#it would have gotten everything across much better but i just didnt feel very inspired to draw... a steak...

[svampira]

awkward family dinner

[stitchwork-madness26]

Just like you

Paring:2BDamned x employer!reader

Warning:so much adorable shit, subtle swearing tho

Notes:the employer reader is from @rotshop and this was inspired by a photo they made of the employer reader,2BDamned, and a little baby grunt. Adorable shit. Would have made this a while back but i was frankly to lazy lol.

So ya employer reader and doc being parents to a baby grunt. Enjoy :3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How long has it been now? Weeks? Months? A year? Time can be a bit of a blur after the suns disappearance, you can lose track of how many days it has been as the sky always remained that dark red hue. Even if a long time as passed you can still recall the same events that happened some time ago.

You had joined hank,sanford, and deimos on a raid, no reason in particular you just wanted to come along. A tingling feeling that something will happen, uncertain if it was the feeling of impending doom looming over your head, or something far different. Whatever it was you wanted to be present for it, a change you wouldn't want to miss after endless raiding and passing out from the random drops in temperatures as of late. Damn your cold bloodedness...

The building you all came across was empty, almost barren much to hanks dismay. Dust and cobwebs littered about with some knocked over desks,chairs, and broken lab equipment. Deimos and sanford wandered to the next room to find supplies on the right and hank went up ahead to a room across the entrance,normally you would follow hank or the duo but decided to go on your own for a change of pace and go to the room on the left.

The lights in the room flickers, barely holding onto the ceiling from their age but they still did their purpose. Despite the flickering you can still see everything fine, you didnt see nothing special at 1st just knocked over tables and a dry blood covered vending machine until in your peripheral vision you saw something move.

You was not alarmed or afraid, the thing looked small, almost the size of a mouse compared to you it couldn't possibly be anything harmful. Yet something told you to check what it was, silently you wandered over to where it moved, behind a bar that was in the room with broken glass all around. When you peeked over to see what it was you saw a grunt, it was smaller then a average, one less then half of the size of one. A small child...

"Hello" you said as calmly as you can muster, a jump and a small squeal was the childs response before it cowers and starts to cry "go away! Go away scary monster!!" It cried, you did not take offense. A faceless being made of shadow and as tall as you are can scare anyone, even to a poor defenseless child "its ok little one i wont hurt you..." You attempted the calm voice again, you receive no response as the child continued to cry in fear. You wouldn't want to leave it alone, so you waited for the others to find you and stayed out of the childs line of sight so you dont scare it more then you are.

Once the others came you asked sanford or deimos to carry the child to the van, hank scared the child too so you did not bother to ask him. After several minutes deimos managed to pick up the child and you all went on your way back to the HQ...

It did not take a lot to convince 2B to let the child stay, it only took you a simple phrase "i am adopting them, dont stop me" with determination in your tone. He only sighed, frankly a little tired from all the shit the group has gone through and mumbles a "ok" leaving it at that. The child had no name, so you named them with a name that even a employer like yourself would be jealous of but you sometimes still call them little one,because they are.

The child trusted 2b right away, clinging onto him like they saw a monster under the bed...only the monster was you. Whenever you get close to them both the child hugs him and cries, begging him to make the monster go away. 2b tries his best to claim you are not a monster and your not there to hurt them but he's not the very best at consoling people. It does hurt a little to see the child be so afraid but you can understand why too, being new to this parenting life it is difficult to know what to do in these situations...at least 2b had your back in this.

Eventually the child called 2b their "dada" and it just stuck, seeing him as their father. You always grin at this with your human like teeth with sharp canines at how adorable it is, whenever the child sees your teeth they always freeze in place and just stares. At this point no longer crying from fear but still freezes up and stares at you like a deer in headlights, you could not tell if they are getting used to your presence or if they had ran out of tears to cry... Either way you assumed it was progress. Seeing the interactions between 2b and the child warmed your heart, they always eager to help 2b with his work or help put bandaids on hank when he gets mildly injured. They even see sanford,deimos, and hank as their uncles now, such as deimos giving them piggy back rides, sanford drawing with them, hell even hank, the most well known killer in nevada, even had a soft spot for the child, letting them climb on him like a tree.

It was all so incredibly sweet and you was fine with it, even if you are just the big monster under the bed to them you are glad they are happy with a nice family.

....

Now its the present day, with you, doc, and the little one only present at the HQ. Looming over your loves shoulder to see him work on the tablet in his hands and the child is drawing with warn out crayons and ripped paper just a few feet away, the child had gotten more comfortable around you but not by much. They never got startled by you anymore but still stares at you like a deer in headlights when you speak to them, they do talk to you though and still address you as "monster" not as (mother or father or other) and you was alright with it. As long as they are getting better.....

"You are lost in your thoughts again" 2b spoke in the comfortable silence "sorry...just wondering some things" you replied with a sigh, standing up straight no longer looming over his shoulder "ill let you get back to work dear" you said before slowly approaching the child "little one?" You spoke in the same calm tone as before,they looked up at you with the same look as before "are you hungry? Do you need anything...?" You asked kindly, they nod their head looked away for a sec before looking back at your featureless face "noodles?" They asked "sure. Ill get you some" you unintentionally grinned with your spooky like teeth and walked out of the room.

As you was getting the food ready for your child the trio had returned from their raid, hank covered in blood with a large machine gun strapped to his back stomped past you and sanford stuck around with you, deimos is nowhere to be found "where is deimos?" You asked sanford "he picked something up for the kid, so he's looking for them" sanford replied, taking a seat on the kitchen table "good to know" you left the conversation at that taking the ramen noodles and walked back to 2bs office, stopping to see deimos walk out. He waves at you "oh hey s/o" he greets "kid wants to talk to you" he continued before walking past "alright?" Confused you walked inside.

2b is still sitting in his chair with his tablet in hand, nothing seemed to change on his part but the little one seemed very excited and happy. You walked over to the child and crouched down to give them their meal, they took the food and set it down and looked up at you happy. No longer full of fear or that wide eyes look they give "look monster look!" They exclaimed, voice sounding a little muffled showing fake vampire teeth in their mouth "i got sharp teeth like you!" They continued, the words almost hit your heart by how cute it is.

You let out a fake gasp, playing along with them "oh! So scary!" You pretend to be afraid, receiving a little giggle from them "rawr!" They screamed with their hands in front of them like they would attack you "oh no! If only someone came to help!" You continued to pretend and glance at 2b, who looks at you with a unamused look in his eyes "raaawwrrr" the child continued to play "aaahh! Doc! Please help!" You pleaded trying your best to hold back a laugh, with that 2b gets up and walks over and picks up the child "gotcha" 2b announced with a subtle grin under his mask "noooo! I wanna scare monster!" The little one laughed, followed by your chuckling. "Rawr!" The child attempted to scare his father "oh no! They got me!" 2b played along too, still holding the child in his arms. It was so uncharacteristic but so adorable from him, you laughed and grabbed them both in a hug "now i caught both of you" you grinned "aaah! Monster got us!!" The child laughed "whatever shall we do?" 2b chuckled.

The little one looked up at you and patted your empty face with their tiny hands "boo!" They yelled and you faked a yell, let them go, fell backwards, and pretended to be dead on the floor. The child laughed "i defeated the monster!" They praised themselves as 2b set them down with a grin, the child wandered over to you and pat your featureless face again "im big and scary just like monster" they smiled before you reached over to pat their head.

"You sure are little one..."

[gusenitsaa]

The King is Dead

     Long Live the King 

For my ever growing collection of @icecubelotr44 inspired the darling affair adjacent fan fiction fan fiction and the whump bingo prompt 'don't let them see you cry'. So you know... fluff obviously. Jones brothers mostly CS/ miliam established but not the focus; (hello, on brand)

Liam Jones; founder and captain of JR Solutions and far reaching pain in the ass of criminal organizations far and wide… was dead. So went the rumors. A game; obviously, and one that worried him for the sake of his own skin more than for Liam's.

It was a ploy. It had to be. And a bloody good one at that. He'd been in deep cover thousands of miles from home for weeks. He'd thought it was going well, thought he would be home by…

It wasn't true.

