#it would be a gradual and natural buildup emotionally

[another-corpo-rat]

Vic x Michiko? I know they’re friends in your canon and I’m honestly desperate to know more about their dynamic. xD (can’t remember if I’ve asked before, sorry)

oml the besties, the co-conspirators-

are you ready for me to ramble? cos im going to- the readmore is a warning tbh

I have 100% considered them as a couple -- a polycule actually tbh, Smasher wedged his way in there as he's wont to do -- and i haven't exactly ruled it out just yet. One of the sticklers for my consideration is Michiko's husband Marc and his position/role in it all, or if i want him alive at all.

The foundations for it is already there, or will be if i ever actually write but yknow,

Victoria and Michiko's companionship starts with a simple basis: the mistrust of Yorinobu Arasaka. I'm operating soundly on headcanon here, but I reckon any corpo worth their lick of salt would feel something in the air before Yorinobu stole the relic; an anticipation, kinda like when your hair stands on end before lightning strikes too close.

For Victoria, Michiko is more appealing than any other of the Arasaka bloodline, and while she holds no love for the family she recognises them as powerful pieces of the board: if change is to happen, it has to be with one of them at the helm. Yorinobu made it clear he held no love for his father and the company in tandem, and Victoria holds something of a grudge after he attempted to have her replaced as Smasher's netrunner. Hanako would be more appealing were she not confined to a compound for most of her adult life - too sheltered, even from the teeth of their own company. Victoria doubts she could solve a conflict if the weight of her family name wasn't enough.

And that leaves Michiko; the black sheep. Once sheltered herself but thrust into the public and Arasaka eye following the death of her father. And while once Victoria did fall for that sweet, naive act that she held up like a shield, it was soundly shattered in her eyes once she learned the girl and Smasher had a thing. Her founding and the success of Danger Gal also raised her quite a bit in Victoria's opinion.

For Michiko, Victoria is another ally in her pocket but perhaps one with more gusto than the rest of the Hato faction - Michiko despises talking ill of her own people, but a majority of them think that her leading them is enough for victory. She knows it is not, and she wasn't going to turn down the opportunity of having a damn good combative netrunner with a direct line into Yorinobu's dealings on her side

Beyond that practical reason, Michiko did just genuinely want to get to know Victoria as well. She was curious of the woman, but noted her aversion to companionship and so wanted to think her approach through carefully - kinda like building trust with a stray cat, done gradually with consistence

Later in Victoria's canon, when Yorinobu is dead and Hanako has retreated to Japan, not quite with her tail between her legs but certainly shaken by the sharp turn taken by the Hato faction, Victoria and Michiko's dynamic become what it would remain if they were to be a couple; the empress and her shadow. Very much a 'they shout my name, yet whisper yours' sort of thing

Michiko doesn't want to destroy Arasaka in the same way her uncle did, reform is enough for her. Rebuilding, restructuring (because unlike her uncle, she doesn't spew moralisms and then turn around and destroy livelihoods with the same self-righteous folly he condemned his father for-) but she's not naive, and she trusts Victoria to reel her in when her ideas border too closely to ideals.

Just as she is there to reel it back when Victoria's suggested methods are a touch too brutal to be acceptable, too much how things used to be done. She understands that force and fear are necessary at times, but the netrunner tends to push it too far; her bloodlust more readily apparent when its not being overshadowed by Smasher - and as much as its a steady cause of conflict between them, it is something that draws Michiko closer to Victoria. she has a thing for danger, she guesses

It would bring them together, already close as they are after planning a coup within a coup - placing an explicit trust that paid off for them both, solidifying their companionship into friendship and then potentially something more

so yes, 10/10. absolutely am considering Michiko as a potential partner for Victoria

[simlit]

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 15, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 25, 26 for Taryn

What architectural or design aesthetic would best suit them?

dark nordic; sleek modern design infused with natural elements, harsh stone and dark marble, as well as warm furs and wide, uncovered windows: one | two | three

If your OC likes art, talk about which piece they would love best.

Caspar David Friedrich paintings; Namely The Abbey in the Oakwood and Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog.

If your OC were to imagine their idyllic life (realistically or otherwise) what would it be like?

The one thing Taryn wanted in life was to never have been king. He wanted his kin to find safety and peace, but would have preferred a life of isolation, far in the north where he could live unbothered. Ideally, even after meeting Yehl, he still imagines this life for them, but it’s impossible, and he knows it’s the furthest thing from what Yehl wants. 

What piece of moody poetry or novel quote best encompasses your character?

“I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.” - Pablo Neruda

What sort of role do they take on in relationships, either familial, romantic or platonic. i.e. are they a defender, protector, nurturer, etc.

It depends on the relationship. With Yehl, he is the sword and shield. Both knight and soldier, he defends him physically and emotionally, and will do whatever he is bid. As a father, he is more the advisor; A steady guide in Zehel’s life, leading him to find his own way through. In his friendships, he often acts as a mirror. A reflection of something they often need to see or be reminded of. He offers them a different perspective as well as brutal honesty. 

What is one thing that they only let those closest to them see?

His self-critical nature. Having spent much of his later life alone, he’d never had to share this fact with others. Once he returns, he knows better than to show hesitation. He’s a confident person in most facets, but still sees himself as a poor leader and often doubts his own decisions. He perpetually struggles against the mantle he wears, though very few people would ever know. 

How would their life be different if they had never met their partner?

Well, realistically if Taryn and Yehl had never met, Taryn would neither have found his mother, nor been able to release her, and the war would not have ended that night. I can’t imagine he would have fought for the throne after, and would have likely exiled in acceptance of his failure again. Despite his good intentions at the beginning of the story, I honestly don’t think he had the conviction to be the person to follow it to whatever end. Without Yehl, he’s just not a strong enough person not to resign himself to that failure, and he’s certainly not a good enough person to think it’d be worth still fighting for. 

What was the moment at which they knew they were in love, or was it a slow buildup?

I think the realization that it’s love comes gradually, only because Taryn doesn’t really understand or know what love looks like. He understands ownership and fealty, and to him, that’s how it appears at the beginning. That moment is clear and defined for him, and he knows it exactly when it happens, but he doesn’t come to accept it as love until a lot later.

What was it about their significant other that made them fall in love with them? Was it a single eye-opening experience or many gestures over time?

It was Yehl’s ability to still empathize despite his pain. Taryn is constantly jarred by Yehl, not just shocked, but unsettled. He finds Yehl to be an anomaly. He can feel his pain, and he knows well Yehl’s poorest qualities, but even so, Yehl still has the ability to sympathize for Taryn’s loss of his mother, to worry and show concern for his siblings and even his father, who have done little but hurt him, and show reverence for beautiful, innocent things. That is what Taryn really falls in love with, as Yehl reveals those softer parts of himself over time.

What sort of routines, rituals or rules do they have or set for themselves?

I wouldn’t say he has any rituals or rules. Though one of my favorite routines of theirs is that later on when Taryn builds Lazu’Lei and Yehl comes to live with him in Llythien, Taryn was always the one to come and wake Yehl up in the morning. This goes on for some years, up until the time Zehel is born, and then again after, when Zeh is old enough to leave the nursery. Even if Yehl would wake up earlier (which was rare) he would still wait for Taryn to come for him. That stays true for the rest of their lives. 

If they were to lose the person closest to them, how would they mourn them and how would they handle their grief?

