#it wasnt a good position for rachel to be in

[verminviscount]

ive been made aware that i have strong opinions on my personal ranking of percy jackson characters so im making a post about it. bc thats what we do here on tungle.hell. experiencing brain worms? spread the word. @garecc i invite you to include your own brain worms here

for those who may not know, which i expect is most of my followers here, Travis (garecc) and i go way back to the days of a trials of apollo discord server that has since crumbled under the weight of various discourse and does not exist at this time. so if anyone understands pjo brain rot, its him.

ONTO THE RANKING. ill be focusing on main characters bc if i include side characters we'll be here all day and Sally Jackson would be every character in this top 5.

1. Hazel Levesque. Deserves better in the eyes of fandom. Gained pretty good control over the mist within one book. Has a cool magic horse. Similar tragic backstory to Nico, but not sulking about it. No shame in sulking, but its cool to see someone go through bad shit and come out still feeling mostly okay.

2. Will Solace. Unfortunately for me, I haven't finished the trials of apollo series yet, so i dont know THAT much about Will as he's primarily a background character. But Apollo kids and medics both get my utmost respect and appreciation, always. and he's a little bit of a sarcastic little shit, but the kind where people dont get annoyed with you bc its almost always funny and lighthearted. i know from hearing people talk about tsats that he's also a Sad Boy (which is to be expected as a demigod, tragedy physically cannot leave you alone.), and im excited to read about someone with my personality go through a mental breakdown :D!

3. Frank Zhang. Listen to me. How can he not be this high up. I don't even know where to begin with this guy, he's so gods damned cool. He's just such a good character and a good dude too! I'd love to be his friend. What a sweetheart, iirc he was the only person at camp jupiter who wasnt freaked out by Nico? he's so nice. children of Ares/Mars are usually mean, and he's so nice. i love him so much. also his life force is connected to a chunk of wood, which is kinda neat. he's a legacy of poseidon. he's canadian. im pretty sure his first name is Westernized bc his grandma calls him Fai, my last name was westernized when my great grandparents came over so i sort of get it though not nearly to the same degree. I ALMOST FORGOT HE CAN SHAPESHIFT!!! DUDE what a cool guy. we gotta move on, i gotta cut myself off. give him more attention in your fan works

4. Nico di Angelo. obviously a fan favorite, but im talking canon Nico here. im not talking about an uwu soft emo boi. im talkin about a sarcastic, pessimistic, deeply insecure little dude. listen, im not gonna talk about the things i love about nico because its been said a million times. its nothing new. im just gonna say that i love reading about characters that go through awful awful trauma and still overcome and find joy on the other side.

5. Rachel Elizabeth Dare. so my impulse is to put Leo here bc i adored him when i first read HoO. and if i didnt really think about it, i wouldve put him. but... Rachel!! how can you not love her! a mortal lady who can see through the mist, she fought with a hairbrush, she's the liveliest and loveliest oracle of delphi camp halfblood has ever and will ever know, she’s from money and hates it, she's an activist, an artist, way more helpful than the last oracle for sure. the mummy in the attic just left you to fend for yourself, Rachel will at least try to help you interpret what a prophecy means. she's blunt and talks a mile a minute, i love seeing my "flaws" represented positively in media.

honorable mentions: Leo Valdez of course, easily my number 6 spot. Apollo/Lester, we love seeing immense character development. Grover Underwood, probably the first time i ever had a definitive favorite character. Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase, romance would be dead and we wouldnt have a series without them.

[theskyexists]

Reread iron and velvet Kate kane because I bought it years ago and remember loving it. And still is REALLY good. The WOOFS, the dry humour to the narrative voice, the CLEVERNESS to the narrative voice i.e. the protagonist. Still love the casual transgender woof. The banter is incredible! Still real cool cultures and hierarchies within factions as well as such comprehensive backstory almost like maybe you might have missed a book. The making fun of twilight still hilarious, book two expands on that. AND I MEAN. this writer MUST have read the Hollows. MUST have. The protagonist and the position she has within supernatural society and the recklessness and self-sacrificial impulses and the vampire girlfriend who can deliver a bite of ecstasy.... I LOVE NIMUE but she sure is....uh. demanding. When I feel like. It was a bit contrived..she could have stopped her mages from attacking and MADE JULIAN KNEEL from the beginning. So not protags fault. but it made the protag her Knight so I guess it's ok I like that.

I wasnt back then surprised I think to see the leaders of all powerful factions romantically or sexually involved with the protagonist. Now I do notice it. Pretty hilarious fantasy, really. It's never mentioned but that MUST have something to do with protags faery blood right. And the sex scenes are genuinely actually really well-written but... And I do remember this from before. Boring. Tried to read the second book and I'm just like.... I don't really care. When the second sex scene came around I had to skip. I do really enjoy Julian's and protags banter. It's great and very funny and often sweet. BECAUSE THE THING IS. I know Patrick is like - a parody of toxic vampire shit and Julian is the grown up adult version of dangerous but non-toxic vampire shit. But like.

Ivy in the Hollows plays so well with Rachel because she's tormented. I KNOW I KNOW. That defeats the point if you were to keep that. But. Just. Hear me out. It works so well because there is a core of insecurity in Rachel which is constantly contrasted with Ivy's beauty and competence. It's so natural. Rachel is a mess Ivy is so impossibly perfect. Why did Ivy pick RACHEL? There's a teenagers' love story in there. To be chosen and therefore special. But when push comes to shove, Ivy is scared and alone and doesn't want to be a monster and Rachel simply doesn't give up on her. She needs her. And Rachel needs Ivy. Meanwhile theres the whole sexual blood tension - how to be intimate while it is dangerous, how to be intimate without coercion, how to be intimate when it feels so so so good and you're soulmates BUT you're afraid of blood slavery because trauma etc. Etc. Power dynamics.

Ok. What i mean is Julian and Kate are girlfriends but they're not soulmates. They don't provide each other with something fundamental. Maybe that's the point. But it's also in my opinion a little bit boring. Because yknow who cares. Wheres the goddamn devotion.

