#it was true but like. i guess i kinda played myself bc i wasn't thinking about the fact that i was vacation and able to recover whenever

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

using the 1% of energy i have left on this monday night to research the odds that i can get a doctor's note to deem me unable to work 100% rn and i love that among the things listed that endometriosis can ruin the function of there's "walking, standing and sitting"

3 pretty crucial activities while at work

[creepyscritches]

My therapist gave me a great reframing of something I'd been thinking abt recently! I had a uh :) tumultuous childhood :)c and since like, god, idk 5 or so I'd always been kind of a loner either by choice or by circumstance. It's not really a unique situation for kids and I've always been a little off-put by the notion I was "more mature than kids my age". Especially since I knew a lot of kids through my childhood that were similar to me and none of us were really "mature" as adults defined it when it was just us kids (moved around a lot so I had a sampler platter of peers).

This all to say, I shared that I was still a child, I had a child's developing mind, and I still had a child's needs whether or not they were apparent. One of the biggest things is I never learned uh I guess "social play" because I never had social connections that were stable until I was like 16 or 17. My mother also agreed that I just never really "played" like other kids (instead I was reading 400 - 500 page books at 6 years old and preferring puzzles to the jungle gym). The answer that is always floated in general for kids like this is "you're somewhere on the spectrum, duh" which, even if true, is reductive to children's development AND dismissive of environmental factors that affect neurodivergent and neurotypical children without discrimination. I MIGHT be on a spectrum but I'm not really interested in finding a label - - just knowing myself! And I know! This was more linked to environmental factors than anything that can be tidily wrapped into "neurodivergent kid experiences". Other kids I knew like me were not always ND - - kids are sophisticated adapted learners, so they LEARN their environment as NT or ND either way.

Anyway, I have convoluted thoughts on it all and my therapist just like stabbed thru the ice and said:

"It sounds like as a kid your play was playing as an adult. Would you agree?"

And my mom and I just kinda leaned back and thought like jesus? Yeah I guess? At 5 I began to stifle emotions bc I was mimicking adults and was trying to not be another squeaky wheel during a really hellish time for us. It wasn't until I was 25 that I began to process emotions, even more recently did I begin to process non-judgementally. I didn't learn how kids play with each other bc I was mostly given opportunity to just play as an adult. :/

Idk it's part of a greater realization that I'm learning how to be a social animal and how to participate in social play in my late 20s. It's really nice to feel part of a pack for once, but kinda crazy that I missed these major interpersonal milestone experiences at critical ages. Thank God I took the college exams at 12 though, that sure made up for it huh. Idk maybe that's why it's been a learning curve as I play around w the kids in my life rn. "What do kids even do?" no wonder I ask that bc I am just now doing kid stuff too!! Turns out kids are great and just want to be genuinely engaged with when they share :) I'm an adult playing as a kid and it's nice!

[cowboymantis]

Y'know what since it's pride month, I'll do a little random rambling about my identity, bc hell I am 22 whole years old and I am still struggling with my gender lmaoo 😭😭

But also, nowadays I think it's really funny that I took so long to properly realize I was trans and aroace

There were. So many signs. 💀

I almost dreaded to come out as trans to one of my old online friend groups, not bc I thought they were transphobic (bc we were always a heavily lgbtq group), but because I thought I took so long and now I'd have to explain myself. (Stupid I know, but my family is very transphobic, so I never got to be my true self irl, and idk if I ever will as long as my family lives, but maybe I'll be brave enough one day)

But one of the first reactions I got was just yeah I always thought you were gonna say that 😭 And us all talking AND OTHERS COMING OUT TOO it was just such a weight lifted from my shoulders, it was so great.

Because of my family, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about my gender, if I feel more nonbinary or male, it's more something in-between, but more towards male,, but that's why I just feel most comfortable without a label, I'm just me and I'm here 🛌

When it comes to figuring out I'm aroace, the thing is, I kinda thought about it before, but I wasn't sure. Even then, it wasn't too long before I realized.

I always hated romance and cheesy scenes, kissing and especially sex scenes in anything I watch make me super uncomfortable, I'd sometimes think about, if I'm grown up and in a relationship, I have to do all of that... And I was actually scared of needing to get in a relationship, or something like that. Part of it was pressure from my parents to tell me I need to find a partner, to, I guess properly live my life or something. And this is essentially what a lot of people think, that you NEED to have a partner to be complete, and I always found it so weird. I don't want a partner I just wanna sit in my room and play videogames all day :'D

Oddly enough, No Straight Roads, one of my favourite games ever, has indirectly helped me- NOW HEAR ME OUT. One name: Eve.

Omg I love Eve so so much, and her whole arc just made me slowly go ... I feel that omg

I was in one relationship in my life, I'm actually still friends with that person, they also came out as trans, but are in a poly relationship now, which is kind of funny to me because we went pretty much the exact opposite route, I love it 😭

Anyway, I never had any feelings of love how people describe it, I never had any attraction to people. But I was so desperate when we broke up, like I lost my one opportunity in life to be in a relationship, like I needed to have someone else no matter how uncomfortable I felt being in one.

And I just saw my younger teenage self in Eve and I think this is one of the reasons I am so attached to this character, gahhHH I love No Straight Roads so much. It has helped me in a time I was feeling down, it indirectly got me into kpop (😭😭yeah), which then also came at the right time when I had a downer phase, and the community of the game on release was just so sweet.

But yeah, to come back to it, throughout my life, I basically went from "I guess I'm pan or something, because I don't have a preference"

To "Okay the thought of being with a man disgusts me, so I have to be a lesbian"

To "Okay, but I just like looking at people in an aesthetical way, I simp for characters or actors as a joke, I just like looking at them or think they're cute, but that's about it"

And then I was just like oh. Oh wait. it's all coming together.

Realizing you're aromantic and/or asexual can be really hard, and I've seen others' experiences be similar to mine. I think, in a way, it's so hard bc pursuing relationships is the norm for most of the world.

Thinking back to that one lesson we had in ethics class I'll never forget, we had to write down something about the meaning of life. And then everyone should say what they have written down and what their idea was. Most people wrote down having a family. I don't even know what I wrote down (probably something like a happy life or something basic), but I talked about how meaning of life doesn't have to be having a family. And the teacher basically laughed at me for saying that bc that's the whole point of being a human!!!

And I guess from that day I had this one sided beef / grudge against this teacher bc how the hell are you an ethics teacher and think so one-sided 😭 Sure, humans start families so they don't die out, but not EVERY human needs to start a family to have a purpose in life?

So yeah, anyway. Aspecs are very nuanced, there are those who have platonic relationships, people who enjoy sex although they are not attracted to someone, I myself am absolutely repulsed by anything sexual and I don't ever want any type of relationship, I don't like being lovey dovey, and I hate being too close to someone, like hugging, etc. On the outside I've always been very distant, but on the inside I have all the love I don't have for romance, for my friends and for this world instead 😌🙏

I guess I can really seem too cold or maybe even angry, bc it's hard for me to properly show my emotions, and that's why I prefer text over word, I can express myself so freely and can add all the silly little emotes I want :3

Also, I always loved the I do not perceive and do not wish to be perceived bc yeah . Me fr jfhdjdhr

Also, I'm not too fond of sexualities and genders all having weird stereotypes, but god damit I love robots/androids etc sm I always would love to be one fr ‼️‼️ I guess that's one of the reasons I was immediately hooked on Tokusatsu- NO THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A TOKU POST THIS HAS DERAILED WAY TOO FAR

But speaking of-- Naki me belobed and ofc their actor, I love Nakayama sm man and recently read an a bit older interview of him and he's so real 😭😭 I've never literally me-d for an actor so much 🥲

[golbrocklovely]

Not SnC related, but what are your thoughts on Matt Rife? Last I checked, Sam still followed him on IG 🤷🏼‍♀️

matt rife is a very interesting person lol

i never really saw him blow up on tiktok (or at least on my fyp) but i had heard about him and some of the thirst edits that had been shared about him. and i knew overall that a lot of ppl, women mostly, found him hot.

what i find the most fascinating about him is how much of a case study he really is for confidence and how important that can be to the success or downfall of a person.