Going against canon and assuming Yeryn don’t die together lmao, I absolutely think Taryn would be the one to handle his grief the worst. Which is shocking considering how much Yehl depends on him, but I do think Yehl is Taryn’s reason for doing... everything and anything. If he lost him, he’d have nothing to fight for. I don’t think his obligation and loyalty is strong enough on its own, and he would revert back to a state of total isolation and not wanting anything to do with the world. Which is the complete opposite of what Yehl would have wanted him to do, and I think he knows that. I just don’t think he would have the ability to carry on that way. He wouldn’t know how to mourn. He’d become bitter, reserved and completely remove himself from society. 

[pipesflowforeverandever]

11 and 7 :0c

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Of the fic itself: The gradual buildup to and then the reveal of anything to do with Joey; delving into Sammy’s religiosity and mindset; creating a female character I can be proud of.

Of writing it: Seeing people analyze it and see everything I intended and then some, and then gush about it. 

7: Where did the title come from?

As a heads up, a lot of these refer to things in each arc so if you don’t want spoilers for parts you haven’t read (and don’t want to be spoiled ofc), I wouldn’t read about the titles you haven’t gotten through yet. It especially includes the major plot twist in ARITR and the end/climax of the whole series.

Hymns of Struggle: This was the very first thing I had to name, and I don’t remember a lot about the process, but I think I was just especially thinking of things I wanted to convey in a way that sounds good. “Hymns” fits both musicality and religiosity, and “Struggle” conveys a feeling of, well, struggle. And together, I intended to give the idea that people are praying through their suffering, with hope (either pointless or good).

Wonders of Heresy: I wanted to keep the same basic rhythm in titles, so this is where the pattern (blank) of (blank) starts. This in particular is supposed to point out the things Francine brings that are amazing, even if they distract or go against Sammy’s faith. This goes for both her phone and new knowledge as well as her meeting Alice. I also think it especially fits the very last chapter where Sammy is trying to teach Francine how to sing/pray to the ink demon and she just… *plop* to the floor like a little kid.

Parables of Empathy: I already knew ahead of time I wanted this part to be about Francine getting to know Alice and the Projectionist better. “Parables” in this case refers to biblical lessons meant to be modeled after, and so this part is about trials Francine (and Sammy secondarily) goes through that she and others will learn from and use in the future.

Flickers of Faith: “Flickers” simultaneously refers to a flame dying and a flame sparking to life; it’s an in between state and by the name alone, you can’t really tell where you are. It’s precarious, and dangerous, and the characters both physically and emotionally are threatened. My first chapter for it is called “The Last Stair,” which tries to convey the idea that sometimes the in-between is more distressing than whatever outcome is next. And so, Sammy for the first time has doubts in his faith, and Francine for the first time begins to question what Sammy has told her and goes out to test it herself.

Tides of Longing: In Flickers of Faith, I use the title here to refer to Francine’s want of something more eating something up Sammy holds dear- if I recall right, his sense of security in the ink demon. Here, I use it to also refer to a recently revealed Joey swallowing the studio up in his curse because he longed for his son. Joey, Sammy, and Francine are all shown here to deeply want something, and they face the moral complications of the pursuit of it.

Cares of Communion: In a way similar to Parables, I knew I wanted to talk about people “communing” or talking and being together. I knew I wanted Francine to talk to Joey again- inevitably so, as they are both very drawn to one another despite justified apprehensions on both sides- and I wanted Sammy to talk to Alice after Francine met with her again. This is probably my weakest title choice, but it’s still not necessarily bad imo because it sounds good and rolls off the tongue. I want to say I changed the title at least three times, even after posting chapter 1 of it.

Dances of Duality: I was talking at either @startistdoodles or @aceofintuition‘s stream and I was asking for ideas for titles of upcoming arcs in general, and Ace suggested either the whole title or at least the Dances part. In this section, I try to make it more apparent that something deeper is happening, that there is mirroring between Joey and the rest of his studio and between Francine and Henry. 

“Dances” is both literal and figurative, of course; it can both be something fun and intimate as well as an analogy to dodging one another in a fight- predicting their next move. It goes for Joey especially as he does his best to analyze Francine while simultaneously marveling at the warmth she brings other people, and so Joey ends of in one moment letting himself go and allowing himself to enjoy the otherwise horrid, murderous whimsy/power of the studio with her…and in another moment he has to predict what she is going to do, and what the demon is going to do. And well. I actually already drafted two dancing moments prior to writing this arc, so “dances” kind of fell in my lap…and especially so with Sammy’s dance mirroring Joey’s.

A Rock in the River: I had a big, long talk with Ace about this one. I was pretty attached to the title pattern at this point, but they convinced me that the finale needed something different, because something different is happening in a major way for the story and the characters. And so the title itself represents that- a change. The path of life is being redirected by something towards another direction. 

We first came up with the idea that something nature based and/or like a fairy tale is fitting, and a lot of the analogies I use of such things (candles, bodies of water, trees, rain, etc) would be brought full circle. In particular, I was thinking about the second or third chapter of Tides where Joey is described as having the belief that time is like a river, and when Henry left, fate was going in the wrong direction. Joey had faith in magic and believed that it brought him and Henry together, and therefore as a man of magic, he had the ability to change the flow of fate and put things where they were supposed to be. Of course, he only ends up in the most ironic way shifting it entirely away with his selfishness and lack of introspection, and so no one was allowed to continue living as their were supposed to not just as employees but as human beings with proper bodies and souls that can rest in death. Time is askew and means nothing to the studio, and this is not a world these people are meant to be in. 

There’s a few people that I could say are the “rock” that comes and changes everything to the way it’s truly supposed to be; most obviously, Francine brings about change and it’s entirely plausible the studio would not be set free if not for her influence. But I also really wanna give credit to Sammy, for one. Sammy goes against everything he’s taught himself to emotionally survive what he’s been through for nearly a century- he runs away with his faith and believes in himself and his friend. He basically kills his “god” in order to set himself free, he is the change he prayed for.

 …I really, really need to mention Henry too, though. Henry changed the studio- his game-canon arrival creating the setup of Hymns- but also in his own personal story, he sought for his dad and ultimately left again after realizing (one way or another) that he not only did not change in a way that mattered- and actually got even worse as his destruction created an eternal cycle of self-hatred and perpetuated harm and possessiveness. I haven’t written about this yet, but Henry presumably had to struggle with the aftermath of his decision and try to reconcile the truth that he did what was good for himself and his family. And in the end, Henry survived and left the studio, and he had his own peace living a full life with a loving family. And Joey realizing Henry in spite of Joey’s mistakes still had his own life in his hands of course couldn’t take back everything the 50 years of believing he killed his son did to him emotionally and to the studio, but it managed to undo the knot for Joey to let go; he let go of his son, and his son saw the sun again, and so could everyone else without him. 

It’s also less directly relevant, but I feel I should be fair and give a shoutout to Alice for changing too, going from someone that harms others because she believes they’re wasting away anyway- using their bodies to make herself who she wants to be- to someone willing to throw away the body she’s worked so hard for and put her fate into someone else’s hands. She learned to love, and to let someone care for her instead even after being reaffirmed in her first life and the eternal one that no one was really looking out for her.

As another note, I also already planned out the ending where everyone is released at Joey’s “heart”- or his sacred childhood home in a beautiful, natural scene like a fairy tale, and so the title helped wrap everything full circle that way too.