[onmymasa22]

I love u but its not my job to fix u

I need to reparent myself. I dont have anxiety but i was raised by parents with anxiety. People everywhere i am have anxiety. And there was a lot i wasnt allowed to do. And that suffocated me a lot of the time. They were great parents and i never needed to worry about food or a roof or clothing or school. But them being narotic made me suffer and makes me need to parent myself and reteach myself to experiment and fall and live for myself. Maybe i want a tattoo that means i live for myself now. Im taking life into my own hands now. Im going to instill confidence in myself.

Dear little me.

When you were little, mommy and daddy said no to u alot. They were incharge strictly. They wouldnt let u cross the street, walk outside alone, drive, be out in tge rain, sleepover at someones house, have someone drive me. Everything was about their wellbeing. And thats self centered. They had no room in their heads for whst was best for my well being. They cared most about their anxiety remaining at a low level, and this made u feel not confident in yourself to be okay. It made having friends difficult. N9w that ur an adult and u have friends, u see, it wasnt ever about u. It was about them. And although their might be positives to this like individuallity and confidence to stick out, it gave me very little confidence in my skilld for things that no amount of words can fix. Im sorry u were raised like that. U deserved better than that. U had self absorbed parents. And now u need to be your own parent. Because u dont need them controlling you anymore. And you know, u r more capable than u think. Life is good to u and u r good to life. You will get everything u want from life. U will live the life u dream of. I wish i was a travel for months kind of person, but vacation kills me often. Im not a vacation person. Its great for a bit, but more than that is just too much. Im brilliant. I have enough scholastic smart to get by and my street smarts is off the charts for someone who isnt overly talketive. I am beautiful. I have a beautiful body, womanly and renassance paintingy. I have red wavy thick hair, big brown eyes, skin that tans and gets freckles in the summer. Sloping shoulders, long skinny legs. My feet are in proportion, everything is in proportion. Im kind. Im one of the kindest p

I will be a world famous artist with pieces in paris and everywhere. And they will b in a secretary in an office. I lear.t in life fhat some people r beneath me to engage in conversation with. Its beneath me. Its a princess talking to the tailor. I dont argue with a tailor. I dont argue with ppl living on the street. To me, u r like some idiot who lives on the street. And u treat me vad and i just know that thsts u. I forgive u for being a jerk to me.

I dont care. Arguing is a street person thing. Im above that. So maybe theres stuff i wish i said, or couodve said. But I'm glad i didnt engage.

The classes this past year were so stupid. Every class was a bust. But i had a blast in real life. With my friends. Going everywhere on shabbats. Honestly, the best class was archtypes. Its hard to not be egotistical looking at pples art. Cuz to me, its not art, or its selling art. I want to make fine art. I want to be one of those people students will talk about.

Every time they're an asshole to u, just think, ppl were assholes to all the famous artists. But u only need one to believe in u. Thats rachel. She gets me. R they going to give me her, probably not. Just like i asked for a room on the art floor with a window.

Ill be ok

[the-cooler-king]

My dream self and my best friend had a great start to a serious conversation and truly the only thing i can remember is her smiling (no homo I love her smile)

[kevinwastaken]

sonic movie 2 spoilers under the cut i have A LOT to say holy shit

HOLY SHIT THIS MOVIE IS BETTER THAN THE FIRST I LOVED IT

theres so much i want to say but i have NO IDEA how to start or how to end

first and foremost they did knuckles SO MUCH JUSTICE sega wishes they could write as well as whoever the hell made this script. hes no longer the comic relief dumbass, hes a warrior!! like he used to be!! and he has dignity and honour!! and hes a little gullible but its okay, thats how he originally was anyway x

AND TAILS!! his camaraderie with sonic was so great. i loved how he came all the way to help him from whatever planet hes from and how they just bonded so well immediately and theyre already like brothers I LOVE IT

particularly i liked the scene on the beach where sonic and knuckles stopped and breathed for a sec after having lost the master emerald to robotnik and bonded over what happened to them both the day longclaw died. i liked how they related it back as knuckles’s family was fighting against her and UGH it was so sad but it was so great

AND THE REFS! they never cease to amaze me. i counted a dr robotniks mean bean machine ref (which is funny because ive been thinking about booting up my ps2 again to play it, i want to get good at puyo puyo), a sonic adventure reference during the dance off in siberia, AND ALL THE SONIC 3 AND KNUCKLES REFS!! jesus christ. theres probably more, but theyre slipping my mind

post sleep edit, remembered the manuel in the death egg looking like a manuel for a sega genesis game, that got a chuckle out of me iirc LOL

also kinda feel bad for rachel and what happened in her wedding. poor girl got set up and for what😭 a sting operation? its positively TRAGIC

ALSO THE WAY THEY ALL CAME TOGETHER AT THE END LIKE IT WAS SONIC HEROES I LOVED THAT!!!! I CAN TELL THEYRE GOING TO BE BESTIES JUST BY THE END SCENE WHERE THEYRE PLAYING BASEBALL I LOVE IT I LOVE IT

AND HOLY SHIT MY JAW DROPPED THE MOMENT I KNEW SUPER SONIC WAS GONNA SHOW UP OH MY GOD i shouldve seen it coming with the inclusion of the master emerald and the chaos emeralds and everything BUT OH MY GOD???? HE WAS SO STUNNING!!!! HE LOOKED ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS IN THE MOVIE I WAS IN AWE

AND THE ENDDDD OH MY GOD THE POST CREDITS SCENE WITH SHADOW!!!! I HAD A FEELING HE WAS GOING TO SHOW UP BUT I SCREAMED WHEN THEY SHOWED HIM I CANT WAIT FOR THE THIRD MOVIE!!!!! I BET THERES GONNA BE THIS WHOLE THING WITH GERALD ROBOTNIK, MARIA, THE INCIDENT WITH GUN STORMING THE SPACE COLONY ARK, I CANT WAIT!!!!!!

i did have a few gripes though. theyre a bit miniscule though

first of all, fuck whoever decided robotnik should floss. fuck you for that

second, did not enjoy how small the emeralds were. i know its probably so they can make sense in a human filled world but the emeralds were literally the size of my finger. and the master emerald was the size of ONE in game chaos emerald

also was a bit weirded out by agent stone drawing robotnik in his lattes but ummm hes gay so its fine idk the fujoshis will have a field day with that

alsooo kind of sad there wasnt anything with crazy carl drawing tails gets trolled or uganda knuckles. that wouldve been funny i think

ANYWAY GO WATCH THE MOVIE GO WATCH IT NOW IM GONNA PISS MYSELF I LOVED IT

ps whoever runs this show please bring in crush 40 to write the ending song of the next movie im tired of this kid cudi guy

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. Absolutely wild Rachel thinks it makes sense Rhea wouldn’t be the single named parent to the sisters/“friends” while Kronos is the single named parent to the brothers as if Rhea isn’t literally an anagram for Hera, her ancient art isnt modeled to look like Hestia, and that she shares divine mother/fertility status with Demeter. Like cmon, giving Hades an Oedipus complex is not worth it when the more obvious connections is right there and would actually get rid of the weird explicit incest and overtones she was desperately trying to get rid of but (accidentally?) made so much worse.

