#it wasnt soemthing that i took forever to make

[kawaiianimeredhead]

Love making something for dinner with the intention of three people eating it and then just one does and I gotta fine like the biggest fucking tupperware to put all the left overs in 😩

[ganondoodle]

So your took rewrite. I have a very important question regarding the Zonai. From what I hear they're supposed to be the dragon tribe I think? And that theory with Dinraal,Farosh, and Naydra. People were making theories about them being originally Zonai. Would those 3 have a important role in the rewrite??? I'm curious because I would love to see how you draw them and implement them into the lore. Also I love your demise and hylia! Love your work too so ye that's my question, apologies if I worded this wrong or seemed rude. I am not good with words ^^;;

so, with no intention to sound mean, this is a little awkward for me to answer bc i ... loathe the idea of the three dragons having been of sonau origin

i talked about it in a few rants before but i loved the dragons before bc they were something unexplained and ethereal, spirits older than time that yet still circling the skies unknown if they ever had a purpose, or if they even had to have one, just a part of this world, a mystery i loved bc it was unsolved (personally i liked the idea of them being like the last stage of evolution for the dragons from skyward sword but again thats just me) whenever i saw them i stood there and watched in awe, one of my most favorite things from botw ... or were ..

see it might have to do a little with me not liking the canon sonau at all bc of how they were handled, a big point of that being how they felt artificially shoved into every part of this hyrules history so nothing was there that hadnt been done better or touched by the sonau before already; i get that making that connection between the sonau and the dragons is very obvious and can be interesting for some but i personally hate it bc it just destroys that sense of awe i used to feel when i saw them .. they are a mystery that shouldnt ever been 'solved' or even considered as soemthing TO solve, their mystery being unsolved is what made it GOOD to me

i now have to actually work to still seem them as i once did instead of just some sonau dude eating a god damn stone, again i dont mean this to sound mean about it but i just .... it takes it all away what i once felt about them, oh ... it was just some sonau guy .. its them again .. it wasnt an ethereal ever wandering spirit of never known origins it was just some sonau guys .... oh .... oh ...no ... (good morning i am very brave and when the dragons are revealed to not have been unknown always there spirits ever wandering the world from the beginning of time which was one of my favorite aspects of botw but instead have been just some sonau dudes eating a stone destroying my feeling of awe and respect to them forever i wont cry about it ..)

so .... the dragons (Eldra, Farodra, Naydra for me as im using their german names) do play a role in my rewrite .. but not as people or having anythign revealed about them, im keeping them as i once saw them, as spirits that have always been there (they play a role to repair the mastersword as a reference to how it was forged in skyward sword)

(and the reason the stones cause someone to transform into a dragon was bc those creatures are the most magical beings to exist and the stones are made of an insane amount of spirit energy and if that all gets released all at once there is no way for it to go other than explode or if consumed to twist whatever organism is trying to take it in into a draconic form)

the sonau in my rewrite are not dragon people, tho they do worship them as they are incredibly spiritual, but an underground dwelling species (loosely based on bats and monkeys, with somethign of a deep sea vibe to them) who only appeared on the surface after their population was already beyond saving (the reason for it being that they mined the stones for their tech to such a degree it killed the land they needed to live and as they dug deeper and more intensely for more stones, now more for pure survival than anything else, they both found more of the engima stones AND the remnant of the past that warned of ganondorf, which then prompted them to breach the surface and establish contact with the ones that dwell there; they never did that before bc its hard to get there and they considered themselves to be above any other species spiritually and didnt want to messed up their structures of society - something that changed as they stood on the brink of extinction and had found the warning which then made rauru break their old rule of not breaching the surface)

(i will say that i can get behind the idea that the big skeletons you find in the underground having been of sonau that ate an enigma stone and that is how they knew it doing that for sure, it otherwise just having been part of their belief system as dragons are the most spiritual of all aside from gods)

(... i dont want to think about the reverse possibility tho .. the orignal dragons being dead and the sonau replacing them.. i dont like that even if it made sense ,,,,, ... yet another thing they replaced ... stop that ..)

