#it’s been nice doing shrooms alone in my apartment but I miss doing them with friends

[celestrials]

Having friends to hang out with on my days off sounds so nice

[nohoney]

I Just Want It To Be Us - 1.1

note: Part 1 of the Us series which is originally posted on my ao3 here

Us series masterlist

characters: Dabi/Touya Todoroki, Hawks/Keigo Takami

warnings: 18+, drug use, toxic relationships, cheating, angsty-ish

summary:

That question always rang through your mind every time he comes back smelling like one of his side whores and cash in his pocket. He’s your boyfriend but he’s been doing this since way before he met you, and he wasn’t going to stop just because you’re together. It was a condition that you pretty much forced yourself to accept from the very beginning because well… you really did like Dabi that much.

Dabi knows that it makes you upset but he’s not going to stop for your sake.

You know that he won’t.

1.1 ✧ 1.2  ✧ 1.3

Your mother would be so disappointed if she saw you with your current boyfriend.

“Marry a nice man, honey.”

“When you find someone to settle down with, make sure he’s the one.”

“Don’t flit about from guy to guy, it’s not lady-like.”

All these rules your mother set you up with when it came to finding a boyfriend, you knew it came from a good place in her heart. She was only looking out for you when she told you these things but didn’t she get that dating now was different in this age and time? You’re a free person and you can see however many people you want or you could see no one at all and that was perfectly fine as well.

She has a feeling you’re seeing someone but you haven’t confirmed with her. To be honest, you don’t think you’ll tell her anything about your current boyfriend. It would be for the sake of preserving her little, fragile heart. How horrified would she be if she found out her precious daughter was dating the local drug dealer in her college campus?

He didn’t like being called by his surname and he didn’t seem to like being called by his first name either. The first time he speaks in front of your intro to philosophy class, taking it just to fulfill one of grad requirements, he says to just refer to him as ‘Dabi’. It’s curious to the people who don’t know who he is already but who are they to argue with someone how they should be addressed?

So you call him Dabi.

You called him Dabi the first time you spoke to him in class, asking for notes from the day you missed before in class. You called him Dabi when he found you sitting alone in the library and he kicked your chair to get your attention. You called him Dabi the more you spent time together with him, even past the semester once your one shared class is over and final grades were submitted. You called him Dabi the first time he ever rails you on his cock in the backseat on his car.

You almost forget sometimes that his real name is Touya.

In his off campus apartment, he sits in a chair in front of the bathroom mirror and you stand behind him with plastic gloves over your hands, helping him dye the roots of his hair black. The dye stinks, you hate the smell of it, but he kind of suckered you into doing it for him this time. He promised that if you’d help him, he’d sit through one of your stupid romantic-comedy movies you’d been dying to watch for a while. But you had to tack on a condition if he was going to give you an incentive.

If Dabi watched a movie with you and wasn’t entertained by it enough, he’d always leave to smoke a joint and come back high just so that he could get through the rest of the film.

“No break of any kind unless it’s a snack or pee break, you understand me?” you tell him as you put the final layer of dye on his roots. “And no doing it before the movie starts! I want you sober when we watch it together.”

“Yeah, yeah doll. You have my word.” Dabi passively waves his hand at you as he looks down at his phone.

Your eyes casually glance down at his phone screen and see that he’s in his messages app.

Wonder if someone is trying to get him as a connect. You think to yourself as you dispose of the plastic gloves and the remaining hair dye. You’re cleaning up the hair dye tools and open the window to air out the awful smell of the dye, all while Dabi sits in his chair and stares at his messaging app. The sounds of incoming messages from his phone tell you that there’s a conversation going on but his fingers don’t move over the keyboard to respond. It’s not your business how he runs his operations.

“How long do I leave the dye on?” he asks as he stands up from the chair, putting his phone on the countertop, and literally rips the shirt off his body from the neckline down the middle. It’s just a regular t-shirt he bought to protect his skin from the dye dripping onto his body dispensable from the very beginning, but he didn’t have to make a show of it. The shirt drops to the floor in a heap and he kicks it off to the side; you are not picking it up for him.

Dabi’s hot, ridiculously hot, that’s the first thing anyone notices about him. Both his ears have multiple piercings and his nose as well sporting three studs on his right nostril. If he’s wearing short sleeves, the first thing anyone will see that his both arms are tattooed all black, save for where they end, at his hands and shoulders it’s detailed to look like his skin is being held together by staples. On any other person it would look ridiculous to you, on Dabi not so much.

He notices you staring and winks at you, but you scoff at him and push past him to exit the bathroom. “You know how long it stays on, you’ve done this plenty of times before by yourself.”

“I like it when you tell me doll.”

Ah Dabi could be so charming when he felt like it.

You roll your eyes at him but peck him on the lips. “Shut up, I’m going to order in some food for dinner today.”

“Wow, ordering in for dinner tonight. Such housewife material (Name).” Dabi pokes fun at you.

“And you’re going to be the perfect husband Dabi.” you tease back.

You’re not certain if Dabi is long-term boyfriend material, you’ve only been dating for about five months. It’s not a long period of time you’ve spent as boyfriend and girlfriend but you’ve had a lot of fun with him. Although you have to admit that part of the fun you were experiencing with Dabi was because of what he’s introduced you to.

Before Dabi, you’d only smoke a little bit of weed every once in a while or take the occasional edible to wind down. You never had your own stash of it, you’d only partake if a friend supplied or if you were at a party. There was no point in having your own selection if you didn’t really partake in it that much. You were okay with smoking from a joint or a bong every once in a while, maybe take an edible if you wanted something a little stronger than smoking flower.

After Dabi you’d indulge in the occasional gram of coke and maybe some ecstasy if you felt like you could afford to take two days off from work for the come down. There were still others you hadn’t given a try yet, like shrooms or 2CB or do a candy flip, but you were slowly working up the nerve to give them a try when you were ready. Dabi offered you a Percocet but god, never again because you were too fucked up the one time you tried it.

You didn’t really think in your life you’d be involved romantically with a drug dealer but honestly it’s not as bad as you thought it would be.

Oh yeah, try explaining that to Mom…

Dab treats you right for the most part, he’s never yelled at you or ever taken his anger out on you either since dating each other, he just sells narcotics on the college campus and he got you into it too, it’s not a big deal. It helped that Dabi took it easy on you rather than just pushing you to do more than you were comfortable with. The first time you were curious about coke, he made you a little thin line of it and it took you more than an hour to decide you were ready before finally snorting it. After that first one, he let you decide how long and thick you wanted your lines to be. He’d cut it nice and neat for you and point to which one was yours to take. Coke felt good but the drip was disgusting in the back of your throat.

Speaking of disgusting…

“Hey, it should have been long enough so wash that gross stuff out your hair and let’s eat dinner.” you called from the kitchen as you plated the takeout food that arrived not too long ago.

You and Dabi sit at his little dinner table with the television streaming some random drama for background noise. Dinner topics for the evening range from school, homework, family news if there is any, and when to coordinate seeing each other next in between classes and your part time job. Conversations go smoothly and you’re cleaning up the kitchen when Dabi comes up behind you and presses a kiss to the back of your head, nuzzling you as you wipe the plates you just ate off of. You feel a sense of dread because every time he does that it means…

“Hey, there’s a house party this Saturday and I gotta work.”

You bite your tongue inside your mouth and exhale through your nose.

He has to work so he’ll be gone for a while, has to disperse his inventory and has to please his regulars as well as find any potential new customers.

If it was just selling, it wouldn’t be an issue.

The real issue is that you know he fucks some of his female customers. No no no, they don’t just get free coke or acid or whatever they’re asking for by spreading their legs for Dabi. He still expects cash as payment, but if he thinks they’re pretty enough then he doesn’t mind getting something extra aside from money after a sale. He’s handsome so why wouldn’t someone want to hop on his lap and go for a ride?

Dabi saves you the trouble by just being upfront about it, swears to you that you’re his favorite and that he only sees the other girls if he’s making a sale, they’re just customers. He goes to them, he goes to their location and fucks them where they meet him. None of his side whores have ever been brought back to his place, not like how he lets you in so easily when you knock on his door. He doesn’t take them out or treat them sweetly like he does with you; it’s just a sale and a fuck. It still doesn’t matter to you though, it still makes you jealous. It makes you clench your jaw in anger and want to just deck him right where his nose piercings are.

You’re his girlfriend but did that title mean anything if he was still going to sleep with other girls?

That question always rang through your mind every time he comes back smelling like one of his side whores and cash in his pocket. He’s your boyfriend but he’s been doing this since way before he met you, and he wasn’t going to stop just because you’re together. It was a condition that you pretty much forced yourself to accept from the very beginning because well… you really did like Dabi that much.

Dabi knows that it makes you upset but he’s not going to stop for your sake.

You know that he won’t.

“Fine.”

━━━━✧

If Dabi gets to fuck other girls then surely you have the right to do just the same with boys right?

The thing is though is that you did one time just right before the two of you made your relationship official, you hit up an old fuck buddy of yours while Dabi was out selling at another house party in the middle of the night. He left a measly text saying not to wait up for him and that he’d see you for breakfast. It would have been sweet if not for the fact that he came to your apartment smelling like another girl, just spending just two hours with you before flitting off into the night. Two hours of him on your sofa smelling like someone else, not even offering to shower to get their stench off, and he did his best to placate you before giving up and letting you stew in your own anger.

So you hit up your old fuck buddy and you go to him, you just get straight to the point when you’re let into his dorm and fuck your frustrations out on him. You intended to go straight back to your home but angry fucking took a lot out on you so you just spend the night there instead. “Don’t cuddle me, I’ll be gone in the morning.” you tell him after patting his cheek and pulling the blanket over your body.

It’s a quarter before eight when you’re trudging back to your apartment and you see Dabi leaning against your front door. You’re going to ask how his night was but he abruptly pulls you to him and growls in your ear to, “Get in your fucking apartment… now.”

He knows you went out to get fucked, doesn’t want to know who you went to.

You and him argue for over two hours inside your home, pacing back and forth in the living room. It’s back and forth of ‘it’s just business with those girls’ from him and ‘why shouldn’t I be allowed to do it to you?’ from you. Dabi says it’s just business and they mean nothing to him, claims to you that you hurt him more because you did it out of revenge. He really got you screaming at him after he said that but he didn’t dare back down. He stands firm and so do you, that really gets him angry with you even more.

He didn’t apologize and neither did you.

You were jabbing your finger in his chest when he grabs you by the wrist, irritation and exhaustion evident in his turquoise eyes. “Don’t fucking do that to me.” he growls at you.

“Get your fucking hands off me Dabi.” you spit back, shaking his hand off your wrist. “Get out.”

“No, we’re not leaving it like this.” he insists. “We’re fucking talk about this.”

You throw your hands up in the air in exasperation. “No, you want to ‘talk about it’ until I yield to you which is never going to happen! We’re going around in circles! You’re not going to be sorry and I’m not going to be sorry!”

A tense stare off between the two of you for a few seconds.

Next thing you know, you’re pulling off each other’s clothes and you’re forced on your hands and knees in your own bed. The only foreplay you get is a few seconds of rough kissing and Dabi spitting on his fingers to prep you as quickly as he can. When he pushes in, it’s rough and a little uncomfortable but you’re quick to adjust to the punishing pace. He pulls your hair too hard, you backhand him in the face, he spanks you until your ass is red and aching, you dig your nails into his back and scratch achingly slow down his flesh to make sure it really hurts.

Hate fucking with Dabi was a whole new level of intensity for you but you keep up with him until it turns into slow love making.

The biting, angry dirty talk from the beginning turns into whining praises; from ‘you spiteful, fucking bitch’ to ‘my pretty, little angel’.

“Fuck babydoll, you know how good you feel? I think I’ve fucked you so much that your pussy’s shaped to take just my cock. This cunt damn near drained me dry but I still want more. Cum on my cock more, tell me how bad you want it.” Dabi whispers into the skin of your shoulder before licking a trail up to your chin and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Ugh, baby it’s so fucking good, only you know my body like this. I don’t want it from anyone else but you… shit, I’m going to cum again!” you groan as you clamp down on him once more and your pussy strangles his cock for more cum.

You fall asleep after two hours of fucking, your head resting in the crook of his neck and his arm around your shoulders to keep you close. The both of you are all fucked out but your mind is still fixated on the fight. Despite the intimate sex that’s brought you closer together after rounds of hate fucking, it doesn’t change the fact that Dabi still fucks his customers sometimes and you’re still resentful about it.

“If it makes you feel better then fine (Name), you can fuck who you want.” Dabi says to you when the both of you wake up and are pulling your clothes back on your bodies. “But know this, if you want to be in on this then you’re just going to have to accept that I’ve been doing this since before I met you and it’s not going to stop just because we’re together. So go ahead, fuck who you want but as long as you always come back to me. I always come back to you, don’t I sweetheart?”

You’re smoothing your hair down, taking in his words before looking up at him and asking, “We’re together?”

Dabi’s eyes are full of mirth as he approaches you, pulling you close to his body and squeezing one of your asscheeks in his hand. “You’re my favorite, my number one, I like you (Name). The things I do for you, what I’ve done to you, no one else gets that from me.”

He didn’t apologize and neither did you.

But funnily enough even though he gave you permission to sleep with whoever you wanted, you didn’t really have the desire to do so. He comes to you smelling like other girls sometimes and that should be your cue to go find your own rando to hump on but you just… don’t.

Part of you wonders if Dabi is happy that you don’t go around like he does despite his blessing. You’re resentful towards yourself sometimes that you don’t go out and have some fun with someone else too. He gave you permission so you should take him up on it, that makes sense given the circumstances. Apparently the only thing that was important to him was that he always be your priority the same way that you were his.

Maybe at the time you just wanted the rush of revenge and now it was different that Dabi took that away from you by giving you permission. Maybe he knew that once he gave you the green light that you weren’t going to bother anymore with seeking anyone else out.

You were certain that he was manipulating you but you didn’t have solid evidence so there wasn’t much you could do. What the hell were you supposed to say to him?

Hey Dabi you tricked me into not sleeping with other people?

Dabi did always give you a heads up at least when he was going out to sell and he always tried to make you happy when he comes back. He offers to order in your favorite food, bring your favorite bottle of alcohol with your favorite juice to chase, eat you out until you’re a quivering mess on his mouth, or nudges half of a tablet of ecstasy in your hand and says that he just wants to put on music and house roll with you.

It still doesn’t change that you get jealous no matter how many sweet things he does for you.

But you like him enough to deal with his shenanigans… just barely.

━━━━✧

“Why don’t you come with me?” Dabi asks you as soon as you’re back from work. You’re tossing your purse onto your sofa and drop your body onto the cushions, your head in his lap and seeking his warmth. His hand goes to your head to start massaging your scalp, his fingers working magic and making you groan in pleasure. “Come with me tomorrow doll.”

You roll your eyes and turn your head to look at whatever show Dabi was watching while he was waiting for you. “To watch you flourish your business? I don’t think so. I’ll stay behind like I usually do.” you scoff, pressing your cheek against his leg and sighing.

