#it’s always so holier than thou too ”I would NEVER EVER ascend him BUT this does something to me” it’s fine to think he’s hot bruh

[pastel-starr-bitch]

“I’ll never ascend Astarion but—“ anything after but is bullshit my friend, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t enjoy his ascended dialogues if you’re gonna be chronically online & harass people about it in every other regard.

[thatasianstereotype]

Father, This Is Your Future Son-In-Law.

A short little side companion fic to my Adrien x Damian series. 

First: Fuck. I’m Gay. 

Second: Damn, You’re Looking Fine. 

Third: Shit. I Got To Deal With This Bitch (Again).

I’m still working on the fourth and final part of the series (it won’t be as long of a wait as Part 3). But I wanted to write how the Batfam reacted to their youngest suddenly getting a boyfriend while abroad. 

Creative liberties were taken. Also, this is a crack writing. 

The Demon Spawn who has gotten better at not attacking people at first sight but still just tolerates people. And his holier-than-thou attitude is still there with his love for throwing insults around like free candy. 

This is the kid that manages to snag a pure cinnamon roll sunshine as a boyfriend?

This angry grumpy child? 

Needless to say, the Batfam is in disbelief.

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“What?” Bruce thought that the Teen Titans mission in Europe was done. “Why do you want to stay in Paris longer? Is something wrong?”

“No Father. I have simply found someone I wish to court. I will be spending time in Paris to see how best to present myself as an exceptional suitor that is all. Give my regards to Grayson that I will be missing Family Night but that I will make it up by introducing him to his future brother-in-law soon.” 

Bruce was too much in shock to answer when Damian hung up. 

“DICK!” 

“I think it’s cute that Dami is getting a boyfriend.” 

“Dick, you oblivious and naive child, you are completely missing the point.” 

Dick rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m pretty sure Damian isn’t actually going to marry someone right now.”

“He said ‘future brother-in-law’ inferring that this courtship he wants to initiate will end in a wedding.” 

“I think you are reading too much into this, B.” 

“And you are not reading enough. Have I taught you nothing at all?

“You taught me paranoia.” 

“I taught you to be prepared for every kind of situation.”

“Pretty sure the possibility of your 17-year-old son getting hitched in Paris can be ruled out.” 

“Where did I go wrong with you?” 

And Dick rolled his eyes once again at Bruce’s dramatic-ness. This. This is where Damian gets it from. 

.

Ever the peace keeper in this dysfunctional trainwreck of a family, Dick managed to stop Bruce from flying to Paris. But much to their frustrations (even Dick’s who wanted to know who captured his baby bro’s heart), Damian did not tell them the name of his potential boyfriend. 

.

All in all, Damian spent about two months and a half in Paris before coming back home to Gotham. And the Batfam could see a difference right away. 

Damian was happy. He smiled (it was a little one but it had Dick squealing in joy) more and he was more tolerate of his brothers and schoolmates. 

“We should’ve shipped him off to Paris earlier if he comes back like this.” 

Tim was still staring at Damian like he was an alien. The demon spawn still insulted him every other day but hasn’t threatened to kill him at all since he came back. No ripping out his intestines to feed to the vultures or throwing him off a building for the rats to feast on. It was nice. Although a little part of him felt slightly unnerving. He doesn’t have any contingency plans involving a Nice!Damian. 

Dick shook his head fondly at his little brother, taking away his coffee full of too much caffeine and replacing it with decaf. He has truly ascended to motherhood. “Well, I think it’s nice that Little D found love.”

“In the city of love. Is no one paying attention to that part?” Jason munched on one of Alfred’s cookies. “Cause I think that’s hilarious. I thought Baby Bat would’ve choked on all the happiness and bright clean air there.”

Dick whacked his arm. “Stop being mean to Dami.”

“But Dickie. It’s how I show affection.” 

.

Adrien Agreste was the son of the supervillain Hawk Moth that have terrorizing Paris for the last 3 years. Batman was not at all pleased to hear that the Parisian heroes called for help and the Justice League turned them away. People have paid for that. Dearly. 

“So his mom’s dead and his dad’s a criminal?” Jason looked over Bruce’s shoulder at the BatComputer. “Kid’ll fit right in with our family. Demon sure knows how to pick them.”

“Hnn.” Bruce grunted. 