He kept his face a careful mask as another toast was called across the room.

"The king is dead!"

Long live the King

The frivolity was so obviously a trap that he wondered how they even thought it would work. Any wet behind the ears agent would know better than to show his cards now. Playing this kind of game meant someone knew JR Solutions had infiltrated their ranks. Thankfully their intelligence had been correct and they did not know his face or he'd already be dead.

Deep cover is the worst. It's long, it's stressful. It's dangerous.

He rarely did deep cover anymore. It wasn't safe within a thousand miles of headquarters. Too much risk of someone knowing him. Foreign ops were still an option though, thanks primarily to Will Scarlet's careful diligence in keeping every trace of Liam Jones' little brother's face off of the internet. But Liam needed the best for this one and he was still the best.

He hadn't actually seen the latest intelligence yet. An intercepted transmission for one Killian Jones that had set off a wave of celebration and an undercurrent of suspicion through the organization simultaneously. The letter was making its rounds and by careful indifference it had yet to reach him. But the news had spread like wildfire and the higher ups were watching the spread with a barely hidden scrutiny.

A copy of the letter was pressed into his hands finally and he pasted a look of mild interest on his features. He could feel the heat of eyes on him as he scanned. Anything more than a cursory glance would raise suspicions but from the first a sudden panic seized him.

"Forgive me for doing this in a letter Killian. You have a way with words I've never shared and I do not trust myself to do this properly if I have to see the look on your face while I speak. If anyone could talk me out of death itself it would be you, little brother. I hope you know that, whatever happens, I tried to stay. If I've failed, I wanted to give you the one last conversation that I so desperately needed when I thought I'd lost you.

I don't know what will become of me. Perhaps I will beat the odds and I can give you this letter with my own hand when my days are done and your children are long grown. If not, at least I hope it was useful. That my death could provide some small measure of safety for you and Emma and your beautiful-"

The letter went on. Killian could not. The letter vanished from his hand and on to the next gawker who let out a whoop of delight and began a mocking dramatic reading of something that Killian hadn't read yet. His eyes slipped cautiously to his boss' face. He was still being watched.

Could it be true?

His mind raced and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears, drowning out the dramatic reading from the asshole on the table.

How?

Liam wasn't in the field. Liam was behind a damn desk. Liam wasn't supposed to-

Even if he was, he forced himself to consider the possibility logically. Would Scarlet really release this, risk exposing him like this. To risk his very life to beckon him home? Why? His stomach twisted painfully. Yes. If his family was in danger. What else could force Liam to yield his life but a threat to his family. If it wasn't Killian it had to be- And Killian hadn't been there to protect them, to protect him, because he'd needed a few more days. To what? Suddenly the whole operation felt hollow. Liam was gone.

Killian took a shallow breath, the panic making him feel like he might be sick. He was going to get himself killed if he couldn't control himself.

He wanted to run.

He wanted to abandon everything. The progress he'd made, the intel he'd gathered, the chance of eliminating position number 3 on their top ten most wanted list. What the hell did it matter now-

He swallowed hard turning his face away from the higher ups watching him with the facade of attention to the mocker still on top of the table.

He still couldn't hear the words.

There are many things Liam Jones is not proud of.

The encrypted file on his computer, chief among them. A full color recording of the time he'd failed Killian so spectacularly as his commanding officer and as his brother. The video had been livestreamed straight into ops and watching his little brother's apparent murder had broken something inside him so thoroughly that it never quite healed, even after Killian stumbled into his office weeks later beaten and exhausted but alive.

Since that day Killian had deleted the file dozens of times, and destroyed several copies on flashdrives. He'd caught Liam watching it at 3am more nights than either of them wanted to think about, after too many drinks from a home bar that used to be for show. He'd never find them all. Liam needed that video. Needed that reminder of how much was at stake. Needed the reminder of how much Killian could survive.

It was a lie. He didnt need the reminder. he knew every moment, could see it behind closed eyelids on the bad nights. He remembered the horror and the grief and the guilt. Most of all he remembered the shock.

They lived with the possibility. In their line of work it was impossible not to know the statistics. But Killian was different. Killian was a survivor. Killian always came home. Liam always brought him home.

Emma trusted that.

Most days she didn't even ask when Killian was coming home. She just watched him too carefully at dinner, atuned to his moods. If he wasn't worried, she wasn't worried.

But he was always worried. He'd just learned to hide it better since Alice had come along.

He'd had his share of close calls himself, even if they were fewer since he'd given up field work years ago. But it nagged at him. The desperate need to talk to Killian just one more time, after...there was one more file on his computer that Liam considered a necessary evil. Letters to his family. "In the event of my death-" ran the first, a practical sort of letter addressed to Will Scarlet. Scarlet was the only one, as it happened, who had already seen his letter, as he'd set up the simple executable file that would handle distribution of the contents of that digital folder."

They sat, forgotten in a corner of his hard drive, largely ignored since the raw weeks following Killian's return. Until the data breech.

The breech that Scarlet had deemed a non-essential compromise. personal files only, motive of digital attack pending investigation.

It took hours for Scarlet to even determine if any files had been accessed and once he'd discovered it he'd deemed the breech one of non-critical scope. After all, the scope of the breech was so targeted, so tiny. So innane. One single personal folder on Liam's hard drive, of no intelligence value whatsoever.

Unless of course its being used to ferret out someone in deep cover.

Which is how he ended up here. In his office, waiting for a call. he had no way of reaching Killian right now, he was in too deep, but surely Killian would call for early extraction?

The minutes blurred together into hours.

It isn't true.

The hours to days

It isn't true.

It isn't true.

It became his mantra. The only way he could get through the next moment was a pointed and conscious complete refusal to accept the contents of the letter. Because if it was true he had to get out. And if he tried to get out right now he would never make it. He knew it. The entire organization was on high alert, waiting for someone to bolt.

It isn't true.

Despite the way the wording felt so much like Liam it tugged at his heart. Who the hell would know Liam well enough to forge that-

No.

It isn't true.

Do your job. Complete your assignment. Get to the extraction point. Just a few more days.

Killian didn't call for early extraction.

Milah texted him at 4 am when he didn't come home, telling him that he owed her big time for making her be the one to tell Emma. He'd forgotten. He was busy. Wearing a groove in the carpet of his office, plotting out every possible trajectory. Very few of them with much possibility of a happy ending.

Why didn't Killian call for an early extraction?

There was a pounding on his door which made him jump, some part of him entirely certain that it was Killian in his doorway, just as he'd been once before when- he looked up.

Emma.

He swiped his card to release the security door, wondering in passing how she'd gotten past the one on the ground floor. For her own safety more than anything else she didn't have access-

His train of thought was cut off by the door flying open.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know."

"Is it true? He's compromised?"

"Possibly."

"Possibly?" Emma's complexion turned a shade or two redder. "Liam tell me what the hell is going on or I swear to-"

"I don't know." Liam spat back suddenly and Emma stepped back as though he'd struck her. "I don't..." Liam repeated quieter, "I don't know, Emma."

"What happened?"

"Someone got into the server, accessed my personal files. Took only one. The breach was so small Scarlet didn't even think they got anything until."

"What did they get?"

"I wrote him a letter. My goodbyes, should anything... happen to me unexpectedly. It was encrypted but-"

"He thinks you're dead."

Liam swallowed hard. "It's worse than that."

Emma sank down onto the couch her head in one hand. "How. How could it be worse than that?"

"They're looking for him. There's no other reason for such a targeted breach."

"So get him out!" Emma cried. "Bring him home. That's what you do."

"Don't you think if I could have I-" he swallowed hard. "Scheduled extraction is in five days. Unless he contacts us I can't reach him."

4 days 14 hours and 37 minutes.

Not that he was counting.

It had been 4 days 14 hours and ...38 minutes since someone had pressed a letter into his hand and his world had crumbled around him. He'd existed in a haze from that moment, locking every emotion in a trunk somewhere in the back of his mind. Relying on automation and training to get him through. Only daring to question himself in the dead of night when the dark hid his face from the gaze of the criminals around him and he could risk a moment of weakness to wonder.