He’s never asked for you to come along before, he doesn’t need the distraction of babysitting you. You wonder what’s caused him to ask you to tag along.

“Come on doll, just come along. Odds are I won’t be coming back the night of the party and Keigo will be there tomorrow, he can keep you company.”

Ah you loved Keigo, he was the only one that Dabi really considered to be a friend to him. Maybe it was because he could keep up with your boyfriend in regards to their drug consumption but you could see that they had a bond beyond just getting high together, more than just pills or powders or tabs that keeps them together. Together they both seemed like laid back individuals but Dabi only seemed laid back due to how apathetic he was whereas Keigo was actually a chill person because that’s how he actually was, it wasn’t just the air about him that made him seem so.

You loved being with Keigo, he always spoiled you silly and made you laugh.

“I don’t know, what exactly will I get out of it?” you shrug your shoulders and huff out quietly.

Suddenly two little baggies come into your view, one filled with white powder and the other with a little pink tablet. “Is this supposed to be a bribe to get me to come along?” you ask, staring at the bags and not bothering to take them from your boyfriend’s fingertips. You won’t lie that it is a little bit tempting, just a little bit.

“Maybe so, you know that my merchandise for you is discounted doll. Nothing but the best for you, my shit is always clean.” Dabi shakes the little baggies as if the contents are going to be more enticing if he does so. There’s definitely a big truth to what he said, the quality to his inventory is nothing less than superb. It’s why his clientele always kept on coming back to him but the absolute best was either for his favorites or it was apart of his own personal stash.

You’re staring hard at the baggies and start debating in your mind. Dabi would still give it to you even if you insisted that you stay home but there was no fun in doing it alone. You had some friends that could help you kill the coke if you asked them over but god forbid they start feening, that’s when they became difficult to deal with. There was no point in you holding onto them either if you weren’t going to do anything with them right away.

Since Keigo was going to be at the party tomorrow and if Dabi was going to give the baggies no matter what…

“Alright, only since Keigo is going to be there. Nothing else.” you give in and pluck the two baggies from Dabi’s hand and sit up on the sofa. “Now how much do I owe you for your merchandise sir?”

Dabi smirks at you as he crawls over you until you’re lying flat on your back, like you’re his prey and he’s the predator. “Just your usual payment madame, if you please.”

[gucciwins]

Are You Happy?

Harry and you get one more chance at love

Word count: 6180

A/N: Part two to Te Esperé is finally here! I went back and forth with where I wanted to take them but finally got to writing it down. It can be read as a stand alone. I love this story so I hope you do as well. Please let me know what you think. Love you all.

Hope you enjoy !

*  *  *  *  *

It’s your last day in Los Angeles and your thankful to finally be leaving. After spending the last two months here if feels as if your stay here has been fullfing but also draining. There is something about L.A. that just doesn’t feel like home even for a short visit. You miss the month you spent in Oregon in gloomy weather walking around carefree. It reminded you of home, it’s probably why you enjoyed it so much. Walking towards your car, you heard your phone ring but decide to answer as soon as you turned on the a/c in the car. As soon as you felt the car get cooler you took your phone out. It had four messages from Tiff. Which was weird seeing, as she was in London. It’s ten pm over there and she is not a night owl. Calls bedtime at 9pm. It’s enough to worry you.

Tiff

Did you see it?

How long have you removed social media?

Everyone is talking about it!!!! Did you know about it?

*photo attached*

There staring back at you was Harry Styles giving the camera a glowing smile that made his green eyes shine and the crinkle by his eyes just made you tear up. That smile that you have gone months missing, not knowing if he misses you also. You decide to answer her to let her rest.

Y/N

I had not seen this. I’ve sworn off all social media and it’s nice.

I have stopped myself from calling him too many times. 

Tiff

Are you going to read it?

Y/N

Yes. 

Always going to support the man I love.

Tiff

Call me if you need me. Xx

Rob Sheffield had managed to write something that moved you to tears. From talking about shrooms, to his past relationships, his time in Japan and yourself. You read between the lines, the heartbreak he talks about but never speaks your name. You were there for the early writing process but left him during it. You want to say you regret leaving him but you don’t. You regret that you were letting your love die. 

As you clear up your tears, you exit out of the article and pull up a contact. One that holds a special place in your heart.

It rings and rings until finally the phone is picked up. You want to say something, but your throat feels like it is closing up. 

“Hi, darling.” You cry. You start sobbing hearing her beautiful voice. The woman who has loved you like a mother. The woman who was there for you through good and bad. The woman who has accepted every call over the past three months. 

“Hi Anne” The sniffles are heard on the other line but she makes no comment about them. “I’m sorry for calling a bit late. I hope I’m not bothering you.” You apologize.

“Oh you, I love speaking with you.” She pauses not sure how to continue what she wants to say next. “Are you okay?”

Anne is a saint. She loves you and is treating you as if you didn’t leave her son.Each phone you have had with her these last few months are what keep you strong.  She never talks about breaking Harry’s heart when left him crying on the door steps. Now you don’t even know if you want to tell her why you’re crying because it feels ridiculous. 

“Umm..m-my friend sent me the article link. He looks amazing. The article itself was a nice read.” You stare out at the buildings in front of you. Anne doesn’t answer so you decide to keep talking. “I’ve been isolating myself these past few months besides the phone calls with you and time with my family. I’m not making excuses but it’s been hard being away.”

Anne tells you soothing words encouraging you to keep going. To keep talking out all your emotions.

“I promised him I would be here for him every step of the way but I left him alone.” You feel the guilt in your chest remember how you left the house you had built of love together.  “It feels wrong that I can’t call him to ask him how his day is.” You give up on wiping your tears away.

“Hey now, don’t be so harsh on yourself. He knows you are always supporting him. Always makes sure to remind us of your opinion for what he had so far.” Anne knows it would make you cry more but you’re okay with it because you love hearing about him.

“I should just go, I’m making a fool of myself talking to you because I broke his heart and-” She interrupts you. 

“None of that” she tells you in a sharp motherly tone. “You made a hard choice but the right one for both of you.”

You nod along to her words but remember she can’t see you and you’re grateful for that.

“I just miss him. I have since the moment I left but Anne this time away healed something that was broken in me and not him. “ Finally being able to speak out all these emotions is freeing.

Anne clears her throat. “The time apart was needed in order to grow and see what was wrong in yourselves and not each other. You felt that your relationship was failing because you were failing yourself first.”

You settle down at those words. You think it over and it’s true. Time away made you stronger but also made you mentally aware that you are not okay one hundred percent. 

You don’t speak, only listening to each other’s breathing. 

“Still there?” Anne questions.

“I am.” you bite your bottom lip softly not pondering on how to ask her the important question. “Where-” She interrupts you right away.

“He’s in LA, with Jeff. Will be there for a few days.”

“Do you think he will be okay with me stopping by? Will he still want me?” You know it’s unfair to ask her these questions but you can’t seem to stop yourself.

“No one he loves more than you.” You smile at her words. “Trust me, I’m his mother.” 

“Thank you, Anne.” No more tears but you wish you could be in London to receive a hug. “I love you.”

“And I love you, now I’ll be expecting a visit as soon as you’re back home.”

*  *  *  *  *

Chocolate. 

The strong smell of dark chocolate filled the air. It must be the chocolate croissants fresh out the oven. The Rose Cafe is a small little place you found one day when you spent miles walking around the area of the beach. The light pink walls hold pictures of different flowers all around. Luz, the kind woman that owns the cafe has told you her nephew took the pictures and on more than one occasion told you he was single. Although she knew you were with Harry each time she said it, she knew you’d never take up the offer because she liked to say Harry looked at you just how my dear Frank did. 

After that phone call with Anne you felt spent which is how you ended up in a comforting place where you could be alone before going to see Harry. The bell chimed as you walked in, you didn’t bother scanning a table to sit because you were eager to order. 

“Beautiful!” That was screamed as you approached the counter. Your cheeks were heating up from the attention. 

“Hi, Luz. It’s good to see you.” You smile at her leaning over the counter to give her a tight hug. 

“I didn’t know you were in the city.” She states wanting to know more “Your gentleman didn’t say you were stopping by or else we would have had your favorite ready for you.”

You stare at her confused not knowing what she was talking about. There was no one you had brought here except- and that’s when you slowly turn around. You see Harry sitting in the far corner where a pretty picture of daisies sit behind him looking as handsome as ever with a book in his hand. 

“Sorry, ummm…” Luz can tell you don’t want to talk about it. 

“I’ll get your order ready, a blueberry muffin and black iced americano.” You nod taking out your wallet to pay and waste more time standing there. “On the house, dear.” You mutter a small thank you.

Deep breaths, you can do this. You were planning on doing this today, just that it got sped up a few hours. You don’t know how you get there but there you stand in front of Harry’s table. You clear your throat softly and he looks up. His book hits the table, he is not able to mask his surprise. He doesn’t look angry or sad. You don’t know what he’s feeling and that scares you.

“Hi Harry, do you mind if I sit with you?” You link your hands together stopping yourself from chipping at your nailpolish like you usually do when you’re nervous. 

He nods and continues to stare at you. He closes his book and that’s when he breaks eye contact. You slide into the booth and place your bag next to you. There’s so much you want to say but for now you’ll stay content just staring at his face. The one that would wake you up in the middle of the night to tell you a joke he thought of. The same face that sang all kinds of songs with you in the kitchen. The same face that would give you endless amounts of kisses when you had a bit of food on your face.

“You look tired.” He comments. It honestly concerns him.

You nod knowing he’d pick up on the fact that you had been crying. “I donated blood a few days ago, always leaves me a bit tired for a few days.” He relaxes because he can see the small bruise on your arm where the needle was in for sometime. 

Just as you were about to speak, your food was placed in front of you. You thank her quietly but ask Harry if he’d like anything. He declines politely.

You stare at your food and look up at Harry. You want to eat but also want to talk. You don’t know if he is running on a schedule scared he might leave. It’s like he can hear your thoughts when he speaks up. 

“You can eat. We can talk after you’re done.” He assures you.

“I’m not keeping you from going anywhere, right?” You couldn’t help but question.

“I always got time for you.” You freeze at his words but so does Harry. He wasn’t expecting to say that but the smile on your face lets him know he’d do it again if he’d get that reaction once more.

You were finishing up the last few bites of your muffin when you decide to speak. Not the exact topic you want but one that will lead you there. 

“I read the Rolling Stone article, it was a pleasant read.” You say nodding and finally looking up to catch his reaction.

“Thank you.” He doesn’t ask when you read but you can tell it is on the tip of his tongue.

“Yeah, ummm...I just read it today.” You tell him and it makes you feel a bit guilty. He looks upset, unbothered you’re not even sure what he feels but you press on. “I haven’t had much of a social life. I went off the grid on everyone for a month or two. To tell you the truth the only person I wanted to talk to was you.” 

Harry has a strong poker face. “I talked to your mom a lot. That sounds selfish of me, I just could never bare to ask more than a simple how you were.”

You take a drink of your coffee and that’s when Harry speaks. “I talked to your brother often.” He nods pinching his top lip before letting go. “Always let me know you were okay. I was always tempted to text you updates on everything.” 

Your eyes go wide. Nathan! He had spoken with Nathan these last few months and he never mentioned it. You really have an amazing brother.

“He told me you were at the show.” 

The show, the one and only Fleetwood Mac. You had gone to see Fleetwood Mac with your brother on June 18. He had done the same with his family. When Stevie Nicks had called Harry her little muse right before singing landslide you were in tears. Not just for Harry having the love and respect of someone he looked up to but because this was your song and knowing you were in the same place after a few weeks hurt. Your brother said you could both leave but you knew you could never do that. 

“Did he tell you how much I cried?” He laughs and nods his head. 

“I cried just as much. Rob included that nice ending but he didn’t mention how my mom was basically holding me together.” Harry sighs. “I wish I had known you were there. It seems selfish to say but why didn’t you seek me out. You knew I was there.” 

You know why he’s asking you. He wants answers and honestly so do you. 

“I wasn’t ready. It had been less than a month since we-“ you correct youself “since i left. I wanted to be better not just for you and our relationship but for me. I spent time with family here, and once there I thought it was finally time I talked to somebody about it. So I did the one thing I was always too afraid to do and went to see a therapist. Harry, the problem was never our relationship it was ourselves. I felt like I couldn’t open up and I had no idea why.” You run a hand through your hair and let out a deep breath you were holding. 

Harry’s hand rest on the table and you want to reach over and grab them. Have some kind of touch with him. “I- I’m proud of you, I wish I could have been there for you.” You can see he is beating himself up about it. “Jeff, had a close friend recommended me to one but I could never bring myself to go so instead I poured all my feelings out to mum and Gemma.”

You look around and see how quiet the place is. There’s no one else in the cafe surprisingly and you’re grateful for that. Even your dear friends have moved to the back to give you space. 

“H, I left you during a time you were going to be most busiest and needed support but I’m thankful to know you had the two most important woman by your side.” You smile at him. 

Harry gives you a timid smile. He reaches forward and laces your left hand with his right one. “Three most important woman, you may not have been there but you were just as important and involved.” You give his hand three gentle squeezes as you wipe your tears away. “You have always been my muse.” 

“Do you still love me?” He asks, suddenly very vulnerable.

“I love you so much. Not a moment goes by where my heart doesn’t miss you.” You speak the truth and you hope he believes you.. 

“Good. I love you, but I bet you already knew that.” He says with a small smirk. 

“It won’t hurt to hear it again.” Harry laughs at your cheekiness. 

“I love you.”

He stands up pulls you with him embracing each other in a hug that washes away all your worries. You first the back of his shirt and hold him tight hoping he won’t disappear. He places light gentle kisses on your head. It’s nice and comforting. 

“Where do we go from here?” You can’t help but question.

Harry pulls back a bit to look you in the eyes. “I know this won't be easy. It won’t be like before but we’ll take it slow. Day by day.” He’s assuring you that you’ll make it.

“I like how that sounds.”

“I’m not forgetting the years we had together but starting slow and easy sounds nice.” Your cheeks turn pink before you can even get your question out. “Harry, will you go on a date with me?”

Harry smirks shocked but happy you beat him to the question. “When are you leaving LA?”

“My flight leaves at one tomorrow.” Harry just nods. 

“Got to leave Sunday, will you meet up with me once I arrive?” 

“Of course, I will be at your mom’s house. She made plans to pick me up and keep me to herself. I hope that’s okay.”  You tell him hoping he won’t react weird. 

“Sounds lovely. Jealous my mom will be getting you longer than I did.” He shoot you a pretty smile. 

“Well since, I have got a flight and must be there early, do you fancy going out now?” You look at him with a smile reserved only for him. 

“I’d be an idiot to say no to you.” He pecks your cheek. “How about I also pick you up tomorrow for breakfast and see you off at the airport.”

“Sounds lovely.”

