my sleeping at last bullshit no i don’t care this song is perfect go look at the lyrics they’re all good here’s some of them: Maybe I've done enough/Finally catching up/For the first time I see an image of my brokenness/Utterly worthy of love/Maybe I've done enough

velodrome- dessa: this was one of the songs i included primarily for the tone; it’s one of the songs i listen to full volume on my Nice Headphones when i’m feeling too much at once because it kind of just gets rid of everything somehow. it just creates this kind of,, pleasant hollow feeling, if that makes any sense at all. but i realized after i added it that some of the lyrics do kind of fit: With a bell to tell us when we're hungry/There's a bell to tell us when we're tired/A bell that tells us to rise and fight/A bell to rise and die/It's just all bells/Sometimes I ring myself/To see if I might chime

drowning- jay brannan: a lauren playlist song, because like. fuck. that is all i have to say on this song: fuck

trapdoor- twenty one pilots: adam is a top fan because of course he is. i listened to this one a lot in high school so i’m passing it on to adam, and it also felt like a good follow-up to drowning

marching bands of manhattan- death cab for cutie: god this song is perfect. also, another song i listened to a lot in high school.

And it is true what you said That I live like a hermit in my own head But when the sun shines again I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound But while you debate half empty and half full It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

nine: sleeping at last: god, this song. it fits way too well and it hurts. it’s genuinely difficult to choose lyrics from this song, and i recommend looking at the full lyrics because holy shit, but like

Who am I to say what any of this means? I have been sleepwalking since I was fourteen Now as I write my song, I retrace my steps Honestly, it's easier to let myself forget

Still, I check my vital signs Choked up, I realize I've been less than half myself For more than half my life

Wake up; fall in love again Wage war on gravity There's so much worth fighting for, you'll see Another domino falls either way

better days- radical face: 90% of my playlists have radical face songs. adam especially needed one, though, because his playlist notes mentioned he’d probably actively seek out queer artists, and also there was a youtube q&a where ben cooper said he never writes songs while he’s happy, and honestly the whole discography has adam vibes imo. anyway: When you're always drifting out to sea/Because the ground won't stay beneath your feet/And your head is pouring gasoline/On the person you prefer to be/Try to remind yourself/That it's probably gonna take some time/But there are better days to find

the little things give you away- linkin park: it just has that drowning vibe. i mean, it makes sense, they reference drowning, like, a lot in the song, but i feel like the tone of it adds a lot to that too. like, i can feel that guitar, you know? or maybe that’s just me. idk, it just works, i think.

in a week- hozier: you ever just listen to this in a dark room lying on your back with your eyes closed and yeah? because like, i do sometimes, and i kinda feel like adam does too. i needed a hozier song on this playlist and this felt like the most fitting one to add, and a nice subdued end to the playlist.

[skelffricat]

Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”

Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child. 

I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)

Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief... 

Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email): 

“Good morning

I hope this email finds you all well.

A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.

These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.

These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.

Kind regards...”

I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....

I replied thus:

“Hello there.

Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.

Maybe take me off this mailing list?”

Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names... 

There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.

Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me? 

I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.

I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision. 

The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom. 

In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.

I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it. 

Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.

[maxsmusicmacrology]

Interview with Jonathan Young

You’re a musician hoping to make a living off it. You’ve been uploading your songs to YouTube, Spotify, Bandcamp, wherever you can, but you’re having trouble building an audience. It’s been three years of little success, but you can’t imagine doing anything other than music, so you switch gears and become a cover artist.

This is how Jonathan Young came to popularity, and to this day he’s best known for doing covers of just about anything- Disney, top 40, anime, memes. My interview was conducted on Jonathan Young’s community discord server, and as such the questions and answers can be found by joining and then following this link. Not everything I asked will be covered in this piece, so I’d highly recommend reading through his answers.

“I have always hated the concept of having a career doing cover songs because they are much less creatively fulfilling than writing new music, and breed a culture of repetition where no one goes out of their comfort zone to find new music, they just reboot their favorite songs over and over and over. To this day the only reason I make covers at all is because it is one of the only ways to be financially stable in the modern clickbait music industry.”

He’s still been working on his originals, posting them when possible, and he has an album in the works. Despite that, his covers are by far the largest moneymakers. Covers are made with little passion, and which song gets made is determined by request or clickbait potential. Originals are made when there’s time for them.

