#it was not her best self basically
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stg, being an enjoyer of jane twdg is like being forced into an expert-level course on the way misogyny manifests in video game spaces.
god forbid a woman be complex or difficult or provably mischaracterized (see tags) at the end of her arc to service the culmination of a man’s storyline.
#“kenny was harrowed by loss in his family” so was jane. that is part of them literally being foils.#“kenny teaches clem more!” literally untrue a lot of clem’s combat style is rooted in what jane taught her (targeting the knees & basically#everything clem knows about knife combat- jane is also mirrored with lee in this sense as like was previously stated knife combat later goe#on to become a major element of how clem fights only outweighed by her use of firearms)#she teaches clem the gut trick & we see the innovative thinking that comes with being more independent & proactive influence the way clem#handles sticky situations & deals with feeling disempowered. like this is going to sound odd but the fact that her behaviour mirrors jane#at her best (even though her relationship with aj is more maternal the way she approaches him much more as an equal & capable of holding#agency over his own life is much more reminiscent of the way she was treated by jane & luke positively + the rest of the adults negatively#than how kenny or even lee treated clem [though lee did start to view her this way after the train] + her people reading skill.) & at her#worst (isolating herself + becoming cold + the fact she is [based on player choice] willing to leave aj behind for both their survival +#struggling with her need for community vs her sense of distrust in their lasting stability + her tendency to be unfeelingly pragmatic to a#fault except when it comes to aj + the fact that clem- at her worst is self-serving & somewhat uncaring in comparison to kenny’s possessive#hot-headedness etc) indicates that on some level- regardless of a player’s second season ending- clem considered jane to be a better#behavioural role model- this isn’t to say kenny was unimpactful but rather that his impact was different- where behaviourally we see elemen#of lee luke jane & even carver in clem’s later behaviour kenny’s impact is more so that of a cautionary tale- somebody clem cared for who#she witnessed lose himself entirely to his worst character flaws due to an inability to cope with the world she now lives in- something he#even admits to her in multiple endings iirc. kenny becomes the fate clem must strive against at all costs.#similar can be said of the ending where you go with jane regarding how it analogies clem’s fears & low self worth as a result of being#unable to maintain what she had with aj (in a manner that mirrors jane’s story in that she’s choosing to leave behind a living relative due#to no longer being able to be what they need- again depending on player choice*)#*my exact memory of the third season is hazier tbh. iirc it is dependent on player choice whether she is complacent with the decision to#make her leave the new frontier.#like the way the ending was handled was sloppy & jane was mischaracterized as a result of being shoved into a conflict that we know for#certain was not intended to go to her. calm down & just enjoy your man without being weird & misogynistic dear god.)#(also if you like clem & jane you will like holly robinson & selina kyle dc)#twdg jane#jane twdg#twdg
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I have a few wants for Mae’s story next season, with the hope that she gets her memory back relatively quickly being a pretty important one, but it’s not the only want I have for the way things go for Mae that I consider important. There’s something else that feels even more important: namely, that Mae find people in her life that deeply love and prioritize her.
There’s something very pointed going on in Season 1. “Everyone seems to want you,” Qimir says to Osha, but by comparison, nobody ever seems to want Mae. When they’re children, Sol professes a connection to Osha, and Mae is little more than an afterthought; as an adult, Sol ultimately leaves nothing for her but the worst parts of himself. Qimir is visibly fascinated with Osha from first sight, and ultimately doesn’t seem to have thought much of Mae even before she attempted to desert his side; he seems to brush her off the way you’d brush a speck of dust off of you.
And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that Osha should have chosen to stay with Mae in Episode 8. It doesn’t make sense from a storytelling standpoint, not at this juncture. This is the culmination of Mae’s character arc this season, where she is finally able to stop clinging to Osha, to accept that what she wants more than anything is for Osha to be happy, even if she isn’t with her. For Osha to choose to stay with Mae at that point would feel wrong, for Mae has to prove to the audience that she has reached this kind of peace regarding her relationship with her sister by accepting that Osha doesn’t want to stay with her without bitterness. As for Osha, this is the culmination of her character arc this season, which has been about taking her life and her power into her own hands, and it would be strange for her to stay with Mae when Qimir has offered to help her do what she wants. It wouldn’t feel right from a storytelling standpoint; for things to make sense, they have to part ways at the end of Season 1.
