#it’s contradictory and weird and I’m constantly in a state of limbo
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At least I know my cat will be okay if I get bad again
#idk been taking care of myself differently#i don’t necessarily want to live but I don’t necessarily want to die. at the same time though I do want both of those things.#it’s contradictory and weird and I’m constantly in a state of limbo#but I drink strawberry kefir with flax chia and hemp seeds and blueberries and maple syrup and granola first thing in the morning#and I take ashwaganda to help my cortisol levels and anxiety#and I go to parks as often as I can#and I pet my cat#and I’m learning Spanish and ever so slowly writing two essays#and doing tattoos both on myself and others#and I brush my teeth every other day now instead of once every two weeks when I remember to#and I’m using a new face wash that I really really like#and I have athletes foot which isn’t fun or good but forces a routine on me to take care of it#and I drink peppermint tea with a pinch of salt and lots of honey before I go to bed#and also do word searches#idk things are. life is. uh#can’t say I don’t want to die but can’t say I don’t enjoy living atm#oh but yeah my friend and I had an awk convo about our mutual friends mental health and staging an intervention and the topic came up of#my mental health in - not comparison but in regards to it? idk offhand comment that turned into a whole side convo#but yeah basically she promised to take care of my cat and keep him safe should I ever try and succeed before he dies#so like that’ll fuck with me once I’m in a bad headspace again which is inevitable#seeing as my cat is literally my only reason for living during those times#but oh well
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