#it was supposed to be like a 'oh dean's a repressed bisexual how can we unrepress him I Know let's give him a hot stranger man'

[vivitalks]

guys i genuinely don't know what to do. my quirky little destiel fic which was already far too long to begin with now has a second smaller fic nested inside of it and somehow the second smaller fic is the absolute crackfest of this supernatural/tazamnesty crossover where dean lowkey hooks up with barclay the bigfoot and i don't KNOW what to DO. do i cut the scene. do i post it separately. do i post it separately but ALSO leave it in the fic. do i just pretend like barclay is an OC i made up and all the references to the fictional town of kepler west virginia are incidental. WHAT IS THE MOVE HERE

[naruhearts]

I’m done keeping my composure.

Sorry, this will be a LOADED post! (And I’ll be repeating the points others have made)

for real, to everyone being nasty and telling heartbroken fans that “Dean was always supposed to die get a grip you’re just butthurt etcetera etcetera—” F you royally.

How dare you police the brutal feelings that’s been embroiling us since the Finale That Must Not Be Named aired. 

The show you think you all watched, the show you all believe was the same SPN from Season 1-4, changed at some point. Kripke wrote his original vision, put it to screen, saw it through in S5 as he intended, and closed the door on that era.

In 2008, Supernatural was adopted and inherited. As you know, there was a supreme paradigm shift post-Kripke era. The show FLOURISHED (we won’t talk about Gamble thanks). It evolved, transformed, grew beyond trauma-induced self-worthlessness and toxic masculinity and endless death and hegemonic social ideals and conservatism and repressive anti-revolutionary ideas. Castiel, the iconic favourite and beloved staple of the series portrayed by Misha Collins, was introduced in Season 4 as the core lead character, and he ushered in a brand new era of Christian mythos that SPN took advantage of. Longevity SKYROCKETED. Audiences were INTERESTED. SPN amassed an incredibly groundbreaking fanbase infused by non-nuclear principles. A massive subversive wave began, fighting the Status Quo of the times since 2008. It’s precisely why such an abysmal ending to a show of extensive Freud-Jungian metanarratively meta META complex stature and social POWER will render us totally and unbearably broken for years to come.

Point is, DEAN WINCHESTER NO LONGER WANTED TO DIE. HE WANTED TO LIVE. HE WANTED TO SIT ON THE BEACH, PLUNGE HIS TOES IN THE SAND, AND SIP UMBRELLA DRINKS WITH HIS BROTHER AND HIS BEST FRIEND. He said this in Season 13. And then, a season later, he told the ghost of his long-deceased father — the source of his deep-running trauma and the figure of self-reductive authoritarianism permeating his arc since Season 1 — after being questioned why he didn’t pursue the Nuclear Fam, that he already has his own: his brother Sam, his adopted child Jack, and Cas.

Dean’s best friend Cas. Oh god, Cas, who made his inevitably permanent mark on Dean’s soul beyond allyship. Castiel, renamed to Cas, God’s -iel removed by Dean. Dean, the human spark that lit the fire of pre-existing autonomy in the inherently rebellious angel who was, this entire time, the catalyst for free will in God The Writer’s puppet show. Their friendship set on goddamn fire. I can also write paragraph upon paragraph about my love for Cas while devastated tears stream down my face, but I digress—

Cas’ romantic love for Dean pushed our main Heart of SPN to love himself. Love is free will. Free will is also love. Of note, Cas’ love confession in 15x18 was supposed to offset something so vastly important and fundamental...to maybe (read: most likely) pull the trigger on SELF-TRUTHS in conjunction with free will. And The Great Anticipated Follow-Up to the episode penned by the passionate Berens should have included (read: seemed like it was going to be) Dean, closeted trauma survivor in love with his best friend, being given the opportunity to do it right: to SPEAK HIS TRUTH, and then that very singular opportunity was STOLEN so grossly. After poring over it for days, I refuse to believe we made their years-long story up out of thin air, spun it out of fantastical-delusional dream cotton candy, because we DIDN’T. IT WAS REAL.

As I said in another post: “I’ve just been feeling physically ill for the past >40 something hours with the terrible knowledge that 19/20 undid years of vital progression towards healthy interdependence, autonomy, and a positive endgame, where Sam, Dean and Cas close the ring of found family in final empowering self-fulfillment...where Dean, no longer repressed and set free, is able to use his words and speak his truth as a queercoded trauma survivor, henceforth confirming and self-affirming his own bisexuality since S1 by reciprocating — by telling Cas that he always loved him, too, loved him endlessly, which would have altogether divested Supernatural of its cult status and catapulted it into global worldwide significance as the longest running sci-fi genre show in American broadcasting history that actually dared to defy and, by proxy, empower LGBTQ2IA+ everywhere who found profound personal meaning in Destiel through VALIDATION,” — found themselves mirrored in Dean and Cas’ respective character journeys individually and as each other’s queer love interests.

THIS IS WHY DEAN WASN’T MEANT TO DIE.

THEY WERE SO ESSENTIAL, NOT JUST TO THE OVERARCHING STORY AND HEALTHY INTERPERSONAL THEMATICS OF MODERN SPN, BUT ALSO TO THE SOULS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD WHO FOLLOWED THEIR JOURNEYS, HOPED FOR THEM, ASPIRED TO BE LIKE THEM, TREASURED THEM, WEEPED FOR THEM, AND FOUGHT FOR THEM, LIKE YOU AND ME.

Heck, how could anyone think Sam Winchester had a well-deserved characteristic ending? He didn’t. Dean’s brother was shafted so badly. He stopped hunting when seasons ago, he had canonically accepted that he no longer wanted an apple pie life. He simply...turned the lights off in a resoundingly empty bunker and left — abandoning his dead brother’s room — never to return (he did return later to get the Impala, family photos etc, I mean this symbolically)...as if — dare I say it — Supernatural itself eerily told us, in the negative-spaced pitch blackness, that the organic show and the wonderfully complex, matured characters we’ve grown to love weren’t going to survive or be revisited...that it was all going to perish, and that they no longer gave a single shit about their own show, which, to me, is the worst cardinal sin, because how dare they throw Team Free Will, an immovable and indomitable and passionate found family they built from the ground up, a found family CHOCK FULL TO THE BRIM OF LOVE AND LIFE RAGING AGAINST THE AUTHORITARIAN MACHINE IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE FREE WILL, under the bus no matter who is to blame. Growth was stomped on.

Then Sam married a faceless wife who wasn’t his textually established (and deaf) love interest Eileen, named his son Dean Jr., and grew old miserably, still mourning the passing of his older brother, shaken and sombre. Back to square one. IT WAS ALL ANTITHETICAL, even OUTSIDE a shipping context, and I ripped my hair out at this point in sheer disbelief.

This 15x20 ending would have fit somewhere between S4-7. Now? IT DOESN’T FIT. IT’S A JAGGED PUZZLE PIECE THAT DOESN’T BELONG ANYWHERE. IT’S THE FOREBODING UNKNOWN STRANGER IN ITS OWN LAND, BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. This kind of ending was basically an illogical, unsound cluster of metastasized cells that, to me, ruined the viability of previous seasons to sustain bold praise and respect and dignity and rewatches and classic nostalgia in such insidious ways.

Dean Humanity Winchester and Cas, after everything they’ve been through, were silenced and lost in death, ripped apart from each other, unable to love each other the way they deserved, because of disappointing, vile incompetency and homophobia. The greatest love story ever told, again obliterated in less than 60 hollow minutes.

You know what this tells your audience, CW SPN? Death without self-growth is the way to go, and no one is allowed to forge their own path to freedom.

HOW INSULTINGLY HARMFUL IS THAT?

I don’t think I’ll ever stop grieving.

We all deserve answers.

[destielficsndrabbles]

What is your top 5 Destiel fics?

So I abandoned this blog years ago because the show was pissing me off and i had to take a step back. But, I’m feeling the vibe of the fandom again so I’ll give give it the old college try again. Anyway, here are some favorites. They’re all E or M because I’m a thirsty bitch.

My Top Five Destiel Fics 

a turn of the earth by microcomets (M)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

There’s Only One Sure Thing I Know by blinkiesays (E)

Dean doesn’t even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby’s point: he’s faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he’s been defeated by the God damn Midwest. 

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (E)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

The Most Important Thing by  NorthernSparrow (E)

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he’s struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord (E)

A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there.

At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history.

Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe.

Bonus: Two Favorite Finale Fix-its

Nothing Equals the Splendor by RurouniHime (E)

(The other fic written by this author is amazing too and we should all bully them into writing more for destiel)

Maybe it’s the cynic in him. The hunter, always under the surface of any quietude he ever found. Or maybe it’s just that he has always had trouble with blind faith. But after a while (a blink? A decade? A century?), Dean raises his eyebrows, looks around, and says—“Uh. No.”It’s so close. Just so slightly imperfect. And maybe, he analyzes, maybe that’s the final knell of this bell called contentment. Dean’s experience with happiness has always been that last rise in the road, right before it turns. Right before fate comes barreling around the corner head on.He turns in his spot on the bridge, and suddenly Sam is like a cellophane film through which he can see the light streaming, and the taste of cheap beer on his tongue is much, much older a memory than it should be.

“Oh, you’re good,” he says, and means it.

Under the Same Sun by prosopopeya (E)

In which time is infinite, and so is the list of people willing to help Dean figure out what to do about Cas.

A fix-it for a lot of things: Dean’s repressed bisexuality, Dean’s utterly inexplicable failure to realize what Cas meant, the Charlie & Dean brother/sister content I crave, among others.

Bonus x2: A Shameless Plug for my own Romantic Comedy A/U Series

Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by impatient14

What do you get when you add Firefighter!Dean to standoffish-Doctor!Castiel?

A thousand other fics, you say? Aaaand what’s your point exactly??!?!

Dean likes his doctor, but his doctor doesn’t like him. Accidental friendship ensues, heartwarming bonding type moments occur, and oops!friends become best!friends. But best friends aren’t supposed to feel the way Dean feels about Castiel. He knows this. So he ignores all the things that he can’t help feeling. When he sits and watches a movie with his best friend or when they are arguing about which method of coffee brewing is best, he pointedly doesn’t look at his friends lips, or the adorable way he tilts his head when he doesn’t understand.

Dean ignores his feelings. That’s the way he knows how to keep his best friend. Just ignore the butterflies.

[amwritingmeta]

Hello there! So, fellow destiel shipper here, read all about the finale a few hours ago... I just saw your destiel queerbaiting analysis (LOVED IT!) and... what are your thoughts on Carry On? (canyoutellimshamelesslylookingforsomecatharticrants)

Hello my dear!

I’ll admit I’m in a ranting mood, so you’re in luck. Catch me in a few days and I’ll probably be less ranty, more level headed, more oh they think they can shove Cas out of the narrative and hint he’s running around fixing Heaven with Jack without actually giving us a visual establishing of TFW 2.O reunited and of course especially Cas and Dean reunited and we’ll all just be absolutely understanding of that and nod and go, mh, makes sense because the show was always about the brothers wasn’t it, mh, mh hmh, hmmmmmmmmh let me present you with my slideshow of why and how of course we shall not go any form of mh at it.

This is not a few days from now. (look out for that slideshow though) (it will be spectacular)

Queerbaiting. Such a hotly contested topic in relation to this show. If you read my analysis then you know the faith I’ve always had. For four years. Unwavering faith. I’ve seen it so clearly in this narrative because I’ve wanted to see it, because it got me excited for what this narrative might be moving towards ripping apart, which is how the American manly man is represented in media such as this, the one that mildly glorifies the violent, repressed, WHITE middle-class male. The not quite well-educated but street-smart WHITE male. The modern cowboy WHITE male.

For someone representative of all these things to flip the switch and reveal himself to be bisexual would’ve been... well, glorious. It would have been utterly glorious. 

So were we - was I - queerbaited into thinking this would happen? That we’d get queer representation, in full, on Supernatural through the stated love story of Dean and Cas?

I. Still. Don’t. Know.

I’m serious. That’s the truth. The ugly fucking annoying frustrating goddamn truth. Dammit!!

(I may have had wine and whisky and a bit of beer so pls ignore me if this turns from rant to ramble) *drunk af* *that’s not true* *I’m tipsy at best* *aiming for drunk af though*

I don’t know if “queerbaiting” is what these writers engaged with for over a decade because I don’t know if they knew for sure that they would never be able to deliver it, or if it’s possible that all the showrunners and all the writers throughout all the seasons that have played around with the Destiel subtext HOPED that it might come to fruition once the finale rolled around.

Here’s another question, though:

Was I queerbaited into watching this fucking disaster of a finale because I was left with the hope that Cas was going to return?

I would, at this moment in time, say ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY I WAS.

I didn’t get to grieve Cas when I was supposed to BECAUSE I HAD NO INDICATION FROM THE CAST OR SHOWRUNNER OR ANYONE CURRENTLY ON THE SHOW THAT THE DEATH WAS STICKING AND HE WAS NOT COMING BACK OMFGGGGGG THIS IS THE WORST THING THEY’VE EVER FUCKING DONE!!!!!!!!!!

I swear to Jack. I’ll never forgive them for this. Not that they want any forgiveness or expect it or would ever even seek it. Obviously. All they cared about was the fucking ratings for the finale, which would’ve been lower if we knew for sure there was no Cas in it.

I wouldn’t have watched it as eagerly, I’ll admit that. I would’ve watched it, though, which is what makes me sad. At least I could’ve been prepared for the badness, for the utter pit of horrors that awaited me, at least I could’ve been in acceptance mode and nodded and laughed a little, maybe shook my head like, yeah, makes sense. But no.

Nope. 

And yes fine Cas is in Heaven with Jack so it’s not like they didn’t HINT that maybe at SOME POINT these men will all be reunited but omfg.

The finale.

Does not.

Exist.

I refuse to acknowledge it’s existence. It existed for about an hour and a half while I was going through every single stage of grief with my pal @natmoose and then I moved into laughter at the absolute ridiculousness of this whole situation, and acceptance, and now I’m just drinking. And chilling.

Here’s where I take proper offence. 

I take offence at 15x18. I take offence at the episode beginning with two queer characters having their relationship torn apart by one disappearing, and then the person remaining lamenting the fact that she dared open her heart and then this happened - her person is just GONE - only for Charlie to then die as well. Visually. Disappearing from sight. Erased.

I take offence at a straight couple consisting of one deaf character getting torn apart, yet more representation just inexplicably erased. 

And then I take offence at this love story I’ve followed and adored and hoped and embraced as the possibility for healthy representation and healthy progression for Dean and for Cas for four years, a love story others have embraced for well over a decade, ending in Cas finally reaching a moment of true happiness, and that happiness requiring a self-sacrifice so great that his I love you literally means death.

I take offence at all this. It makes me fucking angry. It’s dismissive of what representation means to a lot of people and it MAKES NO SENSE since it’s written by a writer who has always seemed extremely sensitive to these things. 

So. Queerbaiting occurred, to my mind, for sure for the first time in these two weeks after 15x18, where the lid was put on Cas actually dying, and there were enough hinting that he did for everyone to throw their hands up and say but we thought it was OBVIOUS, but not enough of it there to put us off watching the finale, because we might’ve been put off had we known, for sure, hands down, that Cas was not going to come back.

Or perhaps that hope wasn’t wide spread and most people accepted his death for what it was. I know some people immediately saw it for what it was, I saw a few posts on Instagram and Twitter to that effect, so, you know, idk. Maybe it’s just me. Being hopeful. Yearning for hopeful endings. The fact that the show didn’t deliver the ending I was hopeful for isn’t, end of the day, the show’s fault.

To me, the way I view this narrative, the way I’ve always read it, this ending makes no sense, regresses both brothers in horrifying ways, underlines the codependency as the healthy option (which makes me feel physically ill btw), and leaves us with the moral of the story being... what? What was it for? What was it all about?? WHAT WAS IT ALL ABOUT PEOPLE??? 

Anyway. Finale does not exist. So it’s about love, and growth, and identity, and freedom, and finding peace with who you truly are.

Dean did not get impaled. In a vamp den. In a BARN. Like how DARED THEY KILL HIM IN A BARN?? OMFGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! 

Sorry.

Does not exist. 

Okay, this is already long. Did I... rant enough? Did I talk about queerbaiting enough? I’m not going to throw queerbaiting shade on the entire narrative. I just can’t. But queerbaiting shade on 15x18? Yah. Thrown.

Sigh.

[transsexualbloodlust]

Shrek and SPN an analysis

okay i said i would do a shrek and dean arch analysis and i’m here to deliver

before we ~get into it~ i’d like to say that this started out as being based on my head canon that dean likes the first shrek movie and the musical (secretly) but instead it just became it’s own analysis of the parallels, I will be doing a very short explanation of why i think that after this.

okay let’s do the obvious parts: the both have layers, and they r both bisexual and homophobic (i will not take criticism on this i’m right and u know it)

in regards to the layers:

In the shrek musical we get to see shrek’s childhood and back story. The basic summary is that on his 10th birthday his family abandons him and tells him he has to raise himself, that society will never accept him so he needs to “build a wall” (emotional) and find somewhere no one can get to him (emotional and literal). Shrek grows up knowing he is hated by society and although he doesn’t try to outright conform his choice of being the monster everyone wants him to be and living alone was conforming in itself, we learn later in the movie that shrek is lonely and wants friends but is afraid of vulnerability and how people view him. Now I’m sure we’ve all read a million and one essays on Dean’s personality but you’ll be reading one more. Dean also gets metaphorically thrown out, especially emotionally, by his father and is forced to fend for himself, except (and this is why shrek and dean’s personalities r so different) dean has sam and is forced to raise him. (dean is the woman coded version of this arch and shrek is the man coded version, once again i take no criticism). Dean is forced to live on the outskirts of society, constantly hopping schools, knowing about monsters and hunting, and he embraces that role as a form of protection for himself. This of course mixes with the way J*hn villanises dean to himself, he’s verbally abusive (and almost definitely physically) and holds dean to such a high standard he can never see himself as good enough. Not to mention how his bisexuality is likely seen as something disgusting. So in order to save himself he embraces that roll that his father has layed out for him, to the point where (like shrek and his roar) is very much a performance.

okay so how are the plots similar/something dean can relate to??

well dean and shrek both exist within the outskirts of society, never really wanting to enter and seemingly content with the performance they give. However (in very different ways) their ability to uphold the performance is tested and they embark and a journey to be able to go back to normal life. Shrek has to deal with the fairy tale creatures, and Dean has to save his father. (I genuinly think a lot of deans dependency on j*hn had to do with how much he based his identity on the man, and even though he does care about him and wanted to save him, his dependence on john and inability to recognize the abuse was a part of the performance he had to uphold). They then both get side characters , both Sam (no he’s not the main character stfu) and Cas for dean, and donkey for shrek. Who push them emotionally and force them to explore the possibility of life outside of that performance. They then both assume the roll of heros, something that their self image never truly allowed for. And when they get back to their old lives/rolls they realize it’s not something they truly want anymore, and that maybe it never was. Deans is much more subtle because he always feels the obligation to continue being a hunter wich is so heavily tied to the imagine J*hn projected on to him that he couldn’t move away as quickly as shrek did. But we start to see it in season 10. Then we ofc get to see the parallels between the love confessions. 😀😐

Okay so there’s the obvious “oh no they hate me what will i do” nature to both shrek/fiona and deancas but there’s literally so much more holy shit.

Cas/Fiona parallels:

The way Cas and Fiona r similar has a lot less to do with backstories and more to do with the essence of their arch’s, how they’re used, and how they’re coded. Cas and Fiona have Very different lives, however they where both agencies of the status quo. Fiona wants to be this maiden in her tower and be saved, and she actively reinforces that by following the ideas of a fairy tale even though she truly doesn’t understand the purpose of what she’s going through. Cas on the other hand is an actual soldier of god, he actively fights to uphold the bible and bring about heaven winning, he works to reinforce heavens power. However both he and fiona don’t fit the model of their stories perfectly and in doing so r rebelling against the story. Fiona is Quircky TM, and a whole ogre, she doesn’t fit into the basic model of her story and the fact that she’s different is what causes her to rebel against the story. Her very existence is what caused her to question the narrative. Cas’s very existence defies the narrative because he, unlike most angels, cares about humanity (dean, like humans but mainly dean). He is supposed to be an unfeeling soldier of the lord but instead he ends up being gay for a repressed kansas boy which throws a cog in the narrative he’s supposed to play out and causes him to question it. And on top of that their personality is what pushes their love interest to confront the parts of themselves they aren’t really willing to embarrass. Dean being bi and Shrek being an ogre. 

Okay so the actual confession parallels:

Obviously they are different, for one shrek is canon reciprocated in all countries (that i know of). But thematically?? what the characters r saying to eachother?? girl i’m loosing it.

Shrek is about accepting ones self as who u truly are and recognizing that that doesn’t need to be changed for u to be lovable. And Cas’ speech does exactly that, it tells dean that even though he views himself as a monster who’s driven by hate, even though he see’s him as his enemies do (think shrek seeing himself through the townsfolks eyes) he is actually driven by love and that he, without changing, is lovable in every sense of the word. More than that he’s lovable by what common society would consider to be the Ideal (angels being like 🤩 and princesses being 🤩). In this confession of love Dean/Shrek r moved to accept themselves as they are, Shrek in the moment and Dean later when he doesn’t kill chuck. And their loved one has their final closure to their story. Fiona is forced to accept herself as an ogre as well and Cas shows that he’s, like Dean, fundamentally driven by love even though he was told he shouldn’t be.

