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mcrmadness · 4 years ago

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Madness draws: Behind the Scenes of the Bela/Farin: “Widumihei” comic.

A few months ago I posted here this comic:

CLICK HERE for the original post about that comic where you can see it in better and bigger size, and also reblog it ;)

And this post is just a deep dive into how I plan, do and draw my comics.

Let’s start with sketchbook things...

So every comic needs a story, right? My comics usually are born from either some dialogue I imagine in my head or by an impulsive inspiration that happens when I see something or talk with people and a random idea is triggered. I’m very good at coming up with new ideas solely based on just one word or so which is why I often ask people if they have anything they would want to see/read because I suck at coming up ideas on my own. Or I do get ideas, but not as often as I’d want to.

This particular idea was very old and I have tried but I cannot find the piece that was my inspiration but it was in some of my old German books because I remember laughing at it with either my brother or even with the German teacher in 2011 or 2012. I was only able to find my first “sketch” of the story:

This is in the notebook I used for writing down some comic ideas and even had one comic in it, plus it’s also my fanfiction writing notebook. It has no date but I know for sure it was either 2011 or 2012 because that’s when I did my last Bela/Farin comic and pretty much started my (unintentional) 6 year pause from drawing altogether.

I have always been trilingual when I do these plans for my comics, often writing the “narration” in Finnish and the dialog either in English or German because I just cannot imagine them to speaking Finnish. The translation of that text goes as:

COMIC (sarjis = sarjakuva = comic book in Finnish)

1. The phone is ringing. 2. F: “Widumihei?!” B: ? 3. B: “Farin wtf?” 4. Farin walks from another room. 5. B: “Widumihei?” 6. F: “It means, “will you marry me?”“ 7. B: *wtf* REPLAY:

1. Bela is sitting/laying somewhere. 2. The phone is ringing. Reached with his hand? 3. Looks at the phone, “wtf?”, a thought: “von Jan: Widumihei?!” 4. Bela: “Farin?” / “Jan?” 5. F comes from another room, looks in from behind the door frame or something. B: “Widumihei?” 6. F: “Widumihei: “WIllst DU MIch HEiraten”“ 7. B: “WTF”

So when I then started to draw these comics again in 2018, I kept thinking about this one too and still wanted to draw it one day. If you have read the finished comic, you may notice something different in the old plot versus new: I switched Bela’s and Farin’s roles. Back then I didn’t know too much yet but over the years I have learnt much much more about them and I just figured that asking to marry him even as a joke would be too much for Farin and that it would fit Bela’s persona much much better.

***

I had a bit of problems with getting started with this one, mainly because the last times I drew a dä comic was in June 2020, in April 2020 and before those in October 2019. Because of so long time between the comics, I just always forgot about my methods and in which order I do things and what works for me the best. So every time I started to work on a comic, I had to start completely over because all I had was blank paper and I somehow needed to get my thoughts in order and out of my head, into a physical form aka as text and images on the paper, and it’s easier said than done.

So pardon me but from this on the text is going to get a little bit confusing for a little while from now on - but it’s also a very good look over how the life with my suspected ADHD be like sometimes...

I started working on the plot once again to my sketchbook... I think it was somewhere in the beginning of 2020. Because the next idea there is from the summer. This is what the plot looked like at that point - here I had already switched their roles:

Shortly, the texts go: 1. Farin is reading a book. 2. A phone makes a noise. 3. (Farin) looks at it/read the message. / 6. B appears into the doorway. / 11. F spits out the tea.

And underneath it you can see one of the stick figure storyboards I often do in order to kinda see the text in pictures better, and I will write down or draw important aspects like expressions (Farin’s eyebrows) or things like *facepalm’* or *eyeroll* so that I remember to add them.

Next I was struggling with the era. It needed to be an era with the old mobile phones with SMS options but still not too early because I feel that Farin would have not been the first in line to buy a brand new technology object, especially not when it’s a phone. I was even googling when did Germany get their first mobile phone - I remember I got my first phone aka Nokia 5510 in 2000 or 2001 after my mom got a new one and gave her old one to me, so the story shouldn’t happen too many years before the Millenium.

Originally I planned 1997 for that - I needed to think about that based on their styles because shorter hair is harder to draw. Here’s me trying out some hairs and how they’re to draw and which era would suit my needs the best. I actually find the text hilarious altho it’s mine but this is what it’s in English:

Time period -> 1996-1997? 1998 I’ve never drawn 1999 is not that much fun to draw 2000 is already a bit too late? Bela not that much fun to draw. -2001 moustaches are not fun to draw?

I think I was struggling with my thoughts because the next thing in that sketchbook is yet another storyboard:

Or actually I think this was just to see how many sheets I’d need and how many panels I could fit on one sheet.

Anyhow, I then did other things for some time before I got back to this project this year. Including finishing with the sketchbook I had been using since 2010 (and the half of it since 2018!) and I had to get myself a new one. So when I started to think about this comic again, one night I was just thinking about some Bela/Farin scenarios as usual and suddenly I just felt that I NEED to do the comic in the 1998 style!!! So suddenly we jump from the original 1997 idea to the new era, only because of the colors.

So asap I grabbed my sketchbook and started to look for the proper colors for the hairs:

This one I posted here before too as I was struggling a lot and just felt that I didn’t know how to draw, again. Sometimes when I feel like that, I start drawing with my non-dominant aka left hand because it doesn’t have all that in muscle memory so drawing and writing with it feels more free and it feels almost like pressing a refresh button in my brain. Suddenly the right one know again how to draw because left isn’t too well in control. The below part of the image is done completely with the left hand, including the coloring.

And because I had now a new sketchbook, I somehow couldn’t... deal with the plot and plans being in a different sketchbook than everything else so I had write the plot/dialog AGAIN, into this new sketchbook, along with the storyboards and everything:

Translations: kirja = book, puhelin = phone, oviaukossa = in the doorway, teet suusta = tea(s) out of a/the mouth. “Puhelin zoom” just means “close up to the phone screen” in Madness.

You can also see that I found out that I don’t need to do the stick figure storyboards to imitate a sheet when I can just draw this rectangle and smaller rectangles inside of it and write there numbers to match the things in the dialog to make it much easier for me to plan the pages. And here’s also a small easter egg: there’s 13 panels overall in this comic :D I almost did 12 but then felt that no, I really need to do 13 because, you know, the hairs, the era, the album title. And also because I like the number so much lmao.

So from there we get to the second storyboard which is not just stick figures anymore but just me planning how I want the panels to look like. To get the imagery of the rooms and facial expressions etc. out onto the paper so that I can see them in real life instead of my shady imagination that sometimes isn’t as vivid as what I could be.

Also have you ever tried to draw a beach chair? It’s more difficult than you’d think:

I tried to draw the same thing from the same reference photos so many times and still I always felt like I was trying to draw that impossible triangle or some other illusion image. And it just went on and on here:

Originally I also had planned the second panel to be a close up of the phone so that Farin’s face would be left at the background from the frog perspective. That’s what I was trying to with that weird-ass face on the left but turned out that I have never drawn these characters from such angle and I just... couldn’t see it in my head clearly enough to be able to draw it. So I dismissed that idea and that’s why the angle changed from a phone close-up to a side view to the room and at Farin.

As I was in the middle of planning the second page, I suddenly wasn’t happy with my original plot anymore. I wasn’t sure if it would work and needed to think about it one more time. So I wrote two other dialogs here, along with a storyboards for them both. I ended up choosing B from those two options eventually.

