#it wasnt supposed to be blood but maybe shouldve thought about that BEFORE making the scar a bright red

[mllenugget]

There's a she wolf in the closet, Let it out so it can breathe

I don't think child me was a super secret mastermind who created a queer-coded character who struggles with her identity and her body on accident But damn am I glad I have Agatha now for whenever gender dysphoria hits hard, I can just take it all on her (I'm fine btw)

Thank you mini-me for being an edgy animal fiction enthusiast

Lyrics from "She Wolf" by Shakira Credits to my friend @reboot-of-humanity for actually associating this song to Agatha in the first place

[heyitsyn]

Mess Up

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!!

a/n: lmao im really sorry about this :’( this is just a brain dump and something i thought of while i was watching the stage play and i was thinking about it last night until i fell asleep

p.s. your son’s name is natsu in this one and hes an oc so dont be confused as to who this guy is 😂

summary: your son accidentally stumbles through time and the only way he can go back is if his mother and father get together. the only problem? he doesnt know who his father is

he,,,, messed up

that was clear the moment he woke up to a supposed bicycle accident in early morning when it shouldve been a car accident at the dead of night

lets take a flashback shall we

natsu came home after volleyball practice around 8 at night and he stumbled through the front door where he could smell the delicious food that you were cooking

‘ma! tadaima!’

he shouted and you peeked from the hallway with your blue apron and ladle and a close-eyed grin

‘okaeri, baby!’

his slippers padded across the wooden floors to go to the kitchen and watch as you stirred the miso soup

‘how was practice, dumpling?’

omg i would totally call my future kids that though

he shrugged, even though you couldnt see him, and went to the fridge to grab a bottled water before taking a sip

‘inter-high is coming up so captain’s been making us practice longer’

he answered then went to jump on the counter beside the stove so you could see him

he turned silent as he inspected your features and how youthful you still looked despite going through so many stressful times and hardships of raising your son alone

but he was really wondering what was exactly your purpose of being here since you rarely cooked for him due to being busy at work and therefore coming home late

‘ma, why are you here early?’

you noticeably stopped for a second before smiling, eyes shifting from the pot to him

‘i,,, have something to talk about with you’

natsu blinked then leaned against the wall and crossed his arms

‘is it something bad? but youre cooking my favorite so it must be something good. then again, it might be something bad but you want to be on my good side so youre bribing me with-’

‘natsu’

you softly called out to him and he stopped

you turned off the stove and shuffled to the side so you could stand in between his legs

no words were said as a sad look passed your eyes and you cupped his face, looking at him

‘youve grown so much, natsu. ma is sorry that she wasnt here to watch you grow. can you forgive me?’

natsu let out a confused sound and he placed his hands on top of yours from his face then quirked an eyebrow

‘ma, whats going on?’

he slowly asked

you continued to look through every feature of your son and grimaced slightly as his father’s stood out much more than you thought

‘come. lets eat while we talk’

dinner was tense

it was more of the tension coming from you and natsu being so worried and confused that he couldnt even eat his favorite

suddenly, he slammed his chopsticks to the table, fed up with the silence and genuinely worried by your behavior

‘ma, tell me whats wrong’

you winced and swallowed before shakingly placing your own utensils down and looking at a stain on the table from when he was 5 and accidentally spilled dye from his tye-dye activity

‘natsu, i,,,’

you drifted off but he gestured for you to continue

‘first off,,, i want you to know that i love you and that i only want what’s best for you. second,,, i hope you will go through with this because i,,, dont want you to bear this,,, this grudge for the rest of your life’

‘am i adopted?’

he demanded but you looked at him in shock

‘what? no! we literally have the same hair color and eyes, dumpling!’

then he let out a relieved sigh

‘thats the worst thing i thought of so i feel better now. come on, hit me’

you chuckled but went back to talking

‘your father,,, wants to meet you’

nope, that was actually the worst thing he heard

‘father? what, father?’

he couldnt stop the venom that dripped from his words and you flinched because you knew he would act like this

‘we bumped into each other at the airport,,,, he told me about,,, wanting to meet,, you’

you mumbled, now concentrating at your laced fingers

‘well, you can tell him to fck off because the feeling’s not mutual’

natsu growled then continued shoveling down his rice but you reached out and softly placed a hand on his arm and sent him a pleading look

‘darling, i-,,, i dont want to do this either. but this hatred for him-your anger- i dont want you to live with this! this might not show now but it will affect you in the future with a-a future family! he will drag you down but if you just--- just talk to him once! just once-’

natsu banged a fist on the table and you gasped at the sudden sound

‘HE WANTED YOU TO KILL ME’

he shouted, anger and rage reeking from his spot across you

‘HE LEFT YOU TO FEND FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE HE WAS TOO MUCH OF A DAMN COWARD TO OWN UP TO A CHILD HE HELPED MAKE. OH SO WHAT- ALL BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO SCREW? A FUN TIME THEN THROW YOU-US- AWAY? NAH, MA, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO NEVER WANTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?’

you gulped because right now, you were able to see the similarity to his father

‘he just wants to see you-to talk to you’

‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? I DONT WANT TO SEE HIS FCKING FACE BECAUSE IF I DO, I MIGHT PLUMMET HIM TO THE GROUND’

‘natsu, please stop yelling at me’

you pleaded and he stared at you angrily but turned his gaze back to the chicken bites

‘every thought of him makes me angry so if i see him, i will lose every control i have. hes nothing but a stranger to me-wait, no, hes like dirt that deserves nothing but bad luck to come his way. its either he wanted me or cant have me. and he chose wrong so hes going to have live with it for the rest of his life and pretend i dont even exist. and thats that’

you ran your hands on your face then closed your eyes

‘natsu, you dont understand, we-- we were children! i was still a student! we didnt know,, we didnt know anything about babies! i-i feel like shite because i brought upon this rage in you towards him, your father! i want to make things right! to make peace!’

‘DO YOU THINK I NEVER SAW THE TIMES YOU SAT ON THIS SAME FCKING TABLE, LOOKING AT THE BANK ACCOUNT AND CRYING BECAUSE WE WOULDNT HAVE ENOUGH FOR FOOD TOMORROW? OR-OR WHEN YOU BEGGED-BEGGED- YOUR BOSS FOR MORE SHIFTS SO YOU COULD MAINTAIN A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD? YOU THINK I DONT SEE THAT SHITE?! BECAUSE I DO! I SEE IT AND IT STILL GIVES ME NIGHTMARES TO THIS DAY BECAUSE I COULDNT DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU! I JUST SAT THERE AND LET YOU SUFFER IN SECRET BECAUSE I WAS JUST A CHILD! AND DO YOU KNOW WHO’S AT FAULT WITH ALL OF THIS?! HIM! HES THE REASON WHY YOU SHED EVERY BLOOD, EVERY SWEAT, AND EVERY TEAR! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM I NEVER SEE YOU BECAUSE YOURE BUSTING YOUR ASS AT WORK FOR ME! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM THAT I PLAY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT SO I CAN BE SCOUTED AND EARN MONEY FOR US IN THE FUTURE! HIM! ALL HIM!’

angry tears were falling down his face and you stood up to hold him but he shot up

‘natsu-baby-please calm-’

‘WHO DOES THAT TO A CHILD’

his voice cracked and he hiccuped

‘IT DIGUSTS ME THAT I SHARE THE SAME BLOOD AS HIM AND I AM MADE WITH 50% OF HIM! AND I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE I REMIND YOU OF HIM, DONT I? I HATE THAT! HE DID THAT TO YOU!’

you held on to him and tried to tell him to calm down because you knew how distructive he could be

‘I HATE HIM. AND I CANT BELIEVE YOURE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO SEE HIM. HOW COULD YOU’

maybe it mustve been the stress from midterms and the competitions but his heart was hammering and he could see nothing but red and feel nothing else but anger running through his veins

‘no, dumpling, youre misunderstanding because i-’

but he swatted your hand away, eyes staring at his shoes

‘i need to get away right now. just- i’ll be at katsuki’s house. dinner was good so thanks’

he mumbled and rushed to the hallway, picking up his gym bag and quickly slipping on his shoes

you ran to the door and held on to him

‘natsu we can talk this out! please! dont go! just stay-’

he shut his eyes to calm himself down before turning and giving you a soft kiss on your forehead

‘ill be back tomorrow. just let me go blow off some steam, kay, ma?’

but he didnt even give you an answer because he was already out the door

--

the walk from his apartment complex to katsuki’s house should’ve only taken nearly 10 minutes but he was so pre-occupied and distracted that he ended up missing the turns and ended up in an unfamiliar street

based on his surroundings, he was in the city but he remained his gaze on his shoes, just walking and walking, not stopping

this caused him to miss the stoplight and he was the only person who continued walking, the shouts and yells from the pedestrians falling deaf on his ears 

but it finally opened up with a loud honking and a bright light that made him freeze in shock until it collided with him, sending him flying and falling unconscious

---

natsu groaned, not because of the pain but because of the bright light

‘oh god, i died and im going to the light’

he mumbled but a frantic shout made his eyes fully open up

‘NO DONT GO TO THE LIGHT! OH GOD! I JUST KILLED SOMEONE!’

natsu turned to the direction of the voice and he jumped then rolled over to get away but indeed, the pain from the collision stopped him

‘ugh’

he groaned and winced

‘hey, hey, you okay?’

the high-pitched voice asked and natsu raised his head to see the boy with orange hair kneeled down in front of him and hands hovering over him

‘i feel,,, ugh’

natsu sniffed and the boy helped him sit up so he could fully look around

‘where am i?’

he asked and the boy shuffled to kneel down beside him

‘japan. sendai. oh, im hinata shoyo by the way! so sorry i hit you with my bike!’

but natsu’s jaw dropped

‘hinata,,, shoyo?’