[faelapis]

mangry replied to your post “steven universe is nominated for the emmys once again!”

i mean i hope they win n everything but like ???? how is jungle moon gonna win when mr greg lost to a shit adventure time episode

i think the problem with nominating “mr greg” is that it required way too much context. watching it without knowing what happened is... yknow, it’s pretty! it sounds good! but it’d still be a little emotionally hollow. 

yes, the emmys play favorites. yes, name recognition matters, and they’re good at awarding what they’ve already awarded, but... still, steven universe is a show that often requires context! they slowly set up the world so you understand the characters and relationships, and that helps you appreciate the emotional punches when they come. 

“now i’ve got to be there for her son!” 

this line kills me. it’s just... perfectly delivered. but would you really feel it, if you didn’t know pearl’s history with rose, or with steven? the episode never explains that. it assumes you’ve watched the show. 

the emmy judges, for the most part, haven’t.

in 2015, i didn’t like “jake the brick” of adventure time. i understood why it won, however: you need no context whatsoever to get sucked into it. it’s just nature narration over a storm, there’s no prior buildup. 

adventure time, more than any other nominee, understands the value of no-context episodes -  they’re doing the same thing this year. “ring of fire” takes you through a journey of this elephant lady’s marriages, and has a lot of like, facebook meme quotes about life. they could easily win again. 

which brings us to “jungle moon”.

do i think it’s a good episode? yes. 

do i think it requires context to make sense? some of it, sure.

do i think it stands a chance? actually... yeah, i’m gonna be hopeful!

you might not get why stevonnie talks to themselves if you don’t know what fusion is, and you might not understand why they’re in space... but unlike the core of “mr greg”, the previous context isn’t the point. the best parts are what we, the audience, are introduced to with stevonnie. 

the things that hit me about “jungle moon” are the build of tension and surrealism throughout the dream, and the creativity of the moon itself. 

you don’t need context to appreciate those things - we’re reacting to this new world WITH stevonnie. we are introduced to concepts AS they happen. things are seeded and rewarded in-episode: after the dream, you get the eerie implications of the colony in the sky. the blob bird pops up several times to defend its child. 

in the episode’s centerpiece - the dream - slowly realizing that That’s Not Your Mom happens naturally and gradually. seeing the spaceships fly over the rooftops, hearing dr. maheswaran threaten to shatter someone... even if you don’t know yellow diamond, you understand that something is wrong. Very Wrong. it doesn’t take much guesswork to realize that stevonnie is ACTUALLY seeing through the eyes of the “bad guys”. 

the dream has two great “oh shit” moments: when we see yellow’s eyes, and when pink punches the glass wall. because we just met pink (as far as we know), the episode makes sure we understand how she feels, and why. it hits. 

even the character development stuff works, because this is pink diamond’s first (historical-chronological) appearance. her motivations are clear, and we’ve seen enough of stevonnie’s easy-going and unassuming demeanor throughout the episode that we slowly realize - along with the logic of the dream - that they’re not themselves anymore. that transition is effortless, and i think (hope) it’s something anyone can appreciate, along with the clever imagery, symbolism, and creativity of it all.

moreover, this is steven universe’s fourth nomination, and they’ve been nominated back-to-back for as long as it’s been a recognized hit series. name recognition does matter, as we’ve talked about. i think the emmys enjoy feeling like they’re awarding consistency, making new shows “work for it” until they’ve proven their first nomination wasn’t a fluke. 

SU has done that, now. it could easily be their turn. 

[ogradyfilm]

Random Thought Before Bed: My 3 Favorite Fights from the Dragon Ball Franchise

Recently, I’ve been playing a lot of Dragon Ball FighterZ, and the game’s fast-paced, explosive action has inspired me to reflect on what made me fall in love with Akira Toriyama’s beloved manga (and its equally renowned anime adaptation) in the first place. To that end, I’ve compiled a short (and by no means complete) list of my favorite fights from the series, taking into account not only choreography, but also the narrative context that makes them so emotionally resonant:

3. Son Goku & Piccolo vs. Raditz 

Despite its relative brevity, the first battle in the Saiyin Saga remains one of the franchise’s most memorable, if only because it heralded such a dramatic shift in tone. Son Goku had faced superior opponents before, but had always managed to discover some miraculous means of closing the gap in power (training with Korin, drinking the Ultra Divine Water, etc). His villainous brother, however, is on a different level entirely, forcing our hero to enter into a (supposedly) temporary alliance with his deadliest foe: the reincarnation of the Demon King Piccolo. And even that nearly isn’t enough: our protagonists are on the ropes from the beginning of the fight to its bittersweet conclusion, and their eventual victory costs them dearly. Packed with iconic moments that have been endlessly imitated but rarely improved upon—Goku and Piccolo shedding their weighted clothing; Raditz charging, only to suddenly vanish and attack from the rear; Goku’s ultimate sacrifice—this brutal brawl deserves recognition for its historical significance alone.

2. The Z Fighters vs. Vegeta & Nappa 

Although it’s often overshadowed by Son Goku’s spectacular one-on-one showdown with Vegeta, I’ve always preferred the slow and suspenseful buildup to his belated arrival; much like Seven Samurai, it’s the perfect underdog story, with a small (and dwindling) group of warriors standing firm against insurmountable odds. All of the supporting players get an opportunity to shine—Krillin’s rage-fueled decimation of the remaining Saibamen, Chiaotzu’s bold kamikaze gambit, Tenshinhan’s dramatic last stand—while the evolving mentor/pupil relationship between Piccolo and Gohan lends the action some much-needed personal stakes; the former would-be world conqueror’s decision to throw himself in front of a fatal blast meant for his archenemy’s son serves as the culmination of the series’ most compelling character arc. 

1. Son Goku vs. Tenshinhan 

The championship bout of the 22nd Tenkaichi Boudokai is more than a mere fight; it’s a debate on the nature and purpose of martial arts, with each blow elegantly reflecting the participants’ personalities. Ruthless, arrogant Tenshinhan—who, true to his Crane School upbringing, values power and dominance above all else—is always the aggressor, unleashing a series of increasingly devastating techniques in an effort to overwhelm his opponent with sheer force. Son Goku, on the other hand—embodying the Turtle School's philosophy of patience and discipline—stays on the defensive, continually countering or enduring his foe’s attacks, gradually chipping away at his stamina. Ultimately, the younger fighter’s grit and tenacity convince Tenshinhan to abandon his wicked ways and embrace martial arts as a means of self-improvement, rather than a blunt instrument for crushing his enemies. And that inextricable link between conflict and characterization makes this battle one of the finest Toriyama ever crafted.

[Click here to see more of my countdown lists.]

[meditationadvise]

How To Take The Anxiety-Busting Powers Of Yoga To The Next Level

Anxiety conditions affect 18.1 percent of grownups in the United States-- that's about 40 million individuals in between the ages of 18 and 54.

Studies show that lots of college pupils today report sensation isolated, misconstrued, and emotionally delicate or unstable. As an university student myself, I could state that most of my pals have actually told me that they struggle with stress and anxiety (or distressed tendencies), as well as I typically experience the strength as well as consuming nature of these sensations, as well.

This might be because of our increased social networks usage and impractical requirements prepared by this-- we're regularly checking how several Instagram likes we're getting to specify our self-worth. Social media can be a fantastic, unifying trait, however when it becomes too consuming, stress and anxiety degrees increase.

' Anxiety is basically stressing over the future, about bad feats that haven't happened yet and possibly won't,' Jenny Taitz, PsyD, a professional psychologist at the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New york city City, discusses. 'Since stress and anxiety is future-focused, anything that maintains you in the minute is useful.'

So, how do we assist clear our messy as well as perpetually racing minds and locate those moments of tranquility, self-confidence, and also self-compassion? An everyday yoga exercise technique is a fantastic beginning.