I don’t remember anymore if I had already done the first sketch of the comics or not but at some point I just felt that I no longer knew how to draw in my style. Sometimes you just draw and learn wrong things and wrong methods that you get used to and then you have to take a break and actually do a little bit of studying over your own style to find again the way how you want to draw, and get rid of the bad habits and find the good ones again. In my case it was to draw the eyes way way too big when they originally never were THAT big, so I had to learn how to draw them small and normal again. That’s why I did these, as I really needed to pay attention to the faces and remember how to draw them again:

The front-side views were another big readong for this “study” because I have drawn that perspective only once or twice before and I needed to figure out how I want to draw that. Also, I don’t know if it’s just me but for some reason the front-side Farin reminds me of one of the parent characters from this cartoon called The Rugrats which I watched as a kid. It was totally unintentional, but you can google The Rugrats if you don’t know how the charatcers looked like in the cartoon.

The things below are just me testing something. The red Farins were just to test how the colored pencils work on each other and how the fineliners work with the colored pencils, and which way is the better way to do the shading. And the red colored pencil was the only one available at the time so that had to do.

A little bit about the heads btw: You might notice some difference between the left and right faces. It’s because I have always, always struggled with drawing anything that is looking at right. Most of the animal portraits and all I have drawn so that they look at left because I just find it so much easier to draw. I think with comics it’s because I always start with the eye (and the eyebrows if I don’t forget it) and then do the forehead, nose, mouth and chin, and after that I either continue from the hair (from the front) or do the ear first. But when I am drawing them to look at right, I have to basically draw the mirror image and starting from the hair is not the key because it can easily mess up with the perspectives. I still usually draw everything in the same order but it really is difficult because I’m doing a mirror image and my own hand is on the way, too. Basically I’m drawing from right to left instead of left to right! (I think I should try drawing those with my left hand, then...)

And from here we get to the first sketch of the comic. From here on the images are from my phone’s camera so they are sometimes illegally bad but no can do, I again didn’t think I’d post these to anywhere:

Here you can see I was mainly just focusing on the shapes and the space inside those panels. Just trying to see the perspective and how everything is. The only thing that I drew more precisely was the third panel, with the hand and phone. I had quite a nice memory of old phones in my head but I still googled for some reference photos of Nokia 5110 phones as that was my first phone (as I mentioned earlier), and I also happened to have some of my other old phones on the table nearby so I took my own hand reference photos too:

They always say there’s a little bit of the artist in their art and this one literally has that - “Farin’s” hand is actually my hand! :D And I think the size is kinda on point too because this phone was like 2-3 times smaller than Nokia 5110 and I have small hands, and I believe Farin must have much bigger hands, so the 5110 probably would have looked about the same size in his hand.

After the first sketch, the next step was then - the second sketch:

I also wanted to add more action to the panels so that it’s interesting to look at and not just basically the same panel over and over again with just different speech bubbles, so I came up with the idea of Farin spitting out his tea not being as cartoony as it could be and that he would have to actually clean it up instead of just leaving it there just because in cartoons/comics everything is possible. That way I got more depth into the panels and it was also interesting for me to draw because I drew lots of new postures I have never drawn before, and I’m surprised how well it went despite me not even looking for any kind of reference photos! The only things I used reference photos for were the beach chair, and the phone in a hand. (I have actually always been quite good at drawing 3D objects and spaces, especially if they are rectangular.)

So yeah, this is the phase where everything is then finished with pencil and what follows next is drawing the lines with fineliners - I use Sakura Pigma Micron fineliners for everything else, and black Promarker for doing the lines for the panels (and also if I need bigger pitch black areas done).

Here are the panel lines done but I only had a photo of this first sheet.

And here are both sheets with the finelining done and all pencil marks etc. erased. I really like this part because it looks so clean when all those sketch marks are gone. It’s also crazy to think I literally spend hours drawing something in pencil only to erase it all away later :D

And here’s one photo of the coloring process, the first one has only the base colors done but none of the shadows yet (apart from the shirts), and the second one has some of the shadows done but not everything yet.

Usually after coloring, I will then go through everything with the fineliners one more time to make sure all the lines are dark enough as it just gives everything the finished yet a bit “sketchy” look that what I really like with my comics. The actual last detail is always adding my signature along with the date or year.

And here’s the finished comic one more time for comparison:

Don’t forget to check and reblog the actual post about this comic if you read this post all the way here. I’d appreaciate that a lot since art and artist on Tumblr are not really that much appreciated.

#mcrmadness draws #mcrmadness draws: behind the scenes #my comics #dä fanart #die ärzte

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zipstick-writes · 4 years ago

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Inktober 2020 Day 8 - Teeth

Virgil woke up slowly, feeling drained and having no recollection of anything that had happened in approximately the last 12 hours.

Damn, he thought, I must be really fucking sleep-deprived.

After a few moments of staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, Virgil sat up. He got out of bed and drew his curtains.

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck why is the sun so bright?

He shut them again.

“Ughhh, I need coffee.” He said quietly. Too tired to get changed out of his pyjamas, he put on his black-and-purple-tartan hoodie on top of them. He put the hood up as he knew the others would have the windows open, letting in the way too bright why is it so fucking bright sunlight, in an attempt to shield his eyes.

Logan was in the kitchen, smearing some Crofters strawberry jam onto a slice of toast, when Virgil came down the stairs of the shared house. And by god, he looked awful. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in a week, which, while an unhealthy habit, Logan suspected wasn’t too far from the truth. Still, he felt the need to voice his concerns.

“Virgil, are you feeling alright?”

Virgil jumped at the voice, like he didn’t realise Logan was there.

“Yeah.” He responded, sounding very much not alright. “I just need coffee.” He said, stepping into the kitchen. “Where’s the coffee machine again?”

Logan abandoned his toast and led Virgil to the counter where the coffee maker was.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” he asked. “You don’t seem very attentive. Maybe you need something other than coffee, perhaps.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll grab some mints or something.”

“Something other than sugar. Would you like some toast? You can have my slice if you’d like.”

“No thank you,” Virgil responded. “It’s yours anyway.”

“Oh it’s quite alright, I can simply make another slice and you need to eat something. You look like you’re not too far from passing out on the spot.”

Too tired to argue, Virgil accepted the toast and started fumbling with the coffee machine as if he had forgotten how it worked.

“Would you like me to help.”

“Yeah, please.”

Logan made Virgil his cup of coffee and handed it to him. Virgil took it, mumbled what sounded like a ‘thank you’ and stumbled towards the table in the living room. Logan would make sure to check that he’d eaten it later.

Virgil sat down at the table in the living room and set the toast down in front of him. He picked it up slowly and took a bite out of it. He chewed for a few seconds before he bit the inside of his cheek, which, while uncomfortable, was usually not this painful.

Whatever, he thought, it’s not like it’ll kill me, I guess. He continued chewing.

Oh shit can I taste blood?

“Logan!” he called into the kitchen. “I bit the inside of my cheek and it’s bleeding!”

Logan came hurrying into the room and set his toast down on the table across from Virgil’s.

“Open your mouth.” Virgil complied and Logan looked inside. Virgil noticed his eyes widening slightly, but didn’t question it. “Yeah, that’s blood. Bite down on this cloth for me,” he passed Virgil a clean white cloth, “and try not to spit, as that may worsen the bleeding.”