But even if Osha frames it as making sure that Mae is safe from any reprisals on Qimir’s part, and even if it’s what make sense from a storytelling perspective, what it ultimately amounts to is that Osha doesn’t choose Mae, either. Nobody ever chooses Mae.
And it’s so uneven. I’m not saying I want Osha to be this alone, too—I don’t. But it’s wrenching to watch this woman who has nothing and no one at the beginning of the season still have nothing and no one at the end of the season, because even the memory of Osha forgiving her and loving her again has been taken away from her. Even her memory of the one person she had left who actually loved her has been taken away from her. She had nothing then, and she has nothing now.
Like I said, it feels pointed, the way Mae is never chosen, and what I’m hoping is that this means that it won’t be the case anymore in Season 2. Vernestra, you say, and yeah, I have high hopes for that dynamic, but no matter how things shake out between Mae and Vernestra, that is never going to be a relationship of equals, and I don’t think it’s ultimately going to be the kind of relationship where Vernestra would choose Mae, not meaningfully. Not over every other option.
That’s what I want for Mae, really. Someone who will love her deeply and choose her over everyone else, every time. With her memories and without. Knowing what she’s done, the good and the bad, knowing what she’s capable of, the good and the bad, knowing her past, knowing her faults and knowing that those faults aren’t all of who she is. Someone who would choose her without a second thought.
Because I feel like there’s going to be a scene like the one in Episode 8, where this time, it’s Mae who chooses. But Osha had more than one option. Either Qimir or Mae were viable options. Osha had a solid foundation to rely on, whatever she decided to do. But as it stands, Mae only has Osha. Osha is all Mae has. And if we do get a moment like that in Season 2, where this time it’s Osha asking Mae what she wants, if she wants to go with her or not, if Mae’s options are still “Osha” or “be completely alone,” then it's not the meaningful choice that Osha had, is it? My point is, I want Mae, whatever she decides, to have actually had a meaningful choice. To not be completely dependent on Osha for love and acceptance. To have someone else she could turn to if she decided that she didn’t want to go with Osha. To not have her choices be: Osha—or no one.
#The Acolyte Star Wars#Star Wars#Mae Aniseya#Mae is one of the most horribly tragic characters in Star Wars period#for the love of god throw her a bone in S2#it's so obvious that nothing is so important to her as is love#but she needs to have more than just Osha's love in order to really thrive#just. I hate this narrative presented in Season 1 that Mae is just second-rate at best#that these two men who both have an obligation of some kind to her#Sol who seemed just as fixated on Mae as he did on Osha#but who ultimately gave Mae not a scrap of affection and gave instead the exercise of his need for control#and projected his own self-loathing onto her#Qimir who was her teacher but who decided to rule through fear instead of leveling with her#(the way he could have had her genuine loyalty and companionship#if he had connected with her based on their both being Force-users the Jedi had decided couldn't exist#instead of just making her fear him so much that she ultimately wasn't loyal to him at all)#ultimately decided that she wasn't even worth basic decency#I feel like it's deliberate so I feel like S2 is going to subvert it#I HOPE S2 is going to subvert it because please please PLEASE let Mae have more than just Osha
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I think Viewing Monika as some Kind of evil Mastermind does her character a huge disservice for multiple reasons but also Just cause it ascribes her a Level of competence she simply does Not display
#like i just watched a video essay critizising ddlc#and they had a ton of complaints about the plot most of which boil down to greatly overestimating how powerful monika is#like no she is not in fact a god of her world who created the game she is just another character#forced to deal with the fact she was given self awareness#monika not having a route isn't her own fault for not simply writing one for herself#she actually tries to do that#in act two monica isn't keeping up the charade of this being a normal functional visual novel for shits and giggles#but because she's kinda trying her best to keep it together#and iirc she didn't stop with that cause she got fed up but cause she broke most of the rest of the game#and saying she goes from 'basically hitler' to contrite is just not fair to her#she was a teenager who got forced to deal with her reality being fake and then given one 'real' thing to cling to#and a power she didn't really know how to use properly that could change it#sorry that just kinda annoyed me#idk man#ddlc#doki doki literature club#monika ddlc