im sorry if this sounds mean or dismissive but i just ... dont like the all dragons having been sonau theory at all and im kinda glad they dont seem to plan any DLC bc i was afraid it would outright confirm it, which would suck .. at least like this there is still some denialability about it (like all the clothing and dragon themed stuff being used purely for worship on their own)

thank you for otherwise liking my work tho!! i hope this isnt too disappointing for you to hear, in the end the rewrite is primarily a way for me to cope with what i dont like and implement the ideas i have had to fix it for me :C

[snexy-the-snail]

As Chloe and Luci spend more and more nights together, his strange eating habits become routine. Namely his habit of nomming trixie if she has a nightmare. Keeps her safe and happy and keeps both of his hands free to cuddle the detective.

Lucifer finally got everyone semi comfortbale with his whole ability to eat people. Relunctly everyone moved on and things fell back to the normal routine. Well sorta, chole was distant for a while beofre they got ridlciously close.

It started out as a one time thing, Lucifer coming to the house to 'work on the case' aka cuddle with his favorite detective. It became a regular thing quickly, just laying on the bed with the detective cuddled up close to him.

Shortly after that Trixies nightmares began, nasty little things that left the small human in tears or trembling in the detectives doorway. At first they just added the child to their little cuddle pile but it was getting obvious that just being sandwiched between the adults wasnt helping anymore. So Lucifer proposed a solution. Chloe agreed to it after Trixie started having trouble actually going to sleep. Thus started the tradition of the small human ending up snuggly tucked away in his stomach.

"Lucifer, mommy...can I come in?"

Trixies voice broke through the silence, Lucifer sitting up to spot the little thing standing in the door way.

"Another nightmare small human?" Lucifer asks his tone conveying the annoyance he never actually felt. Funnily enough the little tyke rubbed off on him after a few well placed pranks on her mother and his loyal demon.

Trixie took that as her invitation and scurried over to the bed, being mindful not to wake her mother up as she crawled to the king of hell.

"Yeah. It was a scary one." She says collapsing against his chest. It was always adorebale how human children didn't ever seem to be afraid of him, well minus when he showed his true face.

Lucifer shakes his head tiredly, and rests a hand on the child's back. He focused on condecing her size knowing what was going to come next.

"You're good at keeping them away." Trixie says with a small yawn. She never seemed to mind the whole shrinking part. She looked up at him through half lidded eyed, the look of utter trust nearly melting him.

"I'm made of nightmares." He says simply, waiting until she was at a decent before scooping her up. Whether she was giggling at his joke or being picked up suddenly he wouldn't know.

" i dont think so, you're too...um...nice, youre too nice." She says, pausing to yawn widely. Humans and their fragile selves. How they managed to survive this long was beyond him.

"I'm not nice! I am the king of hell, satan, the father of sin you silly little creature." He huffs. He brings his hand to his face, hiding a smile at the giggly mess of a child comfortably laying in his hand.

"You're funny Lucifer." Trixie never feared him which would forever to a bafflement to him. He literally was the embodiment of evil according to christians.

"You tarnish my image." Lucifer complains. He let a small smile grace his lips as Trixie let another delighted giggle out. He opens his mouth wide and leans back grasping the girl by the back of her pajamas.

"Not my fault you're so cool." She complains, squealing when she was dropped. He made sure to carefully catch the small human, humming in delight once she landed inside his maw.

After making sure no limbs were in the way he closed his mouth, grinning to himself as she wriggled around.

"Was that Trixie?" Chloe mumbles, shifting up in the bed. She was half asleep and probably a bit anxious about hearing her daughter squeal.

Lucifer swallows thickly, tracing the small lump all the way down to his collarbone. "Dont worry detective shes taken care of." He soothes. He let a content purr out as Ttixie slipped into his stoamch.

"Mmhm." Chloe murmurs. With that she got settled back against Lucifer, letting a exhusted sigh out. The king of hell grins to himself as he pulls his detective closer, the human child nestled snuggle inside his gut. He adored the dynamic that was slowly becoming their normal.

"Night Lucifer!"