his eyes widened and he completely forgot about the pain as he stood on his feet, pointing at the tangerine

‘OLYMPICS!’

he shouted and he was getting scared, eyes drifting to everywhere and pacing in circles

‘did i,,,, no, that doesnt happen. damn izuku wouldnt shut up about doctor who. its not possible, just not! right?!’

hinata was now panicked and thought he really messed up the guy in the head because the h/c boy was now walking in circles, murmuring angrily, and face switching expressions every millisecond

‘oh my god, i need to take you to the hospital! i messed you up!’

hinata frantically grabbed his phone but natsu jumped and grabbed the device

‘no. no, its fine. i just-,,,, i dont remember anything’

natsu played and hinata’s eyes got even wider

‘OH MY GOD I REALLY DID SOMETHING WORSE!’

but natsu placed his hands on his idol’s shoulders to calm him down

‘no hospital, no needles, no medics. just,,, call your emergency contact or something’

it was quite funny that the victim had to console the cause of the accident but hinata nonetheless complied and hit the call button

‘your mom?’

natsu asked but hinata shook his head

‘no. my team manager, l/n y/n. she’d know what to do’

but natsu’s brain exploded

‘l/n,,,, y/n?’

my ma?

oh god i really did mess up

this is going to be a whole mess and i can already feel it but yanno what? imma just go with the flow and go through with your guys’ thoughts and ideas so in a way, you can control (??) the story?? idk i really dont know what im doing but i just needed to put this into writing bc ive been thinking about it since i woke up. also, do you think i should write this in a headcanons way or normal writing way?

[moontours]

can you talk more about Iron Man 2 Natasha versus other Natashas?? I feel pure joy when I see it <3

sure <333 ill break it up into sections by movie

iron man 2: shes literally the love of my life and the reason why i even started liking natasha in general but like outside of My personal feelings i do think this is the best iteration of natasha by far. her cover story for stark industries was SO good like do u know how clever u have to be to get around tony’s systems? and imo its literally the ONLY time in the mcu where we get to see natasha being a SPY even though thats a large part of her skillset. i loved the hallway scene in the end where she got to show off and literally singlehandedly take down all those guards and i loved the moment between her and tony before his birthday party. it was honest, vulnerable but subtle enough that it makes SENSE for natasha’s character. 

the avengers: hmm. probably my second favourite iteration of nat. i loved the beginning with her at her mission and then her manipulating bruce, i thought those scenes were both in character. also, ive seen ppl say that they hate that first scene where nat is being interrogated bc it makes her appear as weak when ?? i feel like it does the opposite ?? like shes literally only still tied up bc she wants to be, so that she can get more information. she is literally in control there, she was just waiting for the time to strike n had to do it sooner than later bc of clont getting compromised. anyways idk i like ta!nat i think shes fine but theres not much in terms of like. anything else other than Badass Character, u feel? also i HATED how scared she was of bruce/hulk. it left a bad taste in my mouth n i cant believe they tried a romance there after

winter soldier: maybe controversial but i hate her in this movie jrbjhabsjd or i guess hate is a strong word but i dont like her in this movie. like first of all the role shouldnt have even been hers??? it shouldve been sharon’s and it was supposed to be until they decided to replace sharon with her. her characterization in this movie is literally god-awful which imo led to her shitty characterization in endgame. she was genuinely humiliating when she tried to go undercover in this like idc how brief it is shes always ready (in dd v2 she literally wore a FULL disguise to visit matt as work when there was a lot of press so she wouldnt gain any attention for him. foggy didnt recognize her til she took off her wig) so the fact that she would put on a HOODIE ??? AND GO ??? TO A PLACE WHERE THERES CLEARLY CAMERAS ??? humiliating. the part where she was like 🥺🥺 would u trust me to save ur life ?? humiliating. natasha doesnt give a SHIT about what people think of her. frankly, all steve did up to that point was heavily judge her so she shouldnt care abt what he thinks. they obviously tried to make her a more emotional character in this but it just came off wrong lmao. i did like her last scenes though

age of ultron: ill keep this short—i dont like aou nat, i dont think it was a good representation of nat at all and i absolutely despise the brucenat romance with my entire heart. i did like her suit and fight scenes but thats it. theres not enough words to describe how misogynistic and wrong and disgusting it was for them to say natasha is a monster like bruce to make HIM feel better just bc she cant have children. 616 natasha sweetie.

civil war: the twist of her being the one to change sides was so lame i literally have to laugh like omg wowow the former spy ended up switching sides how unexpected i cant believe no one saw that coming. her being on tony’s side was the right call and the switch was stupid thats all lmao they just wanted her to stay with steve and sam after the team broke up which is literally stupid bc either way she shouldve been on her own. irritashun

infinity war: honestly not much to say she only had 6 minutes and all she did was Fight ppl so it was ur typical portrayal of nat. her eyebrows and hair were atrocious though. it shouldve been black hair as a nod to 616 nat’s tendency to dye her hair black in the old comics

endgame: oh boy where to even start. this is my least favourite iteration of nat in the entire mcu. i literally did not recognize her for a SECOND. before the movie came out, sc/rjo talked abt how we would see a pissed off nat ready to take action and i was really excited because THAT sounded like the nat i knew. but when the movie actually came, we saw her ?? moping ?? crying ?? eating a sad ass sandwich by herself ?? basically doing the emotional labour for the team because god forbid any of the men do it ??????? and the fact that they CUT OUT ALL OF HER COPING SCENES TOO LIKE THE TARGET PRACTICE, THE PUNCHING BAG??? i cant jbhjabsdhj it makes me SO fucking furious that they would make her some overly emotional character—like not to say that its a bad thing to be that, its not, but it’s also NOT natasha in any way. ive said this before but natasha’s grief almost ALWAYS manifests in the form of anger and u can explicitly see that in secret empire when she cries by herself for a minute, composes herself and gets ready to kill stevil. u can see that during hickmanvengers when its HER that realizes this is more than just taking sides, theres a bigger fight. i wanted so desperately to see a pissed-off nat and i was literally lied to. n then her ending lmao?!?!?!?! i dont even want to touch on that bc its going to get me so fucking mad jrbhavshgd abut i will talk abt it briefly: FUCK her ending FUCK the russos FUCK m&m and FUCK everyone who said this was empowering. it wasnt. she literally died for HER family, who she decided wasnt as important as clint’s blood family. thats BULLSHIT. its so stupid and the fact that she wasnt even able to reunite with everyone?? the fact that she died in the SAME DISGUSTING MANNER that gamora did???? like she didnt even make it to the FINAL BATTLE. how on earth do u treat ur first female hero (and one of the first female leads of the mcu in general) like that????? the fact that they didnt even give her a proper funeral bc they said that natasha is ~private~ like shes not some fucking loner or recluse. at the very least, we shouldve seen them mourning her properly (steve shedding one tear and bruce throwing shit around doesnt count) but they really said fuck women xo

[fisherfurbearer]

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

[sweetlialia]

Are we still talking about the movie?

To @rose-grangerweasleyisbae because her fics are Always trying to make the world a better place

“How could you do this to me? I thought I could trust you!

-Don’t you think you’re a little bit overeating, honey?

-Don’t honey me! You betrayed me!

-I betrayed you?

-You did! You knew it was going to happen, didn’t you? You knew and still…!

-Draco they are not real!

-Not real?” Draco usual pale skin had turned shades redder and he was breathing quickly, his hands flying as he repressed himself for screaming. “We saw them, Harry! They were right in front of us! We saw them dying!

-Draco calm down! They are not real! It’s just people acting. They only pretended to die.

-How can you pretend to die? I saw people dying, I know what it looks like!”

Suddenly there was no more screaming in the little flat Harry rented in muggle London.  For a few seconds, Draco’s cries seemed to be the only sound on earth as Harry felt his own heart shattering.

“Love…” was all Harry found to say as he walked the few steps separating him from his boyfriend, taking him in a tight hug. “I promise you, it was all fictive. A play like in the theatre. All the actors are fine, honey, I promise you.” He murmured, slowly sitting them on the floor as Draco’s body couldn’t stop shaking. “They all are fine.” He repeated in his lover hair, kissing softly his forehead until the sobs started to quiet. He knew it has nothing to do with the movie anymore, or maybe it still had, but he didn’t care. It was supposed to be a nice day, watching movies snuggled against each other on the couch as the rain keep pouring down. He had shown television to Draco and had often found him napping in front of a documentary; he should have guessed he wouldn’t understand it wasn’t another one. But as they watched the first two movies of the saga during the week, he had taken Draco’s reaction as a sign of his entertainment on the story, not as a sign of his misunderstanding. He too has shared a tear when Chuck had died and felt the adrenaline as the little group ran away from the Cranks, feeling hope as they crossed the desert in order to find the resistance.

“I’m sorry, Harry.” He heard, faintly mumbled against his shirt.

“It’s okay, love. It’s okay. I should’ve told you since the beginning. I should’ve understood sooner.

-So Newt is really alive somewhere?” he asked, looking up to him and Harry couldn’t help held him a little bit tighter. His silver eyes were still red and his eyelashes still held some tears, but the hope in his eyes still carried the fear he’d been living up to.

“The guy who plays him is.” he said softly. Taking out his phone, he easily found the latest update on his love life, offering it as a proof. “He’s still alive.

-But Newt is still dead.” Draco stated, looking down again, burying his face in Harry’s shirt.

“He’s not rea-

-I know, I understood. He’s a character. They filmed the actors playing on stage and put them on the television. But someone writes it down, right? And that someone decided he had to die. And even if he’s not real, he’s dead now. They could have made him survive the Flare with Thomas blood, as they did with Brenda. But no. They decided that a what? seventeen years old boy had to die. That because he wasn’t immune to a disease which wrecked and defined his entire life he didn’t deserve to live. That his blood is finally all that matter despite everything he’s been through; that love doesn’t save anyone; that he didn’t deserve to get on the boat and live his own happy ever after. Who felt like writing this bullshit?

