#it’ll be the first book in my collection to be deserving of a hardcover

[caffeiiine]

crime and punishment by fyodor dostoyevsky you will be the revival and the death of me

[theproblemcallednight]

i will never ever stop thinking about this book. dostoyevsky has created a hole in my heart and i fear no other book will ever have the same effect i feel right now. anyways! i now have notes from the underground, also dostoyevsky <3 time to see how that one goes🎉🎉

oughhh night i need a hardcover copy immediately, it’ll be the first in my collection to have that honor and i think crime and punishment deserves that honor

YES GET THE HARDCOVER

also i need your final thoughts how wad the ride

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 26 - Man, it doesn’t show signs of stoppin’ [part 1]

Birds Of a Feather

(title credits: Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!, Dean Martin)

“Aaaand here it is, the last one!” Layla whispered to herself as she put the last package under the Christmas tree. It was Eddie’s present, a nice set of hardcover composition books with a fountain pen and a ballpoint pen – a perfect gift for a writer. She had waited for him to go out for a walk so she could be alone in the house and position all the presents before leaving. He simply waved goodbye and wished her a happy holiday before walking out the door – it all took less than a minute and he was gone. On one hand she had more time to prepare her Christmas surprise for everyone, on the other hand she was disappointed because she was expecting a warmer goodbye. She wasn’t totally surprised though, she was used to Eddie’s mood swings and changes of behaviour: one day he was sweet and caring, actively searching for and apparently enjoying her company, the next one he seemed cold and distant and distracted, like today. He had been like this for a couple of days, after the show at the Moore Theater. <Maybe I did something wrong... Is it because I got jealous when those two girls appeared? What if I said something silly when he put me to bed?> she thought as she was walking towards the door, dragging her trolley suitcase behind her. She felt stupid for always considering herself at the center of people’s attention: after all it was Christmas time and he wasn’t going back home to San Diego, she assumed he probably had family issues or something like that. <What if there’s an ex girlfriend involved?> she kept wondering as she put her coat on. “What did you get me for Christmas?” Layla was suddenly startled by the voice of her friend and roommate – she turned around and saw her staring at her with a red packet in her hands and a smirk plastered on her face. “GOD, SARA! You scared me to death!” “It doesn’t look like a book... No, it ain’t a book – is it a movie? No, it’s too big to be a movie. Is it a collection of movies?” Sara asked feeling up the package then lightly shaking it. “You’ll find out in a few hours, darling!” “C’mon, give me a hint!” “Nah-ah” “Pleeeease” “Ok. It’s not a car” Layla replied with a grin. “... Fuck you, El” “By the way, what are you doing here? I thought you had left already” Layla took a look at her watch while Sara shifted unconfortably on her feet for a couple of seconds before answering. “So you were thinking about leaving without even saying goodbye, huh? I thought you loved me” she said, dragging herself dramatically towards her friend. “I was gonna call from the airport” “You were gonna leave me with a phone call?? Nothing can affect your heart of stone” “I’ll be back in a few days, and you’ll be with your family, it’s not like I’m leaving you here with Jeff or anything” the girl went on and Sara tried to ignore her once again. She cared for Layla, she was her best friend, and lying to her was getting harder and harder. “I think you wanted to leave without talking to me because you didn’t want to hear me talking shit about David and your stupid idea to get back together once again” <Mentioning her WC Boyfriend will surely make her drop the subject> Sara thought as she saw her friend rolling her eyes. “As I already told you, we’re not getting back together, we’re just meeting to clear things up and give a proper closure to our relationship” “I really wish it was true, El” Sara sighed. “It is!” “I know this is what you want now, but I also know that things are gonna be more difficult for you once you see that guy face to face and he starts talking and using his charm on you” “So you think I’m weak...” the girl retorted looking away. “You’re not, you’re strong. If only you knew how strong you are, you’d know you don’t need that asshole in your life.” Sara added and noticed that Layla was getting upset; as much as she hated that jerk, she didn’t want her friend to leave like that “Anyway, it’s actually your life and you have the right to do whatever you want. And I trust you, you’re the sensible one here, I know you’re gonna do the right thing in the end” Layla smiled and tackled Sara in a bear hug. “Thank you, Scroogie! Also for the present I found in my drawer, I’m gonna open it tonight” “Do you wanna know what it is?” Sara asked, still held tight by her friend. “No, I like surprises” Layla let go of her and wrapped her scarf around the neck. “C’mon, a little hint!” “Goodbye, my dear! Oh, you should keep these, I won’t need them in Boston” she grinned and handed her the apartment keys, then pulled her trolley-suitcase and went for the door. “Here’s the hint: it’s not a naked surfer with a red bow wrapped around his-” “MERRY CHRISTMAS, SARA! I’LL CALL YOU TONIGHT!” Layla basically screamed as she left and her roommate was doubled over laughing behind her.

