#it’ll depend on if they have spider monkeys or not

[screechingkroh]

Y’all get to hear me infodump on a chosen primate. My anthropology lab class is making me do a project on primates and I get to have a college pass to the nearby zoo to study one.

Idk which one I’m gonna do. But if I found out my nearby zoo has spider monkeys or any Pygmy Loris, it’s OVER for me. Those sillies will be THE sillies for the year

[apocalypseornaw]

Open My Eyes

Apocalyptic AU.

Dean gets increasingly jealous of your bond with Gadreel and things come to a head after a misunderstanding on a run

Dean had known you for years. Long before the dead started to rise and the world as it was previously known came crashing down. He knew you inside and out, you were one of his best friends. Maybe that was why it was bothering him so deeply to see you get closer with someone who was fairly new to your group. Gadreel had come in with the Banes twins. They’d gone through Bobby’s usual line of questions without missing a beat and had fit in smoothly enough with everyone else. That had been nearly six months ago which was a lifetime nowadays.

He tried to get you out of his head as he walked across the field that stretched between the outer fence and inner fence of the compound all of you now called home. It’d started life as a high school but with some hard work and a lot of blood, sweat and tears it was now a suitable place to survive the new world. Unfortunately before he could reach the sanctuary of the building where Bobby, Sam and Jody were waiting to talk about the new run that needed to happen he heard the all too familiar sound of your laugh.

He turned and found a small smile working its way onto his face when he saw you walking with Alicia and Max. You had your arm around Alicia’s shoulder and was laughing at something Max had said. He started to call your name but before he could he heard it called from a different direction and felt his mood immediately sour when you pulled your arm from Alicia to greet Gadreel as he made it to the three of you. He watched you pull the other man down to whisper something in his ear and felt anger flick at his mind. Especially when Gadreel laughed then whispered something back to you. Dean spun on his heel, he didn’t need to see any more.

------

The door to the meeting room slammed open but luckily for the three people sitting around the table it took a lot more than that to rattle their nerves. Bobby barely glanced up from the map “Nice of you to join us Dean now how about leaving the damn door on the hinges?”

Sam watched his brother drag a chair out and flop down into it. He wanted to ask what was wrong but knew that they needed to get this meeting through and that Dean was prone to shut down if asked directly what was wrong. He always did better with letting it slip through cursing whatever had soured his mood.

“From what we can figure there’s a couple veterinarian clinics along the route as well and considering the fact that people medicine isn’t actually any different than animal medicine they may have supplies there and it wouldn’t hurt to check” Jody spoke tapping a few different places on the map. Bobby nodded then cut his eyes at Dean “You and Sam up to taking a team and checking it out? We need the supplies to winterize this place once and for all, not to mention having extra medical supplies on hand wouldn’t hurt”

“Yeah we can handle it Bobby” Dean promised although it was apparent his mind was still not focused on the meeting. “All in all it’ll probably take about a week or so considering the ground you’ll have to cover so I’d pick a good team. Take Y/N with you too she hangs out with Alex and Kaia enough she can spot anything that has medicinal usage from a mile away” Jody added with a wink to Bobby before pushing away from the table to head out. She’d be gathering supplies for whatever team was picked and wanted to get it together.

Bobby watched her leave then turned back to his surrogate sons. “So I was thinking Y/N, Alicia, Max, Gadreel and Charlie would be a decent team to take. Ain’t like any of those girls can’t handle their own in a fight. Max can get through any tight spot and Gadreel is strong as a horse” Dean scoffed at that which earned him a look from Bobby “You got an issue with any of that son?”

Dean shook his head “Nope” then pushed his chair back “I’m going to gather my gear, you two can make sure everyone is up to the run” with that he walked out leaving Bobby to throw a questioning look at Sam who simply shrugged “I don’t really know what that’s about either” “Make sure he keeps a clear head. There’s a lot of dangers out there and not just the biters got it?” Sam nodded “Yes sir”

------

You were helping Jody to gather supplies for the upcoming run after she’d come out of the meeting with Bobby, Dean and Sam. “Do you know anything that could be bothering Dean?” She asked, holding out a pack of dried meat. You took it and shook your head “Not that I know of but I could always just ask him?”

She shrugged “No he’ll tell you or Sam if whatever it is gets to bothering him too much” You would hope so anyways. You always went to Dean if anything was bothering you. He’d offer advice if that’s what you were after or simply offer comfort or a place to vent. “I’m gonna grab my jacket and go bag from my room then I’ll meet everyone by the front gate” she nodded to let you know she’d heard you so you turned to head towards the living quarters.

The halls that had been transformed to be mini dorm rooms were actually quite comfortable considering. You considered yourself lucky that you’d been close with a lot of your group before that fateful day that a widespread virus was alerted in the news. You could still remember Sam’s phone call to you “Pack just what you need. Dean will be pulling up at your place any time”

You’d hastily thrown clothes and the contents of your medicine cabinet in a bag. Before you were through grabbing what you deemed necessary you heard a heavy knock on your door followed by Dean’s voice “Come on sweetheart! We gotta go!” When you opened the door your eyes widened when Dean shoved a gun into your hand. “Dean, what’s going on?” you asked and he took a deep breath “Long story short? The dead are rising. True,blue zombies. We gotta go cause shit is hitting the fan fast”

You gripped the gun noticing the one in his own hand and nodded “Lead the way Winchester. You know I trust you”

------

You shook yourself out of thoughts of the past. You needed to focus on this run completely. You grabbed your go bag from the floor checking what ammo you had and slipping a machete at your side. You glanced at your bat leaned next to the bed but decided against it. It was better the few times you’d go out solo or with just one other person. From what Jody had said there was a full team going after the winterizing supplies.

You slipped your jacket on then slid the strap of your bag across your chest. You walked back towards the doors that led outside. The electricity that the compound ran off of came from a mixture of solar panels and generators. The good part? Bobby knew enough to be able to brew enough corn liquor that the generators had fuel for years.

The only downside was that meant the few vehicles you had could only be used in moderation. Short runs horses were used for but considering this one would take about a week and would be gathering supplies for all the black panel van that was used for such runs was parked by the front gate awaiting those going.