You and Harry can’t help it anymore needing to feel your lips against one another after so long. Harry wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you tight against him. You let one hand rest on his shoulder while the other brushes the curls off his forehead. Harry was leaning to connect your lips together when your name is yelled and the bell is heard. Your heads snap to the door quickly. You see a man and a woman you recognize. Once you look down you see who called your name. It was Bea. 

She twists timidly. “Is it okay if I give you a hug? Mommy said I have to ask because some people may not like to be touched.” You heart swells with pride. That is just the sweetest thing. You look over at her parents and give them a wave. They approach you slowly. Bea is a lovely little girl at the blood drive. She was shy the first five minutes then eased into conversation effortlessly when realizing you were smart and pretty. Honestly, just a small time with her changes you for the better.

“I would love if you would give me a hug.” In the next second her arms are wrapped around your neck. It seems as if she doesn’t want to let go. She hugs a bit tighter when she feels you releasing you. 

“Do I have to give you back you necklace?” She pouts hoping you say no.

“No.” You laugh. “I want you to take care of it. You’ll know when the time is right.” You stroke her cheek softly and it causes her to giggle. 

You stand up but don’t let go of her hand. You look at the two adults who are smiling at you for making their daughter laugh in record time. 

“Hi.” You stretch out your hand for him to shake “George right. Bea told me all about you and Annie.” 

He gladly accepts your handshake. “You must be the best friend she can’t seem to stop talking about.” 

You can’t help but blush because Bea really is the sweetest little girl. You look over at Harry and you’re not sure how to introduce him. 

“This is Harry.” You say looking at him and he’s looking right back at you with a gleam in his eye.

“I’m her boyfriend, It’s lovely to meet you.” He shocks you and he knows that. You can’t wipe the smile off your face and reach up to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. 

“How about I buy you all some treats?” You say looking at Bea who starts dragging you in seconds to the register. George states he’ll go as well to help make some good choices for his wife and himself. Your eager to spend time with Bea that it seems to slip your mind that Harry has never met these people. 

Annie stands with Harry. She sees the smile Harry gives her as she talks with Bea helping her choose a pastry. 

“We met her at the blood drive a few days ago, she was a ray of sunshine to everyone in that room.” Harry can’t help the smile that comes out hearing that compliment about his girl. “Gave Bea a beautiful necklace that has three daises right in the center a few days ago at the blood drive because Bea was afraid she’d never see her again.” Annie doesn’t catch Harry’s reaction because she is staring at the little girl who is in your arms pointing to a chocolate eclair she wants.

Harry stands there trying to mask his shock. That necklace was given to you by your mother. He swears he never saw you go a day without it. To part with something so meaningful for a little girl she hasn’t known very long must mean that you saw something beautiful and special in this small child named Bea.  “She always seems to see the best people.” Harry tells Annie. 

You turn around to point at carrot cake cupcake and he nods his head yes. You blow him a kiss. It’s surprising how she seems to be glowing now than when she was standing at the end of the table. 

Harry knows it’s because she was missing a piece of herself and honestly Harry feels exactly the same. With her back in his life he feels whole again. 

Here’s to falling in love all over again.

*  *  *  *  *

26 September 2031

The backyard is full of chatter and laughter as well as screams of children every so often. You’re happy your closest friends and family were able to join you on this beautiful day. The beautiful fairy lights that took him a few hours work finally got put up after six months of procrastination. He likes to say he was waiting for this day but you know better than that. You spot Gemma taking a shot with your brother and Anne scolding them for doing it in front of the kids.

You feel a hand on your waist and smile. You let yourself fall back into the familiar chest you fall asleep on each night. He smells like cinnamon and you can’t help but laugh knowing he must have snuck a treat while no one was looking.

“Can’t go eating dessert before everyone, H.” Harry laughs because he knows he can never get away with anything with you by his side.

“Would it make it better if I said I brought you a cookie.” 

You turn around in his hold. You look around making sure no eyes are on you. “As long as it’s one of the snicker doodle cookies.”

Harry’s eyes twinkle with delight. “What kind of husband would I be if I bought the wrong one.”

“Let’s hope we never have to find out, right Husband?” You look up at him and open your eyes closing you eyes as well. 

“My dear wife, hope you enjoy this stolen snack.” He places the small bite sized cookie in your mouth and you chew slowly. You moan in appreciation but open your eyes quickly cheeks going red. Harry is trying his best not to laugh too loud to allow you to finish the sweet treat. 

“Idiot, don’t know why I married you if you just laugh at me.” You make to walk away when Harry wraps his arms tight around you. 

“Hey” he says dragging out the word. “Don’t be mean. Threw you a wedding party and this is the thanks I get.” 

You know he isn’t offended but you decide to deliver one last blow. 

“The reason we are having a ten year wedding vow renewal and reception is because your big ego wanted lots of attention not because you wanted to remarry me.” 

Harry makes a shocked face at you not expecting that reply. He doesn’t respond but what he does next is worse. He begins tickling your sides and within seconds you’re out of breath. He shows no sign of stopping until the music is cut off.

“Can the husband and wife please stop with the pda and please make way to their seat.” Nick yells into the microphone that grabs everyone’s attention.

Harry being the most obnoxious dork that lives for the attention does exactly what you think he was going to do. “I’ll show you public display of affection!” 

Next thing you know Harry is reaching down and connecting your lips together. The kiss is slow and deep. Harry makes sure to pour out all his emotions. 

Thank you. I’m proud of you. I love you. 

You finally pull away when the cheering only seems to be getting louder. You open your eyes slowly to a lovely sight of Harry having your red lipstick all over his mouth. You can’t help the giggle that leaves your mouth at the sight. He gives you a few more pecks before leads you to your seats where he then let’s you remove the lipstick but not without saying, “I think red suits me more, love.” Which earned him a thump on his head.

You and all your guests wait until the person who is giving your speech to make their way up to the front. As you’re waiting, a small six year old climbs into your lap. You smile at the piercing green eyes looking up at you. 

“Hi mommy” You sweet boy Oliver greets. 

“Hi my Ollie.” You greet him back with kisses all over his face being careful not to leave traces of lipstick on his face. “What are you up to, my love” Harry smiles at two of you before tearing his gaze to look for a missing member of the Styles family.

“I want cookies, Mali says to come ask you.” Harry and you let out a laugh knowing that your oldest child has sent her baby brother to come ask for dessert that isn’t being given out yet. 

“Oh look, here she comes.” Harry says softly watching his beautiful girl comes skipping over with no care in the world. 

“Mommy, Daddy” Mali begins but Harry stops her by grabbing her and kissing her all over just like you had done with Oliver. 

“Daddy, are you finished? This is important.” She all but exclaims. 

Harry pouts not liking that his daughter is being too bossy but to wrapped around her finger to stop her. 

“I saw Daddy eat a cookie and then hide another. You said no one was allowed. It’s not fair that he got to do that. Seeing as I didn’t see Daddy eat it I’m assuming you, Mommy” She paused to point at you. “Ate it, meaning my brother and I are allowed to eat some as well seeing as well all share the last name.” 

After Mali is done with her very valid argument you got no reason to tell her no. But as you look over at Harry he looks upset as in tears in his eyes. 

“Baby, you okay?” You place a hand on his pack rubbing up and down in comfort.

“My little girl is just so smart and soon she’ll be a lawyer winning all these cases worldwide.” 

“Don’t go sending my girl out of the country. Don’t think I could survive not seeing her that long.” You scold him. “Don’t go talking about the future, next thing you know I’ll be an uncontrollable mess. 

You turn back to your children who had began talking to each other quietly. You make Ollie and Mali stand in front of you hiding your smile.

“My darlings, what your Daddy did was bad.” Harry’s eyebrows shoot up but give him a glare daring him to contradict you in front of your children. “He didn’t listen to the rules and that isn’t fair. However, it also isn’t fair for you to eat treats and the other guest aren’t so-” Mali opens her mouth slowly as to let you know she is going to interrupt you but you let her know you aren’t finished yet. “So, this is what you’re going to do. You’re going to Nana Anne and will give you each a cookie and you can grab more after your Aunt Bea does her toast.” 

Both your children give you big grins. Just as they are about to runaway to their Nana they give you a tight hug and kiss one on each cheek. They are two steps away from running when Harry clears his throat reminding his children he was there. Ollie kisses is Daddy first then runs off, Mali is close behind after quickly giving her Daddy two kisses on his left cheek.

Harry turns to look at you after he sees their children make it safely to his mom. “It’s like I wasn’t even there. These kids don’t listen to me like they do you.” He pouts leaning back into your arms.

You squeeze Harry tight. “It’s cause they know you’re the fun parent meaning you’re a child as much as they are.” 

Harry turns his head to look at you a pout on his lips. You raise your eyebrow at him because he is proving your point. He places a soft kiss on your lips and sits up. 

“Hello everyone, my name is Bea and I will be giving a toast to the lovely husband and wife who are celebrating ten years together and they surprisingly wanted us all here even though Harry doesn’t know how to share his wife.” She says causing everyone to laugh. 

You tear up looking at seventeen year old Bea, who is radiating happiness. She has grown up so fast you remember when she was just a five year old not wanting you to go away. You blow her a kiss and she is quick to catch it making everyone around you laugh.

“My toast will be about myself and the lovely wife because if I compliment Harry even once his head might finally explode.” You can’t help the snort that you let out at the joke. Making Harry look at you with a playful glare but give his hand a squeeze to calm him.

“I want to talk to you about my five visits to Europe. Most specifictly London, where the Styles’ family resides. The first time I came to visit I was seven years old. I told everyone I was flying across the country to go to “My Best Friend's Wedding”. I told everyone at the airport and I’m sure my parents wished they could have sewed my mouth shut.” Bea smiles at the memory of seeing you for the first after what felt years and the hug Bea gave you that lasted ten whole minutes. “ The second time I came was to meet my non goddaughter. At nine years old, I thought my life was over because they didn’t trust me with their daughter. I mean I understand now.” 

You laugh out loud at her comment. “It was Harry’s fault.” You yell.

“Oh, I know. He doesn’t like sharing the Styles’s ladies with me.” 

“At eleven, my third visit I’m very excited to spend the summer here. Four weeks with my best friend and no parents. The dream for a pre-teen. But guess what, I spent it in a bakery for three weeks because Harry stole my best friend for a vacation and left me with sweet Anne and baby Mali. They needed that trip because look what came out of that.” Someone in the back shouted “Ollie.”

“Whoever just screamed out sweet baby Ollie’s name is correct. They went on a trip to get lucky but I mean who wouldn’t she such a catch. Don’t know how Harry did it.”

Harry looks over to his smiling and blushing wife. “Who let her make the toast?” He loves it and hates it at the same time.

“I think Nick helped her rewrite it.” You whisper back.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Fifteen years old, the age all dad’s grow gray hairs worried about daughters and mom and daughters get even closer. It’s spring break, keep in mind it’s only one week. My parents don’t think twice about sending me because their little girl was facing her first heartbreak and needed a change of scenery. Also, the iconic moment when on day two I went into the backyard and screamed, “I’’M GAY!” How iconic is that.” Bea is quick to wipe her tears not wanting to think back to a painful year. “It was nice to be free and accepted. To end this fourth visit trip on a lighter note, Harry cried when I yelled that because he was so proud of me.” Bea shoots him a grateful smile when he begins to cry again. 

“Would it be rude if I ran up there to hug her?” Harry sniffles.

“Yes. She would end you.” You laugh wrapping him up in a hug. 

“Now my fifth and favorite visit so far is today, or well last week at the age of seventeen. Why, you may ask because they took me to get a tattoo. With parents consent of course. She held my hand the whole way through and they tattooed daisies on my collarbone. I was offended when she said she wasn’t getting a matching one with me.” Bea shrugs but you could tell it upset her that day but she’s over it. 

“It’s cause she already has one in honor of you.” Harry yells finally giving away a well kept secret.

“SHUT UP! I will cry” Bea knows it’s already too late seeing as she feels her face wet.

Harry moves your hair back as well as your dress strap to the side and there on your collar bone is a bee flying as if it was looking for a flower to land on. You’re quick to cover it up when you see Bea has seen it. She’s give you a smile hinting you’ll be talking about it later.

“I’m going to wrap this up because you didn’t come for me, you came for the narcissistic that loves attention and the lovely Y/N. I want to say you make marriage look fun. You’re marriage is strong but what keeps it strong are the two partners that work everyday to communicate and give love because they remember to always choose love.” Bea picks up her glass and everyone copies her action. “Here’s to the Styles’ who may always be full of love and happiness. To a thousand more years together because you’re immortal. I swear they don’t look a day over 25. Well Harry is debatable. Cheers.” Bea walks up to you and Harry after chugging down her champagne.  

Harry wraps her up in a big hug not letting her go until he felt her hug him back just as tight. Harry gives his wife a sweet forehead kiss and gives her a moment with Bea. Bea is quick to launch herself in your arms. You love this sweet girl who grew up into a beautiful lady. You want her to be as happy as you are. You pull away and wipe away her tears. 

“I love you. You will always be my best friend.” 

“And you mine.” She squeezes you hand before releasing something in it.

You open up the hand and there is your necklace. “Thought a lovely little girl might need it more than I do.” 

“Bea, you are a true blessing that was sent to me I swear it.” You kiss her cheeks and send her off going to dance with your husband for the remainder of the night.

You step onto the dance floor just as Landslide starts to play. You turn around and there is Harry giving you a beautiful smile. His eyes crinkle full of love and life. He spins you around before pulling you in close. You rest your head on his chest and sigh at the comforting sound of his heart beat.

Harry every few seconds kisses your head just swaying you around the dance floor. You feel someone bump into you and Harry turns you softly. There looking up at you are your two angels. They give you sheepish smiles but turn away not before whispering a soft I love you. Mali has Ollie wrapped up in a hug as they waddle side to side to the song that is playing. 

“Are you happy?” Harry asks always caring about his wife.

“Yes. I’m happy.” The smile you give Harry makes his heart beat ten times faster.

“Being here with you and dancing without children under the stars is a dream come true.” You tell Harry in a low whisper looking up into his beautiful green eyes.

Harry leans down and captures your lips. He feels every bit of happiness you were talking about..

The house that once was empty is now filled with happiness, life, laughter but most importantly love.

*  *  *  *  *

Feedback is welcomed and appreciated :)

[a-kayy47]

Learning to live:Chapter 2

So what brings you and the rugrats to Charming?" Tig asked. I knew he wasn't really intrested, he just wanted to know if I was going to be trouble, I won't but my ex might be. "Well, I got tired of my kids sperm donor cheating on me and being a junkie. After 7 years of it, it gets old" I said looking down at my feet and taking deep drags of my cigarette. "Why didn't you leave sooner lass?" Brit's ol'man asked.

"Honestly, I didn't think I deserved better or would ever find anyone who would ever want me." I answered still looking down.

"Fuck that prick! You deserve better babe. You're a damn good momma, you work every fucking day and never do anything for yourself, shit whens the last time you've actually had fun?" Brit asked me.