-Draco, are we still talking about the movie?

-Would it change something?

-Yes. Because if we’re still talking about the movie, then I could tell you that the very end is in your hands. Nothing stops you from making him come back to life, just like they did with Gally.

-What?

-You could write the following. You can’t change what happened in real life but nothing can stop you from writing another ending to their story.

-Do you think I could?

-Definitely.”

As Draco looked up to him again, the glimmer in his eyes was back but a smile shyly spread on his face. “I could make them live again.” He practically prayed before catching Harry’s lips.

When he left his side and started looking for a piece of paper, Harry still didn’t know if his lover was going to write about Newt or someone else, and he knew that it didn’t matter.

[shazyloren]

Little Lyanna

Summary:  Jon is out of his mind with worry, trying to busy himself as his wife labours their baby into the world... They've been trying so long, and they had once thought it would not happen.

Notes: As you know, I am taking part in a challenge on tumblr by user 'JonerysFic' and 'MhysaOfDragons' in which for seven days from Valentines day I am uploading a new one shot. The prompts have been provided and the stories have all been written and I gotta say you're in for a lot of Jonerys content. So Day 7, the last day, 20th February, which is when I'm uploading this, the prompt I chose was 'Free Choice'. So I got thinking and decided to expand on my glorious reign series and give you the birth of their first child, Lyanna.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864576

----

Jon was going crazy.

Waiting for the arrival of his and Dany’s child had left him drinking with Tyrion in the hands quarter as a promise to Dany that he’d stay away while she laboured their baby. All of the dogs in King’s Landing were howling, due to the storm that had captured the city and by extension scared the inhabitants into staying inside. Lighting and rain, flashing and fierce. There had been four storms since he and Dany assumed the throne five years ago, but this had by far been the worse. Ironic that their child would also be known as Stormborn like it’s mother, but that also left deep rooted fear within Jon himself.

He wondered if she would survive, after all both of their mother’s had perished when giving birth to them, although Sam was dealing with her, the only person he trusted. But there was still this nagging feeling of fear within him that meant he was on edge and pacing the hands chambers all the while it was going on. He could stand on the Balcony and see their chambers from it, but he wouldn’t know what was happening.

They’d lost a babe already, after the first time they’d made love on the boat from dragonstone to White Harbour, Dany’s bleeding had not arrived. They didn’t count their chickens before they hatched, both of them knowing what happened to her last babe, but when her belly had began to swell with life they were joyous. Jon requested they not tell anyone, as only Missandei, Sam and themselves knew at that moment. But about ten weeks after the conception, Dany bled hard and the babe was lost.

She’d cried for weeks in private with him, they’d shared his chambers and it had been heart-wrenching to see her suffer. She put on a smile for the lords of Winterfell, and when they’d caught her crying she’d always played it off as the lose of her Dragon, which in a sense was also her child. So when her belly had become swollen once again six months ago, they’d been very joyous yet extremely cautious. Jon had not let her do anything, she was to relax for the first few months, must to her annoyance.

And now, she was in labour, a month early.

To make matters worse, Lord Baratheon and Lady Stark (Jon’s sister) had sprung upon them a surprise visit, which meant they too were in the hands chambers, drinking with him as the entertainment Tyrion had quickly thrown together for the visiting family got cut short. Daenerys was in the middle of giving a speech when she’d gushed on the floor and began to feel light headed.

She was early, and this was all the more reason Jon was worried. The chances of both of them surviving was very small, but he’d hoped that she had, they both had. If she was to go… Jon couldn’t even bare to think about it, he loved her so hopelessly that the even consideration that Daenerys Targaryen, his wife, his queen, would never see him again, would never look at him with those eyes, was completely consuming him

“Stop pacing, you idiot” Arya grumbled, fiddling with a knife, twisting it between her fingers. The Valyrian blade that Bran had bestowed upon her all those years ago, before he’s met his end… Jon shook his head and did as he was told. He may be the king, but when Ayra said to do something, he listened without question.

“It’s natural to be fearful, Your Grace” Tyrion countered, pouring red wine into his goblet and almost downing it instantly. “But I can assure you she’s in very good hands”

Jon knew she was, Sam had delivered several babies now including that of his sister, Sansa’s two children with her husband up in the north. He may be Lord of Horn Hill, but he also was their maester, and Jon trusted him more than anyone else besides Daenerys.

“Perhaps we can do something to take your mind off of everything, Your Grace?” Gendry offered. Nothing would take Jon’s mind off of it, he knew as such, but he took the bate and sat down at the table with the other three. “Are there any pressing issues that need resolving in the city?”

“We’ve been dealing with a speight of theft in flea bottom” Jon shrugs, reminding himself that flea bottom needs to be renamed as it wasn’t the hive of poverty it had once been in the era of the Lannisters rule. Jon and Dany had more than enough comforts here in the Red Keep that he’d make monthly donations of food and clothes that were worn by servants down to them and handed them out personally.

“Okay, let’s focus on that then”

It worked for maybe twenty minutes, until Jon swore he heard screaming all the way across the Red Keep. He knows he didn’t, it was more than likely his mind playing tricks on him, but still, it was enough to stop him from wanting to commit to the City’s issues and think about her instead.

He didn’t pray to the old gods, after all he’s seen in the world he doubted any god’s existence anymore, but he did pray to Sam’s ability that he’d keep her alive, both of them. He should’ve ignored Dany, stayed with her until the end, but it had been hours and she’d begged him to go until it was done. He wouldn’t if it was a case of not wanting to seem weak, or not wanting to see the birth, or perhaps if she did pass, she didn’t want him to see it in front of his eyes.

Whatever her reasons, it was a decision that was driving him crazy and fearful and almost alone.

“Sansa has birthed two children, both of which were successfully delivered by Sam, stop having a crisis you’ll look like you’re supposed to be celebrating your fiftieth name day” Arya was growing impatient and Jon did not blame her in the slightest, but had they known about the baby they lost, then perhaps she’d know why he was frightened for his Queen.

Sansa knew now, shortly after the war and her engagement and subsequent wedding to Gawen of House Glover, she’d come to Jon about bleeding heavily and unsure of anyone to turn too. She’d suffered a miscarriage and it had affected her mentally. Jon had offered comfort and told her the story of her and Dany losing one and from that moment, Sansa had dealt with the issue better.

“I’m her husband, she’s my Queen, let me worry” Jon sighs, thinking back to the times in which his worries were the living dead killing all of men-kind.

So much had changed and so much was still to change now that he and Daenerys were to become parents. The capital had been so happy at the news of their King and Queen welcoming a child soon, and thankfully, the other lords in the kingdom had too. Jon had struggled with it on some occasions. A child was something Jon had always wanted but never envisioned he would have when he was serving on the wall, but something that had come true and very shortly, he’d have to be a father.

Would he be a good one?

“Your Grace” Jon hears behind him and so he turns to note several guardsmen and Sam, the Maester and man he trusted amongst everyone else. He was covered in blood, as was to be expected after delivering a baby, but his appearance still filled him with dread.

“Is everything alright?” Tyrion is the first one to speak.

“Mother and babe are both alright” Sam nods and Jon almost wants to fall to his knees. The relief that over spills in his body is almost too much to handle. He doesn’t know whether to sit down, to run to Dany’s side, to kiss Sam even. “The Queen has lost a lot of blood however, so she needs to rest up for a few weeks, eat plenty and drink lots of water to get her up and running again” Sam takes a small pause. “It’s a girl”

Arya squeals piercingly into the air and yet Jon isn’t affected by it, he’s just shocked, his entire system falling apart as he imagines a small girl in his arms. A girl, a little daughter to call my own, our beautiful miracle, our beloved angel . Jon needs to see them both, he need to hold her in her arms and look at the beautiful life he and Dany created together.

“Can I seem them?” Jon ask, knowing that even if Sam said know he’d still go anyways. Sam just nods and that’s all Jon needs to start a quick pace towards his own bedchambers.

The halls are quiet when he leaves Tyrion’s chambers, only guardsmen with smiles on their faces as Jon feels glee and anticipation build in his chest. He follows the way to his chambers that he was so familiar with at this point, seeing servants cleaning and clearing stuff away, seeing cats up on the balcony, seeing the steps to their space. She was there, his little princess was waiting for him, and his queen too.

When he reached the door to his chambers, he was greeted by Missandei who was holding sheets covered in blood, she was smiling brightly when her eyes connected with Dany’s. Clearly happy both the Queen and the girl were okay. She gleefully grins before heading off in the direction Jon came from, leaving him to open the door.

The sound he was greeted with was like music to his eyes, a soft gurgling and a sweet song that melted away every fear in his body. He did not know the song, he thinks perhaps she made it up, but her voice is tunely and melodic and the happiness that was radiating from it was enough to send Jon wild. He sees them then, Dany, sat up in the bed with a small clothed babe in her arms. Jon, in an instant, is at her side.

“Stars above” Jon whispers as Dany kisses him on the cheek. “She’s absolutely perfect”

As he looked at her, he notices she has been born with a thick head full of hair, black hair like his own and a little bit all over the place. Her eyes however, magnificently violet and delightfully wild. Jon knows the babe can’t see them both yet, but she was content just being in her mother’s arm.

“I’m glad you’re here” Dany sighed, Jon knew she was tired. “She needs to hear her Father speak to her”

She passed him over and for what felt like hours, Jon just held her in his arms and looked at her. She was the most perfect creation that has ever been because of him. He loved her with every drop of blood in his veins, every breath in his lungs and ever word in his mouth. He whispered to her, promised her that he would protect her until his last breath, love her until he could not any longer and he even shed tears. He was sensitive in the moment but he did not care.