You walked towards the gate and smiled when you spotted Dean standing with Bobby and Sam at the front of the van. They were clearly going over the mapped out areas one more time but you knew neither of them would mind you inserting yourself into the conversation. Since Dean’s back was to you and Sam noticed you first so you raised one finger to your lips. He quickly turned his attention back to the conversation so you wouldn’t be noticed.

You quietly took a few steps forward and slid your arms around Dean’s waist and leaned your head on his shoulder even if that meant you had to stand on your tip toes and still barely reach “So where are we going?” you could see the corners of his mouth tick up and knew he was fighting a smile “We’re going to a few different places sweetheart. You wanna hang off me like a spider monkey or you want to actually look at the map?” you feigned a pout “Why can’t I hang off you like a spider monkey and look at the map?” he rolled his eyes with a laugh “Get down”

You pulled your head down from his shoulder and moved your arms from around his waist to step slightly in front of him and look at the map Bobby had laid across the hood. Sam went over the stops with you, highlighting the couple where you’d be taking the lead since you knew more about what was needed for medicinal purposes. “Sounds good to me. Who’s the rest of the crew?” you could’ve sworn you saw a look be passed among the three of them before Bobby said “Alicia, Charlie, Max and Gadreel” you nodded approvingly at the choices “All good picks”

You heard a sharp whistle and turned to see Charlie walking towards the four of you trailed by the rest of the crew. “What’s up bitches? We ready to ride?” “Of course dear” You replied meeting her halfway.

------

Dean watched as you greeted the rest of the crew going on the run. Charlie was like a sister to him, Alicia and Max were cool but spending the next week in close quarters with you and Gadreel? Yeah he may look for some biters just to have an excuse to kill something.

“Alright! Everyone load up!” he barked out and you cut your eyes up at him “Depends, can I have shotgun for the first few miles at least?” He barely glanced at Gadreel before saying “Of course sweetheart” . You shot him a wink then walked around to the passenger side of the van along with everyone else who was climbing into the back.

Sam didn’t miss the look Dean threw at Gadreel or the way his brother had bristled anytime over the last few weeks when he’d see you with the other man. Was that what the attitude was about before the meeting? Was Dean jealous? He chose not to say anything for now and instead simply walked around to sit next to Gadreel on the middle seat since Charlie had taken up the backseat along with the twins.

------

Your destination was two states over. It was a contraction warehouse that had fallen early. Bobby kept an eye on the amount of biters in it versus the prospects of anyone actually getting inside.

Considering the zombies had lightened up in that area and everything needed to finish winterizing the compound and green houses could be found there it was worth the risk to go. That way you'd have running water and fresh food no matter how severe the coming winter got.

You were curled up with your feet under you watching the road whip by as Dean drove. You had a shoebox full of cassette tapes in your lap looking over them to see if any peaked your interest. You plucked one out of the box and stuck it into the player simply to see Dean's reaction when it started playing.

When the first few notes of It's My Life started playing he cut his eyes at you "Bon Jovi really?" You grinned "Hey Bon Jovi rocks...on occasion" then started singing along and couldn't help but laugh when Sam, Charlie and Max joined in.

No matter the music or the company Dean couldn't fight the smile that worked its way onto his face. You had shifted to have your legs out in front of you and were now drumming on the dash along with the music and had everyone in the van either singing or laughing along. Why had he never realized how amazing you were before? Why had it literally taken an apocalypse to open his eyes?

He watched you turn in your seat and bump Gadreel's leg as You Give Love a Bad Name started and felt that same flicker of anger. Maybe he'd waited too long to see what had been in front of him for years, maybe Gadreel had realized it a lot sooner.

The first day on the road was pretty uneventful. There were no stops to be made marked on the map so it was filled with just driving besides stopping for everyone to find a tree.

Considering the route was figured to be about three days there and three back (giving plenty of leadway for any issues that might arise) you asked Dean once the sun started going down if he was ready to pull over somewhere for the night or if he wanted you or Sam to take over driving.

He glanced in the mirror at Sam "What do you say Sammy? Wanna take the wheel for a while?" "Sure" Sam agreed so Dean stopped dead in the center of the road..not like there was a lot of traffic.

"Well I'm gonna climb in the back and get a little sleep" you announced after realizing Charlie, Max and Alicia were all knocked out. "Yeah Gadreel you wanna hop up here man? I'm pretty wiped too" Dean suggested and Gadreel replied "Sure. I already caught my few hours"

Gadreel held the side door open so you slid under his arm with a smile "Thanks '' he smiled in return. When Dean walked around he grabbed the door "I got it. Thanks" Gadreel simply nodded and climbed into the passenger seat.

You were already slid in next to the window when Dean climbed in next to you. You waited until Sam had started driving to turn so you could curl up next to Dean. He looked down at you with a raised eyebrow "What are you doing?" You grinned "Sleeping. Now hush and be a good pillow" instead of pulling away like you half expected he raised his arm slightly to pull you closer to him "I'll be a good pillow if you be a good pillow" you smiled when you felt him lean his head over on you and whispered "Deal"

"Look alive. This is the first of two vet clinics we gotta hit on this trip" Dean spoke as he pulled the van to a stop and glanced around. "Seven people so I'm thinking three teams of two and leave one person behind the wheel in case we need a fast exit?" You suggested and he winked at you "Just what I was thinking"

You slid your gun into the holster on your thigh but grabbed the machete from your floorboard as first line of defense. Guns were loud and the last thing you wanted was a herd of amped up zombies descending on the group before you could even go through the clinic. You turned and looked at everyone then nodded to yourself “Ok so Charlie you up for setting this one out?” She shrugged “Sure but I get to help clear the next one”

You shot her a smile then said “Ok Max and Alicia, Dean and Sam then Gadreel you’re with me..everyone good with that?” Everyone nodded but Dean who just walked to the back of the van to grab the canvas bags out without so much as a look in your direction. You raised an eyebrow to Sam who shrugged so you followed behind Dean keeping an eye out to make sure all of the commotion hadn’t attracted any undue attention.