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also I think it’s time for a little Elly Lore Update because I feel like I mention so many people on here and y’all need to understand who I’m taking about when you attend the virtual sleepovers 😌
#SO. other main characters in this story:#♦️ my bestie (a.k.a. Best Friend Number One) — I’ve known her for basically ever and NO ONE annoys me like her but also we’re#too close and too important in each other’s lives to ever break up (Alexa play “Stuck With You” by Huey Lewis)#♦️ bestie number two — my Secret Keeper and probable future maid of honor. the only one of us with a boyfriend#♦️ my (honorary) little sister (a.k.a. the 13-year-old) — a girl wise beyond her years but also. yk. thirteen. I always have a blast with h#♦️ my mom and dad — self explanatory#supporting cast members:#♦️ bestie number two’s older sister — a dear friend of mine as well who is engaged to be married but is doing so in Colombia#meaning I can’t go and I’ve been inconsolable about it for weeks#♦️ bestie number two’s boyfriend — literally one of the chillest guys I know. he’s also the younger brother of her big sister’s fiancé#♦️ twinkling watermelon bestie: my other Secret Keeper and my kdrama buddy. we especially bonded over TWM#♦️ Coworker Elizabeth — the lady I work with who I used to think disliked me but now always feeds me when I’m there :)))#mmmm I think that’s it for recurring characters. then there’s the Love Interests:#♦️ The Ex Crush (a.k.a. donut boy) — my first crush who I didn’t see for years after first meeting him and then met again last year#and had dinner with his family but he didn’t really talk to me and then I saw him again earlier this week and he ignored me completely#♦️ Big Dramatic Crush — my last Big crush who I liked for two years and suffered over tremendously. he’s not really important anymore#but I do use him as a reference point often enough. there’s Before Him and there’s After Him#♦️ Three-Day Crush — what it says on the tin. a guy I liked for three days just a bit after moving on from Big Crush#and then it ended horrifically and gave me a deep fear of ever developing another crush EVER#♦️ flan boy — the boy who thawed my heart more than a year after the saga of Three-Day Crush by showing kindness and a smidge of interest#but then apparently didn’t have That kind of interest in me so I decided to move on#and lucky I did because now my bestie (who knew him first and used to ship me with him) has fallen for him herself#and yep! that’s the main cast here on whenthegoldrays.com#hope you enjoyed this lore update that no one asked for 🩷#elly's posts
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errr hey guys im not dead! Ive been busy studying for my finals and trying to finish way to many wips at once, so enjoy the small glimpses of the stuff im working on currently (many related to shuichi, I wonder why)
#myart#doodles#wip#the owl house#the owl house fanart#ndrv3 fanart#ndrv3 killing harmony#shuichi saihara#luz nuceda#err the first one is a self portrait and right besides me its my best friend and rantaro amami kissing#so basically im drawing her selfship#thats my love language ngl#I would draw my friends kissing their fav fictional characters no matter how non chalent I would act about it
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I love kabru like he’s established as this manipulative and shady person with ulterior motives who could be a major threat to laios’s party, but he also is one of the most empathetic and kind characters in the series and does his best to try and help everyone bc he is one of the people who understands the situation the best. and I think ppl are too focused on the first part they forget the second part. (Anime onlies are ok bc you guys haven’t gotten his character development yet ^^)
Also his party getting wiped out constantly in the beginning was funny as fuck
#it’s such a red herring#like yeah he’s manipulative and does questionable things (killing those corpse revivers which is understandable imo but he did it in a local#*location where they’re basically guaranteed to be gone for good)#but he also just wants the best for everyone#also I’m not even gonna get into his trauma both from utaya and growing up surrounded by elves (like milsiril was well meaning but she also.#just doesn’t understand him)#bc that’s a separate post#same with why I think his dynamic with Mithrun is so cool bc it’s the only time he doesn’t feel the need to impress anyone so we get more of#his like. /true/ self. if I’m wording that correctly#or maybe I should say first time#or. anyone that wasn’t his mom(s)#also I love his hyperawareness because it’s both a flaw and a strength for him#anyway tldr. I just think he’s neat :)#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#<- I don’t usually tag but I feel like I should the way this post is worded#.txt