2. yall gotta realize the extent of rachel's "research' is purely a 30 second glance at google and thats it. thats why hephaestus has runner blades instead of actual prosthetics, it's why ares' military uniform isnt correct, it's why she puts in french aesthetics despite the country not even existing yet, its why sicily is framed as more important and the actual birthplace of these gods than actual greece, and the list goes on and on. rachel doesnt care about being remotely accurate and never has.

3. im confused because wasnt it a point persephone was uncomfortable with hades being hyper violent especially over her? yet this whole trial has been him going overboard in being a violet prat to literally everyone especially when its not warranted. tho for all we know rachel either forgot the part of persephone being uncomfortable with it or thinks everyone else forgot and shes reimplementing it bc she thinks its hot. anyway name a more iconic duo than LO and inconsistency over everything.

4. I don' care if the readers are young and don't know any better, literally no one with more than two brain cells would ever be cool and even approve of Persephone, only a week into being 20, would throw away her entire life, friends, and family (and possibly even her own powers if she eats the Pom) for some guy she's only known a most a month who doesn't respect her wants and obsesses over her body. Demeter is literally the only sane person in this sorry and she's the bad guy? Seriously?

5. tbh if you're 2000+ years old, are super rich, framed as the most desirable and power and sexy, and are a literal KING and you still couldnt find a wife or even a true relationship in all that time maybe the problem is you, buddy, not that everyone else isnt good enough or you haven't found an impressionable teenager to fawn over you.

6. Yeah Thanatos constantly flinching and being frightened of hades considering that was his caretaker has some rather bad implications to what hades was actually like off screen to this kid (and he was terrible on screen).

7. This comic's writing is my getting worse because Apollo read it and was so offended at his portrayal that he cursed Rachel and her writing forever.

8. im honestly shocked rachel would go with the "hera made hephaestus herself" version bc its so overwhelming ableist AND misogynistic because it says hera isnt good enough on her own and thats why hephaestus isnt "right" like everyone else, especially against athena. idk i think it would have been nicer if he was zeus and hera's kid together and it'd be a sweeter story of them loving him and sticking up against people who doubt and bully him, but god forbid this fanfic depict them positively 😑

9. to add on the "perfect looks" anon, even ancient greeks didnt depict the gods all the same? like hera and demeter were depicted as more matronly, aphrodite was more curvy, artemis was more skinny, athena muscular, etc. even the guys werent all the same (apollo, eros, and dionysus looked more effeminate, hermes looked more like a teen, hephaestus was more muscular, etc) so the idea rachel is "clever" for having everyone look the same is wrong and just badly excusing her for being a lazy artist.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

10. FP// Sorry but the only god the mortals feared was Hades and for very obvious reasons, but even then they didn't see him as a monster. Literally every other god, including Pan who is a major weirdo, was well loved and respected. I think Hades is just projecting his own insecurities onto everyone else when they clearly don't have the same issue. Plus in this he's so violent and cruel and literally enslaves the dead, why wouldn't the mortals see him as a monster? Get a hint, idiot.

[rickriordanfandam]

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 

[neversatisfiedwithlife]

hey babe! what's your ranking of the adults on the show?

Hi my love, thank you for the ask. Sorry this took soo long

I will do tiers(hopefully I won't forget anyone):

God/Iconic Tier-

Burt

Carole

Santana's mom(yes she appeared for like 10 minutes total at most but she was very supportive)

Brad

Bryan Ryan

Cooper (does he count as an adult? Lol why am I asking that)

Cassie July (sorry she was iconic, that's all)

David Martinez

Some mistake(s), overall you're a good fellow:

Carl (I mean he didn't do anything wrong, he was wronged more than wrong, if I do recall)

Isabelle (uggh such an amazing support for kurt)

Mike's mom (she tried to give him support and a positive push inspite of how negative his dad was)

Emma

Beiste (the thing in west side story 🙄)

Goolsby (idk where to put him, he was pretty iconic, a pot stirrer)

Roz (please remind me if I'm missing something horrible she did, the Becky vs Sue's kid thing is🤢 the way she went head to head with sue though is iconic of her)

You're on thin ice:

Carmen (not accepting Kurt is like a bigshot mistake tbh, but she will go here for being iconic with Rachel)

William

Get some therapy and come back:

Figgins (tbh I didnt know where to put him, he was virtually useless while the glee club was being bullied, he had his few good moments, also was horribly terrorized by sue)

Mike's dad (easy to put him lower, but though his means weren't good, he was trying to do the best for his son. In the end he came around, thankfully)

Terri (I think away from william she could start to grow, they weren't good for each other; obviously- she could possibly go in stay away from kids tbh...because yaaaa)

April (at the beginning she was very stay away from kids, she's still kinda on the verge but ehh, I think being around the glee kids helped her)

Stay away from children-

Santana's grandmother

Quinn's mom (really would've liked to see more development instead of just Quinn having to go back and live with her, then seeing nothing else from it)

Sue Sylvester

Ken Tanaka (I guess he wasnt HORRIBLE with the kids perhaps 😐 but no)

Sandy (ughhsjk)

Kendra(Terri's sister)

Shelby (sorry if you like her, yea she had some minor cute moments with Rachel, but all in all majority of her was not okay)

Holly (she just gave such horrible advice overall, and the shaming of children just because they didn't want to be sexually active?? Also what is teaching.)

Cooter (need I say anything)

Quinn's dad

-now tell me who I forgot because I feel like there's someones.

