#it’s complicated and it makes these three feel a lot more genuine bc they aren’t always falling cleanly into one particular role | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rotshop · 3 years ago

Text

help girl i just woke up and im already thinking abt mag s/o again. anyway please consider ;

[ tw body horror, some brief light gore and violence ]

[ note ; reader is SLIGHTLY described. the only thing mentioned is that they have a noticeable, identifying scar on their face

hank + mag s/o

-he knew you even before the boombox incident. he doesn't even really remember how you two first met, he just remembers that you started talking to him and then just kinda kept coming back. at first he wasn't the biggest fan of you since he was 'doing just fine on his own,' but...he admittedly was already really attached to you. they've never been much of a talker and that's especially noticeable to you at that point in time but ,,, they respond enough with signing, nodding / shaking their head, or the occasional speaking that you're able to carry some conversations pretty well.

-he doesn't really. have. a lot of people in his life. you're really his only real close friend, it's kinda hard for him to fully wrap his head around it so !! they chose not to, instead focusing more-so on whatever it was you were rambling to them about that day.

-not super sure of where to put this lmao but ummm ehe . he's actually surprisingly touchy with you????? like. you've hung out at his house a few times and he just like. you'll start out sitting next to each other and you'll end up either laying with your head on their chest or vice versa . its . a little funny . you tease him about it a little and he just flicks your shoulder. also traces your scar a lot if you'll let them, they're not entirely sure why they do it, they just . like asking you about it occasionally.

-also you have scary dog privileges. they might look like any other grunt at that point but they're still tall as fuck and idk man !! something abt getting a blank stare from someone who towers over u would probably make u shut up and mind ur own damn business.

-again, he's not super good at fully recognizing / acknowledging certain thoughts and feelings of his but . yknow. he can definitely tell he at least worries about you a lot more than he would some other grunt he just met. he can definitely tell there's a reason he doesn't mind you touching him, whether by grabbing his hand to go show him something or just placing a hand on his shoulder or arm (most likely arm, again. hes tall. ). they can definitely tell there's a reason that they find themself genuinely enjoying your interactions.

-after the park thing you don't see them for a long time. everytime you try and call him the lines dead, everytime you try and ask others about him you just get choice words, all in all you're pretty much lost on the entire thing. sure, you know what happened but . it just never sits right with you. it doesn't help whenever people ask questions about them or give you wary looks because of your association, half steps back when you take one forward.

-anyway. yeah nevada goes to shit and you get magnified for the aahw. by now you just. don't really talk about hank. surprisingly, you have a little more of your old memories than the average mag !! congrats. problem is they're all foggy enough that you only really distantly decipher them. lmao. you aren't super high on the ladder but you're a pretty tough mag to beat. you're well known enough that other mags tend to hang around you when there's not much else going on. v2 mags especially think it's fun to mess around with you by jumping on your back or otherwise clinging onto you . idk man u've got like . a little family here .

-at one point or another there's an outing youre on that ends up going wrong. you get split up from the rest of your unit and are forced to hide out in some old abandoned building while you wait for backup. you're a little too injured to try and walk all the way back, a heavy gash on your side preventing you from doing too much in the moment. when you hear heavy steps on concrete you're able to give some sort of noise of relief, turning your head to look over your shoulder at whichever agent in your group had finally found you-

-you're instead met with red goggles and the end of a gun.

-any kind of relief is snatched away, you know damn well who it is by just the bit you can see in the dark alone. even standing in the shade between two windows (one of which you were sitting by, probably how they seen you in the first place- if that's the case though, it's a little weird they hadn't just shot at you through it.) you knew it was him. you're already stumblingly forcing yourself up to as much of your full height as you can manage, taking some kind of defensive position even as one of your hands ghosts over your gash. the throbbing pain of it and the feeling of blood sticking and running down your skin is enough that you can't seem to focus on the fact that he won't stop staring at your face.

-it doesn't take long before your legs seem to fail you, forcing you forward a bit as you kneel in some sort of attempt to keep upright. you're too busy hissing under your breath and screwing your eyes shut in pain as your hand covers your side to notice your company stepping forwards. you're snapped back to attention when there's a hand on your face, fingertips digging into your skin as they yank your head down a little further. you know you should be grabbing him, that you should be digging your claws into his torso and ripping him clean in half, throwing whatevers left aside and leaving. you know thats what you were told to do, what you were told they deserved anyway. yet, you aren't. instead, you're just giving some warning growl as you stare at them. you notice how the end of the gun is pointed away from you, how their touch seems to outline the mark on your face.

-"If you try and hurt me, I'll kill you." That's the only real heads up you get before he's crouching down and shoving your hand out of the way, grabbing something from his pocket to get to work on you. you don't fail to notice how little attention they're paying to you (aside from the focus on your wound, of course), that you could just rush forward and slam them into the ground if you really wanted.

-ok im skippin g ahead bc this is already way too goddamn long for hcs DEJWJCS

-anyway. it's a complicated relationship for a while. the others tend to avoid you a little but he just keeps showing up around you. they keep staring at you and just hanging around in your general area. it's not that much of an irritant if you ignore all the weird emotions and thoughts it keeps bringing to the forefront of your mind, forcing you to once again try and meddle with your memories.

-eventually he just starts walking over to you and sitting down next to you. sometimes he doesn't say anything at all, just sitting there and seeming to wait for one thing another- he never seems to find whatever that is, as he always gets up and leaves without a word at some point or another. then they start talking, its just little things at first, point-blank statements you can't say much on. sometimes they're just saying they and the other three will be gone for a bit othertimes it's some half-demand to let them look at the stitches they did on you (semi-related, he's not good at them. the stitches are pretty rough. at one point or another sanford has to redo them properly lmao)

-but then there's one particular night. they do the normal thing, come over, sit down next to you, not say a word. this time though you note how they're facing you. instead of some reminder or a demand for anything, he's pulling his ask down and asking a simple question. 'What do you remember?'

-it's a long conversation. he's talking more than he normally would by a long shot, occasionally stopping whenever his words seem to especially fail him and get stuck in his throat. you don't even really remember moving around, or even him pulling you in any way, you just know you somehow end up laying next to him with your head on his chest.

-whenever the memories do seem to click into place, it's hard. you have a lot of choice words for them yourself, months of being left alone without a word bubbling up with a vengeance, they listen to them. while some mags (such as yourself) do have the ability to speak, the san and dei don't think they've ever heard one with that much emotion in their voice. they've especially never seen a mag just break down like you do, they're both tensing up a little from their far away spot when hank's walking closer to you. instead of you lashing out or swiping at him though, you just sit there while he wraps his arms around you (as best as he can at least, it's a little difficult but he's able to get them around your neck and reach his other hand behind you well enough). you're eventually doing the same to him, though it's more so just your hands resting on their back.

-it takes a good while for proper trust to be rebuilt along with an honest, proper explanation from hank that only you're privy to. eventually though, there's enough trust that you're able to hang around him again without narrowly avoiding an argument or anything. they don't like being super affectionate or 'vulnerable' in front of the other two, so most times they prefer being in your or their room. also they're still touchy lmao, doesn't help that you're mag sized now and so they just want to hold you . its hard to explain, he's never been super affected by others heights and even when he is it's usually a negative thing for him but . for some reason . he just likes being shorter / smaller than you lol ,,,,,,,, hope you like holding them a lot bc that's what you're gonna be doing

-holy shit these are long so . i think .i am going to stop here.

#hank j wimbleton x reader #madcom x reader #madness combat x reader #madcom imagines #madness combat imagines #rot writes #hank 'jmy s/o is twice my size and could turn me into a fine wine if they really wanted to and i love them for it' wimbleton

174 notes · View notes

thebeautyoffanfics · 3 years ago

Text

rengoku kyojuro x gn!reader

a/n: despite the fact that this is comfort for one of my biggest fears, the hardest part was finding a character to write bc i’m,,,,,, obsessing over several- ANYWAY i wanted to rip my heart out ig </3

warnings: MUGEN TRAIN SPOILERS!!! Character death as well!!

word count: 2,144

Love… was complicated. Overly so. Would you ever find love?

That thought- that lingering fear- overwhelmed you more than you’d like to admit. What if, should you fall in love, the person does not feel the same? What if the relationship fell apart? What if, after years of pretending it’s alright- after loving them for so long, they fall out of love? What if you’re left there, broken hearted, with nowhere to go? What if you never fell in love again? What if the commitment overwhelmed you, and you chickened out of a relationship that could have grown to be beautiful?

What if… you never fell in love?

It was terrifying to you. Being alone forever. Never kissing anyone- never having someone to hold, hold more lovingly, overall differently, from the way a friend would hug you. Still, falling in love was scary. Absolutely terrifying for those established reasons.

Love was scary. Cripplingly so.

Yet… you fell in love.

You fell so hard. So hard for someone you weren’t sure you would expect- someone who, quite literally, was like the sun. Bright, warm, friendly. A hero. Your hero, and so many others’. He was loud, strong, tall, and genuinely, purely, beautiful. The most wonderful man you’d ever met. Someone who made you forget about your fears after a bit- the only thing you could afford to think about was him after all- there was no room for anxiety or tears.

“I understand, (Y/N),” He had told you- it felt like forever ago, though it was only a few years.

“Love is terrifying! But, isn’t that what makes it so fun? It makes your heart beat as hard as it does in a battle- except I’m not head-to-head against a monster! It’s just me and the person that I care for very deeply!! That person is you! And if I miss the chance to love you now, who knows when it’ll come again!! Live selfishly! Boldly! Do everything with a burning passion- and that includes love!!!”

The words he spoke weren’t incredibly moving. They were words you told yourself. But, hearing them from someone who made you face that deep fear- it made you feel… capable. As if, with him, you could do anything… maybe you would live selfishly. Consider the future, but not that heavily. Surely, it would hold great things.

The future had held great things. From that moment- the moment Rengoku looked you in your eyes, and you held eye contact longer than you had before. Your face burned, your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest, and your stomach was twisted in knots. You felt as though you could cry. It was… exciting. It was fun. To feel so scared- to have every nerve in your body completely on edge- yet there was no life-threatening danger. In fact, in front of you was a man you trusted wholeheartedly. He’d protect you. He’d… wait for you.

He did wait. He waited for you to decide. He let you lead a lot of the relationship, until he was confident that you were completely comfortable.

Everything about him made you feel safe. He was practically perfect. Even when working hard- pushing himself past his limit, then a little further- protecting innocent lives, while risking his own innocent life- he made time for you.

You sniffled, looking up quickly once you felt a large hand rest on your head. You were resting your head on the edge of the bed where your injured boyfriend was lying. It was a dangerous fight- as if not all of them were. He was beaten up pretty badly- bandages littered his body, and the arm not on your head was resting in a sling.

“What’s the matter!”

You squinted, nearly reaching to hit him, but stopping yourself. At that, he laughed, not intending any harm. In his eyes, it was just a little beating. The Demon Slayer Corps had still one that fight- it was one less demon to terrorize humans- it was a victory. So what if he got a few scratches? Surely, he was bound to recover quickly!!

“You’re… hurt, Kyojuro.”

“So it appears!! However, I’m alive and well!! I’ll heal quickly, I promise you!”

You shook your head, removing his hand from your head, and holding it carefully. “That’s not my concern. I mean- I do want you to heal quickly, but- but… I know I can’t convince you to quit. I wouldn’t want to do that. This is your passion… I just worry about you… aren’t Upper Moons as strong as 3 Hashira? That’s- that’s three of you. What if you encountered one of them alone-?”

“They wouldn’t send me to fight an Upper Moon alone, hahaha! And, if I encounter one, I’ll just have to fight 3 times as hard!! I won’t die so easily!!”

His words were reassuring, and you knew he’d fight as hard as he could, but… all his bold, joyful words couldn’t stop every fear you had. You loved him too much to let a fear like that slip. Still, you tightened your grip on his hand, nodding and offering him a smile. In times like these, he continued to grin. You could do the same.

Rengoku was kind. He was kind to you- kind to his brother, his father, and everyone. You were kind as well, or as kind as you could be. It still felt hard to match his pure kindness though- if you had to list favorite things about him, that would certainly be at the top. The way he treated others. The way he smiled, the way he listened patiently, and offered his kindest words all the time.

“I’m so sorry!” Senjuro apologized, dropping the wooden sword, and bringing his hands to his mouth worriedly. Though you had been watching a bit to the side, you stepped forward, wincing at the bruise already forming on the side of Kyojuro’s face.

“That was impressive!!!” Kyojuro shouted, practically sparkling. “Your arm is certainly getting better! That was an amazing hit! I’m proud!!”

At that, you laughed lightly, as Senjuro sighed, bringing his hands down a bit. “I’ll go get ice!” Senjuro added quickly, standing straight, then running towards the house. You sat next to Kyojuro, glancing at the bruise, then at his happy expression.

“Did that hurt?”

“Yes! Isn’t that wonderful?!”

You laughed again, leaning your head against his shoulder, then sitting back up. “I understand where you’re coming from, I just… ahh, I would have been upset if that was my sibling.”

“No way!! A bruise is forming!! If that was a real sword, he surely would have cut me nicely! That’s incredible! Should he choose the same path I have, he’ll make an amazing slayer!!”

Senjuro ran back out, offering his brother ice covered lightly in a cloth. Kyojuro thanked him loudly, placing the ice to his face, then standing back up.

“Now! Are you ready to continue?!!”

You loved him… as days like those passed, you grew to gladly accept it. You wanted to tell him. You wanted to tell others. It was overwhelming, in the best way possible now. It… made your heart feel warm. It made you so happy. You weren’t as scared. You were happy that you were in love- and even happier that you were at a point where you could embrace it…

You stood next to him, outside of your house, the stars twinkling brightly above the both of you. You knew, as did he, that it was nearly time for Kyojuro to head home. You wanted to make excuses though- there had to be a reason to make him stay. He wanted an excuse too- but, you settled for standing outside, the stars your excuse.

“Father and Senjuro are probably sound asleep!” He said, placing a hand on your back. You nodded, glancing over at him, and finding that he was already looking at you.

“There are probably demons and animals out…” You added, looking back up at the stars.

“I don’t live far, of course! Plus, I can fend for myself!”

“I don’t doubt that you can.”

Silence ensued. Neither of you moved.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Kyojuro said, as he had several times before. Those times, you’d smile, offering a thank you- but now, you knew you loved him too. In such a casual moment like this, your love for him made your chest feel full.

“I love you too, Kyojuro,” You responded. Your words were a bit louder than usual- you wanted to make sure he heard you. To make sure he knew you were proud of your love.

His usual smile grew to a grin, and an uncharacteristic blush grew on his face. It was barely visible, especially in the moonlight, but you were glad you weren’t the only one.

His hand on your back moved to your shoulder, and he pulled you over gently into a side-hug. You grinned this time, wrapping an arm around his side as well. He was warm. He was so very alive. Yet… that live- that warmth, that grin- you weren’t aware how limited it was.

…

“Be safe, Kyojuro,” You said, hugging him tightly. Something felt off. You tried to convince him to hold back, but he was determined. You knew good and well he’d die protecting others. He’d be happy to. He wasn’t suicidal- he didn’t want to die- but he would. You knew he would.

Kyojuro hugged back, his smile never faltering as his strong arms squeezed you lightly.

“It’s just a train ride! I’ll be back, so don’t worry!!”

He lied.

Kyojuro released the hug, just to hug his brother, who wore a similarly worried expression as you did. Neither of you had heard of fighting on a train. All the passengers- such a limited space. Was it especially dangerous? No, it had to be the same as any other fight, right-? Then, why were you both so worried…

As Kyojuro departed, you placed a hand on Senjuro’s shoulder. The youngest Rengoku glanced up at you, offering an empty smile- it was similar to his brothers, only missing the honesty.

Now, you sat, crumpled to the floor, your heart aching worse than you had ever expected. It hurt. It hurt so badly. You never knew pain this bad.

Your fears were a reality. Falling in love- falling so deeply in love- then losing it. Losing it in the worst way possible. In all of your agony, you could have promised you saw even the crow that delivered the news crying. He hadn’t changed only your life… he touched so many others’. Each of the Hashira. His brother. His father. The slayers. Complete strangers.

Kyojuro’s bright smile would forever be imprinted in your mind, even as you sobbed, practically cursing whatever entity let something like this befall. Cursing whichever demon that did something like that to such an amazing man.

Tears streamed down your face, no words being able to express how badly you hurt, as you picked up a letter from Senjuro.

“Tanjiro told me that he was smiling.”

Tears already fell upon the paper, belonging to Senjuro. Now yours coated it as well, as you felt another pang in your heart. Despite that, and despite the sobs that still wracked your body, you smiled lightly. “Of course you were, you idiot…”

You knew he wasn’t an idiot. And you knew his smile was genuine. He was happy to die protecting others. He won the battle he went to win- you were sure he injured the monster that attacked him. No- that demon didn’t deserve to be called something as lighthearted and overused as a monster- there were no words to describe such a disgusting coward such as him. But now Kyojuro is with his mom… his hearing is returned. His injuries are nonexistent. He’s smiling in whatever afterlife there is. He’s rejoicing with all the other Rengokus. All of his friends he lost along the way. He’s celebrating, and cheering for all of the slayers that are still battling on. He’s encouraging everyone. Praying for the battles that are to come- no matter how big and small. Praying for those pained by his loss- encouraging everyone to move on. To keep their heads up. To keep smiling, just as he did.