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who else thinks bear is possibly the most traumatised character in sweet tooth
#I’m sorry I’m listening to girl in red and emo music I can’t not think of her that would be illegal#Also just saw a#sweet tooth netflix#Post so#like 1 the whole shiver me fingers virus ( that’s what me and my friend call it) 2 her parents died while she was in the house and honestly#Saw it happen as well as loose her sister#From the looks of it lived by her self for a while before she made the animal army#Got betrayed by he “best friend” cough girlfriend cough#When she was starting to trust big man lost them#Once she got tiger back she died straight away#Her sister didn’t know her#Her adoptive brother got shot in the back and was unconscious for like a week plus#Not to mention she was six when all of this started#Like girl needs some#Therepy#She has the trauma of the sick#loosing her parents and sster#Having to survive as a literal child by herself during the end of the world#Got stabbed in the back by her girlfriend#Basically lost everyone she loved for a while#Got her Pookie back only for her to die#The one there post she met basically went yeah just do better and take of like 20 kids for me and then u won’t be useless
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#☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⸺ behind the scenes. ⊰ ooc ⊱#me thinking about everything with hsr yaya when he's a mourning actor#the loss of his mom and gallagher and misha and how he leaves penacony to grieve among the stars#how his songs have gone from something festive and cheery and fun to melancholic and grieving#how he sings and sings and sings until his voice goes raw and he loses it. only to repeat this whenever his voice recovers#but it's never the same as it used to be anymore due to how much he's damaged his vocal cords#how he fucking HATES the nameless & acheron. how he trusted lumine with his whole heart.#how he told her about his mother and her being a self-annihilator and the dream is basically her hospice.#only for him to lose her forever. how albedo reaches out to kaeya as a memokeeper. tries to be there for him while recording memories.#but yaya is just so jaded and numbed. he's tired. he's lost so much. he can't lose more if he keeps himself away.#he doesn't care if everything was for the greater good. what good *is* the greater good if he cannot keep someone for once.#and then i think about yaya and haitham. because holy shit ven has filled me with brainworms on their potential dynamic.#how haitham & yaya understand each other more than anyone else. how yaya is able to navigate convos with haitham just fine#and even finds him to be hilarious with his humor even if most people dont get it. dont get haitham.#how haitham can see yaya's masks and his different smiles. his different personas.#how haitham would know khaenriahn and would speak it with yaya and how much it devastates yaya in the best way.#how they send each other little gifts. how they sign off their letters to each other.#how they think of each other in their day-to-day lives#how *liberated* they both feel being near someone who understands them while also being afraid of being known#i just. im IN MY FEELINGS#IM GOING TO FUCKING SCREAM
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BBC Ze Documentary - Episode 1: Olena about what kind of a man Ze is; Volena about falling in love; Ze about one of the best moments in his life
#that ze fell in love with olena when he saw her in school (despite her not even remembering it) is probaby the hill hes going to die on 😄#“one of the best moments of my life is when i met my wife” COULD HE BE ANY CUTER 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#well he can#“i just looked at her and i loved” 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#he literally looked at that shy introvert girl once and was like “that one i want that one thats my future wife”#(and because ze is ze and despite being in love he dated other people before meeting her again)#(basically “ah yes my future wife is back. yeah still that one. i still want this girl” 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄)#and he was just his charming always preset self 😄#olena: this guy is not even my type#vova: hold my guitar and script#also anyone wants to TALK ABOUT THE HEART EYES WHILE HE TALKS ABOUT IT#also the laugh after “clever boy” ... olena has some stories to tell 😄
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only mystra would go "yes i am the source of all of your problems and am the reason you couldn't reach your full potential <3 but now you're free of me so you can do that now <3 i'm so smart and nice and am definitely a good-aligned goddess!!"
