#it will probably take me another 10 til I learn all my trigger foods

[rorleuaisen]

So, I’m one of those people. Ibs. Bread hurts. Gluten is fine. And I absolutely cannot have any wheat based store goods, besides saltines and pasta. I also can’t do gluten free goods, because I have a rice intolerance. It’s fun.

But also, I talk to people and they share their food issues with me. So I hear interesting things. Like someone who can eat a specific brand of flour, but can’t tolerate even the wheat things I can eat(like pasta). Or how some people with wheat issues can’t eat butter sourced in the usa, but irish butter is safe for them. And I get to share my weird little things, like how little bit of butter or milk hurt my gut, but I can have mozzarella cheese everyday without issues.

Bodies are fascinatingly complex, and food and digestion are a lot less understood than I would like. And I hate fad diets. But I can also appreciate how it can make people try something different and maybe it’s better for them.

And I don’t think people understand the impact food can have on your body. I’ve had to whittle my diet down bare bones to get to a pain free state. I’m on a 100% pain free diet, and as a side effect, whenever I add a food back into my diet, I can feel the changes in my body. Food can give me depression, overload, massive cravings, pain, fatigue, bloating, bowel issues, body odor, migraines, and brain fog. I don’t say what foods give me what, because these are my food triggers. My food intolerances. But I never noticed any of this before. And it has been… enlightening.

That said, diet with caution. Listen to your body. Fad diets can seriously harm you. Restricting food can harm you. If you choose to diet, do it is a learning experience to see if you can learn new things about food and your body. Fuck “super foods”. Fuck “empty calories”. Listen to yourself, and experiment with food safely.

Here are some things that are true: if you don’t have gluten intolerance, gluten is not going to hurt you. Gluten does not cause autism or ADHD or whatever.

Here are some other things that are true: Up to 20% of people will suffer from IBS during their lives. IBS is more common in people with autism and other mental disorders. IBS symptoms are uncomfortable and having them all the time can distract you and push you towards a meltdown. Bread is a common IBS trigger.

I’m going to ramble, so here is the important advice: if bread upsets your stomach try switching to sourdough (check the ingredients – if it contains vinegar or acid it’s not real sourdough) and make an appointment with a dietitian (not a nutritionist. Dietitians have training. Nutritionists have opinions).

Now let’s pretend you don’t know the above facts. You just know that dealing with meltdowns is hard. One day a friend tells you that cutting gluten helped them and you’re desperate for anything so you try it. You feel better. You have less meltdowns. You make an appointment with your doctor to tell them about this. The doctor runs a test and tells you you aren’t gluten intolerant. The doctor doesn’t ask any more questions. Maybe you try reintroducing bread back into your diet and your symptoms come back. Do you conclude that your doctor knows what he’s talking about? Or do you conclude that gluten is bad for you despite your apparent lack of gluten intolerance – maybe it’s just a poison! Maybe no one should be eating it!

I don’t have a point. Rather, I have several points.

The first and most important point is to get yourself checked for FODMAP sensitivities. Wheat is not the only FODMAP and if you tweak your diet a little you can have a much better time. 

The second point is that if someone tells you something stupid try to meet them with compassion. It might not be true that they have a secret gluten issue that the doctors are lying about, but it might be true that bread upsets their stomach and makes them miserable and they are telling you about this with the best language they have. It might be true that everyone else is either dismissing their problems or telling them that gluten is a poison, and by giving them a more even view (it probably isn’t gluten but did you know that wheat has other components?) you are opening up the world to them! This will be a lot more persuasive to them about the gluten thing than just telling them they’re wrong will be. 

The third point is that even if someone is wrong about why something helps they might have a point about it helping. Homeopathic hospitals had better survival rates in the 1800s because the doctors washed their hands. Buying gluten-free bread can help your autistic meltdowns by not triggering the IBS you don’t know you have. Asking why someone thinks something will get you a lot farther than just telling them they’re wrong. Curiosity is an awesome tool. Use it!

Shit’s complicated. We’re all just doing our best.

[livinganddyingatdisneyworld-blog]

First Week+

Hey ya’ll.

So my first week here has come and gone. Monday morning was more hectic than I would have liked. I was so tired and was running late, I had to pack up my bags very quickly and I had my Mears driver waiting for me. He had texted me about 8:30 and I didn’t see that til 9, and I got down to him at like 9:15. 

