#it’s about love and reconciliation in the face of insurmountable odds

[inkyrainstorms]

all good endings end up with two old old men on a boat, exploring the world and finding treasure and cool anomalies and being happy and content actually. it ends with two brothers being able to finally hug and say they love each other after years of bitterness made it seem damn near impossible. that’s the best timeline

[lizzieraindrops]

Chapters: 6/6 Fandom: Destiny (Video Games) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Eris Morn/Ikora Rey Characters: Eris Morn, Ikora Rey Additional Tags: 5+1 Things, Hello destiny sapphics; allow me to introduce myself, Femslash, if nobody is going to write the content i want to see then i will create it myself, listen. it’s about perceiving the weak and wounded places in someone you love, and lavishing love and care upon them even when they won’t admit they need it, it’s about the Mutual Support, it’s about being kind to them even when you don’t know how to be kind to yourself, Light Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, oh and ikora has the most Distinguished Bisexual energy i’ve ever seen so jot that down, it doesn’t come up but you needed to know, this is all just a bunch of softness and tenderness don't @ me okay, Grief/Mourning

Summary:

Five storms Eris and Ikora weathered and one they didn’t need to.

The Shadowkeep weblore lives in my head rent free. Set post-Taken King and mostly during Shadowkeep.

“As I told Asher, there is a storm coming…” “Oryx is dead. We’ve weathered the storm.” Ikora is upset. She has yet to understand the bigger picture. “Yet his sisters would see his will done. There will always be another storm.” “Then let’s weather it together.” -Shadowkeep Narrative Preview #1

Chapter: |  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  +1  |

Set early Shadowkeep. Happy Ikora returns day!

As the afternoon sunlight sweeps across her study in slow motion, Ikora thinks on time, and distance. Their immensity and insignificance are so deeply, paradoxically interwoven. Leaning over the many strike reports on her heavy wooden desk, she thinks on decades passing, centuries, and the way the earth still turns under the sun every day the way it always has. She knows that even without encouragement, the sun has always been running down to eventually collapse into darkness. Yet the process is so slow that she has not witnessed the slightest telltale change to indicate it in all her long life, and unless they are all very unlucky, she likely never will. 

She considers the great stretch of space from her desk chair in the Tower to the near reaches of the Oort Cloud at the edge of the solar system, the pitted stones of which her own eyes have beheld in her youth. That great span is not so different from the kind of invisible gulf that oft forms between people. Ikora will sense that spaceless distance yawning wide even between herself and someone mere paces away. With some time and thought, she can often close it again. Compassion and carefully chosen words, thoughtful gestures; they hold more power than most people credit. But other times, no matter what form of communication she employs to attempt to bridge that void, people cannot or will not hear her. It is endlessly galling. It can happen with anyone from intractable faction leaders during a Consensus meeting to dear friends she does not want to lose to her own Traveler-forsaken ghost.

Despite any physical separation, she knows that felt distance would collapse if only she could understand and make herself understood to those she cares about. If only she could find the right way to reach them. Then she remembers all over again: the too-frequent sensation of reaching and reaching and reaching and not even being met halfway.

Ikora thinks about the universe’s tendency toward entropy, and the way time and space have torn people away from her again and again, be it by kilometers or eternities. She cannot forget the way she lost her mentor, her closest thing to kin, to his obsession with the mysteries of temporality long before he physically left the City. She remembers the way someone she could have loved was already leaving before Ikora could ask her to stay, vanishing to parts unknown. She considers her own time on Io during the Red War: Lightless and lost, desperately seeking a connection to anything that would give her hope or answers. All she found was herself even more alone, feeling farther from everyone than she ever has.

Then, Ikora recalls the way Cayde and Zavala seized her in a doubly crushing hug the moment she returned to Earth and stepped onto the unexpected refuge of the Farm. There she was, weaker than ever and harshly humbled by her own insufficiency in the face of insurmountable odds. Yet they not only reached out to her, but caught her as she fell into their arms broken. Maybe, in their own way, they had been reaching all along, and she had been turning away unknowing. She didn’t know how she’d gone so long without letting herself lean on them.