You stood slightly behind him hearing him mumble to himself before he turned around and realized you were standing there “Son of a bitch Y/N. Make some noise sweetheart, the point is to not blend in with the dead” you grinned playfully “Is that your way of asking me to bite you?” he rolled his eyes but you could see just the barest hint of a smirk trying to work its way onto his face “Just be careful in there. Sure you trust him to have your back?”

You cut your eyes over to your group where they were all watching the woods line that bordered the back parking lot of the clinic “Yeah, I’ll be ok. Not gonna lie I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone to have my back the way I trust you or well Sam but Gadreel has proved he’s good in a tight spot”

He nodded and for a second you thought he was going to say something else but he simply held out one of the bags “Remember get in, get out” you took the bag with a small smile “Aye aye” then walked back over to the group.

Dean watched you walk over to Gadreel. You said you’d never trust anyone the way you trusted him..that meant a lot didn’t it? He shook his head then walked over himself to pass Max then Sam a bag before nodding at Charlie “We’ll be out in five”

------

The clinic had three entrances. One to the side of the building, one to the back and one to the front. You and Gadreel took the back entrance, the twins took the side leaving the front to Sam and Dean.

You touched the handle of the door then looked at Gadreel “You want me to pull and you be ready or vice versa?” “Ladies choice” he replied with a laugh. You nodded then motioned to the door “In that case you pull and I’ll be ready”

He got into position but waited until you gave him a nod to open the door. You hoisted your machete but no noise came. You leaned inside and stomped your foot a few times “Hello? Anyone home?” You cut your eyes at him and he shrugged. “Maybe no one ended up here?” “We can only hope” you replied before walking further inside.

You could hear the rest of your crew checking but it appeared the clinic was well and truly empty. You picked a room and waved to Gadreel to follow you. The moment you stepped into the room you pulled your flashlight out of the pocket of your jacket and saw that from the looks of it you’d picked the operating room.

You motioned to the wall of shelves in front of you “I hate to ask but do you think you can give me a lift to the top one so I can see what’s up there?” He laughed lightly and you could feel the short jokes coming but instead he simply pointed to the machete in your hand “Lay that down so I don’t accidentally get stabbed and I’d be glad to” you laid the machete down on the silver table that was in the middle of the room then turned back to Gadreel “Better?” he nodded “Turn around so I can give you a boost then I’ll keep one hand on your back to steady you” you turned towards the shelves like he said and felt his hands around your waist a second before he lifted you into the air.

You climbed onto the highest shelf that normally would take a step ladder to reach then smiled over your shoulder at him “Thank you.Now get ready so if I find something good”

------

Dean and Sam had cleared three different cabinets. They’d found a good amount of first aid supplies ranging from suture kits to wound cleansers. “I’m gonna check on Alicia and Max” Sam said so Dean replied “I’ll check on Y/N and Gadreel”

Sam headed towards the back of the clinic where the twins were so Dean headed towards the operating room where you and Gadreel had gone into. He could hear you laughing right before he opened the door to see Gadreel putting you back down on your feet, his hands were still on your hips and you were smiling up at him with your hands against his chest.

Dean felt that same flicker of anger but this time it was mixed with more emotions than just that. He almost felt sick with just how angry he felt, not to mention the hurt. You weren’t even kissing Gadreel but he felt as if he’d walked in on a lot more intimate moment than he had. Luckily he was able to reel it in and sounded emotionless when he waved a hand towards the two of you “Didn’t know I was interrupting something. Times up, we gotta go so whatever you two are doing, stick a damn pin in it or something” then turned and walked out without saying a word.

------

Gadreel watched Dean walk out then looked back at you “What was that about? I was just helping you down..he doesn’t think we..?” you weren’t sure what to say. To anyone else Dean would’ve sounded almost bored but you knew him well enough to know when he was blocking emotions. You weren’t sure what was going on but when Dean sounded emotionless were the times that his mind was being his worst enemy “I have no clue honestly Gadreel. Don’t worry about it though, I’ll handle it” “I’d never disrespect you or any woman for that matter. I mean well don’t get me wrong you’re a beautiful woman but I thought..” he trailed off and looked again at the door when Dean had disappeared out of then shook his head “Just know if I did anything wrong I apologize” “You didn’t Gadreel. Don’t worry Dean just gets a little antsy on runs” you explained with a strained smile.

By the time you and Gadreel made it to the parking lot everyone had loaded their bags and only Sam stood outside the van. He took the bag from Gadreel then glanced at you, You followed him to the back of the van and watched as he added your bag to the bunch. After he shut the door he turned around and leaned close to you. “What happened in there?” You groaned slightly “He didn’t make a scene did he?” he shook his head “No but I know him like you know him. Now what happened?” You took a breath running your hand down your face “I think he got the wrong idea when he saw Gadreel with his hands on me. He was helping me down off a tall shelf that was it Sam I swear! You know me I wouldn’t do anything on a run and honestly? Yeah Gadreel is a good looking guy I have eyes but that doesn’t mean I’d screw him on a run for fuck’s sake we both have sleeping quarters back at the compound..I don’t know why Dean acted like that! Nice to know one of my closest friends thinks so highly of me that he thinks I’d risk anyone's life to fool around on a run”

You were starting to move past confused onto anger the more you spoke and Sam knew that so he reached out and squeezed your shoulder “Breathe, ride in the backseat with Charlie and Alicia. I’m gonna ride up front with him and Max is riding in the middle seat. I’ll try to talk to him ok?” you nodded, not trusting your voice at the moment because you were highly conflicted.

Finally you managed “Ok” then walked back around the van to climb into the backseat with Alicia and Charlie. Charlie raised an eyebrow at you not riding upfront with Dean but welcomed you into the conversation she and Alicia were having.

The third day on the road meant clearing the second vet clinic. You were going through a list of top things to look for with Alicia. All of you had stopped a few miles from the clinic to clear the road of an overturned tree. You and her were keeping an eye out for any dead that may be attracted to the noises. So far you both had killed one a piece.

