#it was one of those really good hugs
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The hot server came to the christmas potluck at work today!
#it made me very happy to see him since his last day was sunday#he went out of his way to get my attention while i was working#and he hugged me before he left.#it was one of those really good hugs#where he put his arms over my shoulders and pulled me against him#and my arms were around his waist with my hands on his back#🥰#i got it so bad for him😩
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rook falling asleep on the red couch in the lighthouse dining room while lucanis is making dinner....... they were helping out by keeping him company and peeling and chopping potatoes for a while there but then the potatoes are done and the room is so safe and warm and smells like coffee and good food and lucanis is trying to explain something to spite and his voice is low and soft and good to listen to and rook's eyes only slip closed for a moment. they'll get up to save the world again or whatever in a second just. one moment. while the world is warm and kind. and then they're being shaken gently awake an hour later because it's time to eat and everyone's starting to drift hopefully dinner-wards
#lucanis looking down at peacefully sleeping rook like '...I *have* to figure out more things I can do for them than kill or die#because that's a bit limited long-term and one of those will probably mostly make them really upset. (also you only get to do it once.#just not good value for the price as gestures of love go.)#but maker I WILL also do that' as he drapes a blanket over them. and maybe strokes their hair. don't look at me#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#do you guys ever yearn. are you filled with unspeakable longing. are you ever brought to your knees humbled and wrecked#before the altar of the mortifying simplicity and lack of grandeur of your own impossible desires. anyway#at one point rye is going to tell this man in a sort of bewilderment of joy and relief 'you make me feel so safe'#and he'll have to go 'you may be surprised to hear that that is not a sentiment a man in my profession gets to hear a lot usually'#'well get used to hearing it (bitch)(infinitely affectionate)'#and then they hug or something idk don't speak to me do not look at me
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jesus christ, doc, i thought you were a goner! warn a guy next time, will ya? jesus christ, doc. jesus christ
bonus doodle post-extra-long-hug:
(listen im a sucker for the forehead kisses alright. whenever it happens in a fic i eat that shit UP. it's the cutest thing ever idc)
#back to the future#bttf#bttf fanart#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#happy bttf day! good thing i fell into the hyperfixation hole before the crash course of dates here in oct-nov instead of after#otherwise i'd have to wait a whole year! anyways#THEY SHOULDVE HUGGED IN THIS SCENE ARGJARHGARHAJ#they totally did guys trust me they totally did.#honestly i love how everyone agrees yeah they hugged immediately after the scene cut we just didn't see it#bc it is real. and true. canon even!#they should've hugged at the end of part 3 also but i digress#im so happy im an artist guys i can draw whatever the hell i want. i can will scenes that should've happened into existence#see what happens when i really try? see what happens when i give it my all? /ref#this turned out soo well i'm very happy with it. at the same time i can totally see it being one of those pieces where you look back in a#year or two and go damn why that limb at that angle#the tool belt is not accurate at all i just couldn't be bothered. drew a “placeholder” thing for it before looking at refs and got lazy#kit does an art#tag as ship and it's your knees
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whole cake island live doodle reaction
#jo catch up on one piece tag#my art#made this 3 days ago forgot to post cause wano is hypnotizing ig. my conclusion to one piece so far is i need to draw everyone hugging. the#all love each others so much. need to draw kid and killer hugging next specifically because MANNN#also if i had to pick a fav episode im thinking 957+some of 958?(im watching the kai version so idk) i just love the geopolitics of it all.#everytime i see those seagulls im so happy because it means stuff is happening and thats so cool. also the animation at morgans' office was#sooooo good. the whole ep really. like everything has consequences on the world thats one of my fav thing about one piece#undescribed
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I love cryptid/monsterous!Batman AU's bc it's always like, this horror movie creature made of darkness and fear is secretly autistic and a good dad even if he doesn't really get how people work. Also Alfred is there and he's usually normal but he's just used to the nightmare demon that is his kind-of son. The dark creature might be kind of in love with the brightly colored alien man who treats him like a very large feral cat. Are the kids Creatures too? maybe, maybe not, either way they like their inhuman demon father and feel safe within his infinitely dark embrace.
#batman being absolutely pants-shittingly terrifying to everyone except kids especially his kids is such a good trope#those wings/cape is so weighted blanket coded#i know part of the fun of batman is that he's just human but i think comic artists forget that bc like... how he do that...#he is just swirling darkness and glowing eyes and kids still love him#he has the vibe of someone who gives really good hugs even though he's wearing armor#batman#batfam#hes like if mothman appeared one day and led a group of superheroes and also kept getting adopted by human children
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Ok Inertia came in swinging with a beat that slaps so hard I forgot to duck and was knocked on my ass by the force that is the last two verses.