(this became so long i'm sorry lol)

so idk if it's true that he got surgery done to make his face look more manly. i know he admitted to the veneers, i believe, but they wouldn't have changed up his face that much. so... i'm gonna believe the possible filler allegations lol

i think one of the reasons why things kinda fell off for him is bc he wasn't confident in himself whatsoever, and then like most men who feel like shit, he took it out on women.

bc let me tell you a little something about myself: i have been plus size my entire life. came out the womb with thunder thighs. not even joking about that. for years, and i mean years, i legit thought if i could just be skinny, i'll be happy. if i could just look like what ppl want me to look like, i'll feel better about myself. and it took til i was about 25ish to finally realize being skinny was NEVER gonna make me magically like myself. i had lost weight before, 40 pounds one time, 60 pounds another. but it never made me like myself. sure, i guess i felt better in the moment. but the quiet would set back in, and i would go back to shitting on myself.

losing weight and getting down to the "correct" size was never going to happen. i was never gonna be satisfied. bc at the end of the day, i still hated myself. i still deeply thought i was ugly. i could lose 100s of pounds and still think i wasn't good enough. not to mention, i wanted to be known for more than just my weight. i was a whole person, regardless of my size.

and i think matt kinda had a similar thing happen.

i think he always had an issue with himself, his face particularly. and while, yeah - plenty of ppl thought he was kinda funny - he wasn't conventionally attractive (in his own eyes and to others). so he felt like no one cared about him. so he figured, if i could just get hot, ppl will care about me and my comedy.

but the exact opposite happened. he changed up his face, got it to match the portrait in his mind of what he "deserved" to look like, but he never worked on himself internally. he never fixed the broken parts of himself. so when suddenly, all of these women are giving him attention - it almost proved the little voice in the back of his head "see, all they did care about was my looks. i got held back in life bc i was ugly". even tho reality is, that's not what happened. he felt like shit about himself, ppl don't naturally gravitate towards unconfident ppl. if you don't like yourself, a lot of ppl will take advantage of that. that's just life.

and not only was that little voice proven "right", all anyone could talk about anymore was his looks (tho he also played a huge role in that). when all he wanted was to be known for was his comedy. but he thought the reason he wasn't succeeding was bc of his looks.

when in actuality, he just... wasn't funny. or really, wasn't as funny as he thought he was.

this all being said, if he actually worked on himself internally, he wouldn't have gotten himself into this mess. do i think he's funny? eh, i guess. but like any man, him make "women kitchen = funny" jokes really puts a damper on the a, being funny aspect he takes pride in and b, being attractive. i feel like a lot of men don't realize how quickly they self sabotage their own happiness by HATING ON THE GENDER THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO.

and sam following him... honestly, i wouldn't be surprised if he only follows him bc matt is friends with elton and they're all on somewhat decent terms again.

quick note to matt: hating on astrology is really dumb, coming from the dude that has gone ghost hunting and believes. babe, you might think i'm weird bc i believe in planets and their alignment meaning something, but you're scared of something that isn't even tangible.... at least i know the planets actually fucking exist.

(i also believe in ghosts, but at least i don't pretend to be on a high horse about it)

also talking about a partner's nether regions and saying how they are unattractive to you IS CRAZY when i know dicks 9 times out of 10 literally look like shriveled up limp mini hot dogs.......... you have a lot of room to be talking, my guy.

[bobsfic]

robyn!!! how about 6, 16, and 30 for ao3 wrapped?

Hi Annie!!! ❤️ thanks for playing my friend - these are good questions!

6. Favorite title you used

akdjakhaha I HATE coming up with titles. I honestly put very little thought into it when I was just kinda writing by myself and posting random one shots into a void earlier this year. Like I'd be in the ao3 window and would just come up with something off the top of my head lmao. Some more thought goes into it now but I still hate it. So. All this to say that my favourite title this year is probably 'leave the lights up 'til january' and I can't even take credit for that one because it was Diana's suggestion 😂

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Off the top of my head I'd guess "JJ has feelings for Kiara" and the converse "Kiara has feelings for JJ". I think I use those ones a lot. Y’know. Because it's true. And then probably angst, and either jiara week/jiara bingo bc most of my fics are based one prompts from one of those two things.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Hm... that I'm still doing it? And so often!! Writing has taken over my life a little bit (and I have to credit the motivation I've found mainly to joining the gc so thanks y'all). That’s been surprising because writing has been a hobby of mine since I was a little kid, and I've written for other fandoms over the years, but I've never been so immersed in a pairing or produced the amount of work that I am right now. Finding a community of people who are into the same things that I am and who are so supportive and encouraging has honestly made all the difference to me and I am SO grateful for that ❤️ I'm still relatively new around here and I can't thank you all enough for the warm welcome because without our little community there's no way I'd be working on my 11th and 12th jiara fics, and have 2 other wips on the go as well. I wouldn't have taken on a multi chapter fic in the first place either because they terrify me. And I definitely would have never attempted to write any kind of smut, especially not while on an airplane lmao (and maybe that's truly the most surprising thing I wrote this year because if you know me that was SO out of my comfort zone it's ridiculous, but I attempted it and while it wasn't amazing it also wasn't terrible lol). So anyways THANK YOU it's been an amazing year and I'm gonna stop now because I have rambled long enough and if you made it this far ily!

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

got tagged by @batsarebetterthanpeople

1. Are you named after anyone?

no. my parents specifically tried to pick a name that nobody they knew had. which is insane to me bc my name is like one of the most generic girl names in existence but i guess that wasn't the case when i was born

2. When was the last time you cried?

ok i genuinely think it was a few weeks ago when i was at work and i started thinking about stede. and before that it was a few months before that when i was at work and i started thinking about ed.

this is kinda crazy to me bc i used to cry all the fucking time? but also i used to be way more depressed lol so i guess the fact that i can't remember the last time i cried over something in my actual real life is a good thing

3. Do you have kids?

god no. not yet, anyway

4. Do you use sarcasm.

too much, probably. also my voice is kinda monotone so sometimes ppl think im being sarcastic when im not. that's gotten me in trouble before

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

nothing i dont notice shit about people im terrible at remembering names and faces

6. What's your eye color?

blue

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings. there are a few scary movies i love but im a huge pussy. and im a basic bitch i want my stories to end happy. obviously a Bad Ending can be rlly good sometimes but overall i'd much rather everything works out in the end :)

8. Any special talents?

alright so this came up yesterday so i'm gonna tell y'all about a special talent that i did not know i have but apparently people think im great at: i have been told im really good at doing voiceovers. this is not something i do often nor is it something i wouldve actually said about myself unprompted, but sometimes for school projects i've had to record myself saying things and i've gotten compliments every time. i personally can't tell if this is true bc hearing recordings of my own voice makes me want to die so im incapable of judging my own voice-over abilities accurately

like Literally Yesterday when i had to record like 30 seconds of something and i literally was like "i'm leaving the room when you play it i hate hearing my own voice" and when i got back everyone was like "that was SO GOOD!!! you sounded professional!!!!" and also a few years ago my friend asked me to try and do an old-timey mid-atlantic accent kinda voice for a school project and when she showed it to her class people were like "who did the voiceover? your friend? is your friend a professional voice actor??"

this is baffling to me bc i think my voice sounds incredibly nasally and annoying but i guess that's just me!

9. Where were you born?

new JOY-zee

10. What are your hobbies?

it's alllllll gay pirates these days. tumblr and fanfiction and posting and reblogging. that's literally the only thing i do if im not at work or at school or hanging out with friends. it's kind of a problem actually i need to cut back

11. Do you have any pets?

two dogs! one is a rescue who is maybe a poodle mix, maybe just a poodle, and i love her so much i've cried about it. the other one is a bichon-poodle mix and i hate her so much i've cried about it.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

ok so my parents put me in a bunch of sports as a kid (t-ball, baseball, soccer, swimming, ballet) but i was not really into it. i didn't hate it, but i would zone out in the middle of games and my parents would be yelling "TURN AROUND THE BALL IS COMING" while i was playing in the dirt by myself.

in middle and high school i did cross country but mostly as a social thing to hang out with friends. i fucking hate running. im not good at sports

13. How tall are you?

5'5.5"

14. Favorite subject in school?

probably English or something idk. i dont like school lol

15. Dream job?

genuinely? stocking shit. housekeeping. anything where i can just listen to an audiobook or a podcast and work quietly and nobody has to talk to me. i wish these jobs paid enough to be comfortable or else i literally would work at some easy entry-level job for my entire life.

the other thing is i wish there was like. a way i could just jump from job to job depending on who needs help. im talking like, "oh we need someone to direct traffic for two hours while we fill in this pothole" and i go. "this fast food joint needs a cashier for a day" or "town hall needs people to scan, file, and sort all these boring legal documents" or "we need people to clean all the public restrooms in the district" or "we need someone to re-paint the parking spots at the park" or "the post office needs help sorting mail for a few hours" or "this warehouse needs some employees next week" or "we need someone doing this repetitive motion on the factory line for a day" like literally. i love manual labor i love straightforward tasks i love doing simple repetitive chores for hours. i seriously fucking wish Universal Basic Needs were provided and i could just be like a "reserve worker" for a low salary where i just pick up random shifts and do all sorts of random jobs whenever they need people to help out. this is literally my dream.

copping out yet again and tagging whoever wants to do it. "jess that's so lame-" you are correct. thank you.

[zombies-aliens]

So how was my day today. Well I went to the gym at 5am but I got there at 6am and had friends waiting :/ so I felt bad for that. But they get along well so there's that, I know I probably didn't bother them since they had each other but I still don't wanna do that tomorrow. Oh yeah I'm going tomorrow btw. I should prob be sleeping rn but I have to write about my day first. Well I went to work later that same day 🙃 it wasn't so great, idk how the other two were awake and I took a nap...