“I am able to simply hire other musicians to do a lot of my work for me (the instrumental, mixing & mastering) and all I have to do is sing for about an hour each week, film for 10 minutes, and edit for an hour… Sadly, this well oiled production machine makes it very hard for new, small channels run by a single musician or band to ever get a leg up on channels like mine, because they aren't just competing for views with ME personally, they're competing with me and my entire production team that has my money behind them.”

You’ve been making covers for a few years now, and you’ve gotten remarkably successful. You don’t like it, but years of building an audience listening and re-listening to your old library brings in the dough. Your production team gives you more time to work on your personal projects, but you got famous as a cover artist, and for some people that’s your only work that interests them. Still, you’re making enough money to get by, and your originals are finally getting attention.

But you’re part of the exact same machine that made it so hard for you to get a leg up in the first place.

In 2018, Jonathan Young released Bait, a sharp critique of the influencer ecosystem and his role in it. It comes across like a confessional, laying bare how he “clickbaits” his viewers and presents an image crafted to build an audience. The final line of the chorus is “be careful when you choose to take the bait”, a warning to people who want to follow his career path. I’d highly recommend giving the song a listen.

“Everyone, including me, usually only shows the public what we want them to see, which is a sharp contrast to the generally held belief that "content creators" like me are "real" and "transparent" just because we don't answer to a corporation or mainstream record label or whatever. It's the exact opposite.”

You’ve developed a bit of a following, and inevitably several of them will want to be like you- or rather, the image they’ve built up of you. The image you’ve been putting out isn’t you, but it’s what some of your impressionable fans want to become. It’s not your fault. You’re a musician doing what it takes to make money. Our society elevates artists, puts them on a pedestal, it’s only natural people would want to be like you without knowing what “like you” actually means.

“Some of the covers I've performed that people say are the most emotional are also the covers that I hated the most and basically just put on an act for, but because I've done this for a long time people can't tell the difference… If it is popular to write songs about depression, there is nothing stopping a good liar from writing a well-put-together song about depression… A minor chord will always sound sad, no matter who is playing it, or what they are thinking when they play it.”

Jonathan went out of his way to stress that musicians aren’t dissimilar to people who make burgers. They combine basic elements to craft something specifically meant to be appealing. Music theory is a science, and anyone who has made music for 5 years can substitute theory for honesty. As such, some songs can feel like lying, even manipulation. The listeners aren’t empathizing with your emotion, they’re feeling the way you told them to feel.

“My answer on a small scale is to encourage my fans to stop idolizing and see me as a regular dude. If my covers inspire someone, that's fine, but they need to stop and consider that I probably made that cover in about 2 hours of work, and chances are I don't even like the song. That makes me feel like a con artist, and I think everyone should know that if I can inspire you without being inspired myself, so can a greedy corporation. It's a lot of food for thought.”

Congratulations: you’ve made it. You’re coasting on passive income from your years of music that you feel no passion towards. You have time for passion projects now, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll be able to survive off them anytime soon, or that your following will be interesting. You’ve cracked your way into the independent music industry and become part of the same structures that made it so difficult in the first place. The image people have of you is a mere distortion of your real self, and you can’t do anything about people idolizing you no matter how much you hate it.

Is this discouraging? Probably. Should it stop you, if this is the path you desire? I don’t think so. Just be careful when you choose to take the bait.

[zephyrthejester]

Three Years Blog Anniversary!

Well, would you look at that. In the blink of an eye, an entire year has gone by! It has now been a grand total of three years since I started up this liveblog, and ever since, it's been a whirlwind of an adventure that has introduced me to amazing shows, amazing games, and above all, amazing people! As has become tradition, it's time for us to gather 'round by the fire, bundle up in blankets, sip some hot cocoa, and reminisce about the shenanigans we got up to in the year 2019.

You know the drill! Click "Keep Reading" to see the rest! Let's go!

January kicked off with the closing episodes to Steven Universe's fifth season, and what a finale it was! In true SU nature, it managed to be wholesome, funny, terrifying, and sad all at once! Not to mention the finale episode specifically, which was rife with both fan service and a breath-taking final confrontation. It even prompted me to type up three whole Addendum posts just so I could get all my thoughts out there. Intermingling with these episodes were some rather poignant and touching episodes of RWBY's 6th Volume, which saw some great plot advancements for some of my favorite characters. And of course, there was one liveblog session early on dedicated to Fate/Stay Night, a series I began back in 2018. And that would end up being the last I'd liveblog about it. Following the technical difficulties of the Visual Novel crashing at an important moment, I lost much of my motivation to keep going at it, putting Fate/Stay Night on the bench... For now. But more on Fate/Stay Night later.