She was a dream.

“I want to call her Lyanna” He says out of nowhere, not having heard anything Dany had said, just cut off from it all as he stared at the perfect babe in his arms. “I think my mother deserves that” He stated. After everything his own mother went through, everything she and his real father gave up for him, and after wanting to know about her and finally finding out the truth, Jon felt sure that was the little babe in his arms name. “If that’s okay with you”

“Little Lyanna Targaryen” She sighs, sleep wanting to take his wife over. She was now laying down, hoping to get a moment of sleep. Jon did not mind, it meant he got to hold his babe for longer. Little Lyanna Targaryen, it was. “I like it, then if we have another one, we’ll call him Robb”

If we have another one, we’ll call him Robb.

Jon liked the idea, but they had everything they needed for now. Him, his queen and their beautiful Princess Lyanna. A life Jon never envisioned, but one he was grateful of nonetheless.

[feel199x]

 gang!au, gang member!han jisung, florist!reader, underground band!au

chapters: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X masterlist

warnings: angst and themes of abuse and trauma

🌸 a/n: i actually finished this fic, and it’ll be up in my queue to post over the weekend! it’s kind of exciting to be finally finishing this fic! a hint  for the next chapter is at the end!! hehe

🌸 song rec: arsonist’s lullaby

Your eyelids were still heavy when you awoke. In front of you, though your eyes still blurry you made out a flower vase. You tried to move, suddenly desperate to feel the petals against your fingertips. Even though they were azaleas, petunias, globe amarths, carrot flowers, and asphodels- all dressed in a void black vase. You knew what it meant, you knew what it threatened. But you found your arms sore, propped up and irritated from the handcuffs that hung from the ceiling. As you looked down, your head getting too heavy for your neck to support, you found yourself surrounded eglantines, lemon and peach blossoms, lungworts, phlox, and red rose petals. You couldn’t help but let out a choked sob, your wrists burning, the metal digging into your skin. You arms stayed propped up, but the numb feeling began to spread through your body. You didn’t even look up as he came in, even as he made sure to slam the door shut.

“You know why you’re in here?” You didn’t answer, your voice all used up from crying. You could feel his fingers on your jaw, propping your face up so you could look straight up at him. You couldn’t make his face out completely, your vision blurred but not fading. There were already bruises there you knew, and he pressed down on them further. “Do you? I try so hard to control myself, and here you are, still acting up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? I should just leave you here, let you learn your lesson.”

His thumb rested against your chin, looking at you intently- what could almost be mistaken as sympathy. It was deja vu, sitting there like a doll. “But I can’t resist you, can I?” No, you guess he couldn’t. That was the funny thing, right? He couldn’t expect to, how could he resist these primal urges? He talked and talked about nothing, and you were glad that you couldn’t pay attention to his words anyway, mind foggy and complacent. “I even brought you flowers. You didn’t have these in your shop, huh? So I got them. I’m a good husband.”

“Husband?”

“Good thing you’re pretty.” He got up, reaching over you and pulled something off your, well, ring finger. “See that? That cost more than your stupid shop.”

Stupid shop.

He slipped it back on, sitting back down next to you as he continued to talk.

“How long,” you paused, voice weak and raspy, quiet, “has it been?”

He seemed surprised by your question, eyebrows digging into his forehead in sudden anger. He got up and paced around the cramped room, not even bothering to watch him as you stared down at your own clothes- crinkled and dirty. “Why do you care?” he seethed, “I could treat you better than he ever could. A low-level drug dealer and a shitty, amateur rapper. Do you see lover boy here? No, you don’t. ‘Cause he’s dead.”

You let out a small gasp, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes and you looked at him. “What did you do?” you weeped, “Please- please, please tell me what you did.” His pacing came to a stop as he looked at you, face contorted with anger. “I got my co-workers to shoot him and friends dead, that’s what I did. Because you’re mine. Always and forever.”

You didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t- he couldn’t exactly be trusted. You grew impulsive, angry with him. Jisung would never, Jisung could never. He wasn’t that type of person- he could never take advantage of people, he could never keep something like that from of you. And here your captor was, smothering ash over Jisung’s name. But you knew he wasn’t lying about shooting Jisung and his friends, even if you didn’t want to believe it. He had tried the same thing with your family back then too. You felt guilty, at fault like you were the one behind the trigger. Anger bubbled like sparkling in your throat like bubbling water, steaming with impulsivity.

“You should kill me too then. I’d rather rot in the ground next to Jisung than spend another second looking at you.”

You knew your goal should’ve been to play the long game, especially after your failed attempt some time ago. How long has it been? You weren’t sure, there weren’t any windows in the room- and the white painted walls burned into your eyes. If you made him angry now, it would only take longer to gain his trust, but the damage was already done- you could feel the blood pouring out of the back of your head. You might’ve been dying, but you didn’t really care. You couldn’t even feel the pain from the hit from the adrenaline, so you continued to push your luck. Because it was true, Jisung had kept you going, your shop had kept you going. How would you ever be able to look another flower without seeing his face?

“He loved me better than you ever did and he didn’t even ask me to be his lover yet. Lover boy is better than you even dream about.”

It wasn’t like you to speak out of your turn, especially with the looming threat of death. You were too far gone, the warmth of blood streaming down your back. The bruises on your jaw from your grip deepening in color as his grip tightened, yelling some nonsense.

Still, even as he looked into your eyes, his breath hot on you- all you could think about was Jisung. How could you not? Your mind swam through melancholy memories.

You were in his arms tonight. His arms drooped over your shoulder, his head pressed against yours- lips brushing against your jaw as he whispered commentary about the movie you were watching. You were leaning against his chest, feeling his heart beat against your back. Knees propped up as his legs circled around you.

“I love you,” he murmured, “probably more than like, shrek.”

“I would hope so, shrek doesn’t feed you,” you paused, “But I love you too.”

And it was true, but you were unsure of the extent of your infatuation and devotion he was refering to. You wanted to say you were in love with him, but it was too much of a risk. If you scared him off now, who would come by your flower shop to spend time with you? Who would carry you off your bed during the weekends just to go to the convience store. Who would wrap arms and limbs around you and sing you to sleep at night after nightmares, after remembering? Did it even matter? You’ve never felt like this before, the only thing that came close was your devotion was your flowers. Maybe it should’ve scared you, that suddenly there was someone with so much importace to you, on the same level as the only thing that got through the Incident. You turned your head, the side pressed against Jisung’s chest. His arms moved to wrap around you waist, tightening around you. Your nose was touching his, lips only a breath away- but he was crying.

“Jisung,” you said softly, “Why are you crying? You chose this movie.”

“Do you think people in love will always end up together?”

You laced your hands in his, intertwining the both of them. “Of course,” you whispered, “Love finds a way.”

You thought it would happen then, his lips practically on top of yours- but it didn’t. He turned from you, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down- something caught in his throat. “Even if the person lied?”

“I guess it depends on the ‘sung. As long as it wouldn’t change your perception of the person in a way that hurt the relationship too much, I think they could make it.”

“What if it did? What if the person wasn’t as good as you thought they were?”

“Sung, is something going on? You can talk to me, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

“You can’t. I can’t. We can’t.”

“Sung,” You cupped his face, making him look at you. You turned around, and his embrace loosened but remained around your waist. “I love you. You’re my best friend. I love you more than my shop. I promise that I always will, no matter the circumstances. You’re a good person, I know that. I promise, I pinky-promise.” You held up your pinky, and he brushed away his tears wrapping his finger around yours.

You don’t remember exactly what he had said before he left, something about a band dropping out of the club he played at. He had gotten a call and gathered his things almost immediately. You offered to go with him, you always wanted to see him live with his fans but he always refused. He said that it wasn’t your scene, and all grimy- it wasn’t somewhere you should be, not a play for someone pure as you. But you didn’t feel pure and insisted that he was the purer of you two. But it didn’t matter, when Jisung’s mind was set, it was set. He kissed your forehead, and before the door close he wrapped his pinky around yours without another word.

And then Jisung disappeared again.

It wasn’t the first time, but it was one of the longest. The days dragged on, the day having to pull and drag the night up into the sky. Even the sky’s star shined dimly, there only because of obligation. Ever since you started making arrangements back home at your mother’s flower store, you never liked roses much. But now you were starting to understand people’s obsession with them. It was an iconic symbol of love, everyone’s go-to, and you supposed there was a good reason for that. Its smell was sickeningly sweet, and the petals like velvet. You started getting letters in the mail. It happened every day. And even though you were flattered, you began to get worried. Worry arising.

After four months, you finally saw Jisung again. He kept somewhat in contact, but he had been busy. There were two months with complete radio silence, and one night you saw news coverage of shots fired in a car chase. You hadn’t put two and two together then, not even as you saw Jisung slightly limp as he moved around your store. You remember being conflicted about asking him, but as he kept telling you about his stories featuring his group members, you got lost.

That’s the night it all happened.

But before that, way before that. Maybe it really was love at first sight.

After the hose incident, you found Jisung lingering around your store until closing time. He had brought sweets every day for two weeks until you invited him back up to your apartment.

“Thank god,” he groaned, “My grandmother said if it didn’t work this time, she was going to interfere. Jokes on her, though, I’ve been stealing sweets forever.”

You laughed, getting bold after closing the shop and tugging at his wrist as you pulled him up the metal spiral stairs. “I would be more worried about Minho,” you teased, “you’d better not be slacking off during practice or he’ll chew you out.”

“Ew, ugh! Don’t remind me.”

“So, um,” you looked down, “What do you want to do?”

“Can I pick a movie?”