[dausy]

As much as I love the smell and feel of books I just cant justify purchasing physical copies. Im a book reading poser. I have to force myself to read unlike some of you weird people who have that reading for pleasure gene. So I drew my read list instead

I am going for 52 books but I was too scared to make it official on goodreads. I was like 2 books short last year so bo stress. Im also going for entertainment value and not intellectual here. I may be 30 but give me yalls middlegrade psshaw.

I started reading Cinder end of this past year and zoomed thru then. I never read them because I assumed they were garbage YA and voila..here I am loving it lmao. Finished Winter at the turn of the year and it was probably my favorite read of that month.

The midnight Library was fine but I felt the story could have ended sooner. She seemed like she learned her lesson and made the same speach over and over.

Addie Larue..I didnt like it. I was bored. Was probably nothing wrong with it, it was just not for me.

The Crooked Sixpence and Anya were just available from the library and were colorful so I grabbed them while waiting for my February lists to become available.

I actually had started reading Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson and made it a bit over halfway before I had to return to the library. I still havent gotten it back yet. But Ill finish it hopefully this next month.

Graceling was again just available while waiting for my other rentals to come in and it was shit garbage *thats my official professional review*

I had heard good things about Amari and the cover was pretty. Its middlegrade and I think it started strong then went down the magical school trope and it flopped and I wont apologize for thinking it was a flop.

All the Stars of Fate. I enjoyed book1. Book2 just didnt live up to the adventure of the first one. I dont want to give spoilers but I just rolled my eyes at the ending. I felt it unnecessary and I wasnt even sad. Just annoyed.

Instant Karma. I dont know. I guess I just enjoy Marissa meyers writing. Im not sure why I liked this book but I did. It had flaws to it. The main character is like Rachel Berry from Glee to the extreme...and I dont know. Like Im positive I should not like this book and it was one of my favorites this year.

ESCAPE FROM AURORA. I LOVE IT. Its just a simple family friendly adventure. Akin to ATLA and The Dragon Prince and I just really like that.

For March I have planned to read Good Girl Bad Blood and The Inheritance Games. Id also like to lowkey read Ickabog even though she who shall not be named has been internet banned. Im hoping libby will give me back Words of Radiance. I may also get to Legendborn but I have a feeling its going to suffer from "pretty cover, crappy story, booktube made me and it wasnt worth it" syndrome.

I also got a free copy of another middlegrade book but Im not sure if Ill actually read it....

[mischas]

lmao yeah i meant the australian interview was probably recorded before it went live, but the pod eps have been recorded MONTHS/weeks before release, so i get it shdjfkjgk. tbh with everything coming out, i've just learned to take anything rachel says irt the show with a grain of salt tbh. she says she hates liars (on anna faris' podcast lol) and that she knows when someone is lying, but she's def hinted that shit def wasnt all rainbows and puppies on the show. idt she'll ever outright say it

Ahh sorry omg. I bet the Aussie interview was done before Mischa's because the timing would've changed Rachel's answer I bet. Sorry for confusing the two.

The pod eps actually aren't recorded that well in advance. They're recording 1x15 soon because it seems that's Kelly Rowan's ep, and maybe Bonnie Somerville's 1x10 soon too, but they're only a few weeks ahead of schedule on a lot of them. Last week I think I saw an archived story on Melinda's IG asking for questions for 1x04 and that was only like 2-3 weeks prior. To me, that's cutting it too close. But it's obv they don't do a lot of editing so lol. Them recording out of order hurts their actual discussion of the episodes, which is mad annoying.

Rachel is very much a yes person so she only says good and positive things regardless of if she believes them or not. Even them promising tea hasn't brought forth anything good or new. Her saying that about lying is interesting but I guess she meant more in real life? I've always maintained, way before the pod, that Rachel is the only member of the core four who to this day praises the show. And I think most of that has to do with her proximity to Josh. Even if she had something to negative to say, would she even say it? And not in a joking, bro-y kind of way?

[what-if-rpg]

Welcome to the family, JESS! Your application to JESSE ST. JAMES was accepted. I am really happy to give you your second character! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! I can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!

IN CHARACTER

CHARACTER NAME: Jesse St. James CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 29.  June 21st 1990. OCCUPATION: Broadway Actor and Director FACE CLAIM: Jonathan Groff HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: Born in Lima, Ohio. Currently splits time in LA and New York for now. SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER:  Bisexual Cis-Male RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Engaged to Cooper Anderson (On a Break) POSITIVE TRAITS: determined, ambitious, articulate NEGATIVE TRAITS: Arrogant, harsh, dismissive CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: 'you better throw the first punch and make it a good one.’

HEADCANONS

1. Jesse tries to be a good dad. However, he gets too caught up in his work. He is largely absent from his child’s life, but he cares about the child more than anything. He will always make their Birthday, always send them a card during Hanukkah and tries to remember whatever they’re currently into. He wants her to go on and be a Broadway star and can sometimes be a bit pushy towards that. But more than anything he wishes to see his daughter more on a regular basis.

2. During Rachel and His marriage, Jesse fell for a charming nitwit on Broadway, Cooper Anderson. The two were in a show together and it was celebrating their cast party that they kissed, and Jesse realised he had feelings for men as well as women. He started dating Cooper in secret, he saw it more of a showmance rather than a legit relationship so technically he wasn’t cheating, it was just theatre baby. After their marriage ended.

3. He never knew his real father and his mother never spoke of him. From what he can remember, his relationship with his mom was rough. She was always working and whenever he got to see her, she would be sleeping. Leaving him to find ways to entertain himself. The main escape he had, was to watch Disney. He adored Disney as a child. He loved pretending to be Tarzan, Hercules and Captain Hook. Sure, Hook was a villain, but he was a damn fun villain. And, what? Was he going to be Simba? No thanks, way too much fur.

4. Complications happened with his birth mother and when Jesse was four years old, he was placed in a Foster Home. It took a year before he would come to learn he would not be seeing his birth mother again and was placed with the St. James family. They were wealthy and always encouraged Jesse to pursue what made him happy.

5. Jesse and Cooper has never had a easy relationship, there has been obstacles they’ve had and still to face, whether this would finding time to see Jesse’s daughter that made everyone happy, their different work projects, But after several months of rumours in the media, and problems caused they both decided to call for a break after months of stress and unhappiness. Which didn’t help while settling in a foster child into the home.