"Umm...Like real fun? Probably the last party I went to at Uncle Tom's clubhouse when I got arrested." I said looking up with a shit eating grin on my face.

"I wouldn't say getting arrested is fun." A bigger guy with glasses piped in as he walked up to us.

"That's because you've never been arrested with this bitch!" Brit said. "I remember it like it was yesterday. We was 16 and ate shrooms for the first time. And for some reason we thought it would be fun to get payback at some fucking blonde bitch for calling us biker whores and shit so we stole her car and pushed it into the lake!" Britni said laughing reminiscing on the memory. "You pushed a car in a lake and didnt get jail time?" The bigger guy asked again. "Oh that's not why we got arrested!" I said laughing. "Miss let's sneak into the local bar and dance naked on the bar is what got us arrested!" Britni told them still laughing uncontrollably at the memory.

"Yeah, I got public indecency and underage intoxication." I told them "You also tried to blow the cop to get him to let you go!" Britni reminded me. "Fuck, I forgot about that! Hey, at least he was attractive!" I said laughing "Dude he was twice your age!" She replied.

"We used to have so much fun. I miss it so much, all these fuckers want to do is drink till they pass out or bury their face in pussy!" Brit said putting her arm over my shoulder and squeezing.

"Well I haven't had sex since I got pregnant with Rayne and I haven't drank till I passed out since I was 18 so I'm not much fun anymore."

"Well we'll just have to change that! You're a hot peice of ass babe! You gotta get laid!" Brit said smacking my ass.

"Wait, did you just say you haven't had sex since you got pregnant with your girl..shes what like 5?" Tig asked with wide eyes.

"Yepp, she'll be 6 in September."

"But, you're like super hot!" The bigger guy said.

"Well thanks, I'm sorry I didnt catch your name."

"Phil." He told me.

"Well thank you Phil. But a lot of people dont think so, including myself. I still have baby weight to loose and it's been almost 6 years so." I said with a little chuckle.

•Happy's POV•

This chick was crazy! Staying with a dude for 7 years getting cheated on all because she didnt think anybody would want her! And not having sex in 5 years but knowing her boyfriend was out fucking anything with two sets of lips. She deserved better! The sparkle in her eye and the way she laughed while remembering all the fun her and Britni used to have warmed my heart even though I'd never tell anyone that. Everyone deserves to blow off some steam every now and then. Hell if I didnt get too I'd loose my fucking mind! And what the hell was she talking about no one wanting her, fuck I'd take her to my dorm and have my way with her right now! She was perfect! Beautiful face, tattoos lining her arms and hands, long thick black hair that I wanted to wrap my hands in, nice full chest that you could definitely tell was real the way they bounced when she laughed. Light skin with a slight olive undertone, a nice waist with a little belly from having kids, wide child bearing hips with a nice plump ass to match. She was bigger than the girls around here but shit that's what I liked something I could be rough with in bed and not worrying about breaking her. She may be bigger but you could tell she worked out, her ass was nice and firm but still had that fantastic bounce when she walked I could only imagine what it would look like bouncing on my dick. I wanted to find the fucker that ever treated her wrong and make him regret every single time he put his hands on her.

I remembered seeing her at the gas station and couldn't get those beautiful green eyes and plump lips out of his head then to see her pull up her and find out she's staying. By the time it was all said in done I'd have this women and she'd never remember that prick.

●○●○

"Shut the hell up girl! I know you workout everyday!" Brit said pushing my shoulder. "Not everyday, and now I wont be able to since I don't have anywhere to keep up my boxing lessons." I said looking over to check on the kids.

"Happy boxes, he could teach ya a little." Tig said grinning at Happy.

"I'm sure he's busy with other things. I'll just have to stick to walking or jogging then the kids can tag along."I said shrugging it off.

"Be out here tomorrow morning at 8." Happy said which shocked all of us.

"I'll be there, Thanks." I said shyly.

"Alright let's go get you and the kids settled in. I'm sure you have a busy day tomorrow." Britni said breaking the conversation.

"God yes, I have to get the kids enrolled in school and look for a salon and see if they're hiring." I said exhausted just thinking about it.

"Well the school thing I can help with, Tara, Jax' ol'lady can help with that she just enrolled Thomas their youngest. And as for a salon there is only one and it's a barber shop most women go to Oakland to get their hair done but he's a good friend and with some talking to should give you a booth. I know the ladies would love a hairstylist closer home." Britni said filling me in.

●○●○●

After about a 10-minute drive from the TM we arrived at Britni's apartment.  The kids were beyond excited to get settled in somewhere for more than a night, and I couldn’t blame them in all honesty I was too. Brit pulled her Camaro into the garage and I parked by the sidewalk that lead to her  “apartment” as she called it, to me it was just a small house. She walked up to the car and immediately started helping me get things out. The kids had already jumped out and were sitting on the steps that lead up to the porch.

“Just get what ya’ll need tonight and I’ll send someone over tomorrow to help you unload the rest?” She stated opening the back hatch.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that I can get it. I packed it myself.” I replied with a chuckle.

“Don’t argue! Anyways if I didn’t send someone to help Gemma would have my head.” She said with an eye roll.

“Is someone afraid of this Gemma?” I asked with a smirk.

“We all are.” She answered flatly. “Wait till YOU meet her! I’m sure you’ll give her a run for her money!” She said with that smirk of hers that I knew meant trouble.

“Great! Can’t wait!” I said sarcastically grabbing the kids’ bags.

Brit grabbed my bag and led me to the door, unlocking it and entering the house. She had a nice place. As soon as you walked in the door you entered the living room, which she had painted a dark gray with a black leather couch and recliner on one side and a big flat screen TV on the other. The living room led into the kitchen, which had a small island in the middle of both rooms, it was simple black and gray just like Brit. I noticed that there was a door on each side of the living room, which I was guessing was the two bedrooms.

The kids hurried inside and stretched out on the couch and turned on the TV making them selves a home right away. I followed Brit to the door that was on the right side of the living room.

“It’s not much but its better than where you was.” Brit said as she walked in the room and flipped on the light.

 “Anything was better than that! I’ll never be able to repay you, you know that right!” I told her in all seriousness.

“Shut your mouth, you and those babies are all the family I have left, if something would have happened to you I would of lost my mind. I just wish I could have got you out sooner, before the beatings started.” She said low.

“How did you know about that?” I asked looking down at my feet.

“Let’s just say Jamie called me every time you was in the hospital.” She told me.

That boy, I swear he might be quit and keep to himself but he never misses a thing.

“Annie, why didn’t you call me sooner? I would have got you out. I have a whole MC that would have backed me!” She said grabbing me by the shoulders and making me look her in the eyes.

“I was scared, you don’t know how many times I tried, I tried so fucking hard but I could never do it.” I said starting to cry.

“After the last time he put me in the hospital I was done. He really did a number on me that time.” I said lifting up the bottom of my shorts and showing her a scar that went 8 inches across my upper thigh.

“What the fuck Annie!” She asked running her fingers across the scar.

“My shorts were to short for a “Fat Bitch” to wear so he decided that he need to make a permanent mark to show me that my shorts had to be below that line.”

“This is the first time I’ve wore shorts in two years.”

I told her still looking at my feet.

“Babe you are worth so much more than that. Why didn’t you tell me what was happening?” She asked me again.

“I was embarrassed. I was such a strong person before I got with him I didn’t take shit from anyone let alone a man. Then I got with him and it was like I was trapped. I was scared to leave because if he ever found me I was sure he would kill me, and I couldn’t do that to the kids. That’s why I came here, I knew if he finds me here and kills me at least they had you to protect them. I cant let him get my babies..he would destroy them. They’re so innocent and sweet and have such a big heart and he’s so evil he would ruin them.” I rambled to her.

“I’m so sorry Annie, but know you are safe here YOU and those kids. Neither the MC nor me will let anything happen to you. And I promise you we will get the old Annie back! Now lets get you all settled in, you have a busy day tomorrow.” Britni said giving me a longing hug.

We walked out to the living room to see both kids passed out on the couch. I grabbed their blankets from their bag and cover both of them up and them a kiss on the forehead before I went to get ready to go to sleep myself. Britt went over and locked the door “Don’t worry only people that has a key is Chibs and Happy and they shouldn’t be by tonight.” She reassured me. I gave her a nod and told her good night. I went to my room and took off my clothes to change into a big-oversized Harley Davidson shirt and pair panties. I checked my purse for the 9mm that I picked up before we left West Virginia from an old friend. I made sure the mag was filled and out of the gun and laid both in the draw in the nightstand by the bed. The only thing that was going to help me sleep at night is knowing I had something to protect my babies! I laid in bed thinking about everything I had to do tomorrow and drifted off to sleep.

[schwimb]

Shh! Shh! The story you are about to see has been told before. A lot. And now we are going to tell it again. But different. It's about two star-crossed lovers kept apart by a big feud. No one knows how this feud started, but it's all quite entertaining. Unfortunately, before we begin, there is a rather long, boring prologue, which I will read to you now. "Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona... ...where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes..." Ah, Miss Montague, out you come to ruin my day. My, that's a hideous cardigan, Mr. Capulet. It suits you. Wizened old hag. You crumbly old codger. Oh, great. No, this way! Whoa! I got one! I got one! I got one! I got one! Winston! Throw us the ball! Huh? Huh? Tybalt! Oh, those Blues are at it again. Top of the morning, Lord Redbrick! Lady Bluebury. Your tulips are looking a little limp this year, aren't they? Oh! I don't like what you're incinerating. The proper word is "insinuating." Illiterate. I am not illiterate! My parents were married! Benny! Come on. Let's go give those Reds another lesson on how it's done. Yeah. Shroom, all clear? Gnomeo! Gnomeo! - Gnomeo! It's your mum! - Huh? Oh, no! Just get this out into the alley! I'll catch up with you. - OK, OK. - Gnomeo... Mum! Have you ever seen our beautiful, beautiful garden from this angle? Oh, yes. Especially the wisteria. That tree was your father's pride and joy. May he rest in pieces. Oh, how you remind me of him. Oh. Which is why I wanted to say... - I know. I know. My chores. - Gnomeo... Edging, trimming, planting, pruning. Consider it all done. - I wanted to say... - Done, done. It's done like I did it. - Gnomeo! - Done. All I wanted to say was "good luck." Thanks, Mum. Go out there and show them we Blues are better than any Red! Red. I hate the word. Wow! A Cupid's Arrow orchid! Oh! Juliet! Huh? Oh! Whoa! Oh. Hiya, Dad! You won't believe what I found! Do you want to get smashed? Aflower that will put that Blue garden to shame, just across the alley. This feud business is none of your concern. And as leader of this garden, it's up to me to... Uh, I am a Red, after all. Oh, you're just as impulsivated as your mother was. Bless her to bits. Now, back where you belong. I can't just stay tucked away on this pedestal all my life. Don't you see? When will you realize you're delicate? I'm not delicate! She's definitely not delicate. Stubborn girl. Right. Delicate? Hmm! I'll show him who's delicate. Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Gnomeo! OK, boys, y'all know the rules, and I don't need to repeat them. But I'm gonna, because I wanna. And here they are: No biting, no scratching, no kicking, no burping, no slurping, no cussing, no squalling, no rassling, no heeing, no hawing, and more than anything, no cheating! No cheating? Hey, that's not fair! - Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! - On your marks! Get set! - Sucker! - Go, go, go! Huh? Aah! Whoa! No! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! You're the greatest, boss. The greatest by far. The greatest! The greatest by far! Oh! Please, please, my friends. Tell me something I don't already know. A cheat! A cheat! That's what you are! A cheat! A cheat! That's what you are! Well, Benny, I didn't think it was possible, but your mouth is getting even bigger than your hat! Tybalt! You just crossed the line! Yeah! The finish line! Adios, loser! Hey! Come on out and fight like a gnome! - Flower boy won't come out! - What's he gonna do? - You better do something! - He can't get away with that! Show him! Show him! Come on! Well, if he won't come out, I guess we'll just have to go in. The Red garden? No one's ever been in there! Then I'd say it's about time someone did. And payback is going to be fun. Shroom, let's go kick some grass. This mission into Red garden territory is going to require maximum stealth. Well, you won't get much stealthier than this. Hello! I got one. I got one. Swim away. Be free. Oh! Thank you. I got one. All this for some daffy flower. Yes. It's the only way I'll ever be taken seriously around here. And I'm gonna need you to cover, Nanette. If my dad asks, just tell him I'm washing my hair. "I'm washing my hair." I don't have hair! He'll know it's a lie! - No, my hair! - Got it! I'm washing your hair! OK, OK, whatever you say. I'll be quick. Out! Out! Damn, Spot! Over here, boy! Wow! That was quick! I'm too easy to see. I'm gonna need some kind of disguise. Ooh! A new outfit! I'm on it. Here. That is cute. Give us a turn. Nice junk in the trunk. Now, go get your flower. Uh... Maybe a tad less fluorescent pink? How much less? Try black. Huh? Trust me. Nobody is going to pay you any attention in that. Then it's perfect. Ooh! I'm going in. Take care! I'll tell your dad you're doing your hair! Let's play a game. I'm thinking of a movie. It's one word, and it starts with, um, "Spider." Is it Spider-Man? Oh, you're good. OK. This is great! I love going commando! Shh! Now, just keep quiet. Shh! OK, I have another one. Two words. The first word is "Spider-Man." Spider-Man 2? OK, who's cheating? Benny, give me the paint. Benny? No. - Benny! Benny! - Oh! - Huh? - Huh? - Tybalt! - Get them, you idiots! Come on, let's go! Run for it! Now! - Where did he go?! - He's in the begonias! - Well, do I look like a begonia? - No, more like a pansy. Find him! - Not here. - Not here either. Nothing but daisies here. Come on! Hold on. - Whoa! - Whoa! - Hey, Benny. See you on the other side! - Gnomeo! No! Huh? Hmm? Huh? I wish I could stay, but gotta fly. Whoa-whoa-whoa! Huh.

Feet are feelin' lightHead on out to see the sightsAin't life a many splendored thing?

Ducking up and down All these crazy sights and sounds

Bounce around

like puppets on a string

Never gonna find

Anything to change my mind

Famous last lines of a foolJust when you think

You're a chain with just one link

Something comes

to tip you off of your stool - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello

My, my, my, what have we here?What a surprise

What a surprise - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello

I'm not alone

It's good to know

Someone's out there to say helloHello

Um... You're probably wondering what I'm doing on the roof of your greenhouse. It's just I... Well, I thought no one lived here. They... don't. I mean, I don't. This isn't my garden. Oh, well, that's good because I just came to get that orchid. - Oh. This? - Yes. I don't know, I think I'm going to have to keep ahold of this one. What? But I saw it first, so why don't you just hand it over. Well, I grabbed it first. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. But if you want it, come and get it. All right. Thanks. Nice greenhouse, eh? - Oh, yeah, you should see it from here. - And miss this view? - Who's your gnomey? - "Who's your gnomey?" Whoa! Who's your gnomey now? - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello - Hey! - # My, my, my, what have we here? Whoa!