“Thank you, Kyo… I love you so much,” You whispered, hugging the letter to your chest.

Even if he wasn’t present physically, you were still sure you could hear him. “I love you too, (Y/N).” Yes, definitely… you heard him. And, with his life forever engrained with yours, you’d live proudly, selfishly, for his sake. You’d live, holding your head high, and smiling no matter the obstacles you’d face.

But, for now, it was okay to cry. Kyojuro would allow that. You knew for sure.

#oneshot #angst #x reader #x gn!reader #gn!reader #kny #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kyojuro rengoku #rengoku #kny x reader #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kyojuro rengoku x reader #rengoku x reader #kyojuro x reader

116 notes · View notes

milkacchan · 5 years ago

Text

Request for anon: can you write some fluff and nsfw (if you want) headcanons for a poly bakudeku/reader? the reader is a girl, bakudeku are pro heroes and a hero duo and the reader is a sidekick because she's younger than them [they are 28 she is 20] however they live together because their already dating ;; if you'll write it thank you ;;

Fluffy-

• Izuku and Katsuki have genuinely NEVER been happier. You've completed them.

• There's been some backlash based on the age, but the fact that its 3 of you, all together, there hasnt been much based on that.

• You've been with them about a year and a half, they've been together almost 4.

• It can be a little intimidating, sometimes you feel like you dont have much of a place in what they have, but they always make sure to squash that as soon as the thought comes up.

• You met them through enrollment in their agency. They really had no intention of falling in love when you were accepted, but you were just so full of fire and love that it was impossible not too.

• The difference of personality in normal life versus on the battlefield was incredible. You were normally bubbly, smiley to an extent. You made loads of jokes and laughed whenever you could. Of course you occasionally had those bad days, but everyone does. When it came to the battlefield, you were filled with focus. Tou were serious, harsh, and did whatever you could to reach your goal. You were like 2 different people. However, it usually took you time to get over that after a fight, but you were real good at faking it to the public.

• If you've learned one thing, it's that Katsuki likes physical contact a lot more than he let's on. He's always finding some way to touch you, unless he's at work. Sometimes it's small brushes, other times its holding your hand or hugging you from behind.

• Izuku just loves affection in general. He has no problem being obvious with his affection, less so at work, but it's still there. He'll kiss your forehead and hold your waist, he'll hold your hand- basically however he can touch you, is what he'll do.

• Bakugou likes horror movies, so do you. Izuku does not. He stays in the middle to keep himself secure. Both you and Katsuki enjoy it.

• You're considerably younger, so they're very protective you, not so much in a fatherly way but in a way that makes you feel loved and important. You secretly thrive on the attention you get from them being protective.

• They deadass get a dog for the soul reason of extra protection if they weren't there.

• Expect a lot of dinner dates and cheesy notes (mostly from izuku) and stuffed animals/flowers (supposedly from Izuku but really from Bakugou)

• They gladly feed your indoor plant obsession. Their previously bland apartment had been transformed aesthetically. It was now an indoor jungle. They loved it.

• ahaha the domesticity that came with you loving in was actually amazing. Izukus favorite part (besides you) was the new dishes

• you usually sleep in the middle. You have no problem sleeping on the outside though. Really however they feel like arranging it, you'll go with.

• They have no problem cooking but they like your cooking best, so you cook a little more often then they do. Not that you mind, you really enjoy cooking, especially because that means they do the dishes.

NSFW-

• Izuku Midoryia is a bottom I do not care what anyone says. He has his dominant streaks every once in awhile (and when he does, good LORD) but this man is a bottom.

• Katsuki is a top. 100%. Loves it. He also has his submissive streaks but those are EXTREMELY rare.

• For you, its complicated. You're a switch for the most part. Bottom when it comes to Katsuki, A little more dominant with Izuku (power bottom that shit baby)- but who knows.

• Sex that involved you, is fairly recent, with the 3 of you only being together for about a year and a half, the relationship is still young. You weren't comfortable with sex period until 8 months in. Hell you were too scared to kiss them the first 4 months. You weren't comfortable with sex between the three of you, all together until 12 months.

• They were unbelievably patient with you. They let you take your time, they let you get accustomed to them individually before bringing it all together. They reassured you that you didn't need to feel bad for taking time.

• You're pretty vanilla, Katsuki and Izuku aren't overly kinky so it's not a big deal regardless, you just want to be fucked against a wall at least once.

• Katsuki is happy to provide and Izuku is even happier to watch.

• Lazy morning sex, aka, Izuku and Katsuki wake up first the start doing it next to you while you're asleep and you wake up half way through bc Izuku is loud. Or vice versa.

• Ahahaha Shower sex

• O R A L

• Izuku LOVES oral, he has no problem giving or receiving but he relishes in the pleasure when you're giving him head. He swears up and down he could survive on just your blowjobs alone. He'll run his fingers through your hair, tug at it gently, and praise you into next week.

• Both they're tongues do fucking WONDERS.

• HAIR KINKS

• Shut the fuck up you all love it when your hair is played with or tugged at.

• Izuku likes his hair straight pulled, like yeet that bitch, in bed. You and Katsuki like more soft rugs and threads.

• One time, while Izuku was on a trip, Katsuku was really frustrated at work, both physically and mentally.

• So

• :)

• the MOMENT you stepped inside the apartment with him, you were pinned against a wall, his thigh between your legs and his lips pressed against yours. This lead to mind blowing 'angry(?)' Sex.

• Stemmed your love of just completely getting wrecked :)

#bakugou katsuki #mha katsuki #poly bakudeku x reader #bakugou x reader #bakudeku #midoriya x bakugou #omega bakugou #katsuki bakugo x reader #midoryia x reader #midoriya x todoroki #midoriya izuku #Midoryia x Bakugou #bhna deku #kirishima x deku #bhna manga #bhna kirishima #bhna bakugou #bhna smut #my hero academia x reader

572 notes · View notes

cosmosrival · 4 years ago

Text

there it is! kama interlude analysis by a kama fan!

WELL. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE TITLE: this is just my own thoughts!! youre free to think whatever u want !! i am just putting my own knowledge into words because i genuinely love kama, and i would like for kama’s depth to be understood by the NA fandom a little more!! i try to stay as close as possible to their character in everything i do because i believe that the more in character they are, the funnier/more interesting content ppl will produce.

and hopefully i understood them well ???!!!! HOPEFULLY ?!

i will be screenshotting the translated reddit post under this read more and stop whenever something i find interesting to develop pops up ! or else it’ll get way too long lol if you wanna read the interlude for yourself heres the link!

with that said, let’s go!!

kama’s interlude begins with guda passing the hell out because of exhaustion and then waking up in a dream sequence where kama treats them to some relaxing adventures, stuff to take their mind off heavy things!! first dream sequence is kama roleplaying a highschool setting where they’re dating.

i like this because they openly admit that its an illusion, breaking the immersion but as long as youre okay with roleplaying, they’ll continue it LOL at some point, caesar mentions the student council president and arjuna appears behind him

since this is an illusion that kama made, i’ve been wondering about the fact that the way servants conduct eachother in this interlude is mostly because that’s how kama envisions they would act in a highschool setting, in an amusement park and finally with eachother (mostly for confirmed couples such as siegbryn, consort yu and her hubby etc...). suzuka and sei being gyarus is obvious, but arjuna as the student council president... is so cute???!!! i MEAN IT FITS ?! THATS A GREAT IDEA KAMA!!!! ANYWAY

this is kama’s first monologue and since they’re primarily the god of lust, all of the more vanilla stuff they mentions such as sharing a pair of headphones embarrasses them since its so tame. ITS CUTE !!! kama expects you to be horny in class !! what are you doing thinking about hand holding !!! medusa saves u from that tho with a direct reference to her relationship with kama’s vessel

this is interesting !! and reassuring !!! i think that kama as a character has a lot of depth and just reducing them to “sakura” would be a waste and this interlude shows how different they are from her. but they’re also similar! sakura went through a lot just like medusa says and kama does have trauma related to shiva. its not the same circumstances but the same kind of suffering which explains the nuance here. and what i like about chaldea is that there’s been multiple instances where its been proven that servants can grow thanks to their relationships with guda (most common example: leveling up your bonds) BUT ALSO, saint graph evolution (alts). and as a kama fan i’d like to see them happy someday and this interlude as a whole is proof of their healing/coping because of the time they spent in chaldea and how they interact with others. more on that later ! here, they don’t recognize medusa which is normal since they’re not sakura (someone else entierly), but...

they care about her ! because of sakura’s influence being a part of the servant called Kama(assassin). the difference here is important !! but i’ll come back on this in a bit. quick mention to the greek cupid <3 kamadusa nation we were fed (i clap by myself because im the only one who has 57575757557 kama rarepairs-----)

kama is a delinquent whos horny in class but still takes a few notes, enough to do well on their tests! and thats tea<3 smart horny lazyass !! theyre a gift

SO ARJUNA WAS OUT FOR BLOOD ????? ANYWAY, this is right after the actual fight against weirdo terrorists, and im happy to know that kama DOES enjoy a good fight (as proven in their voicelines as well) but theyre not a farming unit because it’d be too much work (single target NP..)...!!!!!!! lavish god of love....

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYY THE REAL DEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! “it feels wonderful to be your girlfriend” christ, kamadeva was so used to being a husband and a good lover, it reflected in their servant version.... but ree what do u mean by servant version???

I MEAN THE OBVIOUS !! kama explains it very well in the screenie just above !

“You know very well how servants work.”

KAMA ASSASSIN (the servant in your chaldea) is neither KAMADEVA or SAKURA MATOU or MARA. they’re a MIX OF PARTS OF THE THREE. creating an entierly new person(in this case, servant) !!!! it might sound like i’m repeating myself, but this is important!!!!!!!!! i will say this multiple times so people remember it !!! and if u already had this figured out: GOOD JOB I LOVE U !!!

Kamadeva (the god) has many stories, ones where he was born from concepts (dharma and shraddha), one where his parents are brahma and sarasvati, one where his parents are vishnu and lakshmi, stories about his reincarnation after his death where his parents are krishna and rukmini, his love with Rati and so on. We all know Sakura’s backstory since this is nasuverse. And Mara is a demon, an entity that tried to corrupt Buddha and prevent him from reaching enlightenment/stray from the path. Kama assassin has parts from all of these entities which explains why they have a vague longing for Rati, why they have a soft spot for Medusa and why they have an affinity with Kiara(and also like talking about corrupting u !).

they then mention how a japanese highschool setting is fun and all i have to say is: i’m gonna make an indo fam delinquent vs student council au out of this one folks !!!!!!!! i gotta !!!

OK next

TIME FOR THE SECOND DREAM SEQUENCE WHICH I WAS VERY VERY VERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY AFRAID OF BEFORE THE TRANSLATION CAME OUT.

THE PART WHERE KAMA ACTS LIKE YOUR CHILD.

well with their stage 1 it was expected but without the translation i have to say that i was scared shitless! because people hate thinking! and even if kama clearly tells you that it’s a charade, u know a JOKE. A DREAM SEQUENCE. DONT BE A CREEP. KAMA INTENDED FOR IT TO BE WHOLESOME. i know some ppl wont use their brains. but u know its fgo and degenerates are everywhere.

anyways. family bonding time ensues until another monologue appears!!

exactly like before, kama mentions myths that belonged to kamadeva. Meaning that the Kama in our chaldea isn’t the Kamadeva we know and is not Pradyumna either but the fact that the writers chose to have kama acknowledge it is very reassuring !!! Because it means that they’ve chosen to make it a part of their (complicated) history. Kama says that Pradyumna is the myth about themself they know the least, once again proving us that the Kama in our Chaldea (Assassin) is a different entity and that they were summoned to the throne upon their death, the moment they were burned by Shiva’s flames and became Ananga, in any case they’re still familiar with all of their own myths. it allows us to keep heroic spirits separate from their original myths. Obviously! And in the case of pseudo-servants, it allows us to keep them separate from their vessels. Cuz this is a fanservice japanese game. Andddd the fandom likes forgetting this fact quite a lot i’ve noticed. As a person who loves thinking about tons and tons of headcanons for fun, this allows us a lot of space ! Because this is fate/grand order at its base. Nasuverse.

I’m glad that the interlude explains it so clearly, it’s very good !! Because the majority of myths from every culture are confusing, family trees are confusing, names are confusing, powers and attributes are confusing... its a mess !!!! the fgo characters we know are just cut from their own respective timelines/historial figures so the writers can organize themselves more easily. Like cutting halves from a big cake. Kama (Assassin) is the Kama that died from Shiva’s flames and became the universe ONLY. In Nasuverse, Arthur Pendragon is a woman. Anastasia Romanov NEVER had a demon familiar named Viy in real life despite the creature being part of russian folklore. u know ! im russian i can testify dude !!

hopefully everyone got this bc i wont be explaining this any further dude, its exhausting !!!!!! bangs my hands on the table !!!!!

ANYWAYS kama mentions “eternal pain that turns [them] into ash” being their key element. Their trauma is at the center of their heroic spirit self, what they are as a servant. This suffering is tied to everything they do, why they’re so lazy, why they’re so lax, why they’re so detached from their job. But they’re not detached from their role. And “job” and “role” have different connotations here. They refuse to work as a cupid because of obvious reasons. BUT. They’re not detached from their role as the God of Love, as the God of Passion. The embodiment of those feelings. This whole interlude is proof ! They’re giving u free therapy because they Love you. Passion. They feel your love. Passion. They acknowledge how much fun you’re having. How passionate you are about certain things. They might seem extremely detached and hateful, but they aren’t. They’re one of the most empathetic servants there is. And their ability to love everything, even the things they hate is what makes them so miserable. Because it’s a part of them. Because the concept of Kama in hinduism is linked to them. Be it lust or simply the passion born from anything you do where you’re enjoying yourself. (quote: “ the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature “. R. Prasad (2008), History of Science, Philosophy and Culture in Indian Civilization )

... I’d like to say that this contrast with Mara is interesting. And that i’m glad the writers chose to add in Mara to the kama assassin Beast mix.

Because the anger Mara feels can become a drivepoint for Kama. I’ve always believed that anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin, it’d explain how layered Kama is and how valid their emotions are. Constantly torn between love and hate. An eternal grudge (i don’t deserve to be hurt like this) and an eternal misery(maybe i do deserve to be hurt like this).

i wish they were my roommate <3 oh fuck ree got emotional wait where were we.

OH YEAH

i think kama saying that they dislike being involved with other indian servants because theyre linked to shiva is a feeble attempt at trying to keep up a strong front because they still love them in the end. cuz that’s how kama is ! after a while they’ll get bored of bullying ganesha and ashwatthama. they’ll get interested in rama because their respective mythos are linked even if their servant selves have no connection. hell, at the end of the interlude they talk about parvati and how they themself changed and realized things. BUT OH WELL, THATS STUFF FOR ANOTHER POST HEHE thats just ree wanting kama to b happy yall move along !!

.....THIS ISNT A COLLEGE STUDENTS ROLEPLAY BUT ITS A CUTE JAPANESE COMPANY BOSS/UNDERLING SETTING AND ITS CUTE SO I THINK KAMA WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND POURING U ALCOHOL IS CUTE. CUTE.

further proof of kama’s overflowing affection and what i detailed above!! hopefully u all knew this one simply from reading this interlude/their profile page and dont need me to write it down for u. HOPEFULLY !!!!!

(I START BEATBOXING VERY RAPIDLY AND RUNNING TOWARDS YOU) KAMA IS A SADIST AT THEIR CORE AND I WILL NEVER STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re easy to fluster because theyre not used to being so vanilla, but whats underneath is how they truly are !! a beast turned servant, the sweetest sadist !! theyre very mature and this interlude is so well written (wipes my teears

this is directly linked to what i explained above, by burning you away, you’ll melt into nothingness just like they did. When they were the universe, they felt both everything and nothing.

But was it really relief ... ?

... IT WASNT.

AND PARVATI SAVES THE DAY !!!!!!! phew!! thank u paru, it’d still like to be able to touch kama’s huge titties and i cant do that if i turn into ashes (falls down the stairs

ok she summoned lovey dovey canon couples to annoy kama since they’re exhausted of seein them!!

...............(I TAKE OUT A KNIFE) TAKE THAT BACK. DONT TALK TO THEM LIKE THAT. TAKE THAT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ohhhhhh im obsessed i love when theyre angry<3 i love when theyre fighty <3 i think they should beat the living shit out of a boxing bag DAILY to let out some of this steam. they’d be a monster on the ring... aaa kama in training boot y shorts aa a .. .uughg hg ouu... (you all shove me into a locker)

ok this is interesting !! i think that the interlude showing us that parvati feels a semblance of guilt is character dev. proof for what i mentioned before!! in ookuu parvati felt quite ..unsympathetic to me, even if kama is a beast who wants to annihilate humanity, when u think about it, at their core their grudge is because of her and shiva’s betrayal. and here, she properly apologizes for making kama so upset. this is heartwarming to me since i dislike thinking that members of the indo fam hate eachother :( same goes for arjuna and karna, at some point i’d like for them to act like bros normally and finally be comfy. but anyways !!

u wake up from the dreams and da vinci, mashu and paru are here to tell u whats going on. But its fine bc u remember everything and u have to go thank someone for helping u out!!!