“Thanks, Logan.” He said, stuffing the cloth into his mouth. Logan nodded and sat down to eat his toast.

Roman came downstairs, sketchbook and bag of art supplies in hand, to work on an art project for school, when he saw Logan and Virgil sitting at the table, Logan munching on a slice of toast while Virgil had a cloth in his mouth. Weird, but Logan didn’t question it. Virgil had his hood up, which wouldn’t be unusual if it weren’t for the fact that he kept trying to pull it further down as if to shield his face with it. Also, he was pale. Like, really fucking pale. He looked like he hadn’t seen the sun in a month.

“Hey Virge, have you slept? You look like shit.”

“Thanks, Roman. Much appreciated.” He quipped, but he sounded so tired that any bite it might’ve been intended to contain was gone.

“Yeah, okay, enough with the sarcasm. You honestly look really tired, you should probably get some sleep. Go take a nap or something.”

“But I just woke up!”

“Well you sure don’t look like it. Go back to sleep.”

“Ugh, fine.” He said finally, grumbling under his breath but still very much audibly about stupid princes and their stupid perfect sleep schedules.

Virgil yawned, and why are his teeth so damn sharp? It looked as if he’d put in some of those fake Halloween vampire fangs, only less cheap plastic and more oh my god are those his actual teeth?

Roman pointedly ignored Virgil's strangely large teeth and went into the kitchen for some cereal.

It was two days later, and no-one in the house had seen Virgil.

Patton was beginning to get seriously concerned.

“Roman, when was the last time you saw Virgil?”

“I haven't seen him since I told him to take a nap on Wednesday.”

“Roman, that was two days ago!” He said, beginning to panic. “He hasn’t even come down for coffee! Do you know how unlike Virgil that is?”

“How about we go and see how he is, just to make sure he’s alright? You know how he is, sometimes he’ll shut himself in his room and forget to have food. A bad habit, but undertandable.” Logan reasoned.

“Yeah, but not for two whole days!” Patton exclaimed. “Come on, we gotta check on him right now!”

Logan knocked on Virgil’s bedroom door. No response, not even a grumble. Strange, he thought, that is highly unlike Virgil.

“Virgil, are you okay in there, kiddo?” Patton called anxiously. Still no response.

“We’ll come in now if you don’t answer!” Roman added.

Logan opened the door and stepped into Virgil’s room. The curtains were drawn and the lights were off, and Virgil was in bed, asleep. Logan noted idly that he was still wearing his hoodie.

“Virgil, are you feeling all right?” Patton asked worriedly, walking up to the bed. “We haven’t seen you in a couple days.”

No response. I never realised Virgil slept that deeply, Logan thought

“Virgil, buddy, you gonna wake up?”

Patton lightly shook Virgil’s shoulder. This, it seemed, was enough to wake him, up as he rolled oven in bed and yawned.

His teeth are unnaturally sharp, Logan noted.

Virgil sat up in bed.

“That’s gotta be the best sleep I’ve had in years. How long have I been out?”

“Uh, well.. a bit longer than we were expecting you to sleep, but I’m sure it’s fine-“

“Patton, how long did I sleep?”

“Two days.” Roman butted in, as h knew Patton would likely struggle getting it out.

“Two days?! I didn’t know that was possible!” Virgil exclaimed, turning to Logan. “There’s no way that’s possible, right?”

“Well, ordinarily no, but you’ve been asleep in here for two days, there’s no disputing that.”

“Oh, okay, I gue-“

Virgil yawned again, cutting himself off.

Patton was looking at him strangely. And so was Roman. And Logan.

“What? What is it now?”

“Well the thing is, kiddo, you've kinda got... Fangs.”

Virgil leveled them with an unimpressed stare.

“Seriously? You expect me to fall for that? My teeth seemed perfectly normal yesterd- Well I guess it would’ve been two days ago, wouldn’t it? Either way, the point still stands. I know you’re messing with me.”

“Actually, perhaps it would be better if you were to see for yourself.” Logan said. “How about you look in the bathroom mirror? Then you’ll see that what we’re saying is indeed not a falsehood.”

“Fine.”

Virgil let himself be dragged into the bathroom by Roman, and opened his mouth.

“Well shit, I guess I do have fangs.”

“You want some toast, Virge?” Roman called from the kitchen.

“I'm not really feeling hungry actually.”

“Alright then.”

Just then, Patton opened the curtains, letting sunlight pour in.

“Agh, why is it so fucking bright?” Virgil complained.

“Language, Virgil.” Patton scolded. “It’s not even that bright, anyway.”

“I don’t care, just close it! It’s hurting my eyes!”

“Alright, sorry kiddo.”

“Virgil?” Logan called from the top of the stairs.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been doing some research, and you’ve been displaying all the signs of vampirism. In other words, I believe that there’s a possibility you may be a vampire.”

“Logan, I get that you’re the smart one and all that, but I’ll have to disagree there.” Roman piped up. “As much as I love a good vampire tale, they’re fictional. Made up. Not real.”

“Oh they’re real. They just haven’t been very well documented. Very little research has been conducted and so there’s not much we can know at the moment about them, but they are very much real.”

“Okay, nerd. Guess I can’t refute that.”

Virgil was beginning to look anxious.

“Does this mean I’ll have to drink blood to survive?”

“Well, you never had any negative reaction to the toast I gave you on Wednesday, and based on what scientists do know, Vampires only need blood to speed up healing. The onl food that is actually harmful to you would be garlic.”

“He can’t eat garlic? Can we change him back?”

“Relax, Roman. I’m perfectly fine with avoiding garlic. It’s a bit of a bummer but I can deal with it.”

“If you say so, but don’t come crying to me when you’re craving garlic bread “

“Trust me, I won’t.” Virgil responded, glaring at Roman, though there was a slight smirk on his lips and a joking tone to his voice.

“So he’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t eat garlic?” Patton asked.

“Yes, that is correct.” Logan replied

“But what about when we go out? What will the sun do?”

“I don’t go outside anyway so why does it matter?” Virgil joked.

“Based on what I’ve gathered, while prolonged exposure to the sun can have some serious negative health effects, exposure for a short length of time can be painful, but is not necessarily harmful. However, I do recommend that when outside you apply sunscreen to reduce any effects on your health it may cause.” Logan explained.

“Alright, got it, thanks Logan. Now that that’s settled I’m going back to my room to get some homework done. Bye.” Virgil said, and disappeared up the stairs.

“Well, today’s been interesting.” Said Roman.

"Yeah," Patton responded. "Yeah, it sure has."

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides au #sanders sides human au #sanders sides supernatural au #kinda #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #fanfiction #my fics #inktober #inktober 2020 #vampire!virgil

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allyvampirelass29 · 5 years ago

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Take the Night Road Home

Take the Night Road Home A NOS4A2 Review By: Allyssa J. Watkins

How black is your soul? She took the Shorter Way to the Night Road A chink of glass and a sarcastic toast A chill in the air as he feels her approach Knives drawn in a parking lot Gasoline Fire and Eyes of Black Frost Drunk Whore Mothers are best left forgot To kill her is a kindness Her son, his to soothe Chin up, Victoria I'm the best thing that ever happened to you........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!! Yes, this SPECTACULAR episode is extra special for me, not only because it was a delirious joy and rare return to form, but because it premiered on July 5th, 2020, my thirtieth birthday, and MY GOD what a TREAT!!!!! Yes, while last week's episode felt like a rotten trick, The Night Road was an absolute treat, with the ooey gooey, chocolatey center, of Vic FINALLY facing off against Charlie!!!! I'm MESMERIZED, I am in LOVE with this episode, and the second it ended, I danced around my living room and started it over again!!!! I feel like gushing, after one HELL of a DREAM DATE!!!!