Should he have run?

It haunted his every moment. The needling doubt underneath every repeated It's not true that was the only thing keeping him sane. No further transmissions. No attempt to contact him, that he could tell. Not that his bosses would be likely to let such a transmission through. They were still waiting for someone to crack.

4 days 14 hours and 39 minutes.

Extraction was mere hours away and he didn't know how the hell he was going to get out now. Now when the entire organization was on high alert, waiting for someone to do exactly what he was going to do in the next few hours. Focus on the logistics. It's what Liam would-

It's not true.

Most of what he'd gathered was encrypted on several usb drives, stashed in several predetermined locations. A cautionary measure against extraction going sideways. He'd renamed each drive isittrue. In case they retrieved the drive before he could get out. A plea that Scarlett find some way to get a message to him. No message came.

He wasn't truly expecting one. but still it needled at the back of his mind. Was there no message because it had been intercepted. Because they had yet to retrieve the intel. Because it was true and they didn't want him distracted. Hell if Liam was gone would anyone even be there to ex-

It's not true.

Focus damnit.

"You're a cold bastard." the voice of one of his sub-lieutenants rang out and it was all Killian could do not to jump or curse, or both. He glanced back to see the glint of a weapon trained on him from a shadowed alcove. He had a tail. Damn it he was better than this.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Killian growled, forcing steel and a yet unfamiliar accent into his tone.

"My job. Same as you."

"Look, man-"

"Save it. We both know who you are. Goodbye Killian Jones." Killian dropped like a stone the instant before the sound of two weapon shots near deafened him. Heat then ice tore through his shoulder and his tail collapsed unmoving, Killian's bullet in his heart. More would come.

"Bloody buggering he-" Killian grumbled, finally dropping the accent he'd been using for the last seven weeks as his hand raised to his shoulder coming away red. He pulled the flannel overshirt he was wearing off one shoulder, and with a muffled groan lifted his arm slightly to wrap his left shoulder as best he could.

Get to exfil. Get to Liam- Please. He finally let himself beg. Please don't be true.

He ran.

Four blocks from exfil.

He shouldn't have been able to run. The blood draining out of him at every step left him pale and winded and the corners of his vision were already a bit blurry. But knowing that the third most wanted man on their wall of infamy was no more than three minutes behind you does wonders for inspiring physical endurance. If he passed out he died. That was all there was to it. If he got to the extraction point he might have a chance in hell. If he passed out it was over. They'd put a bullet in his head before he even woke and a man doesn't get so lucky as to survive that twice.

Three blocks.

He could hear the reving of car engines down the street. His boss' sub lieutenants searching for him most likely. He'd managed to stem the flow of blood enough to not leave a bloody trail from the man he'd killed but not for long. He'd bought himself minutes probably. Someone would come across the trail of red and then it was over.

Two blocks.

If you pass out you're dead. If you pass out you're dead. If you pass out-

"Who has eyes on Hook?" Liam demanded over the radio.

"Negative, grid 1"

"Negative, grid 2"

"Negative, grid 3"

On and on. Negative negative negative. Killian was late. Killian was seven minutes late for exfil and Liam wanted to knock down every bloody door in this entire damn neighborhood until he found-"

BANG! BANG! Two shot in the distance and Liam's stomach sank. No.

"Where was that?" He demanded.

"North, boss."

"Sounded like it came from the East to me-"

Damn these tall buildings that echoed and damn these people who were so used to the sound of guns firing they didn't so much as flinch to give Liam and his people a hint- "Eyes peeled," he called, "Someone get me eyes on Hook now!"

The minutes ticked by, the radio silent, no one wanting to fill the air with chatter at a time like this.

"Man down, grid seven!" Finally rang out over the radio. "I repeat, man down. I need backup. I've got eyes on him, Captain but-" more gunshots over the radio and over the air waves.

Liam cursed again, checking his weapon unnecessarily and slamming open the door to the van. No one even tried to stop him. Grid seven that was- before he'd even had time to move there was the sound of more weapon fire and Liam ran towards it as the civilians finally realized something abnormal was happening, impeding his progress with an exodus in the other direction.

His man was pinned down behind a dumpster and two cars were at the far end of the alley doors open for cover half a dozen men strewing the alley with covering fire. Killian was down in the middle of all of it, terrifyingly pale, his entire left side soaked in scarlet from shoulder to boot. He took one step towards Killian without thinking only to be pulled back as a bullet whizzed by where he'd been only a moment before.

"Hood?" he demanded over the radio, "Where the devil are you and yours?"

"In position in 45 seconds, Captain."

"Make it 30."

"Copy."

"For what must have been hours Liam waited, eyes fixed on the still body on his brother in that alley just beyond his reach. 4 shots. 4 thuds. And panic broke over the enemy ranks. Liam burst from behind the dumpster, grabbed Killian under both shoulders (sorry, Killian) and dragged him behind cover. His left hand was sticky with cold blood. With one man under each shoulder they dragged Killian from the alley and shoved him unceremoniously into the waiting van.

"Killian?" Liam lost his balance when the van pealed out of its spot, just catching himself as they raced towards medical aid and air transport. "Hold on, little brother," Liam whispered, "nearly out. Just hold on-"

If you pass out you're dead.

It was the last thing he remembered thinking before everything went dark and the first when he woke up, abruptly realizing that somehow he wasn't. His eyelids were heavy with exhaustion and the familiar weight of drugs. He fought the heaviness and managed to slit open one eye. Grey metal, the whirring of fans. He'd been captured. His eyes closed again and he forced them open once more, searching for something, anything to aid his esc-

"Killian?"

Liam?

The next time he managed to get an eye open Liam's face was hovering over him.

"Li'm?"

"Aye, little brother. I'm alright. We're alright. I'm taking you home."

He wanted to reply. To say something, hit his brother senseless for putting him through that. To hug him and then perhaps hit him again. He passed out instead.

When he woke the walls were brighter, the weight of exhaustion and of the drugs less overwhelming. The sound which he now realized in retrospect belonged to a helicopter, not a giant fan, was gone.

Liam. Liam had been here. He shot up, agony lancing through his shoulder and down his arm making him cry out. Moments later there was a pressure at his side, "Relax, little brother, I've got you."

"Git." Killian murmured, his mouth barely managing to form the words. His eyes blurred and tears slipped down his cheeks as Liam shifted to support him. Killian slumped against him, exhausted and not caring in the slightest that tears were now freely flowing down his cheeks. He'd blame it on the drugs later, he decided, turning and burying his face into Liam's shoulder. "You utter git."

"I'm sorry, Killian," Liam murmured, voice slightly muffled and thick. "I'm so sorry."

"You're alright? You weren't-"

"I was never in any danger. It was a ploy. One that you showed remarkable resilience against."

"Tell that to the tail that I was too distracted to notice," Killian commented. "Emma?"

"Fine. Still back home. Probably pissed as all hell by our detour."

"Detour?" Killian looked around, suddenly surprised. "Where the devil are we?"

"Somewhere in west Germany," Liam commented, "I'm not entirely certain."

"Germany? How-? What do you mean you're not certain?"

"You coded twice in the air, Killian. I was a little distracted."

"Ah," Killian replied... "sorry." Liam chuckled dryly and tightened his grip. "When can we go home?"

"Did you not hear what I just said? Your heart stopped. Twice. I'm quite certain that requires a certain level of recuperation time, even from you."

Killian moped, his eyebrows furrowing and one corner of his lip turning in his characteristic pout.

"You're going to make the nurses' lives hell aren't you?"

Killian nodded cheerfully and Liam sighed. "I'll get your discharge papers."

"Liam-" Killian interrupted, before he made it more than a step away from the bedside.

"Hmm?"

"You're going to delete that damn letter. Because if I ever have to read about your death being useful again... I will find a way to bring you back and punch you myself."

Liam's lips thinned into a terse line and he looked as though he might argue for a moment. then he paused, tousling his brother's hair in a fond gesture he hadn't gotten away with since they were kids. True to form Killian glared at him, shaking his tangled and too long hair out. "I mean it, Liam."