My check-in was at 9:30, and there was a line of cars this time, so my driver had to patiently wait til we got to the front of the pack. I don’t think anyone ever looked at my Boarding pass lol (Just my itinerary). Check-in was quick. I had a nice lady help me with my documents and they took my picture for my housing ID. (Patterson’s are yellow this year, meh) Being back at Patterson feels pretty good. It feels like home (aw). I had feared I might be triggered into some negative feelings but nope. If anything being back makes me realize how much time has gone by and that time heals all wounds, things here have changed and moved on and so have/(or should) I. 

So this girl gave me my new program guide with my apartment configuration on it. It said 1 bedroom/3 person. I’m in building 3 on the first floor. I met my two roommates later in the day on Monday. It’s only been about a week and a half but so far we get along OK, there are still some things that will need to be worked out, but we’ll get there I think. I get along better with one than the other too. The nice thing is that again I do feel very comfortable here already so it wasn’t hard to adjust. My roommates are both very like me, mid 20s, white, American, etc so we’re pretty similar, they are both straight though. Which might be a good thing as long as they aren’t the “toxic” kind of straight I tend to keep at a distance. 

Casting at 11 was confusing because of the way they scheduled the buses and because of the construction around the casting building (yay third parking garage!) I had to figure out what bus to take and when to walk down to Chatham (my least favorite part of Patterson) but I got there eventually. I was like 20 min late to both my check-in and casting but no one said anything, I did the best I could! This lady at casting asked me for my Blue ID and I said I turned it in to my leaders and she said that was the correct thing to do so that made me feel good. There was a nice girl they checked my documents for me and then a guy there to do the “Disney Look” check. My fingerprints still didn’t work and they guy that did them was a little aggressive about it but whatever hopefully it will be like last time as far as that goes. Going back in the casting building is definitely an experience lol. Afterwards a group of us had to wait for the bus so I talked to them for a bit. I got back to Patterson and met my roommates.

Our apartment is nice, fresh and has new carpet. I wasn’t keen on the the 3 in 1 and I ended up taking the top bunk, which works for me but again isn’t ideal. It was funny because it took the confusion out of trying to pick a roomie/room/bed away. I like the building because it’s still close to the main area but kinda off in it’s own space too, just have to walk a bit further than last time. (laundry and garbage won’t be fun, it’s a walk over there). At least I have less roommies and still manageable rent. 

Monday night I made my return to Disney Springs and had Yesake, it was so good to be back finally! I also went to Walmart that night and got supplies. Tuesday I had the day off and went the Boardwalk Bakery(the food has changed, prob won’t go there again). but I still love walking that area at night. 

Wednesday I had my housing at 3 meeting which was the same as last year pretty much. Not a big deal. I stopped in the Grid afterwards and was surprised how low on stock they are. I ended up going back to Walmart for more supplies and went back to Disney Springs for dinner. I went to Earl of Sandwich and tried the wine slushie at Amorettes - it was so good! 

Thursday I had the day free and used it to stay in and rest. I had considered this being a resort day since I couldn’t get into the parks yet but I was tired and it was raining so I stayed in. 

Friday I had my Traditions class. I counted 9 other guys in the room and I sat with 3 of them. The ones I remember are Arvin, JT, Diego, and Steven. We were all Merch which was cool. The class felt pretty fast/tracked and went fast. There were some awkward moments but I knew there would be. I was nervous about going back to Magic Kingdom but it ended up raining and so we played games instead and didn’t have to go. I was relieved. I was nervous about getting my Blue ID but it was there for me. The pictures on both my ID’s are...OK. I changed my pic on The Hub though. They gave me another name tag but I plan on using my old one with my hometown on it from my last program. Overall I did get emotional at certain points in Traditions, (at one point my eye would not stop watering) but it was pretty quick and painless. I was glad to have a later in the day time (mine was at 2:40 and I had to be at the bus/stop by 1:15). I will always prefer a later in the day time. No one in my Traditions seemed to be going to Epcot which was interesting, maybe like 2 others that I heard. 

I decided not to go to the parks that night and instead went to Disney Springs for another slushie and more Yesake! 