#she's not good aligned i'm arguing. she's self-aligned and the weave is.#well it's debatable whether she is the weave or whatever but it's a moot point. she and the weave are inextricable#she's self-aligned and the weave IS her so protecting the weave is obviously self-interest#at best she's lawful neutral#i lean towards lawful evil. and i think it's simply the fact that ao's commandments severely limit the gods' contact with mortals#that stops mystra from wreaking more havoc and being recognized as a deity that's more evil-aligned#similar to how god!gale thinks he's doing good but really he's doing bad#mystra thinks her self-preservation of the weave is the same as balancing good and bad uses of it but that's not true#i mean who is she to decide? clearly her decision-making skills are dubious if she cyclically grooms little boys despite dying and being#reincarnated as a different version of herself or having someone else entirely take up the mantle of mother of all magic. like!!!!#idk if i'm making sense but like. i'm having thoughts#baldur's gate 3#also that's not mystra that's melissa. basic white girl aspect LMAO
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#it will always shock me when people say that they like my writing or they remember reading a fic i wrote a while ago#because like#i am honestly so self conscious about my writing#and the fact that people like it and enjoy it makes me so happy#and also makes me so happy for little five year old Ash who loved to make up her own stories#and wrote stories to cope when her best friend left#(i refer to my past self with she/her pronouns because thats who i was back then and it doesnt feel right using other pronouns for child me)#ash rambles#basically- to summarise- i love you all so much and thanks for supporting and liking my writing 🥺🥺
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My internet has been investigated by a professional.
There might be something weird with the big cables (to quote the guy: the "inner-pair" and "outer-pair" of the eight-cables are of different lengths, but by all accounts still work just fine), but my own equipment has at least passed (no extra-fine for crying wolf for me).
The weird stability-thing continues to be weird. And current test is for them to switch my internet-provider (internet-provider has a use-contract with the cable-operators, who are the ones investigating) over the weekend. See if the problem is on that end.
It's possible that this is the case (at which point I guess I'll try to switch permanently), or that it's that weird cable-length resulting in the problem (which is... a whole different can of worms).
#also. after a full week with only paracetamol. i'm back on naproxen (self-decided) after sending an update to my doctor#(basically amounting to ''you do know that this spine-pain never actually goes away on its own. right?'')#(with an addition about how paracetamol doesn't even really do anything for me. as far as pain-reduction goes.)#(but yeah. the pain builds up over time. sometimes very little time is needed. but giving it more time isn't gonna make it go away)#(i know this bcs it took me EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS to get these pills in the first place. and they were the only things that helped.)#(you think i didn't try other pain-meds before that? you think i didn't try to exercise? you think i didn't change my sleep-posture?)#(i had eight months. i bought an entirely new fucking bed. i slept in a fucking hammock. i tilted my bed. i tried sleeping sitting up.)#(until naproxen? NOTHING FUCKING WORKED. and at this point... if i get heart-issues ten years from now?)#(at least i've had lived a comfortable life up until that point. and there's heart-medicine that can probably keep me going even longer)#bcs her most recent attempt at ''fixing my medication'' is effectively to tell me to close my eyes and make a wish#which isn't really a viable option. ''but exercise-...'' ''i've said MULTIPLE TIMES that exercise has never had an impact''#sure. exercises from the physiotherapist might have different results. but after a full month of them? no sign of those results.#and after one week off my pills (reduced)? i was sleeping in shifts (from back-pain) and struggling to stand straight#and my flexibility was so ruined that i suddenly remembered why i learned to never turn in my seat when reversing the car#(bcs i can't fucking move like that. moving like that is impossible. look in the mirrors. hope for the best)#so yeah. back on my pills. and my doctor can fight me over it. once they get around to reading my message.#won't stop me from doing the exercises. bcs let's face it i probably need them for other reasons. but yeah.#personal stuff#rants
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Bought my first backpack since I was 10 years old. -15 psychological damage taken.