Then came February! Where I proceeded to do absolutely nothing at all. For 42 days, I fell into a pretty bad funk that I called depression, at the time. Well! I must be in a better mental space right now, because until it came time to make this post, I forgot all about it! Moving past the shame I felt for wordlessly abandoning my blog and discord community for over a month, come March I pressed right into a brand new liveblog: Kill la Kill! A frenetic, frantic, freaky series that serves as the spiritual sequel to what was, once upon a time, my favorite anime ever: Gurren Lagann. I was immediately charmed by it's absurdist humor and over-the-top everything. However, it wasn't long before I succumbed to my greatest flaw. I'm exceptionally picky about what I liveblog, and sadly, Kill la Kill didn't tick the boxes that needed to be ticked for me to stick with it. I eventually dropped the series after only three episodes.

Needless to say, I was getting desperate to reinvigorate my lost momentum. It was then and there, at the tail end of March, that I introduced the most significant change to my brand ever: Liveblogging itself was being benched in favor of a fanciful second attempt at running my video game focused Youtube Channel! While I would certainly continue to liveblog new episodes of shows I had previously caught up with, my efforts would be redoubled and focused upon something I hoped would shake things up for me. I put in the effort of buying a new, fancy, high-tech microphone, and set about to new projects!

First up was a tense and troublesome self-imposed-challenge: A playthrough of Resident Evil 2 Remake on its hardest difficulty, with the added stipulation that I can never access the item storage box! My knowledge and skills of that game were put to the test as I skirted by the dangerous zombies and mutants while carrying only the bare essentials on my person. That series lasted 7 videos, plus a Highlight Reel, over about a week. My new microphone really brought out my screams of terror. Yes.

Immediately following the conclusion of the REmake 2 challenge run in early April, a new series debuted: A blind let's play of Subnautica! A simply incredible sci-fi survival game set on a planet that's nearly entirely an ocean... But much to my surprise, it was secretly a horror game all along. Spanning 18 episodes + a highlight reel between April 5th and May 23rd, we descended ever deeper into the abyss, deciphered alien riddles, fled from toothy leviathan-class predators, established a lovely home base, and had a great ol' time overall. A truly remarkable game with a surprisingly good story, for its genre, and it left me eagerly looking forward to making a Let's Play of its sequel: Below Zero.

Simultaneously, beginning on April 10th, I embarked upon yet another adventure that was of such a large scope, I made my channel's primary time slot dedicated to it. The Phoenix Wright Trilogy! A collection of the first three Visual Novels in a wonderful, wonderful series about the titular attorney at law. It wasn't long before I fell in love with this series, big time. It had everything! Immensely satisfying mysteries for me to solve, memorable and lovable characters, great pacing, and it knew how to keep things fresh and interesting. Although I started out the Let's Play by saying I wouldn't read everything aloud, that proved to be a lie. As of now, the series is a whopping 78 videos long (I do expect it to reach 100 before all is said and done), and I have given voice to roughly 50 unique characters so far. The series really helped awaken my Let's Play chops by improving my speech, vocal clarity, and focus. Swapping between my first video ever (for Legend of Grimrock II) and the most recent Phoenix Wright video is a real night-and-day difference! Overall, it's very safe to say that the series has stolen my heart. Unmatched hype, dizzying plot twists, and delightful shenanigans burst from the seams, truly. The Let's Play is currently ongoing, though the end is within sight...

As the Let's Plays of Subnautica and Phoenix Wright Trilogy progressed, so too did the production quality of my videos. I got a better grip on editing, improving the design of my video thumbnails and taking more care to edit out needless and dull moments of gameplay. I even introduced a brief and stylish video intro, which was my avatar appearing over a dark background before it faded off into gameplay. That would be the image up above! However, as we move into 2020, I’ve begun to feel that it could do with a slight improvement... Wink wink!