“All clear ladies!” Charlie called out so you both headed back to the van. You wanted nothing more than to ask Dean why he’d acted like he had but refused to start an argument in the middle of a run. You’d push it down until all of you got safely back to the compound then you’d confront him about it.

You climbed into the backseat silently sliding between Alicia and Max. You didn’t really want to spare a word for anyone but since Bobby had been clear the clinics were more your wheelhouse everyone was looking at you as to what to grab for human use and what could be left behind.

You finally spoke as Dean was pulling into the overgrown parking lot of the clinic “I’ve went over the list with Alicia and Sam so they both know what to look for” Dean knew you were talking to him in particular and barely cut his eyes at you in the mirror before saying “I’m staying behind the wheel this time. Charlie can go in with Sam” you nodded more to yourself than in response to him. Why was he being so damn infuriating? If he’d just talk to you then...well what exactly would you say?

You climbed out and once your feet hit the dirt you turned to Gadreel “Ready?” he nodded so you looked around to everyone for their acknowledgement that they were all set.You shot one final look at Dean before falling Gadreel across the lot.

------

“Son of a bitch that damn thing came out of nowhere” you cursed kicking the now permanently dead zombie at your feet. Gadreel pulled a bandana from his pocket and held it out “You’ve got some blood smeared across your cheek” you wiped at it and gave him a small albeit appreciative smile “Thanks and again I’m sorry about how Dean acted” he shrugged “It’s ok really. It’s understandable”

You laughed harshly “Accusing us of screwing around literally on a run? That’s understandable? You’re a little too zen” he looked at you for a moment as if there was a second meaning to what he’d said but if there was you couldn’t quite grasp it. He shook his head after a moment then held a hand out “I’ll carry the bag”

------

Dean was watching the door of the clinic closely. Max and Alicia were the first duo out followed by Sam and Charlie. You and Gadreel bought up the rear.

He tried to bite his tongue but when you started to climb in considering you were the first one in the van he couldn’t stop the words before they came out “You and Gadreel didn’t get into anymore tight spots did you?” He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth but it was too late to pull them back then. He could see the shock in your eyes when you froze halfway into the back seat and slowly turned to look at him the shock quickly turning to anger “Believe me Dean if I was to fuck Gadreel I’d wait until I had longer than a few minutes to try him out” before either of you could say anything else Sam opened the front door and Charlie stepped up to climb in behind you.

Dean was still staring at you in the mirror when he heard Alicia ask if you were ok since you were balling up what looked like a bandana in your hands. “Yeah just took out a biter so Gadreel gave it to me to clean the blood off”

------

You purposely turned to stare out the window and cursed the moment you’d agreed to come on this run. You wouldn’t cry. Hell you couldn’t afford the luxury of hurt feelings these days but knowing that didn’t exactly take the sting out of Dean’s words. You looked down at your hands as you tied Gadreel’s bandana into a loose knot then untied it and repeated the process. You just had to get this run over then you could distance yourself from Dean. You’d said the first thing that had came to mind that would hopefully hurt him the same way his words had hurt you..what had exactly become of yours and Dean’s friendship over the last few months?

Day four meant the last leg of the run before the turn around to head home to the compound. You hadn’t spoken a word to Dean and hadn’t really spoken to anyone without them saying something to you first. Dean hated that his jealousy because whether he liked it not he was jealous he hated that he’d let it put a wedge between you and him,

He had no idea what he could do to even slightly make it up to you. He spotted the turn off for the construction warehouse so he cleared his throat “Charlie you wanna be a wheelman again?” she glanced up from her spot next to you and nodded “Sure!” “Then we’ll do two teams of three that good with everyone?” he was hoping you’d say something but instead of what he wanted you to say you looked up “I’ll be on the team with Alicia and Max. I have the list you said we needed. I’ll tear it in half and hand Gadreel the other half. You, him and Sam can find that stuff”

Dean didn’t attempt to argue with you and only nodded instead “Sounds like a plan” Sam cut his eyes at his brother not really being used to him being ok with someone else calling the shots but it was you after all. “You good?” he asked quietly and Dean replied “Yeah” then pulled into the parking lot of the construction warehouse.

------

You were out of the van the moment it stopped rolling. There were two zombies shambling around the lot and you took them out in tandem. You turned to look at everyone as they climbed out of the van and managed to crack a smile when Charlie teased “My oh my someone woke up on the wrong side of the apocalypse” you shrugged “Hey beats any other stress release there was pre-z”

A small chorus of laughter went through everyone and you were glad for that. You didn’t want whatever was happening between you and Dean to affect everyone else. You winked at Alicia “Grab your brother and lets go shopping” she laughed and grabbed Max by the arm then motioned to you “Lead the way”

------

Sam could practically feel the tension in the air between Dean and Gadreel. He had thought for a while Dean’s feelings for you went deeper than friendship but it hadn’t been as blaringly apparent until Gadreel came into the picture. He was a good guy, he got along well with everyone in the compound. He respected that the women helped keep everything going and always managed to pull a smile to your face over some small joke. Dean was threatened by him because up to this point there hadn’t been any other guy that garnered any of your attention away from Dean not one anyone that you would be a possible match with.

The three of them were working in silence quickly gathering what was on their half of the list. Sam was personally just hoping no fight broke out that he’d had to break up. He noticed that Dean kept cutting his eyes at Gadreel and said a prayer under his breath that just for once Dean would let it go.

He had no such luck because although Dean didn’t say anything Gadreel cleared his throat “Dean” Dean raised his eyebrows in response to the other man “Yeah?” “Just so you know nothing happened between me and Y/N. She’s a beautiful, amazing woman but...”

Dean cut Gadreel off before he could finish speaking with a shake of his head “I was in the wrong man...to snap at either of you. You’re both grown, what you do is your business and I trust the fact that neither of you would do anything on a run to risk your lives or anyone else's”

Sam watched the both of them for a moment trying to decipher if they were actually trying to get along or mutually waving the white flag for your benefit but the moment was broken by Alicia’s scream of your name. No words had to be passed amongst the three men; they all started running towards the sound.