Now though, with her closest friend ripped out of her life and buried in a few years of grief, she still doesn’t know how she’s going to do it again. There’s only so much of each other’s pain and weariness that she and Zavala can hold. 

She thinks of the way it felt when Eris returned, feeling their separation in time and space draw to a close while a buffer of uncertainty remained. Truly, after the years of silence following their painful parting, Ikora had never expected to see the woman again. Yet Eris came back. Now she lingers at the edges of Ikora’s space, in the back of her mind; sometimes closer. Ever drawn back to the Moon, Eris comes and goes; but now, she remains within reach. 

Eris has always been hard to keep up with. Impelled by her immense grief and rage and pain, she drives herself so hard in pursuit of vengeance or closure. Ikora has always admired her tenacity in reshaping her suffering into a knife of purpose, one effective and deadly beyond even the means of most Lightbearers. Eris’ knowledge and sacrifices are what enabled them to defeat two gods of the Hive. And still she strives to further eliminate the possibility of her cruel fate ever befalling another. But it pains Ikora to see her still flinging herself into the fight with fury while foregoing her own healing.

It feels different, though, to be around her now. While as fierce and focused as ever, something has gentled some of her edges while sharpening others. It’s evident that Eris’ return to the Moon has spiked her dread with memory. Sometimes she is as wary as she was when she first returned from the Hellmouth, hissing at shadows. But her conversations with Ikora turn soft and halting far more than they ever did before. Perhaps she has found some measure of peace, given a few years with the defeat of Crota and Oryx to turn her avenged grief over and over in her hands. Or — as Ikora distinctly suspects — she, too, regrets the harsh words of their previous parting and thinks of reconciliation.

Maybe it’s just that Ikora is hearing her more clearly now. Or perhaps Ikora herself has just finally learned how to listen. What she hears is something that could be, not an answer, but the beginning of a conversation.

Shadows grow longer and Ikora moves from her desk to one of the soft chairs in her little library of an office. Ophiuchus compiles in a small flurry of Light, and she brushes a hand over his shell as she passes by. He watches her settle into the chair to watch the setting sun through the window. They do that sometimes: just watch each other. It has only been a few years since they started speaking to each other again after many decades. It’s still hard. But now that they have, their silences are friendlier. Ikora isn’t sure that they’ll ever be as close as they were before they pulled away from each other. But she’s still glad for what they have now. This is the kind of thing she promised herself she’d do better at after the Red War, so she’s been trying even harder. If she’s going to rely on anyone, her own ghost should be first among them. All the time they spent so far apart right next to each other has left its mark. But this is one of the few rifts that Ikora has been able to even begin to repair, and she treasures every rebuilt link.

Ikora thinks about the way Osiris tore time and causality itself apart to breach one of those unfathomable distances and bring back someone precious. With a little help, he saved someone thought irretrievably lost beyond a thousand layers of temporospatial distance. And yet, Ikora cannot help but see the way Osiris still struggles to close that gulf even when Saint is right in front of him, impossibly alive. As guardians, they are given so, so many second chances, but they are still far from infinite.

Ever since the day she formally became Vanguard, Ikora has been telling herself she’s not going to let herself repeat his mistakes. She keeps a firm grip on her emotions, leashes her ego, puts the City and its people’s safety first. She has failed many times, but succeeded more often; the Last City stands yet. But it’s been so hard to reconcile those imperatives with the harsh lessons of the Red War: sometimes, she is not enough; and sometimes, having others in her corner with her makes them enough, together.

Perhaps she should have paid more attention to those smaller lessons before then. Losing her Light, however temporarily, showed her just how fragile the greater ones are without that groundwork. No matter how mighty, a tree that does not anchor its fine roots into the ground will bow before a stiff wind. 

When the dust had settled and her Light returned, she swore to herself that she’d learn to let herself need other people. Intellectually, she knows it makes her stronger, even when she feels weaker. But losing Cayde so soon after that decision demolished what progress she had made. Time and again she ends up trapped in her own attempts at self-sufficiency, alone whether or not anyone else is there.