"I know you do, little brother," he paused for a moment, contemplative. "I love you too, Killian."

[xxdeansgirlfriendxx]

You know what? Today I cried. I have never cried at a mass shooting before. I greww up in these times, people snapped, people killed, lots of people died. With the shooting in Las Vegas I had numbly prepared myself to hear that the fatalities were inthe two hundreds. Alas...there was ‘only’ 58. I was pleasently surprised. “Well, thats good since, you know,there had to have been more than 1000 people there.” That was good to me. I thought that number was small. This shooting rolls around, and instead of saying “damn, another one. What can you do?” I watched my tv screen intently. What caused the change? I do not know. But I found my homework slung on the floor and my sweaty hands gripped together praying, to a god I dont pray very often anymore, for there to be no fatlaties. But there were. Two of them. Rage boiled inside me, a horrible saddness that cant be undone. 2 people. 2 like the ones I see everyday. Then, within a few hours it was 17. 17 people. I made it through that day without a tear. Today I watched the videos from inside the school with friends. We all watched in terrified silence, had a brief disscussion about how frustrating it was that our voices were ignored and quickly returned to spewing out jokes in order to cover the pits in our stomachs. I went to the bathroom, and clenched up in fear when I heard the door open. Is this it for me? Is this where it ends? Is this the bit where my brains are blown across the mirror and I leave my mom and dad and my dog and brothers? Where I am forgotten?

It was just a sweet girl I had seen walking around school since 3rd grade.

However my suspicion lingered.

I watched the videos on repeat, soaking in the kids screams, the bodies, the smiling faces of those we lost. I let it fuel my anger. One boy stays in mind for some odd reason: Peter Wang. Maybe its because he shares the same last name as one of my friends. Maybe its because I saw his smiling face, only to imagine him terrified, nearly dead in the hallway choking on his own blood. Or maybe it was because within his smile I saw a familiar personality, someone who I feel I have been friends with. Someone I can see grinning at me while making small talk. Someone I have joked with, asked for help from, someone who I sit next to everyday. I never knew the boy, but I couldn’t help but think that if he would have survived I would have met him somewhere. Would have valued him and laughed with him and made memories with.

But we dont get to find out, do we?

Tonight I broke down, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Because we cant change this. We cant get peter back, we cant get Mr. Beigel, Alyssa, Martin, Nicholas, Mr. Feis, Jaime, Christopher, Luke, Cara, Gina, Joaquin, Alaina, Meadow, Helena, Alex, Or Carman back. They are all gone forever. I can’t bring them back, but I want to so bad. We all have a breaking point, maybe you havent reached it, maybe you have. There is a point where we cant take the lists of victims anymore. Where it hurts too bad.

Thoughts and prayers are great and sweet.

But change saves lives.

We cant get rid of guns totally, they would be floating around, it would be very hard to undo what we’ve done. It is impossible. What can we do? Pass gun control laws. Focus on mental health. Talk to our students. Regulate who has a gun. Make them harder to get. Do everything.

This is where, I bring in some harsh reality to persuade change, if you can not mentally handle some gruesome thoughts right now, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

How much more of this will we have to endure? Words from my history teacher really fueled me to say something I had feared saying: it is not too soon. Lets make this political. Because ‘too soon’ and ‘dont make it political’ has gotten 17 people killed. Kids who had their lives ahead of them, who got valentines and were excited to go to college, have children, get a job. Kids who were scared, kids who, in a place where they were supposed to be safe, quivered in fear under there desks as the terrifying booms of gunshots filled the school. Shots that were killing their friends. They were listening to their classmates die. These were kids who experienced unimaginable pain as they bled out and died in the hallway. These were kids who had to walk with weak knees through hallways that are supposed to be filled with positivity and inspiration were filled with the corpses of kids like them, They left behind best friends, parents who will never feel true happiness again, siblings. And you know what people had to say about it? ‘Its just pure evil.’ Thats a lazy fucking excuse in my opinion. Was it evil? Yes. Was that all there was to it? Hell no. You cant just brush this off. Think of what else went into this: The guns. The mental state of the shooter. The ignored warnings. This wasnt just pure evil. These were mistakes. I’m tired of my generation being killed because the old conservatives in office are scared of their guns taken away. ‘Well-regulated’ my ass. To those people who think we wanna take you guns away, we dont. We want to regulate them. So shit like this doesn’t happen. KIDS ARE DEAD. THEY WERE SCARED AND IN PAIN. NO SUGAR COATING THIS, WHO KNOWS IF THEY ARE IN A BETTER PLACE? I just am so frustrated that I am so unsafe and cant do anything.

I have no clue if this make sense, or if there are grammatical errors. This is a confusing time and I am desperate to speak up. Because I miss them. I miss them and I didnt even know them. I do not know what is going in with me right now, but if this is what I need to feel to make change I am glad for it. Whatever you view on stopping gun violence is DONT BE AFRAID TO SHARE IT. WHATEVER IT IS. WE NEED TO TALK AND DEBATE IN ORDER TO FIND A SOLUTION.

[drop-and-give-me-zen]

Yess~ my first request already?! Im blessed to have beautiful Mcs already interested~