CUTE !!!!!!! THEY CARE ABOUT U !!!!!! but whether it be because of their role or because theres a deeper meaning is entierly up to your own interpretation because...

of what they say here.

and here !!

ohhhhhhhhh this is so important !!!!!!

this is actual proof of kama’s growth as a servant and how servants evolve in chaldea !! chaldea is not the same as a grail war, its a special, cut-off place and thats what makes it even more relaxing to think about. Everytime u summon a servant in ur chaldea u give them a chance to have fun with you, to have fun with other servants, to make amends, to start from scratch, to discover things they would’ve never known in their time (movies, video games, tons of different foods etc...), u give them a chance to relax. to grow !! this is the headcanon that im most attached to and im glad to see it be confirmed in the interlude of a character i love tbqh i had to stop and talk about that.

everyone say thank u kama !! can we roleplay a college roommate coffee shop slowburn au next time <3

ANYWAYS if you’ve read it this far: thank you !!! im sorry if you expected something very serious, im not that type of person hehe im jus here to have fun and look at things i like, and the interlude itself was quite lighthearted and refreshing. By talking about the myths and all of kamadeva’s stories, the writers basically gave lore nerds a huge thumbs up like... “its ok now !! u can go ape now !! go be insane<3 love u<3″ and all of this kama characterization GENUINELY makes me so happy because i think they really needed that. kama assassin... (i blow a kiss to the sky) is a little mess of a servant... a god, human crumbs and a demon... a total mess... im in love with them...

..............tho now the wait for a summer alt where they interact with the entire indo fam begins (im sitting in a chair unmoving)(i have a gun in case minase begins acting gross

#ree's fgo hcs #kama #WONT TAG THIS ONE AS A WHOLE BC IM... A LIL SHY TO BE HONEST #its just a kama fan rambling bro....... jus a kama fan liking the interlude man.....#like i said at the beginning of the post its just my thoughts<3

44 notes · View notes

lilatreus · 4 years ago

Text

All of my thoughts on Assassin’s Creed Valhalla!

Of course there are major spoilers for the game and ending. I know it’s been out for like three months now but you never know so I’m putting it all under the cut. And yes this is pretty long. A summary is at the end of the entire text.

also pls don’t send me hate like y’all did for what I said about odyssey literally these are just my opinions on the game if u dont care for them pls just skip I have a lot to say about it and there is actually quite a few things that I really enjoyed when playing the game and if u do read it pls don’t hesitate to shoot me messages and talk to me about the game bc I really enjoy the franchise and I need some more people to talk to in this fandom.

What I enjoyed about the game!!

The blending in with the monks/prayers in the streets to get pass the guards!!!!! Dude!!!!! I know it’s like a really small detail but it just made me so happy because it reminded me of when you had to do that in the first assassin’s creed game. It’s a nice touch of nostalgia and really liked it.

The “glitches” (while some were annoying) I’m super super happy that they were kind of bringing back the glyphs from assassins creed two. I loved doing them because I loved trying to get the little movie. It was really nice of them to bring that back so we can get another little movie like the one from AC2 again.

I think we can all agree: Hytham was a great character. I wish he was more involved in the story than already but that’s just me. I really liked his character so much he’s my favorite from the game.

Desmond having some Easter eggs and basically coming back into the series again was great. It was also a nice touch to see the vault from assassins creed three (the place where des dies). It really makes me miss connor and his band of assassins. I miss assassins creed three :( I want more about Connor please put out some more comics with him in it or some easter eggs please I’m begging you. Also fuck u haytham kenway I hate u.

Shaun and Rebecca being back and now it’s canon that they’re together is fucking awesome. I’m actually really happy about that and I missed them so much. I’m glad they’re in the story again. (Rebecca dude I was so worried that she died like no fucking joke I was so upset I thought syndicate really killed her off).

The game itself actually did very well keeping with the lore we were given from assassins creed origins and was actually doing pretty well trying to connect it to the first assassin game.

Speaking of lore I do think they did the best they could to expand upon the not so well liked lore from odyssey and try and fix it but also it did feel a little confusing but I guess that’s just because i didn’t finish the Asgard missions yet so who knows.

The scenery was very very beautiful and I throughly enjoyed walking around and just admiring the view no matter where I was on the map.

Reda just becoming immortal is so funny and the fact that he was just sitting there telling stories about Aya and Bayek.. please my heart. I love them so so much. The letter Bayek wrote??? Soulmates I’m telling you.

Also I did like that they fixed their plot hole for why Bayek and Aya aren’t known for anything history wise in the story (or mainly why Bayek isn’t in the assassin’s history books and Aya, as Amunet, is really the only one written down). I’m very glad that they explained it and I really think I’m just super happy that Bayek was brought back for some easter eggs within the game.

Basim is very handsome and I liked him but I don’t know how to feel about the ending with him. Yes I do love his character and it was super cool to hang around him and do a couple of missions with him but also it felt weird that now you’re technically playing as the bad guy.

Eivor was really cool to play as. I enjoyed running around as them and doing missions. I like the fact that Eivor was basically like “yo you guys [ pointing to the brotherhood ] are fucking crazy but you guys [ pointing to the templars/order of ancients ] are really fucking crazy and weird.” I really loved basically being an assassin and using the hidden blade again. (Yeah I know they technically aren’t an assassin but yknow just an honorary one).

The Canterbury Tales!! The fucking pardoner’s tale!! That was super cool to do I loved those stories and being able to do them in the game made me super happy. I know it doesn’t actually fit the timeline given it wasnt written until like centuries after the game took place but I just thought that side mission was neat!

Fulke was a very cool templar and I thought her character was really really interesting. I wish they did more with her honestly.

What I didn’t like about the game:

So! Speaking of templars! Boy oh boy I have a lot to say for that subject. So for “the order of ancients”:

— I think my biggest problem with this game (as well as odyssey) is that the templars (“OOA”) aren’t actually important to the game anymore. They’re barely in the story now like out of all 20 or so people you have to kill within their order only like 5 or 6 are actually important to the storyline and that’s my biggest problem with it, because now killing the templars is just like a “well since you’re in the area you can kill this dude” and I really hate it. I truly believe that’s why I didn’t like odyssey that much solely bc they made doing the most core part of the video game series a damn side mission and that also goes for Valhalla.

— Also so many of the templar stories, like scenes we get after you kill them, were just so bland. They don’t make them like they used to and that’s another big core part of the series lost.

— They’re straying very far from the main plot of the series and that’s why these last two games didn’t feel anything like an assassin’s creed game. (And you can’t say that “it’s just different because they’re taking place in a time way before the templars were called templars” bc assassins creed origins did very well to changing their game and how they play but also keeping the main goal from previous games: To be an assassin and kill the templars.)

— Also they need to not show us the outline of who the templars are because I could tell who “the father” was as soon as I was able to see the order tab. Please Ubisoft do better.

I know I said this before however the fucking Beowulf mission. My God Did I Hate That. I was really looking forward to the dlc and to see what they did with the story sucked. In Odyssey we got actual Greek monsters and gods and I expected to be given that in Valhalla for the norse deities. And it didn’t happen. (As of right now I can’t comment on the Asgard missions because I haven’t finished them but I’ll probably edit the post and put them in later)

As of right now with the ending and lore shit I’m really kind of indifferent with it. On one hand they are trying to fix the lore that they kind of fucked up in Odyssey by adding more things to explain it better but also that means they added on unnecessary stuff that makes no sense. On the other hand I really hate that Layla is now technically canonically dead because shes now in the grey and basim now has the one thing that would’ve kept her alive. I really wanted them to do more with her like they did with Desmond. I genuinely enjoyed her as a main protagonist and it sucks that she is now dead. Layla deserves so much better honestly!!!!

Also on des: While I don’t want to smack away a fan service gift that includes desmond; it did kind of feel weird that he’s back in the series. Honestly I don’t know how to go about this. I’m super excited that technically desmond is back in a way but on the other hand I wanted them to focus on Layla more and :( Idk man it’s complicated. They have to stop changing the story’s main protagonists Layla deserved to be in more games and hopefully she will be because her “death” felt so cheap. I also wish they explained what happened with her during the year apart from odyssey and Valhalla.

The side missions I have no problem with except for the fact that the little side mission icon just stayed in the place you first show up to to get the mission. I miss the old side mission mechanic bc this new one felt really really confusing and it made me get lost quite a few times.

This one might just be me but I guess they’re expanding more on the gods reincarnating but they’re not focusing on the sages anymore? Like when will Elijah Miles (the newest sage) be shown?? Odyssey fucked up that lore bit but now they’re not even talking about it because any isu god can reincarnate or can take ahold of anyone if they interact with a piece of eden or something. Idk this one little bit is super confusing for me right now and I don’t like that it’s confusing so I will be doing more research on the isu (again) to understand what the fuck is going on with this damn part of the lore.

I know that this is a game where you kill people but this whole game felt so gore-y that I like had to drop it for a bit. Like dude I didn’t really expect that. This one I really feel like is just me. I did not expect to like hear bones breaking when I played it.

The storyline felt kind of all over the place like yes I could understand the big part of the story but also it was all over the fucking place. I just miss the old plot I really do that had a system that was so good it caused several games to follow it’s lead. (I miss AC1 please remaster that damn game)

Also maybe it’s just me but the story felt so slow at the beginning when ur going to England. Literally I hate to say this bc I love this whole series but I was more happy about finally finishing the main storyline than I was while playing the game.

All in all: I did like the game. I did have fun even though some parts were rough. I’m super glad that they got rid/fixed the ship mechanic because I hated every fucking naval battle in assassins creed and that’s something I was worried about doing when I saw that we had longships in the story. The game was enjoyable and it had a lot of great side characters like Hytham, Gunnar, and Yanli. Basim was a treat, though I hope they explain more about him bc I’m going to be honest he’s a bit confusing with this whole loki thing. But yeah this is all I have so far on the game. If you actually read all the way down here comment or like shoot me message to talk about it bc I really really want to talk about the game. Pls pls pls.

#assassin's creed valhalla #ac valhalla #assassins creed #eivor wolfsmal #layla hassan #desmond miles #assassins creed origins #assassins creed odyssey #I’m tagging those two bc I do talk about it within the entire text #I really hope these make sense bc if not they’re just going to sound like ramblings by a crazy person

12 notes · View notes

donkey-hyuck · 5 years ago

Text

Bus Ride Away

^^ song based off of Bryce Xavier

A/N- the lyrics are italicized, whether they are dialogue or included into the story separately. And in no way is this story based on the title (sorry) just based off of the lyrics and meaning. A lot of cursing! Lots of time skips

Word count- 6.9k

Genre- angst/ some fluff/ post breakup! Au/ college! Au (almost half of the story)

Characters/pairing- jung jaehyun X Fem! Reader (not really bc they don’t get back together, sorry if that’s not what you wanted but it’s my story lol😝)/ Johnny Seo/ mentions Mark and Taeyong/ original characters (Byeol, Hina)/ extras that aren’t prominent to the story.

Introducing- after three long years of loving him, your love died out. Jung Jaehyun had been your high school sweetheart and you wouldn’t have it any other way. From junior year in high school to your freshman year in university, you gave each other your all. After ending it on good terms, you moved on easily. While your ex lover had less luck with falling out of love with you. Years had passed by and Jung Jaehyun still had so much love for you, and when you received an email from “an old friend” you definitely weren’t expecting it to be him.

The lyrics of the song that are mentioned are NOT in order of how the song goes.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓��

Falling in love with Jung Jaehyun at sixteen was all you could ever ask for. He was the star athlete during all seasons, he had high marks when it came to academics, he was a part of the dance club, and he sang so well when auditioning for plays that the school held, getting the lead role almost instantly.

Falling in love with you at sixteen was all Jaehyun could ever ask for. You were a part of the tutoring service at school, captain of the girls volleyball team, head of the theatrics, a part of the student council, and was the lead singer during choir.

The two of you were the idol couple. Of course people were jealous of one or the other. Hell, students from across town admired the two of you. As a couple, you and Jaehyun had been a part of so much during school and extracurricular activities, helping students, teachers, and the community. There was just so much cheer whenever you two were around. And you remained as a couple through senior year graduation, making people think the two of you would last forever, for sure.

But somewhere during the first semester of your freshman year in university, your love for Jung Jaehyun had slowly dialed down. Too caught up in your music- theory and composition major and communications major, you had realized you didn’t have enough time for Jaehyun. The two majors you were enrolled in were quite opposite therefore, meaning that you didn’t have enough time to share with Jaehyun. It was upsetting because you loved the man so much, but you wanted to have a good job, and you wanted him to excel at life. Being in a relationship was something you had never seen in your life, always thinking it was a bit of a burden. So when Jung Jaehyun had asked you out, it took some time to respond and reciprocate his feelings. And when you agreed to go out with Jaehyun, he treated you like a small chinese porcelain doll. You meant everything to him.

“Can you meet me at the lake near campus? I need to tell you something.” It was so nerve wracking as your fingers moved across the keyboard on the screen. Contemplating on sending it, you acquired that it was bound to happen at some point. And now was that time. Walking toward the small lake you and Jaehyun would meet when you needed to relieve your stress, shivers had crawled down your spine and through your whole body.

“Hey, what did you want to talk about?” Asked Jaehyun from the little arched bridge. Nervousness filled you up again, you were not expecting him to be there first. You had wanted to reach the lake first in hopes you could practice, for the nth time, what you were going to say.

“Jaehyun…” you exhaled the breath you held in. “I didn’t know how to say this and I practiced saying this for a while. Just know that this is for the best and I love you so much.... But, I think we should call it off. University is getting to my head and I don’t want to cause any pain to you when seeing me stressed out about my life. I want the best for you and that’s not with me anymore. I’m incredibly sorry and I love you more than words can explain. You showed me what the statement high school sweethearts meant. I’m so appreciative of having someone like you in my life. You taught me how to live, you taught me how to be brave, you taught me how to love. But we have to move on now, our lives will only get more complicated from here. And from the bottom of my heart, I’ll always love you endlessly.” It was quiet for some time before Jaehyun looked up and smiled a bittersweet smile, with tears rimming his almond eyes you were sure you were going to miss. “I don’t want to, but I agree. This is for the best of us and I know that’s all you want for me. It’s sad, I definitely wasn’t expecting this when you asked to meet. But I know your feelings are genuine and I don’t want to keep you from achieving your dream. I’ll love you endlessly and when you release music, I’ll be your number one fan.” Tears dripped down his face as you both chuckled. Lifting your hand and wiping the tears you’d barely seen after three years, tears filled your eyes too. “Don’t cry, or else you’ll make me cry,” you whined and he laughed, resting his hand on yours that lied on his cheek. “I’ll love you until the end of time.” He closed his eyes, “I think you should go now, it’s getting pretty late. And I know you have work to do. We‘ll stay as friends, yeah?” Nodding. “Of course we will.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Four years. It had been four years since your breakup with Jung Jaehyun. It was funny, remembering to stay friends, but that never happened. While looking forward to seeing your new, old, friend it seemed that he didn’t want to be linked with you, which was weird since he was the one to suggest it. But you couldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see you again, you broke the guys heart. Moving on from Jung Jaehyun was easier than you had initially thought, considering he was your first true love, you’d taken the breakup better than you believed you would, and didn’t think much past that.

It was the night of your graduation. Your friends had begged you to attend the party since you’re no longer going to be in school, unless you wanted an associates or master’s degree. “Come on Y/N! You’ve been so cooped up in your apartment all these years. We’ve graduated and now we can get our lives situated,” said Byeol. “Ooh, okay! Fine… But I’m not drinking. And if anything happens I’m getting my ass out of that frat house.” Hina and Byeol screeched in joy. “Thank you! We love you so much.”

Arriving at Yuta’s apartment complex, Hina and Byeol practically dragged you to the roof, where the party was happening. Opening the door, people who attended your university greeted your popular and outgoing friends. “Y/N! I’m glad you could make it! Finally you’re out of your apartment for some fun!” Said Yuta— a Japanese transferee— with the iconic red plastic cup in his hand. Looking around you noticed Jaehyun, he was standing less than ten feet away and was chatting with Johnny Seo— tallest member of the basketball team and fellow communications peer. Surprisingly, when looking at your ex-lover, you had felt nothing but happiness for him. You were happy he moved on. And while at the event, guys had instantly approached you, aghast to see you leave your apartment at night, to attend a frat party.

Jealousy was the word to express what Jung Jaehyun was feeling. Seeing the attention towards you, Jaehyun was surprised to see you there. But overall, he was jealous. It wasn't your intention, gosh you hated to make people feel jealous, he knew you felt that way, but people were just dismayed to see you at a party. “Hey, Jae? What’s wrong?”

When you’re with your friends you try to pretend that you moved on but you can’t.

After your breakup, Jaehyun went straight to Johnny’s apartment and spit out everything that had happened. He was upset and sad at first, but claimed to say he was doing fine without you. After a while, Jaehyun did a pretty good job in telling Johnny he was over you. Either that or Johnny Seo was just too damn gullible.

Looking back to you, he saw you were the same person you were four years ago. It was insane that he still had so many feelings for you after all these years. He just didn’t have the guts to approach you. He was a coward after asking to be friends and flat out ignoring you; how selfish of him. He knew you didn’t want him hurting and dwelling on his feelings. If only you knew how much Jung Jaehyun missed you, but you would— probably— never know.

