#it was supposed to be like a 'oh dean's a repressed bisexual how can we unrepress him I Know let's give him a hot stranger man'

[vivitalks]

guys i genuinely don't know what to do. my quirky little destiel fic which was already far too long to begin with now has a second smaller fic nested inside of it and somehow the second smaller fic is the absolute crackfest of this supernatural/tazamnesty crossover where dean lowkey hooks up with barclay the bigfoot and i don't KNOW what to DO. do i cut the scene. do i post it separately. do i post it separately but ALSO leave it in the fic. do i just pretend like barclay is an OC i made up and all the references to the fictional town of kepler west virginia are incidental. WHAT IS THE MOVE HERE

[destielficsndrabbles]

What is your top 5 Destiel fics?

So I abandoned this blog years ago because the show was pissing me off and i had to take a step back. But, I’m feeling the vibe of the fandom again so I’ll give give it the old college try again. Anyway, here are some favorites. They’re all E or M because I’m a thirsty bitch.

My Top Five Destiel Fics 

a turn of the earth by microcomets (M)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

There’s Only One Sure Thing I Know by blinkiesays (E)

Dean doesn’t even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby’s point: he’s faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he’s been defeated by the God damn Midwest. 

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (E)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

The Most Important Thing by  NorthernSparrow (E)

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he’s struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord (E)

A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there.

At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history.

Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe.

Bonus: Two Favorite Finale Fix-its

Nothing Equals the Splendor by RurouniHime (E)

(The other fic written by this author is amazing too and we should all bully them into writing more for destiel)

Maybe it’s the cynic in him. The hunter, always under the surface of any quietude he ever found. Or maybe it’s just that he has always had trouble with blind faith. But after a while (a blink? A decade? A century?), Dean raises his eyebrows, looks around, and says—“Uh. No.”It’s so close. Just so slightly imperfect. And maybe, he analyzes, maybe that’s the final knell of this bell called contentment. Dean’s experience with happiness has always been that last rise in the road, right before it turns. Right before fate comes barreling around the corner head on.He turns in his spot on the bridge, and suddenly Sam is like a cellophane film through which he can see the light streaming, and the taste of cheap beer on his tongue is much, much older a memory than it should be.

“Oh, you’re good,” he says, and means it.

Under the Same Sun by prosopopeya (E)

In which time is infinite, and so is the list of people willing to help Dean figure out what to do about Cas.

A fix-it for a lot of things: Dean’s repressed bisexuality, Dean’s utterly inexplicable failure to realize what Cas meant, the Charlie & Dean brother/sister content I crave, among others.

Bonus x2: A Shameless Plug for my own Romantic Comedy A/U Series

Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by impatient14

What do you get when you add Firefighter!Dean to standoffish-Doctor!Castiel?

A thousand other fics, you say? Aaaand what’s your point exactly??!?!

Dean likes his doctor, but his doctor doesn’t like him. Accidental friendship ensues, heartwarming bonding type moments occur, and oops!friends become best!friends. But best friends aren’t supposed to feel the way Dean feels about Castiel. He knows this. So he ignores all the things that he can’t help feeling. When he sits and watches a movie with his best friend or when they are arguing about which method of coffee brewing is best, he pointedly doesn’t look at his friends lips, or the adorable way he tilts his head when he doesn’t understand.

Dean ignores his feelings. That’s the way he knows how to keep his best friend. Just ignore the butterflies.

[amwritingmeta]

Hello there! So, fellow destiel shipper here, read all about the finale a few hours ago... I just saw your destiel queerbaiting analysis (LOVED IT!) and... what are your thoughts on Carry On? (canyoutellimshamelesslylookingforsomecatharticrants)

Hello my dear!

I’ll admit I’m in a ranting mood, so you’re in luck. Catch me in a few days and I’ll probably be less ranty, more level headed, more oh they think they can shove Cas out of the narrative and hint he’s running around fixing Heaven with Jack without actually giving us a visual establishing of TFW 2.O reunited and of course especially Cas and Dean reunited and we’ll all just be absolutely understanding of that and nod and go, mh, makes sense because the show was always about the brothers wasn’t it, mh, mh hmh, hmmmmmmmmh let me present you with my slideshow of why and how of course we shall not go any form of mh at it.

This is not a few days from now. (look out for that slideshow though) (it will be spectacular)

Queerbaiting. Such a hotly contested topic in relation to this show. If you read my analysis then you know the faith I’ve always had. For four years. Unwavering faith. I’ve seen it so clearly in this narrative because I’ve wanted to see it, because it got me excited for what this narrative might be moving towards ripping apart, which is how the American manly man is represented in media such as this, the one that mildly glorifies the violent, repressed, WHITE middle-class male. The not quite well-educated but street-smart WHITE male. The modern cowboy WHITE male.

For someone representative of all these things to flip the switch and reveal himself to be bisexual would’ve been... well, glorious. It would have been utterly glorious. 

So were we - was I - queerbaited into thinking this would happen? That we’d get queer representation, in full, on Supernatural through the stated love story of Dean and Cas?

I. Still. Don’t. Know.

I’m serious. That’s the truth. The ugly fucking annoying frustrating goddamn truth. Dammit!!

(I may have had wine and whisky and a bit of beer so pls ignore me if this turns from rant to ramble) *drunk af* *that’s not true* *I’m tipsy at best* *aiming for drunk af though*

I don’t know if “queerbaiting” is what these writers engaged with for over a decade because I don’t know if they knew for sure that they would never be able to deliver it, or if it’s possible that all the showrunners and all the writers throughout all the seasons that have played around with the Destiel subtext HOPED that it might come to fruition once the finale rolled around.

Here’s another question, though:

Was I queerbaited into watching this fucking disaster of a finale because I was left with the hope that Cas was going to return?

I would, at this moment in time, say ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY I WAS.

I didn’t get to grieve Cas when I was supposed to BECAUSE I HAD NO INDICATION FROM THE CAST OR SHOWRUNNER OR ANYONE CURRENTLY ON THE SHOW THAT THE DEATH WAS STICKING AND HE WAS NOT COMING BACK OMFGGGGGG THIS IS THE WORST THING THEY’VE EVER FUCKING DONE!!!!!!!!!!

I swear to Jack. I’ll never forgive them for this. Not that they want any forgiveness or expect it or would ever even seek it. Obviously. All they cared about was the fucking ratings for the finale, which would’ve been lower if we knew for sure there was no Cas in it.

I wouldn’t have watched it as eagerly, I’ll admit that. I would’ve watched it, though, which is what makes me sad. At least I could’ve been prepared for the badness, for the utter pit of horrors that awaited me, at least I could’ve been in acceptance mode and nodded and laughed a little, maybe shook my head like, yeah, makes sense. But no.

Nope. 

And yes fine Cas is in Heaven with Jack so it’s not like they didn’t HINT that maybe at SOME POINT these men will all be reunited but omfg.

The finale.

Does not.

Exist.

I refuse to acknowledge it’s existence. It existed for about an hour and a half while I was going through every single stage of grief with my pal @natmoose and then I moved into laughter at the absolute ridiculousness of this whole situation, and acceptance, and now I’m just drinking. And chilling.

Here’s where I take proper offence. 

I take offence at 15x18. I take offence at the episode beginning with two queer characters having their relationship torn apart by one disappearing, and then the person remaining lamenting the fact that she dared open her heart and then this happened - her person is just GONE - only for Charlie to then die as well. Visually. Disappearing from sight. Erased.

I take offence at a straight couple consisting of one deaf character getting torn apart, yet more representation just inexplicably erased. 

And then I take offence at this love story I’ve followed and adored and hoped and embraced as the possibility for healthy representation and healthy progression for Dean and for Cas for four years, a love story others have embraced for well over a decade, ending in Cas finally reaching a moment of true happiness, and that happiness requiring a self-sacrifice so great that his I love you literally means death.

I take offence at all this. It makes me fucking angry. It’s dismissive of what representation means to a lot of people and it MAKES NO SENSE since it’s written by a writer who has always seemed extremely sensitive to these things. 

So. Queerbaiting occurred, to my mind, for sure for the first time in these two weeks after 15x18, where the lid was put on Cas actually dying, and there were enough hinting that he did for everyone to throw their hands up and say but we thought it was OBVIOUS, but not enough of it there to put us off watching the finale, because we might’ve been put off had we known, for sure, hands down, that Cas was not going to come back.

Or perhaps that hope wasn’t wide spread and most people accepted his death for what it was. I know some people immediately saw it for what it was, I saw a few posts on Instagram and Twitter to that effect, so, you know, idk. Maybe it’s just me. Being hopeful. Yearning for hopeful endings. The fact that the show didn’t deliver the ending I was hopeful for isn’t, end of the day, the show’s fault.

To me, the way I view this narrative, the way I’ve always read it, this ending makes no sense, regresses both brothers in horrifying ways, underlines the codependency as the healthy option (which makes me feel physically ill btw), and leaves us with the moral of the story being... what? What was it for? What was it all about?? WHAT WAS IT ALL ABOUT PEOPLE??? 

Anyway. Finale does not exist. So it’s about love, and growth, and identity, and freedom, and finding peace with who you truly are.

Dean did not get impaled. In a vamp den. In a BARN. Like how DARED THEY KILL HIM IN A BARN?? OMFGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! 

Sorry.

Does not exist. 

Okay, this is already long. Did I... rant enough? Did I talk about queerbaiting enough? I’m not going to throw queerbaiting shade on the entire narrative. I just can’t. But queerbaiting shade on 15x18? Yah. Thrown.

Sigh.

[transsexualbloodlust]

Shrek and SPN an analysis

okay i said i would do a shrek and dean arch analysis and i’m here to deliver

before we ~get into it~ i’d like to say that this started out as being based on my head canon that dean likes the first shrek movie and the musical (secretly) but instead it just became it’s own analysis of the parallels, I will be doing a very short explanation of why i think that after this.

okay let’s do the obvious parts: the both have layers, and they r both bisexual and homophobic (i will not take criticism on this i’m right and u know it)

in regards to the layers:

In the shrek musical we get to see shrek’s childhood and back story. The basic summary is that on his 10th birthday his family abandons him and tells him he has to raise himself, that society will never accept him so he needs to “build a wall” (emotional) and find somewhere no one can get to him (emotional and literal). Shrek grows up knowing he is hated by society and although he doesn’t try to outright conform his choice of being the monster everyone wants him to be and living alone was conforming in itself, we learn later in the movie that shrek is lonely and wants friends but is afraid of vulnerability and how people view him. Now I’m sure we’ve all read a million and one essays on Dean’s personality but you’ll be reading one more. Dean also gets metaphorically thrown out, especially emotionally, by his father and is forced to fend for himself, except (and this is why shrek and dean’s personalities r so different) dean has sam and is forced to raise him. (dean is the woman coded version of this arch and shrek is the man coded version, once again i take no criticism). Dean is forced to live on the outskirts of society, constantly hopping schools, knowing about monsters and hunting, and he embraces that role as a form of protection for himself. This of course mixes with the way J*hn villanises dean to himself, he’s verbally abusive (and almost definitely physically) and holds dean to such a high standard he can never see himself as good enough. Not to mention how his bisexuality is likely seen as something disgusting. So in order to save himself he embraces that roll that his father has layed out for him, to the point where (like shrek and his roar) is very much a performance.

okay so how are the plots similar/something dean can relate to??

well dean and shrek both exist within the outskirts of society, never really wanting to enter and seemingly content with the performance they give. However (in very different ways) their ability to uphold the performance is tested and they embark and a journey to be able to go back to normal life. Shrek has to deal with the fairy tale creatures, and Dean has to save his father. (I genuinly think a lot of deans dependency on j*hn had to do with how much he based his identity on the man, and even though he does care about him and wanted to save him, his dependence on john and inability to recognize the abuse was a part of the performance he had to uphold). They then both get side characters , both Sam (no he’s not the main character stfu) and Cas for dean, and donkey for shrek. Who push them emotionally and force them to explore the possibility of life outside of that performance. They then both assume the roll of heros, something that their self image never truly allowed for. And when they get back to their old lives/rolls they realize it’s not something they truly want anymore, and that maybe it never was. Deans is much more subtle because he always feels the obligation to continue being a hunter wich is so heavily tied to the imagine J*hn projected on to him that he couldn’t move away as quickly as shrek did. But we start to see it in season 10. Then we ofc get to see the parallels between the love confessions. 😀😐

Okay so there’s the obvious “oh no they hate me what will i do” nature to both shrek/fiona and deancas but there’s literally so much more holy shit.

Cas/Fiona parallels:

The way Cas and Fiona r similar has a lot less to do with backstories and more to do with the essence of their arch’s, how they’re used, and how they’re coded. Cas and Fiona have Very different lives, however they where both agencies of the status quo. Fiona wants to be this maiden in her tower and be saved, and she actively reinforces that by following the ideas of a fairy tale even though she truly doesn’t understand the purpose of what she’s going through. Cas on the other hand is an actual soldier of god, he actively fights to uphold the bible and bring about heaven winning, he works to reinforce heavens power. However both he and fiona don’t fit the model of their stories perfectly and in doing so r rebelling against the story. Fiona is Quircky TM, and a whole ogre, she doesn’t fit into the basic model of her story and the fact that she’s different is what causes her to rebel against the story. Her very existence is what caused her to question the narrative. Cas’s very existence defies the narrative because he, unlike most angels, cares about humanity (dean, like humans but mainly dean). He is supposed to be an unfeeling soldier of the lord but instead he ends up being gay for a repressed kansas boy which throws a cog in the narrative he’s supposed to play out and causes him to question it. And on top of that their personality is what pushes their love interest to confront the parts of themselves they aren’t really willing to embarrass. Dean being bi and Shrek being an ogre. 

Okay so the actual confession parallels:

Obviously they are different, for one shrek is canon reciprocated in all countries (that i know of). But thematically?? what the characters r saying to eachother?? girl i’m loosing it.

Shrek is about accepting ones self as who u truly are and recognizing that that doesn’t need to be changed for u to be lovable. And Cas’ speech does exactly that, it tells dean that even though he views himself as a monster who’s driven by hate, even though he see’s him as his enemies do (think shrek seeing himself through the townsfolks eyes) he is actually driven by love and that he, without changing, is lovable in every sense of the word. More than that he’s lovable by what common society would consider to be the Ideal (angels being like 🤩 and princesses being 🤩). In this confession of love Dean/Shrek r moved to accept themselves as they are, Shrek in the moment and Dean later when he doesn’t kill chuck. And their loved one has their final closure to their story. Fiona is forced to accept herself as an ogre as well and Cas shows that he’s, like Dean, fundamentally driven by love even though he was told he shouldn’t be.