What a surprise

What a surprise - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello

I'm not alone

It's good to know - # Someone's out there to say hello - # Hello - # Hello - # Hello

HelloHelloHello, helloHelloHello, hello

Oh, no. He's a Blue. Not a Blue. Juliet. You're not allowed off your pedestal. What are you doing out in the alley? I'm, um... Well, I could ask you the same question, Tybalt. We're looking for a blue gnome. Yeah, he's an ugly little fellow. - Got a scratch, right here. - And his name's Gnomeo. You haven't seen him, have you? Uh... Ooh. Um... Uh... He sounds awful. No, I... I, um, certainly haven't seen him. I haven't seen him at all. Well, lucky you. Come on. Let's get inside. Juliet. A Red. Why, of all things, did she have to be a Red? So, where is the oh-so-important, life-changing orchid? Um... Um... What... What orchid? What? Hmm? Shut up! You met a boy! What? No. Well, maybe, sort of. Um... Yes. Yes, I did. I need details! And go slowly! - Is he totally gorgeous? - Totally. Does he have a nice rotund belly? Well, let's call it sturdy. And his, uh... His hat is, um... - Big and pointy? - And... ...you know, I suppose in a certain light, you might say it looks sort of... blue. Blue. Ah! This is one of your little jokes! No, I don't get it. Oh! Flipping, flaming Nora! She's smooching the face off a Blue! Shh! Please shush, Nanette. Just zip it. Zip. Oh! Juliet! This is fantastic! - Is it? - It's doomed. - What? - A Red and a Blue. It just can't be. So it's a doomed love, and that's the best kind. You'll never see him again. And then one day when you die, you'll be all... "Oh, my true love. I only saw him once." I'll only see... What do you mean... What are you chatting about "once," I'll only see him once? How romantically tragic. Your love is doomed. Your love is dead. Your love is doomed. Your love is dead. It's doomed. Dead. - I'll only see him once? - Doomed! I've never seen Lord Redbrick so riled up. We have to find Gnomeo. Let's split up. I wish I could quit you. Hmm! Oh, well, let's go fishing. All right, boy. Go find Gnomeo. Doomed. Dead. Doomed. Dead. Doomed. Dead. O Gnomeo, Gnomeo, are we really doomed, Gnomeo, to never see each other again? Why must you wear a blue hat? Why couldn't it be red like my father, or... or green like a leprechaun? Or purple like, um... like, uh... like some weird guy? I mean, what's in a gnome? Because you're blue, my father sees red, and because I'm red, I'm feeling blue. Oh. At any rate, that shouldn't be the thing to keep us apart, should it? No! No, it shouldn't! I couldn't have said it better myself! Oh, my giddy aunt. Did you just hear all of that? What are you doing here? I don't know. Um... I came here to... Well, I don't know, I just wanted to see you again. Are you crazy? If Dad finds you, he'll bury you under the patio! Find me. You kidding? "Stealth" is my middle name. No! Quick! Turn it off! I'm trying! - Do something! - The button's stuck! Come on. Aah! Juliet! It won't turn off! - There's something behind you! - Shroom! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Juliet, what's with the...? Ooh! You look like a fun-gi. - Excuse me, a little help here. - My dad's coming. So, you must be Gnomeo. Lovely to meet you... in the 30 seconds before you're discovered and killed. - Quick, hide. - Juliet, I've told you before, no music in the grotto after 10:00. - What's going on here? - Um... It was a... um... I saw a squirrel, and he... he dropped his nuts. Yes, nuts, the size of... boulders! Yes, all right. Thank you, Nanette. Well, OK, but no mucking about, especially not tonight. We've been attacked, by a Blue! And if I ever get my hands on a Blue, he'll be sleeping with the fishes! Now, I'm not a man who is wounded up easily! Lord Redbrick, I've been having problems with my... Your what? I guess this isn't the best time to talk. - It's not ideal. - But I... - Just go. Please go. ...just came here to say I... - What? You what? - I'm... - Oh, sorry. - Juliet, is there something wrong - with the pond? - The pond? No. What, this pond? No, it's fine. I mean, it's just as pondy as ever. Oh, my gosh! What is that thing over there? - What? What was it? - The... thing, over there... - What did it look like? - Oh, it looked like a really... OK, bye-bye then. Off you go. Thanks for popping by. Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels... or pigeons or sparrows or whatever. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Ah. Nanette, where's Gnomeo? Is he gone? - Yeah. Gone forever. - What?! Whoa! I think you'll find this does, actually, belong to you. Thank you. - I can't go. - I know how you feel. No, really, I'm stuck. So, uh... can I see you again tomorrow? - Yes, but not here. - Back in the old Lawrence place, then? - Noon? - Not soon enough. - I can do 11:45. - Done. That frog was right. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Whoa. Thanks, Nanette. You know he's going to ditch you when he finds out how much you weigh. Shroom, do you see this face? It's a happy gnome face. Now, come here. Come on! Outrage! Infamy! The gardening gloves are off then, are they? You! Wrecking my mower! Dear lady, you are insane in the brain! I never thought even you'd stoop to such levels! Oh, and by the way, kindly stop stealing my underwear. In your dreams, you daft old cabbage! Oh. How could she do this to Tybalt's wishing well? Oh, my sweet little flower boy. Why would anyone ever pick on you? Oh! Who thinks I should order the best new lawn mower money can buy? Oh... Why would anyone do this to Tybalt? Because nobody likes him. So, what are we going to do? Find their weak spots. Then what are we going to do? Damage. Lots and lots of damage. Right. Mess with me, will you, Capulet? I'll show you, you old sack of compost. This is not over. Not by a long shot. Ah. Right. What do we got here? She's on the Worldy Widey Web. - Uh, no. No, no, don't think so. - That one! Pick that one! - Ooh! That one! Yes, I like that one. - No, don't think so. - No, no... That one! - Oh! What's this? Are you losing the war in your garden? Well, brother, maybe it's time for a secret weapon. Terrafirminator! It's the most ruthless, 500-horsepower, grass-dominating piece of hardware the world has ever seen! Terrafirminator! It's unnecessarily powerful! Now with 75 percent more power! - It clears! - Clears! - It digs! - Digs! - It mows! - Mows! Your lawn will be afraid to grow! Terrafirminator! It's a weapon of grass destruction! Terrafirminator will not inhibit grass from growing. Not recommended for residential use, brother. That one! Oh, my. Pick... that one! Please, please, pick that one! - Oh, dear. - Yeah, yeah, yeah... That's a bit in your face. This is more my speed. Meow. Oh! Not the Kitten Clipper! Oh, no. Definitely not. Huh? Ow! - Juliet? There you are. - Hi, Dad. I've been ruminating about our little discussion yesterday. - But I was just... - What you need is compan-man-ship. Someone to look after you. Who'll keep you safe. - What? - You know Paris, don't you? Yes. Yes, of course. Why? - He's come to pay you a visitation. - Dad! All right, all right. No one would ever say I don't know when I'm not wanted. - Toodles! - Got something for you. Here it is. Gypsophila. Lovely. What does it mean? It means "lover of chalk." Although, ironically, it grows better in a clay soil. It's weird. You think you got it down, and then, bam, you do some reading, it turns out it likes clay soil, even though you thought it was a lover of chalk. Weird. Right. Well, it's been terribly nice speaking with you. Where are you going? Stop! No! Obviously, do whatever you want. But my point was, surely, it's a bit rude to leave me on a first date. - "First date"? - Yeah. - I thought, what does a boyfriend... - "Boyfriend"? ...get his girlfriend? - "Girlfriend"? Ooh! This is good! A small token of my affection. Oh. Wow. Juliet, do you realize what this is? It is my own hybrid of foxglove and buttercup... - A love triangle! ...which I call "foxbutt." And you! I never knew you were such a devil! No, I mean, you know, I've got my dark side, sure. Hey there, Juliet. What a name. It's a great name. Goes with your... eyes. You're looking really cool. You're looking good. Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven? That's a killer, man. Yeah, no. You're looking cool. Yeah. - How's it going with you, baby? - Oh, I'm fine, baby. How are you? Uh... uh... Never better. Huh? Do you think anyone heard that? There's nobody here. - Then why are you whispering? - Why are you whispering? Oh! Look at that! Guess we're done with the whispering thing then. It's a 1950s MacAllister Ranger. - Let's start her up! - Yeah! OK. Check out the power on this beauty. She's empty. Bingo. - Hey, try this. - Thanks. - Is that you? - Yeah. Yeah, it's me. It's me, too! - What was that? - I have no idea. OK, whatever you are, come out slowly! I have a loaded st... uh, weapon! And... And I'm not afraid to use it! - Do you think I scared him? - Oh, definitely. I know I'm scared. Look at that baby, huh? Watch me now! By the way, thanks for finding my leg, and setting me free. I love you! Do you know what it's like to be trapped for 20 years? All alone by yourself, no one for to talk at? "How's the other leg?" "I don't know, Featherstone, remember? I don't have it." You see, I'm not exactly terrific company, am I? Sorry, but we didn't think anybody lived here. Yeah, we shouldn't be here. We'll be going. - What if he follows us? - Then our parents find out. Oh, no. Nanette was right. We're doomed! You cannot ever pull the wools over these beady eyes. Ho-ho! I think that you two are on a date. - Date? No! No. - Date? No! No. - Not dating. Fighting. - Fighting to the death. - Mortal enemies here. - Yeah, don't you see it? - He's a Blue! - And she's a Red! And I'm pink! Who cares?! Anyway, I got to ask. Why are you bringing her to a dumpy place like this? I know! I know! I be right back! Juliet, wait. Oh, here it comes. I'm too delicate, right? No, no. I was going to say, don't hold back. Let her rip. - Oh! Really? - Yeah. Go! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Wow! Ta-da! Look at that! It's a definite improvement. Fantastic penmanship, too. But, you know, we still gotta do something about these weeds. They're not weeds. Those dandelions are wishes. I don't know. Aweed by any other name is still a weed. Go on. Make a wish and then blow on it. It's kind of hard with a beak, huh? Kind of tires you out, huh? I go to sit down now. I've got a confession to make. I've never actually driven a mower. No, you're a natural. Well, my dad, he's a little overprotective. You know this is crazy, right? Yeah. I just never imagined that I could fall for a Red. And me a Blue. No way. My whole life, my mum raised me to hate you guys, you Reds. So, this could never work. Could it? Well, a Red and a Blue, it just can't be. Can it? Look! It's kind of like snowing, but it's not. Oh, baby, you know, I getting into this now. See, the trick is to go like... Then you get them all with one. You don't have to... Ah! I wish that we could all come back and do this tomorrow. And, uh... I promise, your secret is safe with me. Well, should we? I can do 11:45. Not soon enough. Hey, Shroom. What's up, button head? Careful there. You're going to chip something. What's eating you? How? How? - Mum! - Gnomeo! How could this have happened? Where were you? I was... I was nowhere. Don't worry, Mum. I'll make it up to you. How?! Redbrick and his hoodlums have destroyed the most beautiful thing we Blues have. Your father planted her. We raised her from a seedling. Those blasted Reds! Come on, Gnomeo! We'll make them pay! Every last one of them! Every last one? My dad can really pick them. Can't he just? - Oh! This is painful. - Oh! Sweet torture. - Ooh, shiny, shiny. - Nanette? Gnomeo. OK. Huh? Juliet, no, wait! I... I... A Blue! A Blue! - Abort, abort the mission! - What, what happened? Uh... The nozzle jammed. Let's go. Gnomeo? Hmm... Such a big hat for such a small gnome. So, you boys fancy a little bit of fun? Let's take this baby out into the alley. Then what are we going to do? We're going to have a smashing time. Aw, come on, Juliet. It's not as bad as all that. Is that your big move on a second date? You wine them, dine them, and then spray them with weedkiller? You've got to admit, it is original. Hola! My fellow funsters are back already. Juliet, be reasonable! I didn't have a choice after "Incident Wisteria." How do you think that looks? Just a toilet, in the middle of a yard, with nothing growing out of it. - You Blues are so infuriating! - Wait a minute. Us Blues? - So, what you guys want to do? - Featherstone, we're busy! Come on, guys! Let us have some fun! Let me tell you something about you Reds. Us Reds? Can't we all just laugh about this? I know your little mushroom dude can. - Featherstone! - Featherstone! - We're in the middle of something! - You wouldn't understand. - Do you mind? - Just leave us alone! Right. I'm sorry. You know, sometime I get a little overexcited. Especially having such great new friends. Like you, and... But I know I can be a bit... much. Wait, Featherstone. Hey... Come back, Featherstone. I'm sorry. I may not be a smart bird, but I know what love is.

You hear it everydayOnce upon a time, they sayOnce upon a time in this placeI looked and saw on your faceA smile that spoke to meIn oh so many waysAnd love built a gardenGrew it from the ground upEach one of us knowingEvery inch of it was usWe pulled it all togetherHoping and believingThat love built this gardenFor the two of us to dream inWe'd get a little rainThen the sun came out againBut a frost, it's hard to fightOnce it takes hold, flowers dieThere's only so much you can doTo keep some things aliveAnd love built a gardenGrew it from the ground upEach one of us knowingEvery inch of it was usWe pulled it all togetherHoping and believingThat love built this gardenFor the two of us to dream in