PARNASSUS!!!!! Oh you guys, ever since the first Parnassus episode, I have been dyinggggg to go back to this surreal nexus of Creative Thought, this funny little pub, where the darker Strong Creatives gather and commiserate!!! I must say, I was so refreshed to find Abe infinitely more agreeable and interesting than the bitter, mouthy, nihilistic, sexist fiend who "greeted," our Man Manx, on his last visit! Charlie is as snarky and charming as ever, and I swear Zachary Quinto grows more BEAUTIFUL, and alive with dark allure each new episode!!! So much intrigue in his and Abe's conversation, and I loved this new mystery of The Hour Glass..... So many new threads, I don't know which to pull first!!! Being in the dark can be such fun!!! I also thought that was so witty of Charlie when he said, "That's the spirit, Abe," with a sneaky smirk, as Abe said, "I wish you had died, Chuck." I liked him calling him Chuck, I thought that was cute, and I really ache to know more about their bizarre friendship, and this apparent debt Abe owes Charlie!!!

My absolute favourite scene was the Knife Fight in the Parnassus Parking Lot, and it was there I realized what had been so obviously lacking in the first two episodes. Charlie and Vic...... Full strength and face to face. That seething hatred, that electric chemistry, the fire and frost, the reveling rivalry. The dark flirtation as Charlie tells Vic he's the best thing that ever happened to her. To her son. GOD, it was ambrosia for the soul!!! Speaking of souls, I loved Charlie's coyness, haughtily asking Vic what darkness had seeped into her soul, and then telling her exactly why she was able to access The Night Road. He took such pleasure in it, scolding her about children born out of wedlock, and drunk whore mothers, flinging her down to his level, maybe even putting his own moral compass slightly above hers. The responsible father, and the screw-up teen mother. Their banter was phenomenal, and smouldering, I couldn't get enough, Vic telling Charlie she'd sacrifice her life to stop him, and Charlie simpering sadistic, saying he'd gladly take it from her, for the sake of everyone she loved so they wouldn't have to hurt anymore. WOW. I was like this is it, THIS is the NOS4A2 that I fell in LOVE with!!!! Yes, I was a bit glum that the fantastic tease, didn't lead into an all out skirmish, and bar brawl, but patience Pets, the season's only just begun, and I appreciated them leaving us with wanting more.

Charlie's coaxing encounter with Wayne was absolutely adorable!!! I grinned the entire time, ridiculously blissful, and I loved how touched and surprised Charlie was when young Master Wayne asked if he was feeling better!!! Sweet Baby!!! Aaaaaah and how CUTE was that when Charlie wagged his finger in gentle reprimand, reminding Wayne it was bad manners to abscond without saying a proper goodbye!? My heart twittered warily when Wayne took the candy cane, and I saw all the presents, and a brand new basketball inside the Wraith, but something told me it was not going to be that easy, after all Wayne is his mother's son. My suspicions proved true, as Charlie was thwarted even by the Littlest McQueen, failing to have said a rather important password. I giggled, adoringly, as Charlie tried to wave it off saying, "There are no passwords in Christmasland," but our sharp little lad, was much too clever for that, and took off running!!! I LOVE WAYNE, I LOVE this darling, beautiful little boy, and his precious curls, and deep, inquisitive eyes. Charlie having two quick McQueens to foil his dastardly plots is just too much fun!!!

Much less fun however, was the knock down, drag out, fight to the near death between Lou Carmody, who has to be the COOLEST, nicest, most congenial guy in the WORLD, and that BASTARD Bing Partridge!!!! I don't think I took a breath the entire time, and I was like I SWEAR Bing, if you FREAKING hurt Lou, you will incur my WRATH, you CREEPSTER Son of a BITCH!!! I absolutely LOVED the hidden message he left for Vic, Lou earning serious fanboy cred with the AWESOME Obi-Won reference, and I take it back, what I said about him being Vic's sidekick, because that teddy bear of a man was a BADASS Hero tonight, beating the hell out of Bing, and single-handedly saving his son from Manx's clutches!!!!

I also felt redemption was in order for Vic's parents, as shockingly they're doing better than Vic herself!!! Chris is sober even, finding solace from his demons in the woods, and the heartbreak on his face when he finds Vic's stash of minibar bottles in her pockets, is profound. He blames himself. His little girl inherited her Old Man's coping mechanisms, and nothing terrifies him more. I loved that he kept her sketchbook too, as a way to keep her close. Linda though, WOW what a change, Linda is a new woman!!! Gone, is that pale, schizophrenic shell of a battered wife. She's got a new hairstyle and a confident, secure attitude to match. It was such a nice shock to see her thriving, in a new relationship, full of good advice for Vic, and I think she's ready to heal, both from the pain she endured, and the pain she's caused. You go, Linda!!!

Speaking of Mothers........ Hold onto your Santa hats, Kids, because Mrs. Manx LIVES!!!! Millie's shocking discovery that her mauled mother, or at least a glazed-eyed apparition of her, still haunts her old house in Christmasland, stole the air from my lungs!!! WHAT has Charlie been up to beyond the borders of his merry inscape!? Crafting Sleigh House from memory, along with raising his own murdered wife!? My GOD, this episode came to WIN, going hard, even until the end!!! I have a theory that Cassie Manx has everything to do with why Charles has requested an introduction with the infamous Hour Glass Man, whom I suspect can alter time. I think Charlie wants to reunite the family Manx, bring back his wife, which in itself is a dizzying revelation, because I thought he ached to be rid of her long before that first AWFUL trip to Christmasland. I'm excited to see if I'm right, wondering at where they're going with this, and how Cassie will come back into the story. Could she love our Charlie again even after the atrocities he loosed upon her? I think maybe so....... I would. To love Charlie Manx once, is to LOVE him forever.

The Night Road is NOS4A2 at its coming-out-swinging best, and I feel like, after a few rocky patches and speed bumps from the previous scattered episodes, Season 2 is back on track and set to be BETTER than anything we've EVER seen before!!! My BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER, and I'm so happy I took the Night Road Home, back to the unique and enthralling, spine-tingling fun storytelling that I LOVE!!!! Thank you Charlie, tonight was the PERFECT date I've been WAITING for!!!! Same time, next week, Handsome?

#nos4a2 review #nos4a2 #charlie manx #vic mcqueen #bing partridge #lou carmody #wayne mcqueen #the night road

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elstreem · 5 years ago

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I thought it would be fun to do a comparison art of how I’ve been drawing my OC Raine - so here is my first ever drawing of her, all the way back in 2012, versus my most recent drawing of her in 2020!

Back during 2012, I was obsessed with Adventure Time and giving bird companions to my characters. Also, 2012 me felt like a genius drawing this in MS paint. Simple times.

Everything that happened in between (with significant art every two years) is below if you want to check it out! This post is a little long, so I’ll put the rest under the cut.

This one is 2014 - I used the default drawing app on the iPhone I think. She was still an Adventure Time OC at the time so I pretty much stole the Ice Queen’s gown and gave it to her. Also I see you, younger me, hiding hands in long sleeves AND behind the back.