This is where we once again see the whole “dean and shrek have the same arch but dean’s is woman coded” thing which I will be getting into in a separate essay. But the basic idea is that Shrek comes to the realization partially on his own and gets final validation from Fiona where as Dean gets confessed to. 

Then after the initial confession both lovers are pulled apart, deancas have the empty, and shrek/fiona are briefly pulled apart by lord farquad. In both instances the characters are punished for the fact that they’re in love. HOWEVER shrek understands good story telling and has the lovers come back together.

And then ofc both Fiona and Cas get enveloped :D (Cas in goop and Fiona in light)

But this where we get into the exploring where Supernatural’s narrative SHOULD have gone, (as shown in shrek):

After the love confession we finally get to see Shrek realize that he isn’t the monster society painted him as and that that requires absolutely no change on shreks part, he’s accepted himself and realized that he can tear his walls down. Dean goes through the tearing down of walls much slower throughout the seasons, because Dean has the woman coded version of this narrative he already understands found family but he doesn’t understand that he is worthy of his family’s love in return. 

So in Shrek we see shrek live out his life with his found family, he’s had his arch he understands his worth and he realizes that he doesn’t want to be alone. Now as a finale denialist I will not be talking about what happens in the finale but we’ve all seen it and you know how supernatural doesn’t follow through.

This was so much fun i will be doing more later but I hope y’all enjoyed this <3

[sidecarghost]

Spn 15x18 spoilers below

Dean can’t reciprocate: Spn Meta on Romance as the language of the soul or alt theory Aro Dean

So the 15x18 script had line about Dean can’t reciprocate. And I thought hmmm.... prob just like everyone else and here are my two cents.

Dean can’t reciprocate because:

He only ever thought of Cas as friend and would never want to pursue any relationship more than that.

He is aro and he doesn’t connect with romantic attraction. And this is absolutely fine!

He has denied and repressed any romantic urges and numbed himself to them. Big diff between this and Aro because Aro is natural and valid but repressing romantic attraction is not.

He was like wtf is happening right now. I need time to process.

I am Destiel shipper so obviously hard no to #1, but that is a completely valid opinion just not one I share. But I refuse to even enumerate any opinion of Dean being offended by the declaration. #4 could be case and with more time Dean would have reciprocated. But for this post I’m really focusing in on #3 and maybe a little #2.

In my opinion, Aro Dean is not a Destiel deal breaker. I think Dean and Cas can still have beautiful relationship with platonic love and sexual attraction and low to none romantic attraction on Dean’s side.

Really the purpose of meta was to poke at possibility of romantically repressed Dean. And the convo Famine had with Dean way back in season 5 came to mind.

Notes: I am awful at meta, so take this entire dump with grain of salt. Just some things I noticed while thinking about Dean’s romantic identity and making metaphorical comparisons to heart, romantic soul, and will power from a couple scenes in Spn.

Metaphors under consideration from Spn scenes

Heart

associated with acts of caring that are selfless and kind (like saying someone has a big heart)

Will power

Driving yourself to get your shit done.

In Dean’s case his will power is typically fueled by hate and anger because he is a monster hunter and his anger keeps him going even when he wants to give up.

Romantic soul

your romantic connection to other people (i. e. soulmate) and doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual.

Spn 5x14 Famine talks to Dean about his broken, empty soul

FAMINE: hunger doesn't just come from the body, it also comes from the soul.

DEAN: It's funny, it doesn't seem to be coming from mine.

FAMINE: Yes. I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my presence?

DEAN: Well, I like to think it's because of my strength of character.

FAMINE: I disagree. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN: Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE: Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already...dead.

Spn 15x18 Castiel talks about Dean including how he sees himself and how loving he really is

CASTIEL: you see yourself the same way our enemies see you. you’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken... you’re daddy’s little blunt instrument. and you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. it’s not. everyone who knows you sees it. everything you’ve ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. you raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. that is who you are. you are the most caring man on earth. you are the most selfless, loving human being i will ever know.

Romantic Identity Thoughts for Dean

I agree with popular opinion that Dean reads like a bisexual character, but his romantic identity doesn’t necessarily have to match. And I think so far he doesn’t seem to fit label of biromantic. Like biromantic is possibility if Dean is just repressing his romantic urges because he has numbed his soul to all feelings per Famine’s monologue. Or just we haven’t seen it on show but Dean does feel that way. But I think some other labels may be better fit for Dean.

Dean is really good at all the platonic aspects of love. Like Castiel said Dean has a big heart. platonic love is very selfless. It is driving to help a friend, sharing interests, caring about each other’s wellbeing, being there to support them, and protectiveness. At its purest it is selfless and expects nothing in return. Pure platonic love is not jealous love. You don’t get jealous about the recepient spending time with others. You are also typically okay when they are gone. And that plays back well with Castiel’s speech in 15x18. Just aside, Dean being really good at platonic love is important if you read Castiel as demiromantic because Castiel would need a strong friendship before he feels any kind of romantic attraction.

Dean also enjoys casual sex and shows signs of sexual attraction for men and women. Although the show has only established female sex partners so far, that does not mean he isn’t attracted to men too. And there have been instances in show that read as sexually attracted to men.

But even though Dean has had multiple sexual relationships on the show, Dean has no canon romantic attraction. Other than the weird witch sisters when he was hexed in 13x12. That curse was first time Dean was in romantic love, and it wasn’t consensual which sucks but non-con is a common spn theme.

Maybe it could be argued Cassie and Lisa were romantic love interests. But I dunno he kind of just left them without any noticeable regrets. So it seemed like Dean enjoyed protecting them, being a good friend, and having sex with them, but there was no soul yearning romantic aspect to the relationship. These weren’t woman that he couldn’t live without. Their loss didn’t crush his soul.

But then there is Castiel. And each time Castiel is lost Dean falls apart. This tough hunter that tragically gives last rites to his family and friends on a daily basis becomes a sop of hurt and angst when Castiel is gone. Those are very romantic feelings. Then Dean seems to bounce back to happiness once Cas comes back. So maybe Famine was wrong or lied because Spn monsters seem to get retconned into lying quite a bit, or maybe Dean has already started to explore and nurture his own romantic identity or in Spn Famine terms soul.

Also Romantic love often tends to be jealous and possessive. Like Famine said this is a hunger, and it can be this wild, ravenous thing. So by Castiel calling out all Dean’s selfless acts it kind of resonates with Dean not having a current romantic partner and that being something Castiel wants for Dean.

Anyway, romantic identity and sexual identity don’t have to match. So Dean can be bisexual and homoromantic or bisexual and aro. I am thinking demi-, or homo-, or biromantic, because Dean does seem to experience some very romantic feelings for Castiel (i.e. touches, looks, romantic squabbles, and the overwhelming need for Castiel to be around). If Dean tells Castiel that he just doesn’t feel the connection to love speeches and romantic thoughts then aromantic may actually be a better fit for him.

There is even a WTFromantic that is meant for people that can’t feel romantic attraction because the things in their life have overwhelmed them to the point that the concept of romantic attraction is just completely inaccessible to them. And I dunno, but that label seems pretty descriptive of Dean too.

So Dean may not be able to reciprocate romantic feelings because he has made a conscious decision to just repress all romantic attraction as much as possible per Famine monologue. Even tho Famine talk was 10 years ago Dean still has same problems. He is going through motions, as in 15x17 where he denies there even is a case to solve. He is fueled by anger and hate. Right before Cas’s romantic declaration, Dean is talking about all he feels is angry and bloodthirsty. So that empty soul that has been denied every desire may still be mangled and hurting. Dean just needs to confess he isn’t coping and get help.

Or Dean may identify as a character that doesn’t connect romantically, if Dean is aro then there was nothing ever wrong with him because that is valid and no one should push him to act in a way that isn’t natural for him. And I specifically tried to use romantic soul, because I don’t mean to make any kind of comparison to romantic attraction and the immortal soul like that is totally separate concept.

Anyway, I kind of feel like the show is setting it up as former and that by calling Dean broken it is describing him as repressed romantically and maybe the next couple episodes are him coming to terms with that aspect of himself. Like he’s been running on anger for so long maybe time to do some soul searching.

Disclaimer: romantic and sexual identity labels are not meant to be prescriptive, they are just supposed to help describe your truth so you can have a language that describes your own personal identity and you know you are not alone and you have a community. I would never apply them to other people, but Dean is fictional and interesting so I thought I’d try to dig at what the writers and actors were doing to either consciously or unconsciously give Dean his own romantic and sexual identity.

[queerfables]

Supernatural Liveblog (Episodes 1x06 - 1x08)

These notes were made while we were watching and they’re much funnier than the ones we made afterwards bc we’re real bad at remembering stuff. 

We’re all still on the incest train and I’m starting to worry that by the time Cas shows up, I’m going to be actually invested and end up shipping wincestiel. Am i allowed to make “this fandom is a curse” jokes yet or am I still too new?

Supernatural 1x06 - Skin

We open on a lady tied to a chair, a guy with a knife, and SWAT descending on the house while sexy rock music plays. N: This is.... an elaborate BDSM scene Me: I WAS JUST THINKING. N: This show walked so Hannibal could run.

Lmfao @ Dean's face when Sam says he's a cop. He lies about this all the time but when Sam does it he's suddenly all pissy? "You're a real straight shooter with your friends" Well Dean maybe if you had any friends to lie to you wouldn't be so judgey.

The camera focuses on a suspicious man, whose eyes flash white. We all ooh. P: okay, but he's not a demon, because his eyes didn't go black. Me: must be the opposite of a demon! P: An angel? N: A horse. Me, laughing: I actually know what it is from tumblr. N: Is it a horse?

Dean, after getting an I told you so moment about Sam's lying, "This whole gig isn't without it's perks," he says, and hands Dean a gun. Me: this is America, you don't need to hunt monsters and demons to get a gun P, the only American in the room: You get one at birth.

The scene where Sam figures out Dean is being impersonated by the shapeshifter is really good. But also after it finished I looked at P and N and said, "would you guys be mad at me if I said that was really gay?" N: Not even a little P: Same, babe

And then we get Sam tied up and a Dean lookalike (Deanleganger!) leaning in all close saying "He's got issues with you" like WOW.

I really enjoy seeing more of Dean's issues through the shapeshifter's eyes, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't also enjoy how sexual this tension is.

Dean waking up tied up in the same room as Sam later P: Was he just... Like... Hiding under a sheet of canvas? N: I think he was supposed to be unconscious, but like who knows Me: I think he was hiding. "Jesus Christ, guy, please don't tell my brother I'm into him."

Then P said xe were kind of into Dean in this episode and N&I agreed that both Sam and Dean were looking good this episode. P laughed at us for having the same taste, and I pointed out that it's not that surprising because we're both into xem.

Supernatural 1x07 - Hook Man

Dean doesn't want to paint the guy purple, but he'll watch over a magazine.

P: maybe he's not repressed, maybe he's just a voyeur

P thinks that being attracted to reverends' daughters is The Lesbian Experience

Dean talks about losing his mum N: "Hey, I have trauma too" Me: That's like, his one move. N: To be fair, in real life, it WORKS P, looking at me: It's how we got together. P, looking at N: Actually, it's how we got together too.

Dean looks longingly at the party and then says he's going to go dig up unmarked graves. P: That's a bisexual mood. Sorry, Dean. N: Making out with cute people and hanging out at a cemetery aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.

N argues that cemeteries are queer safe spaces because: no one else around, film nights, church-adjacent and therefore just the right level of sacrilegious

Dean is being extra bisexual in this episode, which is fun for an episode about religion and emotional repression.

Me: Hey what was this episode called? N: Man door hand hook car gun? P, looking at phone: Hook Man. Me: Seriously? P: I found it by googling "Hand hook car door supernatural"

Supernatural 1x08 - Bugs

Me: Oh I think this is the episode with the bees that didn't show up on camera and had to be CGI'd in later.

Lmfao @ Sam and Dean being mistaken for a couple. N: Oh yeah, they know what they're doing. Me: It's too early for them to be seeing what fandom is picking up and reacting to it. P: They're definitely doing this on purpose

Getting strong homophobic dad/queer son vibes from the insect kid and his dad. Sam is very soft with the kid (to the point of picking up his spider?? UGH but also aw) which I like

N finds the spiders very cute and cuddly. P and I are not so convinced.

Dean is fully in the wrong with his whole "Don't tell the kid to leave his dysfunctional family! Why are you acting like Dad did anything wrong? You yelled at him too!" schtick, and I make no excuses for it. My heart does hurt for him as well as for Sam, though. I'm pretty sure the reason he's so hurt by Sam identifying with this kid is that he did everything he could to shield Sam from their dad's abuse, and if Sam still feels this way then what was it all for? Also, their dad wasn't the only one Sam left. Like, I wanna forcibly cuddle Dean and yell "Sam was right to go! You can leave your dad too!!" but I understand why he feels this way.

I tuned out while they were explaining the reason the bugs are all attacking but I think the gist was something something ancient burial grounds? P and N were like "Seriously??"

On the bright side, at least they did not actually break the curse. N says "Hiding in an attic for five minutes with an improvised flame thrower until the sun comes up is pretty anticlimactic, but it could have been worse!"

Final comments:

The funniest thing is how there’s an episode where Sam and Dean are mistaken for a couple and it’s still not as incesty as the one where Dean gets replaced by a shapeshifter who can access his innermost thoughts.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 14: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 14 Summary Analysis

Cas is in a tailspin after losing Dean to Michael’s possession, and he resorts to seeking help from a demon. Cas is determined to find a way to stop Michael without killing Dean. After Dean becomes himself again, he and Cas resume their affectionate domestic behavior toward one another, along with their co-parenthood of Jack. Cas and Dean comfort each other when Jack dies, and they work together (with Sam) to bring him back. When Michael possesses Dean a second time, Cas and Sam do whatever they can to save Dean, and Cas continues to worry about Dean while Michael is trapped inside his mind. Dean becomes resigned and self-destructive after Billie (aka Death) talks to him about his fate, and he pushes Cas and Sam away. After Jack kills Mary, Dean cannot forgive Cas for hiding Jack’s mental state from him. Dean is determined to stop soulless Jack by any means necessary, but Cas still wants to save Jack, and this conflict drives a rift between the two of them. In the end, Dean can’t bring himself to kill Jack because he still considers him to be family.