“I mean with you dating Selina, a notorious thief and doing the thing with Talia, a very dangerously lethal assassin, it’s no wonder where your son got his taste from.” 

“Jason.” Bruce grunted in a warning tone. 

“I mean when I’m right, I’m right.”

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“Ok.” Tim started off tonight’s Family Meeting (excluding Damian), the topic being one certain ex-assassin’s love interest. “Looking further into the Agreste kid shows he clearly did not take after his villainous dad. He is one of Paris’ teenage models and have a huge fanbase dedicated to how pure and sweet he is. He is a literal walking ray of sunshine.” 

“How the fuck did that sunshine child tame our literal feral demon brother?” Jason said. Always the VIP asking the important questions here.

Tim actually had an answer for that. He pulled out several charts and data on his laptop and showed it to the others. “Looking further into Adrien, I have found evidence that he is the cat-themed superhero Chat Noir. Being a loveable and touch-starved kitten appealed to the demon brat’s almost non-existent affections.” 

“Timmy, Dami is capable of love.” Dick said in a disappointed voice. 

“I said almost non-existent, didn’t I?” Tim waved the Mom’s disappointment away. “But you guys have got to see this.” 

He pulled up a video of Chat Noir and Ladybug on the big screen. They watched him using his signature move: cataclysm. No one spoke for a few minutes as they processed the sheer destructive powers of the hero.

“You know what.” Jason broke the silence. “I have no more questions. I can kind of see how Agreste is the demon’s type.” 

What baby assassin wouldn’t be turned on by the literal godly destructive powers the baby kitten held in his hands? 

Dick, the only one wanting to keep things semi-PG here, smacked the back of his head. 

.

“Baby brother.” Cass greeted. She is back home from her Hong Kong trip and heard all about the famous Adrien Agreste. She thought it was adorable and that Adrien and Damian made a cute couple. 

“Hello, Cassandra.” 

She peered down at the list he was currently making. She gestured towards it with a confused look. 

“I am compiling a list of tasks that needs to be done before my Chaton and new sister-in-law come to Gotham. Only the best for them after all. 

Her eyes lit up. “New sister?”

“Yes. My mon amour’s sister will be our new one.” He pulled out a picture of her on his phone for Cass to see. “Her name is Marinette and she will be a fine addition to the family.” 

“Baby sister.” Cass said happily. She was always up for new family members. 

“Yes. I imagine you two will get along the best.” 

But she couldn’t help but notice that with all the preparations he is making, even if it is for his boyfriend and new sister, is a bit —how would Steph say it?— overkill. 

Her coal black eyes were sharp as she observed his body language. “You very serious on this. Why?” 

He can never hide anything from his sister. “I wish for them to have a good impression of our family so that their family will not be disincline to reject my proposal for marriage.”

“Marriage?” She was still quite unfamiliar with some words in English. 

“It means that you will be getting another brother too.” 

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“We will wed.” 

Dick hasn’t even finished his cereal yet. He looked over at Damian’s serious expression. “Did you even ask him yet?” 

“I will present myself as an extraordinary suitor that he will be more inclined to say yes when I ask.” 

“At least you’re treating your man right.”

Damian took offense. “Why wouldn’t I treat my mon amour with anything but the upmost respect and love?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Little D. I’m just glad you’re in a good relationship and from what I can see, Adrien adores you very much.”

Damian smiled. “I adore my Chaton a great deal as well. Would you like to come with me to pick out a ring?

Dick could just hear Bruce’s voice in his head saying he shouldn’t be encouraging this. But come on, this was his baby brother who grew up learning how to hurt people finding a precious loving relationship for himself and he will be damned if he doesn’t support this. 

“Of course. I’ll be honored to help.”

His baby brother brightened before he launched into a rant. 

“I’m having trouble finding the perfect gem to complement his eyes. They are a certain shade of forest green you see. And many jewelry stores do me a great disservice by not having that certain shade or having utterly appalling quality for what my Chaton deserves.” 