This is where we once again see the whole “dean and shrek have the same arch but dean’s is woman coded” thing which I will be getting into in a separate essay. But the basic idea is that Shrek comes to the realization partially on his own and gets final validation from Fiona where as Dean gets confessed to. 

Then after the initial confession both lovers are pulled apart, deancas have the empty, and shrek/fiona are briefly pulled apart by lord farquad. In both instances the characters are punished for the fact that they’re in love. HOWEVER shrek understands good story telling and has the lovers come back together.

And then ofc both Fiona and Cas get enveloped :D (Cas in goop and Fiona in light)

But this where we get into the exploring where Supernatural’s narrative SHOULD have gone, (as shown in shrek):

After the love confession we finally get to see Shrek realize that he isn’t the monster society painted him as and that that requires absolutely no change on shreks part, he’s accepted himself and realized that he can tear his walls down. Dean goes through the tearing down of walls much slower throughout the seasons, because Dean has the woman coded version of this narrative he already understands found family but he doesn’t understand that he is worthy of his family’s love in return. 

So in Shrek we see shrek live out his life with his found family, he’s had his arch he understands his worth and he realizes that he doesn’t want to be alone. Now as a finale denialist I will not be talking about what happens in the finale but we’ve all seen it and you know how supernatural doesn’t follow through.

This was so much fun i will be doing more later but I hope y’all enjoyed this <3

[sidecarghost]

Spn 15x18 spoilers below

Dean can’t reciprocate: Spn Meta on Romance as the language of the soul or alt theory Aro Dean

So the 15x18 script had line about Dean can’t reciprocate. And I thought hmmm.... prob just like everyone else and here are my two cents.

Dean can’t reciprocate because:

He only ever thought of Cas as friend and would never want to pursue any relationship more than that.

He is aro and he doesn’t connect with romantic attraction. And this is absolutely fine!

He has denied and repressed any romantic urges and numbed himself to them. Big diff between this and Aro because Aro is natural and valid but repressing romantic attraction is not.

He was like wtf is happening right now. I need time to process.

I am Destiel shipper so obviously hard no to #1, but that is a completely valid opinion just not one I share. But I refuse to even enumerate any opinion of Dean being offended by the declaration. #4 could be case and with more time Dean would have reciprocated. But for this post I’m really focusing in on #3 and maybe a little #2.

In my opinion, Aro Dean is not a Destiel deal breaker. I think Dean and Cas can still have beautiful relationship with platonic love and sexual attraction and low to none romantic attraction on Dean’s side.

Really the purpose of meta was to poke at possibility of romantically repressed Dean. And the convo Famine had with Dean way back in season 5 came to mind.

Notes: I am awful at meta, so take this entire dump with grain of salt. Just some things I noticed while thinking about Dean’s romantic identity and making metaphorical comparisons to heart, romantic soul, and will power from a couple scenes in Spn.

Metaphors under consideration from Spn scenes

Heart

associated with acts of caring that are selfless and kind (like saying someone has a big heart)

Will power

Driving yourself to get your shit done.

In Dean’s case his will power is typically fueled by hate and anger because he is a monster hunter and his anger keeps him going even when he wants to give up.

Romantic soul

your romantic connection to other people (i. e. soulmate) and doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual.

Spn 5x14 Famine talks to Dean about his broken, empty soul

FAMINE: hunger doesn't just come from the body, it also comes from the soul.

DEAN: It's funny, it doesn't seem to be coming from mine.

FAMINE: Yes. I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my presence?

DEAN: Well, I like to think it's because of my strength of character.

FAMINE: I disagree. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN: Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE: Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already...dead.

Spn 15x18 Castiel talks about Dean including how he sees himself and how loving he really is

CASTIEL: you see yourself the same way our enemies see you. you’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken... you’re daddy’s little blunt instrument. and you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. it’s not. everyone who knows you sees it. everything you’ve ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. you raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. that is who you are. you are the most caring man on earth. you are the most selfless, loving human being i will ever know.

Romantic Identity Thoughts for Dean

I agree with popular opinion that Dean reads like a bisexual character, but his romantic identity doesn’t necessarily have to match. And I think so far he doesn’t seem to fit label of biromantic. Like biromantic is possibility if Dean is just repressing his romantic urges because he has numbed his soul to all feelings per Famine’s monologue. Or just we haven’t seen it on show but Dean does feel that way. But I think some other labels may be better fit for Dean.

Dean is really good at all the platonic aspects of love. Like Castiel said Dean has a big heart. platonic love is very selfless. It is driving to help a friend, sharing interests, caring about each other’s wellbeing, being there to support them, and protectiveness. At its purest it is selfless and expects nothing in return. Pure platonic love is not jealous love. You don’t get jealous about the recepient spending time with others. You are also typically okay when they are gone. And that plays back well with Castiel’s speech in 15x18. Just aside, Dean being really good at platonic love is important if you read Castiel as demiromantic because Castiel would need a strong friendship before he feels any kind of romantic attraction.

Dean also enjoys casual sex and shows signs of sexual attraction for men and women. Although the show has only established female sex partners so far, that does not mean he isn’t attracted to men too. And there have been instances in show that read as sexually attracted to men.

But even though Dean has had multiple sexual relationships on the show, Dean has no canon romantic attraction. Other than the weird witch sisters when he was hexed in 13x12. That curse was first time Dean was in romantic love, and it wasn’t consensual which sucks but non-con is a common spn theme.

Maybe it could be argued Cassie and Lisa were romantic love interests. But I dunno he kind of just left them without any noticeable regrets. So it seemed like Dean enjoyed protecting them, being a good friend, and having sex with them, but there was no soul yearning romantic aspect to the relationship. These weren’t woman that he couldn’t live without. Their loss didn’t crush his soul.

But then there is Castiel. And each time Castiel is lost Dean falls apart. This tough hunter that tragically gives last rites to his family and friends on a daily basis becomes a sop of hurt and angst when Castiel is gone. Those are very romantic feelings. Then Dean seems to bounce back to happiness once Cas comes back. So maybe Famine was wrong or lied because Spn monsters seem to get retconned into lying quite a bit, or maybe Dean has already started to explore and nurture his own romantic identity or in Spn Famine terms soul.

Also Romantic love often tends to be jealous and possessive. Like Famine said this is a hunger, and it can be this wild, ravenous thing. So by Castiel calling out all Dean’s selfless acts it kind of resonates with Dean not having a current romantic partner and that being something Castiel wants for Dean.

Anyway, romantic identity and sexual identity don’t have to match. So Dean can be bisexual and homoromantic or bisexual and aro. I am thinking demi-, or homo-, or biromantic, because Dean does seem to experience some very romantic feelings for Castiel (i.e. touches, looks, romantic squabbles, and the overwhelming need for Castiel to be around). If Dean tells Castiel that he just doesn’t feel the connection to love speeches and romantic thoughts then aromantic may actually be a better fit for him.

There is even a WTFromantic that is meant for people that can’t feel romantic attraction because the things in their life have overwhelmed them to the point that the concept of romantic attraction is just completely inaccessible to them. And I dunno, but that label seems pretty descriptive of Dean too.

So Dean may not be able to reciprocate romantic feelings because he has made a conscious decision to just repress all romantic attraction as much as possible per Famine monologue. Even tho Famine talk was 10 years ago Dean still has same problems. He is going through motions, as in 15x17 where he denies there even is a case to solve. He is fueled by anger and hate. Right before Cas’s romantic declaration, Dean is talking about all he feels is angry and bloodthirsty. So that empty soul that has been denied every desire may still be mangled and hurting. Dean just needs to confess he isn’t coping and get help.

Or Dean may identify as a character that doesn’t connect romantically, if Dean is aro then there was nothing ever wrong with him because that is valid and no one should push him to act in a way that isn’t natural for him. And I specifically tried to use romantic soul, because I don’t mean to make any kind of comparison to romantic attraction and the immortal soul like that is totally separate concept.

Anyway, I kind of feel like the show is setting it up as former and that by calling Dean broken it is describing him as repressed romantically and maybe the next couple episodes are him coming to terms with that aspect of himself. Like he’s been running on anger for so long maybe time to do some soul searching.

Disclaimer: romantic and sexual identity labels are not meant to be prescriptive, they are just supposed to help describe your truth so you can have a language that describes your own personal identity and you know you are not alone and you have a community. I would never apply them to other people, but Dean is fictional and interesting so I thought I’d try to dig at what the writers and actors were doing to either consciously or unconsciously give Dean his own romantic and sexual identity.

[poppythewitcher]

SPN hell binge Episode 1

Yippe kayay Mother Fuckers, Let’s do this! (edited in the morning or grammar)

Should I watch the recap?

Is that cheating?

I mean It’ll set up the season?

But it it cheating?

Like I’m supposed to get context like when you start a comic half way through

I’m gonna watch the recap just cause I know I won’t even understand that

Aw the cw logo, lets you know you’re getting into some shit

oooo decapitations

what how many of them are there

their voices don’t sound like I imagined

Fuck i kinda forgot Jeffery Dean Morgan was in this

You expect me to take these fuckers seriously where their father, the root of their daddy issues, is Denny fucking Duquette

I’m still confused who the fuck is Jack

I think he’s the antichrist

Listen the practical FXs tho

why is half the recap just a zombie fight

is this the beginning of the this episode or like the end of the last?

oh wait it was the last

listen I get continuity but the fucking font the credits are in makes me want to die

Gay angel can commune with the dead that’s nice

Why did they think that flimsy ass thing will hold the door

“He said welcome to the end what does that mean” the network is finally pulling the plug on this shit show

i love the casual discussion of smiting

I relate to dean in that I too have daddy issues and hate sky-daddy

Is Sam the only function one on this show?

Nope he let the zombies into the crypt

oooops the antichrist is awake

oh its a demon not the antichrist

demon with fashion sense

a demon talking about being a demon the way I talk about working at Starbucks

I like how Sam’s like yeah Cas, give your blood to the minimum wage demon who just met that is currently inhabiting the body of some kid we all really cared about

Nothing could go wrong with that

wait what that fucking worked

how did the minimum wage demon fix God’s mess

okay random teens because horror tropes of violence against young “stupid” women who are just enjoying their lives because it’s easier to enjoy the thing when the male gaze and patriarchal culture not only fetishizes violence against women but it makes the horror easier to watch because it’s not as scary when the victim is a vapid and brainless teenage girl, thus making the male viewer feel secure because his ego tells him that he is stronger and smarter than these weak female and therefore would not fall victim to the monster even though that makes no sense in this context when their main demographic is gen-z girls,gay and theys.

also who gave the camera to the guy with hand tremor what was that shaking

When you have to kill a character but the actor still needs to pay the bills

are they literally just gonna spend the whole season tracking down runaway ghosts this is gonna be worse than I thought

Like is that really Jensen Ackles’s voice is doesn’t sound real

ooo spooky car crash

Wait woman in white wasn’t that the fucking pilot i watched that

oh god really all the fucking monsters of the week are back fuck me what have I gotten myself into

Why is this show trying to be a fucking 80s horror movie now we have a poor housewife and her daughter being haunted by ghosts really

and its not just that its the cinematography and the lighting like the whole fucking mise en scen

its a fun aesthteic but goddamn did they really milk 15 season out of this shit? did anyone actually watch after season 12?

motherfucker a killer clown wow

Like I feel like they’re making they’re voices deeper on purpose

I’m sorry what in the living fuck is this dumb ass FBI shirt that Sam is wearing that does not look real you are not fooling anyone honey has this really been your shtick for 15 fucking years and you look like THAT holy fucking hell it genuinely looks like the costume department is barely trying

Mr. Trench coat honestly looks more believable

wait is minimum wage demon a neanderthal

And he;s hitting on one half or the queer baiting wonder twins great

Minimum wage demon: “who was he”

me: “wouldn’t we all like to know”

I mean me. I would like to know thank you minimum wage demon for getting me this info

So he’s they’re kid that’s nice

Wait

So the queer baiting wonder twins had a FUCKING CHILD TOGETHER

holy fuck they weren’t kidding this really is hell

the blood stains are really good like a little bright for being old dried blood but still the practical FX slaps and I’m already starting to think that’s the show’s one redeeming quality

That child is defffffff possessed

This thing is giving me flashbacks to early quarantine when my ex made me watch killer klowns for outer space on Netflix party would not reccomend

I mean I wouldn’t reccomend this either but

Who’s Rowena

Why is the angle that low and harsh on the minimum wage demon being a fan boy like really why

Why is it a dutch too

I just want to talk to the cinematographer and see if he’s okay

Like It went to a stand eye level over the shoulder and then nack to the super harsh low dutch what’s going on

Also Who’s Micheal

Like Micheal the angel?

Is Micheal an angel? idk

why does Cas readily hand out the info that he’s an angel

Sam shot god and honestly fucking mood

is it just Sam or does every one get fucked up if they try to hurt sky-daddy cause that’s kind of a dick move

I feel like I’m supposed to recognize the MILF in white but I haven’t seen the show so IDK

What’s with the whole human sacrifice heart thing like is that standard here

I thought they were going door to door they literally only went to the one house

the killer klown from outer space is back and he has friends

I love how Cas is just like offend and exasperated over being shot

and then just fucking La Llorona makes an appearance

are the spell in fucking Latin on this show

this is why I’m a Witcher stan like at least Sapkowski’s creative an used a different dying language

why does Sam have to stay be hind like in theory they could just sprint

and he picked up the kid he’s like the one functional one here

Sam just told the killer klown from outer space to shut up and honestly same

I have 5 minutes left and it feel like it’s been an eternity

how many times have they been uncomfortably thanked by a little girl on this show cause I feel like the answer is too many

Why is the pie man such a bitch to his husband like way to press against the whole queer baiting wonder twins thing we get it you’re uncomfortable with your character’s repressed bisexuality please maybe chill you made the gay angel sad

even the minimum wage demon gets it

that looks infected

oh yeah dean’s oldest daughter syndrome is back that’s nice

I feel like I see the appeal of this show and how it could be good but then it went to hell

Wait are they actually god now what the fuck

like is this whole season just some Nietzsche bullshit okay

why does dean say just you and me? You also have a gay angel and a minimum wage demon

Final thoughts: I’m going to bed. I’ll do more tomorrow. This really is a dumpster fire. What have I gotten myself into

[queerfables]

Supernatural Liveblog (Episodes 1x06 - 1x08)

These notes were made while we were watching and they’re much funnier than the ones we made afterwards bc we’re real bad at remembering stuff. 

We’re all still on the incest train and I’m starting to worry that by the time Cas shows up, I’m going to be actually invested and end up shipping wincestiel. Am i allowed to make “this fandom is a curse” jokes yet or am I still too new?

Supernatural 1x06 - Skin

We open on a lady tied to a chair, a guy with a knife, and SWAT descending on the house while sexy rock music plays. N: This is.... an elaborate BDSM scene Me: I WAS JUST THINKING. N: This show walked so Hannibal could run.

Lmfao @ Dean's face when Sam says he's a cop. He lies about this all the time but when Sam does it he's suddenly all pissy? "You're a real straight shooter with your friends" Well Dean maybe if you had any friends to lie to you wouldn't be so judgey.

The camera focuses on a suspicious man, whose eyes flash white. We all ooh. P: okay, but he's not a demon, because his eyes didn't go black. Me: must be the opposite of a demon! P: An angel? N: A horse. Me, laughing: I actually know what it is from tumblr. N: Is it a horse?

Dean, after getting an I told you so moment about Sam's lying, "This whole gig isn't without it's perks," he says, and hands Dean a gun. Me: this is America, you don't need to hunt monsters and demons to get a gun P, the only American in the room: You get one at birth.

The scene where Sam figures out Dean is being impersonated by the shapeshifter is really good. But also after it finished I looked at P and N and said, "would you guys be mad at me if I said that was really gay?" N: Not even a little P: Same, babe

And then we get Sam tied up and a Dean lookalike (Deanleganger!) leaning in all close saying "He's got issues with you" like WOW.

I really enjoy seeing more of Dean's issues through the shapeshifter's eyes, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't also enjoy how sexual this tension is.

Dean waking up tied up in the same room as Sam later P: Was he just... Like... Hiding under a sheet of canvas? N: I think he was supposed to be unconscious, but like who knows Me: I think he was hiding. "Jesus Christ, guy, please don't tell my brother I'm into him."

Then P said xe were kind of into Dean in this episode and N&I agreed that both Sam and Dean were looking good this episode. P laughed at us for having the same taste, and I pointed out that it's not that surprising because we're both into xem.

Supernatural 1x07 - Hook Man

Dean doesn't want to paint the guy purple, but he'll watch over a magazine.

P: maybe he's not repressed, maybe he's just a voyeur

P thinks that being attracted to reverends' daughters is The Lesbian Experience

Dean talks about losing his mum N: "Hey, I have trauma too" Me: That's like, his one move. N: To be fair, in real life, it WORKS P, looking at me: It's how we got together. P, looking at N: Actually, it's how we got together too.

Dean looks longingly at the party and then says he's going to go dig up unmarked graves. P: That's a bisexual mood. Sorry, Dean. N: Making out with cute people and hanging out at a cemetery aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.

N argues that cemeteries are queer safe spaces because: no one else around, film nights, church-adjacent and therefore just the right level of sacrilegious

Dean is being extra bisexual in this episode, which is fun for an episode about religion and emotional repression.

Me: Hey what was this episode called? N: Man door hand hook car gun? P, looking at phone: Hook Man. Me: Seriously? P: I found it by googling "Hand hook car door supernatural"

Supernatural 1x08 - Bugs

Me: Oh I think this is the episode with the bees that didn't show up on camera and had to be CGI'd in later.

Lmfao @ Sam and Dean being mistaken for a couple. N: Oh yeah, they know what they're doing. Me: It's too early for them to be seeing what fandom is picking up and reacting to it. P: They're definitely doing this on purpose

Getting strong homophobic dad/queer son vibes from the insect kid and his dad. Sam is very soft with the kid (to the point of picking up his spider?? UGH but also aw) which I like

N finds the spiders very cute and cuddly. P and I are not so convinced.

Dean is fully in the wrong with his whole "Don't tell the kid to leave his dysfunctional family! Why are you acting like Dad did anything wrong? You yelled at him too!" schtick, and I make no excuses for it. My heart does hurt for him as well as for Sam, though. I'm pretty sure the reason he's so hurt by Sam identifying with this kid is that he did everything he could to shield Sam from their dad's abuse, and if Sam still feels this way then what was it all for? Also, their dad wasn't the only one Sam left. Like, I wanna forcibly cuddle Dean and yell "Sam was right to go! You can leave your dad too!!" but I understand why he feels this way.

I tuned out while they were explaining the reason the bugs are all attacking but I think the gist was something something ancient burial grounds? P and N were like "Seriously??"

On the bright side, at least they did not actually break the curse. N says "Hiding in an attic for five minutes with an improvised flame thrower until the sun comes up is pretty anticlimactic, but it could have been worse!"

Final comments:

The funniest thing is how there’s an episode where Sam and Dean are mistaken for a couple and it’s still not as incesty as the one where Dean gets replaced by a shapeshifter who can access his innermost thoughts.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 14: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 14 Summary Analysis

Cas is in a tailspin after losing Dean to Michael’s possession, and he resorts to seeking help from a demon. Cas is determined to find a way to stop Michael without killing Dean. After Dean becomes himself again, he and Cas resume their affectionate domestic behavior toward one another, along with their co-parenthood of Jack. Cas and Dean comfort each other when Jack dies, and they work together (with Sam) to bring him back. When Michael possesses Dean a second time, Cas and Sam do whatever they can to save Dean, and Cas continues to worry about Dean while Michael is trapped inside his mind. Dean becomes resigned and self-destructive after Billie (aka Death) talks to him about his fate, and he pushes Cas and Sam away. After Jack kills Mary, Dean cannot forgive Cas for hiding Jack’s mental state from him. Dean is determined to stop soulless Jack by any means necessary, but Cas still wants to save Jack, and this conflict drives a rift between the two of them. In the end, Dean can’t bring himself to kill Jack because he still considers him to be family.

My interpretation: When Dean decides to lock himself inside the Ma’lak box, Cas gets angry at him for giving up and for not talking it through with him. Cas canot bear to think of Dean trapped in an eternal torment with Michael, and he’s hurt that Dean is willing to put himself in that situation without even saying goodbye. After Jack dies and is resurrected, Castiel’s top priority shifts from Dean’s safety to Jack‘s, partly because he knows that he will most likely outlive Dean, whereas Jack could live much longer and have a more lasting impact on the world. Even after Jack kills Mary, Cas continues to be protective of Jack, and it wounds him to see Dean so fervently vengeful toward their fostered son. Sam recognizes the rift that has appeared between Cas and Dean, and he stops Cas from moving to comfort Dean at Mary’s funeral because he knows it would cause a fight. Cas has difficulty reconciling his love for Dean with Dean’s violent attitude toward Jack. Cas feels like he has to choose between Dean and Jack, and he ultimately chooses Jack. Dean’s repeated traumatic experiences with mind control harden him and make him emotionally distant from everyone, and this is only made worse when Mary is killed. Dean sees soulless Jack as a monster, and he takes it as a personal insult that Cas would defend Jack. Dean blames Cas for Jack’s actions because he’s desperate to find a scapegoat for his pent-up frustrations and repressed trauma.

14.01 Stranger in a Strange Land

Cas is so desperate to find Dean that he seeks information from a demon named Kipling.

Kipling makes a joke about Castiel’s relationship with Dean: “I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because one, that’s interesting, and two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.”