My interpretation: When Dean decides to lock himself inside the Ma’lak box, Cas gets angry at him for giving up and for not talking it through with him. Cas canot bear to think of Dean trapped in an eternal torment with Michael, and he’s hurt that Dean is willing to put himself in that situation without even saying goodbye. After Jack dies and is resurrected, Castiel’s top priority shifts from Dean’s safety to Jack‘s, partly because he knows that he will most likely outlive Dean, whereas Jack could live much longer and have a more lasting impact on the world. Even after Jack kills Mary, Cas continues to be protective of Jack, and it wounds him to see Dean so fervently vengeful toward their fostered son. Sam recognizes the rift that has appeared between Cas and Dean, and he stops Cas from moving to comfort Dean at Mary’s funeral because he knows it would cause a fight. Cas has difficulty reconciling his love for Dean with Dean’s violent attitude toward Jack. Cas feels like he has to choose between Dean and Jack, and he ultimately chooses Jack. Dean’s repeated traumatic experiences with mind control harden him and make him emotionally distant from everyone, and this is only made worse when Mary is killed. Dean sees soulless Jack as a monster, and he takes it as a personal insult that Cas would defend Jack. Dean blames Cas for Jack’s actions because he’s desperate to find a scapegoat for his pent-up frustrations and repressed trauma.

14.01 Stranger in a Strange Land

Cas is so desperate to find Dean that he seeks information from a demon named Kipling.

Kipling makes a joke about Castiel’s relationship with Dean: “I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because one, that’s interesting, and two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.”

Sam and Jack both express doubt that they’ll be able to save Dean, but Cas remains steadfast and faithful: “We are going to find Dean, and we are going to beat Michael, and we’re going to do it together. Because that’s what we do.”

14.02 Gods and Monsters

Cas references a phrase that Dean has used with him in the past: “I had myself. Just the basic me, as, uh... as Dean would say, ‘without all the bells and whistles.’”

Cas demonstrates his wholistic understanding of the human perspective when talking about Jimmy Novak: “You know, in all my thousands of years, what happened to Jimmy Novak and his family, it’s my greatest regret.”

When Jack inquires about killing Michael, Cas insists on the importance of saving Dean: “Did they find Michael?” “Yeah, they think so.” “So they’re gonna try and kill him?” “Uh, no. No, the plan is to subdue him using angel cuffs and spell work. They have to get Michael out of Dean.” “And if he doesn’t leave?” “Then they’ll try to drive him out.” “And if that doesn’t work?” “Jack...” “Cas, Michael has to be stopped.” “I know, and he WILL be, after Dean is...” “No, Dean doesn’t matter. You’re all so focused on trying to saving Dean. And I get it, I understand, but if he can’t be saved, if it comes down to him or Michael, Michael has to be stopped—caged or killed.” “And if that means that Dean dies, too?!” “Then Dean dies. I know this Michael. I’ve seen what he’s done to an entire world, and so have you. If stopping that from happening here means that Dean has to die, then... Do you think he’d want it any other way?”

14.03 The Scar

Cas is so damn happy to see that Dean is back safe (the music swells when they first see each other): “Sorry, I wanted to be there, but we figured that Michael would sense my presence, so...” “Sam told me. Ain’t no thing.”

Cas continues to worry about Dean and asks Sam how he really is: “Dean... how is he really?” “I don’t know.” “Why would Michael just give up his vessel like that?” “I don’t know.”

Dean exhibits the high level of trust he has in Cas to be willing to let him inside his head: “So, Cas, I’m gonna need you to, uh, get in my head. You know, do the whole Vulcan mind meld thing. ‘Cause if I can’t remember what happened, I need you to drag it out of me, okay?”

When Dean hurts Jack’s feelings (“You’re barely 100 pounds soaking wet”), Cas gives him a scolding look, which clues Dean in on his transgression.

When a girl asks Jack if Cas is is his dad he says, “One of them, yes.”

14.07 Unhuman Nature

While talking with Sam, Cas acknowledges that they’re all co-fathers to Jack: “You know, he’s [Dean] lost people, we’ve all lost people, but, um...” “This feels different. Losing, um... a son, feels different.”

14.08 Byzantium

Dean leaves the room while Jack is dying and Cas goes after him to remind him that Jack needs him there: “What? It’s not fair? I know that. But he needs you.”

After Jack dies, the boys hang out and get drunk together. Cas stays up with Dean longer than Sam.

When Dean wakes up with a hangover and is tactlessly blunt to Lily, Cas is visibly amused.

Cas asks Jack not to tell Sam and Dean about his deal with The Empty because he doesn’t ��want them to worry.”

14.09 The Spear

Cas explains to Jack that they should have plenty of time together before The Empty takes him: “You know, The Empty said that it wouldn’t come for me until I had finally given myself permission to be happy, but with everything we have going on, with Michael still out there, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. This life may be a lot of things, but it’s rarely happy.”

Cas points out Dean’s good mood, noticing his behavior is out of the ordinary: “You seem good lately. Happy, even. We have a broken tape deck, we drove this whole way without music, and you did not complain once.” “You know, I guess I’m just fired up. I mean look, we got Jack back. When was the last time we had a big, no-strings-attached win like that?” Cas is visibly uneasy about keeping his deal with The Empty from Dean, but he doesn’t want to dash Dean’s high spirits.

14.10 Nihilism

While talking to Michael, Cas demonstrates his understanding of the value of vulnerability: “You’re confusing loyalty and compassion with weakness.”

Cas shows concern for Dean while he and Sam are in Dean’s mind: “So much trauma in Dean’s mind. So many scars.”

Sam and Cas use their knowledge of Dean to know that that they need to look for him in his good memories: “If Michael wanted to keep Dean placated...” “Dean thrives on trauma. I mean, he’s had to his whole life, right? It keeps him alert, keeps him ready, but if I wanted to distract Dean, I’d give him something he’s never had before.” “Contentment.” “Exactly.”

Michael mocks Dean’s relationship with Cas to throw him off: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition,’ or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.”

14.12 Prophet and Loss

After failing to talk Dean out of shutting himself in the Ma’lak box, Sam calls Cas for help. Cas is doing everything he can to figure out a way to save Dean, and even offers to try talking to Dean himself: “Sam, maybe if I spoke with Dean...” “It wouldn’t matter, believe me. I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. He just... no. If we don’t find some way, Dean’s gone.”

Cas is excited to hear Dean’s voice when Dean calls him, and he tries to convince Dean not to go through with his plan: “Dean! It’s so good to hear from you.” “Okay. Well, good. Uh, listen, Cas, uh, Sam and I are workin’ this case...” “You’re working a case. That is so good to hear. So I assume that means you’re not going through with it, because I have to say, Dean, this plan of yours, it was born of desperation, not reason.” “My plan.” “I know that I’m not supposed to know what I know, but...” “Look, I’m fine with my plan, okay? We can talk about my plan later.” “Dean, you are making a terrible mistake. ... We need to have a conversation.” “Look, I really gotta handle this right now, okay? So thank you, and uh, it’s good to hear your voice.”

Cas calls Dean out for being dismissive and self-destructive: “What happened to him [Donatello], that was my fault. It was necessary, but doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way.” “I know the feeling.” “Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop!” “Okay. Alright, why don’t we talk about that later?” “Because according to your plan, there won’t be a later.” “Cas, if you were a friend of mine, then you will understand that I have to do this, and you won’t try to stop me. You think this is easy on me? It has to be done.” “So then, this is goodbye?”

Cas is frustrated that Dean has given up: “Dean, if there’s a spark, a hope, then I have to try. YOU taught me that.”

14.14 Ouroboros

Cas recognizes Dean’s struggle and genuinely wants to know how he is doing. Dean opens up about his experience: “Hey, Dean?” “I’m fine.” “What you’re doing, even just sitting here and having a cup of coffee, is a Herculean feat. I can’t imagine the willpower it’s taking to keep Michael imprisoned. Are you really fine?” “I don’t know, Cas. But that’s what I’m supposed to say, right? ‘I’m fine,’ keep on movin��? It’s what we all say.” “No, Dean.” “Okay. There’s this pounding in my head. It never stops. Michael’s in there, and he is fighting hard to get out. And I can’t let my guard down, not for a second. I’m barely even sleeping.” “Well, that’s not sustainable.” “No, no. It’s probably not, but no point in complainin’ about it. It’s on me.” “No, it’s on US. We are here to help you.” “I know. I know that, and I appreciate that, I do. Look, before the kid gets back... I know I agreed to give you guys time.” “Hey, Dean, and we will find a solution.” “Okay, but if... if you don’t, we still have plan B.” “Dean, come on.” “Coffin. Ocean. Done.”

Cas gives Dean a scolding look when Dean blows off his concern.

When Jack asks what A.V. Club means, Dean teases Cas about being an A.V. Club member.

Dean makes a joke about Castiel’s sex appeal: “Somehow he knows you, but you’re not standing alone. Why doesn’t he mention me?” “Maybe you’re not his type.”

While talking with Jack, Cas exhibits the deep respect and affection he has for Dean and Sam, and for humanity: “You know, Sam and Dean, they’re human, and they’re very extraordinary, brave, special humans, but they’re still humans. And humans burn bright, but for a very brief time, compared to, you know, things like us. And eventually, they’re gone, even the very best ones, and we have to carry on. It’s just... it’s part of growing up.” “Losing people?” “Yes.” “What’s the point?” “The point?” “What’s the point of being a cosmic being if everyone I care about is just gonna leave?” “The point is that they were here at all, and you got to know them, you... when they’re gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” “That sounds awful.” “It is, but it’s also living. So when Dean wakes up—and he will wake up—we just have to remember to appreciate the time that we all have together now.”

To prevent Jack from burning off more of his soul, Cas convinces Jack not to use his powers to heal Dean.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Case and Dean bicker in the kitchen about their son, like an old married couple: “You were right. Jack is struggling. And I’ve tried, but...” “Why do you think he’ll talk to me?” “Well, because he looks up to you. And his soul... I mean, you’ve seen this before.” “No, no. No, see, I was not great with Sam, you know, when he was, uh...” “But Jack’s soul isn’t completely gone, at least I don’t think so. We just don’t know how much is left.” “Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?” “I don’t know! Just talk to him. Get him to open up. And then, sleep until the cows come home.”

14.18 Absence

In a flashback, Cas demonstrates his concern for Dean and Sam while talking with Mary, and she recognizes his protective presence: “I know you know this, Mary, but, um, Sam and Dean, they’re glad to have you back. Whatever you still have to deal with and however long it takes, you should know they’re happy. Finally they don’t have to be so, um... so alone.” “Castiel, they were never alone.”

Dean is angry at Cas for not telling him and Sam about Jack: “We don’t know what happened, but I swear, if he did something to her, if she is... then you’re dead to me.” “Dean.” “No, he knew. He knew something was wrong with the kid. He knew it! And he didn’t tell us! He didn’t even tell us!”

Cas is ashamed of his lack of foresight, and Dean is not willing to forgive him this time: “I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long, I... I believed that he was good. I knew that he would be good for the world, and he was good for US. My faith in him, it never wavered, and then I saw what he did. It wasn’t malice, it wasn’t evil. It was like Jack saw a problem, and in his mind, he just solved it with that snake. What he did wasn’t bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn’t want to lose that, so I thought I could fix it on my own, felt like it was my responsibility. So I left, and I didn’t tell you. If I could go back and just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can’t, Dean. I failed you. And I failed Jack. And I failed...” “No, no. Don’t even say it. Don’t even say her name.”

At Mary’s funeral pyre, Cas moves toward Dean to comfort him, but Sam stops him and shakes his head. Cas stays where he is, looking forlorn.

14.19 Jack in the Box

After Mary’s funeral, Dean goes off on his own to cry in the woods.

When Dumah threatens to end the happiness of Mary and John Winchester in Heaven, Cas doesn’t hesitate to kill her immediately.

When Cas finds out Dean and Sam locked Jack in the Ma’lak box, he gets angry and refuses to go along with it. He argues about it with Dean: “Even after hearing what I said, you wanna keep Jack sealed in a living death?” “He agreed to it. Because deep down I think he knows it’s best.” “No. You’re doing what Dumah... you are manipulating him. What? You just wanna forget about him?” “I wish I could forget about him! After what he did? And you know what he can do. This is our only play.”

14.20 Moriah

After Jack escapes the Ma’lak box, Cas is still angry about the Winchesters’ manipulation, and he and Dean continue fighting about Jack: “You should never have tried to lock him away.” “You know what? You’re right. I never wanted to put him in that damn box. I wanted him dead.” “Dean!” “He’s dangerous, Cas, and you knew it! You’ve known it for a long time! But that’s okay. You know why? Because me and Sam, we’ve killed just about everything there is. And this, Jack, oh we’ll find a way, because he’s just another monster.” “You don’t mean that.” “The hell I don’t.” Cas walks away furious.

While talking with Chuck, Cas remains determined to save Jack, and Dean continues to push back against Castiel’s optimism: “Stop, Cas. You heard him. This is the only way.” “And Billie said the only way to defeat Michael, was to lock YOU in a box. There has to be another way.” “Well, there’s not. Now, I know you don’t like it, and I don’t really care. ‘Cause you just heard it from God himself that this is the only thing that can kill Jack, so either get on board or walk away.” Cas walks away.

Dean approaches Jack to kill him, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger.

Cas is distraught after Chuck kills Jack, but he is able to compose himself in order to fight the monster horde with Dean and Sam.

[telling-our-stories]

Coming out stories

A heads-up. These are the original stories, however, they are anonymous. This wasn't intentional, I just screwed up and didn't tag. These stories, aren't mine, so if I've posted yours and you want it taken down. Please, just ask me.

Alright.

I am tired of people who are against the LGBTQ+ community. Its alright to have an opinion. It is not alright to put people down for being themselves. The first pride was a riot, a fight for what they believe in. I'm trying to do the same. I'm trying to gather the stories of the fallen, the ones who are still standing, the people who are willing to fight for everything they are. And I am fully willing to take a stand and fight to prove we exist. To prove that we're here, and we aren't backing down.