CONNECTIONS

PARENTS: Francesca and Gordon St. James: The two fostered Jesse when he was five years old. They have always supported their son in everything he has ever done. He is definitely closer to Fran as he always enjoyed cuddling up with her and watching Disney, even when he was probably too old to be having Disney marathons with his mom. BROTHER: Jasper St. James: His younger brother was also a sibling and grew up idolising his older brother. Jesse loved the attention but definitely didn’t always pay him enough attention as maybe he should have. He learnt when he was seventeen that his brother had an addition habit. Jesse started to try to take a more active part in his brother’s life, but found he was often pushed away or wasn’t prepared to handle the effects of a sibling with a drug problem. SISTER: Chelsea St. James: Waiting for a reply for Chelsea mun on this. BOYFRIEND: Cooper Anderson: The two have always had an interesting relationship, one that seemed to be mainly for the fans and was generated the same way celebrities get shipped together. The two played into but eventually, Jesse found himself having feelings for Cooper. When the divorce happened, Jesse tried to ‘get over’ his ex-wife by becoming more invested in his relationship with Cooper. The two can bicker and get on each other’s nerves but deep down Jesse does love Cooper. EX-WIFE: Rachel Berry: (In progress with Rachel mun) DAUGHTER: Moriah James Berry: Jesse wasn’t ready for fatherhood. He thought he was but it wasnt until his daughter was born, he couldn’t help but feel unprepared. He loves her more than anything and would do anything for her, but he has a tendency to put his work before anything else. Jesse wants to be a better father for her, and tries to see her as much as he can but he has a lot to work on with himself first.

[multimetaverse]

Andi Mack 3x12 Review

Ex-Factor was a good ep that dealt with a very important topic though some of the subplots dragged. Let’s dig in!

Positives: 

When Andi Mack is good there’s really no other show like it. Jonah revealing that his family had to declare bankruptcy and lost their house was the kind of moment that the show does so well. It was addressed in an empathetic, understanding way but it wasn’t sugarcoated

The brief moment of Jonah wolfing down the free breakfast Amber gave him really packed a punch in all that it implied. Who knows how many times he’s shown up to school hungry these past couple months; it’’s horrifying but it’s all too real with the single largest group of people living in poverty being children. It’s such a shame that the ratings are so low and that so few people are seeing story lines like this

And I liked the duality we see with Jonah. Yes he’s close to the GHC but he’s not as close to them as they are too each other because he doesn’t have the history they have with him and as they later learned he lives a lot of his life away from them

Amber really shined this ep; she knew exactly what Jonah is going through in a way that no one else can

Buffy would make quite the detective; she had Jonah and Amber dead to rights though she was missing some context

I liked that Bowie said that the Red Rooster was too small of a business to hire Jonah; it’s true to real life where there are no quick and easy solutions to such problems

The amusement park was great; though Disney probably regrets it now that $19.4 million budget was really put to good use

Loved when Celia called her Melinda but wasn’t a fan of anything else related to Miranda and Morgan

I’ll give the show props for the Jamber kiss being a big twist

Peyton’s dad was funny; not a fan of those shorts though

I liked this cold open quite a bit. It was a nice little slice of life of the GHC and that it was filmed in a real middle school art room makes it so much better. And a nice little set up for Andi further exploring her art which we know happens later in 3c

Nice to see the GHC in Andi Shack again, I feel like it’s been so long since they were all there

Bex just deciding to not mail the invites as if not having the wedding won’t drastically change things is very in character; she’s always run from conflict

Negatives:

The Miranda scenes really dragged. Letting Morgan get attached to Bowie when they had only been dating for a little bit was bad parenting but her letting Morgan play her disappearing game like that really crosses a line. At the end it kind of looked like this was part of her plan to get Bowie back which is insane

I found it odd that Bowie never checked behind the stage curtains in the back room and the cut from Bowie looking for Morgan to the other scenes than back to Bowie looking for Morgan made it seem like hours had passed which was sloppy editing

Not a good look to include clips of Jibby in the previously on. They’ve almost certainly already broken up off screen before this ep but the audience really needs to hear that in 3x13 otherwise Jonah looks like a cheating scoundrel 

And for that matter confirmation that Wuffy is officially sunk would be good before Muffy launches again. For a show about 14 year olds there sure are a lot of messy, messy relationships: Jonah liking Andi while dating Amber who was cheating on him, Buffy basically homewrecking Machel to end up with Marty, Jonah breaking up with Libby only to immediately get back with Amber

I do think the wish reveal would have had more impact if the audience had any reminder of it since 3x02. I’m reminded of what that anon told me after 3x09 that the major love interests never go more than 3 eps in a row without appearing; obviously long term story lines can be spread out but going 10 eps without a single mention is just too long especially for a kids show

The Jamber kiss was a good twist but one that I don’t think the audience will like. I have faith in that the show is intending to explore what made their relationship toxic and why it’s not a good idea for them to get back together but it’s understandable at this point that much of what’s left of the audience doesn’t trust the show

Looking Ahead:

I’m not sure that the Beck family endgame is. There’s only 9 eps left and realistically their problems are going to take years to solve. The best place they could end up is them getting an apartment of their own and slowly getting back on their feet. Mrs. Beck at least is still slated to appear and it will be interesting to see what brings the Becks on screen

For that matter I wonder if there’s anything they can do to make Amber’s situation better; she’s in 7 of the remaining 9 eps so there’s time to do something with her

Lot of freaking out in the tag over next ep. Presumably Cyrus wants to say yes to TJ’s idea (I wonder if it is Salt & Pepper or something else) but then tells him he can’t but then Andi tells him he can do it with TJ but it’s too late because TJ decided to do a costume with Kira instead as the dribble shirts look last minute. I’m sure we’ll see the Mount Rushmore costume but maybe the GHC won’t be as happy with their accomplishment as they thought they would be

We know Cyrus and TJ and Kira filmed some scenes earlier that week so that’s probably at the park where we see Cyrus and TJ. Maybe TJ has befriended Kira off screen. Thankfully Raquel always posted when she arrived in and left SLC so we know that after her two days of filming for ep 13 she only filmed one day for ep 15 and then one day for ep 21. So she’s not getting very much screen time or development. 