Saturday I had free which was nice, I decided that my first park entry would be Epcot of course, and then later in the day I would have my first ride be Flight of Passage. I went to Epcot just to check-out Mousegear and get a feel for it. I felt indifferent to be honest. Like not super-excited but not scared or nervous either. Everything in my program was what I wanted or asked for basically. The Commons would have been nice, maybe I should have been more open to other roles, I probably would have picked the May 21st arrival date if it was offered to me. But Fall Advantage/Merch/June 4th/ and Patterson are all great with me. When I found out I was going to Mousegear I was surprised and happy. Like I just didn’t want to be in MK again, and getting to learn more about Epcot sounded like a great way to spend my 2nd program. (I did not spend much time in Future World last year, I always walked quickly through it to get to World Showcase). Mousegear is one of the biggest shops in the park which is intimidating but I do not claim to know what is best for me (lol). It actually has great reviews from other Cps/Cms that it’s a great location for alot of reasons, it seems very well orgainzed and staffed and it’s an AC/inside area only. You still rotate positions but you only have to learn one store versus several locations. 

After my sneak peak at my new home at Epcot I got on the bus to Animal Kingdom. When I got there I went straight to Flight of Passage, the wait was long and my phone had died (having trouble with the battery). Also I want to note before I forget that the bugs this year seem to be bad (gotten several bites so far, last year not an issue) and when I first got here I had this itchy rash on my arms and neck and apparently I must have done something because the skin basically died and peeled off in those places. Weird! I thought it was a reaction from a bug bite or something. These are just things I was struggling with the first week. As well as figuring out my to-do list and where to put my stuff and trying to stay organized. I definitely spent more than I needed to but I figure it’s my first week and I want to be happy and start out strong and hopefully continue that way. I want to be better about time and money management and this program is a great way to focus on that. I need to figure out how best to get food when I don’t have a car. It’s a struggle. I spent a lot of time before this week getting my body in a good place and I have to keep up with what I’ve been working on. Traveling took so much out of me I was worried I would regress and get to busy to take care of myself but I’m really trying to stay on it. Appearance is everything and then that helps my confidence! I tried to make my hair blonder before coming here and that was another nightmare - I probably wasted like 50+ dollars just on my hair color lol, but whatever. As long as my acne stays in a good place that’s the main thing for me. My spray tan is wearing off and I need to have a pool day still. Shaving everyday is a nuisance and keeping up with it but that’s what you have to do.

Anyway so I went to Animal Kingdom and waited for Flight of Passage - worth it obviously. I really wanted to do at least Everest but didn’t have enough time, so I had dinner at the Canteen, which I’ve been wanting to do for awhile (it was..OK. I mean I love Tofu but I was still hungry after) and I spent 10$ on a tiny little Sangria that I didn’t need....but whatever. I can say I did it and now I know I don’t need it again lol. 

Overall it was a good night at Animal Kingdom, still much more I want to do (I tried to make fastpasses but realized that wasn’t going to work). 

Sunday was my Discovery Day, I had to get up really early and be there by 8am. I was so tired this whole day because I didn’t sleep much that night. It was a really magical day. I won’t go into detail but the boat ride, the welcome, it was all very magical. When I was riding SpaceShip Earth for the first time, I realized some things (lol). It just made me realize how great it feels to be in a place that I feel like this is where I am SUPPOSED to be. How during my last program especially at the end how I said goodbye forever (maybe to MK yes;) but to be at Epcot and realize that maybe I had never done these things before because the universe had plans for me later. (I honestly don’t think I’d ever been inside Mousegear, I just walked past it). My group leaders (4) were very fun and made the day special, I got emotional with alot of things they were saying. Most of my group was people from other countries, very few Americans (my small group was all Asian) It definitely makes me feel a type of way when the only country I’ve been to is Mexico and I don’t speak other languages, but these people are world travelers and speak several languages. One thing that did stick with me was the notion that even we as Americans are considered “international” by tourists from other countries. They look at us (maybe sometimes anyway) with the same interest that Americans look at people from other countries. After my Discovery Day I went home and went to Disney Springs. Here I really splurged and got Yesake AND Earl of Sandwich. I also tried to go to Morimoto Asia but I won’t be doing that again. When I went to Earl the cashier kept complimenting me on my eyes and said I was pretty. It was nice! At this point it had been two weeks since I left Younkers (my last day was Sat May 26th) and one week since I left Sioux City (Sat June 2nd)