You know what dude my day has been so weird at work. I really don't have it in me to talk atm. Nothing really bad happened, it was a pretty average day, but something was weird and maybe it was because I was so sleepy. But it wasn't just that my attitude and thoughts were bad :/ I had just bad thoughts today that my friends don't really like me, they're just pretending, shit like that. And you know, that really effects me and I think of scenarios of how id respond if something were to go wrong in the friendship. Which I hope doesn't. It was creating a tension in myself for no reason. But part of me feels like it's true. I hate being disliked by people I want to be friends with, but I'm scared to say that I want to be friends because get unsure about if they're really my friends or if I'm something else to them. And I'm the stupid one. That's not ideal for me obviously. My day wasn't so bad for what happened in the physical world but in my own private inner world. There was trouble in paradise today. I hope tomorrow is better. I hope they both like me. But I could go on about how they both known each other probably way longer than I have and I'm the new friend of the group so I'm kinda feeling like the outcast in a way ESPECIALLY AT THE GYM HOLY SHIT. And honestly that's what Kickstarted my bad attitude, it's bc even tho my friend is married with kids, her and the guy get along pretty damn well, even she called him baby at the end after a hug, and I didn't get a hug. So I felt kinda I guess cold. Like I get no love. I mean hey it's fine I try to remember I'm not entitled to anything. I probably said that in another post but yeah it's the same thing I try to remember that to humble myself and not act like a kid who didn't get to play and have fun but the others could. I felt like an outcast in all honesty. And she's still inclusive with me like she says hi and still said bye to me but idk man, and she even texted to see if I'm good to drive home, but I fucking hate how shit I felt seeing and hearing that. I just want that intimacy as well you know? I haven't had that in so many years. Physical intimacy, and it doesn't have to be sexual neither. It doesn't have to be with my married friend neither.. but is this the best it's gonna get for me? I'm just gonna be someone's third wheel all the time? It sorta pisses me off bc like I don't wanna see that shit it ruins my mood but they don't get why it does tho. It's cus I've been lonely for so fucking long. And that set off a reaction in me like holding a mirror to me and it's just me, or maybe a guy friend, but there's never a girl by my side I can call mine and she can call me hers. It's just. Me. I'm sad man. I'm actually getting sad now. I just want a girlfriend to feel the love everyone's feeling all the time. But not just any random girl of course. But yeah. That's been my life for a long time. It's depressing and lonely. I think what I like about having a girlfriend is that, im her favorite. She liked me so so much that we are a couple now and that's the proof. She chose me and I chose her. We both like each other and don't take it for granted. But with me and my friends it's just so cold and empty. We're friends but idk why. Just because we hang out in the same place for 8 hours? Like my friend I went to the rave with said he enjoys my company but dude... wdym? Name 2 conversations we've had that were good? You can't. Name a time where I made you laugh? You can't. Name a time where- man what's my last name man do you even know my birthday? I don't know his neither. Like why are we friends it's so shallow 😅 this shit isn't even funny to me. I'm just confused. It makes more sense with the girl, but not with him. He's a cool dude sure, but... idk. And I'm gonna see these two tomorrow. I don't get how I'm the only one that questions but I'm probably the only one experiencing this. Nah you wouldn't get it. Cause it's always just me isn't it.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #112

(taken february 8th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster? One meant for little kids, lmao. I refuse to go on "real" ones bc they terrify me.

Have you ever been out of your home country? No. :/ One day.

What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? Ummmm I'm trying to think of something I don't normally mention in these kinda questions. ... And turns out I'm sitting here blanking, so common answer: flirted with my then-best friend's boyfriend that *I* helped set her up with behind her back. I mean it doesn't kill me inside anymore, I was literally 12 and this friend is now happily married with a child, but regardless, it's still disgusting to know I ever did it.

Favorite study? It's probably ultimately animal behavior, especially within highly social species. But of course I'm also very into the study of art and why and how various styles, techniques, and such "work."

Favourite instrument? Electric guitar. I am also a very big violin lover too, though.

How’s your flirting skills? Fine, I guess? I wasn't a big flirter back when I was single, but once we're in an established relationship, I think I'm fine at it.

Would you deny a relationship/friendship? No, that's super shitty and disloyal imo.

What does your dream life look like? More than ANYTHING, proud of and content with myself and what I've accomplished and am accomplishing. I want to be a productive adult that is confident (but absolutely still modest) in my abilities and puts A LOT of time into artistic creation. I want to be a loud voice for self-love and compassion, as well as equality and acceptance of others, even if you don't understand them. I wanna big a big ol' pet mom with loads of reptiles, inverts, and a few mammals, and I want to spread the good word on appreciating ALL animals, even the "gross" or "scary" ones. I definitely hope I marry Girt, and it would be a dream come fucking true if we could settle in western NC, in the mountains. I want to be a healthy person that treats her body with kindness, and I hope I can do A LOT of hiking and stuff like that with my camera! Traveling out of state and country, even better. I hope I manage to publish at least one poem (a personal goal is an actual book of them), and I cross all my fucking fingers and toes that I make a real mark among the big nature photographers. I want to be perfectly financially stable and actually know my family will have a house, food, car, everything we need. GOD, I want that life. Talking about it just makes me wanna bust my ass harder.

If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be? Girt.

What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? To one day be entirely free of mental illness symptoms. I know I'm capable of improving and getting better at handling my symptoms, but not everything is ever, ever, going to entirely vanish.

What was the last contest you won? Uhhhh... I'm not sure? Maybe this drawing contest I won MAAAANY years ago for a fantasy dragon game I played way back, lol.

What is your favourite kind of cake? Depending on my mood, it can be red velvet or chocolate kinds.

Do you like any sort of animes? Yeah, primarily darker themed ones.

What is the worst cartoon you have ever seen? I fucking hate(d?) that Rooster Teeth shit that was on Adult Swim when I was a teenager. I have no idea if it's still a thing, but it consisted of almost solely the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

Do you type slow or fast? I type extremely fast, if I know exactly what I want to write.

Do you like to type or write more? TYPE. I cannot physically write long AT ALL because my wrists will hurt like absolute hell.

If someone cooks for you, do you always thank them for it? ALWAYS. It's so rude not to imo, especially once you're an able-bodied adult that's entirely capable of figuring out how to make something.

What is the most hated item you own: My phone, I guess, haha. I don't really keep things that I hate, unless I need them, which is the case for my phone. It is AWFUL.

Do you find it hard to believe that a dinosaur was once right where you are? I mean, not *really* by this age. As a kid, hell yeah, but this is something I've long since accepted as just obvious fact.

What is your favourite part of the movie The Lion King? When Simba climbs Pride Rock in the rain and roars and the whole pride joins in, bitch I wanna tear up lmfao

Do you knock before entering someone’s room? If the door is shut, absolutely. That's just like, common courtesy. It's one thing my mom never really did/does with her kids and I don't like it, which is I guess why I'm so dedicated to doing it wherever I am.

Would you freak out if you saw a spider crawling on you right now? As an instinctive response, if it was a decent size, I'd definitely jump and probably quickly try to swipe it off of me. I don't like the idea of reacting like that though, and I really hope that I WOULDN'T react like that. One of these days I'd love to just like smile and say hi if I found a spider on me, lol.

Who did you last call beautiful? It was someone on Facebook I'm sure, I think my acquaintance Ana.

Do you think people will eventually stop believing in God? I wish we all collectively would, but no. People turn to religion for comfort when faced with the harsh realities of life, and that's never going to change so long as the human race exists.

Do you and your best friend have the same favourite band? No, his is Deadly Circus Fire and mine's Ozzy and Rammstein.

Do you prefer watching movies or playing video games? 100% video games.

How many jobs have you had in your life? Three. All were very short and ended terribly.

Do you use your hand when you’re explaining something? I'm absolutely one of those "hand talkers."

Have you ever thrown up from drinking too much alcohol? No.

What are you looking forward to in the next three months? Valentine's Day with Girt, my niece's 3rd birthday as well as my younger sister's 25th, the release of the Resident Evil 4 remake, aaaand that's all that's coming to me.

Have you ever played Bejeweled? Yes, but I mostly just watched my mom play it as a kid on the computer. I loved doing that and helping her find matches, haha. She used to be SO into it and still loves matching games like that.

When was the last time you slipped while taking a shower? Many months ago when I finally fell while getting out of the shower. After that, I got a shower chair.

Does your mom have a Facebook? Yeah, she does.

Have you ever been bitten by a rat? Nope. I've had pet rats that would sometimes do this lil tasting nibble on a finger that didn't hurt at all, but none of them ever truly bit.

When was the last time you tried to be seductive? Ha I guess last night, but only cuz he started it.

Have you ever had any doctors come to your house to check up on you? No.

What is the weirdest thing you did in 7th grade? Dissected a frog that ended up being a gravid (pregnant) female lmao, me and my partner felt so awful.

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yeah, he mad cute.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I genuinely think I will. Girt and I are doing great.

Do you and your last ex hate each other? Probably.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? Absolutely not. I receive any amount of money (and I'm talking just a few hundred) TWICE a year and that's it unless I earn some with photography services, so I spend it on something I really, REALLY want.

Do you have trust issues? I sure as hell do.

Do you think this year will be better than last? I honestly think so! Going pretty well so far, all things considered. :') I feel like I'm really growing. I absolutely grew a lot last year too, though.

Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes, Tyler. I felt like I was supposed to and also like I was trying to make even myself believe I was more into that relationship than I was, which was like... not at all. I only went into it because I was like "eh w/e he was cool in high school, let's give him a chance," but there was just no real feelings for him from me.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? I know a lot of people that do.

Best thing about the last person you chatted on Facebook? She's a wonderful sister to Girt and is just a very sweet person.

Are you anything like your siblings? I'm most like Mom's oldest child Katie. The other ones, not really, if I'm honest. Misty and I are also similar in some ways, but not incredibly. I don't know Tiffany or almost anything about her so I can't really count her here.

Who is the last person you hugged? Girt.

Do you have a secret you’ve never told anyone? Two, at the very least.

Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? I wasn't a legal resident, but basically yes.