************************************************************************************************ Eddie didn’t really know where he was going, he just wanted to run as far away as he could from his apartment and from the girl who was about to leave to spend Christmas with another guy who wasn’t him. He was almost surprised when he turned left and saw the turbulent motion of the lake water, he stopped and looked around. “I walked up to… Pier 62?” Eddie said to himself as he read the sign and spotted the Aquarium in the distance.   He shrugged and started to walk again, only at a slower pace, until he stopped at a bench, where he decided to sit. He lit up a cigarette as he took in the view of the dark cloudy sky reflecting on the waters of Elliott Bay and tried not to think about how stupid Layla was. <She’s not stupid though, she’s smart… and beautiful… fuck> he shook his head as he tried to ignore those thoughts, then felt the pocket of his jacket, smiling to himself when he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a notebook and a pen and started sketching what he saw – the creases on the water surface slowly growing into waves because of the increasing wind, the darker clouds in the distance, a couple of ferry boats returning to the port, a few people gathered around a fish and chips place on the left. <Why do I have to be like that? I’m lucky, I’m living my dream, making music, I met new nice people, have good friends that are pretty much family to me now, live in an interesting town that’s supposed to be like the center of the world for some. I should be happy. Fuck, I am happy. So this girl doesn’t like me the way I like her? So what? It’s not her fault and it’s not like she owes me anything. She’s lovely and cares for me enough to be considered a true friend and that’s more than I could hope for. I only wish she’d be with someone who loves her and respects her and… Oh shut up, Eddie! You just wish she was with you!> Eddie’s inner monologue went on for a while and he didn’t even notice the raindrops that started falling from the sky. He was brought back to reality when he felt something cold stinging his nose and noticed that the rain had turned into sleet. He shut his notebook and stuck it back in his pocket with the pen, then stood up and pulled the hood over his head as he started to run. The fleet turned into proper snow, which reminded him of a similar scenario many miles and many years away: Chicago, Christmas of 1984, when he first brought his new girlfriend home to meet his mom. Their plane landed incredibly late, their cab from the airport got stuck in traffic during a snow storm and when it was clear it was impossible to move they paid the driver, grabbed their bags and just got out of the car and ran for an hour in the snow to get home in time for dinner, freezing and soaking wet, but together, happy and in love. He was alone now, no hands to warm up with his breath, no turkey in the oven, no little brothers preparing tricks and pranks for him back at home. These thoughts made it look like the way home was taking much longer even though he was running. He breathed a relieved sigh as he walked past the Scarecrow Video Shop because it meant he was almost home, even though it also reminded him once again of the girl who worked there. <As if I wasn’t already thinking enough about her> Eddie ignored the elevator and went for the stairs, silently praying for Layla to be gone already. When he rang the doorbell and nobody answered though, he almost regretted his wish.