Rating: Safe for work though 15+ recommended

Reason: Alcohol, vomit, envy

Keywords: Romance, Date, Bar, SFW           

You and Zen had been talking on the phone a lot, He hadn’t had a lot of time to spend with you lately due to work, and being boyfriend and girlfriend, that put a little bit of a damper on your mood. You wanted to just do something to be with him, anything at this point so you begged the man to just hang out at the bar tonight, nothing big and fancy just a little bit of you time for the both of you. When you asked you could hear the smile in his voice as he answered you, “Of course Love~ I have had something on my mind that I wanted to talk to you about anyways.... Ill meet you there at around seven pm....alright?” and with that you were satisfied, you were going to see him after what had seemed like forever...but what was it he wanted to talk to you about. You attempted to shrug it off, heart racing and a smile on your face you pick out your favorite outfit down to your cutest bra and panties, and got all ready hours ahead even. It was going to be your special night and you wanted it to happen right away. Not to mention the thought of what he had wanted to talk to you about had almost drove you crazy.          As you waited at the bar for a few minutes, dressed all cute, catching the eyes of a few on lookers almost drooling at how amazing you looked, even more so with the giant smile on your face as you thought about your man, and being able to be with him even just if for a little bit. The sound of footsteps suddenly snapped you out of your daydreams and back to reality, looking to see Zen looking at you with a huge smile and a light blush, just as happy to see you, “Hey babe.....I hope I didnt keep you waiting~” he said as he leaned in to kiss you on your cheek with a light pink hue across his face. You assured him it hadn't been long, Home wasn't even a block away so you took your time to get here. The smile forming on his face even more as he wrapped his arm around you to hold you close as he started to walk you in, “Alright~ Lets get something to drink, and maybe a snack for you here~ My treat~” he said with a wink as he walked you into the rather classy bar, filled with mostly couples, a few stragglers, and some people even singing karaoke. It was a very nice place, not like any bar you had seen before really. As he walked you in eyes of a few envious girls had caught your attention, however the grip he had on you had put you at ease for the moment being.        Sitting down Zen had ordered a beer for himself and an alcoholic drink that you had mentioned liking before, when he ordered it for you you couldn’t help but feel a bit shocked that he had remembered such a small detail about you. “I’m so sorry about everything....” he said as he turned to face you with a smile, “I’ve been so busy lately with work and modeling for Jumin’s new wine ads....I haven't had time to be with you....but I promise that will change soon alright princess..?” he said as he touched your face lightly, his soft hands petting your cheek. Closing your eyes you could feel the warmth on them, drawing you into it more, your senses going mad with the smell of him, the feeling of his hands, and the sound of his voice, that is until the sound of another envious woman seemed to snap you out of it again. ‘uggh....he could do so much better.....like me..’ a snotty voice said behind you, though when you looked at Zen he didn't seem to notice it at all. You were done, you needed that alcohol, and when it came you pounded it down almost instantly. Zen’s eyes widened as he watched you, a bit surprised at how quick you drank it, ordering another for you. “Wow....Honey...” he said with a small laugh, “Try not to drink it too fast....they often sneak up on ya and hit you all at once....” he said as he looked to you, you assured him again that you were fine, and there was nothing to worry about.         As the night went on you both sang Karaoke, both talked about your week and what had gone on, drinking happily and laughing the night away, those voices still getting to you, and just remembering the woman and what she had said had made you want to drink more, that is until Zen had cut you off at what seemed to be your limit. “Jagiya....Are you alright?” he mentioned, rather worried about your current state, you couldn't even walk straight. He was right it had all snuck up on you, and you felt horrid. “Come on.... let me take you home..” he said as he talked to the bartender, paid the tab, and walked back to where you were sitting. “MC....You should have been a bit more careful....but then again...I’m just as to blame for this..” he said in a worried tone. You tried to justify yourself telling him you were fine, and you didn't want to go home, though as you talked your words slurred and you couldn't even keep yourself from crying, you wanted to stay out with him all night, you didn't want to end up like this. As the tears ran down your face Zen couldn't help but feel to blame, quickly scooping you up bridal style and carrying you out the door. Your heart sank as the depressing feelings filled your head, you couldnt hold back, you told him your worries, and about the woman in the bar. His face got red with anger as he walked carrying you to your place, “W-what? Why didnt you tell me earlier?” he said a bit angered that he just had found out, “If you would have told me I would have told them off...” he said walking a bit faster out of anger, “Honestly people these days can be so....Uggh!!” he let out getting a bit more angered though looking down at you he couldnt help but blush a bit his eyebrows a bit sad, “Dont you ever think that you are not good enough....you are my Princess....and someday I want to make you my Queen...Dont let what others say get to you....they dont know you...You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me and nothing will change that..” he said as he walked up to your door with a light blush, grabbing your keys and unlocking it as he smiled and paused kissing your lips before opening the door to your house, and walking in with you still in his arms.                 As he placed you down in a chair you couldn't help but watch him as he scurried around your small apartment. Everything seemed to be moving around and you were hit with the sudden feeling of nausea, Zen turned to look at you with a glass of water in his hands, his face however very pale, “H-hon...are you alright?” he asked as he put the glass down and went over to you, your hand over your mouth. He knew what that meant and instantly swooped you up and carried you to the restroom where you had instantly leaned into the toilet and let it out. Zen quickly pulled his own hair out of the ponytail and put the rubber band in your hair, holding your hair back as you let it out. Sitting with you and petting your back softly as you let it all out, he kissed your shoulder blade and pet you as you started to slow down, feeling a bit better by the second. “You alright now MC...?” he asked as he let a soft sigh out flushing the toilet for you and standing up as you nodded still unable to talk. As you sat on the floor he had gotten up and grabbed the glass of water from the other room, your toothbrush and tooth paste from the counter of the bathroom and a wet washcloth. Sitting down on the floor next to you he started to clean your face up, his eyes filled with love and worry. As you drank your water and brushed your teeth to get the taste out he stood right next to you, not moving away more than an inch, and his hand always on you. “Im so sorry...” he said as he put his head lightly on your shoulder, “I shouldnt have let you drink so much...” he said with a worried tone. You were sobering up by this point, the shock of the vomit, and having it all out of you at this point being a big factor. You told him it wasnt his fault where he shook his head, “If you say so but I have to make it up to you...” he said as he looked at his watch, “Im staying the night, Ill keep an eye on you and make sure you are okay...” he said with the smile as he tucked your little bit of hair that didnt make it in the rubber band behind your ear.               As he walked you to your bedroom to lay down he assisted you with taking your clothing off, though flustered enough where his eyes were closed the whole time, though when you assured him you were dressed he opened his eyes, the beast inside still a bit flustered by seeing you in your PJs, his red face gulping a bit as he looked at you. “I have to get used to this....after all...I..wanted to talk to you today remember...?” he asked as you nodded crawling into your bed and laying down a bit, “I wanted to ask you to move in with me.... I want to see you every day after work....and sleep next to you...I want to come home with flowers and tell you how nice it is to see you... you are suck an inspiration to me and every time I see you I cant help but feel more alive....I want to take the next step together and live with you, so please.....will you do me the honors of moving in with me...” he said bowing a bit deeply, his face bright red, about as red as his eyes, “You...dont have to answer tonight, and Ill remind you tomorrow.....I have keys made for you if you choose to...so please think about it...” he said blushing more as he looked up at you to see your smiling face. His face lit up as he could tell what your answer was, though he quickly cleared his throat, the blush still running across his face, “T-think about it alright love...? For now though...I want you to sleep...and rest.. Ill be here in the morning alright...I already called in for the day off tomorrow....Ill make sure you are comfy and healthy after... tonights endeavors...” he said with a low chuckle as he turned your light off and walked over to your bed, laying next to you, holding you to his chest. You felt so relaxed and so calm, falling asleep you could hear his heart beat, and feel his warmth again, “I love you my darling queen.....I will always love you.....and I will always be here for you...for now on...” 

[hgfstreamchats]

Delgo

ThebesAce hello! Me Hello, Thebes human! ThebesAce oh, thenightetc is waiting to be let in Me Hm, I'm not seeing a message. thenightetc Hi! Me Night human, hello! thenightetc I just reloaded the page and tried again. Me Rabbit's an aftport. thenightetc Apparently! thenightetc Ohhhh my.