Hello, my name is Dustyn. I'm here today to collect stories from the LGBTQ+ community. There's a lot of people who are against us, which is exactly why we need to stand our ground. I'm not asking for a fight, I'm asking for your stories. My story is not yet finished, though I'm a bisexual trans male. Our stories are important, because they show who we are and how far we've come. I've struggled a lot in my life, but I've made it. So have others. Here are some of those stories. We'll start with mine. I've gone through many identities, mostly trying to figure myself out. I'm still doing that. My family doesn't accept me for me, but I have many friends who do. There are so many accepting people in life, and I appreciate all of you who are proud to be who you are. Whether closeted or not, you are all valid and amazing.

"Hello my name is Melissa and i am bisexual. My family didn't really have a harsh reaction to it other than the fact that they didn't understand it at first. That was most of my trouble was people saying that bisexual wasnt valid. Im sorry mine is so short but i think the moral is that you are valid. No matter what you identify as on any spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community. Also even if your outside of the LGBTQ+ community and your just an ally. We love you and you are all valid.”

"Salutations everyone. My name is Talan. I am non binary, panromantic and i am currently between asexual and demisexual. I was raised in a very christian household where my mother and father had very strict beliefs. They believed that being anything but straight and to me being anything other than my assigned gender was a sin, and many people still say that to me. When I came out to my dad he flipped, he took me out of school for a year and put me in online school. During this time in my life I had reached a dark time where i thought that it was never going to get better but trust me it does. I am still living with my dad who does not accept me and at this point we don't talk that much, but it does get better. We have gotten to the point where we can have a civil conversation with each other and im back in school. I have an amazing girlfriend and multiple qpps who i love very much. Everybody at school is very loving and supporting. Remember that family is not chosen for you, you make your own family. If you ever feel down than just know that there are so many amazing and kind people in the world who love you for who you are, no matter what that may be. You are loved."

“I'm glad you reached out to me, anything to help people understand more about the LGBTQ+ community. I am 19 now and I came out to my family at the age of 14. My parents were the typical ones who said it was just a phase and it would not last but here I am five years later and I made it through. There was a point where I had no one to turn to but then i met my amazing boyfriend. He helped me through the good and the bad and showed me that there were things to stay for. I am now in college and pursuing a career in photography at the University of Arizona. I hope that could help a bit!”

"Okay. Well. My coming out experience was definitely not expected in the slightest. I was in the 5th grade. Realizing that I liked both boys and girls was quite the revelation. I had a lesbian friend who was the first ever gay person I met or knew. I remember being backstage of a show I was in and just crying through the words, "I know I'm supposed to love guys, but I love girls too". After that. I didn't tell anyone else, until 6th grade. I was a track meet and a group of people I sat with was talking to my lesbian friend about kissing. I forget the exact conversation, but I spoke up and said I would kiss her. A Christian girl in my class was nearby and heard. She was disgusted. Therfore by the end of the week, I was completely outed to my entire school. It was ugly, but it got better over time I guess. I'm a junior in high school now. I have yet to come out to my parents, but at least I know that I am finally comfortable in my my sexual orientation and gender identify (demigirl, which I didn't figure out until a few short months ago)."

"Hey, I haven't actually come out to everyone yet but I have told a few people and all of their reactions were positive "oh you're bi? cool" and that was it. No "so do you like me?" or anything which was super great. So I was "straight" and when I heard about the LGBT community I was "straight" for about another five days. I did some thinking and realised I'd actually liked girls before, and shortly after came out as bi to a few of my close friends at the time. They were all supportive, bar one who said "you're just looking for attention lmao".Coincidentally, she had also come out as pan and had received the usual "you're attracted to pans?". I go to a Christian school, so it would be pretty disastrous if the news leaked out, but naturally it did. Not everyone knows, maybe about 10% of my grade. I suspect some teachers found out about how some people were LGBT (not many though, there's about 5 of us), because our dean of year gave the "you're too young to know that" talk. Mostly at school we get sheltered from all LGBT news and details at all, and my parents hadn't told me much about it either, even though they are supportive and would be okay if I came out as bi."

"I'm bisexual. I first came out to my elementary friends over the phone 3 years after we went to different middle schools. They were mostly all so accepting and I was so overwhelmed I hung up on them. I spent a few minutes laying on the ground clutching that phone to my chest, I'd never felt so loved. I cried and cried and cried because these people atleast the ones who accepted me see me different now but are okay with it. Two years later, now, I still haven't come out to my parents. I still need a few years but I'm a little bit more open at school now most of my friends accept me. Others were cut off, I can't do that with my family so they still don't know. Not as if they would take me seriously either way. I want to get past college get a place a stable life then maybe I'll be ready, just maybe. Thank you for listening to my story."

"I was surrounded by my Uncle and his husband for years. I always knew that gay people existed. When I was younger I never thought anything different of myself; I thought I was one of the boys.

 It never really clicked that I was the only one who saw it that way.

When I was 7, my mother and sister suggested I take dance I shot them down saying "that's for girls."

They didn't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what came over me in that moment either but I know it felt right.

As myself and the people I knew grew up I realised I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I tossed it up as your typical dislike.

~every girl went through that at my age didn't they~

All the girls I knew were so happy that they were becoming women and I just sat in the back wondering why I didn't feel the same way.

I still didn't get it.

Once my depressed state got worse I decided to read into ways to love yourself and your body.

I started taking selfies, dressing up, wearing heels and makeup, forcing myself to sing even though I hated the way I looked and sounded.

It got worse.

I broke down when nobody was looking and acted like it was fine; like I wasn't praying that whatever I was feeling would go away for even a second.

And one day I looked in the mirror and I thought "this isnt right. This isn't me. This isn't what I want. Who in the hell is that person staring back at me?"

And I accepted it. That I would never be who I should be. That I would never be happy. Because nobody would love me. Nobody would want me. And nobody would accept me. Because if I was happy then that meant my family wouldn't have had the little girl theh thought they had gotten.

And up until recently no one knew that I broke down every night, that my thoughts got so bad I wanted to drown in my own tears so that maybe it would all be over. Because to me coming out to them was worse than death.

And here I am years later. My family knows but they don't care. They don't try to comprehend that this repression it kills me all the time. So I gathered my money got myself exactly what they told me they would never let me have and I lie. I go behind their backs and I live like the man I really am online. I bind my chest and I hide from their sight and when they ask I say it's just their eyes.

Because if they knew - if my mother knew - they would rather me suffer day after day than be who I am."

"heyo, i read your post and id like to put something to it.

i am a part of the community, havent came out to my parents yet, because i know for a fact id be sent to a psichologist or thrown out. but i am me online

an old friend of mine is a trans guy and found me a few weeks ago. he said he saw that i support LGBT+ and it was so comforting for him. a friend who i haven't talked with for 9 years!after he told me that he lost half of his family for being himself, his dad ignores him since, but he has a boyfriend and got his life together

and that i could be a little comfort for him is really nice. even the people who are closeted can be helpful in the community."

"Well, my mom took it well. I had gotten stuck in my closet and then she got me unstuck and I told her I was queer.

My brother, we were sitting in the car and he told me he always knew, but I had to keep it a secret from my dad or else bad things would happen.

My friends hugged me and started to use my name and pronounsSo coming out to my dad and stepmom, it wasn't even a coming out but a forced outage.

They took my phone away the night of a Panic attack that I still have nightmares over and searched it. They read all my messages.... everything.

I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I knew it wouldn't. They told me that they loved me, but I had to stop being me and I have to go back to being a girl who was cishet

But once you have a taste of freedom of who you really are, you can never go back ...I couldn't hide again. I just had to wait till I could spread my wings and be free somewhere else."

"Ok so for the thing you tagged me in, I don’t exactly have a coming out story yet, and I’m not sure of my identity entirely. I’ve tried out tons of labels and am sticking with queer at the moment just cuz it takes the stress off of picking an extremely definite word to describe me. I came out as queer last year, but I don’t consider it a coming out story because 1) I only told my friends and not my family, and 2) queer doesn’t completely define me. In real life, I’m doing my best to go back in the closet, but I think my “friends” may have told other people who spread rumors around my school, so it’s been difficult. A bunch of people make random references to me liking boys (I’m amab) and it made me uncomfortable enough that I started telling them I’m straight. I’m planning on staying as far in the closet as possible until people get more accepting and I understand myself fully."

"It's not a coming out story (mostly) but it's a realization of sorts.

Yesterday our Social Studies teached asked us to form groups and discuss a contemporary issue that we would present at the front in a few minutes. Long story short I suggested LGBT+ community and rights, which my group mates accepted. I live in a really conservative country (with at least 81% of the entire population identifying as Christians) and that's an extremely taboo topic. It ended up leading the teacher asking us to raise our hands if we believed the lgbt community should be allowed Civil Union, not considering religion an all. I was so afraid to raise my hand, but it was what I believed in and I couldn't live with it if I didn't show it, so I raised my hand. I didn't really do this as a member of the community, I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of a world where this is accepted in my country, where I can go outside and be open and love whoever I wanted to, and I guess the idea of standing up for what I believed in was what pushed me to do that. A big majority of the class was against, and I was just so afraid even though some small logical part of me knew they would not do anything.Today, our Civics teacher had us grouped again to make a live news report and once again, my group (international news) got assigned lgbt+ community because of our listed problems yesterday. I suggested interviewing a member of the community and basically came out to two people I knew were trustworthy (nearly all three other members in that group but thank God I think the third one did not hear) and we agreed that I could be used if I only had my voice recorded and edited to not sound like me. Just a few hours ago I found out that one of my classmates, who I thought was a nice sweet boy, turned out to be a big homophobe. "Sodom and Gomora and Liberals are teaching unnatural things" kind of guy.I guess that broke something in me, because another thing I was really passionate about for when I grew up was this certain job, though no one supported me. I used to want to do that so much the idea of anything else repelled me, sometimes the idea of the other more "acceptable" jobs brought me to tears. Somehow this one admission that I thought everyone should have the right to at least a civil union and finding out my classmates didn't believe in that crushed something in me hard enough that I lost the passion to do that job I wanted. It makes no sense how this connected with that apart from the fact that neither are things I have been or would be supported on, but I guess seeing that this world isn't really safe made me lose hope.I felt scared to raise my hand, almost like I was actually coming out (which I now realize I'm absolutely never doing to many of those people) and the realization that some place I thought was a safe space for me, because all of those people in that class, I thought I could trust them. I've been with them since before I could spell "friend" correctly, they're family to me, I believed I would be safe and accepted, and then came to find out that wasn't quite the case...But well, basically I was terrified then crushed to find out that I could have outted myself to a group of people who would not take my news lightly

Found out some people I thought were friends thought people like me were broken

Found out some people I used to have the biggest crushes on didn't even believe in letting people have a civil union."

"I’m very excited to see brave people like you ready to start a revolution, so I thought I’d share my, sorta, coming out experience.

So I have divorced parents meaning I’d have to come out to four parents. This happened mainly last year. I was pretty sure I was bi, (tho I now identify panromantic demigirl) I knew my dad and stepmom would be great with it, and they were. But when it came to my mother, well, she wasn’t really homophobic, but she had different ideas about how a gay person should behave. She outed me to her after overhearing a convo with my friends. She then told me I was too young, and gave the “its a phase” talk. She knew I was fairly open about it because I lived by a motto to “be so myself that other people feel brave enough to be themselves too” But she believed a gay person should keep it a secret. Nowadays I don’t believe in the process of “coming out” I am open about my sexuality and gender but I don’t do formal coming outs. I always believed that if straights don’t have to, neither should I just because I “don’t fit a default” My mother wants me to come out to my stepfather even tho he already knows. I thought sharing a coming out story that also showed you should never feel obligated to come out. My mother guilt trips me about it, but I remain rooted in my beliefs that I shouldn’t have to come out, which I think is valid.

Hope my story can help anyone and just wanna say you are so so valid, amazing and powerful and should never feel pressured to be open if you don’t want to. Long live the revolution!!!🏳️‍🌈."

"Hello! I read your post about collecting LGTBQA+ stories and I thought Id share my brief experiences as a bi girl from Germany ^^

Tbh I never made a big deal about coming out, as I personally feel it goes to show that we're revealing a wierd secret, and Id like my sexualtiy to be something normal, not a main identifying characteristic. And everyone of my friends or classmates that I mention it to appear to have no problem with that whatsoever, and as far as I know Im not percieved as predatory either.

My family, however, is a whole different matter. While Im sure that my mums side of the family would be perfectly fine and my parents know already, when youve heard your fathers parents talk about eastern europeans and other immigrants using only slurwords and your uncles parents have expressed their absolute disgust about seeing a gay couple enjoy a nice picnic at the park, you get very cautious about who you tell. Especially since I dont want to put the supportive family in the position of having to consider whom they can talk to about this.

Another thing that Ive noticed after my exchange year in Sweden and seeing my first pride, though not having the time to attend, on my way there in Copenhagen, is how little support my country gives to this community from a social perspective. At my swedish school, all the teachers had a rainbow keyband from a *seminar about LGBTQA+ people*, something Im sure Germany would never do, and all of them kept it. There was no question whether you support us or not, it was an acceped part of social life and no big deal; we even did a private introduction round for pronouns!

And then I came back here. During pride month, there were no rainbow decorations, the most I saw of a parade was two discarded paper flags on the ground afterwards. When I vented about this to my ally friend, she only said that "some people and companies just like to stay neutral". Try all of them in Germany, but sure.

I know our community has come far, but I can also see that it isnt fsr enough, and that is the fight I am still fighting.

Hope this helps ^^."

"Alright. Mine isnt that interesting but I'll do my best :)

I came out as bisexual when i was in the sixth grade. It wasnt a huge deal to my mom. She said okay and we went on with our lives. Around the end of that year, i told her i thought i was trans and she said i wasnt. I came out to her again six months later and she said the same thing. There was a lot of yelling. Mind you, she isnt transphobic at all. The third time... she was so done with me. She yelled and so did i. It took four different times for her to accept me, and even then, i had to do the last time over text because i was scared of her reaction."