Are you completely over your past relationships? Yes, although the one with Jason is complicated; us splitting and the hell that revolved around it resulted in very legitimate trauma in me and I'm quite, quite sure I will always have a complex outlook on him and a very, very strong response to things involving him. I don't miss being in a relationship with him, however.

Do you get attached to people easily? Agonizingly easily, honestly. It makes loss even harder for me.

Have you ever been beside someone while they were throwing up? No, I could never do that tbh. I react so viscerally to the act of and sound of vomiting that I would start puking as well, and I say that with total confidence.

What do you do when you’re feeling extremely nervous? The most obvious give-away is I start kneading/wringing the shit out of my hands, and I also stutter more, fidget/adjust how I'm sitting/standing a lot, and struggle more than ever with eye contact.

What do you think the last person that you kissed is doing right now? He's off work today so he's probably just chilling at home.

Do you think that someone has feelings for you? I know Girt does.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah.

How many people with the name Taylor do you know? Girt's best friend that is currently living with him is actually named Taylor. I THINK he's the only one that I still know.

Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow? Nothing special going on, so not particularly.

When you’re at the beach, do you swim or lay out? I swim as much as I can. I absolutely hate the sand and the heat, and I have a negative amount of interest in tanning.

How’s your day been? It's been fine; I rode out with Mom when she drove to get Ashley some lunch during her break, so it was nice to see her and just hang for a little bit. Then not that long ago we had to ride out to see my psychiatrist, and it's about a 20 minute ride there, and I really love longer car rides. The only negative about getting out this much today is that by my standards, it's hot, and I don't handle heat well at all. My body feels super drained from being outside.

What were you doing at eight this morning? I was actually asleep; I amazingly didn't wake up 'til 10 AM. I slept like an absolute mountain, and just by feel I was thinking I'd woken up closer to noon. I guess I needed it.

Are you afraid of shots? Eh, a little bit. The longer the needle and the deeper it has to go, the more it makes me nervous. I think "afraid" is a little bit too strong of a word, though.

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap? A "friend," yes. She wasn't ALWAYS crappy to me, but she absolutely knew how to be with unhealthy regularity. And that's why (well, partially why) I said no more and cut her off.

What are you thinking about right now? I'm very tired.

Has anyone ever called you a bitch? Yup.

Did anything brighten up your day? So my sister made an Etsy right because she wants to start making and selling crafts, and a couple days back I reached out to her asking if she'd made it yet + what the name was so I could rate it or whatever the Etsy function is. She really appreciated it and evidently told Mom about it, pointing out to her, "Does she know how easily she could sell her art on there?" It just meant a lot to me, how much Ashley absolutely does believe in my artistic capability. I DO plan on posting photography on there, but I don't have my own bank account or cards and stuff so I just haven't yet; I'll have to use Mom's stuff. But it just means a lot when one of my sisters show faith in me and the things I'm passionate about.

Were you an adorable baby? I think I was a very cute baby.

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? No. I mean I've done things in certain places I really shouldn't have, but I can't honestly say I really regret any of those instances.

Do you know anyone named Josh or Patrick? One of my younger sister's close friends has a brother named Josh. My half-sister is also married to a Josh.

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yes; I've snapped at him once that one time we had I think our first "real" fight, when I really could've addressed the thing that was upsetting me calmer. I mean I quickly did apologize, realizing immediately after that I was losing control of my tongue, but still, I wish I hadn't done it.

Do you like french fries? I love french fries.

How often are you on the computer? Admittedly, very nearly always if I am not sleeping or hanging out with somebody. It's been a problem since I was a kid.

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? I CARE A FUCKING LOT!!!!!!!! :''''') It's a major reason why my self-confidence is so terribly low.

Do you tell people you love them just to get what you want? AbsoFUCKINGlutely not. That is fucking disgusting.

Who are your three closest friends? If I am to exclude family and my significant other, then it's Tez, Mazzy, and I wanna say Summer. MAYBE Lyndsey; I talk to her regularly, but I definitely still do have a deeper, more developed connection with Summer, even if we don't talk or see each other much.

Do you like tacos, and if you do, what do you put on yours? I hate tacos.

Would you rather go to Greece or France? Greece.

What are the names of all the people you have dated? Aaron, Juan, Jason, Tyler, Sara, and Donald/Girt.

Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? I love pork fried rice, as well as eggrolls. Growing up I also liked what I knew as "bird on a stick," but I doubt that's it's "real" name here in America. ANYWAY, imagining it, I think I'd still like it. Besides those things, I'm not big on Chinese cuisine... that I've tried. I really should get better with actually EXPERIMENTING with foreign food, though.

What is your favorite type of music, and why? Metal mixed with techno/EDM-type music. I just like it.

Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? Brownies.

Would you rather be able to not talk for a week or not hear for a week? Absolutely not talk.

[dragondemoness]

Could you do a hc where Rantaro is dating someone who has a very bad reputation bc they seem mean and intimidating but is actually a very kind person. But his s/o is tries to keep up their bad reputation by being mean to him whenever people are around

(kinda like in Horimiya but not really https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRyrPQHU/

Like this scene as an example lol hopefully you can click the link)

I can't click the link, but I have seen that clip before and I do know what you mean

I really wanted to put "Tsundere Reader" in the title but decided against it

Rantaro x Reader With Bad Reputation

He knew he probably shouldn't have been, but when he first saw you, Rantaro was really interested in you

You were greatly disliked by the student body because of your bad attitude

How you would lash out at anyone for starting a conversation, how you would push away anyone who wanted to help

You also had a bit of an intimidating aura, so people just avoided you to begin with

But you had great respect for authority, and were careful not to act that way around teachers

Rantaro noticed this, and decided to spy on you a little bit

He wasn't stalking you don't worry

He noticed how sad you looked when you were by yourself

So one day, he decided to approach you

He asked to sit with you at lunch

You glared at him, but didn't say no

People started whispering

"Is that Rantaro? Why is he sitting with them?"

"He's gonna get his ass whooped..."

"They're such an asshole, why is someone as kind and sweet as him sitting with them?"

He ignored the whispering and started to talk to you

You mainly gave him the cold shoulder and ignored him

But he kept talking

He didn't give up like you expected him to

Finally, you asked,

"Why are you still here? Why are you bothering with me? Shouldn't you just give up and leave?"

Rantaro was caught off guard

"No, why would I do that? I don't think that this is your true nature. I think there's something else to you then we can see. That's why I'm here."

Now you're caught off guard

He could see that there was something underneath your cold exterior

And he was willing to find it

You've never met someone like that before

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance, as a friend

"Fine. I guess we can hang out more."

Rantaro is delighted that you're willing to give him a chance!

He will not disappoint

You guys started meeting up after school

Doing homework together, or playing video games together

One day, Rantaro had an assignment he was confused on

And out of nowhere, you were like,"

"Oh, are you confused? Don't worry, here's how you do it."

You didn't belittle him or call him an idiot for being confused

You used such a kind and gentle tone and took him through the assignment step by step

He was having a hard time paying attention though, he was so astonished

When you were done, he was just staring at you

"I've never seen you act like that before."

You realized what he meant and got embarrassed

"I'm sorry."

Now he's confused

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"This is probably really weird, isn't it? You're so used to me acting mean that you're surprised that I can be nice."

You let out a sigh and told him the truth

"The only reason I act like that is because I'm trying to protect myself. I don't want anyone to see my kinder self and have them take advantage of me. When it happened to me, I became colder and less kinder, and when I knew it, I became... This."

Rantaro was simultaneously surprised and feeling bad for you

He put his hand on your shoulder

"Well, maybe it would help if we spent more time together. What do you say we go out sometime? If you're free tomorrow, maybe we can go get dinner."

You were unsure, but agreed

And before you knew it, you guys were dating

You didn't want the student body to know about your relationship, and risk ruining Rantaro's good reputation and your bad one

You weren't proud of your reputation, but you would rather keep a bad reputation than ruin Rantaro's good one

So you told him that you didn't want to ruin anything, so you had to keep up your bad attitude

Rantaro honestly wouldn't mind having his reputation ruined, as long as you were together, but he respected it

So back at school, you kept up your bad attitude, but made sure to tone it down so you wouldn't say anything you couldn't take back

Rantaro never got offended, you were careful not to say anything out of line, and he knew you didn't mean it

Whenever you guys were completely alone, you were back to your sweet self

And even though you guys keep your relationship a secret, Rantaro loves to see that side of you

Even if it means lightly bullying him at school

[rogue-durin-16]

FIREWORKS AND STREAMERS

Request: I have been insecure about my curly hair lately and was wondering if you can you write something with one of the weasley twins where the reader is insecure about her curly hair and one of the twins makes her feel better.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Hufflepuff!Reader

Genre: fluff

Tags:

Requested by: @wildcat1434

Fred Weasley: @whiskeyn-rain @lumos-solemn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: none

A/N: So like, incoming fluff bc this idea was cute and sometimes I do be needing fluff, that's about it, enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The relationship between me and my hair had always been... Bumpy, you could say.

There were periods in which I would find it quite lovely; during those times I would let my curls free, showing them off with a proud demeanor, knowing my hair was unique. Those times began to turn less and less usual since the middle of third year, though they were still there.

However, after the summer prior to my sixth year, those moments had banished; I only wished to hide my hair, and my friends ended up noticing. They told me surely there would be a spell or potion able to change my hair.

As if they had summoned it, the next day in Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall introduced us to what seemed like my salvation; Crinus Muto, an advanced spell that modified the caster's hair with no restrictions.