Approaching you, the cup in Jaehyun’s hand had been slightly quivering as his legs had a mind of its own. “Jae, long time no see.” he smiled, “Yeah…” , “So, how have you been these years? We haven’t seen each other in a while.” Seeing you smiling and not hurt almost healed Jaehyun’s single heart, only to have it crushed again once he realized you were no longer together, you hadn’t been together since 2013. “I’ve been okay. Academics are a pain in the ass but I get help from my friends here and there. What about you? How’ve you been?” , “I’ve been doing the same. You know, same old, same old. Picked up painting again, so I’ve been painting in my apartment to get rid of my stress.” Jaehyun remembered when he bought you a canvas and paint brushes, somehow forgetting the paint. But he loved to see you paint, the creativity from your mind flowing to the white canvas. Fuck, he missed it all.

“Y/N! I have someone I want you to meet!” Shouted yuta from the other side of the roof. “Sorry, duty calls,” you laughed, “Uh, it was good seeing you safe and happy. Maybe we can hang out, you know, as friends one day, only if you’d like.” , “I would like that, yes. And it was great seeing you too Y/N.” He always loved the sound of your laugh, it brought him so much joy. He always tried to make you laugh, but now he was only making things feel awkward because he was a douche that continuously ignored you.

The night was only eleven but Hina and Byeol were sensibly intoxicated by all the alcohol. “You got them Y/N?”, “Yeah, bye guys.” Throwing them in the car, you walked to the driver's seat and started to drive to your apartment which was, thankfully, not far from Yuta’s apartment. “Hey, Y/N…. you know… Hina and I…. Hina and I…. We were talking to the jackass that ignored you….. and you know what he said…? The idiot said he misses you, and still loves you!.... what a joke,” their words were slurred but you hit the brakes anyway. “What? Why would he say that?” The girls were unable to answer since they were just knocked out cold. “He still loves me?”

You would have been lying if you said you were still in love with Jung Jaehyun. You loved him, just not in the way you used to. You just loved him as a friend now, and only wished for the best, without you. Your feelings were easily sidetracked because of school and didn’t think much about your feelings towards him. Though, it was clear to you now that Jung Jaehyun had never got rid of his love for you; his romantic feelings.

��͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Jung Jaehyun

After Jaehyun talked to his first love, his feelings had been exploding out of his chest. He was overjoyed to see you doing fine, picking up old hobbies the two of you shared. Painting. Maybe he should pick up painting too, just to try to connect to you once more. But he knew it would only make his feelings get stronger, if that was even possible.

Oh it’s sad to love someone so much who you know doesn’t care enough.

Jaehyun knew you still cared about him. You could never not care about him. However, he knew you cared for him like a close friend, maybe not even close. Even so, it made him think that there could be a chance. There could be a possibility for the two of you to get back together again.

“You idiot! You lied to me after all these years?! How could you lie to me like that?” Yelled Johnny when Jaehyun confessed his true feelings about you. “I thought I was going to get over her, but I just can’t! We gave each other our all and loved each other infinitely, but we broke it off. It was mutual, but I tried to convince myself that I would feel the same as her. Shocker! I didn’t, and holy shit do I love her so much. But I’m a prissy loser that can’t and won’t do anything to confuse her, hurt her, upset her, or disappoint her. Believe me, I tried, I really did. But everything I did never worked out and I’m stuck with a one sided love.” Grumbled Jaehyun, downing the rest of the spiked liquid and harshly placing the cup onto the table. “You are….” started Johnny. “This is all on you…. It’s your decision what to do with everything going on. I’ll be here for moral support and advice to give but everything you end up doing is all decided by you.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Reader

Hina and Byeol woke up late the following morning. “Eat up while it’s still hot! Some drunk remedies for you alcoholics,” you joked, placing the bowl of soup in front of your friends. “Ugh I had the most horrible dream. I dreamt that we talked to that jerk-face Jaehyun and he revealed that he still loved you. It made my head hurt so bad, oh my gosh.” You dropped the other bowl of soup to the floor, shattering glass and boiling hot broth spilled on your feet; your face, expressionless, almost. “Woah! What’s gotten into you?!” Shouted Byeol. “Hina…. that wasn’t a dream. Last night, when I was driving home, you said Jaehyun missed me and he still loves me.” It was dead silent, the girls stopped wiping the floor. “What…? You broke up four years ago. How does he still have feelings after four damn years?” Emphasized Hina, standing up to throw away the paper towel and broken pieces of glass. “Never mind that! Do you feel the same way Y/N? Do you still love Jung Jaehyun?” Cleaning your soup stained feet, you walked to one of the stools. “.... I don’t, that’s why I’m so surprised. I thought he and I were at the same stage of being over each other. But I guess we’re not and he still has so much love for me…. When I don’t feel the same….” It was quite the predicament.

“Well, are you going to confront him?” , “..... I can’t. I already broke his heart once. I don’t love him like that anymore, no, but I still have emotions, and I’m a considerate human being. I can’t break his heart twice within a span of four years. I hoped that day was enough,” looking up to your friends who had confused looks on their faces. “I’ll just wait it out I suppose, we talked for a little last night and he seemed fine. But if he comes to me then I’ll let him down, again. If he doesn’t, it’s better for me not to see him sad, especially since his sadness is because of me.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

“I can’t wait to meet you, girls!!! I have so much to tell you!!” The girls squealed over video chat while you were eating a small snack before bed. After a couple months of applying to different jobs, you had gotten accepted to work as a producer under SM Entertainment, it was truly rousing.

Hina and Byeol always wanted to keep in contact with you, they were your best friends, after all. And soon separating due to jobs, your small friend group was finally in Seoul at the same time. “I do too! The boutique is coming along so much better than last month's apparels!” Hina had pursued her career in the business and fashion game while Byeol was hired as a popular photographer for W Magazine.

“You will NOT believe who I had scheduled a shoot with the other day. Y/N you will lose your absolute shit when we see each other. I’ll tell you girls then, but for now I have to go shower and sleep. Tomorrow’s shoot is such a big deal for the magazine label. Bye! I love you both.” Subsequent to what Byeol had gossiped, curiosity spread in both you and Hina’s mind. “I wonder who she saw. And why she‘s acting like that.” Questioned Hina, scratching her head making you laugh. “Me too. I guess we’ll find out when we see each other on Wednesday. But I have to bathe Danbi. Can’t wait to see you! Love you Hina!” , “Okay, good luck with that. Love you too!” Closing your laptop, you shouted for Danbi, your year- and- a- half old nureongi dog. Whilst running the bath you couldn’t help but to wonder who Byeol previously worked with for her to tell you and freak out. “Who the hell could it be?”

The day of your meet, Wednesday. Waking up at around nine in the morning, you checked your emails that needed to be answered. Scrolling down, one email had caught your eye. From: An old friend, To: Y/N, Subject: ….Hi there :) “You’re absolutely kidding me.”

The restaurant Hina reserved, prior, was packed with people sitting in booths and waiting in line. “What the hell did you drag us into?” , “Relax, I had reservations set for us already.” The— quite attractive— waiter had brought you three to your table and did waiter things. “Okay, so…. my recent photo shoot was with…. Jung fucking Jaehyun, and Johnny Seo.” Hina, dramatically, choked while drinking her water. “Well, let me tell you… the same person emailed me at three in the morning, today.” Now both Byeol and Hina choked on their water. “You’re fucking with us!” , “I’m being dead serious. Look at my emails.”

“To the most lovely person, it’s Jaehyun. I know it’s been years upon years and I’m a prick that can’t stick to my words; but it’s been a while and I just wanted to reach out if we can actually hang out. As friends. I totally get why you wouldn’t want to catch up with me, and I totally understand if you don’t even respond. But I’d appreciate it if we could eventually meet up, even with our busy schedules. - Jung Jaehyun,” read Byeol with a traumatized look on her face and Hina with an even more traumatic expression on her‘s. “Look behind Y/N. Right now.” She was seated at the nearest end of the booth and she had seen the person that can’t get rid of his feelings, walk into the occupied restaurant.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Jung Jaehyun

He’d been contemplating on writing a letter, texting you— if you still had the same number— or emailing you. “I’ll just email her,” he decided. Shakily opening his laptop in the midnight air, Jaehyun pressed the keys to your email address.

And it hurts, I wanna text so bad but you don’t want your best friend mad. ‘Cause they told you to walk away, but it’s hard and you’re feeling weak.

When Jaehyun called Johnny prior, he was upset but couldn’t control his best friend's romantic life. “Look, I don’t have a say in this but you shouldn’t text her by her number. You’d be crazy if you did that. Just email her I guess, but it’s been three years since you last saw her and it’s been seven whole years since you’ve been together. Jaehyun, I get that you love her but isn’t this a little crazy? And by a little I mean a lot crazy? What about her can’t you not forget? She’s clearly over you by now.” Jaehyun didn’t know either. He couldn’t answer Johnny’s questions because he didn’t have an answer. It was just difficult to think and talk about. And, of course, Jaehyun tried to get rid of his feelings for you. Going on blind dates, having one night stands, drinking his feelings away, but nothing helped, nothing cured him.

Jaehyun had been scouted as a model while working at some beat down cafe. It'd been about a year since his college graduation and he was pursuing his dream of being an architect. A not very known architect, at the time, but an architect nonetheless.

April 22, 2020 had been the schedule for his shoot with Johnny for W Magazine. While fitting into their Leonardo DiCaprio style clothes, they waited for the photographer they were to work with that day. Byeol had walked into the room, talking to a couple of the staff and when she turned to see her models, her face had dropped. The men had soon realized that their photographer was your best friend. Immediately going up to Byeol, Jaehyun had tried to talk to her about you. “It’s not for me to tell you how she is. Now get ready, I want this photo shoot done, pronto.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Looking to the table he had sat at, a girl was placed across him. “Wait! That’s Park Chaeyoung, she’s one of my models for this month's launch. What are they doing together?” , “What a two faced dickdead.” Scoffed Byeol, turning back to you and looking you in the eyes. “That wrench practically begged me to tell him how you’re doing and now he’s on a date with some model!? Quite the unbelievable person Jung Jaehyun is.”

Eating whatever you ordered, the girls just talked about how they were doing and scheduling your next get-together. Until Jaehyun walked by your table to get to the restroom. “Oh! I can talk to Chaeyoung now. I’ll inform you about what she says.”

Gliding across the room, Hina sat across Chaeyoung, catching her attention and smiling brightly. “Hi Hina! What brings you here? Did you just come here to talk about your launch? If so, I’m quite busy-” , “No, no. I’m here with my friends and we wanted to know why you’re here with, uh, Jung Jaehyun.” Her eyes virtually lit up at the mention of his name. “Oh, blind date. Our mutual friends set us up. He’s quite the guy! Super respectful, kind, and not to mention, incredibly good looking.”

Jaehyun had seen your face walking back from the restroom, and he paused in his steps, looking at the food-smiling you. He then looked back at Chaeyoung. The whole purpose of this blind date was to get over you, not see you. So, ignoring you, Jaehyun strided past, in small hopes you would notice that he was there; no luck. While looking ahead, he perceived his blind date to be talking to Hina, another one of your best friends. “Sorry, your date is back. But we’ll talk during the try-on. I’ll see you then, Chaeyoung.” , “Of course!” Hina glared at Jaehyun and purposefully bumped shoulders as she walked back to your table.

“They’re on a blind date. She seemed super interested in him. But I don’t know about the other story.” Byeol looked at the pair from her seat, making you laugh. “Guys it’s okay. It’s been seven years. I’m happy he’s finally going on dates. I appreciate it that you guys care, but I honestly don’t. Jaehyun is his own person and I am my own person. And we are separated, we have been separated for over six years now.”

Chatting away, your best friends couldn’t help but to look back at the table, only to see Jaehyun constantly glancing his way to yours. “Why do you guys keep looking back at their table?” You laughed at their faces but they just ignored your words and continued to stare down the blockhead that continually lied to you. “Maybe we should just go now… I think they’re a little uncomfortable. Plus, we don’t want them to ruin our plans for today, yeah?” They nodded and asked for a check. Walking out of the busy restaurant, Chaeyoung bid a goodbye to Hina and Jaehyun turned around only to see your back walking towards the exit.

If we ruled time and space and the Milky Way, would you reach me? Yeah, I know you wouldn’t reach me, but I hope that you think of me.

You had always thought of Jaehyun. After all, seven years had gone by so quickly and you had always wondered if he still had feelings or if he was still hurt. Whatever the reason was you were sincerely happy that he was moving on. And you were glad to see him more well-mannered and gentlemanly than he already was.

Jaehyun was glad to see you’d matured so well over the years he’d never seen you, but that made him miss you more everyday. Johnny had persistently been setting Jaehyun up on blind dates to get rid of his fondness for you, though to no avail and Johnny fails every time.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Jung Jaehyun

It had been around four in the evening when Jaehyun went back to his shared apartment with Johnny. “Damnit Johnny I saw Y/N at that stupid restaurant. My affection for her is only getting stronger and I don’t know how to relieve them. This is taking such a big toll on me but it’s been seven fucking years. My heart aches for her so much and I don’t have a clue why!” He let out once more and Johnny just sighed, sitting on the couch next to his best friend. “Then just open up to her about it. She works under SM, yeah? Just ask around for her, you're doing a shoot with Wendy, right? Well, Y/N’s a producer for multiple artists under SM, just ask Wendy then.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

It was the upcoming day and you were getting ready to work with Red Velvet and Super Junior. Opening the door and walking towards one of the receptionists, you had signed in and walked straight to one of the recording studios and greeted whoever tendered a good morning. “Morning Y/N!” Greeted Taeyong and Mark, a duo under SM but also a part of Super M, SM’s newest debut boy group. You’d worked together in the past, only on a couple of songs but they were really good friends with you. “Morning boys! You guys are quite hyper at this time in the morning. I’m almost done with my coffee and you guys have more energy than I do!” You played and pointed to the dark circles under your eyes, which you tried to conceal with makeup. They laughed and gave you a short hug. “What’s your schedule today, Y/N?” , “Just some stuff for Red Velvet and Suju. We don’t record until Sunday, though. What about you boys?”

“We have our choreo that we have to finish and then some try-on stuff for our promotions and music video.” , “I’m sad that we can’t work together this time. But good luck with that! I’ll be definitely checking out the album when it comes out! Bye Mark, bye Taeyong!”

You unlocked your office— which was basically just a recording studio— and went straight to the cafe on the ground floor since your manager had asked to grab him a cup of coffee.

“Hey. Weren’t expecting you down here.” The voice was so distinct. “I work here…?” It sounded like you were irritated but you really weren’t, just confused because you had thought he knew you worked under SM. “Oh- I know, it’s just, I uh….” He scratched his neck in embarrassment. “I just didn’t know what to say when I approached you. Plus you always used to have coffee at home.” You were surprised he remembered something as small as that. “I just came down here to get some breakfast and the coffee is for my partner. We’re working with Suju soon. Then we’re working with Red Velvet.” , “So am I! Well, just with Wendy, we have an SM Station coming up. Today’s just the shoot for it.”

“Y/N, your order!” , “Sorry. I didn’t expect to see you here, especially so early, since you’re not a morning person. But text me some time, yeah? I still have the same number so we can communicate whenever you’d like.” This made Jaehyun beyond exhilarated. Maybe there was hope after all; you remembered how he hated mornings and you offered him to text you. And he was stoked to finally see progress, though it was mostly his fault of the zero progress, anyways.

“Of course! I guess we’ll be seeing each other a little more for a while then.” , “Yeah. But I really gotta go. See you whenever Jae.” He was happy to finally be having a less awkward conversation with you. His emotions were exploding out of his heart but he was able to contain them. He was happy that you were calling him Jae again, no one ever really called him that besides Johnny. And at this moment, Jung Jaehyun was content with your interaction. This time, Jaehyun promised himself to buff up and get over everything because, as of now, you two were friends— or at least he’d hoped you were. Luck was on his side and now he didn’t have to ask Wendy about you. He barely even knew the girl.

While in the middle of their shoot, you had intruded to ask some staff how much longer it would take. “Maybe, thirty more minutes? This is the last outfit for the shoot then she’s all yours,” explained one of the makeup artists. “Can I sit here then? Just to wait, and only for ten minutes. I need to set up a little bit soon.” , “Of course you can!” So, scrolling through your phone and occasionally looking up Wendy and Jaehyun had a short five minute break. “Wendy!” , “Y/N!” She waved, getting her lipstick and hair retouched. “I’m about to go to my studio. I’ll see you and the girls then!”

“Sounds good! I’ll see you in about twenty. Bye Y/N!” Sauntering toward the exit, Jaehyun bid you a goodbye as well. “Bye, I hope we meet again soon!” You beckoned. There were no words to describe how Jaehyun was feeling. He had no idea where the sudden burst of confidence came from, but it came then and he was fortunate enough to experience it now. Better now than never, he thought.

The ensuing day, Jaehyun had texted you to eat and catch up over some brunch. “Only if you’re not busy. Which is totally fine if you are. We can reschedule!” You chuckled at the text, he was still the same shy and awkward high school boy from years ago. “I’m down. We can meet at the front of the building at 11:30. I have a meeting to attend first.” , “Great!”