Sam and Jack both express doubt that they’ll be able to save Dean, but Cas remains steadfast and faithful: “We are going to find Dean, and we are going to beat Michael, and we’re going to do it together. Because that’s what we do.”

14.02 Gods and Monsters

Cas references a phrase that Dean has used with him in the past: “I had myself. Just the basic me, as, uh... as Dean would say, ‘without all the bells and whistles.’”

Cas demonstrates his wholistic understanding of the human perspective when talking about Jimmy Novak: “You know, in all my thousands of years, what happened to Jimmy Novak and his family, it’s my greatest regret.”

When Jack inquires about killing Michael, Cas insists on the importance of saving Dean: “Did they find Michael?” “Yeah, they think so.” “So they’re gonna try and kill him?” “Uh, no. No, the plan is to subdue him using angel cuffs and spell work. They have to get Michael out of Dean.” “And if he doesn’t leave?” “Then they’ll try to drive him out.” “And if that doesn’t work?” “Jack...” “Cas, Michael has to be stopped.” “I know, and he WILL be, after Dean is...” “No, Dean doesn’t matter. You’re all so focused on trying to saving Dean. And I get it, I understand, but if he can’t be saved, if it comes down to him or Michael, Michael has to be stopped—caged or killed.” “And if that means that Dean dies, too?!” “Then Dean dies. I know this Michael. I’ve seen what he’s done to an entire world, and so have you. If stopping that from happening here means that Dean has to die, then... Do you think he’d want it any other way?”

14.03 The Scar

Cas is so damn happy to see that Dean is back safe (the music swells when they first see each other): “Sorry, I wanted to be there, but we figured that Michael would sense my presence, so...” “Sam told me. Ain’t no thing.”

Cas continues to worry about Dean and asks Sam how he really is: “Dean... how is he really?” “I don’t know.” “Why would Michael just give up his vessel like that?” “I don’t know.”

Dean exhibits the high level of trust he has in Cas to be willing to let him inside his head: “So, Cas, I’m gonna need you to, uh, get in my head. You know, do the whole Vulcan mind meld thing. ‘Cause if I can’t remember what happened, I need you to drag it out of me, okay?”

When Dean hurts Jack’s feelings (“You’re barely 100 pounds soaking wet”), Cas gives him a scolding look, which clues Dean in on his transgression.

When a girl asks Jack if Cas is is his dad he says, “One of them, yes.”

14.07 Unhuman Nature

While talking with Sam, Cas acknowledges that they’re all co-fathers to Jack: “You know, he’s [Dean] lost people, we’ve all lost people, but, um...” “This feels different. Losing, um... a son, feels different.”

14.08 Byzantium

Dean leaves the room while Jack is dying and Cas goes after him to remind him that Jack needs him there: “What? It’s not fair? I know that. But he needs you.”

After Jack dies, the boys hang out and get drunk together. Cas stays up with Dean longer than Sam.

When Dean wakes up with a hangover and is tactlessly blunt to Lily, Cas is visibly amused.

Cas asks Jack not to tell Sam and Dean about his deal with The Empty because he doesn’t “want them to worry.”

14.09 The Spear

Cas explains to Jack that they should have plenty of time together before The Empty takes him: “You know, The Empty said that it wouldn’t come for me until I had finally given myself permission to be happy, but with everything we have going on, with Michael still out there, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. This life may be a lot of things, but it’s rarely happy.”

Cas points out Dean’s good mood, noticing his behavior is out of the ordinary: “You seem good lately. Happy, even. We have a broken tape deck, we drove this whole way without music, and you did not complain once.” “You know, I guess I’m just fired up. I mean look, we got Jack back. When was the last time we had a big, no-strings-attached win like that?” Cas is visibly uneasy about keeping his deal with The Empty from Dean, but he doesn’t want to dash Dean’s high spirits.

14.10 Nihilism

While talking to Michael, Cas demonstrates his understanding of the value of vulnerability: “You’re confusing loyalty and compassion with weakness.”

Cas shows concern for Dean while he and Sam are in Dean’s mind: “So much trauma in Dean’s mind. So many scars.”

Sam and Cas use their knowledge of Dean to know that that they need to look for him in his good memories: “If Michael wanted to keep Dean placated...” “Dean thrives on trauma. I mean, he’s had to his whole life, right? It keeps him alert, keeps him ready, but if I wanted to distract Dean, I’d give him something he’s never had before.” “Contentment.” “Exactly.”

Michael mocks Dean’s relationship with Cas to throw him off: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition,’ or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.”

14.12 Prophet and Loss

After failing to talk Dean out of shutting himself in the Ma’lak box, Sam calls Cas for help. Cas is doing everything he can to figure out a way to save Dean, and even offers to try talking to Dean himself: “Sam, maybe if I spoke with Dean...” “It wouldn’t matter, believe me. I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. He just... no. If we don’t find some way, Dean’s gone.”

Cas is excited to hear Dean’s voice when Dean calls him, and he tries to convince Dean not to go through with his plan: “Dean! It’s so good to hear from you.” “Okay. Well, good. Uh, listen, Cas, uh, Sam and I are workin’ this case...” “You’re working a case. That is so good to hear. So I assume that means you’re not going through with it, because I have to say, Dean, this plan of yours, it was born of desperation, not reason.” “My plan.” “I know that I’m not supposed to know what I know, but...” “Look, I’m fine with my plan, okay? We can talk about my plan later.” “Dean, you are making a terrible mistake. ... We need to have a conversation.” “Look, I really gotta handle this right now, okay? So thank you, and uh, it’s good to hear your voice.”

Cas calls Dean out for being dismissive and self-destructive: “What happened to him [Donatello], that was my fault. It was necessary, but doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way.” “I know the feeling.” “Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop!” “Okay. Alright, why don’t we talk about that later?” “Because according to your plan, there won’t be a later.” “Cas, if you were a friend of mine, then you will understand that I have to do this, and you won’t try to stop me. You think this is easy on me? It has to be done.” “So then, this is goodbye?”

Cas is frustrated that Dean has given up: “Dean, if there’s a spark, a hope, then I have to try. YOU taught me that.”

14.14 Ouroboros

Cas recognizes Dean’s struggle and genuinely wants to know how he is doing. Dean opens up about his experience: “Hey, Dean?” “I’m fine.” “What you’re doing, even just sitting here and having a cup of coffee, is a Herculean feat. I can’t imagine the willpower it’s taking to keep Michael imprisoned. Are you really fine?” “I don’t know, Cas. But that’s what I’m supposed to say, right? ‘I’m fine,’ keep on movin’? It’s what we all say.” “No, Dean.” “Okay. There’s this pounding in my head. It never stops. Michael’s in there, and he is fighting hard to get out. And I can’t let my guard down, not for a second. I’m barely even sleeping.” “Well, that’s not sustainable.” “No, no. It’s probably not, but no point in complainin’ about it. It’s on me.” “No, it’s on US. We are here to help you.” “I know. I know that, and I appreciate that, I do. Look, before the kid gets back... I know I agreed to give you guys time.” “Hey, Dean, and we will find a solution.” “Okay, but if... if you don’t, we still have plan B.” “Dean, come on.” “Coffin. Ocean. Done.”

Cas gives Dean a scolding look when Dean blows off his concern.

When Jack asks what A.V. Club means, Dean teases Cas about being an A.V. Club member.

Dean makes a joke about Castiel’s sex appeal: “Somehow he knows you, but you’re not standing alone. Why doesn’t he mention me?” “Maybe you’re not his type.”

While talking with Jack, Cas exhibits the deep respect and affection he has for Dean and Sam, and for humanity: “You know, Sam and Dean, they’re human, and they’re very extraordinary, brave, special humans, but they’re still humans. And humans burn bright, but for a very brief time, compared to, you know, things like us. And eventually, they’re gone, even the very best ones, and we have to carry on. It’s just... it’s part of growing up.” “Losing people?” “Yes.” “What’s the point?” “The point?” “What’s the point of being a cosmic being if everyone I care about is just gonna leave?” “The point is that they were here at all, and you got to know them, you... when they’re gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” “That sounds awful.” “It is, but it’s also living. So when Dean wakes up—and he will wake up—we just have to remember to appreciate the time that we all have together now.”

To prevent Jack from burning off more of his soul, Cas convinces Jack not to use his powers to heal Dean.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Case and Dean bicker in the kitchen about their son, like an old married couple: “You were right. Jack is struggling. And I’ve tried, but...” “Why do you think he’ll talk to me?” “Well, because he looks up to you. And his soul... I mean, you’ve seen this before.” “No, no. No, see, I was not great with Sam, you know, when he was, uh...” “But Jack’s soul isn’t completely gone, at least I don’t think so. We just don’t know how much is left.” “Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?” “I don’t know! Just talk to him. Get him to open up. And then, sleep until the cows come home.”

14.18 Absence

In a flashback, Cas demonstrates his concern for Dean and Sam while talking with Mary, and she recognizes his protective presence: “I know you know this, Mary, but, um, Sam and Dean, they’re glad to have you back. Whatever you still have to deal with and however long it takes, you should know they’re happy. Finally they don’t have to be so, um... so alone.” “Castiel, they were never alone.”

Dean is angry at Cas for not telling him and Sam about Jack: “We don’t know what happened, but I swear, if he did something to her, if she is... then you’re dead to me.” “Dean.” “No, he knew. He knew something was wrong with the kid. He knew it! And he didn’t tell us! He didn’t even tell us!”

Cas is ashamed of his lack of foresight, and Dean is not willing to forgive him this time: “I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long, I... I believed that he was good. I knew that he would be good for the world, and he was good for US. My faith in him, it never wavered, and then I saw what he did. It wasn’t malice, it wasn’t evil. It was like Jack saw a problem, and in his mind, he just solved it with that snake. What he did wasn’t bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn’t want to lose that, so I thought I could fix it on my own, felt like it was my responsibility. So I left, and I didn’t tell you. If I could go back and just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can’t, Dean. I failed you. And I failed Jack. And I failed...” “No, no. Don’t even say it. Don’t even say her name.”

At Mary’s funeral pyre, Cas moves toward Dean to comfort him, but Sam stops him and shakes his head. Cas stays where he is, looking forlorn.

14.19 Jack in the Box

After Mary’s funeral, Dean goes off on his own to cry in the woods.

When Dumah threatens to end the happiness of Mary and John Winchester in Heaven, Cas doesn’t hesitate to kill her immediately.

When Cas finds out Dean and Sam locked Jack in the Ma’lak box, he gets angry and refuses to go along with it. He argues about it with Dean: “Even after hearing what I said, you wanna keep Jack sealed in a living death?” “He agreed to it. Because deep down I think he knows it’s best.” “No. You’re doing what Dumah... you are manipulating him. What? You just wanna forget about him?” “I wish I could forget about him! After what he did? And you know what he can do. This is our only play.”

14.20 Moriah

After Jack escapes the Ma’lak box, Cas is still angry about the Winchesters’ manipulation, and he and Dean continue fighting about Jack: “You should never have tried to lock him away.” “You know what? You’re right. I never wanted to put him in that damn box. I wanted him dead.” “Dean!” “He’s dangerous, Cas, and you knew it! You’ve known it for a long time! But that’s okay. You know why? Because me and Sam, we’ve killed just about everything there is. And this, Jack, oh we’ll find a way, because he’s just another monster.” “You don’t mean that.” “The hell I don’t.” Cas walks away furious.

While talking with Chuck, Cas remains determined to save Jack, and Dean continues to push back against Castiel’s optimism: “Stop, Cas. You heard him. This is the only way.” “And Billie said the only way to defeat Michael, was to lock YOU in a box. There has to be another way.” “Well, there’s not. Now, I know you don’t like it, and I don’t really care. ‘Cause you just heard it from God himself that this is the only thing that can kill Jack, so either get on board or walk away.” Cas walks away.

Dean approaches Jack to kill him, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger.

Cas is distraught after Chuck kills Jack, but he is able to compose himself in order to fight the monster horde with Dean and Sam.

[telling-our-stories]

Coming out stories

A heads-up. These are the original stories, however, they are anonymous. This wasn't intentional, I just screwed up and didn't tag. These stories, aren't mine, so if I've posted yours and you want it taken down. Please, just ask me.

Alright.

I am tired of people who are against the LGBTQ+ community. Its alright to have an opinion. It is not alright to put people down for being themselves. The first pride was a riot, a fight for what they believe in. I'm trying to do the same. I'm trying to gather the stories of the fallen, the ones who are still standing, the people who are willing to fight for everything they are. And I am fully willing to take a stand and fight to prove we exist. To prove that we're here, and we aren't backing down.

Hello, my name is Dustyn. I'm here today to collect stories from the LGBTQ+ community. There's a lot of people who are against us, which is exactly why we need to stand our ground. I'm not asking for a fight, I'm asking for your stories. My story is not yet finished, though I'm a bisexual trans male. Our stories are important, because they show who we are and how far we've come. I've struggled a lot in my life, but I've made it. So have others. Here are some of those stories. We'll start with mine. I've gone through many identities, mostly trying to figure myself out. I'm still doing that. My family doesn't accept me for me, but I have many friends who do. There are so many accepting people in life, and I appreciate all of you who are proud to be who you are. Whether closeted or not, you are all valid and amazing.

"Hello my name is Melissa and i am bisexual. My family didn't really have a harsh reaction to it other than the fact that they didn't understand it at first. That was most of my trouble was people saying that bisexual wasnt valid. Im sorry mine is so short but i think the moral is that you are valid. No matter what you identify as on any spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community. Also even if your outside of the LGBTQ+ community and your just an ally. We love you and you are all valid.”

"Salutations everyone. My name is Talan. I am non binary, panromantic and i am currently between asexual and demisexual. I was raised in a very christian household where my mother and father had very strict beliefs. They believed that being anything but straight and to me being anything other than my assigned gender was a sin, and many people still say that to me. When I came out to my dad he flipped, he took me out of school for a year and put me in online school. During this time in my life I had reached a dark time where i thought that it was never going to get better but trust me it does. I am still living with my dad who does not accept me and at this point we don't talk that much, but it does get better. We have gotten to the point where we can have a civil conversation with each other and im back in school. I have an amazing girlfriend and multiple qpps who i love very much. Everybody at school is very loving and supporting. Remember that family is not chosen for you, you make your own family. If you ever feel down than just know that there are so many amazing and kind people in the world who love you for who you are, no matter what that may be. You are loved."

“I'm glad you reached out to me, anything to help people understand more about the LGBTQ+ community. I am 19 now and I came out to my family at the age of 14. My parents were the typical ones who said it was just a phase and it would not last but here I am five years later and I made it through. There was a point where I had no one to turn to but then i met my amazing boyfriend. He helped me through the good and the bad and showed me that there were things to stay for. I am now in college and pursuing a career in photography at the University of Arizona. I hope that could help a bit!”

"Okay. Well. My coming out experience was definitely not expected in the slightest. I was in the 5th grade. Realizing that I liked both boys and girls was quite the revelation. I had a lesbian friend who was the first ever gay person I met or knew. I remember being backstage of a show I was in and just crying through the words, "I know I'm supposed to love guys, but I love girls too". After that. I didn't tell anyone else, until 6th grade. I was a track meet and a group of people I sat with was talking to my lesbian friend about kissing. I forget the exact conversation, but I spoke up and said I would kiss her. A Christian girl in my class was nearby and heard. She was disgusted. Therfore by the end of the week, I was completely outed to my entire school. It was ugly, but it got better over time I guess. I'm a junior in high school now. I have yet to come out to my parents, but at least I know that I am finally comfortable in my my sexual orientation and gender identify (demigirl, which I didn't figure out until a few short months ago)."

"Hey, I haven't actually come out to everyone yet but I have told a few people and all of their reactions were positive "oh you're bi? cool" and that was it. No "so do you like me?" or anything which was super great. So I was "straight" and when I heard about the LGBT community I was "straight" for about another five days. I did some thinking and realised I'd actually liked girls before, and shortly after came out as bi to a few of my close friends at the time. They were all supportive, bar one who said "you're just looking for attention lmao".Coincidentally, she had also come out as pan and had received the usual "you're attracted to pans?". I go to a Christian school, so it would be pretty disastrous if the news leaked out, but naturally it did. Not everyone knows, maybe about 10% of my grade. I suspect some teachers found out about how some people were LGBT (not many though, there's about 5 of us), because our dean of year gave the "you're too young to know that" talk. Mostly at school we get sheltered from all LGBT news and details at all, and my parents hadn't told me much about it either, even though they are supportive and would be okay if I came out as bi."

"I'm bisexual. I first came out to my elementary friends over the phone 3 years after we went to different middle schools. They were mostly all so accepting and I was so overwhelmed I hung up on them. I spent a few minutes laying on the ground clutching that phone to my chest, I'd never felt so loved. I cried and cried and cried because these people atleast the ones who accepted me see me different now but are okay with it. Two years later, now, I still haven't come out to my parents. I still need a few years but I'm a little bit more open at school now most of my friends accept me. Others were cut off, I can't do that with my family so they still don't know. Not as if they would take me seriously either way. I want to get past college get a place a stable life then maybe I'll be ready, just maybe. Thank you for listening to my story."

"I was surrounded by my Uncle and his husband for years. I always knew that gay people existed. When I was younger I never thought anything different of myself; I thought I was one of the boys.

 It never really clicked that I was the only one who saw it that way.

When I was 7, my mother and sister suggested I take dance I shot them down saying "that's for girls."

They didn't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what came over me in that moment either but I know it felt right.

As myself and the people I knew grew up I realised I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I tossed it up as your typical dislike.

~every girl went through that at my age didn't they~

All the girls I knew were so happy that they were becoming women and I just sat in the back wondering why I didn't feel the same way.

I still didn't get it.

Once my depressed state got worse I decided to read into ways to love yourself and your body.

I started taking selfies, dressing up, wearing heels and makeup, forcing myself to sing even though I hated the way I looked and sounded.

It got worse.

I broke down when nobody was looking and acted like it was fine; like I wasn't praying that whatever I was feeling would go away for even a second.

And one day I looked in the mirror and I thought "this isnt right. This isn't me. This isn't what I want. Who in the hell is that person staring back at me?"

And I accepted it. That I would never be who I should be. That I would never be happy. Because nobody would love me. Nobody would want me. And nobody would accept me. Because if I was happy then that meant my family wouldn't have had the little girl theh thought they had gotten.

And up until recently no one knew that I broke down every night, that my thoughts got so bad I wanted to drown in my own tears so that maybe it would all be over. Because to me coming out to them was worse than death.

And here I am years later. My family knows but they don't care. They don't try to comprehend that this repression it kills me all the time. So I gathered my money got myself exactly what they told me they would never let me have and I lie. I go behind their backs and I live like the man I really am online. I bind my chest and I hide from their sight and when they ask I say it's just their eyes.

Because if they knew - if my mother knew - they would rather me suffer day after day than be who I am."

"heyo, i read your post and id like to put something to it.

i am a part of the community, havent came out to my parents yet, because i know for a fact id be sent to a psichologist or thrown out. but i am me online

an old friend of mine is a trans guy and found me a few weeks ago. he said he saw that i support LGBT+ and it was so comforting for him. a friend who i haven't talked with for 9 years!after he told me that he lost half of his family for being himself, his dad ignores him since, but he has a boyfriend and got his life together

and that i could be a little comfort for him is really nice. even the people who are closeted can be helpful in the community."

"Well, my mom took it well. I had gotten stuck in my closet and then she got me unstuck and I told her I was queer.

My brother, we were sitting in the car and he told me he always knew, but I had to keep it a secret from my dad or else bad things would happen.

My friends hugged me and started to use my name and pronounsSo coming out to my dad and stepmom, it wasn't even a coming out but a forced outage.

They took my phone away the night of a Panic attack that I still have nightmares over and searched it. They read all my messages.... everything.

I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I knew it wouldn't. They told me that they loved me, but I had to stop being me and I have to go back to being a girl who was cishet

But once you have a taste of freedom of who you really are, you can never go back ...I couldn't hide again. I just had to wait till I could spread my wings and be free somewhere else."

"Ok so for the thing you tagged me in, I don’t exactly have a coming out story yet, and I’m not sure of my identity entirely. I’ve tried out tons of labels and am sticking with queer at the moment just cuz it takes the stress off of picking an extremely definite word to describe me. I came out as queer last year, but I don’t consider it a coming out story because 1) I only told my friends and not my family, and 2) queer doesn’t completely define me. In real life, I’m doing my best to go back in the closet, but I think my “friends” may have told other people who spread rumors around my school, so it’s been difficult. A bunch of people make random references to me liking boys (I’m amab) and it made me uncomfortable enough that I started telling them I’m straight. I’m planning on staying as far in the closet as possible until people get more accepting and I understand myself fully."

"It's not a coming out story (mostly) but it's a realization of sorts.