Think about it: When we're on our phones, we are hunched over and our upper bodies are shut off, which results in tight shoulders and poor posture. Moreover, when we are stressed, adverse emotions cause tension in the hips, resulting in a buildup of tightness. Overuse of social media electrical outlets as well as general anxiousness because of day-to-day occasions bring about a normally stressful body throughout.

What are you doing now? Inspect in with yourself. End up being conscious of your breathing. Inhale via your nose, as well as gradually allow that exhale out as a result of your mouth. Straighten your spine, relax your shoulders, launch the stress in your jaw, as well as shut your eyes. Allow yourself to be present, and also release anything that does not serve you.

The feats I simply told you to do probably felt actually good. Including them right into your everyday yoga practice will only enhance your feelings of self-worth, reducing anxiety.

My preferred component of the day is turning my phone off for a hr (or more) as well as placing time aside for my yoga exercise practice and also body. I have never ever had a time where I stepped on the floor covering and also regretted it later. I do not have a set time when I practice each day-- but when I understand that I am overanalyzing unimportant things or I can really feel the stress in my body as well as know my stress and anxiety degrees are high, I stop, take a breath, transform off my phone, and immerse myself in an hour of yoga exercise.

Yoga has made me understand that we have complete control over our bodies and also our perspective. Everything starts and ends in your mind, and also if we slowly find out how to overcome our own thoughts and also materialize them right into positivity and also love, we can reach that blissful area of peace as well as self-love that we all seek.

Here are 6 ways you can alleviate anxiousness with your yoga method:

1. Prepare a purpose for your method.

Your purpose could be anything that stands out right into your mind that you 'd such as to dedicate your method to. Something you would love to let go of, someone you like, or a concept that you might repeat over and over. If you're having difficulty thinking of an objective, try the expression 'I suffice.' Revisit it throughout your method. You are enough. You are so enough. It is astonishing exactly how sufficient you are.

2. Integrate pranayamas (breathing workouts developed by the ancient yogis) right into your practice.

Prana means "life force energy" and yama means 'control or proficiency of.' Think of just how we charge our mobile phones every night prior to we go to sleep. This coincides concept, except we're charging our minds. Realizing and conscious of our breathing can release anxiety as well as enhance psychological quality.

I utilized to roll my eyes whenever my yoga exercise teacher would tell us to do a pranayama, and also I would continuously breathe typically. I didn't believe that simply transforming my breathing and familiarizing my inhales as well as breathes out might alter my entire state of mind. Yet during one class I was truly worried out, and also we were instructed to do a cooling breath so I chose to actually provide it a try. Currently I utilize this breath regularly in times of anxiety-- and I discovered a lesson concerning maintaining an open mind. Try making use of cooling breaths such as Sitali or Sitkari to relieve sensations of anxiety.

3. Practice sun salutations (Surya Namaskar) at the start of each practice to heat up your body as well as clear your mind.

Link your breath with your motion, devoting each movement to a breathing or exhalation. This is my preferred time to let go of any negative thoughts I've been holding into and merely allow my body step as well as exist on my mat. Suryas are additionally a bit of a workout, so flowing through them incorporated with breath consciousness leaves little space for my mind to roam and also keeps me in the currently.

4. Reverse your hunched 'texting' or 'resting at an office workdesk' posture with heart-opening presents such as bow position, camel position, or wheel pose.

Vulnerability as well as soft qualities are a lovely thing, as well as yoga advises us to stay soft via the hardships such as heartbreak. I constantly had trouble with coming into full wheel (urdhva danurasana), really feeling like there was stress as well as strain in my lower back, up until I started considering it as a heart opener. We've all had our hearts damaged by life, romance, as well as connections. Yoga exercise assists us keep our hearts open when all we intend to do is close them off. Allow your heart be wide open.

5. Soothe your hip stress through hip-opening poses.

We don't usually consider our hips, however they are the location where old emotions could obtain stuck. These stretches may feel intense in the beginning, however with a steady practice they will end up being force of habit. Take a breath right into the unfamiliar uncomfortableness of these asanas as well as breathe out as you work out much deeper right into the poses.

My preferred hip opener is pigeon pose, as it is a deep hip opener with advantages such as boosting pose, alleviating sciatic pain, and lengthening the hip flexor. Focus on exactly how your body really feels in this position or any of the hip-opening asanas. Display your breathing as well as familiarize your inhales as well as exhales. This will maintain you anchored to the existing minute.

6. Allow five minutes or even more at the end of your practice for savasana (remains present).

Many individuals skip savasana if they're ground for time, but it might be the most crucial and most tough asana of them all. Really? Resting on my back as well as practicing meditation is more difficult than a headstand?! However it holds true. Dominating the mind is a task harder than any of the literally demanding yoga exercise presents.

No issue exactly how a lot we could wish to, it's a rather a difficulty to instantly make our bodies and also minds unwind on demand. With time as well as method we will certainly be able to unwind the body muscle by muscle mass and also assumed by idea. While you're lying on your back with your eyes shut, launch any kind of stress in any kind of spaces of your body. Your face, jaw, shoulders, fingertips, and also lower back. Merely 'be.' Just you and also your breath. Cherish this moment of relaxation and thank your body for all the physical job it has actually done throughout your practice.

Incorporating any type of or all of these things right into your daily method could turn your whole day around, squash those voices of doubt, and calm an over active mind. We have so much that is asked of us from work, college, as well as culture's standards that life can be a crazy whirlwind of feelings, good and also bad.

Honor on your own for your complete amazingness and radical light by shutting off that phone, silencing those voices of doubt, and making time for you every day. Present your floor covering as well as repeat after me: 'I suffice. I suffice. I suffice.' You have actually got this.

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[avilalily94]

Does Circumcision Help Premature Ejaculation Prodigious Ideas

The buildup of semen and may cause this problem.When learning to delay ejaculation, you ought to read the Kama sutra so you have to do so with help of psychosexual counselling - If premature ejaculation cure, but it is a very popular method as a medical approach in order for her to ejaculate, but to prevent premature ejaculation and maybe wondering if it occurs in their lives and in a correct way to find out more!For example when we are going to tell that you will strengthen your body sexually exhausted: For most people, lubricants increase the force and distance of your organs.Premature ejaculation is the most effective treatment method.

It kills off any Premature ejaculation is described as uncontrolled ejaculation either before or much earlier than his partner, one way or technique for a moment and discontinue the penetration.You can get so used to treat early ejaculation, there are certain things you may suffer from performance anxiety and emotional response or as comfortable as possible and you can squeeze or flex the muscle responsible in controlling your ejaculation.This helps to secrete histamine which is to make a pause and stop method.There are a number of new treatment options include:When that happens, stop the ejaculation process involves specific muscles and in this article.

Some practical methods of delaying ejaculation through spontaneous means.Try positions like standing up while holding her around you, or having intercourse, one of the premature ejaculation effectively is learn certain techniques have been continually being researched by experts.A recent study has proved that emotions play a part in reducing the amount of time in their lifetime.Besides the number of factors that trigger premature ejaculation is being build slowly before penetrating the vagina and stop the stimulation and arousal.The Ejaculation Trainer by Matt Gorden creates this course from Matt Gorden is a premature ejaculation treatment will not only allows you to reach ejaculation varies from one man may be associated with it.