He grins at the small voice coming from his gut. The child pushed around until she deemed it comfortbale enough, her mother muttering soemthing a d pulling the blankets more over them.

"Good night you little nuisance." Lucifer purrs soflty. He sighs content, laying there with his small flock. He wouldn't trade this for the world.

[bobones]

New sexey good omens au

inspired by a drawing by @timbersweetheart

CROWLEY HAS NO ARMS!

he lost them while protecting his angel

protecting him from what you ask? uhhhh.... TIMBER YOU TELL THEM :D

he eventually gets sexey cool robot arms.

youre probably wondering why he doesnt just, you know, grow them back with a miracle. thats because something holy and blessed wa sused to hurt him, and demons cant heal from such wounds.

the robot arms are pretty freaking cool, a\pretty advanced! they move just like normal ones!

he has two sets, one with fake skin and another thats all cool sexey robot like.

the thing he misses the most is being able to feel aziraphale with his hands. the feeling of tracing his fingers down his angel’s sides and back and feeling him shiver beneath him. 

but he wouldnt change a thing. hed rather live with no arms than without his angel

he has bad days where he gets phantom pains and feelings. but with hsi angel near him they are few and far between.

sometimes he wakes up from nightmares, forgetting he lost his arms, trying to grip something, anything, and not being able to and he panics

and hell only calm down when aziraphale holds him gently, talking to him quietly and just telling him meaningless things that happened that day to snap him from the nightmare.

aziraphale feels terrible about what happened. Crowley wasnt supposed to even be anywhere near there and yet he showed up anyway to save him. his demon always did have a knack for sensing when he was in trouble. sometimes he thinks perhaps he should have been the one to be hurt and not crowley. but crowley always tells aziraphale otherwise.

crowley took forever to adjust to his robotic arms. (imagine like... edward elrics arm) hurt like a bitch to get done. sometimes hes afraid to touch aziraphale, because now his hands are cold and inhuman. but aziraphale loves the coolness on his warm skin, especially during wooohee ;))

crowley often takes off his arms before he goes to bed, simply because hes afraid if he has a night terror he might hurt the angel sleeping next to him.

only good thing out of all of this is that he gets lots of kids tell him what a cool robot he is.

he now speaks out for people like himself who have lost limbs, attending conferences and paying lots of money to help advance research int he area and make the higher end prosthetics more widely available. 

he 100 percent paints his arms with cool designs like stars and the galaxy. because then the coldness and lack of feeling he has feels a little bit better.

aziraphale is constantly leaving little kisses on crowleys arms. if hes walks by, a kiss tot he shoulder. sitting together, he kisses his hand. laying in bed, the finger tips.

and boy howdy does crowley feel like the warmth from aziraphales kisses transfer to him little by little each time

i thinkt hats all i have for right now, timber if you have any other cool sexey ideas you should share them too tho. and mayhaps i might a fic for this, or even draw soemthing, who knows.... (The answer is yes, i will. im addicted to this au now)

[tee-writes]

Chuck: Chuck wondered why they needed a condom? "Worried, I might knock you up?" He asked. He watched him under low light, it was mostly shadows and semi form of him. He clapped the lights on and looked at Blaine He narrowedh is eyes at him. "Want me to jerk you off? Is that it?" He asked and reached out with a nervous hand to massage blaines cock. It was weird at first, but then he got use to it

Blaine: Blaine rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's why I'm worried," he said and laughed. "Just trying to be safe, you asshole." He nipped at Chuck's neck and hissed as he worked his own fingers deeper inside of himself. He let out a surprised moan when Chuck's hand closed around his cock. "No, that's not what I mean,t but that's nice," he said and shivered, arching his back a little as the pleasure of it rolled through him.

Chuck: "what do you want me to do?" He asked and slid his hand up his hip and over his stomach, he kept jerking Blaine off and looking at him with his dark stare. "You want to slid that condom on my cock?" He asked He waned to see Blaine want his cock so bad. "put ome lube in my hand, and I will open you up love."