You know, other people's hate destroyed my love, and... I couldn't do nothing about it. But you... you can. You know, I think that crazy pink plastic bird might be right. What if we never went back? Never go back? But what about my dad? And Nanette? And the Red garden? You see, the truth is, over there, we're enemies. But here? Here, we're a matching pair. Juliet, will you stay here and build a garden with me? I'd love to. Gnomeo! What are you doing?! Benny! Listen, mate, I can explain. Benny! Benny, wait! Well, well, well. If it isn't little Big Hat Benny! Mess with our garden, will you? Benny! No! Ooh! That felt good. Oh, no. Oh, no! Tybalt! A hat for a hat! Gnomeo, no! You wouldn't attack an unarmed gnome, would you? Sucker! Pity! Tybalt! The wall! You don't think I'm going to fall for that old trick, do you? What wall? Oh. That wall. No. - What was that? - What's happened? Tybalt? Tybalt. Tybalt? Tybalt can't be with us anymore. Ooh. Smash him back! No! What is the meaning of all this constipation? Gnomeo smashed Tybalt! - No! He didn't do it! - Juliet! - Gnomeo! - Mum! A gnome for a gnome! - Catch! - What? Smash him back! Run, Gnomeo! Run! Stop! Stop that! Revenge! Oh? Oh... - What are you doing? - No! I love him! - What? - Doomed. Oh! Someone do something. Gnomeo! Are you mad? There's been enough smashing for one day! Now get her on her pedestal and keep her there! He's gone. Oh, no... gone. Oh, Gnomeo. No... No, not Gnomeo. Let's get you home, now. Oh! My poor, poor boy. Hmm? Stay. Stay! Good boy! Shroom! Shroom! Huh? No! Hey, what's this? A gnome? Yeah, mate. It looks like your sister. Whoa! Don't drop it! Come on, pass it! You left me no choice, Juliet. I've lost your mother. I am not going to lose you. Psst! Psst! Bunnies! Fall in. All right. We've got to avenge Gnomeo. Here's what we're going to do. Now... No, not now, Shroom! Right. Got it! OK. OK! Little mushroom dude, I'm coming. What? What are you trying to say? So, Little Timmy has fallen down the well? No? Little John? Little Mustafa? Little Richard? What?! Oh. Ateapot fell down the well. What? Gnomeo. You saying Gnomeo fell down the well? No, little mushroom, he was smashed. I saw it myself. What? You want I still should follow you some more. OK, fine. I going with you. I go. But what this has to do with Gnomeo, I don't know. And where is this well everyone is falling into? Psst! Hmm? Ready? Ew. Hmm? Yuck! Hmm? Ooh! Hello. Whoa! Hmm? Meow. Terrafirminator! - Are you losing the war in your garden? - Never! Well, brother, maybe it's time for a secret weapon! - Bring it on. - Terrafirminator! This one's for Gnomeo! Meow! Huh? Yeah! Huh? Come on! Oh! Ruddy purse. Call me. So Juliet and me, we decided that we'd carry on in spite of the feud. It was great, but then my best mate Benny found out, and then Tybalt, who's a right piece of work by the way, crashed a trowel through Benny's hat. I was so livid that I attacked Tybalt and he ended up getting smashed, which wasn't my fault, and I was chased out. Exiled. Stuck up here on your head, far away from Juliet. Extraordinary. Your story, it does put me in mind of another. It does? Oh! Indeed! Yes, there are remarkable similarities. What happens? Do they get back together then? Get back together? Um... No, not exactly. What exactly do you mean? Well now, it really is quite good. She feigns her death. He finds her, thinks her dead, takes his own life. She wakes, finds him dead, takes her life, both dead. Exeunt omnes, the end, curtain! Standing ovation! Bravo! Bravo! Author! Author! Hmm. What did you say?! They both die?! What kind of an ending is that? My dear boy, this is a tragedy. Yeah, you're telling me, mate. It's rubbish! - "Rubbish"? - Gotta be a better ending than that! I suppose that he could've made it back in time to avert disaster, but I like the whole death part better. Oh, dear. Whoo-hoo! Featherstone! One word! Plastic. How did you find me? Shroom! He sniffed you out. And he doesn't have a nose. I checked. Yeah, I knew I could count on you, you little button head! What is it, boy? He hasn't stopped, yakety-yakety-yak! He's been going on and on and on since the alley. Chocolates in stranger, chocolates in stranger, chocolates in stranger... Juliet's in danger?! No, that's not it. Juliet's in danger! Told you so. Come on, boys. I've got to get back to Juliet and save her! That's what he said, but she was dead before he got home! We'll see about that! Whoa! Ta-da! Benny. What do you think, Lady B? This baby is fully equipped. Equipped for what? It has settings for edging, trimming, mulching, and revenge! Do it, Benny. Do anything it takes! Make them rue the day they destroyed my son! Unleash the dogs of war! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! No! No! Oh! Yes! Oh, no! Oh, blimey! Oh, no! Attack! Counterattack! Counter-counterattack! - Fire! - Incoming! Hey! I got one! Thank you! Move it! No! No! Paris! Gentlemen, I suggest we put our heads together. Charge! - Oh, no, no, no! - Yee-haw! - Hang on! - Whoa! Whoa! Thanks! Juliet! You're alive! - Come with me. - OK. Oh, no. No, no! Would you like a complete destruction now? Destruction in progress. Get him! Come on! Come on! Come on, come on, come on! Juliet! My son! It can't be. Target locked. She's going to blow! Get back! Get back! It's no use. Go. - Go. - I'm not going anywhere. Told you so. Huh? No. Huh? It's OK! I'm OK! Oh, good. I'm sorry about your son. I'm sorry about your daughter. I was just trying to keep her safe. And now, the whole thing is my fault. Our fault. This feud... Is over. Move! I don't know about you, but... ...I think this ending is much better. - Good afternoon, witch. - Nitwit! Thank you!

[lachouettification]

Please talk to me

But I guess it wouldn’t help, anyway. I can talk all I want to; the problem isn’t changing or evolving quite yet. I need to sit still in an empty room for an hour and think, but motherhood doesn’t often present me that luxury. So since I have a little bit of time right now, let me use it, before it’s gone. I’m going to talk. You’re going to listen. I have a lot to get out of me.

If I had to imagine my perfect world going forward, I have no idea what would be in it. I’ve given up so much to get to this point that I barely remember what I enjoy doing anymore. 

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. So many things were supposed to be different right before it happened. I was going to move to Texas but chickened out. Then I didn’t get into the college I’d been secretly praying would send me to Texas anyway, and I was crushed. I sobbed. I was then going to move to Thailand (I got the certificate to teach English finished one month before I found out I was pregnant, which means I finished it one week before I got pregnant) to get some perspective and understand myself better and try to get some distance from and time to process the intense feelings I chickened out from. I was dating several people, all of whom were unimportant distractions from reality; see “chickening out.” 

Then, of all the things that could have mattered, I started dating this kinda crazy guy who had some potential to be a little less crazy, but I didn’t really care that much because I had other things going on. He wasn’t supposed to be the future father of my child. I barely even knew him. And I talked on the phone to the person who did matter, and he pointed out that staying with someone just because you’re procreating with them is a bad idea. And I didn’t listen. I wanted to try because I didn’t have two sets of parents. I saw my dad like maybe 10 times in my life, all but two being before the age of 5. 

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, we decided we were in it together. He was going to be there for me. I wasn’t going to be abandoned. We started going to couples therapy, paid for by the big bad sexist/racist/homophobic/history-revising/repression-inducing (but it reminded me of my most recent shrooms trip at the time, so I didn’t care about that list) Mormon Church. 

She was a great therapist. Getting her grad degree. Divorced. Not some crock religious counselor who tells you that you’re loved by angels and that Jesus will wash away your tears, amen. She was great. But she believed in us making it work. Because that was the reality she and the father of my fetus understood and had been sold their entire lives. Meanwhile, I was frustrated with myself for my issues (re: chickening out) and wanted to believe I could escape the weird life I’d been led into by my mom and my aunt that fast forwarded to this terrifying image of me becoming an old maid who never could loosen her grip on the reins long enough to know what love even was. Except maybe when drunk, but then that was like, “Hey, there aggression. Nice to get acquainted. You’ve got a lot of pent up shit in here, and alcohol is sort of exacerbating that.” Nevermind that I’m starting to learn that my inability to love unabashedly and compulsive behavioral fixes have something to do with being the adult child of an alcoholic. I didn’t have any idea about that then. I barely have an idea about that now. I told the therapist in our first session before I was pregnant that I thought maybe I wanted to get married and have a family of my own one day, and then BAM it had happened. It had to be fate, right? So, I started pregnant-waddling down this path to “healthy marriage” and family. I slowly stopped working and started letting him pay the bills. I slowly/quickly (depending on how you look at it) stopped talking to any and all straight/male friends and many of my straight/or-gay/female friends, no matter how important they were to me. I slowly got huge (I gained a lot of pregnant weight) and miserable and regretted the decision to stay pregnant half the time. I considered running away and making it on my own, but I felt trapped by my lease and all of the sacrifices I had already made to try to make this fucking work. I considered going somewhere else and not telling him when I had the baby and just hiding away almost every time we got into another one of our huge blowout fights. But then he would help me. We lived in this teeny apartment, and he rearranged the furniture just how I’d wanted while I was out of town for a week. He would put my socks and shoes on, rub my feet, sacrifice his place on the bed when I was uncomfortable, help me shave my legs, go to therapy with me each week. He tried so hard. I sobbed alone on long drives around the city and hated myself for the one brief moment that had conceived my son.

But then he was born, and all of that changed. I can’t explain that love to you. Even my issues couldn’t stop me from loving this magnificent human. He’s a miracle. He’s the only thing I’ve ever felt I was meant to do. And I had no clue till he came out. But now I know. 

His dad stepped up again. He tried again. He set me up every day with food and water so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed. He cooked and cleaned and worked so that I could stay in bed with my postpartum pain and the baby. I needed him, and he did everything I needed. There were still outbursts sometimes, but we were stressed. Who wouldn’t have outbursts with a life that hard and cramped? Then our son started getting a little older, and it wasn’t getting any easier. He wanted to have sex, naturally. He’d quit being Mormon, and we’d eloped so that we could explain to the government how many people were really in our household. He wanted to have sex and reconnect with me. But we spent the first year and two months of our relationship trying so hard NOT to have sex (because Mormon) that we’d wasted any chance we might have had to build that intimacy. Now, I was in excruciating pain and honestly really turned off by the thought of sex. I was exhausted. I still am. I rarely get a chance to shower. Some days, I forget or don’t get the chance to eat more than once. Back then, I never ate unless Zac allowed me to. If he was tired and cranky and didn’t feel like helping, I didn’t get to go to the bathroom or eat food or shower. I just had to deal with it. So when he was tired and at his limits, he pushed me way past mine. And honestly, I think I started to hate him for it. I may not have meant to, but I think the resentment was incredibly deep, and I loved Montgomery too much to feel it toward him. I know Zac had every right to be tired. We were working so hard. But as he got more tired, he woke up less to help me at night. As he got more tired, he changed fewer diapers and walked Montgomery to sleep less. As he got more tired, he gave me fewer breaks. And I started to lose my fucking mind.

Then my mom split her house in half to give us some privacy, and we moved in with her. My literal worst nightmare mixed with my wildest dreams. Montgomery could have a yard to learn to run and walk in that we could afford without me going back to work (since at that point, he couldn’t be away from me for more than 10 minutes without losing his shit anyway, I couldn’t even fathom working) but at the price of living alongside my mother again. I love my mother. I need her help with my son. I’m very grateful for this living situation. The rent is affordable, and the babysitter is free. But we still have a very complicated past and dynamic. Mixing the things I had to constantly give up to be with Zac with the things I have to give up to be with my mom finally sent me over the edge. Zac and my mom started to have this silent battle for control over my actions, and Montgomery is a baby, so he needed/needs me pretty much at all times. Zac’s anger kept getting bigger, despite mine being totally under wraps with the addition of motherhood as a part of my personality and the total absence of alcohol for almost two years (thanks, pregnancy and breastfeeding). He quit his job to go back to school, and we decided to live on loans–something that’s just the opposite of what I’m naturally comfortable with. He was home for six weeks. During those six weeks, most days, he was still tapped out. He cooked quite a bit, cleaned a little off and on, and didn’t do any work, but I still had to ask for showers and cut my time short because meltdowns were my job. Night wakings were still predominantly dealt with by me. I still felt unhelped. And while he was home, the jealousy kept peaking. It’s hard enough to talk on the phone with a baby present. Forget it when we’re all home. My only reality was the house. Not to mention that in that house, I would go into the dark with Montgomery for 12 hours each night. I would lay down with him for 30mins-2 hours every time he napped. During those times, Zac would sit in the living room getting alone time. Alone time I desperately needed and was asking for and still wasn’t getting. 

Seriously, after all of that shit. No wonder it broke. After having so little time for myself in 8 months that it’s literally quantifiable (in hours) on my hands, it’s no wonder. 

So I accepted a job. I needed some excuse to be alone for a minute. It was only 8-10 hours per week, condensed into two days. Good hourly pay rate. Good company. Room to move up in the future and get more work/hours/pay. And the kicker? From home. Literally my dream. Work a legit job that I can have anywhere. Hello, travel. I’ve been missing you. Unfortunately, that was the breaking point for Zac. Something about him having to help me watch Montgomery during those hours of work just wouldn’t click. And he snapped. But I’m so tired and so at my own breaking point from the zero time I’ve had to myself that I also snapped. 

And now we’re here. 

[marleykershaw-blog]