2016! This was drawn on my phone using Sketchbook (the old version with a blue icon). Not entirely sure where this gown design came from, but at this point I was starting to think about drawing less stylized bodies. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just wanted to move away from purely copying something else’s art style, which is what I was doing at the time.

Things were getting somewhere in 2018 - Raine was no longer an Adventure Time OC, she was my own character, a spirit of the rain with a dress and hair of storm clouds. Also lol, tried to draw her original look but the outfit and colors are all wrong. This was also drawn on my phone using Sketchbook.

Also 2018, but on a brand new phone and a new app! Trying out Medibang Paint is one of the best decisions I ever made, and it’s still what I use on my mobile devices. This mer-Raine design isn’t entirely original since I was drawing from Legend of Mana (Specifically I used Flameshe’s design), but this is still a huge step up from what I was able to do with Sketchbook. Also yay, drawing more hands!

2019!!! By this time I know for sure what I want Raine to look like, and it was also in 2019 that I stepped up my backgrounds. Which lead to...

This monster artwork in December of 2019! I was on a kick to draw characters as detailed as possible with fantasy inspirations, so Raine became a merperson with an Aquarius look going on. The water took so long to paint but I’m glad for it! Also I got a Samsung Galaxy tablet in 2019, and having a stylus makes for cleaner, quicker lineart. I still prefer to draw on that instead of my Wacom tbh, but I just gotta adapt to it!

And here are my other 2020 drawings for Raine (with a bonus Alexandra and Destiny)!

It’s been a long journey since I started out with MS Paint, and it’s good to remember how far I’ve come and what else I’m looking forward to achieving. I’m still working on drawing Raine consistently (kinda still have the tendency to draw characters with long, model-like legs and I want to move away from that). I’ve been trying to draw Raine to look more Filipino over time, and maybe sometime I can make a story for her set in or using mythologies of the Philippines, so I have that to work towards to.

Also, some other lessons I’ve learned:

A good art app can make a difference! Medibang is my current go-to and I’m adapting to Clip Studio Paint as well. Experiment, try to find out which is comfortable to use. I’m only using Medibang’s default settings but it’s taken me quite far because I’ve been using it for quite some time now.

When you want to develop drawing something - in my case it was hands, draw it over and over and over again! It’ll look bad and awkward but you should rinse and repeat until you get the look you want.

Don’t be scared to go back to basics. I started drawing Raine exclusively in an art style mimicking Adventure Time, and over time my inspiration shifted to anime, so I drew Raine with that kind of visuals in mind. But when I wanted to draw her in a style I really wanted, I looked up drawing in a more realistic style. I still don’t draw realistically, but that helped me find the look I want for my art.

Addition and subtraction - when it comes to character details, some stuff gets left behind, and new stuff gets added in. Like with anything, just go on and try out what works! Raine lost her earrings (though I might return that now lol) and she used to have a feather in her ponytail, but she got this look with the cloud hair and clothing, and I think that will be staying. It’s a design I love - I love how it looks and it’s fun to draw!

Well, that should be enough rambling. I hope this is fun to read for other people as fun as it was for me to gather everything up!

#my oc #my character #art #my art #art progress

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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April 4th-April 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from April 4th, 2020 to April 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What is something you’ve improved with in regards to writing or comic creation thanks to working on your story?

carcarchu

Oh this one i can answer definitively. it's 100% lineart. forcing myself to have to do lineart for hours everyday is definitely a way to force yourself to get better at it while i still don't like it it's something that i can do now without being scared about it

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Colouring. I had to get really creative in expressing emotion and hinting plot devices with colour. Also got much better with drawing gesture drawings due to looking at a lot of references!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Either writing dialogue or drawing/painting backgrounds... I used to be particularly awful at writing dialogue. It was too stiff and formal, and sounded a lot like old prose. Now, because of writing a comic and going through several scripts, the dialogue is a lot more natural, and the pacing is more realistic to actual conversations. And the other: backgrounds. I really used to not even draw them at all, and doing a comic forced me to have to think about environments in scenes. So I went from drawing floating characters to having to consider where they are and how it affects the story/mood.(edited)

Feather J. Fern

Paneling! That was my main focus to figure out how to do good paneling to have clearer pages

Deo101 [Millennium]

Honestly? Everything. It's all gotten better and I've learned so much. I would say my biggest improvement is probably in my time management, and art wise is probably composition and layouts. But it's hard to pick because I've grown so much in every aspect!

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Biggest thing I learned was to keep the story small and focused - and that the smaller, more human struggles are much better in creating tension than the whole default "the world's gonna end!" thing. Mind you, I still love a good "world's ending" story, but you gotta make people CARE about the people in that world first!

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

ohohohoooo I have done more drawing in photoshop in this short time I have worked on Wayfinders, than the rest of my life! That has given me some skills for sure! Coloring is another one, and generally just efficiency and flow in a comic

Nutty (Court of Roses)

For me it's been my use of color, and getting more confident in experimenting with it to really drive home a scene's mood!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

The clearest improvement I always notice is my layouts - I’ve gotten more adventurous with panel shapes and placement as time has gone on, experimenting with more interesting designs for the whole page. Some of those experiments haven’t been totally successful but it always feels like a worthwhile try. I’ve gotten some really, REALLY cool layouts out of these experiments, and I love seeing how dynamic the panels have become compared to my first chapter. Also speed. I’m so much faster now. Thank gooooooodness (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) I've definitely noticed the experimental panel layouts! They're really cool.

AntiBunny

Planning. Book 2 is when I started using sketchbook thumbnails to plan ahead. The luxury of that first draft meant I could rethink panel layouts and how to best express the events happening if I first had an idea of what was happening laid out.

Also digital art by necessity since I switched to digital during the current arc. I was decent at lineart already, but other aspects have really challenged me to grow as an artist. I had to totally rethink the way I create backgrounds for instance. During this time the background quality actually declined a little while I got used to a new method, but experience has improved my skills greatly as I force myself into new methods.

DanitheCarutor

Hmmm maybe paneling, speechbubbles and backgrounds? My current project is my second real attempt at doing a comic, but I have learned a lot of stuff from the community and general art and story tutorials. Backgrounds and bubbles were the worst for me when first starting out, I only read manga before starting so the speechbubble shapes did not fit with how English is written. Plus I've only drawn wooded fantasy settings before making my comic, so using a ruler, figuring out perspective points and drawing buildings was very new to me. I still hate drawing cities and such, but I've gotten a lot better at it and it is easier to do now. Since I mostly stuck with B&W before my current project, coloring also kind of improved? Depending on who's looking at it. Lmao If I were to think about story/characters/dialogue, I have no idea if I've improved. Honestly, I don't pay much attention to the quality. Also my brain kinda says it's all bad regardless of what I make.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

For my Improvements: I'm getting better at my comic panels, as I adjust to the vertical style. Before I've always drawn the standard format. It's more than just boxes, I try to keep a variety of sizes. I'm picking up roughly how much 'gutter space' I need per 2-3 panels.etc I'm also improving on choosing colors that fits my love of detailed linework.(edited)