Following the end of Subnautica came a new Let's Play involving yet another sci-fi horror game: Prey! Spanning 25 videos + a highlight reel between June 3rd and November 19th, it immediately gripped me with its stunning attention to detail, marvelously crafted environments, and boundlessly creative gameplay. It was a pleasure to explore the varied regions of the Talos One space station, blasting aliens, uncovering secrets, untangling the connections between the employees there, and making some seriously difficult moral choices. A truly impressive video game that's just begging for a second playthrough on my own time at some point.

July 20th saw the beginning of new activity on my blog. In a spur-of-the-moment decision that I didn't think out too well, I brazenly announced out of nowhere that I would be doing a re-watch of Steven Universe! I proceeded to liveblog the first 11 episodes of Steven Universe over a week, lovingly looking back at the series' origins, calling out moments of foreshadowing, and analyzing everything with the lens of all my knowledge about the show. And then... Nothing! Just as soon as it began, the project was dropped. I had hoped it would rekindle my interest in Liveblogging (outside of new episodes of SU and RWBY), but I had no such luck. You know I'm burnt out when even Steven Universe, my favorite thing ever, can't help...

By September 3rd, the Steven Universe Movie had finally released! Over a hype-as-hell two days, I liveblogged the entire film. It truly was Steven Universe at its absolute best! Touching, sincere, unexpected, and rife with some stellar songs that are STILL stuck in my head. It proved that the Crewniverse hadn't lost its spark since the conclusion of the original series.

November 5th was my 25th birthday! My family celebrated by all going out for an amazing sushi dinner. Good times! Sometimes, it's really hard for me to grasp that I'm actually 25... I'm a kid at heart, really! Or maybe it's that I'm a social recluse who enjoys watching anime a little too much. Regardless, I feel no shame!

November 10th saw the debut of RWBY Volume 7, and so far it has been an exceptionally strong season. I've long maintained the opinion that the show gets better and better every season, and Volume 7 has given me no reason to doubt that. One episode in particular became my second favorite in the series, right behind a certain one from Volume 6! I'm really enjoying how the characters, new and old, are playing off each other this go around, and the fights and art direction have been no slouch either. This season's a looker! I'm really looking forward to seeing how it ends.

Hot on the heels of the ending Let's Play of Prey, I immediately started up a new series on November 20th... Chrono Trigger! A legendary and widely loved JRPG from the SNES era of gaming that I had somehow gone all my life without playing. Better late than never to fix a mistake like that! I eagerly dived in and nearly immediately understood why it's heralded as an all-time great. The series is currently 13 episodes long, and each one is an endless stream of me being hyped and giddy. I’m already excited to record more!

December 8th saw the debut of Steven Universe Future, a very special epilogue series that's sure to tie a nice bow on the franchise as a whole. As of this post, I have liveblogged the first 8 episodes, and it's fair to say that while it's not holding back in giving the audience exactly what it wants, it's also doing something very unexpected and very, very interesting with Steven himself. Only time will tell how it all ends and whether every remaining mystery will be answered, but so far I have been more than satisfied with it.

And that brings us to the present! Wow, it felt like a lot less happened this year than you would think, huh? No, it's been jam packed with new adventures! I think I am very content with how the year has gone, and I hope you are as well. We'll be striding into the year 2020 with more Steven Universe, more RWBY, more Phoenix Wright, and more Chrono Trigger! Plus, it may very well be that we'll see the return of Made in Abyss and Madoka Magica, both of which (I believe) are getting continuation movies in 2020. I may or may not be entirely wrong about this. Forgive me if I am...

In the near future, the Phoenix Wright Trilogy will be followed up by a Let's Play of Fate/Stay Night! Indeed, the canceled Liveblog will be reborn in youtube video form! And following Chrono Trigger, well... It's mostly up in the air, though I do have a few good ideas. In particular, I recently got a Virtual Reality system set up... Wink wink!

So that's really all there is to it! Cheers, lads! Cheers to a good year, and cheers to the next year being even better! To our good health, our unbreakable friendships, and all the stupid bullshit we’ll get into together! 2020 has arrived!