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Taglist: 

@iglowinggemma28 @iz-bell-saiah @nach0ava @roselynfey @mochinek0 @wannajointhecrabcult

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

A scenario if Reader discovers the /Chocobros/ turned out to be evil and were working alongside Ardyn all along? The reason itself can be ambiguous or not, the Chocobros may be unwillingly working for Ardyn or not, etc.; but, the point is about Reader's reaction more than anything. Let your imagination run wild! Thanks! (:

YES! I need some angst in my life! This is going to be so much fun!!! (This is semi Gender Neutral (GN) yet might lean more heavily towards effeminate reactions/movements)

~~~~

This was is, this was the final battle Ardyn would be going down! You could avenge all those lost within the Fall, all the horrible things that had happen along the way! The death of some many! The injuries of your brothers! Children sent to the war of this madman, who had hundreds of years to put together something so horrible!

“Y/N!” Prompto called, shooting a deamon from over your head.

“Thanks!” You yelled back, surprised the blonde had this much energy within him considering that you all had just rescued him from Ardyn’s clutches not that long ago, and he had been pretty banged up. “Gladio! Iggy! You guys doing all right?”

“Fine.” Ignis called, it was a little more huffy, yet you figured it was more due to the fact that man had still yet to get use to his blindness. Though he was still holding up rather well considering the new handicap he was placed underneath.

The four of you continued holding your own against these deamons, making a path for your Prince so that he could face against the threat that had started this all.

“Last one!” Gladiolus chuckled, as he swung a sword through the final deamon of the horde. “Hurry let’s catch up with Noct.”

You nodded softly, taking Ignis’s hand that wasn’t holding his cane, as you had become accustomed to, and quickly begun to race after Prompto and Gladiolus. It was mess of hallways and corridors, yet Gladiolus seemed to always know where he was going. Yet then again, Ignis had stated that he could hear Noctis’s voice.

In hardly 15 minute, your group bursted into a room, you hardly got a look around when you noticed Noctis and Ardyn. Yet the position they were in, and there body language, something was off. It hadn’t looked like Noctis had confront Ardyn at all, if anything it appeared that they were simply talking. Yet it had to be a trick, one of Ardyn’s tricks.

Your body was moving before you even knew what was going on as you leapt, striking out your lance. Only for it to be deflected by “Noctis?” Your body flipped back, landing in a crouch as you looked to your Prince. “Noctis what are you…”

You didn’t get a chance to finish as you felt a strong arm wrap around your neck, lifting you off the ground and putting enough pressure on your windpipe to make it difficult to breathe, yet nothing to knock you out, yet. You glanced down, seeing the beautiful feathers, as you strained to turn your head. “Gladio.”

Yet the eyes looking at you, those weren’t Gladiolus’s eyes, these were dark, the sclera were black and the irises glew a haunting red. You felt yourself struggle to pull the bicep away, only to gasp as you felt something cold press against your skull. Turning as you were greeted by black sclera, one iris that soft blue, the other eye entirely glowing red, like an MT.

“Do you ever shut up.” He growled.

You flinched that couldn’t be, one of your best friends, “Prompto.”

“It took you long enough, really can one be so stupid?”

You closed your eyes, trying to stifle the tears, hoping against hope that it wasn’t true, “Please…please not you too, Ignis.” Yet as your eyes open, you saw the man standing before you, his scars still in place, yet as he removed his visor, you already knew that his sclerae were also black, but his iris the once beautiful green they should have been before Ardyn…ARDYN!

“What did you do to them!” You screamed toward the man, only to gasp as Gladiolus flexed applying more pressure to your windpipe.

“I have done nothing that they did not wish.” Ardyn replied, waving a hand as Noctis moved over to the four of you. “Well what your little Prince wished, the rest fell in line, ever faithful to their Prince.”

Ignis took to left of Gladiolus and yourself, while Prompto still stood to your right, the barrel of his gun resting against your temple. Yet you paid them no mind, your eyes were locked to the being stalking before you, a smirk on his lips, as he dragged his sword behind him. The scraping drawing on your ears, yet you couldn’t turn your eyes away from his own.

Unlike the others, Noctis’s eyes remained ‘normalized’ yet instead of that blue that remind you of the ocean, they were instead glowing an angry red. A terrible red that would have sent shivers down your spine, yet you refused to show fear, not right now. Not when they needed you most to protect them.