Driving to the label, your routine had been the same as the days before and took the elevator up to the meeting room. Once the boring, yet, necessary meeting was over, you placed your binder of papers on the desk and walked back to the entrance of SM. You smiled when approaching Jaehyun. Tapping on his shoulder, he turned around and returned your smile. “Ready? I’m taking us to The Hideout. I don’t know if you remember but I really liked eating there.” Your smile only grew wider, and your eyes were squinted shut in happiness. “I do remember! We used to always get banana bread and french toast. Gosh, I missed that place! I haven’t been there since 2013.” , “You and me both,” he said on the quieter side, anticipating your ears weren’t able to catch what he had said. You did, but you wanted to convince yourself that this was all in good fun and you two were friends now. It was impossible that after the years that had passed, he still had some sort of romantic feelings for you. But oh boy, were you wrong. He just didn’t want to admit it to you, at least, not yet.

The car ride was exactly the opposite of what you’d thought it was going to be, thankfully. Jaehyun brought so many topics into the conversation during the ride and while you were eating. “We should definitely order the banana bread and french toast! It’s been a while since I had some good brunch food!”

And all of a sudden, after being in the café for a short while, the discussion had gotten more serious, “Look, Y/N. I know I was an ass in the past but I finally had the guts to ask to go out and not bail on you. And I’m incredibly sorry for always ignoring you and not sticking to my words. I’m a jerk that you shouldn't have forgiven but I’m so damn grateful you put up with me for almost a whole decade. Gosh, I’m such a fake person, but I’m here to make up for it. And I’m glad we’re here together, as friends.” Every word that exited Jaehyun’s lips were genuine and sincere. He was happy to finally reconnect with the one he used to call his love. Yet at the same time, he was sorrowful he wasn’t able to reconnect earlier, he was sorrowful that you and he were no longer together. But there was nothing he could do, it was your decision and you both talked it out.

“You’re completely fine! I mean, I get why you didn’t want to talk to me. I broke your heart and you weren’t ready for it. It’s my fault I suppose, I was the one to unexpectedly tell you what was going on. But I’m happy as well. I’m happy you’re doing fine, and I’m happy we’re here as friends. And I’m happy you went on that date with Chaeyoung, you really needed it, I could tell… Oh! Speaking of Chaeyoung I wanted to ask how you two were doing. If the both of you were no longer going out on blind dates.” Your eyes had lit up at the thought of him being in another relationship. “We’re not, unfortunately. She did divulge in her thoughts about me, I just didn’t feel the same, I guess. She was undoubtedly nice but something just didn’t click between the both of us.” The light in your eyes had now dropped down. “That sucks. I’m sorry for asking then.” , “Oh, no! You’re great, I don’t really like blind dates anyway.”

The next half hour had passed by quickly and your manager had called you to meet at the studio for another, abrupt, meeting. “Well let’s go, I don’t want you to be late for that!” Jaehyun was still as kindhearted and delightful as you remembered. It was one of the things you loved and admired about him.

“Maybe we can meet again some time..?” , “We sure can! Honestly, we can just meet at the café on the first floor while you’re working with Wendy. But if you have any other plans, definitely text me! Well, I’ll be off now. I hope you enjoy the rest of the day in SM. Bye Jae.” Turning toward the elevator, Jaehyun admired your figure, then Wendy taps his back, jolting his reflexes. “Woah. Jung Jaehyun, are you interested in L/N, Y/N.” He sighed, a shy and sly smile appeared on his dimpled face. “I am. And I have been for seven whole years. Well, almost seven.” , “Wait, what? What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’ve loved Y/N for that long.... We separated seven years ago and I’m still so damn in love with her. Our anniversary is on June fourth. I want to take her out then and reveal my care for her.” Wendy sighed, patting Jaehyun on his back. “Good luck with that but she doesn’t seem to feel the same way.” The dimples on his face disappeared, “I know… when she and I broke up, she seemed completely fine and I was suffering. And I was a douchebag because I ignored her for years. Now’s the time to recover the time I had missed.” , “Are you going to tell her?” She looked at the taller man who was still staring at the elevator you took to your office. “Eventually….. June fourth, I will. I have to let go of my feelings for her and I think telling her that I still love her will help. That or Johnny just sucks at giving advice.” She sighed, a little disappointed, in a way. “Well, good luck with that. But just don’t think about it now. June fourth is still a couple months away. Just spend more time together and confess to her then. Now, let’s go, they’re going to get mad that we’re late.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Meeting with Jaehyun over the past two months was very pleasurable. You did miss his old self, you missed hanging out with Jung Jaehyun more than anything. He was such good company once he opened up, it was also one of the things you loved about him.

“Oh my gosh did you remember when Mrs. Yoon caught us making out? Her face was honestly priceless. Man, I hated her being.” He laughed. Of course you remembered, how could you not? “Yeah, she never bothered us the rest of the semester!” Reminiscing you past, the two of you joked around. You fooled around so much that you caught strangers stares.

“Well, I had fun tonight Y/N. I’ll invite you to dinner again soon. But dress up, I think I’m going to reserve a fancy restaurant.” It was quite weird, but it was Jung Jaehyun. And he was a sucker for sentimental moments. “Okay. Thanks for today. I had fun, like always. I’ll see you then. And thanks for the ride, I totally could have drove there myself.” , “I wouldn’t let you do that though.” Standing on your toes, you hugged the man that used to own your heart. “Thank you, Jae.” He hugged back. “Don’t thank me. But I’ll see you soon, yeah?” You nodded and waved as he walked to his car.

While showering your face had dropped, thinking about Jaehyun. You’d hoped he didn’t get any ideas about you having feelings for him. “No, he can’t be into me, after seven years he still can't have the same feelings. That’s impossible.”

June 4, 2020. You vividly remembered the date of your anniversary with Jaehyun. And it was fishy he had texted you, the morning of, about going to Rich Table, a renewed fancy restaurant downtown. “What is this boy up to this time?” You’d thought while reading the text he’d sent you.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Jung Jaehyun

Jaehyun looked in the mirror. Fixing his tie and gelling his hair down, he retold himself, “Just admit that you still love her but you didn’t want things to feel unwieldy. You got this Jung Jaehyun. She’s over you and you have to move on.”

And it breaks me inside, ‘cause I know that it’s been over now.

There were no words in the entirety of the universe to explain how he felt, and how guilty he was since he still loved you. Jaehyun knew you remembered your anniversary, and he felt so distressed about you remembering. He knew you must’ve thought something was wrong.

But you make excuses still, so there’s a reason not to kill every feeling you have for them.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Eight P.M., Thursday June fourth. Like he promised, Jaehyun was at your door by eight sharp. The car ride, this time, had so much unknown tension. And while placing yourselves at the table, there was still absolute silence. It was quiet when you ordered and it continued to stay quiet as you ate, the both of you avoiding eye contact with each other.

“Y/N.... I know what you’re thinking. But I just wanted to take you out today to confess that I am still so in love with you.” You were silent, and looking straight at the table. “I’m sorry I was such a coward after not admitting it to you after years had gone by. But I wanted to find the perfect time to tell you, and I figured today was the right time. I already knew that you knew I had something planned. And I’m sure this wasn’t what you were expecting. I apologize a million times for being such a wuss and not saying anything at all. I thought that trying to meet with you would make every emotion that you taught me, go away. You’re probably mad as I say all this, but I don’t blame you. But those feelings have drifted away slowly…. You know, here and there. So, I wanted to tell you this as friends….. that if…. if you were only a bus ride away, would you see me?” It was hushed for a long moment, until you looked up at him with tears in your eyes. “Of course I would. We’re okay now. Why would you even ask that? And I couldn’t never stay mad at you. I’m not that kind of person, Jaehyun. Just know that we broke up and you were fine with it, and please know that I still have so much love for you in my heart.” He dryly laughed. “But not the same way I do. I missed us a lot, I missed you a fuck-ton. But most importantly, I wanted to say that I miss when you needed me.”

#nct #nct angst #nct jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct 127 angst #jaehyun angst #jaehyun au #Spotify

48 notes · View notes

monotonous-minutia · 4 years ago

Note

top 10 favorite new-to-you operas of 2020 and top 10 favorite overall opera productions (which can be ones you’ve watched before 2020) of 2020, as well as why! (take all the time and space you need to answer this one)

thanks!! :)

top 10 favorite new-to-me operas (tried to remember the order in which I first watched them, but I could be wrong): La fille du régiment Just a really fun, humorous, adorable opera with a great cast of lovable characters and some really slappy tunes. Les Huguenots This one went onto my list of top favorite operas almost immediately. Another cast of amazing characters (aside from the really despicable villain), especially some lovely leading ladies; adorable trouser role who gets two (preferably) arias; some really gorgeous music; and an absolutely devastating tragic ending that's so powerful and meaningful. Idomeneo The ladies are fighting over the mezzo; Idamante is one of the cutest and purest opera characters EVER; incorporates Greek Mythology which is one of my favorite things; great cast of characters (though Idomeneo himself still drives me crazy); very sapphic; lovely relationship between the main couple (kinda enemies-to-friends-to-lovers); and again some really great music La clemenza di Tito TWO mezzo bois; very VERY gay on all levels; angst with a happy ending (though depending on the production the ending can be more ambiguous than happy); entire cast of Disaster Bis; one of the smartest sopranos in the world (Servilia); lovely portrayals of loyalty and friendship; and, of course, some AMAZING music. Cendrillon Mezzo love. That's pretty much all I need to say. But also it's got a lot of my favorite things: the libretto is super poetic and beautiful; the music is absolutely fantastic at evoking the fairy tale feel, especially in the scene in the forest; wonderful lovable characters; and simply ethereal music and singing for the leading ladies. Chérubin it's the adventures of our dear Cherubino, what more could I want? How can I not love an opera that's all about this wonderful disaster child? It's so lighthearted and fun and sweet and also just really spot-on hilarious. I was laughing my head off the entire time. Plus it's Massenet so the music is gorge, especially the mezzo music :D Benvenuto Cellini Not least because it introduced me to one of my favorite trouser roles, but also because (as we've discussed) it has basically everything you need in a (not-tragic) opera: fantastic cast of lovable, wonderful characters; exciting and somewhat angsty plot; joyous happy ending; really cute and pure lead couple; adorable trouser role; Disaster Bi hilarious semi-villain you just can't help but love; some really fantastic music; and so much fun and hilarity in general. La Rondine I give this one props because it somehow made me bawl my eyes out even though no one dies. And of course it's the whole Puccini "let's pretend this thing is an operetta for an hour and a half :) and make everything all lighthearted and happy :) and have everyone just have a great time singing some wonderful music :) and then break everyone's heart in the last half hour and leave them obliterated." Also that ensemble in Act II just makes me CRY even though it's like the happiest bit of the opera?? it's just so freaking pretty omg. Alcina Props for being one of the frickin gayest operas on the planet. Also contains one of my favorite pieces of music ever in the history of ever. In general has a lot of opportunities for folks being gay as heck. Oronte can fall off the face of the earth, though. Also I am a sucker for Handel in general. Plus mezzos loving mezzos. Can't go wrong with mezzos loving mezzos. (Yeah, I know technically Rugierro can be played by a countertenor, but I don't watch those ones ;p ) The plot is still "WTF???" in my head, but does that really matter when it's basically one nonstop gay mess? Die Fledermaus Really don't understand how this took so long to get into my life (especially because German operetta was my Thing back in the day) but now that it's in my life I love it to pieces. One of the most iconic trouser roles ever, and an entire cast full of lovable buffoons, as well as just one bop after another. Plus a really slapstick plot. Basically laughed through the entire show.

10 favorite overall opera productions of 2020: It was so hard to narrow this one down! I've seen so many amazing opera productions this year. To make it a little easier for me, I tried to focus on productions of operas that weren't new to me this year (though I HAD to put the Pelly Cendrillon on here. I couldn't not) so I could focus more on the production itself. These ones aren’t in any particular order bc I’m lazy:

Sher Hoffmann (Met 2009/2015) Surprise, surprise. I simply adore the production, set, costumes, staging, etc.--all so wonderfully weird and delightfully eccentric, without distracting from the very odd and complicated story. Plus, I love the casts in both performances, esp. Kate Lindsey but you knew that already ;) Sher Barbiere (Met 2017) Three words: DiDonato. Flórez. Mattei. Plus Del Carlo and Relyea and it's Sher so really, where can it possibly go wrong?? It's an absolute delight from beginning to end that just takes all the comedic gold from the story and runs with it, and, as with his Hoffmann, provides a delightfully eccentric set and staging without being distracting. Salzburg 2013 Don Carlo Super gay, amazing cast, beautiful production, contains material not seen many other places, and introduced me to Maria Celeng's Tebaldo, which will undoubtably forever be my favorite. Did I mention how gay it is? Garsington 2017 Nozze A really fun, charming, heartwarming, and beautiful staging of one of my favorite operas. I love the cast and set and costumes and that people in general are pretty nice to Cherubino, and the Count isn't as creepy or mean as in some productions, and has some legit nice moments with Rosina during the opera so his apology at the end actually comes across as kinda genuine. In particular I love the really adorable Figaro and Susanna (individually adorable, as well as being a really adorable couple) and Cherubino. Pelly Cendrillon (Met 2018/ROH 2010) Super gorgeous production that does an amazing job evoking the fairy tale feel. Not thrilled with 100% of the choreography but I love pretty much everything else about it--the sets, the staging, the cast (especially the Met cast, though there is one little detail in the ROH one I like better) and even the lighting are super intricate and effective. Munich 2011 Hoffmann Just a really delightfully weird take on this opera, with a great cast, some fantastic singing, hilarious sets and costumes, and some quirky staging and edit choices that make it really unique and fun. Met 2017 (Sher) Roméo et Juliette I should basically just say everything by Sher is my favorite now huh? I legit want to write this guy some fan mail because his work (especially for Hoffmann) has in a lot of ways just been really meaningful to me. I didn't even like this opera until I saw this production. It's so GORGEOUS and timeless and yet simple and sweet, and the cast is to die for. Met 2017 Norma Flippin gay, that's really all I need to say, oh my lord. Plus the cast is amazing. Honeslty don't remember much about the sets or costumes, I just remember how amazingly gay it is. Met 2009 Orfeo ed Euridice The dancing in particular is what draws me to this one, but also the expansive moving sets and some really heartbreaking choreography and blocking. Side note, I know a lot of people are annoyed with Amor's outfit, but I love how ridiculous her sparkly pink ensemble is compared with the sombre outfits of the leading cast (and chorus representing all those famous dead people historical figures). I mean, she's basically Cupid, right? When has Cupid every been spiffy or dignified? Plus the whole thing is super gay and really underrated in my opinion. Bonus: Stephanie Blythe is now hands-down my favorite Orfeo. La Scala 1995 Hoffmann Set and costumes are okay, effective but not particularly memorable, but holy lord is this one GAY as hell. That's my favorite thing about it, plus much of the cast (Mentzer and Shicoff, obviously, as well as Natalie Dessay being my favorite Olympia and Denyce Graves being one of my top favorite Giuliettas). There are a few kind of weird things about the staging, and the edit is far from being my favorite, but I adore how fully it embraces every aspect of gay that this opera presents. Plus it's one of the few I've seen that actually has a legit nice ending (others being Munich and Sher).

Thanks for the ask, sorry it got kinda long!

7 notes · View notes

ambitionsource · 4 years ago

Note

Who in the a class is in some kind of therapy?

what a question LMAO. but honestly, a very fair one indeed. while discussing this, es and i ended up basically dividing it into three groups (if someone isn’t mentioned, it just means none apply)

Is In Therapy Currently

Isadora || as we know from the canon of S3, isa is currently in therapy to work through the grief of valerie dying as well as like... the built up abandonment issues, anxiety, and struggles she has articulating or processing emotions lmao. it also helps her learn better methods to work with her autism

Farkle || i mean... we all watched S1 & 2. we know why he’s there LMAO and by god does he need it. it’s good that he’s improving though!!