according to all known laws of aviation

Shh! Shh! The story you are about to see has been told before. A lot. And now we are going to tell it again. But different. It's about two star-crossed lovers kept apart by a big feud. No one knows how this feud started, but it's all quite entertaining. Unfortunately, before we begin, there is a rather long, boring prologue, which I will read to you now. "Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona... ...where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes..." Ah, Miss Montague, out you come to ruin my day. My, that's a hideous cardigan, Mr. Capulet. It suits you. Wizened old hag. You crumbly old codger. Oh, great. No, this way! Whoa! I got one! I got one! I got one! I got one! Winston! Throw us the ball! Huh? Huh? Tybalt! Oh, those Blues are at it again. Top of the morning, Lord Redbrick! Lady Bluebury. Your tulips are looking a little limp this year, aren't they? Oh! I don't like what you're incinerating. The proper word is "insinuating." Illiterate. I am not illiterate! My parents were married! Benny! Come on. Let's go give those Reds another lesson on how it's done. Yeah. Shroom, all clear? Gnomeo! Gnomeo! - Gnomeo! It's your mum! - Huh? Oh, no! Just get this out into the alley! I'll catch up with you. - OK, OK. - Gnomeo... Mum! Have you ever seen our beautiful, beautiful garden from this angle? Oh, yes. Especially the wisteria. That tree was your father's pride and joy. May he rest in pieces. Oh, how you remind me of him. Oh. Which is why I wanted to say... - I know. I know. My chores. - Gnomeo... Edging, trimming, planting, pruning. Consider it all done. - I wanted to say... - Done, done. It's done like I did it. - Gnomeo! - Done. All I wanted to say was "good luck." Thanks, Mum. Go out there and show them we Blues are better than any Red! Red. I hate the word. Wow! A Cupid's Arrow orchid! Oh! Juliet! Huh? Oh! Whoa! Oh. Hiya, Dad! You won't believe what I found! Do you want to get smashed? Aflower that will put that Blue garden to shame, just across the alley. This feud business is none of your concern. And as leader of this garden, it's up to me to... Uh, I am a Red, after all. Oh, you're just as impulsivated as your mother was. Bless her to bits. Now, back where you belong. I can't just stay tucked away on this pedestal all my life. Don't you see? When will you realize you're delicate? I'm not delicate! She's definitely not delicate. Stubborn girl. Right. Delicate? Hmm! I'll show him who's delicate. Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! Gnomeo! OK, boys, y'all know the rules, and I don't need to repeat them. But I'm gonna, because I wanna. And here they are: No biting, no scratching, no kicking, no burping, no slurping, no cussing, no squalling, no rassling, no heeing, no hawing, and more than anything, no cheating! No cheating? Hey, that's not fair! - Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! - On your marks! Get set! - Sucker! - Go, go, go! Huh? Aah! Whoa! No! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Gnomeo! Tybalt, go! Tybalt, go! You're the greatest, boss. The greatest by far. The greatest! The greatest by far! Oh! Please, please, my friends. Tell me something I don't already know. A cheat! A cheat! That's what you are! A cheat! A cheat! That's what you are! Well, Benny, I didn't think it was possible, but your mouth is getting even bigger than your hat! Tybalt! You just crossed the line! Yeah! The finish line! Adios, loser! Hey! Come on out and fight like a gnome! - Flower boy won't come out! - What's he gonna do? - You better do something! - He can't get away with that! Show him! Show him! Come on! Well, if he won't come out, I guess we'll just have to go in. The Red garden? No one's ever been in there! Then I'd say it's about time someone did. And payback is going to be fun. Shroom, let's go kick some grass. This mission into Red garden territory is going to require maximum stealth. Well, you won't get much stealthier than this. Hello! I got one. I got one. Swim away. Be free. Oh! Thank you. I got one. All this for some daffy flower. Yes. It's the only way I'll ever be taken seriously around here. And I'm gonna need you to cover, Nanette. If my dad asks, just tell him I'm washing my hair. "I'm washing my hair." I don't have hair! He'll know it's a lie! - No, my hair! - Got it! I'm washing your hair! OK, OK, whatever you say. I'll be quick. Out! Out! Damn, Spot! Over here, boy! Wow! That was quick! I'm too easy to see. I'm gonna need some kind of disguise. Ooh! A new outfit! I'm on it. Here. That is cute. Give us a turn. Nice junk in the trunk. Now, go get your flower. Uh... Maybe a tad less fluorescent pink? How much less? Try black. Huh? Trust me. Nobody is going to pay you any attention in that. Then it's perfect. Ooh! I'm going in. Take care! I'll tell your dad you're doing your hair! Let's play a game. I'm thinking of a movie. It's one word, and it starts with, um, "Spider." Is it Spider-Man? Oh, you're good. OK. This is great! I love going commando! Shh! Now, just keep quiet. Shh! OK, I have another one. Two words. The first word is "Spider-Man." Spider-Man 2? OK, who's cheating? Benny, give me the paint. Benny? No. - Benny! Benny! - Oh! - Huh? - Huh? - Tybalt! - Get them, you idiots! Come on, let's go! Run for it! Now! - Where did he go?! - He's in the begonias! - Well, do I look like a begonia? - No, more like a pansy. Find him! - Not here. - Not here either. Nothing but daisies here. Come on! Hold on. - Whoa! - Whoa! - Hey, Benny. See you on the other side! - Gnomeo! No! Huh? Hmm? Huh? I wish I could stay, but gotta fly. Whoa-whoa-whoa! Huh. # Feet are feelin' light # Head on out to see the sights # Ain't life a many splendored thing? Ducking up and down All these crazy sights and sounds # Bounce around like puppets on a string # Never gonna find Anything to change my mind # Famous last lines of a fool # Just when you think You're a chain with just one link # Something comes to tip you off of your stool - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello # My, my, my, what have we here? # What a surprise What a surprise - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello # I'm not alone It's good to know # Someone's out there to say hello # Hello Um... You're probably wondering what I'm doing on the roof of your greenhouse. It's just I... Well, I thought no one lived here. They... don't. I mean, I don't. This isn't my garden. Oh, well, that's good because I just came to get that orchid. - Oh. This? - Yes. I don't know, I think I'm going to have to keep ahold of this one. What? But I saw it first, so why don't you just hand it over. Well, I grabbed it first. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. But if you want it, come and get it. All right. Thanks. Nice greenhouse, eh? - Oh, yeah, you should see it from here. - And miss this view? - Who's your gnomey? - "Who's your gnomey?" Whoa! Who's your gnomey now? - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello - Hey! - # My, my, my, what have we here? Whoa! # What a surprise What a surprise - # Hello, hello - # Hello, hello # I'm not alone It's good to know - # Someone's out there to say hello - # Hello - # Hello - # Hello # Hello # Hello # Hello, hello # Hello # Hello, hello # Oh, no. He's a Blue. Not a Blue. Juliet. You're not allowed off your pedestal. What are you doing out in the alley? I'm, um... Well, I could ask you the same question, Tybalt. We're looking for a blue gnome. Yeah, he's an ugly little fellow. - Got a scratch, right here. - And his name's Gnomeo. You haven't seen him, have you? Uh... Ooh. Um... Uh... He sounds awful. No, I... I, um, certainly haven't seen him. I haven't seen him at all. Well, lucky you. Come on. Let's get inside. Juliet. A Red. Why, of all things, did she have to be a Red? So, where is the oh-so-important, life-changing orchid? Um... Um... What... What orchid? What? Hmm? Shut up! You met a boy! What? No. Well, maybe, sort of. Um... Yes. Yes, I did. I need details! And go slowly! - Is he totally gorgeous? - Totally. Does he have a nice rotund belly? Well, let's call it sturdy. And his, uh... His hat is, um... - Big and pointy? - And... ...you know, I suppose in a certain light, you might say it looks sort of... blue. Blue. Ah! This is one of your little jokes! No, I don't get it. Oh! Flipping, flaming Nora! She's smooching the face off a Blue! Shh! Please shush, Nanette. Just zip it. Zip. Oh! Juliet! This is fantastic! - Is it? - It's doomed. - What? - A Red and a Blue. It just can't be. So it's a doomed love, and that's the best kind. You'll never see him again. And then one day when you die, you'll be all... "Oh, my true love. I only saw him once." I'll only see... What do you mean... What are you chatting about "once," I'll only see him once? How romantically tragic. Your love is doomed. Your love is dead. Your love is doomed. Your love is dead. It's doomed. Dead. - I'll only see him once? - Doomed! I've never seen Lord Redbrick so riled up. We have to find Gnomeo. Let's split up. I wish I could quit you. Hmm! Oh, well, let's go fishing. All right, boy. Go find Gnomeo. Doomed. Dead. Doomed. Dead. Doomed. Dead. O Gnomeo, Gnomeo, are we really doomed, Gnomeo, to never see each other again? Why must you wear a blue hat? Why couldn't it be red like my father, or... or green like a leprechaun? Or purple like, um... like, uh... like some weird guy? I mean, what's in a gnome? Because you're blue, my father sees red, and because I'm red, I'm feeling blue. Oh. At any rate, that shouldn't be the thing to keep us apart, should it? No! No, it shouldn't! I couldn't have said it better myself! Oh, my giddy aunt. Did you just hear all of that? What are you doing here? I don't know. Um... I came here to... Well, I don't know, I just wanted to see you again. Are you crazy? If Dad finds you, he'll bury you under the patio! Find me. You kidding? "Stealth" is my middle name. No! Quick! Turn it off! I'm trying! - Do something! - The button's stuck! Come on. Aah! Juliet! It won't turn off! - There's something behind you! - Shroom! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Juliet, what's with the...? Ooh! You look like a fun-gi. - Excuse me, a little help here. - My dad's coming. So, you must be Gnomeo. Lovely to meet you... in the 30 seconds before you're discovered and killed. - Quick, hide. - Juliet, I've told you before, no music in the grotto after 10:00. - What's going on here? - Um... It was a... um... I saw a squirrel, and he... he dropped his nuts. Yes, nuts, the size of... boulders! Yes, all right. Thank you, Nanette. Well, OK, but no mucking about, especially not tonight. We've been attacked, by a Blue! And if I ever get my hands on a Blue, he'll be sleeping with the fishes! Now, I'm not a man who is wounded up easily! Lord Redbrick, I've been having problems with my... Your what? I guess this isn't the best time to talk. - It's not ideal. - But I... - Just go. Please go. ...just came here to say I... - What? You what? - I'm... - Oh, sorry. - Juliet, is there something wrong - with the pond? - The pond? No. What, this pond? No, it's fine. I mean, it's just as pondy as ever. Oh, my gosh! What is that thing over there? - What? What was it? - The... thing, over there... - What did it look like? - Oh, it looked like a really... OK, bye-bye then. Off you go. Thanks for popping by. Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels... or pigeons or sparrows or whatever. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Ah. Nanette, where's Gnomeo? Is he gone? - Yeah. Gone forever. - What?! Whoa! I think you'll find this does, actually, belong to you. Thank you. - I can't go. - I know how you feel. No, really, I'm stuck. So, uh... can I see you again tomorrow? - Yes, but not here. - Back in the old Lawrence place, then? - Noon? - Not soon enough. - I can do 11:45. - Done. That frog was right. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Whoa. Thanks, Nanette. You know he's going to ditch you when he finds out how much you weigh. Shroom, do you see this face? It's a happy gnome face. Now, come here. Come on! Outrage! Infamy! The gardening gloves are off then, are they? You! Wrecking my mower! Dear lady, you are insane in the brain! I never thought even you'd stoop to such levels! Oh, and by the way, kindly stop stealing my underwear. In your dreams, you daft old cabbage! Oh. How could she do this to Tybalt's wishing well? Oh, my sweet little flower boy. Why would anyone ever pick on you? Oh! Who thinks I should order the best new lawn mower money can buy? Oh... Why would anyone do this to Tybalt? Because nobody likes him. So, what are we going to do? Find their weak spots. Then what are we going to do? Damage. Lots and lots of damage. Right. Mess with me, will you, Capulet? I'll show you, you old sack of compost. This is not over. Not by a long shot. Ah. Right. What do we got here? She's on the Worldy Widey Web. - Uh, no. No, no, don't think so. - That one! Pick that one! - Ooh! That one! Yes, I like that one. - No, don't think so. - No, no... That one! - Oh! What's this? Are you losing the war in your garden? Well, brother, maybe it's time for a secret weapon. Terrafirminator! It's the most ruthless, 500-horsepower, grass-dominating piece of hardware the world has ever seen! Terrafirminator! It's unnecessarily powerful! Now with 75 percent more power! - It clears! - Clears! - It digs! - Digs! - It mows! - Mows! Your lawn will be afraid to grow! Terrafirminator! It's a weapon of grass destruction! Terrafirminator will not inhibit grass from growing. Not recommended for residential use, brother. That one! Oh, my. Pick... that one! Please, please, pick that one! - Oh, dear. - Yeah, yeah, yeah... That's a bit in your face. This is more my speed. Meow. Oh! Not the Kitten Clipper! Oh, no. Definitely not. Huh? Ow! - Juliet? There you are. - Hi, Dad. I've been ruminating about our little discussion yesterday. - But I was just... - What you need is compan-man-ship. Someone to look after you. Who'll keep you safe. - What? - You know Paris, don't you? Yes. Yes, of course. Why? - He's come to pay you a visitation. - Dad! All right, all right. No one would ever say I don't know when I'm not wanted. - Toodles! - Got something for you. Here it is. Gypsophila. Lovely. What does it mean? It means "lover of chalk." Although, ironically, it grows better in a clay soil. It's weird. You think you got it down, and then, bam, you do some reading, it turns out it likes clay soil, even though you thought it was a lover of chalk. Weird. Right. Well, it's been terribly nice speaking with you. Where are you going? Stop! No! Obviously, do whatever you want. But my point was, surely, it's a bit rude to leave me on a first date. - "First date"? - Yeah. - I thought, what does a boyfriend... - "Boyfriend"? ...get his girlfriend? - "Girlfriend"? Ooh! This is good! A small token of my affection. Oh. Wow. Juliet, do you realize what this is? It is my own hybrid of foxglove and buttercup... - A love triangle! ...which I call "foxbutt." And you! I never knew you were such a devil! No, I mean, you know, I've got my dark side, sure. Hey there, Juliet. What a name. It's a great name. Goes with your... eyes. You're looking really cool. You're looking good. Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven? That's a killer, man. Yeah, no. You're looking cool. Yeah. - How's it going with you, baby? - Oh, I'm fine, baby. How are you? Uh... uh... Never better. Huh? Do you think anyone heard that? There's nobody here. - Then why are you whispering? - Why are you whispering? Oh! Look at that! Guess we're done with the whispering thing then. It's a 1950s MacAllister Ranger. - Let's start her up! - Yeah! OK. Check out the power on this beauty. She's empty. Bingo. - Hey, try this. - Thanks. - Is that you? - Yeah. Yeah, it's me. It's me, too! - What was that? - I have no idea. OK, whatever you are, come out slowly! I have a loaded st... uh, weapon! And... And I'm not afraid to use it! - Do you think I scared him? - Oh, definitely. I know I'm scared. Look at that baby, huh? Watch me now! By the way, thanks for finding my leg, and setting me free. I love you! Do you know what it's like to be trapped for 20 years? All alone by yourself, no one for to talk at? "How's the other leg?" "I don't know, Featherstone, remember? I don't have it." You see, I'm not exactly terrific company, am I? Sorry, but we didn't think anybody lived here. Yeah, we shouldn't be here. We'll be going. - What if he follows us? - Then our parents find out. Oh, no. Nanette was right. We're doomed! You cannot ever pull the wools over these beady eyes. Ho-ho! I think that you two are on a date. - Date? No! No. - Date? No! No. - Not dating. Fighting. - Fighting to the death. - Mortal enemies here. - Yeah, don't you see it? - He's a Blue! - And she's a Red! And I'm pink! Who cares?! Anyway, I got to ask. Why are you bringing her to a dumpy place like this? I know! I know! I be right back! Juliet, wait. Oh, here it comes. I'm too delicate, right? No, no. I was going to say, don't hold back. Let her rip. - Oh! Really? - Yeah. Go! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Wow! Ta-da! Look at that! It's a definite improvement. Fantastic penmanship, too. But, you know, we still gotta do something about these weeds. They're not weeds. Those dandelions are wishes. I don't know. Aweed by any other name is still a weed. Go on. Make a wish and then blow on it. It's kind of hard with a beak, huh? Kind of tires you out, huh? I go to sit down now. I've got a confession to make. I've never actually driven a mower. No, you're a natural. Well, my dad, he's a little overprotective. You know this is crazy, right? Yeah. I just never imagined that I could fall for a Red. And me a Blue. No way. My whole life, my mum raised me to hate you guys, you Reds. So, this could never work. Could it? Well, a Red and a Blue, it just can't be. Can it? Look! It's kind of like snowing, but it's not. Oh, baby, you know, I getting into this now. See, the trick is to go like... Then you get them all with one. You don't have to... Ah! I wish that we could all come back and do this tomorrow. And, uh... I promise, your secret is safe with me. Well, should we? I can do 11:45. Not soon enough. Hey, Shroom. What's up, button head? Careful there. You're going to chip something. What's eating you? How? How? - Mum! - Gnomeo! How could this have happened? Where were you? I was... I was nowhere. Don't worry, Mum. I'll make it up to you. How?! Redbrick and his hoodlums have destroyed the most beautiful thing we Blues have. Your father planted her. We raised her from a seedling. Those blasted Reds! Come on, Gnomeo! We'll make them pay! Every last one of them! Every last one? My dad can really pick them. Can't he just? - Oh! This is painful. - Oh! Sweet torture. - Ooh, shiny, shiny. - Nanette? Gnomeo. OK. Huh? Juliet, no, wait! I... I... A Blue! A Blue! - Abort, abort the mission! - What, what happened? Uh... The nozzle jammed. Let's go. Gnomeo? Hmm... Such a big hat for such a small gnome. So, you boys fancy a little bit of fun? Let's take this baby out into the alley. Then what are we going to do? We're going to have a smashing time. Aw, come on, Juliet. It's not as bad as all that. Is that your big move on a second date? You wine them, dine them, and then spray them with weedkiller? You've got to admit, it is original. Hola! My fellow funsters are back already. Juliet, be reasonable! I didn't have a choice after "Incident Wisteria." How do you think that looks? Just a toilet, in the middle of a yard, with nothing growing out of it. - You Blues are so infuriating! - Wait a minute. Us Blues? - So, what you guys want to do? - Featherstone, we're busy! Come on, guys! Let us have some fun! Let me tell you something about you Reds. Us Reds? Can't we all just laugh about this? I know your little mushroom dude can. - Featherstone! - Featherstone! - We're in the middle of something! - You wouldn't understand. - Do you mind? - Just leave us alone! Right. I'm sorry. You know, sometime I get a little overexcited. Especially having such great new friends. Like you, and... But I know I can be a bit... much. Wait, Featherstone. Hey... Come back, Featherstone. I'm sorry. I may not be a smart bird, but I know what love is. # You hear it everyday # Once upon a time, they say # Once upon a time in this place # I looked and saw on your face # A smile that spoke to me # In oh so many ways # And love built a garden # Grew it from the ground up # Each one of us knowing # Every inch of it was us # We pulled it all together # Hoping and believing # That love built this garden # For the two of us to dream in # We'd get a little rain # Then the sun came out again # But a frost, it's hard to fight # Once it takes hold, flowers die # There's only so much you can do # To keep some things alive # And love built a garden # Grew it from the ground up # Each one of us knowing # Every inch of it was us # We pulled it all together # Hoping and believing # That love built this garden # For the two of us to dream in # You know, other people's hate destroyed my love, and... I couldn't do nothing about it. But you... you can. You know, I think that crazy pink plastic bird might be right. What if we never went back? Never go back? But what about my dad? And Nanette? And the Red garden? You see, the truth is, over there, we're enemies. But here? Here, we're a matching pair. Juliet, will you stay here and build a garden with me? I'd love to. Gnomeo! What are you doing?! Benny! Listen, mate, I can explain. Benny! Benny, wait! Well, well, well. If it isn't little Big Hat Benny! Mess with our garden, will you? Benny! No! Ooh! That felt good. Oh, no. Oh, no! Tybalt! A hat for a hat! Gnomeo, no! You wouldn't attack an unarmed gnome, would you? Sucker! Pity! Tybalt! The wall! You don't think I'm going to fall for that old trick, do you? What wall? Oh. That wall. No. - What was that? - What's happened? Tybalt? Tybalt. Tybalt? Tybalt can't be with us anymore. Ooh. Smash him back! No! What is the meaning of all this constipation? Gnomeo smashed Tybalt! - No! He didn't do it! - Juliet! - Gnomeo! - Mum! A gnome for a gnome! - Catch! - What? Smash him back! Run, Gnomeo! Run! Stop! Stop that! Revenge! Oh? Oh... - What are you doing? - No! I love him! - What? - Doomed. Oh! Someone do something. Gnomeo! Are you mad? There's been enough smashing for one day! Now get her on her pedestal and keep her there! He's gone. Oh, no... gone. Oh, Gnomeo. No... No, not Gnomeo. Let's get you home, now. Oh! My poor, poor boy. Hmm? Stay. Stay! Good boy! Shroom! Shroom! Huh? No! Hey, what's this? A gnome? Yeah, mate. It looks like your sister. Whoa! Don't drop it! Come on, pass it! You left me no choice, Juliet. I've lost your mother. I am not going to lose you. Psst! Psst! Bunnies! Fall in. All right. We've got to avenge Gnomeo. Here's what we're going to do. Now... No, not now, Shroom! Right. Got it! OK. OK! Little mushroom dude, I'm coming. What? What are you trying to say? So, Little Timmy has fallen down the well? No? Little John? Little Mustafa? Little Richard? What?! Oh. Ateapot fell down the well. What? Gnomeo. You saying Gnomeo fell down the well? No, little mushroom, he was smashed. I saw it myself. What? You want I still should follow you some more. OK, fine. I going with you. I go. But what this has to do with Gnomeo, I don't know. And where is this well everyone is falling into? Psst! Hmm? Ready? Ew. Hmm? Yuck! Hmm? Ooh! Hello. Whoa! Hmm? Meow. Terrafirminator! - Are you losing the war in your garden? - Never! Well, brother, maybe it's time for a secret weapon! - Bring it on. - Terrafirminator! This one's for Gnomeo! Meow! Huh? Yeah! Huh? Come on! Oh! Ruddy purse. Call me. So Juliet and me, we decided that we'd carry on in spite of the feud. It was great, but then my best mate Benny found out, and then Tybalt, who's a right piece of work by the way, crashed a trowel through Benny's hat. I was so livid that I attacked Tybalt and he ended up getting smashed, which wasn't my fault, and I was chased out. Exiled. Stuck up here on your head, far away from Juliet. Extraordinary. Your story, it does put me in mind of another. It does? Oh! Indeed! Yes, there are remarkable similarities. What happens? Do they get back together then? Get back together? Um... No, not exactly. What exactly do you mean? Well now, it really is quite good. She feigns her death. He finds her, thinks her dead, takes his own life. She wakes, finds him dead, takes her life, both dead. Exeunt omnes, the end, curtain! Standing ovation! Bravo! Bravo! Author! Author! Hmm. What did you say?! They both die?! What kind of an ending is that? My dear boy, this is a tragedy. Yeah, you're telling me, mate. It's rubbish! - "Rubbish"? - Gotta be a better ending than that! I suppose that he could've made it back in time to avert disaster, but I like the whole death part better. Oh, dear. Whoo-hoo! Featherstone! One word! Plastic. How did you find me? Shroom! He sniffed you out. And he doesn't have a nose. I checked. Yeah, I knew I could count on you, you little button head! What is it, boy? He hasn't stopped, yakety-yakety-yak! He's been going on and on and on since the alley. Chocolates in stranger, chocolates in stranger, chocolates in stranger... Juliet's in danger?! No, that's not it. Juliet's in danger! Told you so. Come on, boys. I've got to get back to Juliet and save her! That's what he said, but she was dead before he got home! We'll see about that! Whoa! Ta-da! Benny. What do you think, Lady B? This baby is fully equipped. Equipped for what? It has settings for edging, trimming, mulching, and revenge! Do it, Benny. Do anything it takes! Make them rue the day they destroyed my son! Unleash the dogs of war! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! No! No! Oh! Yes! Oh, no! Oh, blimey! Oh, no! Attack! Counterattack! Counter-counterattack! - Fire! - Incoming! Hey! I got one! Thank you! Move it! No! No! Paris! Gentlemen, I suggest we put our heads together. Charge! - Oh, no, no, no! - Yee-haw! - Hang on! - Whoa! Whoa! Thanks! Juliet! You're alive! - Come with me. - OK. Oh, no. No, no! Would you like a complete destruction now? Destruction in progress. Get him! Come on! Come on! Come on, come on, come on! Juliet! My son! It can't be. Target locked. She's going to blow! Get back! Get back! It's no use. Go. - Go. - I'm not going anywhere. Told you so. Huh? No. Huh? It's OK! I'm OK! Oh, good. I'm sorry about your son. I'm sorry about your daughter. I was just trying to keep her safe. And now, the whole thing is my fault. Our fault. This feud... Is over. Move! I don't know about you, but... ...I think this ending is much better. - Good afternoon, witch. - Nitwit! Thank you!