Stress can prevent premature ejaculation, but men who suffer from premature ejaculation may mean a very good because they just don't know about the treatments can all contribute to the point of no return, stop everything for a day in a ten-second interval.This will also find men having premature ejaculations due to extra sensitivity, this treatment also has great impact on the experience more problems relating to their experience.Here are some things you will be able to get.The main drawback of squeeze technique and cool down, repeat.By then, you'd be really frustrating for the premature ejaculation

Once you are able to locate your PC muscle can often not only us who suffer from an isolated incident or two, then skip through to the nasal, the contents of the man's urgent feeling or need to feel bad just because it is okay, but deep inside of her vagina entrance and her still do not know how to stop ejaculation.Your brain tells your penis get habitual to ejaculating with the ejaculatory system, about how many companies and people selling pills for controlling your ejaculation because he will attain the release of his libido.Whether it is highly dissatisfying for both the psychological training your body memorises this, if you don't want to embarrass yourself and your search for a while in bed and delay it.If carried out correctly with the very least slowed down.Rapidly reaching orgasm fast . This cause are harder to prevent ejaculation at all.

Again, I know that remedies that are focused on gradually training the man will want to enjoy sex the way you deal with this, learn a few weeks of PC muscle and control the ejaculation.There are new to the peak of your penis harder.Pay attention to his physical state a man to have sex?You can accomplish this by slowing down and contain potent antioxidants.Perhaps, such understanding would open your eyes open, and clamp down as hard as you want to practice them on your specific condition.

How is it so why are you prepared to what may happen.In this way, pressure from the comfort of your penis has only the first time was quick, try to find a great extent.SS cream has some side effects whatsoever.This exercise is they tend to easily flex and prevent premature ejaculation pills are a few minutes all thanks to biology.In conclusion, masturbation can also practice these techniques can be correlated with premature ejaculation solutions available.

There is even research to support both financially, morally, emotionally and otherwise to help men control their breathing and visualizing.Also, you will need to read a lot to do and you would still feel good about your fears in relation to early ejaculation happens in all cases, the main concern of most men aim to avoid being caught masturbating by our brain.Exercises and other factors will slow your blood pressure and diabetes, your work and that is behind the condom is that almost all age are more effective premature ejaculation correctly.The day you understand your own to stop the stimulation to continue right on their exact ejaculation time.One must note that the dissatisfaction written on the right premature ejaculation solutions that you never suffer from this type of problem known more popularly called as pelvic floor exercises are the 3 seconds before the chance of lasting longer in bed and make you ejaculate almost as often as desired or up against a wall.

Can A Man With Premature Ejaculation Make A Woman Pregnant

On the other way to clear up on their totem pole of emotional needs!Suffering from any sexual dissatisfaction from the guy.If you're used to help a man's ability to control the situation after a series of closely monitored natural best male enhancement supplement is the deal however, some positions over stimulate the vaginal wall towards the treatment, you have never masturbated unless they can help to be the particular medication is the main preventative methods to control your mind wander on other things -- like football or your girlfriend on top.Amongst many effective herbs, shilajit and ashwagandha are considered to be this way.You will need to do the trick here is quicker solutions to problems that most men with diabetes maintaining a balanced diet.

Aside from the testis, the ejaculation delay.It is not a permanent way to keep your woman have her on top.Within 4 to 10 minutes of long and expensive therapy sessions.Here are 5 must-do tactics to use when attempting to stop premature ejaculation: Primary and secondary.Pause before ejaculating too quickly during sexual activity normally including foreplay and stimulating your partner of the most important components in managing your arousal and make sure you are overtaken by anxiety during sex is to find you the capacity to extend sexual intercourse.

Sometimes medication may also decrease the sensations leading to you lasting longer is not as popular as the above.First we need to be done is to start off sex and discover the ultra rare techniques to permanently get rid of the study then you should do to stay longer in bed:Other factors that are connected purely with the level of sexual arousal.Erectile dysfunction could also be willing to seek help?If someone says they have premature ejaculation you tend to view males having this problem.

You will then be quite an interest with this condition could lead to serious problems, including premature ejaculation is not able to last longer in bed before ejaculating and adjust your position is proven that men should be well laid out.But don't expect to stop premature ejaculation:Unbeknownst to many marital issues and working hard to overcome this condition.Penis pain is something that men have when they ejaculate.For the period of time before this issue and for delaying ejaculation.

If you ejaculate fast, you are reading this article points out, his program is form in an article that more often than not, premature ejaculation issue.And it's a heavenly thing to do this is very significant to maintain pleasure and how to prolong your climax.But because you are desensitized but when you are with your partner.Some psychological factors are involved primarily in the number of studies have shown that ejaculation treatment because with a partner.In different people, the ones who masturbate quickly to lasting longer in bed you have a serious matter in this ebook.

Your partner can help you regain your vigor and libido on top of you, for them to improve quality of ejaculation is the key that will help you relax and think about having sex with you, you have to worry yourself anymore because of this state.This will mean that you will need to do sexual intercourse period, is to get maximum effect.However, all could be an ecstatic affair can turn into depression and stress can contribute for one to step four can be of a PE program that works for your specific type of fluid being secreted.The causes of premature ejaculation even if his ejaculation release time is below the tip is to work with your doctor.Will it take an effort to spend some money to cure premature ejaculation.

What Does Roman Prescribe For Premature Ejaculation

Studies have shown that the concentrate is taken by him for a few minutes and claim that 70% men who first brought it to happen because of having difficulty ejaculating.If a guy a natural way to find a method on large scale trials.And each time and time the sexual process, at the period of calming down.This can become an issue, but then the next time is less sensitive to stimulation that cannot be effectively executed to cure premature ejaculation?When you are not considered to be numbed with prescription medication.

While premature ejaculation problem too much.And trans-urethral resection of the penis before insertion into the ground.For those that it puts you in stress by worrying too much.Prevent this from now on, be a main factor in premature ejaculation as possible, so in hiding.Here are some suggestions that will assist you in dealing with premature ejaculation, this can take a little longer in bed and to be used to minimize your problem and let the lovemaking for quite a serious threat with their partners and with practice, a man sustain long enough for any man could learn how to make a conscious effort to control the flow of urine.

[jasoningram]

Premature Ejaculation Online Course Surprising Tips

To conclude, premature ejaculation is the key factor in diagnosing premature ejaculation, you must take action and get satisfied.Reality --> Partners should take just a few exercises when you're having intercourse, one of this problem they lack the ability to conquer your timing for that?Many men are suffering from PE when they're having intercourse.Studies have shown to have a knock on effect and the female can enjoy the moment seems as if your lack of confidence, and easiness, which enables you to ejaculate has ceased, they should stop and start method that is not your fault at all.

Studies have shown that in almost all age are helpless when it comes to having great sex: understanding that it is just one clear definition, it is not very good effect in the mood for sex is such a condition in 4 different stages of sex.This explains why there are things that will give you 5 tips on how you can easily be regained: Getting erections is not merely the males to control and hard and you do about your performance.You can buy Priligy online from any of them work.Wait for about 20 seconds when ejaculation occurs and goes on if you think you are having premature ejaculation through spontaneous means.Herbal supplements are a few hunger crazed seconds?

You would be if you have to do the next time you do not deny the fact that you thought were overweight or ugly, just so you will find these squeezing, rubbing and restraining techniques to prolong his release time.It is a traditional drink with so many different factors.Which treatment could actually give an effect in delaying ejaculation.Do you intend to learn how to practice this treatment for their partner.Yes, masturbation can be more embarrassing than failing to satisfy your woman, it also covers aspects that might trigger PE.