Chai || she officially started therapy after the events of S1 while she was abroad because evidently her parents divorce really fucked with her emotional state and coping mechanisms -- as well as having sort of emotionally distant parents and having to navigate the world on her own. basically, money =/= nurturing. but yeah i think she realized what she did with tormenting her classmates wasn’t Healthy perhaps and so she sought out the resources to fix it on her own. her parents certainly weren’t going to be much help

Clarissa || clarissa has been in and out of therapy here and there since she was little, mainly for managing OCD. usually she’s fine and her appointments are infrequent (monthly at this current rate), but she tends to go back to her therapist when circumstances get very stressful, like the events of S2 (she mentions going back to therapy in a scene with charlie and haley in 210)

Not In Therapy Currently, but Has Before

Riley || though not by choice, riley went to therapy for a stretch of time in the aftermath of her bullying experience freshman year. by the start of S1, though, she’s on the tail-end of it after a whole summer full of it. she also had stints in family therapy when she was little when cory and topie were having their first bouts of marriage problems, but she doesn’t remember all that obviously. she’s thought about going back for herself because of all the divorce strain, but ultimately opted against it bc she didn’t want to go through cory or topanga. she mainly sticks to talking to eric if things get too overwhelming and using the coping mechanisms she already has

Darby || miss darbs spent some time in therapy in late elementary school due to having issues socializing with her peers. i think she’s always been a bit awkward and desperate to please, so that can get messy with kids cause kids are mean. she was also definitely bullied at that age for being really tall and so i think her parents put her therapy out of genuine concern just with the hopes that like, she’d be able to develop some coping mechanisms and have a safe space to get advice if they didn’t have the answers. and in some ways it helped, other ways no -- her friendships aren’t the healthiest still (as she’s the doormat), but i think she holds her own BETTER with the plastics having gone to therapy than if she never developed those emotional tools at all

Has Not / Is Not but Really Fucking Should Be in Therapy

LUCAS || this is like the most obvious blinking lights sirens wailing example ever. he is a walking textbook for endorsing therapy. between the domestic abuse, mommy and daddy issues, self-esteem in the subbasement, lack of life purpose, inability to read others well emotionally, inability to process his own emotions, the physical aversion due to his trauma, his kleptomania, his risk-taking behavior, his habit of lying, the fact that he has canonically walked off for days at a time with no warning, explanation, or safety net, that he sleeps in a fucking technician’s booth, he used to free-climb buildings SOMETIMES IN THE RAIN, no sense of self-preservation, intrusive thoughts, inability to express appreciation or affection in a normal non-stressful way...... this man is a therapist’s dream and nightmare. they could spend YEARS unpacking him. but will he ever go to therapy? no. because he a) doesn’t think he needs it, b) can’t ask for help ever, and c) could never afford it. and at this point, d) if his dad heard he was seeking help like that he would shut it down instantly. anyway, he’s the biggest case here. underline him in red

Charlie || charlie is a great example of someone who is like coping... sort of... not really... it Looks like they’re coping but they aren’t really and they really need help. like yes, charlie has stability in certain areas of his life that others don’t, and he’s extremely self-aware of his privileges, but i think that’s part of the problem. he’s convinced himself he doesn’t need or shouldn’t get external help because there are people who have it so much worse than him and he doesn’t... he doesn’t really need it, does he? he’s fine. he’ll be fine. and even if he did think about getting “help,” i think his first instinct -- and advice from others -- would be to go to his church leadership, which is not a suggestion made with ill will but just isn’t helpful considering half of his trauma is tied to his relationship with god and the church and faith. he needs a more objective space to unpack all of that, and obviously church itself is not the answer. i think that charlie will be able to work through a lot of his initial issues on his own with time and patience with himself (something we’re in the thick of right now -- we’re just barely in the acceptance phase), but he should really go to therapy in the future just to like... work through all of the long-term trauma he endured from his upbringing and bridgette’s exile and the dueling psychology of church vs sexuality. like... that’s gonna take some time to unravel and he needs to be in the right place to pursue that on his own. will he, i dont know, but i think when he does a certain heaviness he’s been carrying his entire life will finally like... lift. and he’ll be able to breathe better

Asher || so asher is a bit of a clusterfuck LMAO like he’s diagnosed officially with generalized anxiety disorder but he never saw a specialist, his mom diagnosed him since she’s a psychologist. the complexity here is that because of that... well, they say you should never let family be your personal doctors and i think that’s true for mental health professionals too. like emily basically gave asher the generic coping rundown when he was really young, and then he went on to develop his own coping mechanisms with, at least, a very fundamental understanding of what’s wrong with him. but he kind of developed his own complex about it all too, bc i think emily took pride in him being able to figure it all out and be so capable with his own mental health without ever going to therapy and he kind of internalized that, as well as having internalized a lot his mom’s perspectives and opinions as a mental health professional in a way that its like... well my MOM said that, so i feel kind of some type of way about it. so its all really complicated and twisted in his head and he just doesnt bother to unpack it (something, ironically, therapy would probably help lol). the thing about asher is that for all intents and purposes, he does cope well and he is really in tune with his own mental state. it’s just that he could seriously benefit from having an objective party help him untangle some of his neuroses i think and it would take some of the constant stress off his shoulders, but he’s honestly too stuck in his ways at this point to go. that being said, he’s a vocal advocate for therapy and its benefits -- just not for himself

Nigel || as discussed a bit in the ask i answered about him, i just think nigel carries way too much pressure on himself and he could benefit from someone helping him work through things instead of carrying all his stress on his own -- even if its less complex than some others. he’s like same range as clarissa.

Maya || maya has no issue with self-esteem, but i think she could still benefit from someone helping her actually unpack her issues over her dad and why she is the way she is. a therapist who specializes in narcissism would be a good fit for her -- not because she is one, but she does have... certain quirks where i think having that specialization can help unravel her motivations and actions a little more easily

Missy || she’s just a fucking mess. she shouldn’t be redeemed but i think therapy could really do her a favor and maybe make her less terrible and psychopathic towards people who aren’t like her. maybe

-- Maggie & Es

#a class #answered #Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

5 notes · View notes

atalana · 4 years ago

Note

I understand that your only source of representation is through Jughead, so how do you feel about people who ship him with other characters? Would you want them to stop?

i mean in an ideal world? absolutely yes

that said, i'm well aware i can't control much about the world outside of my own personal bubble, and people who ship jughead with other characters but stick to their own space aren't the biggest problem here? i'm not gonna go on a crusade to tear down any sectors of the archie and/or riverdale fandom with jughead ships, because honestly that sounds way too tiring and like, i'm sure i have things that i like to think and write about that other people would find infuriating, i don't wanna be a hypocrite and insist my way of doing fandom is the only way to do fandom

and the same goes for other fictional characters that are strongly implied to be aro/ace but 95% of the fandom has ships with them in, it gets on my nerves, but it isn't majorly harmful

the biggest problem, honestly, when it comes to jughead specifically, is riverdale, for bringing archie comics back into the public consciousness and pretending to be supportive of lgbt+ rights, and then at the same time erasing jughead's canon sexuality. like, this has been less of a problem in recent years bc from what i've seen the show has made a fool of itself in lots of other ways? but for people who do still watch it, just remember, no matter how many gay characters they include, they do not support this community. they include gay characters because it's become socially acceptable to include one or two and pretend like you're a paragon of representation. they're not. they're cowards who do not care about us

but when it comes to fandom, here's what is a problem when dealing with aro/ace representation, and things i'd like all fandoms to work on:

stop assuming that everyone needs sex or romance to be complete, stop assuming that any kind of positive relationship between two non-related characters must be romantic. like please. im so tired. people exist in this world who would be actively worse off in any romantic/sexual relationship, even a loving one, than they would be on their own. acknowledge these people exist, and maybe, just maybe, consider them in your sexuality headcanoning. (do you know how much it hurts to see someone make a sexuality headcanon page of a fandom with like 20+ characters and all of them are gay bi or pan? like representation for all of those are great as well, you should include them, but don't do so at the cost of excluding us. if your only reasoning behind headcanoning a character as bi is "they have Bi Vibes and I Want To", why is it so hard to make one or two of them ace or aro or both?)

people who have no interest in the opposite gender are both gay and aro/ace coded. it's something i've found constantly, whenever even a hint of aro/ace representation shows up, there's gonna be a very loud section of the fandom who insists they can't be aro/ace because they're gay coded, and making them aro/ace would deny representation. these people's only argument? they showed no interest in the opposite (binary) gender. guess what guys! that can be both! and insisting it's only gay is honestly aphobic as fuck and you will instantly lose my respect

same goes for characters who in canon show no interest in anyone at all. you'd think this would be a stronger argument for them being aro/ace than for them being gay, but not for these people! and like, this isn't me saying gay people can't relate to characters, of course do what makes you feel better, but i'm just asking for you to make space for us and acknowledge we're here. let the people with aro/ace headcanons feel just as acknowledged and validated as the people with gay headcanons, instead of shunned and like no one wants them around

(i still lose followers any time i make an aro/ace positive post. which honestly only makes me more incentivised to keep doing it. i'm here i'm queer and i'm not going anywhere, the hill i've chosen to die on is protecting younger aro/ace people and fighting for their rights and good luck knocking me down)

this does include the archie fandom, by the way. i'm assuming you sent this because you saw my post from 3-4 years ago about jughead being canonically aro/ace? well, there are plenty of people who angrily told me that jughead, a character explicitly said in the text to be aro/ace, was gay coded and i was being homophobic. like fucking stop it.

if you're genuinely interested in being a good ally to aro/ace people, and i really do appreciate that you've asked this!! here's a few things you (and the fandom at large) can do:

make space for aro/ace people in your headcanons, even if you're not aro/ace yourself. honestly, while this is a personal opinion, i don't even mind if your understanding of what being aro/ace is is slightly wrong? i mean if you wanna explore that in depth, doing research is better than not doing research (my ask box is always open), but i'm just happy to see anyone be inclusive, those people are the good people in my book

make space for aro/ace people in your jokes and memes. we like to have fun too! i'm still never really gonna get over the gay alignment chart meme, like... they had two separate squares for gay and lesbian, one for bi/pan, and none for aro or ace. that pretty much sums up everything wrong with representation at the moment. if you had to stick to three for the sake of the meme template, gay/lesbian, bi/pan, and aro/ace would have been much fairer. and yeah it's just a meme but like... we shouldn't only be on people's minds when things are serious

stop making all your aro/ace headcanons jokes. don't headcanon horrible real life people as aro/ace. be careful that your aro/ace headcanons aren't entirely children or robots. like, you can headcanon those characters as aro/ace, but if you're exclusively doing that, you're not really seeing us as people

(i have... complicated thoughts about spongebob apparently being canonically aro/ace. but i wouldn't hold that up as the pinnacle of representation)

(also despite many assholes' insistence to the contrary, being aro/ace isn't an 18+ identity. if a 12 year old can be gay a 12 year old can be aroace. they may not have discovered the sexual part yet but they can still know the romantic part. every sexuality goes through this same persecution why are even gay people still passing it down)

aro/ace people can be happy, well adjusted, non traumatised adults! many of us are! go make some headcanons of that!

while just aro or just ace people definitely do exist, and you can headcanon characters as such, some of us don't split those labels (i just use aroace for myself bc it's one thing, like how bisexual and biromantic people just go by bi). make sure you have some aro/ace people in the mix there, and you're not falling into the pitfall of using our identities only to make Gay Lite(TM)

don't let people walk all over us. we had a really thriving community back in 2013, and then the exclusionists came in and completely wiped it out. i saw it happen. they've faded into the background but only because 90% of aro/ace people are now scared to speak up on their own behalf. encourage aro/ace people to share their experiences if they want to, encourage aro/ace headcanons where you see them, make sure your fandom is a space where aro/ace people want to be. and if you see people being exclusionists (laughing at aro/ace people like they're cringy, pretending like aro/ace people are stealing non existent resources from gay people, or calling aro/ace people homophobic for existing are big weapons of the exclusionists), don't pretend it's just an argument or "discourse", let them know they don't belong. we can only fight so hard on our own behalf, we're a community for a reason. we're in this together

research, read, and most importantly, have fun with it. that's what fandom's for. if the only way you get enjoyment out of characters is by putting them in ships, try exploring a different, non romantic angle, and see what happens. encourage different forms of relationships. encourage aro/ace characters who are happy and secure in their own identity. encourage aro/ace characters having the same emotions as everyone else, just without the being attracted to people part. we're cool people! and ultimately, ship what you want. but just remember we're here, we're desperately in need of representation, and we can't make that happen on our own

#asexuality #asexual #aromantic #jughead jones #archie comics #representation #words #ask

26 notes · View notes

ashleeofjupiter · 4 years ago

Text

21 questions: zodiac edition

thank you for the tag @invord!

copy and repost this with your placements and answers ✨

answer the questions before adding in your chart placements to keep it genuine!

1. your sun sign: how would you describe yourself in three words

aquarius. sensitive, introspective, independent

2. your moon sign: you have the night to yourself, what are you doing?

virgo. so, what i do most nights? watch tv, scroll social media, play ps4, binge eat and/or make earrings

3. your rising sign: what do people say about you?

sagittarius. like most, i have varying sides to me and can leave pretty drastically different impressions on people. however i have heard the following: optimistic, calm, bubbly, fun, caring, quiet, intense, friendly, smart, that i smile/laugh a lot and that i’m a good listener

4. your midheaven: what is your dream job?

virgo. i want to work for myself (self employment, i’m tired of slaving away to make rich people more rich) and to help people in some way. if i can incorporate both that and creativity, that would be ideal. fashion/beauty/art and community/self development/body and sex liberation are my interests. i’ve thought for years that i want to curate spaces for women/non-binary/gnc folk (essentially anyone interested that aren’t cis men) to empower each other, form community and connection but i’m still unsure how to go about any of that. that’s less specifically about career and more about my general goals for life in the public sphere

5. your mercury sign: what makes you anxious?

pisces. a shorter list would be what doesn’t make me anxious 🤪 the unknown. feeling misunderstood. feeling alone. confrontation. aggression. busy roads. needles. thinking about my past. thinking about my future. day to day obligations that i can never seem to keep on top of. mechanics. social interaction. health concerns

6. your venus sign: what’s your favourite colour?

capricorn. yellow! although honestly it’s less about the colour and more about how a particular colour makes me feel in the moment - yellow for the most part just happens to yell “happiness and sunshine” to me. i have been gravitating towards bright and bold shades lately

7. your mars sign: what is your biggest pet peeve?

aquarius. i don’t know about biggest bc lots of things irritate me. off the top of my head, unnecessary rudeness. when people talk at me, as opposed to having a two sided conversation. when people don’t signal off a roundabout. speeding/reckless driving. peer pressure. lying. injustices and unfairness

8. sign in your 4th house: what does your dream home look like?

pisces. i wish i could just cut and paste my ‘home’ pinterest board here. i want something new but with character. i like floor to ceiling windows, lots of natural light. open spaces but also cozy nooks. ALL THE ART. trinkets, but no clutter. quirky with personal touches everywhere but tidy. a really beautiful bathroom with warm lighting, a large shower room and spa. greenery in every room. mid-century modern furniture. bright colours. different textures. little luxuries like blankets, diffusers, snacks in multiple rooms. dining room with a bar. entertaining area outdoors with a deck, pool, fairy lights and a garden etc. can you tell i spend a lot of time conjuring up the house of my dreams?

9. sign in your 5th house: what are your hobbies?

aries. learning about whatever my interest of the minute is. reading. creating - whether it be music, writing, jewellery, drawing. astrology, numerology and tarot. making playlists. games - board, video and card

10. sign in your 6th house: do you have any routines? (something you do everyday)

taurus. somewhat. using an app like habitica helps me keep up with daily activities that i want to accomplish. i also go through phases of keeping up certain activities (such as meditation, bullet journalling, daily card pulls etc) but i always end up breaking the routine and then only doing it when i remember/have energy. i don’t have a sleep routine. i have a complicated relationship with routine - it’s like i keep trying to chase it, it can feel comforting but i often fail and when i have it, i can feel confined and desire freedom

11. sign in your 7th: what sign is your significant other? if you’re not dating anyone, use your most recent ex’s sign

gemini. my last ex is a scorpio

12. sign in your 9th: if you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go and why?

leo. obviously assuming we live in a world where we don’t have to worry about this virus, i’d like to go back to europe or go to canada for the first time. there’s something magical to me about certain places in europe. i’d particularly like to do more exploring of france, the netherlands and germany. canada just looks really beautiful, i want to take in those scenic mountains

13. sign in your 11th: what’s a cause you care deeply about?

libra. social justice/human rights across the board. fat/body liberation. defunding the police and prison abolition. i want people to be safe as they live their truth, to have their needs met, to be respected and free. accessibility for disabled people

14. house moon is in: describe your happy place

placidus: 9. whole: 10. realistically, it’s the lake a few streets away on a beautiful day with no one else around. however i dream of having my house/backyard filled with people i love, people i consider my family and community. again, on a beautiful day. good tunes are playing, i feel/look cute, the bbq is going, i’m a little tipsy and there is someone/are people i want to kiss present. we are all laughing, playing games and there is love, happiness and lightness in the air. however, this feels like a far away dream

15. house mercury is in: what’s your favourite book?

placidus: 3. whole: 4. tbh, i like to read but i don’t really have just one favourite book. however my fave topics are generally spirituality, witchcraft, astrology, tarot, numerology etc, feminism, anti diet culture, body lib, social justice, mental illness, neurodivergency, sex and relationships, self help etc

16. house venus is in: what do you find attractive/are you looking for in a mate?

2nd. someone who is unapologetically authentic. loyalty. boldness. gentleness. compassion. sensitivity. someone who shares my values and beliefs. dependability. intensity. a full blown weirdo. individuality. thoughtfulness

17. house mars is in: what are your kinks/fetishes/turn ons?

placidus: 2nd. whole: 3rd. there’s a lot to mention here but i’ll say this: i’m kinky. to summarise, power play. taboo themes. the power of the right words mixed with sensuality and some questionable themes? *chef’s kiss*

18. house jupiter is in: where/how do you need to improve your life?

10th. to be honest, i feel like i need therapy and medication before i will see any real improvement in my life. i have things left unanswered, trauma that i need help processing as well as help finding and sticking to healthy coping mechanisms. to some extent i feel like i’m living the same day over again. i don’t feel i’m progressing in life but i’m getting older anyway. i probably need more love and support in my life but i feel i need to work on myself first to be able to actually receive that

19. house saturn is in: something your dad or father figure taught you (could be an uncle, a brother, a family friend, a teacher, a coach etc)

3rd. you can’t take money with you and you can’t trust cops

20. house neptune is in: what do you daydream about?

2nd. fulfilling, successful relationships/a community. getting better. being financially and mentally stable. dating and intimacy. a beautiful home full of warmth. my future

21. house pluto is in: where do you feel powerless? what scares you?