Yesterday our Social Studies teached asked us to form groups and discuss a contemporary issue that we would present at the front in a few minutes. Long story short I suggested LGBT+ community and rights, which my group mates accepted. I live in a really conservative country (with at least 81% of the entire population identifying as Christians) and that's an extremely taboo topic. It ended up leading the teacher asking us to raise our hands if we believed the lgbt community should be allowed Civil Union, not considering religion an all. I was so afraid to raise my hand, but it was what I believed in and I couldn't live with it if I didn't show it, so I raised my hand. I didn't really do this as a member of the community, I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of a world where this is accepted in my country, where I can go outside and be open and love whoever I wanted to, and I guess the idea of standing up for what I believed in was what pushed me to do that. A big majority of the class was against, and I was just so afraid even though some small logical part of me knew they would not do anything.Today, our Civics teacher had us grouped again to make a live news report and once again, my group (international news) got assigned lgbt+ community because of our listed problems yesterday. I suggested interviewing a member of the community and basically came out to two people I knew were trustworthy (nearly all three other members in that group but thank God I think the third one did not hear) and we agreed that I could be used if I only had my voice recorded and edited to not sound like me. Just a few hours ago I found out that one of my classmates, who I thought was a nice sweet boy, turned out to be a big homophobe. "Sodom and Gomora and Liberals are teaching unnatural things" kind of guy.I guess that broke something in me, because another thing I was really passionate about for when I grew up was this certain job, though no one supported me. I used to want to do that so much the idea of anything else repelled me, sometimes the idea of the other more "acceptable" jobs brought me to tears. Somehow this one admission that I thought everyone should have the right to at least a civil union and finding out my classmates didn't believe in that crushed something in me hard enough that I lost the passion to do that job I wanted. It makes no sense how this connected with that apart from the fact that neither are things I have been or would be supported on, but I guess seeing that this world isn't really safe made me lose hope.I felt scared to raise my hand, almost like I was actually coming out (which I now realize I'm absolutely never doing to many of those people) and the realization that some place I thought was a safe space for me, because all of those people in that class, I thought I could trust them. I've been with them since before I could spell "friend" correctly, they're family to me, I believed I would be safe and accepted, and then came to find out that wasn't quite the case...But well, basically I was terrified then crushed to find out that I could have outted myself to a group of people who would not take my news lightly

Found out some people I thought were friends thought people like me were broken

Found out some people I used to have the biggest crushes on didn't even believe in letting people have a civil union."

"I’m very excited to see brave people like you ready to start a revolution, so I thought I’d share my, sorta, coming out experience.

So I have divorced parents meaning I’d have to come out to four parents. This happened mainly last year. I was pretty sure I was bi, (tho I now identify panromantic demigirl) I knew my dad and stepmom would be great with it, and they were. But when it came to my mother, well, she wasn’t really homophobic, but she had different ideas about how a gay person should behave. She outed me to her after overhearing a convo with my friends. She then told me I was too young, and gave the “its a phase” talk. She knew I was fairly open about it because I lived by a motto to “be so myself that other people feel brave enough to be themselves too” But she believed a gay person should keep it a secret. Nowadays I don’t believe in the process of “coming out” I am open about my sexuality and gender but I don’t do formal coming outs. I always believed that if straights don’t have to, neither should I just because I “don’t fit a default” My mother wants me to come out to my stepfather even tho he already knows. I thought sharing a coming out story that also showed you should never feel obligated to come out. My mother guilt trips me about it, but I remain rooted in my beliefs that I shouldn’t have to come out, which I think is valid.

Hope my story can help anyone and just wanna say you are so so valid, amazing and powerful and should never feel pressured to be open if you don’t want to. Long live the revolution!!!🏳️‍🌈."

"Hello! I read your post about collecting LGTBQA+ stories and I thought Id share my brief experiences as a bi girl from Germany ^^

Tbh I never made a big deal about coming out, as I personally feel it goes to show that we're revealing a wierd secret, and Id like my sexualtiy to be something normal, not a main identifying characteristic. And everyone of my friends or classmates that I mention it to appear to have no problem with that whatsoever, and as far as I know Im not percieved as predatory either.

My family, however, is a whole different matter. While Im sure that my mums side of the family would be perfectly fine and my parents know already, when youve heard your fathers parents talk about eastern europeans and other immigrants using only slurwords and your uncles parents have expressed their absolute disgust about seeing a gay couple enjoy a nice picnic at the park, you get very cautious about who you tell. Especially since I dont want to put the supportive family in the position of having to consider whom they can talk to about this.

Another thing that Ive noticed after my exchange year in Sweden and seeing my first pride, though not having the time to attend, on my way there in Copenhagen, is how little support my country gives to this community from a social perspective. At my swedish school, all the teachers had a rainbow keyband from a *seminar about LGBTQA+ people*, something Im sure Germany would never do, and all of them kept it. There was no question whether you support us or not, it was an acceped part of social life and no big deal; we even did a private introduction round for pronouns!

And then I came back here. During pride month, there were no rainbow decorations, the most I saw of a parade was two discarded paper flags on the ground afterwards. When I vented about this to my ally friend, she only said that "some people and companies just like to stay neutral". Try all of them in Germany, but sure.

I know our community has come far, but I can also see that it isnt fsr enough, and that is the fight I am still fighting.

Hope this helps ^^."

"Alright. Mine isnt that interesting but I'll do my best :)

I came out as bisexual when i was in the sixth grade. It wasnt a huge deal to my mom. She said okay and we went on with our lives. Around the end of that year, i told her i thought i was trans and she said i wasnt. I came out to her again six months later and she said the same thing. There was a lot of yelling. Mind you, she isnt transphobic at all. The third time... she was so done with me. She yelled and so did i. It took four different times for her to accept me, and even then, i had to do the last time over text because i was scared of her reaction."

"So, my name is Ell. I identify as queer and demigender. I don't know what to say here really early than it's important to find others like you when you're not as close to your family as you used to be. Because of your identity. My family is more accepting than most, but still. The community online is so so important to me, and this project makes me really happy. So thank you. "

"I was at sea world and my mom was in the car I was talking about how my dad was super homophobic. My mom says that my dad acts like it’s a disease I said will if it is then I have got it, My mom is understanding and says that she will love me no matter what."

"So, I’m non-binary and bisexual. That’s a big no-no in a latino family like mine, it’s always grow up, get married with the opposite sex, and have kids. I don’t know why I felt that I could just say anything to my mom one day and she immediately objected. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian or just confused? You can’t like more than one gender. Also, what’s this about a non gender? You’re either a boy or a girl, that’s it.”

Thankfully after a lecture and me apologizing (though I did nothing but tell her more about me) she let the subject go. I’ve never told my dad because I know mom just will get in the way and say I’m lying again, but at least my friends are understanding and almost completely LGBTQ+."

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x03 watching notes

Just finished watching and said, out loud and to no one: “Awww Jack.”

(This is not a spoiler, he’s just so sweet.)

-

Hallo, I am watching from bed despite having 3rd hand inherited a 2nd monitor over the weekend so theoretically my watching experience would be back to giant comfortable side-typing glory.

But comfy.

Easily accessible stuffed toys because Bobo Fucking Berens in Dabb era has made me cry more at this dumb show in the last couple of years than I cried in the previous ten.

Expectations: it's our Dean episode to make up for no Dean until now, and also Jody is there to see Sam's beard, and also Cas continues to be party!Cas, and Jack's shirts get darker and darker.

-

Side note: I think I was rushing out the door before I could talk about our lil Nougat of Denmark properly last episode where he was all, so we're killing my uncle then, and Cas was all D: D: D: D: D: who raised you. (Dean. Dean did. In this regard the boy is his father's son.) This, of course, is another Shakespearean irony than is being returned to Dean via Jack.

The point of this focus is very much to show Jack vs Cas mindsets on it when we're getting Dean returned to us, and I assume considerably more nuance is being added to the story. But for now, Jack being ready to kill his father to kill his uncle because his father was ready to kill him to kill the ghosts he saw of his enemies in Jack is more than enough of a pile of tragedy level angst to be working with.

I just need it to be clear that as far as I'm concerned, Jack is working in a completely different genre from EVERYONE ELSE around him, and the fact that it's the protagonist of a tragedy is fairly alarming, as it's a mindset that Sam, Dean and Cas have hurdled over since season 5/6 and though Dean still assumes he'll die bloody, he is at least capable of dreaming of a happy ending, and a lessening of the angst load has allowed that. Their personal stakes in the story are dwindling, in a sense, while Jack has showed up with like FOUR FATHERS and an evil uncle, which is so much potential family angst Shakey would have exploded. "Wait you can just addeth extra fathers thence addeth extra angst!?!?"

Yes my dude, yes.

-

*hits play* *Sam ruggedly cocks his pistol* You're stealing this whole shtick from Dean and I think it is time for the angst that you were the one dramatically cocking a gun and being the yes reductive heteronormative blah blah penis of the dynamic while Dean was not there to do it.

-

Oh no we immediately start with more Jack angst recap and aside from everything I just said I remembered that Bobo personally murdered me in 13x03 with the Jack n Sam stuff and here we are a year later.

Mr Stark I don't feel so good

-

THE BEARD EXCHANGE IS LITERALLY THE OPENING SCENE. BOBO I LOVE YOU. Thank you for breaking the tension and immediately drawing attention to how Sam has been busy and miserable. I think 14x01 set up well that every time he even had a moment to sigh his phone would ring again, and hence the beard appears as Sam eskews personal grooming and comfort in exchange for finding his brother. Jody is gonna draw attention to it at some point too because we have the promo shot of her nice peach fuzz-ing him, and I sincerely hope this is bookends to the episode and the next episode Sam is clean shaven with no comment except Jody prodded him in the face, and let me tell you only Bobo has me fantasising about the narrative framing of an episode like this.

God i'm a nerd

Anyway more seriously, this exchange coming out of the blue has a clear motive: Dean is up and about, still so freshly de-Michaeled he's in a waistcoat (and LORDY the only other scene he was in a waistcoat? 7x12's ending scene where Sam turns into such a moron in Jody's presence he's waving blushily at the door still AFTER SHE HAS GONE). Complaining about not being able to eat and sleep might be a sense of hyperbole to catch given the lack of elapsed time, but it also warns us that this might be how Dean reacts to being un-Michaeled. Or would he not, given he's up and about and snarking like his old self? How damaged will he be and how much can he repress into snark? He is playing off the very idea that this experience will have been damaging to his psyche and of course Michael did a ton of stuff which was expressly tuned to BE damaging to his psyche, then punched a mirror and shattered Dean's reflection for extra emphasis.

So all this question of how Dean is doing is loaded into the very opening line before he's even taken off his waistcoat, or of course, had enough time to truly eat/sleep/develop massive tells of the psychological trauma he may or may not have taken.

Obviously the show wouldn't be the show if he were fine, so I'm taking it as a question posed.

Then of course it slides into Bro Banter to prove it's Dean, remind us JUST how much we missed this snarky genre savvy fucker, and to make Sammy smile.

-

Also we're mocking Jared for being friends with that one Duck Dynasty guy who Jared's fans insist is the least awful of the bunch and also who you end up hanging out with when you're most embedded in the Texan stardom scene rather than living in Hollywood or whatever.

(God imagine being famous and from Atlanta and sticking true to your roots and you end up with the Queer Eye guyses as your BFFs instead)

-

Listen Bobo showed his socialist party membership card on twitter, he has no fucks to give about waving his politics around and I love him.

-

"If you're going to ask if I'm okay, you don't have to" (I am making fun of your beard, what more do I have to give you, bro?)

Buddy, I have been watching your face for over a decade and you have the sad tired pink eyelids of a Dean who is both tired and miserable.

-

Oh NO Dean walks into the main room expecting his comfy quiet library and war room full of 3 trusted family faces, and finds the bustle of Boss Sam's operation. The upcoming noise of these people before he turns the corner is an immediate warning that we should have expected this as dramatic irony for Dean's comfort levels from the start, and now he's back, well.

Panicked eyes.

He needs quiet recovery with his peeps, not alarming sudden change. A rug pull immediately after possession is a terrible thing to deal with. I've been wondering if this is a full reverse of season 6 for Dean - from the trustability of the hunter compound to the fact he lives in it, to the Samuel running it. But the effect is the same. Dean comes back from quiet time off to a change he can't handle and Sam in a new position in a family/hunter heirarchy. In this case, not Samuel's soulless goon, but a fully bearded Boss Sam King Of Hell Sir who Runs Shit competently in a way we the viewer trust implictly as Sam having Done Well, and also that the AU peeps might be a bit rough or untrained in some ways but 100% reliable in that they really do have no ulterior motive and every reason to think of Sam as an AU Moses who popped up and walked them to another land of safety and comfort.

-

Like, Dean, welcome back, you have Hamlet, Moses and Mobby to deal with. Cas seems to be the same as you left him, though. If somehow, impossibly, squintier.

-

"Right, Chief told us"

GOD I MISSED JENSEN'S MICRO EXPRESSIONS

You know how Michael sucks? No micro expressions. Guy doesn't have an anxious bone in his body.

This little bundle of neuroses I have chosen to love is full on having a meltdown on the other hand.

-

"Dean? Is it really you?" "Hey kid"

HUG. THE. BOY.

I suppose this is better than last year when he had a hug from a shapeshifter and had to wait to episode 6 for a hug from his father, but REALLY this season has been tormenting me with how bad Jack feels and even a hug from his gramgram isn't enough to satisfy how he should have been hugged by Sam, Cas and now Dean already this season.

We're only on epiode 3 and he's already got more hugs than he had this point last year. Deep  breaths, Lizzy

-

Children need a lot of cuddles to affect their development into sensitive people okay? Dean got a lot of hugs up to age 4 and Sam basically did not, and he's an awkward moose and Dean is snuggly. I want Nougat to have the same development into a sensitive lad because he has EIGHTEEN FUCKING PARENTS AND NONE OF THEM HUG HIM

-

CAS HEARD 'DEAN' FROM ACROSS THE BUNKER, ARRIVES IN A BLUR

-

GOOD NOUGAT, HUG DEAN.

But like, dude, Cas just showed up at a run and made the gooiest eyes at Dean who made them back, and now you're officially cockblocking, so naff off, kid

-

I watched with prayer hands and Cas just got gooier and Dean got sulky he didn't get a Cas hug and this is officially the worst. Bobo, you let me down, my guy.

-

I mean no, Cas's gooey eyes were

...

Cas doesn't do gooey eyes. He squints. Squintily.

Who is this guy

-

Lol Mobby aren't in the episode because they stayed back to clean up - Sam gets stammery to Jack. Is he scared to imply they're maybe banging because he finds it weird but everyone else present is an even worse audience to announce this to for one reason or another (historically coped much better with the concept of dad sex when discovering adam and also didn't drive the car off the road into a ditch on finding out mary banged ketch), or is he trying to protect Jack from the concept of Michael leaving a pile o dead bodies for one reason or another, knowing Michael is his rage button?

-

He was the one who dealt with Jack trying to stay back in the AU to fight Mikey instead of just coming home.

-

"Speaking of clean up, I need a shower" *gestures vaguely* *Cas opens his mouth like why did I have a reaction image here? Do you want -* *closes mouth* *dean leaves*

Guys. You fucking suck. Go take a shower together and work things out.

-

"Still okay, I promise" *bisexual finger guns at Cas*

cut to: Cas squinting after Dean like "is he implying something"

"..."

"I really feel like he was trying to communicate something to me"

"..."

"I have no idea what Dean just hinted loudly to me twice in short succession and now that he has gone to shower I guess I will never know what he was attempting to communicate to me"

-

"Where's Nick?" "Hopefully not in this episode. Let's just say he needs some time because he's in a dark place and hope that's ALL we have to say about him"

-

Oh no. "Sam. Dean. How is he really?"

Cas has a one track mind.

But then we get the shot of Dean opening his door and they're still talking about him over the top of it, but it's that same shadowed shot of himself silhouetted in the doorway, the inner darkness represented by his room... Sam went into his and stripped himself of the tools in his pocket but before he could sleep, Jo called and set them all off again with the next lead.

Now Dean opens his door and turns on the light so we can see his inner self in a moment of peace and privacy, but essentially with a voice over about how he's super not okay.

-

Just how we left it. You can't even tell that for the last 2 episodes/3 weeks Cas has been coming in and snuggling your pillow every time he's not in a scene because where the fuck was he inbetween scenes in 14x02

-

God I have missed lingering shots of Dean's room, equating his inner space to his inner feelings. *paws lovingly at the shot* Dean's room all tidy and orderly and as he left it, yet feeling somehow very very empty and off-kilter in an unfamiliar way because he hasn't been here for so long.

-

It was all serious then guitar music started playing as Dean started stripping

and look

I saw the promo pics

you saw the promo pics

some person in the audience is like... why are we lingering on Dean getting undressed alone in his room while guitar music kicks up?

-

Is this what all that winking and finger gun action was about?

-

(Dean didn't wink but I took a lil break to chat with Mittens and the moment has evolved into him gurning at the door for like a minute trying to remind Cas that this means he joins him in the shower in 5)

-

"Fuck this shirt in particular"

I still think it was the audacity of wearing a bow tie that dragged Dean to the surface last episode

-

I love how Dean changes from this plain white t-shirt which is completely clean and shiny, into his normal dark dark brown shirt between scenes. I hope he got to shower. Whatever happened, this scar could have said "Ha ha ha I'm behind you", and he would have finished stripping down right to the skivvies then started fresh with his own boxerbriefs before freaking out and rushing to show the others.

-

But yeah, he's PISSED and embarrassed about Michael. You don't throw a guy's shirt on the floor like that unless you feel SERIOUSLY used, and here we end up with a creepy sort of STD metaphor, complete with the visual similarity to the clap: https://www.giantmicrobes.com/uk/products/clap.html

Bad fling, Dean?

-

Poker!witch gave Sam the clap in the episode which was totally not a metaphor about Sam getting the clap then beating poker!witch at his own game like nearly 20 episodes before he was possessed by Lucifer then beat him at his own game.

-

"Do the whole vulcan mind meld thing" Listen, James T Kirk, you can't just MAKE yourself one of the most iconic slash pairings of all time by comparing - wait

wait a minute

*Checks slash history books and sees them as a dictionary definition or two*

-

Anyway.

-

Dean's so eager for Cas to jump into his head. Just, like. Again. We all said it but immediately after that shirt throw? It REALLY emphasises that Dean sees Cas in this transcendant way to being used by an angel that got in his head. And left an STD mark on his arm. He can just immediately think, well, that sucked. But here's MY angel and I'm just gonna rev myself up and present my head for inspection and this isn't even a thing I'm concerned about. Hit me, big guy.

-

Oh come the fuck on Bobo.

I didn't have time to hit pause to have a heart attack about Cas putting his hand over The Scar, the one on the wrong shoulder, to get a clearer reception, because there's a HISTORY in scars, okay? They leave a mark and to the discerning poker and prodder like Cas that history can be read in the mark... And Cas sees... Michael being stabbed by a spear. Not just, like. Seeing Michael being stabbed by a spear, mind you. He sees it in a Bobo episode in a way wildly reminiscent of Patience seeing Claire/Kaia getting stabbed by a VERY SIMILAR LOOKING SPEAR and getting her Wayward introduction that way, when the whole Dreamhunter thing ended up being a massive Destiel parallel and Kaia getting stabbed already mirrored CAS getting stabbed by a spear (Michael's, natch) in 12x12, never mind the other stuff.

So Bobo has just built up a Destiel Dreamhunter sandwich, with Destiel nonsense either side, complete with bonus shoulder scar imagery, and a nice gooey dreamhunter centre.

Bobo, if you hadn't noticed, is really really really really reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally bitter he isn't off writing Wayward Sisters and hanging with his girls.

There's still a bunch of stuff to add up here, about why and who and how it all connects, which would involve dragging in these other spear-y episodes to assemble the full picture, so I'm just gonna hit play now I'm recovered from the shock :P

-

Oh dude it was a hooded figure who even LOOKED like bad Kaia and tbh at this point I'd say maybe even was?

Like, how many pronged spears are out there anyway and Jody's dealing with it so is it local? Did Michael pop up on Kaia like hey so you and I are both from alternate universes, what do you wa - OW FUCK JESUS FUKKIN CHRIST -

-

"Dean, who was that?"

Dean recognised her, and Cas was mind-melded enough with him to know that Dean did... Good grief I can not handle Dean and Cas existing on an emotional plane.

It's enough to mean they're the ones who call Jody with a tip off for HER rather than months of them asking her to help THEM.

-

Introducing us back to the Wayward world - South Dakota mug, and a text that Claire is a little angel who has been training her gals and even did the laundry.

I'm so happy

-

Eyebrow raise

God, Kim Rhodes is the most beautiful woman on the whole show and that's saying something considering, like. Ruthie. Lisa Berry. Something about the way she uses her face is so full of intelligence and humour that I am HELPLESS in her presence

-

God damn I want that fabled Girls' Night episode. Billie comes along too on a night off.

-

Rowena calls her up for chats sometimes these days, they're actually really good pals.

-

Sam you fucking moron you can't even finish a sentence in her presence. Just slap Dean on his WOUNDED arm and throw the ball to him.

-

Everyone leaning over the phone... This is the closest Cas has ever come to Jody.

"Jody, that's the good news."

Jody recognises that gravelly voice and snaps to holyshitanangel attention. "What's up?"

The implicit thing here is that Cas and Jody know each others' voices and are on at least chatting acquaintance. I would like to think they're invited over for beer at the same time but we have no proof..................... yet. This is Bobo on a "fuck you" rampage so I'm just, like, gonna wait see.

-

Bad Kaia has been going around ripping heads off things. DAMN, GIRL.

-

Considering the placement of the pronging was ~random~, in the sense that she can meat fork you anywhere, that means the placement of it on the meat of Dean's arm where the handprint once was on the other is even MORE significant in a metaphorical sense, of writing about "the scar" in the way of giving it a mystical property tied into the wider framework of all these relationships and events at once. The amount piled onto a simple stabbing is unbelievable, and the use of the scar as the vector for all this is definitely the byline of the episode given the title and all. It's brought Kaia back to us, given Jody the clue she needs.

And more dramatic irony that Claire was just asking to help, and Jody was like DEFINITELY HUMAN, SO ALL MINE. HAHAHA. And now we know, no, it's not all "human", it's bad!Kaia and that makes her CLAIRE'S.