“Noctis…why?” You muttered, you needed to get them talking distracted so you could escape.

“Why? Why, you ask?” Noctis chuckled. “Why shouldn’t I? Everything in my life was planned from the very start, my Father knew about this! He knew that I was too die, and what did that old fool do? He sent me on a trip with you four idiots right to my death! That bastard!”

You froze at that, “No…No Noctis, King Regis, your Father sent us away, sent you away to save you from your fate! He loved you more than anything.”

Noctis cackled at this, actually cackled, tossing his arms out to his sides gesturing to the situation that you were all in,  “Save me? Look at where we are! My Father, that bastard, set up my entire life, from the outside, where it appeared I had everything, money, power, friends.”  He sneered at that, locking those glowing red eyes to you and the others.

You glanced as best you could to the others, yet from what you could see all of them seemed rather impassive that he was speaking so rudely of them.

“Noctis, this isn’t you. Ardyn did something to you! To all of you! Please you have to fight it!” You cried, nails digging into Gladiolus’s bicep as his hold was now starting to make you dizzy.

A dark smirk appeared on the Prince’s face, and you swore you saw fangs within his mouth, “Fight it? For once I have everything I want. Granted it might have been more fun to have that bitch Lunafreya in on the action too, but unfortunately I had to do away with her to get my ring, the dumb cunt wouldn’t give it up without a fight.”

“You…killed her?”

“Of course I did, well I wasn’t the one who ran her through, the first time at least, but those other 3 times. It was perfect, how she cried and begged. I did the same to her  foolish brother, never liked him much, either of them really. Her entire ‘Holier than thou’ attitude, the bitch had it coming. Besides she never loved me, if I had to marry such a stuck of bitch, I might as well had you.” Noctis moved forward, his fingers brushing against your lips. “After all you’re a much better fuck toy and you love me don’t you, Y/N? You love all of us.”

You refused to give him the whimper he was craving, only to gasp as you felt Prompto’s gun nudge at your head, before removing it with a chuckle.

“I don’t see why we keep talking, let’s see some action.” Prompto smiled, yet this wasn’t his typical smile, this was twisted and did not belong on the blonde’s face.

“I’d say so,” Gladiolus chuckled behind you.

“Shall we have some fun, prior to tossing them in?” Ignis inquired, a smirk evident on his voice.

You were trying not to cry at this point, yet you were so frustrated so upset, so disgusted at what Ardyn had turned your friends, your brothers into. Ardyn, that bastard! This was all his fault, everything that had gone wrong in your perfect world. You finger’s flexed as you tried to shake off the dizziness, and black licking at the corners of your vision, concentrating again and again. Only to be rewarded by feeling the heavy metal within your hand, a long sword.

You brought it down on Gladiolus’s foot, who immediately let you go with a scream. Swinging in a large arch as you blocked Noctis, who had slammed into Prompto attempted to shoot you point blank, the same time you kicked out and up hitting Ignis in the stomach. Taking the split second of them being disorganized, as you rushed to Ardyn, your blood boiling, powering through on pure fury, as you felt one of Prompto’s bullets pierce through your side.

“Ardyn!” Your war cry, a noise that you were certain could be heard for miles as you leaped, ready to run the man through. Only to feel your ascend to be quickly halted by a hand on your ankle as you were slammed into the ground, your head hitting the metal floor hard, as you felt the shock of your skull impact, and then the rush of blood spilling from a large gash.

You screamed and shouted, trying to break free from Noctis’s hold on your head, forcing you to stare at Ardyn. Noctis’s knee in the small of your back, to keep you down, yet your struggle continued, until you felt something pierce through your leg as you screamed in pain.

“You have always were so troublesome.” Ignis hissed, before you felt the heavy pressure leave your leg, knowing without having to look that he had stabbed you with one of his daggers.

“Careful everyone, we still need this one alive should we have our Eternal Night.”

“What did you do to them!” You screamed to Ardyn, only to watch him turn his back to you moving towards a large crystal. “Answer me, Answer me!”

Ardyn chuckled as his eyes begun to turn as well, an inky black gel type substances appearing on him, “I simply turned them into something better suited for the darkness.”

“Kill me now!” You barked, at this point you knew that you couldn’t escape to go get help. Who else was there to stop this lunatic?

“Now, now that won’t work, you see young one. You were never part of the prophecy, everyone had a role to play but you. Yet here’s the thing you’d make a beautiful understudy for the Prince.”