12th. in my soul. being abandoned, unloved, exiled, misunderstood. losing my loved ones. lack of privacy. violence. living a sad, lonely and meaningless life

i have people i’d like to tag but i don’t know if they’d actually be interested 🤪 but if we’re mutuals, assume this means you and feel free to do so!

#personal #astrology #astrology quiz #astrology survey #aquarius sun #virgo moon #sagittarius rising #pisces mercury #capricorn venus #aquarius mars

4 notes · View notes

bi-furiosity · 4 years ago

Note

bc you’ve talked about this a little before... how do you work thru feeling ugly & disgusting for poverty-related things? like i’m under 30 but ppl tell me i look older. i have chronic pain and frankly appalling genetics so retail has been so so hard on my body. i have adult acne that i don’t have the money to treat. i feel so ugly and in turn worthless bc i can’t afford to look “pretty.” i try to tell myself that my value isn’t in my looks but the world sure says it is.

hi!! sorry i sat on this ask for a little bit i wanted to think on it and give you a response that felt worthwhile bc this stuff is really important and close to my heart. if you want/feel comfortable, i’d be happy to talk about this more in-depth privately in DMs and stuff! i relate a lot to what you said and i hold strongly to the belief that the best thing in healing from this stuff is what we can offer each other. (not to sound like a new age therapist lol)

(also i do want to preface with the face that i am able-bodied so chronic pain is not something i can personally attest to living with, tho much of my family has chronic pain and other health issues and their experiences have definitely influenced the way i look at things.)

full response under the read more because wow i typed for FOREVER.

honestly? it’s overwhelming, though it definitely is better some days than others. i think being online and surrounded by media is such a loaded thing because it can be super comforting when you feel alone, especially if you’re able to curate a space of stuff and people that reflects the things you value and need to see in your life, but those same spaces still carry the same biases and burdens that the real world does.

for me, it’s been a matter of trying to be aware of how i’m feeling and why i may be feeling it. sometimes the self-hatred/self-disgust does get really intense, especially when you’ve been conditioned over your entire life to think that the things that you are (and may always be) are ‘disgusting’. i’m a very socially-minded person, and despite having my own complicated relationships with my family, i do find it helpful to think about the standards i’m putting on myself when compared to the people i love who come from similar lives. when classist stuff is really digging into my brain and i can’t shake it off, i think about the people i love who look the way i feel afraid to look, and what they deserve. i can’t always get it in my head that i deserve the same things i want for my loved ones, but at the very least it helps me reinforce that, no, i DON’T believe this thing society has schooled in me because believing that thing hurts people i care about.

i know that body positivity on tumblr and elsewhere online, for me, comes off very superficially and then i’ll feel guilty for not feeling comforted by it? but i try to remind myself that the things i’m trying to deconstruct aren’t just like “oh this is ugly,” it’s more like “our society has brainwashed us into believing that poverty is a moral failure and thereby any physical traits that imply our social status as lesser is humiliating and should be avoided at all costs,” so of course i won’t feel better just because an upperclass person on the internet tells me they think wrinkles and yellow fingernails are cute. there is a value in our society trying to rethink how it views beauty, but that’s a very big ask to put on yourself, especially when you’re marginalized and hurting emotionally. i try to remind myself that i don’t have to think i am beautiful to have worth. that’s a cliche thing to say rip. but uh, i try to reframe the things i think of as flaws not as beautiful but more of a mark of survival?

again, this gets a lot easier for me when i think about my loved ones.

my dad had a stroke about a week before he turned 47. he’s one of my favorite people in the world, i love him so much. even though the stroke didn’t really cause any visible stuff for him to be self-conscious about, it did still royally fuck him up mentally. he has permanent vision loss and got his driver’s licence taken away for months despite the doctor’s recommendation that he was fine to drive. the doctor told him it was likely because he was overworking and he wasn’t treating his anxiety and depression, and he’s still paying the medical bills off three years later. he couldn’t work, couldn’t drive, and was forced to sit at home and reevaluate the way he was taking care of himself and what he valued about himself. i think a lot about the life that he’s lived and the things that he’s survived. i don’t know that he sees it the way i do, but when i think about how easily my dad could have died, i feel genuinely grateful for the fact that partial vision loss is all that happened. obviously it doesn’t make the actual loss any easier, but it is a reminder that he’s survived.

this world is not kind to poor people. a lot of it doesn’t give a fuck if we live, much less if we live happily or healthily. i try to remind myself that the scars we wear (even the ones that don’t look like scars, ones that look like skin disorders, crooked or missing teeth, stretch marks and fat rolls, hair that’s months due for a cut and clothes that you tried to patch because you really can not afford to get a new pair, whatever it is) might never be beautiful but it is a reminder that we got through it. and, if this helps you, when i see other people on the street who look like me or my family, i feel a little less alone. the people who the flaws we’re so afraid of actually stick out to, they usually notice them because it’s something familiar to them? and maybe it’s not beautiful, but they see that and know it for what it is. whether they see it as beautiful or not/good or bad, it’s a fact of life, and sometimes feeling normal in our imperfections is almost as good as feeling beautiful in our imperfections.

this is a really long answer (i’ll probs edit a read more in here once i post it) and i’m not sure that this is even helpful so much as kind of my own vent about it??? but i hope you know, anon, that you really aren’t alone in what you were saying. i don’t know that i’ve figured out how to live with it, i know it’s likely only going to get more complicated as i get older and the health issues my genes got cookin starts popping up, but i’m working on it. i do know that i always feel better when i think about people like me, so i hope that brings you some comfort? take care of yourself okay? survival is beautiful, even if it feels like the stress marks it leaves aren’t.

#anon #ask #classism #hick manifesto #disability #ig?? not so much for me but when talkin bout my dad and stuff #anyways ima little brain dead now ima go eat smthg and get ready for work as usual take care of yourselves!!!#Anonymous

2 notes · View notes

sergeanttpoliteness · 6 years ago

Note

idk if you’re taking requests or anything, if you aren’t ignore this, but if you are I would die for a classic, upside down spider-man kiss with the loml spider-noir. poor guy would probably be very surprised at first but suddenly its his favorite thing to do. thanks I love you and your work!!

AND➝ mayhaps…. a first kiss with noir? if u have time!

sorry for answering so late nonnies! i feel so bad about that, i promise i wasn’t ignoring y’all. same goes to the few other requests i have in my inbox right now!

——-

➹ inconvenient feelings➹ (spider-noir x reader)

word count: 2.5k

a/n: can you tell i had no idea what to call this lol. i didn’t edit either bc… oof. i’ve been struggling a lot with writer’s block (nothing new, honestly lmaoo) lately and someone close to me recently passed away and i haven’t quite… been able to wrap my head around it?? i don’t know, not to be a little bitch but this week consisted of a lot of school stuff, emotions, and anxiety so thanks @ the people who requested this bc i needed to write some wholesome stuff. also thx at my bestie for helping me out w ideas, ily broz. anyway, there’s some minimum ripeter x reader although it’s solely platonic! hope you all have a lovely week (:

taglist: @marvelousmorales

It’s not convenient. Convenient was that one person with the pretty smile whose eyes seemed to possess an affinity to him that one time at a jazz club, or the singer with the honey voice and smooth runs more soothing than the late night singing of a mother to her child. A poor goon who smooched his fist whilst it collided with his face could even fit the designation, really— but what mattered, the simple component they shared, was that all three were just a speck in a sea with no end; an eternal blue void with only more possibilities hiding in the pitch-black depths neither he nor the light’s fingertips could touch. They were safe. Uncomplicated.

Peter stared out the window, at a completely distinct world, far from a city in a vintage film: the ongoing the mechanical song of speeding cars, the newer and taller lit up buildings, the blinking golden lights, identical to a field of a thousand miniscule suns. This was not convenient. It’s… so different— like day and night, water and fire. This meant to swim out of the ocean he belonged to and reach for a foreign land, to run after a mere drop of water when a whole fucking body existed behind him. It’s not safe. It’s complicated.

Your sleepy eyes roamed the same page for the fifth time with no precise purpose, more disoriented than a newcomer in a large city until they traveled and spotted their true destination: Peter’s own sight deeply engulfed in the view outside, the twisting of his brows every now and then filling your mind with wonder and curiosity at what could possibly be running through that brain of his. You could’ve continued with the ogling like the damn creep you were (seriously, you gotta stop it with that, you told yourself), but you slipped and made a mistake— the most laughably absurd misstep— worse than trying to take a picture of a stranger and then, to your utmost terror, the flash going off— which wouldn’t have occurred in the first place if you’d paid your electricity bills on time. Your apartment wouldn’t have been plunged into darkness, and you wouldn’t have, without thinking, your head clearly not in its right place at the moment, slightly tilted your phone and directed your phone’s flashlight right at the side of his face. You quickly pulled the beam of light away, as if that would work; however, his gaze drifted to you. “Sorry.” You blurted out, acting casual and pretending to focus on the journal on your lap. “You were so quiet, I thought you had fallen asleep.” You lied.

“No, I’m awake.” He said, furrowing his brows to himself— of course you already knew that. You mumbled a small ‘good’, holding the notebook close to your face, like a child staring through the window of a pet shop at some puppies, shining the ‘smartphone’, he’d learned, over the pages. You bit your lip, your shoulders shaking with your surfacing laughter.

“Oh, man, this one’s so dumb.” You snickered before running your finger up the paper, clearing your throat. “October 8th, 1999. Today I came back from my camping trip with Peter, Ben, and May. We ate a lot of s'mores— Uncle Ben makes the best! We also told some scary ghost stories, and I even made Pete scream. It was awesome. You will not believe what happened!” You read the last sentence with a dramatic tone, similar to that of a terrible news headline from a sketchy website, making yourself more comfortable on the L shaped bench seat and leaning into Peter’s side.

Peter tensed at first, but slowly, he pushed himself to relax after you rested your head on his shoulder, a quiet voice in the back of his head speaking against his desires, echoing the terrifying thought that he could get used to this. “I don’t know, enlighten me: what happened?” He asked, amused. You lifted your finger, eyebrows raising gradually, building up the suspense. He waited, and waited, and waited, until, finally—

“I have to go eat dinner. I’ll tell you later.” You finished with an unhumorous voice and a poker face. Yet again, he awaited in silence, interested. Man, you took this suspense thing quite seriously— wait.

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s it?!” He looked down at you and you nodded. “Oh, c'mon! You just gonna leave the reader hanging like that?”

You shrugged, wearing a shit-eating grin, loving his genuine disappointment as you flicked the page. “Sometimes that’s just the way it is.”

“Oh, what malarkey!” He laughed softly. You crinkled your nose— malarkey. What a dork.

You resumed scanning the barely discernible handwriting, the corner of your mouth tugging upwards. “Alright, this one does have an ending.” You sat up, rolling your shoulders back only to go back to your position of hunching over the journal. “April 3rd, 2000. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, I forgot I had this journal. Something crazy happened.”

“The end.”

“Shut up.” You shushed him, shaking your head. “'I hung out with Peter today. We rode our bikes, had a race down the hill near my house, and I also got a butterfly to land on my finger. Man, I love insects!’ …and I still do.” You smiled and he glanced down at you, his mouth twitching. A peculiar glow in his chest grew, fueled him after he recognized that you felt comfortable enough to share this part of you with him; an insight on the stories that carved you into the person that you were today, the being that made every classy, pearly white grin and musical prodigy so boring, so undesirable.

You shuffled on your bum to turn and face Peter, continuing, “We came back home to play some more. We were sitting in front of the TV when, suddenly, he said my name, and like a normal person would, I looked at him…” You inclined forward, voice quieting, looking up at him.

“You won’t believe what happened.”

His eyes darted heavenward and he groaned. “Oh, lord.”

“He kissed me!” You cried out, with as much emotion that past you spilled onto the paper with the five exclamation marks and the three times you underlined the sentence. You slammed the notebook shut and let out a strangled clamor. “I still remember it very clearly. It was just a peck, but he fucking… smashed his mouth into mine, it hurt so much and my lip started bleeding and everything.” You giggled, abashed, rubbing your eyes.

Peter’s brows rose with surprise, pondering how an alternate seven-year-old version of him from another universe had more balls than him. He had to admit, though, the scene playing in his head was more entertaining than unfortunate. “And what’d you do?” He questioned, his mouth twitching.

“He was just curious and wanted to see what kissing someone was like, so we promised we wouldn’t talk about it ever again. He was so embarrassed, though, and felt so bad for making me bleed that he almost started crying.” You recalled, chuckling as you eyed the cursed diary one last time and placed it beside you. “What an idiot. I miss him.” You sighed, peering up at him, grinning. “What was your first kiss like, huh?”

It was comical, almost, the raging blush that trickled his face, the greyish tint screaming for the world’s attention. It was just a Peter Parker thing, you guessed: blushing like there was no tomorrow. “Uh, my first kiss?” You nodded. “Well… it happened when I was eighteen.”

You put the side of your head against the wall, eyes going round, your inquisitiveness close to that of a kid listening to a grandparent’s story. “Was it romantic?” You wanted to know everything: who the person was, the place, the context. Did he enjoy it? Did he make the move? And if so, then was there a chance that, maybe…

Unlike you, he did not have much interest in the subject; he stuttered, searching for a way to move on from the memory before he imploded. “I don’t, I don’t think anyone’s first kiss is romantic.”

You squinted at him, noticing his obvious attempt at dodging the question, but chose to spare him. Just for a few milliseconds, though. “Have you ever had… a perfect kiss?” You said, unsure of how to word such a silly question. He shook his head and you hummed, silently taking in a quick breath, your gaze moving to your right. “Have you thought about what you want it to be like?”

Should he say it? He wanted to. He really did. But he couldn’t, even if his eyes almost flickered down to your lips. “Who thinks about that?” He muttered. Perhaps he had. Perhaps he’d been guilty of having the thought slither into his mind once or twice— possibly more than just that. Perhaps it’d pestered his mind as of recent, like that damn small scratch on his glasses that won’t go away no matter how many times he tried to wipe it away as if that would even help. Perhaps it returned as you unconsciously licked your lips and raised your shoulder, a bashful grin growing on your face.

“I have, when I’m bored. An upside down kiss with a cute guy.” You admitted, your eyes narrowing afterward, only just now realizing how bizarre the idea was once you said it aloud. Your impatience throbbed in your head so badly you didn’t mind the embarrassment as much, though. You really were doing this, huh? “I think I found the cute guy.” You hinted, your heartbeat pounding in your throat.

He understood the insinuation, of course he did. But what better way to run from your feelings than close his trembling hand into a fist, pretend to be clueless, and act like an idiot?

“Who’s the lucky fella?”

Didn’t think he was so stupid, you grumbled in your head, masking your faint irritation. You pressed your lips together, sight on your cushions. “Someone I like quite a lot.” You vaguely said, voice distant. “Though I don’t think you’d understand— you’re not one to fall in love, no?”

It was half a joke but half a real question, one with solely one right answer you yearned to hear from him if you got lucky enough. Peter blinked nervously, fear burning in his stomach, clenching his insides as his tongue dared to break free from his control, from his cowardly spell. “Lately I’ve had someone in mind.” He breathed out, close to breaking out in a sweat. He watched how your eyes dimly lit up, hesitance impeding the light from fully glowing.

“Really? And who is this ‘someone’?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Tell me.”

“Not now.” He gulped. You pouted, begging with your eyes. “N-no.”

“Are you ever gonna make a move?”

Peter drew his lower lip between his teeth, feeling dizzy just by thinking about it; the downfall of the relationship once the distance became too much, once the malaise with no cure finally rotted the adoration, infested the heart, decayed it. “No.” Same answer. Same bedeviled word that boomed in his head whenever his emotions were close to getting the best of him.

“Why haven’t you done it yet?” You whispered, not caring anymore about how obvious you were

being. He frowned. Why hadn’t he done it yet?

“I don’t know if I should.”

“Why not?”

Why not? His own thoughts repeated, betraying him. The confusion unlatched the cage, released all the questions and doubts about his reasons and dread. They crowded his brain, rang in his ears. “It’s… it’d be too hard to keep the relationship alive.” He retold more to himself and the storm of interrogations than you.

Your brows snapped together, your own fear knocking on the door again. “Is it not worth it to try, though?” It’s what you’d told yourself: the antidote to unfreeze your limbs and wave goodbye at the concern hanging in there, because… was it not?

In the overwhelming haziness, he finally looked at you. It’s what he needed to come upon a realization, a truth he knew all along but crumbled and threw away. Everything hushed, one single, final phrase in the quiet of it all.

Convenient wasn’t what he wanted.

“It is.” He said under his breath.

You heard him, and your eyes twinkled. “Well, then make the move.”

He couldn’t help it anymore. His eyes found your lips.

“I will.”

You stared at each other for a moment, anticipation never more warming than right then as it fluttered in your chest. To your biggest disappointment, he broke eye contact and stood up. “Close your eyes for a moment.” He ordered, his face indistinguishable in the dark now that he was further away.

“Creepy, but okay.” You huffed, your eyelids fluttering shut. “You better not be running away right now, you’d break my poor ol’ heart.”

“Don’t worry, that’s not the case.” You heard him say. You trusted him, which could’ve been a terrible choice. The total silence that followed didn’t put you to ease at all, honestly. Maybe you annoyed him so much with your questions that he was about to murder you, and if that’s what was happening, you were quite sad, to say the least.

Your eyelids were itching to open and you lifted a brow, straining your ears to distinguish any sign of his presence. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You’re not gonna believe what’s about to happen.”