#AJR#the maybe man#holy shit i just started sobbing you don't understand#Why does it hit so fucking hard#the gradual tension that just picks up as the verses continue???#those 3rd and 4th ones just suddenly pick you up and you're getting just as full of emotion and angry and sad and everything slaps you holy#sorry i don't usually blog about music im just#the maybe man was really good I enjoyed it thoroughly#turning out part iii also hit me but in the kind of way where i want to just go hug my fiancee and tell them i love them and im thankful#that they're here ;w;#holy hell i probably won't shut up about this to friends for the next few days#my post
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I'M SORRY I'LL LIKE,, Never draw any other characters these 2 are just my FAVORITES....💓💓‼️😭😭😭 and it's ultimately just a lot of friend hugs
#the last one with the brick hug was actually one i forgot to post💔#I REALLY only drew most of those hugs bc i thought of like. peppino never returns fake peppino hugs#so i tried to come up with a Reason Why hed return them and my only conclusion was if he were just... tired#exhausted so he just doesnt have the energy to be scared or angry hes just. slump.#but hugs!!! good for the soul!!! friends#and of course a clone peppino on the 4th image... as for which the clone is ill leave it to the world to choose
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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Finally watched tadc ep 4 and ;_;
Gangle……..
(Spoiler talk in the tags)
#I want to hug her and draw with her#she just wanted to follow her passions and be herself nd instead has to juuust… hide behind masks#but her comedy mask did come back. kinda. on its own. and that’s a really important message/bit of symbolism I think#I really love all the little bits of characterization we got here and there#Pomni stepping up even though it’s not super fun and trying to work with everyone for the better#(also the gummigoo bit was RUDE AS HELL)#seeing ragatha let loose some and see that she’s… not really super nice and good all the time#she acts that way bc she wants to diffuse the situations. ‘I hate you but I don’t want you to hate me’#‘I love [ragatha] but it gets hard to tell when she’s being genuine’#it sheds a new light on her character and I’m eager to see how it shakes out when we get more eps#especially hers!!!#and Jax NOT being an asshole was so ?????? he can do that??? bro what?????? fascinating. show me ur layers bunny boy#why are u being nice? is it bc u got tired out? is it bc Pomni seems like she genuinely cares for all of them and he wanted in on it?#or does he actually care under all that jerk face dickery :squints:#AND THEN ZOOBLE MY ANGEL#THEY DID THEIR BEST AND EVEN THO THEY DIDNT HAVE FUN THEY TRIED TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE AND INCLUDED#and the bit with the spatula hand killed me hfjdjdjdj they’re trying so hard :’)#god I love zooble#also can we talk abt the ‘giving away pieces of yourself’ thing. how vulnerable that was???#but only to gangle. only her.#those two have a friendship I really love and I’m so glad we got to see more depth to it this ep#also kinger getting to rodeo was hilarious as was Caine n bubble sharing a tongue AND the glitches HFJJDKDK#also also ONE MORE THING. ragatha horse girl and lesbian moment is so funny help me#arty escapades
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i think the diamond dogs should play improv games just bc it would amuse me, an ex theater kid, specifically
#ted and beard ofc are reading each others minds#trent is shockingly good at it but only when he forgets to be self conscious#also see: he does both best and worst with ted (best when he's not being self conscious#worst when somehow the prompt gets too touchy or 'romantic' bc Crush Crush Crush Brain Panic)#(please the image of ted in character hugging him or something and trent just. red. brain crashed. no longer improving just frozen. barely#manages to recover and even then it was not subtle. unclear if ted is a) genuinely oblivious b) teasing him and thinks trent knows that#c) something else(??) )#roy is too stiff most of the time but if he gets really into it he gets REALLY into it.#best way to get this result is to involve phoebe or another child#higgins did community theater at some point and is the one teaching them all the games. beard also seems to have done intense research#but higgins is the one with EXPERIENCE#not that i think beard and ted couldn't have done an improv duo in college or something but in this scenario they did not#nate surprisingly is pretty good at it once he gets into it like it takes him a second but#then he's like. really getting into it and he's very quick on his feet#new way to go mad with power (affectionate): the rush you get when you make the perfect snap back comedic line/acting choice#also while trent is so good paired with so many of them i think he and nate would be a hilarious duo. they're SO funny.#they complement each other well and are both quick & clever#esp if it's about a mutual interest (although one of them taking the lead on something else like nate and music while the other plays off t#em is also good) but like#please i just had the iamge of them basically doing a bit where they're like. those mean old gay muppets in the theater?#like trent and nate improv duoing as some bitchy reviewers just going back and forth and it's so FAST and SO funny#beard records it and posts it somewhere and it goes viral.#god don't even get me started on the idea of some sort of official richmond social media/the gang posting random clips on social media#bc the ideas i have are so funny.#also largely trent centric but what do you want from me okay i'm just a little slut.