My best friend advised me against using it, claiming it wouldn't help my insecurity— if only, it would worsen it.

I really wanted to do as she had told me and completely dismiss the spell's existence, but two nights after I had a big mental breakdown about it, caused by the most stupid thing ever.

"Is Weasley staring at you or am I blind?" One of my friends whispered, her eyes trained on the Gryffindor table.

I didn't even bother to look up, not wanting to know whether it was true or not, before responding with a quiet "You're blind."

"I mean, it's hard to tell with two rows of students between us but," She nudged me, urging me to avert my gaze from my dinner and redirect it to Fred. "it kinda looks like he's... staring."

Curiosity killed the cat, I guess. My eyes finally left my plate and were, in fact, met with Fred's brown ones. As soon as they met, though, he looked away, pretending to be focused on his food, just like I had been doing seconds ago.

"Of course he's staring." Hannah Abbot, who sat right in front of my friend, commented with her mouth full. "Have you seen your hair?" She swallowed her food, looking me up and down before adding, "No offense, but it's an absolute mess." My eyes opened widely in shock at her bluntness. "You should take care of it, really."

"Has someone ever told you you're an ill-mannered bitch, Hannah?" I heard my friend talking back at the younger girl while I got up and started to make my way out of the Great Hall.

Of course, I didn't see Fred shooting up and attempting to go after me; ultimately he decided to stay in his place, since he saw my friend walking out too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was very aware of all the pair of eyes that had been laid on me the very moment I entered the greenhouse where we would be doing the Herbology tasks.

When I had met my friends at the Hufflepuff common room that morning, I had received divided opinions about my straight hair. At first I had been very convinced that it looked way better than my curly hair, but seeing my friends' reaction, I wasn't that confident about it anymore.

I didn't have time to undo the spell before class, so I decided to go along with it and see how the day unfolded.

I took a deep breath, my eyes trained on the ground as I made my way to an empty seat; maybe there weren't that many people staring, maybe it was just my anxiety.

I finally gathered the courage and looked up, nervously scanning the glasshouse so I could shake off my fears.

There was only a couple of my peers staring, which would have put me at ease, if one of them wasn't Fred Weasley.

On top of it, of course, he wasn't even trying to be subtle, it was almost as if he wanted me to notice his judging eyes; I could feel his gaze on me for the entire class.

The instant Professor Sprout dismissed us, I shoved everything in my bag and left the greenhouse, thanking a couple of Gryffindors who complimented my hair on my way out.

Again, I didn't notice Fred leaving the class as soon as he could to run after me.

I threw my bag against a tree near the lake shore and, as I fell against it, I heard someone jogging in my direction.

"In a hurry to sit by the lake, Y/l/n?" I followed the tall ginger with my eyes while he circled me and sat down by me. "You alright?"

"I just needed a break from... People." I vaguely explained, focusing on the water instead of on the boy besides me.

"Understandable." He hesitated for a second before adding, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, it's fine." I surprised myself at how calmed and collected I sounded, as if I wasn't chatting with my crush.

"What happened to your hair?" His genuinely curious inquiry took me aback, and I struggled to find something to answer.

"Why?" My heartbeat picked up, anxiety inundating me once more. "You don't like it?"

"It looks weird." Fred looked at me up and down with a grimace. "You don't... Look like yourself." I was about to enter fight or flight mode, but he seemed to notice, and panic made its way to his face. "But it doesn't matter what I think," he was quick to add, his eyes wide open as if he knew he had said something he should have not. "I mean— I think it shouldn't matter, if you like it, that's great— I mean, you don't need my opinion about that either!"

"Calm down, I understand." I tried to reassure him, before his rambling drove the both of us crazy. "Can I tell you a secret?" He nodded with pursed lips, surely afraid he would fuck up if he spoke again. "I've been very insecure about my hair lately— like, very." I sighed. "My best friend told me not to straighten it, but last night I got a not so nice comment and—"

"So that's why you left?" I nodded, tugging my sleeves. Fred went silent for a moment, and then cleared his throat and scooted closer to me. "I know this won't do much, but I really love your hair. Kinda reminds me of fireworks and streamers." He gestured around his own head, mimicking the fireworks' movement. "Dunno I think is fun and pretty awesome." I raised my brows at him in surprise. "Like you."

"Aw, that's very sweet." He offered me a sheepish smile as I felt my cheeks blushing. "It does a lot, actually." I confessed, fidgeting with my rings. "I guess I kinda needed to hear something positive about my hair."

"Well, whenever you need to hear something positive about your hair," he pointed at himself. "I'm your man." He winked at me and I let out a chuckle. "I can also tell you positive things about you in general, but that has a price."

"And what is it?"

"You'll have to let me buy you a drink at The Three Broomsticks this Saturday." I tried not to let panic slip through my recently eased demeanor; was he asking me on a date? "And give me a kiss after." He wiggled his brows at me and my face turned red. "the kiss is negotiable."

I casted my gaze down, fixing it on my shoes, not sure of what I was supposed to say at that. His foot tapping mine snapped me out of my thoughts.

"So?" My eyes traveled to him once more, only to find his studying me already. "What do you say, Y/l/n?"

"Well," I shrugged, trying in vain to play nonchalant. "Seems like an affordable price, so it's fine by me."

"I'll pick you up after lunch, yeah?" Before I could agree, he gasped, his eyes going wide. "I'm a genius."

"Come again?" I frowned, confused as his sudden frantic behavior.

"Don't mind me, love." He jumped up and jogged towards the castle, leaving me puzzled in there. I was about to grab a book from my bag when Fred rushed back, crouched down and pecked my cheek. "Your hair's amazing." He assured me. "See you!" My fingertips graced my now flushed cheek as he headed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was finishing my lunch when two towering redheads entered the Hall running; while George, slowed down, Fred made a beeline to the Hufflepuff table, his casual clothes already on.

"Ready?" He asked breathless.

"Yeah— you didn't have lunch, did you?" I pointed out, getting up to stand in front of him.

"No, but I'll eat something later—" his eyes roamed over my carefully picked outfit before stating, "You look... very pretty."

"Why, thank you." I offered him a smile and looked over my shoulder at the Gryffindor table, where his friends were very attentive to all we did. "You sure you don't wanna eat something?"

"Hundred percent." He tilted his head towards the gates. "shall we?" He prompted to walk before him, and it was then that I realized he had his hands behind his back. Once we were out in the yard, he tugged my hand and made me turn to him. "I made something for you."

"You didn't have to." Was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard his words. Then the wording dawned on me; he didn't get me something, he made me something. "What is it?"

"So, you know that I told you your hair reminded me of fireworks and streamers?" I nodded, not quite knowing where he was going with that. "Well—" he then showed me what his back was hiding; a delicate, tiny firecracker with my name written on the side. "George helped me so I could finish it on time."

"I'm—" at my loss of words, I could only let out a happy laugh. "This is so cute— am I supposed to ignite it?"

"Duh!" I gently pushed his shoulder in response to his teasing. "Do you know how to do it?"

"I've seen you do it plenty of times." I admitted, grabbing the firecracker with one hand and my wand with the other; it looked so pretty, it was a pity I'd have to ruin it.

With a brief firemaking spell, the firecracker set off. Fred pulled me back slightly before it happened, though.

I was in awe at the beautiful fireworks before us, which looked like a color-changing, expanding version of my hair.

When the colors died out, I turned to Fred, whose attention was already on me, awaiting for a reaction. Surely, he was not expecting the kiss he got, but he didn't complain either; while my hands rested on his chest, his traveled to cup my cheeks before I could pull away.

"So you liked it?" He questioned quietly against my lips.

"I loved it." I whispered back with a wide smile. "You're a sweetheart." I pecked his lips before retreating. Holding his hand in mines, I made my way back into the castle. "We're not leaving until you have lunch."

"You are a sweetheart." He responded, following my lead without offering resistance. "By the way, your hair looks gorgeous." The corners of my lips twisted into a bigger smile at the sweet words he spoke only for me to hear as we went back into the Great Hall.

Maybe my hair wasn't that bad after all.

[leavesfrommytree]

This week, as I was asking God to help me grow stronger in His Will, I was led to Proverbs 31.

While I had heard of "The Proverbs 31 Woman" before, I realized that as much as I may have wanted to fully grow into the woman God wants me to be, the woman I know He already sees me become, the righteous woman He wants all His daughters to be, I had never actually a.) Set out to be her, b.) Opened up my Bible and actually STUDY what He had already told me about her, nor c.) PUT IN THE WORK TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!

It is mindblowing, when you think about it, how we can pray to God for the very things, the very answers that He has already given us. The answers to our prayers could very well be sitting in this Book of Life that He composed for us, AND ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS SEEK THEM! And to just think that The Bible was put together long before we were even born!

I've been struggling emotionally my entire life. My upbringing was bananas and I was always slipping on 'em head first. The "family dynamic" in my "home" was pretty much non-existent. Generational curses, Catholicism consequently involving idolatry, shameful shades of sin, you name it. Through that all God was always with me. Though I didn't know Him as I do [and am getting to know him more] now, I always knew that He was with me, and I never let go. Not through my crazy teenage years, not through figuring out many things alone as a young girl, then as an adult, and now as a hurt little girl in a woman's body trying to play catch up in order to mentally, emotionally, and spiritually arrive to where she belongs.