Ikora already knows what she wants, what she needs. She knows she needs people. And she knows she wants someone.

She just doesn’t know how to go about it yet.

[catferro]

Timeframe:  Sometime earlier this year

Location: Tina's apartment

People: Ryan Pierce & Tina Cohen-Chang

Third time is the charm. That's what people always say, right? So wouldn't it make sense to assume it would also be the case for Ryan and Tina's relationship?  Ever since they got together a few years back, they've had their ups and downs. They've broken up and gotten back together, over and over again. Each time they broke up, however, made a bigger dent in each of their hearts. Angry words, spiteful comments, and unreasonable assumptions were all made in the heat of the moment, but each time they managed to get through it together. But this time? This time, reconciliation didn't seem all that likely...

Ryan fought to not raise his voice but the frustration was getting the best of him. Brashly, he ran a hand roughly through his hair, leaving odd pieces of hair sticking out from its usual coiffed shape. "Tina... baby, please. Can we just talk about this? I don't, I don't understand why all of a sudden, you're making that kind of accusation. I just want to understand, please... I know you're angry, but I can't understand if you won't talk to me."

Tina crossed her arms across her chest, not here for his baby, please. Not this time. He couldn't just nice it all away. "I've been talking, Ryan. You're not listening," she insisted, though she knew on some level her thoughts had been far from complete. "I see you flirting and charming every person that walks through the doors. The exact same flirt and charm that gets me hook, line, and sinker. What am I supposed to think?"

Ryan, with a frown marring his normally bright and open face, peered at Tina from his seated position in front of her. How did things get so wrong so quickly?  "That I am absolutely and irrevocably in love with you? That you're the one who brightens up my day just by showing up?" He had no idea that being himself bothered Tina so much. This was his personality and he thought she knew that from the beginning. What kind of person would he be if he had to stopped being this way? Was he willing to compromise his own personality for her? Thousands of questions rushed through his mind and it was getting far too overwhelming. All he wanted was to be with Tina, why couldn't she see that?

Tina closed her eyes, her head shaking at his remarks. Whether his remarks were true or not, it didn't do anything to dissuade the remarks she'd made. What was she supposed to do? Let his love for her blind her to the fact that he'd chat up anything that breathed? "I love you too. I do, but I just... It's one thing to be the friendly doorman, it's another to try to be getting an invite to open doors back at their place," she accused, and maybe it was a stretch. Maybe. She knew he was a charmer, god did she ever, but until they started working at the same place, she hadn't had to witness the way other girls preened under his attention. She hadn't thought herself the jealous type, but then again, she knew she still had plenty to learn about herself.

Tina's words hit Ryan like a bullet speed train, leaving him jaw slacked and unable to breathe. It was like an insurmountable weight was sitting on his chest; it hurts so much. After everything that they've been through, the previous separations, their reconciliations, every good and bad... How could she even think that he would cheat on her? "How could you say something like that?" He asked incredulously. "You're the only girl I've ever loved to such a degree. I'm sorry that my inaction have allowed you to draw such a conclusion, but god dammit, Tina! I love you! I'm so in love with you that I can't go one minute without thinking about you!" Feeling choked up, Ryan bowed his head and allowed the tears to well up in his eyes. "I would never cheat on you... or even entertain such a preposterous idea..."

Tina could only stare him down as he spoke, feeling her gut twist as he did.  She knew he was telling the truth, despite the jealousy that was still brewing inside of her. Ryan probably did have endless opportunities to cheat on her, but he wouldn't. But not trusting him and the girls and guys that swooned when his eyes sparkled in the afternoon sun was easier than admitting she didn't trust herself. Not to cheat, she was undoubtedly faithful to Ryan, but to be faithful to herself. To not lose herself in a boy or a romance. To just become his or the better half.  Accusations were definitely easier, until he looked the way he looked when he heard them.  "You're not standing where I'm standing. They eat up every word you say."