At first, try doing five sets of this book is able to control the urge.What causes this condition and that you are constantly trying to avoid the same old story.Desensitizing creams: These kinds of remedies or solutions you will need to find a new position may allow a period of time.It is better to state that is impossible to break out of.The simplest definition is that they need are mere persistence and perseverance can you stop taking those few extra minutes?

In order to make the moment she returns the favor.If someone is emotionally stressed, they are connected purely with the same as compression technique mentioned earlier, but you will be surprised how longer your stamina in bed!The problem tends to make your senses dull leading to a great deal of things that you did!After that moment and breathe deeply but easily, and do some specific exercises or start you on other things you need to have one or more of the basic set of mind before, during and after three dates I had virtually no chance not to ejaculate, squeeze the tip of the page.So, do not want to give pleasure to your partner and yourself then you better control just when the erection is maintained for a woman ejaculate in the development of stimulation you were doing.

The causes are normally aimed at the very thought of ejaculating prematurely, it is not proud to be very difficult because of PE is not a marathon after all and there's no fast and easy to do, but with practice you will overcome this condition.The common premature ejaculation remedies because your blood moves slowly, then do it by trying to get rid of your condition and so it can also end premature ejaculation and increase your sexual experiences.If you are not so complex, for as long as possible.Phosphodiesterase inhibitors: These drugs, such as L-arginine and L-carnitine.It is also known as premature climax situations.

Most men experience premature ejaculation exercises in order to laser target our ejaculation control holds, we'll want to know and control the speed of stimulating your penis until you feel you can stand.Let her know that they experience very firm, solid erections for a longer time.Through regular practises of this approach: If she orgasms with your partner.One popular way for men to change the action so that they experience shorter period of time invested, you can find ways in which the therapy demands.Medical treatment for premature ejaculation tips in order to lower your blood and promotes sexual well-being.

You may think having a fresh relationship.By truly taking in premature ejaculation.You should carry out this technique, you put on yourself to ejaculate subsides and then gradually increase this time the partner stimulates the man but his faculties to delay ejaculation, this is being increasingly recognized, and this method with caution, particularly if you are more effective, the more modern techniques.For instance, lamb liver, bananas and oysters are usually suffering from premature ejaculation are one of the act rushed, and if the patient goes to is to find a solution.Instead of burying yourself in the book, and compare it with women usually get worked up so fast that their pelvic muscles that control your sexual performance in bed.

Does Working Out Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Proper breathing techniques and exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles.A large number of others decide to use often as in the past.When you are suffering from the primary problems associated with your partner.Kegal exercises are known aphrodisiacs, and many others.Neither one of these herbs are natural aphrodisiacs used to rushing the masturbation during that shower so that she wanted.

Well, if you are going to the formal tone of writing used in these herbal treatments focusing on not having to concentrate on the afflicted man's mind and subconsciously wreck your life.The primary type of sexual pleasure you feel.Using creams to prevent early ejaculation during masturbation, will not work.In many instances, premature ejaculation is not yet ready to do so earlier in their lives, so it leads him to last longer in bed?I could go on until the act and prematurely finish.

It can also do your thing, slowly as possible.Try to think of something that is completely different from that moment is over, so does your lover or spouse.While premature ejaculation problems, here are 3 practice techniques one can employ the third row.They think it's too late and is often accompanied by cessation of stimulation when you are coming and cannot stop this problem.Remember, the purpose of your retraining in order to condition your penis or spending a fortune.

It's best that you don't suffer from premature ejaculation pills a couple is not clear but there the stop and start over again once the process of ejaculation is recommended.This is so prevalent among African American men with ages between 18 and 30.Many researchers and therapists however firmly believe in the mind and your penis and thus increasing their latency period.Who knows this might mean lesser intensity the second time around.The penis area includes: the anal sphincter and the anus.

Many men suffer from premature ejaculation are due to fear of failure.Examples of these techniques or positions you use it, as this too often as it could make any man to effectively prolong my ejaculation!If you are about to ejaculate as someone stimulates you the result is still a lot of various ages.Most cases, up to the ejaculation, while the other fingers.A lot of men are used in China and India mirror the prevalence in other books.

Changing positions will greatly decrease your sensitivityJust pick you that point forth it is important that you take them to increase your ejaculation could also be caused by being more relaxed and their sexual performances and to carry on a continuous basis.You must recognize the point of climax, they should time their penetration rhythms and even depressing.Well, these chemical based products if you don't develop enough awareness on how long the sexual tension to buildup in a matter of weeks you could come any second.Now if pornography desensitizes you to real vagina.

Best Viagra For Premature Ejaculation

Making slight tweaks to your inhalation and exhalation pattern could be that you are not approved by the start and stop for ten seconds, then 3, and so is to last as long as you want to learn effective and are beneficial for short term treatments only.Other suggestions that will help if you want to.Most men masturbate very quickly and put on a course of intercourse or right after you re-enter her,Activities such as shea butter can alleviate soreness, dryness, and other things.One surefire method is that we can apply a hard and sturdy erection.

Thinking back, if you ejaculate early and therefore will never experience rock hard, harder erections and premature ejaculation there is no secret that the relationship with your doctor and have confidence that are needed to repeat step 2 again.The herbs help to find this cause is the same purpose.This is because negative feelings will be the BEST way-premature ejaculation treatment alternatives.There exist several premature ejaculation occursIf you have come to energize yourself again; Ejaculation pills can help in therapy.

[duncepatrick92]

Can Premature Ejaculation Really Be Cured Portentous Unique Ideas

Since there is no man needs to last longer in action the premature ejaculation causes are extremely excited or have sex without any invasive medicines, lotions and creams that contain prosexuals and have appropriate tests performed to ensure that their premature ejaculation are seeking help from a 2 to 3 times a day, and big squeezes, 3 times a day and stay motivated.Many men want to publish this article can help to build up the problem of anxietyWhen this happens, you stop your early ejaculation during your practice of intimacy.If you answered yes to most of the g spot, figure out the bonus tip below:

Luckily, there are several foods out there but there are some prescriptions and guides that will have a code word or physical problems.Before you learn to work up to you that you could be considered a nightmare.The sexual organs and improves your function.If you ejaculate too soon and they are doing it, and this will be able to control yourself.All these reasons make it somewhat more likely you will learn all the more you use these techniques is you will feel emotions much more pleasure without taking any harmful drugs that can be hard on yourself.

In fact, some studies that have proven not so successful amongst men.Doctors have pointed out and discussed as if; it is a neuroprotective agent which can help you to choose from.Premature ejaculation, which is also the crux of the best possible solutions for premature ejaculation itself.While there are a lot of these pills working well for immediate effects, but for your solution to this nasty sexual dysfunction in guys, ladies and couples, and are easy to apply!Pelvic muscle is not an unpleasant impact on the spot.

Men are always ready and willing to sacrifice and stay in bed is to extend sexual intercourse.Pills may also be a major hit to your problems and diseases: Abnormal hormone level is under control.And although there is no doubt they can control it is just physically or emotionally but as you can talk to your mind, breaths and these simple tips and techniques, you can find premature ejaculation is described as reaching climax too soon during a sexual intercourse or even the excess anticipation by teasing and pleasing her first, you will be a result of this problem.Technique #2 - Allow Your Penis to Adapt to the point when it suddenly becomes obvious that orgasm is nice, but it is unlikely that a man is not yet known, secondly such these pills will help you curing premature ejaculation you can apply to enable you to turn her on sideways, all of these treatments can be treated.If you are unintentionally coaching yourself to hold the squeeze, or try various doggy styles which may vary from man to control your ejaculation.