It wasn't until I truly sought after God with my heart, after just being tired and fed up of all the HURT and confusion that was my life, that I realized what the problem was all along:

I need spiritual emotional healing.

(I recommend Joyce Meyer's Beauty for Ashes. Wonderful book, helped me arrive at said realization. 📚)

So here I am, wearing this engagement ring given to me by the love of my life, the man I prayed to God for in such detail and was there (in my life) all along. My high school sweetheart in disguise. We love each other dearly, but just cannot take the next step in elevating our relationship until I can fully HEAL in different areas and fully blossom 🌱 into the woman God intended me to be.

I know this has been a very long read. All this is part of my healing process. If you're still here, I thank you for "listening." I was deprived of that a lot in my life. I hope that this helps you and/or helps you help someone in some way or another.

I typed all this out bc once I started it just kept goingandgoingandgoing until it became this. I realize that this is an outpour of my inner voice. I don't really have a girl friend, sister, or anyone to deeply express myself with. Sadly I cannot even talk about my feelings to my mom. She is simply emotionally unavailable herself. I am choosing to share this because I feel it to be part of my emotional healing. Y'know, the *opening up* part? Yeh, that's reallyyyyyyy hard for me to do.

Hmm, I guess this is why people blog...

Me gusssssta. 😌

Anyways, I say allllllllllllllllllll thisssssssssss to say that The Spirit led me to Proverbs 31, and I just feel so hopeful in my heart that everything's gonna be alright. I'm gonna become not only the woman I know I can be, not only the wife that my fiancé and best friend deserves (Glory to God for him, he truly is amazing,) but also the strong, gentle, wise, humble, compassionate, righteous Proverbs 31 woman God already created me to be by nature 🌻. I want to do the right thing. I want to walk in Light and in Love. I want to nurture this man, who God placed in my life to guide me back to His Kingdom, the way he truly deserves, as his loving wife.

I want to be happy and in peace. 🌞

I want to share this in hopes of encouraging any female struggling with emotional or any kinda instability, crazy situations at home, spiritual warfare (I recommend Ephesians 6 🙏🏼📖, staying prayed up is MAJOR 🔑,) hurt and heartbreak, unable to be in a meaningful steady relationship, thinking there's nothing but fuckboys out there, claiming "fuck love" as her anthem, etc. LIES! LOVE IS REAL, LOVE IS TRUE, LOVE IS ATTAINABLE! And how do I know!? Because GOD IS LOVE, and He made all this possible for me. He loves me, just as He loves YOUUUUUUUU! ❤

I may not have arrived to where I want to be yet, but I'm heading in the right direction towards emotional healing. I love myself soooooo much more than I did even a year ago, and that's the 1st and hardest step. If I can do it, so can YOU! NEVER CEASE TO LOVE, NEVER LET GO OF HOPE, AND NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR PRINCE CHARMING. Do NOT let this world mislead you into thinking that that 90's R&B Real Love *Mary J. Blige voice* doesn't exist anymore, BECUZ IT DOESSSSSS!

By Grace through Faith God saved a lonely wretch like me, and with Jesus' blood He made me saved, born again, NEW. He can do that for you too! Give Him a chance, the little girl inside you will thank you. 💗📖🙏🏼🌸❤

[mcl-pauly]

Hey, same anon as before! I don't think I explained myself well so I'm going to clarify a few things. I didn't mean linear in that sense :) I know that the dialogue choices are complicated to make and I, by no means, wanted to say that they are easy and they should make more choices. I was talking about the storyboard but maybe linear wasn't the right word. I actually meant that the events all happen one after another and sometime they are not well done (and some topics aren't talked about well)

just like Armin, Iris and Kentin’s arcs that happened one after the other without anything really being in the middle, and often skipping conversations. I’m sorry if I didn’t express myself well but I also didn’t want to say that the episodes are easy to make :c I know that it would take twice the time (I actually wanted to include that but I must have forgotten…) but it would be also more satisfying, in my opinion at least, because we would get more… definite (?) dialogues and arcs           

and about the conversation part, I meant it more like sakurina said, without many choices because they are hard but sometimes just listening and having them talk without choosing anything. Like the talk that Armin and Candy should have had about episode 37 that sakurina also talked about, I think that having it but non being able to choose anything in the dialogue would have been still good! Hope I was able to esplain it somehow :)   

don’t apologize, it’s okay c: i should be the one to apologize because i understood the word “linear” the way it was easiest for me to answer to be honest lol

(i think i see what you meant by “linear”… was it something like “the story needs to be the same no matter the route” ? because if that’s the case, it’s true that they’re quite limited in term of dialogues)

now about the arcs. I do think that they’re coming too fast but I also think that Armin’s arc is not over yet. so i don’t consider it to be “complete” yet. and you also have to consider the fact that it was extremely simplified (like… lol i remember a french player who was a lawyer (or in law school idr) made an angry rant on the french forum bc it was not realistic at all). it is still coherent to the mcl universe tho, it’sjust like how Nath’s arc was resolved by having him be emancipated

imo the least “complete” arc is still Lysander’s. it’s kinda sad because there was a lot of hints that led to his arc so we were expecting something big but in the end it was kinda disappointing. so maybe because of that, they just don’t bother to put any hints leading to an arc anymore and just pile them up on one another

I don’t really understand why they don’t make episodes like ep 18-25-33 (if we ignore Iris lol) anymore. and I don’t understand why they overlapped Kentin’s and Armin’s arc. actually, i do have a theory for that, but i don’t want to think about the e word :)

it would be more satistfying if they added more conversations but then it would take longer to make the episode and i don’t think it would be good for them. they’re already having a hard time keeping the game alive between episodes so I can’t imagine if they took longer to make than they already do

but I agree about what you said on having dialogues without any options. maybe Chino is scared that people would complain if there was more text that options lol. who knows

okay I remember another thing I apparently forgot to write ahah… about the money! AS is Beemoov’s most famous and played game, so it’s the one that is making the most money out of all their games, especially because of the number of players. They surely aren’t making that much because servers are constantly closing but with the number of players they already have, making the game a little more interesting would bring them even MORE money, that’s what I meant :) 

I guess you’re right but just like how they’re hesitant to go to conventions outside of France and how hesitant they are to make their goodies available on the international market (despite the BR fandom begging them to lol), it is a “risk” they’re not willing to take (yet)

[golbrocklovely]

the chosen daughter // colby brock - chapter nineteen

A/N: just like the previous chapter, this one took so long to write. mostly bc, yet again, it is a lot of dialogue. but this chapter was super fun to write. i love anything to do with max, even if i kinda hate him lol hope you guys enjoy this one. let me know what you think. and please, if you do like this chapter, feel free to reblog it. that way, more ppl can see my work. i appreciate you all and thank you for all the love and support <3

story description

taglist: @far-to-many-bands , @idfk-tbh-oops , @muted-mayham , @ughwhyislifesohard , @justtanerd , @ashyoungxblood ,  @cmburgos

trigger warning: cursing, mentions of cheating, blood drinking, vampire biting, mentions/showings of manipulation, max is a little shit and he ain't even physically in this chapter irl lol

word count: 4339

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My emotions were all out of whack, and I stayed by Colby's side the rest of the night after my ‘date’ with Max. Colby kept me close, cuddling me any chance he got. By the time we both went to bed, I felt calm for the first time in hours. I didn't tell him that I knew about Max's powers; I didn't need him to get more upset. My dreams remained calm that night, and I was able to sleep deep for the first time in a while. I woke up well past two P.M. the next day, deciding to shower and then go to my apartment quickly to get more clothes and do some laundry.

In the daylight, I felt safe. But the darkness of night allowed the true monsters to come out.

A slight positive was that I had an early shift at the bar and instead of closing, I was going to be coming in for the dinner shift. This was usually mine and Ronnie's favorite time; no one really came in so we would just fuck around and do whatever, usually playing pool or darts. I wasn't too excited about the idea of seeing Ronnie though, since every time I saw her, she asks about my vampire escapades.

How am I supposed to explain to her that I have two Elder vampires weirdly infatuated with me and one of them threatened me into going on a date with them?

My only option anymore is to lie, and I hate doing that, even if her questions were annoying.

As I got ready for work, I realized that Colby was still asleep from the night before. Before I left, I tried waking him, but all he did was groan and roll over.

"Don't worry about him. He does that sometimes." Sam spoke, appearing in the open doorway.

I replied. "What, stay asleep for over 12 hours?"

"Yeah. Apparently, he used to be like that when he was human too. He usually only does that when he's stressed out." Sam informed.

"And what could he possibly be stressed from?" I joked dryly.

I left the Trapp Haus after that, getting into my car and driving to Vampiro. When I got to work, Roger greeted me.

"Wait, I thought Ronnie was supposed to be in today?" I puzzled.

Roger shook his head. "Nope, she called out last minute. So, I guess you won't be lazying around today."

I scoffed dramatically. "I never lazy around, I'm just... thoroughly finishing my tasks."

He squinted his eyes at me, smiling bitterly. "Right. Start by thoroughly restocking the bar, please."

My shift went by painstakingly slow. Only about fifteen customers were in the whole time I was there, all of which nursed their drink to the point of adulthood. I texted Colby, wondering if he had finally woken up yet. He saw my message but didn't respond. That wasn't totally unlike him, but I decided to call him since I was bored and on my break. My call went straight to voicemail.

"That's strange." I mumbled to myself.