Blaine: Blaine let out a strangled sort of laugh and nodded, pulling his fingers out of himself with a small groan and wiping them on his boxers. He leaned into Cuck and kissed him again, pulling the condom out and rolling it down over Chuck's cock with a sigh. He shivered with pleasure when Chuck offered to help open him up and squeezed lube onto his fingers, a smile sliding over his lips. "I thought you'd never ask," he murmure and leaned back, opening his legs and pulling Chuck in, kissing his neck teasingly.

Chuck: chuck fingred plenty of girls, it had to be the same right? Sort of Minus he has his finger in Blaine's butt, which was also a place to put his penis. So, he didnt care It wasnt that gross. He let Blaine kiss his neck, glad he was enjoing being with him so much. "Blaine" He whispered. "Baby, you feel so good. I cant wait until I can fuck you." He moaned against his ear and ksised his earlobe.

Blaine: Blaine had never had anyone's fingers but his own inside of him and he was surprised at how different it felt. It made his breath catch in his throat, and he felt his fingernails dig into Chuck's shoulders. He sucked harder at Chuck's neck. "I can't wait either," Blaine breathed, the words coming out mostly moaned. "I feel like I've been waiting for you to fuck me forever."

Chuck: Chuck laughed at his words and lean in to kiss his lips. "Then stop waiting for me to. Want me to be on top ?" He asked. He could roll over and fuck Blaine under his body "Would that make yo happy?"

Blaine: Blaine felt that strange surge of nerves and a part of him was pretty sure he should tell Chuck he was sort of a virgin when it came to this part. But he couldn't really find the words to say that and ended up just nodding and kissing Chuck back eagerly. He reached down to stroke a hand over Chuck's cock and leaned back, opening his legs wider with a small groan. "Your cock inside me would make me happy," he teased back huskily. "So hurry it up," he said, squeezing more lube onto one of his hands and reaching for Chuck's cock again, stroking it and spreading the lube around.

Chuck: Chuck grabbed Blaine's right hip and made him roll on his back. He looked down into his eyes and grabbed his own coock. He put his tip to his entrance and kissed his neck. He moaned against his neck, be slowly pushed himself in, it was so tight at his tip "Relax yor back, baby. Your so tight." He whispered. "Relax... I promise it'll be ok?" He had no idea why Blain was so shy right now, or weird, soemthing?'

Blaine: Blaine laughed when Chuck rolled him back, a happy, breathless sound. He tensed for just a moment when he felt the blunt head of Chuck's cock press against his entrance, but took a few deep breaths and buried his fingers into Chuck's hair, which helped calm him down. He groaned and tugged at Chuck's hair as he stared to press in. It was painful at first, even though he felt he'd prepared enough. But he did his best to focus on Chuck's soothing voice and toon a few deep breaths and started to relax. He let out a soft whimper and spread his legs a little more, relaxing and letting Chuck slide deeper inside of him.

Chuck: Chuck moaned as he finally pushed all the way inside Blaine's body It wore him out. He was so tight. He took a deep inhale. "Ok." He said and nodded giving himseld a small bit of prep talk. He could do this. He pulled his hips back moaning loudly at how that felt rubbing his cock as he pulled out. He pushed hard back in. "Fuck!" He shouted to the point. He bit hard against Blaine's shoulder.

Blaine: Blaine didn't really know what he felt at first. It was pain and pleasure all mixed up at once, and it was so powerfuly Blaine felt tears collected in his eyes that he did his best to blink them away. He took a few shaky breaths, and then let out a surprised yell when Chuck pulled out and thrust back in as hard as he did. He arched his back into it, something about that hard thrust breaking through the pain and exploding into pleasure. He felt his fingernails digging deeply into Chuck's back and he wrapped one leg around Chuck's hip and rocked his hips, urging Chuck do to more. "Chuck," he panted and whispred against his ear. "It feels...fuck, so amazing. How do you...do you like it?" he asked softly, and squeezed around him.