"So, my name is Ell. I identify as queer and demigender. I don't know what to say here really early than it's important to find others like you when you're not as close to your family as you used to be. Because of your identity. My family is more accepting than most, but still. The community online is so so important to me, and this project makes me really happy. So thank you. "

"I was at sea world and my mom was in the car I was talking about how my dad was super homophobic. My mom says that my dad acts like it’s a disease I said will if it is then I have got it, My mom is understanding and says that she will love me no matter what."

"So, I’m non-binary and bisexual. That’s a big no-no in a latino family like mine, it’s always grow up, get married with the opposite sex, and have kids. I don’t know why I felt that I could just say anything to my mom one day and she immediately objected. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian or just confused? You can’t like more than one gender. Also, what’s this about a non gender? You’re either a boy or a girl, that’s it.”

Thankfully after a lecture and me apologizing (though I did nothing but tell her more about me) she let the subject go. I’ve never told my dad because I know mom just will get in the way and say I’m lying again, but at least my friends are understanding and almost completely LGBTQ+."

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x16 Scoobynatural

my mood after watching this: SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

03:33pm

HI FRIENDS

so full disclosure, i’m not feeling good at all and my hair is falling out!!! more than usual!!! so I’M REALLY HOPING THIS EPISODE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER

best case scenario, dean’s in the middle of a fred/daphne/cas lovefest, but frankly i’m more expecting a one-sided daphne-dean thing?? i think cas is probably just in this for the sake of having him there too but PLEASE GIVE HIM SOMETHING USEFUL TO DO pleeeease. i also figure dean ends up with the ascot because daphne gives it to him, not fred, but I AM WILLING TO BE SURPRISED

i’m not expecting actual proper bi dean and/or destiel, for the record. as fun and delightful as that would be. i’m just here to have a woofing good time

last night i watched “Scooby Doo! Shaggy’s Showdown” and it was GREAT and i thoroughly enjoyed it and I REALLY HOPE THIS EPISODE IS AS GOOD AS THAT WAS

as in, give me diverse background characters (i mean, if they can’t be be main characters), daphne actually having depth to her character beyond vanity, velma being 10/10 relatable and being genuine besties with daphne, fred being a useless lovable dork, shaggy being THE ABSOLUTE BEST & TOTALLY A ROLE MODEL, scooby being literally the coolest sweetest dog ever

BRING FORTH THE CARTOON ANTICS

-

03:45

HERE WE GO

-

03:46

at first i thought this dinosaur costume was a recap and i was like WHEN DID DEAN FIGHT A DINOSAUR

-

03:49

dean and sam mentioned a lizard and quite frankly this dude looks like a lizard

i half expected his tongue to poke out, barty crouch jr. style

-

03:50

dean: “TAKE IT EASY, SHE’S DELICATE”

love how dean makes every inanimate thing he cares about into a ‘she’

is this him sexualising random pieces of equipment; finding the thing impressive and therefore giving it the pronoun of the people who most inspire him; or is it a parenting instinct buried deep down that just happens to have a gender bias??

WILL WE EVER KNOW

from dean’s soft “shh” though i imagine it’s a parenting thing

precious tv needs to be loved and cared for like a baby

(i mean......... Baby is his car. definitely a parenting thing. BUT THEN ALSO HIS CAR IS SEXY???? CONCLUSION: DEAN HAS MOTHER/PARTNER/INTIMACY ISSUES)

-

03:56

dean: “be like elsa, let it go”

this boy has so many repressed childhood issues i don’t know where to start

HIS INNER CHILD NEEDS HELP

oh man i think i just realised what his growth this episode is gonna be. CONNECT TO THE DESPERATE INNER CHILD

SAVE HIM!!!!!

(sidenote: i did not realise i would be going into this and immediately begin psychoanalysing dean but there we go)

-

03:58

the dean cave

or the fortress of deanitude

ohhhhhhhhhhh boy

-

03:59

let me know when there’s a fic where dean and cas cuddle/fall asleep/boink in those plaid la-z-boy recliners huh.

or when dean, cas, and sam all want to watch something at the same time and there’s only two chairs sO SOMEONE’S GONNA HAVE TO SHARE

-

04:01

THEY’RE A CARTOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

04:02

dean: “are we animated? yes. is it weird? yes.”

reminds me of zootopia a little I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YAAYAYY

-

04:06

a malt shop!!!!!! cartoon ice cream sundaes always look so tasty

EVEN BETTER WHEN SHARED WITH SCOOBY AND SHAGGY

i always thought dean and shaggy would get along so damn well

-

04:08

FRICK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

-

04:08

WHO DOESN’T NEED A MILKSHAKE-DRINKING GREAT DANE IN THEIR LIVES

-

04:09

sam’s hair looks really good

AND I JUST REALISED HOW WELL THEY DID DEAN’S LIPS!!! POUTY PRETTY AND PLUSH, JUST THE WAY THEY ARE IN FANFICTION

-

06:11

dean: “cas is kinda like a talking dog”

unsure whether to be offended on cas’ behalf or not

because on the one hand, RUDE

but on the other hand, the talking dog is the title character, the coolest one, the most beloved, and the most impressive of all

so

i suppose that was a compliment???

-

04:13

me: *SQUISHES MY CHEEKS* THIS IS SO CUTE AND SO WHOLESOME I LOVE THESE GUYS!!!!!!!!

my heart may or may not be pounding

maybe it’s just low blood pressure

/eats salt

-

04:17

“oh HECK yes”

THAT WAS DEAN’S ULTIMATE DREAM (also mine?)

INSTA-GIANT-SANDWICH

-

04:18

sam: “hey why do you hate fred so much”

dean: “he thinks he’s so cool ..with his perfect hair, his can-do attitude”

OH SHIT DEANIE’S GOT A HARDCORE CRUSH AND DOESN’T REALISE IT

LITERALLY DIDN’T SEE IT COMING FROM THIS PARTICULAR APPROACH BUT OF COURSE

-

04:21

WAS THAT CAS STAGGERING AFTER THEIR CARS

-

04:2

“providing you spend tonight here in this old mansion”

OH MY GOD I THINK I WATCHED THIS ONE GROWING UP?? i think it was one of the few we had on vhs!!! and we’d watch it a lot!!! and the the vhs went missing and we never found it again, pretty sure some other kid literally stole it from our house

-

04:26

daphne: “oh dean. boys and girls don’t sleep in the same rooms, silly!!!”

fred: “guess you’re with me, slugger”

I AM ENJOYING THIS

-

04:27

Y E A H

i’m so into this you have no idea

dean: “it’s freaking comfortable. it’s like i’m... wrapped in hugs”

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THIS I DISLIKE 12/10 WILL WRITE FANFICTION OF THIS

and it’s purple

-

04:32

dean: “doesn’t matter if WE die. scooBY DOO COULD DIE. and that’s not happening. not on my watch. i’d take a bullet for that dog.”

aaaaaaaand if scooby is cas’ parallel............

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *u*

-

04:37

!!! their !!! hands !!! touch !!!!!

*muffled background music* and every time we touch it feels like heaven, and everything we kiss i swear i could fflyyy~

pool angel seems so disoriented and confused and clumsy

being a cartoon must really have sent him off-kilter

-

06:40

SAM DEAN I’M BACK FROM SYRIA WITH FRUIT FROM THE TREE OF LIFE. THE TREE WAS GUARDED BY A PACK OF DJINN I KILLED MOST OF THEM, BARGAINED WITH THE REST

oh man he’s so fluffy

misha looks like he’s trying not to laugh

“i think i’m... technically married to their queen now”

i don’t know what to do with this information

i hope it comes up as a destiel-centric useful plot point in a future episode

-

04:44

AH the fruits from the tree of life are pomegranates

OH COURSE. symbolising entrance to the underworld etc. etc persephone and hades

-

04:45

dean: “it’s a book we’re writing. about a killer stuffed dinosaur. it’s called--”

cas: *glances at dean* “the killer stuffed dinosaur. in........love”

IN LOVE

IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY DID CAS CHOOSE THOSE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WONDER WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/VERY LOUD SARCASM

-

04:49

BISEXUAL DEAN DREAM TEAM

-

05:51

cas: “i once commanded armies and now i’m paired with a scruffy philestine and a talking dog”

HEY DON’T KNOCK SHAGGY OR SCOOBY, THEY’RE AWESOME AND KIND, AND TALKING DOGS ARE COOL

-

04:53

the velma/sam ship is setting sail

honestly i’ve lowkey shipped this for many years I’M SO GLAD THIS IS A THING NOW

-

04:55

I LOVE THIS ANIMATION TROPE

-

04:57

omg scrappy doo just waddled past in the door-running scene

-

04:58

jeez dean take a hint DAPHNE’S NOT INTERESTED

-

04:59

velma: “dean had him by the thigh”

cas: “you what?”

the fact it’s cas ??? asking why dean was fondling a ghost????

-

05:01

caS: “sCOOBY! SCOOBY!!!!!!”

I THINK CAS IS FOND OF SCOOBY DOO NOW

-

05:03

look at this trio!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM

also cas is so fucking pretty???? WHY IS CAS SO FUCKING PRETTY ;U;U;U;U; HELP

-

05:04

also sam ain’t two feet taller than cas !!

-

05:05

WHY DOES DAPHNE THINK SHE’S GOING TO HELL?? WHAT DOES SHAGGY MEAN BY “EVERY TIME”

IS SHE BANGING FRED OUT OF WEDLOCK/UNDERAGE IS THAT WHAT SHE MEANS

-

05:07

FRICKETTY FUCK YEAH

-

05:08

DID DEAN JKUST SWEAR AND IT WAS BLEEPED OG MY GODHDSFHYDGDG

also is it just me or does fred look way sexier with his hair messed up

-

05:12

dean: “lay it on me, freddy”

me: *smug noise*

-

05:16

eheheh cas poking in from the back

also daphne with two shotguns?? sign me up

-

daphne: KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

ksjfdkjsgfgm

-

05:21

i don’t think i wanna know what dean did with the cartwright twins either

NOTE: GENDER UNKNOWN

-

05:24

guy: “is that an ascot?”

dean: “yes. yes it is.”

is that him trying to be daphne’s type, or him trying to be like perfect mr. fred

OR BOTH

-

05:27

OMG DEAN;S “SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOO” OH JTGJSREGEBGERSHYGERSHGSREGVESGESHGHSE

JENSEN OH MY GOD

HOW MANY TAKES DID THAT TAKE

-

05:28pm

11/10 i loVED IT 

INSTANT FAVOURITE EPISODE QUITE FRANKLY WHO CARES ABOUT THE REST OF THE SHOW THIS WAS GREAT

THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY IT WAS SO WHOLESOME

MY PARENTS WANNA WATCH IT AND WE’RE GONNA HAVE DINNER IN LIKE AN HOUR SO I GUESS IMMA WATCH IT AGAIN

OH MY GOD THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR BRINGING THIS INTO EXISTENCE

no people of colour but oh well

also not even sure the bechdel test was passed since velma and daphne only talked about sam

BUT EVEN SO THIS WAS AMAZING

YEEEE

i’m so pleased cas was in this. and i love that he loved shaggy and scooby ‘cause they’re the best and CAS+SHAGGY+SCOOBY WAS THE BEST TEAM

still not sure how cas diving out of the window after scooby actually helped but okay

oh man

feel-good happy place episode !!!

i am delight

[orionsangel86]

A retrospective look at the Season 12 wishlist.

Back shortly after the season 11 finale I wrote out a wishlist of all the things I wanted for Season 12. Looking back at that list (here) It’s funny to see what I wanted with hindsight now that season 12 is over and season 13 is only a week away. I thought I would revisit my season 12 wishlist to recap the season and where I went wrong (and right!) before I post a wishlist for season 13.

Wish 1. Castiel gets his emotional arc resolved - This is a big one. As a Cas girl I was left unsatisfied with Castiel’s arc this season, HOWEVER, we KNOW from previous Dabb episodes that he loves to explore Castiel’s emotional story and I have no doubt that this will continue into season 12. Our angel still has a story ahead of him (hopefully ending in the love of a certain green eyed hunter.)

In Hindsight: Ah yes, my big number one on the wishlist was all about Cas getting his emotional arc resolved. Did he get this? Well, kind of. I don’t think any of us could have predicted that Dabb would give us THREE Castiel heavy episodes exploring his emotional past, present and future in ways which blew our collective meta brains out. Cas got lots of love this season and its why season 12 is now one of my all time faves. Where we are now is unknown in some ways for Cas but in other ways his past is clear. He has finally reached the transformation part of his character journey, and season 13 will bring us a Cas rising from the ashes like a beautiful phoenix shrouded in flames.

Wish 2. SUPERBRITISH - I am not going to stop going on about this. This is my land, My green and (fairly) pleasant land. The British are coming to Supernatural and I cannot stop being excited about it. Can I please have ALL the TFW in London head canons please? From traffic jams and silly accents to discovering the glory that is a bacon roll from Gregs on a Sunday morning whilst suffering a horrendous hangover.

In Hindsight: LOL. Yeah right. Am I disappointed? Totally. The British Men of Letters were for me, totally underwhelming. There was no trip to England, there was no grumpy Dean stuck on the M25. At the end of the day they served their purpose. They brought home the fact that hunting is not black and white. That sometimes it is humans who are the most monstrous. Honestly right now I just hope we don’t revisit it. I think its best that this story line gets dropped from now on. *sigh*

Wish 3. Awesome female characters continuing to kick ass - I adored the use of female characters in the finale. They all lived, no one female was a sexy lamp (sadly that role was given to Castiel) and no one got forced into unnecessary make out sessions. The women are smart, sarcastic badass queens who will RULE this show come October, and I for one, cannot wait. 

In Hindsight: Can I hear a cheer for the WAYWARD SISTERS! Hell’s YES! I mean, they have granted us what we wanted with the Wayward Sisters in season 13, but did we actually get this in season 12? Well, Lady Toni turned out to be a psycho, who died. Her British badass knuckle duster lady also died. Alicia and Tasha both died, so did Rowena and Eileen. It actually wasn’t a GREAT season for the girls. This is what happens when you give Bucklemming too much control over the main plot I suppose. *sigh*. So whilst the Wayward Sisters announcement definitely counts as a win, overall I can’t say this wish has been ticked off. 