-

I keep stopping to seal clap

-

it's 7:20am

-

Cas is packing up to leave with them!!!

And Jack looms blurrily into the background in his darkest t-shirt yet. And he's been RAPIDLY cycling through them.

In a sense this is good laundry practice, in order that you have a full load of lights followed by a full load of darks.

Metaphorically, however, this is BAD.

Jack sounds pissed they're all wearing jackets and packing bags, and he's wandering around in an over-sized dark grey t-shirt (one of Dean's? AUBobby's? It doesn't look like his standard fare which fits his body, this makes him look SMOL), with no idea we were off to kill the wizard.

Let's be charitable and say he wants to meet Jody and hang out with Kaia again.

But more likely Bobo is once again messing with Jack's inherent darkness in his presentation, especially as right now, once again while Jack is being The Sweetest Little Cookie, meeting his grandparents for ice tea and looking through the family photo album with misty eyes, he is ALSO Prince Nougat of Denmark and this is causing some serious darkness slippage because, well, revenge. Revenge is bad, kiddo. Don't need a ghost of your dead father (hey Dean's back) to tell you that.

The accusatory tone is enough to warn us that Jack's not doing so well and I'm going to assume drags Cas away from a mission with Dean followed by cooldown eating pizza and watching flicks with the girls.

-

"Kaia's killer is in Sioux Falls" Buddy. "He, she or it can hurt Michael" BUDDY.

I suppose they're bringing Cas because Bad Kaia kicked their asses and they assume Cas is the same height as her pet/metaphor for Kaia's inner fucked-up-ness so he can probably fight it??

-

"Michael's my enemy too! I fought him. For MONTHS." JACK sweetie. You can't just go around like, having an enemy list. And comparing it with your collective fathers' list.

The line about bringing Kaia into it and being responsible for what happened to her is good, though. Jack's got a social consciousness and that is lovely because he keeps doubting his goodness but when it comes down to it he wants to meet his grandparents and feels bad that Kaia got dragged into things and killed.

Of course, not realising this is Bad Kaia, they're all off to get MORE revenge on that thing that killed her.

-

Aw, Dean, no, don't point out how smol he is. He's wearing a huge baggy shirt to emphasise it already.

"I didn't - I didn't MEAN to be a dick" Whoops. Well, you were. You also missed the part where Jack went from smol precious child to angsty teen.

Fun fact: Hamlet was supposed to be like 18 or whatever, but because a famous actor wanted the lead role but was like, idk, 50, Shakey bumped up Hamlet's age a lil so he could get away with it, making him more of, like, a giant manbaby who is still functionally a teen in all ways except he keeps getting portrayed by middle aged men.

So, of course, we have our one and a half year old Nougat who is a 29 year old actor now getting into his terrible teens, and if that isn't the funnest nugget of trivia...

... then you are not as much of a nerd as I am about irony, coincidence, and neat overlaps of thingies.

Point is: get me a version of Hamlet where the other expected actors are adults of course, but Horatio and Hammy and his squad are dumb teens.

-

Lol Bobo just randomly introduces a cool lady hunter who is dragging a random victim of a hex down into the bunker to be healed by an angel. That poor girl is going to have a story to tell.

A lot just happened in a few seconds but at least Jack, who has stormed off for his nth teenage sulk of the season, now has a Cas trapped in the Bunker with him.

Dean n Sam gonna get their asses kicked by Bad Kaia

honestly is this just a ploy not to keep Cas where Jack is, but to keep Misha away from stunt fighting?

Anyway Dean communicates most of the above to Cas silently, and tells him that he should stay with Jack and also heal this girl and they have the most married eye conversation about what  needs to be done, which is wonderful that they've been having these silent conversations all Dabb era but this is definitely the wordiest so far. I mean one of their more recent was just "Dean I can hear that cowboy music in your head" "what cowboy music?"

-

DEAN DOESN'T EVEN LOOK THRILLED TO BE DRIVING BABY AGAIN.

Sam mostly looks concerned he's hitting 80mph

I don't know anything about American speed limits but this is an alarming speed to me because in the UK 70 is usually like, the Most, and we don't have enough long straight roads that when there's no speed limit it's ever really recommended to go super fast because you will flip your car and die because all our roads are one and a half car length wide and extremely wiggly. And our motorways are congested enough you're more likely to be in a traffic jam than top speed anyway :P

-

I love that Dean measures people by their favourite Spice Girl. Hey Dean the 90s called, they want their pop culture relevance back.

You gay icon you.

(I'm reminded of 12x07 and Bobo and a similar conversation where Dean listed off all his manly manly historical faves)

-

Dean thinks Cas can handle it back home :')

-

"Something huge happened and you won't really talk about it!"

Okay Sam, he's traumatised and that's surface text.

You do realise the entire massive subtext is his repression and yet another metaphor for some huge queer experience and that this is the same conversation as 10x04 when he was grumbling into his chin about being embarrassed about what he did with Crowley? You realise that right?

Stop poking him about it, he'll talk when he's ready to open up. In the mean time he's feeling used and ashamed that this fling didn't go as planned after the whole first flirtation with waving his wings around and killing Lucifer where it all seemed fun to embrace his ~true self~ and have a crack at being a Flaming Michael Sword.

-

Also of course, we might just take him on his word that he really does NOT remember most of everything that happened because if he was truly repressing that much he wouldn't have been so gung ho for Cas to read his mind earlier but this mood pre-dates that so even if he remembered everything when Cas poked his brain, which seems unlikely as Cas saw it too, the wider sulk about his Clap Scar is more than just this.

-

It's a common experience, though, that Dean is repressed and moody, and Sam barrels in there trying to make him talk about it before he's ready, so the pressing is in character, regardless, that Sam doesn't trust that Dean is telling the whole truth and that there's some huge secret he's holding back.

The best part of queer subtext is that whether there is one or not it works - if there isn't, it's a metaphor for the obvious. If there is, same as above but the metaphor is concretely attached to whatever Dean is not telling Sam, and that in turn then becomes a part of the queer subtext, offered up on a platter to tell us more about how Dean is handling his post-possession shame of being, essentially, roofied after thinking he'd agreed to a consensual fling with a dude on his terms of entry and no strings attached, no walk of shame like he did when he was undressing earlier.

-

Poor guy can not catch a break. Shoulda hooked up with Aaron when you had the chance so your first time having a dude in you wasn't such a big deal, but just a nice booty call to keep in your phonebook. Now it's all Crowley this, Michael that...

-

"We need to deal with it." "Okay, I'm literally going EIGHTY to deal with it"

Dean, that's.

that's not therapy

"How can I be running from something when I'm RACING towards it" "I don't know, it's kinda your thing"

Sammy boy you have been trapped in the same car as Dean for way too long. Your analysis is getting deep. Deep deep cuts. Leave him alone.

-

I mean this is a guy who dealt with a gay panic by hooking up with Crowley and singing karaoke for him so.

-

"I  just *need* you to talk to me. Slow down."

Oh SAM you said a good and interesting combo of words there. Dean, go 70 instead of 80, give us some time to feel this out because I've been FREAKED and, for you, you got a time skip but I lived it all real time and it SUCKED, and I'm hurt too by this. Reminder: our family does not do well with LOSING each other, and this is every conversation we've ever had post-thinking that happened, and I did things responsibly and grew a beard and became Boss of a bunch of peeps and also King of Hell but we'll talk about that later... Like, slow down. I have my issues too. There's 2 of us in this car and you can't go 80 and time skip to the end of this conversation either. Not when I have 3 weeks of angst packed into it.

-

Also: classic Sam projection. Trying to get Dean to open up because HE has pain he wants to air, instead of just bringing up how he felt, he tries to get Dean to open up, and when this continues, as always, not to be how Dean deals with things, Sam gets upset because it never gives him the opening to talk about his shit until it's an argument...

You could have just started the convo, sorry about the beard, I really mean it when I say I haven't had a moment to myself for 3 weeks, it's been HELL and funny I should mention Hell, er, did you know you can kinda just declare yourself king these days... heh

-

At least he's using racing metaphors about wanting to catch up and also, like, catch up

Dean responds to the sport metaphors

-

Dean is like nah call Jody we're almost there. I skipped ahead.

-

Look, I'm delivering you to your boo, what more do you want?

Jody smiles at the sight of them in a way which is almost as revolting as Cas smiling at seeing Dean again

-

Hugs!

Send Jody to the Bunker to HUG OUR BOY

-

"How'd you do it?" "What, me vs some assbag archangel? Who would you pick?" "You, every time."

And this, guys, is how Jody is never, ever patched into their angst, because they present a narrative where Dean just kinda chucked off Mikey and sent him packing and it's all cool and he's a hero.

Jody has at multiple points threatened to beat Dean into submission in order to hear a true version of how he's doing and he has so far not given in and sat at her kitchen table with a box of tissues to sob through his crap, but I hold out eternal hope like the fool I am.

Anyway it's also telling RIGHT AFTER that last conversation where Sam was probing Dean so intensely, that this is the version of "I'm fine" that Dean is going with, and even though Sam KNOWS there's more to it, this is the wall Dean is projecting, even to him. Even when he knows Dean is freaked by it and doesn't know all the details.

-

Jody goes up like 18 pitches "Heeey I liiIIIiiike it!" she squeaks, forcefully tweaking Sam's beard because "nice peach fuzz" is too understated both for Jody and the volume of facial hair Sam has produced without comment until Dean came back and Jody showed up.

-

Dean has never been so offended in his life

-

*Jody continues giggling to herself while Sam desperately looks for a normal conversation*

-

AHAHA "I haven't been home since I talked to her........... I may be avoiding her"

Yeaaaah, bringing up that it's not just a normal human beheading and weird stab mark, but ALSO a KAIA-RELATED ONE maaay be... too much.

-

i'm going to be honest I've been so thrilled about everything I forgot to check what cast is flashing up on the screen

-

Anyway there is very much a subtext to Jody's avoidance of telling Claire what's going on that she knows how much she loved Kaia and how much of an issue this is - even if it's gonna be for revenge, because they don't know it's Bad Kaia - this is something where Claire's feelings make a MESS.

-

Bobo gets in Sam's serial killer thing, Dean is staring into the void like am I still even here or am I in hell. Is this a hell that Michael conjured. Mikey. Hey. Mikey. I figured it out. We're done here. Let's go back to regular torture. Michael. This is the bad place. Michael.

-

Dean stomps off into the woods because waiting for daybreak means being stuck in the same room as Jody and Sam flirting for a few hours.

-

Jody firmly pokes Sam in the chest with a map.

-

Sam.

-

A raven caws in the background, and Jack is wearing layers, the darkest shirt yet, a thick corduroy jacket in the style of early Sam, and is packing a bag.

-

He wrote a note and his handwriting is as disgustingly adorable as I thought it might be.

Alex wrote "Jack" with a cutesy backwards K in an autograph for someone who requested it at a con and I thought that was a cute detail but not how Jack would write and the real story - and I assume like with others they made him write it in character - is much more nuanced. His letters are competently shaped like he knows exactly how they should be, but shakily written, like he's not used to holding a pen, because, well, he isn't. He's not developed the muscle memory for it, just as he hasn't for fighting and all the other stuff, because in may ways he IS still a smol toddler with no life skills. His capital letters are huge and precise, like he knows he has to write them big, but disproportionate - putting so much emphasis on the titles of the people around him, the capital letters a metaphor for their influence on him. There's something clearly unconfident about writing and yet for all that obviously written by someone intelligent enough not to make basic errors of backwards letters and other things. He knows exactly how he is SUPPOSED to do it, but the execution is shakey, and disproportionate and generally looks unschooled and painfully revealing of his entire state of being.

-

Is this the scene where Bobo said out loud to an empty room, awww Jack.

-

I've been dreading that since the hiatus.

Maybe I should dig up that post and use it as the title for this one.

-

Triss is gonna die, Jack stopped by the stairs up out the Bunker in the war room, heard and saw Cas moving around, then in a fit of conscience or missing him already or something, stopped by to open the door and look in.

They have DEFINITELY expanded the Bunker set, in the sense that they've attached extra rooms to it or Wanek has sat down and made some parts more standardised, because they've shown off the corridor connections in every episode so far, and in this one we're seeing a never-seen-before connection which actually explains what is behind that window and how it fits. I mean, I'm pretty sure we've seen this particular room a few times, window and all, but never actual connections which show connected sets, so much as scenes starting or stopping there with no transition.

-

"She's been enchanted" "Like sleeping beauty" Jack says with awe "Awwwwwwwwwww" Lizzy says with awww

I honestly can't tell which moment Bobo said "Aw Jack" out loud about because we're getting such a series of them

-

Anyway, Hamlet, the great procrastinator, is distracted away from his mission to kill his uncle.

Not sure about the overlap of hearing things from the other side of a wall but I mean at least he's not going around stabbing people so

-

Jack also seeing all the important work they do for other people, even randos, and Cas getting involved in huntery business, distracted from emotionally nurturing him because of sleeping beauty there, and phoning rowena, doing the work to unknot a spell...

If we get Cas doing spellwork I'm gonna die, it's been Too Long.

-

Cas [squinting]: "Are you going somewhere?" Sleeping Beauty: "ooooww" Jack: "No."

Hon, that was so suspicious you are lucky this is Cas and not one of your other dads.

But. Aww Jack to an empty room.

-

"If I get a vote I'm team stick together" Jody remembers 9x19

Also Sam remembers bad!Kaia kicking their butts. They're on her natural territory

she is the Predator.

-

Sam keeps LOOKING at Jodio.

Look, I just

Cas keeps looking at Dean, Dean keeps looking at Cas

Jam won't stop looking at each other

-

That head is a Warning.

Come no further, mortals

-

I think Bad Kaia lives here

-

Vampires.

they really need to figure out how to biologically identify them except for teeth because they really come up against a lot of dead ones

-

Oh

"I brought tissue samples home, Alex ran them underneath the microscope"

Look, girls supporting girls, I knew what they needed to do before they did it lol

-

Dean: I was stabbed here

-

YAY I went frame by frame before the reveal and that is Kaia's face in there, the hood less spooky than before and more open to reveal her

-

Dean: bout to be stabbed here again

-

Dean finally has the moves to take on Bad Kaia after a season or two with the new stunt guy

but then her hood falls back and he's STUNNED

-

Now everyone is stunned

-

I think they've been using the Wayward Sisters Bad Place soundtrack for this but I'd have to check

the music is so very different and I'm not good at music ear thing

-

Cas: *eye twitches violently* Me: Cas why are you having trouble with this line Cas: "... marked.................... 'gross stuff'"

Cas, internally: Why did I marry into this family

-

Future MoLHunter 100 years later: "Man, this place is sweet, but the filing system is balls to the walls." Other Future MoLHunter: "Babe, you did not read the Winchester Gospels before your initiation?" F MoLHunter: "There is a drawer here marked 'hands of god' and the only thing in there is a pair of chopsticks and a ladel" OF MoL Hunter: Okay I will give you that. -

Me out loud to an empty room: aww Jack

He's so concerned about Sleeping Beauty, and he can't do anything about it but he's curious.

Maybe he CAN fix her and this is how he gets a lil power back.

I hope so because awww Jack being so concerned about her.

This is a Good Procrastination From Revenge

Hamlet, take fucking notes

-

"Is that your dad?" "One of them, yes." Aw Jack

Aw Bobo

Jack's flipping around on family - he's accused them of talking about nick/Lucifer as his father, he's disowned everyone but grampa and grammy Kline, and now he's fondly thinking of his three hero dads

He's really struggling to work out his place and what sort of family set up he belongs to and to be fair, he has so many fucking options and all of them are somewhat disastrous or tragic, so he's 100% in his right to be fuckin confused.

On the other hand Sleepy Beauty has no context so she's gonna assume Cas is gay married with a kid Jack's age and that's like, not untrue.

-

"My mom... but she probably hates me" "Why?" Jack says, horrified at the entire concept that a mom could hate a child, because, well, Kelly's love was COSMIC for him "because I left," she anvils

-

"I was sick of being treated like a kid, and i thought I could make it on my own" Oh boy. She's just expositioning how Jack feels and immediately telling him if he leaves he'll fall in with a witch, who curses her with an AGING spell which will make her old before her time.

I feel like there is probably... a metaphor........... in here...............

-

Also a reverse of Dean's aged down curse, because the girl and her other victims were hansel and greteled.

I had a sudden whim a couple of nights ago to see aged down Dean and current Jack hang out. Bring back Dylan Everett to go play basketball with Jack out on the front step.

-

"Gave us all nice things," she says, clutching at a HUGE EVIL EMERALD PENDANT AROUND HER NECK

Jack.................................

Is that cursed

-

"She said having us there kept her young" She put her own age into that locket

dang I should get a bonus point for bringing up poker!witch before he was relevant

I'm always curious about the show's implications about witches maintaining their youth by sucking it from others, because almost every witch we've met who had a focus on age was doing it for that reason, whether it was eating children or playing poker.

And we have a 300 year old witch chilling around who we don't know anything about when it comes to immortality, except that she has it and she bestowed it on Oskar so it's clearly a spell she can do rather than an inherent trait of reaching a certain level of magic practitionery.

-

"Then it started taking me too. Even faster than the others!" yeah because she killed the witch so she probably has to suck poor sleeping beauty dry in order to regenerate and skulk away and start over somewhere

-

PS: Sleeping Beauty is really doing an amazing performance here. I 100% am in Jack's shoes of being horrified and wanting to protect her

-

"Cas is going to fix this. I promise" Sweetie! Have you ever called him Cas rather than Castiel before? It seems weird. He even wrote castiel on the letter

-

Sam deducts Michael's entire plan off the clue that Alex couldn't detect the vamps in her sciencing, and based on having been attacked by super werewolves.

But why is Michael cleaning up these people?

Unless he's taking threats off the board who would be too cool and powerful and may challenge him...

-

"Doesn't change the plan" "but Dean - "

Dean walks off

Dean has no time for Sam suggesting maybe this is something awful because of Michael that Dean might know about or else be weirdly intimately connected to because of his weird Michael-based condition.

We have no clue what's going on and Sam doesn't like that and Dean's powering through and Jody is hovering in the background like WOW I can see why you leave me out of all your dumb main plot angst normally. Never done me one of these MAIN PLOT ones before. Can we go back to normal MotW where you're low key angsting in the subtext about whatever currently ails you?

-

Jody slaps Sam on the lower back

lower, babe. Lower.

-

Cas does magic, boom purple smoke!

Aw no she's still withered.

Jack, take her necklace off and smash it

because you did the good work of a hunter and talked to her and through being kind discovered what was wrong with her

-

Jody has a phone provider that gets her signal in the wilderness

-

"Claire's been doing so good, but anything connected to Kaia... she's a powder keg"

"FIRST LOVE STRIKES QUICK, AND TO LOSE IT LIKE THAT"

okay no Jody didn't shout it, but Bobo did.

ILY Bobo

I'm like 0% surprised but I am guessing other people who had been less trusting are throwing a complete party to have it textually confirmed like that. I felt like Bobo's intent especially when he went on the record in that stream AND he had been saying already that he shipped it right after Wayward Sisters, that he never ever meant to be coy about Dreamhunter, and confirming that Claire was madly in love with Kaia was a top priority on his fuck you list since he didn't get to write the show he wanted in order to work on this naturally.

-

Sam nods like fair enough, happened to me with Jess, but uh wow okay no i did not - yeah okay yeah

-

"He's not ready for this case" "maybe he needs it"

Jam jam jam jam

I mean

Yeah mature adults discussing issues together and working out how they feel about Dean rage-hunting Bad Kaia

-

hey look it's that one cabin that has been in like every episode of the show in the same way that one little stoney valley was in every episode of BBC Merlin

-

Has she lost her spear??

-

Dean, that was RUDE, you're so horrible to all these versions of Kaia

-

That zoom up on his face is one of the top 10 Dean Is Not Okay zooms of the show

-

So not like "bad cas" or "new bobby" are Dean's definitions for AU peeps - no word on what Charlie is to him, maybe because AU Charlie is a real issue for him to define as he couldn't help treating her like his Charlie.

But Bad Kaia insists that she is to Kaia what she is to me - they're joined in a different way. A way that back in Wayward Sisters was implied to be a dreamwalking connection of a very different sort, something anchoring our Kaia to the bad place and their connection was... weird.

-

"That was an accident. I was trying to kill the blonde" She's remorseful about killing Kaia but upsets them even more by reminding them that she was out for Claire instead.

How about we kill no one, bad Kaia

-

Oh no, Michael keeps sending monsters after her... Now she sounds like the original Kaia just because she's got "always more" things out for her. I suppose Michael learned of her through Dean, found her, and either wants to stop her or capture her because she has universe-crossing dreamwalking abilities, and woooow that will be useful to him.

-

NOOO SLEEPING BEAUTY DIED. THIS IS REALLY BAD. JACK COULDN'T SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE HEEEEEEEEEER

waaaaaaaaaah

Stop fuelling Nougat having an interesting dark arc about his entire self and purpose and let him just hang around the bunker and watch TV and eat nougat and be hugged. Can we not just have a son who is okay and nothing is wrong with him?

-

Oh no even the random hunter (did I really catch her name as Brunhilda or did I imagine that?) is crying at Jack crying over Sleeping Beauty dying. Cas is contractually obliged not to cry or do complicated stunts but he looks miserable too.

Oh, jack figured out the pendant?

But can they actually save Sleeping Beauty?

-

Sam as usual getting in before I can - "Break her!??!?"

don't you dare hurt Kaia any more, she's already told you what she knows, Michael hurt her, you punched her out with the same face and then threatened her a bunch. She might be a snarky monster-hunting feral woodland weirdo but she's still Kaia-like and you have a history of being completely horrible to Kaia-like girls when you're in a bad place.