OH! I'm also learning about Clip studio shortcuts, how to use the assets they provide which makes the process, abit easier on me. Things I need to change, is I want to get a good speedy coloring style, without referring to my usual coloring.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

the more I worked on the comic, the more I feel ambitious in making different angles and perspective. So it's really hitting me out of my comfort zone which is good! lol Though I'm trying to keep in mind of my speed, what I feel like I've improved a bit is trying to keep in mind of paneling and dialogue.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Process! Space and i have definitely figured out the most productive way to produce content at the rate and quality that also provides us with time for our own projects. Comics are a useful tool that helps you discover ways to better organize your creative workflow for sure!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I think probably scenery. I used to dread drawing inanimate objects but now I feel more confident in filling in a scene & even look forward to it sometimes. Maybe also page composition and paneling but I still have a lot to learn there

eli [a winged tale]

One of the reasons I embarked on the webcomic journey is to push myself to improve not only storytelling but also utilizing art to create a reader experience that would be difficult to replicate with just words. I’d like to think that 9 months into making A Winged Tale, I’ve improved on deciding when is a good opportunity to invest more into backgrounds vs character dynamics and when should be focused more on sequences of panels and composition. While the comic is written in a four panel format, more and more I’m finding areas where the story could be told by breaking those rules (attached pic). It’s a balance and I hope going forward I will improve more in pushing the limits of panels and find ways to express the story in fun and interesting ways.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Wow that's a very good description @eli [a winged tale] I look forward to reading more of your story journey

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks so much Joichi! I’m eager to keep learning~

Capitania do Azar

I'm gonna go with planning and actually getting it done. I'm so much faster because now the process is much more streamlined to me

kayotics

My whole comic was started s an exercise to just get better at comics generally so I’d probably say every part I’ve improved at? The biggest things are probably colors and the upfront planning process

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Ooof hard question. I think my main improvement lies with page and speechballoon layouts and writing natural feeling dialouge. I'd say maybe also character acting?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm slowly learning how to create more engaging comic narrative. I read and research in the polished prem webcomics to see what makes them engaging? Like I'm going to challenge myself by creating a series of short stories with a reoccurring set of characters. Every new comic series I create is an experience, trial and error. Sometimes I skip the writeup and just go in blind, trust my own instincts. I'm glad to reach out and talk about it than in my own head. I hope by this year, I'll have at least 2 chapters of Hybrid Dolls out.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've definitely gotten better at planning/ outlining multiple chapters ahead of time. I did not even do this when I was doing the first 10 something chapters. (I did attempt an outline before I began the comic, but the story changed significantly from the outline by the time I started the comic, and I did not try to do it again for a long while.) I can't remember when I started, but I do recall having a lot of trouble the first time I tried to do it. It's gotten a little easier each time, though. In fact, I just spent the past few days outlining the next few very important chapters, de-tangling some big tangles. I'm really glad my outlining (and overall writing) skills had leveled up, because HOO boy, I don't think my 2014-2015 self could have done this!

I also became friends with enviros. I had already become somewhat comfortable drawing perspective when HoK started, but I had a sort of mechanical approach to it, like "oh I need some enviro for these establishing shots, guess I'll draw them." But now I LOVE drawing enviros! (some types anyway...) It's my comfort activity, something I treat myself to after a long day! In the thumbnails for my next few pages, there's a few enviro-heavy panels that I have to remove, because I drew too many of them (and the pacing got too slow as a result). I have to stop myself from drawing too many of these.

My biggest improvement is probably I've come to understand my characters and my themes much better, but that's more of a "I got better at making HoK" than a "I got better at making comics." There's definitely a difference between the two.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) ah I totally understand I tried the outline method before I start but my story changed alot after I drew it. So it start to feel like a waste of time for me, but I'll still write an outline to make sure to plan where my story heads(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah! I needed to draw those first few chapters to understand the direction of my own story.

The drawing part is an essential part of self-reflection, to try to understand what it is that I want out of the story. The answer has always been there in my heart, but I'm not able to see it clearly from the get-go.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I end up breaking scenes and put them in for future episodes, since I want to get a certain flow in the story.

It could be tricky to see what it is you want out of the story until you are in at least 3 chapters in?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I needed way more than 3 chapters -- though granted, my chapters are short, so that could be a part of it

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I see the early first script as testing the water. like a test to figure out the characters personalities. Unless you are bringing in old characters which you knew before?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Even if the characters have been with you for a while, unless I have made a comic with them, there is a big chance that the characters will completely change, too.

DanitheCarutor

You know, I was thinking about about this, mostly about how I wouldn't have been happy if I was able to finish my comic the day I started. Then I realized I'm happy that I didn't. The first chapter wasn't the best, I was just learning how to coloring a comic, still fleshing out my characters and was still brainstorming small kinks in the story. I also still didn't have as much of an understanding of perspective, or panel and bubble layout. Even though I still have a lot I need to work on, I've gotten a lot better in all those aspects. Even though my use of color is weird, I've definitely gotten much more confident in it, enough so that I experiment and take a lot more risks with style. Even though my panelling can be boring, I have a much better understanding of how I want a page to look. I've improved a lot with my planning as well, like even though my thumbnailing/storyboarding only takes maybe 30, I've learned to step away for a bit if I don't like a layout, or analyzing why I don't like it and brainstorming ways to make it better. If I had magically finished the comic all at once, it would look really bad and may have been less readable.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

That is inspiring to hear about your improvement @DanitheCarutor

Natsu-no-Hikari

Chiming in! Just this week, Miko (my co-creator) and I were discussing how far we've come from when we started our first comic (https://liarsgotoparadise.com/) vs. where we are now. I think there have been a lot of learn experiences, such as art, dialogue, general editing - but especially with pacing and character interaction. We regret that we didn't stop to focus more on that interaction, as we wanted to move ahead in the story...and now we can't change that, except to start now and not allow ourselves to grow impatient. Take our time and enjoy the journey - that's our new motto. There's a time to rush ahead in perilous moments, but there's also definitely a time to catch our breaths and let the characters mingle and speak. It's an improvement that will become more noticeable going forward in Liars and our second comic as well.

#ctarchive #comic #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

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benelman · 4 years ago

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ben & tommy ; movie night @fitslikeacardigan

tommy

Tommy spent the past hour getting ready for movie night. He made popcorn, ordered food, and had made a carefully curated dessert table. He grinned and queued up Netflix on the tv just as he heard a knock on the door, leaping up and getting tangled in the oversized hoodie he was wearing as he staggered his way to the door. “Dude!” He threw the door open and beamed at the boy on the porch. “Child’s Play, Nightmare before Christmas, Or Corpse Bride?”

ben

Ben would never say no to a movie night. They were opportunities to both rewatch old favorites and expand his horizons. They also were conducive to wearing oversized sweaters and cuddling up with friends or partners under a shared blanket, occasionally talking over the movie, and losing track of time. So he was glad to go over to Tommy's for one of these movie nights. Giving him a smile, Ben shrugged off his coat, draping it over one arm, a plastic grocery bag in his hand. "Corpse Bride, I guess? Honestly, man, I'm down for whatever you'd want to watch - it's been ages since I've seen any of those." Going to toe off his shoes, he rested one arm against the wall to keep his balance, still smiling with excitement. "Oh - snacks are in the bag- gimme a minute, I don't want to fall over."

tommy

almost literally lit up when Ben mentioned the Corpse Bride. “Dude that snd Beetlejuice are my favorites!” He left the boy to right himself and hopped over to show him the snacks he had laid out. “Set em here! Help yourself. I got your favorite from the diner and so much candy.” He beamed and flopped back on the couch, panting in an attempt to catch his breath because he had been talking way too fast. “Jeeze.... and we have tons of drinks too. Help yourself.”