“What are you talking about?” You growled, only to grunt a Gladiolus moved over, dragging you up by your neck, his large hand easily surround your entire neck.

“The gods requested a sacrifice, and you will be just that.”

What little fight was within you quickly returned, “You bastard! Give them back! I’ll kill…” Only to be halted as Noctis’s slammed a fist into the cut on the side of your head instantly making you dizzy.

“Aww, Noct, I think you hurt Y/N’s feelings.” Prompto chuckled, standing on his tiptoes, pressing his fingers to the corners of your mouth. “Come on now, smile. It’s our last family picture.” He stated, as he snapped a picture, only to frown, “Aww you blinked.”

“Enough Prompto, go ahead Gladiolus.” Noctis hissed.

You reached out towards the Prince, “This isn’t you, this isn’t any of you. Please.”

“Good manners will get you nowhere in this world, aside from dead.” Ignis stated.

“Ohh, that’s deep Iggy.” Prompto cackled.

“Gladio.”

Gladiolus chuckled, “Later.”

The last thing you saw was the four of your brother’s looking down to you, as you were sucked screaming into this crystal.

*

You could still hear yourself screaming, closing your eyes, only to open them at the world of blackness surrounding you, quickling flooded by light.

“Y/n! Y/N! What’s wrong?”

You saw that tattooed arm reach over you, as you begun to fight, screaming, thrashing and kicking, you wouldn’t allow him to get ahold of you again. One well placed punch to the face, and you finally managed to get your body under enough control to move. Only able to stop yourself within enough time as you almost stumbled into a rather hard chair, tripping over yourself as you fell to the ground hardly missing the coffee table.

“Y/n?”

You turned back to the other side of the room, seeing Gladiolus and Noctis, panting you looked around again, seeing that you were all inside a motel. There was no Ardyn, no crystal and their eyes, their eyes! You quickly rushed to your feet before running over to the Prince, pushing Noctis’s hair from his eyes, quickly moving over to Gladiolus reaching up to cradle his face.  Pulling your hands to your face as you felt tears start to fall, as you begun to cry heavily.

“You’re okay.” You wailed, before embracing them tightly. “Oh gods. You’re okay.”

Gladiolus and Noctis spared a glance over your shoulders to each other, as Noctis moved from the hug slowly, allowing Gladiolus to pick you up and move you back towards the beds.

“Y/N are you alright?” Prompto asked, sitting up alongside Ignis, both of them were in the  other bed when you woke up thrashing and screaming.

“Prompto!” You cried, quickly kneeling, as you begun to push his hair from his face, staring into his eyes, only to gather him within your arms. Turning as you felt a hand brush against your side, as you looked to Ignis without his visor, seeing those one green eyes now milky white. Yet still much better than that horrid black and green. “Ignis.”

“What’s wrong?” Ignis inquired as he stroked your back once you engulfed him within a hug.

“A dream, a nightmare, you all, you all betrayed me.” You panted. “Ardyn, I don’t know, I don’t know if he was controlling you or what, but he…”

“Easy, easy, it was just a dream.” Gladiolus hushed, as he moved to get behind you, resting you against his chest, Prompto climbing over the two of you, so that Gladiolus could sit comfortable on the Queen size bed.

You felt Ignis, Prompto and Noctis curl up beside you, as Ignis held your hand talking you through calm breathing exercises, your tears and heart rate under control and down from your panic attack. You gave one more exhale, feeling Noctis reach up hesitatingly drying your face.

“Thirsty?” Prompto asked, as you nodded weakly watching the blonde bounce from the bed, snagging his wallet as he ran out the door, not even bothering to put on proper pants.

“I do apologize that we hadn’t realize the stress that you have also been under.” Ignis replied.

“No,” You whispered shakingly, “No, this was my…and I woke you all up. I’m sorry.”

“This ain’t your fault.” Gladiolus stated resting his chin on your head. “It’s not like any of us have been able to sleep that good anyway.”

You gave another labored sigh, leaning back against that mountain of muscle, holding tightly to Noctis and Ignis’s hand. Your body was exhausted, but your mind still gave you flashes of that nightmare. Turning as you heard the door open, seeing Prompto holding five cans of soda.

“I didn’t know what flavor you wanted so I got all of them.” He smiled.

You let out a small laugh, as Prompto set all of the sodas on the nightstand, clamouring into the spot where Noctis was laying, before the Prince moved to curl up between your outstretched legs. You took the yellow can offered to you with the picture of a Chocobo on it, pulling it to your lips.  This wouldn’t be the first time that all of you had managed to fit into a bed together.

Reminding yourself time and time again that it was a nightmare, and those four surrounding you at this moment, would be certain to assure you that, that was all it would ever be.