Monday I had my first day of training. My trainers name was Casey. She is a former CP and has been at Mousegear for about a year. She is leaving to go work at Toy Story Land which is exciting. I was surprised to find out that they were considering me a “Transfer” and that I would not have to go back to DU for anything. Traditions you have to redo after 6 months (I’m at about 10 months) Dday makes sense since Epcot is new to me, but one day of training? I’ll take it as a vote of confidence but I am not sure I remember everything on the register, and it’s still a new location, things work differently. Casey was great with me through the day and I was so tired and probably not always coherent but I learned alot and got to ask her alot of the questions I had. We ended up arranging for me to have another day of Training on Thursday (her last day is Friday) and then my first regular shift will be on Friday. It kinda feels like I’m her replacement in some type of way. hmm...I’ve met two leaders so far and they seem nice, I also found out one of the coordinators is from MSE (Hi Catie) so I’ll be seeing her. I got HUB access, still deciding if I want to do Food&Wine, took the days off my mom wanted me too, looked at Rostr and took note of the CPs currently staffed at MG. There are currently 30 including myself that are listed as American Cps so that’s cool. Very few guys.There are 5 other guys (Dalton, Grady, Aaron, Charles, and Raul) and one former CP also named Aaron. I do not know how many Cps are new or old or extended or leaving soon (SA, Spring Extenders, Summer Alum etc) I hope I can find some people that can be my work friends but we’ll see....I’ll know soon enough who my allies are and who is not. I’m sure there will be new Cps coming for the Fall program too. On Sunday I decided to try to open Grindr and see who’s out there. I will keep it open for a week and see how it goes. If there’s no one of interest I’ll probably just delete again and wait til August when there’s new people here. I’ve had some of the same guys hit me up which is pretty funny. It’s super disappointing about the lack of guys and options but I will not let guys bring me down. I know they are missing out on what I have to offer so it’s really there loss. (and once you’ve turned me down, do not thing I will give you second chance, I will ignore you)

The main thing is that the people you see most are the people you live with and work with. I’m sure I’ll be getting to see some familiar faces of other castmembers at Epcot, Cps and non Cps, which I am excited about because there’s a lot of cool people that work there! Getting on a routine and figuring out the timing of everything is what I need to work on. Casey showed me that path from the Cast building (I got a locker) to sneak out by Test Track and then walk into the CDS. (the only place you can clock-in) The tunnel is super interesting but the break area is ...underwhelming. Very few selections for food. I never used the temp lockers before but I might here, we’ll see. If it’s raining I might have an umbrella with me. The only bathrooms are down there as well. Another weird thing is that you can’t have water bottles on stage, you have to leave them backstage which might be hard for me, we’ll see. I’ll like the fact that the store doesn’t stay open as late as MK and CPs usually get 2 days off per week. I still need to get new shoes, more socks, and trading pins (I’ll wear the “Earning My Ears” badge as well I suppose. I got my costume and it’s cute! Had a hard time with the pants but found my size. The shirt can be awkward but you just kinda of have to let it hang I guess. I have Tuesday and Wednesday off. Tuesday I had a headache and stayed in all day, later I went to Epcot and watched Illuminations for the first time and got some yummy fishNchips at the UK. I did not know there was extra magic hours so I hung out there til about 11, even though you can’t do any rides. I still need to make a “Disney Do” list but I’m slowly working my through. I don’t plan on picking up shifts ever but we’ll see. I should be open to that I suppose. Not until I have Mousegear down anyway. One more day of training which I’m sure will be alot and then my first days of work will be Friday, Saturday and Sunday. with Tuesday and Wednesday off. We’ll see how it goes! Fake it til you make it I guess. I obviously don’t want to look stupid or awkward, I don’t want to bother anyone with a bunch of questions, or have a bad attitude or have a bad experience with guests. I’ll just do the best I can! So far here has been pretty good, my first week has come and gone and week 2 is fastly moving! My main goals here are to have fun, do a good job, be on time, not let myself get sad or lonely, do more things that I didn’t get to the last time, and try to focus more on the future and my career. I want to use the program to build myself up, not let it tear me down. A fresh start and a second chance is just what I needed, I will miss my mom and Sioux City but this is where I need to be. I can work on keeping my money in check and use my time wisely. My goal is to slowly get on a routine by July 4th ish, one month mark. For sure by the time the transition period happens in August. Summer is my favorite time of the year though so I really just want to enjoy June and July and see what the future has in store. I am sure there are many twists and turns in the road between now and January.