Two hours later, I was finally done with work, getting off at just before midnight. I was excited to finally get back to the Trapp Haus and see Colby again. I drove home as quickly as I could, parking my car in the back lot behind the club. The usual line to get into the Trapp Haus was there, so I went to the back and banged on the secret door, waiting for Kevin to open it.

A different pair of eyes stared down at me through the slot, the caramel color turning red once he noticed me. "Password."

I stared blankly back. "Mike, just let me in."

He rolled his eyes hard, slamming the slot shut and ripping the door open, but not wide enough for me to come in. "You didn't say the password, I can't let you in."

I groaned. “Mike, stop playing around. I just want to get upstairs and change.”

“Why? Do you have somewhere else to be?” He accused.

I furrowed my brows. “No...? I just want to get out of my work clothes.”

“Don't you have an apartment you can go to? You don't live here.” He grunted.

I hummed, placing my hands on my hips. “Right, like Colby would let me go back to my apartment while Max is still in town.”

Mike pursed his lips. “I don't think he cares about you anymore.”

I scowled, stepping up to him. “What the fuck are you talking about? Just let me in.”

I tried to push past Mike, but he pressed me against the doorway, trapping me between his arms.

“After everything he has done for you, you went out and betrayed him? You're disgusting. I knew the moment you came into our lives you were gonna be trouble, I just didn't realize how much,” Mike sneered, glaring down at me harshly. “Just know, the moment he says I can... you're history. In more ways than one.”

“Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?” I hissed.

He growled into my ear. “A bitch.”

“If you don't move your arms this second, you're gonna find out what it feels like to have a stake through your dick.” I threatened, staring into his eyes.

He smirked, sucking his teeth, and letting his arms fall loosely to his side. I slid through into the club, looking back at Mike with an angry glance. As I traveled up the stairs into the VIP section, I saw Kevin behind the bar making drinks. He didn’t notice me until Mike slid in next to him, muttering something. They both looked up at me, Mike’s eyes glaring with intensity. Kevin’s weren’t as intense, but his emotions showed through his body language: glancing away hastily and lowering his head. I huffed, confused, walking through the VIP section and into Kevin's office. Closing the door, the music thumped off the walls making the room feel like it was vibrating as I went to the apartment.

What the fuck is up with them tonight?

As I entered the apartment, I locked eyes with everyone; their conversations coming to a halt at my arrival. Jake and Sam's eyes fell to the floor, Tara turned away awkwardly, and Kat stood up but didn't move towards me.

“So, what's going on?” I commented.

No one spoke as the muffled music from the club downstairs filled the silence.

“Okay...” I whispered awkwardly.

I strolled towards Colby's room and opened his door. I dropped my bag, my eyes widened, at the scene in front of me.

His room looked ransacked. His mattress was flipped over, all of his clothes were on the floor, and his night table was on its side.

“What the fuck happened?” I squeaked.

“Colby... trashed his room.” Jake stated quietly.

“Why would he do that?” I questioned.

“Don't act like you don't know.” Sam answered, his voice bitter.

I retorted. “Okay, I'm seriously done with everyone giving me the cold shoulder today. What the fuck is going on?”

“You cheated on him.” Kat revealed.

I gasped. “What?”

“You... cheated on Colby. That's what he told us.” Tara responded.

“When the hell did he say that?” I asked.

“An hour or so after you left for work. He woke up and... went off,” Sam added, standing up and walking towards me. “He told us how he watched you leave when everyone went to bed and he followed you to Bloody. That's when he saw you and Max on the dance floor and-”

I cut him off. “Hold up, you think I would cheat on Colby with Max?”

“He watched you cheat. You let Max drink from you... among other things.” Jake muttered.

“So, when do we plan to kick the cheater out? Can I help her pack?” Mike grinned, sauntering into the apartment with Kevin.

I ignored him, replying quickly. “I slept here last night. I didn't go anywhere! I was here when we all woke up. Sam, you would know.”

“We were all tired after yesterday’s events. You could have easily left.” Sam remarked.

“Without you noticing? And if Max drank from me, where’s the bitemark? Do you see one?” I showed off my neck dramatically.

Sam gulped. “Well… maybe Colby just thought Max bit you.”

“Plus, Max could have healed you.” Mike shrugged.

“So, you’re saying that either Colby saw me get bit but didn’t see me get healed, or he didn’t see that happen at all? Which one is it?” I exhaled, continuing. “Also, let’s be honest, Bloody’s line is crazy long. I would have had to wait all night to get in.”

Mike disagreed. “Max could easilyget you in.”

“But then how did Colby get in then?” I inquired.

He shrugged, scoffing, then getting closer to me. “Who cares? Why are you trying to beat around the bush? Just be honest and admit that you cheated.”

“I didn't cheat! I would never cheat on Colby. I lov- I care about him.” I choked out, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

“Well, you obviously did something with Max to upset him. Maybe that's why you so easily went on the date with him yesterday.” Mike quipped.

“Mike, you weren't even here! It was not an easy decision to go on a date with Max. I only went because he threatened to kill Sam and Colby. You think I like having two different Elders up my ass all the time and putting you guys in danger?! How heartless do you think I am?!” I sobbed, my heart pounding as tears streaked down my cheeks.

Mike’s eyes glowed crimson as he stepped up to me, chest-to-chest. “Enough to cheat on Colby.”

“Woah, Mike. Relax.” Sam grabbed Mike’s arm pulling him back, Kevin following suit.

I paused, catching my breath and wiping my tears. “I didn't cheat. I was asleep the whole night. I wasn't bitten by Max, and if I was, do you really think he would let me waltz back home? You do remember what happens when vampires drink my blood, right? They get crazy powerful. You’d think he would let me leave?”

Mike exhaled. “Okay, so maybe Max didn’t drink from you. But you two definitely did something. Why would Colby lie?”

“I don't know. But I know for a fact I'm not lying,” I spat. “Where the hell is Colby anyway?”

Mike snickered darkly. “We're not telling you.”

“Good, because that solves all our problems.” I deadpanned.

“Cameras.” Sam murmured.

“Cameras? What cameras?” Kevin chimed in.

“When Max and Rinaldi came into town, Colby told me to install cameras in your apartment and here as well. Just in the living room, of course,” Sam continued. “That way we would know if they tried to break in.”

“Check the cameras. It'll show I was here the whole night.” I assured.

Mike rebutted coldly. “Or show you left.”

Sam grabbed his laptop, scrolling around until he found the footage from last night. He placed it down on the kitchen counter, all of us crowding around the screen.

“We went to bed around midnight. So I'll start from there.” Sam explained.

The clock at the bottom of the screen started at 12:10:08, fast forwarding at 4x speed. The lights in the apartment were out, casting dark shadows in the living room. By the time it got to 2:13:56, that's when Colby's bedroom door swung open.

Mike chuckled. “See, I knew you-”

Kevin interrupted. “Shut up, Mike. It's not Jade.”

Stumbling in the dark was Colby, eyes closed. He walked into the middle of the living room and then stood in between the couches.

“What the fuck...?” Sam uttered.

My mouth fell open as an orange glow appeared around him. No one else reacted, the aura only visible to my eyes.

Someone was controlling Colby last night. The same person that tried to control my dreams.

We all watched in awe as Colby stood in that spot with his eyes closed for three hours. He didn't move, except a slight swaying back and forth. Finally at 5:34:48, Colby slowly stumbled back to bed. Not a moment later, Sam came out of his room and went to the bathroom.

“It was Max…” I whispered, breathless.

“How do you-?” Sam began.

I interjected, leaning against the counter. “Yesterday, way before Max came over, I had a dream about him. It was overelaborated and unlike anything I've ever dreamed of before. Max tried to drink my blood in that dream too. The thing is, it wasn't me he was drinking from. It was like a version of me. Like I was supposed to be experiencing the dream, but I wasn't. I was just watching it happen.

“Because his powers don't work on you. So instead of being forced to dream, you watched it.” Sam guessed.

“Colby had an orange aura around him for three hours. That's the same aura I had around me when I woke up from that nightmare.” I remembered.

“But how did Max get Colby to dream? He wasn’t in the apartment.” Jake argued.

I shook my head. “I don't know. He could have been buildings away from us. But he was controlling Colby, I know that for certain. Who else can do that besides him and his brother?”

“So Max made Colby dream about you cheating...” Kat trailed off.

I assumed sharply. “To break us up. To cause a problem. Who knows? It’s all a game to him anyway.”

Kevin announced. “Colby's at the abandon warehouse. The one you learned to fight in. It’s a couple blocks away if you want me to drive.”

“No, I'll go by myself. I have to talk to him alone anyway.” I dissented, walking towards the door.

“Wait, Jade.” Sam called, stopping me in my tracks. “I think I speak for everyone when I say, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thought that way about you.”

“It’s okay. I understand. Colby is your family first. Of course you’re gonna believe him.” I smiled sadly.

“It still doesn’t make up for what we did to you…” Sam turned his head towards Mike. “Don't you have something to say to her?”

“What?! You just apologized!” Mike exclaimed.

Tara corrected. “Yeah, but you were the worst, so you need to do a separate apology.”

“Um... okay then.” Mike stepped up, clearing his throat. “Sorry you're not as terrible of a person as I thought you were.”

Kevin groaned. “Mike-”

“No, it's fine.” I raised my hand at Kevin, glaring at Mike. “I don't really care what you think of me, Mike. You obviously dislike me, regardless of this situation. Why pretend you're actually sorry?”