[chaoticspacefam]

OC Playlist Meme - Saarai (of course)

I was tagged by @thehighground​ (thank you! :D) this one was super fun!! I was caught between the twins of who I should do for this one, Saarai won because she is my favourite and her 70-song playlist was basically made for memes like this (yes, you heard me, 70. No it’s not a typo. Yes I have a slight, maybe, problem with her being my favourite LOL) 👍

I’ve shared all their playlists at various points, if you search up the “swtor oc theme songs” and “oc playlist” tag on the blog you should be able to find them! Or if you want links to the full playlists drop me a line and I can link you to them no problem! :D

Just the one this time cause this one’s pretty long, if I get tagged again tho I’ll do Ni’kasi next! :D

I shall tag (if you feel like it, no pressure as always!) @abyssal-space​ @stratosara​ @anchanted-one​ @pauletta-00​ @hypnowinnermugpeach​ and anybody else who wants to have a go, this one’s super fun! Long post so under a cut! <3 gonna pop the content warning up here to: TW for mention of past abuse/manipulation and parental abuse in one of the songs in case ya wanna avoid it. there’s a warning above the specific section as well if you wanna read the rest and just skip that song, up to you!

♦️  Their intro theme: Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats

“I’m gonna get myself in fighting trim, scope out every angle of unfair advantage. I’m gonna bribe the officials, I’m gonna kill all the judges! It’s gonna take you people years to recover from all of the damage!! Our mother has been absent, ever since we founded Rome. But there’s gonna be a party when the wolf comes home.”

♦️  Their own favorite song: DARKSIDE - Shinedown

(She has to set a good example with being one of the leaders of the Alliance (especially because her saying “don’t do that” is the only reason her sister and Aria don’t go for their new Jedi allies - at least to start with, before the Alliance y’know, bonds and becomes a proper coalition!). But learning to trust Jedi was still hard for her after what they did to her people, and I feel like if it existed in the verse she’d find it relatable and listen to it a lot.)

“Can you hear me, am I speaking clearly? Are you star-struck or just made of stone? Block out the actors, and all these bastards. That took all the fun out of rage and revenge.”

♦️  Their boss battle theme: Castle - Halsey

(it was difficult to pick one for this one, she has quite a few in her playlist that I consider her “boss battle” songs for various points in her life/the two different verses. But I think this one is the most universal! :D)

“I’m heading straight for the castle. They wanna make me their Queen. And there’s an old man sitting on the throne there sayin’ that I ‘probably shouldn’t be so mean.’ I’m heading straight for the castle...they got the kingdom locked up. And there’s an old man sitting on the throne there sayin’ ‘I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut!’.”

♦️  Their love song: (one for each of her main ships, but again, they have whole playlists because I use playlists to “set the mood” of the character/ship while I write. Pro writing tip, do it. It helps [nod nod] <3)

For Zephyrverse/Sash: Heaven’s Gate - Fall Out Boy

“And in the end if I don’t make it on the list, would you sneak me a wristband? Or would you give me, give me, give me a boost? Give me a boost over heaven’s gate. I’m gonna need a boost, cause everything else is a subtitute for your love. Give me a boost over heaven’s gate.”

For Subterfugeverse/Lana & Koth: The Last Of The Real Ones - Fall Out Boy

“I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do. As much as I do...Cause you’re the last of a dying breed, write our names on the wet concrete. I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me. I’m here in search of your glory, there’s been a million before me, that ultra-kind of love you never walk away from. ”

♦️  Their sad times song: Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along (tw: mention of abuse/manipulation, parental abuse)

“ ‘Bruno, what happened to your good sense?!’ I broke down ‘That man was good!!’ ‘I bet he works for the government!’ Did you hear about that mother, broke her daughter’s legs in two and said: ‘It’s too dangerous out there to walk so I have to save you!’ ”

♦️  A song that fits their aesthetic: Woman King - Iron & Wine

“Black hoof mare. Broken leg. Eye on the shotgun shell. Age old dog. Hornet’s nest. Built in the big church bell. Hundred years, hundred more. Someday we may see a woman king, sword in hand, swing at some evil and bleed.”

♦️  A song that reminds them of a better time: Downhill - Lincoln

(though most of this song has sad undertones to it, this part in particular would remind her of the short time she had with her father when he was alive, when he would take the twins outside and sit them on his lap to look at the stars <3)

“Cause you were the first one to show me the stars. And they don’t mean much to me, but I still wonder where you are. Some nights I still try to find you, relative to constellations. And all your relatives are still on vacation, or so I heard from a friend...”