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Happy valentines, i’m trying to learn how to draw the gay people’s faces after over 2 years of being in this fandom (they mean the world to me,,,,,,)
#half life#hl#hl2#half life gordon#half life 2#hl2 gordon#gordon freeman#barney calhoun#hl2 barney#half life barney#AW SHIT I ACCIDENTALLY MADE BARNEY A DILF#okay but real talk??? he kinda is#he looks like he could tell me stories while cooking the best meal he can with what he's got over a fire he lit himself#also he looks like he'd give those REALLY GOOD hugs#yknow the ones#my art#Dooldes#freehoun#<- it isn’t actually freehoun but its mentioned so i might as well tag it
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argh. This comic writing is taking me way longer than usual. I keep editing things and it doesn’t feel right.
#wip#i think I finally got it#The issue is usually plots come to me formed yk#But for this one#I did have a plot but it was more related to Chil having a v bad experience and Mei hearing about it and then him telling her#Not to go thru with her plans to become involved with adventures in a sort of threatening way#So I had that all sketched out and then randomly I decided I wanted more drama#so initially I extended it and had it be that maybe she tried to hug him or something but he reacted Badly bc of his aforementioned shit#But I didn’t like that and it felt jarring and sort of…over dramatic. Too much.#So then I got rid of that. And then I was like well maybe he and Mei should actually have a conversation about it#Like he brings it up#So I wrote that and I had him get really mad at her and let that sit around for a minute bc uh-oh there’s another problem#Seee the issue with doimg multiple rewrites of something is suddenly the part that was initially meant to be the focus. Is not important#Anymore and is actually distracting from the main point#So OK I delete all that and rewrite that to make it less distracting#Still keep the important buildup in that scene but focus on Mei more bc this is a comic that’s from her pov#Ok ok yeah. I like that. But THEN#UH OH NEW PROBLEM. ! Remember that He gets really mad scene? The one I let sit to go worry about the middle section#Well. Haha. I read the whole comic back again to check for flow and shit#Get to the end#WOW ITS OUT OF CHARACTER AND JARRING. He’s not mean or anything I just don’t think he’d yell in that sort of emotional way?#I got so lost in the sauce I forgot to write good#So now I’m stuck. It’s so out of character so obviously I get rid of that problem.#Change it so he does still yell but less and also differently. and also now Mei gets to be pissed tf off#and tied it into several previous comics since I like things to be connected to each other#I think?? I think I’m happy with it now…but Jesus Christ#I don’t usually have to do Any rewrites#And the number of other comics I want to do is piling up so I take breaks to sketch those out for later#Then return. To my undoing.
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#so a little over a year ago i kissed a guy who i have known for nearly 20 years. on the lips#well he kissed me to be fair#after a whole night of dancing together and i will admit yes i flirted with him a LOT but. the thing is we have a weird kind of situation#because we aren't really friends but we share a best friend#and when our best friend was depressed we texted each other to try and think of ways to get her out of her funk#and when he need tips on what to get our mutual best friend he texts me too#and when we see each other at parties. well. the times we have ended up alone have always been charged lets just say that#and he REMEMBERED one of those moments and told me so last year and i was floored so i decided to go with it and flirt with him fhdshf#anyways. long story short he literally picked me up and pushed me against a wall and kissed me. and then. we shared a cab and hugged#good night and never talked about it again#i saw him a few months ago for the first time since That Night and we. did not talk about it! gfdhgd i am glad but also it's a bit weird id#and now he and our best friend are on holiday together and they are both messaging me and he just. texted me a kissy face.#and now i want to kill him (affectionately).#oh and he has a serious girlfriend so :) hgfhdhh i make such good life decisions don't i#i never told our best friend about the kiss btw. because she would kill both of us for sure#okay rant over anyways i dont think i will ever be normal about this guy. story of my life
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i think about even taking things from the people around them they love and making them a part of themself, and i am filled with joy. and then i think about them picking up the master's habit of tapping out a drumbeat rhythm and replicating it as their own nervous stim, and i feel ill.