------

You were following behind Alicia and Max trying to keep an eye out for the last couple items on your half of the list. You glanced up at a shelf that ran nearly up to the high ceiling of the warehouse and decided to check it out. Max stopped when he saw you looking and offered “Want a hand getting up there?” you shook your head with a slight smirk “Naw I think I can handle it but stay close just in case”

You made it to the halfway point and had even grabbed a few things you knew were needed when you went to step on a board and felt it crack under you. One minute you were standing the next you felt yourself falling and only barely managed to hold onto the backpack you had been storing supplies in.

You hit hard behind the shelf and heard a low growl.You pushed yourself to sit up and saw three biters shuffling towards you “Son of a bitch” you groaned trying to get to your feet. You went to push yourself up but felt a gush of blood from your left arm so you used your right to get to your feet just barely avoiding the chomping teeth of the zombie that was bearing down on you. You could hear Alicia scream your name but couldn’t spare a response. You had to show attention to the threat in front of you. You slammed your machete into the skull of the first one in front of you and cursed again when you realized that while you’d killed it your blade was stuck. You reached for the knife at your side knowing it was your only chance. You kicked the second one square in the stomach knocking it back long enough you could stab the last one in the eye.

You pulled your knife free and felt the one you’d kicked grab your jacket. You struggled to get out of it before the zombie sank it’s rotting teeth into the material. You slammed your knife into it’s skull then leaned heavily against the wall. The shelf slid away to show you an exit route. You ran towards the sunlight now streaming in and saw that Dean, Sam, Gadreel, Max and Alicia had all worked to get the shelf pulled out.

The moment Alicia saw you she looked at the guys “Turn around let me help her check herself out” the men all quickly obliged so you let her pull your shirt up and check across your back,stomach and both arms to assure you hadn’t been bit. “Didn’t you find a few suture kits at the last clinic?” She asked and you nodded then spoke loud enough the guys could hear “All clear boys. You can look now”

Dean’s eyes were glued to your left arm where the sleeve of your grey shirt was soaked with blood “Please tell me that’s a cut sweetheart” you smiled slightly “Bastard tried to bite me but only got my jacket” “Thank god” he breathed. You simply nodded and looked around “Did we get everything we need cause I’d really like to go home to the compound now. It’s been a long week” Sam laughed lightly and nodded “Yeah we got it all but first someone has to help stitch you up before we roll out”

------

Charlie had been nominated to help you stitch up your arm so you were sitting in the back of the van while she worked. Everyone else was keeping an eye out to ensure no more biters made their presence known. “So are we gonna talk about some of the weirdness?” You raised an eyebrow which made her nod in response whether at you or at herself “Ok then guess not” she tied off the last stitch and snipped it “I don’t have to tell you to keep it clean” you slid your shirt back on fully and gave her a small smile “I know aftercare instructions ma’am”

------

Dean watched you in the rearview mirror as he drove. You’d fallen asleep in the jacket Gadreel had given you to wear considering yours had been turned into a zombie chew toy. He couldn’t find it in himself to be angry that you were leaning against Gadreel asleep. He’d nearly lost you. Nothing else mattered. Why had he acted like he had towards you? Why couldn’t he just tell you he had feelings for you? Why hadn’t he realized it before Gadreel joined the compound? He let out a breath which made Sam look his way. “You good?” He nodded “Yeah be even better when we get home”

A few days had passed since all of you had made it back to the compound. You had barely spoken to Dean since getting back. You were still conflicted about the way he’d acted on the run.You were walking through one of the greenhouses checking the medicinal plants. You could hear someone walking behind you but didn’t have to look to know who it was. You’d know Dean’s footsteps anywhere.

“What’s this one?” He asked stopping at the plant furthest away from you “Echinacea, it helps for colds and flu” you replied barely looking in his direction. He walked a little closer to you and touched another plant. “What about this one?” You sighed loudly before answering “Ginger, it has anti-inflammatory, antibacterial,antiviral property and helps with nausea”

You finally turned to look fully at him “Can we not act like you actually give a damn about any of these plants? Why are you here Dean? You’ve avoided me for days, hell I’ve avoided you too so why are we talking now?” he took a few steps towards you stopping only a mere foot away “I miss you, you’re my best friend and I acted like an idiot..” “And practically accused me of being a whore that couldn’t even wait to get back to safety to fuck someone” you added and he chuckled lightly “That too”

“Why Dean? Why have you been pulling away from me for months and why did this run just cement the fact that our friendship is apparently broken beyond repair” you felt your voice break but didn’t try to hide it. You cared about Dean even if you’d resigned yourself to only being a friend to him because he’d never see you as more. Now you’d even lost that.

“Please, don’t say that Y/N. I was an asshole I’ll admit. I never should’ve acted like that towards you or Gadreel..it’s just..” he trailed off and you were too tired of beating around the bush by that point so this time you were the one to snap “Just what Dean?”

“I saw you getting close with him. I saw the way you two looked at each other then seeing his hands on you and the way you were smiling..I knew I’d lost any chance with you. It took me seeing you with him to open my eyes to just how much you mean to me” you were stunned into silence at his words. After a moment without you replying he laughed bitterly “Yeah and now I look like an idiot to add to it. Look I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you’ll forgive me”

He turned to walk out and only then did you find your voice “You are an idiot” he turned around to face you “Excuse me?” You crossed the space to stand in front of him “You’re an idiot Dean Winchester. I've had feelings for you for a long time. Yeah Gadreel is a good looking guy and a sweetheart. We’re good friends and I like spending time with him but as far as who I want? It’s been you, it’s always been you”

A smile slipped onto his face “Well does that mean we’re gonna give this a try?” you shrugged nonchalantly “I don’t know. Are you gonna be a jealous ass if I have male friends and hang out with them?” he laughed “No, I promise you my days of being a jealous asshole are over. If you’re sure you want me I know you only say what you mean” you tapped your chin in mock thought for a moment before saying “In that case why don’t we seal it with a kiss?” “Thought you’d never ask,” he replied, pulling you into his arms.