-

And it turns out Dean just wants the spear that pronged him, to figure out what it did and how to hurt Michael with it. To go on his own revenge mission that he denied Jack because, guys, we are now in competition for who gets to have the angsty anti-Michael revenge mission. Jack and Dean literally competing to be most angsty about it.

Jack is being considerably more productive even if Dean solved the Kaia mystery.

But yeah. Revenge sucks you guys.

-

Dean you need to eat a snickers and take a rest.

-

smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirk because fuck you Dean for always hurting me and the other Kaia who is probably also me.

-

Jack is being much smarter.

The smartest cookie.

Who needs powers when you are a good cookie.

-

"She wasn't cursed. This was."

GOOD COOKIE.

-

I vote Jack gets to kill Michael. Dean has lost his Michael killing rights.

-

"You're no different from him. Threats, violence, anything to get what you want." "I am nothing like him."

Hon.

"Yeah you are. And you always have been."

I don't know if Kaia knows or if she's pulling a gambit, but acting like a mystic know it all and reading Dean stone cold in a villain way sure did take some of his rage away into that good old Dean self-loathing and fear, which was one heck of a good chess move regardless of if she can magically read him or not.

No I don't think Dean is these things but Michael is a means of exploring Dean's "blunt little weapon" sort of mindset that he has suffered from because of John's upbringing all this time, and Michael emotionally mauling Dean to the point of being a non-functioning worst version of himself who threatens Kaia (AGAIN) really is an on the nose way to display the sort of trauma that Michael tore into his psyche.

-

Crap I need to go to yoga, but this is too good to rush so even though I don't have much left, I will be back for proper notes in a bit!

-

Him smash magic glowy thing with hammer

just like i told myboy to do!

Cas's hair is ridiculously spiky.

-

"What happened?"

YOU MADE NOUGAT FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED

Aww jack to an empty room

-

Sam I  have been gone for hours. How have you not tackled Dean to the floor and apologised to Bad Kaia

-

"I saw what you did to her, when you got angry. You shoved your gun in her face." To be fair, at the time Dean had also been emotionally mauled by the feels bear because Jack gave him a vision of Mary being tortured in Hell-equivalent and he was also fucked up beyond belief.

Kaias really are seeing the worst side of him all the time.

-

Bobo likes breaking Dean

-

That was enough to make Dean let go

Also to ask a really good question about how she knows!

I'm way more curious about Kaia than Dean yelling at her :P

-

Then she points out that he's angry and impatient because he's scared, like, duh, but sometimes he needs to be reminded that he can have "weak" emotions like that because he wants to be all tough and on the case and instead he's freaked out because Michael has messed him up completely. Like. Stay home. Help the boy with lore or something. Take a pyjama day.

-

Wheee full flashback!

The early evening light gives it a Bad Place colour tinge, which is awesome.

-

I can't believe Mikey shows up in his hat but not his jacket.

-

He says he's BORROWING Dean here. Hm.

-

Also, what I suspected, that he sensed her around and was just curious. Probably having a "what the fuck that's KAIA!?" from Dean inside him and being like Kaia huh? Time to chat.

-

Mikey do you literally not have your own version of that fuck off huge spear they stabbed Cas with a couple seasons ago, or do you just collect cool spears?

There's something more than usually terrifying about his face in this conversation.

And he now says there's a war coming and thinks something weird like Bad Kaia might appreciate being on his side.

Oh boy.

-

"Wild one" that's so cool

-

Michael really has some great lines for being a massive pillock

-

Omg he fight good too

-

AAH this is Kaia's memory and she's psychically implanting it in Dean's head

"Stop!" he says, clearly not enjoying watching himself beat up Bad Kaia and, like, realising exactly how awful it looks to do this when he has to watch himself from the outside and for all we know feel her pain too.

-

Of course Dean being desperate to get the spear to fight Michael could come across with a blur of ambiguity of Michael being desperate still to have it, whether to stop Kaia using it or because he just really wanted it and doesn't like being told no.

The concept that Michael just disappeared from Dean still lingers.

-

So many fights with a whole bunch of people this season. Maybe just because there's so many friggin characters

-

"Now you're in trouble" *Bad Kaia literally leaps through a window to avoid dealing with this* I love her

-

NICE STAB

thanks for saving Jody

-

Well that was quick

Also you're badass and terrifying and I think Claire might fall in love with you too >.>

-

"I'm used to it" Oh babe.

She literally raised herself in a terrifying doomy forest so

I mean at least this world has dry crackers and beans. SCORE

-

Jody has got a LOT of thinking to do about how to phrase any of this to Claire.

"So there's a feral Kaia living in the woods outside of town"

-

Awww Sam offering her a lift to the hospital

Bobo wants us to remember 9x06 and Dean having to tend Cas's broken hand maybe

-

Sam. Hug her right now. RIGHT NOW.

-

Nope Jody just looks really tormented

-

She's in a reverse Jack position - one mom to 3 hunters instead of one kid to 3 hunters :P

-

Hey look it is Jack and one of his fathers.

"Jules is off!" Hey look Sleeping Beauty was called Jules. Nerdylittleshit doesn't read these notes however so she will never know that I decided this character was named after her :P

-

Cas apologises for not being there for Jack, because it took this long to realise he's the father who's always at work while others have taken the stereotypically maternal role to Jack, Cas just gets to be the cool strong father who is usually dead, captured or just busy saving people and too busy for Jack as a result.

-

"It's okay," Jack says, sounding considerably more emotionally balanced about it than he had in 14x01 when everyone was neglecting him

-

"Today you PROVED that you have the mind of a hunter. And the heart of a hunter" Raised by the best, bitches!

-

Awwww Cas wants to be a hunter with Jack! They can get a terrible car and hit the road and do an easy case and bond as they go and eat crappy food at diners and

Jack develops Nephilim Flu in response to having a nice moment with a father because he's so unused to being treated with full attention.

-

Cas: *squints*

-

"Must be getting my first cold!"

I have a cold too Jack! Awww!!

-

Cas is going to make him some soup. This is too sweet. I don't even have words for any of this it's just gross. My teeth hurt.

-

Jack I swear to god if you stopped your revenge quest and it hurt you so bad inside you're about to cough up a lung I am going to LA to kick the writers' asses in person so if you dare be even the slightest bit consumptive

-

Oh thank god the scene changed before he coughed blood into his hand

-

Awww and then Dean admits Sam was right, while still being the one driving on the way back.

I wonder if they filmed these side by side. "Dean slow down" "Sam you were right"

-

"What Michael used me for" Ouch, hearing him say it like that... Sad sad thoughts.

He just wanted to skip ahead and have it all done because revenge makes you feel SO much better.

-

"Dean... you did what you had to do" Okay it's even worse hearing someone else justify it rather than hearing that phrase come out of someone's mouth. At least when they say it about themselves they're just in a bad place. I don't even know if this is a pavlovian response I'm having but really flipping it around to have Sam say it is a validation - Sam certainly thinks things are better off with a dead Lucifer and would have a favourable bias, because it got the job done and whatever Mikey is up to at least it's not Lucifer doing it. Because even if Lucifer were doing the exact same things it would just be intangibly but clearly worse.

-

"It wasn't a blink, being possessed."

Dean says to Sam, who has been possessed by an angel twice and when it was Gadreel, for almost as long as Dean was Michaeled

-

Dean's so freaked out because fighting the drowning sense of being possessed was so horrifying and made him feel so weak and useless and he didn't even win that fight, Michael just bailed and let him have it back. With the "I own you" hovering over him.

It certainly reeks of being haunted by a bad relationship. The sense the nasty abusive ex hovering around outside the place you work every night...

-

"And it's all on me, man" No it isn't, he got through because Lucifer told him how.

-

Well I mean if you wanna go cosmic consequences, yeah it is because Billie done told you not to go universe hopping and that's several billion dominoes you messed around with doing exactly that

-

But despite how I spent all of season 13 SHRIEKING at you not to do it while knowing full well you did, and how this is technically your cosmic hubris for doing that, I also don't actually blame you on a personal level, Dean. Just, like, so you know once I get back to the shrieking. Because ow you are very sad and in pain and if Nougat wasn't coming down with Nephilim Flu in the other scenes I'd basically rank you No 1 for wrapping in blankets and feeding soup.

-

You're still in the top 10. Jodi had a pretty bad day too :P

-

Oh COME ON JACK

*starts packing my bags for the ass kicking*

-

Aww Jack to an empty room

-

Um EXCUSE ME HOW MANY CONSUMPTIVE TISSUES HAVE YOU GONE THROUGH?

GO FIND YOUR FATHER RIGHT NOW

-

HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE WEEKS?

Well no wonder you've been in a panic to get Michael killed.

SHEESH.

Dean's back and he's gonna kick your ass because he remembers when Sam did this in the Trials and he is very very anti consumptive family members.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x16 Scoobynatural

my mood after watching this: SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

03:33pm

HI FRIENDS

so full disclosure, i’m not feeling good at all and my hair is falling out!!! more than usual!!! so I’M REALLY HOPING THIS EPISODE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER

best case scenario, dean’s in the middle of a fred/daphne/cas lovefest, but frankly i’m more expecting a one-sided daphne-dean thing?? i think cas is probably just in this for the sake of having him there too but PLEASE GIVE HIM SOMETHING USEFUL TO DO pleeeease. i also figure dean ends up with the ascot because daphne gives it to him, not fred, but I AM WILLING TO BE SURPRISED

i’m not expecting actual proper bi dean and/or destiel, for the record. as fun and delightful as that would be. i’m just here to have a woofing good time

last night i watched “Scooby Doo! Shaggy’s Showdown” and it was GREAT and i thoroughly enjoyed it and I REALLY HOPE THIS EPISODE IS AS GOOD AS THAT WAS

as in, give me diverse background characters (i mean, if they can’t be be main characters), daphne actually having depth to her character beyond vanity, velma being 10/10 relatable and being genuine besties with daphne, fred being a useless lovable dork, shaggy being THE ABSOLUTE BEST & TOTALLY A ROLE MODEL, scooby being literally the coolest sweetest dog ever

BRING FORTH THE CARTOON ANTICS

-

03:45

HERE WE GO

-

03:46

at first i thought this dinosaur costume was a recap and i was like WHEN DID DEAN FIGHT A DINOSAUR

-

03:49

dean and sam mentioned a lizard and quite frankly this dude looks like a lizard

i half expected his tongue to poke out, barty crouch jr. style

-

03:50

dean: “TAKE IT EASY, SHE’S DELICATE”

love how dean makes every inanimate thing he cares about into a ‘she’

is this him sexualising random pieces of equipment; finding the thing impressive and therefore giving it the pronoun of the people who most inspire him; or is it a parenting instinct buried deep down that just happens to have a gender bias??

WILL WE EVER KNOW

from dean’s soft “shh” though i imagine it’s a parenting thing

precious tv needs to be loved and cared for like a baby

(i mean......... Baby is his car. definitely a parenting thing. BUT THEN ALSO HIS CAR IS SEXY???? CONCLUSION: DEAN HAS MOTHER/PARTNER/INTIMACY ISSUES)

-

03:56

dean: “be like elsa, let it go”

this boy has so many repressed childhood issues i don’t know where to start

HIS INNER CHILD NEEDS HELP

oh man i think i just realised what his growth this episode is gonna be. CONNECT TO THE DESPERATE INNER CHILD

SAVE HIM!!!!!

(sidenote: i did not realise i would be going into this and immediately begin psychoanalysing dean but there we go)

-

03:58

the dean cave

or the fortress of deanitude

ohhhhhhhhhhh boy

-

03:59

let me know when there’s a fic where dean and cas cuddle/fall asleep/boink in those plaid la-z-boy recliners huh.

or when dean, cas, and sam all want to watch something at the same time and there’s only two chairs sO SOMEONE’S GONNA HAVE TO SHARE

-

04:01

THEY’RE A CARTOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

04:02

dean: “are we animated? yes. is it weird? yes.”

reminds me of zootopia a little I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YAAYAYY

-

04:06

a malt shop!!!!!! cartoon ice cream sundaes always look so tasty

EVEN BETTER WHEN SHARED WITH SCOOBY AND SHAGGY

i always thought dean and shaggy would get along so damn well

-

04:08

FRICK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

-

04:08

WHO DOESN’T NEED A MILKSHAKE-DRINKING GREAT DANE IN THEIR LIVES

-

04:09

sam’s hair looks really good

AND I JUST REALISED HOW WELL THEY DID DEAN’S LIPS!!! POUTY PRETTY AND PLUSH, JUST THE WAY THEY ARE IN FANFICTION

-

06:11

dean: “cas is kinda like a talking dog”

unsure whether to be offended on cas’ behalf or not

because on the one hand, RUDE

but on the other hand, the talking dog is the title character, the coolest one, the most beloved, and the most impressive of all

so

i suppose that was a compliment???

-

04:13

me: *SQUISHES MY CHEEKS* THIS IS SO CUTE AND SO WHOLESOME I LOVE THESE GUYS!!!!!!!!

my heart may or may not be pounding

maybe it’s just low blood pressure

/eats salt

-

04:17

“oh HECK yes”

THAT WAS DEAN’S ULTIMATE DREAM (also mine?)

INSTA-GIANT-SANDWICH

-

04:18

sam: “hey why do you hate fred so much”

dean: “he thinks he’s so cool ..with his perfect hair, his can-do attitude”

OH SHIT DEANIE’S GOT A HARDCORE CRUSH AND DOESN’T REALISE IT

LITERALLY DIDN’T SEE IT COMING FROM THIS PARTICULAR APPROACH BUT OF COURSE

-

04:21

WAS THAT CAS STAGGERING AFTER THEIR CARS

-

04:2

“providing you spend tonight here in this old mansion”

OH MY GOD I THINK I WATCHED THIS ONE GROWING UP?? i think it was one of the few we had on vhs!!! and we’d watch it a lot!!! and the the vhs went missing and we never found it again, pretty sure some other kid literally stole it from our house

-

04:26

daphne: “oh dean. boys and girls don’t sleep in the same rooms, silly!!!”

fred: “guess you’re with me, slugger”

I AM ENJOYING THIS

-

04:27

Y E A H

i’m so into this you have no idea

dean: “it’s freaking comfortable. it’s like i’m... wrapped in hugs”

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THIS I DISLIKE 12/10 WILL WRITE FANFICTION OF THIS

and it’s purple

-

04:32

dean: “doesn’t matter if WE die. scooBY DOO COULD DIE. and that’s not happening. not on my watch. i’d take a bullet for that dog.”

aaaaaaaand if scooby is cas’ parallel............

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *u*

-

04:37

!!! their !!! hands !!! touch !!!!!

*muffled background music* and every time we touch it feels like heaven, and everything we kiss i swear i could fflyyy~

pool angel seems so disoriented and confused and clumsy

being a cartoon must really have sent him off-kilter

-

06:40

SAM DEAN I’M BACK FROM SYRIA WITH FRUIT FROM THE TREE OF LIFE. THE TREE WAS GUARDED BY A PACK OF DJINN I KILLED MOST OF THEM, BARGAINED WITH THE REST

oh man he’s so fluffy

misha looks like he’s trying not to laugh

“i think i’m... technically married to their queen now”

i don’t know what to do with this information

i hope it comes up as a destiel-centric useful plot point in a future episode

-

04:44

AH the fruits from the tree of life are pomegranates

OH COURSE. symbolising entrance to the underworld etc. etc persephone and hades

-

04:45

dean: “it’s a book we’re writing. about a killer stuffed dinosaur. it’s called--”

cas: *glances at dean* “the killer stuffed dinosaur. in........love”

IN LOVE

IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY DID CAS CHOOSE THOSE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WONDER WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/VERY LOUD SARCASM

-

04:49

BISEXUAL DEAN DREAM TEAM

-

05:51

cas: “i once commanded armies and now i’m paired with a scruffy philestine and a talking dog”

HEY DON’T KNOCK SHAGGY OR SCOOBY, THEY’RE AWESOME AND KIND, AND TALKING DOGS ARE COOL

-

04:53

the velma/sam ship is setting sail

honestly i’ve lowkey shipped this for many years I’M SO GLAD THIS IS A THING NOW

-

04:55

I LOVE THIS ANIMATION TROPE

-

04:57

omg scrappy doo just waddled past in the door-running scene

-

04:58

jeez dean take a hint DAPHNE’S NOT INTERESTED

-

04:59

velma: “dean had him by the thigh”

cas: “you what?”

the fact it’s cas ??? asking why dean was fondling a ghost????

-

05:01

caS: “sCOOBY! SCOOBY!!!!!!”

I THINK CAS IS FOND OF SCOOBY DOO NOW

-

05:03

look at this trio!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM

also cas is so fucking pretty???? WHY IS CAS SO FUCKING PRETTY ;U;U;U;U; HELP

-

05:04

also sam ain’t two feet taller than cas !!

-

05:05

WHY DOES DAPHNE THINK SHE’S GOING TO HELL?? WHAT DOES SHAGGY MEAN BY “EVERY TIME”

IS SHE BANGING FRED OUT OF WEDLOCK/UNDERAGE IS THAT WHAT SHE MEANS

-

05:07

FRICKETTY FUCK YEAH

-

05:08

DID DEAN JKUST SWEAR AND IT WAS BLEEPED OG MY GODHDSFHYDGDG

also is it just me or does fred look way sexier with his hair messed up

-

05:12

dean: “lay it on me, freddy”

me: *smug noise*

-

05:16

eheheh cas poking in from the back

also daphne with two shotguns?? sign me up

-

daphne: KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

ksjfdkjsgfgm

-

05:21

i don’t think i wanna know what dean did with the cartwright twins either

NOTE: GENDER UNKNOWN

-

05:24

guy: “is that an ascot?”

dean: “yes. yes it is.”

is that him trying to be daphne’s type, or him trying to be like perfect mr. fred

OR BOTH

-

05:27

OMG DEAN;S “SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOO” OH JTGJSREGEBGERSHYGERSHGSREGVESGESHGHSE

JENSEN OH MY GOD

HOW MANY TAKES DID THAT TAKE

-

05:28pm

11/10 i loVED IT 

INSTANT FAVOURITE EPISODE QUITE FRANKLY WHO CARES ABOUT THE REST OF THE SHOW THIS WAS GREAT

THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY IT WAS SO WHOLESOME

MY PARENTS WANNA WATCH IT AND WE’RE GONNA HAVE DINNER IN LIKE AN HOUR SO I GUESS IMMA WATCH IT AGAIN

OH MY GOD THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR BRINGING THIS INTO EXISTENCE

no people of colour but oh well

also not even sure the bechdel test was passed since velma and daphne only talked about sam

BUT EVEN SO THIS WAS AMAZING

YEEEE

i’m so pleased cas was in this. and i love that he loved shaggy and scooby ‘cause they’re the best and CAS+SHAGGY+SCOOBY WAS THE BEST TEAM

still not sure how cas diving out of the window after scooby actually helped but okay

oh man

feel-good happy place episode !!!

i am delight

[orionsangel86]

A retrospective look at the Season 12 wishlist.

Back shortly after the season 11 finale I wrote out a wishlist of all the things I wanted for Season 12. Looking back at that list (here) It’s funny to see what I wanted with hindsight now that season 12 is over and season 13 is only a week away. I thought I would revisit my season 12 wishlist to recap the season and where I went wrong (and right!) before I post a wishlist for season 13.

Wish 1. Castiel gets his emotional arc resolved - This is a big one. As a Cas girl I was left unsatisfied with Castiel’s arc this season, HOWEVER, we KNOW from previous Dabb episodes that he loves to explore Castiel’s emotional story and I have no doubt that this will continue into season 12. Our angel still has a story ahead of him (hopefully ending in the love of a certain green eyed hunter.)

In Hindsight: Ah yes, my big number one on the wishlist was all about Cas getting his emotional arc resolved. Did he get this? Well, kind of. I don’t think any of us could have predicted that Dabb would give us THREE Castiel heavy episodes exploring his emotional past, present and future in ways which blew our collective meta brains out. Cas got lots of love this season and its why season 12 is now one of my all time faves. Where we are now is unknown in some ways for Cas but in other ways his past is clear. He has finally reached the transformation part of his character journey, and season 13 will bring us a Cas rising from the ashes like a beautiful phoenix shrouded in flames.

Wish 2. SUPERBRITISH - I am not going to stop going on about this. This is my land, My green and (fairly) pleasant land. The British are coming to Supernatural and I cannot stop being excited about it. Can I please have ALL the TFW in London head canons please? From traffic jams and silly accents to discovering the glory that is a bacon roll from Gregs on a Sunday morning whilst suffering a horrendous hangover.

In Hindsight: LOL. Yeah right. Am I disappointed? Totally. The British Men of Letters were for me, totally underwhelming. There was no trip to England, there was no grumpy Dean stuck on the M25. At the end of the day they served their purpose. They brought home the fact that hunting is not black and white. That sometimes it is humans who are the most monstrous. Honestly right now I just hope we don’t revisit it. I think its best that this story line gets dropped from now on. *sigh*

Wish 3. Awesome female characters continuing to kick ass - I adored the use of female characters in the finale. They all lived, no one female was a sexy lamp (sadly that role was given to Castiel) and no one got forced into unnecessary make out sessions. The women are smart, sarcastic badass queens who will RULE this show come October, and I for one, cannot wait. 