He had chosen a romance movie, you could’ve gone to the theater instead, but he insisted that he would pay you back for the fee- and that going to the theater would never be better than streaming at home. You didn’t mind romance movies, they were fun to watch. But during the less tense parts of the movies, you could feel yourself falling asleep and before you knew it your head was on his shoulder. If you were less sleepy, you would’ve freaked out as he pulled you closer is fingers lightly drawing shapes on your hips. You awoke when you felt Jisung’s chest heave and you looked up to see him crying. It was the first time you saw Jisung cry, and it broke your heart.

“Jisung, are you okay? We can change the movie if it’s too much…”

“No! Sorry, it’s just…”

“It’s just?”

“I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than love. I’m going to have a love like this one day. And I can’t wait. Thinking about makes me cry.”

 You were awake now. Eyes glazed over, still heavy with exhaustion and sleep. The blood down your back had dried now, you could feel your hair all bunched together and sticky with the flaky dried and blood. It was throbbing, pulsing almost- the headache was unbearable. How long has it been? How long would it be? You tried moving your legs, a numb static began to make you grow in discomfort. It was for the better though, because otherwise you would’ve felt the rope digging in and around your ankles. It was hard, you had to press your wrists further against the cuffs in order to help yourself. It was awkward, like a baby learning how to walk. It must’ve been hours when you stood there, the feeling finally returning to your legs. Your arms were relieved with the ability to relax, even if they were in an awkward position. They were still strung up, but at least your upper arm could relax.

The flowers in the room had been replaced, but the petals around you were starting to become crisp and brown. Alstroemerias, altheas, arbutus, red and yellow balsams, Japanese rose, jumpers, and kalmias. It made you shiver with disgust and fear. Where was he getting these flowers? Was he going back to your shop? 

You collapsed suddenly, your legs caving in on yourself. Your wrists pulled at harshly as your knees hit the floor. Have you eaten? You couldn’t have, how long has it been? Your stomach began to turn, you were hungry, but that was the least of your worries. Was Jisung really dead? What about his friends, Minho, Chan and everyone else? Were they dead too? How were you to expected to live with yourself, knowing you had brought his misfortune on all of them? If they were alive, how could you expect them to forgive you for the mess you had made? You couldn’t, and you would have to live with the guilt of hurting Jisung for the rest of your life. Because you knew it was dangerous, falling in love with someone knowing that it could be turned against you at any moment- but you did anyway. And now you had dug your own grave. Thoughts were growing difficult to form, the space growing through your coherent thoughts. All you could was feel.

How much time has passed? Months? Weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes? All you knew was white. You could see the walls fill in the spots in your vision. It was irrational, but you began to hate the white painted walls. The lack of color was draining you, except for the vase in front of you. You wanted to kick it, destroy it completely- you wanted to move and release everything- every emotion and irrational thought boiling with impulsivity in your head. The only thought going through your head, getting louder and louder, blocking the diminishing number of coherent thoughts.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

You cried, even as dehydrated as you were. Your voice was raspy, and you couldn’t even speak words of comfort to yourself. You couldn’t remember, you couldn’t make them out.”It’s…going….to...be...okay.” Maybe it was pathetic but you were the only one you could lean on. You couldn’t hang on to the hope that someone was going to rescue you, especially if the only people you were dead- or angry because of the mess you had caused.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

You looked up, vision spotty and glazed with tears, and nodded desperately. You were mad at yourself for giving in so easily. “You’re pretty like this, “ he cooed, “All broken down and desperate.” He stroked your hair, fingers getting caught in your bloodied hair. “I bet you’re hungry, hm? I’m not going to let you go, so you’re going to have to let me feed you. I’d hate to have to...well, you know.”

You wish you didn’t.

 It felt like you were giving in as you ate, the food dry and difficult to swallow. He sat there for a while. The water he made you drink missed your mouth and streamed down your neck. You sat there, helpless, unable to clean yourself. “What a pretty mess,” he murmured, “What a pretty mouth. Just for me.” You hated him, you did. You hated him like forest fire, like the damage of a natural disaster. He disgusted you, he was disgusting- time and time again, he had taken everything that mattered to you. And he won. You felt pathetic, useless. Jisung was dead, dead and gone and you felt like it was all your fault. It made you shake, your heart thumping against your ribcage, begging to get out.

His phone rang, the ringtone burning in your ear. “Yes… I told you...Just get it...Dead.” He must’ve heard you lean against the metal cuffs, because he got up. He smiled, using his thumb to wipe the water off your lips. You were beginning to panic again, maybe it was a small chance that he was talking about Jisung and stray kids, but any chance was big enough to get worried. Before he closed the door, before you could give a second thought: “Help me take..a bath. Please.” Even with your soft, raspy and broken voice, it was enough to get his attention. Words were getting harder to form, it was getting to harder to even think- but you had to warn them, even if you don’t know what the danger was. Because if the call was about them, some of them were alive- and that meant you could clean up some of your mess, or at least make up for it. He ended the call quickly, uncuffing you. You arms immediately dropped, hands slamming against the floor.

“I knew you would come around. But you’d better behave. I don’t care if I have to hurt you to keep you complacent.” You watched as he pulled at your legs, untying the rope that kept your legs together. You struggled to get up, so he opted to carry you, throwing you over his back. It hurt your eyes to be flooded with color as he carried you to the bathroom. The bath ran and you sat in the warm water, he was watching you as he sat on the toilet cover. The feeling was returning to your body as the water in the filling bathtub lapped against you. “Help...me.” You didn’t want him to touch you, you never wanted to feel his fingers brush against your bare skin. You didn’t trust him, and you never would. Especially not after he did, or tried to do with Jisung. But more than anger, you felt guilt. It was overwhelming, contradictory feelings making your head spin even more. You shuddered as you felt the soap against your back.

“I missed you,” he murmured, “I’ve been searching for you for so long, waited for you so long.”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as he continued. “I watched you for months. I wanted to take you and carry you away in the night, but I wanted to make him watch. He needed to know you were mine.” You felt hot water pour over your head, the bathtub becoming decorated in a red tint. “I almost gave up, I thought I had lost you completely. But then I saw you with lover boy. I wanted to kill him right there, I wanted to kill everyone but you. He gave a good fight though, beat the shit out of me. But guess who’s dead and who’s got the love?” He laughed at that, massaging something into your hair and picking at the flecks. You felt your wound burn and you moved to cover it, but he slapped your hand away. “Me. I won. You’re all mine, and if I ever see him again. I’ll kill everyone. I’m the only one who loves, okay? Not Jisung, not anyone else. You’re mine.” You heard him murmur that again and again. “I love you, you’re mine, mine.” You brought your knees to your chest, glad that the water hid the fact that you were crying. He didn’t push you to get up though, at least he was that decent. You watched as the red water swirled down the drain. He left and brought a towel, and your dress was clean and pressed. He sat on the toilet cover again, watching in case you wanted to pull something again.

This time you walked, content with being able to feel your weight shift as you walked. You knew this feeling, what it felt like to be completely devoid of basic powers. He led you back to the room, watching the phone in his back pocket. As you entered the room, you took an interest in the flowers. They were beautiful, despite what they meant. It was the only color in the white void of a room, and it mocked you. Your fingers caressed the petals, and the smell was haunting. Your heart was beating again, and you did your best to keep your face blank.

“Aren’t they nice? I got them just for you. You don’t even know what they mean, do you?

“No...tell me.”

“Nah. It’s a secret just for me.”

He moved to set up your ties again, and you got up, legs wobbling with a slight shake as your grip around the black vase tightened. It was now or never. It didn’t happen in slow motion- you knew that wasn’t possible. But you watched as the vase shattered against the back of his head, falling, bursting into tiny pieces as the flowers fell to his feet and he toppled. You knew there was no way he would be down for long, so you fished the phone out of his pockets. You panicked as you ran around the large house, searching for a room to hide in the meanwhile. His phone was locked, but you saw the screen unlock as you typed in your anniversary. You didn’t know where you were, a random room with various boxes. You slide the closet door open, met with the smell of mothballs but you entered anyway. There was a lot of stuff, and you piled things on top of you as you typed Jisung’s number.

It fell to voicemail, and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“Jisung….it’s me….don’t have time, please...he’s send..ing...someone. Be safe..please...I’m in love.... with you. I’m sorry.”

You ended the call, typing in the emergency number.

“What’s your emergency?”

“I’m trapped...abducted.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“Okay, stay calm okay? Please stay on the line as long as you can.”

“Can’t..he’s coming. Oh god, I’m as good...as dead.”

“Can you tell me his name please?”

“_____”

“____, as in the gang leader?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to stay on the line okay. Do you remember where you last were?”

“Boseong, my shop...flower shop..mirror.”

You heard the door slam open and the closet door slide open with a large creak.

“Sweetheart? Are you still there? Sweetheart, stay on the line. Is he in the room-?”

“Caught.”

azaleas: fragility

petunias: your prescense soothes me

globe amaranths: immortality, unfading love

carrot flowers: do not refuse me

asphodel in a black vase: death threat

eglatines: i wound to heal

lemon blossom: fidelity in love

peach blossom: i am your captive

lungworts: thou art my life

phlox: our souls are united, unanimity

alstroemerias: devotion

altheas: consumed by love

arbutus: love only for you

red balsams: touch me not, impatient resolve

yellow balsams: impatience

japanese rose: beauty is your only attraction

jumpers: asylum, aid, protection

kalmias: treachery

[ismellvinegarandfries]

I dont really talk but, let’s talk about college, entrance exams, denial and responsibilities

So I recently applied for college and thankfully got accepted, the exams gave me a three day coma and on top of that I moved from one country to another bringing with me schoolworks that I needed to handle on air, land, sea and on family outings that drained me so much.

But anyway, I took the exam and waited for the results. It came out and I was points away from the required score.

I was on a status that required me to prove myself, but hold up. Mind you, we are new to our surroundings and our relatives didnt even had the slightest clue on what the hell we were supposed to do.