ThebesAce oh this one hahah thenightetc Oh my god thenightetc This is amazing Me Alright! Is everyone ready for Delgo? thenightetc Well, THOSE look aerodynamic. Me Don't they just make perfect sense? thenightetc Maybe the planet has a very, very, very thick atmosphere. Me The majestic colonhead. Er Hmmmmm 😐 MORE aerodynamics Me This is the kind of race the Cybertronian expansion wiped out. we were right to do it. thenightetc You know, I feel like I should disapprove on principle, but... Me They look like Torkuli. thenightetc Imagine I'm wagging my finger at you, but insincerely Me Good compromise. thenightetc ThebesAce OH HEY WHO SAW THIS COMing thenightetc I'm going to go ahead and imagine these guys are bug-sized "Explaining" how they can fly With those wings and that gravity also yikes okay, so she has a selection of prosthetics Me Was she murdered or wasn't she? *Executed thenightetc Not executed--they were cutting off her wings, not her head Me Well, that's pointless. thenightetc Probably some horrible exile thing Me One that clearly won't leave her more vicious than before. ThebesAce Scorpion gotta sting, exiled royal gotta murder her obstacles thenightetc Why do they even have that feature in their dining room thenightetc Well, that was smart ThebesAce I KEPT EXPECTING TO HEAR MARIO NOISES WITH THOSE JUMPS thenightetc Ha! Surely not, the movie's named after him ThebesAce silly comic relief, he'll be around mocking you for at least the rest of the movie Me Can we cut something important off of this character too? Please? thenightetc I vote head. ThebesAce If we're lucky, it'll be screentime thenightetc "I'd literally rather die a squashy death" So, do YOUR races ever end like this? Me I'd give up racing if they did. ThebesAce Soooo is it just me or is this guy basically saying "Look, if we act like they exist we have to pay consequences for that massacre thing." thenightetc So they're Jedi, too Me Tell them I hate them. thenightetc God, yeah, why would ANYbody want TELEKINESIS. How lame is that?? Moving stuff with your mind? Booooooring. ThebesAce yeah just LET GO of the MASSACRE you are A SURVIVOR OF thenightetc The past is the past! Me Something something mercy! thenightetc For vengeance, a Jedi cares not thenightetc Shouldn't that thing he hit still be lying there? thenightetc I'm dying a little inside because I can tell this is the movie's romance Me These two have a more compelling romance. ThebesAce for real ThebesAce for real thenightetc Pffff, if he's on a winning streak then why's he need a loan. I assume that's practically treason, or something Me Time for another lesson on turning the other cheek! thenightetc Just sneak over to THEIR hideout and wreck THEIR junk Me Why couldn't the Autobots have been this useless and apathetic? It would have spared everyone vorns of grief. thenightetc Put up some graffiti or something ThebesAce your carnivorousness. That's an AMAZING form of address. thenightetc Does that mean they AREN'T carnivores? I mean... the lackey guys Me She looks like she's eating weeds. ThebesAce or she's just especially bloodthirsty thenightetc They've got teeth like humans Me She put on her classiest rubber pants. thenightetc ...Walking pineapples Jalaperilo Yo! thenightetc Hi! Me Jalaperilo human! Jalaperilo Why is everyone uggo? ThebesAce because the animation budget was just south of claymation thenightetc It doesn't really look low-budget, to me... just ugly art direction ThebesAce this was released the same year as WALL-E Jalaperilo I have never heard about this fiom before now I dunno if it got a uk release lol Me I like how he had all day to plan this weird date and that was the best he could come up with. thenightetc Right? Show her your jedi powers and yell at her about some dudes wrecked your temple's rock garden Jalaperilo Also, what was that explosion of anger at ger. What an abusive tool thenightetc Ladies love jedi powers and being yelled at! Jalaperilo I hate this generic film already Me Daddy Tightpants bought it because you were bad. Jalaperilo Haha! I never wanna hear "daddy tightpants" from you again Me You're welcome. ThebesAce stop repeating everything! Me Please, Primus and/or Unicron, take that one's thumbs. thenightetc This cost $40 million to make Jalaperilo Tell me 39.99million was spent on hookers thenightetc Could have slid some of that towards better writing Me Hah! Jalaperilo They deffo didnt have a cinematographer or storyboarders thenightetc Wow Jalaperilo So everyone has fantasy inspired clothes except the stoner skateboard er thenightetc oh my god He should have used his jedi powers to get it across the gap ThebesAce why is he so aggressively useless thenightetc hahahah Jalaperilo What was the point of that??? ThebesAce Stupidest king on the planet thenightetc This seems like a dumb way to do votes Like, what, whoever's the strongest jedi gets their way? Jalaperilo Dumb-go thenightetc Rude. Jalaperilo He is dumb though lol Me Feed them the squawking one. ThebesAce GREAT LINE READ ON THAT SCREAM thenightetc I'm rooting for the giant enemy crab Me Crab, crab! Go, crab! Jalaperilo I hate this so much. Its so generic. The characters are just furthering the plot and not geing characters. Its predictable dialogue and stilted anination make it boring. Its not even a good bad film thenightetc WOW ThebesAce yes. Let him be drained of his fluids thenightetc "you're definitely not covered in spinemonsters" Jalaperilo He wants his friend dead Me As do we all. Jalaperilo Racism Me They have the same faces, the same body structure. They clearly diverged from the same ugly ancestor. Jalaperilo Hasnt stopped humans Me Point, point. thenightetc What, so are those ones her original wings? Jalaperilo Does she wear other people s wings? thenightetc I think they're just made of cloth or something Me Those look like the originals. thenightetc I guess they let her keep them Me Did they just let her keep them as a momento? Jalaperilo Oh fuck ThebesAce Why is the comic relief still here? thenightetc And then she had them preserved?? Jalaperilo They fucking mutilate people???? thenightetc Oh my god Me Cue screaming as her wings come off. ThebesAce oh, yeah, big bad there got her wings got chopped off in the prologue Jalaperilo Maybe these people deserve to ge killed? ThebesAce they WERE responsible for a massacre they never apologized for Jalaperilo Im rooting for this lass thenightetc Oh, just thump it with your hand or soemthing Me She has style, a motivation, and a partner she clearly adores and is fragging senseless. I'm on her side too. thenightetc Idiot! Don't waste time. Jalaperilo Pity she suffers from neanderthal face like the rest of them thenightetc Hey, it's not nice to laugh at people's hilarious genetic conditions Jalaperilo Lol thenightetc Oh, what a shame, he's dead Forever Me Exactly. If you're going to laugh, you need to throw in some pointing. thenightetc Why is there an asteroid field Jalaperilo Cause they had a budget of 40mil? Time is fleeting and so am i. Good night chaps! thenightetc Goodnight! Me Good night! ThebesAce good night! REALLY REALLY. thenightetc Oh, so his jedi powers finally become relevant thenightetc Pictured: gravity thenightetc "you JUST got back from being kidnapped" thenightetc "DIdn't we... banish you?" "Oh, I quit when I heard about this!" Me "You quit...being banished?" thenightetc Oh no! How unexpected! Me How tragic and stuff. thenightetc So what's the dragon thingy exactly Aside from something the other guy, and then he, threw for a distraction ThebesAce I'll be shocked if they explain thenightetc Oh, so they're no tthe originals thenightetc Well, I think she'll have gotten the picture after that rescue thenightetc oh c'mon, the war is OVER her in the first place thenightetc Haha, he looks so embarassed ThebesAce I'm getting Jupiter Ascending flashbacks ThebesAce let her faaaall thenightetc C'mon, it'd be so convenient, right Me No one would have to know. thenightetc she's totally faking anyway she's totally gonna murder you ThebesAce She's spent this entire movie being literally and figuratively poisonous to everyone around her Me Goodbye, only interesting character in the film. thenightetc Well, it's almost over anyway Okay??? Me And then they devoured him, starting with the eyes or whatever other body part he values most. ThebesAce THIS MUSIC LIES. NOTHING in this movie was this adventurous sounding! Me And of course, some art of what could have been. thenightetc Ah, so this is why we blame. Me This is a long list of credits for something so pitiful. thenightetc Uh What are these "Mini 'Mator of Mirth"? Please. Me Very professional. thenightetc Well then. ThebesAce so that happened Me That certainly was an hour and a half we won't get back. thenightetc I feel like this is the inverse of that one movie The one with Little Red Riding Hood ThebesAce Oh yeah, Hoodwinked thenightetc thebes, you know the one I mean, I can't remember---yeah! Hoodwinked. Me Was that anywhere near as awful as this? thenightetc No, no! ThebesAce no, it was great! thenightetc The story is great. ThebesAce it just had terrible animation thenightetc The characters are great. It's just ugly as sin. ThebesAce that kinda made the woodsman's scenes extra hilarious though thenightetc It's... I'm sure they did the best with the tools available to them at the time. ThebesAce yeah, they had a rock bottom animation budget but the story, characters and human were really good humor thenightetc See it's the inverse because THIS has animation that looks fine, but the story and characters are bland/annoying. ThebesAce also, predictable as all get out romance where Hoodwinked doesn't even have a romance, just a bunch of characters who have a bad enough day the cops get involved thenightetc It's a lot of fun! Me Sounds unexpectedly amazing! thenightetc It really is! thenightetc It's the kind of movie that has you going, "well, looks aren't everything" ThebesAce yeah, the animation is the poster child of bad animation but it's a legitimately good, fun movie, not a so bad it's good one thenightetc Here's the trailer! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGV-cTSr6zg thenightetc "Granny, are you... a furry?" Me I see what you mean. thenightetc Right? Me Does anyone have any other suggestions to close out on? thenightetc We could watch some more SNL sketches! Looked like there were some fun ones "related" to the doll one ThebesAce Dragon Babies, for one Me Dear Unicron. thenightetc Oh my god ThebesAce this is so very on point thenightetc Wow hahahahah this is amazing thenightetc Oh! The narrator that ruined christmas? *I* want to see christmas getting ruined! also I haven't seen this before so it's not my fault if it's bad Me If it's good, we're showing it again at Christmas. thenightetc Oh, boy! Me Oh yes, showing this one at Christmas. thenightetc Well then. They're really not. thenightetc AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA thenightetc I'm sure she'll be impressed Me I would be. thenightetc God Me Dear Unicron. thenightetc It's not good, though. ThebesAce oh god I laughed so hard at their misery my throat is cramping thenightetc I mean, it would be NICE if working hard on something automatically made it good... thenightetc What INDEED ThebesAce PRIORITIES thenightetc Oh my god Me I think that seems like a good place to leave it. ThebesAce yeah thenightetc It was fun, though! Thanks for hosting. 😃 Me Glad you liked! ThebesAce yeah! Me Thank you for coming! ThebesAce thank you! thenightetc oh... automatic emojis.... ThebesAce good night! Me Good night! thenightetc Goodnight!