Wish 4. Men of Letters vs Grand Coven - Yes this is a big one and I am hoping is the main story arc going forward into season 12. I want to see more of the Grand Coven of witches and their European battle with the Men of Letters. I am expecting more awesome women kicking ass thanks to this potential storyline.

In Hindsight: LOL. Again. Wasted. Potential. *sigh*

Wish 5. Mother Mary and family time - Mary’s reveal was pretty amazing especially since I think we were all expecting it to just be her ghost or a vision or something, but nope, Mummy Winchester is back on the scene and I can’t even begin to imagine what they are planning to do with this. All I am hoping for is that Mary’s influence will help Dean to accept certain parts of him that he loves to keep repressed (effeminophobia and his bisexuality being the big ones). Mary coming back will hopefully start to truly break down and destroy John Winchester’s toxic influence over his sons. I also really really want her to meet Cas and say the words “Thank you for watching over my son.” YES.

In Hindsight: Ok so this one I think gets ticked off. Mary’s purpose was to get Dean to let go of some of his major hang ups, to finally get some really heavy stuff off his chest, and to break down John Winchesters toxic influence. Also for Dean to finally take his mother off that pedestal he’s been keeping her on his whole life. I think the show, and 12x22 particularly, did an excellent job with this. We didn’t quite get a bisexual reveal, but the subtext was thick and heavy (12x11 was glorious). Mary also mirrored Cas continually throughout the season as two people both looking for their place in this little family dynamic and having Mary accept Cas as “one of my boys” really was the icing on the cake for any Cas fans out there happily sipping on hater tears.

Wish 6. Sam gets some distance from Dean, some other friends, maybe a girl, and definitely a dog - I think it is safe to say that Sam isn’t dead. Probably just shot in the arm or leg or something. I want him to be taken to England by Lady T and face the Men of Letters. I hope that they will warm to Sam (and his wonderful moose charms) and that Sam will get to bond with his British companions away from Dean (because Dean always steals the side characters away and bonds with them more than Sam ever does - except for Eileen). Maybe there could even be love in the future for Sam - either by bringing back Eileen or developing a decent and believable relationship between Sam and Lady T (I don’t want her forced into the love interest role, I think she is far too good for that already, but if she becomes a regular throughout the season like Rowena is then potentially a relationship could blossom slowly between them. It could work. I have been hoping for love for Sam for some time now and I can see the potential in this).

In Hindsight: Urgh so this is a yes and a massive NOPE at the same time. Bucklemming managed to ruin Lady Toni in the second episode of the season and then killed off Eileen in 12x21 (seriously fuck those assholes). I guess even the THOUGHT of shipping Sam with someone now gets a girl killed in this show even if she doesn’t go near his killer dick. Poor Sam. On a more positive note he DID get some distance from Dean in 12x22 and symbolically the toxic co-dependency has been broken. So that is one major point to mark off. (I didn’t actually even wish for that as I doubted it would happen myself!) Shame about him still not getting a dog though. WHY CAN’T YOU GIVE SAM A DOG DAMMIT! Sam has definitely moved forward in season 12 to a healthier place, though I think he still has far to go compared to Dean. Hopefully we will see him reach his full potential in season 13.

Wish 7. Lady T is a well developed, fully rounded, likeable character and not a sexy lamp or boring love interest - I already love her. I want to know more about her, her motivations, her back story, how she became a woman of letters, I want her to be a worthy adversary to the Winchesters before becoming a trustworthy ally. I want her to continue to take none of their shit, to put them in their place and therefore earn their respect. I also really want to see her face of with Rowena. That would be awesome. England vs Scotland right there! Potentially I would accept her becoming a love interest to Sam only if it was done right. If it was done in the subtext throughout the season and is only a very very tiny part of the storyline. It would have to be major slow burn. No forced kisses like in CACW (did you guys see that? what the fuck was that?). Only then, would I accept any sort of romantic sub-plot between characters.

In Hindsight: *ugly cries into pillow over how off the mark this was*

Fuck you Bucklemming.

Wish 8. More screen time for Dean and Cas = DESTIEL - Well obviously. It wouldn’t be a proper supernatural wishlist if it didn’t have Destiel written in big letters somewhere now would it? After all the build up in Season 11 in the subtext I am still convinced that this is going somewhere. The season finale has NOT destroyed my positivity at all. In fact it has only added to it. (come ask me about it if you want more info). At the end of the day, Dean and Cas are going to have to save Sam. This means spending time together trying to FIND Sam in a completely unknown city (hence my excitement over them renting a car and getting stuck on the M25 before ending up lost in somewhere like Surrey… Oh the fanfiction potential! I can practically taste it! I have faith in Dabb to bring us more destiel moments. he has always been good to us.

In Hindsight: *stops crying*

*jumps around in glee*

*remembers the end of 12x23*

*cries again*

Do I even need to talk about it? Every good wishlist should include destiel, but I NEVER would have predicted what they gave us. I NEVER would have seen it coming…

Mixtaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee

But seriously though? With the pining over each other in 12x09, the angel/human love stories and human weakness of 12x10, the LOVE CONFESSION of 12x12 and the MIXTAPE (among other amazing moments) in 12x19 where do I even START with season 12 destiel?!? The fact that they have ended it like they have KNOWING Cas is coming back… I mean… it is BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DREAMED UP. There is a reason we call it season fanfic 12. Holy crap it was glorious. I’m marking this a big YES for the wishlist.

Wish 9. Following on from the above… HUNTER CAS - Dabb brought us the wonderful episode Hunteri Heroci which had Cas try out his hunting skills (and save the day I might add). We know Dabb loves Cas. I have every reason to believe that Cas will get more time as a Hunter. I want him in MOTW episodes. He will be soooo good in MOTW episodes please please PLEASE let this happen! (especially if the MOTW episodes are set in BRITAIN because the boys are still out there dealing with the MOL and the Grand Coven…. I see them dealing with ghosts that are 1000 years old and haunting freaking castles… it will be glorious.)

In Hindsight: Does “Agent Beyonce” count as Hunter Cas? Because I want to count it. It may not have been on the level of Hunteri Heroici, but I loved his grumpy married couple bickering with Dean at the start of the season, the lumberjack comment? That was genius. Give us more stuff like that SPN PLEASE.

Wish 10. More funny episodes - More witches doing ridiculous things to the boys. Give me ACTUAL MOOSE SAM WINCHESTER PLEASE! Give me the kind of silly witch stories we have been reading about in fanfics for far too long… come on show, its season 12! What have you got to loose?

In Hindsight: Well, 12x11 was witches and was pretty funny whilst being equally heart breaking. Plus it gave us the wonderful end scene of Dean riding Larry to his hearts content. None of us are gonna forget that in a hurry. I think it counts. Even though I am still royally pissed off that they killed Rowena. *sigh*

We do have a Scooby Doo animated episode in season 13 though which again I never ever would have considered possible but heyho, they love to surprise us.

Wish 11. Beach Episode - This is purely for @elizabethrobertajones. Maybe once they are done in Britain, they’ll head off to the med for a true European beach experience… They’ll be fine as long as they have Cas with them. He speaks all the languages. He can order the cocktails and ice creams. ;-)

In Hindsight: I TAKE IT BACK. NO BEACH EPISODES EVER AGAIN. Sometimes I swear Dabb lurks on Lizzy’s blog to read the kind of stuff we are dreaming up just so he can grant our wishes in the MOST PAINFUL WAY EVER. Cas DIED on a beach. All Dean wanted was to visit a beach once in his life, but they KILLED CAS on a BEACH. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US DABB? WHY?

*continues sobbing into pillow*

Stay tuned for my Season 13 Wishlist... Once I stop crying...

[misccee]

Dean’s Realization

This isn’t a meta but I was recently thinking of Bi!Dean while I was riding on the bus (I was saving my phone battery so I had enough juice to check my bus app at my transfer point).

I’ve never really seen any meta about Dean’s lack of access or exposure to LBGTQI issues as a young person. What I mean is: John pretty much packed up their lives when Dean was 4 and entrusted Sam’s care to him (throughout the Midwest in the 80′s & 90′s, which wasn’t very progressive). Most of his early life was the Impala, motel rooms, and Sam. Not really much time to consume media. If he was watching TV I bet it was either cartoons for Sammy or sportsball with John while they cleaned their weapons. 

We know once he got past toddler age, John started training him in hand-to-hand and with implements of destruction. When he started to mature, John started actually taking him out on hunts. So we know Dan’s free time was spent: taking care of Sam; training; & hunting. We know he didn’t spend much time in any given school before finally dropping out and getting a GED, so it’s safe to assume he probably wasn’t much in the know re: “who’s going with who” school gossip, despite macking on girls for his own pursuits.

We know Performing!Dean rose from his father’s machismo and the toxic masculinity of the hunter culture at the time, but I’m curious as to when Dean realized liking boys was not universal, that it was a separate thing from him liking girls, and that he “apparently” wasn’t supposed to. Like, when did he learn the concepts and language of homo/bisexuality? 

I’m just imagining: Dean’s talking about how this boy Tony is just as cute as Jen to stand-in-friend #87 in 5th grade and that person is like, “Dude, that’s kinda gay.” and Dean’s like, “What’s ‘gay’?” and after he gets told he realizes “Oh, I guess I’m only supposed to like women???” Then he gets older and maybe Sam’s showing off his newly-learned vocabulary from his SAGA club like, “And Gerry is bisexual, so she says she has better odds,” and Dean makes a quip like, “Dude, does that mean she likes Star Trek or something?” and Sammy just bitchfaces him and is like, “No, Dean. It means she likes men AND women.” And Dean doesn’t say anything but he thinks to himself, “Wait, you can like both? Does that mean I can like both??” 

And it’s at this point when he actively starts repressing and hiding his attraction to men because he realizes he does and it’s A Thing, but also that in his father’s hunting culture he’s not allowed to. So yeah, John Winchester definitely hurt matters, but at what point is the repression an active choice and not just ignorance from lack of exposure/education?

[narcissusneverknewme]

Protection Detail Part Three: ♥ The Blossoming of Love ♥

Chapter Five: Kinsey Scales and Dragon Tales

It was clear that Draco had assumed that once the holidays ended and school resumed things, would go back to the way they were before the break. Harry, Neville, and Susan would follow him around incessantly and Ron, Hermione, and Ginny would mostly ignore him, and he would spend most of his free time in the Slytherin common room. He maintained that it was safe for him now that there was more than one student in there at any given time.

Slytherins as a whole, he had explained, were always going to protect their own. While they might not be willing to trail around after him between classes like pathetic puppies in need of attention, they would never allow him to be attacked while they were present. So long as he was not alone, he was safe. Harry did not see it that way.

“If some of them wanted to get at you so bad that they devoted their entire holiday to it-- “ Harry had said.

“Only to be foiled,” Hermione had added, brandishing a finger.

“...Then you can bet they’re more determined than ever.” Harry had finished.

So, even with the return of the Slytherins in full force and with Neville and Susan back to help with protection detail, Draco was spending a lot of time with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.It seemed like the only time the four of them weren’t either in class or together, was during meals and after curfew. With reestablishment of the four house tables, Draco broke off from the group every time they entered the Great Hall.

Harry took a sip of pumpkin juice as he looked up at the enchanted ceiling. The sky was cloudy and dark, blocking out the sun in a sea of gray and silver.

“Harry?! What are you grinning about? Did you hear what Hermione said?” Ron interrupted his thoughts loudly.

“What? No, sorry Hermione. What was it?” Harry said, blinking at her.

“Neville’s got a herbology assignment. He and Draco are in a group with two others and after last class they’re going to spend the day in the Forbidden Forest gathering plant specimens. Apparently Hagrid’s got babysit them, so we can’t go visit him today, either. We’ll have the whole day to ourselves.”

“Oh, uh-huh?” Harry said, looking over at the Slytherin table. Draco was eating with one hand and trying to put a spell on his book bag with the other. He was finally putting on some of the weight he had lost, Harry noticed offhandedly. A voice like Mrs. Weasley’s sounded in his head, not nearly enough, it said.

“Well, Harry? What do you think?”

“Er, yes?”

Quidditch practice ended with Harry feeling confident about his team’s chances for the cup. Harry wasn’t much worried about Ravenclaw this year, and Hufflepuff was doing surprisingly well but Harry was sure his team was better. Slytherin was a threat. After seeing the way his team flew today, though, Harry felt very good about their odds.

He and Ron had planned to meet Hermione by the lake. Halfway there Ron said he’d left something and sprinted back to the castle, calling over his shoulder for Harry to join Hermione.

Harry and Hermione started their slow walk along the lakeside in silence. Then Hermione cleared her throat and sighed.

“You know we love you, right?”

Harry stopped, turning to blink at her, “Yeah. I mean… Yeah. Me too, obviously…” he said awkwardly.

Hermione ran a nervous hand along the strap of her book bag and said, “Ron and I have been talking and,” She paused to take a deep breath, “Well, you haven’t been out much.”

She seemed to expect him to say something. “Hermione, we’re out right now.”

“No, I meant like romantically. On dates. With girls."

“I went out with Cho--”

“Yes, briefly, in our 5th year. But I mean now. You haven’t been seeing anyone?” It sounded like a question.

“Come on, I would have told you. Besides, how would I hide something like that? Why would I?”

“There’s no one you’re interested in?” She pressed.

“I would have told you, wouldn’t I?” Harry repeated.

“Well, we just thought you mightn’t if you thought we didn’t like them or if… maybe it wasn’t a girl?”

“What?” Harry snorted, “Do you think I’ve got a thing for the Giant Squid?”

Hermione colored, “No, we thought… since you’re muggle-raised you might not be comfortable with the idea of two men--”

“Hermione, I’m not gay,” Harry said, amused, “and while the Dursleys might, I haven’t got a problem with people being gay.”

“I’m sure you don’t consciously,” Harry tried to interrupt, but Hermione just raised her voice and her eyebrows, barreling on, “And clearly you aren’t gay, Harry, but… we thought you might be bisexual. You always seemed like you were a bit attracted to Bill, Dean, Zabini, Diggory--”

“To be fair, everyone was ‘a bit attracted’ to Cedric.” Harry said.

“You do realize straight men don’t usually say things like that, don’t you?”

“Just because I can admit that another bloke is attractive--”

“But there’s a difference between admitting someone is attractive and admitting that you are attracted to him.” Hermione said.