[chongoblog]

You inspired me to get into mashups, and I've decided to take a dabble at making a video game mashup album [Like Behindtale], and I just wondered if you had any tips or handy advice, if not words of encouragement. Yours truly, E

So this has been in my inbox for a while, just because I’ve taken a while to give a solid reply. I’ll say first things first I obviously wish you the best of luck. Full mashup albums can be quite the undertaking (source: I’m working on one rn), and I can’t wait to see how this turns out! As for some more handy advice:

I put it under this Read More because it’s LONG

First of all, I made a very VERY messy rambly tutorial on mashups right before Rhythm Valhalla dropped which can be found here. Looking back on it sparsely, I can’t vouch for it as the best thing ever, but if you’re looking for anything, it’s not a terrible spot for some general tips (plus Prim in the comments added some really quality advice, which is worth looking at. They make quality mashups). If I repeat any of the tips in that video in this post, then sorry bout that lol.

So first step: Getting Acapellas. A LOT of people ask me this, and for the longest time, my best take was “just go to Youtube and search _____ acapella or _____ vocals only”, but there ARE a couple alternatives if theres a song you REALLY want to use. If you have a bit of cash to spend, there’s a website I found recently that’s been a HUGE help called “PhonicMind”. You upload a song and it uses AI to separate the instrumental from the vocals (and into quite a few different stems). It DOES cost money, but it’s well worth it if you’ve got a few spare bucks. If you’re looking for a free alternative, there are two things that can work, although they don’t always work

1) Inverse Instrumental - If you can find a studio instrumental and a studio version of the song, put them on top of one another PRECISELY in Audacity (you’ll have to zoom in a TON for this), and then inverse the studio instrumental, then it can give you a vocal rip of sorts. This one takes a LOT of precision.

2) Vocal Remover - Audacity has a function that removes vocals, but only for center-panned vocals. It usually provides very very mixed results.

3) Hide the background with EQ! - This is last resort only because it doesnt sound great. I did this with stuff like Saturday Shorts and Lone Digger in Rhythm Valhalla. If you can adjust Low/High Pass Cutoff enough, it’ll dampen the harsher beats of a song and make the vocals stand out a little more. It isnt GREAT but it can be serviceable so long as you don’t ruin the vocals with it and you make ENTIRELY sure it’s on beat (there will still likely be lingering rhythms and if they clash with the background, it’s gonna be Not Great).

Alright well that step took a while! So what are some other odd tips for the mashups themselves!

-One of the most underrated ways to match songs together is melodic rhythm. It’s why Monkey Watch and Mr. Brightside’s beginning works so well. “COMing OUT of MY CAGE and I’ve BEEN DOin JUST FINE” The beats in caps land on the same beats as the beginning of Monkey Watch. It’s the whole reason I chose Hollaback Girl for Fork Lifter.

-My rule of thumb for pitch-shifting is try to avoid pitch shifting anything more than 3 steps in any direction. Some may even argue 3 is too much, but it depends on a lot of factors and, of course, there can be exceptions.

-This one’s more my personal style (and I’m pretty sure I mention this in the video) but I love using ostinatos aka a repeated ryhthm to play in the background, especially if the vocals being used are composed of a lot of silence or long held notes. It is important to make sure the ostinato is something that can be tuned out easily so that it doesn’t distract (like a less interesting repeated phrase or just a musical lick).

-Theming can go a long way. I’m usually a lot more abstract musical technique over conceptual lyrical stuff, but if you can create a mental link between either the backing song and the vocal song (or between the different vocal sources themselves), then people will catch on and it will leave more of an impact. I started doing this in Purgatory with Remix 6 being Queen-themed, but this stepped up a lot in Behindtale (like Getting Up Again, Another Meme-dium, Uwa!! So Fresh!, Core No. 2009, Behindtale, and Spider D.A.N.C.E) and then even more in Rhythm Valhalla (Born to Rock, The Ladies Play Golf, For All The Furries, Talking to Rich People, Stray Kitties, and Rip Basket)

Hope these helped! Like the video, they’re kinda unorganized and mostly me rambling, but hopefully they helped. Be sure to send me a link to the mashup album when you’re done with it! I’m always on the lookout for mashup albums to listen to!!

[monkey-network]

An Unfortunate Critique of Spiderverse - Part 1 (of 3)

Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse was a fun award-winning 2018 animated film with a basically unanimously positive fandom, regarded generally as both a masterpiece Spider-Man film and a remarkable animated film overall. And while I do not disagree with that, it definitely earned its spoils, it pains me a bit to bring up the reason(s) why I can’t call it the masterpiece that many claim. I like this film, but I don’t love it as much as others and I wanted to express why. And I will see to be critical, not cynical. Fair enough? Spoilers ahead for this... 2018 film that you should’ve seen already.

Part 1 ~ The Spiderverse Squad

Now believe me when I say that I enjoyed this trio. Spider-Ham wasn’t as funny as I figured, but he still stood out like Peni and Spider-Noir in a respectable way. I especially loved the fandom’s reaction to them with fanart and jokes galore. But on a look back, it dawned on me that while their presence was welcome, our writers blew the load too soon and wasted these characters. Roll with me, will ya?

If you come to know me, you’ll figure that characters are the element I find the most crucial of your story; you mentally can’t just throw in random heroes into the story unless they’re significant to the protag, story, or world as a whole. It’ll feel weird, like you have no coordination. And yeah, the B team adds to Spider-verse’s worldbuilding mechanic that is the multiple universes; it thematically makes sense that more than one Spidermun can exist. And additionally kicks ass, no objections here. The problem I argue comes when while they add to the world building, it honestly added little to our boy Miles’ story, and it’s that disconnect that makes the characters feel more unnecessary than before. This doesn’t help when things could’ve worked far better if it only involved Gwen and Beter. To explain this better, I wanna bring up a couple films that are similar to Spider-verse yet knew how to use their secondary characters, the first one being...

Kung Fu Panda, baby!