[vicdougherty]

Years ago, when I was living in Central Europe, I got to know a group of men who were the kind a girl would notice. Young and charismatic, they came complete with the fascinating and swoon-worthy job of war photographer.These men were fun, courageous, and wild. They lived hard – drinking, drugging and bird-dogging every pretty female who would have them. On any given night, you could find them “shrooming” in the great outdoors, or at an underground club watching a live sex show. Maybe just hanging out and telling stories. About war zones, scars and executions.One of these men – let’s call him Eddie – told me about getting shrapnel imbedded in his scrotum when he was photographing an intense battle in the former Yugoslavia. This was during the civil war there, and it was an ugly, bloody time full of weaponized rape and genocide.After getting hit, Eddie was taken to a field hospital, where they removed one of his testicles without the benefit of anesthesia. Being smack in the middle of a hot war zone, there simply wasn’t any left. Wounded and dying soldiers lay all around Eddie as the doctor leaned over him, brandishing something that looked like a piece of wood.“Bite down on this,” he said. “This is really going to hurt.”Eddie passed out during the operation, as you can imagine any man would. When Eddie woke up, at least according to him, he propositioned a very sultry nurse, having sex with her right there in his hospital bed. Slavic boned, with wide sensual lips, and an ass to die for, she was just what the doctor ordered.There, fresh out of surgery, Eddie proved to himself that he was still functional, still a man.

Another one of these men – we’ll call him Andy – told me all about a photographer friend of his who had been killed by firing squad somewhere in the Middle East. I was aghast listening to his story. Being only about twenty-four at the time, I’d never met anyone outside of my own war-torn family, who had actually known someone who’d been executed.This was a person young enough to be my peer, and now, they were dead. No, not just dead, but put up against a wall and shot point-blank by a group of strange men. I wondered if he got a last request – a prayer or cigarette.“Why did they do it?” I asked Andy.Andy shrugged, his face a mask of irony. “They didn’t like him.”Andy was a bit of an anomaly among these guys. He was hugely talented and had spent years globe-trotting from war to war just like the rest of them. And he had a wry and irreverent sense of humor that lurked behind his every word – also like his cohorts. Andy was different from his friends in one crucial way, however: he was married and had two small children.He’d left the battlefield behind, and was making a nice living snapping portraits of prominent individuals and the like.This did not go over well with his war photographer friends, let me tell you.Andy was taunted pretty mercilessly for no longer going off at a moment’s notice and raising hell. For staying home and raising his kids instead, trying to be a faithful husband to his wife. It was hard for Andy, too. I could see it in his eyes and in the way he talked about his past adventures.  He missed the excitement, the danger, the freedom – even if he did love his family.Not long ago, a mutual friend told me she’d heard Andy had left his wife and was now sailing around the world. I guess I wasn’t surprised, but I was sad for him. Andy had a good soul, he just seemed to struggle when it came to claiming it.Only a few months after I left both my ex-pat life and this motley crew of war photographers behind, I got to know another group of men. I had fallen in love with my husband, and one of his best friends was in the United States Marine Corps. At the time, my husband’s friend – who we’ll call Dave, because it’s his real name – was a colonel and lawyer. In the wake of 9/11, he left his growing law practice in the dust and went back to full-time soldiering. A born leader with the temperment of a philospher, Dave would go on to be commissioned a full-fledged general.Dave and his Marine buddies were fun, courageous and wild. They told stories about training and camaraderie, with the occassional tale about combat.I remember Dave confiding to me and my husband about two young men who’d been under his command. They’d been killed during an ambush and Dave was remembering them on one, gloomy Memorial Day a few years ago. He went into some detail about their lives and interests, who they’d loved. And he asked my husband to tell those young men’s stories to our children, so that they wouldn’t be forgotten. Dave told us all of this on the phone, but I could imagine his fierce blue eyes the whole time. Powerful, lived-in eyes that were full of humor, but took everything seriously. The eyes of a man with grave responsibilities.For his men, for whom he had sacrificed so much, and for his family, who had sacrificed so much for him.Not long before leaving on one of his tours, Dave and I found ourselves alone in my kitchen. We were drinking beer, casually, after my husband had washed his hands of us and gone to bed.We talked about how his wife had put her own concerns aside and taken on the full burden of family life, all the while not knowing whether he would return. The way Dave had to leave the people he loved most and enter a world of danger and few comforts. These weren’t voiced as complaints, but observations. He felt a reverence for the faith his loved ones had in him – the fact that they shared his values despite what they had to endure when he was gone.Dave, with those same blue eyes boring into mine – in person this time, alive with tenderness and emotion, unflinching – revealed to me how much he loved his wife.“She’s all that matters,” he told me, going so far as to describe the way she looked when she was sleeping.The way her hair lay against the pillow. The look of soft determination that marked her face, even at rest.As I’ve been endeavoring to write a truly compelling romantic male character over the past few years – I’ve been thinking back on the war photographers and marines, training my cold writer’s eye on them, a vision sharpened by years of steady surveillance. But I’ve engaged my heart, too – one warmed by half a lifetime of being a wife and mother.Both teams of men command our attention, making us want to follow their journeys, root for them. I’ve tried to understand what sets them apart and anticipate which man a woman would choose to be her lover and why. How a woman would assess these two groups of alpha males if she found herself having to choose between them.Manhood, for Dave and his friends, was defined by meaning, and meaning was attained through the exercise of duty and honor. Being husbands, fathers, friends, and in their case, soldiers was a thing of the highest order. They held within them a deeply personal form of power. A competence that stretched far beyond what they were capable of on a battlefield, or any other professional arena. You didn’t dare underestimated them.Andy and Eddie were charming, intelligent, funny and untamed. They were curious and had an unquenchable appetite for life. The sort of dangerous but captivating men you could find in any number of movies and novels. Full of bravado, fighting wars within themselves while they sought the wars outside. All of this hinted at an inner depth that might make a girl get out her shovel and dig until she found it…or didn’t. Yes, they were riveting in their own right.I believe they truly cared about the people and events they were capturing with their cameras, despite their sardonic posturing. And I often wondered if they felt a bit lost in the theater of war – like people once removed. Intermediaries who were putting their lives on the line to bring images of conflict to the rest of us sitting at home. Denied the fight, all the while being exposed to the same perils. Dressed in the blood and grime of war, but not the uniform.“Sometimes I can’t figure out what the hell we’re doing out there,” one of them once remarked.Maybe that’s why those war photographers lived so hard, playing up their bad boy romanticism. Occupying that middle ground is complex and befuddling. You might have the courage of a soldier, but not the motive. You’re both up close to and at an arms length from humanity at its most base and most noble. And unlike a soldier, you have no articulated directives that bind your heart and mind – Semper Fidelis, First to Fight, Uncommon Valor, The Few, The Proud.A man like that might be a bundle of ingredients that can’t seem to come together if he wasn’t careful.It occurred to me, as I thought back on how Dave had described his feelings – employing no irony and embracing, boldly, a deep sentimentality worthy of a Carpenters song – that clarity is an aphrodisiac few women can resist. It’s a Holy Grail for men all over, too, and some spend their entire lives in search of it.Clarity of purpose. That law dictated from the bowels of the conscience, and adhered to. That’s the difficult part. Most can hear the call, but not every one can figure out how to follow it without getting lost.But it is that very fidelity to intention that distinguishes men and boys. A husband from a boyfriend. The protagonist in any story from the rest. It is what makes a man whole, and a character transcend the story that’s been written for him.Love at First Write: Men in Love and War