It was stressful enough and I had this heavy feeling in my chest that, shit I failed myself and my plans. They didnt accept anymore students who had the same case as I have and that I shouldve been earlier.

This is a situation to blame ourselves, but the fact that I sent out emails that inquired some sort of ‘consideration’, way back before the new year and when I wasnt in the country where the school is. Way back even when the school was remotely busy to accept newcomers.

Facebook, google mail, yahoo mail.

No reply.

Four messages about what could be done about me being a late comer, because Im outside of the country and one urgent email about the date that is available and when I would arrive to the email they presented on the website.

No reply.

I later find out that those emails werent even updated, so I sent my concern to those emails too, and their contact number was probably not even working.

Relatives were busy at their own lives that we could forgive, they had rough too or maybe they just did things not the way we wanted it to be. But it was for the better if it were to familliarize me and ask and shed blood, sweat, and tears to make it all worth it.

Went to the school and their clerks would say ‘sorry we dont know, please proceed to the department instead’, we then go there and find out that the department is always deserted and the faculties werent really open to visitors. People werent there or maybe we just had bad timing.

We went for another time, this time earlier and fresh for the day. Im particularly nervous and I thought my exhaustion would finally be replaced by joy, but then;

'Please come back on xxx-xxx, were busy’

No information and details and to what it was online, no warning or notice put on their website. Not even the clerk knew of it or even warned us days before and surely not just minutes ago after asking about what we could do for my case.

I was beyond frustrated and just out of motivation, we asked what we could out of the clerk. But it always lead to a 'we dont know’, I begged my mother whom was with me most of the time since she knew the place better than I did, I begged her to inquire more and arrange things (I wasnt fluent in the language of the place we were in, but I could understand them)

Alas, we were always left confused and unsatisfied and my mother was catching cold and allergies from commuting and the processes we had to go through. For myself, I was fighting adjustment, knowing as much as I can about the school and its standard, and I was juggling the responsibilities I left. A thesis and multiple other exams.

I couldnt sleep, but definitely woke up to the email that I was up for an interview and was going to be considered. I thought I could take the challenge, I need to prove myself.

But then, the date of the supposed arrangement was wrong for me to be qualified.

Thats when I thought, maybe I should start worrying.

We waited for two twenty four hours for a reply from an email I sent, for a clearer arrangement (we couldve gone but it was later revealed that the day I sent the email and the day after that they werent available, they didnt put not a single notice online about this)

And I was right, I was going to enroll and the person who was absolutely so nice and kind broke the news to us that I wasnt no longer going to be considered.

It hurts, it weighed down what I felt much more. The rush we went through to move out of where I was born to catch the entrance exams, our responsibilities that were left but had to resolve while travelling. The schoolworks I had to do because my classmates trusted me and my teachers were proud of. I needed to study while I had jetlag, while I chucked jackets in my bag, while I did an essay, and wake up at five to work harder because I had to leave early.

It was so disheartening, I wasnt able to study well because of the pressure of catching the right date to leave. And also because my parents couldnt afford residency there anymore, we needed to exit and throw our things in boxes and whatever we could.

The feeling of being a failure and not smart enough to know these things in order for me to be still considered. The chances and the promise of good education, it was so painful.

All because no reply came back to me.

[parksfabray-blog]

Stand By Me | Dominer

Who: @dominicjamesjones, @skypucks, & @pfabray

When: Friday, January 12th 2018

Where: Dom’s place

Notes: Parker goes to Dom’s place confronts him on why he has been distant and she gets heartbreaking news.

Triggers: Death, Alcohol.

Skylar knew that today was important for her to be there for her friend. Granted she didn't feel right about being there, like she didn't feel right be there a year ago. She placed the empty bottles on his counter and walked back into the living room where she came from "Im gonna go, I didn't find anyone to cover my shift, but obviously there's water in your fridge." She said as she fixed her hair as she looked at her friend. "Are you going to be okay if I leave? If not, I can text Parker and Im sure she'll be over here in two seconds."

Dom had been drinking a little bit but wasnt completely wasted, at least not like the night before. Today was a hard day and he wished he could just fast forward it all. He didn't want to feel it anymore. That loss the day his grandpa died. He was sitting on the couch and the one person that he called but shouldnt have was Skylar. She was the only one that understood. She was there that night when he got the call from his mother. He didn't even get to say goodbye. "It's fine" he shook his head. "You can go if you want I'll be fine" he stood up and felt dizzy a bit. "I'll walk you out." he said nodded towards the front door of his new house. Dom blinked slowly and he moved towards the door. "Thank you." he spoke. "For being here. I'm sorry I'm a mess."

Skylar slowly nodded. "Alright." She said softly and watched him stood up. "You dont have to, its fine." She followed him towards the door and stopped as she looked at him. "Not a problem, we're friends now right? Nah, no need to apologize. Really, you're allowed to grieve and work through your grief." She gave him a small smile before she gave him a hug. "Now, call that girl of yours." She gave him a knowing look and opened up the door. She started to walk and stopped before she turned to face him. "I mean it Dom. She needs to know."

Dom hugged her back briefly and he walked her outside. "I know I know. I'll tell her." He nodded. Dom paused as they were outside and he leaned over and pulled her into another hug. "Thanks again. I just..needed someone you know." He watched her leave and as he walked back inside he got his phone out to text Parker. -hey, so i need to talk to you about that thing that I told you i wanted to talk to you about. can you come over?- He pressed send and starred at his phone waiting for a response.

Parker was glad that Avery's regular babysitter was able to watch her, since she couldn't help but think about what was going on with Dom. She didn't want Avery to worry about her. She slipped her hands into her dress pockets as she paced back and forth, waiting to hear something from him since he ghosted, kind of anyways. "Fuck it." She grabbed her keys, grabbed her phone and headed over to his new place. She made sure that her door was locked and headed over to his place. Parker felt her heart dropped when she saw Skylar leaving his place and hid some bushes when she saw him outside with her. Was it the thing he wanted to talk to her about? She couldn't believe this was happening, nothing was making any sense. She poked her head above the bush and saw him pulled her into a hug. No, no. This was insane. She felt her phone vibrate a bit later and pulled it out. She stood up once she knew that Skylar was gone and headed up to his front door. -I'm at the front door.- She pressed sent, pocketed her phone and felt her blood boiling.

Dom sat up straight on the couch when Parker texted back so quickly. That was fast. He frowned and then went to the front door. He was a little tipsy but not drunk drunk. Not like she's seem him before. He opened the door and smiled. "Hi" he said. "What did you do run over here?" he asked a little sad chuckle came from his lips. He let her inside. "I'm sorry its still a mess. I havent had the motivation to unpack just yet" Dom wasn't in his usual chipper mood and for good reason. But Parker seemed upset maybe? "Is everything okay?" he asked.

Parker took a couple of breaths as she tried to control her emotions and looked up when she heard him open up the door. "Hi." She said softly and shook her head. "No, I was actually on my way over here." She looked at him, knowing that he was tispy and swallowed hard when she heard the chuckle. She shut the door behind her then moved into the living room, liking the place better than her own and closed her eyes. "No, um. I need to know if Skylar and you are back together because I refuse to be that girl who had high hopes of us getting back together when apparently she's over here and how much have you drink? Because if you're going to be drinking again, then Avery's not going over here until you're sober a.and I wont be with you if you're heavily drinking again and." She rolled her eyes at herself since her nerves got the best of her.

Dom frowned. "What?" he was so confused and Parker seemed so upset. He knew that telling her what he wanted to know was going to break her heart. "Im sorry, I'm sorry" he walked towards he and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm not with Skylar. I'll explain okay. Just let me explain. I had a couple drinks I know I'm sorry. I just...today is a hard day." he couldn't help it when the tears started to fall from his eyes. He shook his head and sat down on the couch. "I don't want to tell you. Because I don't want you to feel the way I'm feeling right now and how I felt this way last year." he was almost balling now. "You might want to sit down" he said as he looked up at her.

Parker looked at him before she let out a breath and rested her head. "Thank god or I mightve done something stupid. Im sorry, Im sorry." She said. She looked up to see tears rolling down his cheeks, making her on the verge of tears and wiped them from his cheeks. "Baby, what's going on." She sat down next to him and rubbed his back. "Hey, whatever it is, we can work through it together as a team." Her head was spinning in all kinds of different directions now.

Dom shook his head. "I shouldve told you last year. But we werent in a good place and I didn't know how. I didn't want to break your heart again. I just couldnt." he swallowed thickly. "Grandpa passed away last year. Exactly one year ago today." He looked at her and he started to cry again. "Im sorry I didn't tell you. I just couldn't." he shook his head. "Skylar was with me when I found out. We were trying to be friends. Like actual friends and this whole week when the anniversary was coming up I panicked and she came over. We're jsut friends kinda of...not really. It doesnt matter though and I'm just so sorry."

Parker furrowed her eyebrows again as she rubbed his arm and stopped when she heard that grandpa passed away. "No." She said as she stood up, taking a deep breath and started to cry as she walked away from him. "No, not grandpa. H-How?" She swallowed hard as she tried to focus on him and sat down as she couldnt focus on him anymore. Her grandpa, the one family member who adopted her into the family. The other person she wanted to see while they were in Ohio, was gone. She buried her face in her hands as she bawled, feeling heartbroken and wasn't for sure what to feel. Between hearing that grandpa Jones was gone, the fact that Skylar was with him when he found out and the fact that she had been with him this whole week. She wasn't only grieving one death and heartbroken because of losing grandpa jones, but she was heartbroken to learn that Dom had kept this from her and had his ex there instead of her. The supposed be the love of his life, the mother of his child. "I-I don't care, you should've told me that he was gone, Dominic. I would've been there despite being in a bad place, not her." She looked up at him. "H-He was my grandpa too a..and now he's never going to meet his great granddaughter because of me and how selfish I was when it came to keeping her a secret from you guys." She let out a shaky breath as she rubbed her hands on her shorts and sniffed as she gotten up. "Do you have anymore alcohol?"