The furious five sans Tigress is about the same as Spider-verse’s B-Team where Po really doesn’t rely on them to both unleash his inner strength and face the final boss in the end. They’re his muse for enjoying martial arts. Po interacts with them a little more than Miles does with the others, but we still have that disconnect between the upcoming novice and the experienced. That disconnect however is counter-balanced by their significance in the story, not only in certifying the stakes that come with Tai Lung, but being the necessary crew to another important character: Tigress.

Tigress is not only a character that Po looks up to, she’s a character with something to prove herself. She puts down Po because she’s envious of the special treatment he’s involuntarily receiving and mirrors the villain Tai Lung before his descent to villainy. The movie would’ve probably been fine if the Furious Five didn’t exist and it was just Shifu and Po training together, but having the five, and Tigress especially, in the story adds a great triangle of interaction between Po and Shifu, Shifu and Tigress, and Tigress and Po. Which makes it all the more poignant when she runs away to face Tai Lung herself, stern in proving herself to both Shifu and Po. We know that she wouldn’t win against him, but that loss is added two-fold when the other four were there to support her. The others aren’t as cynical towards Po, but it’s understandable that they sided with Tigress, thinking their experience together will help them succeed. It makes sense that the four willingly fight with Tigress, and it’s reasonably daunting when Tai Lung is able to tower all of them by himself. Compare this to Spiderverse where we kinda don’t get see our heroes and villains, excluding Miles, stack up that well until the 3rd act; it’s hard to wonder if who’s evenly matched and who can overpower whom. It doesn’t help that Peter, Gwen, and Miles are all isolated from the other three during the final fight in the warp terminal. 

It’s in the end where Po proves himself the Dragon Warrior, he not only earned that respect from the five but feels more complete knowing he and his idols look up to each other in a way. We really don’t get that interpersonal synergy with Miles and the B team beyond the moment of them together post Aaron’s death and their initial meeting, the best we get is that Miles knows he isn’t the only Spider-man but even that doesn’t feel as personal as his relationships with Gwen and Peter. Plus while Gwen and Peter are important characters, we don’t see much of a personal connection between the five Spidermun, it mostly comes off as an obligation that they’re together. Now I won’t lie, this is a pretty unfair comparison. The B-team came together on the fly, and it’s not like Miles, Gwen, and Peter knew who they were in the first place. But remember when I said a couple of films in the beginning? This leads to an ironic situation, coming from one of my other favorite movies about being special...

Been a while since I talked ‘bout this beauty

I think it’s safe to say Spiderverse and The Lego Movie have a kindred story beat where our hero meet some tagalongs that have their own thing but nonetheless contribute as supporting characters. But unlike Spiderverse, the Lego Movie showed something I never figured about characters until I saw it once again last year. The other characters have their stake in the plot, but they are also relative features of our main character Emmett. Unikitty resembles his boundless optimism, Benny his excitability, Batman his emotional conviction, and so on. It’s a stretch, but it is possible to note supporting/secondary characters as facets of who our main character is, what they lack or what’s the most prominent idea of them. In Steven Universe, the crystal gems are separate elements of who Steven is at his best or wants to be. Beastars has Legosi, Louis, and Haru have differing aspects of growing up that blend well when united. It’s essentially the braincells meme, the parts make up the whole. Gwen and Peter fill those parts exponentially for Miles, with Peter’s experience and Gwen’s finesse in her skill, to show him the work that goes in being a hero. Same goes for Aaron and Jefferson on a more personal level, being the ones to give Miles the necessary conviction to become the hero. All I gotta ask is: Can ya say the same for Peni, Noir, or Porker?

Again, not that they’re bad characters, but they mostly felt detached from the story in multiple angles

Now at this point you’ll probably say, “Monkey, we get it, where are you going with this?” Well, I can’t help but feel the B-team, while alright on their own, unfortunately feel like cameos that overstayed their welcome. Beyond the initial meetup, the interactions we get with them are second to none, there is no significant dynamic between the B-team and the two spidermun that are more significant to the story. I feel a little less charitable for media wasting potential and it doesn’t help that writing them out until the final fight is very easy. “Peni and Sp//dr were responsible for repairing the flash drive?” Well, I can say a few hints in the movie can point to Aunt May, Peter, and/or Gwen doing it instead. It’s hard to come back to this film compared to the others I’ve exampled when the back of my mind is going “Why are ya’ll here?” I say it would’ve been surprisingly cathartic if the B-team came near the end where they helped out and met up with the trio before bouncing back to their dimensions. As such, we could put more time in for Miles and Gwen together at Aunt May’s house the same way Peter and Miles got earlier before the plot generally runs the same, we have less voices but we build on those character dynamics for more than that bus ride they share. Add to that character theme of Miles, Gwen, and Peter B. being the different generations of Spider-man or something. Overall, I love them, and they feel wasted in this film.

I just can’t see Spiderverse where the focus of these three subsides the interest for the other three

I wanted to discuss this particularly because as much I can say that much detail in the film fundamentally works, which I will discuss later in this analysis, it stands to say that not every ambition in this undoubtedly ambitious movie was added well. It’s honestly how i feel with randomness humor, it’s fun at first but you gotta do more than enough to make it timeless while keeping the surprise of it intact. Or else you just wish they just replaced that joke with something more constructed. Said before, they don’t or weren’t able to utilize these characters beyond their cameo level moments, and it is not a good thing that they’re potentially saved for the sequel because I hate the idea of depending on a sequel to fix the 1st movie’s issues. I gotta wait to 2022 for a potentially better management of characters and that bothers me. I appreciate what I got, but I unfortunately can’t say that appreciation equates to a free pass of what’s detrimental to my love for this film. Now, I tagged this as part one for a reason, because this is only a symptom, a fun size piece to a bigger story problem I have.

Next time. Otherwise, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy your day.