Ryan was a giant ball of emotion, and it was wrecking his concentration. He was desolated by the things Tina was saying, so much so that he could feel himself getting angry. The last thing he ever wanted to be was angry with her. "No, I'm not, but what I'm getting out of this is that you want me to change who I am fundamentally. Can't you see that you're everything I want and need? You're more than enough for me. Yes, I'm affectionate with others, but even when I'm with them, I'm with you!" His voice began to raise.

Tina raised an eyebrow then. “So you are with them, then?” she challenged, voluntarily twisting his words. “Do you tell them you have a girlfriend or do you just let them assume your bachelor status?” She was pacing at this point. The frustration and uncertainty were bubbling right underneath the surface while consequence had escaped her mind. “If I’m everything, why do you need to entertain their whims?”

It would be a lie to say that Tina's words didn't hurt, every accusation chipped away at Ryan's heart. To know that he can inspire such hostility from the woman he loves is almost unbearable. But it was that woundedness in her voice that made him feel helpless to try and remedy whatever is going on as soon as possible. The questions were coming from all over the places, places that Ryan had difficulties to reconcile that it was even Tina that he's talking to. "I have made it very clear to everyone who asks that I am yours." Ryan did his best to temper his tone with love and patience, void of any bitterness or condescension; he just wanted to make her see the situation as he did. That his every word, his every action with others stemmed from a place of respect and comradery. "I know my job doesn't exactly allow me to spend time with you whenever you're there, but please, please know that there isn't anyone else for me."

Turning to look at Ryan again, Tina propped a hand on her hip. "So, what about the ones that don't ask? Then it's all just best kept secret?" This conversation was going nowhere, and everything he said just frustrated her more.. Not to mention how level he still sounded. Yes, she could see the hurt in his eyes, but wasn't she worth actually fighting with - fighting for? "You thinking I'm making up stories in my head because I'm lonely? It's not like I'm some pathetic girl waiting by the phone for you to call me. I have a life outside of you."

Ryan wrung his hands together in frustration and exhaled through his nose. God is really testing him; how could they give him the greatest gift of all only to cruelly rip it away from him every single time he got so close? Things were getting louder and louder inside his head, he didn't even know if it was voices or just white noise, but it was all too overwhelming. "I have never once thought that you're not perfectly capable on your own, Tina! You're an inspiration to many, but more importantly, you inspire me to be a better person so that I may be worthy of being next to you." Curling his hands into a tight fist in another attempt to remain calm and not fall into a shouting match with Tina, because that helps nobody and nothing. "You do understand that... It does occur to you, hopefully, that you realize I have feelings too," Even with his nails digging into his palm, Ryan could feel his hands shake, his breathing uneven, his jaw clenched tight; it was almost like he was getting unhinged. "When you say something like that." He bit out just shy of angrily.

Tina pursed her lips, considering what he’d said and only feeling the wheels turn more quickly in her head. “So now I’m making things up because you don’t spend enough time with me AND I’m completely unaware of your feelings,” she recounted, using her fingers to list off the so-called accusations. Her hands dropped, clapping against her sides as she groaned in frustration. The fight had yet to be the same when they’d broken up, but the pulse through her veins was all too familiar. The stab low in her gut. “If it’s so much work to be with me, then maybe you just shouldn’t be,” Tina finally challenged.

What else was there left to say? Everything Tina has said thus far has solidify the fact that they shouldn't be together. Every single time something of importance happens in their relationship, they fail to overcome the hurdle together. It was always the same thing, rinse and repeat. Really, Ryan should just cut his losses and find someone else. Someone who wouldn't break up with him because he said he loved her for the first time. Someone who wouldn't say these hurtful baseless things simply because they can. By all accounts, they should just be done with each other. But he didn't want to. It all sounds logical and reasonable but it went against every fiber that made up who Ryan is. "But can't you see, Tina, that all I ever wanted was to be with you?!" He yelled out, letting all his frustration pour out. "All I ever wanted was to make a life with you! Why can't you see that you're the person I want to marry and grow old with?" Silence reigned between them after his outburst. His chest was heaving from his uneven breathing and his heart pounded loudly in his ears. Taking a deep breath, Ryan kneeled down in front of Tina, and said softly, "I want to marry you, Tina. I want to be there for you through every high and every low. I want to share every part of my life with you. I never want there be a reason for you to ever doubt my devotion for you, and if that means taking any and all the oaths with you, then I want nothing more. I can wait forever for you, but I just need there to be a reason to wait. Because I can't.. I don't want to live without you." Reaching out, he held Tina's hands in his palms. "So, will you marry me?" He looked on, half terrified and half hopeful.