ben

Following him in after making sure that his shoes were off and pushed out of the doorway - not wanting to cause any trips - Ben set the bag down on the coffee table, draping his coat over the back of the couch. "Yeah, this is mostly all candy - I can't remember, are you pro-candy corn or anti-candy corn? I bought some, but if you're anti-, I'll eat it myself." Going to sit down on the couch, he gave Tommy an affectionate smile. "Catch your breath, maybe drink some water?"

tommy

“i like it but only the orange part.” He was aware of how weird that was but he just smiled and shrugs. “I’m ok. Just got too hyped.” He laughed and reached for the sandwich he had bought for himself. “As soon as you’re ready i’ll start the movie.... and i’m apologizing in advance. The end of this movie always makes me cry. Like.... ugly sob.”

ben

"Only the orange part? It tastes the same--" That had Ben thinking about the taste of candy corn; he was pretty sure that the whole thing tasted the same. Reaching into the bag he brought, he pulled the candy corn out, taking a little bite of just the tip, then just the orange part. "Yeah, tastes the same, but whatever, man - enjoy the orange part." Pushing the bag into the center of the table, he leaned back against the couch, getting settled in. "Ready when you are. And don't worry about that - I cry during movies, too. I'm not gonna judge you at all."

tommy

“i know. But i can’t eat generic cheetos or fruity pebbles either.” He shrugged and stood up, grabbing the remote as he flopped down beside him and started the movie. He sat like a child; knees to his chest, as he finished the sandwich and started on a bowl of chips he’d sat on the coffee table. When Victor started to play the piano, Tommy smiled softly. “God i wish i could play the piano that nicely. I’m so out of practice....”

ben

"Cheetos are bad, but I'm not letting go of Fruity Pebbles. Those are good. I may be a grown-ass man, but I'm not trading my sugar cereal in for, like, plain Cheerios yet." Draping one arm over the back of the couch as he tried to get comfortable, Ben kept his eyes on the TV, reaching to steal a chip every so often. "Hey, at least you've got some experience. I can't do instruments. Like... at all. I suffered through music ed in school and then immediately gave up. But if you want to pick it up again, why don't you find someplace you can practice? There's gotta be somebody willing to teach you around here."

tommy

“or cornflakes.” He wrinkles his nose. “They were made for women as an anti-masterbatory food.” He paused. “It didn’t work.” He laughed. “Yeah... i guess i could. It’s my minor at school and they do have piano rooms.” He paused again. It was something to think about.

ben

"Yeah, I knew that. That Kellogg's guy was..." He whistled under his breath, shaking his head. "But some of his cereals still have merit. Like Frosted Flakes. And I genuinely like Corn Pops, too." Nodding enthusiastically, Ben bumped his shoulder against Tommy's. "Nothing's stopping you. I say go for it, man."

tommy

He laughed. “Imagine being so scared of women discovering their sexuality you try to take it away completely. Does not compute.” He grinned and turned back to the movie, eating and watching in silence until Victor accidentally proposed to the bride. “Hey did i show you my latest sketch?”

ben

"Imagine being scared of women and it being in a... like, y'know, non-sexual way. Could not be me..." he mumbled under his breath, shaking his head. Carding a hand through his own hair nonchalantly as the movie played, he kept picking at the array of snacks on the table, only looking over at Tommy when he spoke up again. "Huh? Oh - no, I don't think so. I'm down to see it, though, for sure."

tommy

looked over at Ben with a grin, planting a kiss on his temple before stretching his slender body over him to reach his bag. He pulled out his sketch pad and turned to the last page where a pencil drawing of Ben was. He passed it back to him and grinned. He hoped he wouldn’t find it creepy. He had a habit of drawing his friends and acquaintances when he was feeling down.October 8, 2020

ben

Smiling at the kiss to his temple, Ben had to resist the urge to kick his feet up on the coffee table. He could practically hear his mother's voice in his head chiding him and telling him to sit properly. Adjusting his posture slightly, he leaned more of his weight against the back of the couch, hearing his coat slip to the floor behind it. He'd grab it later. Reaching to take the sketchbook, he let his eyes adjust slightly before examining the sketch. "Oh, shit, that's me--" he muttered in astonishment. No one had ever drawn him before. "That's really good, man. Like... really good."

tommy

smiled at the compliment. “Thanks. I did it over the past few days. Drawing people helps me calm down when i’m having anxiety.” He moved to sit up before getting distracted by the film, humming softly along to the song that was playing on the tv as Victor found himself panicking in the afterlife.

ben

"I could never get proportions right in art class. All I was really good for in high school was English analysis, baseball, and... like, submission studies, but that's a whole different ballpark." Still looking down at the sketchbook, he didn't want to let it go quite yet. "But I'm glad this helps you. It's a good thing - funneling anxiety into art." Eventually drawing his attention back to the movie, he set the sketchbook down in his lap, tilting his head towards Tommy ever so slightly.

tommy

He grinned at that and shook his head. “Drawing people in the nude was how I realized I wasn’t straight,” he admitted ruefully, pushing himself up and sitting back in his spot. “Don’t feel bad though. I did your profile because i couldn’t get your second eye to look right.” He didn’t say anything else about his anxiety. “I always feel so bad for Emily. She just wants to be loved....”

ben

Smiling at that, he looked over at him. Mine was... god, was it really so long ago that I don't remember? I don't know - we went to school with a lot of handsome guys, I think. Might've been them. But it was probably a movie star." He was sure he could remember if he thought about it hard enough. "Maybe Captain Von Trapp in Sound of Music? I haven't seen that movie in ages..." Shaking his head, he decided to give up on trying to remember and pay attention to both the movie and his friend. "Well, I could draw you as a stick figure, if you want. That's about as much as I can do for you in return, though." When the conversation turned towards the movie, he nodded in agreement. "I understand that feeling... aches pretty deep inside."

tommy

He paused to think about it. “Huh.... i never thought about it. I probably had a thing for Donald o’Connor in singing in the rain. Have you seen that one? It is so much fun. Maybe next movie night should be old musicals.” He grinned. “Captain Von Trapp js a good choice though.” He laughed. “If you draw me anything i will keep it forever.” He grew quiet and nodded. “Hurts like hell....” he ran the flat of his palm over his chest; right above his heart. He was starting to wonder if he would ever get over that feeling. If he would let it....

ben

"Oh, yeah. That was on my syllabus for my 1950s film and TV class at school. Masterpiece, honestly. But I'd be down to do a musicals night. I grew up watching them, and I feel like it's been ages since I've seen most of them. I can't even remember the last time I watched a Disney movie." Pushing a hand through his hair again, he tried to think back. He'd seen Coco in theaters - was that really the last one? "I don't have a pencil or anything, but remind me later, and I'll draw stick figure Tommy." Nodding along, Ben's fingers traced over a thread in his jeans. "Yeah..." he muttered, biting the inside of his cheek, hands trying to busy themselves in any way possible. "Sucks."

tommy

laughed. “Known a lot of them so we can pick a few and go from there.” He loved musicals and had even managed to learn the dances to a few of them, Hairspray included. “Uh.... Onward? Barley is my hero” he nudged him then got quiet. There was a lot he could say, and he trusted Ben so much. It would feel good to- “my mom disowned me when she found out i liked boys too....” he blurted before he could stop himself, his hand slapping across his mouth. He had never told anyone before and now it was out. He wished he could take it back and stuff it down his throat.