Is Cyrus going to be sad or jealous when TJ ends up doing the costume with Kira? Maybe but how much attention Disney will allow on Tyrus at this point is an open question. Certainly a part of her role is to be a female chaperone for the Tyrus scenes since Buffy has more important things to do but even in that role there just won’t be much time for her. I’m more interested to see if there will be a look back at some point or some other confirmation of Cyrus’ feelings at least

How the show is going to get from a Jamber kiss in ep 12 to Jonah singing You Girl to Andi in 3x20 I don’t know. It does look like they’ll start on that road next ep; if Amber has to vie for Jonah’s attention it must be with Andi

Nice to see Marty again; I’d imagine we’ll get a Rachel mention. Wild that they’re sinking Machel just 4 eps later

I hope to god that the Bexie drama doesn’t lead to the ep ending on an ‘Um’

It’s very funny to see in part why Josh was so quick to shut down a Tyrus bench kiss in 3x21 because I can only imagine how high people’s hopes would have gotten after this ep. That the show was able to have a Jamber kiss for an end of ep cliff hanger suggests to me that they would have been able to get more kisses approved; if they were only allowed one I really don’t think they would have used it for Jamber. We’ll see if we get a Muffy kiss or another Jandi kiss

[a-manic-pixie-dream-journal]

To the girl who used to be my best friend

I know you probably will never see this, and I probably don't deserve it, but just in case you ever unblock me...

I'm sorry that I was overbearing in how critical I was of your relationship. I may not have agreed with how he treated you, I may not have thought he was good enough, I may not have thought it was a good idea, but it wasnt my relationship. It was yours. You just wanted to talk about it, and I met everything he did wrong with overprotective criticism rather than anything that could have been more helpful. I am sorry for that.

I'm sorry for inserting myself into the situation a lot just because I knew the guy. At the time, I thought offering an outsider perspective would have helped you guys, but I went about it completely wrong. Looking back, if I had concerns, I could have worded them way better. Instead of being a good friend, I made myself the enemy. I am sorry for that.

I'm sorry for passive aggressively distancing myself from you and cutting you out. When I felt that the times I really was trying to help you were being treated like a plot to break you guys up, I got mad, and did not know how to go about it, because the situation wasnt about me. I felt our dynamic change as friends, and neither of us were in a good place to confront that. I was hurt by things you said and did, but I wasnt mature about it either. I am sorry for that.

I am still hurt by how you chose to handle things, but that does not make me innocent or a victim in these circumstances. I am very aware I could have done things differently now. I've been working on myself, trying to grow out of my bad habits. And while I am sure, in fact positive you want nothing to do with me ever again, I at least want there to be some chance that you might see this apology one day, just so you are aware that I may have been mad, and I may be hurt, but I do know that I contributed things ending the way that they did. I may be stubborn, and I may have some ideals that I don't realize yet, but I can certainly admit when I've been wrong.

For the record, I still have fond memories of our friendship. You were the Rachel to my Monica, you helped me get through a lot of things, you did a lot of big favors that I do not forget. I miss the weekends at your family's house where we watched Mega Mind and played Sims. I miss the girls night in your apartment. You were my ride or die, and I desperately wanted to be yours too. I want you to know that even now, the biggest problem I had with everything was I wanted you to be given the best treatment possible. The anger I had toward this guy you were with was a result of him making you sad, and I genuinely hated knowing you were not happy, especially when you really wanted to be. The one thing I told that guy multiple times was "please don't hurt my best friend." I know that probably won't change anything. I'm sorry it was too late, and I'm sorry that I made you feel unsupported and like I didn't care. I really really did. And I still miss our dynamic.♡

Though you probably wont see this no matter what... I'm putting stuff I know you liked in the tags to at least give it a chance.

[dorigvbcorvis]

THE MILLSTONE

I once heard that there was a cut scene or scripted but not filmed scene in Glee's Goodbye episode (S3E22) that was between Schue and Kurt...I thought anything done would be a retcon because Schue has done a disservice to all choir members not named Rachel or Finn so this little story came to mind. This is not a prequel to my Song to a Siren (AO3) story but has a lot of the same feelings.

Story Summary: The last day of school and Kurt has to unpack years of baggage  before he can literally move on.  Takes place post NYADA rejection letter.

The Millstone

The 2012 school year was over and the last of a programed system of school bells had concluded. Blaine stood in the doorway to the choir room looking at Kurt.  Most days he enjoyed watching Kurt; his boyfriend's slim frame, the stylish clothes Kurt liked to pick out to wear, or how some of those choices showed off his cotch bulge a little too nicely.  Some days it was the way his pale skin seemed to give off its own light...and ah those blue eyes - What Blaine didn't like was finding Kurt like this; frozen in place with a scrolled letter held tightly against his chest.  It was an easy guess to know what the letter said and this wasn't good news. 

Blaine felt he had to say something, he just needed to rustle up the nerve. "Coming?" He asked, finally breaking the silence - his had buried his hands deep inside his pockets for added security: he had no  idea how Kurt would reply or even if he would.

To his surprise Kurt managed to squeak out a mild toned answer. "Yeah, in just a..." Only that this was all that came out - Kurt couldn't finish his sentence and he remained frozen in the same spot where he had been for over an hour.

In Kurt's  mind he imagined that he could take off in any direction and run forever yet he also pictured that he would be only two steps into that run before he would face plant and crumble into pieces - Why couldnt he be more like Finn?  He took not getting into Pace with ease.  Maybe it was Kurt wanted it more.  Maybe it was just that he came to believe it was assured; Madame Tibideaux did like him;  didn't she?

Finn and Rachel had long since left the choir room  - Exactly how long ago Kurt wasn't sure.  He was stuck; as if being in the choir room he would be able to somehow undo the opening of his NYADA letter and maybe then he could go back to feeling how his highly praised audition would be his ticket out of Lima.  But with the rejection letter out of its envelope the apistevist in Kurt could not escape the reality of the facts.  *We regret to inform you* The words were now permanently etched in his mind.  He felt like he did on the morning that Schue & Miss Pillsbury called him out of his French III Class to tell him about his dad.  Yet for all the emotional parallels he now saw - it remained a mystery why the tears had not yet come.  He was stuck; weighted down by everything that had come before.