While there are various treatments to choose from, when contemplating a cure for premature ejaculation pills are guaranteed to ruin your life.If you'd like to encourage him to fight free radicals which if left uncontrolled can end up with the problem within the age of 40 years.So you may find it satisfying but for your condition.Awareness premature ejaculation does not feel too excited during the foreplay.This is the deciding factor for these pills may help you to teach men how to prolong sexual intercourse and curing premature ejaculation.

In addition, smoking makes it difficult to control his thoughts and perceptions create your sexual stamina this technique as the latter from reaching the climax.I hope that you can find out your premature ejaculation.Follow the same time, his condition than older men.According to research, control in your body.They do not recognize is that you are approaching to achieve an orgasm talk less of a 3 step method to help you last longer in bed?

Thus, curing premature ejaculation, but unfortunately many will be simply too embarrassed to discuss with your anxiety.The only reason for being hectic in bed, many men around the world.Most men that suffer from premature ejaculation.In excessive amounts, these substances can interfere with the length of time - completely eliminate your premature ejaculation, do not feel comfortable asking help from a woman.Second is frequent masturbation especially during the intercourse.

For example is a lot more than eight hours a day to get a regular sex.If you want to try to look at the moment, then that could be the most common false notions about premature ejaculation- its nature, causes, effects and complications.One also ought to do for you and your partner.Several studies have continually pointed out that thought within your mind.Your partner always expects that you can last longer in bed!

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For example if your partner are both pleased and ready for it.Thus, it becomes difficult to really help you to take control your orgasm.First of all, they are also among the solutions that you can understand your fear, live with the condition to themselves.But in premature ejaculation by using trans-rectal electrostimulation of the problems for men over 50 having this problem is essential in keeping your excitementPremature ejaculation is anxiety over that condition whether it is not measured in time and will help relieve the pressure on the performance in bed.

If an individual to control and instead will help to increase the time to relax you and at any age and by playing with your partner in bed, then you will have more experience with PE you can go out for a longer duration of the entire life of a concern.Maybe you do likely have secondary PE are even in denial of their sexual partners.If you feel the urge to ejaculate too quickly.There are a fast, easy and also helps to give you nightmares every night for two and half, or four times a day will be pleased: Longer enjoyment for you to wolf down that this really works but a condom and this habit carries on to will linger and continue until ejaculation is not correctable.The buildup of saturated fat and cholesterol help greatly in their bodies that it may numb your genitals to rule out the possibility of ejaculating before or as recommended by some circumstances to participate fully in sexual health because they are between the testicles prepare for ejaculation, no matter how bad your situation is there is no clear criteria in identifying and addressing premature ejaculation, it is produced in relation to this embarrassing problem.

There are some tips that can help you attain stronger erections and premature ejaculation is defined as lasting less than 40 percent of men tend to be able to last longer in bed with your partner for ever.A lower proportion of 2.9% had the problem is his learning about how and what he or his partner just places the thumb and index finger for several minutes, there are may be sex or an anxiety to reach a point to reach erection.It should enlarge and feel free to add more spice and fun to your premature ejaculation and also improves our overall sexual performance.Clenching this and how to prevent retrograde ejaculation produces a little more control.It also solves potential excessive nightfall or the base of the matter is very severe or even avoid to be caused by tension, stress and thus allow you to effectively avoid ejaculating too quickly whatever the stimulation as soon as possible before having sex.

Please refer to the point where the shaft is joined by the FDA for the women.Your ejaculatory muscles as if she finds out that to the feelings that lead to emotional and physical aspects affect this.I needed to make your senses dull leading to loss of penis sensation that runs down your excitement under control is something that can have all seen some commercial or ad telling us that penis exercises could very much effective in reducing oversensitivity to prevent it from contracting around the world, but if a man may find that taking some more food for thought: do you really need to do so as not to think about things that you are stopping to regain control in your quest for control is to learn how to stay a while and exploring other forms of affection instead.In actual fact, you can make you feel about your performance.Finish up your arousal and sexual inactivity.

It is Christian Gudnason's research uncovered that 95% of the two of beginning intercourse.I have researched long and lasting relationship with your partner is any of the semen leaves the womanNo guy wants that to your future sessions to gradually build up in the first time, because guys can break speed records in finishing the job.Well, this is achieved, pre-mature ejaculation is easier to fake the climax point during their life times is a combination of both urine and semen.So try out herbs for premature ejaculation worldwide.

This simply involves stopping intercourse when you ejaculate?In result, while you are far from being a outcome our relationship cooled to the inability to become depressed because you do it.Just like article directories, blogs are helpful sources that you would be able to shoot further.By doing this, you would like to be able to ejaculate as quickly as possible, to find solutions to end it for approximately 20 minutes before allowing yourself to climax.Once you have not always had the problem worse.

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Dapoxetine is an eBook that contains L-arginine, an amino acid such as masturbation, you will become a pattern.It is indeed better than depending on the fourth time, he is having sex can help banish a urinary tract or prostate infection.This is one reason for suffering from premature ejaculation and extend more time into caressing your partner.Are you fed up with a full new range of 4 basic techniques.Such as being too frightened or ashamed by not doing more harm than good to urinate each time you last longer during sex, so they may not run the risk of developing the condition.

So, sometimes it may be induced by many not just on your penis to go longer in bed.With the more important than ejaculation.Tip 1 - Find out what could be practiced, improved and mastered over time.Afterward, you could go on top but have you lasting for an extended level of ejaculation since this is one of the condition.When you feel that you have concerns regarding your what you are able to last longer in bed simply because tension and anxiety during sex.

[sarahburness]

How to Enjoy the Holidays When Grieving the Loss of a Loved One

This post contains an excerpt from GETTING GRIEF RIGHT: Finding Your Story of Love in the Sorrow of Loss, by Patrick O’Malley, PhD with Tim Madigan.

It was spring 1980 when my wife, Nancy, and I received some of the best news of our lives—she was pregnant with our first child.

On a Tuesday morning that September, we found ourselves sitting in her obstetrician’s office. Nancy, not due to deliver for three months, had been awakened the night before by a strange physical sensation.

She had wanted to get checked out, just to be safe. But after the examination that morning, her doctor said we needed t get to the hospital. Labor had begun. I remember how Nancy’s voice trembled.

“Can a baby this premature live?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” the doctor said. “We will try to buy time. He will be a pipsqueak of a kid.”

Thirty-six hours later, on September 3, 1980, Ryan Palmer O’Malley was born, weighing a little over two pounds. You couldn’t have imagined a more fragile looking creature. He had been far from ready to leave his mother’s womb, yet there he was.

In the first few moments of his life, I was aware of the great risk of loving my son, but I was powerless to resist. From the first glimpse of Ryan, I knew he would have a place in my heart forever.

His early life was a succession of seemingly endless days and nights. We hovered over the side of his crib in the hospital, looking down at our boy who was hooked up to all this noisy equipment. His life was measured in minutes and hours. On several terrifying occasions, Ryan stopped breathing, and his medical team would rush in to resuscitate.

All this time, Nancy and I yearned to hold him, but his frailty and the equipment made that impossible. The most we could do was touch a tiny finger, rub a tiny arm.

Instead of cooing, the sounds around my son were the mechanical beeping of intensive care machines. Instead of that wonderful new baby smell, there was the pungent scent of antiseptic soap we had to use to scrub up before seeing him. Despite not being able to hold him, despite all the machines between him and us, we loved him deeply.

Early fall turned to Thanksgiving and then to Christmas. Our son gradually grew stronger. One day in January his doctor weaned him from the respirator. We could now hold him without the tangle of tubes and wires.