In Hindsight: Can I hear a cheer for the WAYWARD SISTERS! Hell’s YES! I mean, they have granted us what we wanted with the Wayward Sisters in season 13, but did we actually get this in season 12? Well, Lady Toni turned out to be a psycho, who died. Her British badass knuckle duster lady also died. Alicia and Tasha both died, so did Rowena and Eileen. It actually wasn’t a GREAT season for the girls. This is what happens when you give Bucklemming too much control over the main plot I suppose. *sigh*. So whilst the Wayward Sisters announcement definitely counts as a win, overall I can’t say this wish has been ticked off. 

Wish 4. Men of Letters vs Grand Coven - Yes this is a big one and I am hoping is the main story arc going forward into season 12. I want to see more of the Grand Coven of witches and their European battle with the Men of Letters. I am expecting more awesome women kicking ass thanks to this potential storyline.

In Hindsight: LOL. Again. Wasted. Potential. *sigh*

Wish 5. Mother Mary and family time - Mary’s reveal was pretty amazing especially since I think we were all expecting it to just be her ghost or a vision or something, but nope, Mummy Winchester is back on the scene and I can’t even begin to imagine what they are planning to do with this. All I am hoping for is that Mary’s influence will help Dean to accept certain parts of him that he loves to keep repressed (effeminophobia and his bisexuality being the big ones). Mary coming back will hopefully start to truly break down and destroy John Winchester’s toxic influence over his sons. I also really really want her to meet Cas and say the words “Thank you for watching over my son.” YES.

In Hindsight: Ok so this one I think gets ticked off. Mary’s purpose was to get Dean to let go of some of his major hang ups, to finally get some really heavy stuff off his chest, and to break down John Winchesters toxic influence. Also for Dean to finally take his mother off that pedestal he’s been keeping her on his whole life. I think the show, and 12x22 particularly, did an excellent job with this. We didn’t quite get a bisexual reveal, but the subtext was thick and heavy (12x11 was glorious). Mary also mirrored Cas continually throughout the season as two people both looking for their place in this little family dynamic and having Mary accept Cas as “one of my boys” really was the icing on the cake for any Cas fans out there happily sipping on hater tears.

Wish 6. Sam gets some distance from Dean, some other friends, maybe a girl, and definitely a dog - I think it is safe to say that Sam isn’t dead. Probably just shot in the arm or leg or something. I want him to be taken to England by Lady T and face the Men of Letters. I hope that they will warm to Sam (and his wonderful moose charms) and that Sam will get to bond with his British companions away from Dean (because Dean always steals the side characters away and bonds with them more than Sam ever does - except for Eileen). Maybe there could even be love in the future for Sam - either by bringing back Eileen or developing a decent and believable relationship between Sam and Lady T (I don’t want her forced into the love interest role, I think she is far too good for that already, but if she becomes a regular throughout the season like Rowena is then potentially a relationship could blossom slowly between them. It could work. I have been hoping for love for Sam for some time now and I can see the potential in this).

In Hindsight: Urgh so this is a yes and a massive NOPE at the same time. Bucklemming managed to ruin Lady Toni in the second episode of the season and then killed off Eileen in 12x21 (seriously fuck those assholes). I guess even the THOUGHT of shipping Sam with someone now gets a girl killed in this show even if she doesn’t go near his killer dick. Poor Sam. On a more positive note he DID get some distance from Dean in 12x22 and symbolically the toxic co-dependency has been broken. So that is one major point to mark off. (I didn’t actually even wish for that as I doubted it would happen myself!) Shame about him still not getting a dog though. WHY CAN’T YOU GIVE SAM A DOG DAMMIT! Sam has definitely moved forward in season 12 to a healthier place, though I think he still has far to go compared to Dean. Hopefully we will see him reach his full potential in season 13.

Wish 7. Lady T is a well developed, fully rounded, likeable character and not a sexy lamp or boring love interest - I already love her. I want to know more about her, her motivations, her back story, how she became a woman of letters, I want her to be a worthy adversary to the Winchesters before becoming a trustworthy ally. I want her to continue to take none of their shit, to put them in their place and therefore earn their respect. I also really want to see her face of with Rowena. That would be awesome. England vs Scotland right there! Potentially I would accept her becoming a love interest to Sam only if it was done right. If it was done in the subtext throughout the season and is only a very very tiny part of the storyline. It would have to be major slow burn. No forced kisses like in CACW (did you guys see that? what the fuck was that?). Only then, would I accept any sort of romantic sub-plot between characters.

In Hindsight: *ugly cries into pillow over how off the mark this was*

Fuck you Bucklemming.

Wish 8. More screen time for Dean and Cas = DESTIEL - Well obviously. It wouldn’t be a proper supernatural wishlist if it didn’t have Destiel written in big letters somewhere now would it? After all the build up in Season 11 in the subtext I am still convinced that this is going somewhere. The season finale has NOT destroyed my positivity at all. In fact it has only added to it. (come ask me about it if you want more info). At the end of the day, Dean and Cas are going to have to save Sam. This means spending time together trying to FIND Sam in a completely unknown city (hence my excitement over them renting a car and getting stuck on the M25 before ending up lost in somewhere like Surrey… Oh the fanfiction potential! I can practically taste it! I have faith in Dabb to bring us more destiel moments. he has always been good to us.

In Hindsight: *stops crying*

*jumps around in glee*

*remembers the end of 12x23*

*cries again*

Do I even need to talk about it? Every good wishlist should include destiel, but I NEVER would have predicted what they gave us. I NEVER would have seen it coming…

Mixtaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee

But seriously though? With the pining over each other in 12x09, the angel/human love stories and human weakness of 12x10, the LOVE CONFESSION of 12x12 and the MIXTAPE (among other amazing moments) in 12x19 where do I even START with season 12 destiel?!? The fact that they have ended it like they have KNOWING Cas is coming back… I mean… it is BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DREAMED UP. There is a reason we call it season fanfic 12. Holy crap it was glorious. I’m marking this a big YES for the wishlist.

Wish 9. Following on from the above… HUNTER CAS - Dabb brought us the wonderful episode Hunteri Heroci which had Cas try out his hunting skills (and save the day I might add). We know Dabb loves Cas. I have every reason to believe that Cas will get more time as a Hunter. I want him in MOTW episodes. He will be soooo good in MOTW episodes please please PLEASE let this happen! (especially if the MOTW episodes are set in BRITAIN because the boys are still out there dealing with the MOL and the Grand Coven…. I see them dealing with ghosts that are 1000 years old and haunting freaking castles… it will be glorious.)

In Hindsight: Does “Agent Beyonce” count as Hunter Cas? Because I want to count it. It may not have been on the level of Hunteri Heroici, but I loved his grumpy married couple bickering with Dean at the start of the season, the lumberjack comment? That was genius. Give us more stuff like that SPN PLEASE.

Wish 10. More funny episodes - More witches doing ridiculous things to the boys. Give me ACTUAL MOOSE SAM WINCHESTER PLEASE! Give me the kind of silly witch stories we have been reading about in fanfics for far too long… come on show, its season 12! What have you got to loose?

In Hindsight: Well, 12x11 was witches and was pretty funny whilst being equally heart breaking. Plus it gave us the wonderful end scene of Dean riding Larry to his hearts content. None of us are gonna forget that in a hurry. I think it counts. Even though I am still royally pissed off that they killed Rowena. *sigh*

We do have a Scooby Doo animated episode in season 13 though which again I never ever would have considered possible but heyho, they love to surprise us.

Wish 11. Beach Episode - This is purely for @elizabethrobertajones. Maybe once they are done in Britain, they’ll head off to the med for a true European beach experience… They’ll be fine as long as they have Cas with them. He speaks all the languages. He can order the cocktails and ice creams. ;-)

In Hindsight: I TAKE IT BACK. NO BEACH EPISODES EVER AGAIN. Sometimes I swear Dabb lurks on Lizzy’s blog to read the kind of stuff we are dreaming up just so he can grant our wishes in the MOST PAINFUL WAY EVER. Cas DIED on a beach. All Dean wanted was to visit a beach once in his life, but they KILLED CAS on a BEACH. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US DABB? WHY?

*continues sobbing into pillow*

Stay tuned for my Season 13 Wishlist... Once I stop crying...

[misccee]

Dean’s Realization

This isn’t a meta but I was recently thinking of Bi!Dean while I was riding on the bus (I was saving my phone battery so I had enough juice to check my bus app at my transfer point).

I’ve never really seen any meta about Dean’s lack of access or exposure to LBGTQI issues as a young person. What I mean is: John pretty much packed up their lives when Dean was 4 and entrusted Sam’s care to him (throughout the Midwest in the 80′s & 90′s, which wasn’t very progressive). Most of his early life was the Impala, motel rooms, and Sam. Not really much time to consume media. If he was watching TV I bet it was either cartoons for Sammy or sportsball with John while they cleaned their weapons. 

We know once he got past toddler age, John started training him in hand-to-hand and with implements of destruction. When he started to mature, John started actually taking him out on hunts. So we know Dan’s free time was spent: taking care of Sam; training; & hunting. We know he didn’t spend much time in any given school before finally dropping out and getting a GED, so it’s safe to assume he probably wasn’t much in the know re: “who’s going with who” school gossip, despite macking on girls for his own pursuits.

We know Performing!Dean rose from his father’s machismo and the toxic masculinity of the hunter culture at the time, but I’m curious as to when Dean realized liking boys was not universal, that it was a separate thing from him liking girls, and that he “apparently” wasn’t supposed to. Like, when did he learn the concepts and language of homo/bisexuality? 

I’m just imagining: Dean’s talking about how this boy Tony is just as cute as Jen to stand-in-friend #87 in 5th grade and that person is like, “Dude, that’s kinda gay.” and Dean’s like, “What’s ‘gay’?” and after he gets told he realizes “Oh, I guess I’m only supposed to like women???” Then he gets older and maybe Sam’s showing off his newly-learned vocabulary from his SAGA club like, “And Gerry is bisexual, so she says she has better odds,” and Dean makes a quip like, “Dude, does that mean she likes Star Trek or something?” and Sammy just bitchfaces him and is like, “No, Dean. It means she likes men AND women.” And Dean doesn’t say anything but he thinks to himself, “Wait, you can like both? Does that mean I can like both??” 

And it’s at this point when he actively starts repressing and hiding his attraction to men because he realizes he does and it’s A Thing, but also that in his father’s hunting culture he’s not allowed to. So yeah, John Winchester definitely hurt matters, but at what point is the repression an active choice and not just ignorance from lack of exposure/education?

[narcissusneverknewme]

Protection Detail Part Three: ♥ The Blossoming of Love ♥

Chapter Five: Kinsey Scales and Dragon Tales

It was clear that Draco had assumed that once the holidays ended and school resumed things, would go back to the way they were before the break. Harry, Neville, and Susan would follow him around incessantly and Ron, Hermione, and Ginny would mostly ignore him, and he would spend most of his free time in the Slytherin common room. He maintained that it was safe for him now that there was more than one student in there at any given time.

Slytherins as a whole, he had explained, were always going to protect their own. While they might not be willing to trail around after him between classes like pathetic puppies in need of attention, they would never allow him to be attacked while they were present. So long as he was not alone, he was safe. Harry did not see it that way.

“If some of them wanted to get at you so bad that they devoted their entire holiday to it-- “ Harry had said.

“Only to be foiled,” Hermione had added, brandishing a finger.

“...Then you can bet they’re more determined than ever.” Harry had finished.

So, even with the return of the Slytherins in full force and with Neville and Susan back to help with protection detail, Draco was spending a lot of time with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.It seemed like the only time the four of them weren’t either in class or together, was during meals and after curfew. With reestablishment of the four house tables, Draco broke off from the group every time they entered the Great Hall.

Harry took a sip of pumpkin juice as he looked up at the enchanted ceiling. The sky was cloudy and dark, blocking out the sun in a sea of gray and silver.

“Harry?! What are you grinning about? Did you hear what Hermione said?” Ron interrupted his thoughts loudly.

“What? No, sorry Hermione. What was it?” Harry said, blinking at her.

“Neville’s got a herbology assignment. He and Draco are in a group with two others and after last class they’re going to spend the day in the Forbidden Forest gathering plant specimens. Apparently Hagrid’s got babysit them, so we can’t go visit him today, either. We’ll have the whole day to ourselves.”

“Oh, uh-huh?” Harry said, looking over at the Slytherin table. Draco was eating with one hand and trying to put a spell on his book bag with the other. He was finally putting on some of the weight he had lost, Harry noticed offhandedly. A voice like Mrs. Weasley’s sounded in his head, not nearly enough, it said.

“Well, Harry? What do you think?”

“Er, yes?”

Quidditch practice ended with Harry feeling confident about his team’s chances for the cup. Harry wasn’t much worried about Ravenclaw this year, and Hufflepuff was doing surprisingly well but Harry was sure his team was better. Slytherin was a threat. After seeing the way his team flew today, though, Harry felt very good about their odds.

He and Ron had planned to meet Hermione by the lake. Halfway there Ron said he’d left something and sprinted back to the castle, calling over his shoulder for Harry to join Hermione.

Harry and Hermione started their slow walk along the lakeside in silence. Then Hermione cleared her throat and sighed.

“You know we love you, right?”

Harry stopped, turning to blink at her, “Yeah. I mean… Yeah. Me too, obviously…” he said awkwardly.

Hermione ran a nervous hand along the strap of her book bag and said, “Ron and I have been talking and,” She paused to take a deep breath, “Well, you haven’t been out much.”

She seemed to expect him to say something. “Hermione, we’re out right now.”

“No, I meant like romantically. On dates. With girls."

“I went out with Cho--”

“Yes, briefly, in our 5th year. But I mean now. You haven’t been seeing anyone?” It sounded like a question.

“Come on, I would have told you. Besides, how would I hide something like that? Why would I?”

“There’s no one you’re interested in?” She pressed.

“I would have told you, wouldn’t I?” Harry repeated.

“Well, we just thought you mightn’t if you thought we didn’t like them or if… maybe it wasn’t a girl?”

“What?” Harry snorted, “Do you think I’ve got a thing for the Giant Squid?”

Hermione colored, “No, we thought… since you’re muggle-raised you might not be comfortable with the idea of two men--”

“Hermione, I’m not gay,” Harry said, amused, “and while the Dursleys might, I haven’t got a problem with people being gay.”

“I’m sure you don’t consciously,” Harry tried to interrupt, but Hermione just raised her voice and her eyebrows, barreling on, “And clearly you aren’t gay, Harry, but… we thought you might be bisexual. You always seemed like you were a bit attracted to Bill, Dean, Zabini, Diggory--”

“To be fair, everyone was ‘a bit attracted’ to Cedric.” Harry said.

“You do realize straight men don’t usually say things like that, don’t you?”

“Just because I can admit that another bloke is attractive--”

“But there’s a difference between admitting someone is attractive and admitting that you are attracted to him.” Hermione said.

They resumed walking, not speaking for a moment.

“You really think I’m gay?”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Bisexual. Bi. As in both. Men and women.”

“Listen, I don’t think so. I think I’d know,“ Harry said stubbornly.

“Okay. If you’re sure. Ron and I just wanted to make sure you know that we support you regardless of what you like or who you date.”

“Okay. Thanks?” Harry thought for a moment. “Wait… how long have you two been talking about this?” Hermione looked at him guilty. He narrowed his eyes at her as he spoke, “Ron said something about it in the Great Hall months ago. I thought he was kidding.”

“Yes, well, we’ve wanted to talk to you for a while-- “

“You’ve wanted to know if I was gay for months?”

“Bisexual, Harry.”

“Months? Why didn’t you just ask?”

“Well I wondered-- wonder-- if you even know yourself. Have you ever thought about it?”

“No. But don’t you think I’d know if I were?”

“Not necessarily, not raised by who you were. You didn’t realize that you’d been doing magic for 11 years until it blew down the door and gave your cousin a pig’s tail! Your aunt and uncle wanted to suppress it in you and it wouldn’t surprise me if they were the type of muggle who’d want to repress your sexuality, too. And, I’m sorry Harry, but you’ve never been any good at self-reflection.” She said. Harry eyed her in irritation.

“Fine. What do you want me to do? Go around kissing boys for a week, jot down a few notes, and report back?”

“Actually,” Hermione said as, to Harry’s horror, she reached into her bag and withdrew a large roll of parchment, “This is a Kinsey Scale test.” She said. Harry felt a wave of relief that it wasn’t notepaper, she continued, “I’ve done some reading and… it’s supposed to help you think about stuff like this. It’s normal for people to be unsure of where they fall on the scale and this can be helpful place to start questioning…” Harry sighed but allowed her to shove the parchment into his hands. “It’s enchanted to grade itself. You have to be completely honest, though.” She added.

“I don’t need a test to tell me who I am,” Harry said.

“No but… It’s just supposed to help you think. Please, Harry, just read it over sometime. Please?”

Soon after, Ron joined them. “So,” he greeted Hermione, “did you ask him?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, “and she gave me some wonky test to take.”

“It’s a Kinsey Scale test, it’s a scale from, zero to six, to see--"

“Where you sit on the gay-straight spectrum.” Ron finished for her. The other two stared at him until he explained, “Charlie took it once.”

“What did he get?” Harry asked.

“X,” Ron said.

“X?” Harry asked, “I thought it was out of six?”

“Yeah,” Ron said, “if you’re on the gay-straight spectrum.”

“What?” Harry asked, now completely lost, “How can you not be?”

“Charlie prefers eating cake to snogging and thinks dragons are more interesting than boys or girls.” Ron explained, shrugging.

“Charlie’s asexual?” Hermione asked.

“What’s asexual?” Harry asked.

“Ron just explained what it is,” Hermione said.

“Well then why did you ask?”

###

That night when Harry was sure Ron was asleep, he took Hermione’s test, trying to be as honest as possible. He found some of the questions deeply embarrassing, and a lot of them were hard to answer. When he finished, he held his breath as the space at the bottom began to display words in a boring, neutral font, “3” his results read “You are equally heterosexual and homosexual. You feel romantic interest and sexual attraction to both genders and may identify as bisexual.” Harry wondered if Hermione had rigged the test.

Of course she didn’t, he reprimanded himself. Still, better to check. The parchment could be faulty.

He retook it, this time changing his answers to ones that sounded like something Charlie Weasley would say. “X” the parchment concluded, “You have no socio-sexual contacts or reactions. You likely do not experience sexual attraction, and may not experience romantic desire. You might identify as asexual.”

&nbsp

He had been jumpy all day. Dean Thomas was in a good mood and his bright smile haunted Harry. Then he bumped into sixth year Ravenclaw boy on the third floor and apologized, red-faced. Did I blush because he’s good-looking or because I just ran into him in an almost-empty passageway like an idiot? Neville passed him an ink well in class and for a moment Harry was afraid the that world had come to a dark, cruel ending and he was attracted to Neville Longbottom. A moment later, however, Harry realized he’d been over analyzing things.

He took a couple of deep breaths and shook his head to clear it. He was not interested in Dean Thomas or that random Ravenclaw and he was certainly not attracted to Neville. Hermione was wrong and so was her test.

By the time he walked into potions he was feeling much better. He sat as his usual seat and waited for Slughorn to get started.

“Alright, class! We’re going to be trying something new this afternoon, just to spice things up. Everyone find a partner from a different house. We’re going to be brewing Comitate Inimicus today!” There was some groaning, followed by shuffling around, as the class re-arranged itself.

Harry gathered his things and walked to the desk next to Draco without pausing to think. Draco stared.

“What?” Harry asked grumpily.

“Nothing.” Draco said, still eyeing Harry.

Harry set his cauldron down forcefully and met Draco’s gaze. They stood like that for a moment, just looking at each other. Harry felt like there was something caught in his throat and he couldn’t breathe properly. He’d noticed this happening a few times before, but what he had not noticed was that Draco’s gray eyes held the tiniest bit of blue near their centers. It was like seeing water among the stars.

Slughorn’s voice rang out, “Haha, boys, you’d better get started if you don’t want to fall behind. Miss Granger has already got a head start on you!” Harry jumped and turned to Slughorn. Slughorn winked and Harry, who felt his face flushing for the second time that day, spun to look at Hermione. She was giving him her best I’m-not-saying-anything expression as she shredded stapelia flowers.

Harry tried to avoid making eye contact with Draco for the rest of the class, something that proved easy, as the potion was a challenging one.

The next few weeks passed as Harry slowly processed the truth. He was taken aback by how astonishingly little his recent realizations changed. He was definitely attracted to males (Dean Thomas and that random Ravenclaw from the third floor included). This turned out to not really be a big deal. He’d always reacted this way to men, he just had never understood it to be attraction.

He found Ginny and Susan very pretty, it had never made him weird or uncomfortable around them. He now recognized that he had thought Dean handsome long before he noticed that he thought Dean was handsome, and it had never made him weird around Dean either, because he didn’t think of Dean in terms of attractiveness any more than he did Ginny or Susan, they were just his (very good-looking) friends. So neither Dean or the Third Floor Ravenclaw were a problem. In fact, the problem seemed to be Draco.

It’s not because I’m more attracted to him, it’s just that it’s weirder that I am, Harry reasoned as he looked at Draco surreptitiously over the Herbology homework he was pretending to do.

It was their free period and they were sitting in the armchairs next to the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room. No one even bothered to looked Draco’s way anymore, the entirety of Gryffindor was now thoroughly accustomed to the sight of the Slytherin in their common room. Manasa was slowly climbing up Draco’s shoulder, it didn’t seem as though Draco had noticed yet.

But, I mean, objectively, from an outside point of view… If you didn’t know what a colossal prat he is… Harry ducked his head as Draco glanced up, the firelight catching in his white eyelashes and casting strange, feathery shadows across his cheeks. It’s just because he’s not as established as a friend. In my head. That’s what it is.