Dom hated to see her cry because it made him cry in return. He shook his head. "I know I know I should have. I'm sorry Parks. I'm so sorry" He frowned and shook his head. "You did what you thought was best and I should have told you. I didn't want to hurt you again. I didn't mean for Skylar to be there. I didn't want her to be there but she was and I can't change that. I can't change any of this and I just...I'm sorry." he took a deep breath and looked up at her as she stood. "Yeah in the kitchen." he said.

Parker "No, I didn't. Its obvious I didn't. Between two years ago and now, I didn't make the right choice." Parker said as she looked at him and shook her head before she let out a bitter chuckle. She walked into the kitchen, grabbed whatever she could find and took a swig of it. It had been years since she had straight alcohol, but she needed it. She spotted some whiskey, drank some and put the lid on it as she swallowed it. She could feel herself kind of tispy, but she wanted more. More to numb the pain. She grabbed the bottle, sat down in front of the couch and took the cap off of it before she took a drink from the bottle.

Dom watched her walk off to the kitchen and when she came back he looked over at her. They sat on the couch in silence for a long time. It felt like forever. He reached over to hold her free hand. He said silent not really knowing what to say. What could you say at a moment like this? He already apologized and explain. He felt horrible. He didn't want her to feel the same and here she was drinking on his couch, a place he never thought she would be.

Parker sniffed as she licked the whiskey from her lips and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand that held the bottle to get the rest of it off of her lips. "Was the funeral nice?" She finally asked softly as she looked at him and looked back ahead after she put the cap back onto the bottle. "I take it that she went with you there too?" She shouldnt be like this, but she was distraught, heartbroken and not knowing what else to say.

Dom frowned. "I wouldn't know. I didn't go" he said looking down at his lap and away from her. He couldnt look back at her and see the hurt in her eyes. "This week was the first time I talked to Skylar since last year.. Is that what you are really upset about here? That she was there and not you?" he asked finally looking over at her and shaking his head.

Parker glanced over at him and pulled her hand out of his hand before she placed the cap onto the bottle. "I honestly don't give a damn about Skylar now. I was a little upset at the fact that she was there and not me, but right now Im really upset at the fact that you didn't tell me that grandpa jones passed away when it happened. Im really upset at the fact that you chose to keep that information from me and I get that why, because you're in the grieving process and sure we were in a bad place, but I would've put that to the side to be there for you because I knew how much he meant to you and to your family." She swallowed some as she looked at him. "You didn't want to open up to me right away and wanted to wait to tell me. I get that, I do but dom. We're trying to be a couple again but we can't when one of us closes the other one off." She placed the bottle onto the floor and looked at him. "Your issues are my issues, your problems are mine. Your loses are mine." She swallowed hard as she studied him and shook her head. "We cant be Dom and Parks if we don't tell each other things. If we don't then we're going to end back in the place when we broke up the first time. And I am glad that she was there for you, because at least one of us were and is there for you."

Dom shook his head. “Really because it seems like oh do when you’re passive aggressive with me about her.” Dom stood up. “I told you why I didn’t tell you and yeah maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do but you have no right to blame me for not telling you when you kept a big ass secret from me for two years. It’s just as worse and hypocritical.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to fight with you today parker. Not today. I just can’t. I’m sorry and I’ll say sorry over and over again as much as you want me to but I can’t change it.” He had so much more that he wanted to say but he just couldn’t. It was exhausted and felt like before they broke up when they fought all the time. He looked at the floor. “I’m sorry,” He said quietly with sadness in his voice. He could feel himself starting to cry again.

Parker shook her head when he apologize. "No, don't be. You have a point. Im the one who should be sorry." She whispered after she let everything that he had said settled in and sat away from him. She wasn't for sure what else to say, so she stood up, grabbed the bottle of whiskey and placed it on the counter. She quietly found a box that was marked glasses, grabbed two and filled them with water after she washed them. She placed a glass for him in front of him and sat down where she was at and placed her glass next to her. "I think you should stay with Avery and I, I don't want you staying here by yourself. If you want, that is. Im not going to force you to stay with me though. I'll sleep on the couch and you can sleep in the bed."

Dom took the glass from her and he took a big gulp. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his head. “Okay.” He agreed. “No it’s okay I don’t want to be alone tonight.” He moved behind the couch and put his hand on her shoulder. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll pack a bag.”

Parker nodded. "Okay." She spoke softly. She closed her eyes when she felt his hand on her shoulder and bit down on her bottom lip as she stopped a sob from escaping. She nodded again as she grabbed her water, took a drink, placed it next to her and pulled her knees close to her chest. She let out a shaky breath as she placed her hands on the back of her neck and rested her forehead against her knees. She knew that they would be back where they were because of her and they didn't that. Especially when there was their daughter now.

Dom went to his bedroom and packed a small bag of clothes. He moved back out to the living room seeing parker crawled up in a little ball. He frowned and moved quickly beside her. “Parks.” He said her name and pulled her into a tight hug. “Come here.” He spoke.

Parker wrapped her arms around him and stuffed her face into the crook of his neck. "Im so sorry." She whispered, knowing that she had a plan to take their family to visit grandpa Jones now.

Dom held her close and rubbed her arm reassuringly. “It’s ok” He whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.” He held her close for a while and pulled away slowly. He looked at her and touched her cheek. “I’m sorry too.”

Parker felt him rubbed her arm and let out a shaky breath. She sniffed as she nodded against him, wiped away some of the tears before she looked at him and shook her head. "You dont have to be sorry." She gave him a small smile and looked at him.

Dom looked down at her and he nodded. "Yeah I do" he kissed her forehead and pulled her closer. "Who's watching Avery right now?" he asked. He didn't want to walk in all crying and stuff with some babysitter he didn't know.

Parker shook her head. "No because you had a point." She whispered as she closed her eyes when he kissed her forehead and rested her head on his shoulder. "Her regular babysitter, Monica that watches her during the week and she's over there at her house." She swallowed some as she let out a breath.

Dom nodded. "You wanna get into bed and just watch movies all night and get a big tub of ice cream?" he asked. "Like we used to? Order pizza then?" he asked. Dom wanted to distract himself from the day. And he knew she probably needed it as well.

Parker sniffed as she nodded and stayed close to him. "Yeah and I'll tell Monica that Avery can stay there tonight. She has a daughter who's Avery's age and I don't want her to see us like this. Not yet." She closed her eyes as she licked her lips and listened to his heartbeat.

Dom nodded. "Yeah me either." he took a break. "You wanna just stay here for a little while then" he said as he kept her in his arms. He didn't want to let go. Ever. He wished he could keep her safe and stop all the hurting she was feeling right now because he knew how it felt. He was feeling it too.

Parker "Yes please." Parker replied as she rubbed his arm the best she could do and closed her eyes. She stayed quiet for a while before she opened up her eyes and looked around the best she could. "By the way, when we do order pizza, you're gonna answer the door."

Dom nodded. "i can do that." he smiled. "Lets go back over to your place yeah?" he asked. Dom stood up and he reached out his hand for her to take. He helped her up and kept her hand in his as he picked up his overnight bag. He walked out the front door with her and they walked down the road hand and hand towards Parker's.

[voidwizerd-archive]

[[ "Shall we play a game?” Kankri Vantas, hurt and resentful but still in love.

part two of Wiz/Kankri logs!! the questions game ]]

valorousimperial What's your favorite color?

wiz-texts ...purple. especially dark pink n blue are tied for second

valorousimperial Your turn.

wiz-texts you mean i ask you one?

valorousimperial Yes.

wiz-texts well there we go thats it ....kiddin

valorousimperial Shh. I laughed.

wiz-texts what bout your favorite color?? i promise i wont jus be stealin your questions but colors is a good one

valorousimperial Blue, like indigo bloods. It doesn't really fit with the theme of the crown, though. The color just seems peaceful.

wiz-texts yea!!! yea indigo blue is real pretty your turn

valorousimperial If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

wiz-texts oh gosh if....... if there was a way to just.... stand on top of everythin n watch..... all of it roll out in front of you........ i would do that maybe that sounds like some kinda crazy god fantasy but i just think itd be really beautiful but since that prolly aint a doable thing

valorousimperial Considering you're some kind of crazy god, maybe it is.

wiz-texts maybe but my alternate answer would be a garden a huge huuuuuuuuuuuuge garden, w everythin in it!!!! or near everythin i love plants so much

valorousimperial Your lilacs are still overrunning mine.

wiz-texts >:0 theyre misbehavin?!!! i better give em a talkin to they aint usually growin outta their spot so, um, if you remember your dreams.... whats your favorite thing youve ever dreamed about??? for whatever reason, ha

valorousimperial They got so big!!! Mmm... My favorite dream is the one that came true. When I was young, I dreamed of freedom.

wiz-texts n you got it?

valorousimperial I don't know if I'm free. There's a lot of binding about being the emperor.

valorousimperial But at that time, freedom meant being out of my donor's control. I *did* get that.

wiz-texts holy shit thats.... thats wonderful. im so glad you got that maybe...... hm

valorousimperial ?

wiz-texts just a thought. i... hm im scared its a hurtful one so i should prolly just.... keep it to myself for now

valorousimperial If you want.

wiz-texts fuck knows you deserve a break but not yet because uh, your turn to ask a question

valorousimperial If you could change one thing that happened to you, what would you change and how?

wiz-texts ha. loaded question

valorousimperial Doesn't have to be recent.

wiz-texts problem is i dont remember like......... a lot of things. most things i cant remember what th event wouldve been but it had to have started somewhere

wiz-texts th first time my friends ever hurt me. if i could, id change it so id never have believed it was my fault

valorousimperial That's a good thing to want to change.