#i keep trying to explain what the fuck is going on between those two but i just keep landing on It's Complicated.#and it's not love. it really isn't. but. whatever it is. it's enough that the master is a part of them in ways they can't remove.#in ways they have only ever before allowed the influence of people they do love.#even talks about their hearts despite only having one and they refuse to wear shoes fancier than sneakers because of the doctor#their handwriting looks like donna's. if a good bit messier. and there were only so many times they could hear her go 'oi!' before they#began echoing it.#they bite their tongue between their teeth when they smile like rose did. they try to hug people the way jack harkness once hugged them.#all of that. all of that.#and also. when they're upset. they tap out a drumbeat. and no one in the world would recognize it as such except the person they stole it#from. and the doctor. who heard what it's echoing once and knows what it means.#it's not a conscious thing. it's just a part of them now. ough.#dw oc#(even voice) i survived being stuck in a time war pocket dimension with a murderer as my tardis roommate and all i got was this shitty stim
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Oh I can't believe I haven't talked about him yet on this blog, what a travesty. It must be rectified immediately
Mogens is hot. From Klaus. When his face lit up in that sudden self-assured smirk the first time I was immediately entranced by him, not to mention his voice, his expressive movements, his sarcastic quips and all his lovely facial features, from his sideburns to his midnight-black hair to his tired, yet mischievous eyes
And also THAT BODY
#I'm grateful that Klaus let us essentially see his entire facial range with just 5 minutes of screen-time#Opening up by talking about one of my most obscure favourites#Confession time (which is really just me writing my personal navel gazing self-reflection here):#Most of my favourite characters I have a crush on have a very specific body type - namely tall with THIN waist and wide shoulder span#And occasionally I had been wondering if my inherent biases ware making me unable to find fatter bodies attractive#Like - would I be able to be attracted to a character if they transplanted one of my favourite personalities on a fat design?#Was I being intentionally prejudiced?#But then Mogens finally came along with the perfect charming and cocky personality on a fat body and I didn't just find him attractive#'In spite' of his design - but because his round stomach and short stature and robust neck actually were attractive to me#Especially because they actually gave him suuuch a flattering clothing design with the high-rise pants and collared seaman's jacket#And I just want to say to myself GOOD TO KNOW since then thank you Mogens for existing#(He of course shares some of my favourite character traits still which is black hair and wide shoulders and prominent nose)#(Because - after all - I still do have my preferences - just not as restricted to body type as I thought)#Anyways navel gazing over Mogens is such a charming middle-aged man and I want to hug him and hold him#I deserve to have those sturdy arms and hands wrapped around me
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fell asleep when I just wanted to lie down for a while, very annoying. except, I had a nightmare! but a really nice one!
I was at my old school (which was awful and features in my worst nightmares all the time). but Jenkins was there! he had a list of really important things that needed to be done to stop something bad from happening. I was supposed to do them, but stuff kept going wrong. so I had to keep going back to him to tell him, and it wasn't like 'oh you failed 😠' or anything, I got the biggest hug every time and it was soooo nice. I don't remember any of the rest, just that I got sooo many hugs. 💖
it was like, I had to do this random crap, then went back to... it's hard to describe, basically just a huge open area (my school was in a very old very weird building that used to be a monastery). it was always filled with kids walking around just like in real life, but every time Jenkins would be standing there and since he's so tall I'd see him immediately and could ignore everything else and go to him. it was so nice. (those areas gave me extreme anxiety every fucking time I had to walk through them, which was many times every day for 9 years, and I've never associated anything positive with them before).
so yeah it was just. so many hugs. and a bunch of bad things that didn't matter because I knew I'd go back and get a hug again 💖 he was always happy to see me despite everything going wrong. it was just really, really nice.
#very silly dream overall. only one of my actual teachers was there (the worst one. who lives two houses down currently. so I think about#her a bunch. which is probably why)#but none of the bad stuff mattered! because I knew he'd fix it if it went really wrong#and man those were some really good hugs. I dream of being hugged all the time (😭) but these were the best ones by far.#I'm actually really annoyed about the circumstances of me falling asleep/not being woken up when I was supposed to but it's fine who cares#I've got hugs to think about 💖#oh no it's yearning time. 😔#personal
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