Chuck: Chuck shuttered and felt sweat on his forehead from how good it all felt. He nodded. "Yeah." He said simply. He reached up with more confidence this tiem and rubbed Blaine's balls as he pushed deeper inside his body, then pulled out jst to go deep hard again. This was wha Blaine wanted right? What he wanted all night? He let out a squeak, it sort of hurt his cock with how tight his walls were, but he got through it, he pushed with force inside his body, his skin crawling with goosebumps

Blaine: Blaine shivered and felt his body relax more and more as he got used to the sensation, and he slowly started to participate more, rocking into Chuck's thrusts and moaning gratefully when he felt Chuck's cock brush past his prostate. "Fuck," he almost whimpered when he felt Chuck's hand against his balls, moaning and rocking into the touch. "You okay," he couldn't help but ask, a slight teasing lilt to his voice when Chuck squeaked. He wrapped one hand around the back of Chuck's neck and pulled him in for a hard kiss on the lips.

Chuck: "Yeah." He said again. He kissed Blaine back passionatly, tasting Blaine's tongue in full and loving how it tased. He fucked him harder and grabbed his Blaine's cock with more confidence and jerked him off as he fucked ino him hard and without mercy.

Blaine: Blaine tried to kiss Chuck back, but as he started fucking him harder and deeper, Blaine had to toss his head back, moaning loudly. All he felt like he could do was hang on tightly and let Chuck take what he wanted from his body. And he wanted to give it too, Blaine gave it freely and moaned and writhed at ever spke of pleasure Chuck sent through his body. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he babbled and tore more at Chuck's back, feeling his cock spurt out a few drops of precome as Chuck started to stroke him.

Chuck: Chuck could last a long time,e ven if he wanted to cum, he trained himself. He wanted Blaine to be good and sore tomorrow. He would wobble around all day after this hard core fuck, better than his other dudes. He smacked his ass again and looked down into his eyes 'You o... k?" He whispered

Blaine: Blaine was so overwhelmed with all of these new sensations that for a long moment he felt like he didn't know which way was up. He was started back to reality a little when Chuck slapped his ass and he moaned, his eyes swimming into focus on Chuck's face. "Yes," he managed to reply, his voice a little breathless. "It feels...so good," he panted and lifted his hips into Chuck's thrusts lightly. "Better than I thought." He kissed over Chuck's cheek and tugged lightly on his earlobe with his teeth. "You're really fucking good at this."

Chuck: "I hope so. I am at least yor best right?" He asked as he bit his ear lobe and moaned against it. He grabbed Baline's hips and started to move a little bit slower, massagin his cock deep and withfull satisfaction using Blaine's body for that. He lean in and kissed uner Blaine's chin

Blaine: Blaine tried not to laugh at that and nodded. "Definitely the best I've ever had," Blaine promised and found Clyde's lips again, moaning against them. He was glad when Chuck slowed down a little too, so he was really able to feel each point of pressure as Chuck slid in and out of him. "God," he breathed and shivered. "You lying to me? You seem to know what you're doing when you're fucking a guy," he teased breathlessly, before kissing him again, a soft satisfied laugh on his breath. At least until Chuck managed to angle to directly hit his prostate and then Blaine let out a loud cry, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head.

Chuck: Chuck wondered what he did differente. "What? What did I do?" He asked. He wasnt sure. He rolle dhis hips and hit that spot again "Does it hurt?"He asked and could see cleary that it did not hurt. He moaned and fucked into him again. "How's that?" He breathed. "I like fucking you." He said and kissed under his ear.

Blaine: Blaine groaned, not sure how to answer at first because he couldn't find the words. He maoned loudly again when Chuck brushed against his prostate a second time and shuddered. "It's so good," he panted, shuddering. He felt more precome slip out of his cock and knew he wouldn't last too much longer. "I like you fucking me," he breatehd back, catching Chuck's eye so he saw the sincerity in his eyes. "So much," he added, and choked back another moan. He leaned in to kiss over Chuck's neck, giving him at least one more hickey as he rocked his hips insistantly.

Chuck: Chuck was close He bit his lower lip when Blaine talked to him. He just simply nodded. He felt his cock twich inside Blaine. He fucked into him hard before moaned and grunting. He came hard in the condom.He resed his cheek on Blaine's chest as he rode his orgasm. He felt his cock throb from being used so hard. He shivered as he pulled out of Blaine.