valorousimperial I think your whole life would have went very differently.

wiz-texts id be different thats for sure maybe less scared i guess th important thing is that i did realize it wasnt my fault or more likely someone told me bc i..... do not come easily to realizations like that on my own

valorousimperial (It was me.)

wiz-texts ....oh thats. huh. so i guess..... i still remember things i learned from you wonder what else there is um!! whats your favorite myth? or folk tale??

valorousimperial Mmmm... That's hard. Fantasy was all I had when I was growing up, so I know a lot of things. I think that probably my favorite stories were the ones that didn't have lessons - they were just full of people doing what they wanted So, ancient mythology really caught my eye. It made the gods seem troll-like, and they just did what they wanted.

wiz-texts oooooh :0

wiz-texts i keep feelin like i oughta look more at myths because so many are bout gods n thats sorta? what i am i guess??? its nice to seem em bein regular but like. actin regular except w mighty powers i guess, ha

valorousimperial Right.

wiz-texts this question thing is sorta fun actually did we play it before??

valorousimperial I agree! No!

wiz-texts we shouldve!!!!!! its.... its a fun sorta way to get to kno each other anyway um, your turn....

valorousimperial I'm thinking...

wiz-texts think fasterrrr im kiddin. take your time

valorousimperial If you could go any*when* and change any*thing* with no horrific consequences, What would it be? It doesn't even have to be something related to you, Just. Something that you want to be different.

wiz-texts well frankly i would go back to last night n smash my goddamn phone [[<BACKSPACE! BACKSPACE!!! ]] gee um all of time is a rough one to pick from

wiz-texts if theres an event that couldve stopped th game from happenin, thats what id go for but then maybe i wouldnt exist???? idk. exchangin me n a few others to save multiple universes seems like a fair trade ....whoa thats a grim answer. oops

valorousimperial From what I've heard of the game, it's not that simple. So many universes wouldn't have been *born* then, right?

wiz-texts not really. they kill a universe and in theory you get to make one maybe..... one in several million sessions actually ends in created universe

valorousimperial I thought it was only one planet that was supposed to be destroyed?

wiz-texts nah they wreck th whole shebang ....i think most of th game is fuzzy between th violence n alcohol my turn!!!!

valorousimperial Your turn!!!

wiz-texts this is sorta silly but i keep thinkin bout it so here goes: do you ever paint your nails??? if you do or dont, what colors do you think youd like?

valorousimperial I do! Lots of trolls paint their claws.

wiz-texts (that totally aint two questions its one question in.... two parts. with a bunch of extra question marks)

valorousimperial It's seen as an accentuating thing, as claws are a vital part of troll standards of beauty.

wiz-texts ooohhhhh :0

valorousimperial My favorites are matte red and metallic gold.

valorousimperial Mm... What's your favorite sort of thing to wear?

wiz-texts mm?

valorousimperial Like, Do you have a favorite type of clothing?

wiz-texts hmm.... button-up shirts. they can be comfy or stylish and i guess accessories that go w that?? though ive only recently started experimentin like watches n bow ties n cuff links also: gold rings. fr some reason i have a bunch: i think there was a party?? i vaguely recall there bein a party

valorousimperial I've had you at a few parties. Do you know how recently it was?

wiz-texts real recent. i think th rings went w a suit?? yyyyea this red n black one

wiz-texts hm. i never really thought of red as my color

valorousimperial Auriel's party.

valorousimperial It matched my suit.

wiz-texts oh my god i promise i didnt mean to diss th color red!!!! i jus figured since i already got th pink thing goin, itd b a bit too much??? so i never wore it ...guess i changed my mind

valorousimperial You came to the party as my quadrant, so you probably decided to just match me.

wiz-texts speakin of clothes, um.... i hope this is an okay question do u wear gloves a lot or somethin???? i know i never rly do but there are a bunch of gloves in my sylladex

valorousimperial ...

wiz-texts all like, really nice material n stuff. black or white. some are gray. um. are they yours??

valorousimperial Oh. They're for my psionic. I always forget gloves, but whenever I touch other people, I feel their emotions. I guess you were preparing for me.

wiz-texts i guess so... ill um, ill keep em in th 'dex if thats alright. in case you need em n im round.....

valorousimperial Alright. ... What were you thinking earlier?

wiz-texts heck

valorousimperial Sorry.

wiz-texts thats kinda... um sorry in advance if this is upsettin?? sorry

valorousimperial I know I said I wouldn't ask, but the curiosity is killing me.

wiz-texts what you were sayin bout freedom made me wonder if.... if maybe freedom had somethin to do with why i made that choice

valorousimperial ... Free of what? Of me?

wiz-texts no!!!! no i mean th scars!! they can be....... bindin

wiz-texts in a real bad way

valorousimperial ...mm. I know about that.

wiz-texts you do???

valorousimperial Yes.

wiz-texts im kinda surprised, i thought round here scars are considered attractive n all that

valorousimperial They are.

wiz-texts (...did you tell me that?)

valorousimperial (Yes.)

wiz-texts (okay)

wiz-texts um... whose turn is it??

valorousimperial It's mine.

wiz-texts oh okay

valorousimperial Wait, No, it's yours.

wiz-texts 0o0 tbh i shoulda asked this first because Super Important what....... is........ your opinion on purrbeasts?

valorousimperial !! We went on a date to a cat cafe

valorousimperial I brought home four of them!

wiz-texts you took me to a cat cafe?? :0

valorousimperial You took ME to a cat cafe!

wiz-texts *what* no way.... where did i get that kinda initiative omfg more importantly!!! there's FOUR MORE KITTIES round here somewhere????? i gotta meet emmm

valorousimperial ?? Shouldn't you remember the cats? They love you.

wiz-texts i guess they were too close to you. i mean now that i think bout it i sorta remember???? but its fuzzy like th ball w that Auriel lady

valorousimperial Their names are Mushik, Halmim, Romila, and Vessin.

wiz-texts that sounds bout right..... yea, bout right i took you out to a cat cafe n you adopted four. wow your turrrn

valorousimperial My question WAS going to be if you DID remember the cat cafe, but that answers that. What's your favorite dessert?

wiz-texts i think it might be milkshakes!! i only tried em recently but theyre super yummy (least favorite is anythin with squash. especially pumpkin)

valorousimperial (Even pumpkin spice milkshakes?)

wiz-texts (i ate nothin but pumpkins for so long....... so so long =_="")

wiz-texts what is........... your favorite..... veggie dish

valorousimperial I really like peas...

wiz-texts omg theyre sweet!

valorousimperial But they get stuck in my teeth

wiz-texts 0-0

valorousimperial The little casings do. The same with corn.

wiz-texts that reminds me of my next question but its ur turn first

valorousimperial What should always be on a sandwich?

wiz-texts food

valorousimperial Hah.

wiz-texts but meat i guess????? though i really like tomatoes tomatoes ARE the red ones right

wiz-texts n when th leaves r all crispy!!!! they taste sweetish n refreshin somehow??? idk i jus like it im just buildin a whole sandwich at this rate

wiz-texts mmm.......

wiz-texts what kinda teeth do you have?

valorousimperial Two rows of something awfully sharklike!

[[ Several Hours In The Future, Because I Heckin Fell Asleep... ]]

wiz-texts ....fallin asleep without rememberin that you even laid down is a surreal dang feelin

valorousimperial I know, right? I passed out without realizing I'd closed my eyes...

wiz-texts yea i had..... felt like some kinda multiple row thing was goin on. otherwise that mark in my shoulder wouldnt make as much sense also because peas stuck in shark teeth is a funny mental image

valorousimperial Shoosh!!

wiz-texts ha so, your turn if um. if were still playin

valorousimperial Hmm.. What's your favorite texture?

wiz-texts dang uh...... thats actually super hard bc i love experimentin with all kinds of textures

wiz-texts i guess my favorite.... kind? of texture? that would be stuff that feels soft like kitty fur!! purrbeast i mean

valorousimperial Why do you keep saying that??

wiz-texts sayin what

valorousimperial Purrbeast You, uh. You know that cat is the normally recognized word, don't you?

wiz-texts oh!

valorousimperial I've been saying cat,

wiz-texts no ive just heard purrbeast n meowbeast used by trolls a bunch so i figured itd be considerate to switch when im talkin to trolls.....

valorousimperial Oh.

wiz-texts ive been tryin to make it a habit...... well now i just feel silly, ha

valorousimperial ' - beast' is generally lowblood vernacular Which I'm trying to phase out by providing better education. Descriptive naming is a habit that trolls without access to worthwhile education picked up so they could communicate ideas.

wiz-texts whoa. i had no idea

valorousimperial I mean, honestly, Mituna still adamantly calls the meowbeasts, so you do what you like, but We do call them cats. So if you don't want to, you don't have to correct yourself, and most trolls will still know what you mean.

wiz-texts huh. okay thanks for th lesson there

valorousimperial Happy to!

wiz-texts so..... my turn.....

valorousimperial It is!

wiz-texts do you want to meet today? it um. its okay if you dont, of course

valorousimperial Mm... We probably should.

wiz-texts so youre.... youre okay w that?

valorousimperial Yes, but Not RIGHT this second, if you don't mind...

wiz-texts oh um, right. of course so... when, then?

valorousimperial It's just that I have a guest right now So maybe not too long, maybe an hour or so.

wiz-texts oh!! oh right, okay. wouldnt wanna impose or nothin, of course

valorousimperial Hours in the future, but like one: -------------------- Okay, I'm ready.

wiz-texts me too. comin back now

valorousimperial You said that before. Except now I can't say 'the hall between my block and yours' because you'll get lost now.

wiz-texts oops

valorousimperial So, I'll just Come to yours.

wiz-texts alright. im still headin over so i guess well see who shows up first