ben

"That works for me," he agreed, shifting his weight against the couch. "Did not see Onward." Tommy's next words caught him completely off-guard. He figured he should probably pause the movie to discuss this, but he couldn't find the remote. "Shit, man..." he muttered, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I'm... really sorry, if there's ever anything you need, I mean... it's not like I make a ton of money, but, like, anything else, I'd be happy to help out with... that... fucking sucks." That was the best that he could do. His heart ached for Tommy - he couldn't imagine something like that happening to him. "I'm here for you."

tommy

He felt ashamed for blurting it out like that, pausing the movie so they could finish it. He leaned over his knees and ran his hands through his hair. “I... it’s fine.... She was toxic. She was before i even got caught.... but if your own mother can’t love you why should you expect anyone else too, ya know?” He had turned to sex to heal the ache but he never allowed them to get close, get serious. What happened when they got tired and left him too? He didn’t think he could stand being abandoned again. “I’m... i dont know why i said that. I’m sorry...”

ben

"No, you don't have anything to be sorry for," he quickly piped up, not wanting Tommy to feel bad about admitting those sorts of things to him. Ben couldn't know that pain - his whole family was a rather tight-knit unit, and, while they all had their spats, they did all love each other. He couldn't imagine it being any other way. "Fuck her. You'll find somebody, some Dominant who makes you forget about all of that self-doubt. It's gonna hurt for a long, long time, but... I mean, yeah. It might hurt forever. But I don't doubt that you're gonna find somebody who loves you like you deserve."}

tommy

“i dont let people get close, Ben.... i sleep around and let them bruise me and bite me but i never stay. I leave the first chance i get.... what if something is wrong with me...?” His voice cracked and he swallowed the painful knot in his throat. “What if i never find anyone and i have to be alone...?” He met his gaze finally, tears glimmering on his lashes. “What if she broke something in me and i never get it fixed...?”

ben

The conversation was a little overwhelming, but he wouldn't admit that. Tommy needed his support - he could have his own existential crisis about dying unclaimed later. Pulling him into a hug, Ben kissed his hair, letting him hide his face. "I'm... definitely not a therapist, so I can't tell you how to safely go about this, but... have you maybe tried non-sexual submission? Just... letting somebody else be in charge for a little while?" Ben knew that he craved that pretty frequently; maybe it would help Tommy, somehow. "I don't think you're broken inside."

tommy

He presses his face into the crook of his neck, allowing himself to be taken care of even if only for a moment. “No.... i’m only good for sex. Why would anyone want me for anything else...?” There, just like that, another insecurity was out on the table. Once he started he couldn’t stop. “I just.... worry...” he finally admitted. “Youre the only person i’ve told.”

ben

"Who told you that you're only good for sex?" That would have probably destroyed Ben's self-confidence, if anyone had ever said that to him. That was part of the reason why degradation was on his list of limits. Scratching Tommy's back, he nods. "I worry, too. If that helps you. I think we all do. We all want to find our match, settle down. I promise you aren't only good for sex. I mean it - nonsexual submission is... really nice. I'm sure there're people out there willing to try it out with you." Taking deep breaths to try to get Tommy to mimic him, Ben nodded. "Well, it's our secret. I won't tell anybody."

tommy

“No one did.... that’s just how I feel... and i do it to myself because i don’t let anyone get close enough to prove otherwise.” He presses his face against Ben’s shoulder, willing himself not to cry. “I’m just twenty-three... i have time... but i see people starting relationships and being happy and I can’t help but feel deficient....” he sighsx and sat up, ruffling his hair unhappily. “I’ll remember that though... maybe that will help...” he exhaled and tried to center himself. “Thanks, Ben....”

ben

Pushing his hand through Tommy's hair, Ben did his best to be comforting to him. He understood the way that he was feeling, understood how it could be damaging to somebody's mental health. "Dude, I'm twenty-five, I've got two years on you. So don't feel deficient or whatever, because, if you're deficient, what does that make me? You aren't deficient. You just aren't getting what you deserve." There were definitely times that Ben worried about his age, but there were other times that he remembered that people had been older than he was and found their Claim eventually. "I'm here for you. Really. If you need anything, just give me a call."October 11, 2020

tommy

He let the older boy gently pet his hair, basking kn the gentleness of his touch. “I worry maybe i don’t deserve anything....” he admitted quietly, hand grabbing anxiously at the arm of the couch. “Thanks ben.... i didnt mean to unload on you like that.....” he exhaled. “Thanks for staying...”

ben

"I think everybody's worried about that at one point or another," he murmured in response, nodding. Ben knew that he'd had worries like that of his own. He had his own issues with body image, of what it meant to be a good submissive, of what it took to deserve love. It had taken a lot of self-love and introspection to get past it. "I don't mind. I'm here for you, like I said. I mean it."October 13, 2020

tommy

hugged Ben, perhaps for a bit too long, before sitting up and wiping his eyes. “Thanks”,” he offered an apologetic smile and started the movie up again, reaching for the caramel corn.

ben

Hugging him back, Ben kept rubbing his back, trying to ground him a little bit. When he pulled away, he nodded, adjusting the way he was sitting slightly. "Yeah, no problem, man. It's seriously no big deal. I'm here." Reaching for the bag of M&Ms he brought, he gave him a smile before turning his eyes back to the movie.

tommy

tried to forget the outburst he had just had, chomping on popcorn as the movie reached the end. He wiped his eyes again as Emily vanished in a flock of blue butterflies and laughed. “God this movie is always such a gut punch....”

ben

"Sometimes that's a good thing, you know...? That catharsis. Being able to feel something, even when it's hard to feel things." He felt like he was rambling about nothing, hand still buried in the resealable bag of M&Ms. "Feels good to feel something."October 14, 2020

tommy

nodded. “Sometimes if i’m feeling numb i’ll watch something sad on purpose....” he admitted softly. His coping mechanisms were... honestly far from healthy but he had made them somehow work over the years.

ben

"I don't think that's the worst idea... sometimes you just need to feel something." Ben had done that at least a handful of times, but he tended to default towards his comfort movies when he was feeling off. "Have you seen Mamma Mia?"

tommy

perked up at his question. “No! But I love ABBA. What’s it about?” He sat up and turned to Ben, sitting up and sitting on the couch cross legged facing him. “I’m actually shocked i havent seen it. Meryl streep is a goddess.”

ben

"It's my comfort movie, not even gonna lie. It's about a girl who's getting married, but she doesn't know which one of three men is her dad, so she invites them all to this island in Greece to come to her wedding so she can figure out who her dad is. And they sing ABBA the whole time. And it's really good." Typically, Ben wouldn't admit to Mamma Mia being his comfort movie, but he felt like Tommy needed to have something positive to turn towards, and there was no harm in admitting it.

tommy

looked utterly delighted as Ben explained the plot of the movie, laughing at the ridiculousness of it. “I bet i will love it!” He grinned. “We can watch that one next time we have a movie day.” He bounced in his seat slightly, too excited to worry about anything a the moment

ben

Glad that he could turn Tommy's mood around, Ben smiled, nodding in agreement. "Definitely. I will never say no when someone proposes a watch party of Mamma Mia. Seriously." He'd lost track of the number of times' he'd seen it, but he didn't care - he was just glad that he could help someone else's mood improve.

#tommy perlman.

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