#i was told it's basically essential for india because its monsoon season so you need something waterproof#it's the least me object in the world but it's not objectively terrible#india me is simply not going to be my best self and that's fine#(if i repeat it enough it might come true)#s narrates her life
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colleis personality functionally being left to the ether because her webtoon iteration is at such fundamental odds with her game iteration that any attempts to temper between the two just range so dramatically
#each collei is a beautiful macrocosmic specimen to be analyzed in its own right#i do think the best and most canon-adherent way to reconcile between the two though is to recognize her emulation of amber#in both personality and appearance#as pretty much an explicitly canon thing if albeit exclusive to the game#& while i think it was meant to be a like. cute moeblob marketing strat and not a genuine extension of how she might develop#post black fire incident#it does tie really well into the webtoon establishing collei's fundamental lack of self identity & her pathological need to assume a Role#as per lee @haidengjie's dissertation: shes always either the unclean or the plague or the villain. shes never just collei#the last time she was seen as purely just Collei was also the last time she ever heard her mothers voice....#and ever since she has been denied the opportunity to exist even as a person w basic human rights#shes never been allowed to be simply just a child let alone herself#amber befriending collei for who she is & demonstrating she sees her more than just some street rat (who had KILLED TWO DIPLOMATIC ENVOYS#NONETHELESS) & insisting she would never abandon her#just changed. everything. for the first time there was no role to play no stage no script#the curtains fell... god i still love that scene Collei is just trying so hard to play the villain and amber obstinately refuses to let her#insisting that they are both friends and equals and wholeheartedly believing in collei's capacity for good and kindness#ITS SOOO INTERESTING BECAUSE OF COURSE AS SOON AS COLLEI LEARNS SHE DOESNT HAVE TO PLAY A ROLE#SHE'LL STILL SCRAMBLE NONETHELESS FOR A NEW ONE BECAUSE ITS ALL SHES EVER KNOWN#SO OF COURSE SHE WOULD TAKE UP THE ROLE OF AMBER!!!!!!! *WALKSINTO A LARGE PIT#god im still upset about windblume though they contextualized her amber roleplay as a coping mechanism#not for her identity issues or general ptsd but instead this like. palatable relatable version of social anxiety#which dont get me wrong i do adore and relate to that aspect of colleis character a lot but its coming from a framework that completely#disregards her personality from her source material and it really just feels like a flanderization to appear more marketable#Okay i have homeowrk to do byebye
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I hate inside out so much I HATE IT SO MUCH rRRAHHAUAGHAHGAH
#I just ranted to/with my brother ab this for like 20 min#I swear there’s so much I hate about it I barely know where to begin#FUCKING BIMG BONK OR WHATEVER THE FUCK#I hope he dies#jk he DOES die. Good#best part of the movie#EXCEPT WHERE I HAVE TO SEE GROWN ASS ADULTS SAYING#omg I cried when bink bank stopped existing 🥺#LIKEMY GOD SHUT UPPPP WORLDS MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER#AND#MAKIJG A WHOLE STORY WITH CAHRACTERS THAT ARE EMOTIONS#NOT A DAMN CHARACTER IN THAT MOVIE CAN EVEN *BE* MULTIFACETED#don’t even get me started on the fact that it’s the most basic ass white suburb familyever#my brother hit the nail on the head when he said they just wanted it to be like the most normal family possible#and WHY is whiteness the norm. think#answer quickly now#And don’t get me STARTED ON sadness#SELF SABOTAGING ASSHAT#SHE S SO FUCKING ANNOYING IWANT TO THROW HER#I will probably pirate inside out 2 (boycott babey) simply to be a thorough hater#I’m in my hater era#no but I am PASSIONATE about inside out#blowijg it up with my fuckimg MIND#grapes talk show#anyways!
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