They resumed walking, not speaking for a moment.

“You really think I’m gay?”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Bisexual. Bi. As in both. Men and women.”

“Listen, I don’t think so. I think I’d know,“ Harry said stubbornly.

“Okay. If you’re sure. Ron and I just wanted to make sure you know that we support you regardless of what you like or who you date.”

“Okay. Thanks?” Harry thought for a moment. “Wait… how long have you two been talking about this?” Hermione looked at him guilty. He narrowed his eyes at her as he spoke, “Ron said something about it in the Great Hall months ago. I thought he was kidding.”

“Yes, well, we’ve wanted to talk to you for a while-- “

“You’ve wanted to know if I was gay for months?”

“Bisexual, Harry.”

“Months? Why didn’t you just ask?”

“Well I wondered-- wonder-- if you even know yourself. Have you ever thought about it?”

“No. But don’t you think I’d know if I were?”

“Not necessarily, not raised by who you were. You didn’t realize that you’d been doing magic for 11 years until it blew down the door and gave your cousin a pig’s tail! Your aunt and uncle wanted to suppress it in you and it wouldn’t surprise me if they were the type of muggle who’d want to repress your sexuality, too. And, I’m sorry Harry, but you’ve never been any good at self-reflection.” She said. Harry eyed her in irritation.

“Fine. What do you want me to do? Go around kissing boys for a week, jot down a few notes, and report back?”

“Actually,” Hermione said as, to Harry’s horror, she reached into her bag and withdrew a large roll of parchment, “This is a Kinsey Scale test.” She said. Harry felt a wave of relief that it wasn’t notepaper, she continued, “I’ve done some reading and… it’s supposed to help you think about stuff like this. It’s normal for people to be unsure of where they fall on the scale and this can be helpful place to start questioning…” Harry sighed but allowed her to shove the parchment into his hands. “It’s enchanted to grade itself. You have to be completely honest, though.” She added.

“I don’t need a test to tell me who I am,” Harry said.

“No but… It’s just supposed to help you think. Please, Harry, just read it over sometime. Please?”

Soon after, Ron joined them. “So,” he greeted Hermione, “did you ask him?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, “and she gave me some wonky test to take.”

“It’s a Kinsey Scale test, it’s a scale from, zero to six, to see--"

“Where you sit on the gay-straight spectrum.” Ron finished for her. The other two stared at him until he explained, “Charlie took it once.”

“What did he get?” Harry asked.

“X,” Ron said.

“X?” Harry asked, “I thought it was out of six?”

“Yeah,” Ron said, “if you’re on the gay-straight spectrum.”

“What?” Harry asked, now completely lost, “How can you not be?”

“Charlie prefers eating cake to snogging and thinks dragons are more interesting than boys or girls.” Ron explained, shrugging.

“Charlie’s asexual?” Hermione asked.

“What’s asexual?” Harry asked.

“Ron just explained what it is,” Hermione said.

“Well then why did you ask?”

###

That night when Harry was sure Ron was asleep, he took Hermione’s test, trying to be as honest as possible. He found some of the questions deeply embarrassing, and a lot of them were hard to answer. When he finished, he held his breath as the space at the bottom began to display words in a boring, neutral font, “3” his results read “You are equally heterosexual and homosexual. You feel romantic interest and sexual attraction to both genders and may identify as bisexual.” Harry wondered if Hermione had rigged the test.

Of course she didn’t, he reprimanded himself. Still, better to check. The parchment could be faulty.

He retook it, this time changing his answers to ones that sounded like something Charlie Weasley would say. “X” the parchment concluded, “You have no socio-sexual contacts or reactions. You likely do not experience sexual attraction, and may not experience romantic desire. You might identify as asexual.”

&nbsp

He had been jumpy all day. Dean Thomas was in a good mood and his bright smile haunted Harry. Then he bumped into sixth year Ravenclaw boy on the third floor and apologized, red-faced. Did I blush because he’s good-looking or because I just ran into him in an almost-empty passageway like an idiot? Neville passed him an ink well in class and for a moment Harry was afraid the that world had come to a dark, cruel ending and he was attracted to Neville Longbottom. A moment later, however, Harry realized he’d been over analyzing things.

He took a couple of deep breaths and shook his head to clear it. He was not interested in Dean Thomas or that random Ravenclaw and he was certainly not attracted to Neville. Hermione was wrong and so was her test.

By the time he walked into potions he was feeling much better. He sat as his usual seat and waited for Slughorn to get started.

“Alright, class! We’re going to be trying something new this afternoon, just to spice things up. Everyone find a partner from a different house. We’re going to be brewing Comitate Inimicus today!” There was some groaning, followed by shuffling around, as the class re-arranged itself.

Harry gathered his things and walked to the desk next to Draco without pausing to think. Draco stared.

“What?” Harry asked grumpily.

“Nothing.” Draco said, still eyeing Harry.

Harry set his cauldron down forcefully and met Draco’s gaze. They stood like that for a moment, just looking at each other. Harry felt like there was something caught in his throat and he couldn’t breathe properly. He’d noticed this happening a few times before, but what he had not noticed was that Draco’s gray eyes held the tiniest bit of blue near their centers. It was like seeing water among the stars.

Slughorn’s voice rang out, “Haha, boys, you’d better get started if you don’t want to fall behind. Miss Granger has already got a head start on you!” Harry jumped and turned to Slughorn. Slughorn winked and Harry, who felt his face flushing for the second time that day, spun to look at Hermione. She was giving him her best I’m-not-saying-anything expression as she shredded stapelia flowers.

Harry tried to avoid making eye contact with Draco for the rest of the class, something that proved easy, as the potion was a challenging one.

The next few weeks passed as Harry slowly processed the truth. He was taken aback by how astonishingly little his recent realizations changed. He was definitely attracted to males (Dean Thomas and that random Ravenclaw from the third floor included). This turned out to not really be a big deal. He’d always reacted this way to men, he just had never understood it to be attraction.

He found Ginny and Susan very pretty, it had never made him weird or uncomfortable around them. He now recognized that he had thought Dean handsome long before he noticed that he thought Dean was handsome, and it had never made him weird around Dean either, because he didn’t think of Dean in terms of attractiveness any more than he did Ginny or Susan, they were just his (very good-looking) friends. So neither Dean or the Third Floor Ravenclaw were a problem. In fact, the problem seemed to be Draco.

It’s not because I’m more attracted to him, it’s just that it’s weirder that I am, Harry reasoned as he looked at Draco surreptitiously over the Herbology homework he was pretending to do.

It was their free period and they were sitting in the armchairs next to the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room. No one even bothered to looked Draco’s way anymore, the entirety of Gryffindor was now thoroughly accustomed to the sight of the Slytherin in their common room. Manasa was slowly climbing up Draco’s shoulder, it didn’t seem as though Draco had noticed yet.

But, I mean, objectively, from an outside point of view… If you didn’t know what a colossal prat he is… Harry ducked his head as Draco glanced up, the firelight catching in his white eyelashes and casting strange, feathery shadows across his cheeks. It’s just because he’s not as established as a friend. In my head. That’s what it is.

In that moment Harry came to two realizations. First, that he was an abysmal liar; second, that he unequivocally considered Draco his friend.

Harry looked up at his newfound friend in wonder. Draco had finally noticed Manasa and had pulled her off his side and set her in his lap. He was stroking the back of her head with one finger as he read.

“Warm. But very silly.” She told Harry.

“Silly?” Harry asked. Draco’s eyes snapped up to him, but Harry was focused on his pet, “What’s he done this time?” He asked.

“This not as warm. Skin is warm.”

“Were you hoping he’d let you wiggle under his jumper?” Harry asked, amused. He sometimes let her lay over his shoulders and worm her tail under his collar when she was cold, but no one else gave her the chance.

“Yes,” She answered, “But he is silly.”

“It’s not that silly, Mans. You feel cold to him.”

“Not if he makes warm.” She answered petulantly.

Harry looked up, grinning, to see Draco watching him. “What did she say?” Draco asked.

“She’s complaining.

“What on earth does she have to complain about?”

“The closer she is to you, the warmer she is.

“Oh,” Draco said with a sneer, “She thinks that just because her owner is a giant marshmallow everyone else is going to let her put her cold, scaly body wherever she wants. Is that it?”

“You’re right,” Harry told Manasa, “He is very silly.”

###

The Easter holidays were fast approaching and they were all avoiding the question of who was going to stay with Draco. After a few days of uncertainty, the four of them were sitting at a table in the Gryffindor common room. Harry had fallen asleep on his arms.

Voices filtered through his sleepy ears as he started to wake up.

“No, I’m not going home, and no you’re not all staying. Mordred, you three are ridiculous.”

“Everyone else is going away again.” Hermione argued, “And we can’t just leave you here, Draco.”

“Yes you can, I’m not a child.”

“Malfoy, mate, Hermione’s right. Even if we thought you’d be fine, Harry’s not going to let us leave you. You know how he gets.” Harry resented that last bit. The year he’d spent on the run had made him cautious, but it hadn’t turning him into some kind of… Moody or something.

“You’re right,” Draco said, “He’s even more impossible than you clowns.”

“Look, he’s never going to agree to let you stay here by himself. You know he’d rather sacrifice his own comfort than let you get hurt,” Ron half whispered. Harry practically heard Draco’s eyeroll. “But,” Ron went on, “I think he’d like to go to the Burrow for the holiday; and Mum’s set on having him over.”

“Yes,” drawled Draco, “best not let Mummy down, she must have quite the temper, with hair that color.”

“Draco--” Hermione warned.

“Well, what do you want me to do about it? I don’t see a solution, do you?”

“Molly says you can come to the Burrow with us.” Hermione said.

There was a moment of silence.

“I’m not. I won’t.”

“It’s only fair,” Ron said, “He’s already given up one holiday for you."

“But we only want to do it if you’re going to try to be pleasant.” Hermione added quickly, “Mrs. Weasley is one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever--”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure you worship the earth under her impoverished feet,” Draco interrupted. There was a tense pause. Then, “Fine,” Draco said, “I’ll do it. And yes Granger, I’ll be all sunshine and daisies to Mr. and Mrs. Mink.”

“I’d stop with the weasel jokes, Draco,” Harry said, stretching his arms and rubbing his eyes, “We’ve not forgotten a certain white ferret we all met in fourth year.” Harry looked up at Draco from his position slumped across the table, “I personally liked him but I’m not sure you’d appreciate his reappearance.”

Three bright red faces avoided Harry’s eyes, as though they’d thought they were having a covert conversation. Right in front of him. Harry rolled his eyes.

###

On the first evening of spring break, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Harry, and Draco appeared a short walk from the Burrow, clutching a suitcase apiece and dressed in muggle clothes. Draco looked extremely apprehensive, something that didn’t bode well for Harry’s hopes that he’d be civil. As the sun set behind them, the four walked the short distance to the Weasley’s home in relative silence.

Harry was still unsure about this whole thing, and had only agreed to come because he’d been compelled to by a warm letter from Mrs. Weasley specifically asking him to spend the holiday with at the Burrow, and assuring him that “any friends of yours, Harry dear, will always be welcome.”

Just before their little party reached front porch, Molly Weasley opened the front door. Out poured five Weasleys, Fleur’s golden hair standing out in a sea of ginger.

“Charlie’s not here?” Ron called over his mother’s shoulder as she embraced him.

“He’ll be here in a few days.” said Percy.

Mrs. Weasley had released Ron and was now giving Hermione warm hug. The others crowded around, patting backs and punching shoulders. Fleur was also doling out hugs, having claimed Ginny first, and then Harry.

When Mrs. Weasley reached him she whispered “Welcome home, Harry,” as she wrapped him in a hug. Harry pretended that he had not gone slightly pink and that his eyes had not stung at the words, and hugged her back firmly.

She released him and turned to Draco, who had looked mildly uncomfortable before, but who now turned to her, eyes wide with trepidation.

“Ah, Draco. Welcome.” She said, leaning in and giving him a one-armed hug. Draco patted her lightly, looking as though he was poised to run.

She pulled away as Fred shouted, “Don’t suffocate him, Mum!”

“Yeah, Mum,” George added, “He’s not used to affection!”

Molly turned to admonish her sons, but Harry caught the look of relief on Draco’s face. Draco, Harry felt sure, had been ready for hostility, maybe even icy diplomacy, but he had been completely unprepared for Mrs. Weasley’s heartfelt welcome. Harry tried to communicate “I told you so” with his eyebrows behind Molly’s back.

Soon enough the welcome party ushered the four of them inside. Ron led the way to his bedroom, where Harry had always stayed when he came and which Draco would now share with them.

Harry smirked at the look on Draco’s face.

“It’s…”

“Fantastic, right?” Harry grinned, dropping his bag on the floor.

“Worse than your common room! Why is it orange? Everything is… so orange.”

Harry laughed and clapped Ron and Draco on the backs, “Well, I can smell your mum’s cooking already, Ron, so I’m off.”

Draco sat between Harry and Hermione. Ginny sat opposite him and gave him a knowing smile. He returned it a little sarcastically, but Harry saw that he’d relaxed considerably. Harry grinned at Ginny and she gave him a wink. This seemed to irritate Draco, to Harry’s delight

Draco didn’t say much at dinner, other than when he got in an argument with Percy over homecare potion regulations and when Fleur engaged him in a discussion held in rapid fire French.

“I didn’t know you spoke French,” Harry said to Draco.

“Your petit ami speaks very well, Aarry.”

Draco colored slightly. “No. No, no,” he said, with an impressively convincing fake laugh, “Pas mon petit ami, mi bon ami.>”

“Ah, no! Pardon! Although, you know, c’est triste. I like you, Draco.” She said.

Draco laughed again and shifted in his seat. He glanced at Harry, “au moins quelqu'un fait.”

Bill laugh, Draco turned to him, eyes narrowing. “You speak French, too?” he asked, looked somehow more embarrassed than before. Bill just grinned and took his wife’s hand. Draco looked around “How many of you?”

Four or five people laughed at this as Bill assured Draco that it was just himself and Fleur.

While Harry didn’t speak French, he was pretty sure he knew what Fleur’s mistake had been. Harry, along with half the table, pretended not to have heard a word.

The rest of the holiday went by easily. The twins had snark offs with Draco a few times, but they all seemed to enjoy themselves. After the first night or two, Draco relaxed, even surrounded as he was by redheaded blood traitors.