************************************************************************************************ “Is it just my impression or Mary Jane sucked a lil’ bit?” “You’re not wrong, Viv – I’m no expert but even I heard that strange squeak she did at the end” “Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ! Girls, could you please save your gossip for later?? I have tons of glitter on my face and my hair looks like a fuckin’ nest, ugh” Sara rolled her eyes, silently asking herself what she had done to deserve to be stuck in a dressing room with those two dorks – they were technically supposed to help her, but instead chattered about whoever had been involved in the recital. “C’mon, Sara, live a little! You should be glad: that ‘sleep in Heavenly peace’ was horrible – and you hate Mary Jane’s guts!” “Right now I don’t have time to laugh about her poor figure: all I wanna do is reassuming my natural appearance and getting rid of all this fuckin’ glitter that’s comin’ out of my nostrils” “HA! So you admit it: she sucked big time!” “C’mon, Maux, just leave her alone” Vivian smiled at Sara, keeping on removing make-up from her face “And you… don’t you dare insult my glitter again! You looked like a proper little angel” Sara rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time, grinding her teeth every time her friends pulled a bobby pin out of her hair or rubbed cleansing lotion all over her face.   “… I’m still wonderin’ why they didn’t assign Silent Night to you, though” “No big deal, Maux” “Well, I got the feeling that next year it’ll be you singing it!” “I don’t think that next year I’ll be on stage…” “You said the same thing last year, primadonna” “… fuck off, Maux” Sara grumbled, cheeks flushing for the deep embarrassment. “Anyway! You did some justice to O Come, All Ye Faithful” “… and Father Steve was extremely pleased with your decision of singing some verses in Latin – ‘a wonderful surprise, and what an exquisite pronounce’, that’s what he said”   “Oh, great: now the Theology professor attends our recitals too – that’s exactly what I needed, a wonderful surprise” she wrinkled her nose. “Stop bein’ modest; I think that, deep inside, you really appreciate his attention” “… You’re a pain in the ass” “Love you too, honey pie!” Maux blew a kiss in her direction, then proceeded to wave the last bobby pin under her nose. “But it isn’t the time to celebrate yet; you still have to free yourself from Maux’s creation” Through her dollish ringlets Sara gazed at her own dejected reflection, still trapped inside a cloud of red tulle, and let out a deep sigh: her freedom was still far away. When the three girls finally came out, the campus was covered with snow and still heaving with students. “Well, girls – better cut and run if I want to arrive at Sea-Tac on time” Vivian looked at the watch on her wrist, then covered it again with a sleeve. “How much ‘til Cheyenne?” “5 hours and 10, I think… I just hope I’ll be home in time to exchange the presents with my family” “Is it a large one?” “Yup, four brothers but also grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins… we’re a tribe” the girl smiled fondly, then grinned at them “Group hug!” “Have a safe trip and don’t trade us for Wyoming dudes – right, Sara?” “Oh, yeah… yeah, don’t you dare pull that trick on us” “Never! Chicks before dicks” “… did you seriously just said it?” “Viv, don’t mind her! You’re hilarious” Maux reassured her, in between laughs. “Don’t worry: I learnt that it’s how she tells people she actually cares about ‘em…” Vivian threw her arm around Sara’s shoulder “Plus, don’t forget that, when Christmas festivities will be finally over, there’ll be a new recital around the corner…” “… and a new recital means another round of you falling into Viv’s clutches – and mine too!” the other girl almost squealed in delight, making the victim blatantly roll her eyes. “… at least I won’t be seeing the two of you for a couple of weeks – maybe I’ll be able to pull off an Alcatraz” “Shut up, Grinch!” her friends silenced her with a couple of snowballs that perfectly landed on her bonnet. “Say, what’s gotten into you?” “What? What should have gotten into me?” “You were distracted all the time… you still are” “Nope, just tired” “Yeah, Pinocchio, right – just tired” “D’ya think that Vivian’s Republican, holier-than-thou family has rejoiced when they found out to have a daughter named as Pretty Woman’s main character?” “What? Don’t change topic!” “… it’d be interesting to fly to Wyoming, just to stand outside their home with a boombox blasting away Roy Orbison” “… you’re impossible” “Pretty woman, walking down the streeeeeet… pretty woman, the kind I like to meeeeeet…” “I get the message, I get it!” Maux shoved her, then pulled a small package out of her bag “I’m gonna set you free, but not before getting the chance to give you this” “Maux, you shouldn’t have – I didn’t get you anyth-” “Shut up! Do you really think that I don’t know who got me that big book about Elsa Schiaparelli that I found in my bag last week?” Maux forced the package in Sara’s hands “I know it was your Christmas’ early present, I’m not that stupid” “Well, to dot the i’s and cross the t’s-” “Shut up and just open that fuckin’ package!” Sara let out a belly laugh and did just as her friend had commanded, a pair of dangle earrings appearing in her hands: the quartzes reflected blue, green and silver twinkles on her fingers, making her smile. “They’re beautiful – I love this kind of design, thank you” “Come here, you doofus” Maux hugged her, then playfully pushed her away “Now go, spend Christmas Eve with your family and don’t try to fly to Wyoming!” “HA! We’ll see, I can’t guarantee you anything” she followed her friend’s advice and finally went outside the campus. The snow had just resumed to fall.