In that moment Harry came to two realizations. First, that he was an abysmal liar; second, that he unequivocally considered Draco his friend.

Harry looked up at his newfound friend in wonder. Draco had finally noticed Manasa and had pulled her off his side and set her in his lap. He was stroking the back of her head with one finger as he read.

“Warm. But very silly.” She told Harry.

“Silly?” Harry asked. Draco’s eyes snapped up to him, but Harry was focused on his pet, “What’s he done this time?” He asked.

“This not as warm. Skin is warm.”

“Were you hoping he’d let you wiggle under his jumper?” Harry asked, amused. He sometimes let her lay over his shoulders and worm her tail under his collar when she was cold, but no one else gave her the chance.

“Yes,” She answered, “But he is silly.”

“It’s not that silly, Mans. You feel cold to him.”

“Not if he makes warm.” She answered petulantly.

Harry looked up, grinning, to see Draco watching him. “What did she say?” Draco asked.

“She’s complaining.

“What on earth does she have to complain about?”

“The closer she is to you, the warmer she is.

“Oh,” Draco said with a sneer, “She thinks that just because her owner is a giant marshmallow everyone else is going to let her put her cold, scaly body wherever she wants. Is that it?”

“You’re right,” Harry told Manasa, “He is very silly.”

###

The Easter holidays were fast approaching and they were all avoiding the question of who was going to stay with Draco. After a few days of uncertainty, the four of them were sitting at a table in the Gryffindor common room. Harry had fallen asleep on his arms.

Voices filtered through his sleepy ears as he started to wake up.

“No, I’m not going home, and no you’re not all staying. Mordred, you three are ridiculous.”

“Everyone else is going away again.” Hermione argued, “And we can’t just leave you here, Draco.”

“Yes you can, I’m not a child.”

“Malfoy, mate, Hermione’s right. Even if we thought you’d be fine, Harry’s not going to let us leave you. You know how he gets.” Harry resented that last bit. The year he’d spent on the run had made him cautious, but it hadn’t turning him into some kind of… Moody or something.

“You’re right,” Draco said, “He’s even more impossible than you clowns.”

“Look, he’s never going to agree to let you stay here by himself. You know he’d rather sacrifice his own comfort than let you get hurt,” Ron half whispered. Harry practically heard Draco’s eyeroll. “But,” Ron went on, “I think he’d like to go to the Burrow for the holiday; and Mum’s set on having him over.”

“Yes,” drawled Draco, “best not let Mummy down, she must have quite the temper, with hair that color.”

“Draco--” Hermione warned.

“Well, what do you want me to do about it? I don’t see a solution, do you?”

“Molly says you can come to the Burrow with us.” Hermione said.

There was a moment of silence.

“I’m not. I won’t.”

“It’s only fair,” Ron said, “He’s already given up one holiday for you."

“But we only want to do it if you’re going to try to be pleasant.” Hermione added quickly, “Mrs. Weasley is one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever--”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure you worship the earth under her impoverished feet,” Draco interrupted. There was a tense pause. Then, “Fine,” Draco said, “I’ll do it. And yes Granger, I’ll be all sunshine and daisies to Mr. and Mrs. Mink.”

“I’d stop with the weasel jokes, Draco,” Harry said, stretching his arms and rubbing his eyes, “We’ve not forgotten a certain white ferret we all met in fourth year.” Harry looked up at Draco from his position slumped across the table, “I personally liked him but I’m not sure you’d appreciate his reappearance.”

Three bright red faces avoided Harry’s eyes, as though they’d thought they were having a covert conversation. Right in front of him. Harry rolled his eyes.

###

On the first evening of spring break, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Harry, and Draco appeared a short walk from the Burrow, clutching a suitcase apiece and dressed in muggle clothes. Draco looked extremely apprehensive, something that didn’t bode well for Harry’s hopes that he’d be civil. As the sun set behind them, the four walked the short distance to the Weasley’s home in relative silence.

Harry was still unsure about this whole thing, and had only agreed to come because he’d been compelled to by a warm letter from Mrs. Weasley specifically asking him to spend the holiday with at the Burrow, and assuring him that “any friends of yours, Harry dear, will always be welcome.”

Just before their little party reached front porch, Molly Weasley opened the front door. Out poured five Weasleys, Fleur’s golden hair standing out in a sea of ginger.

“Charlie’s not here?” Ron called over his mother’s shoulder as she embraced him.

“He’ll be here in a few days.” said Percy.

Mrs. Weasley had released Ron and was now giving Hermione warm hug. The others crowded around, patting backs and punching shoulders. Fleur was also doling out hugs, having claimed Ginny first, and then Harry.

When Mrs. Weasley reached him she whispered “Welcome home, Harry,” as she wrapped him in a hug. Harry pretended that he had not gone slightly pink and that his eyes had not stung at the words, and hugged her back firmly.

She released him and turned to Draco, who had looked mildly uncomfortable before, but who now turned to her, eyes wide with trepidation.

“Ah, Draco. Welcome.” She said, leaning in and giving him a one-armed hug. Draco patted her lightly, looking as though he was poised to run.

She pulled away as Fred shouted, “Don’t suffocate him, Mum!”

“Yeah, Mum,” George added, “He’s not used to affection!”

Molly turned to admonish her sons, but Harry caught the look of relief on Draco’s face. Draco, Harry felt sure, had been ready for hostility, maybe even icy diplomacy, but he had been completely unprepared for Mrs. Weasley’s heartfelt welcome. Harry tried to communicate “I told you so” with his eyebrows behind Molly’s back.

Soon enough the welcome party ushered the four of them inside. Ron led the way to his bedroom, where Harry had always stayed when he came and which Draco would now share with them.

Harry smirked at the look on Draco’s face.

“It’s…”

“Fantastic, right?” Harry grinned, dropping his bag on the floor.

“Worse than your common room! Why is it orange? Everything is… so orange.”

Harry laughed and clapped Ron and Draco on the backs, “Well, I can smell your mum’s cooking already, Ron, so I’m off.”

Draco sat between Harry and Hermione. Ginny sat opposite him and gave him a knowing smile. He returned it a little sarcastically, but Harry saw that he’d relaxed considerably. Harry grinned at Ginny and she gave him a wink. This seemed to irritate Draco, to Harry’s delight

Draco didn’t say much at dinner, other than when he got in an argument with Percy over homecare potion regulations and when Fleur engaged him in a discussion held in rapid fire French.

“I didn’t know you spoke French,” Harry said to Draco.

“Your petit ami speaks very well, Aarry.”

Draco colored slightly. “No. No, no,” he said, with an impressively convincing fake laugh, “Pas mon petit ami, mi bon ami.>”

“Ah, no! Pardon! Although, you know, c’est triste. I like you, Draco.” She said.

Draco laughed again and shifted in his seat. He glanced at Harry, “au moins quelqu'un fait.”

Bill laugh, Draco turned to him, eyes narrowing. “You speak French, too?” he asked, looked somehow more embarrassed than before. Bill just grinned and took his wife’s hand. Draco looked around “How many of you?”

Four or five people laughed at this as Bill assured Draco that it was just himself and Fleur.

While Harry didn’t speak French, he was pretty sure he knew what Fleur’s mistake had been. Harry, along with half the table, pretended not to have heard a word.

The rest of the holiday went by easily. The twins had snark offs with Draco a few times, but they all seemed to enjoy themselves. After the first night or two, Draco relaxed, even surrounded as he was by redheaded blood traitors.

One of the highlights of the trip was the friendly games of quidditch. When Harry first jumped on his broom he felt the same rush flying always gave him. The weather was starting to warm up and the wind felt delicious as it brushed his cheek and whipped through his hair.

Draco was just as competitive in the Weasley’s backyard as he was on the Hogwarts pitch. He and Harry streaked through the air, just avoiding knocking one another off their brooms and weaving between the other players. Somehow, Harry and Draco wound up on the same team for the third game. They had broken for lunch when Charlie had arrived and when they split back up Draco was on Bill’s team, Charlie on Arthur's. They played for hours.

On the last night of their stay they were seated around the table, just having finished dinner. They joking and discussing quidditch when Mrs. Weasley declared, “there’s something you’re father’s been meaning to say.”

Mr. Weasley cleared his throat. Everyone went quiet and watched him expectantly. He look at Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny in turn as he spoke, “You’re all adults now. You’re about to leave school for good. That means a lot of good things, there lots of things for you to do and experience now, but it also means responsibility. You can’t lose sight of what’s important. Friends, family, what’s right here, at this table.”

Harry felt Draco stir next to him and felt a strange urge to touch him, to pat his back or something. Harry didn’t move, he may have even stopped blinking.

Mr. Weasley started polishing his glasses as he went on, “You’ll have to decide your priorities for yourselves. If you value anything or any person, if you want them stay in your life, you have to make the effort. When you know what is important you have to do more than just leave room for it, life doesn’t let you just leave room. You either pursue it or it fades away.”

“Like when Charlie went off to Romania,” Mrs. Weasley put it, looking fondly at her son.

“Yes, exactly,” agreed Mr. Weasley, “He decided family was a priority. It isn’t as easy as it seems to stay in contact, to visit, to send letters once you’ve grown up. Even for Bill and Percy, and the twins, and they all live in England.”

“Come on, Dad, we do a great job, don’t we Fred?” ‘That we do, George. Come home to eat every time we get hungry, don’t we?”

Mr. Weasley chuckled.

“All of you do a wonderful job,” Mrs. Weasley said fondly, “It would be nice to see some of you a bit more,” she glanced at Percy and then Bill, “but we know you’re busy with your own lives. That’s what your dad’s trying to say. If it’s important you have to fight for it, and it isn’t easy.”

When the holiday was over Mrs. Weasley sent them all back with more homemade sweets than any of them could possibly want. It had been satisfying for Harry, seeing Molly fuss over Draco at every meal. She by no means neglected to strongarm Harry into seconds and thirds of everything; but oh! how she had lamented at Draco’s thin frame! Harry grinned into his potatoes the first time she had forced yet another helping onto Draco’s plate. Harry had relished the quiet panic in the other boy’s eyes. The sight didn’t get less enjoyable as it became more common, either.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel: Season 6 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 6 Summary Analysis

Castiel keeps his distance from Dean in an effort to protect him. He sees that Dean has a real shot at a happy, normal life and does not want to interfere with that. Being separated from Dean’s influence causes Cas to lose his way, and he becomes hardened and less sympathetic toward humans. Dean considers Cas to be a close friend, and he tries to stay loyal even when Sam and Bobby suspect Cas is up to something. Dean feels betrayed at Castiel’s manipulation and severely disappointed that he would stoop to working with Crowley instead of going to him for help.

My interpretation: Cas lets go of the possibility of a romantic relationship with Dean because he sees that Dean is happy with Lisa. Cas throws all off his energy into the war with Raphael to cope with this loss. Dean loves Lisa, but their relationship doesn’t work out because she and Ben cannot share the hunting life with Dean. After distancing himself from Lisa, Dean’s feelings for Cas grow, but he still does not fully admit them to himself. He repeatedly exhibits behavior typical of someone who is repressing an aspect of their sexuality.

6.01 Exile on Main St.

When Dean asks about Cas, Sam says he hasn’t heard from Cas at all and doesn’t know where he is.

6.03 The Third Man

Dean suggests calling Cas for help on a case. When he shows up, Sam is pissed that Cas answered Dean’s prayer when his own have gone unanswered for the past year. Cas tells Sam he and Dean have a profound bond, which makes Dean slightly uncomfortable: “Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn’t gonna mention it.”

Cas, who is in soldier mode due to the angel civil war, explains that he answered Dean’s prayer to retrieve the Staff of Moses: “Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. But believe me, you do not want that weapon down here. Help me find it, or more people will die.”

Dean unsuccessfully tries to talk Cas out of doing a soul cavity search on a young boy: “You’re gonna torture a kid.” “I can’t care about that, Dean. I don’t have the luxury.”

Cas explains the Raphael situation and apologizes for not being upfront about it: “Cas, why didn’t you tell us this?” “I was ashamed. I expected more from my brothers. I’m sorry.” 

Cas chooses Dean over Balthazar: “I believe the hairless ape has the floor.”

6.06 You Can’t Handle the Truth

Cas answers Dean’s call for help diagnosing Sam. He feels bad for not coming to Dean sooner, and Dean convinces him to help figure out what’s wrong with Sam:  “What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.” “I’m at war. Certain regrettable things are now required of me.” Cas pours Dean a drink while they’re talking.

Lisa breaks things off with Dean because of Dean’s obsession with hunting, his unhealthy relationship with Sam, and because of what happened when Dean was a vampire: “You’ve got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life like that and not freak out?”

6.07 Family Matters

Cas determines that Sam has no soul. Cas uses sarcasm with Dean, which throws Dean off a little: “Of course. Your problems always come first.”

6.10 Caged Heat

Dean feels uncomfortable when Cas reveals he’s watching a porno while Sam and Dean are doing research in the next room: “If the pizza man truly loves this baby sitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she‘s done something wrong.” “You’re watching porn? Why?” “It was there.” “You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes, and you don’t talk about it. Just turn it off!” Cas gets a boner, and he doesn’t turn it off. Samuel walks in and comments: “This is what you boys do—sit around watching pornos with angels?” “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”

Dean notices that Cas is not helping to find Crowley: “You know, Cas, you could help.” “I’m ambivalent about what we’re attempting.” “Well, breakin’ into monster gitmo is not exactly a two-for-one in the champagne room.”

Cas shows genuine concern for Sam and thinks Dean may be making a rash decision: “Sam’s soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year, and they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. Do you understand? If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam’s gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic.”

When the hell hounds come, Meg agrees to stay behind to fight them. She kisses Cas, and he kisses her back, which thoroughly confuses Dean and Sam: “I learned that from the pizza man.”

When Meg leaves, Dean teases Cas, but he’s too naive to understand: “Well, she’s smart, I’ll give her that. I was gonna kill her, too. ‘Course I’d have given you an hour with her first.” “Why would I want that?”

Dean thanks Cas for his help and offers help in return: “Crowley was right. It’s not going well for me upstairs.” “If there’s anything we can do...” “There isn’t. I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time, I’d rather be here.” “Cas, we know you’ve got a steaming pile on your plate. There’s no need for apologies. We’re your friends.”

6.12 Like a Virgin

Cas and Dean argue about returning Sam’s soul to his body: “I’m sorry, Dean, but I warned you not to put that thing back inside him.” “What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around, hope he doesn’t open fire?” “Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should’ve done it outright.”

6.15 The French Mistake

Dean is frustrated that Cas agreed to use him and Sam as bait: “When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose everything.” “Yeah, Cas, we know the stakes. That’s about all you’ve told us!”

Cas feels bad for being so secretive: “I’m sorry about all this. I’ll explain when I can.”

6.17 My Heart Will Go On

Balthazar expresses resentment of Castiel’s fondness toward Dean: “Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you?”

Cas is willing to kill Fate to save the Winchesters: “If I know her, and I do, she won’t stop until you’re dead.” “Awesome. So what do we do?” “Kill her.”

Cas refers to the Winchesters as friends: “You need new friends, Cas.” “I’m trying to save the ones I have, Dean.”

Cas chooses the Winchesters’ safety over the power of 50,000 souls after Fate threatens to kill them.

Cas demonstrates his belief in free will, and his appreciation for what Dean and Sam have taught him: “You’re the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don’t have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. I still believe that that’s something worth fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that.”

6.18 Frontierland

Dean calls Cas to help with time travel. Rachel answers for him, and she talks down to Winchesters for trying to take Cas away from battle. Cas interrupts her as she’s insulting them. She is surprised that he would drop everything to help them.

6.19 Mommy Dearest

Bobby recognizes Dean as the one Cas consistently responds to: “Why does it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. Dude’s busy... Cas, get out of my ass!” Cas and Dean share an awkward look: “I was never in your...”

Dean appreciates Cas being there to help fight Eve: “Well, if she is here, I’m glad we’ve got Smitey McSmiterton on our squad.”

Castiel’s feelings are hurt when Dean insults him for being powerless: “Something in this town is affecting me. I assume it’s Eve.” “So, wait, Mom’s making you limp?” “Figuratively, yes.” “How?” “I don’t know, but she is.” “Oh, well that’s great, ‘cause without your power you’re basically just a baby in a trench coat.” Cas glares at Dean and looks out the window, prompting Sam to say, “I think you hurt his feelings.”

Dean teases Cas some more: “I’m fairly unpracticed with firearms.” “You know who whines? Babies.”

Cas and Dean disagree over taking time to save two young boys: “Millions of lives are at stake here, not just two. Stay focused.” “Are you kidding?” “There’s a greater purpose here.” “You know what? I’m getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I’d like to do right now is save a couple of kids, if you don’t mind.”

Cas doesn’t understand why the Winchesters don’t share his sense of urgency: “Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with ‘sarcasm.’ It was a bad idea letting them go.”

Even without his powers, Cas tortures a monster without blinking an eye.

Despite Castiel’s apparent lack of empathy toward humans, he yells out in anguish when Eve bites Dean.

When Sam and Bobby express suspicion that Cas is working with Crowley, Dean can’t get on board with the idea: “Bobby this is Cas we’re talking about.”

6.20 The Man Who Would be King

We learn that Cas, overconfident after being brought back by God, pulled Sam out of the pit. We also learn that Cas initially went to Dean for help with Raphael, but chose not to ask him because he wants Dean to have a real shot at happiness: “Everything he sacrificed, and I was about to ask him for more.”

Cas initially went back to heaven to try to explain the concept of free will to the other angels, but he has grown pessimistic over time: “If I knew then what I know now, I might’ve said, ‘It’s simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.’”

Dean continues to believe that Cas was tricked by Crowley instead of believing that Cas has been lying to him. He even offers to help Cas: “Cas, you’ll call, right? If you get into real trouble?”

Dean feels uncomfortable lying to Cas: “You know, he’s our friend. And we are lying to him through our teeth.” “He is the Balki Bartokomous of heaven. He can make a mistake.” “This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one, and we were stuck, and I mean really stuck, he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat, cut and bleeding for us, so many freakin’ times. This is Cas! Don’t we owe him the benefit of the doubt, at least?”

It’s hard for Cas to watch Dean defending him: “And the worst part was Dean trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.”

Cas second guesses his choice to deceive the Winchesters: “I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I don’t know anymore.” “Hiding, lying, sweeping away evidence... and my motives used to be so pure.”

Cas is unsure if he’s doing the right thing by working with Crowley: “My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian. They taught me how to stand up, what to stand for, and what generally happens to you when you do.”

After Bobby refers to Cas as “a Superman who’s gone dark side,” Dean deflects his status as Castiel’s closest friend onto Sam, “This makes you Lois Lane.”

Cas saves the Winchesters from demons even though he knows it’ll anger Crowley: “For a brief moment, I was me again.”

Cas is furious with Crowley for sending demons to kill the Winchesters: “I’m only gonna say his once. If you touch a hair on their heads, I will tear it all down. Our arrangement, everything. I’m still an angel, and I will bury you.”

Dean is elated to see Cas when he returns: “Well, Bobby, what do you think about Cas saving our asses, again?” “We never should’ve doubted you. We just hope you can forgive us.”

When Dean realizes that Cas HAS been lying to them, he feels betrayed—much moreso than Sam and Bobby: “You gotta look at me, man. You gotta level with me and tell me what’s going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not working with Crowley.” “Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it, like we always have. What we don’t do is we don’t go out and make another deal with the devil.” “Yeah, it sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?” “I was there. Where were you? You should’ve come to us for help, Cas.”

Cas desperately tries to make Dean understand: “I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you. You’re the one who taught me that freedom and free will...”

Dean pleads with Cas to stop what he’s doing for his sake: “You’re a freakin’ child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want, doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want.” “I’m not gonna logic you, okay? I’m saying don’t just ‘cause. I’m asking you not to. That’s it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family, that you are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me, man.”

Castiel’s ego gets in the way of trusting Dean: “I’ll do what I have to do to stop you.” “You can’t, Dean. You’re just a man. I’m an angel.” “I don’t know, I’ve taken on some pretty big fish.” “I’m sorry, Dean.” “Well, I’m sorry, too, then.”

Cas struggles with a crisis of faith because of his differences with Dean.

6.21 Let It Bleed

Cas is furious with Crowley for kidnapping Ben and Lisa. 

Cas tries again to make amends with Dean and help him understand his position: “I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that, too. Shouldn’t trust run both ways?” “Cas, I just can’t.” “Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats. I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing. I’ve earned that, Dean. I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me the one time I ask.”

Cas is hurt when Dean compares him to Crowley and won’t trust him. He is also mad at himself for letting things get to this point. Dean can’t let it go because he feels so betrayed: “Why don’t you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said you can both kiss my ass.”

Cas comes to heal Lisa in the hospital and apologizes to Dean. Dean asks him to wipe Lisa and Ben’s memories of him.

6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much

Dean and Castiel continue to fight. When Dean refuses to let Cas follow through on his plan to open Purgatory, Cas breaks down the wall in Sam’s mind.

Cas feels like everyone has abandoned him: “I’m doing my best in impossible circumstances. My friends, they abandon me, plot against me. It’s difficult to understand.”

Dean pleas with Cas to return the souls to Purgatory: “I know there’s a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I’d have died for you—I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you, please... I’ve lost Lisa, I’ve lost Ben, and now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

The combination of Castiel’s feelings of abandonment combined with the souls scrambling his brain lead him to reject Dean: “You’re not my family, Dean. I have no family.”