I strutted out of the apartment without hearing another word. I rushed out of the club as fast as I could, leaving out the back door. As I jumped into my car, all I could think of was how terrible Colby must be feeling. I saw what happened to him in the past. How he wasn't comfortable trusting people. I know how difficult it was for Colby to trust me, to let me in. Now, Max ruined it all in one fucking sitting. Like this was some sort of game to him.

Because it was.

Going over the speed limit multiple times, I got to the warehouse in five minutes. I swung the warehouse door open, noticing one light on in the whole place, all the way in the middle. I saw a dark figure moving, knowing it to be Colby.

As I got closer, I could see he was on the worn-out mat, the one I had fought on before. He was hitting the single punching bag over and over again. He was shirtless, sweat dripping down his back and chest. His hair clung to his face, his usual light blue streaks now a dark navy. His breathing was short and harsh. The headphones on his ears were playing loud music, sounding a bit like screamo.

I stayed outside the square mat. “Are you picturing that punching bag as me?”

Colby stopped abruptly, ripping his headphones off. His eyes flashed red as he saw me, glancing away quickly.

“No,” He inhaled, placing the headphones down on the table next the mat. “I would never hurt you. Max, however...”

“I'm surprised you heard me through that music.” I marveled sarcastically.

He bit his bottom lip. “I knew you here the moment you pulled up. I could smell you.”

“Oh. Guess I can't sneak up on you.” I joked, nervously smiling.

He sighed. “Did you want something?”

“Colby,” I shuddered, wringing my hands. “I need you to know I didn't-”

His dejected laugh cut me off. “Please don't tell me they told you where I was so you could come out here and lie to me. You wasted your time.”

“I'm not lying. Colby, I didn't-” I started again.

He jumped in. “You know, with how much you freaked out after you came home from your date, I figured you were scared of Max. That you hated him. But I guess you were just pretending and waiting until you could go back to him.”

My voice quivered. “I am scared of Max. And I hate him just as much as you do, if not more now.”

Colby’s words boomed off the vacant walls of the warehouse. “You have a weird way of showing it then! Letting him kiss you and drink your blood in the middle of-”

I exploded, stepping onto the mat. “I didn't cheat Colby! He's manipulating you!”

“How?! How is he doing that?!” He belted, his face close to mine.

“His power is dream manipulation.” I confessed.

His breath hitched for a moment. “How do you know that?”

“Yesterday. He made me dream about him.” I admitted, looking down at the ground.

“About him doing what?” He questioned.

“He made me dream about him drinking my blood and dancing with him. But it wasn't me. It was like a movie.” I mentioned, “I can only imagine if his powers fully worked on me, maybe it would have felt real…”

“So, he made me dream about you cheating on me? Right.” Colby crossed his arms tightly, turning away from me.

“You said he bit me. Colby, where did he bite me?” I asked desperately.

“On your neck.” He stated.

“Okay, then where is the mark? It wouldn't have healed in less than 24 hours.” I contended.

He scrunched up his face, his eyes falling to my neck. “Well, maybe he healed you.”

“Did you see him heal me?” I queried.

“No. But that doesn’t mean he couldn’t have.” He disagreed, a slight whine in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. “Okay Colby, how did you get into Bloody? The line for that club is long as hell.”

“I… I got in, why are you questioning me about it?” He complained.

I frowned. “Well, then how did I get in?”

He slightly shrugged. “Max... I guess.”

“Did you see him get me into the club? How did you know I was there?” I expressed, moving closer to him.

“…I must have followed you. I just don’t remember.” He insisted.

I breathed, holding back my frustration. “Alright. So, you woke up and saw me leave.”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

I requested. “How did I get to the club?”

“What?” Colby scowled.

“How did I get to the club?” I repeated. “Bloody is far away from the Trapp Haus. Did I drive? Was I picked up? Did I walk?”

“I-I don’t remember.” He stammered.

“Then how did you follow me? How did you know I was sneaking out to go to Bloody in the first place? It’s not like I would have told you I was leaving.” I interrogated, my voice unwavering.

“Stop,” Colby barked. “I-I know what I saw.”

“What exactly do you remember?” I commanded.

“I woke up to see you leave. Then, I was at Bloody. You were there with him. And then he kissed you. And then he bit you.” He recited, pointing on his fingers.

“So you don’t remember leaving the apartment, following me, or how you and I got into Bloody. And you don’t know why I don’t have a bitemark on my neck,” I addressed, treading closer. “Why don’t you remember anything else?”

“W-Why does it matter?” He stuttered, his voice rising.

“Max made you dream about me cheating to break us up. I don't know why, but that's what he wanted!” I protested, staring into his eyes.

“It couldn’t have been a dream!” He exclaimed.

Colby clutched his head abruptly, his knees buckling under his weight. I dropped down, following him.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I plead, my voice trembling.

“Fuck, my head! It’s pounding. It’s like someone threw a cinderblock at my skull.” He moaned loudly.

“Colby, let’s get you back to the apartment,” I suggested. “We can get you help, and there’s proof I’m not lying. The cameras that film the living room... I never left the apartment.”

“But I know what I saw! You. Y-You cheated on me.” He whimpered, glancing up at me.

I shook my head, tears threatening to spill. “I didn't. I would never, Colby. I know you. And you know me. I would never do that to you.”

“It feels real. I can feel myself being at Bloody. And seeing you with him…” He panted, his eyes lost in thought.

“Colby, if Max really did drink my blood… why would he let me go? My blood makes any vampire more powerful. Why would he let me leave?” I emphasized.

Colby stared at the mat, wide-eyed. Suddenly, he let out a loud yelp, gripping the sides of his head firmly and squeezing his eyes shut. I bent down, bringing my face close to his and lightly rubbing his shoulders. He inhaled deeply, veins popping out from under his eyes as they sprung open, glowing crimson. His fangs extended as we both jumped back.

“I’m so sorry, Jade. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I haven’t drank in a while and your blood is too much.” Colby warned.

I exhaled. “Why?”

“I… don’t know. I just feel like I can’t, that I’m not allowed.” He hesitantly spoke, confused at his own words.

“Colby, it’s his powers over you.” I blurted, crawling to him, “Drink my blood.”

He stuck his arm out, urging me back. “What? No. Absolutely not.”

“Colby, you need to drink. And maybe my blood will break his power over you.” I shoved his arm out the way.

“No, baby. I can't drink it.” He shook his head aggressively.

“Yes, you can. Drink my blood, Colby.” I demanded.

He hissed, the veins under his eyes darkening. “Jade, no.”

“Just drink my blood-”

Colby grabbed the back of my head, pulling me in and biting into me forcefully. I winced and gasped, the pain of his bite stinging for a moment. But suddenly, it melted away, a light, dull pleasure forming in its wake. I gripped his forearms, trying to keep my body upright. His hold on me tightened, bringing me closer into his mouth. A soft moan fell from my lips.

“Colby...” I whispered.

He pulled away quickly, keeping me in his arms. My vision was a bit cloudy, everything moving too fast for my eyes to keep up.

His aura appeared, brighter and larger than I had ever seen it before. It stayed entirely around himself, however, never encompassing me. His eyes closed for a moment as it faded out. “I... should have never doubted you, Jade. You were right.”

He brought his wrist to his mouth, biting into it and pushing it near me. His blood oozed down his wrist slowly. “Take some of my blood.”

“Whaaaat? Nooo.” I grumbled, shaking against his hold softly.

“Do you wanna keep bleeding and feeling light-headed or not?” He deadpanned.

I half-shrugged, allowing his wrist to connect to my lips. I opened my mouth and let his blood slip in, the metallic taste making me gag. But that taste only lasted a second, changing into a sweet, unknown flavor. I sucked his blood down, my hands pushing the back of his wrist further into my mouth. Suddenly, he pulled his wrist away, his bite wound healing up immediately.

I blinked my eyes, my vision returning to normal and the light-headedness dissipating. “Woah, your blood is fast-acting.”

“I could say the same for yours.” He chuckled quietly.

Colby stood up, helping me to my feet as I sighed. “So... you saw that it was a dream?”

His tone dripped with disgust. “Yeah. It felt like... Max was in my ear, telling me what to dream. And I believed it to be true.”

“Max never set foot in the apartment. He did all of it being somewhere else.” I noted.

“It's terrifying to know he can possibly do this again.” He snarled, his fist white knuckling.

“Everything about this day has made me sick.” I croaked.

He cupped my waist and pulled me in, making our eyes meet. “I'm so sorry, Jade. I should have believed you. I should have never doubted your loyalty to me. I know you would never cheat.”

“He’s an Elder, Colby. You didn’t have a choice. It's alright.” I reassured, placing my hands on his shoulders.

Colby shook his head. “No, it's not. I know who you are as a person. You're my girlfriend, and I should have known-”

“Girlfriend?” I choked out.

“Yeah. I-I mean, I would be honored to be your boyfriend, if you would allow me.” His voice falling to a low tone, “I should have asked sooner, to be honest.”

I remained silent, still shocked at his words.

Girlfriend. He wants me to be his girlfriend…

He cut in. “I understand if you don't want to be-”

“I never said that.” I giggled.

He raised his eyebrows gently. “So...?”

“Sure. I guess.” I teased, biting my lip.

Colby smiled, his dimples appearing briefly, as he leaned in and kissed me deeply.

<< CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 20 >>