[documentinq]

7/21/17

Why do I always have such big gaps between posts lol I need to start posting more. I re read everything I posted and just really have to get this out there, ive loved a lot of people. But all of them have been different types of love, I don’t think ive ever actually been in love. I love my current boyfriend kevin but we’ve only been together 4 months and I know im going to be with him for the rest of my life so that love has room to grow in a healthy way. What scares me most about myself is my imagination. i have 2 different types of “love” ive felt. Group 1 consists of: Justus Carr, Noah Coombs, and Austin Mahone. Group 2 consists of: Michael, Dylon, and Kevin. I have loved 6 people, all in very different ways. Group 1 was me being in love with the idea of what could be/have been and group 2 was me loving the reality. Ive always had a vivid imagination and thats often whats set me back in relationships. My unrealistic expectations and fantisies overshadowed how i was being treated. I was so blinded by the possibilities of what we could be that i was incapable of focusing on what was right in front of me. The thing about being in love with an idea that nobody ever wants to admit is that its one of the most powerful loves you can feel, but its the loneliest because the person/relationship you want to be in love with doesnt even exist. Their empty promises and leading you on only makes you more interested. The chase makes you feel alive and you feel like if you cut it off you’ll miss out on this great big prize. But the truth is there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and that rainbow you’ve been chasing can’t even be touched, its nothing but a beautiful illusion. Justus was my first love, though it was all in my head it was the first time a boy had been able to make my heart drop just by him looking at me. I was only in 7th grade. He never knew how i felt about him because he was my friends older brother but I looked up to him so much and i tried so hard to be a better person simply because he inspired me to be so. Noah Coombs, hah. theres a tricky one. It pains me to say I still feel love for him but i almost want to make a separate category for this type of love. I know he never loved me back and never even understood why I felt the way I did but thats just how it is. I would never want to be with him in a million years because our past has been so toxic and hes a terrible person but ive always gotten the strangest feeling from the universe from him. I think one of the reasons ive always been so obsessed with him was because there were like a million coincidences that kept happening everytime i said i was done with him, as if God kept telling me nope he will never ever leave your life. He even moved to LA after I did hahahha but anyways, I was infactuated with the idea of what we could be and didnt even think i loved him until we “broke up” or whatever. His absesnce drove me insane and his games intrigued me with a passion. Like deadass I would choose kevin over noah anyday but I know I will never feel a love that intense and heartbreaking in my whole life but thats okay because only toxic loves can drive someone to a crazy love like that and its kind of cool knowing no one will ever be able to cause me as much pain as he did to my little 16 year old heart. Austin Mahone, haha another tricky one. We never met but I considered him my best friend for a while. But the fact we never met I think is what made me love him to an unhealthy degree. I was crazy over thinking of what we could be and how perfect he was. I was blinded by it but the truth is hes not perfect at all and i see it now with all the clarity in the world. He was my friend but when we were together he brought me down to make himself look better and i never felt good enough for him. He was litterally just another Dylan who went to church lmfao. I wish him the best and I know we will cross paths in the future but I am so thankful i didnt meet him or have sex with him. Im just glad that relationship ended because it was toxic as well. He just lead me on the whole time and was more in love with the chase than he was with me. Now lets talk about group 2, the type of love where at the time you feel like its gonna last forever. Michael was my best friend for a year and then we started dating but I got a feeling it was wrong so I just dropped it all of a sudden. Dylon, he was the type of love that was perfect for me at the time but also terrible for me at the time. terrible bc i was about to move across the country but perfect because i hadn’t had that type of relationship in a long time. he cared about me a lot but we were very different and there were so many things about him and our relationship that screamed to me he wasnt the right person for me, plus his anger issues were out of control. Now Kevin.... kevin is the type of love i wish i had with dylon. Like, I definetly loved dylon at the time but there were things missing with dylon that ive found with kevin. Kevin has the perfect sense of humor, hes trusting and caring, and so fucking attractive. The only doubts I have for our relationship is my fear of the future, what is he going to do for a career? I want him to pursue his passion as a comedian bc I have full faith in him, hes the funniest guy ive ever met.. but I dont know what his deal is. He has all these friends in the entertainment bussiness but isn’t making any moves. I want him to be successful but I don’t know how to talk to him about this without hurting his feelings. He isn’t where he should be in life, hes unemployed living in a frat house. I mean a lot of it is because of his mistakes in the past, hes had plenty of great opportunities come his way but he screwed all of them up with his drug addictions but hes so much better now and im just praying more opportunities will come his way. I love him and I want to support him but our relationship wont last if he doesn’t get his shit together, hes 25 and doesn’t even have his liscense bc he got it taken away bc of drunk driving a few years ago, and he can go and get it now from the dmv but he doesn’t even have the money rn to get a lisence. and i know his parents are rich and hes gonna get money from his family eventually but i don’t want that to be the only thing hes betting on? I want him to live up to his full potential and hes not doing drugs anymore but his past mistakes have set him back so much these struggles are taking a toll on him. and i know right now is the time he needs me most so obviously i wouldnt end things but where is the line where I need to cut things off? I want to start a life with this man, I want to move into a little studio appartment in LA just us two and me do my music shit and him do his comedy shit and it would be perfect. But I know im not doing perfect either, I’m broke as fuck too but im focusing on my music right now and once that kicks off theres no limits to how high im able to go. i’m also only 18... 18 and broke is not nearly as bad as 25 and broke. But the thing is I don’t want to talk to him about it because he KNOWS these problems hes depressed as fuck about all of this and he regrets all of his past mistakes but i dont know what hes doing to fix them like when he thinks of how to make money quick he just turns to illegal shit like selling drugs. I know he has great potential but when is enough enough? He treats me so well and I really do love him, I honestly havent vibed this hard with a guy since noah. literally. I know i said that before about dylon but i really do realize i just met him when i was in a very fragile state and clung onto him, but hes literal trash lol. Kevin is so different from anyone ive ever been with, hes honestly 10x better of a person for me than noah ever was and I do believe hes my soulmate which is why I need to stick with him through this hard time, he just needs prayer. I used to think Noah was my soulmate but I know thats not true now, what I do know is that the universe did make sure noah was a big influence in my life for some reason. I don’t know what that reason is right now but I know i’ll find out within the next few years lol. The song im recording rn i dedicated to my mom but i initially wrote the first few verses bc of kevin because i want him to make a change in his life. The song definelty applies to my mom more but it does apply to kevin as well. Its about how a person will never change for you and they have to want to change for themselves first before they will ever consider changing for anybody else. Kevin will never change his life for me, he has to want it for himself and I will continue to try and motivate him but I’m giving it till December, if Kevin isn’t financially stable enough to have his own place and doesn’t have a career I’m going to give him a break until he finds himself. his birthday is in January and being 26 and unemployed is so unnacceptable. Because love really isn’t always going to be enough to save a relationship.

[jones573]

what jack is (and isnt! he’s NOT a ‘genie’ he is VERY bitter about that comparison)

probably done being written, unless people have questions because i almost certainly forgot to address things

jack is the janitor’s cart of the universe, the broom and the bleach to make the nasty things go away. he is the caretaker of the natural order, and a destroyer of what would threaten it. but even that is too poetic. 

in actuality, he is more like the neglectful and largely uncaring supervisor of a plethora of toddlers, if the daycare facility were an abandoned ammunitions and explosives factory with a lot of improperly stored gasoline. if a sentient being blew itself up- Well. It happened sometime. And they didn’t necessarily need that wall, did they? But if things got to the point that the entire place was going to blow, or damage the structure in such a way that would cause irreparable damage, then jack (or things like him) are the ones that ensure that doesnt happen. this is largely done by monitoring how loudly the small toddlers are screaming- if someone knows they have well and truly fucked up and is projecting that in their mental state, jack checks in. and usually he lets whatever’s about to happen, happen. 

in the earliest days of the universe, jack was at his busiest. at least a couple times an epoch, some idiot would get into magic in a way it should not be gotten into, and jack intervened. but sentient beings got smarter, and magic got less accessible (perhaps the two are related, jack was not really interested in the proceedings at that point) and generally speaking, things got a lot quieter.