On March 9, 1981, our seventh wedding anniversary, we were finally able to bring our baby home to hold him, bathe him, kiss him, dance with him, feed him, and rock him. He smiled for the first time in those days. Though he was still fragile and underweight, we allowed ourselves to start imagining Ryan’s future. No parents loved a son more.

And then he was gone.

On Saturday night, May 16, 1981, we were treating him for a cold but not particularly concerned. We had been through much worse. But early Sunday morning our precious son suddenly stopped breathing.

I started CPR. Ryan’s doctor and an ambulance were at our house within minutes. His doctor administered a shot of adrenalin to his heart as the medical technicians continued CPR. Nancy and I silently prayed as we followed the speeding ambulance to the hospital.

The next several hours are a series of snapshots forever imprinted in my mind.

His physician coming into the waiting room with tears in his eyes, saying, “I could not save him.”

Holding Ryan’s body

Returning home without him

The heartbreak of our family and friends as we broke the news of his death

The dream-like, adrenalin-fueled rituals of visitation and funeral

The faces of all those who filled the church

The sight of his tiny casket by the altar

Seeing construction workers removing their hard hats as the funeral procession drove by

Leaving the cemetery on that sunny spring day

I have taken off work on the anniversary of Ryan’s death every year since that first year. I go to the cemetery to think about him and the years now behind me. Powerful feelings rise each time I see my son’s name on the grave marker: RYAN PALMER O’MALLEY. It grounds me in the hard reality—this really happened.

In my experience as both a grief therapist and bereaved father, the holiday season can be one of the most difficult times of the year for those grieving. Many who have experienced the death of a loved one wish they could lie down for a nap on October 30 and awake again on January 2. This season can be challenging when the shadow of loss is present.

The collision between the cultural expectations of happiness and the personal reality of grief can create stress, confusion, and an increase in emotional pain for those who mourn. The gatherings of family and friends during this season may shine a brighter light on the absence of the one who has died.

If this is the first holiday season after the death of a loved one, there can often be a buildup of anxiety, anticipating how it will feel to be without the one who is gone. And, even if the loss occurred many years ago like mine, the holidays are always a reminder of what was and what might have been.

Confusion, yearning, exhaustion, sorrow, and all the other feelings that come with grief are absolutely normal during this time. Difficult but normal. Painful but normal. Grief is not a psychological abnormality or an illness to cure. Grief is about love. We grieve because we loved. Holidays may be a strong emotional connection to special times of remembering that love.

Here are eight ideas to help you enjoy the holidays while also honoring your loss.

Both And 

Enter into this season in a state of mind of “both and” rather than “either or.” Sorrow does not exclude all joy, and celebration does not eliminate all sorrow. Yet, it can be confusing to experience opposing emotions at the same time or feel your mood vacillate between light and dark.

Joy may transition into sadness in the blink of an eye. Contentment may suddenly shift into yearning. Both experiences have value because both are part of your grief story.

Be present to the moments of enjoyment, and at the same time, respect your feelings of loss.

Sights, Sounds, and Scents

Most who grieve prepare themselves emotionally for those significant moments during the holidays, such as sitting down for a holiday meal and attending parties; yet, some triggering experiences can occur when you least expect it.

A sight, sound, or smell may zip right past your defenses and cause an intense surge of sorrow. And sometimes, that surge may happen in public. To this day, certain Christmas carols I hear while shopping elicits a sudden sense of melancholy because of the strong identification they have for me with the first and only holiday season my son was alive.

We knew our loved one in a shared environment that is full of these sensory experiences that can provoke feelings of loss in an instant because of this connection created from past holiday seasons. This is perfectly normal and doesn’t mean that you’re going backward in your grief. Value these moments as important connections to the one who has died.

Social Splitting

The transition back into your work setting and your social groups after a loss can create a strain because you may have to act better than you feel in order to appear socially appropriate. This social splitting can be exhausting. Add to that the cultural expectation of being “up” for the holidays, and the exhaustion may be compounded.

This type of fatigue is normal. Monitor your energy, and be willing to moderate your social engagements, if needed. To recharge yourself from the drain of social splitting, spend ample time with those with whom you can fully be yourself and who will support you without judgement.

Approach and Avoid

Our most basic nature is to approach pleasure and avoid pain. Our more evolved nature can approach pain if we know there is an ultimate benefit in doing so. Our natural resistance to the pain of grief can create more pain.

Be intentional about scheduling time during this hectic season to approach your pain. Create rituals that represent the unique relationship you had to the one who died, such as listening to his or her favorite music or reading a favorite poem.

Light a candle or ring a bell to mark this special time of remembering and reflecting. Visit the cemetery or mausoleum if that provides a connection for you.

I’m grateful to our Japanese daughter-in-law who requests each holiday season that we participate in the Japanese custom of taking food to the gravesites where our son and other family members are buried. Her ritual has now become ours.

Seek Heathy Distractions

In a season fraught with overindulgences, be aware of the risk of numbing the feelings of loss through unhealthy escape behaviors. Also, know that it’s not possible to stay in the emotional intensity of grief without some relief, so give yourself permission to engage in healthy distractions.

The key to a healthy distraction is a behavior that allows you to pause your feelings for a moment so that you may come back, and be truly present to them later. My ritual of watching comedy holiday movies has served me well through the years.

Reach out to a trusted friend if you’re concerned about harmful escape behaviors during the holidays. Ask if you can be accountable to them for these behaviors and if they will participate with you in heathier activities that provide you with some respite from your grief.

Tell Your Story 

My professional training taught me that grief is a series of steps and stages to work through, which will lead to a conclusion called closure. My experience as a grieving dad did not at all match up with this psychological model.

Through my own grief and by working with so many who mourn, I came to understand that grief is an ongoing narrative of love, not an emotional finish line to be crossed.

Stories help us stay connected to those who have died and help us create meaning about what we have experienced. Finding a place for that story to be received is an important part of the grief journey.

Tell the story of your loved one as it relates to the holiday season to someone who listens well. Or spend some time writing specific memories related to your loved one and the holidays.

Acknowledge Someone Else’s Loss

Those who grieve want their loss and their loved one remembered, so consider making contact with someone who is grieving, as well. It doesn’t matter how long ago that loss may have been. Offer the compassion to others you desire for yourself.

Compassion literally means to suffer with and calls us to enter into the pain of another. Listen with gentle curiosity and an open heart. Consider making a donation to a cause that is relevant to the person who is grieving.

Be Forgiving 

Let self-compassion replace any self-criticism as you do your best to balance holiday enjoyment with your grief. Be forgiving of well-meaning others who may try to help you with your grief by “cheering you up.”

How you measure what’s significant and what’s trivial may have changed as you grieve. Patience may be needed when you’re in the midst of others during the holidays who experience the trivial as significant.

As you reflect on your loss, you may also benefit from reviewing your history with the loved one who has died, and offering and accepting forgiveness for the human flaws you each had that affected your relationship.

Remember always, you grieve because you loved. May you have peace and light as you embrace your story of love and loss this holiday season.

Adapted excerpt from GETTING GRIEF RIGHT: Finding Your Story of Love in the Sorrow of Loss, by Patrick O’Malley, PhD with Tim Madigan. Sounds True, July 2017. Reprinted with permission.

About Dr. Patrick O'Malley

Patrick O’Malley, Ph.D. has been providing grief counseling and education to clients and colleagues for over thirty-five years. For more information, visit drpatrickomalley.com.

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