♦️  A song that calms them down: 10,000 Enemies - Emeli Sandé

(headcanon that this is a song their mother D’leah used to sing to her and her twin, Ni’kasi, when they were children hiding out on Rishi and it stuck with her.)

“I hear the sweetest sound, blowing from the North. It says ‘don’t panic now, what’s mine is yours...’ I hope 10,000 times you tell me the truth. Cause now there’s much to do. I trust in you. I shall be free...I shall be free. We shall be free.”

♦️  A song that gets them hyped up: Young And Menace - Fall Out Boy

“We’ve gone way too fast for way too long. And we were never supposed to make it half this far. And I’ve lived so much life, lived so much life. I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice.”

I’m assuming this section is meant to mean a song the character would associate with each season? So I hope I’ve interpreted that correctly, I wasn’t really sure what else it was referring to. So that’s what I’m doing LOL

♦️  Spring: Thunder - Imagine Dragons

“Just a young gun with a quick fuse. I was uptight, wanna let loose. I was dreaming of bigger things and wanna leave my own life behind. Not a yes sir, not a follower, fit the box, fit the mold, have a seat in the foyer. Take a number, I was lightning, before the thunder.”

♦️  Summer: The Times They Are A’Changin’ - Fort Nowhere

(a.k.a the time of year where everything went to hell for her, though she uses it to remind her of how far she’s come once she’s older and more at peace with everything that happened so it’s positive in the end!)

“Come gather round people, wherever you roam. And admit that the waters around you have grown, and accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving, well you better start swimming or you’ll sink like a stone. For the times, they are a’changin’.”

♦️  Autumn: Dragon - Built By Titan feat. Skyborne

“When I was younger, I had a dragon. We would fly away to places you can’t imagine. And this is a story, of a lonely island. And a boy who found a way to become a lion.”

♦️  Winter: Youth - Glass Animals

(Winter is when Ty was born so it’s a mixed bag of trauma-induced depression (See “sad-times” song above), missing her twin and being sad about what happened but also wanting to make sure Ty never has to experience what she did and just wanting him to have a safe & happy life, so. This song kinda fits that.)

“Boy, when I left you you were young. I was gone but not my love, you were clearly meant for more than a life lost in the war. Oh, I want you to be happy, free to run get dizzy on caffeine, funny friends that make you laugh and maybe you’re just a little bit dappy.”

♦️  The song that plays while they’re lying on the ground bleeding out in a Walmart: Everything You Ever - Neil Patrick Harris (from Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog)

“So your world’s benign. So you think justice has a voice? And we all have a choice? Well now, your world is mine.”

♦️  The song that would play each morning if they’re stuck in a time loop: Ends Of The Earth - Lord Huron

“ Oh, there's an island where all things are silent, I'm gonna whistle a tune. Oh, there's a desert that size can't be measured; I'm gonna count all the dunes.”

♦️  The song they’d listen to while robbing a Wendy’s: Pork Soda - Glass Animals

“Somebody said I’m a fucking slum, don’t know where I belong. Maybe you’re fucking dumb, maybe I’m just a bum. Maybe you’re fucking scum, don’t you go psycho chum.”

♦️  The song they’d accidentally introduce to people in medieval times if they were a time traveller: The Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show.

(Also not accidentally, she has a silly side and she’d probably play this one for the LOL’s to see who got it or who got mad. She’d totally learn the dance moves and do those too XD)

“ The blackness would hit me And the void would be calling Let's do the Time Warp again Let's do the Time Warp again.”

♦️  The song they’d play in the middle of the night when their neighbors are being too loud: Blood // Water - grandson

("Do you think if I play a really loud, aggressively threatening song they’d shut the fuck up? I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna try it.” XD).

“You’ll never get free, lamb to the slaughter, what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water?!”

♦️  The song that plays at their funeral: Sax Rohmer #1 - The Mountain Goats

“Ships loosed from their moorings capsize and then they're gone. Sailors with no captains watch a while and then move on. And an agent crests the shadows and I head in her direction. All roads lead toward the same blocked intersection. And I am coming home to you. With my own blood in my mouth...yes I am coming home, to you. If it’s the last thing that I do.”

♦️  The song that plays when it’s revealed that they faked their death: Joan of Arc - Arcade Fire

“You’re the one that they used to hate but they like you now. And everything that goes away will return somehow....first they love you, then they kill you, then they love you again...and then they love you, then they kill you, then they love you again.”