jack’s general state of being is one of passive hibernation- he just kinda chills out on his plane of existence and passively monitors the fuck-ups that are happening. i imagine if there were other things like him (there must have been, i suppose) they went into a deep hibernation sometime over the last several millennium, and have not risen since- perhaps their inactivity indicated they were no longer needed, and they simply ceased to exist. but jack was summoned by a shepard girl who found his ritual engraved inside a cave in the Atlas Mountains, and... well. finding livestock is absolutely in NO way anywhere near his job description but it was such an odd request and the girl’s general ‘not terrified’ attitude was interesting. (the visualization of his true form is awe-inspiring and quite alarming, but i imagine half the reason people always pissed themselves in fear when he arrived was the knowledge that they had fucked up enough for this thing to come for them)

at any rate finding livestock is not a task jack can expend his resources on but he stuck around until she had found them and found it a weird, if annoying experience, and he went back to chilling in another plane of existence. by the time he thought to check in on the girl, she had long since died (as had the livestock) and that was a bit sad and jack was unused to feeling things like ‘a bit sad’ and so he started paying attention to the little sentient critters a bit more actively. just to pass the time. and he made a few appearances here and there, even when he knew he couldnt or wouldnt do anything to assist. and he did find himself ‘assisting’ more often than he might otherwise have, finding ways to justify it to himself, and on one occasion even coaching someone on what NOT to say because so long as he wasnt directly told a certain fact or two, than he was free to act

in the arthurian age, the wizard merlin did some shit. really, quite a bit of shit- he binged jack’s radar a few times, but the clever wizard always managed to figure a way out of it before interference could be considered. but eventually merlin called him, having created something too terrible and too powerful that the wizard feared he could not control it, and that it would ruin everything he cared for

but merlin offered something in exchange for jack’s help- not completely unusual, of course. but usually it was tokens one might leave for a god entity- food and flowers and the like. but merlin asked jack to fix his mistake AND spare his life, and in return merlin would create a means for jack to become human

jack agreed, which was a terrible sign for merlin, really. generally, the unnatural or threatening thing is destroyed, as are all involved in its creation- but such an action isnt always necessary, and in this case it hadnt been. (and jack killed several that merlin cared for, but he would have had to have done that anyways, and besides, the wizard didnt mention them by name)

but merlin was true to his word, and upon his death, the great bulk of magic he had acquired over his many years was put to work powering a very complicated spell. essentially, roughly every 30 years, jack can possess a human body for about 3 or 4 months. (the times are kinda arbitrary, they can be changed if you guys feel they are too long or short or whatever. in my head the spell also is tied to jack’s own energy, so staying four months instead of three would potentially weaken him). the body must be human and must be living at the time he inhabits it. he cannot wield his powers to their full extent while a human, as his true form cannot possibly fit inside such a tiny thing, but he can fully experience everything the human body does. if he wishes to wield his powers, he must completely leave the body, though he can return to it when finished with his business. he can also use different bodies if he wishes- that’s how he ‘traveled’ in his early exploration days.

jack very much enjoyed having a human body- the novelty! the fun! but honestly he wasn’t super regular about it. sometime in maybe the 1400′s he was summoned by the young vampire he would eventually take the name Matt. matt requested that his youngest sister be spared, as her magic was uninvolved in the debacle. jack was impressed by this- not that matt had advocated for someone else, but that matt had had the guts to ask /anyone/ to be spared. matt’s people were up to some truly high-level apocalypse shit, and by all rights he would have been perfectly justified to just carve their entire territory out of the south american landmass and completely disintegrate the whole thing

but anyways. he spared them both. and checked in on them sometime later during one of his human escapades. and then kept checking in on them. he is NOT sentimental, it’s just practical, is his refrain. finding a human lover that he enjoys as much as Matt would take WORK, and they’d be weirded out by him reappearing in thirty years in a different body, and they die so often! really. he’s fond of Matt, sure. But he isn’t attached to him or anything. Dont be silly.

as i’ve mentioned, Jack can be ‘summoned’- In fact, he pretty much has to be. but ‘summon’ is a very loose term for it- the mental anguish of realizing you’ve fucked up so badly that the entire world might be in danger tends to count. way, way, way back in the day there were more formal ‘rituals’ that could be used to bring forth a visual analog of his true form for mortals to interact with, but merlin was the last to use one, and jack has destroyed any remaining instructions (that he was aware of)

unfortunately, this means that Jack can be tricked. if absolutely no one involved in a project that threatens the natural order has any inkling of the damage their activities could create, or has no feelings of regret associated with that inkling- the world could potentially end with jack being none the wiser. i imagine there are also magical protections that could be used to prevent jack from interfering if one was aware of his presence, though he has yet to come across such things and probably believes that no one could really create something that would keep HIM out of where he wanted to be

jack is also limited in what he can fix. it has to be something that is truly a threat to the natural order AND it can’t be something that the lowest form of sentience can do anything about. (this is a rule that he has justified himself down on over the ages to reach the current stage it is at, and unfortunately he cant seem to get it any lower. not that he WANTS to help, of course.)

these days he often visits suspicious folk in dreams to suss out the situation- less likely to cause a panic, and in the morning they barely remember. he appeared to a very distraught member of the Manhattan Project in a recent near-interference. and he was totally on board with making sure this thing completely stopped existing but then. the damn fool said something about their fears that the bombs would be used and... well. its not an active threat if someone just has to NOT do something, is it? and a human someone, too! and so jack told the scientist that this was something the politicians were responsible for stopping. (technically, jack already KNEW this- he cannot really be lied to, exactly. but he cannot actively know everything all at once, and intent of things is often what determines whether or not jack can act.) jack’s refusal to help- even after the bombs had been deployed and there was nothing humans or supernatural beings could do to stop them- was the source of the biggest fight jack and matt have had to date. it was also the point where matt began to realize that jack IS dangerous, and he began sharing information about jack with maria in an attempt to better understand his limits and abilities

Jack is not inherently dangerous to the average person. In his human form, supernatural beings that can ‘read’ others- by scent, auras, telepathy- will know he is wearing a borrowed body. Those more familiar with planes of existence may be aware that there is more of him hiding somewhere, just out of sight. 

most alarmed by his presence (both his true form and when he’s tied to a human body) would be people and things that are in defiance of nature. the beast creature that Merlin had created, for instance, went rigid and frothed at the mouth when he appeared, in blind panic and fear

Jack’s involvement in taking care of Dr. Rawe and his subsequent invitation to the New Year’s Day party are part of an ongoing research project started by Maria that is being kicked at by Annabelle. Clearly, he is not impartial as he claims. And he uses his biases to work around his own rules. Annabelle believes that should be harnessed.

Matt’s suggestion that Jack take care of the Dr. Rawe problem probably went something like shown below. its also highly possible that jack was aware he was being ‘manipulated’ and allowed it- he is VERY keen to meet May and ‘the friends’, so.

M: boogeyman shouldnt be able to use magic should they?

J: no, not actively at least- just drawing stuff into their lairs. processing fear, creating nightmares. thats all instinctual stuff

j: why

m: oh nothing- well. i guess a wizard that had previously been absorbed by a boogey was taking control of it. being both

j: it... shouldnt. it couldnt.

m: well, it did. went around kidnapping other magic users, forcing an actual boogey out of its lair, ripping open portals and not properly repairing them... you look pained. this isnt your ‘sort of thing’ is it?

j: ehhh i mean. its only the one?

m: i think so? i mean i guess theres no way to know unless the thing could be inspected

j: ehhhh

m: you have to be asked, don’t you?

j: i dont HAVE to be anything-ed! i am free to act as i please

m: well im asking anyways- the things a menace, and its been targeting other oddities. im sure the endangerment of some of your other ‘keep an eye on’s would pull some strings out of the rug, yes?

j: ...

m: humans certainly cant take care of it. even i would have trouble disposing of it properly. much less permanently.

j: ...okay. throw that blanket on my body, i dont want it to be all cold when i get back to it. and itll only be like, ten minutes tops, so help me if youve put your pants back on by the time ive returned