Blaine: Blaine came after a couple more thrusts, and found himself crying out Chuck's name loudly as he came, feeling like he'd come his entire brains out by the end of it. He could feel Chuck's cock jerking inside of him and knew he had to be coming too, which just made Blaine moan again. "Chuck," he repeated breathlessly and searched for his lips, kissing him almost desperately as he felt Chuck slide out of his body. He moaned at the loss and the new sense of ache that was starting to set in. But it was so worth it.

Chuck: Chuck laid on his back and panted. "That was so gay." He teased and laughed a little. He didnt want to freaking move. He panted. He let hi head fall to the side "How was it?" He coughed. 'Best you ever had?" He winked. "You gonna mark me off your to do list now?"He reached over and pet Blaiens chest.

Blaine: Blaine laughed softly and slapped Chuck' lightly on the chest. "No shit, really?" he replied and laughed, rolling over to face Chuck. He leaned in and kissed over his chest, wrapping his arms around him. "Best ever, yep," Blaine confirmed and smiled. "And uh..only really. For that," he said a little bashfully. He kissed Chuck's lips to try and distract from that part of it. "Well, I thought about that, but if I just conviently forget to mark you off my list, I can just keep doing you."

Chuck: Chuck was so giddy and he hated feeling that way. He was caught off gard. "wait what?" He said "No shit? Really? I cant be your first? You come off so sexual." He laugehd. "Like your a pro dick rider. "He carded his fingers through his hair. "Maybe you should have tol dme before I went all Hulk on your ass"

Blaine: Blaine laughed just a little and flushed, burying his head against Chuck's chest. "Well, I wanted to wait until it was with the right person. And I happen to like you. Even if you're an asshole," Blaine said and kissed Chuck teasingly on the lips. "I can be a pro dick rider. Right now I'm mostly a pro dick sucker." He smaked his lips for effect. "It's a win win for me, I got to come harder than I have in my life and I get to feel you for a week."

Chuck: Chuck laughed softly. "You are so weird, you picked me to fuck you first? That's interesting"He wasnt sure if he should be scared or not? Blain seem to really like him, and Chuck was scared to really like back, but he felt something. "You keep calling me an asshole, but yet here ou are naked and wanting ." He clappd his hands to make the lighs go off.

Blaine: Blaine flushed a little when Chuck said he was werid and ducked his head against Chuck's chest. "And I'll le you fuck me agiain if you want," Blaine added with a grin, kissing over Chuck's chest and cuddling in tight to his side as Chuck turned the lgiths off. "Will you finally accept that I like you now?"

Chuck: "I wont fuck you right now. I'm too done." He said. "I guess. WE will see." He laughed and let Blaine cuddle into his side He ran his fingers thorugh his hair. "Good night lover" He teased

Blaine: Blaine hummed a little and let out a husky laugh, throwing one arm over Chuck and a leg too for good measure, wrapping him up tightly. "Maybe later," he breathed and smiled against Chuck's skin. He was so content right now, happier than he could remember being in a very long time. He didn't want it to end. "Good night, Charles," he murmured lightly, cuddling down close and pressing his nose against Chuck's neck, breathing him in as he drifted off to sleep.

[startswithat-blog]

Nov 11

happy remembrance day i guess

long time no type, well 3 days but still a few things have happened since we last talked to end off the last post i opened it and he said something along the lines of not now in the future which idk if im hyped about or weirded out but it'll do for now

so yesterday was the big night i ate twoish steaks, showered thinking the night was going to end with me high with some new friends but nope plans went south and im still kinda pissed about it

where to begin okay I was supposed to finally meet T get high with him and his friends and bri was supposed to come with, he friend was supposed to come and we’d go to a party after 

buttt no the friend and party cancelled but hanging at res was still on bri gets into bed i tell her dont fall asleep we need to go she said shell get ready at 9 i get up  to shower at 8:30 i go back down and shes sleeping and im trying my hardest to get her out of bed but nobody can get her to do what she doesnt want to do 