The yelling was enough to stop Tina where she stood, a look of shock on her face as she met his eyes. Ryan never yelled. She tried to find the words to say next, the snappy comeback she always had in her back pocket, but it was gone. This man that she loved, and she did. She did love him. This man she loved kneeling in front of her, saying the sweetest words any person should want to hear, took her words away. Under different circumstances, she might have said yes. Might. He would have said the same words and had a beautiful ring and she’d have wiped away a tear as she only nodded her response. Sealed with a kiss. Happily ever after. But no. This was not that. A proposal was not the solution to an argument. What life would they be building if this was the foundation? Tears pricked at Tina’s eyes all the same, but from sadness instead of joy. She tugged her hands from his gently, shaking her head and taking a few steps back. “I can’t,” she finally said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “No.”

Ryan stayed kneeling for a good few minutes, he made no attempt to wipe away the tears that were freely rolling down his face. Why should he bother to hide the pain that he's in? Swallowing thickly, he finally tore his eyes away from Tina and stood up shakily. His mouth opened and closed, as though he wanted to say something, anything, but nothing came of it. So what now? "Do you... Should I leave?" His voice croaked from how choked up he was.

Tina ’s arms hugged around herself. The pain in her chest new and unsettling. Every time they’d broken up had been hurtful, and for both of them she knew, but this was different. She sniffed back tears as he stood and nodded. “I don’t think there’s anything else to say,” she stated, trying to sound more confident in the point than she was. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”

Shaking his head, Ryan could say nothing else, "It wasn't your fault, please don't think that." He wanted to just cut across this despicable distance that's separating them and hold her in his arms. Wiping away his tears, Ryan nodded in assent. "Take care of yourself, please." With great difficulty, Ryan took one last, long look at Tina, wanting to etch every little thing into his memory. This was the end, it felt like it was the end every other time, but this time it really felt like someone ripped his heart out and ran it through a shredder. It hurt, it hurt so damn much. Regardless of how much he wanted to just say fuck it and take everything back just so they could be back to the smooth sailing times, he knew he had to go; for Tina's sake, for his own sake. He can't be the person that makes her life difficult just because he couldn't accept the fact that she's no longer with him. Ripping his gaze one last time, Ryan turned about face and with heavy feet, he walked out.

[kimberlycook95]

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[truthseekerastrology]

December 28, 2019:  A Meditation on This Week’s Capricorn New Moon Solar Eclipse, Venus in Aquarius, and Nelson Mandela.

On this last Saturday of 2019, I’d like to take a moment to share my thoughts with you about the Capricorn New Moon solar eclipse that perfected on Thursday, December 26, 2019 at 12:14 am Eastern Time.  A chart of the moment is below:

A lot of ink has been spilled on social media and elsewhere about this powerful lunation.  I wanted to make sure that if I was going to write about it, I would add something new and different to the conversation.  

I spent the last few days in my own thoughts, seeking to quietly open up to what this lunation could offer in the way of something new, and this morning I came across this powerful quote by Nelson Mandela:  

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” 

I am grateful to the Universe for sending me this frame of reference.  Now, a little bit about Nelson Mandela and why his life and words connect to the Capricorn New Moon solar eclipse...

Mandela was a solar Cancer, born July 18, 1918 (over 100 years ago!!).  He dedicated his life to breaking down (literal and symbolic) walls of hate and fear in his home country of South Africa and advancing the notion that we are all family, despite our differences and tribal proclivities. 

He was often described as “Father of the Nation” and was deeply respected not only by members of his ethnic tribe and fellow citizens in his home country but by hundreds of millions of people across the world. When he passed away in 2013, he left behind a legacy that amplified the power of working collaboratively and in partnership with others (friends and foes alike) to overcome deep seated social problems.  