Kurt wanted to cry - He wanted to scream actually -He wanted to belt it to the school's rafters like one his lung bursting D6s.  This was not how it was supposed to go.   His boyfriend wasn't offering much in the way of concrete help - clearly he must have some idea of what happened or how badly he felt  - Instead he was making some random comment about Breadsticks.

"We should hurry," Blaine said. "They always run out of French-Fried Ice cream if you are not there to order it..."

Blaine immediately thought to walk this all back.  It wasn't that he was an unsympathetic guy - Quite the contrary,  he knew deeply and inexplicably Kurt was his soul mate.  He had simply heard that come rain or shine Breadsticks was where they all would go after they had opened their letters.  Blaine being Blaine this was where his stomach took over.

Now Blaine was a smart guy.  He figured out from Kurt's immobility, ashen face, and his wide eyed stare -  That this was textbook shock.  What he didnt know was what to do about it.  He knew doting on Kurt wasn't an answer - Kurt wasn't a touchy feelie kind of guy.  Likewise  he knew abandoning Kurt was not an option either - It was an impass where it seemed the best plan of action meant waiting for Kurt to make the first move -  but somehow Blaine knew that this couldn't be right. He decided he had to ask

"Kurt, damn, I know it sucks right now - I know it doesn't at all seem fair - what I need to know what I can do to help you."

Kurt answered the question with one of his own   "What didn't I do right?" he said..he needed to know why.

"You said that they only take 20 - maybe you like #21 and only just missed the cut off"

Kurt found this simultaneously the most reassuring thing he could hear and the most upsetting - To be that close.  But this did not explain Rachel.  He could be happy for her if he wasn't so pissed off about it.

"Rachel fucked up and got in - I didn't - Aiso it may cime as a shock but I have done more community theatre than she has." (*Note* It's implied in Mattress/Sectionals and there is also an 'Into the Woods' cast photo on Kurt's season 3 bookshelf)

"Really?" Blaine didn't doubt this but to listen to Rachel it seemed incorrect.

"Yeah, the music director at the playhouse also runs the Sound of Music Sing Along."

"Acting chops," Blaine said with a nod. "explains why you killed it as 'Krupke."

A single tear manage to fall now as Kurt began to recall a memory. "I was a regular until my Freshman year..."

"What happened - If you don't mind me asking?"

"High School jocks happened - They started harassing me first at school - then one day they followed me home.  They put flaming bags of dog shit on my porch hoping that I would stamp out the fire."

Blaine grimaced in full-on disgust. "Eww!"

"After that incident t-they" Kurt started now to whimper.  "tought it would be funny to nailed all our lawn furniture to the roof and then graffitied the garage with slurs.  I really thought they'd quit after the garage but the next day at school they threw pee balloons at me... after that came the dumpsters.  Then I dropped everything that mattered to me...I made a studio out of my basement so I could at least still perform.  I thought I got my confidence back in glee...but this little reminder [Kurt held up his rolled up letter] tells me it was all for naught"

Blaine couldn't hold back not embracing his boyfriend.   He tentatively placed his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders and not meeting any resistance from this he enveloped Kurt holding him up because  in this moment Kurt indeed started to crumble and break away from his mental snair in this moment too came the sobbing. "Breadsticks can wait...I don't think we should go, and I for sure not going to let you torture yourself being anywhere near..." Blaine stopped short of saying Rachel.  "You are the one who is important here - All this time I thought it was only Karoski...it wasnt it was this school."

Long time they just stood there in the choir room until only soft sobs remained.  They would have held their embrace longer if they wasn't so coldly interupted.

"Ah guys?" Schue's interruption came like the critical stop of a bird flying into a window. He had entered the choir room from his side office. "What's going on here?" he continued in a tone that was both surprised as it was accusatory  "And do I have to remind you about McKinley PDA Policy?"

"Come on Mr. Schue show some sympathy here." Blaine growled.  He wondered if the end of the school year meant Mr. Schuester somehow reverted back to some other form - One where he was now a jerk who didn't have to pretend to be Mr. Nice Guy - "Look, the policy is wrong, everyone knows it isn't enforced fairly and," Blaine made it a point to stress  "Sometime slack is warranted."

"I did cut you some slack - this was my classroom.  But after tonight this room will be The Adult Literacy Room for the duration of summer - I won't have any control over that.  I am here only looking out for you guys."

"Right and a hug is still just a hug Mr. Schue" Blaine turned to Kurt to reassure him. "Are you alright?  It's Schue"

"I  know," Kurt said, glaring at his teacher. 

Despite the clock on the wall Mr. Schuester looked at his watch for the time: 7 minutes to 5 "What are you doing in here this late anyways?"

"Mr. Schue now is not the time...really it isn't"

Kurt had stopped sobbing but now it was taking all his might not to turn hostile.  He is gritting his teeth and clinching his fists and this like most things he did in the choir room went unnoticed.

"What's really going on here?" Schuester asked rephrasing his question into a demand.

Blaine continued to speak up for Kurt. "Even if I were in a position to say anything, which I am not - you wouldn't understand - it's best that you just stay out of it and we'll be out of your hair soon enough."

Kurt was never more in love with Blaine for stepping in talking to Schue this way   But Kurt also knew Schuester all too well; unless you were kissing his ass or one of his favorites he was never easily won over.

As always Mr. Schuester  misread what he saw in Kurt. "I never took you for the sentlemental Kurt, but good for you -but I still will be wanting to close up.  I am heading to breadsticks with Emma - We just heard the great news Rachel was accepted to NYADA - I actually thought you guys would be there to cheer her on."

"Mr. Scheu!?" Blaine exclaimed. "Are you really this insensitive?!"

Kurt gave Mr. Schue one of his classic demon stares, a look that if looks could kill the choir director would be a pile of ash...Many knew Kurt didn't have much to say to his teacher - But many did not know his reason - It was something Kurt purposely kept it to himself.  Right now, if someone were to ask he gladly open both barrels and without hesitation tell how he had so little respect for his teacher that he regarded Schuester as willfully ignorant, petty, and lacking the credentials that a good teacher should have....and worse; he was a man who played favorites and threw everybody else under a bus.   Kurt pleaded with himself that he would not start back up again with the water-works  - He didn't want that, not in front of Schue.

"Is this something I can help you with?" His teacher asked, still remarkably obvious.

"No, not really" Kurt said as bluntly as he could.