[lettersfromleslie]

Masks, Gloves On / Bets Off / Cabin Fever Dreams / To the Predictors the Spoils

Paralysis! Disruption! Of the whole shebang! Lord, and what next?! You sit, wondering what ought to be done… Tell yourself it’s okay to not to do a damn thing… Grab a beer… Plant a tomato… Pick up a pen… Put it down… Wonder bout your Health... Fiddle with the damn phone… The variegated phases of denial wafting over daily life like scattered clouds. Where that break in the weather? It’s a crisis, they say, and the solution is to do nothing at all… Well, but really, though? Sit still and navelgaze, eh? Ariel and I are running out of games to play. Cook something? Go for the usual round about the block? Let the bills rack up… Seems you can wait for normalcy or accept changed realities. Make yourself a nest in the ruins. Take some time for yourself, they say! Read a book. Chase a butterfly. You bastards, that’s what I was doing all along! Usually I have to depend on the irritating hum of society to get me off my lazy arse, and that’s on a good day! It’s been, what, two months since I last yodeled in public? How much longer must I wait till I may yodel again? Should I start selling face masks or something?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud as can be of everyone putting on a brave face. But come on! What a drag!

Okay, that’s off my chest. Sitting down to write again, this being attempt number three at a pandemic piece for this my Blog, the Holy Blog, amen. Previous attempts were scrapped due to excessive wallowing and not much to say. I find myself in a more manic mood than usual tonight, so maybe this’ll be the one that sticks. Least I can do is give a lil update on how the album’s coming along… Well, slowly! Really slowly! I’d say we’re about a month behind schedule, possibly two. If ya threw down on my crowdfund and are feeling irritated at this news, feel free to get yer catharsis in the form of an angry letter. I’ll send you an angry letter back, it’ll be fun. But meanwhile I throw up my hands. To everyone who’s using this time to work on themselves and catch up on long-neglected projects: good for you, bozo! I’m not one. I’ve had my bursts and spats but really the whole thing’s been too coloured with doubt and unease to produce the kinds of zingers I wanna keep. The songs don’t quite seem to mean what they did when I wrote em, making it hard to get takes I like. Delivery’s off. Tone doesn’t sit right. All these serious songs about feelings, they scare the shit outta me. That stuff doesn’t mix at all well with cabin fever. Why delve deep and ponder? Seems easier to just goof off and write stuff that’s impersonal and lighthearted and geared at keeping the mind off the scary stuff. There’s been that, at least - I’ve been productive, in that sense. Wrote a lot of silly stuff. Got a lot better at the bass. One you’ll be hearing soon is a nice vaguely topical tune called “Trying to Stay Alive” which I’ll be releasing May 15th, the day the NY lockdown is supposed to start easing up. It’s a completely incongruously peppy Beatlesesque ditty with a lot of chord and key changes and a horn section and everything. So you can chew on that while I try and chase my other deadlines.

I was going to write some twiddle bout history in the making and all that, but to hell with it. Haven’t we had enough history by now? Starting to feel like someone’s yanking the collective chain. Sure, 2020 always did promise new lows in the political shitshow, but this is just a lil beyond the pale. It’d be something to laugh at if we didn’t have to be stuck in the middle of it all. I’ll say one thing, it’s making for an interesting study of the ties that hold society together. A bunch of paycheck-to-paycheck workers passing their wages to paycheck-to-paycheck businesses and landlords who pass on the taxes to paycheck-to-paycheck city and state governments, all of whom are reduced to begging for bailouts from the federal government, who… switch on the money printer? Try and wrap yer head around that one. It seems some people have the authority to alter the value of things. And at what point does this convoluted pile of paper start representing ideas manifested, things made, food eaten, land used, services rendered? Or to put it a lil differently, who’s fronting the bill? Someone in the future, I guess… Me, I suppose… My kids? Presto. Wave the magic wand.

Gotta hand it to that lil virus! Mama nature has some tricks up her sleeve, bless her. Well, praise be the bee, the dolphin, the whale, the firefly, bless, and the tree, and hark the creeping shrub. Live long and prosper while the naughty monkeys figure it all out. I suppose it’ll all look quite different a month out, two months out, three, six, twelve. I’ve spent days and nights fretting over it all and by this stage I’m exhausted with the fretting and I suppose it’s down to the usual question of what you’re equipped to do with yer monkey paws and whether you feel like doing it. I’m not starving quite yet, thanks to you all, and I don’t aim to if I can help it.

I can and do moan about what this all means for Me and My Songwriting but in a way it’s been an interestingly lucky coincidence that the loose theme of my new album is “terrain vague”. There’ll be more of that from here on out, by the looks of it, and in a more general sense you could say we’ve all been relegated to the realm of the defunct for the duration of this lockdown... A nice mossy state of being, what? When the machine don’t need ya no more? When no one particularly cares what becomes of you in your time? You can let the loneliness consume you or you can let out a nice sigh in the starlight and listen for the ticking of the cosmic clock. 

Tick tock! Easier said than done!

Could be worse. Got my lil lady. Emmanuel’s learned to bake bread. The liquor stores are still open. The bike still works. So, praise be the spider. Much love to ye. Hope you’re keeping okay. Can’t wait to be out and about. Hit me up if you’d like to yell at me about something. Clearly we got the time.

[the-neon-potato]

Variations of Confetti + Shrek

Shronkfetti Shriekfetti Shrekfetti Shrakfetti Shriakfetti Shookfetti Sharkfetti Spoonfetti Sponfetti Sprokfetti Sporkfetti Snek Gerri Spoopfetti Spockfetti Sistermaplesfetti SOHFETTI Spaghettifetti Smokeweedeverydayfetti Soapfunti Seagullfetti Seafetti FettiScent Sharknadofetti Sharknado2fetti Sharknado3fetti Spotifetti Spielbergfetti Squirrelfetti Sweatti Sweetti Srirachafetti Subwayfetti Jaredfetti Starbucksfetti Sanicfetti Spider-Manfetti Sofreddi SDcardfetti STDfetti ShyGuyfetti Squirmlesfetti Sethrogenfetti Shrekthethirdfetti Shialabeoufetti Shakirafetti SirJohnAMacDonaldfetti Slothfetti Szechuangourmetfetti BillNyeTheScienceGuyfetti Snoopdoggfetti Guyfererrifetti Cowboysaregayfetti Itslitfamfetti Dabbingisfunfetti Lifeslikeaboxofchocolatesfetti Septiplierfetti According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.fetti