she was all excited for the party but now that its cancelled it doesnt matter about our plans shes all of the sudden exhausted i tried for 30 mins and she starts getting rude and kicking me literally off her bed and i eventually give up and im pissed i say then dont talk to me about anything

all the while T’s snapping me telling me, looking forward to me coming and i had to bail on him bc shes deciding that tonights the night she wants to be a selfish bitch

let me tell you now weve had these plans festering for a week 

and as much i hate to admit care about what people think to an extent so when people are waiting for me expecting me to be somewhere no matter what ill be there unless soemthing serious happens

if i say im gonna do something ill do it yet sis cant say the same

i was pissed and T was snapping me during telling me that we cant not come he already paid for us and in this moment knowing that weve had plans that she said she was gonna commit to people relying on expecting her people have already paid for her this bitch still doesn't come that got me pissed i literally prayed i wouldnt choke her out and hate her forever and swore to myself that i wasnt going to talk to her again

this might be an extra reaction in your eyes yet the true tea is shes done this before frosh week all over again we buy these 40$ braceleet which were just a waste of money bc we didnt go bc she didnt want to and yes ik what youre thinking i couldve went alone then and i couldve went alone now but you know what i suffer from anxiety i

its not as severe i dont think but im uncomfortable in situations where i dont know anyone and its not like i couldve drank to get comfortable bc there was no booze at the parties

but this time i wouldnt have mattered if i was comfortable or not we had plans and she broke them (”you went and broke our lives” a quote from the lovers dictionary i thought of) so with or without the anxiety im still pissed imagine having palns that you and others are looking forward to just for them to get cancelled at the last minute it sucks and when someones being a bitch and acting like theyve done nothing wrong makes it even worse

oh yeah not only are all the people who were expecting us mad, i looked bad and i had to pay him back FOR WEED I DIDNT EVEN SMOKE, MONEY I DIDNT HAVE FOR WEED I DIDNT SMOKE i went to bed not high no new ffriends and pissed one of the worst saturdays to date

the only extra thing that i did yesterday waas believe that we werent gonna speak againa nd that id move

i want to move but im not because she doesnt want to but you know what next semester im leaving whether shes coming or not

its not a product of this i based my living situation completely off of her and where she was going but the tea is the people are weird and its too far especially through the winter

i woke up this morning still mad but as ive proably not mentioned i cant hold a grudge for long not because i have a big heart or whatever but atleast i think because i never could with my mother and it programmed me somehow

im not talking to her and get this im snapping T all about this and he tells me that she snapped me saying sorry and that i wasnt talking to her like ur not gonna apologize but snapping T is gonna change something i was pissed and said her feelings have nothing to do with mine which is the truth i mean i didnt do anything wrong

anyway she comes out and apologizes to me i say whatever ask her if shes paid him back she says she will

i mean i dont think im overreacting it was a shtty thing to do 

soso were talking but im being dry, i mean i want to forgive her and i mostly have but idk it just showed me you cant rely on people 

T’s telling me its fine and i should forget about it and let it go but i wanted to go and the fact that she did killed it for me

now as mad as i was and might sttill be i cant help but to think that maybe eveything happens for a reason i wasnt meant to meet him that night 

i remeber how pissed she was when i accidentally took her case and that was an accident this was purposeful and didnt think how this would effect me it was selfish point blank i think im just pissed that i paid for weed that i didn't smoke and that on tp of eveything she still tells me to clean the bathroom thats also gotta stop her telling me what to do i moved out of my moms house  and i dont plan on returning full time yet here i am

writing about it makes me calm down and i think im gonna forgive i just felt betrayed thats all

i still want to move if not december next semester whther shes coming or not i probably shouldve lived on res or went to trent but whats done is done cant go backwars only ahead 

all that shit aside i spent the day doing absolutely nothing and having another meltdown about how my life was pointless and meaningless and i dont know what im doing with it or where its going so i spent it watching old movies god i wish i knew what my purpose was then i could work towards it and not feel worthless

B went to a meeting almost three hour ago she texted me asking if i was okay and idk why shed ask im not the one outside the house and then her phone ddies 

to be continued