You snorted at his reference, but his voice was… oddly close. You opened your eyes, and— “Oh, fuck!” You yelped and jumped back in your seat. Damn right you weren’t gonna believe what was about to happen, for Peter dangled from the ceiling right in front of you, upside down.

“Is it too much of a strange idea? I was going to simply stick to the ceiling upside down, but then I thought… that’d be… worse.” He clumsily explained. You looked up at the web he hung from, laughing in disbelief.

“What the hell are you doing?” You repeated, but you weren’t mad— your large smile backed that up. You couldn’t figure out if it was a blush creeping up his face or if it was from the fact that he was upside down. Both, maybe.

“I’m making a move.”

You giggled, glad you confessed what you considered to be a perfect type of kiss to him or else you wouldn’t had witnessed how absolutely ridiculous he looked right now. “So you’re willing to help me check 'kissing someone upside down’ off my bucket list?” You smirked.

He grinned. “It would be my pleasure.”

You bit your lip, placing both hands on his head. “Alright, then.“

You leaned forward, the tip of your nose brushing against his chin. You softly kissed the area below his bottom lip to tease him, but he didn’t want to wait any longer. Not after so long. Quickly, he enclosed your own bottom lip with his mouth, lastly fully aware that inconvenient truly was magnificent.

#spider noir x reader #spider man noir x reader #spider noir one shot #spider noir imagine #peter parker x reader #spider noir x you #spider noir x y/n #spider noir #sm:itsv #spider man: into the spider verse #spiderman noir #spider man x reader #gender neutral #fem!reader #male!reader

551 notes · View notes

forgenotes-archived · 5 years ago

Text

okay nevermind i’m doing the parent meta now !

OKAY ! S O ! i’m focusing this in three sections : 1- the matching pair of patio dinner scenes, 2- the “patronize bunny rabbits” scene, and 3- the two convos they have when they confront her about jd’s suicide bait and after barbara finds veronica faux-hanging in her room. i’m also putting it under a read-more bc like. it’s going to be A Fucking Doozy.

in this essay, i will -

PART ONE - PATIO SCENES .

this one is more set-up to portray how shallow their arguments are in the second section? but it’s still important for me to get across how. absolutely DISGUSTING it is that they treat heather’s funeral with the same tone and cadence as the remington party. it logically makes sense that veronica would be more blase about it, seeing as she Actually Did It, but like. one of the stages of grief is denial.

the beats of both conversations go: come sit down! how was the first day since break/heather’s death go? meet any cute boys? why do i read these books or smoke these cigars/because you’re an idiot/ oh, you too. gotta motor to party/funeral. completely identical tone and delivery, all the way down to mirroring the word choices in each scene. and it’s entirely intentional!! this is a tonal and thematic choice to further hammer home the fact that adults do not care about what happens in the lives of the youth, which is arguably the real villain of the film- complete and utter apathy. i could go on about that shit for ages but i will do that later lmao-

but like. as parents. first of all, you shouldn’t care so little about your child that somebody could predict exactly what you’re going to say before you say it, that you work off a script, even WITHOUT a massive traumatic event happening to them. they clearly acknowledge heather’s death, they just move past it completely dismissively. it’s disgusting and it clearly sets up that they don’t actually see her as a person, in all reality- her death is just a marker of the time, not the loss of someone important to their child. they don’t know the intricacies of their toxic friendship, so all they know is their daughter’s best friend killed herself. that is NOT the correct reaction to that situation.

this further exemplifies the idea, for me at least, that their main objective is to keep up appearances rather than build a strong, stable, healthy human being in their care. as long as everything looks alright, sounds alright, it is alright for all intents and purposes. there is no WAY that conversation does not REEK of neglect.

PART TWO - PATRONIZING BUNNY RABBITS .

this is mostly barbara, but henry shows his blatant idiocy for a brief moment, too. the biggest part of this scene is barbara’s “little miss voice-of-a-generation, you ARE being treated like human beings” spiel, specifically because she’s not right at all when she says it. or half-right. it’s complicated.

she’s right when she says it’s not just a game of “doubles tennis” and that adults can be horrible to each other too- that’s like. objectively fact. but that’s a non sequitur argument and not at all relevant to the topic at hand, in all reality; because in saying that, barbara has likened people being assholes at work or talking behind each other’s back with EXPLOITING CHILDREN’S SUICIDES FOR FAME. barbara changes the argument in order to make veronica look irrational- what she wants is for people to be fucking NICE to each other, which isn’t an un-noble goal to have.

veronica wants people to give everyone decent respect, and she’s learned that isn’t possible in the way things are at the moment. she’s frustrated, she’s angry, she’s dealing with guilt and fear? she’s dealing with a fuckton! and she’s mad that flemming is exploiting the death of a student (never mind her personal feelings involved with chandler, she still knows this is wrong) for television crews and ribbons. she sees that flemming ALSO doesn’t care about her students other than for appearances. she’s seeing similarities between all the adults in her life, and she’s finally ready to snap.

barbara saying “when teenagers are mad about not being treated like human beings, that’s usually because they are being treated like one” (or whatever the exact quote is) basically solidifies the fact that there will be no change in the way people are going to act in these situations. they are not listening to veronica’s point of view here, and they are changing the scope of the argument to make her look unreasonable to dismiss her again, and they explicitly say, a la bethesda, “we aren’t planning on doing anything about it”.

it’s an important discussion because barbara isn’t. entirely incorrect! she’s just brute-forced the argument into a different direction so that veronica can’t be correct anymore, either.

also- note that she offers veronica pate at the end of it; she’s trying to return to the status quo, to proper appearances. sneaky bitch.

PART THREE - YOU’RE SUICIDAL .

this is. where they come out of their shells a little bit more, as parents, but i’m not entirely positive it’s for the right reasons.

they are actually concerned, now that death is on their doorstep; however, it very clearly seems like showing this kind of care and emotion is foreign or new in their relationship. instead of sitting her down and asking her how she’s feeling, if she’s dealing with all of this okay, if there’s anything they can do to help- they start rambling off the instructions jd, a literal teenager, more than half their ages, gave them. they have NO idea how to deal with this situation, which is. partially understandable? there is no prenatal parenting class that teaches you how to navigate if your kid grows up to be suicidal, but. there’s obvious things that you can do that they just flat out did not.

they didn’t even notice she’d left the room! they were so wrapped up in their own chaotic “keep away from sharp things, toxins, high ledges, etc.” that she just. left the room. and they didn’t notice she was gone until she was already in her room!

rather than saying this is evidence towards the fact that they don’t care about their daughter (which i don’t actually believe, for this part at least), it feels more like proof that they have never cared about her in this particular fashion- which is, to say, genuinely. having an emotional and caring connection is new, and they don’t know how to do it; which points towards them never having done it before in ronnie’s 18 years of life. which is severely damaging to a child turned young adult.

later on, when barbara finds her hanging from the fake noose, i’d like to just. take a look at what she says-

“i should’ve let you get that job at the mall, i was just worried about you coming home late-”

what. in the ENTIRE fuck. was that?

her ONLY THOUGHT when confronted with the DEAD BODY of her ONLY CHILD is that the ONLY THING ronnie could have been upset about, or the only thing she could’ve changed in her treatment towards her daughter, was getting a summer job. i know this line is supposed to be a joke (heathers is a black comedy, after all), but jesus fucking christ, barbara. get a grip. veronica has all but told them what’s been bothering her, up to and including the death of her best friend and the subsequent treatment of it (albeit not in a particularly forward or constructive manner, but can you blame her? seeing who raised her?), but barbara is the sort of person that would give a eulogy that said “i never could have imagined she would have done this. she seemed so happy! if only she’d asked for help... if only she’d reached out to us... we would have SAVED her...” while ignoring all the warning signs.

CONCLUSION - IE , I RAMBLE FOR A BIT .

in canon specifically, there’s no way that there’s a healthy relationship between veronica and her parents. they care more about LOOKING happy than BEING happy and that’s a huge problem in a lot of parent-child relationships, especially at the time this movie was made. not only that, but like. they don’t believe there’s anything WRONG with the way they are, and that’s most likely the most damaging thing about the dynamic. barbara and henry sawyer are neglectful, dismissive, unempathetic, mostly uncaring, and obsessed with their outward appearance; but they don’t think that’s a bad thing, and that has massively fucked up veronica’s mental health in a VARIETY of ways. i’ll talk about the effects on her at a later date, bc this shit is already over 1k words and my brain has now turned into super mario sunshine goo.

#i was doing icons?? and i #stumbled across the patronizing bunnies scene and i got #IRRATIONALLY MAD #❝ - 𝙄𝙏 '𝙎 𝘼 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿 𝙆𝙄𝙉𝘿 𝙊𝙁 𝙎𝘼𝘿 . / meta.#❝ - 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙄𝙉𝙉𝙊𝘾𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀 - 𝙋𝙊𝙒𝙀𝙍 . / isms.#this actually came to a little over 1.5k words #somebody handcuff me

5 notes · View notes

beauzoleils · 5 years ago

Text

ABIGAIL COWEN , CISFEMALE , SHE / HER → according to the school records , NATALIE LUCILLE BEAUSOLEIL has been attending sacred heart for the past three years . i last saw them hanging around the john bracken library ; i think they were working on writing her novel . at twenty - one years old , natalie has been studying english literature and get this , i heard that she’ll zone out while writing papers for class and come to surrounded by pages and pages full of archaic languages she doesn’t speak — figure it’s true ? everyone around here always associates them with a moonlight sonata echoing through empty halls , seats in the back row at the opera , and dead flowers pressed between the pages of an old book . in the time since these strange happenings , they have encountered unexplained occurrences .

HI , hello . i’m hannah n this is like . the only thing i’ve been thinking about recently , aka i’m so excited . ok anyway ! i’m 20 , kickin it in the est ! i’m a full time student ( majoring in being a dumb bitch n gay rights and i’m at the top of my class baby . . ) and i’m ALSO a preschool teacher so if i’m ever Not here , i’m with my babies ! ! but that isn’t the reason why ur all here . . ur here for an intro post ! so !

let’s talk abt my girl . . . 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐋 !

okay . so . first thing’s first . i have some Real Things prepared for my girl , including but not limited to :

a pinterest board !

a stats page !

and what i call NATALIE : A TRAGEDY IN THREE ACTS . it’s kind of a bio , mixed in with some stage directions here and there . it’s a quick read n rly gives you that Natalie Flavor if you know what i mean . . so if you feel so inclined n wanna take a look . . but full disclosure it rly does hit different than just reading this intro

anyway ! i’ll give a more condensed version of her bio here n some info abt her personality n some random headcanons . . etc !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈 : 𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

alright SO . our girl natalie was born on april 13 , 1952 to michel and colette beausoleil . it was a thursday , and it was ALSO eleven weeks before colette’s due date , so we all know that can’t be good

( spoiler alert : it wasn’t )

natalie was supposed to be a twin , but the other baby ( a boy named pierre ) didn’t survive . they didn’t think that natalie would , but she did ! unfortunately , her parents were too wounded by the loss of their other baby and it was all grieving and no celebrating .

also . there’s more info abt her parents n how they met in the bio but , a sparknotes version is that michel was a playwright in paris and colette was a ballerina / his muse and they rushed into a marriage

michel made it rly big a couple yrs after natalie was born and so they decided to use that $ $ $ to send natalie away to an expensive boarding school in london called our lady of sacred suffering . it was , of course , a catholic girls boarding school and natalie hated it there

but they hated natalie there bc she was just the WORST catholic school girl of all time , so it was mutual

meanwhile , her relationship w her parents is . . very complicated . her dad is just kind of The Worst across the board , very reliant on drinking , definitely got into drug use at some point , had lots of affairs with the young actresses in his plays . and colette was just . . very sad and very absent so the support was Minimal

natalie has a lot of issues that are all rooted in her childhood tbh .

somewhere along the way , she found a deep passion for Writing and developed this sense of purpose and for a minute things were going very well

which we all know means things are about to get WORSE .

on her eighteenth birthday , natalie receieves a card in the mail from her mother for the First Time Ever . and she immediately is like . huh . well . something is Wrong .

she’s right .

( tw : nondescript mentions of car crashes & death )

a week later , she receives word that her parents were involved in a serious car accident at the pont de l’alma tunnel in paris and her did not survive the accident .

( end tw )

her mother’s family is not convinced that michel should walk away from this without blame and decides to take legal action against him and get him convicted with a more serious charge than just manslaughter .

they promise to keep natalie out of it as much as possible but when it comes time to testify as to whether or not michel had a history of not caring about colette’s life and well - being , the only one who can speak to it is natalie .

so she testifies and it’s her testimony that is the metaphorical nail in the coffin .

( tw : suicide mention )

michel knows it , too . that’s what natalie thinks . he turns up dead in his jail cell the day before he’s supposed to be sentenced . she never knows if he deserved the life sentence he was going to be given .

( end tw )

so then ! she’s an orphan ! but she does gain control over everything that her parents left behind , which turns out to be a lot .

she sells their house in paris , goes to wales to begin university , and hasn’t gone back since then . but like , she grew up in london for the most part so she’s not exactly sad about being away from paris and all the ghosts there .

and now she’s at sacred heart , working on writing her debut novel , which is the ( albeit , dramatized and fictionalized ) story of her parents !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 : 𝑨 𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

so basically , she’s got issues .

fictional character inspo includes : jo march , alaska young , cheryl blossom

if you know anything abt astrology . . she’s an aries sun , mercury , and venus . . and a scorpio moon and mars . . and a gemini rising . . i’m so sorry JKDSFM

she’s very emotional but does a super good job of hiding it and keeping all those emotions ( esp the intense n darker ones ) buried away . . deep down where no one could see it

the minute that ppl kind of ? ? but two and two together n realize who she is ( bc . . in my head . . her dad’s whole trial was kind of . A Thing that the public knew abt . ) they’re probably rly concerned w Little she shows any real emotion to the whole thing .

rly she’s just the queen of compartmentalizing n repressing !

she’s very . . Assertive . like , when she wants something she’s going to do whatever it takes to get her way

very Very reckless . she’s like . . so fucking impulsive that it physically Pains me sometimes .

she’s very smart but like . More So , she’s very clever and very sharp with her words . a very fast thinker and a very loud talker

someone please . . tell her to stop yelling . she needs to Relax .

she’s very charming i’ll say it . n like ? seems cool ? the kind of person that you meet and immediately want to hang out w them .

very flirty , has always used that charming smile of hers to get ppl in her corner and she’s not gonna stop now ! she’s very good at making ppl feel special

but like . she means well most of the time sdkfj her heart is in the right place okay

big time trust issues . big time commitment issues . painfully independent and refuses to let anyone know how much she cares about them until she’s like . . Really sure that they aren’t going to hurt her

also very afraid of hurting people , which is another reason why she struggles to get attached to people . she definitely has this deep - rooted fear that Bad Things follower her and she doesn’t want to drag ppl into that

it’s literally a toss - up as to whether she’s going to seem like she’s demanding ur attention or entirely disinterested in it . bc she’s all over the place .

but like . i’m an emotional BITCH so she’s probably going to end up being 100000% softer than i intend bc i project too much soft bitch energy onto my characters Always .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈 : 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

so many things . literally , anything . just a disclaimer , if u read thru this and had An Idea then like . yes Pls tell me , i want it xoxo

but here are some i have up in the old . . noggin .

EXES . please , please . . for the love of GOD give me some angsty exes nonsense . do you need someone who broke ur characters heart ? consider natalie UR GIRL . she’s Emotionally Damaged and has the capacity to be the angstiest ex of all time , okay ?

give her a weakness . she needs someone who she’s Actually vulnerable around and actually sees her have emotions and knows she’s not just this huge Mess all the time

i rly want someone that is like . from the same ( ish ) bg as her in the sense that like . . they also were surrounded by nice clothes n expensive private schools n Luxury but like . they Thrive in it the way natalie used to wish that she could . n just . i think it would b a super interesting dynamic bc they would just ! clash ! so intensely ! ! n tbh nat would probably b lowkey jealous Still n . spicy !

@ all those ppl who are into theatre : i’m Dying for some connections of ppl who knew / knew of her father n would know what happened w him perhaps on a deeper level than ppl who read it in the newspaper a few yrs ago . . ( bonus points if they lowkey idolized / looked up to her dad bc thats a Big Mess and could b spicy as fuck to explore , u know ? )

idk if any of y’all have characters who grew up in / around paris ? but if there are . . then Perhaps someone who knew her in her youth ?

okay . not to be Trash but like . i rly want her to have a dynamic that’s jo x laurie adjacent ? do they have to be in love w her ? no ! i just want someone that has that genuine bond w her and they care abt each other n goof around n like . . i’m already getting soft on main , huh , ,

she’s soo fucking messy that like . . all the messy fwb / frenemies with benefits / one night stand type of plots . . yes pls

i always want there to b a badass girl squad like . a group of ladies n theydies that take no shit n get in fights for each other n rly truly ride or die w each other . . we can workshop the name ok but for now ? my girl squad is open for applications

okay . let me cut myself off right there but i’ll leave you with my WANTED CONNECTIONS TAG n also again i’m 10000% okay to just brainstorm out something else completely if its what ur feeling !

if u read all / any of this . . i love u . <3 either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm OR ! like this n i will come to u ! okay , that’s all , bye

#heretics:intro #part 1 part 1 !#im so sorry for this

5 notes · View notes