One of the highlights of the trip was the friendly games of quidditch. When Harry first jumped on his broom he felt the same rush flying always gave him. The weather was starting to warm up and the wind felt delicious as it brushed his cheek and whipped through his hair.

Draco was just as competitive in the Weasley’s backyard as he was on the Hogwarts pitch. He and Harry streaked through the air, just avoiding knocking one another off their brooms and weaving between the other players. Somehow, Harry and Draco wound up on the same team for the third game. They had broken for lunch when Charlie had arrived and when they split back up Draco was on Bill’s team, Charlie on Arthur's. They played for hours.

On the last night of their stay they were seated around the table, just having finished dinner. They joking and discussing quidditch when Mrs. Weasley declared, “there’s something you’re father’s been meaning to say.”

Mr. Weasley cleared his throat. Everyone went quiet and watched him expectantly. He look at Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny in turn as he spoke, “You’re all adults now. You’re about to leave school for good. That means a lot of good things, there lots of things for you to do and experience now, but it also means responsibility. You can’t lose sight of what’s important. Friends, family, what’s right here, at this table.”

Harry felt Draco stir next to him and felt a strange urge to touch him, to pat his back or something. Harry didn’t move, he may have even stopped blinking.

Mr. Weasley started polishing his glasses as he went on, “You’ll have to decide your priorities for yourselves. If you value anything or any person, if you want them stay in your life, you have to make the effort. When you know what is important you have to do more than just leave room for it, life doesn’t let you just leave room. You either pursue it or it fades away.”

“Like when Charlie went off to Romania,” Mrs. Weasley put it, looking fondly at her son.

“Yes, exactly,” agreed Mr. Weasley, “He decided family was a priority. It isn’t as easy as it seems to stay in contact, to visit, to send letters once you’ve grown up. Even for Bill and Percy, and the twins, and they all live in England.”

“Come on, Dad, we do a great job, don’t we Fred?” ‘That we do, George. Come home to eat every time we get hungry, don’t we?”

Mr. Weasley chuckled.

“All of you do a wonderful job,” Mrs. Weasley said fondly, “It would be nice to see some of you a bit more,” she glanced at Percy and then Bill, “but we know you’re busy with your own lives. That’s what your dad’s trying to say. If it’s important you have to fight for it, and it isn’t easy.”

When the holiday was over Mrs. Weasley sent them all back with more homemade sweets than any of them could possibly want. It had been satisfying for Harry, seeing Molly fuss over Draco at every meal. She by no means neglected to strongarm Harry into seconds and thirds of everything; but oh! how she had lamented at Draco’s thin frame! Harry grinned into his potatoes the first time she had forced yet another helping onto Draco’s plate. Harry had relished the quiet panic in the other boy’s eyes. The sight didn’t get less enjoyable as it became more common, either.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel: Season 6 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 6 Summary Analysis

Castiel keeps his distance from Dean in an effort to protect him. He sees that Dean has a real shot at a happy, normal life and does not want to interfere with that. Being separated from Dean’s influence causes Cas to lose his way, and he becomes hardened and less sympathetic toward humans. Dean considers Cas to be a close friend, and he tries to stay loyal even when Sam and Bobby suspect Cas is up to something. Dean feels betrayed at Castiel’s manipulation and severely disappointed that he would stoop to working with Crowley instead of going to him for help.

My interpretation: Cas lets go of the possibility of a romantic relationship with Dean because he sees that Dean is happy with Lisa. Cas throws all off his energy into the war with Raphael to cope with this loss. Dean loves Lisa, but their relationship doesn’t work out because she and Ben cannot share the hunting life with Dean. After distancing himself from Lisa, Dean’s feelings for Cas grow, but he still does not fully admit them to himself. He repeatedly exhibits behavior typical of someone who is repressing an aspect of their sexuality.

6.01 Exile on Main St.

When Dean asks about Cas, Sam says he hasn’t heard from Cas at all and doesn’t know where he is.

6.03 The Third Man

Dean suggests calling Cas for help on a case. When he shows up, Sam is pissed that Cas answered Dean’s prayer when his own have gone unanswered for the past year. Cas tells Sam he and Dean have a profound bond, which makes Dean slightly uncomfortable: “Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn’t gonna mention it.”

Cas, who is in soldier mode due to the angel civil war, explains that he answered Dean’s prayer to retrieve the Staff of Moses: “Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. But believe me, you do not want that weapon down here. Help me find it, or more people will die.”

Dean unsuccessfully tries to talk Cas out of doing a soul cavity search on a young boy: “You’re gonna torture a kid.” “I can’t care about that, Dean. I don’t have the luxury.”

Cas explains the Raphael situation and apologizes for not being upfront about it: “Cas, why didn’t you tell us this?” “I was ashamed. I expected more from my brothers. I’m sorry.” 

Cas chooses Dean over Balthazar: “I believe the hairless ape has the floor.”

6.06 You Can’t Handle the Truth

Cas answers Dean’s call for help diagnosing Sam. He feels bad for not coming to Dean sooner, and Dean convinces him to help figure out what’s wrong with Sam:  “What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.” “I’m at war. Certain regrettable things are now required of me.” Cas pours Dean a drink while they’re talking.

Lisa breaks things off with Dean because of Dean’s obsession with hunting, his unhealthy relationship with Sam, and because of what happened when Dean was a vampire: “You’ve got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life like that and not freak out?”

6.07 Family Matters

Cas determines that Sam has no soul. Cas uses sarcasm with Dean, which throws Dean off a little: “Of course. Your problems always come first.”

6.10 Caged Heat

Dean feels uncomfortable when Cas reveals he’s watching a porno while Sam and Dean are doing research in the next room: “If the pizza man truly loves this baby sitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she‘s done something wrong.” “You’re watching porn? Why?” “It was there.” “You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes, and you don’t talk about it. Just turn it off!” Cas gets a boner, and he doesn’t turn it off. Samuel walks in and comments: “This is what you boys do—sit around watching pornos with angels?” “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”

Dean notices that Cas is not helping to find Crowley: “You know, Cas, you could help.” “I’m ambivalent about what we’re attempting.” “Well, breakin’ into monster gitmo is not exactly a two-for-one in the champagne room.”

Cas shows genuine concern for Sam and thinks Dean may be making a rash decision: “Sam’s soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year, and they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. Do you understand? If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam’s gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic.”

When the hell hounds come, Meg agrees to stay behind to fight them. She kisses Cas, and he kisses her back, which thoroughly confuses Dean and Sam: “I learned that from the pizza man.”

When Meg leaves, Dean teases Cas, but he’s too naive to understand: “Well, she’s smart, I’ll give her that. I was gonna kill her, too. ‘Course I’d have given you an hour with her first.” “Why would I want that?”

Dean thanks Cas for his help and offers help in return: “Crowley was right. It’s not going well for me upstairs.” “If there’s anything we can do...” “There isn’t. I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time, I’d rather be here.” “Cas, we know you’ve got a steaming pile on your plate. There’s no need for apologies. We’re your friends.”

6.12 Like a Virgin

Cas and Dean argue about returning Sam’s soul to his body: “I’m sorry, Dean, but I warned you not to put that thing back inside him.” “What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around, hope he doesn’t open fire?” “Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should’ve done it outright.”

6.15 The French Mistake

Dean is frustrated that Cas agreed to use him and Sam as bait: “When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose everything.” “Yeah, Cas, we know the stakes. That’s about all you’ve told us!”

Cas feels bad for being so secretive: “I’m sorry about all this. I’ll explain when I can.”

6.17 My Heart Will Go On

Balthazar expresses resentment of Castiel’s fondness toward Dean: “Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you?”

Cas is willing to kill Fate to save the Winchesters: “If I know her, and I do, she won’t stop until you’re dead.” “Awesome. So what do we do?” “Kill her.”

Cas refers to the Winchesters as friends: “You need new friends, Cas.” “I’m trying to save the ones I have, Dean.”

Cas chooses the Winchesters’ safety over the power of 50,000 souls after Fate threatens to kill them.

Cas demonstrates his belief in free will, and his appreciation for what Dean and Sam have taught him: “You’re the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don’t have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. I still believe that that’s something worth fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that.”

6.18 Frontierland

Dean calls Cas to help with time travel. Rachel answers for him, and she talks down to Winchesters for trying to take Cas away from battle. Cas interrupts her as she’s insulting them. She is surprised that he would drop everything to help them.

6.19 Mommy Dearest

Bobby recognizes Dean as the one Cas consistently responds to: “Why does it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. Dude’s busy... Cas, get out of my ass!” Cas and Dean share an awkward look: “I was never in your...”

Dean appreciates Cas being there to help fight Eve: “Well, if she is here, I’m glad we’ve got Smitey McSmiterton on our squad.”

Castiel’s feelings are hurt when Dean insults him for being powerless: “Something in this town is affecting me. I assume it’s Eve.” “So, wait, Mom’s making you limp?” “Figuratively, yes.” “How?” “I don’t know, but she is.” “Oh, well that’s great, ‘cause without your power you’re basically just a baby in a trench coat.” Cas glares at Dean and looks out the window, prompting Sam to say, “I think you hurt his feelings.”

Dean teases Cas some more: “I’m fairly unpracticed with firearms.” “You know who whines? Babies.”

Cas and Dean disagree over taking time to save two young boys: “Millions of lives are at stake here, not just two. Stay focused.” “Are you kidding?” “There’s a greater purpose here.” “You know what? I’m getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I’d like to do right now is save a couple of kids, if you don’t mind.”

Cas doesn’t understand why the Winchesters don’t share his sense of urgency: “Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with ‘sarcasm.’ It was a bad idea letting them go.”

Even without his powers, Cas tortures a monster without blinking an eye.

Despite Castiel’s apparent lack of empathy toward humans, he yells out in anguish when Eve bites Dean.

When Sam and Bobby express suspicion that Cas is working with Crowley, Dean can’t get on board with the idea: “Bobby this is Cas we’re talking about.”

6.20 The Man Who Would be King

We learn that Cas, overconfident after being brought back by God, pulled Sam out of the pit. We also learn that Cas initially went to Dean for help with Raphael, but chose not to ask him because he wants Dean to have a real shot at happiness: “Everything he sacrificed, and I was about to ask him for more.”

Cas initially went back to heaven to try to explain the concept of free will to the other angels, but he has grown pessimistic over time: “If I knew then what I know now, I might’ve said, ‘It’s simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.’”

Dean continues to believe that Cas was tricked by Crowley instead of believing that Cas has been lying to him. He even offers to help Cas: “Cas, you’ll call, right? If you get into real trouble?”

Dean feels uncomfortable lying to Cas: “You know, he’s our friend. And we are lying to him through our teeth.” “He is the Balki Bartokomous of heaven. He can make a mistake.” “This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one, and we were stuck, and I mean really stuck, he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat, cut and bleeding for us, so many freakin’ times. This is Cas! Don’t we owe him the benefit of the doubt, at least?”

It’s hard for Cas to watch Dean defending him: “And the worst part was Dean trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.”

Cas second guesses his choice to deceive the Winchesters: “I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I don’t know anymore.” “Hiding, lying, sweeping away evidence... and my motives used to be so pure.”

Cas is unsure if he’s doing the right thing by working with Crowley: “My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian. They taught me how to stand up, what to stand for, and what generally happens to you when you do.”

After Bobby refers to Cas as “a Superman who’s gone dark side,” Dean deflects his status as Castiel’s closest friend onto Sam, “This makes you Lois Lane.”

Cas saves the Winchesters from demons even though he knows it’ll anger Crowley: “For a brief moment, I was me again.”

Cas is furious with Crowley for sending demons to kill the Winchesters: “I’m only gonna say his once. If you touch a hair on their heads, I will tear it all down. Our arrangement, everything. I’m still an angel, and I will bury you.”

Dean is elated to see Cas when he returns: “Well, Bobby, what do you think about Cas saving our asses, again?” “We never should’ve doubted you. We just hope you can forgive us.”

When Dean realizes that Cas HAS been lying to them, he feels betrayed—much moreso than Sam and Bobby: “You gotta look at me, man. You gotta level with me and tell me what’s going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not working with Crowley.” “Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it, like we always have. What we don’t do is we don’t go out and make another deal with the devil.” “Yeah, it sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?” “I was there. Where were you? You should’ve come to us for help, Cas.”

Cas desperately tries to make Dean understand: “I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you. You’re the one who taught me that freedom and free will...”

Dean pleads with Cas to stop what he’s doing for his sake: “You’re a freakin’ child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want, doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want.” “I’m not gonna logic you, okay? I’m saying don’t just ‘cause. I’m asking you not to. That’s it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family, that you are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me, man.”

Castiel’s ego gets in the way of trusting Dean: “I’ll do what I have to do to stop you.” “You can’t, Dean. You’re just a man. I’m an angel.” “I don’t know, I’ve taken on some pretty big fish.” “I’m sorry, Dean.” “Well, I’m sorry, too, then.”

Cas struggles with a crisis of faith because of his differences with Dean.

6.21 Let It Bleed

Cas is furious with Crowley for kidnapping Ben and Lisa. 

Cas tries again to make amends with Dean and help him understand his position: “I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that, too. Shouldn’t trust run both ways?” “Cas, I just can’t.” “Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats. I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing. I’ve earned that, Dean. I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me the one time I ask.”

Cas is hurt when Dean compares him to Crowley and won’t trust him. He is also mad at himself for letting things get to this point. Dean can’t let it go because he feels so betrayed: “Why don’t you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said you can both kiss my ass.”

Cas comes to heal Lisa in the hospital and apologizes to Dean. Dean asks him to wipe Lisa and Ben’s memories of him.

6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much

Dean and Castiel continue to fight. When Dean refuses to let Cas follow through on his plan to open Purgatory, Cas breaks down the wall in Sam’s mind.

Cas feels like everyone has abandoned him: “I’m doing my best in impossible circumstances. My friends, they abandon me, plot against me. It’s difficult to understand.”

Dean pleas with Cas to return the souls to Purgatory: “I know there’s a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I’d have died for you—I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you, please... I’ve lost Lisa, I’ve lost Ben, and now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

The combination of Castiel’s feelings of abandonment combined with the souls scrambling his brain lead him to reject Dean: “You’re not my family, Dean. I have no family.”