"This really is a job better suited for Miss Pillsbury" Blaine added, he had not fully parted from Kurt - He couldn't do that - "It's better that you just let me handle this."

"Whatever, but at Five I am closing my doors - I need you both gone by then."

Kurt finally felt a need to take on his teacher. "You really don't know when to quit do you?"

"Do you think I owe you something?"

Kurt gave a sad half sarcastic laughed.  "Like I could imagine you'd ever listen."

"I don't understand"

"Of course YOU dont understand.  You've always been Mr. Oblivious...The man who thinks everybody loves him...Want to know why you got teacher of the year?  Everybody so just damn grateful you stopped teaching Spanish and gave Mr. Martinez your job...He would have been handed the award only Mr. Figgens said he hadn't been here long enough."

Blaine bit his tongue to avoid laughing out loud...but it was what they all thought.  "Come on Kurt we should go - before you really say something you'll regret."

"Do 'you mean there's more?"

"Do you honestly want a full rebut?  How for nearly 3 years I have been a team player but now I have nothing to show from it  - My dad ran against Sue to save your job and still I got not a damn thing in return - No Instead I was ostracized - made to listened to the guys in here call me names, and I can't tell how old it gets being throw into a dumpster every single morning.

"The guys from this class did this? 

"Yeah, the name calling, the insults,  And I think the only reason Puck stopped throwing me into the parking lot dumpster is because one time I was in uniform and Coach Sue gave him an earful... but then you knew about the dumpter long before that.  If I had dollar for every time you walked passed pretending like everything was normal"

"Ah..." Mr. Schuester was uncharacteristically speechless.  He had always enjoyed being seen as the cool teacher in front of the Jocks.  He never thought he'd ever be called out by one of their victins.  He had bought into the belief the dweebs had it coming.

"I am not done here because there's the not so small matter of the promise you made but had no qualms about breaking it with me - You told *ALL* of us how we all would have a chance to shine."

"Come on, I let you sing plenty," the choir director was certain.

"Name one venue- I will save you the trouble there hasn't been one.  That's why NYADA rejected me - You never once featured me."

"I see you blame me for your rejection do you?"

"You had a part in it, yes - You made a promise - I was just a fool to believe you make it good. Instead the closest I got was being told the only way I would get a solo is if I shaved my legs, drop 20lbs, and wore a dress...all this while being told how much I was not being a team player for saying no...and by-the-way while we're on this subject what happened to that first solo? Huh? That great idea you had just before I left for Dalton - Or were you just blowing smoke up my ass?"

"No, I really did have an idea - It was a James Bond Medley - I wanted it for sectionals I thought you could sing The Spy Who Love Me - But then you transferred -  In retrospect I think that had we done that for Nationals that year we might have placed higher."

"In retrospect you should have just left me alone at Dalton - I would be going to Columbia but at least it would be going to New York."

"But didnt those guys at Dalton almost blinded Blaine." Schuester looked over at Blaine hoping for an ally but Kurt was quick to rebut.

"...And they would not have tried had we been still there - So your point is what exactly?  You make a good play about how you are all about team work and fairness but the truth is you play favorites - Maybe by that measture I should count myself lucky I wasn't yours."  Kurt turned on his heels and headed for the doorway. 

"Where are you going" Kurt's former teacher asked.

"Not to Breadsticks," Kurt said, he was finally free.

.

[journalingrxch]

What is something ypir younger self would be surprised about you right now?

The fact that I'm even alive tbh I never thought I would make it to my 20s ans now I'm 23 still struggling but I've had good days too cant forget that

But my younger self would be surprised at the amount of help and support that I have even though it took going to hospital to get it I'm finally getting the help that I needed a long time ago

It's a shame things had to get this bad for me to get help but that's my own fault in a way I wasnt able to ask for help and be honest because I've always felt as if I've been lying about everything

I know I haven't and my struggles and pain are valid but in the back of my head I tell myself none of it is real I want to convince myself that I'm okay when really I'm not and I simply do not know how to deal with it

This is everything I've always wanted in terms of support and what I felt like I needed but I'm scared its bot easy opening up the way I have and being brave but it just reached the stage where I had to be honest about how I was feeling hiding it and lying constantly was eating away at me I never and still dont really know how to be with myself especially when I'm alone

My younger self would be incredibly proud to be in this position now looking at everything that happened and still so unaware of what there is to come she would be glad I stayed, glad that I choose life every day even when I didnt feel like it

Theres an uneasy sense of emptiness lingering on me though nothing brings me the joy I so desperately seek I try new hobbies so often and spend so little time on them before I dont like it anymore and move onto the next thing that gives me that hit of instant gratification

She would be surprised that I've still kept a lot of her bad habits and lost most of her good ones I'm pretty much addicted to weed at this point using it as a coping mechanism because I simply cant cope with my feelings

She would be surprised at how aggressive shes become I used to always direct my anger inwards and take it out on myself by self harming and I went a few years without doing it and that anger has manifested into me being verbally nasty now having no filter and so easily switching to feeling anger completely consume me I literally feel my chest get tighter and almost heavier with a dull burning sensation younger me would be so disappointed in how I've handled situations and the arguments I've got into

I can be so nasty and I hate it so much it's probably the worst part about all of this when I'm angry or in a meltdown idek what to call it I shutdown normal rachel is not there I turn horrible with my words saying the worst possible thing in that moment and these things are obviously going to have negative consequences but in that moment I'm not aware of that and if someone said that to me and tried to calm me down 9 times outta 10 it makes it worse

I could honestly go on forever but I feel like I'll finish this now save the rest for another time

[antiloreolympus]

4 Anti LO Asks

1. how does thetis get minthe drunk if dionysos isnt born yet? wasnt inventing wine like. his entire thing?

2. LO Hades is no better! He acts like an 'uwu emo depressed boi' and a horny jock in charge of a kingdom. That's like leaving a spoiled high school brat in charge of a corporation and he expects to get by on his family name alone.

3. LO Hades is a creepy 'nice guy' incel who preys on young women and teens who are in vulnerable positions and situations and thinks he's the good guy.

4. there's a huge missed opportunity with pandora/persephone both being sculpted from clay, because if rachel isnt even gonna FOLLOW the myths, she could really do something with like. 'pandora released evil onto the world' and red eyed girlboss persephone.