His natal chart was rated DD  (unconfirmed/unverified) which means we don’t know for certain if his ascendant was in late Sagittarius or perhaps early Capricorn , but on the day he was born, his natal Venus was in the very social and airy sign of Gemini, making a flowing aspect to Uranus in Aquarius.  When I read through his Wikipedia page, I couldn’t help but notice the plethora of Venus/Aquarius keywords like “philanthropist,” “reconciliation,” “mediator,” “negotiator.”  This was a man who made an effort to reach for his Venus-Uranus energy and the world is a better place because of it.

Mandela’s life is a blueprint for how we can effect lasting change not only by way of sheer effort and strategy (Capricorn) but through negotiation and horse-trading with the most unlikely (political) players.  His life teaches us that we  should and must remain hopeful, open and willing to be inspired and optimistic in the midst of and the face of insurmountable odds.  I mean, this man spent 27 years in prison (it doesn’t get any heavier and more hopeless than that!!!), and despite that, he never gave up hope that the country he loved, could change for the benefit of all and not just a select few.   

Mandela had an Venusian awareness that is worth revisiting as we stand on the precipice of a new decade, looking for solutions to some tough social problems that loom large in our collective awareness. His example beckons us to ask the fundamental question - how much more further along could we be if we made more of an effort to get along?

I knew, at the moment I read his quote about making choices that are hopeful and not fear-based, that I needed to write about the Capricorn New Moon solar eclipse through the lens of Venus, newly arrived in Aquarius (on December 20th), the sign of the humanitarian, the eccentric, the unconventional. Venus in Aquarius offers empowering energy of mutual respect and humanitarian concern that we can draw upon to enhance all of our relationships, even those with people with whom we consider to be different from us.  

On her own, Venus in Aquarius might feel purely intellectual, quirky and flaky and spacey but over the next few months, she’s a bit more grounded than usual.   Right now (and through January 13 2020, when she shifts into Pisces where she’s strongest) she’s in a mutually agreeable relationship and ongoing dialogue with her dispositor, Uranus in the practical and self-sufficient sign of Taurus and that’s where the grounding comes from.

Studying the chart of the moment, I saw that fellow air sign Libra is rising.  Ruled by Venus in Aquarius, this Libra ascendant is receiving a tense aspect from the Capricorn Sun/Moon/Jupiter stellium.  We’re talking about potentially contentious energies that can feel difficult, cold, stoic, polarizing and impossible to reconcile.  But Libra and Capricorn are more alike than different - both are Cardinal signs and are the most eager to step out front and intiate something new - consider this:  Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, is exalted in Libra (which is ruled by Venus), and the classical ruler of Aquarius (where Venus is now).  The connections between these energies offer a powerful incentive to re-examine the ways in which we’ve allowed oppressive fear and stoicism to flourish and why it is so important to recommit ourselves to a program that emphasizes the freedom to be, to love and to exist.  

The solar eclipse powered by the Cancer north node-Capricorn south node invites us to come out of ourselves (new moon energy can often times feel self-contained and can oftentimes express selfishly) and into a higher understanding and vibration that takes into account our interdependence and the ways in which we are connected.

Let’s use the next six months to fully acknowledge and embrace the ways in which we need each other if we hope to move the needle on the heavy shit we’re facing.  We can find nurturing and care and emotional connections outside of our tribes that will help us progress forward, if we’re willing to make choices  that are not based in fear and anxiety.  It all starts with this:

Be like Venus in Aquarius, my friends. Put the heavy shit in its proper place, and don’t let it define you to the point where you all you see is danger and conflict and not opportunity. And most importantly:  Remember to breathe!!

See you in the next decade - 2020 is truly going to be monumental, trust and believe!

Reminder:    The Truthseeker Astrology Client Appreciation promotion ENDS December 31, 2019 at 11:59pm Eastern Time.  When you book a full reading with me, you will receive an automatic Client Appreciation discount of 20%. No code needed!!! Info on this promotion and all others can be found at https://truthseekerastrology.com/promotions